Washington City Paper (February 3, 2017)

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Profit and Loss

Life is hell for hundreds of tenants of Sanford Capital, the giant D.C. slumlord taxpayers are subsidizing. P. 10

By Alexa Mills and Andrew Giambrone PhotograPhs by Darrow MontgoMery

Kendrea and Quincy live in Baltimore’s Union Square neighborhood.

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Just ask Kendrea and Quincy, who work in D.C. but reside in Baltimore.

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INSIDE

CELEBRATE 20 YEARS RUNNING

10 profit and loss

2016 Ranked the #1 race event in Washington, D.C.

by Destination DC! Rock ‘n’ Roll DC leads the pack in the capital city.

Life is hell for hundreds of tenants of Sanford Capital, the giant D.C. landlord taxpayers are subsidizing.

2015

By Alexa Mills and Andrew Giambrone

Joe Harris completes his 100th Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon Series race.

Photographs by Darrow Montgomery

4 ChAtter distriCt Line 5

8

Vince Gray Being Shameless: His eagerness to be a thorn in the mayor’s side has him jumping the gun on a crime bill, which some call a political stunt.

District of Protest: How the city will foster political expression in the era of Trump The Indy List: Introducing a new column featuring local events and products Unobstructed View

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Gear Prudence

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d.C. feed 17 Side(line) Hustle: A professional cheerleader and her boyfriend join a thriving Japanese food scene.

18 Straight from the Source: Bargain cocktails can still be found in D.C. 18 Hangover Helper: Beuchert’s Saloon’s Breakfast Sammie 18 Underserved: Woodward Table’s Papal Blessing

Arts 23 Film: Olszewski on The Salesman and The Comedian 25 Curtains: Klimek on As You Like It at Folger Theatre.

City List

2012

American marathoner Michael Wardian defended his title, marking his 6th win on the Rock ‘n’ Roll DC course.

2013

The Start Line moved to iconic Constitution Avenue.

27 City Lights: Catch comics John Early and Kate Berlant at Howard Theatre Sunday.

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CHATTER

Mete of the Matter

In which readers become journalism professors

Darrow MontgoMery

The collecTive commenTers at any publication often form one dominant personality. At The Boston Globe, for example, stalwart commenters are so entangled in their relationships with each other that the articles serve primarily as vehicles for their ongoing ideological battles. (And yes, it’s totally fair to read the exchanges in a Boston accent.) At The Washington Post commenters can be vicious, writing the kinds of things most children are taught not to think, let alone speak. At Dawn, a Pakistani English-language daily newspaper, commenters are relentlessly positive and patriotic. Local travel articles on Pakistan’s parks and historic temples garner endless accolades and recommendations for similar sites.

Here at Washington City Paper, our commenters see themselves as nothing if not journalism teachers. They love to offer writing advice, apparently relishing the opportunity to mete out detailed criticism and unabashed praise.

Last week they offered writer Bill Myers a wholehearted A+ for his article on former detective Jim Trainum (“True Confessions,” Jan. 26).

“Nice article!” wrote oldman. “Excellent article!!! THIS is what CityPaper should be publishing more of,” wrote Typical DC BS. They thanked and honored Trainum, too.

Prolific City Paper commenter SkippyDCTurtle was, at least by Skippy standards, pleased with reporter Andrew Giambrone’s article on a new museum (“Historic Franklin School Downtown to Become Interactive Language Museum,” Jan. 25). “This is one of the better posts I’ve read,” Skip wrote. He requested further information but ultimately expressed measured satisfaction.

But then, mid-week, City Paper commenters took off their teacher hats.

The cause? Vince Gray, D.C. councilmember. In response to Loose Lips reporter Jeffrey Anderson’s piece about Gray’s “emergency” proposal to spend $64 million on growing the police force (“Vince Gray Being Shameless,” Jan. 30), readers offered information—and conversed. “MPD cant stretch the force thin with the chaos that is about to come and still have relaxed, competent officers policing our neighborhoods and the city,” wrote noodlez (in all caps). “Noodlez I agree with you,” Rake replied. “But the simple fact is that Vince hasn’t thought any of this out—at all.”

We hope to keep the conversation going.

—Alexa Mills DuponT CiRCle, JAn. 20

EDITORIAL

eDiToR: liz garrigan MAnAGinG eDiToR: alexa Mills ARTS eDiToR: Matt Cohen fooD eDiToR: laura hayes CiTy liGhTS eDiToR: Caroline jones STAff wRiTeR: andrew giaMbrone SenioR wRiTeR: jeffrey anderson STAff phoToGRApheR: darrow MontgoMery inTeRACTiVe newS DeVelopeR: zaCh rausnitz CReATiVe DiReCToR: jandos rothstein ART DiReCToR: stephanie rudig Copy eDiToR/pRoDuCTion ASSiSTAnT: will warren ConTRiBuTinG wRiTeRS: jonetta rose barras, VanCe brinkley, eriCa bruCe, kriston Capps, ruben Castaneda, Chad Clark, justin Cook, shaun Courtney, riley Croghan, jeffry Cudlin, erin deVine, Matt dunn, tiM ebner, jake eMen, noah gittell, elena goukassian, sarah anne hughes, aManda kolson hurley, louis jaCobson, raChael johnson, Chris kelly, aMrita khalid, steVe kiViat, Chris kliMek, ron knox, john krizel, jeroMe langston, aMy lyons, Christine MaCdonald, kelly MagyariCs, neVin Martell, keith Mathias, traVis MitChell, triCia olszewski, eVe ottenberg, Mike paarlberg, noa rosinplotz, beth shook, Quintin siMMons, Matt terl, dan troMbly, kaarin VeMbar, eMily walz, joe warMinsky, alona wartofsky, justin weber, MiChael j. west, alan zilberMan

ADvERTIsIng AnD OpERATIOns

puBliSheR: eriC norwood SAleS MAnAGeR: Melanie babb SenioR ACCounT exeCuTiVeS: arlene kaMinsky, aliCia Merritt, aris williaMs ACCounT exeCuTiVeS: stu kelly, Christy sitter, Chad Vale SAleS opeRATionS MAnAGeR: heather MCandrews DiReCToR of MARkeTinG AnD eVenTS: sara diCk BuSineSS DeVelopMenT ASSoCiATe: edgard izaguirre opeRATionS DiReCToR: jeff boswell SenioR SAleS opeRATion AnD pRoDuCTion CooRDinAToR: jane MartinaChe puBliSheR eMeRiTuS: aMy austin

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Chief exeCuTiVe offiCeR: Chris ferrell Chief opeRATinG offiCeR: blair johnson Chief finAnCiAl offiCeR: bob Mahoney exeCuTiVe ViCe pReSiDenT: Mark bartel GRAphiC DeSiGneRS: katy barrett-alley, aMy goMoljak, abbie leali, liz loewenstein, Melanie Mays

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DistrictLine Vince Gray Being Shameless

By Jeffrey Anderson Just weeks into his political comeback via a return to the D.C. Council, former Mayor Vincent Gray has stepped on a colleague’s toes, drawn fire from Interim Police Chief Peter Newsham, and alienated current and former D.C. police officers and community activists.

It’s not often that Black Lives Matter is an ally of the D.C. police, but such is the case after Gray, now the Ward 7 councilmember, announced an “emergency” proposal to grow the police force through a $64 million plan to create incentives for officers not to retire when eligible.

The legislation would fund five-year contract extensions for veterans and double their salaries in the fifth year—with no impact on pensions. The MPD currently employs fewer than 3,700 officers, and the goal under Gray’s proposal is to reach 4,200.

“In 2011, then-Chief Cathy Lanier publicly stated that ‘we’re going to have trouble’ if the police force fell below 3,800 officers,” Gray, who did not respond to interview requests, says in a press release. “Chief Lanier was right; we have serious trouble now. Violent crime and homicides are plaguing some of our neighborhoods.”

But Newsham says the bill is misguided. “I don’t think anyone who knows anything about crime would agree that more police equals less crime,” he says. “Does the city want to pay for 4,200 officers when we don’t need them? It’s a tax strain, and there are strategies to reduce crime other than to say let’s hire a bunch of cops. … I’m not so sure a lot of thought went into the plan that was laid out.”

In transparently, and hastily, positioning himself as a counterweight to Mayor Muriel Bowser, Gray is forgetting that more police means more incarceration, according to advocates who call for mental health, gang intervention, conflict resolution, housing, and job creation services as a means to improve public safety in high crime areas.

“I’m surprised Vince Gray is putting this out without addressing more therapeutic public safety strategies,” says activist, author, and former council candidate Eugene Puryear.

Loose Lips

He is affiliated with the Stop Police Terror Project, which is part of a network of groups that has joined The Movement for Black Lives and Black Lives Matter in denouncing Gray’s bill.

“It’s bound to be divisive in the communities he says he wants to help. This is a message that appeals to newer D.C. residents who, because of race and affluence, are more likely to see more police as the answer to public safety.

I think he’ll be surprised by how many people ... are looking for a different solution.”

Adds peace activist Ronald Moten: “In the ’80s and early ’90s, we had 4,100 officers. It was the peak of the crack wars. What we’re seeing now is the residue of a generation of crack babies and families broken up by mass incarcerations, unemployment, and homelessness, and more police officers ain’t gonna solve it.” Moten points to a recent brazen daytime shooting near the Minnesota Avenue Metro Station as a sign that the city’s disenfranchised youth have lost hope. “In their minds, these kids feel like they have nothing to lose. They don’t care if police are posted less than a block away.”

Moten has a different suggestion: “Instead of more money to bring back or retain senior officers who are not looking to get in the trenches and risk their lives, let’s empower the officers we have now, pay them more, and bring back officer-friendly programs along with comprehensive grassroots community initiatives.” there are other reasons to be concerned with Gray’s proposal. MPD has suffered for years from low officer morale as a result of scheduling, discipline, and salary battles that dragged on under former Chief Cathy Lanier. As City Paper has reported, an insurgency has risen within the Fraternal Order of Police, which represents 3,400 of the MPD’s 3,700 sworn officers. They have gone seven of the last 10 years without a contract. An internal petition is under review to recall Chairman Matthew Mahl, who some see as a management shill. Mahl supports Gray’s bill.

So Gray also runs the risk of alienating midcareer veterans who will not directly benefit from his proposal and who neither trust their own chairman nor feel supported by city leaders, including Newsham. They remember that Gray asked for their vote for mayor in

2010 with the promise that he’d deliver them a new contract. Instead, he retained Lanier, who took a hard line at the bargaining table—with Newsham as her enforcer.

“We’ve been screwed

by Vince Gray, and Muriel Bowser hasn’t done us any favors either,” says one FOP member who is among the rank and file who see Gray’s proposal as a political stunt that merely offers incentives to seniors in the twilight of their career.

None of it makes sense to retired detective Joe Belfiore. “You’re not going to change a veteran’s notion of what it’s like to work for MPD by throwing money at them,” Belfiore says. “They’re not going to be running around trying to catch shooters. And they’re leaving in five years anyway. You want to improve the morale of the officers you supposedly want to keep? The incentive would be to give them a fucking contract.”

Gray’s “emerGency” proposal isn’t playing much better among D.C. Council colleagues. He did not inform Charles Allen, chairman of the Committee on the Judiciary and Public Safety, of the bill until five minutes before he introduced it. (That’s five minutes sooner than Newsham, who says he never received notice. “I would’ve hoped he communicated with us beforehand,” the chief says.)

And although Gray has six votes lined up—the bill is co-sponsored by Mary Cheh, and co-introduced by Anita Bonds, Jack Evans, Kenyan McDuffie, and Trayon White—LL had a hard time gleaning whether those members feel the same sense of urgency or conviction.

The legislation echoes a Bowser initiative last year to bring retired officers and detectives back from retirement. Gray’s bill also proposes increasing salaries for younger officers.

For Evans, the legislation is a re-introduction of a bill from last session that authorizes the MPD to hire 4,000 officers. “This gives the chief more opportunity to be creative in his efforts to recruit and retain good officers,” says his spokesman Tom Lipinsky.

Darrow Montgomery/File

His eagerness to be a thorn in the mayor’s side has him jumping the gun on a crime bill, which some call a political stunt.

Through her spokesman, Bonds says she is mostly interested in workforce housing assistance—which isn’t in the bill—of between $100,000 and $150,000 per officer.

Cheh says she co-introduced the bill to bridge the gap between senior officers retiring and recruits coming into the department. “I’m not sure if it’s the best answer, but it’s something to get us thinking. I don’t think it’s much of an emergency.”

Councilmember Trayon White sees a need for more and better officers. “But my interests are in wraparound services for the community, such as case management, critical response, and continuous outreach,” he says. “We do need more police, but they haven’t been the solution in the community.”

In the end, Gray’s initiative looks like an effort to secure a pot of money for the council— not Bowser—to control. Allen also appears to have his doubts. “I’m not convinced the bill will do what it seeks to do,” he says. “[Gray] wants to grab $64 million on the theory that you get officers to commit to another five years and then double their salary in their fifth year? Do we really want to put that kind of money in a lockbox? If an officer near the end of retirement stays on for five years, how does that affect mid-level officers trying to move up through the ranks?”

Good questions. One might be tempted to say the committee chair has given the matter more thought than the bill’s author. “Part of my job as chair is to not get caught up in the political theater,” says Allen, “but to ensure that we’re making the right policy and budget decisions to improve public safety.”

CP

washingtoncitypaper.com february 3, 2017 5

DistrictLinE District of Protest

By Amanda Kolson Hurley Hundreds of demonstrators gathered at the international arrivals terminal of Dulles airport last Saturday night, chanting “This is what democracy looks like” and “Refugees are welcome here” as the U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP) detained passengers in response to President Trump’s executive order restricting entry to the United States.

“Let them see their lawyers,” the crowd shouted, as CBP, in defiance of a federal court order, continued to block attorneys from talking to legal permanent residents of the U.S they were detaining.

Protesters returned to Dulles the next day, and thousands of people streamed into Lafayette Square to oppose Trump’s order, which refuses entry to citizens of seven majority-Muslim countries, including holders of U.S. green cards. Metro trains were packed. This was only eight days after one of the largest protests in American history, the Women’s March, and nine after activists from Disrupt J20 clashed with police. Meanwhile, further large-scale rallies were announced for the months ahead: the People’s Climate March in April, a national LGBTQ pride march in June, and a scientists’ march yet to be scheduled.

Welcome to the District of Protest.

Not even two weeks into the Trump presidency, it’s becoming clear that large crowds taking to the streets to oppose his administration won’t be a rare occurrence. It’s hard to predict all the consequences for the city, but here are a few to expect.

concrete details

Citizens will feel a stronger sense of ownership over urban space. At the Women’s March, having the run of so much of D.C. seemed to exhilarate protesters. One chant that echoed around the crowd was “Whose streets? Our streets.” Marchers laid claim to urban space. They repurposed fences around the White House by affixing their signs to them, making DIY displays of political art. They amassed a shrine of signs outside the Trump International Hotel.

It wasn’t limited to the Women’s March, either. Greenpeace activists scaled a construction crane at 15th and L Streets NW to

hang a RESIST banner and rappelled back down. Even before the inauguration, local artists projected anti-Trump language onto the facades of Trump’s hotel and the Environmental Protection Agency headquarters, and a punk musician plastered “Experts Agree: Trump Is a Pig!” posters and stickers around town.

This kind of grassroots city-hacking is known as tactical urbanism. It’s the same spirit behind pop-up stores and community gardens, directed toward more subversive ends.

The machinery of D.C.’s construction boom could be further co-opted to serve political speech. Cranes abound, and temporary construction fences and plywood hoardings may tempt those who are loath to damage more valuable property. Anti-Trump graffiti is evident around the city and will probably spread. The “Bridges Not Walls” movement, which hung banners with messages of inclusion from bridges over the Thames in London, could come to the Potomac.

Depending on how Trump’s immigration proposals pan out, local airports could see regular and protracted demonstrations.

With heat and A/C, bathrooms, food for sale, parking, and transit connections, an airport can support long vigils or rotating shifts of people in any weather, as we saw with volunteer attorneys last weekend at Dulles.

The scale of D.C.’s monumental core will again be a feature, not a bug. The grand scale of Washington’s civic center impresses visitors. But it sometimes frustrates local urbanists, who long for the liveliness of narrow streets threaded between mixeduse buildings. The two-mile-long Mall can be a wearying, parched expanse during the summer months.

Mass protests remind us that scale has its advantages. The Women’s March brought half a million people to the Mall area—more than twice as many as expected. They filled not just the Mall, but the planned route along Independence Avenue, and so quickly that the official march was canceled. The human tide poured onto Constitution and Pennsylvania and formed channels going north up 7th, 14th, and 15th Streets. One march became three or four. With its broad radial avenues and squares, Washington is well suited, spa-

6 february 3, 2017 washingtoncitypaper.com

tially, for masses of moving bodies.

Compare the situation to New York. Although New York City certainly doesn’t lack for large public spaces, protesters there were directed to Dag Hammarskjold Plaza near the UN headquarters, which only has a capacity of 8,000.

It soon became overwhelmed. Pushing and shoving broke out, and activists complained about the site being inadequate. “Can the city accommodate the pace and volume of the counterrevolution?” asked The New York Times.

There’s no question that D.C. can. Even if the stretch of Pennsylvania where the Old Post Office (home to Trump’s hotel) stands becomes a site of continual protest, as some activists now hope, the broad sidewalk and nearby Freedom Plaza should be able to accommodate it, letting Washingtonians go about their normal routines downtown.

The National Park Service could put grass protectors on the Mall often to protect the newly restored turf from being trampled to mud.

These white plastic panels already sparked a feud over the crowd size at Trump’s inauguration, their empty spaces glaringly obvious in aerial photos. That visual was an accident, but perhaps artists who oppose Trump will try to harness the Mall for a large-scale project like the AIDS Memorial Quilt.

More frequent protests will underscore our dependence on Metro. Hating on Metro is a favorite local pastime, but face it: The Women’s March couldn’t have gone off as smoothly as it did without it. In the era of SafeTrack, Metro actually works better for throngs of fired-up people on a Saturday than for everyday commuters hoping to get to daycare before closing time. (At the same time, a fire or other accident on a protest day could be catastrophic, all the more reason to accept SafeTrack delays with equanimity.)

More political rallies will boost ridership, bringing some welcome revenue to the cashpoor system, although not enough to plug its deficits. Even on Jan. 21, when it logged more than 1 million trips, Metro lost money. Metro’s

Darrow Montgomery

How the city will foster political expression in the era of Trump

board chair Jack Evans has said he’s optimistic about getting more federal funding for the system, given the new administration’s emphasis on infrastructure. That’s a possibility. Another possibility is that the feds withhold capital funding from Metro because of continuing safety problems or to show fiscal prudence. Any operational cutbacks by Metro could serve to lower the attendance at protest events if people can’t get there.

“Protest is the new brunch,” read a sign outside the Trump International Hotel on Sunday. Brunch isn’t going anywhere, but some of the feel-good pursuits that have defined Washington in the Obama Age, as it swelled with young professionals with disposable income to burn, may take a backseat to civic engagement. Hotels and Airbnb landlords may do well out of this, booking visitors for big rallies. But some tourists might avoid downtown once the novelty of protest wears off and the inconveniences mount. Regular protests would be a big drain on the city budget and police department. If the District seeks to plug the hole with more federal funds, Congress might withhold these as punishment for its sanctuary-city status.

It’s debatable how long the current mood will last before fatigue sets in. In the meantime, near-daily protests are a potent reminder of how flexible and accommodating our main civic spaces really are. L’Enfant, Washington’s planner, called the Mall his “public walk” and saw it not as an unspoiled green but a bustling space akin to the Champs-Elysees in Paris. He described the future city of Washington as a “system of movement”—which is exactly what it became on Jan. 21.

CP

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VIEW

On Being Loud and Invisible

By Matt Terl I was drIvIng up I-270 heading to visit family for the holidays when Washington went to Chicago to play the Bears on Christmas Eve. Freed from local radio waves by Sirius XM’s satellites, I was listening to the Chicago broadcast of the game, and it was a goddamned pleasure. The guy doing the play-by-play—I would later find out it was Jeff Joniak of CBS Chicago—was a throwback to what I remember from my childhood days of turning the TV down and the radio up here in D.C.: a measured delivery, setting the stage, describing the action clearly and intelligently, and conveying emotion without resorting to shouting or overt cheerleading.

I was also driving when the Capitals’ Alexander Ovechkin scored his 1,000th goal a month later, and I caught that call on the Capitals’ radio network. It came 35 seconds into the first period. So though it was a career milestone, it wasn’t necessarily a crucial moment in the game (the Caps would go on to win 5-2), but the play-by-play call was a messy smear of incoherent screaming that didn’t clearly illustrate the action so much as it sketched out some kind of chaotic Hieronymus Boschian hellscape.

So I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what makes for good play-by-play.

Grant Paulsen has been pondering the same thing—but for a much more concrete reason. When the Arena Football League begins its 2017 season in April, the 106.7 The Fan host will make his debut as a professional football play-by-play guy for the expansion Washington Valor. He’s already neck deep in preparation, designing his reference sheets, doing practice calls over old AFL games on YouTube, and of course researching the players, most of them unknown.

“Obviously, I’ll be the first person that’s ever called Valor games,” Paulsen says, “So there’s no one I can tap into about the team history or anything like that. I’m starting on the ground floor.”

True, but it’s also an important step toward a role he’s dreamed about all his life, one of the first topics I remember ever speaking to him about: doing national play-by-play for the biggest of big leagues, specifically on the radio.

“My aspirations are to do some type of Westwood One-type radio call,” he says. “I love the descriptive nature, painting a picture, kinda be-

ing the eyeballs of the people who can’t see.”

So he’s actively wrestling with the exact kinds of issues that alternately pleased and irritated me during those two recent radio experiences.

“You don’t wanna be a distraction, you don’t wanna become the reason people are watching,” Paulsen notes on the one hand. You just wanna provide excitement.”

But on the other hand, “I think people who are boring while calling a game take away from the game, frankly.”

It’s a tough balance to strike for anyone, compounded by the fact that the broadcast crew are employed by the same ownership group and media company, if not necessarily team employees.

What he won’t have to deal with, at least not initially, is the hangdog attitude so pervasive in D.C. sports fandom, which often extends to broadcasters too. (The Wizards are riding a hot streak right now, but during interminable stretches of being mediocre-to-bad, Comcast play-byplay ace Steve Buckhantz reacts to every turnover and miscue with an air of resigned disappointment, like someone seeing his idiot dog run into a sliding glass door for the 35th time.)

“It’s gonna be easy for me,” Paulsen says, “because there’s no history of losing for the Valor.

There is no ‘here we go again,’ because there’s never been a before.” He’s also a guy who has been in press boxes since he was 10 and is therefore accustomed to suppressing his fandom to a borderline pathological level.

Asked who he’s looking to emulate, Paulsen cites a number of familiar names: Comcast TV sportcaster Joe Beninati and former Redskins radio broadcaster Frank Herzog locally and FOX sportscaster Joe Buck nationally.

But the name he cites as his aspirational archetype is something of a surprise: CBS sportcaster Ian Eagle. From my perspective, Eagle is a solid, workmanlike play-by-play guy—not annoying but also kind of benign.

And that, Paulsen says, is entirely the point.

“I think the greatest thing you can say about Ian Eagle is that there isn’t any one attribute that you think of with him,” in contrast with more idiosyncratic voices like Gus Johnson, he says. “He’s just so smooth and professional. I think that’s kinda the dream.”

It’s a demanding goal to be a constant presence and yet utterly in the background. Which may go a long way toward explaining why so many broadcasters fail, descending into shouting and incoherence.

CP

Gear Prudence Gear Prudence: I got an awesome deal on a bike I bought from this guy online. It cost half of what other sellers wanted, but he said he needed to sell it fast because he was leaving the country. When I met up with him, he seemed pretty normal, but something about the situation felt off. He didn’t have any purchase receipts and couldn’t answer more than the most basic questions about the bike. I bought it anyway, but I can’t shake this nagging feeling that I just bought a stolen bike.

Am I being paranoid? What should I do now?

— Possibly Uncovered Rascally Larcenous Owner, I Need Ethical Direction Dear PURLOINED: You are being paranoid, but that doesn’t mean you’re wrong. There are enough elements in your story to arouse suspicion—the too-low price, the lack of paperwork, his inability to answer your questions, and most importantly, your gut feeling that something was off. But there’s enough plausibility to his story that it’s impossible to render a clear ‘come on man’ solely on the basis of your recounting.

When people are moving they unburden their possessions at steep discounts; receipts are easily lost; and lots of people who buy bikes know nothing about them. But GP doesn’t want to leave you hanging, so let’s talk about your options.

You could sell the bike. Mark it up to the market price and use your superior knowledge of the product to convince the next unwitting buyer that it’s definitely not stolen. Then use the profits to buy a better bike. You’ll recoup your money and won’t be in possession of a potentially stolen good. Of course, doing this would make you a craven, immoral piece of shit subject to the pendulum swing of karma for your willing duplicity, so don’t you fucking dare.

Instead, try to get back in touch with the seller. If you feel that guilty, see if he’ll take the bike back (he probably won’t, assuming he even bothers responding). Barring that, try to find out where he bought the bike. If it’s a local shop, bring it in and ask them to check out the serial number to verify his story. Also, go online. BikeIndex.org is a compendium of stolen and missing bikes that you can search. There are local social media groups about lost bikes. Additionally, you could bring the bike into a police station and ask them to search reported stolen bikes and the National Bike Registry. None of these approaches will guarantee closure, but at least you’ll have done enough to assuage your guilt, if not paranoia.

In spite of these efforts, you still might find your bike locked with a second u-lock one day. If the rightful owner presents himself, explain your story and accept your lumps. Be sanguine, but if something seems too good to be true, it probably is.

—GP Gear Prudence is Brian McEntee, who writes @sharrowsdc. Got a question about bicycling?

Email gearprudence@washcp.com.

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Profit and Loss Life is hell for hundreds of tenants of Sanford Capital, the giant D.C. slumlord taxpayers are subsidizing.

By Alexa Mills and Andrew Giambrone PhotograPhs by Darrow MontgoMery

Warren Branham looked at his 38-yearold brother lying on a hospital bed at the decrepit G Street Apartments last Friday. “He’s been hospitalized twice because of the ventilation,” Branham said. Steps away, their refrigerator was dead—room-temperature inside. The apartment smelled like mold and thousands of decaying cockroaches. His brother suffered a stroke as a baby and seizures as a child, Branham explained.

Twenty-four hours later, Branham’s brother was rushed to the hospital a third time. Again, Branham blamed the ventilation. “My baby is dying,” his mother sobbed over the phone from a waiting room at Washington Hospital Center. She said doctors had resuscitated him four times, but he was flatlining. He was dead within two hours.

And yet, freshly refurbished first-floor units stand empty at G Street Apartments. Branham and his family were stuck on the second floor, forcing Branham to carry his brother up and down stairs to get to doctor appointments.

But tenants say the landlord has explained that these units are reserved for new, marketrent residents.

At least six other units are vacant and unsecured. Inside they are smeared with feces, littered with condoms. In one unit there’s a

burn mark on the carpet. “I put out a fire there about three months ago,” says Timothy Harper, a former maintenance worker.

Harper says he kept G Street Apartments nice back when he took care of them. But his mandate gradually changed. For him, the most stunning moment came when the boiler broke. He was down in the basement with his boss, Todd Fulmer. A contractor explained the options. “The contractor said, ‘I can put a brand new boiler in here and save you $5,000 over rebuilding this one completely, and have it fixed in a week,’” Harper recalls. “Then Todd said, ‘No. Just rebuild it.’” This process would take months.

Which meant residents there didn’t have heat beyond ineffective space heaters for the winter of 2015. Some of them still don’t have heat. “My oven is what I use to heat my home,” says Karen Hamilton. “And I have a 6-year-old daughter.”

This is not an isolated story. Mold, vermin, broken refrigerators and toilets, children and elderly living without heat and air conditioning, units open to vagrants no matter how many times tenants complain—these are standard conditions at buildings owned by Sanford Capital, the company that owns G Street Apartments and at least 16 other D.C. properties, amounting to hundreds of units across the city.

Sanford Capital has been buying apartment complexes that are home to the city’s working poor for more than a decade. In extensive reporting on the company’s practices, City Paper

10 february 3, 2017 washingtoncitypaper.com

found that Sanford employs a systematic strategy for allowing buildings to become so squalid that residents are forced to leave. The company also files for evictions in bulk.

In some cases, Sanford has rushed to replace the modest rents of the working poor with those of very low-income people who hold government-issued vouchers set at similar or higher rates—the District footing the bulk of the rent bill and ensuring a guaranteed stream of revenue for the company. In other cases, when a property is more valuable to a future developer vacant, Sanford has left buildings with only a handful of tenants who can’t or won’t move. And at Tivoli Gardens—a complex predominantly occupied by Spanish speakers, some of whom pay more than $1,300 a month for one-bedroom

washingtoncitypaper.com february 3, 2017 11

apartments—Sanford keeps occupancy high while letting the property rot. Not a single outer door at Tivoli Gardens locks.

Meanwhile, an alphabet soup of city government agencies, nonprofits, and the D.C. courts have become Sanford Capital’s de facto babysitters. The company makes few repairs on its properties unless fined or ordered to do so. And even then, the repairs often break within days or weeks.

“Any Sanford property—you just walk into it and you know what it’s going to look like,” says Caroline Hennessy, tenant services coordinator at Housing Counseling Services, a D.C. advocacy organization funded in part by local and federal dollars. She has worked with tenants at five different Sanford properties, while her organization’s staff as a whole has worked on at least eight over the years.

According to D.C. Department of Consumer and Regulatory Affairs (DCRA), Sanford has amassed nearly $150,000 worth of fines since 2009 across 26 addresses. The agency says it administers “proactive and complaint-based” inspections by building, not by landlord, and therefore the 26 addresses may not represent all of Sanford’s violations. DCRA adds that Sanford has paid nearly $98,000 of the fines, with the balance either overdue or not yet due.

And that’s not all. D.C. Attorney General Karl Racine filed a lawsuit against Sanford Capital in October, seeking a court-appointed receiver to oversee a rehabilitation plan for Terrace Manor, a Sanford property in Southeast. Racine is also asking the company to abate housing code violations and for restitution of rents tenants paid while Sanford was illegally neglecting apartments.

In other words, the city is simultaneously enriching and suing Sanford. The District’s Department of Human Services says there are 114 households currently living in Sanford properties and receiving rent subsidies from programs that the agency administers. In addition, the D.C. Housing Authority says that at least 225 of its voucher clients are now living in Sanford properties. Estimating conservatively that vouchers average $1,000—some are more, some are less, and they depend on family income, among other factors—Sanford is being paid about $340,000 a month, or $3.7 million a year, by District and federal programs.

The Terrace Manor lawsuit isn’t the first that Racine has lodged against Sanford. It followed one last January over a Sanford property located above the Congress Heights Metro station.

The first case precipitated the second. When Terrace Manor tenant Monica Jackson attended a hearing for Congress Heights tenants, she was amazed.

“I listened to the tenants, and it was like they were telling my story,” Jackson says. “Everything they were saying that they were experiencing—I was experiencing the same thing.”

The Sanford-owned buildings in Congress Heights had many of the same problems as Terrace Manor and the company’s other properties. Of 47 units at Congress Heights, 32 were vacant as of the suit’s filing, several years after Sanford acquired the rent-con-

Warren Branham says his brother was hospitalized twice because of poor ventilation. He later died. trolled site. The company had planned to redevelop it with D.C.-based City Partners into a mixed-use project to feature more than 200 modern apartments and commercial space.

(Those plans were displayed on Sanford’s website. While they are still available on the D.C. Zoning Commission website, Sanford’s own site was deactivated shortly after the lawsuit was filed.)

Meanwhile EagleBank, whose website boasts it’s “taking care of our communities,” has provided Sanford Capital and its partners more than $46 million in loans to purchase District properties. And last year, it increased Sanford’s loan on Terrace Manor by $2.4 million. This was after the attorney gen-

12 february 3, 2017 washingtoncitypaper.com

eral sued Sanford over Congress Heights and The Washington Post published photos of that waste-strewn property in an article about the lawsuit. The bank provided the additional funding despite the fact that a provision in the original loan agreement for Terrace Manor, which by then was in desperate condition, mandates that Sanford “keep and maintain the Improvements and the Equipment in good condition,” and “make all necessary or appropriate repairs, improvements, replacements and renewals.”

Aubrey Carter Nowell co-founded Sanford in 2006, and he has been the company’s one consistent leader over the last 11 years. His 7,956-square-foot Bethesda home sits on an

ample, well-landscaped lawn. He bought the house, which is valued at $2.9 million and has eight bathrooms, with his wife around the time he founded the company.

Tenants and attorneys City Paper interviewed describe Nowell as reserved, even poker-faced. “He’s very quiet. Always the same,” says Jackson, who has met Nowell at tenant meetings and court hearings. Says Hennessy, “I’ve never seen him get visibly upset or agitated.”

Neither Nowell nor Fulmer, who heads Sanford’s property management arm, responded to calls and emails requesting interviews.

Racine says that, especially amid a citywide affordability crisis, the lawsuits aim to bolster deterrence against negligence by D.C. landlords. “We were able to put together a pretty simple case that showed a consistent record of housing violations that were not getting abated,” Racine says of Congress Heights. “And there was a little bit of a cat-and-mouse game

“I listened to the tenants, and it was like they were telling my story.

Everything they were saying that they were experiencing—I was experiencing the same thing.”

—Terrace Manor TenanT Monica Jackson where maybe 10 conditions were abated, another 15 would appear. It seemed as though the tenants were kind of getting jerked around.”

The Congress Heights litigation resulted in an abatement agreement requiring Sanford to repair maintenance problems recorded by District inspectors within specific time parameters, to regularly inspect abandoned units, and to provide security across the buildings. The case is pending while a judge monitors Sanford’s compliance. It has also thrown a wrench into the site’s redevelopment plans.

Before the suit was filed, Congress Heights tenant Tujuanda Blalock says she was forced to defecate in a bucket for a few days after her toilet broke in July 2015. “What our landlords should have to do is live in one of their buildings for a certain amount of time,” says Blal-

ock, who called the property’s rental office and maintenance line half a dozen times, leaving messages. “I was so humiliated about having to use that bucket.” After five days a maintenance man made a temporary fix, but the toilet still didn’t always flush. Someone came to fix it properly about six months later, after the attorney general sued.

“The only way you can get them to do something is when the judge gets them to do it,” says Blalock. ernestine turner, an elderly Terrace Manor resident, remembers a time when she was not so ashamed of where she lives. She recalls smelling the roses—actual roses—in the bushes downstairs from her apartment. As wretched as her surroundings have become since Sanford took over her building, Turner has made her unit a kind of sanctuary from the outside world. Small figurines—a frosted glass swan, a blue dolphin—are among her cherished tchotchkes. A lifetime of framed family photos cover her walls.

These days only about a dozen units at Terrace Manor remain occupied, the apartments shells of their former selves. When Sanford bought the property in 2012, more than 50 of the property’s 61 units were occupied. The on-site rental office is now boarded up.

“We really wanted to believe” Sanford would improve the property, Turner says. “My daughter kept saying, ‘It’s going to be OK.’” It wasn’t.

Sanford made a series of changes after purchasing the property. Workers removed the benches that sat outside each building’s front door. They razed the little playground and replaced it with a Terrace Manor sign. Gradu-

Former maintenance worker Timothy Harper recalls that management opted to rebuild rather than replace an old boiler, leaving residents without heat for an entire winter. ally, the laundry rooms closed. Heat and air conditioning broke down. Tenants began moving out in droves.

“It’s like ghostville now,” says Monica Jackson, president of Terrace Manor’s tenant association. She is one of two tenants in her building, and her sister Pamela is the only tenant in the adjacent building. Monica says she pays $874 a month in rent, while her sister pays $990.

Eventually their building doors stopped locking. “You would find people asleep, doing drugs,” Monica says. “You’d have to run them out of the building. We would ask, ‘Do you live here?’” She and her sister would find evidence of squatters in the basement.

“Feces and urine and drugs,” says Monica.

Before the purchase, Sanford and Terrace Manor’s tenant association signed a legal document known as a “memorandum of understanding,” spelling out upgrades and repairs that were to be completed, so “all buildings

and units [would be] in compliance with the D.C. housing code” within half a year of closing. The parties met and reviewed the tenants’ bullet-point needs.

“I remember [Nowell] specifically saying, ‘We’ve done our research and we know what needs to be done,’” Monica Jackson recalls.

Former Terrace Manor “community manager” Richard Horchner worked there in 2014 and 2015 as the property declined. “When they say that Sanford Capital is a slumlord—for some of the buildings, yes they are,” Horchner says.

“From the time I started, all I was told is that Terrace Manor was going to be sold,” he says.

“So I took care of the residents that were there, but that was all I could do. I was not permitted to move anybody in.” Horchner says he wasn’t allowed to perform major maintenance work either. Fix a broken stove or replace a light bulb? Yes. Address a chronic leak in the basement? No. Only government enforcement seemed to spur maintenance. “The urgency to get anything done before a citation just wasn’t there,” Horchner says. “Once there was a citation, it all went to hell. Like everybody was screaming, scrambling. I had to work nonstop.”

Two years later, Terrace Manor still hasn’t been sold. But a buyer recently expressed interest. In June, D.C.-based real estate firm Equilibrium and Sanford drew up a contract, obtained

by City Paper, that lists a purchase price of $5.9 million. Dan Crosby, the buying broker on the deal, is a former Sanford property manager and stands to make roughly $176,000 in commission on the sale. (Crosby did not respond to requests for comment.) But the tenant association has decided to seek an alternative buyer.

Equilibrium managing director Sofonias

washingtoncitypaper.com february 3, 2017 13

Astatke says his firm heard through its “agent network” that Sanford wanted to unload the site and also that he met Nowell briefly in 2016 to discuss the property. The deal is in a “holding pattern,” he says. If the transaction goes through, Terrace Manor would become Equilibrium’s biggest D.C. project.

Although the property “is not in good shape,” Astatke says, “it has a lot of potential.” Terrace Manor might not be right on top of a Metro station, but its size and mix of unit types make it rare.

“The price for the asset is higher when there are fewer tenants in there,” says American University professor Derek S. Hyra, who spent six years researching the redevelopment of Shaw and U Street for his forthcoming book Race, Class, and Politics in the Cappuccino City.

He sees all the signs of development pressure in and around Congress Heights. “When there becomes more of a population demand for the area, the landlords and the owners are going to look to get out the low-income population that are living in these buildings.” sanford Capital has only owned Belmont Crossing for 16 months, but the similarities to Terrace Manor are striking. Sanford removed the playground and benches and cut down trees. Beverly Wright, president of the Belmont Crossing Tenants Association, says residents also receive notices on their doors.

“The fliers said we would be fined and given a 30-day notice for eviction for sitting outside,” says Wright.

Oakmont Management, which is Sanford’s building management arm, has filed 95 eviction cases for failure to pay rent at Belmont Crossing—a 275-unit complex. It filed 49 of these evictions in one day alone, just three months after purchasing the property. Most of these eviction filings were for amounts over $1,000.

“They close the rental office any time they feel like, even if it’s rent time,” Wright says.

“And if you miss a payment, you’re late, and you have to pay a fee.” She says the fee is $20 for anything beyond five days late. Late fees are $100 for some other Sanford properties.

The locks are broken on the outer doors of nearly every building. In November, when a maintenance man came to fix the lock at one building, a minor crisis ensued. Anabell Brown, who has lived there for 13 years, heard her neighbor struggling with that outer door. Management had issued the neighbor a new key, but it wouldn’t work. Brown had an old key stored away, so she tried it, and it worked.

But when the woman brought the maintenance man back to show him how the new key didn’t work, he solved the problem by breaking the very fix he’d just installed. “He just took a screwdriver and pulled this back,” says Brown, pointing to the metal plate on her building door, “and it’s been like this ever since.”

If Belmont Crossing goes the way of Terrace Manor and Congress Heights, it will soon be near empty. But the property may also go in the direction of Oak Hill Apartments, where Sanford has filled vacant units with tenants who come with guaranteed full-market rent via government-is-

sued vouchers or are receiving aid from human services agencies. diane Wilson is back in class getting her high school diploma. But before living at Oak Hill, a multi-building complex Sanford Capital owns on Wheeler Road SE, she spent two months at D.C. General, the District’s largest family homeless shelter. Both are falling apart.

“D.C. General was faster than these people,” says Wilson, who’s lived at Oak Hill for nine years. There hasn’t been a lock on her building’s front door since 2015. Fire extinguishers go missing, the result, Wilson says, of youth who have walked into the buildings and sprayed them all over.

“People sleeping in the hall, having sex in the laundry room,” recounts the D.C. native who grew up in Northwest. “We’ve written letter after letter after letter to Sanford. There are no lights on the parking lot—that’s been three years. A young lady almost got raped out there.”

Wilson’s oven and a garbage disposal have been broken for weeks, and she has had to spend her own money to spray for bedbugs.

Recently her toilet backed up, and although Sanford sent someone to plunge it right away, the next day her building’s water was off, with no communication from management. “They leave notes when they’re going up on the rent, or when you’re late for your payment,” she says. The shutoff happened, Wilson says, because sewage had flooded the rental office downstairs.

Never mind the birds—or squirrels—that have found their way into her building’s walls, died, and putrefied. Wilson recalls that Oak

14 february 3, 2017 washingtoncitypaper.com

Hill has had four different property managers since she moved there and says fights in the rental office between tenants and management staff are common.

And just Monday, firefighters were dispatched to put out an electrical fire at Oak Hill inside the walls of a building. While no residents were injured, a firefighter was treated for an unspecified medical condition, according to D.C. officials. A number of tenants were also displaced because the gas had to be turned off, and the Red Cross arrived to help them find temporary accommodations.

Sanford has owned Oak Hill since 2006, when it bought the complex for $6 million. Wilson moved there after exiting the shelter system. She had seen the complex while walking her daughter to school and was drawn by its balconies. Rent-assistance programs helped Wilson pay her bills. As of today, her rent is $1,150 a month for a two-bedroom unit that she shares with her husband. “I wouldn’t mind paying it if they kept it up,” she says.

Many residents in Sanford’s properties receive housing vouchers or other forms of rent assistance that are bankrolled by taxpayers.

A 2016 email from a Department of Human Services staffer to the attorney general’s office—sent after the Congress Heights suit was filed—states that 170 of the agency’s homeless services clients were “being housed in units owned and or managed by Sanford Capital.”

“In addition,” the staffer wrote, “there are three DHS homeless families that are currently occupying units that are part of the lawsuit.”

Advocates say Sanford accepts formerly homeless and low-income voucher tenants because the company is guaranteed to make money from them, at least for the duration of

the benefits those tenants receive. The District’s rapid rehousing program, for example, helps people move into more stable environments than shelters, but the subsidy is timelimited so some landlords are reluctant to welcome participants. Nonprofits have even praised Sanford’s willingness to house people transitioning out of homelessness. In 2015, two of them sent letters to D.C.’s Zoning Commission in support of the company’s plans to redevelop its Congress Heights property.

Christy Respress, executive director of Pathways to Housing DC, which submitted one of the letters in support of Sanford, says her organization currently has fewer than 50 clients who live in Sanford properties. Respress adds that Pathways does not run a rapid rehousing program but does act “like a broker” for D.C. Housing Authority clients looking for landlords who accept vouchers. “It’s just harder and harder to find decent and affordable housing in the District,” she says.

Clarence Stewart, chief of housing at The Community Partnership for the Prevention of Homelessness, wrote to zoning officials that Sanford had housed “more than 300 individuals and families” as part of the organization’s supportive services programs since 2008. He called the company a “leading landlord partner.” (Stewart did not respond to requests for comment.)

For Yvette Oakley, an Oak Hill resident who receives a housing voucher that covers the $1,115 in monthly rent for her one-bedroom unit, the past three years have been a series of challenges. She initially lived in a unit where the heat often went out and where there was no air conditioning. Instead, Oakmont provided her and her daughter three fans in the summer.

In her former unit, when a voucher didn’t cover her entire rent, Oakley got $1,500 behind on her rent. Sanford sued to evict her while she was waiting to be transferred to a more habitable unit on the premises. Her father eventually paid off the debt.

“I was surprised they were doing this because I told them I’ve been in here suffering, sleeping with extra blankets and stuff, cold,” notes Oakley, who has a hip problem. Her daughter’s old bedroom was infested with bedbugs.

She wishes she had a handicap rail in her bathroom to help her get in and out of the shower, but beyond that wants Sanford’s maintenance crews to keep up the property.

“I’ve been considering moving, but when you get a certain age, the only way I move is if I get put out or they close these apartments down,” she says. “Some [people] are moving in.

I saw them moving in, but they just don’t know they’re moving into something where they may have problems once they get in.” Oakley says her current building is the only one on the site where the front door securely locks.

Given the rents they pay and the number of buildings at Oak Hill, residents question where their money is going. Says Wilson, “You ain’t gonna tell me they don’t have money to do what they need to do.”

Though Oak Hill is not the subject of litigation by the attorney general’s office, Wilson’s neighbor Joann Graves, who has lived at the property for 15 years and once served as the

in their tubs and sinks and began to move out.

Sanford had purchased the building a year earlier. Now Bread for the City is working on the Terrace Manor case, representing the remaining tenants in their TOPA matter.

“Where the misunderstanding comes in, for the general public, is to think that Sanford is a one-off, that Sanford is somehow unique,” says Will Merrifield, staff attorney at the Washington Legal Clinic for the Homeless who represents the tenants association at Congress Heights. “Sanford is the norm,” Merrifield says. “What makes Sanford exposed is that the tenants stood up and fought.”

Merrifield says that Nowell’s primary distinction may be his brazenness. “Sanford thought they could come at it with a sledgehammer and thought they wouldn’t be challenged in their behavior,” Merrifield says.

Other landlords, he says, are simply more sophisticated in their approach.

Sanford has assumed millions of dollars in debt, taking out multiple mortgages on some of its D.C. properties. Bethesda-based EagleBank has been a major Sanford lender in the District, providing loans for G Street Apartments, Terrace Manor, Tivoli Gardens, and a building at Congress Heights.

Despite liens and lawsuits, City Paper found no evidence that EagleBank or other lenders have foreclosed on any of Sanford’s D.C. properties. In some cases, EagleBank has already been paid in full. Basis Real Estate Capital II has loaned Sanford about $41 million, and Centerline Mortgage Capital Inc. at least another $17.4 million for Sanford’s D.C. properties.

page with a goal of $5,000 to cover the funeral costs. He says his mom wasn’t at home and was staying with family. “She didn’t want to wake up and see her son not in the bed.”

The previous Thursday, D.C. Superior Court Judge John M. Mott approved a joint abatement plan for Terrace Manor. According to the agreement, Sanford must rehabilitate two buildings on the property with the intent of relocating the remaining tenants to them. Vacant units must be securely locked, and a designated DCRA inspector has been assigned to monitor the site. Tenants will keep their current rents for a year, as Sanford pays for their moving expenses to the two buildings.

It was a hard-won victory. Sanford attorney Stephen Hessler submitted a November response to the attorney general’s complaint denying that the most egregious conditions at Terrace Manor were still unabated. The response also described Monica Jackson’s comments included in the District’s lawsuit as “self-serving”—denying those too.

But the District has a second front in its Terrace Manor battle. The attorney general is testing new legal ground: whether it can prosecute negligent landlords under the city’s Consumer Protection Procedures Act, or CPPA. Racine and his staff are arguing that in demanding rent payments, but not providing habitable conditions, Sanford engaged in misrepresentation. That contention, the District’s lawyers say, establishes a claim to recover rents paid not only by current Terrace Manor tenants but also by some who have left the property.

In court filings, Sanford has responded that “it is well settled” that the CPPA does not “apply to the landlord and tenant relationship.”

The attorney general’s office says it does, citing 2016 D.C. Council legislation.

Hessler told the court he was going to fight those claims “tooth and nail.”

CP

on sunday, the morning after his brother died, Warren Branham created a GoFundMe

Zach Rausnitz and Noa Rosinplotz contributed reporting.

secretary of the site’s now-disbanded tenant association, says it should be. “We need to get some real property management over here,” says Graves, who characterizes the living conditions as “deplorable.”

Sanford co-founder Aubrey Carter Nowell lives in a 7,956-square-foot Bethesda home valued at $2.9 million.

at tivoli Gardens, about a half-mile walk from Metro’s Fort Totten station, the vacancy rate is low. The majority of the residents speak only Spanish, and the average rent is about $1,120 a month for small one-bedroom units, according to a June 2016 rent roll for the property.

On a rainy Sunday afternoon in January, water was streaming off the roof into a puddle about five inches deep along the building wall. A few steps away, the trash dumpsters were overflowing—at least 15 bags on the ground. A box spring, a comfy chair, a grocery cart, and a pile of old and splintered wood lay on one side. Resident Esmerelda Posadas estimates the box spring has been resting on the dumpster for two years.

Caroline Hennessy, who works with Tivoli residents through her job as a tenant advocate, recently emailed Sanford’s property management arm with photos of water damage on the ceiling and walls of a tenant’s bathroom, and was taken aback by the response from Sanford’s Todd Fulmer.

She implored Fulmer to consider a permanent fix instead of just “patchwork repairs.”

Ten minutes later, Fulmer replied. “It’s just the units where tenants wash and hang there cloths to dry,” he wrote. “All that moisture from the cloth evaporates into the air and has to go somewhere. Which is the floors and walls. We have notified tenants numerous times but they continue to do it over and over.” He offered to make a drywall repair “for the last time” but predicted tenants would continue to hang their laundry “because it free and the laundry mats cost $.”

Posadas, who has small children, says she was most baffled when workers came to repave the complex parking lot. “Of all the things they could have fixed, the parking lot was the least of our concerns,” she says.

“The thing we think is the most dangerous, the most nasty, is the infestations. I’ve seen silverfish, I’ve seen roaches, I’ve seen bedbugs, I’ve seen spiders. I have an economy-sized bug repellent in my apartment, and I go over everything,” says Posadas. “And that doesn’t count the mice. There’s a stray cat problem here, and we feed them because of the rat problem.”

Elias Hernandez took a video of four mice as they died on a sticky pad in his apartment.

He and his wife are currently fighting eviction with the help of a legal aid attorney.

Like Terrace Manor, Tivoli Gardens is for sale. Attorney Eric Rome is representing the tenants in their effort to choose a developer that will revive the property, which is their right under the Tenant Opportunity to Purchase Act, or TOPA. “Over 30 years and hundreds of buildings, it is one of the worst that I’ve ever seen,” says Rome, a veteran TOPA attorney. “It shows an utter neglect by the owner and a disregard for the conditions the tenants are living in.” slumlords have lonG been a District staple. In 2008, Interim Attorney General Peter Nickles filed a lawsuit against 23 landlords for practices similar to Sanford’s. Many of these landlords lived in opulent houses while their tenants lived in squalor. Several of them had even spent time in jail for various white-collar crimes, including housing-related scams, before returning to real estate development.

Sanford has been consistent in its D.C. practices for a decade. Bread for the City attorney Rebecca Lindhurst began working with Oak Hill tenants in 2007 after a person claiming to represent Sanford went around the buildings offering tenants $1,500, and later $5,000, to move out of their rent-controlled units. Residents complained that sewage was backing up

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P E O P L E A R E I N D I V I S I B L E . W E A R E R E S I L I E N T. W E P R O T E C T E A C H O T H E R . W E D E F E N D D I G N I T Y. W E A R E G R E A T E R T H A N F E A R .

W W W. W E T H E P E O P L E A R E . O R G

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A P R O J E C T O F T H E A M P L I F I E R F O U N D AT I O N

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Sadie’s Weekdays from the Colony Club team is now open serving Bullfrog Bagels and coffee inside DGS Delicatessen weekdays from 7 a.m. to 11 a.m.

Side(line) Hustle

By Laura Hayes In a cIty of multi-talented workaholics, having a side hustle isn’t so surprising. What’s less pedestrian is a side hustle on the sidelines. Masako Morishita, who works full time as an office manager at Fuji TV, has been a cheerleader for the Washington NFL team for four years.

Just check her Instagram for on-field pictures cast in burgundy and gold with celebrities like Matthew McConaughey. Morishita even served as the squad’s co-captain during the most recent season.

On top of her office day job and doing the splits, Morishita has a third venture—running a Japanese catering company called M’s Kitchen that allows the Japanese native from Kobe to share her cuisine. “I really love my country, so I want to introduce my culture to the States and my tool is cooking,” she says. When she started taking her food to parties with her team friends, she says, “they were super interested in what I made, so I thought, ‘Maybe this is something I can do.’” She booked her first catering job in October 2015.

Having only helped out at the now shuttered Seasonal Pantry in Shaw, Morishita has far more experience on the field than in the kitchen, but cooking is in her blood. Morishita’s parents ran a tachinomi (a small standing bar) in Kobe where her mother was the chef. “She’s super good at cooking and wouldn’t even let me help,” Morishita says. “I didn’t cook until I moved to the States when I had to cook to save money, and I remembered a lot of the dishes my mom made. That was my inspiration.”

Morishita’s first stint in the U.S. was when she was a 16-year-old exchange student in Wisconsin. That’s where she first picked up pom poms and cheered for her adopted school’s basketball team. When she returned to Japan, she cheered all four years in college and seven years after that for a Japanese semipro football team. The budding entrepreneur even brought cheerleading to the baseball diamond when Osaka’s professional team, the Orix Buffaloes, tapped her to direct a squad.

In 2012, a romantic relationship with someone she met while living in Wisconsin brought Morishita back to the U.S. When that didn’t

Young & hungrY

work out, she saw a call for cheerleader auditions for the Pigskins and made the team.

It’s an odd duality—cooking and cheering— because of the strict diet and exercise regimen the teams require. To be able to test her recipes and stay in shape, Morishita depends on daily exercise like boot camp classes and The Bar Method and drinking at least a gallon of water a day. “I do have cheat days because I really like to eat and drink,” she says. “Usually me and Andrew have dinner together, so dinner is my main food.”

Andrew Chiou is both her boyfriend and her business partner at M’s Kitchen. “Everyone else is more excited about it than I am,” he says of his girlfriend’s status as a professional cheerleader. “Even though I grew up in Texas, I don’t watch football.” The two met one night at Shaw bar A&D. “On our second date, I watched her crush a 12 ounce steak with fries.

That’s what fooled me.”

Chiou brings restaurant experience and pastry skills to the partnership. He currently serves as director of operations for DCity Smokehouse and Wicked Bloom, but his resume includes an executive sous chef stint at Table after Frederik de Pue split. Japanese cuisine is familiar to Chiou. Though his family is from Taiwan, he grew up with Japanese culture and interned at Ming Tsai’s Blue Ginger outside of Boston.

Both Morishita’s savory dishes and Chiou’s pastries for M’s Kitchen can be considered fusion. Morishita says she can only find a limited amount of Japanese products here at speciality stores like Hana Market on U Street NW, so she’s learned to be flexible. “We’re taking the soul of Japanese cuisine and using American ingredients, so that’s our twist,” Chiou says.

Take one of their signature dishes: mushroom “onigiri” arancini. Though the fried risotto balls are Italian in origin, Morishita spikes them with tamari, kombu dashi broth, and three kinds of Japanese mushrooms (shiitake, maitake, and shimeji). Other highlights include miso deviled eggs with Japanese Kewpie mayonnaise and ichimi pepper; War Shore oysters with shiso, cherry radish, and tamari mignonette; and pork empanadas with ginger, garlic, tamari, miso, chili pepper, and lotus root. “We try to make it a little fancy, but it’s comfort food,” Morishita says.

On the sweets side, Chiou has made black sesame macarons, matcha white chocolate lava cakes, and candied sweet potatoes with

Darrow Montgomery

A professional cheerleader and her boyfriend join a thriving D.C. Japanese food scene.

black sesame caramel.

Without an online presence beyond a Facebook page, M’s Kitchen is currently operating on a word-of-mouth basis. Morishita says she’s catered private dinners, thrown parties for nonprofit organizations, and built bento boxes for business lunches. But the scope of M’s Kitchen could expand exponentially in 2017.

“We’re right at that point where we’ve grown it enough to find a permanent home,” Chiou says. “We’re thinking of making it into an actual restaurant, so instead of going to the customers, they’ll come to us.”

The culinary lovebirds are scouting locations in both Shaw and Georgetown, with the latter more likely as Chiou is in talks with a leasing agent to potentially take over After Peacock Room, where he once worked. The couple is hoping to land a spot this year, which means Morishita’s days in uniform at FedExField could be numbered. “Something has to go,” she says, adding that she may not return to the NFL team’s cheerleading squad.

Opening any new restaurant is risky, but at least Japanese cuisine is thriving in the District. Sushi Taro, a 30-year-old sushi and kaiseki standby, was one of nine D.C. restaurants to receive a Michelin star in October, and Washingtonian’s “100 Very Best Restaurants” includes eight Japanese restaurants. One of

the magazine’s food editors, Anna Spiegel, says there hasn’t been that many Japanese restaurants on the list in 20 years.

Then there are the openings. The team from Daikaya opened two ramen restaurants in 2016: Bantam King in June and Haikan in August. In November, Himitsu opened in Petworth in the former Crane & Turtle space where the ever-changing menu features everything from nigiri sushi to Japanese-style fried chicken called karaage. Next, Sushiko debuted a restaurant within a restaurant in December called Kōbō that’s an exercise in Japanese delicacies like uni (sea urchin) and Wagyu beef. Finally, there’s Conbini Café— the Japanese comfort food counter serving okonomiyaki and curry rice inside the Shopkeepers boutique off H Street NE. What these newcomers and M’s Kitchen share is that they all take traditional Japanese cuisine to new places whether through avant-garde presentations, innovative uses of ingredients, or fresh techniques.

“When Kevin [Tien] and I decided to open a restaurant together, we immediately knew we wanted to open our doors with what we would later coin, ‘New Japanese,’” Himitsu co-owner Carlie Steiner says. “The timing seemed perfect, and we felt that D.C. was ready for something new and risky.”

CP

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what we ate this week: Inaniwa udon in warm dashi soup, $10, Izakaya Seki.

Satisfaction level: 5 out of 5. what we’ll eat next week: Shio tempura ramen with three tempura shrimp and traditional ramen toppings, $15, Boru Ramen. Excitement level: 4 out of 5.

Much fuss has been made (often here at City Paper) about the fabled $14 cocktail. Just a few years ago, even a high-rolling defense contractor might have balked at a $14 Old Fashioned, but these days they’re the norm. Luckily there’s a respite for lushes who love a bargain—the influx of D.C. distilleries. In addition to getting buzzed on free samples during tastings, many offer quality craft cocktails at wholesale prices. Below are some of the best options for a distillery discount.

—Stephanie Rudig The cocktail: Compound Bow The distillery: Jos. A. Magnus & Co. Price: $12 What’s in it: Lychee-infused Royal Seal Gin, Seal Vodka, pink grapefruit Bonus points: Gin distiller Nicole Hassoun says, “We’re hungry, everything we do here is out of hunger.” As such, this drink contains what seems like the pulp from half a grapefruit.

The cocktail: Mule it Over The distillery: One Eight Distilling Price: $11 What’s in it: District Made Vodka, housemade ginger liqueur, lemon, angostura bitters, nutmeg, mint Bonus points: Instead of paying for a cocktail at the bar, One Eight passes out drink tickets in the form of trinkets like plastic army men and pirate’s gold. This is great practice for when the economy breaks down and we return to the barter system.

The cocktail: The Redbeard The distillery: Cotton & Reed Price: $10 What’s in it: Cotton & Reed White Rum, lime juice, Campari, ginger beer Bonus points: This drink is garnished with a darling dried blood orange that wouldn’t look out of place in the potpourri bowl of an upscale bar bathroom (where this drink would inevitably cost $16).

The cocktail: Famiglia Reale The distillery: Republic Restoratives Price: $9 What’s in it: Civic Vodka, Campari, vermouth, champagne Bonus points: The bar staff here has perfected the art of cocktail shaking as performance, so watch the careful choreography while you wait.

The Dish: The Breakfast Sammie Where to Get It: Weekend brunch at Beuchert’s Saloon, 623 Pennsylvania Ave. SE; 202-733-1384; beuchertssaloon.com

Tim Ebner

Price: $14

How it Tastes: The best part of this sand-

The cocktail: Bees Knees The distillery: Green Hat Price: $5 What’s in it: Green Hat Gin, lemon, honey syrup Bonus points: For $5, you can either get a disappointing footlong sandwich or a delicious, locally made cocktail. It’s your choice! cret sauce contains sage, lemon zest, garlic, and maple syrup, creating a hint of sweetness on an otherwise savory sandwich.

Hangover Helper

What It Is: This dish packs a one-two punch of carbs and protein. You get a fried egg and roast pork sandwich served alongside two deep-fried latkes, making it far and away the order for someone with the morning shakes, says Chef Andrew Markert.

The cocktail: Rye Bandit The distillery: Don Ciccio & Figli Price: $8 What’s in it: Redemption Bourbon, Luna Amara, Amaro delle Sirene Bonus points: The tasting room also offers large bottles of pre-batched cocktails for purchase to go, perfect for bringing to a party or for just sticking a straw in and going to town.

wich, aside from the layers of shaved and fatty pork, is the maple aioli sauce, which soaks through the toasted sourdough bread. The too-good-to-keep-se-

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Why It Helps: The breakfast sammie is for that hangover that sort of creeps up on you. You know, the one where you hop out of bed feeling 99.9 percent okay, but then an hour later the pain and agony of a migraine kicks in. You need aspirin, coffee, and a giant helping of food to fill your belly.

“I thought of this sandwich because it’s sure to fill you up and end a hangover,” Markert says. And, maybe, just maybe, this sandwich has been tested and proven to work. “What most people don’t realize is that chefs are people too,” Markert says. “We party on the weekends, even if we’re back there making your brunch.”

—Tim Ebner

Kelly Magyarics

Straight from the Source

UnderServed The best cocktail you’re not ordering

What: Papal Blessing, with G. Bertagnolli Grappa di Amarone, Tito’s Vodka, blackcurrant and rosemary shrub, lime juice, demerara sugar, and a rosemary sprig Where: Woodward Table, 1426 H St. NW; (202) 347-5353; woodwardtable.com Price: $12.75 What You Should Be Drinking: General manager Alissa Costello was stirred to pay homage to His Holiness last fall with a shrub-based cocktail made from a crate of sweet and juicy Concord grapes from Pennsylvania’s Earth N Eats Farm.

The current incarnation of the drink uses blackcurrants instead, which are cooked down with apple cider vinegar, rosemary, and orange. The shrub is shaken with Grappa di Amarone—an Italian brandy distilled from grape skins, seeds, and stems—Tito’s Vodka, lime juice, and demerara sugar. As for the name? “During the crucial election process over the past two years, I couldn’t escape the obvious on who spoke the truth of truths,” Costello says. “Don’t we all need a papal blessing?” Amen.

Why You Should Be Drinking It: Progressive and endearing Pope Francis may be the drink’s inspiration, but right now a fictional pontiff is dominating the conversation. Jude Law’s character Pope Pius XIII on the new HBO series The Young Pope is downright weird— pretty much how guests viewed the original version of the cocktail because they couldn’t get past thoughts of syrupy grape juice or soda, Costello says.

Fortunately, the blackcurrant riff has grip, tannin, and a tea-like flavor balanced by the tart shrub and citrus juice.

But don’t think of it as a frou-frou fruit bomb: grappa and vodka may not add much flavor, but they do give body and spirit in spades. Match it with the tang of Chef Eddie Moran’s heirloom beet carpaccio, which is studded with pomegranate seeds and pickled grapes.

—Kelly Magyarics

Every year right around this time, there is a predictable epidemic: Parents break out in cold sweats, suffer panic attacks, and check their bank balances. It’s not fear of an impending doom—although this year, there is that too—but the realization that it’s summer camp sign-up time. Sure, they want their little spawn to be challenged, to have fun, and to learn, but mostly they need to figure out where the rugrats can go while they’re at work.

We’ve produced a little antidote to that annual anxiety. Ready your circling pens.

—Liz Garrigan

Valley Mill Camp

Acorn Hill DAy cAmp Acorn Hill’s summer camp incorporates outdoor play and elements of Waldorf curriculum in the school’s wooded playground with indoor learning. Ages 3.5 to 6. Acorn Hill Waldorf Kindergarten and Nursery. 9504 Brunett Ave., Silver Spring. $560–$785. June 19–July 28. (301) 565-2282. acornhill.org.

Active leArning cHess cAmp Active Learning USA Chess Camp offers full- and half-day programs for chess players of all abilities. Campers can also participate in video game-creation workshops. Ages 5 to 15. National Cathedral School. 3609 Woodley Rd. NW. $300–$535. June 26–Aug. 11. (281) 257-0078. chesscamp.com.

ADventure tHeAtre mtc cAmp Adventure Theatre’s summer camp is a full-day musical theater program. Campers work with local theater professionals and finish up their summer by performing in a full-scale production. Adventure Theatre also offers a three week musical theater training program for teenagers. Ages 6 to 18. Adventure Theatre MTC. 7300 MacArthur Blvd., Glen Echo. $800–$850. June 19–Aug. 25. (301) 634-2270. adventuretheatre-mtc.org.

AFDc summer cAmps Elementary schoolers can practice their French skills at this week-long camp that combines language learning with hands-on activities and field trips. Teenage students can take beginner classes or prepare for the AP and SAT 2 exams during two-week long courses. Ages 5 to 18.

Alliance Française de Washington. 2142 Wyoming Ave. NW. $350–$495. June 26–Aug. 18. (202) 234-7911. francedc.org.

BArrie DAy cAmp Barrie School’s outdoor summer day camp takes place at the school’s 45-acre campus. Campers participate in a range of traditional activities, from athletics to the performing arts, and attend daily swim lessons. Speciality camps for riding, theater, nature, karate, digital video, sports, art, and counselors-in-training are also offered. Ages 4 to 14. Barrie School. 13500 Layhill Road, Silver Spring. $400–$600. June 19–Aug. 11. (301) 576-2800. barrie.org.

BeAuvoir summer cAmp Beauvoir Summer Camp is a day camp for elementary school students that mixes outdoor exploration with science, sports, and art. Specialized programs include a city discovery series for older kids and a nature option for younger children. Ages 3 to 11. Beauvoir School. 3500 Woodley Road NW. $260–$1275. June 19–Aug. 4. (703) 9450408. summer.beauvoirschool.org.

BerrenD summer DAnce Berrend Dance Centre’s summer intensive is a four-week program for advanced dancers. Campers will take classes in ballet technique, pointe, partnering, modern, tap, jazz, and hip-hop. Week-long ballet camps are also available for younger dancers. Ages 5 to 18. Berrend Dance Centre. 3460 Olney-Laytonsville Road, Suite 210, Olney. $330–$1275. June 25–Aug. 18. (301) 774-3032. berrenddancecentre.com.

BetHesDA Big trAin summer cAmp This co-ed camp focuses exclusively on baseball. Campers receive instruction in the fundamentals of the game as well as the opportunity to play in a live game each day. Special sessions focus on pitching and advanced skills; celebrity camp features appearances by players from the Washington Nationals. Ages 5 to 12.

Bethesda Big Train. 10600 Westlake Drive, Bethesda. $200–$330. June 19–Aug. 11. (240) 477-1222. bigtrain.org/summercamp.

BuDDing yogis summer cAmp Circle Yoga offers an active and relaxing summer day camp program for kids. Activities include mindful yoga, journaling, group games, and arts and crafts. Ages 4 to 12. Circle Yoga. 3838 Northampton St. NW. $250–$365. June 19–Aug. 18. 202-686-1104. buddingyogis.com.

BurgunDy FArm summer DAy cAmp Children participate in a variety of sports, swimming, performing arts, and photography activities at this day camp coordinated by Burgundy Farms Country Day School.

Younger students enjoy story time, art projects, and scavenger hunts, while older campers can pick a specific area, from soccer to computers to photography, to focus on. Ages 3 to 12. Burgundy Farm Country Day School. 3700 Burgundy Road, Alexandria. $390. June 19–Aug. 11. (703) 960-3431. burgundyfarm.org.

cAllevA summer cAmps Calleva is a day camp centered around outdoor sports and education.

Activities range from kayaking and rock climbing to horseback riding and exploring the property’s farm.

Ages 4 to 17. Calleva Farm. 13015 Riley’s Lock Road, Poolesville. $500–$1045. June 12–Sept. 1. (301) 2161248. calleva.org. cAmp ArenA stAge Camp Arena Stage is a D.C. day camp dedicated to theater, music, visual arts, and dance. Campers choose their own activities, which range from knitting to a cappella to stop motion animation, and attend a daily show featuring the work of faculty, guest artists, and fellow campers. Ages 8 to 15. Georgetown Visitation Preparatory School.

1524 35th St., NW. $950–$2500. June 26–Aug. 4. (202) 554-9066. arenastage.org/education/camp-arena-stage. cAmp Aristotle Camp Aristotle is a day camp for students with social and communication challenges.

Activities range from crafts to science experiments and are designed to foster self-awareness and social success. Ages 5 to 15. Auburn School. 9545 Georgia Ave., Silver Spring. $300–$600. July 3–Aug. 11. (301) 588-8048. theauburnschool.org/camp.cfm. cAmp gAn isrAel Camp Gan Israel is a traditional day camp for Jewish children. Campers have the opportunity to participate in sports, crafts, drama, and swimming. Ages 2 to 10. American Friends of Lubavitch Center. 2110 Leroy Place NW. $250–$1470.

June 26–Aug. 4. (202) 332-5600. ganisraeldc.org. cAmp HiDDen meADows Camp Hidden Meadows is a traditional co-ed overnight camp located in the Allegheny Mountains of West Virginia. Activities range from organic farming to swimming to dance and drama. All campers are invited to participate in off-campus activities like whitewater rafting and zipline tours. Ages 7 to 16. Camp Hidden Meadows.

17739 Potomac Highland Trail, Bartow, W.V. $1010– $8800. June 18–Aug. 19. (800) 600-4752. camphiddenmeadows.com. cAmp Horizons Camp Horizons is a co-ed overnight camp in the Blue Ridge Mountains. Campers live in cabins and can participate in sports, swimming,

crafts, rocketry, gardening, and hiking. Special programs in adventure, horseback riding, and leadership are also available. Ages 6 to 17. Camp Horizons. 3586 Horizons Way, Harrisonburg, Va. $1395–$3450. June 11–Aug. 19. (540)-896-7600. camphorizonsva.com. cAmp imAginAtion stAge The Bethesda-based children’s theater offers a range of day camp programs in drama, musical theater, dance, and filmmaking. Ages 3 to 18. Imagination Stage. 4908 Auburn Ave., Bethesda. $205–$1295. June 12–Aug. 25.

(301) 280-1660. imaginationstage.org. cAmp invention Camp Invention is a series of week-long programs designed to foster interest in science, technology and mathematics. Camps will be held at Model Secondary School for the Deaf and a number of other schools in the D.C. area, in partnership with the United States Patent and Trademark Office and the Collegiate Inventors Competition. Ages 6 to 11. Model Secondary School for the Deaf. 800 Florida Ave. NE. $255. July 10–July 14. (800) 968-4332. campinvention.org. cAmp rim rock For girls Girls participate in sports, water activities, horseback riding, and the performing arts at this residential camp in West Virginia. Camp Rim Rock for Girls. 343 Camp Rim Rock Road, Yellow Spring, W.V. $1500–$5000. June 18–Aug. 12. (347) 746-7625. camprimrock.com. cAmp twin creeks Camp Twin Creeks is a co-ed overnight camp in the Allegheny Mountains. Campers live in cabins and participate in a range of traditional camp activities, from sports like tennis and soccer to swimming and craft-making. Ages 7 to 16.

Camp Twin Creeks. 9235 Huntersville Road, Marlinton, W.V. $2800–$5500. June 25–Aug. 19. (914) 3450707. camptwincreeks.com. cAmp wAtonkA Camp Watonka is a sleep-away science camp for boys in a traditional wilderness setting. Activities range from archery and canoeing to computer programming and astronomy. Ages 8 to 16. Camp Watonka. 328 Wangum Falls Road, Hawley, Pa. $3000–$7600. June 24–Aug. 19. (570) 226-4779. watonka.com.

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city oF gAitHersBurg summer cAmp The city of Gaithersburg offers a variety of full- and half-day summer camps, ranging from a toddler camp to specialized arts and sports camps for older children.

Ages 5 to 13. City of Gaithersburg’s Department of Parks, Recreation and Culture. 506 S. Frederick Ave., Gaithersburg. $45–$496. June 21–Aug. 25. (301) 2586350. gaithersburgmd.gov/camps.

artists, while high school-age campers in the Artistin-Training program help teach classes and serve as apprentices for professional artists leading activities.

Ages 7 to 17. Highwood Theatre. 914 Silver Spring Ave., Suite 102, Silver Spring. $125–$1400. June 26–Aug. 4.

(301) 587-0697. thehighwoodtheatre.org/summer.html. kiDBAll BAseBAll Kidball offers half- and fullday programs focused on learning the fundamentals of baseball and a variety of sports. Other activities include flag football, basketball, and floor hockey.

Ages 4 to 12. Cabin John Middle School. 10701 Gainsborough Road, Potomac. $190–$325. June 26–Aug. 11.

(301) 983-0543. kidballbaseball.com.

clArA BArton center For cHilDren summer cAmp Clara Barton Center for Children offers a co-ed summer camp for pre-schoolers. Led by qualified teachers, campers participate in crafts, water play, and other activities. Half-, full-, and extendedday programs are available. Ages 2 to 5. Clara Barton Center for Children. 7425 MacArthur Blvd., Cabin John. $180–$805. June 19–Aug. 18. (301) 320-4565. clarabartoncenter.org. columBiA Horse center Columbia Horse Center’s day camps are designed to teach students horsemanship skills. Activities range from horseback riding and games to learning about animal care and grooming. Camps culminate in an end of session show. Ages 5 to 15. Columbia Horse Center. 10400 Gorman Road, Laurel. $472–$930. June 19–Aug. 25. (301) 776-5850. columbiahorsecenter.com. concorD Hill cAmp Concord Hill Camp is an educational day camp taught by Concord Hill preschool teachers. Campers participate in crafts, water play, science experiments, and other activities. Ages 3 to 5. Concord Hill School. 6050 Wisconsin Ave., Chevy Chase. $225–$280. June 19–July 28. (301) 654-2626. concordhill.org. congressionAl cAmp Campers can enroll in day, academic, and travel camps housed on the campus of the Congressional Schools of Virginia. Older students explore the greater D.C. region while younger students play games, participate in drama activities, and swim. Ages 3 to 15. Congressional Schools of Virginia. 3229 Sleepy Hollow Road, Falls Church. $267– $870. June 19–Sept. 1. (703) 533-0931. congocamp.org. creAte summer cAmp Experienced art teachers inspire creativity in campers by teaching a variety of art-making techniques. Projects include pottery, sculpture, drawing, painting, cartooning, and more!

Ages 6 to 12. CREATE! Arts Center. 816 Thayer Avenue, Silver Spring. $250–$315. June 12–Sept. 1. (301) 5882787. createartscenter.org. curiosity zone summer cAmps Children with an interest in science and engineering can participate in a variety of full- and half-day science camps. Session themes this year include Legos, robotics, and medicine. Ages 4 to 10. Curiosity Zone. 43135 Broadlands Center Plaza, Suite 123, Ashburn. $249–$369. June 12–Aug. 18. (703) 723-9949. curiosityzone.com.

kiDs elite sports cAmp Students improve their skills in soccer, basketball, and football at this camp run by Wilson High School physical education teacher Desmond Dunham. Ages 4 to 12. Woodrow Wilson High School. 3950 Chesapeake St. NW. $155–$325.

June 19–Aug. 11. (240) 321-9287. kidselitesports.org.

Studio Theatre Youth Actor Summer Intensive $340–$960. July 10–Aug. 25. (301) 562-1990. dcfencing.com.

DynAmite gymnAstics cAmp Dynamite Gymnastics Center offers half- and full-day camps centered focused on fun and flexibility. Activities are a mix of gymnastics instruction, games, crafts, and free play.

Ages 3.5 to 17. Dynamite Gymnastics Center. 4956 Boiling Brook Parkway, Rockville. $145–$345. June 19–Aug. 25. 301-770-2700. dynamitegc.com. esF summer cAmp ESF (Education, Sports, and Fun) is a co-ed day camp at Georgetown Prep School.

Campers participate in a traditional range of camp activities, including daily swim instruction. Older students can enroll in filmmaking, cooking, and outdoor adventure courses; a speciality sports camp is also offered. Ages 3 to 17. Georgetown Prep School. 10900 Rockville Pike, North Bethesda. $465–$495. June 19–Aug. 18. (301) 493-2525. esfcamps.com/georgetownprep. evergreen summer cAmp Evergreen is a co-ed creative arts summer camp held on the campus of Evergreen Montessori School. Campers participate in programming aimed at promoting teamwork and life skills, like cooking, art, music, tennis, and dance. Ages 2.5 to 10. Evergreen School. 10700 Georgia Ave., Silver Spring. $195–$1970. June 12–Aug. 18. (301) 942-5979. evergreenschool.com.

DAr summer cAmps The DAR Museum offers a week-long day camp for kids this summer. In the Time Travelers Camp, contemporary children learn about colonial life by trying out different careers and making a variety of hands-on crafts. Ages 10 to 13. DAR Museum. 1776 D St. NW. $325. July 17–July 21. (202) 628-1776. dar.org/museum/education/summer-camp.

FAirFAx collegiAte summer progrAm Campers prepare for the upcoming school year at this enrichment-based summer program held at locations throughout Northern Virginia. Subjects include writing, engineering, and public speaking. During breaks in instruction, students play basketball, soccer, and other sports. Ages 8 to 14. Fairfax Collegiate.

722 Grant St., Suite J, Herndon. $220–$740. June 26–Aug. 25. (703) 481-3080. fairfaxcollegiate.com.

Dc Fencers cluB summer Fencing cAmp DC Fencers Club Summer Fencing Camp teaches kids the sport of fencing through games and drills. Camps are open to beginner through intermediate fencers, and equipment and uniforms are provided. Ages 7 to 16. DC Fencers Club. 9330 Fraser Ave., Silver Spring.

Flying kick summer cAmp Flying Kick Fitness Center offers a day camp centered on giving kids a fun, educational experience with tae kwon do. Other activities include swimming, dodgeball, and arts and crafts. Camps are held at Concord Hill School in Chevy Chase between June 20 and Aug. 5. Ages 4 to 16. Fly-

20 february 3, 2017 washingtoncitypaper.com

ing Kick Fitness Center. 4711 Chase Ave., Bethesda. $325–$2220. June 19–Aug. 25. 301-951-0543. flyingkicktkd.com.

Fusion AcADemy Students create individualized education experiences at this new, fully accredited private school that runs year-round. Prices vary based on enrollment. Fusion Academy DC. 3007 Tilden St. NW. (866) 904-4770. fusionacademy.com. genevA DAy summer cAmp Geneva Day School’s summer camp offers a range of outdoor and indoor activities for young children, from playground games and picnic lunches to baking and block building. Ages 2 to 6. Geneva Day School. 11931 Seven Locks Rd., Potomac. $183–$300. June 5–Aug. 4. (301) 340-7704. genevadayschool.org. greAter reston Arts center summer cAmps Campers participate in a variety of hands-on art projects at this camp sponsored by GRACe. Specific classes blend art with science and technology, teach photography techniques, and incorporate yoga into art. Ages 6 to 15. Hunters Woods Elementary School.

2401 Colts Neck Road, Reston. $267–$340. July 10–Aug. 18. (703) 471-9242. restonarts.org. green HeDges cAmp Young children explore science, nature, and the performing arts at this weeklong day camp held at Vienna’s Green Hedges School.

Ages 3 to 7. Green Hedges School. 415 Windover Ave. NW, Vienna. $250–$400. June 1–July 28. (703) 9388323. greenhedges.org.

HArmoniA music summer progrAms Young performers learn choreography, songs, and new tunes at this musical summer camp. Sessions culminate in a performance for friends and family. Ages 4 to 18. Harmonia School of Music and Arts. 204-F Mill St. NE, Vienna. $395–$675. June 26–Aug. 25. (703) 938-7301. harmoniaschool.org.

HigHwooD’s summer in tHe Arts Highwood’s Summer in the Arts is a day camp that lets kids explore all aspects of the theater, from acting to lighting and sound design. Younger campers choose classes and participate in activities with special guest

lAngley summer stuDio Campers take a variety of classes in extracurricular categories like photography, robotics, and cooking, as well as academic categories like Spanish and chemistry at this immersive camp hosted by the Langley School. Ages 3 to 14.

Langley School. 1411 Balls Hill Road, McLean. $220– $495. June 2–Aug. 4. (703) 356-1920. langleyschool.org. longAcre Longacre is an overnight teen leadership camp located in central Pennsylvania. Campers choose from an array of activities ranging from swimming and crafts to carpentry and interacting with farm animals. Ages 8 to 18. Longacre. 6514 Creek Road, Newport, Pa. $2224–$7209. June 25–Aug. 16.

(717) 567-3349. longacre.com. lopez stuDios perForming Arts cAmps Aspiring performers can participate in a variety of intense musical theatre programs that focus on dancing, singing, and acting. Camps are held at local churches and Lopez Studios Headquarters. Ages 5 to 18.

Lopez Studios Performing Arts Preparatory School.

11425 Isaac Newton Square, Reston. $290–$1495. July 3–Aug. 19. (703) 787-0071. lopezstudiosinc.com. louDon internAtionAl Fencing cAmp Campers learn the basics of fencing from professional coaches at this camp sponsored by the Reston Fencers Club.

More experienced campers can enroll in a pre-competition program. Ages 7 to 12. Loudon International Fencing Club. 21670 Red Rum Drive, Suite 159, Ashburn. $370. July 17–Aug. 18. (571) 232-1223. loudouninternationalfencing.com. lowell scHool summer progrAms The Lowell School offers a general summer day camp and several specialty programs where campers can swim, act, play sports, and learn new languages. Ages 2 to 14. Lowell School. 640 Kalmia Road NW. $400–$1595.

June 19–July 28. (202) 577-2000. lowellschool.org. mAD science Mad Science is a day camp, hosted at the Hill Center and other locations around the area, that gives kids hands-on opportunities with science.

Activities range from learning about life in the form of cells and organs to learning how physics allows rockets to exit the atmosphere. Ages 6 to 12. Hill Center at the Old Naval Hospital. 921 Pennsylvania Ave. SE. $190–$325. June 19–Aug. 18. (301) 593-4777. dc.madscience.org. mArylAnD youtH BAllet summer progrAms The Maryland Youth Ballet offers a range of summer workshops for dancers of all ages and experience levels. Young children can take weekly introducto-

night stay. Participants in both the boys and girls programs take part in activities ranging from boating to drama to athletics with other campers their age. Co-ed junior camp and counselor-in-training programs are also available. Ages 4 to 15. Valley Mill Camp. 15101 Seneca Road, Germantown. $540– $4860. June 19–Aug. 25. (301) 948-0220. valleymill.com.

ry classes, while older students work to improve their technique. Auditions are required for some advanced programs. Ages 2 to 20. Maryland Youth Ballet. 926 Ellsworth Drive, Silver Spring. $100–$2000. June 20–Aug. 4. (301) 608-2232. marylandyouthballet.org. mAtHtree, inc. MathTree day camps use a variety of teaching tools, games, toys, and activities to help kids develop an appreciation for math, grow academically, and gain confidence in their math abilities. Sessions are held at schools and community centers throughout the region. Ages 5 to 15. Hill Center at the Old Naval Hospital. 921 Pennsylvania Ave. SE. $375– $840. July 24–Aug. 4. (877) 628-4987. mathtree.com. pAssport to summer At wAsHington internAtionAl scHool Washington International School’s Passport to Summer is a co-ed multicultural day camp. The camp offers language immersion; art, science, and music workshops; and a counselorin-training program. Ages 3 to 15. Washington International School. 1690 36th St. NW. $165–$530. June 26–Aug. 11. (202) 243-1727. wis.edu/student-life/passport-to-summer. pinecrest summer pAvilion Campers explore a variety of ideas, from fashion and dance to animals and travel, at this program presented by Pinecrest School and hosted at two local churches. Ages 5 to 12.

Bethlehem Lutheran Church. 8922 Little River Turnpike, Fairfax. $155–$190. June 26–Aug. 25. (703) 3543446. pinecrestschool.org. plAy By plAy sports BroADcAsting cAmps Play By Play is both a day and overnight camp centered on teaching kids the art of sports broadcasting.

Campers are taught by professionals who work as journalists, sideline reporters, and in-game announcers. Ages 10 to 18. Notre Dame of Maryland University.

4701 North Charles St., Baltimore. $625–$1275. June 26–June 30. (800) 319-0884. playbyplaycamps.com. potomAc Horse center summer Horse cAmp Potomac Horse Center offers a day camp for young horseback riders. In addition to riding multiple times a day, campers will also learn about horse breeds, anatomy, and grooming techniques. Ages 5 to 13.

Potomac Horse Center., 14211 Qine Orchard Road, North Potomac. $550–$5300. June 19–Aug. 25. (301) 208-0200. potomachorse.com/summer.htm. reDDemeADe equestriAn cAmps Reddemeade offers a horseback riding day camp, with activities ranging from daily riding lessons to hands on experiences with grooming and handling, as well as time for arts and crafts and interactive discussions. Ages 7 to 14. Reddemeade Equestrian Center. 1701 Ednor Road, Silver Spring. $475–$875. June 19–Aug. 25. (301) 4214481. reddemeade.com. rounD House tHeAtre summer progrAms Students in elementary school use their imaginations to tell stories in the Summer Destinations program, middle school students learn how to write and design a performance in the Summer Theatre Artists program, and high school students participate in a variety of intensive institutes covering directing, improv, and musical theatre at this long-running series of theater camps. Ages 5 to 18. Round House Theatre Education Center. 925 Wayne Ave., Silver Spring. $250–$300. June 19–Sept. 1. (301) 585-1225. roundhousetheatre.org. silver stArs gymnAstics cAmp The local gymnastics training center offers this day camp program, where kids can learn tumbling exercises, navigate the monkey bars, and climb the ropes. Ages 3.5 to 15.

Silver Stars Gymnastics. 2701 Pittman Drive, Silver Spring. $260–$320. June 12–Sept. 1. 301-589-0938. gosilverstars.com. sportrock climBing cAmp These indoor climbing gyms offer day-long courses that introduce students to climbing techniques, as well as week-long day camps that send advanced students outside to climb at Great Falls National Park and Harpers Ferry.

Ages 6 to 16. Sportrock Climbing Center Alexandria.

5308 Eisenhower Ave., Alexandria. Sportrock Climbing Center Sterling. 45935 Maries Road, Sterling. $80–$450. June 19–Aug. 25. (703) 212-7625. sportrock.com. stone riDge summer cAmpus Stone Ridge offers a co-ed day camp featuring a range of traditional oncampus activities, including sports, crafts, and swimming, as well as programs that take campers off campus to explore D.C. sites, participate in community service activities, and complete outdoor activities. Ages 4 to 16. Stone Ridge School. 9101 Rockville Pike, Bethesda. $149–$458. June 19–July 28. (301) 6574322. stoneridgesummercampus.org.

strAtHmore Fine Arts cAmp Strathmore offers two separate fine arts day camps for kids and teens this summer. Older campers will create art, visit the Glenstone contemporary art museum, and learn to talk about their work, while younger campers will express their creativity in a variety of mediums. Ages 6 to 17. Mansion at Strathmore. 10701 Rockville Pike, North Bethesda. $388–$448. July 31–Aug. 18. (301) 581-5100. strathmore.org/education/for-children/ art-camps. stu vetter’s BAsketBAll cAmp Stu Vetter’s Basketball Camp is a day camp that teaches kids the fundamentals of basketball at locations in Maryland and Virginia. Campers have the privilege of learning under one of the most iconic and respected high school basketball coaches in America. Guest speakers also discuss basketball with attendees. Ages 6 to 17. Stu Vetter’s Basketball Camp. 1849 Clover Meadow Drive, Vienna. $175–$235. June 19–Aug. 11. (301) 770-6645. stuvetterbasketballcamp.com. stuDio tHeAtre youtH Actor summer intensive Young actors receive training in movement, voice, and improvisation at this three-week program.

Placement auditions are scheduled for June 17. Ages 13 to 17. Studio Theatre. 1501 14th St. NW. $865–$925.

June 26–Aug. 4. (202) 332-3300. studiotheatre.org. summer Art cAmp The Art League offers full- and half-day camps that span the visual arts. Participants can choose to focus on a specific medium or dabble in a range of projects, from printmaking to sculpture and jewelry making. Ages 5 to 18. The Art League School—Madison Annex. 305 Madison St., Alexandria. $155–$345. June 19–Aug. 20. (703) 683-2323. theartleague.org. summer At sAnDy spring Summer at Sandy Spring is a co-ed day camp focused on academics and recreation. Children may register for the general camp or specialty sports and arts programs. Ages 4 to 14. Sandy Spring Friends School. 16923 Norwood Road, Sandy Spring. $75–$495. June 19–Aug. 11. (301) 774-7455. ssfs.org. summer At wes Summer at WES is a co-ed day camp offering a range of traditional and enriching activities, from swimming and sports to cooking and robotics. WES also offers a week-long sleepaway camp at West Virginia’s Camp Tall Timbers. Ages 4

to 14. Washington Episcopal School. 5600 Little Falls Parkway, Bethesda. $295–$1095. June 12–Aug. 11.

(301) 652-7878. w-e-s.org. tennistAr sports cAmps TenniStar camps are dedicated to the teaching and practicing of various sports. Other offerings include basketball, lacrosse, and field hockey. Incoming Georgetown Visitation freshman can attend the VisiStar orientation program. Tennis instruction is also offered at Sport & Health in Bethesda. Ages 5 to 15. Georgetown Visitation Preparatory School. 1524 35th St. NW. $175–$375.

June 12–Aug. 4. (301) 530-5472. tennistar.com. tHe tHeAtre lAB summer cAmps The Theatre Lab offers three summer programs for kids interested in drama and musical theater, each culminating in a final performance of campers’ work. Ages 6 to 19.

Theatre Lab School of the Dramatic Arts. 733 8th St. NW. $335–$1135. June 19–Aug. 25. (202) 824-0449. theatrelab.org. tic summer cAmp TIC is a day camp that strikes a balance between sports and technology. Activities range from soccer and original outdoor games to digital photography and web development. Camps are also offered at Georgetown Day High School in Friendship Heights, Connelly School of the Holy Child in Potomac, and St. John Academy in McLean. Ages 7 to 15. Georgetown Day Lower and Middle School.

4530 MacArthur Blvd. NW. $880. June 19–Aug. 11.

(703) 876-2868. TICCamp.com. timBer riDge cAmp Timber Ridge is a traditional co-ed overnight camp in the Shenandoah Mountains. Activities include sports, visual and performing arts, and water activities like swimming, canoeing, and tubing on the Cacapon River. Ages 6 to 16. Timber Ridge Camp. Route 1 Box 470, High View, W.V. $3500– $9200. June 17–Aug. 11. (800) 258-2267. tcamps.com.

wABA Bike cAmp Campers will volunteer in the community, gain confidence riding in the city, and learn the basics of bicycle repair and maintenance at this week-long day camp. Location to be announced at a later date. Washington Area Bicyclist Association.

2599 Ontario Road NW. $350. July 3–28. (202) 5180524. waba.org. wooDlAnD Horse center Woodland Horse Center offers a day camp focused on teaching kids how to ride and care for horses. Programs vary based upon skill level and age; younger students do arts and crafts while older campers focus on different riding techniques. Ages 5 to 15. Woodland Horse Center.

16301 New Hampshire Ave., Silver Spring. $430–$875.

June 19–Aug. 25. (301) 421-9156. woodlandhorse.com. writopiA lAB Writopia Lab offers full-day and halfday summer camps for budding writers. All campers will participate in workshops with published authors and have an opportunity to read and publish their original work at the end of the program. Ages 6 to 18. Writopia Lab. 4000 Albermarle St. NW, Suite 308. $575–$3450. July 3–Aug. 25. (202) 629-9510. writopialab.org. ymcA cAmp letts YMCA Camp Letts is a co-ed overnight camp on the Chesapeake Bay. Campers live in cabins and participate in boating, crafts, hiking, and sports. Add-on programs in horseback riding, power boating, sailing, water skiing, and paintball, as well as day camp programs, are also available. Ages 6 to 16. YMCA Camp Letts. 4003 Camp Letts Road, Edgewater, Md. $289–$799. June 18–Aug. 25. (410) 919-1410. campletts.org.

us perForming Arts cAmps Students can learn about acting and directing for the camera, study vocal performance, or participate in musical theater courses at this camp, offered at locations around the country. Residential and commuter options are available at Georgetown. Ages 12 to 18. Georgetown University. 3700 O St. NW. $1145–$3350. July 2–July 14.

(888) 497-3553. usperformingarts.com. vAlley mill cAmp Valley Mill offers the experience of a traditional sleepaway camp without the over-

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Emotional Rapport

Even at his worst, Iranian auteur Asghar Farhadi’s filmmaking is still pretty great, while an eight-years-in-the-making Robert De Niro passion project misses its mark.

The Salesman

Directed by Asghar Farhadi

The Salesman

The Comedian

Directed by Taylor Hackford

By Tricia Olszewski Writer-director AsghAr FArhAdi has quickly vaulted himself into the realm of today’s top filmmakers by drawing from the well of domestic disharmony. His 2011 film, A Separation, received an Oscars nod for best original screenplay and took home the trophy for Best Foreign Language Film. His subsequent films, The Past and About Elly—the latter filmed before A Separation—also dealt with relationships. They did not get any love from the Academy, but their reviews were still glowing.

Farhadi’s latest, The Salesman, has again caught Oscars voters’ eyes, and though it is the most imperfect of his works thus far, Farhadi’s worst is still pretty good. (Whether the Iranian Farhadi and his cast will be able to attend the ceremony thanks to the political climate is a different issue.)

The Salesman is a story about the aftermath of violence, but more crucially it reflects the seemingly universal urge of men to take action while women merely ask for their partner’s ear and emotional support. Rana (Taraneh Alidoosti, About Elly) and Emad (Shahab Hosseini, About Elly and A Separation) are a young couple who are performing in a local production of Arthur Miller’s Death of a Salesman. At the beginning of the film, they must flee their apartment building, which is threatening to collapse thanks to nearby construction. (The metaphorical foreshadowing is hard to miss.) One of their fellow thespians (Babak Karimi) is a landlord who happens to have a vacant flat, however, so they temporarily set up house there, despite the former tenant still having her belongings locked up in one of the bedrooms.

That tenant, whom neighbors describe as living “a wild life,” avoids coming back for her stuff for reasons unknown. And on the first night Rana and Emad are to spend in the apartment, Rana is attacked after a show while Emad is picking up groceries. She’d assumed it was her husband who rang their doorbell, so with her fingers full of soap, she just buzzes him in, unlocks the door, and returns to the bathroom. In a chilling moment, the door opens slowly with the visitor unseen. Other tenants find her bloodied and unconscious after hearing her cries.

The Salesman proceeds quite differently than its fellow Best Foreign Language picture nominee, Elle. Both are about rape; in the former, however, the word is never uttered and hardly even alluded to. Like many victims—and one assumes the attitude is even more prevalent in a traditionalist country such as Iran—Rana blames herself for letting the assailant in and feels too humili-

film

The Comedian

ated to even talk with her husband, never mind the police, about what happened. (In the background of one scene, there’s even a poster of Ingmar Bergman’s 1968 film Shame.)

Between her unwillingness to tell Emad what happened and

her irrational, if understandable, fear and instability, Emad grows increasingly impatient and even cruel, at one point saying, “You could pull yourself together.” It doesn’t seem to occur to him that his wife was sexually assaulted, and as she both clings washingtoncitypaper.com february 3, 2017 23

CPArts to him and pushes him away, Emad gives her an ultimatum that they either go to the police or “forget this whole story.”

The Salesman is a curious title for the film, considering that there aren’t any major themes tying this tale to the classic drama. (It’s being marketed under a more appropriate name, The Client, in France.) Compared to Farhadi’s other work, however, the similarities are hard to miss: All involve trauma, whether physical or emotional; all take place largely in cramped spaces; and all intricately ramp up tension through the subtlest of glances, gestures, and line deliveries. You can glean the dynamic between his characters just by looking at the way the actors hold themselves, and both Hosseini and the eminently watchable Alidoosti do fine work.

One Farhadi marker that’s missing—though perhaps for the better—is hysteria, which is especially prevalent in A Separation and The Past. Alidoosti’s Rana is, at most, passive-aggressive toward her husband, while Hosseini’s Emad is forceful yet mostly keeps his emotions in check, even when he finally comes across the man who he believes attacked his wife.

The problem at this point of the film, however, is that its turn is unrealistic; in a seeming attempt to pull an M. Night Shyamalan fake-out, Farhadi chooses a most unlikely assailant, and it’s simply not believable. The couple’s reactions after the man is pinned are curious as well—let’s just say that demonization flies out their high-rise window.

For a portrayal of how a violent act can drive a wedge between a couple, The Salesman delivers. If you’ve got a taste for

a satisfying whodunit, however, look elsewhere. in tAylor hAckFord’s The Comedian, no one ages with dignity. Here’s a visual: A once-revered insult comic is doing some stand-up in a Florida old folks home for reasons too tedious to explain. After some blue banter, he turns his act even more juvenile and invites his audience to sing along to his altered version of the standard “Makin’ Whoopee.” Improbably, most of them oblige and help him belt out his parody, which is about constipation. And at its climax, one elderly man cheerfully cries out, “Poopy!” And scene.

Worse? Robert De Niro is the comic.

The Comedian was reportedly a passion project for De Niro eight years in the making. The reason, at least based on the results, is elusive. It’s also hard to imagine that Sean Penn was once attached to direct this trainwreck, which was cobbled together by four scripters and helmed by someone who, while respectable, hasn’t had a hit since 2004’s Ray. (And let’s be honest: That was Jamie Foxx’s show.)

De Niro plays Jackie Burke, a comedian long past his glory days who’s now mostly remembered as Eddie, a PG-character he played on a sitcom. Everyone who recognizes Jackie wants him to say Eddie’s signature line, while all Jackie wants is to get back onstage. He doesn’t handle the continuous requests to “Do Eddie!” very nicely. In fact, he gets into an altercation with an obnoxious audience member at the beginning of the film, which leads to jail time and community service.

It’s while working in a soup kitchen that he meets Harmony (Leslie Mann), with whom he begins a lonelyhearts friendship. She, like so many others, keeps telling Jackie how great he is, while all other signs—most notably, his act— point to the contrary.

The Comedian’s most egregious fault isn’t that it’s not terribly funny—it does have a few entertaining moments, and De Niro fully inhabits his Andrew Dice Clay-ian character.

(When asked to participate in a roast for a comedian played

by Cloris Leachman, he agrees, adding, “She’s a barely living legend.”) What instead sinks the film is its complete aimlessness. It meanders between disjointed scenes, most of which serve no purpose other than to show Jackie getting irritated.

Danny De Vito and Harvey Keitel are given largely throwaway roles as Jackie’s brother and Harmony’s father, respectively, though Jackie does unleash a terrific comeback to Keitel’s character when he repeatedly calls him “Eddie.”

In the third act, the film really falls apart with two incredible downers, officially rendering the entire project atonal. Why De Niro was so devoted to making The Comedian may be a mystery, but its worthiness as anything but a basic-cable sit is not.

The Salesman opens Friday at Landmark’s Bethesda Row and the Angelika Film Center, and screens Sunday at the National Gallery of Art. The Comedian opens Friday at the Angelika Film Center and Landmark’s Atlantic Plumbing Cinema.

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Any WAy you Like it As You Like It

By William Shakespeare Directed by Gaye Taylor Upchurch At the Folger Theatre to March 5 as frivolity masquerading a s philosophy has created its most dire consequences yet for our waning empire, the Folger Theatre is revisiting a comedy wherein philosophy masquerades as frivolity. The players even wear masks for a lot of it.

As You Like It, the soothing sylvan romance built around Shakespeare’s most complex heroine, is all about love among exiles.

Orlando, the kind, strong younger brother of the cruel Oliver, pines for the brilliant Rosalind, daughter of a banished duke. The feeling is mutual, kind of: Rosalind joins up with Orlando in the guise of a boy, Ganymede, and she sustains the ruse for as long as it takes her to help Orlando mature his Romeo-style self-abnegating devotion into something more generous and durable. If she weren’t so much more contemplative (and talkative) than he— or than any other woman Shakespeare ever imagined, certainly in any of his comedies— it might be fair to call her the original Manic Pixie Dream Girl Pretending to Be a Boy (and in Elizabethan times, played by one, naturally.)

She even gets Orlando to stop vandalizing trees with his shitty poetry. That’s a clear win for conservationists regardless of whether they care if this doofus ever grows up.

Rosalind’s expressive genius is right there on the page; Orlando seems smarter or dumber depending on who’s playing the role. That’s why Gaye Taylor Upchurch’s Hudson Valley Shakespeare production from last summer— at least the version of it that’s been exported to the Folger, which retains composer Heather Christian’s boisterous songs and Charlotte Palmer-Lee’s modern costumes but has been

wholly recast—sometimes feels a little wispy.

This despite the fact Upchurch has found a worthy Rosalind in Lindsay Alexandra Carter; she’s game and gamine and misses nothing.

But Lorenzo Roberts’ Orlando never seems to evolve beyond the loveable naif he is when he begins his walkabout in the Forest of Arden, which deprives us of the idea of love as a catalyst for emotional growth.

Absent that, the play becomes a mere trifle, albeit one that offers plenty to amuse:Tom Story’s weathered performance as Jaques. Aaron Krohn’s plaid-suited-andbowtied fool Touchstone. And best of all, Antoinette Robinson’s perpetually sideeyeing Celia. (I’d come back tomorrow for a production that featured Robinson as Rosalind and Carter as Celia.)

Lorenzo Roberts’ Orlando never seems to evolve beyond the loveable naif he is when he begins his walkabout in the Forest of Arden, which deprives us of the idea of love as a catalyst for emotional growth. Neither Tom Story’s weathered performance as Jaques nor Aaron Krohn’s plaid-suited-andbowtied fool Touchstone or even Antoinette Robinson’s perpetually side-eyeing Celia are enough to fill in the void. I’d come back for a production that featured Robinson as Rosalind and Carter as Celia, though.

Apart from the conventional crossdressing hijinks, there’s very little plot in As You Like It. As James Shapiro wrote in his book 1599: A Year in the Life of William Shakespeare, the play’s subject is “the distance between artificial poetry and genuine intimacy.” This production’s artificial poetry is very good.

—Chris Klimek 201 East Capitol St. SE. $35-$75. (202) 5444600. folger.edu. washingtoncitypaper.com february 3, 2017 25

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Ratt featuring Pearcy, De Martini, Croucier • Kix • Loverboy • Cinderella’s Tom Keifer • Winger • Dokken and more!.......APRIL 28 & 29

M3 SOUTHERN ROCK CLASSIC FEATURING

FIRST NIGHT SOLD OUT! SECON

Japandroids w/ Craig Finn & The Uptown Controllers ................................ Tu 28 MARCH

The English Beat ........................................................................................... W 1 The Knocks w/ Bipolar Sunshine & Gilligan Moss.......................................... Th 2 Randy Rogers Band & Josh Abbott Band w/ Stoney LaRue .................. F 3 U STREET MUSIC HALL PRESENTS

HERN SOUTOCK R !

FEST

Lynyrd Skynyrd • Charlie Daniels Band and more! ................... APRIL 30 2 and 3-day Tickets On Sale now.

The xx w/ Sampha ............................................................................................ MAY 6 I.M.P. & GOLDENVOICE PRESENT AN EVENING WITH

Sigur Rós ............................................................................................... MAY 25 • For full lineups and more info, visit merriweathermusic.com • 930.com

Haywyre & The Opiuo Band..................................................................... Sa 4 Agnes Obel...................................................................................................... Tu 7 Los Campesinos! w/ Crying & Infinity Crush ............................................... Th 9

Echostage • Washington, D.C. I.M.P. & STEEZ PROMO PRESENT

ALL GOOD PRESENTS

Railroad Earth w/ Cris Jacobs ........................................................ F 10 & Sa 11 Sunn O))) w/ BIG|BRAVE ................................................................................ Su 12 Hippie Sabotage ........................................................................................... W 15 Katatonia w/ Caspian & Uncured .................................................................. Th 16 Galactic w/ Con Brio ........................................................................................ F 17 Galactic featuring Corey Glover w/ The Hip Abduction ..................................Sa 18 Tennis w/ Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever.................................................... Su 19 Modern Baseball w/ Kevin Devine & The Goddamn Band • Sorority Noise • The Obsessives...... Tu 21 Foxygen .......................................................................................................... W 22 The Zombies: Odessey and Oracle 50th Anniversary ........................... Th 23 SOHN ................................................................................................................. F 24 ALL GOOD PRESENTS

Rising Appalachia

EBLAST!

Early Show! 6pm Doors.....................................................Sa 25

Big Gigantic w/ Keys n Krates & Brasstracks 18+ to enter......................FEBRUARY 17 TYCHO ................................................................................................................. MAY 17 2135 Queens Chapel Rd. NE • Ticketmaster

EagleBank Arena • Fairfax, VA

BASTILLE....................................................................................................... MARCH 28 Ticketmaster

1215 U Street NW

JUST ANNOUNCED!

Yann Tiersen ...................................................................................DECEMBER 5 On Sale Friday, February 3 at 10am

ALL GOOD PRESENTS

Twiddle w/ Aqueous Late Show! 10pm Doors ....................................................Sa 25 Trentemøller ............................................................................................... Su 26 Allah-Las w/ The Babe Rainbow (OZ) ..............................................................M 27

MANY MORE SHOWS ON SALE!

9:30 CUPCAKES

930.com

The best thing you could possibly put in your mouth Cupcakes by BUZZ... your neighborhood bakery in Alexandria, VA. | www.buzzonslaters.com

Washington, D.C.

STORY DISTRICT’S

Sucker for Love: A Valentine’s Day Special ............................................FEBRUARY 11

Tinder Live! with Lane Moore w/ Alexandra Petri & Heather Matarazzo ...FEB 14 I.M.P. & ALL GOOD PRESENT

Leo Kottke & Keller Williams .................................................FEBRUARY 18 Hayes Grier & The Boys........................................................................FEBRUARY 20 MURRAY & PETER PRESENT

The Naked Magicians 18+ to enter. ..................................................FEBRUARY 24

TWO EVENINGS WITH

The Magnetic Fields:

50 Song Memoir............................. MARCH 18 (Songs 1-25) & MARCH 19 (Songs 26-50)

Lisa Lampanelli............................................................................................ APRIL 8 Welcome To Night Vale w/ Erin McKeown........................................... APRIL 13 Aimee Mann w/ Jonathan Coulton ................................................................ APRIL 20 9:30 CLUB PRESENTS AT U STREET MUSIC HALL Escort ..............................................F FEB 3 Kap G & JR Donato .......................... Sa 25 Book of Love ..................................... Sa 11 Nikki Lane Mickey Avalon .................................... F 17 w/ Brent Cobb & Jonathan Tyler ............. M 27 Lisa Hannigan w/ Heather Woods Broderick ................. Th 23 Mako .............................................Th MAR 2

D NIGHT ADDED! FIRST NIGHT SOLD OUT! SECON

Brian Wilson presents Pet Sounds : The Final Performances

with special guests Al Jardine and Blondie Chaplin....................................................... MAY 4

AN EVENING OF STORYTELLING WITH

Garrison Keillor ........................................................................................... MAY 21 • thelincolndc.com •

U Street (Green/Yellow) stop across the street!

• Buy advance tickets at the 9:30 Club box office

Tickets for 9:30 Club shows are available through TicketFly.com, by phone at 1-877-4FLY-TIX, and at the 9:30 Club box office.

9:30 CLUB BOX OFFICE HOURS are 12-7PM Weekdays & Until 11PM on show nights. 6-11PM on Sat & 6-10:30PM on Sun on show nights.

PARKING: THE OFFICIAL 9:30 parking lot entrance is on 9th Street, directly behind the 9:30 club. Buy your advance parking tickets at the same time as your concert tickets!

HAPPY HOUR DRINK PRICES

AFTER THE SHOW AT THE BACK BAR!

26 february 3, 2017 washingtoncitypaper.com

930.com

CITYLIST

INER

60S-INSPIRED D Serving

EVERYTHING from

BURGERS to BOOZY SHAKES

SPACE HOOPTY

A HIP HOP, FUNK & AFRO FUTURISTIC SET with Baronhawk Poitier

Music 27 Theater 31

Music rock

Birchmere 3701 Mount Vernon Ave., Alexandria.

(703) 549-7500. Marshall Crenshaw and The Bottle Rockets. 7:30 p.m. $29.50. birchmere.com.

Black cat 1811 14th St. NW. (202) 667-4490. Downtown Boys, Two Inch Astronaut, Loi Loi, Kosi. 8 p.m. $15. blackcatdc.com. comet Ping Pong 5037 Connecticut Ave. NW. (202) 364-0404. Super Silver Haze, Outer Spaces, Video Love. 10 p.m. $12. cometpingpong.com. the hamilton 600 14th St. NW. (202) 787-1000.

Rhett Miller, Joe Purdy. 8 p.m. $20–$39.75. thehamiltondc.com. rock & roll hotel 1353 H St. NE. (202) 388-7625.

Leon, Jacob Banks. 9 p.m. $15. rockandrollhoteldc.com.

Vocal

BRING YOUR TICKET

opera

kennedy center Family theater 2700 F St. NW. (202) 467-4600. Rinde Eckert. 7 p.m. $29. kennedy-center.org. kennedy center millennium Stage 2700 F St. NW. (202) 467-4600. Beijing Chinese Opera. 6 p.m.

Free. kennedy-center.org.

country

Club

TO GET A

FREE SCHAEFERS

DAY PARTY WITH DJ KEENAN ORR

First Sunday every month

2 - 6pm

9:30 cluB 815 V St. NW. (202) 265-0930. Greensky Bluegrass, Fruition. 7 p.m. $26.50. 930.com.

Blues

BlueS alley 1073 Wisconsin Ave. NW. (202) 3374141. Corey Harris Rasta Blues Experience. 8 p.m.; 10 p.m. $25–$30. bluesalley.com.

Jazz

BetheSda BlueS & Jazz 7719 Wisconsin Ave., Bethesda. (240) 330-4500. Bill Laurance. 8 p.m. $25. bethesdabluesjazz.com. twinS Jazz 1344 U St. NW. (202) 234-0072. The Flail.

9 p.m.; 11 p.m. $15. twinsjazz.com.

Funk & r&B

howard theatre 620 T St. NW. (202) 803-2899.

Richard Smallwood. 8 p.m. $35–$55. thehowardtheatre.com.

saturday rock

dc9 1940 9th St. NW. (202) 483-5000. Black Marble, You. 7:30 p.m. $12. dcnine.com.

classical

2047 9th Street NW located next door to 9:30 club

CITY LIGHTS: Friday

Friday

FRIDAY NIGHTS, 10:30 - CLOSE

AFTER ANY SHOW AT

Film 33

kennedy center concert hall 2700 F St. NW. (202) 467-4600. National Symphony Orchestra, with conductor Christoph Eschenbach, performs Beethoven’s Eighth Symphony and Tchaikovsky’s Serenade for Strings. 8 p.m. $15–$89. kennedy-center.org.

opera

george maSon univerSity center For the artS 4373 Mason Pond Drive, Fairfax. (888) 9452468. Virginia Opera: Der Freischütz. 8 p.m. $54–$110. cfa.gmu.edu.

PATRIOT NATIONS: NATIVE AMERICANS IN OUR NATION’S ARMED FORCES

If your knowledge of Native Americans serving in the U.S. military begins and ends with Johnny Cash’s rendition of “The Ballad of Ira Hayes,” you’ll learn more at the National Museum of the American Indian’s new exhibition. A series of placards with text and photos, Patriot Nations: Native Americans in Our Armed Forces includes the feel-good Civil War story of Ely S. Parker, a Seneca Indian and the highest ranking Native American in the Union Army, who drafted the terms of surrender as Ulysses S. Grant’s secretary. Noticing him, Robert E. Lee remarked, “I am glad to see one real American here.” Another placard is devoted to Hayes, a Pima Indian serving in the U.S. Marine Corps in World War II, who was among the Marines raising the American flag over Iwo Jima in the famous Associated Press photograph. Also described are the Vietnam War, during which 90 percent of the 42,000 Native Americans who served were volunteers, and the 21st century wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. More than 24,000 of the 1.2 million current active-duty servicemen and women are Native Americans, and the museum elevates their work through this exhibit and symposiums like “From Tarzan to Tonto,” which examines the pervasiveness of racial stereotypes in American culture on Feb. 9. The exhibit is on view daily 10 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. at the National Museum of the American Indian, 4th Street and Independence Avenue SW. Free. (202) 633-1000. nmai.si.edu.

—Diana Michele Yap

World

atlaS PerForming artS center 1333 H St. NE. (202) 399-7993. Alsarah and The Nubatones. 8 p.m. $20–$32. atlasarts.org.

country

9:30 cluB 815 V St. NW. (202) 265-0930. Greensky Bluegrass, Fruition. 7 p.m. $26.50. 930.com.

Jazz

amP By Strathmore 11810 Grand Park Ave., North Bethesda. (301) 581-5100. Marcus Johnson. 8 p.m. $30–$40. ampbystrathmore.com. kennedy center Family theater 2700 F St. NW. (202) 467-4600. Jason and Joan: Reanimation. 7 p.m. $26. kennedy-center.org. twinS Jazz 1344 U St. NW. (202) 234-0072. The Flail.

9 p.m.; 11 p.m. $15. twinsjazz.com.

Funk & r&B

the hamilton 600 14th St. NW. (202) 787-1000.

Anthony B, Zedicus, Abyssinia Roots. 8 p.m. $25–$35. thehamiltondc.com.

sunday rock

kennedy center millennium Stage 2700 F St. NW. (202) 467-4600. Wylder. 6 p.m. Free. kennedy-center.org.

opera

george maSon univerSity center For the artS 4373 Mason Pond Drive, Fairfax. (888) 9452468. Virginia Opera: Der Freischütz. 2 p.m. $54–$110. cfa.gmu.edu.

washingtoncitypaper.com february 3, 2017 27

Monday

Black cat BackStage 1811 14th St. NW. (202) 6674490. Unring the Bell, Koshari. 7:30 p.m. $10. blackcatdc.com.

kennedy center millennium Stage 2700 F St. NW. (202) 467-4600. AnDa Union. 6 p.m. Free. kennedy-center.org.

rock & roll hotel 1353 H St. NE. (202) 388-7625.

Sky Girls, Flamingosis. 8 p.m. $13. rockandrollhoteldc.com.

Funk & r&B

Vocal

World

BlueS alley 1073 Wisconsin Ave. NW. (202) 3374141. Russell Taylor. 8 p.m.; 10 p.m. $22. bluesalley.com.

tuesday rock dc9 1940 9th St. NW. (202) 483-5000. Dizzyride, Lokomoko, Bruisey Peets. 8:30 p.m. $8. dcnine.com. rock & roll hotel 1353 H St. NE. (202) 388-7625.

Every Time I Die, Knocked Loose, Harm’s Way, Eternal Sleep. 7 p.m. $20. rockandrollhoteldc.com.

Jazz kennedy center millennium Stage 2700 F St. NW. (202) 467-4600. Flávio Silva. 6 p.m. Free. kennedy-center.org.

Wednesday rock

Birchmere 3701 Mount Vernon Ave., Alexandria.

(703) 549-7500. Justin Hayward, Mike Dawes. 7:30 p.m. $69.50. birchmere.com.

Sixth & i hiStoric Synagogue 600 I St. NW. (202) 408-3100. Ute Lemper. 7:30 p.m. $25–$30. sixthandi.org.

Hip-Hop kennedy center millennium Stage 2700 F St. NW. (202) 467-4600. Konshens The MC and State of Mind. 6 p.m. Free. kennedy-center.org.

Jazz BlueS alley 1073 Wisconsin Ave. NW. (202) 3374141. Ama Chandra. 8 p.m.; 10 p.m. $20. bluesalley.com.

tHursday rock

comet Ping Pong 5037 Connecticut Ave. NW. (202) 364-0404. Naomi Punk, PC Worship, Big Hush. 9 p.m. $12. cometpingpong.com. dc9 1940 9th St. NW. (202) 483-5000. VHS Collection, Paperwhite. 8 p.m. $10–$12. dcnine.com.

Funk & r&B BlueS alley 1073 Wisconsin Ave. NW. (202) 3374141. JOI. 8 p.m.; 10 p.m. $30–$35. bluesalley.com.

CITY LIGHTS: saturday

Voting ends March 5 washingtoncitypaper.com

Best of 2017 out April 6 Reserve now! Call the advertising department to book your Best of D.C. ad today: 202-332-2100

28 february 3, 2017 washingtoncitypaper.com

DER FREISCHÜTZ

The Wagner before Wagner, Carl Maria Von Weber largely defined German Romantic opera by, ironically, rejecting the German Singspiel style of his contemporaries and borrowing a lot from the French. His 1821 opera Der Freischütz (The Marksman, or in Virginia Opera’s version, The Magic Marksman) didn’t have the lasting power of The Ring Cycle or The Flying Dutchman or any of his proto-fascist successor’s great works, but it set the stage for a lot of them with its basis in German folklore, supernatural elements, and use of motif. It tells the story of a fool in love who unwittingly makes a deal with the devil to win a shooting contest with magic bullets, thereby securing the affection of his crush. Originally set in the 17th century Kingdom of Bohemia, this production takes place in an 18th century German immigrant community in America. Virginia Opera rightfully deserves praise for bringing back a rarely staged production—it was last at the Met nearly 50 years ago. It’s a gamble but, then again, there’s little for a contemporary opera-goer to compare it to. The opera begins at 8 p.m. at the Center for the Arts at George Mason University, 4373 Mason Pond Drive, Fairfax. $54–$110. (703) 993-2787. cfa.gmu.edu.

—Mike Paarlberg

washingtoncitypaper.com february 3, 2017 29

LIVE

CITY LIGHTS: sunday

JoHn early and kate Berlant

UPCOMING PERFORMANCES

RHETT MILLER

OF THE OLD 97’S

AND

JOE

PURDY FRIDAY FEB

FEBRUARY F

S

3

4

T

JUNIOR MARVIN’S WAILERS B-DAY CELEBRATION

TH 9 FRI 10

DENIECE WILLIAMS & SHIRLEY JONES BILLY PRICE BAND & THE NIGHTHAWKS

11

SYLEENA JOHNSON

SU 12

LOVE HOLIDAY W/ JEFF BRADSHAW & FRIENDS (7/10PM)

S

M&T 13-14

VALENTINE’S DAY W/ THE SPINNERS

SU 19

THE BAR KAY’S & BRICK

TH 23

ANGIE STONE (7/10PM)

SU 26

THE ROSSLYN MT. BOYS PLUS BOB PERILLA’S BIG HILLBILLY BLUEGRASS

JUST ANNOUNCED T

3/7

GONNA BE ALRIGHT” a celebration of

BUDDY HOLLY TRIBUTE SHI-QUEETA-LEE’S DRAG TAILGATE BRUNCH

7

DR DREAD PRESENTS “EVERY LITTLE THING IS

BILL LAURANCE OF “SNARKY PUPPY”

SU 5

RICKIE LEE JONES & MADELEINE PEYROUX

BOB featuring MARLEY

ANTHONY B W/ ZEDICUS AND ABYSSINIA ROOTS SATURDAY FEB

4

MON, FEB 6

SLATE PRESENTS

TRUMPCAST LIVE IN D.C. TUES, FEB 7

DAN LAYUS (OF AUGUSTANA)

W/ RYAN BEAVER

THEHAMILTONDC.COM

D.C.’s awesomest events calendar. washingtoncitypaper.com/ calendar

7719 Wisconsin Ave., Bethesda, MD (240) 330-4500 www. BethesdaBluesJazz.com Two Blocks from Bethesda Metro/Red Line Free Parking on Weekends

3

Over the past few years, the world of comedy has overflowed its traditional boundaries, spilling out of sitcoms, sketch shows, and open mic nights into podcasts, web series, and other experimental and improvisational forms.

For years, you’d probably discover your new favorite comedian on an episode of Comedy Central Presents; now you’re more likely find them while listening to Comedy Bang Bang or watching them face off on @Midnight. If you dip your toes in these brilliant comedic pools, you’ve probably already seen Kate Berlant and John Early, thanks to her subversive sets and sketches and his scene-stealing turns on Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp and Search Party. Berlant and Early have worked together for years, and their latest project is their biggest yet: Vimeo’s 555, an anthology of five short films set in a hellish version of Hollywood. Executive produced by alt-comedy gatekeepers Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim, 555 promises absurdity, surreality, and dark humor. To launch the show, Berlant and Early will screen the first episode at the Howard Theatre. They’ll perform some original work as well because there’s still no substitute for the visceral power of a live comedy show. John Early and Kate Berlant at 8 p.m. at the Howard Theatre, 620 T St. NW. $15–$25. (202) 803-2899. thehowardtheatre.com.

—Chris Kelly

washingtoncitypaper.com

30 february 3, 2017 washingtoncitypaper.com

CITY LIGHTS: Monday

FORTUNE COOKIES FOR EASY WOMEN SMOKING LOOSE CIGARETTES

The idea of retirement sounds so relaxing: unstructured days spent focusing on hobbies, time to travel, fewer responsibilities at home.

These days, however, as some children rely on their parents well into adulthood and family elders live longer and progressively require more attention, the end of working doesn’t mean that daily obligations immediately stop. Local actress and playwright Dani Stoller (pictured) looks for the comedy in this situation in her latest work, Fortune Cookies for Easy Women Smoking Loose Cigarettes. Set in a sunny, gated community in Southern Florida, the play follows Marian Amsel, a recent retiree who suddenly finds herself caring for her adult daughter (kicked out of her home by her husband), her new husband’s niece (a pregnant teenager), and a neighbor (responsible for a suicidal sister and hospitalized mother). With a nest this big and complicated, the only thing to do is laugh and that’s exactly what Stoller’s play provides. Caring for others is part of human nature, regardless of all the wacky circumstances that may unfold. The reading begins at 7 p.m. at Signature Theatre, 4200 Campbell Ave., Arlington. Free. (703) 820-9771. sigtheatre.org.

—Caroline Jones

---------CITY LIGHTS: tuesday

3701 Mount Vernon Ave. Alexandria, VA • 703-549-7500

For entire schedule go to Birchmere.com Find us on Facebook/Twitter!

Tix @ Ticketmaster.com 800-745-3000

Feb 3

MARSHALL CRENSHAW & THE BOTTLE ROCKETS JUSTIN HAYWARD 8 THE WIND OF HEAVEN TOUR w/Mike Dawes

9&10

ERIC ROBERSON

1811 14TH ST NW

www.blackcatdc.com @blackcatdc

FEB / MAR SHOWS THU 2

D Maurice

WILL DOWNING 14 BURLESQUE-A-PADES

FRI 3

12

in LOVELAND 10th Anniversary Show!

17-19

FlaVio silVa

Think of Brazilian music and you might hear melodies that drift along like a breeze across the beaches of Rio or grooving rhythms just right for Friday nights in the clubs of Lapa. NewYorkbased Brazilian guitarist, composer, bandleader, and friend of the D.C. jazz scene Flavio Silva inverts the formula slightly, crafting propulsive compositions that bridge the gaps between ’70s fusion, Art Blakey, and Antônio Jobim. The rhythms are tight but still groove as Silva and his bandmates navigate between fiery solos and subdued stretches of soulful samba. Fellow New York transplant Alex ‘Apolo’ Ayala joins Silva on bass, injecting the rhythms of his native Puerto Rico for some four-string flare. But Silva is also joined by two of D.C.’s finest jazz artists: second generation percussive shaman Kush Abadey and the shrewd tenor sax player Elijah Jamal Balbed. They expand Silva’s already distinct musical vernacular with the impactful post-bop sound that defines the District’s modern jazz movement. Flavio Silva performs at 6 p.m. at the Kennedy Center Millennium Stage, 2700 F St. NW. Free. (202) 467-4600. kennedy-center.org.

—Jackson Sinnenberg

Theater

aS you like it When Rosalind is banished from her home and flees to the forest, one of the Bard’s great romantic comedies begins. The classic tale of mistaken identities, love, and beauty comes to life at the Folger under the direction of Gaye Taylor Upchurch.

Folger Elizabethan Theatre. 201 E. Capitol St. SE. To March 5. $35–$75. (202) 544-7077. folger.edu.

BaBy ScreamS miracle A woman finds herself trapped with her estranged family during a wild storm as their home collapses and the world falls apart around them. Clare Barron’s new play comes to life at Woolly under the direction of Howard Shalwitz.

Woolly Mammoth Theatre. 641 D St. NW. To Feb. 26. $20–$54. (202) 393-3939. woollymammoth.net.

stars Robert Joy and Jeanne Paulsen. Sidney Harman Hall. 610 F St. NW. To March 12. $42–$118. (202) 5471122. shakespearetheatre.org.

Peter and the Starcatcher Learn about the events that led up to the story of Peter Pan in this prequel that finds an unnamed orphan boy fighting to outwit a charming and villainous pirate. This Tony Award-winning play, inspired by a Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson novel, comes to life at Constellation Theatre under the direction of Kathryn Chase Bryer.

Constellation Theatre at Source. 1835 14th St. NW. To March 12. $20–$45. (202) 204-7741. constellationtheatre.org. the river A man and a woman spend a night together at a fishing cabin and try to capture the magic of love in this mysterious drama. Rebecca Holderness directs this play by Jez Butterworth. Spooky Action Theater. 1810 16th St. NW. To Feb. 26. $20–$40.

(202) 248-0301. spookyaction.org.

the hard ProBlem Studio Theatre returns to the work of Tom Stoppard with this drama about a psychology researcher who tries to define consciousness and get wraps up in trying to understand her past. Matt Torney directs this production starring Nancy Robinette, Tessa Klein, and Joy Jones. Studio Theatre. 1501 14th St. NW. To Feb. 19. $20–$96. (202) 332-3300. studiotheatre.org.

watch on the rhine As the United States prepares to enter World War II, an American woman flees to the D.C. suburbs with her German husband and their children as he works to fight against fascism. Upon their arrival, however, they meet a visitor with ulterior motives who might threaten their safety. Academy Award nominee Marsha Mason stars in this drama, presented as part of Arena’s Lillian Hellman Festival.

Arena Stage. 1101 6th St. SW. To March 5. $40–$90.

(202) 488-3300. arenastage.org.

hooded: or, Being Black For dummieS Serge Seiden directs this world premiere production from emerging playwright Tearrance Arvelle Chisholm.

Set in Baltimore and influenced by the Trayvon Martin case, this new comedy riffs on mistaken identity, incarceration, and being black on a privileged college campus. Atlas Performing Arts Center. 1333 H St. NE. To Feb. 19. $20–$60. (202) 399-7993. atlasarts.org.

who’S aFraid oF virginia woolF? Local favorites Holly Twyford and Gregory Linington star in Edward Albee’s classic drama about a tumultuous marriage and a highly tense dinner party. Aaron Posner directs this masterclass in verbal sparring that also features Maggie Wilder and Danny Gavigan.

Ford’s Theatre. 511 10th St. NW. To Feb. 19. $15–$62.

(202) 347-4833. fords.org.

king charleS iii David Muse directs Mike Bartlett’s fictitious imagining of the reign of Queen Elizabeth II’s successor as his famous relatives look on. This modern history is told in Shakespearean blank verse and

yo tamBién haBlo de la roSa (i too SPeak oF the roSe) Two teenagers skip school and end up derailing a train, leading to a long discussion of if and how they should be punished in this contempo-

GUTHRIE ARLO “Running Down The Road Tour”

MACEO PARKER

20 24

TODD SNIDER

25

HARMONY SWEEPSTAKES A CAPPPELLA FESTIVAL

ALLISON CRUTCHFIELD & THE FIZZ

FREEDOM FAIR

FEAT. DOWNTOWN

BOYS

& TWO INCH ASTRONAUT

SAT 4

K-POP DANCE PARTY

SAT 4

CHAD VALLEY &

WED 8

UNRING THE BELL

THU 9

: A QUEER READING & PERFORMANCE

FRI 10

COMPUTER MAGIC

SPILL

AWKWARD SEX...

AND THE CITY THE WAG

26

DAVID DUCHOVNY

FRI 10

27

VICTOR WOOTEN TRIO THE feat. Dennis Chambers & Bob Franceschini

SAT 11 LITERARY DEATH MATCH

28 & MAR 1

GAELIC STORM 2 THE TIME JUMPERS RACHELLE FERRELL 7&8 TOMMY EMMANUEL 3&4

“It’s Never Too Late Tour” with JOE ROBINSON

11

LAURIE ANDERSON

COLIN HAY 14 LADYSMITH BLACK MAMBAZO 16 VANESSA CARLTON TRISTEN 17 CHRIS KNIGHT & WILL HOGE TOM RUSH 18 20&21 CHRIS BOTTI 23 KASEY CHAMBERS 24 RAHSAAN PATTERSON THE SUBDUDES 25

60S GARAGE & SOUL PARTY

AWP SPECTACULAR

WED 15

THE RADIO DEPT

FRI 17

DARKEST HOUR

SAT 18

SINKANE

SUN 19

LEMURIA

NO BS BRASS BAND

13

26

28

THE RIGHTEOUS BROTHERS Bill Medley & Bucky Heard

JAMES McMURTRY & TIFT MERRITT

WED FEB 15

THE RADIO DEPT

SUN FEB 19

LEMURIA

TAKE METRO!

WE ARE LOCATED 3 BLOCKS FROM THE U STREET/CARDOZO STATION

TO BUY TICKETS VISIT TICKETFLY.COM

washingtoncitypaper.com february 3, 2017 31

Food & Drink Best Asian Restaurant Best Bagel Best Bakery Best Bar Best Bar with Games Best Bartender Best BBQ Best Beer Festival Best Bloody Mary Best Boozy Milkshake Best Brunch Best Burger Best Butcher Best Chef Best Chinese Best Cocktail Bar Best Coffee Shop Best Crabcake Best Craft Beer Selection Best Cupcake Best Distillery Best Dive Bar Best Doughnuts Best Downtown Lunch Best Ethiopian Restaurant Best Falafel Best Fast Casual Dining Best Food Blog Best Food Truck Best French Fries Best Fried Chicken Best Gay Bar/Club Best Gelato/Ice Cream Best Gluten-Free Menu Best Hangover Breakfast Best Happy Hour Best Indian Restaurant Best Irish Pub Best Italian Restaurant Best Japanese Best Kabob Best Kid-Friendly Restaurant Best Korean Best Late Night Eats Best Latin American Restaurant Best Local Brewery Best Brew Pub Best Margarita Best Middle Eastern Restaurant

Best Mussels Best Neighborhood Bar Best New American Restaurant Best New Bar Best New Restaurant Best Pho Best Pizza Best Place to Have Dinner with Live Music Best Restaurant Best Restaurant When Someone Else Pays

Dear Readers of Washington City Paper: We care what you think. Really, we do. We ask you again for your favorite haunts, your favorite bartender, your favorite vegetarian joint,

Best Restaurant When You Pay

your favorite bike shop, and, of course, best lo-

Best Restaurant with a View

cal band. Let’s celebrate D.C. Let’s define what

Best Rooftop Bar Best Sandwich Best Seafood

we love most about living here. Let’s Vote.

Best Singles Bar Best Slice of Pizza Best Small Plates Best Soul Food Best Soup

Best Go-Go Band

Best Spice Shop

Best Hip-Hop Night

Best Sports Bar

Best Jazz Jam Session

Best Steak House

Best Jazz/Blues Venue

Best Tater Tots

Best Karaoke

Goods & Services Best Accounting Firm Best Alcohol Delivery

Best Doggie Daycare Best Dry Cleaner Best Eye Doctor

Best Architecture Firm

Best Facial

Best Thai Restaurant

Best Local Cover Band

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Best Financial Services

Best Trivia Bar

Best Local Original Band

Best Running Store

Best Flower Shop

Best Vegan/Vegetarian Restaurant

Best Local Hip-Hop Artist

Best Bank/ Credit Union

Best Food Market

Best Movie Theater

Best Barre Studio

Best Food Delivery Service

Best Vietnamese

Best Museum off the Mall

Best Bike Shop

Best Garden Store Best Getaway/ Escape From D.C.

Best Wine Bar

Best Museum on the Mall

Best Book Store

Best Wine List

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People & Places Best Apartment Building Best Charity Event Best College/University Best Community Blog Best Elementary School Best Graduate Program Best High School Best House of Worship Best Local Instagram Account Best Life Coach Best Local Crafter Best Local Sports Player Best Local Sports Team Best Middle School Best Mixed-Use Development Best Neighborhood To Go Out In Best Neighborhood To Live In Best New Condos Best News Anchor Best Nonprofit Best Place to Day Trip Best Place to Find a One-Night Stand Best Place to Take an Out-of-Towner Best Place to Volunteer Best Preschool Best Property Management Company Best Radio Personality Best Real Estate Developer Best Shopping Center Best Sports Coach Best Summer Camp Best Travel Agent

GO TO WASHINGTONCITYPAPER.COM/BESTOFPOLL 32 february 3, 2017 washingtoncitypaper.com

PRESENTED BY STUDIO GHIBLI THE PEOPLE WHO BROUGHT YOU SPIRITED AWAY, PONYO AND THE WIND RISES

ACADEMY AWARD NOMINEE ®

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE

GourMet syMpHony

Violinist Joshua Bell is beloved by classical music fans everywhere for his humble Midwestern heartthrob persona. But he enjoys special street cred in D.C. for helping the Washington Post prove Washingtonians are philistines by dressing as a busker in L’Enfant Plaza Metro and seeing if anyone would recognize him (a few people did). So it doesn’t take much effort for him to fill a concert hall. Indeed, the Kennedy Center has a whole week of events to take advantage of his “residency.” One of the more intriguing offerings is a “culinary concert” organized by local promoters the Gourmet Symphony that offer a five-course meal designed by Graffiato and Kapnos owner Mike Isabella with dishes supposedly inspired by a program performed by Bell and the National Symphony Orchestra. It’s a bit gimmicky and hard to say exactly what food Brahms had in mind when he wrote his fourth symphony (also on the menu: Respighi, Hess, Ravel, and new composer Eric Nathan). But unless you’re obscenely wealthy and hire Bell to provide background music at your next dinner party, this is the next best thing. Joshua Bell performs with the National Symphony Orchestra at 7 p.m. at the Ronald Reagan Building and International Trade Center Atrium, 1300 Pennsylvania Ave. NW. $300. (202) 467-4600. kennedy-center.org.

—Mike Paarlberg

“ONE OF THE BEST PICTURES OF THE YEAR!” -Kenneth Kenneth Turan, Turan LOS ANGELES TIMES

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One of Mountain Goats guitarist, vocalist, and songwriter John Darnielle’s most endearing qualities is his ability to share his passions without a hint of snobbery.

Whether that passion is professional wrestling, cheesy horror movies, or romantic Hollywood flicks, Darnielle’s genuine appreciation for these things shines through and pulls listeners and readers deeper into his world.

His debut novel, Wolf In White Van, proved that great writers are great writers, regardless of format. The short, asynchronous novel cleverly tells a story of escape and loneliness with increasing momentum. His new novel, Universal Harvester, ventures further into the horror genre as it details what happens to Jeremy, a video rental store clerk in ’90s small town Iowa, when customers start complaining about creepy clips appearing in the middle of their rental tapes. Iowa holds a special place in Darnielle’s heart—it’s where he first moved with his future wife and decided to play music full-time. Come for the horror, but stay for the ruminations on middle America. John Darnielle reads at 7 p.m. at Politics & Prose, 5015 Connecticut Ave. NW. Free. (202) 3641919. politics-prose.com.

—Justin Weber rary drama. GALA Artistic Producing Director Hugo Medrano directs this landmark work by Mexican playwright Emilio Carbadillo, performed in Spanish with English surtitles. GALA Hispanic Theatre. 3333 14th St. NW. To Feb. 26. $22–$95. (202) 234-7174. galatheatre.org.

Patti LuPone, and Edie Falco. (See washingtoncitypaper.com for venue information)

Film

the SPace Between uS The first human born on Mars visits Earth and quickly befriends a young woman as he struggles to figure out where he came from in this science fiction drama from director Peter Chelsom. Starring Asa Butterfield and Britt Robertson. (See washingtoncitypaper.com for venue information)

the comedian Robert De Niro plays Jackie Burke, an aging insult comic who struggles to reinvent himself after assaulting a heckler, in this comedic drama from director Taylor Hackford. Also starring Leslie Mann,

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ringS Johnny Galecki, Vincent D’Onofrio, and Aimee Teegarden star in the third film in this horror franchise, which follows a woman as she is haunted by a curse that just might kill her in a week. Directed by F. Javier Gutiérrez. (See washingtoncitypaper.com for venue information)

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Washington, DC AMC LOEWS GEORGETOWN 14 amctheatres.com Washington, DC LANDMARK’S ATLANTIC PLUMBING (202) 534-1965 Alexandria AMC HOFFMAN CENTER 22 amctheatres.com Alexandria REGAL KINGSTOWNE STADIUM 16 (703) 822-4956 Alexandria REGAL POTOMAC YARD STADIUM 16 (703) 739-4040 Annapolis BOW TIE HARBOUR 9 (410) 224-1145

Arlington AMC LOEWS SHIRLINGTON 7 amctheatres.com Ashburn REGAL FOX STADIUM 16 (703) 957-1035 Bethesda ARCLIGHT BETHESDA (301) 365-0213 Columbia AMC COLUMBIA 14 amctheatres.com Fairfax ANGELIKA AT MOSAIC (571) 512-3301 Fredericksburg REGAL FREDERICKSBURG 15 (844) 462-7342

Gaithersburg AMC LOEWS RIO CINEMAS 18 amctheatres.com Gaithersburg KENTLANDS STADIUM 8 (301) 519-6868 Gambrills REGAL WAUGH CHAPEL STADIUM 12 & IMAX (410) 451-7160 Germantown REGAL GERMANTOWN STADIUM 14 (844) 462-7342 #455 Hanover CINEMARK EGYPTIAN 24 (443) 755-8990

Hyattsville REGAL ROYALE STADIUM 14 (301) 864-FILM McLean AMC TYSONS CORNER 16 amctheatres.com Reston BOW TIE RESTON TOWN CENTER 11 & BTX THEATER (703) 464-0816 Silver Spring REGAL MAJESTIC STADIUM 20 (844) 462-7342 #4012 Sterling REGAL COUNTRYSIDE STADIUM 20 (844) 462-7342 #394

VIEW THE TRAILER AT WWW.THECOMEDIANFILM.COM washingtoncitypaper.com february 3, 2017 33

WASHINGTON CITY PAPER FRIDAY 02/03

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MIND, BODY & SPIRIT

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Apartments for Rent

Accounting/Finance

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706 Quincy Street, NW. 301254-0471 or jameelacharlesre@ gmail.com

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Walsh Construction is holding a Job Fair on Thursday February 16th, 2017 from 2 – 4 pm at the Mellow Mushroom Adams Morgan located at 2436 18th St, NW, Washington, DC 20009. Seeking ALL Tradesmen / Bring your resume!! Walsh Construction senior staff will be available to discuss current and future job openings in all trades. If interested come with your resume. If you are unable to attend, you may also submit your resume to AdamsMorganConstructionJobs@gmail.com or call 202-560-5639.

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General

Moving?

Our honorable Senators: we ask that you vote your conscience on the cabinet appointments. Now is the time to do the right thing.

Our actions today will remain for posterity and will determine the nature of our tomorrows.

Find A Helping Hand Today

Volunteer Services

Defend abortion rights. Washington Area Clinic Defense Task Force (WACDTF) needs volunteer clinic escorts Saturday mornings, weekdays. Trainings, other info:202-681-6577, http://www. wacdtf.org, info@wacdtf.org.

Twitter: @wacdtf

Counseling MAKE THE CALL TO START GETTING CLEAN TODAY. Free 24/7 Helpline for alcohol & drug addiction treatment. Get help! It is time to take your life back! Call Now: 855-732-4139

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