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T he I N S A N I T Y of SE X UA L SI N STEVE G ALL AG H E R
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OU T of C ONTROL! DEA D MEN WAN TED
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NO REPRESENTATIONS MADE OF INDIVIDUALS DEPICTED.
MAGAZINE PURE LIFE MINISTRIES is fully committed to bringing the hope, healing and restoration found only in Christ to those who have been touched by the leprosy of sexual sin. Our staff members are graduates of one of our counseling programs themselves and have responded to the call of God to freely give to others the same compassion and mercy which the Father freely bestowed upon them. They are men and women who know how to speak the truth of God in love. In fulfilling our call, Pure Life Ministries is founded upon the authority of the Word of God as the supreme and allsufficient Truth for overcoming sin. We unashamedly preach a message of repentance unto salvation. Everything we do— whether in our counseling programs, our speaking ministry or the distribution of our books and resources—is based on the Word of God, with the goal of leading others to victory over sexual sin through a deeper life in God.
LEADING CHRISTIANS INTO PURITY SINCE 1986!
PURE LIFE MINISTRIES 14 SCHOOL STREET DRY RIDGE, KY 41035 OFFICE | 859.824.4444 ORDERS & INFORMATION | 888.254.2884 EMAIL | unchained@purelifeministries.org WEBSITE | www.purelifeministries.org
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NO REPRESENTATIONS MADE OF INDIVIDUALS DEPICTED.
T H E WAY I S E E I T
Lost Baggage: DO NOT RETURN BY STEVE GALLAGHER Founder and President of Pure Life Ministries
“The sound of joyful shouting and salvation is in the tents of the righteous!”
Somewhere along life’s journey I lost some luggage. If you happen across it, leave it be; I won’t be needing it. There was a time when my sole purpose in life was to have everything I wanted: TV, movies, sports, sexual experiences, whatever. Not only that, but I also wanted everything to go My way. I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it, and if anyone stood in my way I became irritated or even angry. Interestingly, the more I got what I desired and the more things went the way I wanted them to go, the more miserable I became. The more I gave the beast of Self what it demanded, the greater it became within me. My life eventually came to the point where it was one black mass of Self. There was no room for anyone else. Self demanded and received nearly everything it wanted. What I didn’t realize was that Self came with baggage. Where it was given reign, a Samsonite full of pride tagged along, compelling me to be seen as better than others. Rather than affording me the recognition I desired, people saw me for the selfish person I was. Then there was the American Tourister packed full of fear and paranoia. Anything that could possibly harm Self became seen as a dreaded enemy. A duffel bag full of sexual lust drove me into all kinds of trouble. Assorted other bags further added to the burden of my soul. You see, the great lie of sin is that it offers
happiness and fulfillment. The truth is that the more sin is indulged, the more misery follows in its wake. In some inexplicable way, sin enlarges the Self life. The greater the Self life, the more sin is desired. The whole thing is a cruel hoax concocted by the devil himself. This morning in my devotions I read: “The sound of joyful shouting and salvation is in the tents of the righteous!” (PSALM 118:15) I thought, “That describes my life now!” Three verses later provided the explanation: “The Lord has disciplined me severely...” (PSALM 118:18) Now, I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer, so for a long time I didn’t realize that when the Lord would ask me to give up things (TV, movies, etc.) or when He allowed affliction to come my way, He was actually killing the tyrant of Self that had taken over my life. The very beast that had brought me to the verge of suicide at one point in my life was what the Lord was attempting to destroy. Of course, the enemy was always careful to foster the notion that the Lord was being unmerciful to me. The truth is that He was lovingly radiating the cancer that had nearly destroyed me. He wasn’t looking to harm me but to bring me into a place of life and joy! Yes, there is the sound of joyful shouting in my tent, and it’s mostly because a good deal of Self and its baggage has been lost along the way.
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PURE LIFE MINISTRIES
The INSANIT Y o f S E X UA L S I N BY STEVE GALL AGHER
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“The hearts of the sons of men are full of evil and insanity is in their hearts throughout their lives.” ECCLESIASTES 9:3
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NO REPRESENTATIONS MADE OF INDIVIDUALS DEPICTED.
The insanity of sexual sin is not primarily of the mind but of the heart. Consider some of the outlandish things sex addicts think and do.
Society deems a person insane who has lost touch with reality and has become irrational in his thinking. Such a person has long indulged in extreme pride and self-centeredness and has lost the ability to differentiate between right and wrong, real and unreal. Men who habitually give over to sexual sin enter their own form of insanity. Although most sexual addicts can still function in life—hold a responsible job, pay the bills, interact with other people— their thinking about sexual (and spiritual) matters becomes extremely irrational. Their insanity is not primarily of the mind but of the heart. Consider some of the outlandish things sex addicts think and do: the man who ransacks garbage dumpsters looking for a scrap of pornography; the husband who enjoys watching his wife in bed with other men; the exhibitionist who really thinks
others will be turned on by seeing his private parts; the “john” who squanders thousands of dollars on empty encounters with call girls; the “peeping tom” who spends countless hours prowling around neighborhoods hoping to catch a glimpse of flesh. These are but a few examples of the bizarre behavior that comes with sexual sin. I haven’t even mentioned the really whacked-out stuff such as S & M, B&D, selfasphyxiation, weird fetishes, cannibalism and so on. But beyond all of this, there exist a number of interesting characteristic similarities between a sexual addict and an insane person. The first is that, in the case of both individuals, SELF is enormous. The mentally deranged person is so obsessed with himself that he completely loses sight of other people’s welfare, concerns and rights. He becomes so huge in his own thinking that he sees himself as the center
of the universe. The ultimate in this type of crazed thinking is when a man claims to be God or Jesus Christ—something that occurs more frequently than you might realize. While the typical sexual addict does not become quite this delusional, his thinking is gradually permeated by extreme selfishness as he allows his illicit desires to take precedence over everything else in life. For instance, his obsession with pleasure will drive him to do things that will devastate his wife and children. Like the “double-minded man” of James 1, he vacillates between good and evil. When in his right mind, he hates what his actions do to loved ones. But even the best of intentions evaporate when the madness of sensuality overtakes him. Once the fire of lust is ignited within him, everything else fades from view. Another commonality of the two is that they are both willing to do things that they know will bring harm to themselves. People CONTINUED ON PAGE 6 >>
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deemed insane often destroy their lives— and what is so puzzling to those around them is their willingness to do so over the most ridiculous things. How is it any different for many who are involved in habitual immorality? Consider the homosexual who has illicit encounters with dozens of men, knowing the inevitability of acquiring AIDS. What about the man who commits adultery even though he knows he will lose his wife and children? Think about the man who commits sexual crimes, knowing that a few minutes of indulgence could very well put him in prison for years. What else but madness of mind could cause a person to do things that will only devastate his life? A third common denominator between these two people is that they both treat fiction as truth and truth as fiction. This, of course, is what defines a person as insane— losing touch with reality. But isn’t this also the case with the “Christian” sexual addict? For instance, he can read the warning in a passage of Scripture such as First Corinthians 6:9-10 (“Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor
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effeminate, nor homosexuals… will inherit the kingdom of God.”) and walk away convinced that it does not apply to him! Only madness in the heart can account for such self-deception. Another commonality of these two is that they both make trivialities the focus of their lives. When you see a “bag lady” pushing her cart full of junk down the sidewalk, each piece of which she treats as though it were a priceless jewel, you know instinctively that she has slipped over the line into insanity. How is it any different for the man who has the treasures of heaven within his grasp, but squanders them for a few fleeting experiences of pleasure? Sex has become such an enormous idol in his heart that everything in life revolves around it. Sex has its place amongst a number of other interests in life for the normal person, but it becomes everything for the sex addict. The final common denominator between the insane person and the sexual addict I will mention is that they both lose their sense of trust for others—even those whom they should know only have their best interests in mind. It goes without saying that many delusional people think that others are against them. They imagine the zaniest conspiracies: everybody is out to get them.
The sex addict can also become paranoid. “The wicked flee when no one is pursuing,” Solomon wrote, “but the righteous are bold as a lion.” (Proverbs 28:1) The guilt over one’s behavior can have this effect upon a sinner’s thinking. Since his secret actions are so huge in his mind, he imagines that other people know what he has done. His guilt drives him into the most delusional thinking. Of course, it goes without saying that in both cases, paranoia flourishes when SELF is huge. The bigger a person’s self-life, the more he imagines that others are thinking about him. What a letdown when he discovers that other people think very little about him! For the Christian (???) sex addict, this suspicion carries over into his relationship with God as well. He reads and hears about the love of God, but his irrationality causes him to vacillate between extremes of presumptuous pride (“God’s grace covers all my sins!”) and unbelief about God’s benevolent character (“If He really loved me, He would deliver me!”). The insanity of his sin motivates him to buy into the same falsehood that Satan has been proliferating ever since the Garden: that he—and not God—is man’s true benefactor. Yes, there are many comparisons between the insane person and the sexual sinner, but the good news is that as we immerse ourselves in the Word of God, earnestly living out its principles, we shall “know the truth and the truth shall make us free.”
NO REPRESENTATIONS MADE OF INDIVIDUALS DEPICTED.
Pastor,
what is theValue to your Congregation of a Transformed Life and a Restored Family? Our 9-month Residential Program is for men who are desperate for freedom and real answers to their sexual addictions. Why is this program is so effective? • • • • • •
The presence of God that brings a man into deep repentance Complete separation from old sources of temptation Regular biblical counseling by men who have overcome sexual sin themselves Structured environment where a sexual addict can learn a life of discipline Local employment covers low-cost weekly fees Two-phase program with emphasis on readjusting to life afterward
We also provide phone counseling options: Overcomers At-Home (OCAH) ~ for men, women, or mature teens At-Home Program for WIVES ~ for hurting wives NO REPRESENTATIONS MADE OF INDIVIDUALS DEPICTED.
Pastors, your men need help. Give it to them today. For the first time ever, we have produced a DVD curriculum based on At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry. This 14-week series features 28 exclusive teachings and 14 powerful testimonies of men whose lives have been redeemed from destruction and transformed by the gospel.
AT THE ALTAR OF SEXUAL IDOLATRY DVD CURRICULUM
“This book dares us to believe that sexual addictions of any kind can be overcome through deep repentance, spiritual warfare and accountability.” DR. ERWIN W. LUTZER, Moody Church “Steve reveals with his characteristic clarity: all sin is first and foremost spiritual. And because the diagnosis is accurate the prescription Steve presents is life-changing.” MIKE CLEVELAND, President of Gospel Growth Ministries
IN THE BOX: • 14 Sessions on 5 DVDs • Each session is presented in two segments with an accompanying testimony. • A Leader’s Edition of At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry geared specifically to the group leader
APPROX. 672 MIN
$69.99
WATCH THE TRAILER AT: www.purelifeministries.org/curriculum
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NO REPRESENTATIONS MADE OF INDIVIDUALS DEPICTED.
O U T of CONTROL! Waves of despair washed over his soul after indulging in yet another homosexual encounter. Rather than endure the pain of yet another tearful confession to his broken-hearted wife, Robert decided he had had enough. Moments after tossing the handful of painkillers into his mouth, overwhelming drowsiness engulfed him. “I need to lie down,” the 500-pound man told himself as the darkness came. Robert’s emotional life began deteriorating as an 8-year-old, after a male family member molested him. He turned to food to help him cope with something too painful to comprehend or express. The next ten years were torturous. He hated what the man did to him and yet, as he came into adolescence, he found himself entertaining homosexual fantasies. Robert was miserable and full of fear. One day he admitted to his family that he had entertained thoughts of suicide. Not knowing what was happening or how to help him, they promptly sent him to a Christian counselor who immediately put him on Prozac. When he turned 18, Robert and some friends decided to visit an adult bookstore. They giggled and ran out of the smut shop, but not before he had noticed the private booths in the back where men were viewing pornographic movies. He knew he would return. By the time he graduated from high school, Robert was a robust 350 pounds. He did indeed return to the adult bookstore—time and time again—quickly becoming addicted to the homosexual encounters he had there and in public restrooms. Some evenings he had sex with as many as ten men. One night, wasted and drained from hours of sex, he sat in his car weeping profusely and crying out to God. But nothing changed. It wasn’t long after this that he met and began dating a girl, and the young
couple eventually became engaged. This did nothing to stop his secret lifestyle, though. But two months before the wedding, the troubled young man decided he had to be honest with his fiancée. To his surprise, when he told her that he was a practicing homosexual, her only response was that everything would be okay once they got married. Things did go well for awhile, but within months of his wedding he was back to his old ways. Now he wanted to change but couldn’t seem to find freedom from his secret sin. Every time he sinned, he would confess to his counselor, but the merry-go-round of sin and confession continued. He even told his pastor, whose only solution was to make him a deacon of the church. Although the sexual sin had become the focal point of his efforts to change, his entire life was a mess. It seemed that everything he attempted to do ended in futility. It was a challenge just making it through each day. Life was a continuous drudgery of sin, remorse and hopelessness. When his wife had reached her limit, she threatened to divorce him. “I won’t do it again,” he announced. But a few days later he met another homosexual man and fell again. He could see nothing ahead of him but darkness and misery. Not even the psychotropic medication could stifle his overwhelming sense of despair. Finally, having lost all hope, he attempted to kill himself by overdosing on painkillers. CONTINUED ON PAGE 12 >>
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PURE LIFE MINISTRIES CONTINUED FROM PAGE 11 >>
Fortunately, Robert’s wife came home unexpectedly and discovered him. An ambulance rushed him to the hospital, where his stomach was pumped. The next morning he was transferred to the psychiatric unit. While there, his wife called him and informed him she was going to divorce him. “But I found a place called Pure Life Ministries that helps Christian sex addicts,” she told him. “You should go there.” ONE LAST HOPE In June 2002, he entered the PLM Residential Program, in an emotional shambles. His deep cynicism was obvious to everyone there. “I grew up in church and heard the Bible all of my life,” he remembers thinking. “Why should I believe anything will be different here?” Nevertheless, Robert was out of options. The only answer the psychologists could offer was Prozac—which temporarily numbed his pain but did nothing to change the problems that
produced it. He understood that death by suicide was but a step away. Yet, in an inexplicable way, knowing this actually worked in his favor. He had reached death’s door and found himself fighting for life. Although he struggled with skepticism and a critical spirit, he was determined to do what he was told. But there was something else that motivated him as well. “I started to see Jesus through the lives of the staff,” he recalls. “I saw people who struggled with things—just like me—but were so free! I wanted what I saw in them.” The hope that arose in his heart gave him the courage to fight for the inner change he needed. One of the first things the Lord tackled was the heavy dosage of medication he was using. “I felt convicted about the drugs, but I just didn’t feel like I could make it without them,” he remembers. The Holy Spirit persisted, however, until one day he flushed the drugs down the toilet. “Within a month of being off the medication I
could think clearly—for the first time in ten years!” With the veil of medication removed, the Lord began to make Himself very real to Robert. “I had never experienced God’s presence like this before,” he claims. “I had been enlightened to spiritual things before, but it was at Pure Life Ministries that I truly became born-again. For the first time in my life I saw God as a loving Father. Words cannot describe the joy that flooded through my soul!” Much work needed to be accomplished inside Robert. “It didn’t take long for me to realize that my lack of self-discipline was the source of many of my problems. I mean, I weighed 500 pounds! Obviously I was out of control, and by constantly indulging my flesh I was bringing all kinds of other problems on myself.” He altered his eating habits and began exercising. By the time his parents came to visit him two months later he had already dropped 50 pounds. He also began gaining the victory over his 15-year habit of masturbation. Little by
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I had been enlightened to spiritual things before, but it was at Pure Life Ministries that I truly became born-again. For the first time in my life I saw God as a loving Father.
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little, he was becoming increasingly freed from the shackles of sin and fear that had bound him for many years. Each victory brought more freedom and greater hope. In fact, his last bout with masturbation occurred in early 2004. Not only has Robert found victory over sexual sin, but he has also lost over 200 pounds. On top of all of that, he kicked a ten-year habit of psychotropic medication. These outward victories were wonderful, but God had a deeper work to accomplish in his life. INWARD TRANSFORMATION Six months after arriving at Pure Life, Robert graduated from the live-in program. Most men would have settled for just gaining victory over sexual sin, but Robert was not content with stopping there. He wanted to be a completely transformed man and believed God could do it. “The Lord had done something tremendous for me and I didn’t want to go back to my old life. I saw the powerful work He was doing in the lives of the interns and I wanted that for myself!” The intern program wasn’t easy. He had to face the fact that there was still much in his nature that was unconquered: pride, selfishness and laziness. But Robert quietly kept battling. For nearly three years his job was to answer the phones at PLM and handle small office chores. It was far from being a glorious position and one that really tested his commitment. “There were times when I wondered if my life meant anything, but then the Lord would help me see what He was producing inside of me.” The long battle has been well worth it. He is now a ministry counselor, and his life is a shining testimony to other despairing men that they too can experience inward transformation. When he speaks in a meeting or counsels one of his men, he has something of substance to share with them. Robert’s life imparts tremendous hope. Steve Gallagher compares him to the plodding turtle in the story of the tortoise and the hare. “Robert isn’t a flashy person,” Gallagher quips. “But the thing I love and respect about him is his willingness to obey. Once he sees what he is supposed to do, he just quietly and methodically does it. His life is a tremendous testimony to what God can do in a person who is simply willing to trust and obey. I can honestly say that Robert is one of my heroes!”
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DEAD MEN WANTED Crucifixion was the equivalent of being sentenced to the gallows, guillotine, electric chair or the firing squad—only much more painful and long lasting. Of course, all had the same final result: death. The cross brought a finality in every area of a man’s life. He was dead to the world; dead to his friends and family; dead to his pride and ambitions; dead to self interests; dead to future plans. Yes, the cross ended everything in a man’s life. Paul said; “I am crucified with Christ nevertheless I live, yet not I, but Christ lives in me.” He went on to say; “I am crucified to the world and the world is crucified to me.” Small wonder then that we hear so little teaching or preaching on the cross today. Jesus challenged every one of His followers to take up their cross and follow Him. Today the church has virtually eliminated any and all reference to the true biblical message of the cross. This is no more strikingly evident than in the title of one of the most popular “Christian” books on the market today, Your Best Life Now.
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Let’s face it, self hates to die and lose its pre-eminence. We do everything we can to make self look good, smell good and feel good. We relish those who pamper us, coddle us, fuss over us and help us. We flock to those who tell us how we can become even more self-centered and selfish than we already are. Enter almost any Christian bookstore and you will see any number of self-help books dealing with everything from dieting to dressing for success. The apostle Paul perfectly described the attitude in much of today’s Church when he warned Timothy that in the Last Days men would be lovers of money, lovers of pleasure, lovers of self, more than lovers of God. (2 TIMOTHY 3:1-5) It is obvious that self is the root here. Money provides the means to pursue pleasure in order to ultimately indulge one’s self. Yes, it’s all about me and mine. We live in a hedonistic world where our only concern is, “What’s in it for me?” Let’s face it, if you trace the source of self to its origin, you arrive at Lucifer’s diabolical plan to usurp God’s place of
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supremacy and authority with his own. Every fallen son of Adam is driven by this same overwhelming urge to “do it MY way.” But it is only when self is dethroned that God can take His rightful place as Lord and Master of a person’s life. Self is so powerful that the only way to successfully deal with it is through the cross. Make no mistake about it: Those who preach a man-centered message are enemies of the cross and God’s Kingdom. This whole new emphasis on “seeker sensitivity” places the focus on man and his importance, rather than on the King and His Kingdom. I suspect that those preaching this “gospel” are doing more to further the kingdom of Satan than even some of his most powerful demons. What the Church needs in this hour are not those who are championing the self-life but those who are living for Christ. We don’t need more leaders who have a vibrant, thriving self-life. We need men who have learned the secret of dying to self. We need men dead to themselves and alive to Christ!
YouTube is the one of the most influential websites
In an age of easy information, it’s so
of all time. Multitudes of people rely on it for helpful
important to get answers that are not
information and step-by-step tutorials on a wide range
only effective but also biblically based.
of topics. However, there are also those who claim to
And that is exactly the kind of reliable
offer solutions to much more serious issues:
teachings one will receive at the Pure Life
• How to find freedom from pornography.
Ministries YouTube channel. We trust
• How to deal with a cheating spouse.
that this resource will be a blessing to
• How to properly understand sexuality.
both pastors and members like.
20 TRUTHS THAT HELPED ME
in My Battle with Porn Addiction In this series, Steve Gallagher lays out the foundational solutions the Lord gave him as he struggled for freedom from sexual sin 35 years ago. These videos form an excellent overview of the nature of sexual sin and what it takes to truly walk in victory.
SACRED THINGS:
Hope for Struggling Marriages Kathy Gallagher is no stranger to the pain of betrayal. In this series, she offers women the same hope and wisdom that God gave her as she struggled to find her way through the devastation of her husband’s addiction.
ASK THE COUNSELOR
There are a host of peripheral issues a sexual addict faces. The biblical counselors at Pure Life Ministries have dealt with them in their own lives and also in the lives of the men they minister to. Many of these will be addressed in this ongoing series.
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In addition to the series we mentioned, we regularly post sermons, testimonies, ministry updates and other helpful content on our channel. To be notified when we post a new video, please subscribe to our YouTube channel.
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