Washington City Paper (February 12, 2020)

SPORTS: CHESS CLUB RETURNS TO HOWARD 8 NEWS: 51 REASONS FOR D.C. STATEHOOD 16 FOOD: DANGEROUS WORK CONDITIONS FOR COOKS 18 THE DISTRICT'S FREE WEEKLY SINCE 1981 VOLUME 41, NO. 2 WASHINGTONCITYPAPER.COM FEBRUARY 2021

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FEB11PA0221

2 February 2021 washingtoncitypaper.com

TABLE OF CONTENTS COVER STORY 10 The Answers Issue: Our readers asked and once again, we responded to their queries about all aspects of city life.

NEWS 4 Loose Lips: What does it take to serve on D.C.’s Public Service Commission?

16 51 Reasons for D.C. Statehood: Why D.C. should become a state as soon as possible

SPORTS 8 Bison’s Gambit: After years of inactivity, chess has officially returned to Howard University.

FOOD 18 Life on the Line: During the pandemic, restautant cooks risk losing their jobs and their lives.

ARTS 22 Merci Merci Me: Meet Merci, a local quintet preparing to take on the pop-rock world.

24 Books: Sarappo on Lauren Oyler’s Fake Accounts 25 Film: Gittell on Minari

CITY LIGHTS 27 City Lights: Check out a new podcast about women in the music industry or combine dating and trivia on Valentine’s Day.

DIVERSIONS 24 Crossword 30 Savage Love 31 Classifieds On the cover: Lettering by Julia Terbrock

Darrow Montgomery | 3200 Block of 17th Street NW, Feb. 3 Editorial

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NEWS LOOSE LIPS

Darrow Montgomery/File

Mayor Muriel Bowser

Power Rangers Mayor Muriel Bowser’s nominees to the Public Service Commission frustrate energy and climate activists—again.

By Mitch Ryals @MitchRyals Time is a f lat circle at the Public Service Commission. In November, almost exactly two years after Mayor Muriel Bowser nominated former Department of General Services director Greer Gillis for a spot on the obscure threemember body that regulates public utilities, she tapped Lorna John to replace her.

To the frustration of many working to ensure the District meets its renewable energy and sustainability goals, neither Gillis nor John have specific experience in utility regulation, ratemaking, or the energy sector. Gillis had plenty of experience in engineering, and as DGS director, oversaw construction projects.

Her lack of pertinent utility experience frustrated only a handful of D.C. councilmembers and she was confirmed by an 8–5 vote in 2018.

4 February 2021 washingtoncitypaper.com

John, an attorney, came to the PSC fresh off a mayoral appointment to the Board of Zoning Adjustment, where she weighed in on applications for exceptions from the zoning code. Before that, she was a senior attorney at the Federal Aviation Administration and has worked in several other areas of law including contracts, real estate, immigration, criminal law, and family law, according to her resume. John pitched herself as a hardworking

and dedicated public servant who has mastered a variety of complex issues throughout her career.

“Before I joined the FAA, I was neither a pilot nor a mechanic and I was able to talk with experts and understand the information so that I could handle the matters that came before me,” she told the D.C. Council’s Committee on Business and Economic Development during her confirmation hearing last November.

Despite her otherwise impressive resume, John gave a disappointing performance at the hearing. Councilmembers Charles Allen (Ward 6), Mary Cheh (Ward 3), and Kenyan McDuffie (Ward 5), who chairs the committee, peppered John with complicated, jargony questions to test her knowledge about “distributed energy resources” and “interconnection” for solar energy arrays.

John refused to answer with any level of specificity out of concern that she would voice an opinion about an issue that could come before the commission. But she also declined to answer simpler questions: She refused to give her definition of grid modernization, to say whether she believes D.C. can achieve carbon neutrality if regulated utilities are allowed to continue selling fossil fuels, or to suggest ideas for how to help residents struggling with unpaid bills caused by the pandemic.

By December it became clear that John’s nomination did not have the votes to make it out of committee, and Bowser withdrew the nomination, apparently at John’s request.

With John’s nomination off the table, Bowser tapped Emile Thompson as her next nominee. He has experience with utility rate setting analysis through his mayoral appointment to DC Water’s board of directors, according to the mayor’s announcement. But the bulk of his professional experience is in criminal justice as a federal prosecutor for the Office of the U.S. Attorney for D.C. Before that, he was an adviser to the deputy mayor for public safety and justice in the Bowser and Vince Gray administrations.

As Thompson awaits his confirmation hearing, many in the solar power sector are holding their breath, but the signal from Bowser has already been received.

“As far as we can tell, she will not put forward candidates that the utility doesn’t think will vote in their favor,” says Anya Schoolman, executive director of the nonprofit Solar United Neighbors. “That’s what’s going on here. It would be great to be proven wrong and see that [the nominee is] a real leader on equitable energy transformation.”

D.C. has committed itself to some of the most ambitious renewable energy goals in the country. The Clean Energy DC Omnibus Amendment Act of 2018 calls for the District to reduce greenhouse gas emissions to 50 percent below 2006 levels by 2032, become carbon neutral by 2050, and achieve 100 percent renewable energy use by 2032. By 2041, 10 percent of that renewable energy must be local solar energy.

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washingtoncitypaper.com february 2021 5

NEWS The three members of the Public Service Commission are the people standing between D.C.’s utility companies, such as Pepco and Washington Gas, and its residents. The PSC decides when and by how much the utilities can raise rates and sets the rules for how utilities operate. By law, the PSC is required to consider the District’s climate and energy goals in its decisions, a necessary safeguard, some say, considering the utilities’ intransigence.

Questions from councilmembers during John’s confirmation hearing about “interconnection” and “distributed energy resources” offer some examples of this inertia and, solar advocates say, how Pepco is hostile to the private solar market in D.C. Pepco owns the electric grid—literally the poles and wires. In order to connect a solar installation, a third party—residents or a solar company—has to submit an application to Pepco. The process, known as “interconnection,” is fraught with delays from the utility. And the costs can be unpredictable and opaque, according to David Murray, executive director of the Chesapeake Solar and Storage Association, which represents solar energy companies in the region.

“Some of our installers and project developers have noticed that Pepco can be very slow to authorize this equipment to start providing solar power to the grid,” Murray says. “That has led to lost money, if you’re a business owner, but it also means you’ve got this piece of equipment that’s ready to start generating power [but isn’t].”

He doesn’t want to speculate on why Pepco is slow to approve solar connection to the grid.

“But given how utilities have historically considered distributed energy resources, they may have a financial interest in not achieving our goals,” Murray says. Put another way: The more solar that enters Pepco’s grid, the less energy it sells.

In a filing with the PSC, the District Department of Energy & Environment lists its own interconnection issues, such as a “lack of transparency in how the cost of interconnection facilities and distribution system upgrades are calculated, [and] changes to operating requirements after Pepco approves the installation,” among others.

Schoolman says the interconnection issues extend beyond the logistics of hooking solar energy into Pepco’s grid. Under D.C.’s Solar for All program, low- and moderate-income households can apply to have their energy bills reduced with credits from solar energy generated in the District. If a solar installation goes up on top of a church, for example, residents can apply for credits to their bills from the energy the array produces. But Schoolman says Pepco has failed in some cases to apply the credits.

“The utility has had some major failures in applying credits to community solar subscribers who are part of the program,” she says.

Pepco spokesperson Jamie Caswell acknowledges the delays in connecting to the grid and in applying solar credits to customers’ bills. “We recognize that we have a critical role to play in helping the District of Columbia achieve

its climate change goals and advance a clean energy future for the health and well-being of its residents in an equitable and inclusive manner,” Caswell writes in an emailed statement.

“We have an aggressive plan to address and close these customer service gaps and collaborate more closely with solar and other community partners to make affordable, reliable energy accessible for District residents and businesses,” the statement continues.

Another question facing the PSC is whether Pepco should be allowed to own “distributed energy resources,” a blanket term for any apparatus that generates power at the community or residential level. In D.C., DERs usually refer to solar energy.

The Retail Electric Competition and Consumer Protection Act of 1999 bars Pepco from owning electric generation equipment, which could include solar installations, for the purposes of selling retail electricity. But Pepco

compensate for services,” the company writes in its comments.

The company adds its support for rules and regulations that speed up interconnection of solar power to the grid.

“Chronic delays in the process of connecting [rooftop solar] systems to the grid through a utility is costing rooftop solar owners millions and potentially slowing solar adoption rates across the country,’ writes Amy Heart, Sunrun senior director of public policy.

Another issue facing the PSC is Washington Gas’ pipe replacement efforts, known as PROJECTpipes. The utility is in the second phase of its decadeslong plan, and in December 2018 asked the PSC to approve a five-year, $374 million project. The proposal would continue to recoup the gas utility’s costs through a customer surcharge mechanism the PSC previously approved.

Several entities opposed Washington Gas’ plan in full or in part, including the Office of People’s

“As far as we can tell, she will not put forward candidates that the utility doesn’t think will vote in their favor.” is asking the PSC to let it own solar installations.

The proposal may seem harmless enough. The more entities focused on producing solar energy in D.C., the better, right? But the solar industry believes utility ownership of solar installations will kill the competitive market place and drive up the cost of solar power in the District.

In comments made to the PSC in November, Murray’s group representing the regional solar industry explains why utility ownership is a bad idea.

“Allowing a utility company who is able to realize a regulated rate of return to compete against entities who are unable to realize a regulated rate of return would cause immediate and irreparable harm to our members that would be fundamentally destructive to the current marketplace,” Murray writes.

The industry association estimates that the solar energy industry has invested about $500 million and created over 1,000 jobs, “which will be put at risk should the utility become eligible to encroach on marketplace fundamentals such as ownership of storage or generation assets.”

They also point out in comments to the PSC that there is an inherent conflict of interest in a structure that allows the utility to control interconnection of renewable energy generators as well as the generators themselves.

Sunrun, a solar company based in San Francisco that operates in D.C., also submitted comments to the PSC in opposition, fearing the precedent Pepco’s ownership of solar power generators and storage could set.

“Without regulations or restrictions a regulated distribution utility could exercise preferential treatment in the pricing or the terms governing essential facilities, like the transmission and distribution of services or fairly

6 February 2021 washingtoncitypaper.com

Counsel, the Apartment and Office Building Association, the Office of the Attorney General for D.C., DC Climate Action, and the Sierra Club.

OAG a rg ues i n its com ments t hat Washington Gas’ proposal would have District ratepayers pay for a distribution system that will result in a “utility death spiral.”

“In such a scenario, it is usually those who can least afford to defect—low income customers who cannot afford to electrify their homes or do not own their own homes—that remain as gas customers to pay an ever-increasing, unaffordable share of WGL’s distribution costs,” the OAG argues. “This outcome could be dire in terms of the economic well-being of these customers.

T h e OA G s a y s Wa s h i n g t o n G a s’ PROJECTpipes, the current phase, “invites these negative economic consequences,” and is an “imprudent investment.”

The Sierra Club recommended that the PSC halt the pipe replacement plan altogether and order an assessment of the plan’s alignment with D.C.’s climate goals.

In its comments, the Sierra Club included testimony from climate scientist Ezra Hausman, who says Washington Gas’ proposal is “incompatible” with the company’s commitment to changing its business model to align with D.C.’s climate goals.

“Under [WGL’s] plan, customers who were born the year D.C. reaches carbon neutrality would continue to pay for this infrastructure until their 35th birthdays,” Hausman’s written testimony says. “They may have to break out the history books to try to understand why they are paying for it.”

Washington Gas argued the goal in its pipe replacement plan is to improve safety and reliability, and “consideration of climate issues

should not override the fundamental objectives … which are the enhancement of safety and improved reliability of the natural gas system.”

The PSC ultimately approved a threeyear, $150 million pipe replacement plan in December 2020.

“It’s a pretty good deal for Washington Gas,” says Mark Rodeffer, political committee chair for the Sierra Club’s DC chapter. “They get to replace it and charge somebody else for it in the rates. And we have this fossil fuel infrastructure we’re supposed to stop using in 30 years. It’s totally inconsistent with the need to address climate change. The mayor has climate plans, and [the Department of Energy and the Environment] has energy plans that are good. But she needs to appoint people who take this seriously.”

“Ratepayers will be seriously hurt by this,” he continues.

Whether Thompson will be the leader that climate activists are looking for is yet unknown.

Rodeffer is choosing to remain optimistic.

In January, Bowser nominated Thompson to take Gillis’ vacant seat—another snub to the energy and climate communities.

Before the announcement, 30 solar energy advocates signed a letter asking Bowser for a meeting and encouraging her to nominate someone with deep experience in renewable energy.

“The ideal candidate should have expertise in the technical and legal issues involved with the clean energy transition, understand the importance of building the local clean energy economy, and share your vision for a more just and diverse sector,” the letter says.

Murray says the group never met with Bowser.

“We are optimistic that someone with the background of Mr. Thompson can educate himself on these issues and can apply some of these same principles from an agency like DC Water to an electricity space,” Murray says. “We hope she will emphasize to him the importance of familiarizing himself with D.C.’s energy market and how the PSC really has a key role in shaping the future of our energy system here.”

If confirmed, Thompson will serve out the remainder of Gillis’ term that ends in June 2022.

In April, Gillis took a job as VP of system development at the Jacksonville Transportation Authority. Thompson did not respond to emails seeking comment.

Bowser highlights Thompson’s previous work in the District government as well as his work on the DC Water board of directors, which gives him “direct experience in working as a commissioner to ensure that utilities provide safe and reliable services.”

Asked whether she considered a nominee with a background in renewable energy, Bowser says she’s “considered and nominated a number of people for that board and considered all manner of experiences. And I’ve been involved in that board from my early days as a councilmember, and I haven’t experienced a nomination where I didn’t have somebody mad at me.”

washingtoncitypaper.com february 2021 7

SPORTS CHESS

Bison’s Gambit How a recent Howard University alum revived the school’s chess program

Darrow Montgomery

Sultan-Diego LeBlond

By Kelyn Soong @KelynSoong Wherever Sultan-Diego LeBlond goes, a chess club follows. Or maybe that’s just how it feels. Chess is that significant a part of the 25-year-old’s identity.

Instead of asking his parents for video games for his birthday in middle school, LeBlond wanted a new chess board. At Northwest High School in Germantown, joining the chess team helped LeBlond make

friends and competing in tournaments took him out of Maryland for the first time. While studying for his associate’s degree in business at Montgomery College’s Germantown campus, LeBlond revived the school’s dormant chess club and became the team’s president. In 2015, he co-founded the Germantown Library chess club, where he would teach the game to children.

“I know what chess has done for me in my life,” LeBlond says. “And I knew what it has done for me, it could do for other people.”

8 February 2021 washingtoncitypaper.com

By the time he arrived at Howard University as a transfer student in the fall of 2017, LeBlond had established himself as a seasoned chess player and organizer, but he didn’t immediately join the school’s chess club. That’s because one didn’t exist. It didn’t take long for LeBlond to change that.

In the spring of 2019, he helped Howard University officially re-activate its chess club, which had not been operating for years, with assistance from Nisa Muhammad, the school’s assistant dean for religious life (who is

now the club’s adviser), and other chess enthusiasts LeBlond met on campus.

Last month, the fledgling team competed at the 2020-2021 Pan American Intercollegiate Championship, the biggest collegiate chess tournament of the year, and finished at the top of its division and 45th out of 59 teams overall. The three-day event was held virtually on chess.com and at a later date than usual.

One of Howard’s members, senior Azeezah Muhammad, an unrated player heading into the tournament, scored the largest upset of the championships by beating a player with a rating in the 1200s. The United States Chess Federation uses a rating system ranging from 100 to nearly 3000; the higher the number, the stronger the player.

“It came by like a shock,” says LeBlond, who graduated from Howard last year and now serves as the club’s volunteer head coach.

“We were just playing to have fun and coming in with no expectations. And so we was caught like way off guard. But at the same time, I was confident in everybody’s capabilities ...

Anything can happen in a game of chess.”

The history of chess at Howard University dates back more than a half-century. Digital copies of the school’s yearbook, The Bison, reveal that students participated in a chess club as early as the 1940s. There’s been an official chess club at the school “off and on” for decades, says David Mehler, president and founder of the nonprofit U.S. Chess Center located in Silver Spring.

Mehler’s father taught at Howard and Mehler himself has seen several iterations of the Howard chess club, including a team that reached “reasonably high levels” in the early 2000s. That club eventually dissolved due to lack of interest, Mehler says. And according to the university, before this year the team last competed at the Pan-Am Championship in 2005.

“I’m hopeful that with the success that the team just had, that will generate a lot more interest,” Mehler says.

Michele Bennett didn’t know about this history when she arrived at Howard University.

Bennett, a sophomore, learned how to play chess from her father around the age of 8 and competed in a couple tournaments in her hometown of Las Vegas while in elementary school. She didn’t play once she got to middle school and hadn’t really thought about chess until she started college.

During her freshman year, Bennett was reading messages on the school’s GroupMe when a post about a chess club caught her attention. She reached out for more information and eventually attended the weekly practices. Less than a year later, she was elected the club’s president.

“I kind of forgot how much I love chess,” she says. “It awakened my love for chess.”

What started as a group of around a halfdozen members has evolved into a club with a group chat of more than 100 people and weekly meetings and practices that draw around 20 active members, Bennett says. Even

SPORTS during the pandemic, the club has held weekly gatherings on Google Meet that last more than an hour.

Bennett was one of the four players who competed at the Pan-Am Championship, along with Azeezah Muhammad and seniors Toni Anthony and Malcolm Wooten, the vice president of the club. Shortly before the tournament, organizers at the Pan-Am Championship contacted Nisa Muhammad about Howard participating in the virtual event. The club put together a team within a month’s time and called their former coach, Zahir Muhammad, for help.

Zahir is a celebrity in the D.C. chess world.

A Ward 7 native, his father taught him how to play chess when he was 3 by defeating him “like 500 times in a row,” Zahir recalls. His competitiveness motivated him to keep playing. Zahir’s singular goal at the time was to beat his dad and finally, four years later, it happened. He was just getting started.

In 2018, the D.C. Council presented Zahir with a ceremonial resolution after he won the District of Columbia Scholastic Cup Chess Tournament the year prior. During his senior year at DeMatha Catholic High School, Nisa, a family friend, asked if he could help coach the newly re-activated Howard University Chess Club.

Having grown up in D.C., Zahir enjoyed visiting the Howard campus during festivals or

homecoming and was familiar with the school.

At 6-foot-4, he blended in with the college students. He happily agreed to be the chess club’s coach and soon became the expert voice that the players relied on.

Zahir, a Class A–rated player with a rating in the 1800s, hasn’t been as involved this past school year but was pulled in to act as a “barometer” for the team in preparation for the Pan-Am Championship. He watched the games online with pride. Throughout the tournament, Zahir thought back to the weekly practices, where members would often ask him to stay longer so they could practice more.

“It would be dark outside, cold and dark,” he says. “And we would be playing.”

As Zahir has gotten older, his motivations for playing chess have evolved. It began with wanting to beat his father. Then, Zahir wanted to win tournaments. And now, the freshman at Louisiana State University hopes that he can inspire other Black kids to pick up chess to compete in an environment that doesn’t have many Black faces. Howard University was the only HBCU that participated at the Pan-Am Championship.

The fact that the school exceeded expectations at the tournament gives him joy. Zahir believes it will inspire other Black students to pick up chess.

“It makes me feel, I would say validated, but not for me personally, but for them, because

they’re all extremely talented. And they’re extremely smart,” he says. “And it makes me feel validated for them, because they can show on their level that, yeah, I’m Black, and I’m talented, and I’m smart.”

Daaim Shabazz has been writing about Black chess players for 20 years for his online magazine, The Chess Drum. An associate professor of business at Florida A&M University, Shabazz is considered by some to be an amateur historian of Black chess.

Being in D.C. gives the Howard University Chess Club certain advantages that other HBCUs may not have, Shabazz says. The chess tables at Dupont Circle have drawn some of the game’s most legendary players, and beyond that, the D.C. area has a chess culture that few cities rival.

“You have a chess history in the D.C.Maryland area that is very well-established in terms of producing master-level players,” Shabazz says. “Particularly in the Maryland area, but D.C. as well. D.C. has a lot of pockets of activity. So Howard has an advantage in that they have the infrastructure. If they want to play in local tournaments, they can do that. It wouldn’t be a problem.”

Members of the Howard University Chess Club hope that will be the case.

Their success at the Pan-Am Championship

has led to a spike in interest from students.

Fascination in chess has increased during the pandemic, and the recent popular Netflix series The Queen’s Gambit contributed an even bigger boost. YouTube and Twitch have also given the centuries-old game a modern twist when it comes to spectating matches.

“One thing that chess players have been trying to do is trying to make chess look cool,” LeBlond says. “And so like, The Queen’s Gambit did a phenomenal job on that. It broke down that barrier that chess is boring, that chess is like for people that are strange or socially awkward. That’s not true. There’s cool people that play chess. And so that movie opened the door [to] what is chess.”

Nisa looks to the University of Maryland, Baltimore County as a model she hopes the Howard chess club can emulate. One of the team’s long-term goals is to give out scholarships for chess, like UMBC does.

“We want Howard University’s chess club to be seen as an intellectual sport,” Nisa says.

“We want the chess club to grow to where we have it endowed and funded so that we can offer chess scholarships to students who have the chess skills.”

LeBlond has the same vision, and although he is no longer a student at Howard, he intends to stay involved with the school’s chess team.

Bringing back the club was only the first step.

He wants to see it grow.

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1/6/2021 12:47:43 PM washingtoncitypaper.com february 2021 9

By City Paper staff Photos by Darrow Montgomery The more time you spend in a place, the more things you’re likely to notice about it. So it makes sense that after nearly a year of quarantining and social distancing, our readers asked pointed questions both practical (how to travel across town) and theoretical (what’s behind PoPville’s continued popularity) about life in D.C. To answer them, we dug through documents, consulted previous reporting, and called our reliable sources—special thanks to the staff at the Office of Planning and WMATA, who field many requests every time this issue rolls around. As we wait for vaccinations and plan to spend several more months close to home, we hope some of these answers prompt you to safely explore a new place, or at least appreciate this town in a new way.

—Caroline Jones

10 February 2021 washingtoncitypaper.com

What’s that weird smell inside the Is Xiao Qi Ji’s fur soft or scratchy?

National Air and Space Museum? Cannot tell by obsessively watching videos of his antics.

Smithsonian’s National Zoo

Dear reader, have you ever encountered a sheep at a petting zoo? Marty Dearie, an animal keeper at the National Zoo, says panda fur is akin to sheep’s wool. “It’s not quite as knotty, but it has the same feel,” he says. “When they’re younger, it tends to be a little bit softer than the adults, but it’s still kind of wiry.”

Pandas have two coats. Dearie says the outer coat acts like a rain jacket that repels water and mud. A dense undercoat that’s much softer is designed to keep pandas warm. Panda cubs, like Xiao Qi Ji, “tend to have more of that really soft, fluffy underlayer,” according to Dearie.

“My guess is when they’re younger, they need more insulation to keep warm.”

Panda lovers are probably already jealous of Xiao Qi Ji, Mei Xiang, and Tian Tian’s caregivers, but prepare to be even more envious of the team working at the David M. Rubenstein Family Giant Panda Habitat. “He loves being scratched,” Dearie says, referring to the young panda. If you dig your fingers into his fur, past the scruffy outer layer, you can feel his soft, fluffy undercoat. “He’s like a dog. I’ve even been able to make him kick his back leg.” —Laura Hayes

interview. He’s “this guy who’s just there to make a space for people to talk about things that are of interest to me, and to talk about things that are of interest to them, and weed out the nonsense,” Silverman told Federal News Network’s What’s Working in Washington podcast. He did not reply to City Paper’s email posing this question.

While many other local blogs have fallen away, PoPville remains. It’s the place to go with your neighborhood spats, for restaurant openings and closings, to see city hawks and “some random ass dude driving” into Malcolm X Park, and for general “scuttlebutt,” as Silverman calls it.

His curation of press announcements, random spaces for rent, and various crime reports continue to draw clicks and eyeballs. Here are a few possible reasons: 1. Silverman has essentially created a community message board.

Why is PoPville, with its racist commenters and lazy news reporting, so popular?

Although PoPville is technically reporting news in most cases, it is not formal journalism.

Nor does Dan Silverman, its founder and curator, consider himself a journalist. He’s more of a “facilitator,” as he described his role in a 2018

Darrow Montgomery/File

Darrow Montgomery/File

Well, what weird smell? Since the museum is closed and I couldn’t check if the question passed the smell test myself, I wrote to the reader who asked about it, hoping for more information. He replied, “I will try to clarify.

First, it’s the Air and Space Building on the National Mall—not the one in Virginia,” referring to the Udvar-Hazy Center in Chantilly.

“It’s a very distinctive smell; one I’ve never encountered before. It’s been there ever since the museum opened and it’s always the first thing I notice when I enter the building. (It’s not subtle!) The smell is so unusual I can’t really describe it but I thought it might be an odor originating from the flooring, perhaps some form of glue, since it seems to be very noticeable through the museum,” he wrote. “I guess my response only adds to the mystery!”

City Paper then reached out to the Air and Space Museum, which took a few days to try and identify the smell. We know this stinks, but they weren’t sure what our reader meant. “The National Air and Space Museum’s building on the National Mall opened in 1976, making it over 40 years old. With age and over 350 million visitors comes a variety of smells in the building. Unfortunately, we can’t pinpoint a specific smell to any one reason, artifact, etc. but the age of the building is the likely culprit!” writes Alison Mitchell, the deputy director of communications. There is good news for the nosy, though. “Fortunately, the building is undergoing a massive renovation which will improve the HVAC system, natural lighting controls, and all public spaces,” Mitchell writes, “which is sure to bring new and improved smells.”

—Emma Sarappo

Xiao Qi Ji

“A lot of the posts are either user-generated or user-inspired,” local media observer Jason Shevrin says. “He helps connect dots and direct conversation, but I think he’s a reflection of his readers’ interests.”

Silverman’s readers use PoPville as a resource, whether they’re looking for a lost pet, favorite sledding spots, or information about an interesting building, and a place for catharsis.

“They can basically ask a neighbor with the collective wisdom of large parts of the city,” Shevrin adds.

2. Crime news is clickbait. “If it bleeds, it leads,” so the old newsroom adage goes. But a lot of crime news reports—those that rely entirely or almost entirely on law enforcement’s perspective—are harmful, racist, and fear-based. They perpetuate racial stereotypes and, according to one study, can deepen unconscious racial bias.

3. He covers things that are too small (read: not really news) for media outlets to bother with. To wit: a hawk landing on Mayor Marion Barry’s head, “sweet city rides,” and the run on mini beef tacos at the 14th Street NW Trader Joe’s. Where else will you find that kind of content?

—Mitch Ryals

Why is the Lincoln Memorial crooked? It’s not aligned on the east-west axis. Seriously, look at it on Google Maps.

As the reader notes, it does appear on Google Maps that the Reflecting Pool tilts slightly north toward the Washington Monument compared to the Lincoln Memorial, making the whole complex look a little crooked. It turns out this was not by accident, but by design.

“When construction on the Washington Monument began, its intended site at the intersection of the axes extending N-S from the White House and E-W from the Capitol was found to be too marshy, with inadequate foundations (it was very near the estuary of Tiber Creek),” David Maloney, the state historic preservation officer at the D.C. Office of Planning, tells City Paper in an email. “Thus they moved the site to the southeast on higher, firmer ground, where it was constructed in two phases from 1848 to 1888.

At the turn of the century, when the washingtoncitypaper.com february 2021 11

the D.C. portion of the Blue Line, also run eastwest. And if you need to cut through the center of D.C., there’s always the H Street line running from Minnesota Avenue Station to Lafayette Square. You really haven’t experienced the District until you’ve ridden the X2.

—Caroline Jones

McMillan Plan of 1901-02 reenvisioned the layout of the Mall, they deemed it important for the E-W axis of the new composition to intersect the monument, so the axis was adjusted so that it runs slightly south of true E-W. The N-S axis was not adjusted, so that the White House faces directly to the Jefferson Memorial without the monument intervening. As the many buildings along the Mall were built in the early 20th century, they were all laid out to conform to the southward shift of the axis, so it is not particularly apparent today.”

The Lincoln Memorial was one of those many buildings, but like the Capitol and the Washington Monument, it is oriented true N-S and E-W. “It’s the landscape features (steps, reflecting pool, etc.) of Lincoln that follow the tilted axis,” Maloney explains. —Kelyn Soong

Do the Metro canopies ever get cleaned? If so, how? If not, how do they stay clear of bird poo?

Ah, Metro’s iconic curved canopies, keeping you dry on the escalators (until the wind blows the rain into the mouth of the station entrance, that is). Why aren’t they covered in noticeable bird crap, considering their translucent appearance?

The solution is elegant, according to WMATA Media Relations Manager Ian Jannetta. The materials and the design of the canopies do most of the work. “Wind, precipitation, and the smooth, sloped design of Metro’s canopies prevent dirt and other eyesores from accumulating,” Jannetta writes over email. “They do not require regular cleaning, but we do occasionally give them a pressure wash in the rare event that something unsightly appears.” We’d also wager that their height does some work in keeping the grime unnoticeable.

—Emma Sarappo

Those are fire and police call boxes. District residents have likely come across these castiron boxes at one point or another because they are all over the city. These fixtures used to be a vital mode of communication in an emergency before the telephone or two-way radio were invented. Some of these boxes date back as early as the 1860s; the original ones are harpshaped. The first ones installed were fire boxes that relied on the telegraph system. People could pull a key inside the box if they saw a fire, which would subsequently alert the central alarm system. The police boxes are ovalshaped and contained phones. Officers would check in with headquarters by way of the box, notifying the desk whether all was well or they needed backup.

These call boxes became obsolete in the 1970s with the introduction of 911 for emergency services. A few cities like New York still have operational call boxes in the event that power or cellphone service become unreliable.

However, none of the District’s hundreds of call boxes are functioning today. The electronic bits of these boxes were removed by 1995. Instead, some of these boxes have been turned into art.

Cultural Tourism D.C., with funding from the D.C. Commission on the Arts and Humanities, led an initiative between 2000 and 2009 to restore the police and fire call boxes into pieces of art that reflect the neighborhoods in which they are located.

—Amanda Michelle Gomez

Darrow Montgomery/File

What are those old cast-iron boxes you find on street corners?

Who are the leaders of the statehood fight? Where does the push for statehood stand? How can D.C. residents support the efforts to get statehood? What would it mean for life in D.C. if we were finally a state?

Why are east-west transit routes in this city so bad? I shouldn’t have to go through downtown just to get from Petworth to Cleveland Park!

You’re right, reader. Traveling east to west in D.C. can be pretty tricky, depending on your start and end points. One barrier if you’re trying to move from Northeast to Northwest or vice versa: the more than 1,700 acres of Rock Creek Park. Metro’s Red Line roughly follows the outline of the park, but running a rail system through its center would destroy the park’s natural beauty. Your best option for moving across the park is on the bus. The E4 runs between Fort Totten Station and Friendship Heights Station

via Military Road NW, and the H2, H3, and H4, known formally as the “Crosstown Line,” run slightly varying routes between Brookland— CUA Station and Tenleytown Station, making intermediate stops at Columbia Road NW and Georgia Avenue NW, Columbia Road and 14th Street NW, and Porter and Quebec streets NW near the Cleveland Park Metro. If you’re looking

12 February 2021 washingtoncitypaper.com

to get from Petworth to Cleveland Park without going all the way downtown, the H line is probably your best bet.

Once you move south of Rock Creek Park, your options improve significantly. While not completely straight, Metro’s Orange Line takes a relatively direct path from Vienna to New Carrollton, and the Silver Line, as well as

There are a lot of D.C. statehood leaders, but the one to start with is Del. Eleanor Holmes Norton.

As she works to get statehood legislation passed in Congress, Norton has also worked to pass bills and change House rules to strengthen Home Rule. Then there are groups who are responsible for educating the public about statehood like DC Vote, and ones who try to change the minds of federal lawmakers, like 51 for 51. You may recognize Anise Jenkins, a longtime activist with Stand Up! for Democracy, and a younger generation of activists is joining existing organizations or taking up the fight by starting organizations of their own.

D.C.’s shadow delegation—one shadow representative and two shadow senators—spend their time advocating for statehood seeing as they can’t participate in any formal congressional activities. Local lawmakers also use their platform to advocate for statehood. Former mayor and current Ward 7 Councilmember Vince Gray was arrested in 2011, along with several other councilmembers, for participating in a protest against the federal government’s interference in local affairs.

Statehood legislation has been introduced in the House of Representatives and Senate. With Democrats holding the smallest possible majority in the Senate, passing statehood legislation this Congress is possible. During the Capitol insurrection, D.C. police had to save federal lawmakers after their Capitol Police became overwhelmed, further emboldening statehood

Darrow Montgomery/File

and shredded roti dishes called kottu.

Similarly, the departures of Domku and Bistro Bohem have left a pierogi-shaped hole in our hearts. While some Nordic, Russian, and Georgian restaurants serve a dish here and there from these hearty, cold-weather lands, there doesn’t seem to be dedicated Polish, Ukranian, Lithuania, Estonian, or Latvian restaurants within D.C. proper.

And while there are a few food trucks serving Indonesian cuisine, the District is missing a brick-and-mortar spot for sate padang, rice dishes like nasi goreng and nasi campur, beef rendang, gado-gado, sour soups, and sambals.

Indonesia is the world’s fourth largest country by population. Dishes vary greatly from island to island and region to region.

Queried on Twitter, Washingtonians are hungry for more restaurants specializing in Syrian, Persian, Yemeni, Singaporean, Malaysian, Taiwanese, Scandinavian, Senegalese, Gambian, Cajun, and indigenous food of the Americas. If you’re a chef with a passion for one of these cuisines, shoot your shot.

—Laura Hayes

advocates. Of course, the most vocal critics of statehood, like Arkansas Sen. Tom Cotton, were not moved even after Jan. 6.

The biggest obstacle D.C. faces for self-autonomy is a likely Republican filibuster. Eliminating the filibuster would allow senators to pass statehood legislation with a simple majority, not the 60 votes required to end a filibuster. Some Democrats—namely, Sen. Joe Manchin of West Virginia—aren’t ready to do that.

What is a simple thing YOU can do to make your city a state? “Everybody has a network, no matter who you are and we need to activate all of those networks,” says Bo Shuff, executive director of DC Vote. He suggests calling friends and family who live outside D.C. to let them know about the statehood movement. They can then call their senators. Residents could also request a statehood sign so all the Biden officials who’ve moved into town can see the support statehood has in town.

Having statehood means a lot more than just having voting representation in Congress. It will change the way the District legislates and budgets, and completely transform its criminal justice system. Find a list of reasons to support statehood on page 16.

—Amanda Michelle Gomez

What’s the most prominent global cuisine that isn’t featured in a D.C. restaurant?

Residents and visitors to D.C. can taste a variety of cuisines thanks to the city’s vibrant immigrant communities, which make the District a special place to live. The array only becomes more intriguing when you venture into the suburbs or into neighbors’ homes.

We’ve still got a ways to go to compete with

Why do short-term NO PARKING signs (for moving trucks, etc.) use such small font that is difficult or impossible to read without close inspection? more densely populated cities that sprawl wide enough to have more affordable rents like New York, Chicago, and Los Angeles.

The question posed is tricky because there’s so much regional differentiation and nuance across communities and nations. You can travel from one Indian town to the next and encounter different dishes and ingredients. Then there’s the nature

of the word prominent. What’s “well known” to some D.C. residents may not be to others.

With these caveats in mind, it’s hard to choose just one cuisine we should have more of within the District’s boundaries. Following the closure of Banana Leaf in 2017, the District’s dining scene would benefit from a restaurant dedicated to food from Sri Lanka like hoppers, fish curries,

Anyone who has driven and attempted to find parking in D.C. knows there are mirages. The scenario: You drive up a street full of cars and then, all of a sudden, an open space inexplicably appears ahead, only for you to be greeted with a short-term no parking sign as you pull closer. But wait. The sign only restricts parking for a temporary time.

Now if only you could see the specifics...

washingtoncitypaper.com february 2021 13

announcement on the DHS website says “the NAC will continue to be a DHS occupied facility and will begin a new chapter.” —Caroline Jones

Why does 16th Street NW have so many houses of worship?

Starting with St. John’s Episcopal Church right next to the White House, churches, temples, and houses of worship line 16th Street NW. The reasons houses of worship have sought out 16th Street NW addresses have changed over time, but they will be familiar to any Washingtonian.

Proximity to the White House promised cachet and prestige. As churches initially based downtown outgrew their homes, they turned to the trendy north-south thoroughfare. And as congregations moved to the suburbs, houses of worship relocated as well. Later, 16th Street NW offered some more affordable real estate.

According to DCist, which dug into this topic in 2017, the fact that so many houses of worship were on 16th Street was the draw for Chua Giac Hoang Vietnamese Buddhist Temple. Their article on how the diverse, multifaith street came to be is well worth a read. —Will Warren

When will the U.S. Department of Homeland Security finally consolidate and move to the St. Elizabeths campus? What will become of the current campus at Mass Avenue and Nebraska Avenue NW?

D.C.’s 311 system gets thousands of inquiries annually. Does the District government send an inspector to assess each and every 311 complaint, including potholes, leaf pickup, illegal dumping, etc.? Inspecting pothole complaints and illegal dumping reports seems unproductive.

Why not just send the repair crew or the pickup team?

The short answer: Expect the process to take at least a few more years. Right now, construction is expected to be completed by 2026.

Although the General Services Administration took control of St. Elizabeths’ west campus in 2004 and DHS has planned to consolidate its operations at St. Elizabeths since 2009, the project has moved slowly, even for the federal government, due in part to budget issues.

In October 2020, the GSA issued a record of decision for an amended master plan that will include two new office structures, more than 1,000 new parking spots for employees, and additional landscaping. Several agencies within DHS won’t make the move, however.

The TSA recently moved from Arlington to a new headquarters in Springfield, and FEMA announced in July that it will continue to work out of leased space on C Street SW. Since DHS employees are still working at the Nebraska Avenue Complex, plans for what will happen to it in the future remain unclear.

Don’t expect anything too wild to happen, however. For its role in the education of young women when the property housed the Mount Vernon Seminary for Young Women, and in breaking German codes during World War II when the Naval Communications Annex was based there, the NAC is listed on both the National Register of Historic Places and the D.C. Inventory of Historic Sites. As of 2015, an

Before we get started, a minor correction: 311 receives millions of calls annually. According to Office of Unified Communications’ spokesperson Wanda Gattison, 311 handled 2 million requests last year.

Now, onto the question. Put simply, it depends. For requests such as illegal dumping, the Department of Public Works will send an inspector to investigate, according to a spokesperson for the Office of the Deputy Mayor for Operations and Infrastructure.

The inspector may try to find the owner, and DPW’s team then comes to collect. No inspector is involved for leaf pickup requests, the spokesperson says.

There are several ways to contact 311. You can simply call 311 (or call (202) 737-4404 if you’re outside D.C.), text “NEW” or “MENU” to 32311, visit the online portal at 311.dc.gov, download the 311 app, or tweet at @311dcgov.

The latter option is a favorite of Advisory Neighborhood Commissioner Erin Palmer (4B02), who frequently tweets photos of overf lowing public trash cans, damaged street signs, and potholes. Palmer says she’s found the most success with Twitter because requesters aren’t asked to classify a request and tag a location as they are on the mobile app or online portal. If you use those and don’t know which classification your issue falls under or the exact location, Palmer says the request is

14 February 2021 washingtoncitypaper.com

Darrow Montgomery/File

Several years ago, the District Department of Transportation released new emergency signs that eliminated handwritten letters and numbers to make the signs more clear, but to find out exactly why the font appears the way it does, City Paper reached out to DDOT with the following questions: • Is there a reason for the use of a particular font and size?

• Are all of the short-term no parking signs uniform in font?

• Are there any plans to make the font bigger?

• What is the font and font size used for the signs?

“In 2017, DDOT implemented a uniform and systematic design for short-term No Parking signs after extensive engagement with key stakeholders, to include residents, ANC commissioners, and other District agencies,” a DDOT spokesperson tells City Paper in an email. “Font sizes, along with other information such as sign location, were factors in that thorough design process.”

As far as the font type and size, DDOT uses Times New Roman and the “information most relevant to motorists appear in fonts [ranging] from 48 point to 68 point. This includes type of sign, dates of the restrictions, days of the week, [and] hours of the day,” the spokesperson says.

“The smaller font sizes are used for supplementary details such as permit type, permittee, [and] contact information.” —Kelyn Soong

closed without any action.

“Twitter is easier for me, because I can say, ‘I’m on this corner,’ and take a picture,” she says. “Then there’s also the part that’s publicfacing. It can create public pressure to address the problem.”

Even with Twitter, Palmer says she’s had mixed results. DPW will empty overflowing

trash cans fairly quickly, she says. But she’s been complaining about large trucks parked in residential areas, blocking bike lanes, for years.

“They won’t respond for weeks, and when they do, they don’t do anything,” she says. “Maybe they don’t know how to deal with it. But they’re also slow to respond even if they’re not going to do anything.”

—Mitch Ryals

youneed need mortgage mortgage assistance DoDoyou assistance due to the effects of COVID-19? due to the effects of COVID-19?

DC MAP (Mortgage Assistance Program) COVID-19 is here to help District homeowners stay in their homes during this pandemic.

DC MAP (Mortgage Assistance Program) COVID-19 is here to help

District homeowners stay in their homes during this pandemic.

DC provides zero-interest monthly mortgage assistance DC MAP MAPCOVID-19 COVID-19 provides zero- interest monthly assistance loansloans up that now include the coverage of condo and homeowner association fees up to $5,000 for up to six months for qualified homeowners. to $5,000 for up to six months for qualified homeowners.

DC MAP COVID-19 provides zero- interest monthly assistance loans up to $5,000 for up to six months for qualified homeowners.

Borrower Qualifications:

• Must be borrower’s primary residence and must be located in the District of Columbia Borrower • MustQualifications: have been current as of the March 1st payment (prior to being affected by COVID-19) • Must be borrower’s primary residence and must be located in • Must be able to document income affected due to COVID-19 the District of Columbia • Borrower must be the borrower on the home loan, not just a • Must have been current as of the March 1st payment (prior to member of the household being affected by COVID-19) • Must show proof that the borrower is not eligible for • Must be able to document income affected to COVID-19 forbearance or other types of relief offereddue through the servicer Hit Funds • Borrower mustand/or be theHardest borrower on the home loan, not just a • If borrower is still affected after the CARES Act ends, then member of the household relief may be offered at that time (See additional terms)

• Must show proof that the borrower is not eligible for forbearance or other types of relief offered through the servicer and/or For Hardest Hitlist Funds a full of borrower qualifications and loan terms, visit • If borrower is still affected after the CARES Act ends, then relief may be offered at that time (See additional terms)

www.dchfa.org/homeownership

For a full list of borrower qualifications and loan terms, visit

www.dchfa.org/homeownership

DC MAP COVID-19 financial assistance will be granted on a first come, first served basis until the program allocation has been exhausted. Homeowners seeking assistance through DC MAP COVID-19 should call 1-833-429-0537 to begin the process of applying. Questions regarding DC MAP COVID-19 may also be emailed to DCMAP@dchfa.org.

washingtoncitypaper.com february 2021 15

a federal appointee, prosecutes most violations of D.C. criminal law committed by adults, not the D.C. Attorney General, who residents elect.

21. The U.S. Attorney for D.C.,

restricted the number of electors to that of the least populous state, not D.C.’s own population size. District residents cast their first presidential election votes in 1964.

31. The 23rd Amendment gave D.C. three votes in the Electoral College, but

47. Two of the D.C. Zoning Commission’s five members have to be federal officials. The independent local agency is charged with preparing and amending zoning regulations consistent with the Comprehensive Plan.

50. As recently as in 2017,

WASHINGTON

CITYPAPER

By Amanda Michelle Gomez Design by Julia Terbrock

A list of reasons to immediately pass statehood legislation that readers can share with family or friends or lawmakers who stand in the way.

Washingtonians have many reasons to be mad as hell about their lack of autonomy—former President Donald Trump’s ability to deploy the city’s own National Guard to suppress a crowd of peaceful protesters, over the objections of Mayor Muriel Bowser, is one that immediately comes to mind. But the fight for self-determination is not just motivated by the events of the past year, when the threat of Trump taking control of the D.C. police sometimes felt imminent.

D.C. residents have been denied equal political and economic rights from the very beginning. Unlike people living in 50 states, the more than 712,000 people living in D.C. do not have full voting representation in Congress, even though Congress directly oversees the District’s local affairs. Congress can supersede the

@wcp

@washingtoncitypaper

authority of the mayor and the D.C. Council, lawmakers that only D.C. residents elect. The consequences of this setup are both obvious and insidious.

“There are two roads to equality, and we need to pursue them both at the same time,” says Del. Eleanor Holmes Norton. “The way we deserve it is in one fell swoop with statehood. But in the meantime we are pursuing what amounts to the failure to give us full home rule [in 1973].”

With help from Norton’s office, DC Vote, Neighbors United for DC Statehood, 51 for 51, the D.C. Council, the Office of the Attorney General, and Shadow Sen. Michael D. Brown, City Paper has compiled 51 reasons for making D.C. the 51st state as soon as possible.

activists’ calls to “contact your representative” when Congress does not legislate, or does so p o orly, do not work for the 712,816 residents who have no voting representation.

51. National

Transportation Security Administration officers have sometimes refused to accept District licenses as a valid form 49. The Commission of Fine Arts, a federal of ID. Those agents charged agency, reviews the development of District with checking travelers’ identigovernment buildings, as well as private devel- fication did not recognize what opment next to federal buildings and parks. the “District of Columbia” is.

48. Only the president of the United States can grant clemency to offenders convicted under D.C.’s local laws. Governors of states can grant pardons.

Only one D.C. Code offender—Alfred Mack, whose offense was unlawful distribution of heroin—has been granted clemency since 1989.

STATEHOOD

46. Sens. Marco Rubio (R-FL) and Rand Paul (R-KY) and Rep. Jim Jordan (R-OH) separately introduced legislation to wipe out a lot of D.C.’s gun control laws.

45. D.C.’s federally operated courts undermine its sanctuary city status. The federal government funds the D.C. Superior Court, so security and support staff come from the U.S. Marshals Service, which automatically sends data on all “foreign-born detainees” to Immigration and Customs Enforcement.

IN SUPPORT OF

D.C.

32. The D.C. government allows incarcerated residents with a felony conviction to vote, but the Federal Bureau of Prisons was slow to share information about eligible voters with the District of Columbia Board of Elections so they could submit ballots in 2020.

Superior Court or the D.C. Court of Appeals are approved by the Senate, which D.C. residents have no voice in.

33. The mayor has House floor privileges depending on which politi- 36. D.C. exclusively relies on cal party has control of the legislative body. Governors of the 50 states the federal government, by way of the U.S. Attorney’s always have floor access.

Office, to enforce local anti34. Lobbyists who want to change D.C. law can 35. D.C. misses out on $2–$3 billion in reve- corruption laws. The office visit Congress to do so. The nonwoven fabrics nues annually because it can’t tax the income has very rarely prosecuted industry asked Rep. Andy Harris (R-MD) to of hundreds of thousands of nonresidents these types of cases in recent overrule a Council bill that tried to regulate wet who work here, nor can it tax the property of years, focusing more on fedwipes because they clogged the sewer system. the federal government. eral corruption.

37. Congress restricts two 38. Federal law requires the 39. All males over 18 in the D.C. have to register for Selective rainy-day funds called the Council to adopt an annual Service even though they are denied voting representation in Emergency Reserve and budget within 70 calendars Congress, where wars are supposed to be declared.

Contingency Reserve in such days of receiving the mayor’s a way that makes them hard to proposal. Local laws require 40. Our local budget cycle is tied to the federal fiscal year and use. While these reserves are two readings 14 days apart begins on Oct. 1. As a result, the Council has to provide an required under federal law, the so the entire budget is put advance to both DC Public Schools and charter schools to money is generated entirely together in 56 days. (D.C. has a begin the school year, which starts roughly a month before the from local taxes and fees. $16 billion gross fund budget.) end of the previous fiscal year.

41. If D.C. had two senators, 42. Rep. Gary Palmer (R-AL) 43. The Council cannot control the chief financial officer’s more federal lawmakers made several attempts to salary; Congress does. The CFO makes $253,300.00. For cou ld advo cate for the overturn a D.C. law that comparison, the chief of the Metropolitan Police Department Washington Metropolitan makes it illegal for local makes $282,716.46.

Area Transit Authority employers to discriminate funding. WMATA has a pan- a g a i n s t w o r k e r s b a s e d 44. The Council offered government employees and their demic-induced $171 million on repro du ctive health partners, regardless of sex or gender, access to health care and leave through the Health Benefits Expansion Act in 1992, budget gap. decisions. but Congress refused to fund the measure until 2002.

can’t increase the $15 eviction filing fee in Superior Court, the lowest in the country, even though lawmakers want to as a means to reduce the eviction filing rate.

30. Rep. Tom Price (R-GA) attempted to bar the D.C. government from deducting union dues from employee paychecks.

legislatures in other states. Congress can and most recently did so in 2016, when it increased the maximum amount in controversy from $5,000 to $10,000; the court requested the change from Congress. There is no minimum filing limit for Small Claims Court.

29. The Council cannot adjust the filing limits in Small Claims Court, unlike

28. Judges who hear local criminal and civil cases in D.C.

27. Congress barred D.C. from using local funds for needle exchange programs between 1999 and 2007. After the ban was lifted, the number of newly diagnosed HIV cases attributed to injection drug use decreased by 99 percent.

26. While legislatures elsewhere can increase court fees, the Council cannot. It

25. The U.S. Attorney for D.C. is not subject to local oversight. Trump-appointed U.S. Attorney Jessie K. Liu prosecuted fewer hate crimes than any of her predecessors. She also refused to appear at an oversight hearing held by the Council, who could not compel her to testify.

Congress to fill local judicial vacancies. Currently, there are nine vacancies in the Superior Court and two vacancies in the Court of Appeals. One seat has been vacant since November 2013.

2 4 . D.C . m u s t w a i t o n

to overrule the D.C. Human Rights Amendment Act, which repealed a congressionally imposed provision that allowed local schools to deny LGBTQ students equal access to facilities and services.

23. Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) tried

22. Since D.C. no longer has a state prison, anyone convicted of a felony with a sentence of a year or more has to serve time in federal prison, sometimes hundreds of miles from home. This makes visits and accessing reentry programming more difficult. D.C. officials can’t control services 20. D.C. voters approved a ballot measure to legalize marijuana use in 2014. But since Congress has outlawed the recreational sale of marijuana in the years since, a black market has developed. residents receive while incarcerated.

ballot initiative that sought to legalize medical marijuana for over a year. Thanks to an amendment from Rep. Bob Barr (R-GA), the D.C. Board of Elections could not count votes. A court decision released the results—the initiative was overwhelmingly favored by voters.

19. Congress would not let D.C. know the results of a 1998

so long as Congress doesn’t say no during a 30-day review period. Before the fiscal year 2017 budget, D.C. couldn’t spend any local dollars until Congress approved the District budget alongside the federal one. (Congress has passed our appropriations on time only a handful of times since 1990.)

17. D.C. can spend money approved in its annual budget,

16. D.C. cannot set aside local Medicaid dollars to pay for abortion services, as some states do.

REASONS

victed of D.C. Code offenses in federal prison whose most serious charge is violating the terms of their release. The Court Services and Offender Supervision Agency, a federal agency that does not answer to local officials, oversees residents on parole, probation, and supervised release.

18. There are several hundred people con-

appointed by Congress that can override decisions made by the mayor and the Council. (Between 1995 and 2001, the Control Board had final say over the local budget and some legislation.) The same congressional legislation that created the Control Board also created the position of chief financial officer, who manages D.C.’s financial operations.

parole and supervised release determinations for residents convicted of a felony under D.C. law. The U.S. Parole Commission, a federal agency, makes these determinations.

15. Unlike states, D.C. cannot make

13. D.C. runs the risk of being managed by a financial control board

Council, for example—without Congress’ consent.

nicate with D.C. officials. It answers only to Congress.

11. A century-old federal law restricts the height of D.C.’s buildings, so the Council alone cannot amend or repeal the Height Act. The last time Congress overrode a local bill signed by the mayor during the 30-day review period was in 1991, when the Council tried to exempt a portion of downtown from the Height Act.

10. Congress can override D.C. legislation signed by the mayor during this review period, and has done so three times since 1975. One law overridden in 1981, the D.C. Sexual Assault Reform Act, aimed to modernize sexual assault laws and decriminalize homosexuality.

D.C. spends locally raised tax dollars. (See reasons 16, 19, 20, and 27 for examples.)

14. The U.S. Parole Commission has no obligation to commu-

gency legislation that only remains in effect for 90 days. (Roughly one-third of the bills lawmakers considered at the Feb. 2 legislative meeting were due to the congressional review layover.)

9. To bypass congressional review, the Council has to pass emer-

legislation the mayor signs to Congress for a 30-day review, or 60 days if it’s criminal legislation. (Security fencing around the Capitol delayed the delivery of 60 bills.)

impeachments. Trump’s second trial in the Senate relates to the Capitol insurrection on Jan. 6, which directly impacted locals— including those who had to take shelter and respond to the rioting.

6. D.C. residents have no say in presidential

7. Congress has repeatedly thwarted D.C. law via budget riders and restricted how

a territory instead of a state in its $2 trillion coronavirus stimulus package, shorting the District about $750 million in emergency funding.

5. Congress treated D.C. as

12. D.C. cannot change the composition of its local government—expand the

51 4. The president has the au t h o ri t y to fe de ra l i z e the Metropolitan Police Department.

2. Our mayor has no authority over the D.C. National Guard.

8. The D.C. Council has to hand deliver paper copies of all

3. National Guard units from other states can come into the city without the mayor’s consent.

1. D.C. has no voting representation in the U.S. House of Representatives and no representation at all in the Senate.

FOOD YOUNG & HUNGRY

Life on the Line

Darrow Montgomery/File

“Cooking has become one of the most lethal occupations in the last year alone. We don’t have the luxury of staying home.”

By Michael Loria and Laura Hayes In his 27-year cooking career, Antonio Burrell has worked ever y where from retirement homes and fast-food chains to D.C. restaurants like Bistro Bis, Masa 14,

Republic Cantina, and The Occidental.

He’s a restless soul who frequently changes jobs and has held every position from dishwasher to line cook to executive chef. “I’ve never wanted to do anything else,” he says.

“I love my job.”

18 February 2021 washingtoncitypaper.com

But for the past year, fear has extinguished Burrell’s unconditional love for his profession.

“I’m not ready to die,” he says. The chef has diabetes, and his lungs are compromised from smoking and bouts with bronchitis. His underlying conditions increase his risk of severe

illness from COVID-19, which is responsible for 465,000 reported deaths in the U.S. as of Feb. 9.

Burrell is currently opening a restaurant in Maryland; working didn’t feel like a choice after facing eviction in January. If he coughs once, he panics. “I live with that fear every day I go to work,” he says.” You can’t stay home because there’s pressure to pay bills. You have to live your life, but living our life could cost you your life.”

While Burrell fills more managerial roles in kitchens at this point in his career, he’s right to be afraid, especially for the cooks in his charge. A University of California– San Francisco study published last month found that cooks had the highest proportional increase in risk of mortality during the pandemic than any other profession, including health care workers. Researchers used occupations listed on death certificates. Between March and October 2020, the number of working-age cooks or food service workers who died in California was 60 percent higher than it would have been in a normal year.

“It’s individuals in low-wage essential jobs, such as cooks, who have suffered the highest relative increases in mortality associated with the pandemic,” says Alicia Riley, a postdoctoral scholar in epidemiology and biostatistics and one of the study co-authors. She notes that executive chefs are excluded from the category of “cook.” Farmers and bakers were also in the top five. “Our policies have treated their labor as essential but not their lives. These were preventable deaths.”

There’s been discourse about the safety of restaurant workers during the pandemic, but the focus has largely been on the difficulties servers and bartenders face as they interact with diners who don’t always adhere to COVID-19 protocols. Burrell says that risk trickles into the kitchen: “You have customers coming in who don’t want to be told what to do. They’re having interactions with the front of house, who have interactions with us.”

A confluence of other factors also put cooks at risk for contracting COVID-19. City Paper spoke with several cooks about the past year.

Some asked to be identified by their first name only or by a middle name. In addition to fearing for their health and safety, cooks have struggled to feel any sense of job security and the joy of their daily work has been stripped away as dining rooms emptied out and owners cut costs to stay in business.

Restaurant owners dedicate more space to the dining room than the kitchen for a simple reason: Every table represents a revenue-earning opportunity. That’s how cooks wind up working in hot, crowded spaces.

“What square footage you get, you have to cram in equipment and cooks to make food to make profit,” Burrell says. “You’re working shoulder-to-shoulder with people plating food, breathing on each other, sweating on each other. It’s not the most sanitary conditions, even in the best of times.”

FOOD While many restaurants have scaled back their labor forces during the pandemic, others haven’t—if the demand is there. “When you’re working in a kitchen, especially a restaurant that’s still busy, it’s a blessing and a curse,” Burrell continues. “You have people there to help you, but you’re working a lot closer together.”

“More than half of restaurants in this city are surprisingly small for the cooking space,” says Zach Ramos, echoing Burrell. He worked as a sushi chef at Sushi Taro for four years before starting a Japanese catering company with his business and romantic partner Amy Phan. “It’s hard to stay socially distant.

I’ve worked in dozens of restaurants. There’s no such thing as social distancing.”

And while D’Angelo Mobley says cooks wear their masks even when it’s uncomfortable, he’s still not convinced perfect compliance will protect him. Mobley landed his first restaurant job at Carolina Kitchen in Maryland in 2011. He didn’t like that servers had to greet customers with a cheerful “welcome welcome welcome,” so he angled for a kitchen position. Since then, he’s cooked at Maketto, American Son, and Shibuya Eatery. He also left restaurants mid-pandemic to start a wing catering company.

“Picture wearing a mask on a regular day, but standing over a wok that’s 700 degrees,” Mobley says. “It’s unbearable. Even though we wear masks in the kitchen, people have outside lives. If someone has COVID and you’re with them 12 hours a day six days a week, you’re going to come in contact with them.

There are not enough precautions in the world in that environment.”

“The simple fact that anybody could have it at any given moment” haunts him, Mobley says. He worries about not being told if a coworker tests positive for COVID-19. “The protocol is you have to shut the restaurant down,” he says. “No one is realistically going to do that. You never know what somebody knows and you don’t.”

(When an employee tests positive for COVID-19, restaurants are supposed to notify DC Health online. The agency then reaches out to conduct an investigation and provide recommendations on how to stop further spread.)

Building trust among employees is critical. Like starting a romantic relationship in a pandemic, you have to have faith that your new partner isn’t kissing others. “Some of my cooks like to go out, which I find to be reckless, but I cannot control what they do on their own time, unfortunately,” says David Uzzell.

The sous chef at Eat Mozzeria on H Street NE has worked as a prep cook or line cook at Marcel’s, Little Pearl, Reverie, and minibar. “I can only hope that they stay safe and keep me and the rest of the staff safe.”

Uzzell is deaf. He’s relied on a combination of reading lips and enlarging notes on his phone to communicate in the kitchen in the past, but since Mozzeria prides itself on hiring deaf employees, Uzzell signs with his colleagues. “Sometimes it’s difficult to pick

up on nuances, so I will smize or furrow my brows to emphasize points I’m making to my cooks or to my chef,” he says. “If someone decides to take off their mask so others can see their full facial expression, we make sure to have at least six feet between us.”

He says a persistent problem within the restaurant industry is that clocking in even if you’re sick is part of the work culture. Uzzell remembers working through a bout of gastroenteritis. “There was also the time the entire line at Marcel’s caught the flu before Valentine’s Day,” he says. “We were all hopped up on Emergen-C that week.”

Burrell adds that this norm exists at most small, independent restaurants because if you go home, you don’t get paid. “It used to be that you had to be on your deathbed at the hospital or get into a car accident for you not to come to work,” he says. “I’ve worked with walking pneumonia. Is that good for anybody? No.” The high cost of living in D.C. makes matters worse. Uzzell says cooks may commute far distances, potentially exposing themselves to COVID-19 on public transportation. Those who can afford to live closer to work often share an apartment. Each roommate may work multiple jobs to make ends meet, widening each cook’s web of potential exposure.

When Burrell worked at Vidalia, which has since closed, several co-workers shared an apartment with cooks from other restaurants.

Four people resided in the living room and a family of three occupied each of the two bedrooms. That was back in 2000, but still rings true today. At the restaurant Burrell is currently opening, six cooks live together. “The chance of spreading it is high if one person gets sick,” he says. “I have to keep expressing to everyone that we have to be careful.”

On top of anxiety about catching COVID19 and transmitting it to loved ones, kitchen workers can’t count on steady employment.

Owners have increased and shrunk their workforces based on fluctuating operating restrictions. When restaurants were limited to takeout, for example, many could only afford a person or two on payroll.

When María became a cook at Taqueria Xochi in November, it was her first job in seven months. She’s not alone. Between March 13, 2020 and Feb. 2, 2021, the city has received 172,716 jobless claims.

María met the taqueria’s owners when they all worked at China Chilcano. She started there as a cleaner after moving here from Mexico five years ago and worked her way into the kitchen, making salads and desserts over the course of two and a half years. The restaurant laid her off at the start of the pandemic with a couple weeks’ pay.

On occasion, workers report learning their jobs had been eliminated upon showing up for a shift. Enrique, a cook at 2Amys and a Honduran immigrant, says that’s happened to friends and family. When they came into work they were met with either, “We don’t need you anymore,” or, “Bye, there’s no more job for you.”

His phone incessantly buzzes with people looking for work. While he asks around, he knows their chances. No doubt it’s the same elsewhere as it is at 2Amys. “We have enough people, and the ones already there want more hours,” Enrique says, adding that some who reach out have been without a job for six months.

Enrique’s been at 2Amys for a decade and feared losing his job even though he makes sure things run smoothly when Chef Peter Pastan isn’t on site. “I’m not nobody’s boss,” Enrique says, “but I do have more responsibilities.”

Pastan prioritized cook safety by committing to takeout only. He installed a second pizza oven in the dining room, creating two distinct kitchens and more breathing room.

“No one seems to want to talk about the way restaurants are designed these days,” Pastan told City Paper in September. “There’s no social distancing in kitchens. Boxing seven people standing next to each other in a small space all day long trying to cook, clearly that’s a bad idea.”

While Enrique says they have plenty of room to spread out, he misses seeing diners react to their Neapolitan pizzas. “You don’t get that joy,” he says, “I like cooking and I like feeding people, [I like] the joy of seeing people happy and saying thank you when they walk out.”

This sentiment is felt more acutely at restaurants accustomed to showmanship.

“It’s not the same dynamic as it was preCOVID, that exchange of guests to the open kitchen,” says Jong Son, the head chef at Tiger Fork.

Son admits his cooks are scared about job security because they know restaurants are downsizing. He shakes his head as he gets into it: “It’s not just financials we’re looking [at], we’re looking at a pandemic that gets very tricky to read in terms of how much staff you can have.”

He’s scaled down his kitchen staff from 20 people to six, and says even when a restaurant can protect jobs, they can’t always give workers enough hours. An eight-hour shift can become a three-hour shift if there are fewer reservations than expected. The industry standard is to cut workers when it’s slow.

Cooks seeking employment often learn that restaurants are prioritizing rehiring the employees they laid off. They have to at first, according to a new bill the D.C. Council passed in December. “I’m looking, even for a spot as a dishwasher,” says Abel, a local cook.

“But obviously they’re giving preference right now to their people, people whom they’ve had for years.”

Hearing no from hiring managers is excruciating for the District’s undocumented workers who aren’t eligible for formal unemployment benefits. Community groups have done their best to help, but cooks, many of whom send money home to their families, are left with few options.

Enrique overheard his friends talking about their stimulus checks in April. They were surprised he didn’t get one. He laughs it off, but still wishes he had a similar safety net. “There’s people who think that everyone got this help from the government,” he says.

“Most of the people who work in restaurants didn’t see that.”

He adds that some of his industry colleagues could face eviction once the city’s moratorium expires. Vera, an hourly kitchen worker, is 10 months behind on rent. She’s been in the industry since moving to D.C. from Guatemala six years ago and started working part-time at Pearl’s Bagels three months ago, but fears it’s too late. “I would love to be able to say I have a stable job now, but this is a risky job,” she says while holding up a rent due notice. “The majority of people have too few hours, and I know I expose myself and expose my family, but there’s no other solution.”

María and her husband exhausted their savings between March 2020 and late fall. While they both found jobs, María says she understands the pressure other workers unable to receive unemployment benefits face. “People won’t leave work, won’t say they’re sick, or [won’t] say they were in contact with someone sick.”

She can’t help but notice the disparity between undocumented workers and those eligible for unemployment benefits. Both have bills to pay. “I wish we could stay in our house with our families,” she says. “If we want a future in this country, at what price are we going to obtain it?”

The pandemic could be an opportunity to hit the reset button. Cracks and inequities in work culture exposed over the past year formed long before the first case of COVID-19 reached the U.S. Cooks hope the pandemic brought the importance of health and safety into focus for employers who might consider offering better benefits once restaurants recover.

“I hope the industry becomes up to a standard where everyone gets paid vacation and sick days,” Burrell says. “It’s something we need that’s not the norm. You don’t really get any sort of paid time off until you become a manager.”

When it comes to health insurance, the service industry has historically and notoriously been an underinsured sector. Only restaurants with 50 or more full-time or full-time equivalent employees are required to offer affordable health insurance to their full-time employees, or face a tax penalty. Uzzell has worked at many restaurants in the D.C. area and says only two offered employer-sponsored health care or 401(k) benefits. Restaurant workers are relegated to using crowdfunding platforms like GoFundMe to raise money for medical expenses.

Above all, Uzzell wants to get the COVID19 vaccine as soon as possible. “Cooking has become one of the most lethal occupations in the last year alone,” he says. “We don’t have the luxury of being able to stay home.”

washingtoncitypaper.com february 2021 19

20 February 2021 washingtoncitypaper.com

washingtoncitypaper.com february 2021 21

Darrow Montgomery

ARTS

Members of the pop-rock band Merci

Merci Merci Me For the D.C.-area pop-rock quintet, it’s just like Penny Lane says: “It’s all happening.”

By Christina Smart Contributing Writer It is a late Tuesday afternoon and the members of Merci are looking slightly stunned, having just returned from their photo shoot for this paper—their first for a media outlet.

“It was awesome!” lead singer Seth Coggeshall exclaims. “It was our first ‘Oh, we’re going to send somebody. Oh, the photographer will meet you.’”

They’re hoping this shoot will be the first of many firsts as the D.C.-area quintet puts the finishing touches on their yet-to-be titled debut album, which will be released by Rise Records. With the way things are plugging along, one half expects Penny Lane from Almost Famous to enter the Zoom room and utter “It’s all happening.” Of course, like most bands, all of this happening took a while. The synth-pop rock band’s journey included singing Broadway tunes, performing in concession stands, and a total musical overhaul.

Initially, though, it was prompted by a

coast-to-coast move and a meeting on a basketball court. After leaving the Seattle area for Fairfax in 2008, Coggeshall (who looks like Justin Bieber and Ryan Phillippe have somehow bred) found a musical mate in keyboardist Colby Witko, spotting him in gym class at Cooper Middle School.

“I was trying to find somebody to make music with, desperately,” says Coggeshall.

“And he was singing with his Osiris shoes on playing b-ball.”

Given their disparate musical influences, it’s surprising that they teamed up at all.

“I grew up with a lot of pop stuff,” recalls Witko, even admitting that the band listened to Britney Spears’ “...Baby One More Time” on the way back from the photo shoot. “I grew up with Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC and all that stuff. Dancing around in front of my TV with my little VHS tape.”

“I was trying to mold you,” remembers Coggeshall. “I was trying to get you into My Chemical Romance, which is what I was really into.” Coggeshall won, and their early material

22 February 2021 washingtoncitypaper.com

is very much in the vein of Fall Out Boy and Panic! at the Disco, which might surprise listeners, since Merci’s gone from sounding like MCR to sounding like Phoenix.

In their high school years, at Langley High School in McLean, another chance meeting in gym class brought drummer Jack Dunigan to Coggeshall’s attention.

“I met Jack through a mutual friend who was starting a metal band,” recalls Coggeshall.

“He introduced me to Jack as we were waiting for the period to end. I remember showing up to practice and being blown away by his playing.”

Meanwhile, at Oakton High School, lead guitarist Nick Jones—whose inf luences fall more in line with the Rolling Stones and Jeff Beck—was playing in his own band and became aware of Coggeshall thanks to a Fairfax County Public Schools event.

“I played at a Langley battle of the bands,” says Jones. “I saw [Seth] perform and thought ‘This guy’s really talented!’ So, when the band that I started needed another singer, I called

him up on a last-minute thing.” The whole group ended up working together.

After graduating high school in 2013 and eventually adding bassist Justin Mason in 2015, the five-piece, like others before them, decided to pursue their musical dreams. They even managed to make the classic baby band mistake: coming up with a god-awful first band name. (In this case, it was His Dream of Lions).

As His Dream of Lions, they did the usual things baby bands do—playing shows at local venues, including Jammin’ Java, releasing EPs, and picking up regional shows wherever they could, which led to an unusual Broadway turn (of sorts) for some of its members in 2015.

Lexis Yelis, Jones’ former classmate, was producing ‘Punk Goes Below’ shows at 54 Below in New York City, where musical theatre performers would sing songs by pop-punk bands like Paramore and Fall Out Boy—and pop-punk performers would, in turn, do Broadway classics. Knowing the band and their style of music, Yelis would often recruit Coggeshall and Witko to perform in New York. “It started as me convincing them to do it,” laughs Yelis. “It wasn’t necessarily they wanted to do it, per se.”

The relationship with Yelis would prove beneficial; she later became director of sustainability for Warped Tour and provided one of the band’s first breaks in 2017.

“There was this new thing for Warped Tour.

They called it the Transform stage,” says Yelis.

She knew of an opening at the Merriweather Post Pavilion tour date (and the guy who ran Transform), so Yelis asked a simple question: “Hey, tomorrow, can my friends come play?”

She got a ‘yes’ and informed the band.

“It was hot and very humid. We parked our cars by the mall adjacent to the venue and made our way to the festival, acoustic guitars in hand,” Coggeshall recalls. “When we got to the Transform Tent, we discovered that they were set up in one of the amphitheater concession stands for the day.” After playing a 20-minute set for family, friends, and whoever happened to be waiting in line for food or the bathroom, the band seized the opportunity by asking a total shot-in-the-dark question of Warped’s staff after their set.

“We walk up to the guy who runs the tent,” explains Coggeshall. “We just said, ‘Can we just keep playing?’ And he’s like ‘Yeah, sure. If you can get yourselves to every date, sure.’ So we’re like ‘OK!’ So we got in my parents’ car and drove…”

“All the way to Texas and back,” adds Jones, smiling at the memory. “[We did] two weeks of the tour and it worked really well,” says Coggeshall. “So, we were like ‘This is awesome. If we can do this again, let’s do this again.’ So, in 2018 we went back having established the relationship and did the entire tour.”

As a barnacle band (a term lovingly applied to unknown artists who attach themselves to a larger entity), they got firsthand experience of the grind of the road. They weren’t an official act on the tour, so the gigs were unpaid, but

ARTS they managed to sell enough merchandise and work day jobs at other festival tents to cover gas and food. Overall, it was a sleep-in-the-van experience. “The whole thing was an operation,” says Mason. “I mean, even getting water and food was a process.”

But they were making some headway. The band performed as an opening act for the Plain White T’s at the Capital Brewfest. A representative from Rise Records came out to see them at a Warped performance. They toured with the band Under Fire, catching the attention of manager Matty Arsenault at Reclaim Management. Arsenault is also the lead singer for A Loss For Words, signed to Rise Records. For Arsenault, who signed on in 2018 to manage them, deciding to work with the band was easy.

“I think Seth is a star,” says Arsenault. “He was like that cool dude in school who was smart and good-looking that I was jealous of.

They are perfect all around.”

After Warped Tour ended, the band ended up in Los Angeles and tried to gain industry attention while there. Those efforts proved futile.

“We were just going to take the world on and meet as many people as we could and play as many shows as possible and just do it,” says Coggeshall. “It didn’t necessarily manifest as immediately as we thought it would. So, we make our way back across the country [to D.C.] with our tails between our legs, sort of defeated, kind of wondering what the future of the band was going to be at that point.”

Encouraged by Arsenault to forge ahead, Coggeshall wrote “I Hate Venice Beach,” stripping away the three-chords-and-adream sound the band had been churning out and bringing more pop and synths to the forefront: Think less actual punk and more Daft Punk. Pursuing their new sound with an additional song from Coggeshall, “City Hair Cut,” the band recorded a two-song demo. Arsenault passed the rough mixes along to Sean Heydorn, vice president at Rise Records.

“There are folks we have developed special relationships with over the years, and when they send you something, it’s approached with a different perspective and really gets the time and full focus,” explains Heydorn. “Matty is one of the people we have that kind of relationship with. The demos were great. With Matty sending them, us having a conversation about the vision, and knowing the band has the team that can help deliver, it was a no brainer.”

And just like that, a mere 11 years after Coggeshall and Witko’s meet-cute on the basketball court, the band was finally signed.

With a new sound and a record deal came, thankfully, a new band name—Merci.

Recording for their forthcoming album started in December 2019 at D.C.’s Ivakota recording studio, and like everything else, came to a screeching halt in March 2020 due to the pandemic. Merci looked at the situation as an opportunity to take stock of their work thus far.

“It gave us time to get a little perspective on what we were doing,” says Coggeshall, “when we were able to safely begin the recording process again. Pick up where we started off, but with the benefit of three months of independently practicing and working on our own creative processes and then reapplying that to what we were doing initially.”

The music they’re currently producing is what Coggeshall calls “alternative rock but filtered through a sort of pop immediacy.”

The combination of influences are evident in their first single “Foolish Me,” an ode to a long-distance relationship that Coggeshall was in for many years. The epicness of a love lost can be heard in the arrangement, which includes tubular bells and a timpani sample inspired by the orchestration of Smashing Pumpkins’ “Disarm.”

Due to COVID, however, the music video for “Foolish Me” is far less epic. Only nine people were involved in filming, including the band (who are in their own pod), directors Lindsey Byrnes and Aysia Marotta, and two crew members. They convened in the fall at the Photogroup Inc. sound stage in Silver Spring.

“There was a day of shooting there and that was supplemented by footage we had taken as a band independently,” says Coggeshall. “[They] put it together beautifully despite our entire shooting plan not panning out at all the way we thought it was going to.” (And if you want to get an idea on how Coggeshall’s relationship turned out, roses are aflame in the video.)

In the music video for their second single “Haunt Me,” out Feb. 12, Merci draw upon cinematic influences, specifically pre-’50s and ’60s horror movies. They spent a few days in January at a cabin in the woods in New Jersey built several generations ago by members of Jones’ family. The location provided the perfect atmosphere for the shoot, giving the video a Friday the 13th vibe. (“There’s a creature…” is all Coggeshall will divulge).

The video was directed and shot by the band on iPhone 12, and Merci’s taking D.C.’s DIY punk ethic to heart; Dunigan is handling the final edits.

“Before we got signed, we produced several other videos on our own and we really appreciated that level of creative control,” says Dunigan. “[After] we got signed and we shot the ‘Foolish Me’ video it was great, but I think we wanted to see what we could do on our own just by ourselves, no director or anything.”

Now Merci are playing the waiting game, finishing the mixes for their album and waiting to see how the pandemic will affect the timing of its release. Another unknown is how His Dream of Lions fans will react to the synth-pop material of Merci; if Warped Tour still existed, Merci wouldn’t be booked. But Coggeshall isn’t worried about losing fans.

“Merci, and this upcoming record, is an extension of a continuing musical evolution that we’ve been following for years,” explains Coggeshall. “If people don’t care for it, that’s totally cool. We’re just trying to keep challenging ourselves as musicians.”

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ARTS BOOK REVIEW

DIVERSIONS CROSSWORD

It Was Nothing

13. Sudden death periods: Abbr.

By Brendan Emmett Quigley

35. It’s not funny!

37. Canvas application

37. Pig tattooers?

42. Sch. adjacent to a bridge measured in smoots 43. Get to 44. “While I’m thinking of it ...”

46. Org. that assists with telemedicine 47. Working hard at 51. Section of eyebending prints?

54. “Until next time” 55. Knock out of the water 56. My Year Abroad author Chang-___ Lee 58. “Kings & Queens” singer ___ Max 59. “You bring shame to your family’s name!”

60. Holdup in reissuing Beck’s album?

64. Dash lengths 65. “You can forget that happening” 66. Point of view 67. They stereotypically have big heads 68. Overdoes it on stage 69. Mark for life

38. “Things are complicated” 39. Mid-afternoon break

Across 1. Key with two sharps: Abbr.

5. “While we’re talking about it,” in Internet slang 11. Super Bowl LIV halftime show co-headliner with Shakira 14. Review that hopefully translates to sales 15. Accrues, as a massive bar bill 16. Cereal tidbit 17. Brightly colored kitchen appliance?

19. Measurements equal to 1000 joules per sec.

20. Peach leftover 21. Circular shape 22. Bass-line symbol 24. “Did you not hear me the first time?”

26. “Wonderwall” band, warts and all?

30. Relating to the ankle bone 32. Blue Grass Airport’s code 33. More, on some packages 34. Horse reins and bit 36. Crash helper, for short

28. “Put that in your Netflix queue” 31. Make stuff up

27. Best-of-the-best athlete

29. Took a chair

40. Had ‘em rolling in the aisles on open mic night

Down 1. “Can we move on, please” 2. Lyra’s mother in His Dark Materials 3. Gamer’s online character 4. White House press secretary Psaki 5. Honorific in a Joel Chandler Harris story 6. Sports car supercharger 7. Vitagene test sample 8. “Forged By the Sea” mil. group 9. Software patch, maybe 10. Eyeglasses 11. Laugh-a-minute type

41. Eithne Pádraigín Ní Bhraonáin’s stage name 42. PRC founder 45. 60 minuti 46. Donkey Kong’s world 48. Like some slanted writing 49. State added during the Civil War 50. More distinguished, so they say 52. Pimply area of the face, to dermatologists 53. Copy line by line?

57. Words said in passing?

59. Transaction ___ 61. Old name for Tokyo 62. Beyond blasted 63. Subject heading?

LAST CROSSWORD: NOT DRESSED FOR THE WEATHER

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Fake Accounts

By Lauren Oyler Tin House, 265 pages

25. Book ID

18. Close for the time being, as a theater 23. Not so strict

Post Alone

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24 February 2021 washingtoncitypaper.com

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The internet makes us weird, and we do strange things for attention there. That’s an uncontroversial statement, but the heavily online continue scrolling anyway. We’ve even come up with names for what social media, in particular, does to the human mind after prolonged exposure: brain worms, poster’s brain, terminal onlineness. These describe the desire to chronicle our days in public as we are living them and to base our satisfaction off the approval of others. They also cover the more advanced stages of the disease, where users begin to inhabit a very different kind of personality online: needlessly aggressive, uncommonly flippant, and primed to see all kinds of interaction as a zero-sum game—especially when a poster spends more of their waking time on the internet than off, like during lockdown.

On the same internet where we are encouraged to hyperbolize our behavior, to double down when overwhelmed with criticism and then to disappear, Lauren Oyler is best known as a critic—a harsh one. She’s skeptical of consensus, unconvinced by sentimentality, and her work is regularly the talk of the literary town; her takedown of Jia Tolentino’s Trick Mirror crashed the London Review of Books’ website.

Now Oyler’s debut novel, Fake Accounts, is up for review. Unfortunately for anyone hoping for quick revenge, it’s self-assured and stylish. According to Merve Emre’s survey of the state of literary fiction in The Drift, a particularly popular contemporary genre “is the novel of self-fashioning, though the self that is fashioned, we are reminded, is mere simulacrum— an unnamed, over-filtered, extremely online, precarious shape-shifter.” Fake Accounts is one of those novels, and the novel is less a story and more a long reminder.

At its start, an unnamed narrator is recounting the end of her relationship with her boyfriend, Felix. The two met in Berlin; their romance curdled in New York, but the two are still together.

Felix is manipulative, confusing, and closedoff, though in small enough quantities that he’s not actively hateful. Still, the narrator doesn’t actually like him all that much. Then, snooping through his phone, she finds that instead of having no social media like he’d said, he runs anonymous conspiracy-peddling accounts. He’s not a true believer, she concludes; she knows he likes to tell “little, inconsequential lies and build slightly alternate realities out of them, a game with no objective except to delight himself.”

The narrator schemes about how best to play her hand. She decides to attend the 2017 Women’s March in D.C. before triumphantly breaking up with Felix and taking her place as the unquestionably wronged party, worthy of sympathy and fascination. We know this because we read her examining and justifying her own desires, performing self-awareness that ultimately hides

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7 She7self-defensively $ , 1responds to an imagined Greek chorus of ex-boyfriends. She mocks 0 the$fragmentary 3 structure / <popularized , 1 by* writers like Jenny Offill, only to interrupt herself with $ “Fuck!

5 I7messed up/the structure. $ 7 That ( one5was too long.” She shares biographical details (places $ 9 $ 5 $ ( lived and worked, the same Twitter avatar) with ( the /author, $ while < knowingly ' ( referencing / $ <Ben Lerner’s autofiction. And though the narration ' looks , confessional & ( at first 6glance, , it'isn’t.(The novel is just one more place, like the internet, own story.

2 where 7 the ( narrator 6 can control 6 &her $ 5 Nothing is of real consequence; no actual feelings are bared, and as a result, no emotional damage is ventured. The most emotion we see from her—fear, confusion, self-pity—comes after she rides her bike into a patch of stinging nettles in Berlin. The physical pain plus the confusion (she’s American, she’s never heard of the plant) sends her into a kind of hysterical overdrive. Those are the stakes: Fall off your bike, get a painful rash, the kind schoolchildren get.

Nothing else actually affects her. Or, at least, she won’t show us anything else.

There’s no need for an Oyler-esque review of Fake Accounts; it’s ambitious and accomplished, and quite funny about working in online media, online dating, and relationships mediated by the internet. Its lack of story leaves the reader only with the cultivated, claustrophobic sense that instead of turning pages, one is scrolling through the timeline. Mimicking your-brain-on-Twitter does provide representation for some extremely online self-destructive millennial women.

—Emma Sarappo

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Family Ties Minari Directed by Lee Isaac Chung The two children in Minari, part of a family of Korean immigrants who have just moved to rural Arkansas, love Mountain Dew. They drink it all the time. They call it “mountain water,” as if they have actually been convinced by its marketing that the sugary beverage comes from a magical mountain spring. Inspired by writer-director Lee Isaac Chung’s own childhood, Minari is filled with these kinds of odd and delightful details that help to fill out its sparse story with the compelling stuff of real life.

Jacob (Steven Yeun) and Monica (Han Ye-ri), the children’s parents, arrive in Arkansas in the 1980s with little money and two poorly paying jobs as chicken sexers at a local egg farm. Their new house is a trailer in the middle of a field nowhere near a town. But Jacob has plans. The soil is good, and while his family adjusts to their new surroundings, he works the field, growing Korean vegetables he predicts will be in demand as more immigrants arrive from their homeland. It’s a big gamble but also a profound statement of purpose: Minari envisions a form of adaptation that doesn’t require immigrants to forgo their roots.

While Monica struggles to accept the isolation and Jacob labors on the land, their son David (Alan Kim) follows the adults around, seeing much and saying little, absorbing their hardships. He has a heart murmur, which prevents him from doing much outside of the house, but his life gets some focus when Soon-ja (Youn Yuhjung), Monica’s mother, comes to live with them.

Staking her claim in the pantheon of great movie grandmas, Soon-ja playfully clashes with young David. He’s repelled by her, perhaps because she is a distillation of everything that makes him

and his family different. Nevertheless, their little battles seem to serve them both—and the viewer—well. She makes fun of his bedwetting habit and mocks him in her new language: “Broken ding-dong.” He responds by tricking her into drinking his urine.

Despite the potential for comedic highs and tragic lows, there is something strangely muted about Minari. Chung consistently backgrounds the tension by introducing subplots that go nowhere. David becomes friends with a local boy who presents as a bit of a troublemaker, but their relationship falls off before anything too terrible occurs. Jacob takes on a worker (played memorably by character actor Will Patton) whose bizarre religious eccentricities seem poised to spill over into something more dangerous, but they never do. It all just becomes part of the fabric of their days.

All of Minari’s individual elements get swallowed up by the overwhelming nostalgia summoned by Chung, portraying life as a journey whose happy destination is already known. It’s a testament to the filmmaker to have created such a powerful aesthetic, but it’s hard to shake the urge for Minari to become more dramatic or pointed. Although he’s not in every scene, young David is the film’s unofficial guide, for better and for worse. He’s young enough to believe everything will work out, because so far, everything always has. This perspective is at once powerful, well-realized, and a hindrance to our investment in these characters’ lives.

All those details that Chung seems to have lifted from his own childhood make Minari feel unique and specific, but verisimilitude is no substitute for narrative momentum. Ultimately, it’s a story of life and death that never feels like it’s leading to either one. Minari has strong roots, but it never fully blooms.

—Noah Gittell Minari is currently in theaters and streaming in the A24 Screening Room. It will be available to stream in the AFI Silver Virtual Screening Room from Feb. 12–25.

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This shouldn’t be how we say hello ...or goodbye.

It’s our reality right now. But it won’t be if we do what it takes to beat COVID-19. Vaccines are coming, but until enough of us are vaccinated, we all still need to wear our masks, stay at least six feet from others, and avoid indoor social gatherings. The more we slow the spread, the faster we’ll return to normal hellos … and fewer goodbyes.

Learn more about vaccines and slowing the spread at cdc.gov/coronavirus Brought to you by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

26 February 2021 washingtoncitypaper.com

CITY LIGHTS City Lights

Max Res Default

Cruise met at a distortion pedal-building workshop. The versatility showcases Cruise’s plethora of sonic sensibilities, but also introduces the listener to sounds they didn’t realize they liked, or even knew existed. The album is available on SoundCloud, Apple Music, Spotify, Bandcamp, and as a tape available from the artist.

Prices vary.

—Amari Newman

City Lights

I Hate It Here “I hate it here”: four simple words, the title of a brand-new audio play, and a surprisingly profound way to wrap up the experiences of 2020. I Hate It Here: Stories from the End of the Old World, written and directed by Ike Holter, launches breathlessly as the ensemble cast throws out those four words, a few expletives and the phrase “this has been the worst year.”

Studio Theatre commissioned I Hate It Here from Holter, a playwright from Chicago whose work continues to gain prominence on the national stage. In five months, Holter delivered the second audio work for Studio Theatre, an incredibly timely reflection on the emotional journey of 2020. Ensemble members Sydney Charles, Behzad Dabu, Kirsten Fitzgerald, Jennifer Mendenhall, Gabriel Ruiz, Tony Santiago, and Jaysen Wright recorded what is essentially an “album” or “kaleidoscope” of stories from their own homes. Bouncing from a taxicab to a wedding to a bedroom and making explicit reference to COVID-19, the national uprising for racial justice, and the presidential election, I Hate It Here chronicles the events of the year while exploring their emotional toll. From just the first few moments, listeners will appreciate the rapid-fire narrative and high-quality production. The show may not come with the visual elements so familiar in theater, but stellar sound design more than makes up for it, offering an innovative theatrical treat. Dramaturg Adrien-Alice Hansel puts it best: I Hate It Here “offers seeds for a different beginning” as an old world ends. The audio play is available through March 7 at studiotheatre.org. Free.

—Sarah Smith Prince George’s County’s Tony Cruise, also known as Tony Kill, released his eclectic album Max Res Default this past November.

The enigmatic sound artist recorded the nine-track album over the past year during his time in D.C., Seattle, and his residency at Factory Berlin in Germany. As a pioneer of Prince George’s alternative music community, Cruise has garnered a reputation for his individuality. Max Res Default is a perfect reflection of his distinctness, as every track has its own essence, and the project’s continual mood shifts are captivating. Whether it’s the energizing and distorted guitar samples in “150CC,” or the calming and ethereal sounds of “Waiting Game (Reprise)”—which landed him on The FADER in the summer—there is something to entrance every type of listener. Sounds sampled in the album came while digging the crates at HardWax, OYE, and Heisse Scheiben in Berlin. Although Cruise handles the majority of the production and vocals, Max Res Default does contain notable features such as “Truth or Dare,” a collaboration between Cruise and multifaceted artist Jocko Graves. The track consists of bouncy production, melodic freestyled verses, and a catchy hook derived from percussionist extraordinaire and longtime collaborator Mark Block of D.C. Elsewhere in the album, “150CC” bears harsh semblances of metal guitar courtesy of Virginia’s Rob Oliver, whom

City Lights

Dating From Home

It’s nearly Valentine’s Day. You told yourself you wouldn’t be spending the holiday alone this year, and yet COVID has messed up another one of your plans. Long story short, you’re scrambling for a date and sick of endlessly swiping through Tinder. Lucky for you, as long as you’re a single between ages 24 and 46, the new dating service Dating From Home has got you covered. On Feb. 14, join other D.C. daters in a series of 3-minute video speed dates hosted by DFH. While events are normally moderated by founder Sam Karshenboym and his adorable pup Ollie, this time the group has partnered with District Trivia and Trivial Rush to incorporate trivia between meetings (though don’t worry, the dog will still be there). And if you happen to find that special someone—75 percent of daters match at their first event, DFH claims, so the odds are in your favor—DFH will set you up after the event for a second date. So dust off your best attire, brush up on your trivia skills, and get ready for a Valentine’s Day event well-suited for COVID times.

The event begins at 8 p.m. on Feb. 14. Registration is available at datingfromhome.us. $18.

—Hannah Docter-Loeb

City Lights

Bicycle Film Festival D.C.

“Black lives matter and Black tires matter,” said Devin Shanks during a panel with leaders and riders from Streets Calling Bike Club D.C., a group that organizes rides to support Blackowned businesses and empower riders. Streets Calling is hosting the 20th annual Bicycle Film Festival’s D.C. screenings, which include a range of shorts. The most outstanding highlight the social impact of bicycles; other shorts include everything from narrative features starring Timothy Spall to bike montages set to New Wave bike beats. Among the documentary features, King of the Mountain shows how Samuel Mugisha made the Rwandan national cycling team. He speaks about the support he received from his mother and how cycling offers him and his teammates a way forward. Bike to D.C. follows the ride that some 130 riders made from New York to D.C. over the summer in support of Black lives and Black cyclists. It features words from MLK’s granddaughter, Yolanda Renee King, about racial equality and climate justice. The Streets Calling panel rounds these features out by offering an insight into the impact bicycles have locally. “When you support Black-owned business, it’s a cycle, no pun intended,” says Matt Onojafe of Jafe Cycling. “What you put into the Black-owned small businesses, they will put that right back into the community.” A portion of ticket sales will go to Streets Calling D.C. The festival is available at btt.boldtypetickets.com through Feb. 14. $10–$20.

—Michael Loria washingtoncitypaper.com february 2021 27

City Lights

Lily Poetry Review Books Panel From loss to celebration, Chloe Yelena Miller’s new poetry collection Viable, out from Lily Poetry Review on Feb. 14, explores pregnancyandmotherhoodthroughfoursectionsofshort,urgentverse.

Relatableandcrushing,Miller’s poems shine a light on an early miscarriage and the resulting, far-reaching wounds that friends and doctors often seek to diminish or glide over. In “To Do or After,” a poem in the early section “Carried,” Miller writes, “Eat sushi, soft and blue cheeses, ocean bottom feeders, rare beef.” She continues on to describe the many things she can do now that she isn’t pregnant, ending with the heartbreak of, “At home, trip over the coffee table’s outstretched leg. Land on your stomach. Don’t break your fall.” Miller speaks of her struggle with the emotional transition from grief to hope in her second pregnancy, but the collection doesn’t stay mired in darkness or stasis. Instead, her poems dance effortlessly, placing fear and longing side by side with a refreshing bluntness. We’re gripped by Miller’s experiences, our hearts thumping alongside hers as she gives birth, celebrates this new life she’s been gifted with, and then faces isolating postpartum depression after wanting to be a mother for so long. The guilt and yearning resolve, as much as they ever can for parents, in the last section most aptly titled “Apologies.” In “Your Creation Story,” Miller’s final poem of the collection, she tells her son: “I was your home; / now we all nudge you forward, / make room for you to see out.” Miller will read from Viable during a virtual Politics and Prose panel with Laura Van Prooyen and Jeff Oaks, poets with collections with or forthcoming from Lily Poetry Review. The event begins at 6 p.m. on Feb. 17. Registration is available at politics-prose.com. Free; donations encouraged.

—Hannah Grieco

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28 February 2021 washingtoncitypaper.com

City Lights

Special Olympics DC’s Virtual Polar Plunge

has medaled in various sports, including a gold on the national stage, says “Special Olympics can literally change millions of people’s lives. It changed not just mine, but everybody around the world that knows about Special Olympics. I really appreciate that people you don’t know donate their time and their passion for Special Olympics.” Registration for the Polar Plunge is available at give.specialolympicsdc.org. The deadline to submit a video is Feb. 14. Prices vary.

—Christina Smart

City Lights

Salute the Songbird with Maggie Rose Like so many things during the pandemic, Special Olympics DC’s Polar Plunge has gone virtual this year. Held last year at Yards Park, this annual fundraiser features participants taking an ice cold dip into outdoor swimming pools, but just because it’s happening virtually, that doesn’t mean it still can’t be fun.

“Some people are going to the Bay or to lakes, if you can do that,” explains Special Olympics DC President Nicole Preston. “Or in your backyard, you can get squirted with the garden hose. You can get an inflatable kiddie pool and jump in that. You can fill in the tub with cold water and ice and sit in that.” Once registered, participants will receive a link where they can upload video of their plunge and compete in the event’s various contests, including best costume, top fundraiser, and most inventive plunge.

The virtual celebration of polar plunge videos will take place on Feb. 26. Novie Craven and Chris Bence, teammates—unified partners, in Special Olympics lingo—and the event’s typical first plungers, are working on an especially creative setup for their plunge. Craven, a Special Olympics DC athlete who

Potomac-born country singer Maggie Rose wants to showcase her fellow women in the music industry. To do so, she’s launched a podcast entitled Salute the Songbird, a weekly program featuring conversations between Rose and a wide assortment of guests. To date, Rose has chatted with artists including Martina McBride, Mickey Guyton, and Jennifer Hartswick, and, given that everyone involved can compare stories of what it’s like to be a woman working in the industry, the conversations can be simultaneously eye-opening and jaw-dropping. Guyton, the artist behind the hit “Black Like Me,” discusses touring with Brad Paisley and being confronted with the Confederate battle flag or being called the n-word by audience members.

What’s worse, as Guyton was starting out in Nashville, her label implied Guyton would not be seen as an authentic country artist because of her race. “This common conversation in every room was ‘We’ve got to make sure she’s really country because people are going to think she’s not genuine,’” Guyton says. In another episode, country music veteran McBride

discusses her involvement in the Equal Play movement, a campaign pushing to have women artists played on country radio just as often as men. “I just did a voice-over for a radio entity,” says McBride. “I’m introducing songs … and the first 15 acts were men and none I had heard of. When I see something like that I wonder, ‘How fast is this changing?’” The podcast is available at osirispod.com, Apple Podcasts, and other streaming services. Free.

—Christina Smart

washingtoncitypaper.com february 2021 29

DIVERSIONS SAVAGE LOVE

Spring State of the Arts is coming this March!

Learn about advertising opportunities by contacting your account executive or emailing ads@ washingtoncity paper.com.

I’m positive you’ve written something about this in the past. I have searched your archives but have only managed to find people arguing in the comments about this topic when what I want is your advice.

My 16-year-old son is stealing our sex toys. My son took my husband’s handheld toy several months ago. I found it where it shouldn’t have been and let my husband know. He talked to our son and told him these are personal items, like a toothbrush, and that he needed to stop taking them. A few weeks ago, I noticed my dildo was missing. I thought I had misplaced it or that my husband hid it somewhere. As it turns out, our son took it. We talked with him again and stressed that these are personal items and not something to be shared. I want to get him his own toy so he stops taking ours. My husband is squicked out about it, and I agree it’s weird to have your parents buy a toy for you, but he clearly wants one. I don’t want to pick it out. I want to give him a prepaid gift card and have him pick out what he wants from a reputable shop. Is there a better way to handle this?

—Mama In Houston Teenagers. Going into their rooms for even a second—even just to leave clean and folded laundry on their beds—is an unforgiveable invasion of their privacy, a world-historical crime on a par with the Nazi invasion of Poland, an atrocity that should land mom and dad in a cell in the Hague. But that same kid will tear their parents’ bedroom apart looking for mom and dad’s sex toys, any cash mom and dad have at home, mom and dad’s secret stash of pot, etc. Because while they’re entitled to absolute privacy, mom and dad—or dad and dad or mom and mom— aren’t entitled to any privacy at all. (And your son may never forgive you for the embarrassment you caused him when you asked him not to steal—and not to use—your dildo.)

How do you handle this? You could forbid him to go into your bedroom. You could even put a lock on your bedroom door. But you’ll forget to lock it one day, or one day he’ll learn to pick the lock and before you know it he’ll be back in your bedroom, picking through your sex toys.

You could run out the clock. Your son is 16 years old, and he’ll hopefully be out of the house in less time than it took to get him out of diapers. Twenty-four short months, hundreds of millions of COVID vaccinations, and a few college applications are all that stand between you and having your house all to yourselves again.

At that point you and your husband won’t have to worry about your son stealing your sex toys— hell, at that point you can make a lovely centerpiece out of them for the dining room table. But while running out the clock allows you to avoid some squickiness, you’re still gonna have to worry about him swiping your sex toys or—even worse—swiping one, using it, and then putting it back without cleaning it properly. Most 16-yearold boys can’t clean themselves properly; the odds that your son is capable of sterilizing your dildo after using it on himself are very, very low.

(The odds that your son can make you wanna jump in a time machine and go back 17 years and sterilize yourself? Very, very high.)

You could buy him some sex toys. I think this is the best option. Get your son a gift card that

30 February 2021 washingtoncitypaper.com

he can blow on some toys for himself at a reputable sex toy shop. Or you could pick out a few for him—you already have a pretty good handle on the type of sex toys he finds appealing— and leave those toys for him on his bed next to his clean and folded laundry. Having a few sex toys of his own won’t necessarily stop him from tearing your bedroom apart—there’s still your pot and cash to find—but it will make him less likely to tear your bedroom apart looking for sex toys. And perhaps most importantly, buying your son some sex toys will allow you to suspend your disbelief and pretend your son isn’t looking through your sex toys long enough to help him fill out those college applications.

—Dan Savage

“If you force your boyfriend to choose between the DEMANDING INSECURE CAPS BOY he’s known for a little less than two months— that would be you— and the guy he’s been servicing for a little less than a decade, you’re going to lose.”

A few weeks ago in your column, you were responding to a guy who was unsure about his relationship because his boyfriend’s kinks didn’t match up with his own. You said that kinks are “hard-wired” and that, for someone who has them, acting on their kinks is necessary for them to have a fulfilling sex life. Wow. That leapt off the page at me. This is something I’ve struggled with most of my life and that made things so crystal clear. From the time I was first sexually aware, I knew I was gay and that I was attracted to BDSM. I am five years out of a 20-year relationship.

My partner and I dabbled in BDSM but I never felt like he was really into it. He was just doing it for me.

When I asked what I could do for him, he’d always say “nothing.” That made it even more disappointing. The relationship didn’t end over his stuff, but I regret sticking with it, and an unfulfilling sex life, for so long. The kink stuff started so early for me. Hardwired doesn’t even begin to describe it. Pre-puberty I was fascinated when I saw guys getting tied up on TV, in comics, and in movies. But now here I am, single and 63 years old. I haven’t dated anyone

since my relationship ended. I don’t want to date purely vanilla people or people with kinks that aren’t compatible with mine. I’m just not sure what to do.

Any advice?

—I’ve No Clever Acronym In the column where I described kinks as hardwired—which they are for most people, INCA, although some folks do manage to acquire them—I didn’t advise kinky people to date only other kinky people. So long as a kinky person isn’t 1. being shamed and 2. is allowed to enjoy their kinks with others who share them, a mixed kink/vanilla relationship can work. So don’t limit yourself to dating only guys who are into BDSM. Date vanilla guys you meet through mainstream dating apps but be open about your kinks from the start, and be clear about your intent to enjoy your kinks with guys who share them. And date kinky guys you meet on kinkdating apps—there are plenty of guys your age on Recon, the biggest personals site for kinky gay and bi men, and guys of all ages who are into guys your age. Good luck.

—DS Gay boy here with a new boyfriend. We’ve been together for almost two months and I TOLD HIM that I want an open relationship but I AM NOT comfortable with him dating other men. I MADE THAT CLEAR. A week ago he oh-so-casually drops that he’s been meeting up with a guy for EIGHT FUCKING YEARS! I told him he had to STOP this but my he REFUSES to stop it. He says they aren’t “dating” so he didn’t betray me. I looked at their text messages— GOING BACK YEARS—and this guy will send him a message once every few months and my boyfriend hurries over to his house to blow him. My boyfriend thinks it shouldn’t matter that he’s “servicing” this one other person since we both fuck around. My problem is the “ONE OTHER PERSON” part of the equation! I am NOT interested in monogamy but I am STRONGLY opposed to MY BOYFRIEND having an ONGOING THING with another man! If our ages matter: I am in my mid-20s and VGL, my boyfriend is in his mid-30s and VGL, and this guy is in his LATE 40s and TOTALLY AVERAGE LOOKING. I do not see why my boyfriend won’t GIVE UP this man for me.

—Really Angry Guy Into No Games I can almost see why your boyfriend wouldn’t want to give up this guy for you, RAGING. I mean, if I squint I can almost make it out…

Look, your boyfriend has been servicing this guy for almost a decade. If they wanted to date, they’d be dating. If they wanted to be together, they’d be together. And if you force your boyfriend to choose between the DEMANDING INSECURE CAPS BOY he’s known for a little less than two months—that would be you—and the guy he’s been servicing for a little less than a decade, you’re going to lose. If you wanna be with your VGL boyfriend, RAGING, offer to grandfather the average guy in; i.e., agree to him continuing to service this impossibly old fart on the condition that your boyfriend doesn’t add any new “regulars” to his rotation.

But the off chance your boyfriend also reads my column: OMG, DUDE, RUN. —DS Email your Savage Love questions to mail@savagelove.net.

CLASSIFIEDS Legal CARLOS ROSARIO INTERNATIONAL PUBLIC CHARTER SCHOOL REQUEST FOR PROPOSALS Carlos Rosario is looking for a cost proposal to provide a cloud-based Unified Communications as a Service solution that will accommodate a new hybrid and remote learning environment.

Flexibility, and the ability to have phones that will “move with people” is a critical factor in selecting the new phone system. Depending on the day, some teachers are at school conducting distance learning classes, while others are working from home. The new system needs to be extremely flexible and have the ability to route calls based on customized call handling requirements by the user.

The users need to be able to work with the phone system on IP phones, Softphones, Mobile apps, and any smart device of their choosing. Proposals will be due by COB March 1, 2021. Contact Karen Clay at kclay@carlosrosario. org for more information.

MERIDIAN PUBLIC CHARTER SCHOOL is soliciting proposals from qualified vendors for the following: Meridian PCS seeks to purchase a minimum of 200 Chromebooks each with a license for Google Chrome Management Console, Education Edition, and to be eligible for discounted pricing for future technology purchases. All bids are due

by February 26th, 2021 by 3 pm and must be submitted via email to Michael Russell at osupport@ meridian-dc.org.

To request specifics about system requirements, please email Michael Russell at osupport@meridian-dc.org.

PUBLIC NOTICE – HEALTHCARE ENTITY CONVERSION The Office of the Attorney General for the District of Columbia (“OAG”) provides notice that the District of Columbia’s Department of Behavioral Health has requested that OAG review the application of BayMark Health Services of West Virginia, Inc. to acquire the operating assets of Foundation for Contemporary Mental Health, Inc., (“FCMH”), a District of Columbia nonprofit corporation that operates an outpatient medication assistance treatment program located at 2112 F Street, NW. DBH requests that OAG, in accordance with D.C.

Code § 44-601 et. seq., advise DBH whether FCMH’s charitable assets are adequately protected in the proposed transaction. The application is available for review. Interested persons may call 202-673-2200 to arrange to view the application.

Any interested person may request a public hearing on DBH’s request by identifying the substance of their anticipated testimony, in writing, to Cara Spencer, Assistant Attorney General, at cara.spencer@dc.gov by February 10, 2021. Any person may submit comments regarding the proposed transaction to Ms. Spencer by February 15, 2021.

MUNDO VERDE PUBLIC CHARTER SCHOOL REQUEST FOR PROPOSALS Instructional Coach and Art Teacher Mundo Verde PCS seeks bids for Instructional Coach and Art Teacher.

The RFP with bidding requirements and supporting documentation can be obtained by contacting Rocio Yoc at ryoc@ mundoverdepcs.org or calling 202-750-7060.

All bids not addressing all areas as outlined in the RFP will not be considered.

The deadline for application submission is 3pm on Friday, February 26.

For further information regarding this notice contact Rocio Yoc at ryoc@ mundoverdepcs.org.

THE DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA HOUSING AUTHORITY REQUEST FOR PROPOSALS (RFP) SOLICITATION NO.: 0002-2021 GENERAL LEGAL SERVICES The District of Columbia Housing Authority (DCHA) requires qualified law firms to provide professional General Legal Services in connection with DCHA’s operations.

SOLICITATION DOCUMENTS will be available beginning Monday, February 8, 2021 on DCHA’s website at www. dchousing.org under “Business” and “Solicitations.”

SEALED PROPOSAL RESPONSES ARE DUE ON OR BEFORE Monday, March 8, 2021 at 11:00 AM. Email LaShawn MizzellMcLeod, Contract Specialist at LMMCLEOD@ dchousing.org with copy to business@dchousing.org for additional information.

A STUDY OF EMERGENCY CARE INVOLVING VICTIMS OF SEVERE BRAIN TRAUMA

IS TO BE PERFORMED IN THIS AREA. MedStar Washington Hospital Center is conducting a research study to learn if either of two strategies for monitoring and treating patients with severe traumatic brain injury in the intensive care unit (ICU) is more likely to help them get better. Because head injury is a life-threatening condition requiring immediate treatment, some patients will be enrolled without consent if a family member or representative is not rapidly available.

Before the study starts, we will consult with the community. We welcome your feedback and questions.

For more information or to decline participation in this study, please visit boost3trial.org or contact our study staff at 202-877-3476 Primary Investigator: Dr. Rocco Armonda, MD Study Coordinator: Jamal Smith THE DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA HOUSING AUTHORITY REQUEST FOR PROPOSALS (RFP) SOLICITATION NO.: 0001-2021 CALL CENTER AFTERHOURS SERVICES The District of Columbia Housing Authority (DCHA) requires Call Center After-Hours Services for DCHA. SOLICITATION DOCUMENTS will be available beginning Monday, January 18, 2021 on DCHA’s website at www. dchousing.org under “Business” and “Solicitation.”

SEALED PROPOSAL RESPONSES ARE DUE ON OR BEFORE Thursday, February 18, 2021 at 11:00 AM. Email Lolita Washington, Contract Specialist at lwashing@dchousing.org with copy to business@dchousing.org for additional information.

Housing HYATTSVILLE ROOM FOR RENT: Quiet Neighborhood, Close to Metro, Furnished, NS, Off Street Parking, $575/mo. utIls. incl. (443) 808-7994 1.5 BDR-BASEMENT APARTMENT for rent in house to share, furnished, no smoking, close to metro. (443) 808-7994

Employment MULTI OPENINGS W/ NATIONAL PLACEMENT OUT OF LOUDON COUNTY, VA. Must be able to travel/

relo to unanticipated client sites as needed. Must have req’d degree/foreign equiv and/or exp in either Comp’s, Engi’g, Info Sys’s, Business, Mangmnt or IT or related field req’d. Any suitable combo of educ, training or exp acceptable.

Candidates may qualify for either job listed below: SOFTWARE DEVELOPER (.NET): Must have a min of Bach’s degree & 2yrs expe in either .NET; VB.NET or ASP.NET. $97,406/yr.

REF# NET-0120 BA2.

IT TRAINING SPECIALIST (SIX SIGMA): Must have a min of Mast’s degree & coursework or internship in: Six Sigma; Quality Management; Strategic Sourcing; Lean Management; Value Stream Management. $78,562/yr.

REF# TSS-0919A. JUNIOR BUSINESS INTELLIGENCE ANALYST (PROJECT MANAGEMENT): Must have a min of Bachr’s degree & coursework or internship in: Managerial Communications; Project & Cost Management; Strategic Management; Business Law & Ethics; Organizational Behavior & HR Management. $97,594/yr.

REF# BPM-0420.

BUSINESS INTELLIGENCE ANALYST (BIG DATA): Must have a min of Mast’s degree& coursework or internship in: Info & Network Security; Artificial Intelligence; Parallel Computing and Big Data. $116,147/yr.

REF# BGD-0919.

SOFTWARE QUALITY ASSURANCE TESTER: Must have a Bach’s degree & coursework or internship in: Object Oriented Programming; Structured Analysis & Design; Data Analysis; Database; and Architecture and Operating Systems. $97,594/yr.

REF# SQA 0420.

All positions FT/Perm 9-5, 40 hrs/wk. Use Ref# & send resume to Asta CRS, Inc. 44121 Harry Byrd Hwy, Suite 230, Ashburn, VA 20147 or resumes@ astacrs.com. Asta CRS, Inc. is an EOE M/F/V/D.

PERSONAL CARE ASSISTANT: Work with a quadriplegic man in a wheelchair w/basic needs & driving.

Experience preferred/can train. Must have drivers license, references, and a car. Room possible. FT. $13.50/hr leave message 301-654-5512 attorneykevinreilly@gmail.com 3 STRONG PEOPLE to move heavy boxes. Call 301-3834504

PRECISION WALL TECH, INC. is an established Painting Contractor based in DC. We are seeking DC qualified Commercial/ Industrial Journeyman Painters, Union Carpenters and Union Laborers who will meet our standard for the company’s FIRST SOURCE PROJECTS. Brush & Roll & Spray Experience Required + Minimum of 3 years working on large commercial jobs. Must have own transportation, pass Security clearance and drug test. $18-26/hr DOE plus benefits. EOE. Send resume to careers@precisionwall. com Now Hiring for the following projects: Presidential Reviewing Inaugural Stands The Wharf Parcel 9 Park Southern Renovation 1550 First St SW MLK Memorial Library Eliot Hine MS Providence Place Stanton Square Takoma Place Apt FLYER DISTRIBUTORS NEEDED Monday-Friday and weekends. We drop you off to distribute the flyers. NW, Bethesda, Silver Spring, Wheaton.

240-715-7874 CLEANING LADY NEEDED NE DC for clean house.

Close to Metro. Spanish Speaking a plus.

301-383-4504.

MCDOOGALS NIGHTCLUB SEEKING FEMALE DANCERS Want to have fun while earning Big $$$ Text 443-540-6119

Services ATTENTION ACTIVE DUTY & MILITARY VETERANS! Begin a new career and earn your Degree at CTI! Online Computer & Medical training available for Veterans & Families! To learn more, call 855-541-6634 OVER $10K IN DEBT? Be debt free in 24-48 months.

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Music PANDEMIC BLUES? Learn to play blues guitar and bass from brian Gross, award winning guitar instructor/blues guitarist/ band leader of BG and the Mojo Hands. Free lesson first month. Bgmojo.com 301-332-4242 I WOULD LIKE CITY PAPER MEMBERS AND READERS to contact me if they are interested in guitar lessons. I will teach songs at the rate of $10.00 per half hour from my home in Alexandria, Virginia.

If students aren't quarantined, I will visit their home if they live in the vicinity of Alexandria. For information as to what songs I will teach, please visit my web site www. nightlightproductions. club. For all other information please call (703) 751-3786, and ask for Kelly West.

LOOKING FOR FULL TIME ELDERLY CARE JOB, FLEXIBLE HOURS. I have experience, good references, CPR/first aide certified.

Ask about including light housekeeping, laundry and meal prep. Have own car. Please call and leave a message, call 240-271-1011.

Buy Sell Trade

PERSONAL INJURY LAWYER. Car accidents. Dog bites. Slip and Falls. Free Consultation. Please call Lena Yahchouchi at 818-636-2861

CASH FOR CARS! We buy all cars! Junk, high-end, totaled – it doesn’t matter!

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Community DAVID BOWIE: I AM interested in meeting other fans of David Bowie.

Contact Stevenstvn9@ aol.com if interested.

THIS CITY GIRL LIKES TO WALK DOWNTOWN AND TO OTHER WARDS IN WASHINGTON DC. However, this woman would like to meet a male friend for companionship and conversation, coffee, and other city activities when things are more normal. More than a pretty face, this is an authentic and loyal woman who values respect for others, is a good listener, retired from the international community with a sense of humor, and values healthy food and fitness. I hope there is someone out there for me with a kind heart and soul.

Let’s talk over virtual coffee until we can meet in person. itisanewday21@gmail.com FILM INTERESTED IN CONNECTING with fans of classic and silent film to view films on the Internet and then discuss. Interested also in Hammer horror films. Enjoy classic Westers. Contact Steven at Stevenstvn9@aol.com.

WORLD WARS: WORLD WAR I and World War II Looking for someone to discuss the world wars including the decade immediately before and after such wars. Please contact Steven at Stevenstvn9@aol.com LITERARY SCIENCE FICTION: I am interested in meeting other men to read science fiction in the fall/winter. I have ordered several science fiction books from Easton Press.

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I am a particular fan of Star Trek TOS.

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CITYPAPER WASHINGTON

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washingtoncitypaper.com february 2021 31

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