Scene February 2016 by Waseca County News

FEBRUARY 2016 - southernminnSCENE.com

YOUR FREE GET-OUT SOURCE TO SOUTHERN MINNESOTA

InsIDe:

LOVE, LUST AND LISTS: A FEAST OF FILMS FOR FEBRUARY PG 8 OLE, LENA AND SEXY TIME PG 10

n n i m n r Southe

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7 T 3 H S ’ A N N O N Y UAL N E K Carriage & Cutter Day

SATURDAY, FEB 27 ALL HORSE PARADE • 1:3OPM

Hundreds of horses & ponies of all breeds!

FOR PARADE REGISTRATION AND MORE INFO GO TO WWW.CITYOFKENYON.COM

Special Attractions, located on Main Street starting at 10:00 am, Include: o 10am t 1:30pm

FREE PETTING ZOO & PONY RIDES FREE HORSE-DRAWN WAGON RIDES

• Cannon Valley Shriners Clown Club Entertains • Booths and Food Vendors • Lunch at the VFW from 10:30am-3pm served by VFW Auxiliary • Silent Auction at the VFW from 10am-3pm hosted by the Kenyon Firefighters Ladies Auxiliary. • Live Music- Kenyon Muni. 9pm-1am The Local Hooligans • Kenyon Historical Society Tours of M.T. Gunderson House every 1/2 Hour from 11am-3:30pm

HAY RIDES & BONFIRE AFTER THE PARADE SPONSORED BY SCHWEICH’S HOTEL 2 w w w. s o u t h e r N m I N n SCENE. c o m | F E B RU A R Y 2 0 1 6

A d d y o u r e v e n t f o r F R E E t o t h e T I M E L I N E c a l e n d a r . G O TO w w w. s o u t h ernminn . c o m / s c ene / c a len d a r & C l i c k + A d d a n E v ent

The Merlin Players present a Monty Python Shakespeare Comedy Mash-up The Complete Works of William Shakespeare, Abridged

Wa rm Up With Us!

Written by Adam Long, Daniel Singer, Jess Winfield

GREAT LUNCH SPECIALS EVERYDAY! HOMEMADE SOUP DAILY!

Jan. 29, 30, Feb. 4, 5, 6 7:30PM

FEATURING LIVE MUSIC • HOMETOWN ATMOSPHERE

Jivin’ Ivan

Sunday * Jan. 31 2:00PM

Friday, January 8th 7:30-11:30pm

Directed by Julianna Skluzacek

Featuring Nate Chesney, Buddy Ricker, Steve Searl

Make your Valentine’s Day Reservations now! Call 507-331-1657

Three actors perform all of Shakespeare’s plays in 90 minutes. And sometimes they do perform the play backwards! This is not your high school Shakespeare class.

Dinner specials & details to come!

Paradise Center for the Arts, 321 Central Ave., Faribault Call 507-332-7372 during box office hours. Tues., Wed., Fri., Sat.: noon-5PM; Thurs.: noon-8PM and 1 hour before performances

OPEN ON SUNDAYS FOR THE GAME!

Tickets go on sale to general public January 19

DRINK & FOOD SPECIALS DURING GAMES.

Sponsored by Federated Personal Lines Find us on Facebook & Twitter merlinplayers.org

SIGBARANDGRILL.COM Bryan Schuenke, Owner

Produced by special arrangement with Broadway Plays, Inc.

Let us help you

plan the

SIGNATURE WILL BE CLOSED ON FEBRUARY 7TH, 2016

201 Central Ave. • Faribault • 507-331-1657 • Like us on Facebook

perfect

family get-away!

$2 OFF Per wristband for groups over 10 *Discounts cannot be combined with other offers

2365 43rd Street • Owatonna 507-446-8900 Exit 45, next to Cabela’s www.holidayinn.com

• Serengeti Water Park • Many Nearby Attractions • Holiday Inn Kids Eat Free Program (12 years and under) • Awesome Family environment • Meetings & Receptions up to 250

Monday-Thursday Friday 6:00am-11:00pm 6:00am-1:00am Saturday Sunday 6:30am-1:00am 6:30am-11:00pm

Dine-In or Take-Out Located inside the Holiday Inn

2365 43rd Street, Owatonna 507-446-8900 Exit 45, next to Cabela’s www.holidayinn.com A d d y o u r e v e n t f o r F R E E t o t h e T I M E L I N E c a l e n d a r . G O TO w w w. s o u t h ernminn . c o m / s c ene / c a len d a r & C l i c k + A d d a n E v ent

Good friends. Good food. Good times! w w w. s o u t h e r N m I N n SCENE. c o m

| F E B RU A R Y 2 0 1 6

Shattuck-St.Mary’s

FEbruary 2016 / VOLUME 4 / ISSUE 2

Faribault, MN AcouStic RootS SeRieS PReSeNtS

DANA cooPeR, SALLY BARRiS, AND tHe DoVetAiLeRS tHuRSDAY, FeBRuARY 18, 2016

Minnesota native Sally Barris, an A-list Nashville songwriter, has had songs covered by such top-level artists as Kathy Mattea, Martina McBride, and Lee Ann Womack. Her song “Let The Wind Chase You”, recorded by Trisha Yearwood and Keith Urban, received a Grammy nomination for vocal collaboration in 2009. Powerhouse troubadour, Dana Cooper, has dedicated himself to a life of music for over 40 years. He’s performed on Austin City Limits, Mountain Stage and at numerous festivals and his songs have been recorded by many top-notch artists. His mixture of flat-picking, finger-picking and percussive strumming style is legend among other guitarists. An expressive singer, his voice is ageless evoking a rich lifetime of experience. www.sallybarris.com www.danacoopermusic.com www.facebook.com/TheDovetailers

6 SoMinn State of Mind

21 The Great Mount Kato

7 SoMinn SOUND

8 Love, Lust and Lists:

Changing Our Mind

Partying with Rhymesayers.

A feast of films for February

The SoMinn Romantic Movie Pop Quiz; what should you watch for Valentine’s Day?

10 Ole, Lena and Sexy Time The wonderfully awkward world of Ole lovin’ Lena.

12 Amy’s TV Crush

In which Amy thanks us for not judging.

15 The TimeLine

The SoMinn’s most comprehensive calendar of things to be SCENE.

Duct Tape Derby

Get your tape and cardboard.

24 A conversation with

David Huckfelt of The Pines

Our music columnist talks with David Huckfelt about the Pines new album, Above the Prairie.

26 Sportsball

Teddy’s Bridge Over not-so-troubled Water.

28 CD Reviews:

• Mixed Blood Majority’s Insane World. • Coldplay’s A Head Full of Dreams.

30 The Bearded Life Memories Made in The Coldest Winter.

10 cHRiStiAN HoWeS AND SoutHeRN eXPoSuRe tHuRSDAY, MARcH 10, 2016

Violinist Christian Howes is one of those rare artists who brings jazz to the violin. His music explores different areas of Europe, as well as embracing Afro-Cuban rhythms, and South American influences. His latest project, the album Southern Exposure, brings together some terrific jazz musicians, and includes another instrument not often associated with jazz – the accordion. The result of this unusual instrumental pairing is a unique and complimentary sound. www.christianhowes.com

coMiNG SooN:

March 21, 2016 the National Players “Julius ceasar March 22, 2016, the National Players “ A Midsummer Night’s Dream”

SSM Box Office: 507-333-1620 www.s-sm.org • feslerlampert@s-sm.org All pricing: Adults $15 • Students $9 All Performances at 7:30 pm in Historic Newhall Auditorium. 4 w w w. s o u t h e r N m I N n SCENE. c o m | F E B RU A R Y 2 0 1 6

Scene Southern minn

ABOUT

Publisher & Editor: Rich Larson, 507.645.1104, rlarson@southernminnSCENE.com Calendar listings: 507.333.3130, editor@southernminnSCENE.com

Advertising: Faribault - Mark Nelson, 507.333.3109, mnelson@faribault.com Kenyon - Mark Nelson, 507.333.3148, mnelson@faribault.com Lonsdale - Lori Nickel, 507.744.2551, lnickel@lonsdalenewsreview.com Northfield, South Metro, LeSueur & Waseca Counties - Chad Hjellming, 507.645.1110, chjellming@northfieldnews.com Steele County - Ginny Bergerson, 507.444.2386, gbergerson@owatonna.com Copyright 2016 SouthernminnSCENE.com retains the publication rights to all content produced or supplied to the SCENE. Use of said materials without the written consent of SoutherminnSCENE.com is prohibited. Contents copyrighted; all rights reserved.

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204 2nd Street South West, Waseca, MN

January is Gourmet Burger Month!

Waseca’s Best Rated spot for Breakfast and Lunch!

here at the Starfire grill, we have developed many great burger ideas, combinations and ingredients including: Reuben, Spinach & Artichoke, Veggie, Chicken N Waffle, Poutine and Gyro.

Weekly Specials: Monday-Chicken Salad w/Chips- $6.95

Celebrate valentine’s day with Starfire Friday the 12th and Saturday the 13th

Tuesday-Chicken Bacon Ranch Wrap w/Chips-$7.95

with our Valentine’s Couple Menu for

Wednesday-3 Little Pigs w/Chips -$7.95

$44.

Includes an appetizer, 2 entrees and a dessert.

Thursday- Hot Beef/Hot Pork Commercials -$7.95

Join us Sunday the 14th from 9 AM - 1 PM for our Sweetheart brunch!

Friday- Chef’s Choice

204 2nd Street South West, Waseca, MN • 507.833.7540

With Bloody Mary and Mimosa specials.

CheCk Out Our NeW & ImprOved SuNday BruNCh New Breakfast Items as well as Lunch and Featuring a Fresh Salad Bar

9 am - 1 pm 204 2n d St. SW., Waseca

Kegs and Eggs! Saturday, February 6th @ 8 AM

All you can eat breakfast and a Bloody Mary, Screwdriver or a 16oz Domestic Beer for $9.oo and a Blood Mary bar for $5.oo StarFIre eveNt CeNter

Bean Bag tournament

Saturday, February 6th @ 1 PM $20 per team

Call for information & Reservations: 507.835.1146 After 4pm: 507.837.9848

204 2nd Street South West, Waseca, MN 507.833.8756

204 2nd Street South West, Waseca, MN 507.833.4700

A d d y o u r e v e n t f o r F R E E t o t h e T I M E L I N E c a l e n d a r . G O TO w w w. s o u t h ernminn . c o m / s c ene / c a len d a r & C l i c k + A d d a n E v ent

206 2nd Ave. SW For Reservations: 507.461.1387

Live Music Saturday, Feb. 27th HICKTOWN MAFIA 9 PM - CLOSE

204 2nd Street South West, Waseca, MN 507.833.7540

w w w. s o u t h e r N m I N n SCENE. c o m

Call for information & Reservations: 507.835.1146 After 4pm: 507.837.9848

| F E B RU A R Y 2 0 1 6

RICH LARSON Rich Larson is the publisher and editor of SouthernMinn Scene. You can reach him at rlarson@southernminnscene.com.

SoMinn STATE

MIND

Changing Our Mind

don’t know if it’s a saying, or a philosophy or a school of thought, or what, but I subscribe to the idea that change is good. Maybe it’s because I’m a little ADD, maybe it’s because I’m a fan of diversity, and maybe it’s because I have this irrational fear of being boring (most likely it’s a combination of all these reasons and more), but I like to change things up every now and then. So as long as I’m in charge of this magazine, don’t get too terribly attached to any one thing we do. I mean, you’ll always be able to read Sarah Osterbauer, Amy Merritt and Kevin Krein. So long as those three columnists want to write for SouthernMinn Scene, they are cornerstones. Likewise with album reviewer Daniel G. Moir; he’s not going anywhere, either. But we will from time to time shake some things up and try new things. This is not to say we’re making changes simply for the sake of change. We’re always trying to improve our product. This is an imperfect world, you are reading an imperfect magazine and I am an imperfect publisher and editor. There’s a responsibility to the readers and advertisers of SouthernMinn Scene to do things a little bit better this month than we did last month. So, you’re going to start seeing some new stuff. Some of the changes will be subtler than others. We’re not trying to mess with you, I promise. In businessspeak terms, we’re trying to “improve the Scene reader’s experience.” But I’m not a fan of candy

coated, condescending terms like that. Simply put, I want to publish a magazine that you want to read. There are plenty of you reading this thing already. We know this because you placed more than 100,000 votes in last summer’s Best of SoMinn reader’s poll. We know this because we get more “Likes” on our Facebook page everyday and more Twitter followers all the time (@ SoMinnScene if you haven’t followed us yet). We know this because it’s getting harder and harder to find a copy of the magazine in your favorite establishment or well placed SouthernMinn Scene rack. So, what are the changes we’re making? Well, first of all, you may have noticed that, beginning with this issue, MaxScene has retired. She was feeling redundant and obsolete, so she has taken her laptop and headed for warmer climates. We thank her, Jaci Smith, Lauren Zimmerman, and Molly Larsen, as well as the aforementioned Sarah Osterbauer, for all the hard work that went in to creating and sustaining the first dose of personality this magazine ever had. You’ll also begin to notice the monthly presence of Kate Pehrson. Kate is a SoMinn educated writer/musician/thespian/poet/business person/artist/film enthusiast, who received some very nice reviews in 2015 for her collaboration with Twin Cities theater goddess Sha Cage, U/G/L/Y. Kate has written sporadically for the magazine for a couple years, mostly with her

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cinematic partner Liv Tollefson doing the annual Academy Awards preview. We’ve finally been able to convince Kate that she should be a monthly contributor. I’m thrilled about it, mostly for all of you because everything she’s ever put into this magazine is must-read quality. Some of you may have already noticed that our website looks different. That’s true, but there’s plenty more where that came from. I’ve never really mentioned Southernminnscene.com in this space before, because quite honestly, I’ve never been happy with our website. However, after three years of me going to my genial boss, begging and whining and jumping up and down and pretty well throwing a tantrum on his office floor, the decision has been made to upgrade our online effort. You’ll see more about this in the coming weeks and months, but keep an eye on the site. Good things are on the way. Finally, one more for-the-better change. This is my final SoMinn State of Mind column. Starting next month, this space will be occupied by Scene staffer extraordinaire Autumn Van Ravenhorst. Autumn showed up at the plush and secret headquarters of SouthernMinn Scene a couple years ago, almost out of thin air, and quickly became an indispensable part of the crack Scene staff. We’ve had her writing about everything from Art shows to fishing to music. She’s dutifully catalogued the break-out calendar highlights in the middle of the magazine every month, and has done an amazing job for us.

Autumn’s personality has always come through in her writing – whether she’s wanted it to or not – so when it came time to decide who should have Scene’s first word every month, there really wasn’t much to debate. It’s going to be great fun to read her quirky point of view every month. As for myself, I’m not going anywhere. To that one nice lady who expressed disappointment that I’m giving up my column (by the way mom, thanks), don’t shed too many tears, because I’m still going to write. I’m taking over the calendar, I’ll be writing album reviews and very occasionally I’ll contribute an article. Moreover, I will continue to write our weekly electronic Best Bets for the Weekend newsletter, which if you haven’t subscribed to shame on you. I suggest you do it quickly. I love writing the column, but I have a lot of things to do around here. If I’m looking out for the best interests of this magazine, then it’s best to take full advantage of all the writing talent we have around here while I focus on more behind-the-scenes kind of stuff. So, there it is. I wouldn’t exactly say “prepare for Scene 2.0” or anything like that. It’s just time to shake things up a little bit. And please, if you have any opinions on what we’re doing, both good and bad, do not hesitate to let me know. Email me at rlarson@southernminnscene.com. I really do want to hear from you. In the meantime, thanks for rolling with us.

A d d y o u r e v e n t f o r F R E E t o t h e T I M E L I N E c a l e n d a r . G O TO w w w. s o u t h ernminn . c o m / s c ene / c a len d a r & C l i c k + A d d a n E v ent

S.O. Minn SOUND

SARAH OSTERBAUER Sarah Osterbauer is a die-hard music lover. When she does her budget each month, food comes after concert tickets. Find her on twitter @SarahOwrites.

#NowPlaying

Rozzi Crane - This soulful songstress uses her thick alto to confess the struggles that come with being a badass lady. With songs like “Psycho” and “Half the Man” she stands up for every woman who refuses to shrink themselves to make a man feel bigger.

Partying with Rhymesayers

him followed by Musab, whose set, though great, Thankfully, one of those longer sets belonged to he name Rhymesayers is synonymous was a much lower key affair. Grieves. The Seattle-bred rapper with a thin frame with Twin Cities hip hop. The label The night was filled with moments that could but loud existence blasted his 90’s-esque R&B rap that built themselves and the scene move the blackest of hearts, one of which was DJ with all the poise and energy of a much bigger act. from the ground up, using grassroots Abilities throwing down tracks he created with the He owned the stage, holding the audience by the techniques has become an institution late Eyedea, as his image flashed on the big screen. face as he serenaded them with catchy hooks and in this town. When the world went You could hear the hushes and gasps amongst the fierce lines. DJ Fundo, unable to resist the charms digital and other labels had to fold, crowd as we all took a moment to remember Mikey of Grieves, joined him onstage to deliver Jameson Rhymesayers persevered, surviving on Larson, taken from this world five years ago. pulls and antics. the hip hop community they created by cultivating The second moment came when Brother Ali Aesop Rock, who was the center entity of three talent and having them tour the crap out of their performed a spoken word piece titled “Dear Black different groups, provided the night’s only game music. To celebrate 20 years of these accomplishSon”. This came after he wrapped up “Uncle Sam changer when he did a set with Kimya Dawson. ments, they put on a night to remember with 7+ Goddamn” by drawing attention to Jamar Clark. Together they make The Unincluded. While people hours of music featuring 30+ acts. The event was a Ali has never been shy about his political views or were audibly amped for Kimya, sound issues pregiant that will not soon be forgotten. involvement and he has been actively speaking vented the folk/rap combo from reaching its full It was clear from the very first steps I took on out against racially motivated crimes. The palpable potential. Aesop on the main floor of the Target Center that discomfort of the audience during his politically his own and with Hail Rhymesayers was not about to let the charged statements was neutralized during massive space consume them. Their DJs Atmosphere his spoken word piece as this gentle man reigned high above the top of massive Dem Atlas became a fire of passionate delivery in front LED screens that flashed RSE20 and of us, confessing the fears he has for his names of the performers. A giant disco own son. ball of the Rhymesayers sigil hung from S.H.E, the dance troupe that backed the ceiling. Video screens were on either Brother Ali, who also made up over 90% side of the stage to ensure from the front of the women to grace the stage, were not to the back, everyone had a front row going to let that bother them. They added seat. Blue Print some big show flavor and fun to Ali’s First up was P.O.S. He nabbed the serious content. opening spot so he could hop on a plane When Atmosphere finally took after his set to join his Doomtree cohorts in P.O.S. the stage and my legs were entering Chicago following. The energy on the floor their seventh hour in the upright was high with anticipation and P.O.S was position, I, like everyone else was the perfect catalyst to set it off. waiting for a surprise of some kind. Brother Ali hosted, giving sincere and That surprise finally arrived in the apt introductions as Brother form of Spawn, throwwell as asking the Ali ing down with Slug like crowd to shout out Toki Wright it was 1995. We also “LOVE” frequently got a taste of Felt, the and with fervor. It combo of Slug + MURS. felt as though we Atmosphere’s set was full were at hip hop Grieves of time treasured classics church and Ali was like “Sunshine”, “Yesterour preacher. day” and “The Woman Even though With the Tattooed the lineup closely The Big Finale Hands.” Slug declared resembled that of that he had been “living Soundset, (minus the the best day of [his] life for 20 years”. He was pernational heavy hitters) forming like you do when you’re around your own the vibe of Rhymesayers kind. It was clear that the crowd who was present 20 felt more like a party Prof were not casual fans, these were Rhymesayers elite. than a show. There was These people were the ambassadors of MN hip hop camaraderie on stage (and here to revel in its glory. The set concluded with off) between performers, “Flicker” and Slug asked anyone “who still had Mary Mallon rocked it out as usual. RSE staff and fans. It was cellphone battery left” which I barely did, to turn clear that this was a celebration, and like everything The only way to describe watching Aesop work a on their flashlight for Eyedea, which made Target stage is pure joy. That guy cannot stop smiling and Rhymesayers does, they were going to do it their Center look akin to the night sky. I had heard him it’s the best ever. way. do “Flicker” before, but it never felt quite like this. Bringing the real party was Rhymesayers resident The beginning of the evening moved swiftly (the The finale brought everyone back on stage to do King of Crass, Prof. Equipped with blow up pool beauty of the hip hop show exists in the nearly “Trying to Find a Balance” and even though many animals, confetti and irresistible antics, it was difnonexistent transition time between acts) with perwere skeptical about Rhymesayers ability to fill such ficult to tell who was having the better time, Prof, formers doing 3 - song sets. A rapper could barely a big space, in that moment it seemed like that was or the audience. He practically blew the roof off, exit the stage before Ali was up giving an intro for the only place they could be. opening with Liability banger “Ape Shit” and kept the next. When we got to the bigger acts (in the it rolling from there. It was almost criminal to have final 3 hours of the show), sets were extended.

A d d y o u r e v e n t f o r F R E E t o t h e T I M E L I N E c a l e n d a r . G O TO w w w. s o u t h ernminn . c o m / s c ene / c a len d a r & C l i c k + A d d a n E v ent

Frances - This English singer opened for James Bay, delivers R&B based, piano driven thoughtful pop songs that’ll rattle any feelings hidden in your subconscious.

Go See

Communist Daughter - Our dear MWMF friends are playing at the Northfield Arts Guild on Feb 27 as a part of the 411 Concert series.

Cloud Cult - MN favorites play Mayo Civic Center on March 4.

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Love, Lust and Lists:

A feast of films for February

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A d d y o u r e v e n t f o r F R E E t o t h e T I M E L I N E c a l e n d a r . G O TO w w w. s o u t h ernminn . c o m / s c ene / c a len d a r & C l i c k + A d d a n E v ent

By KATE PEHRSON editor@southernminnscene.com

Let’s start with some history, shall we? The word “love” goes way back down the language tree to an Indo-European root word meaning “desire”. The word “romance” dates back a few hundred years to when western European writers used it to differentiate the fiction they wrote in their local languages from the decidedly unromantic laws and decrees written in Latin. Eventually the word “romance” became the accepted term for a tale about love told in an idealized or informal manner. When it comes to movies, I think one could make the argument that just about every movie is a romance. Documentaries and whatnot aside, what are most movies but idealized tales about fantasized objects of desire? Sometimes the object of desire is love and romance, sometimes it’s power and control, sometimes it’s about absolute submission, sometimes it’s an illusion. Our willingness to give into the fantasy on screen is a romance. With that in mind, for February I’ve compiled movie lists around the themes of – you guessed it - love and romance. Before we get there, I recognize that while many of you will be happily celebrating the 14th with your sweetie, there are just as many of you who will be taking that teddy bear holding the chocolate rose to the ice house so that you can stick a roman candle in it and blow it up over a beer with your buddies. I also know that some of you will be quietly sobbing into that teddy bear and that still others of you will be slowly and repeatedly sticking pins into its little heart-shaped belly. So, in order to determine the best February 14 movie recommendation list for you, please answer the following questions: 1. For Valentine’s Night, I will most likely: A. Make reservations at a nice restaurant a month in advance for date night with my partner B. Assist with the heart doilies craft at the kids’ school, cook dinner for two at home and cuddle with my sweetie in front of a fire C. Go out for drinks and then ravish each other in the back of the car parked on main street D. Comb my beard/pincurl my hair, put on my vintage vest or cocktail dress, go to our friend’s ironic retro basement “rec room” Valentine’s party E. Search my photo files for pictures of my ex and Photoshop a pornstache on his/her face while pouring martinis that eventually just become shots of straight vodka F. Create mayhem. 2. My idea of an ideal romantic lead is: A. Cary Grant, Humphrey Bogart, Tom Hanks, Hugh Grant; Katharine or Audrey Hepburn, Meg Ryan, Julia Roberts B. Leonardo DiCaprio, Patrick Swayze, Ryan Gosling, Kate Winslet, Demi Moore C. Mickey Rourke, James Spader, Kim Basinger, Kathleen Turner D. Johnny Depp, Adam Sandler, Bill Murray, Drew Barrymore, Zooey Deschanel E. Bruce Willis, Quentin Tarantino, Angela Bassett, Uma Thurman F. The Joker. 3. I like it: A. Classic and tasteful, in a stunning wardrobe and possibly with an entendre or two B. Warm and snuggly, with scented candles, vaseline on the lens and handkerchiefs C. Blindfolded and possibly bound D. With a large cranium, a sense of humor, and a killer vinyl collection E. When could get it. Thanks for ruining everything, you a**hole! F. After rendering fat into soap. Got your answers? Here are my lists. Remember: as always, my lists are suggested jumping-off points into the cinematic galaxies that await you. Use them, don’t use them, even abuse them, just don’t tell me about it. I got my own love life problems. If you answered mostly A, think classic Hollywood of the 40s and 50s, or the new classics from later decades. Either way, you can’t go wrong with these:

1. It Happened One Night: Clark Gable, Clau-

dette Colbert. 1934. Classic screwball comedy, and the beauty of a well-crafted double entendre. 2. Bringing up Baby: Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn, 1938. There’s a leopard on the loose and the befuddled paleontologist can’t shake the crazy rich lady. 3. Gone With the Wind, Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh. 1939. An uber-romantic vision of the Old South, and a love story like few others. Who wouldn’t want to be kissed well…and often? 4. Casablanca: Humphrey Bogart, Ingrid Bergman, 1942. Morocco, Nazis, that song, beautiful friendships. 5. Roman Holiday: Gregory Peck, Audrey Hepburn, 1953. A Princess and a reporter. Motorbikes and freedom. Rome and roaming. Sometimes the best romance is fleeting. 6. Breakfast at Tiffany’s: Audrey Hepburn, George Peppard. 1961. New York, two drifters, a cat the rain and a sterling silver phone dialer. Mickey Rooney’s “contribution” just can’t be helped. 7. Love Affair/An Affair to Remember. Irene Dunn, Charles Boyer, 1939/Deborah Keer, Cary Grant, 1957. Movie-makers hate to let a good story go. Remade again in 1994 with Warren Beatty and Annette Benning, this movie was also picked up by Bollywood scene-for-scene in 1999’s Mann. Just see it already.

1. Annie Hall. Woody Allen, Diane Keaton, 1977. Jewish nervous nelly, WASPy fashion icon and modern love in New York City. 2. Princess Bride. Cary Elwes, Robin Wright, 1987. Princesses, pirates, giants and six-fingered villains. Valentine’s Day without this movie would be…wait for it…inconTHEIVable! 3. Moonstruck. Cher, Nicolas Cage, 1987. Um, hello? Cher! Pre-totally freaky Nic Cage. Quotable lines galore. 4. When Harry Met Sally. Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan, 1989. Best friends take their time figuring out that they’re perfect for each other, despite the Farrah haircut or the wagon-wheel coffee table. 5. Say Anything. John Cusack, Ione Skye, 1989. Lloyd wins over smartypants Diane, despite her Dad’s disapproval. Never underestimate a guy with a trenchcoat and a boombox. Generation defining. 6. Pretty Woman. Richard Gere, Julia Roberts, 1990. Hooker with heart of gold reveals same in cold corporation buster-upper Prince Charming in disguise? Whatever. I love it and I’m guessing you do too. 7. Sleepless in Seattle. Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, 1993. There’s the original, the re-makes, and the 1990s meta-reference Nora Ephron version. The Empire State Building, serendipity, radio call-ins and possible stalking. 8. Notting Hill. Hugh Grant, Julia Roberts, 1999. Bookish hunk besotted by and besotting international movie star in hip London neighborhood. (Who put Julia in French braids and a Mandarin collar for that dinner?) 9. Up. Ed Asner, Jordan Nagai, 2009. True love, a dream, an old house, balloons and the cone of shame. The first ten minutes may have you weeping, but the next 90 will have you cheering. Scout’s honor. If you answered mostly B, you love a dramatic tale. You don’t mind a little schmaltz, because you believe in unstoppable love at all costs and damn the consequences. 1. Love Story. Ryan O’Neal, Ali MacGraw, 1970. Made the name Jennifer popular and brought us a seriously schmaltzy tagline. And so began the 70s. 2. Brian’s Song. James Caan, Billy Dee Williams. 1971. An inter-racial bromance for the ages. I know it was important, and I know he’s sick, but I there’s just so many meaningful pauses and earnest acting I can take. 3. The Way We Were. Robert Redford, Barbra Streisand. 1973. Opposites attract, social activism threatens the status quo, curly hair gets straightened. Hmmm, and they’re both white? 4. Ice Castles. Robby Benson, Lynn-Holly Johnson, 1978. Roses on the ice. Dreams can come true. Is love blind? Sorry. And that theme song: elementary school variety show gold. 5. Purple Rain. Prince, Appolonia, 1983. Not a good film. Fucking brilliant soundtrack. His Royal Purpleness has always been about love and romance. And the sexy. 6. Dirty Dancing. Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Grey, 1987. Who names their kid “baby”? And THEN puts her in a corner?! And whose last name is “Castle”? Swingin’ hips Swayze, that’s who. 7. Ghost: Patrick Swayze, Demi Moore, 1990. Best friends, bank scams, loft apartment living, bare-chested Swayze again. A wet clay pot on the

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potter’s wheel is the metaphor you’re looking for. 8. Four Weddings and a Funeral. Hugh Grant, Andie MacDowell, 1994. Unable to sleep, I ended up watching this in my parent’s house the night before my wedding. I guess there’s no love like privileged upper-class British love. 9. Titanic. Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet,. 1997. Celine friggin’ Dion. Jack and Rose may go on, but I just can’t. 10. Love Actually. Hugh Grant, Liam Neeson, Emma Thompson, Keira Knightley, every British actor. 2003. Yes, a modern favorite, but “schmaltz” is pronounced the same on both sides of the Atlantic. However, if Joni Mitchell can’t make you cry, you have no heart. 11. The Notebook. Ryan Gosling, Rachel McAdams, 2004. Hate me if you must, but Nicholas Sparks writes romance like Thomas Kinkade painted light: as if he’d never seen the real thing up close. I was always a James Garner girl. 12. Brokeback Mountain. Jake Gyllenhaal, Heath Ledger, 2005. I am decidedly NOT trying to undermine the beauty of this film, but “I wish I knew how to quit you”? That’s some seriously melodramatic dialogue, right thar. 13. Twilight. Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, 2008. A movie built entirely around teenage angst, meaningful stares and people WAY too old to be in high school. And not just the vampires. If you answered mostly C, your taste in movies might be the kind you hide from Mom and Dad, because they don’t want to know you’re into this, you don’t want to have to explain stuff to them, or worse, find out that they’re into this. 1. Wild at Heart. Nic Cage, Laura Dern, 1990. David Lynch’s career was built on sexy and twisted. Diane Ladd will give you nightmares. 2. Angel Heart. Mickey Rourke, Lisa Bonet, Charlotte Rampling. 1987. My junior year, I went and saw this movie with a friend on Prom night. Had my parents known more about the movie than the title, they may have preferred a horny teenage boy had come to pick me up instead. 3. Bound. Jennifer Tilly, Gina Gershon, 1996. Basically a mafia flick with hot babes getting it on. But good. A good mafia flick with hot babes getting it on the way straight guys fantasize they would. 4. 9 ½ weeks. Mickey Rourke, Kim Basinger, 1986. Those of us who know better laughed at 50 Shades of Grey, because we remember when Mickey Rourke was this smoky piece of freaky deaky dominator. 5. Henry and June. Fred Ward, Uma Thurman, Maria de Medeiros, 1990. The film that created the NC-17 film rating. Europeans, Americans, an infamous sex diary, and lots of actual sex. But artful, you know? 6. Horns. Daniel Radcliffe, Juno Temple, 2013. Some love is so meant-to-be it can only end badly. Radcliffe is so fun to watch when he gets dark. And horny. 7. Secretary. James Spader, Maggie Gyllenhaal. 2002. Can we take a moment to talk about James Spader’s film career roles? Freud would have a field day. Anyway, this secretary is certainly SOMEone’s office fantasy.

If you answered mostly D, you like your romance Quirky and sweet…or perhaps Quirky and a little dark, too. Offbeat characters, unique twists, funky settings.

1. A Fish Called Wanda. John Cleese, Jamie Lee Curtis, 1988. Diamond heist goes wrong brings British lawyer and American jewel thief together. Kevin Kline is golden, as is the Russian language seduction scene. 2. Benny and Joon. Johnny Depp, Mary Stuart Masterson, 1993. Johnny Depp begins to explore his handsome quirkiness as a Chaplinesque kid who falls for sweet but troubled Juniper. Hunky crush Aidan Quinn co-stars as her protective brother. 3. The Wedding Singer. Adam Sandler, Drew Barrymore, 1998. A period piece for those of us who were there for big hair, reception entertainer Robbie and waitress Linda couldn’t be cuter. BTW, Rappin’ Grandma Rosie just passed away this past summer. 4. Lars and the Real Girl. Ryan Gosling, Emily Watson, 2007. Shy, possibly on-the-spectrum Lars has a new girlfriend. Bianca seems a little shallow, but don’t be deceived by appearances. 5. Wall-E. 2008. Adorable PC trash-hauler robot falls for sleek Apple-style eco-warrior. Heavy-

handed on the humans-are waistful/wasteful theme, but optimism wins out. 6. Ponyo. 2008. Based on “The Little Mermaid”, Ponyo is an animated fantastic love story about the environment, a compassionate young boy and the most fiercely loyal goldfish you’ve ever seen. Star-studded English voice cast. 7. Moonrise Kingdom. Jared Gilman, Kara Hayward, 2012. 12-year-old pen pals Sam and Suzy attempt to establish an independent paradise, but adults and boy scouts and lightning strikes will determine the young lovers’ fates. Quirky and sweet is pretty much who Wes Anderson is. 8. Lost in Translation. Bill Murray, Scarlett Johannsen, 2003. Middle-aged international superstar and a young bride bond over drinks, coffee, food, and strip clubs in Tokyo. Bob Harris, I want you to lip my stocking.

1. Harold and Maude. Bud Cort, Ruth Gordon, 1971. Cult classic about an unlikely love affair between young, rich, and death-obsessed Harold and 80-year-old life-obsessed Maude. Music by Cat Stevens pretty much co-stars. 2. Groundhog Day. Bill Murray, Andie MacDowell, 1993. Weatherman Phil gets stuck in Puxatawny, PA and in time. Sonny and Cher have never sounded so ominous. 3. Punch Drunk Love. Adam Sandler, Emily Watson. 2002. Shy, lonely but surprisingly steely Barry breaks free from his seven pretty-much-horrible sisters and falls for Lena using pudding and a trip to Provo, Utah. 4. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Jim Carrey, Kate Winslet, 2004. Is it more painful to remember or to forget? To be remembered or to be forgotten? A (cautionary) love story only from Charlie Kaufman. 5. I Love You Phillip Morris. Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor, 2009. Based on a true story, we will likely never get to know the true Steven Russell, a con man who finds true love with his cellmate in and out and in and out…of prison. 6. Seeking a Friend at the End of the World. Steve Carrell, Keira Knightley, 2012. Dodge and Penny have three weeks to say hello and goodbye to each other. And so does the rest of the planet. 7. Odd Thomas. Anton Yelchin, Addison Timlin, 2013. A short-order cook and his soulmate Stormy save their Nevada town with the help of his clairvoyance and her unwavering loyalty. If you answered mostly E, you may benefit from watching a little silver screen anger therapy. 1. Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf. Richard Burton, Elizabeth Taylor, 1966. This is perhaps the film about a dysfunctional marriage. Now 50 years old, the onscreen chemistry between Taylor and Burton is still riveting, and writer Albee’s words still slap and sting. 2. Waiting to Exhale. Angela Bassett, Whitney Houston, Lela Rochon, Loretta Devine, 1995. 20 years later, this movie about four fierce friends who fight for love and respect still holds. Word to the wise: don’t piss off Angela. 3. War of the Roses. Michael Douglas, Kathleen Turner, 1989. For the serious enthusiast of bitter, this film was billed as a comedy, but was just a whole bunch of dark and mean. Romancing the stone it ain’t, unless by romancing you mean throwing it at your ex’s head. 4. Death Becomes Her. Meryl Streep, Goldie Hawn, 1992. An aging actress and a writer bicker over a doctor. Youth will fade, but eternal life will crack you up. Literally. 5. First Wives Club. Goldie Hawn, Diane Keaton, Bette Midler, 1996. Something about 2016 makes me especially happy with Ivana Trump’s cameo in this film about getting even with your ex. 6. Kill Bill Vol. 1/Kill Bill Vol. 2. Uma Thurman, David Carradine, 2003/2004. Nothing like a Quentin Tarantino film to make you feel better about your own relationships. One seriously jilted bride. Finally, If you answered mostly F, or would never take one of those stupid f**king quizzes: 1. Fight Club. Edward Norton, Brad Pitt, Helena Bonham Carter, 1999. Seriously depressed young office worker meets charismatic salesman, Tyler Durden and they hit it off. Soap, IKEA, manboobs and mayhem. Happy Valentine’s Day! Kate Pehrson is a Minnesota freelance writer. Reach her at editor@ southernminnscene.com

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By AutUMn Van Ravenhorst editor@southernminnscene.com Generally, a person becomes desensitized to something when that something is relentlessly being thrust in their face. A sort of numbness that occurs because of everything needing a “shock factor.” In my case, I think I became sexually awkward because of how often I am exposed to anything sex. Not just me, mind you—I don’t have some creepy, freaky lifestyle. We all are. It has just had a different affect on me. I am 24 so it isn’t an age thing. I have two kids, so it definitely isn’t from a lack of proficiency in the deed. I have come to the conclusion that it is because every time I try to watch a movie or show that was made after the year 2000, I witness some serious P in the V action. Nothing is left to surprise. And it isn’t just a brief bump in the movie; it’s a considerate timeframe revealing it all. Noises, body parts, techniques—it makes you reevaluate how you yourself get it on. Movies either get you really hot, or really not . . . like at all. If you’re my type, you slink down in to your couch, maybe pull out your phone or strike up a conversation with the person next to you about something completely unrelated. Or, if you are stuck downstairs with your in-laws and then whoa—you go hang out upstairs and eat some cheese. What the hell happened to movies like “Ghost?” You see things just about to get heavy, the screen fades out and then there they are in the morning ready to make some breakfast. Boom. Done. We all know what happened and that is good enough for me. So when our editor asked me to take care of the “sexy-time” article, I chuckled inside (because I am five). I took on the challenge and came up with some pretty absurd topic ideas, all of which would have produced a piece of shit story. Then my significant other tells me a

joke. Of course it had subtle nuances of sex and a definite tone of being demeaning towards women because he likes to do that. Almost as much as I like to call him an entitled white male. I inquire, “What the hell was that?” And thus the topic for the romance issue was born. Just on the brink of inappropriate, but always well-meaning, Ole and Lena (also known as Sven and Ole) jokes are a Midwest, specifically Scandinavian American, delicacy. Some long and others short, Ole and Lena are a married Norwegian couple with a Swede friend, Sven. Actually, in some jokes they aren’t married. The timeline there is messy, I guess. Sven is also married, but you don’t hear too much about his wife. Ole usually does something stupid and Lena is the smarter of the three. Filled with broken English and misinterpretations, Ole and Lena jokes are a product of your state that I can comfortably write about.

Ole is taking Lena out on a date. He gets home, goes upstairs where Lena is standing in the middle of the bedroom naked. “Lena, why are you standing in the middle of the room naked?” asks Ole. “Oh Ole, I have absolutely nuttin ta vear!” said Lena. Ole walks over to Lena’s closet and opens it. “Lena! Vut do ya mean you have nuttin ta wear? Here’s your white dress, here’s your black dress, Hi Sven, here’s your orange dress.” _________________________________________ Ole and Sven were playing golf when Sven pulled out a cigar but didn’t have a lighter. So he asked Ole for a light. “Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter,” Ole replied and reached into his golf bag and pulled out a 12-inch BIC lighter.

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“Yiminy Cricket!” exclaimed Sven, “Vhere did yew get dat monster?” “Vell,” replied Ole, “I got it from my Genie.” “You haff a genie?” Sven asked. “Ya, shure, he’s right here in my golf bag,” said Ole. “Could I see him?” Ole opens his golf bag and out pops the genie. Sven says, “Hey dere! I’m a good friend of yur master. Vill yew grant me vun vish?” “Yes I will,” the genie said. So Sven asks him for a million bucks and the genie hops back into the golf bag and leaves him standing there waiting for his million bucks. Suddenly the sky begins to darken and the sound of a million ducks flying overhead is heard. Sven yells to Ole, “I asked for a million bucks, not ducks!” Ole answers, “Ya, I forgot to tell yew, da ge-

nie is hard uf hearing. Do yew really tink I asked him for a 12-inch BIC?” _________________________________________ Ole took Lena home with him and took off his shirt. Lena says, “Ole dat’s some chest you have dare. Ole says, “Lena, dat’s a hunnert pounds of dynamite.” Next he took off his pants. Lena says, “Ole dat’s nice calves you have dare.” Ole says, “Lena dat’s a hunnert pounds of dynamite.” Ole quickly reached down and pulled off his underpants and Lena screamed and ran out the door. Ole put his clothes back on and ran after her.

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“A canoe will sometimes tip,” explained Sven. _________________________________________

Ole and Lena visit New York City. Caught in traffic on East 46th, a homeless person starts washing the windshield. Ole rolls down the window. “Eh how’s it going?” the homeless guy says. “Ohhh it’s OK.” Ole says. “Hey where are you folks from?” “Ohh ve’re from Minnesota.” “Ohhh Minnesota, I’ve been there. I met the ugliest woman I ever saw in Minnesota!” Lena asks “Vat’s he saying Ole?” “Ohhh he says he knows you Lena.”

happened. Ve vere driving out on County Road 6, in da middle of novere. Lena pulled off da road into da woods. She parked, got out of da car, trew off alla her clothes and said, ‘Ole take vatever you vant.’ So I took da car” “Ole, your a smart man, dem clothes never voulda fit ya.” Autumn Van Ravenhorst is a staff writer for SouthernMinn Scene. Drop her line at autumn.vanravenhorst@gmail.com.

___________________________

Catching her Ole said, “Lena, viy did you run out like dat?” Lena said, “ Vit all dat dynamite around, I thought it was going to explode when I saw how short da fuse was!”

“But I don’t have a headache.” “Gotcha!”

_________________________________________

Ole and Lena are having an argument. They’re really upset at each other on account of, among other things, their lousy sex life. Finally Ole says to Lena, “Lena, ven you’re dead and gone I’m gonna put up a gravestone. And it’s gonna say, ‘Here lies Lena. Cold as ever.’” And Lena replies, “Oh, yeah, Vell, ven you’re dead and gone I’m gonna put up your gravestone. And it’s gonna say, ‘Here lies Ole. Hard at last.’”

Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis ven Ole put his hand on Lena’s knee. Giggling, Lena said, “Ole, you can go farder den dat if you vant to.” So, Ole drove to Duluth. _________________________________________

___________________________________________

___________________________________________ Lena was awakened from a deep sleep at 2 a.m. by her husband Ole who handed her a glass of water and two aspirins. “What’s this for?” she asked. “It’s for your headache,” he muttered.

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Sven asked Ole, “Do ya know da difference between a Norvegian and a canoe?” “No, I don’t,” said Ole.

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A neighbor asked Ole why the Norwegian government doesn’t draft men until age 45. Ole Explained, “Dey vant to get dem right otta of high school.” ___________________________

Vun day, Sven vas valking down da street ven who did he see driving a brand new Chevrolet? It vas Ole. Ole pulled up to him vit a vide smile. “Ole, vere did ya get dat car?” Sven asked. “Lena gave it to me.” “She gave it to you? I knew she vas sveet on you, but dis?” “Vell, let me tell you vat

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AMY’S TV CRUSH

AMY MERRITT Amy Merritt is a respected television critic and writer. Someday the editor will tell the story about how he got a picture of her for this column. Contact Amy at amystvcrush@gmail.com

Hiding behind the TV with you...

am an extremely private person, and according to Myers-Briggs, I might be the biggest introvert ever to function in society. (On a test administered by a professional, I scored 99% introvert, 1% extrovert and I’m pretty sure I lied on a question or two). But for some reason, month after month, I shamelessly admit a lot of embarrassing facts about myself on these pages. My closest friends happen to know I watch A LOT of television, but admitting it publicly to y’all is one of the most uncharacteristic things I have ever done. I mean, when I agreed to write this column, the deal was almost off when my editor asked me for a picture of myself. No lie. This is my 26th column. And I continue to fret about being judged by all of you “nice” Southern Minnesotans, a feeling made worse because I know you won’t say anything, you just aren’t reading this. I still sometimes try to talk myself into writing the type of column you expect from a TV columnist (like maybe I should enthusiastically review this season of The Good Wife and talk about the Emmys seriously). More often than I would like to admit, I have emailed my editor at midnight because I want to change a word or two, or I discover a stray comma…because that is his job but I have trust issues and I’m insecure. I worry about the punctuation police coming down hard. Those bastards. Anyway, lately I have come to realize something. Despite all of the anguish and frustration, writing about my unwavering TV Crush has been cathartic. And I proudly stand by every word I said. Including about that hack David Caruso. If I had a real therapist (not the

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kind you mix with tonic), I think she would agree that I should continue to practice “putting myself out there” despite the inevitable judgment and potential rolling of eyes. So here goes: The fact is that I like a lot of stupid stuff. For example, over my extended holiday break I watched The Price is Right every day and with enthusiasm. I laughed at Drew Carey’s jokes—when a contestant came up short on the wheel he said “that’s like kissin’ through a screen door.” Comedy gold. I yelled at the idiot who thought that the treadmill costs more than the giant television. This is America, man. I wondered at how a box of dryer sheets could be $7.99. Stupid California prices. I vowed to research the price of boats before I ever get to the Showcase Showdown. Then I remembered that I never want to be on television (I’m an introvert), so I don’t need to know the cost of boats. I saw a lot of spry grannies jumping up and down. It was pretty awesome. What else? Every Sunday night, no matter what, I watch reruns of Columbo on over-theair channel 5.3. In life I am filled with doubt and uncertainty, but Columbo never is. It takes him one moment to know who the killer is. He is an excellent judge of character! Then he cleverly allows that person to insert him or herself into the investigation, always playing the bumbling detective and always two steps ahead as he watches them squirm. It is comfortingly predictable. It calms me. Recently, I watched an episode where a giant robot (that looked kind of like the Lost in Space robot with a paint job) was programmed to do the killer’s work while the killer stalked off to commit the crime. Columbo figured it out with the help of a boy-

genius who sometimes just wants to be a normal boy. Amazing. If you’re judging me, that’s fine. But have you ever seen the episode with Leonard Nimoy? The TV movie with Johnny Cash? Guess what?! Columbo takes them both down! Also: I watch the musical episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on a regular basis. I sing along. I still tear up a little when Giles realizes he has to leave or Buffy will never be able to stand on her own. When the gang rallies behind Buffy to fight the Big Bad, I really belt it out. And when Willow realizes she used her magic to bring Buffy back from heaven, not hell, I pretty much lose it. In my very first column, I recommended watching this show just to get to this incredible episode. If you haven’t done it by now, please don’t cry “spoiler.” The thing aired in 2001. I know there is a lot of excellent programming out there. I watch it and obsess over it. Sometimes I even write about it. But the biggest admission is telling you about all of the stupid stuff that brings me joy. For example, I binge-watched The O.C. recently—and yeah, that’s the guy on Gotham! I am really, really looking forward to The Gilmore Girls revival episodes. It might be the best thing that ever happened to me since I binge-watched The Gilmore Girls. I fire up the projector to watch episodes of Revenge on the wall in my living room, because that show’s drama is too big to be contained! There’s so much more, but I have to keep a few embarrassing facts to myself or I’ll have nothing to write about next month. For now, thank you SoMinn, for just letting me be me.

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THE

Red Bull Crashed Ice World Championships Feb. 26-27 St. Paul

What we have here is the fastest sport on skates— ice cross downhill. A beastly ice track is constructed for groups of four to skate, sprint and push at speeds of more than 50 kilometers per hour, shoulder to shoulder. Basically get to the bottom first by any means necessary at a dangerously fast pace. For the fourth year, St. Paul will hold the competition on the banks of the Mississippi with the crowd joining beneath the Cathedral of Saint Paul. In the world of extreme winter sports, this is definitely one that will keep you on the edge of your seat, metaphorically speaking, since you won’t be sitting down. Nor will you want to. It’s like watching those videos where you Add your event for FREE to the TIMELINE c a l e n d a r . G O TO w w w. s o u t h ern minn . c o mm / s c ene / c a len d a r & C l i c k + A d d a n E v ent

WEEK OF JAN 15: Final Week of Snowball! Winter Fun: 15-Jan, 9:00 AM, Minnesota Children’s Museum Rochester, 1643 N. Broadway, Rochester, $0-$5.50. Museum Admission: $5.50 Ages 1-101; Free Children Under 1. Another repeat of last week, we will have an 11am sing along on Wednesday, January 13th and an 11am story time on Friday, January 15th. Be sure to join us for these! Please note: the Museum will be closed starting Saturday, January 16th through Thursday, January 21st for an exhibit change out. The Emerging Artists Exhibit: 15-Jan, 10:00 AM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, Free. Gallery and Shop hours: MTWF 10-5, Th 10-8, Sat 10-4 and Sun 11-3. Artists: Brooke Adele, Kristin Anderson, Willow Gentile Becher, Titian Butash, Michaela Chorn, Tom Henry David, Savannah Horn, Rachel Madryga, Anna Segner, Jacob Stordahl, Eliza Smit. Reception Saturday, January 30, 6-7:15PM. Minnesota Wild vs. Winnipeg Jets: 15-Jan, 7:00 PM, Xcel Energy Center, , St Paul, $24-$384.50. The Minneapolis Guitar Quartet: 15-Jan, 7:30 PM, Mayo Civic Center Presentation Hall, 30 Civic Center Drive SE, Rochester, $25 . Come and enjoy an awesome concert!. Scottish Folk: 15-Jan, 7:30 PM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, $18-$20. Alan Reid and Rob van Sante, formerly of Battlefield Band, present a lively show rooted largely in the music of Scotland, its rich and varied history and landscape providing much of the inspiration for their material. Dammen Nordic Ski Race: 16-Jan, 8:00

AM, Jay C. Hormel Nature Center, 1304 21st Street Northeast, Austin, $18 . Challenge yourself with an exciting race on the Nature Center’s scenic, beautifully-groomed trails. Pre-registration by January 8 2016 is $15 for adults and $5 for kids (age 13 and below). After January 8, registration is $18 for adults and $8 for kids. Only $5 extra to do both the classical and freestyle races. Registration forms and more information at www.hormelnaturecenter.org/ski-race. Skis available to rent for any participant who needs them. Profits from this go to the Kevin Dammen Memorial Mentorship Fund. For more information, call 507-437-7519 or email info@hormelnaturecenter.org. Rochester Public Library Enrollment Assistance: 16-Jan, 9:30 AM, Rochester Public Library, 101 SE 2nd Street, Rochester, Free. Certified navigator available for walk-in assistance using MNsure.org What to bring to help complete your application: - Social security number for each person applying Date of birth for everyone in household - For non-citizens, Green Card or other immigration documents for each person applying - Most recent pay stubs (for last 30 days) for all employed household members - Detailed information/documents for all other sources of income (social security, unemployment, selfemployment, year-to-date income from previous jobs, all other income.) - Most recent year’s tax form (1040EZ or Page 1 of 1040) and W2 form(s) are helpful - Employer’s address and contact information - Information about all other health insurance, including any employer-provided health insurance available to each person applying, even if they didn’t enroll in it--if your employer offers health coverage to you, please have them complete this form and bring it with you to the library Languages Available: English Type of Assisters Available: Navigator Event Address: Rochester Public Library 101 2nd Street SE Second Floor - Computer lab at top of stairs Rochester, MN 55904. Fat Tire Bike Event: 16-Jan, 10:00 AM, River Bend Nature Center, 1000 Rustad Road,

Secondcity.com

are just waiting for someone to hurt themselves really, really badly—smash their face on the concrete or watch an object inevitably make its way between a man’s legs. The skater with the most points is crowned the world champion. The point system works by adding certain percentages of how they placed from previous events, which will add on to their score gained from this event. I think. I am pretty sure that is how it all works, but chances are the point system will be the last thing on your mind.

The Best of Second City

7:30 p.m., Friday, Feb. 5

Fairmont Opera House, Fairmont I always resort to comedy when I am not quite sure what else to do. Happy, sad, irritated, pissed off, embarrassed—I will just make a joke out of it. It can be really inappropriate sometimes and often do people not find what I just did or said funny at all. At which point I will make another joke just to make myself feel better because you can’t make everyone happy, amiright? Comedy has provided me with relief during some of the most tragic moments of my life. Many of us ponder how people like singers, actresses and comedians get to where they are. Comedians are probably the ones that have lived some of the most mediocre, average lives and stardom happened near mid-life. Steve Carell didn’t get his breakout role in “The Office” until he was 43; Tina Fey didn’t become known for her work on “Saturday Night Live” until she was almost 30; it wasn’t until his thirties that Bill Murray starred in the box office hit “Caddyshack.” And what do all of these super-mega comedians have in common? They all spent time at Second City, an improvisational theatre troupe that began in Chicago. The theatre has produced many cast members of “Saturday Night Live” and has won a countless slew of awards. The likes of those listed as well as Stephen Colbert, Joan Rivers, John Belushi, John Candy and Jane Lynch are all alumni of Second City. The Second City Touring Company will be performing some of their best sketches, songs and improvisations from the last 52 years, featuring the next Chris Farley. Bah, that will never happen. Nonetheless, these people are hilarious.

– – Autumn Van Ravenhorst, autumn.vanravenhorst@gmail.com

Faribault, $0-$40. Cost based on level of participation.. River Bend is hosting its second Fat Tire Bike Event. The Fat Tire Bike event is a family friendly event providing a chance to experience riding a fat tire bike on River Bend Trails. There will be smores, hot chocolate, and bring your own sled for our sledding hill. In addition to the 7 miles of trails groomed for both skiing and fat tire biking River Bend volunteers will groom an additional 3 miles of trails for fat tire biking. There will be fat tire bike tours every 90 minutes led by fat tire experts from our sponsors. Tours will include biking on some or the best trails at River Bend, a brief history of the grounds and scenic views. Biking experts will fit you to a demo fat tire bike and teach you how to ride it for the tour. Also there will be a guest endurance/adventure fat tire bike guest speaker presenting throughout the day. Also be sure to stop in to visit vendor booths including Toms Downtown Bicycles, 45 North, and Milltown Cycles. New this year River Bend is partnering with Cannon River Off-road Cycling and Trials (CROCT) for fundraising event of a River Bend Snow Crush fat tire bike race. The race loop is five miles long and the exact route will be determined based on conditions the day of the race. There will be two classes of race for the different skill levels. Winners of the race will receive a prize! The Emerging Artists Exhibit: 16-Jan, 10:00 AM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, Free. Artist Opening Reception: 16-Jan, 2:00 PM, Blue Earth Historical Society, Heritage Center 415 Cherry St., Mankato, Free. Join us as we welcome our latest featured artist, Leona Roth, and her exhibit ‘Quiet Faith.’ This exhibit will be on display through March 2016. Candlelight Snowshoe: 16-Jan, 5:00 PM, Eagle Bluff Environmental Learning Center, 28097 Goodview Dr, Lanesboro, $10 . Stroll along a lighted trail on a beautiful winter evening. Gaze at the stars, listen to the wind over prairie, explore the nighttime woods then stop by a campfire to warm up. Snowshoes

provided. An illuminated hike will take place in case of no snow. Reservations required. Register online at eagle-bluff.org on our events page or call 507-467-2437. Soire on a Winters Night: 16-Jan, 6:30 PM, Lake Elmo Inn Event Center, 3712 Layton Ave N, Lake Elmo, $15-$25. Advance tickets : $20 adults / $15 seniors & students At the door: $25. The East Metro Symphony Orchestra (EMSO) is pleased to be hosting its first Soire on a Winters Night, an evening of live music, drinks, dessert, and silent auction, on Saturday, January 16th starting at 6:30 p.m. at the Lake Elmo Inn Event Center, 3712 Layton Avenue North, Lake Elmo, MN 55042. Proceeds from this event will benefit the orchestras artistic and community outreach endeavors. The evenings musical selections will be as varied as the items in the auction. Listen to everything from a Strauss waltz, Coplands iconic Hoedown from Rodeo and a medley Beatles classics, all while bidding on brilliant and creative items donated by EMSO members and local business. This might be violin music for your next dinner party, a growler of beer or a pontoon boat ride (when the ice melts). Come join us for an evening of wonderful music, silent auction action and great desserts, catered by the award-winning Lake Elmo Inn. Doors and bidding open at 6:30PM, the music starts at 7:30PM, and the auction closes to the musical backdrop of James Bond - the perfect time to sneak in that winning bid. Advanced tickets to this event are $20 for adults and $15 for students and seniors, fill a table of ten and get one ticket free. If available tickets will be sold at the door for $25 each. Visit the orchestras website: www.EMSOrch.org and Facebook page: www. facebook.com/emsorch for more information about this event and to find out how to purchase advance tickets. EMSO concerts are always relaxed, informal, and appropriate for all ages and musical backgrounds. We warmly invite you to grab a table, meet the musicians of EMSO and join us for this fun and exciting event. Your attendance at this special event will support the unique work of

– – RAutumn Van Ravenhorst, autumn.vanravenhorst@gmail.com

the East Metro Symphony Orchestra, a community orchestra based in Woodbury, and led by music director and conductor, Dr. Elizabeth Prielozny Barnes and concertmaster Michal Sobieski. The orchestra presents four to five concerts per season in the Twin Cities east metropolitan area, specializing in collaborations with local artists, organizations, and students, as well special programs for seniors. For more information go to www.emsorch.org or www.facebook.com/emsorch. Gassenhauer: 16-Jan, 7:30 PM, Christ United Methodist Church, 400 5th Avenue SW, Rochester, Free. Rochester Chamber Music Society will chase away the winter gloom with a concert titled Gassenhauer (popular song) on Saturday, January 16 at 7:30 pm at Christ United Methodist Church. Beethovens Trio in Bb, Op. 11 for Piano, Clarinet and Cello is also known by the nickname Gassenhauer Trio because of the very popular theme used in the third movement. This work will be the final number in this concert featuring guest cellist Laura Sewell with clarinetist David Townsend and pianist Horacio Nuguid. Other works in the program will include a

mixture of duos by Villa-Lobos, Ravel, Piazzolla and Guastavino and a trio by Nino Rota. Visit our website rochesterchambermusic. org for more details. There is no admission charge for RCMS concerts.. . Museum Closed for Exhibit Change Out: 16-Jan, All Day, Minnesota Children’s Museum Rochester, 1643 N. Broadway, Rochester, Free. The Museum will be closed Saturday, January 16 through Thursday, January 21 for exhibit change out. Regular hours will resume Friday, January 22 at 9 a.m. Come Square Dance!: 17-Jan, 1:00 PM, Samaritan Bethany, 24 8th St NW, Rochester, Free. Live Lively! Come experience the vitamin F that modern Square Dance offers: lots of Fun, Fitness, Friendship, and Fellowship! Local call Monte Guenzler says it’s for everyone: Solos, couples and families, ages 8-98. No prior experience is required, he will teach you what you need to know. Dress casually and wear our most comfortable shoes. This dance is an easy way for you and your friends to try Square Dancing Sunday, January 10th. The Emerging Artists Exhibit: 17-Jan,

10:00 AM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, Free. Museum Closed for Exhibit Change Out: 17-Jan, All Day, Minnesota Children’s Museum Rochester, 1643 N. Broadway, Rochester, Free. The Museum will be closed Saturday, January 16 through Thursday, January 21 for exhibit change out. Regular hours will resume Friday, January 22 at 9 a.m. Museum Closed for Exhibit Change Out: 18-Jan, All Day, Minnesota Children’s Museum Rochester, 1643 N. Broadway, Rochester, Free. The Museum will be closed Saturday, January 16 through Thursday, January 21 for exhibit change out. Regular hours will resume Friday, January 22 at 9 a.m.. . The Emerging Artists Exhibit: 18-Jan, 10:00 AM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, Free. Senior Exercise Class: 19-Jan, 8:00 AM, Bethel Lutheran Church, 810 Third Ave SE, Rochester, Free. Looking for an exercise program that is low-impact and includes gentle range-of-motion exercises that are

Turn

Two on Tap

7:30 p.m., Feb. 13

Paradise Center for the Arts I tried to tap once. I had this pair of shoes—I think I was eight—and my mom put a door on the floor so I could practice. I might have kept going if I had a partner because when you’re by yourself, you are just making noise. This variety show began when two people met and liked each other enough to tour worldwide with the main attraction being their talent of tapping. A mix of comedy, improv, music and dance, the duo revives the couples of yesteryear like Fred and Ginger. Melissa Giattino, a former Radio City rockette who spent much of her career on Broadway, has taught her associate Ron DeStefano the art of tap. The two have rhythm and perform everything from classics to swing through tap dancing. And because it is their show, they can incorporate any random, unplanned pieces that they please. DeStafano described it in an interview as “stand up meets musical theatre.” With everything this couple does from the start, they are sweating glamorously by the end. – – Autumn Van Ravenhorst, autumn.vanravenhorst@gmail.com

Two-on-tap.com A d d y o u r e v e n t f o r F R E E t o t h e T I M E L I N E c a l e n d a r . G O TO w w w. s o u t h ernminn . c o m / s c ene / c a len d a r & C l i c k + A d d a n E v ent

w w w. s o u t h e r N m I N n SCENE. c o m

| F E B RU A R Y 2 0 1 6

66 Annual th

JAN. 29 to FEB. 28 & MAR. 26, 2016

Parade & Attractions

$1,750 FROSTY Contest sponsored by Culligan, Latham Place, iWealth - Brad Connors, Dominos, Mediacom, Lake Shore Inn & Melcher’s Power Vac

$1,750 Medallion Hunt

sponsored by Waseca Hy-Vee, Charlie’s Hardware, Waseca County News, First National Bank, KOWZ/KRUE Radio, Waseca VFW Club Post 1642 & Danes Bodyworks

PARADE: Feb 13

Downtown Waseca Starts at noon: Open to sleighs, cutters, bobsleds, wagons, buggies and riders; animal units only.

Events

PeeWee Hockey Tournament Western Entertainment Ice Sculpting Ice Golf Ice Curling Family Movie Night Card Tournaments Snowmobile Events Brunch and Ride at Farmamerica Kruger Memorial Vintage Snowmobile Bean Bag Tournament 4K Run

Dinner & Dance

Dinner: Feb 12, 5-7:30 p.m. - $14 at VFW Gold Star Band 8:30 - Close

Sleigh & Cutter

Children’s Dream Catcher Festival Supporters: Local businesses & individuals The City of Waseca Waseca Area Foundation Waseca Area Chamber of Commerce Discover Waseca Tourism

Check out the website for date and times:

Annual Fundraiser March 26th

2: 00 PM at BOTTOMS UP. Bingo, meat raffles, silent and live auctions

www.sleighandcutterfestival.org

Festival continues to focus on family winter fun! Most events free!

16 w w w. s o u t h e r N m I N n SCENE. c o m | F E B RU A R Y 2 0 1 6

A d d y o u r e v e n t f o r F R E E t o t h e T I M E L I N E c a l e n d a r . G O TO w w w. s o u t h ernminn . c o m / s c ene / c a len d a r & C l i c k + A d d a n E v ent

Bock Fest Feb. 6

Schell’s Brewery Grounds, New Ulm

Jenna Clanger, jennaclanger. wordpress.com I respect the amount of beer this cold state consumes. It really is quite impressive. One would think coming from a state with damn near the most craft beer breweries per capita in this country, I would have already had a taste for the beverage. It wasn’t until I saw just how much beer could be put into one body that I became intrigued and demanded that my body learn how to keep up. Another happening in New Ulm, Bock Fest is an alloutdoor event on the grounds of the Schell’s Brewery in February so uh, bundle up—and not with Under Armour. We all know that wind passes right through that skimpy garment with technology claims to keep you warm. Wool—wool keeps you warm. And beer, which there will suitable for every fitness level? Then join us at Bethel Lutheran Church for our Senior Exercise Class every Tuesday and Thursday starting January 19, 2016 from 8:00-8:40 a.m. This program is free of charge and open to all! We provide all the equipment, you just have to show up! The Emerging Artists Exhibit: 19-Jan, 10:00 AM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, Free. Winter Exploration Hike: 19-Jan, 1:00 PM, Richardson Nature Center, 8737 E. Bush Lake Road, Bloomington, $5 . Snowshoe with a naturalist searching for tracks, homes, scat, ‘chew marks,’ fur, feathers, and more. We will hike if no snow. Equipment provided.. http:// www.threeriversparks.org/events/W/winterexploration-hike--.aspx. DISH: South Hy-Vee: 19-Jan, 6:00 PM, Hy-Vee South, 500 Crossroads Drive, Rochester, $100 . In less than 2 hours at HyVee, you can create entrees to prepare home cooked meals for your family. With delicious entrees to plan the week around, it is easy to bring the family back to the table! Cost: $100 per person January 19th Meal Preparation Menu: Ginger Peach chicken Lemon Pepper Chicken Southwestern Pork chili Lazy Day Beef Stew Thai Pineapple Curry Honey Garlic Chicken & Veggies *Each meal serves four to six individuals* We: Provide a wide range of enjoyable recipes Do all of the shopping Have employees on hand to assist you with any questions Do all the dishes and even take out the trash You: Choose a convenient time from the scheduled dates Assemble a variety of healthy meals Leave the mess behind Take home multiple entrees to make the month easier We shop. You cook. We clean. Museum Closed for Exhibit Change Out: 19-Jan, All Day, Minnesota Children’s Museum Rochester, 1643 N. Broadway, Rochester, Free. The Museum will be closed Saturday, January 16 through Thursday, January 21 for exhibit change out. Regular hours will resume Friday, January 22 at 9 a.m. Community Car Seat Check: 20-Jan, 4:00 PM, Rochester Fire Station #2, 2185 Wheelock Drive NE, Rochester, Free. Ensure that children are traveling safe in the vehicle by attending a free car seat inspection clinic. Certified child passenger safety technicians will be on-site to assist with the correct and safe installation of car seats and booster seats. Appointments are required and space is limited. The child must be present to properly fit them to their car seat. Contact the Mayo Clinic Trauma Department to schedule an appointment 507-255-5066; Lombard. kimberly@mayo.edu. Gluten-Free Gala: 20-Jan, 4:00 PM, Hy-Vee West Circle, 4221 W Circle Drive, Rochester, Free. Join us as we showcase our wide variety of gluten-free products at your West Circle Hy-Vee! Enjoy free samples and meet local vendors who provide gluten-free products to our store. Enter our raffle to win one of several gluten-free gift baskets and enjoy 10% off all HealthMarket and bulk items! There is no charge to attend so bring your friends and family! Museum Closed for Exhibit Change Out: 20-Jan, All Day, Minnesota Children’s Museum Rochester, 1643 N. Broadway, Rochester, Free. The Museum will be closed Saturday, January 16 through Thursday, January 21 for exhibit change out. Regular hours will resume Friday, January 22 at 9 a.m. The Emerging Artists Exhibit: 20-Jan, 10:00 AM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, Free. . . The Emerging Artists Exhibit: 21-Jan, 10:00 AM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, Free. . . Parkinson’s Support Group: 21-Jan, 1:15 PM, Realife Cooperative, 825 Essex Parkway NW, Rochester, Free. Program: Dr. Elizabeth Coon from Mayo neurology department. Rochester Garden & Flower Club:

21-Jan, 6:30 PM, Rochester Community & Technical College - Heintz Center Auditorium - Room HB117, 1926 Collegeview Rd. SE, Rochester, Free. Presented by Zach Curry, CPT and Jordan Montes, CPT. Zach and Jordan are Exercise Specialists at Exercisabilities. They will share how to stay in shape over the winter to be sure your body is ready for spring. They will give a Power Point presentation to discuss safe and effective exercise recommendations for all age groups. Museum Closed for Exhibit Change Out: 21-Jan, All Day, Minnesota Children’s Museum Rochester, 1643 N. Broadway, Rochester, Free. The Museum will be closed Saturday, January 16 through Thursday, January 21 for exhibit change out. Regular hours will resume Friday, January 22 at 9 a.m. Minnesota State Hockey vs. Lake Superior State: 22-Jan, 7:00 PM, Verizon Wireless Center Mankato MN, 1 Civic Center Plaza, Mankato, See Website. The Verizon Wireless Center is proud to be the home of the Minnesota State University, Mankato, Maverick Men’s Hockey team for the 2015/2016 season! The Minnesota State Mavericks men’s ice hockey team is a NCAA Division I college ice hockey program that represents Minnesota State University, Mankato. The Mavericks compete in the Western Collegiate Hockey Association (WCHA). They are one of five Minnesota-based universities that competed in the WCHA, the others being Minnesota, Minnesota-Duluth, St. Cloud State, and Bemidji State. After a major hockey conference realignment in 2013, only Minnesota State and Bemidji State remain in the WCHA. Minnesota joined the new men’s hockey league of its all-sports conference, the Big Ten, and MinnesotaDuluth and St. Cloud State became charter members of the National Collegiate Hockey Conference. The five schools compete annually for the North Star College Cup, hosted by The University of Minnesota at the Xcel Energy Center in St. Paul, Minnesota. Will the Mavericks come out on top this year? (507) 387-8443 Animal Secrets Opens: 22-Jan, 9:00 AM, Minnesota Children’s Museum Rochester, 1643 N. Broadway, Rochester, $0-$5.50. Museum Admission: $5.50 Ages 1-101; Free Children Under 1. Stop into the Museum to check out the new exhibit Animal Secrets! We will have a story time on Friday, the 22nd at 11am and a visit from a Whitewater State Park Naturalist! You wont want to miss this wild week! The Emerging Artists Exhibit: 22-Jan, 10:00 AM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, Free. Accordion-O-Rama: 22-Jan, 7:30 PM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, $18-$20. An annual event that never fails to delight sell-out audiences, Accordion-O-Rama returns. This years performers are Dan Daddy Squeeze Newton, McKnight winner Dee Langley and Cormac O’Se. Theyll perform in round robin and together.. . Animal Secrets Opens: 23-Jan, 9:00 AM, Minnesota Children’s Museum Rochester, 1643 N. Broadway, Rochester, $0-$5.50. Museum Admission: $5.50 Ages 1-101; Free Children Under 1. Stop into the Museum to check out the new exhibit Animal Secrets! We will have a story time on Friday, the 22nd at 11am and a visit from a Whitewater State Park Naturalist! You wont want to miss this wild week! (507) 387-8443 Rochester Public Library Enrollment Assistance: 23-Jan, 9:30 AM, Rochester Public Library, 101 SE 2nd Street, Rochester, Free. Certified navigator available for walk-in assistance using MNsure.org What to bring to help complete your application: - Social security number for each person applying Date of birth for everyone in household - For non-citizens, Green Card or other immigration documents for each person applying

be plenty of. While some are hunting through the woods of Flandrau State Park for the Seven Bocks of Winter, others will be overwintering on the fest grounds with brats, live music and a bonfire. And a day of drinking wouldn’t be complete without a night of drinking so hit up the local businesses of downtown New Ulm and stop by the Herkimer in the morning for breakfast. This year marks the 30th anniversary and if you miss it, no biggie. New Ulm will have another festival waiting for you. – – Autumn Van Ravenhorst, autumn.vanravenhorst@gmail.com

- Most recent pay stubs (for last 30 days) for all employed household members - Detailed information/documents for all other sources of income (social security, unemployment, self-employment, year-to-date income from previous jobs, all other income.) - Most recent year’s tax form (1040EZ or Page 1 of 1040) and W2 form(s) are helpful Employer’s address and contact information - Information about all other health insurance, including any employer-provided health insurance available to each person applying, even if they didn’t enroll in it--if your employer offers health coverage to you, please have them complete this form and bring it with you to the library Languages Available: English Type of Assisters Available: Navigator Event Address: Rochester Public Library 101 2nd Street SE Second Floor - Computer lab at top of stairs Rochester, MN 55904. . The Emerging Artists Exhibit: 23-Jan, 10:00 AM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, Free. Bingo: 23-Jan, 1:00 PM, American Legion, 315 First Avenue NW, Rochester, Free. Bingo 1PM the 2nd and 4th Saturdays of the month. Kitchen open at 11:00 serving delicious foods! $1.00 and $2.00 cards. . SPA-LA: 23-Jan, 2:00 PM, Cambria, 400 S Broadway, Rochester, Free. Lemongrass Spa products is presenting it’s very first SPA-LA in Rochester MN. Please join our event for a FREE foot soak, hand spa, facial, makeup application, massage, a DIY table with essential oils, prizes, shopping and more! Learn all about Lemongrass Spa products which include being 97-100% natural, animal cruelty free, hand crafted and made in the USA! Start your new year off right by ditching the chemicals and finding an affordable product line that works for all of your personal care needs. Everyone that attends will get a free passport to check out each pampering station. At the end of your pampering you can use your passport to enter to win a prize, plus order any made fresh products that you tried out that day. Join here today and bring your friends or contact your local Lemongrass Spa consultant to see how you can be the host of your own party with friends right at this very event! We look forward to pampering you soon! Minnesota State Hockey vs. Lake Superior State: 23-Jan, 7:00 PM, Verizon Wireless Center Mankato MN, 1 Civic Center Plaza, Mankato, See Website. The Verizon Wireless Center is proud to be the home of the Minnesota State University, Mankato, Maverick Men’s Hockey team for the 2015/2016 season! The Minnesota State Mavericks men’s ice hockey team is a NCAA Division I college ice hockey program that represents Minnesota State University, Mankato. The Mavericks compete in the Western Collegiate Hockey Association (WCHA). They are one of five Minnesota-based universities that competed in the WCHA, the others being Minnesota, Minnesota-Duluth, St. Cloud State, and Bemidji State. After a major hockey conference realignment in 2013, only Minnesota State and Bemidji State remain in the WCHA. Minnesota joined the new men’s hockey league of its all-sports conference, the Big Ten, and MinnesotaDuluth and St. Cloud State became charter members of the National Collegiate Hockey Conference. The five schools compete annually for the North Star College Cup, hosted by The University of Minnesota at the Xcel Energy Center in St. Paul, Minnesota. Will the Mavericks come out on top this year? Comedy Hypnosis Show!: 23-Jan, 7:30 PM, State Theater, 96 E 4th St, Zumbrota, $8-$14. The Zumbrota State Theatre will be jumping with fun, laughter and excitement as Master Hypnotist David Danzig electrifies the audience with his hilarious Comedy Hypnosis Show! Volunteers will undergo a complete

A d d y o u r e v e n t f o r F R E E t o t h e T I M E L I N E c a l e n d a r . G O TO w w w. s o u t h ernminn . c o m / s c ene / c a len d a r & C l i c k + A d d a n E v ent

transformation, and the pandemonium is all great fun. January Thaw Featuring Buddy Koopman’s Orchestra: 23-Jan, 7:30 PM, Paradise Center for the Arts, 321 Central Ave., Faribault, $8-$15. $8 Students; $12 Members; $15 Non-Members Free w/ overnight stay at the Historic Hutchinson House B&B. Direct from Northfield, and the Wabasha Caves in the Twin Cities, the Buddy Koopmans Orchestra will thaw out the coldest winter sufferer.

WEEK OF JAN 24: My Heart In My Hands: 24-Jan, 10:00 AM, St. Olaf College-Dittmann Center, 1520 St. Olaf Avenue, Northfield, Free. St. Olaf College’s Flaten Art Museum is hosting an exhibition titled My Heart in My Hands: Ron Gallas and Friends. This exhibition will be on display beginning November 20th through January 24th. The Emerging Artists Exhibit: 24-Jan, 10:00 AM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, Free. Gallery and Shop hours: MTWF 10-5, Th 10-8, Sat 10-4 and Sun 11-3. Artists: Brooke Adele, Kristin Anderson, Willow Gentile Becher, Titian Butash, Michaela Chorn, Tom Henry David, Savannah Horn, Rachel Madryga, Anna Segner, Jacob Stordahl, Eliza Smit. Reception Saturday, January 30, 6-7:15PM. Dogs & Storks: 24-Jan, 12:00 PM, Rochester Pet & Country Store, 5 11 1/2 Street SE, Rochester, $25 . Dogs & Storks is a national program for expecting families with dogs. It is designed to help you plan and prepare for baby’s arrival, specifically with your dog(s) in mind. Learn basic dog body language, how to handle the homecoming, critical safety tips, and much more. While Dogs & Storks does not take the place of basic obedience training classes nor a childbirth preparation class, it brings the missing elements of each together in one place. Make sure to get off on the right foot, decrease stress, and increase harmony in your home by preparing with Dogs & Storks. Still not sure if this program is right for you? If you live with dogs and are pregnant, planning to become pregnant, a grandparent/aunt/uncle who has infants visit, a childcare provider, a childbirth educator, in the adoption process, or just care about infant & dog issues - this program is applicable and valuable. Even dog experts will be surprised with how much new information theyll walk away with! Date: Sunday, January 24th, 12-2pm Cost: suggested donation of $25 per family (1-2 adults). Got a big family or want to bring the nanny? We suggest an additional $5 per adult. Location: Rochester Feed and Country Store at 5 SE 11 Street in Rochester Details: Workshops are for people only, so please plan on leaving your dog(s) at home. Metal folding chairs will be available, but you may wish to bring your [more comfortable] chair. The facility is heated but tends to be chilly, so we recommend dressing in layers! Registration: Payment (cash or check) is collected at the event, however we ask that you pre-register at https://paws4u. dogbizpro.com/public/registration/index. aspx?tab=events&event=645 so we can contact you should the workshop be canceled due to weather or illness. Recommended Timing: Youll get the most by attending in the 1st or 2nd trimester of your pregnancy (or earlier) but its never too late to learn! Have questions not answered here? Contact Paws Abilities at (507)624-0190 or email paws4umn@ gmail.com. Or learn more about the national program at www.dogsandstorks.com (check out the blog in particular). Animal Secrets Opens: 24-Jan, 12:00 PM, Minnesota Children’s Museum Rochester, 1643 N. Broadway, Rochester, $0-$5.50. Museum Admission: $5.50 Ages 1-101; Free Children Under 1. Stop into the Museum to

Winona Winter Carnival Facebook page

Winona Winter Carnival Feb. 12 - 14

Downtown Winona This whole winter has been confusing with record warms and steep drops in to single digits. The weather service telling us we won’t have a white Christmas then not only do we have just that, we get hit with a storm directly following. And isn’t this winter going to be an El Nino, Spanish for “The Nino?” I don’t know what the weather is going to look like in February, but I can tell you that the Winona Winter Carnival will be celebrating this disorienting season regardless. Area organizations will come together to host a range of activities with many benefiting certain parties. Some of those include: Cabin Fever 5k, Farmer’s Market Soup and Silent Auction, Snow Art Workshop, Shack Shorts by the Frozen River Film Festival, Snowshoe Snowdown, Valentine’s Sweetheart Skate and more. Music will be provided by the stunning Reina Del Cid, whom I love, on Friday, Feb. 12 at Ed’s (No Name) Bar. She is a folk-rock artist out of the Twin Cities who has made quite the transformation and gained a large following, but remains a sweet, approachable and incredibly smart young lass. Voted by listeners of 89.3 The Current as one of the Top 20 Local Releases of 2012, Reina del Cid will be playing not once, but twice during the Winter Carnival through collaboration with Mid West Music Fest. – – Autumn Van Ravenhorst, autumn.vanravenhorst@gmail.com check out the new exhibit Animal Secrets! We will have a story time on Friday, the 22nd at 11am and a visit from a Whitewater State Park Naturalist! You wont want to miss this wild week! Rochester Public Library Enrollment Assistance: 24-Jan, 1:30 PM, Rochester Public Library, 101 SE 2nd Street, Rochester, Free. Certified navigator available for walk-in assistance using MNsure.org What to bring to help complete your application: - Social security number for each person applying Date of birth for everyone in household - For non-citizens, Green Card or other immigration documents for each person applying - Most recent pay stubs (for last 30 days) for all employed household members - Detailed information/documents for all other sources of income (social security, unemployment, self-employment, year-to-date income from previous jobs, all other income.) - Most recent year’s tax form (1040EZ or Page 1 of 1040) and W2 form(s) are helpful Employer’s address and contact information - Information about all other health insurance, including any employer-provided health insurance available to each person applying, even if they didn’t enroll in it--if your employer offers health coverage to you, please have them complete this form and bring it with you to the library Languages Available: English Type of Assisters Available: Navigator Event Address: Rochester Public Library 101 2nd Street SE Second Floor - Computer lab at top of stairs Rochester, MN 55904. Dogs & Toddlers: 24-Jan, 2:30 PM, Rochester Pet & Country Store, 5 11 1/2 Street SE, Rochester, $25 . Dogs & Toddlers provides tools to help families with young children and dogs as they face the various ages and stages of babys first three years. Youll learn how to prevent problems, implement realistic management methods, facilitate appropriate interaction, and much more. Developed by a mother, taught by a mother and geared towards real parents all the material covered is designed to be relevant, valuable, and easy to implement. Date: Sunday, January 24th, 2:30-4:30pm Cost: suggested donation of $25 per family (1-2 adults). Got a big family or want to bring the nanny? We suggest an additional $5 per adult. Location: Rochester Feed and Country Store at 5 SE 11 Street in Rochester Details: Workshops are for people only, so please plan on leaving your dog(s) at home. Metal folding chairs will be available, but you may wish to bring your [more comfortable] chair. The facility is heated but tends to be chilly, so we recommend dressing in layers! Registration: Payment (cash or check) is collected at the event, however we ask that you pre-register so we can contact you should the workshop be canceled due to weather or illness. https://paws4u. dogbizpro.com/public/registration/index. aspx?tab=events&event=646 Have questions not answered here? Contact Paws Abilities at (507)624-0190 or email paws4umn@ gmail.com. Or learn more about the national program at http://familypaws.com/ (check out the blog in particular). The Emerging Artists Exhibit: 25-Jan, 10:00 AM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, Free. Women’s Panel Event: Rally Around Girls: 25-Jan, 3:30 PM, Kahler Apache, 1517

Wabashamn.org

Grumpy Old Men Festival Feb. 27

Citywide Wabasha Prior to moving here, I had never seen the film “Grumpy Old Men” and the outsiders I knew who had seen it did not care for it. They thought it was boring and not funny (Yeah, I know). Then I met Jeff who is a born and raised outdoorsman from SoMinn and he insisted that I must see this movie. Not going to lie—had I not already been here for a few years, I wouldn’t have cared for it. But because I have developed a deep appreciation for this state, I loved it. It is a classic for Minnesotans. Most Minnesotans love simple—they love what they already know. They find comfort in the familiar. Everyone here recognizes the happenings of this movie and despite the constant one-upmanship of these two men, everyone hopes for that lifelong friendship. To celebrate the pride (per usual), Wabasha has put on the Grumpy Old Men Festival for what will be 23 years. The day will bring ice fishing, cribbage, poker tournament, hot dish, minnow races, ice bar, the grumpy plunge and more. Grab some Ragetti Spaghetti at Slippery’s and enjoy yourself, ya dickhead. – – Autumn Van Ravenhorst, autumn.vanravenhorst@gmail.com

16th St SW, Rochester, Free. Join the conversation to rally around girls achievement and potential. Womens Panel Event Hosted by

w w w. s o u t h e r N m I N n SCENE. c o m

Rochester Area Chamber of Commerce & Girl

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Frozen River Film Festival Feb. 24-28

Winona State University, Winona

Photo of Frederick Nbabaramye, FRFF.org

Jackson Forderer for MPR News

Sleigh and Cutter Festival Feb. 5 -28

Downtown Waseca A conversation between a few gentlemen at a local barbershop has developed into an annual tradition and winter extravaganza for Waseca. Described as a one-day “rollicking” event back in 1950 featuring sleighs and cutters is now a four-weekend festival. The highlight of this community spectacular is the day of the parade where various breeds of stunning horses as well as winter transportation comprised of bobsleds, buggies, wagons and others will move the procession along. Another favorite and much anticipated affair is the Miss Waseca County Sleigh and Cutter Pageant. From there the activities are endless, ranging from the Minnesota Skydivers and hockey to ice golf, curling, sculpting and the Medallion Hunt. My suggestion is to visit the website and figure out which day you have free and go from there because the sheer amount of happenings is overwhelming. If you need me to spit off a few more, how about ice fishing, family movie night, dodge ball, kick ball, ice plunge and vintage snowmobile show. That should be plenty. – – Autumn Van Ravenhorst, autumn.vanravenhorst@gmail.com

Audrey Kletscher Helbling, Mnprairieroots.com

Valentine’s Dinner and winemaking presentation Feb. 12-13

Next Chapter Winery, New Prague I am here to help you find something to do. If you choose to not heed my instruction on Valentine’s Day, then best of luck finding a place that will cater to both you and your loved one. Valentine’s Day should put focus on both individuals, giving equal appreciation to everything you do for one another. Rustic, charming and family owned, Next Chapter Winery provides an experience that fuses both traditional and unique concepts for a memorable Valentine’s. Guests can enjoy a complimentary glass of wine, chocolate and spread of local cheeses upon entering. Following will be a presentation in winemaking and a tour through the vineyard. A candlelight meal will be served, compliments of Pizzeria 201 of Montgomery. If you have other plans for Valentines, the winery offers Travelling Tastings, a private at-home experience as well as a private dinner for two that will allow access to all areas of the winery and unlimited feasting. Netflix and chill is great, but try going classy this Valentine’s. – – Autumn Van Ravenhorst, autumn.vanravenhorst@gmail.com

Scouts River Valleys Hear insightful stories from women change-makers in Rochester as they share experiences from girlhood, their personal journey to leadership, and how they meet the challenges women face in the workplace. The event will be comprised of set of panel focused questions, a question and answer session, followed by a networking opportunity. Special Guest Panelists include: Lisa Clarke Executive Director of Economic Development Agency Barbara Porter Jordan Administrator, College of Medicine Office for Diversity, & Administrator, Mayo Clinic Quality Academy Gail Sauter Associate Vice Chancellor for Finance and Operations,

University of Minnesota Rochester This is a free event and open to the public. RSVPs encouraged to Cora Heras at cora.heras@ girlscoutsrv.org. Minnesota Wild vs. Arizona Coyotes: 25-Jan, 7:30 PM, Xcel Energy Center, , St Paul, $32-$317. The Emerging Artists Exhibit: 26-Jan, 10:00 AM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, Free. UMR Connects: Resilient Living: 26Jan, 7:00 PM, University of MN Rochester, 4th Floor, 111 S. Broadway, Rochester, Free. ‘Stress is perceived when there is an imbalance between the demands placed on

us and our ability to meet those demands. Ongoing stress has a negative effect on health, happiness, relationships, sleep, mood, and overall quality of life. Excessive stress also adversely affects cognitive functions (including attention, memory, judgment and decision making). Resilience is the ability to adapt well to stress, and to even thrive amidst adversity. Resilience correlates positively with several psychosocial and health related variables. In this single 90-minute group session, you will understand how the brain and mind generate unwanted stress every day, even during routine daily activities. Based on this understanding, you will learn a two-step

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No stranger to the calendar, the Frozen River Film Festival is designed to educate the community and promote activism through documentaries that discuss local, regional, and worldwide concerns. I discussed the topic of apathy last year and both fortuitously and regrettably, that has changed a bit this time around. It is good that people are involved; it is unfortunate that mass shootings and a red hairpiece had to spark it. There you go again, Autumn—this is not the place, move on. This year’s festival will bring films that were submitted under the topics extreme sports, world culture, environment and adventure. Seven films will be presented including: Chasing the Win: This appears to be a story about the underdog. Bernice: A depiction of Bernice Steinbaum’s career, a female artist of color whose artwork is shown worldwide. Age of Love: Widows and widowers experience speed program that will empower you to handle your stressors with less distress, and as a result, enhance your physical, emotional, and mental well-being.’. . Final Week Of January: 27-Jan, 9:00 AM, Minnesota Children’s Museum Rochester, 1643 N. Broadway, Rochester, $0-$5.50. Museum Admission: $5.50 Ages 1-101; Free Children Under 1. The last week of January brings a lot of fun with it. Here, at the Museum, we will have a Museum-wide sing along on Wednesday at 11am, a story time on Friday at 11am, and a building bonanza all day long on Friday with Legos, Rockenbocks, and other building materials!. . The Emerging Artists Exhibit: 27-Jan, 10:00 AM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, Free. History Bits and Bites: 27-Jan, 12:00 PM, Blue Earth Historical Society, Heritage Center 415 Cherry St., Mankato, $5 . Join us for our new program History Bits and Bites. This program will be a monthly program over the noon hour on the last Wednesday of the month. Bring your lunch and learn a bit of history! This month, Larry Kortuem will present on Life in a Pioneer Log Cabin and what life was like before electricity. Final Week Of January: 28-Jan, 9:00 AM, Minnesota Children’s Museum Rochester, 1643 N. Broadway, Rochester, $0-$5.50. Museum Admission: $5.50 Ages 1-101; Free Children Under 1. The last week of January brings a lot of fun with it. Here, at the Museum, we will have a Museum-wide sing along on Wednesday at 11am, a story time on Friday at 11am, and a building bonanza all day long on Friday with Legos, Rockenbocks, and other building materials! The Emerging Artists Exhibit: 28-Jan, 10:00 AM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, Free. Yoga & Mindfulness For Kids: 28-Jan, 5:00 PM, Assisi Heights Spirituality Center, 1001 14th St NW, Rochester, $60 . Yoga and mindfulness practices give children the tools to focus better, manage emotions and stress, develop strength and confidence in their body and mind and learn to be more resilient in all areas of life! Each class will incorporate yoga poses, breathing exercises, games, mindfulness techniques, visualizations and stories to make it fun, valuable and engaging! Preregistration is required. Chersten Keillor is a 200 Registered Yoga Teacher and a certified Kids Yoga Instructor, trained in the Mindful Schools with Mindfulness Curriculum for kids. January 28, February 4, 11, 18, 25, March 3, 5:00-6:00pm Preregistration is required by January 23. $60 per child. Final Week of January: 29-Jan, 9:00 AM, Minnesota Children’s Museum Rochester, 1643 N. Broadway, Rochester, $0-$5.50. Museum Admission: $5.50 Ages 1-101; Free Children Under 1. The last week of January brings a lot of fun with it. Here, at the Museum, we will have a Museum-wide sing along on Wednesday at 11am, a story time on Friday at 11am, and a building bonanza all day long on Friday with Legos, Rockenbocks, and other building materials!. . The Emerging Artists Exhibit: 29-Jan, 10:00 AM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, Free. The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged): 29-Jan, 7:30 PM, Paradise Center for the Arts, 321 Central Ave., Faribault, $10-$18. Adults $18, children under 12 $10. William Shakespeare meets Monty Python as this turly hysterical comedy takes a blowtorch to the academic fustiness that has accumulated aoround the Bard’s work. Titus Andronicus as a cooking show, Othello as a rap song, etc. Hamlet in 5 seconds, as well as Hamlet backwards in

42 seconds! All performed by three actors in 90 minutes!. . Berlin in the Baroque: 29-Jan, 7:30 PM, Zumbro Lutheran Church, 624 3rd Ave SW, Rochester, $10-$25. This delightful program takes us to the time of Frederick the Great and his Sanssouci Palace in Potsdam, as seen through the musical eyes of composers like W.F. Bach, Georg Philipp Telemann, and Johann Joachim Quantz. And there is no better person to take us on this magnificent journey than Wilbert Hazelzet, whose inspiring spirit and velvet tone inspire musicians and audience members all over the world. Drawing, Doodling And Coloring: 30-Jan, 9:00 AM, Assisi Heights Spirituality Center, 1001 14th St NW, Rochester, $13 . Invite your creative energy out for a day of basic drawing and doodle in the afternoon for adult coloring. Bring your coloring book and colors to class. All ages welcome! Guided by Julie Murray, you are guaranteed to have a good time. Preregistration required by January 23. $13 per person includes lunch. Final Week of January: 30-Jan, 9:00 AM, Minnesota Children’s Museum Rochester, 1643 N. Broadway, Rochester, $0-$5.50. Museum Admission: $5.50 Ages 1-101; Free Children Under 1. The last week of January brings a lot of fun with it. Here, at the Museum, we will have a Museum-wide sing along on Wednesday at 11am, a story time on Friday at 11am, and a building bonanza all day long on Friday with Legos, Rockenbocks, and other building materials! Rochester Public Library Enrollment Assistance: 30-Jan, 9:30 AM, Rochester Public Library, 101 SE 2nd Street, Rochester, Free. Certified navigator available for walk-in assistance using MNsure.org What to bring to help complete your application: - Social security number for each person applying Date of birth for everyone in household - For non-citizens, Green Card or other immigration documents for each person applying - Most recent pay stubs (for last 30 days) for all employed household members - Detailed information/documents for all other sources of income (social security, unemployment, self-employment, year-to-date income from previous jobs, all other income.) - Most recent year’s tax form (1040EZ or Page 1 of 1040) and W2 form(s) are helpful Employer’s address and contact information - Information about all other health insurance, including any employer-provided health insurance available to each person applying, even if they didn’t enroll in it--if your employer offers health coverage to you, please have them complete this form and bring it with you to the library Languages Available: English Type of Assisters Available: Navigator Event Address: Rochester Public Library 101 2nd Street SE Second Floor - Computer lab at top of stairs Rochester, MN 55904. The Emerging Artists Exhibit: 30-Jan, 10:00 AM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, Free. Menopause The Musical: 30-Jan, 2:00 PM, Mayo Civic Center Presentation Hall, 30 Civic Center Drive SE, Rochester, $36.75-$59. COME JOIN OUR SISTERHOOD! This hilarious musical parody staged to classic tunes from the ‘60s, ‘70s and ‘80s will have you cheering and dancing in the aisles. See what millions of women worldwide have been laughing about for over 10 years! Set in a department store, four women with seemingly nothing in common but a black lace bra on sale, come to find they have more to share than ever imagined. The all-female cast makes fun of their woeful hot flashes, forgetfulness, mood swings, wrinkles, night sweats and chocolate binges. A sisterhood is created between these diverse women as

dating, something I will never quite understand. Frame by Frame: Uncovering the life of Afghan photojournalists navigating through dangerous media territory. Attempting the Northwest Passage, One Small Boat’s Journey of Discovery: Long, selfexplanatory title. The Northwest Passage is a sea route connecting the northern Atlantic and Pacific Oceans through the Arctic Ocean. Lost Conquest: Vikings! The past and present culture of Vikings in Minnesota. Frederick Nbabaramiye: Tragic yet saving story of a man whose hands were cut off after refusing to kill people by order of Interahamwe rebels, then finds peace through forgiveness and action, showing people “disability does not mean inability.” If that doesn’t make you want to cry. – – Autumn Van Ravenhorst, autumn.vanravenhorst@gmail.com

they realize that menopause is no longer The Silent Passage, but a stage in every woman s life that is perfectly normal! Most women know intuitively that every other woman is experiencing hot flashes or night sweats, says author Jeanie C. Linders. There is always a close friend or two who can sympathize or identify, but when they are sitting in a theatre with hundreds of other women, all laughing and shouting That s me! That s me on stage!’ They know what they are experiencing is normal. They aren t alone or crazy. It becomes a sisterhood. E Street Shuffle/Detroit Muscle, Presented By Mick Sterling: 30-Jan, 7:30 PM, State Theater, 96 E 4th St, Zumbrota, $28-$32. The thematic songs of RocknRoll Hall of Fame recipients Bruce Springsteen and Bob Seger have provided a memorable soundtrack for anyone with a car radio or record player. The combination of the songs of these two iconic artists in one night will be quite frankly, unstoppable! Springsteen classics such as Born to Run, Backstreets, Rosalita, Jungleland, and Dancing in the Dark, will be joined by Seger classics such as Mainstreet, Night Moves, Hollywood Nights, Get Out of Denver, Katmandu, Ramblin’ Man, and many more The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged): 30-Jan, 7:30 PM, Paradise Center for the Arts, 321 Central Ave., Faribault, $10-$18. Adults $18, children under 12 $10.

WEEK OF JAN 31: The Emerging Artists Exhibit: 31-Jan, 10:00 AM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, Free. Gallery and Shop hours: MTWF 10-5, Th 10-8, Sat 10-4 and Sun 11-3. Artists: Brooke Adele, Kristin Anderson, Willow Gentile Becher, Titian Butash, Michaela Chorn, Tom Henry David, Savannah Horn, Rachel Madryga, Anna Segner, Jacob Stordahl, Eliza Smit. Reception Saturday, January 30, 6-7:15PM. Rochester Public Library Enrollment Assistance: 31-Jan, 1:30 PM, Rochester Public Library, 101 SE 2nd Street, Rochester, Free. Certified navigator available for walk-in assistance using MNsure.org What to bring to help complete your application: - Social security number for each person applying Date of birth for everyone in household - For non-citizens, Green Card or other immigration documents for each person applying - Most recent pay stubs (for last 30 days) for all employed household members - Detailed information/documents for all other sources of income (social security, unemployment, self-employment, year-to-date income from previous jobs, all other income.) - Most recent year’s tax form (1040EZ or Page 1 of 1040) and W2 form(s) are helpful Employer’s address and contact information - Information about all other health insurance, including any employer-provided health insurance available to each person applying, even if they didn’t enroll in it--if your employer offers health coverage to you, please have them complete this form and bring it with you to the library Languages Available: English Type of Assisters Available: Navigator Event Address: Rochester Public Library 101 2nd Street SE Second Floor - Computer lab at top of stairs Rochester, MN 55904. The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged): 31-Jan, 2:00 PM, Paradise Center for the Arts, 321 Central Ave., Faribault, $10-$18. Adults $18, children under 12 $10. Final Week of January: 31-Jan, All Day, Minnesota Children’s Museum Rochester, 1643 N. Broadway, Rochester, $0-$5.50.

Museum Admission: $5.50 Ages 1-101; Free Children Under 1. The last week of January brings a lot of fun with it. Here, at the Museum, we will have a Museum-wide sing along on Wednesday at 11am, a story time on Friday at 11am, and a building bonanza all day long on Friday with Legos, Rockenbocks, and other building materials! Pre-K Mondays: 1-Feb, 9:00 AM, The Works Museum, 9740 Grand Ave. S, Bloomington, $4 . PreK Mondays are ideal for kids ages 3 to 5 and their adult companions. Kids are natural engineers experience the amazing fun of hands-on engineering with your child! Encourage your PreK student to explore his or her curiosity and design, build, and create. What to expect: $4 (half price) admission for kids from 9 a.m. 12 p.m. Suggested engineering challenges designed with PreK students in mind PreK- friendly environment (no big kid school groups scheduled before 12 p.m.). The Emerging Artists Exhibit: 1-Feb, 10:00 AM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, Free. The Emerging Artists Exhibit: 2-Feb, 10:00 AM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, Free. Remember When Coffee Club: 2-Feb, 10:30 AM, Blue Earth Historical Society, Heritage Center 415 Cherry St., Mankato, Free. Join us for the Remember When Coffee Club where history enthusiasts meet to discuss different topics. This month will be focused on Electricity. Come share some of your favorite memories about electricity over coffee and tea.. . The Emerging Artists Exhibit: 3-Feb, 10:00 AM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, Free. . . Sundowners Car Club Meeting: 3-Feb, 7:30 PM, Northfield VFW Post 4393, 516 Division Street, Northfield, Free. Founded in 1992, the Sundowners Car Club is for the car enthusiast that likes special interest vehicles. Whether you own one, are building one, or just dreaming of owning one, this is the club for you. . (507) 645-8546 The Emerging Artists Exhibit: 4-Feb, 10:00 AM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, Free. The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged): 4-Feb, 7:30 PM, Paradise Center for the Arts, 321 Central Ave., Faribault, $10-$18. Adults $18, children under 12 $10. William Shakespeare meets Monty Python as this turly hysterical comedy takes a blowtorch to the academic fustiness that has accumulated aoround the Bard’s work. Titus Andronicus as a cooking show, Othello as a rap song, etc. Hamlet in 5 seconds, as well as Hamlet backwards in 42 seconds! All performed by three actors in 90 minutes!. . Bockfest Before & After Party: 5-Feb, 8:30 AM, New Ulm Event Center, 301 20th Street South, New Ulm, $10 . Come party at the Bockfest Before Party at the New Ulm Event Center with The Blue Ringers Band! Doors will open at 8:00 p.m. Band will play from 8:30-12:30 a.m. 21+ event Tickets will be $10 and sold only at the door! The Emerging Artists Exhibit: 5-Feb, 10:00 AM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, Free. 507-238-4900 Minnesota State Hockey vs. Bowling Green: 5-Feb, 7:00 PM, Verizon Wireless Center Mankato MN, 1 Civic Center Plaza, Mankato, See Website. The Verizon Wireless Center is proud to be the home of the Minnesota State University, Mankato, Maverick Men’s Hockey team for the 2015/2016 season! The Minnesota State Mavericks men’s ice hockey team is a NCAA Division I college ice hockey program that

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represents Minnesota State University, Mankato. The Mavericks compete in the Western Collegiate Hockey Association (WCHA). They are one of five Minnesota-based universities that competed in the WCHA, the others being Minnesota, MinnesotaDuluth, St. Cloud State, and Bemidji State. After a major hockey conference realignment in 2013, only Minnesota State and Bemidji State remain in the WCHA. Minnesota joined the new men’s hockey league of its all-sports conference, the Big Ten, and MinnesotaDuluth and St. Cloud State became charter members of the National Collegiate Hockey Conference. The five schools compete annually for the North Star College Cup, hosted by The University of Minnesota at the Xcel Energy Center in St. Paul, Minnesota. Will the Mavericks come out on top this year? The Second City: 5-Feb, 7:30 PM, Fairmont Opera House, 45 Downtown Plaza, Fairmont, $10$20. Student $10.00 Adult $20.00. The Second City presents its hilarious and topical comedy revues to venues all over the world. Performing Arts Centers, Theatres, Colleges and Universities, Festivals and Fundraisers: The Second City is the ideal entertainment to attract new audiences while satisfying your current customers with the leading brand in improv-based sketch comedy. (507) 387-8443 The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged): 5-Feb, 7:30 PM, Paradise Center for the Arts, 321 Central Ave., Faribault, $10-$18. Adults $18, children under 12 $10. Quarry Hill Bird Walk: 6-Feb, 9:00 AM, Quarry Hill Nature Center, 701 Silver Creek Rd NE, Rochester, Free. Join us on a casual walk through Quarry Hill Park. Bring binoculars if you have them, some are available to borrow from the nature center. Dress for the weather. Families and children are welcome. Stay for any length of time. Walks usually last about one hour. Free and open to the public - no registration required. Audubon Leaders: Terry and Joyce Grier. The Emerging Artists Exhibit: 6-Feb, 10:00 AM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, Free. Bockfest Before & After Party: 6-Feb, 12:00 PM, New Ulm Event Center, 301 20th Street South, New Ulm, $5 . Come listen to some old time music with Kris and the Riverbend Dutchmen band! Doors open 11:30 Band plays 12-4 Tickets sold at door for $5. Dinner on the Bluff: 6-Feb, 5:00 PM, Eagle Bluff Environmental Learning Center, 28097 Goodview Dr, Lanesboro, $25-$30. Meal: Grilled Trout in corn husks Dessert: Berry Cream Tart. One river, one piece of garbage at a time is how Chad Pregracke, founder of Living Lands & Waters, started his mission to clean up our nations greatest rivers. After years of growing up and working on the Mississippi River, he noticed how neglected the waters were and how much trash was along the banks and in the river. So he started the organization, Living Lands & Waters with a mission to aid in protecting, preserving, and restoring our rivers and their watersheds, as well as, to increase awareness on river issues and provide opportunities for stewardship. Programs, such as the Great Mississippi River Cleanup and annual Barge Party help the organization meet their goals! Join us to hear Chads stories and how you can help our great rivers! Saturday, February 6, 2016 5:00pm $25 per person early bird/ $30 per person week of event *Buy the Series* for $100 per person/ $180 per pair (tickets for all five dinner at a discounted price) Register online at eagle-bluff.org on our events page or call 507-467-2437. (507) 387-8443 Minnesota State Hockey vs. Bowling Green: 6-Feb, 7:00 PM, Verizon Wireless Center Mankato MN, 1 Civic Center Plaza, Mankato, See Website. The Verizon Wireless Center is proud to be the home of the Minnesota State University, Mankato, Maverick Men’s Hockey team for the 2015/2016 season! The Minnesota State Mavericks men’s ice hockey team is a NCAA Division I college ice hockey program that represents Minnesota State University, Mankato. The Mavericks compete in the Western Collegiate Hockey Association (WCHA). They are one of five Minnesota-based universities that competed in the WCHA, the others being Minnesota, Minnesota-Duluth, St. Cloud State, and Bemidji State. After a major hockey conference realignment in 2013, only Minnesota State and Bemidji State remain in the WCHA. Minnesota joined the new men’s hockey league of its all-sports conference, the Big Ten, and MinnesotaDuluth and St. Cloud State became charter members of the National Collegiate Hockey Conference. The five schools compete annually for the North Star College Cup, hosted by The University of Minnesota at the Xcel Energy Center in St. Paul, Minnesota. Will the Mavericks come out on top this year? The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged): 6-Feb, 7:30 PM, Paradise Center for the Arts, 321 Central Ave., Faribault, $10-$18. Adults $18, children under 12 $10. Moors & McCumber: 6-Feb, 7:30 PM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, $18-$21. James Moors and Kort McCumbers music ranges from ballads to more rock sounds, but at their heart, every song is a story sung with uncanny harmony backed by exquisite guitar, fiddle, banjo, mandolin, bass or piano. Bockfest Before & After Party: 6-Feb, 9:00 PM, New Ulm Event Center, 301 20th Street South, New Ulm, $10 . Come get your party on with Iv Play at the Bockfest After Party at the New Ulm Event Center! Doors will open at 8:30 p.m. Band will play from 9:00-12:30 a.m. 21+ event Tickets will be $10 and sold only at the door!

WEEK OF FEB 7: The Emerging Artists Exhibit: 7-Feb, 10:00 AM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, Free. Gallery and Shop hours: MTWF 10-5, Th 10-8, Sat 10-4 and Sun 11-3. Artists: Brooke Adele, Kristin Anderson, Willow Gentile Becher, Titian Butash, Michaela Chorn, Tom Henry David, Savannah Horn, Rachel Madryga, Anna Segner, Jacob Stordahl, Eliza Smit. Reception Saturday, January 30, 6-7:15PM. The Emerging Artists Exhibit: 8-Feb, 10:00 AM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, Free. The Emerging Artists Exhibit: 9-Feb, 10:00 AM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, Free. Minnesota Wild vs. Dallas Stars: 9-Feb, 7:00 PM, Xcel Energy Center, , St Paul, $32-$317. The Emerging Artists Exhibit: 10-Feb, 10:00

AM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, Free. The Emerging Artists Exhibit: 11-Feb, 10:00 AM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, Free. Minnesota Wild vs. Washington Captials: 11-Feb, 7:00 PM, Xcel Energy Center, , St Paul, $32-$317. The Emerging Artists Exhibit: 12-Feb, 12:00 AM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, Free. Gary Allan: 12-Feb, 8:00 PM, Treasure Island Resort and Casino Minnesota, 5734 Sturgeon Lake Road, Welch, $50-$60. For tickets contact Box Office at 1-877-849-1640 or visit www.ticasino. com to reserve your seats.. The gritty, raspy voice of multiplatinum county singer-songwriter Gary Allan will bring his superstar talents and band to Treasure Island Resort & Casino for two concerts on February 12 and 13, 2016. Allan is known for his storytelling songs that are written from his own life experiences and each album is a new chapter from his life. Along with his four #1 singles, Man To Man, Tough Little Boys, Nothing On But The Radio, and Watching Airplanes he has also accumulated seven gold albums of which three, Smoke Ring in the Dark, Alright Guy and See If I Care, are certified platinum. Garys songs are diverse is style; ballads, romantic love songs and even party type tunes are all part of his assortment. His latest single that was released early 2015, Hangover Tonight has a Motown influence. Fans are waiting for his next album which is slated to be released sometime in 2015. For tickets contact the Island Box Office at 1-877-849-1640 or visit www. ticasino.com to reserve your seats. Tickets are $50, $55 and $60. The Friday and Saturday shows start at 8pm. Must be 18 years of age or older to attend. 1-800-222-7077 The Emerging Artists Exhibit: 13-Feb, 12:00 AM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, Free. Bingo: 13-Feb, 1:00 PM, American Legion, 315 First Avenue NW, Rochester, Free. Bingo 1PM the 2nd and 4th Saturdays of the month. Kitchen open at 11:00 serving delicious foods! $1.00 and $2.00 cards. . Minnesota Wild vs. Boston Bruins: 13-Feb, 1:00 PM, Xcel Energy Center, , St Paul, $32-$317. Choral Arts Ensemble: A Singing Valentine: 13-Feb, 6:00 PM, Rochester International Event Center, 7333 Airport View Dr SW, Rochester, $100 . Bring your Valentine to what the Post-Bulletin called the ultimate ‘date nightan evening of music, romance, fine food and warm company. The Choral Arts Ensemble will sing a program of your favorite love songs, from intimate ballads and swinging standards to lovely folksongs. Proceeds from this benefit event support Choral Arts Ensemble programming all season. ‘Vee for Valentine’ with Robby Vee: 13-Feb, 7:30 PM, State Theater, 96 E 4th St, Zumbrota, $22-$25. Crossings brings Robby Vee & his Rock-n-Roll Caravan, featuring Strings & Things violin section, to the State Theatre for a concert full of love songs and rock-n-roll. Second generation rocker & Canadian Rockabilly Hall of Famer Vee has been called The Prince Of Twang. The son of Bobby Vee, he has been performing his unique style of rock-n-roll music for years on stages across the globe.. . Two on Tap: 13-Feb, 7:30 PM, Paradise Center for the Arts, 321 Central Ave., Faribault, $10-$22. $10 Student $17 Member $22 Non-Member Free w/overnight stay at the Historic Hutchinson House B&B. Two on Tap brings audiences back in time to an era when couples like Fred and Ginger and Mickey and Judy filled the silver screen with undeniable chemistry, effortless harmony, and precision tap dancing. Gorgeous vocals, exciting choreography, and unique musical arrangements take center stage in this two-act show which has entertained thousands worldwide.

WEEK OF FEB 14: Community Car Seat Check: 17-Feb, 4:00 PM, Rochester Fire Station #2, 2185 Wheelock Drive NE, Rochester, Free. Ensure that children are traveling safe in the vehicle by attending a free car seat inspection clinic. Certified child passenger safety technicians will be on-site to assist with the correct and safe installation of car seats and booster seats. Appointments are required and space is limited. The child must be present to properly fit them to their car seat. Contact the Mayo Clinic Trauma Department to schedule an appointment 507-2555066; Lombard.kimberly@mayo.edu. Inter/Section: 17-Feb, 6:30 PM, STEM Academy, 415 16th ST SW, Rochester, Free. An art event featuring new minimalist works by Rochester artist C. Anthony Huber. ‘A vivid aesthetic language emerges as utilitarian materials and traditional artist media are forced into communication on the canvas.’ Southeastern Minnesota Artist Council (SEMAC) Artist Grant Exhibition. SocialICE - Rochester Minnesota’s Ice Bar: 18-Feb, 5:00 PM, Peace Plaza, 1st Ave SW, Rochester, Free. When: February 18, 19 & 20, 2016 Times: Thursday 5:00 pm - 9:00 pm, Friday & Saturday 4:00 pm - 10:00 pm Where: Peace Plaza SocialICE Rochester Minnesota’s Ice Bar transforms the Peace Plaza in the heart of downtown Rochester to an outdoor ice bar experience. The event generates an artistic and sophisticated social gathering place complete with lighting effects, music, the Walk of Ice sculpture garden, drinks, and more. Come to SocialICE and you’ll experience seven 12-foot uniquely designed and themed ice bars each with a signature drink! This event is FREE to attend and open to the public. River Hills Home & Lifestyles Show: 19-Feb, 10:00 AM, RIVER HILLS MALL, 1850 ADAMS STREET, Mankato, Free. A Quality Event At A Premier Shopping Destination - The success of the River Hills Home & Lifestyles Show for over 20 years, has been the ability to reach new customers attending the show, as well as the malls retail customers with products and services. Providing Access To The Unreachable Invisible Consumer - Invisible Consumers are a demographic description of a growing population of well educated, high income consumers that rely on the internet, social media, satellite radio, and cell phones as providers of immediate information and entertainment. Increasingly, these individuals are unreachable through traditional advertising. The River Hills Home & Lifestyle Show provides access to this growing demographics.

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Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day Feb. 5-7

Historic Paramount Theatre, Austin Wikipedia.com Today I woke up with a pain in my hip because of the metal bar running through my reclining sofa that we bought in the bargain cave and now reeks of family filth then I drank old coffee because I was too lazy to make new coffee and that tasted like what a stale sock smells like so I made the new coffee and that tasted just as bad and I was mad at wasting my time that could have been spent doing pretty much anything by myself before my kids woke up demanding drinks, clean butts and my sanity. I think I’ll move to the woods. Each page of “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day” is filled with run-on sentences because that is exactly how we describe our pathetic excuse of a day alive on this Earth. Just one, long statement of the hell we experienced. Or, just a day filled with annoyances which is just as bad as sharing a tunnel

SocialICE - Rochester Minnesota’s Ice Bar: 19-Feb, 4:00 PM, Peace Plaza, 1st Ave SW, Rochester, Free. When: February 18, 19 & 20, 2016 Times: Thursday 5:00 pm - 9:00 pm, Friday & Saturday 4:00 pm - 10:00 pm Where: Peace Plaza SocialICE Rochester Minnesota’s Ice Bar transforms the Peace Plaza in the heart of downtown Rochester to an outdoor ice bar experience. The event generates an artistic and sophisticated social gathering place complete with lighting effects, music, the Walk of Ice sculpture garden, drinks, and more. Come to SocialICE and you’ll experience seven 12-foot uniquely designed and themed ice bars each with a

signature drink! This event is FREE to attend and open to the public. Dana Cooper, Sally Barris and The Dovetailers: 19-Feb, 7:30 PM, Crossings, 320 East Ave, Zumbrota, $19-$22. Nashvillebased Cooper and Barris will perform songs from their respective new albums, joining The Dovetailers for an In the round, Bluebird Caf style night of music. The Dovetailers, based in Pine Island, are Six Mile Grove frontman Sampson his wife, Heather Ritenour Sampson. River Hills Women’s Weekend Show: 20-Feb, 10:00 AM, RIVER HILLS MALL, 1850 ADAMS STREET, Mankato, Free. A Quality

with Satan. And after all of it, an irrational solution to the problem: “I think I’ll move to Australia.” Who doesn’t come up with ridiculous thoughts when they are having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day? I tell my kids there are going out the window all of the time. I tell myself I am going to stop eating sherbert. Both of which are equally not likely to happen. This is a book each family should own so we all remember that everyone—including kids—is entitled to the occasional bad day. Presented by the Matchbox Children’s Theatre at the Paramount in Austin, this musical version will suit any day—good or bad. through dangerous media territory. – – Autumn Van Ravenhorst, autumn.vanravenhorst@gmail.com

Event At A Premier Shopping Destination - The success of the River Hills Home & Lifestyles Show for over 20 years, has been the ability to reach new customers attending the show, as well as the malls retail customers with products and services. Providing Access To The Unreachable Invisible Consumer - Invisible Consumers are a demographic description of a growing population of well educated, high income consumers that rely on the internet, social media, satellite radio, and cell phones as providers of immediate information and entertainment. Increasingly, these individuals are unreachable through traditional advertising. The River Hills Home

& Lifestyle Show provides access to this growing demographics. Gateway Science Fair 2016: 20-Feb, 12:30 PM, Mayo Clinic Gonda Building, 200 1st Street SW, Rochester, $12 . For all 3-6 graders in public, private or home school in Rochester and surrounding communities who are interested in science! Before the Science Fair, think of a topic that interests you, and do an experiment at home to learn more about it. Explain your experiment with pictures, words, and graphs on a display board. Bring your board to the Science Fair to explain your project to reviewers who have a science background. You’ll see

a fun Science Museum presentation and receive a certificate of participation, written reviews of your project, a snack, and a cool t-shirt! Registration deadline is January 27. Registration is through Rochester Community Education. For all details, see our website at www.rochestergateway.com. 48th Annual Lake City Sportsman’s Club Ice Fishing Contest: 20-Feb, 1:00 PM, The Lake City Sportsman’s Club, 2200 South Oak Street, Lake City, $5 . The Lake City Sportsmans Club 48th Annual ICE FISHING CONTEST Saturday, February 20th, 2016 Lake City Sportsmans Club 2200 South Oak Street, Lake City MN 55041 Bingo 11:00am 1:30pm Ice Fishing 1:00pm - 3:30pm $5 Entry Fee Raffles, Games, Auctions, Food & More 11:00am - 4:00pm See our website for more information https://www.facebook. com/LakeCitySportsmansClub Join us for a family friendly event **NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ACCIDENTS** Questions- Please call 651-564-1082 or 651-380-7843 Gambling License # x-05760-16-001. Socialice: 20-Feb, 4:00 PM, Peace Plaza, 1st Ave SW, Rochester, Free. When: February 18, 19 & 20, 2016 Times: Thursday 5:00 pm 9:00 pm, Friday & Saturday 4:00 pm - 10:00 pm Where: Peace Plaza SocialICE Rochester Minnesota’s Ice Bar transforms the Peace Plaza in the heart of downtown Rochester to an outdoor ice bar experience. The event generates an artistic and sophisticated social gathering place complete with lighting effects, music, the Walk of Ice sculpture garden, drinks, and more. Come to SocialICE and you’ll experience seven 12-foot uniquely designed and themed ice bars each with a signature drink! This event is FREE to attend and open to the public. SocialICE - Rochester Minnesota’s Ice Bar: 20-Feb, 4:00 PM, Peace Plaza, 1st Ave SW, Rochester, Free. When: February 18, 19 & 20, 2016 Times: Thursday 5:00 pm - 9:00 pm, Friday & Saturday 4:00 pm - 10:00 pm Where: Peace Plaza SocialICE Rochester Minnesota’s Ice Bar transforms the Peace Plaza in the heart of downtown Rochester to an outdoor ice bar experience. The event generates an artistic and sophisticated social gathering place complete with lighting effects, music, the Walk of Ice sculpture garden, drinks, and more. Come to SocialICE and you’ll experience seven 12-foot uniquely designed and themed ice bars each with a signature drink! This event is FREE to attend and open to the public.. .

WEEK OF FEB 21: River Hills Home & Lifestyles Show: 21-Feb, 11:00 AM, RIVER HILLS MALL, 1850 ADAMS STREET, Mankato, Free. A Quality Event At A Premier Shopping Destination - The success of the River Hills Home & Lifestyles Show for over 20 years, has been the ability to reach new customers attending the

show, as well as the malls retail customers with products and services. Providing Access To The Unreachable Invisible Consumer - Invisible Consumers are a demographic description of a growing population of well educated, high income consumers that rely on the internet, social media, satellite radio, and cell phones as providers of immediate information and entertainment. Increasingly, these individuals are unreachable through traditional advertising. The River Hills Home & Lifestyle Show provides access to this growing demographics. Minnesota Wild vs. Chicago Blackhawks: 21-Feb, 2:30 PM, Xcel Energy Center, , St Paul, $32-$317. Birds of Cuba: 23-Feb, 7:00 PM, Quarry Hill Nature Center, 701 Silver Creek Rd NE, Rochester, Free. Carrol Henderson and his wife Ethelle have led four field trips to survey birds in the national parks and protected areas of Cuba, which has more endemic bird species than the Galapagos Islands! Cuba is host to an impressive array of colorful birds like the Cuban Trogon, and the Bee Hummingbird, the smallest bird in the world. Carrol is a nationally-recognized professional wildlife biologist and author who specializes in the conservation of nongame wildlife and endangered species. He currently heads up the Nongame Wildlife Program for the Minnesota Department of Natural Resources. Minnesota Wild vs. New York Islanders: 23-Feb, 7:00 PM, Xcel Energy Center, , St Paul, $32-$317. History Bits and Bites: 24-Feb, 12:00 PM, Blue Earth County Historical Society History Center, 424 Warren Street, Mankato, $0-$5. $5 for Adults Free for BECHS Members and under 18. Bring your lunch and learn a bit of history with our monthly lunchtime series. This month, Heather will present on Historical Blizzards in Southern Minnesota. Hollandale Christian School Open House: 25-Feb, 6:00 PM, Hollandale Christian School, 203 Central Ave S, Hollandale, Free. Please be our guest at any convenient time between 6 pm and 8 pm if you have any interest in learning more about Hollandale Christian School and whether it may be a fit for your child. All teachers will be available and the entire facility will be open for you to see. About Hollandale Christian School: - Christian School for students entering Kindergarten - 8th grade. Transfers are welcome too! - Located in Hollandale, MN near Albert Lea & Austin with bus service to & from both of these communities. - All Christian Families are welcome. HCS is non-denominational. - HCS has a very high academic standard with a high percentage of students transfering into advanced classes in all subjects when they re-enter public schools in 9th grade. - Class sizes are small allowing students to recieve generous amounts of one on one attention. - School Life is infused with Biblical Truth in every subject and

throughout the school culture. - HCS offers music starting in Kindergarten, Art in all grades, a fully stocked library, Sports, Band, a variety of interscholastic activities like sports tournaments, a festival of nations, and science fair, etc, etc. - HCS strives to keep tution as affordable as possible currently maintaining rates comparable to the cost of daycare. Tuition can be paid monthly or annually. Please come with your questions and see if our school might be a good fit for your family too!. . Tech Fest: 27-Feb, 9:00 AM, The Works Museum, 9740 Grand Ave. S, Bloomington, $8-$10. $8 pre-registered guests / $10 at the door / members free. Engineering fun for the whole family! Live demos by scientists and engineers, hands-on projects, family activities, and more! https://www.theworks. org/events-and-camps/tech-fest/ The Works Museum is at 9740 Grand Avenue, Bloomington, MN 55420. Located just off 35 W at 98th street, we are 3 miles southwest of the Mall of America/Minneapolis-Saint Paul Airport. Bingo: 27-Feb, 1:00 PM, American Legion, 315 First Avenue NW, Rochester, Free. Bingo 1PM the 2nd and 4th Saturdays of the month. Kitchen open at 11:00 serving delicious foods! $1.00 and $2.00 cards. . The 411 Concert Series presents Communist Daughter: 27-Feb, 7:30 PM, Northfield Arts Guild Theater, 411 W. Third Street, Northfield, $25 . A few years ago John Solomon walked away from music. After a long struggle with addiction and a brief stint in jail he broke up his critically acclaimed band Friends Like These and moved to a small town. Supposedly that was that Even though Solomon left music, music never left him. After a long hiatus, he called some friends to come out to that small town and begin again. So was born Communist Daughter. Blimp: Tribute to Led Zeppelin: 27-Feb, 7:30 PM, State Theater, 96 E 4th St, Zumbrota, $22-$25. No costumes. No ridiculous nonsense. Just the music, as Zeppelin would have played it on a stage. It swings. It cries. It feels the blues. Blimp includes Collective Unconscious members and collaborators. Blimp plays the hits, including Rock n Roll, Heartbreaker/Living Loving Maid, All of My Love, and of course, Stairway to Heaven. Minnesota Wild vs. Florida Panthers: 28-Feb, 2:00 PM, Xcel Energy Center, , St Paul, $32-$317.

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Great Mount Kato By Grace Webb editor@southernminnscene.com Photos courtesy of Mount Kato

s the teams of sledders took their places for last year’s inaugural Duct Tape Derby at Mount Kato, acute observers noticed something was a little off about their sleds—namely, they were made out of cardboard and covered in duct tape. What turned out to be more surprising, however, was just how well some of those sleds still managed to do out on the

they were able to go all the way down to the bottom of the hill.” Teams also competed for the title of “most creative,” which was broken into two categories: one for kids and one for adults. And there were some pretty creative sleds at that first event, ranging from a Windsor whiskey bottle (which was also the

winner for farthest distance, despite one of its riders tumbling out almost immediately) to a school bus with an extending STOP sign that spun multiple 360-degree turns on its way down. One team made a John Deere tractor complete with

Turn

snowy slopes. According to Mount Kato employee Paige Pearson, the idea for a duct tape derby came about in 2015 as ski lodge workers brainstormed fun events to host. When they stumbled across a video of another ski resort’s duct tape extravaganza, they were sold. “We fell in love with it,” she said. “We started planning the event really late, in January of 2015. We just started making signs, mentioning it on our website, posting on our social media. We had such good feedback that we kept going.” The first event was held in March of last year, drawing 45 participants and about as many spectators. Teams ranged from young kids to older parents. Some teams only had two members, while others maxed out at four. Regardless, almost every team reserved one person to push the homemade duct tape sled while other members rode inside. The original plan was to use the ski resort’s tubing hill for the race track, but it started melting, so employees made a tubing lane down one of the ski runs. They built up mounds of snow on both sides so that adventurous sledders couldn’t skid out of the lane. Each team took turns going, trying to see who could make it the farthest. “It was really fun,” Pearson said. “No one had really made a sled before, so they didn’t know much duct tape to use. Some of them fell apart, some didn’t. Some of them hit the side wall. As long as they had duct tape on the bottom of it, A d d y o u r e v e n t f o r F R E E t o t h e T I M E L I N E c a l e n d a r . G O TO w w w. s o u t h ernminn . c o m / s c ene / c a len d a r & C l i c k + A d d a n E v ent

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wheels (which popped off when it hit the side of the lane), while a little sixyear-old girl created a horse that she rode down the hill. There was even a Star Wars TIE Fighter, piloted by a 10-year-old in a Darth Vader costume. “It was really exciting to see some of the kids’ creations,” Pearson said. “The parents would mention how they didn’t help at all, that it was all the kids’ work.” Pearson competed as well, creating a St. Patrick’s Day-themed sled with Mount Kato’s lift supervisor, Kevin McGuire. The sled included a beer mug with foam on top and a giant four-leaf clover. “We made it about three-fourths of the way down intact,” she said. “We bounced from side to side. We didn’t fall apart, but we didn’t hold onto our mug all the way down.” Bruce Pehne was another Mount Kato employee who tried his hand at duct tape racing. He and his son, Karter, used pizza boxes to recreate the iconic Delorean from Back to the Future, in honor of the 2015 “return” date shown in the

A Big Game Party?

movies. “We went through lots of rolls of duct tape, at least five,” said Pehne, who added that it took the two of them about a week to create their vehicle. “We did pretty well, but then we just kind of veered off to one side and crashed before we got to the bottom of the course.” Pehne said he and his son are already planning out this year’s sled, especially now that they know there are prizes offered to the winners. He recommends the event for anyone,

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saying even little kids can get in on the fun. “One of the neatest runs of last year were two little girls inside of a box that was just a big piece of cardboard,” he said. “They sat down inside it and were really flying. There were lots of different ages, and they all had fun. It was very sloppy, wet snow, so the chance of getting hurt was very slim—though the chance of getting wet was very high. It’s

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really fun to watch. It’s a hoot.” Pearson said she hopes this year’s event will be even bigger and better, especially since they took off the 50-person cap that was there for the first year. There will also be more prizes available thanks to donations from area businesses. Prizes range from T-shirts to goggles to free drinks at the lift bar (for adults). In addition, whoever goes the farthest this year will receive free entrance to next year’s event. This year’s event will be held on March 14. For teams that register throughout the month of February, the cost will be $30. After February, the price increases to $40. “It really doesn’t cost much,” Pearson said. “Anyone has tape lying around their house. You really don’t need to go out and buy sheets of cardboard; you can make some really neat stuff out of whatever’s lying around your house.” There will be three categories this year: Most Unique Sled, Sled that goes the Farthest, and Best All Kids Sled (for teams 6-14 years of age).

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Grace Webb is a freelance writer in Southern Minnesota. She can be contacted at grace.webb2013@gmail.com

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A conversation with

David Huckfelt of

The Pines

By SARAH OSTERBAUER editor@southernminnscene.com

he Pines have been a Red House Records mainstay since 2007 and in their three album journey on the label, they have yet to change course. After taking a nearly four year break since 2012’s Dark So Gold, they are making a return in 2016 with Above the Prairie. Recorded almost entirely in their home turf of Iowa City, the album finds the band calling upon their roots as they search for their place in the universe. After wrapping up the holidays I was able to catch David Huckfelt by phone to elaborate on the concept of Above the Prairie, discuss their collaboration with Faribault Woolen Mills and the person who made their musical dream collaboration come true. I read something about the inspiration for your album being on this idea that we’re one tiny speck in an infinite universe, is that accurate and where did that came from?

Yeah, there’s so many ways to describe a record you know, I mean especially one that, that we took some time between the previous record and this last one, so that’s one way to describe it. It’s really perspective. There’s a lot of different perspectives. It reminds me a little bit of the I Ching. I’m not sure if you’re familiar with the I Ching but it’s a Chinese oracle where you can take a moment in time, kind of a snapshot of a moment in time and you can infer a lot of relationships from what seems really random, is actually quite ordered, you know? And it’s the things we see as being ordered, like our daily lives, can be very random. So I think that the universe and our place in it, and our relationship to spirit and to each other, those are definitely major themes on the record. Is that whole philosophy something you’ve been interested in for a long time? Or is it something newer that you’ve been looking into?

It’s more like an analogy, not really a philosophy. I think that, any kind of seeking that goes on for answers and for reasons, that’s just for our, to find our place. I think it’s pretty difficult to feel apart of the natural order of life presently because things feel disruptive, distracting. Sometimes you know, in danger and climate changing, so I feel that for us, trying to reconcile our place and the place where we belong in the current, in this context, at this time, is not so much a philosophy as much as a giant question mark. What was the timeline for writing this album? Are these all new songs or have you been sitting on some of them for a while? Yeah we hadn’t really been sitting. We didn’t sit on a batch of songs. We kinda sat on, you know, more of a feeling for awhile, and did a lot of touring in the last two or three years. So the batch of songs that makes up the new record was, um, you know they came about in the same storm, the same time period. There really was not any one song that had been laying around for awhile. They were all kinda created out of a scenario of impulse and inspiration and focusing on all the things that were current in our world. Most of them, even though it had been a couple years, they were all written in a three month period of each other. How would you describe your writing process? Is there a Primary lyricist or someone that does melody? Or do you genuinely come together as a collaboration? Ahh well it’s evolved over the years. In the beginning of The Pines, it was a little more cut and dry. I would bring a song or Benson would bring a song, and while that’s still sometimes the way things work, more and more we have this kind of informal democracy of ideas between Alex, Benson and myself where, a piece of music or a few lines or lyrics or chorus...things get workshopped you know? It’s our fourth record for Red House and I would say it’s by far the most collaborative between the songwriters.

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One of Alex’s compositions is featured on the record, and most every song kind of has everybody’s fingerprints all over it. So it’s heading that direction, more and more. Do you guys feel like you have kind of hit a rhythm of where you kind of feel like you’ve taken on certain roles at this point as far as the writing process goes? Well, there’s a rapport, I’m not sure if there’s a rhythm to it, because I think of the creativity and the life of the imagination is kind of the backdrop of life, which is always balancing itself. The business of music and work and of life - the music business itself is constantly out of balance, so finding a rhythm is basically kind of...it’s a balancing act between feeling when the time is right to shutting out the world for a little bit. As far as the rapport between the 3 of us, it’s really strong; it’s kind of a complex language. There’s a lot of unspoken...there’s a lot of things that need working out, there’s this...it’s kind of a relationship you know? And I feel like the pulse of that relationship you can hear in the music. When you started writing this album, did you have a goal in mind or were you set on sticking to a theme? Well not in any rigid sense, the concept was “above the prairie”. Bensen, that came to him and that came up sort of early on in the process. You know? And it’s like switching between a microscope and a telescope, back and forth, because it does guide, as a canopy, kinda guides the writing, but also, you pick a big enough scene so that there’s room for everything that might want to be at that table. It’s kind of a fine art, it’s like having a soft vision or something like you’re- you blur the edges and if the canopy needs to be stretched or torn down, and rebuilt, then you do it that way.

present, whatever the surroundings of your life are, if they don’t look rich and fertile to you, I feel like it might be in the way you’re perceiving them, and not necessarily in what’s around. In the Midwest, we grew up here. We were born in Iowa and lived in the Midwest most of our lives and travelled just about everywhere else and it’s a natural thing to want to express your observations. The perception is the Midwest is a quiet place where nothing happens and that’s like looking at the desert and saying nothing grows there, you’re not really seeing what’s there. So, for us, I think it’s writing what we know and it’s also sort of an embrace of making the universal very local. And we love the Midwest and we love it for better or for worse. So how did you guys end up moving from Iowa, making it into Minnesota and making this your home base? Well, um, basically we can do that by not having any plan at all you know? We didn’t have a plan. We met in Arizona with the intention of being away from the Midwest and then I think, there’s a kinda logic when you’re open to, to not having to force your way. We thought Minneapolis would be a good place to make our first record and honestly it was exciting to move some place where we didn’t know anybody. Part of that uncertainty, cuts your ties and leaves you open minded so the move from Arizona to Minneapolis was about 10 years ago and um, started recording our own music and got signed to Red House and now we make records for them. So it was a matter of trying to find that thread of you know, where can we go that will stimulate our creativity and that will, um, maybe we’ll set down some roots somewhere. Yeah definitely. That’s a cool idea that you wouldn’t try to go somewhere, where you already knew people and maybe have connections and that you kind of wanted to take advantage of being unknown

There’s an ongoing theme that you guys feel like it’s important to capture the feeling of the Midwest in your music, why is that important?

Yeah I mean, you know, it works both ways. People insist that if you’re gonna be a part of the show business, you have to go to the coast and that has never, never really appealed to us.

I think it’s because, you’re...whatever is

Yeah especially now because there is

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Do you think where you record makes a difference in the sound and how you feel when you’re playing the songs? Yeah absolutely. I mean especially... there’s no substitute for being comfortable and we moved to Iowa City because we were very familiar with that studio and that it was a place we could work and work fast. It does, it makes a big difference.

Yeah I think so too and I think a part of our approach has always been that, music is an extension of life, so you know, where you build relationships and where your friends are, where your family is, that creates a powerful scenario for art I think. What would you say is different about your new album compared to your previous ones? That’s a good question. I think the new record represents, if anything it’s us, going farther with our individual, what our vision is, I think it’s even further away from kind of...and ignoring some aspects of what the music says you need to do, for things like you know, radio friendly and hit singles and things like this. I think it’s just us just really saying if we want to have instrumentals on the record, then we’ll have them, and if we want a, you know, there’s a spoken word piece at the end of the record. We took a little more time to try some things in the studio so really it feels we took it further and further in both directions, in the atmospheric direction and in the intimate direction, just trying to push those boundaries even further. Did you use any new instrumentation or synth type technology that you hadn’t used in the past due to availability or otherwise? Umm, you know, not really. I think, yeah ok, on the one hand yes, there’s definitely are some new sounds, but they might just be new to us and they might be old sounds. There’s a choir of friends voices on the record, there’s a...I think it’s a combination of taking advantage of the technology that’s available sonically and then all of these songs, we perform them as a trio even though we record them with a band in the studio. So trying to fit them on that swivel, where it can be big and lush and produced and then it can also shapeshift into a very intimate live performance kind of thing so, there’s fiddle on the record which we’ve never had before so you know, it’s good. There’s definitely some new stuff. Can you tell me where the album cover photo came from? Yeah, once again we had this sort of canopy concept of the stars, the galaxy over the prairie and we kinda went on a hunt to find photographers that were really capturing that mood and that feeling and a gentleman from Colorado, who lives on the prairie, Eastern Colorado, named Lars Leber, who’s a photographer, and we found that image and immediately knew that was “it”. His stuff is all very beautiful and we reached out to him and he had never done a record cover before. It’s a good feeling to have a record cover that feels right. So if you want to talk about

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Can you hold on one second?

with the internet, there’s advantages, and there’s plenty of disadvantages but one advantage is you can reach out to somebody in a small town in Colorado and find out about them. Can we switch gears and talk about your collaboration with Faribault Woolen Mills? Can you tell me how that came about? Well, I read about the woolen mills, sort of their revival when a couple new guys took over, and hired back the staff there. So I was familiar with the company and then they reached out to us to use some of our music and it’s just the kinda thing that, you know a small business like that, that’s been around for 150 years, we just have a lot of respect for, their ethics and the quality of what they do. That’s a cool thing to have in Minnesota. So they used the music and then they made us up some Pines blankets, custom made so it’s pretty cool. They’re pretty good. We played at their anniversary show this summer, their 150th anniversary down in Faribault. Yeah that’s awesome. I know you are focusing on the new album but where do you see the future of The Pines going? Do you have any other plans? We’re pretty resistant to the idea that, you put quantity over quality. In a way we’re excited about writing more songs and letting the creativity guide the process. We started to make and release these EPs, (which is a short record) of folks songs, songs that we didn’t write, but that we play live, some very very old, traditional, public domain folk songs and some newer. The first volume came out this year and I think we’ll be doing another one of those in the near future so I think yeah, you know trying to stay in that zone of being inspired. There’s many aspects to you know, there’s performance, there’s touring and then there’s writing and recording, so the balancing act is something you have to make peace with. Where you do you record? For every record we’ve gone someplace different and for the last one we went down to Iowa City, where we used to live, where we’re from, and recorded down there and then did some additional recording in St Paul.

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[muffled talking in the background] Ok go ahead. Haha. What are you doing right now?

“The Case of the Riverboat Rendezvous” Murder Mystery Dinner

Someone was trying to sell me something. Someone was knocking at the door trying to sell me more internet. I would buy it if it was less internet. I’m always amazed that people still try to sell things door to door. Unless it’s a girl scout. Yeah! No kidding, if you don’t have cookies, keep walking.

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“Robin Hood” Purple Door Youth Theater Performances

Do you have a dream collaboration that you would like to do in the future? If you could pick anyone? Well, yeah for sure, but I will say that, on the new record, we collaborated with American Indian activist John Trudell, who just passed away in December and that was a dream collaboration, from the very top of our list. We’ve admired his work. He’s been an activist, a political speaker, poet, he’s done music, acting, a lot of stuff over the last 30 years. So quite honestly, to answer that question, we did a show together in Minneapolis last November and we managed to get this song recorded and on the record before he got too sick, so I would say, that’s something that we’ve had that dream for a long time that we could work with him and that it came to pass, we feel very very fortunate for that. Is there anything you want people to know about your album? to help them get the most out of it? I don’t know. I don’t know how people encounter new music anymore. I guess I would hope that if anybody is interested in it that they would give it a chance and listen to it from start to finish. I think all of our records, we’ve taken great care that they are whole pieces, and not that people have to do that to listen to them, but hopefully some do and hopefully you can find whatever kind of things you might be looking for in a record like this.

Above the Prairie is out February 5 Sarah Osterbauer is the SouthernMinn Scene music columnist. She’s a music critic and loves to meet the people who make the city’s heart beat (and sometimes break). Follow her on twitter @SarahOwrites.

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SPORTSBALL

KARLEE KANZ Karlee Kanz is a freelance writer in Southern Minnesota. Contact her at editor@southernminnscene.com.

Teddy’s Bridge Over not-so-troubled Water

would like to take this time and apologize about the title of this said column piece, it just had to be done. You honestly don’t understand how long I have been wanting to use that. It had to be the right moment, and damn is it ever the perfect time to use that title. Why you ask? The Minnesota Vikings are going to the play-offs. GASP, I KNOW. Calm down now, don’t throw your back out from excitement like I did. It was clinch-ville USA, population: Vikings after they stomped the Giants 49-17 during week Sixteen of the regular season. As much as I would LOVE to break out the confetti and streamers, I won’t. Being a seasoned Minnesota sports fan I need to take a back seat and watch the last game unfold. Which, by the way, is against our rivals since the dawn of time, the Green Bay Packers. I would go on and say how absolutely atrocious, minuscule, thrashed, pulverized, and overwhelmed the Packers have looked, but I am fully aware some of my loyal readers are Packers fans, so I’ll stay mum on that subject. Only because I’m in a good mood. Last month’s game against the Giants was the football equivalent of The Avengers fighting Ultron. That being the complete blow-out destruction of Eli Manning (Ultron) and his Giants (robots). Did you see Smith tallied five

tackles (four solo) and an interception during the game, which was his first game back after being out for three with an injury? Because I did. Our defense and running game is whats keeping us alive and thriving. While you take a gander at Teddy’s stats, try not to some-what cringe. Sadly, they aren’t nothing to write back home about. But somehow every game he straps the team on his back and makes things happen. I find it shocking people rely on stats and not watch that kid play. Bridgewater is peaking at the most opportune time, and the team (and fans, naturally) cannot be happier. One thing that makes me believe in Teddy is over the past three games is that he has averaged 244.7 passing yards per game and has thrown six touchdowns. Crazy, right? And on Dec. 20, Bridgewater became the first Vikings quarterback to throw for four touchdowns since former Green Bay quarterback Brett (silver fox) Favre did it in January 2010. Did I just blow your mind? Also, Bridgewater is ranked No. 5 in the NFL among qualifying passers with a 102.7 passer rating in December over the past two seasons. So please, PLEASE do not call him Ponder 2.0 unless you want to be smacked with the malice of a kitten batting a ball of yarn. So hold onto your butts and set phasers to stun, it’s Teddy Time.

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CD REVIEWS

By Sarah Osterbauer editor@southernminnscene.com

Mixed Blood Majority’s heavy-yetenjoyable ‘Insane World’

f all the FIX collective forms, Mixed Blood Majority might be my favorite. Composed of Crescent Moon (Kill the Vultures), Joe Horton (No Bird Sing) and Lazerbeak (Doomtree), these three dads are churning out killer listenable jams, chalk full of socially conscious material and the beauty that is the blending of Moon and Horton’s steady molasses vocals. Horton’s voice is slower, thicker than Crescent Moon’s and the perfect complement to his. The title track “Insane World” is dark, vast sounding with that warehouse rave feel. If you sped up the backbeat it would almost have a jungle vibe to it. The song asks “which side are you on? “ challenging you to choose a path in this insane world where it’s “too late for baptism, too early for moonshine”. This track speaks to the unrest we’re experiencing through the senseless racially motivated violence and how as individuals we make choices every day that work for or against institutionalized racism. This sets the tone for the album, which calls out many social issues both past and present.

On “Blinded”, they call out follower culture with the hook “run it, run it, run and them em who it is”. Crescent Moon shuns conformity and backs it up by saying - “Don’t take my word for it, take my silence after I’m done.” On “One Chain” the group fearlessly attacks the narrative of slavery on a Kendrick Lamar level. The line “just because the master hasn’t had to whip us in a while doesn’t mean he loves us back” becomes a chant said repeatedly. It’s the kind of song that makes your skin crawl a bit recalling that those events did occur in our history. The word “banger” gets thrown around a lot sometimes recklessly, but here it’s tempting to say Insane World is full of bangers. Lazerbeak’s beats are pulsating, aggressive, sometimes futuristic in nature. He employs a bit of 90’s/80’s video game, action movie esthetic. It gives the songs a familiarity that makes them easier to digest than if they were words alone. He doesn’t shy away from sounding commercial and yet finds that space that makes the tracks uniquely his own. These beats provide an ample backdrop for the thought provoking rhymes of Moon and Horton. They move weight, space and emphasis to move their message forward.

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“I’m With It” is the best of the bangers, with Horton spitting fast and furious, at speeds we didn’t think he could reach. When Horton and Moon rap in unison - watch out. Lazerbeak puts down old school stoop-boombox beats, adding in the scratch and turning it to a club jam. Insane World wraps up heavy material in a ridiculously listenable package. It’s social commentary that documents our spot in this timeline of the world and the social constructs that bind us. Crescent Moon and Joe Horton combine their forces sometimes in unison, other times in tandem. Both ways are equally charged and ready for battle. As separate voices they compliment each other and as one they create a new voice steady and solid. Lazerbeak creates a backdrop for their words that begs for your attention. The overall feel is that these guys are coming for you, whether you’re ready for them or not. Sarah Osterbauer is the SouthernMinn Scene music columnist. She’s a music critic and loves to meet the people who make the city’s heart beat (and sometimes break). Follow her on twitter @ SarahOwrites.

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CD REVIEWS

By Daniel G. Moir editor@southernminnscene.com

Coldplay’s new album is full of something other than dreams

he title track of Coldplay’s seventh release, “A Head Full of Dreams” begins with shimmering, enigmatic chimes that give way to a pulsating dance beat that slowly sneaks up to overtake you. Vocal and guitar lines are instantly engaging, but grow stale by the third time the chorus comes around. The song serves as an invitation to a world of colorful dreams that come to life. “Birds” follows and is a lyrical mis-mash of Sufi and philosophical metaphors that awkwardly ends with the words “In this world so cruel, I think you’re cool.” The song itself is a delightful bouncy confection that ends jarringly on the word “cool.” The effect is like going through a melodic windshield due to the abrupt stop. If the prior song was an invitation to a dreamworld, this was the sudden wake-up of an over-wound alarm clock. From here, it all falls apart. The biggest problem with Coldplay is their misguided ambition. Their music is basically a bunch of candy-coated ear hooks that lodge sugary goodness into your ear canal, but pass by as effortlessly as they arrive. The melodies and lyrics are lightweight to the point of instant evaporation. “Hymn for the Weekend” compares a lover’s presence to a chemical high. But the listless, tired vocals by the band and guest Beyoncé suggest the hang-over instead. The track lacks any

exuberance suggested by the lyrics and completely miss-fires. There are some bright spots to be found when Coldplay decides to not take themselves so seriously. “Fun” in particular stands out. This mid-tempo post-breakup song delivers a tuneful melody coupled with strong harmony vocals by singer Tove Lo. It lacks the artifice found in the other tracks and delivers a breath of refreshing honesty. This can also be said about the beginning of “Everglow” with a piano and vocal style reminiscent of Bruce Hornsby, but vocals by band leader Chris Martin’s ex, Gwyneth Paltrow sabotages the attempt. If there was some way that her vocals could be “consciously uncoupled” from this track it would be for the better. Coldplay is like the annoying kid in school who leans over and copies answers from others during the test. The band, and particularly Martin, have a long history of cribbing melodies from other artists work. Notable past victims include Joe Satriani, Cat Stevens, Jeff Buckley and Kraftwerk to name a few. Half the fun of a new Coldplay album is playing a game of “Name That Tune” trying to spot where they may have pulled their latest melody from. This time, Coldplay ups the ante by jacking the melody from the Beatles’ “It’s Only Love” for the single “Adventure of a Lifetime.” Go ahead, grab your copy of “Help!” and have a listen. It’s really the band’s sense of pretention that does them in. “Kaleidoscope” begins with a pretty piano piece that is muffled to perhaps give

the illusion of “artiness.” From there, a indistinct voice is heard reading a new-agey snippet of Persian poet Mewlana Jalaluddin Rumi’s “The Guest House” before dissolving into a fragment of President Barrack Obama singing “Amazing Grace.” There may be a great sentiment somewhere in there, but when executed on album, it’s a completely crap-tastic, ostentatious mess. Martin’s lyrics lean more to nursery rhyme levels of depth as shown in album closer “Up&Up”“Underneath the storm an umbrella is saying. Sitting with the poison takes away the pain. Up and up, Up and up.” Pretty words that in the end come across as pretty meaningless, much like this album. Ultimately, Coldplay succeed when they abandon their pompous tendencies and simply lighten up. At it’s heart, this is a dance rock band that’s best playing catchy, simple melodies over common chord progressions using uncomplicated, straightforward lyrics. To do that well is a gift. Unfortunately, it seems like the band is dismissive of this ability and injure what works with arrogant self-importance. When they strive for the “artistic validity” of a Radiohead or U2, they stumble awkwardly. Bottom Line: At times catchy, Coldplay pretentiously throw away what works in an attempt at “depth.” Daniel G. Moir has forgotten more about music than all the rest of us know combined. Reach him at editor@southernminnscene.com

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KEVIN KREIN

Kevin Krein is a writer, an award winning music blogger, and a cool rabbit dad. He is the MC Skat Kat in the relationship. Follow him on Twitter: @KevEFly

Strangely, no one thought to take a photo of us on the bike, and this is the only photographic proof that we even rented a tandem bike in the first place. Maybe it never even really happened...

No ‘We’ in ‘Team,’ or, Marriage is a lot like riding a tandem bike

I wasn’t joking when I said we photographed well together.

y all accounts, a successful marriage is difficult to maintain. It’s a realization you arrive at in one of two ways. One—you can look at the divorce statistics, which just come across as meaningless numbers somehow generated in an attempt to let you know that being married is tough, or something—or two—you can wait until people you actually know start getting divorced. Couple number one divorce after four years because his drinking becomes a problem; couple number two separate less than a year after their wedding (which I DJ’ed) because he’s unwilling to seek treatment for a serious mental illness1; And couple number three? Married for less than two months before one of them shares a cryptic Facebook post stating something about filing for divorce from ‘my best friend.’ The reason for the split? I was too afraid to press either of them for details. I guess maybe these came as a surprise to me because I am operating under the pretense that everybody is at least marginally happy with their respective spouses, are willing to put in the work, and aren’t on the fast track headed straight for divorce court. I’d like to think that my wife Wendy and I work well together as a couple— that we are charming when together in social situations, that we compliment one another well, look nice when photographed together, and that we each bring our own set of strengths to the table to balance the other one out. However, despite this apparent ability to work well together as a couple, we do not function well together as a team— meaning any kind of stressful tasks that require us to work together toward a

common goal are pretty much out of the question completely. Cooking a meal together is impossible because our kitchen is so confoundedly small, so someone is always in somebody else’s way. And when there are sharp knives involved, it’s best if one of us (usually me) just slowly backs away and goes to sit in the living room, occasionally chiming in with, “Honey, do you need any help out there?” knowing full well that even if there was anything that I could do, there wouldn’t even be room for me to do it. Household projects are also pretty much impossible because neither of us is very ‘handy’ around the house—once, we tried hanging a ceiling fan in our bedroom, a project that ended up taking probably twice the time it should have, and we opted to do it when we were also expecting dinner guests to arrive later on in the night. While I was looking up videos online of what wires I was supposed to connect, I also probably should have been looking up divorce attorneys, simply based on how testy we were becoming with one another. Fittingly, a rather important portion of that very fan stopped working less than a year later, which I partially blame on our inability to properly install said fan, but also maybe we just bought the first piece of shit fan from Menards that looked somewhat aesthetically pleasing, and it just happened to be a poor choice. Either way, as the blades continue to rotate, gathering dust from the atmosphere, it’s still a sore subject that we try our hardest not talk about, five years after the fact. However, a real test of one’s relationship and ability to work

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elapsed where you forget about all the together is riding a tandem bike, which is a supposedly fun thing that we frustrations you encounter while trying to have attempted not once, but twice, ride a bike built for two. because we are apparently gluttons for My wife and I have been in some form punishment. of coupleship for 11 years now, and so It seems worth mentioning that I am why is it that even after all this time, we somewhat leery of riding a bike—mostly are unable to work together on seemingly I am afraid of falling off and suffering an simple (or fun) tasks or activities? injury, or just straight up getting hit by According to her, at least in the case a car—so I don’t think I had been on a of the tandem bike incident (and possibly bicycle for three or four years prior to our elsewhere as well) it has to do with that first tandem excursion. inability, on both our parts, to give up Due to my apprehensions during our control of the situation. Nobody wants to first tandem trek, in 2012, I had originally be the follower, because we both, deep opted to sit on the back seat, thinking down, want to be the one who comes up that I could just safely hide behind my with the idea that solves the problem. wife as she led the way. However, what “Also, you don’t follow directions,” they say about riding a bike—that it’s she said. “Like when cooking, you don’t ‘just like riding a bike,’ is true. follow the recipe.” My instinct to steer the handlebar This is true. I don’t. I eyeball the kicked in almost immediately. amount of stuff to put in, and I never But here’s the thing about riding a correctly chop things down to the right tandem bike—the back handlebar is just size—apparently big, crooked chunks of for show. It does absolutely nothing, save onion count as ‘diced’ in my book, which for balance the back passenger. Only is an other reason why it’s best that we the front handlebar works for steering. don’t try to cook together. So while Wendy was trying to guide us “Remember that time you got onto the Cannon Falls bike trail, I was drunk and tried to put together the pulling us directly into oncoming traffic entertainment stand we bought, but you due to my inability to give up control2 of did it wrong because you didn’t follow the bicycle, and just sit comfortably and the instructions?” she continued. peddle. She’s partly right here. The After a tense couple of minutes entertainment stand turned out fine—it and a lot of her asking me what my was a mud room bench that I partially problem was, we, in fact, figured out assembled backwards a number of years what my problem was, and decided that ago when I did, in fact, drink a little too in order to much too quickly successfully at dinner. ride a By all tandem bike, accounts, a I needed to successful be in front, marriage is and away difficult to we went, maintain, and coasting up that’s because and down it’s a delicate the bike trail, balance. No one occasionally wants to be on wobbling if I the back of the momentarily tandem bike, but forgot to somebody has steer, and to compromise. only really I am the animated rapping cat in our relationstumbling Nobody wants to ship. Are YOU the MC Skat Kat to your respecwhen needed be the MC Skat tive partner’s Paula Abdul? The answers may to figure out Kat to the other’s surprise you. how to work Paula Abdul. together to Once, I asked stop the bike, or get back on it and start my wife which one of us was Paula, and peddling at the same time. which one was MC Skat Kat. For as taxing of an activity as it was, “Which one of us is the bigger fuck I would have been completely fine with up,” she responded. only having experienced this once. 1-As selfish as this may appear, I’d like to think that the However, that was not the case for separation truly is because of problems they are unable to work Wendy, who, despite my best efforts, through, not because of the job I did as a DJ at their wedding enjoyed herself and wanted to do it reception. again—albeit three years later. That is 2-Foreshadowing of a much larger issue. apparently a long enough time to have A d d y o u r e v e n t f o r F R E E t o t h e T I M E L I N E c a l e n d a r . G O TO w w w. s o u t h ernminn . c o m / s c ene / c a len d a r & C l i c k + A d d a n E v ent

Owatonna 2016

Bridal Fair Sunday, January 17 10 AM - 3 PM

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