Campus Talk September 2014

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BreAKin’ iT down!

contents

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How to Avoid Cramming Don’t Fall Victim Stuff Every College Student Should Know The Ultimate Tipping Guide to the Universe Secret Ink Internet Hacks That Don’t Work Workout 1x1 Placebo Effect Beauty Harvest Must-Have Beauty Tips Ctrl. Alt. Delete.

Thrifting For Dummies Dorm Room Dining Don’t Do What I Did 10 Conflict Cop-Out Tactics How to Have an Out-Of-Body Experience Strange Ways to Die

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club pics

58–64 Club pics are brought to you by mycampustalk.com

Totally useless fact: Average number of days a West German goes without washing his underwear: 7

BreAKin’ iT down!

for your

p32

p30

entertainment 15 18 19 20 32 39 42 44 47 50 53 54 55 59 70 72

Rejection Letter Naked Roommate p42 9 Habits Men’s Logic Vegan, Cruelty-Free Beauty Products 20 Things to Buy When You’re Rich Gardening Gadgets Gadgets Modern Twists to Old Tales Sore Thumbs Music Reviews Pick a Card Any Card How to Tel If You’re Human Caffeine in a Nutshell Flicks 2 Nuns p50

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Totally useless fact: During a severe windstorm or rainstorm the Empire State Building sways several feet to either side.

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wHAT’S on!

Editors ‘

letter In THE PurSuIT OF BalancE With the mad dash of moving trucks behind us and classes well underway, it’s time to buckle down and focus on the big picture. Although, the day to day can seem mundane at times, it’s important to use this state of monotony as a practice in finding balance. Fitting school, work and the ever-important social existence into each day may seem easy at first, but as the semester wears on, the balancing act can become quite overwhelming.

To aid you in your balance discovery, we’ve sat down with author Blair Thornburgh to discuss her new book Stuff Every College Student Should Know. Flashnotes.com has offered some

much-needed tips on how to avoid late-nights of cramming. SABRE shined light on personal safety with infor on how to stay safe at college.

Also find advice on how to deal with roommates, tipping and other college know-how necessities.

While it’s important to be focused on the books this semester, it’s equally important to get your head out of the books and soak up the college culture. So set multiple alarms, because you’re going to need every ring, buzz and drum if you want to make that 8 a.m. class after being up all night partying!

Daniel Sutphin

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF LAUREN DOUGLASS

CONTENT EDITOR DANIEL SUTPHIN

ART DIRECTOR DANIEL TIDBURY

GRAPHIC DESIGN JANE DOMINGUEZ PATRICE KELLY DANIEL TIDBURY

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS MARC DOUGLASS LAUREN DOUGLASS DANIEL SUTPHIN KELLY HERMAN BRIAN HODGES JOHN SCHECK MIKE STANLEY KEVIN PEARSON SARAH G. MASON MIKE CAPSHAW

FASHION FEATURES DANIELLE BOUDREA

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If you have any comments you’d like to share with CT, send them in to mail@mycampustalk.com and you’ll be entered into a drawing to win prizes!!

You may only be entered once, so don’t send us 50 comments thinking you’ll enhance your chances of winning! Employees of Campus Talk magazine, their relatives, their twins from alternate universes and their healthcare providers are prohibited from entering this drawing. Everyone else is eligible to participate… except for pandas. No pandas allowed.

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Full service design studio providing clients with our best creative talents.

september 2014

Publishing division creating the best in college publications to college students.

Connecting students to student properties clear across the country. Traffic is our middle name.

From pens to ping pong tables, our promotional department can handle all of your logo merchandising needs.

Campus Talk is a humor magazine dedicated to relieving students of the pressures of everyday college life. Among essay exams, crowded classrooms, boring professors and messy roommates, Campus Talk offers a welcome diversion for those students “just trying to get away from it all.”

Different viewpoints may grace our pages but may not all represent the opinions of Campus Talk Magazine or its staff. Campus Talk should not be read by anyone suffering from heart ailments, unfunny syndrome or halitosis. All images depicted are purely coincidental.

Copyright 2009. All rights reserved, What’s Happening Publications, Inc.

Totally useless fact: If you go blind in one eye you only lose about one fifth of your vision but all your sense of depth.

STudy HArd

How to

By FlASHnoTeS.Com

avoid cramming Contrary to popular belief, pulling all-nighters isn’t an unavoidable part of college. Here, Flashnotes.com shares a few key tips on how to avoid last-minute cramming.

create or buy a study guide An effective study guide condenses all of your study material into manageable sections in order to keep you on track and identify any areas of weakness. However, it can be difficult to build an effective study guide if you didn’t take copious notes in class, or if they’re scribbled in the margins of your books. If you struggle with taking notes or if you missed a few classes because of sports or the winter flu, check out Flashnotes. com, the student-to-student study material marketplace.

This site provides course specific study material that is high quality and affordable!

stick to a scHedule One of the best ways to avoid last-minute cramming is to have well thought out study schedule.

Allocate set times to sit down and focus, then times to take a break for coffee, or to chat with friends. With so much going on in your life, it is easy to lose track of time. Apps like Any.do help dictate your tasks, and set time and location reminders. Any.do will not only remind you to attend your study group, but it will also keep you on task when you are tempted to procrastinate.

Totally useless fact: Most American car horns honk in the key of F.

find a study group or study partner Working with one or more “study buddies” can be a great way to prepare, but be selective with who you study with. Ensure that they’re dedicated to studying rather than catching up on this week’s gossip. While studying, hold each other accountable for staying on task and quiz each other to be sure you both understand the material. Having someone else to study with not only gives you additional knowledge and perspective, it can also give you that extra morale boost you may need during a stressful finals week!

disable social media Facebook, Twitter, Instagram – all of these need to be out of reach during your study time.

It is no secret that the lure of social media can seem near impossible to many college students. With all the apps and websites showing you the many tempting activities you would rather be doing besides study (i.e. shopping at JCrew.com), download an app like Self Control to block Internet access to any site on a blacklist you create for a preset period of time.

Once it is activated, nothing can circumvent the blocked access – and no, restarting or deleting the application won’t help. campus talk

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STAnd up!

As you return to school this fall, you’re sure to have a lot on your mind. where does personal safety rank on that list? This year, one in five women will become a victim of sexual assault on their campus and more than 10,000 students will experience aggravated assault. what’s more, September and october – those first few months of school – see the highest crime rates of the year.

To protect yourself, we insist that you take these campus safety tips from SABre – the personal safety brand most trusted by law enforcement – to heart.

don’t

fall

victim

beware of tHe “red zone” Law enforcement calls September and October the “Red Zone” for good reason. These two months have the highest amount of injuries, accidents and deaths than any other time of the year. During these crucial first two months of school, it is essential for college students to be extra cautious as they are living on their own for the first time.

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always carry pepper gel in Hand wHile walking alone With a 10-foot range, the SABRE pepper gel is an ideal way to keep a safe distance and temporarily disable a potential assailant. Pepper gel has no effect on bystanders and is safe to use indoors.

This makes it ideal if needed for use in a lecture hall, athletic event or party.

september 2014

familiarize yourself witH your campus before dark Learn the most well-lit paths in advance to plan your route home from your classes, the library, and on campus activities.

Pay attention to where the “blue light” phones are located that can help you contact campus police in the event of an emergency.

be aware of your surroundings and put away tecHnology While often considered a safety precaution by many students, talking or texting on a smartphone can actually send a signal that you are not paying attention to your surroundings. Students can often look more confident and be able to respond more quickly in case of an incident by putting away technology in vulnerable situations, such as walking home from class at night.

take a college safety course Learning defense techniques and ways to ward off an attacker can help students feel prepared and in control while walking around campus. One example is the SABRE college safety program, which is available at campuses nationwide.

Totally useless fact: The name Wendy was made up for the book “Peter Pan.”

oooH, nASTy!

irty? d e r a s e t a roomm photos. r u o y k in h T ut these ur

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Need a new apartment or roommate, go to www.collegerentals.com.

Totally useless fact: Barbie’s full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.

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KnowledGe iS KinG to be sure t u o cHeck very stuff e e e l col g t studen ow n k d l sHou today! inTerview By lAuren douGlASS

stuff every college student sHould know

College is a blast, except when it isn’t. Blair Thornburgh, author of Stuff Every College Student Should Know, aims to aid in those times when it isn’t.

From how to take great notes to what to talk about in the dining hall, Thornburgh pulls from personal experience to provide the ultimate, realworld guide to a happy college career.

an InTErVIEW WITH auTHOr BlaIr THOrnBurGH Tell me a little bit about the book.

This book talks about the stuff you learn in college that no one teaches you. It’s about how to navigate your life once you become a college student. I talk about things you never knew you didn’t know, like how to take care of yourself when you get sick, or how to take good notes, or how to navigate a world other than your parent’s house. who could benefit from this book?

I hope everyone – all college students.

It’s especially good for people who are excited to go to college but don’t know how to take those first steps. If you think about it, it’s hard to know how to make friends and how to study well when you’ve never done it before. what inspired this book?

I really loved my college experience and I learned a lot, but I’d wished there had been someone to tell me about those unspoken rules that you pick up when you’re in college.

My goal was to answer questions in a way that’s friendly and approachable and to talk about things students may not even think to ask about.

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what’s one tip you give in the book?

Making friends is a big part of college, but it’s really intimidating at first. When you sit down with someone at the dining hall, what are you going to talk about? How can you make that connection? You can always complain about things – people like to bond over that. Also, when the school hosts events for freshman, you should take advantage of that. They’re normally pretty corny, but they’re still a great way to meet other people.

On the academic side for taking notes, it’s important to write what the professor puts on the board. If they’re putting it on the board, it’s probably important since no professor is going to waste time just scribbling away. Then, review your notes constantly – not just before an exam. Make sure your notes stay fresh in your mind. where do you think most students go wrong?

I don’t think people make huge mistakes that will affect them forever, but I think safety is important. When you’re out, you’ll be around a lot of strangers who you’ve never met, so you need to take care of yourself. In terms of

smaller issues, thinking that you can get away with not studying is a big one. You don’t have to pull all-nighters. If you plan ahead and take the time along the way, it will prevent you from being crazily stressed out at the end of every semester. what is the most valuable piece of advice you can give to parents who are sending their children away for the first time?

Don’t panic. Your kid is smart; that’s why they’re going to college. As long as you feel comfortable talking to them – and you will as they become more and more of an adult – they’ll grow into the responsibility that adulthood entails. They may make mistakes, but you probably did too when you were their age.

And what about for students?

It’s the same thing. These will be the best years of your life, but also not always. There’s that popular myth that college is a total blast all the time and it’s so much fun and you’re going to make friends right away, but that’s not always true, and that’s fine. Just relax and let it be what it is. Take care of yourself first and things will be OK.

Totally useless fact: Every time you lick a stamp, you consume 1/10 of a calorie.

BiGSHoTS FiniSH FirST

By JoHn SCHeCK

tHe ultimate tipping guide to tHe universe To tip or to slink cowardly away without leaving a red cent, that is the question.

Or is that two questions? Isn’t that two questions? What was Shakespeare thinking?

And was Shakespeare a lousy tipper as many literary historians now agree or did he throw money around like a mobster on his last night before going away to prison? Tipping is basically a way for you, the costumer, to make up for the pathetic salary of the person serving you (in many US states this is less than the minimum wage) because obviously you can afford it more than a guy who owns a chain of 15 restaurants. How much do you tip your bartender even if there isn’t a snowflake’s chance in hell she’ll go home with you? Tipping is a thorny and confusing issue so let’s get down to it.

In Europe they’ve decided that business owners can afford to pay their own employees so tipping is pretty much a thing of the past.

When I first stopped tipping in Spain I thought that people were being unfriendly to me because of my cheapness. Boy, was I ever relieved to learn that the reason waiters and bartenders hate me is because of my long list of annoying personal habits and it has nothing to do with the fact that I don’t tip. In the USA it’s best not to buck the system so tipping is essential. But how much and to whom?

The first rule of tipping is that when in doubt, leave a huge tip. A good tip makes up for bad behavior and uncivil deeds seem to follow me around like a Cub Scout troop. Take your pick: you can either be known as a great tipper or the guy who drove over the valet parker. If you aren’t in the habit of committing disgraceful acts when you leave home you may need our standardized guide to tipping. food service Barista – My morning cup of coffee is without a doubt the best part of my day so leaving a great tip is worth it and not very expensive.

Bartenders – $1 a drink or 15 percent on the total. A small price to pay to America’s true heroes. waiter Staff – 15–20 percent and if you have small children in your party leave enough to pay for a power-spraying of the entire restaurant. delivery person – Hook them up with at least a couple bucks. They either arrived on a moped or in some ridiculous vehicle with a huge sign on the roof.

Totally useless fact: The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

Hotel staff How much do you tip the concierge in the $500 a night boutique hotel you’re staying at in Monte Carlo? What the hell is a concierge?

Why would anyone ask a broke-ass writer like me questions like that? I’m more of a sleep-on-the-train-station-bench kind of guy.

Bellman/porter – $1 to $2 per bag, $5 minimum. maid – $2–5 a day, more if you left a dead body in the room. otHer services Barber/Hairstylist – In your case whoever was responsible for that carnage on your head is lucky not to do a little jail time, but generally 15–20 percent is about right. I tip big because I have beautiful hair.

Cab driver – 10 percent or $2–$5 minimum.

Tip more, of course, if vomit is involved. magazine feature writers Can you really put a price tag on the joy you receive from reading a finely-written magazine article like this? The answer is “yes” and as soon as I write a finely-written article I’ll tell you how to send the tip. campus talk

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13

quiz time!

How long have you wanted a tattoo?

A) Since I first heard about them.

B) Since I learned my parents would hate them.

C) Since I found a design I really connected with.

How old are you?

A) Old enough to get one without parental consent, and to pay for one myself.

B) Still need parental signature – but I’ve forged signatures before.

C) Old enough to get one without parental consent, and to understand what commitment means.

SECRET

by Kelly Herman

INK

Hiding Tats from the Overlords Pestering parents will be the death of piercings and other body art, especially tattoos. “They’re permanent!” “You’ll regret it!” “Will you really like Spongebob that much 10 years from now?” Bah, I say! Ink your body with the artistic creations of your indispensable youth! Still need to hide them from the prying eyes of your caregivers? Here’s a quiz to help you sort out the best place to get tatted, so no one will find out – at least not until bikini season.

How big is the tattoo?

A) Larger than my face – go big or go home!

B) Haven’t decided yet, but it’s going to make a statement.

C) As large as it needs to be to get the message across.

Have you researched an artist?

A) No, mine is pretty traditional so any shop could do it.

B) No, but most places take walk-ins so I can figure that out the day of.

C) Yes, that’s half the process of getting a tattoo!

How much do you respect your parent’s opinions?

A) A lot, but they don’t control me.

B) Their opinions go in one ear and out the other.

C) Very much, and they also respect my opinions.

Answers If you answered mostly A: You’ve got a strong personality and a devil-may-care attitude about getting inked.

You’re best off getting something on your back, inner arm or thigh, where you’ll have enough space to be expressive but will also be able to cover up with little effort. When you’re getting such a large piece, beware of bad artists – they exist and will literally scar you for life.

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If you answered mostly B: You sure know what you’re doing, and can definitely think for yourself. Why are you even taking this quiz? You don’t need my advice!

Tattoo your face! Your chest! Your lower back where everyone will see it when you bend over!!! Seriously, go be the talk of the town and throw caution to the wind. Just remember: No tattooist can make you look as stupid as you already are.

How do you think your parents would react to seeing the tattoo?

A) They would complain about it every holiday for the rest of my life.

B) They would probably kick me out or cut me off.

C) They would hate it, but it could grow on them eventually.

Why do you want a tattoo?

A) Because they look cool and I’ve always wanted one!

B) Because I would look way more interesting with one, especially to show to friends.

C) Because I can’t image my body without it – it’s already a part of me.

Do your friends have any tattoos?

A) No, but that would be neat to be the first.

B) Yeah, and I’m super jealous!

C) Yes, and I’ve asked them a lot about the tattooing process.

How do you think a (future) employer would feel about being tattooed in your field?

A) Who cares? It’s my body and I’ll just find someplace else if they don’t approve.

B) They might care, but being tattooed means more to me than what my boss thinks.

C) That’s why I’m taking this quiz – to put tattoos in a place that’s easily hidden.

If you answered mostly C: You actually care about this piece, which is hard since your heart, mind, and your parent’s stance on the matter all come into play. Get that masterpiece you’ve been searching for on your foot, ankle or ribcage – to the side or just under the breast. You probably aren’t looking to get your butt inscribed with visual poetry, but that’s another good hiding spot.

Take your time finding the location that feels right and eventually your overlords will understand. (Eventually … )

Totally useless fact: Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every 2 weeks otherwise it will digest itself.

THAnKS BuT no THAnKS

er, Dear Hiring Manag

consideration, I ul ef r ca er ft A 1. letter of March refusal to offer ur yo pt ce ac Thank you for your to le u that I am unab regret to inform yo partment. de me a position in your ng an unusually vi ei ec r in te na tu r en particularly fo and promising d ie r va a ch This year I have be su h it ejection letters. W accept all refusals. to large number of r e m r fo le ib ss po it is im field of candidates, ns and previous io at ic if al qu g in nd ta es not ’s outs Despite your company applicants, I find that your rejection do in ng tion experience in rejecti me. Therefore, I will assume the posi is ti meet my needs at th ugust. is A your department th eing you then.

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Totally useless fact: A pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.

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THANKS, INTERNET This popular buzzword makes daily cheats seem endless, but life hacks aren’t always all they’re cracked up to be. Here are a few of the most common tidbits you’ve seen on the internet and why they don’t actually work.

Internet

By Kat Freestone

Life Hacks

that Don’t Actually Work Use a Toilet Paper Roll to Amplify Phone Speakers When it comes to social gatherings, most phone speakers just can’t keep up. So why not boost the volume with a common household item? Cut a hole in a toilet paper roll and voila! Amplified music. The only problem?

It doesn’t work. Unlike sticking a phone into a ceramic bowl, decibels won’t increase inside a cardboard tube.

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Place a Wooden Spoon on a Boiling Water Pot to Stop It from Spilling Over Magical wooden spoons?

Not quite. If you’ve ever tried this trick, you’ll know that a single wooden spoon isn’t enough to stop physics. Sorry, internet.

september 2014

Nail a Nail into a Cork and Pry it Out with a Hammer You’ve got a glass of wine chilled and ready to go, but wait – you forgot the wine opener! No problem.

Just hammer a nail into the cork, pull it out using the hammer’s claw and watch the cork pop right out with it. Issue? Maybe a screw would create more traction, but with a nail alone, this trick simply doesn’t work.

Heat Up Leftover Pizza with a Glass of Water to Keep Crust Crispy Apparently, if you heat up a slice of last night’s pizza in the microwave alongside a glass of water, the crust won’t get mushy. If it sounds too good to be true, that’s because it is.

Sandwich Cherry Tomatoes Between Two Tupperware Lids For Easy Cutting Halving cherry tomatoes one by one is a pain, so why not stick them between something solid and slice a knife through them all at once? Sadly, you’d need rock hard cherry tomatoes for this trick to be practical.

Mostly, you end up with squished tomatoes, uneven cuts and a whole lot of disappointment.

Totally useless fact: ‘Stewardesses’ is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.

A review

tip no. 42 How to just pass tHe tip: Unlike high school, you

actually need to study in college.

tHe story: I came to college as

a straight-A student, and never really had to study too much in high school. It came as a surprise to me when I got two C’s and just two B’s my first semester.

When I met my boyfriend, I soon came to copy his study habits.

Instead of trying to cram it all in the night before, give yourself three solid days to study for your test, and then, on the night before, review everything that you’ve already studied. This will take major pressure off in the hours nearing the exam. This tip has made me face the upcoming exam well ahead of time and not try to avoid it until the last minute. Your grades will reflect the time you put into them – unlike grades in high school!

Senior, Juniata College

tHe naked

If you find that you just can’t put in the time you need to get the grade you desire, use only the following tips from the previous tip to just pass.

• Go to class.

• Go to the review before the exam.

• Study old exams (if it’s legal).

• Find a study group with people more motivated and/ or smarter than you are.

If you can go to class and manage to actually stay awake and pay attention some of the time, you should be able to achieve a low C or a solid D (the word “achieve” isn’t really worthy of this sentence).

Basically, if you go to class and do minimal work, there’s a decent chance you’ll be able to slide by.

By dAniel SuTpHin

roommate TIPS THEy DOn’T Say aT OrIEnTaTIOn New experiences, relationships and altercations await any fresh-faced, inbound college student.

How to deal with those situations, however, are not always quite as clear. Sure there have been plenty of half-assed, marginally funny movies that have tried to document college, but those are generally misguided or generalized for the sake of bad writing or bad sense of humor.

The New York Times Bestseller, The Naked Roommate: And 107 Other Issues You Might Run Into in College, is the top go-to guide for any incoming college student. Author Harlan Cohen provides a behindthe-scenes look at everything and anything that a student needs to know about college.

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additional note:

For classes that involve essay exams on specific readings, you’ll need to read the book or at least have someone explain the book to you. This is why it helps to surround yourself with smart people who are more motivated than you. If you ask them to explain it to you and they respond, “Why the hell should I tell you?” Reply, “If you tell me, then you’ll be able to go through the material while explaining it and you’ll have a better grasp of it all” If they say, “But I already know it,” tell them, “Yeah, but it helps to talk it through. Besides it’s not like I’m going to affect your grade. Just tell me enough to pass.” If it’s still a problem, try, “I’ll get you into a party.” It’s a win-win situation.

additional additional note: When it comes to the

math and accounting class with number-oriented themes, just going to class and doing nothing else could land you a D or an F. If you’re not great with numbers, be award that you need to do more than go to class. If you’re good with numbers, you can still just goto class, review and pass. bottom line minimal work + minimal attendance + minimal effort = minimal grades A tip like How to Just Pass is just one of many helpful and thorough examples provided in The Naked Roommate. Harlan Cohen is one of the most widely read and respected syndicated advice columnists for people in their teens and twenties. His column, “Help Me, Harlan!,” is distributed by King Features Syndicate. Harlan regularly tours high school and college campuses giving presentations to students, professionals and parents. He lives in Chicago, Illinois.

Totally useless fact: Reindeer like to eat bananas.

So CHArminG

We’ve made happy hour even happier!

By SArAH G. mASon

Habits of

likable

people

You know who they are. Those people who make friends with perfect strangers, who easily engage a crowd, who always make others smile … those who are likable. The lucky ones are born with charm, but that doesn’t mean the rest of us are doomed to friendlessness. Here are a few must-learn habits of highly likable people.

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P.S. We deliver. $2.50 delivery fee. Order must be placed online at BFamous2Go.com. tHey’re optimistic; sometimes to a fault It’s easy to give into sarcasm and cynicism, but likable people always look on the bright side.

A cheery attitude breeds happy relationships. tHey are botH patient and kind You’d never be afraid to ask a likable person a stupid question. tHey speak witH confidence A friendly, deliberate tone draws all ears. You can’t help but listen to someone who is both authoritative and welcoming. tHey remember your name It’s the little things that make likable people so easy to get along with, and remembering your name is just one way they show that they care. Everyone wants to be remembered. tHey give favors witHout a “you owe me.”

Likable people simply enjoy helping others and don’t expect anything in return. Luckily for them, those favors aren’t often forgotten.

tHey listen Have you ever been midway through a story only to realize no one is listening? Likable people don’t belittle others by ignoring them. They show courtesy through interest. tHey don’t always speak wHat’s on tHeir mind And why would they need to?

Everyone has the occasional negative thought or snide opinion, but likable people know when to keep their mouth shut. tHey learn daily lessons Likable people grow from their failures rather than wallow in them. tHey’re open minded It isn’t in a likable person’s best interests to only associate with like-minded people. They’re willing to befriend anyone, to listen to the viewpoints of others, to ask questions and to respect opposing thoughts.

Totally useless fact: The word “samba” means “to rub navels together.”

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19

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men’s logic:

drinking

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Woman: Do you drink beer?

Man: Correct

Man: Yes

Woman: If in one year you spend $5,400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

Woman: How many beers a day?

Man: Usually about 3 Woman: How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00 which includes a tip Woman: And how long have you been drinking?

Man: About 20 years, I suppose.

Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400. Correct?

Man: Correct Woman: Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

Man: Do you drink beer?

Woman: No Man: Where’s your Ferrari?

Totally useless fact: No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver and purple.

charted

animal planet programming

thoughts during shark week

informative shows about real animals

holy crap i’m never going into the ocean again!!! animals killing people

bigfoot, loch Ness monsters etc...

hey, sharks aren’t actually so bad

people abusing or killing animals

why I am not tanned reasons teenagers today know the lyrics to classic you have to GO outside to get rock songs tanned rockband guitar hero

I don’t tan easily

Totally useless fact: Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.

they actually listen to them

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21

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BeeFCAKe

1x1 WORKOUT For each movement, perform 60 seconds of work followed by 60 seconds of rest.

High Knees

Pull them up past hip height and don’t stop!

Rest (Easy peasy) Jumping jacks

Bring your hands fully above your head every time to get your heart pumpin’

Rest (Feel your heart starting to pound yet?)

Air squats

Put your hands on your hips and make sure you squat below parallel

Rest (Feel the burn!)

Jumping lunges

With your hands on your hips, step your right leg forward into a lunge position and touch your back knee to the floor. Jump and switch legs!

jumpstart o t e id u g k need a quoicme workout routinee? your at-hsy moves can be don These ea e, anytime! anywher

Rest (You’re definitely breaking a sweat now) Leg raises

Lay flat on your back with your hands under your butt and raise your legs from the ground to 90 degrees (keep them straight!). Engage your core and lower your legs back to hover just above the ground, then lift them again. Keep going!

L E E F THE N R BU Rest (Are we finished yet!?)

Climbers

Assume a pushup position; bring your right knee into your chest, then jump and switch legs.

Totally useless fact: The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

Keep going until the clock runs out!

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23

iT’S All in your HeAd

By SArAH G. mASon

amazing facts

about tHe

placebo

The Placebo Effect is a physiological and psychological mystery.

Most of us know a bit about this strange phenomenon, mainly that we can cure our ailments simply by believing they’re being cured. We can trick ourselves back to health. It’s magic.

tHe placebo effect isn’t always awesome Just as we may will ourselves back to wellness, the expectation of a negative side effect (such as an upset stomach after eating sketchy sushi) can manifest, too.

In other words, you can eat perfectly fresh sushi but believe it’s rotten and still feel stomach cramps; you can take birth control and gain weight because you believe it’s an unavoidable side effect; and so on.

Here are a few less-known facts about the placebo effect.

antidepressants are a HoaX? There’s no doubt that depression is due to brain chemistry (and that it really stinks), but there is some doubt concerning the true effectiveness of antidepressants.

Do they work because they work, or do they work because we think they work? Many studies, including research published in the Archive of General Psychology, suggest the latter.

dogs can eXperience tHe placebo effect We’ve learned this through the testing of K9 medications when dogs in the control group experience the same astounding recovery as those who are taking real pills. you can placebo yourself into drunkenness You may have heard of the kegger where unknowing freshman got “drunk” off of non-alcoholic beer. Not such a bad bet if you’re looking to stave off calories and a hangover.

You can’t trick yourself out of the Placebo Effect. It works even when you know about it.

Unfortunately, this leads us to…

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tHe placebo effect is getting stronger We’ve known about the phenomenon since the 1970s and it seems to be effecting us more as time goes on. It’s suggested that as medical technology improves, so too does our faith in medicine. As a result, our idea of what pills can do for us strengthens the Placebo Effect.

Totally useless fact: More people are killed annually by donkeys than airplane crashes.

plAy wiTH yourSelF

R E B M E T P E S

GO FIGURE

CR O S SWORD

SN OW F FL AK KE K ES S

C RYPTO QUIP{

SUDOKU

Totally useless fact: A ‘jiffy’ is a unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

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rs are answepage 79 on

september 2014

25

plAy wiTH yourSelF

STAR MAP

TO PT CRYP E TE UOT QUO Q

R ROSS OSS CRISS RISS C RO

AZE AZE MAZ

BRID RIDGE RID IDGE

G HANGE CHAN XCH XC EX NE EN VE VE EVE

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Totally useless fact: A whale’s penis is called a dork.

R E B M E SEPT

you Sooooo CHeATed

WORD HUNT!

FEAR K OT O FE AR KN

MEGA ME MEG G GA A MAZ AZE E WHERE W HERES HERE S FRAN F RANK K? ?

Totally useless fact: Because of the rotation of the earth, an object can be thrown farther if it is thrown west.

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27

TiC TAC Toe!

Use this space for TIC TAC TOE, or anything else you can think of to spare the borEdom of class!

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Totally useless fact: The average person spends 6 months of their life sitting at red lights.

HAHAHAHA

Any woman that thinks the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.

remember to

send all jokes funny@mycampus talk.com and you could win a Campus Talk t-shirt.

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. “I got a cookbook once,” said one, “but I could never do anything with it.”

“Too much fancy work in it, eh?” asked the other. “You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - “Take a clean dish.”

A husband returns home to find his wife in bed with a naked man. “What are you doing”, he shouts. The wife replies to her lover: “I told you he was stupid!”

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.

“I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied.

“The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.”

“That’s wonderful,” the artist exclaimed.

“What’s the bad news?”

“The guy was your doctor.”

A Woman in a store buys milk and bread. man at counter: “Bet you’re single.” woman: “Yes! You knew it because of what I bought.” man: “No, you’re just ugly”

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Totally useless fact: More Monopoly money is printed in a year, than real money throughout the world.

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29

looKin’ Good

beauty Harvest

Beauty products – we love them all!

However, the hottest beautifying goods can come with a hefty price tag. if you are on a budget, take this quiz to determine the best beauty item for you to splurge on, just in time for fall!

Which fall makeup item should you splurge on?

1) if you could be any entrÉe, you would be: A) Oysters Rockefeller B) Lobster Mac and Cheese C) Peanut Butter and Jelly

2) wHicH beauty trend did you love tHe most in 2013?

A) Facial contouring B) A plum lip C) Cheek tint

if you answered mostly a’s: luXe lasHes False lash strips have been spotted all over fall fashion runway shows. From Versace, to Gucci, and even Prada, these top designers sent their models down the runway with major lash action. This beauty item is perfect for you to splurge on because you have a quirky personality and a feminine sensuality about you. You love to look and feel glamorous, so open up your wallet and apply this item to your pretty peepers – pronto!

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3) wHere can you be found most weekends?

A) At a club dancing with girlfriends B) Out to dinner with your significant other C) At your children’s sporting events

4) wHat is your favorite fasHion item?

A) Your maxi dress B) Your boyfriend jeans C) Your oversized hobo

if you answered mostly b’s: soft lilac eye sHadow Purple is a fall favorite color. This year, take a break from eggplant and plum hues and apply a softer, more subtle version of this classic color. Soft lilac shadow complements a variety of skin tones and eye colors, and it can even have a touch of shimmer and sheen to dress things up for evening events. This beauty item is perfect for you to splurge on because you love classic items that have a twist and you believe in beauty products that can be worn daily, morning or night.

5) you make up style is: A) Bold and dramatic B) Trendy C) Traditional

if you answered mostly c’s: just bitten lips The just bitten, twice shy look is huge for fall. You can find a variety of balms that play up the natural color of your lips and enhance them subtly. Kiss sticky glosses and heavy feeling lipsticks goodbye. This fall, when it comes to your lips, it’s all about ease, comfort and an extremely natural look. This beauty item is perfect for you to splurge on because you are no fuss, you wear minimal make up, and you are constantly on the go; so you want an item you can put on and toss in your bag to take with you anywhere and everywhere!

Totally useless fact: One quarter of the bones in your body are in your feet.

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Treat your hair to some serious recovery with a blend of olive and jojoba oils which are perfect for restoring strength and flexibility. Also includes fresh fruit juices for transforming fried hair to soft and touchable, and herbs like juniper and peppermint to stimulate a tired scalp.

Available in 3.3 fl oz, 8.4 fl oz, and 16.9 fl oz bottles. $13.95-39.95 lushusa.com Happy Happy joy joy Rich and moisturizing conditioner that does not weigh your hair down, Happy Happy Joy Joy is not only great for bleached and over processed hair, but hair of all kinds! Orange blossom absolute, grapefruit, and rosewood oils keep your hair smelling fresh and your mind free.

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This light and flavorful balm tastes of lemon, mandarin, and vanilla, while leaving your lips feeling supple and sweet. $7.25 lushusa.com 32

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september 2014

sea vegetable Take a vacation from the world with a soap that reminds us of the beach. Made with seaweed for softening, and sea salt for scrubbing, this soap not only refreshes and revitalizes your skin but eases the mind with scents of lime, lavender, and seaweed. $7.95 lushusa.com eyes rigHt A mascara that’s actually healthy for your lashes and the skin around them! Eyes Right is made from a fresh wheatgrass base, which strengthens and nourishes eyelashes, while the natural plant-based waxes help the color set and keep it from smudging. $18.95 lushusa.com

eye defining pencil Keeping harmful substances away from your eyes is easier when using makeup thats made from oils and natural minerals, like this Eye Defining Pencil.

Create depth and definition that lasts, without causing irritation and itchy eyes. $18.50 beautywithoutcruelty.com dazzling mint tootH wHitener Clean teeth and freshen breath without fluoride! Using a naturally effervescent baking soda toothpowder is much less abrasive than normal toothpastes which can actually damage your precious pearly whites!

Keeping your health, and budget, in mind while naturally whitening your teeth has never been this easy. Provides up to 200 brushings. $8.99 eco-dent.com

Totally useless fact: Seattle’s Fremont Bridge rises up and down more than any drawbridge in the world.

A TouCH oF veGAn

CAMPUS POST OFFICE & COPY SHOP body wasH Keep your beauty routine free of harmful parabens and sulfates while restoring your skin’s elasticity with shea and cocoa butters. Deep Steep body wash is also free of artificial fragrances, and available in seven different hypnotizing scents which make for a rather luxurious lather. $9.95 deepsteep.com Hand cream Deep Steep Hand Cream provides the perfect elixir for thirsty skin without leaving your hands feeling oily or tacky. Shea butter and olive oil make for quick absorption by the skin while leaving the delicious scent of any of the seven refreshing fragrances available. $9.95 deepsteep.comv daily facial lotion Get the best protection where you need it the most with SPF 18 Daily Facial Lotion. Aloe vera and shea butter provide moisturization and smooth the skin while still protecting it from sun damage. Fragrance free and perfect for everyday use! $12.95 beautywithoutcruelty.com

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FREE PARKING!

candy mint foot cream Put some pep in your step with this treat for your feet!

Contains peppermint oil and peppermint leaf extract for soothing sore muscles and promoting circulation, and rich shea butter for moisturizing. $9.95 deepsteep.com daily repairing sHampoo & conditioner Restores and nourishes distressed hair, while preventing future breakage with rice and quinoa proteins. The vitamin B5 found in this Shampoo and Conditioner duo leaves your hair feeling silkier and smoother than ever. Shampoo and Conditioner sold separately. $12.95 each; deepsteep.com

Totally useless fact: Right-handed people live, on average; nine years longer than left handed people.

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d.i.d nAilS

know your nails Must have beauty tips

By KAT FreeSTone

Beauty is on the inside, but a little “outside” polishing never hurts! Check out our favorite get-gorgeous beauty tips: How to properly wasH your Hair You’ve been doing it your entire life, but do you really know how to lather those locks? If you have long hair, condition first (yes, really!) and skip the scalp – you should focus on massaging conditioner into the ends of your strands. The opposite is true for shampoo; the hair closest to the scalp is the oiliest, so focus on scrubbing shampoo into that area best.

How to get luscious lasHes To make your eyes pop, simply follow three easy steps. Use an eyelash curler before applying mascara, let your lashes dry between layers of mascara, and use a comb to prevent “spider lashes” after you’re all finished. diy Hair mask The two most important ingredients to boost shine are protein and moisture, which can be found in egg whites and coconut oil. Simply mix equal parts of each in a bowl, microwave for 30 seconds, apply to damp hair for 15 minutes, shampoo out and enjoy the shine!

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banisH blackHeads When buying anti-acne products, look for the ingredients glycolic acid, salicylic acid and retinol. These help reduce dead cells that clog pores and cause acne-forming bacteria. make your Hair look amazing in pictures Your hair may look stunning on the way out the door, but after an evening of fun, let’s face it – those strands are far from picture-perfect.

First, avoid a look that’s too “done” since this can appear severe on camera. Plus, if it falls out, it will be more difficult to fix! Right before you’re ready to say cheese, toss your coif around to loosen things up. This will provide the perfect amount of natural movement as they snap the shot.

How to correctly apply bronzer Not too little, not too much. Use a big, fluffy brush to apply bronzer on the top of the forehead, under the cheek bone and under the jaw line.

did you know…?

• Your middle finger nail grows the fastest, and your thumb nail grows the slowest.

• Increasing your water intake can stimulate nail growth.

• Nails grow faster on your dominant hand.

• Nails also grow faster in the summer.

• Wearing a base coat is highly recommended to decrease the yellowing of nails.

• Manicures without a base coat and top coat will chip faster since natural nail oils wear away their color.

It’s time for a makeover, from head to toe(nail!). If you’re looking for a rich, eco-friendly nail polish, we recommend D.I.D Nail Paint’s line of spirit-lifting colors. Created by licensed nail technician Adrienne Blanks, D.I.D Nail Paint was invented with your hip style and consciousness in mind.

pull off a dark lip The key is to keep it balanced. The rest of your makeup should be light and fairly minimal to compliment that bold lipstick. figHt frizzy Hair Dry hair that’s frizzy will stay frizzy until it gets the moisture it needs, but you don’t have to run to the shower to recover your silky smooth look. Back comb your hair with a brush and wear it big, or curl it into playful waves. Add dry shampoo to play up the texture. prevent dry skin before it Hits Safflower oil is a wonderful body moisturizer and can be used to fight off flakes. Place a dollop of the oil in your palm and massage into those cracked areas like elbows, knees and heels.

Totally useless fact: Ten percent of the Russian government’s income comes from the sale of vodka.

dAmn you Siri

Events in Gainesville Sept. 1-30: Panama: Tropical Ecosystem Florida Museum of Natural History Sept. 5: Free Fridays on the Bo Diddley Plaza “Other Voices” (Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young Tribute) Sept. 12: Free Fridays on the Bo Diddley Plaza “Heavy Petty” Sept. 19: Free Fridays on the Bo Diddley Plaza “The Impostors” (Beatles Tribute) Sept. 26: Free Fridays on the Bo Diddley Plaza “Tropix” September Artwalk 6HSW 0RQDUFK )HVWLYDO DW *UHDWKRXVH %XWWHUÁ \ )DUP Oct. 3: Free Fridays on the Bo Diddley Plaza “Gramfest” (Gram Parsons Tribute)

Get Out and About!

Summer is an exciting time to be in Gainesville. Between exhibits, concerts and floating in refreshing springs and rivers, there’s always something to do.

So take a break from campus and get out and about in Gainesville. For more information and a complete listing of events visit our website.

www.visitgainesville.com 352.374.5260

VisitGainesvilleFlorida 36

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@ Gainesville

Totally useless fact: Nearly 80 percent of all animals on earth have six legs.

dAmn you Siri

We wrote the book on local search.

YP, the even-more-powerful Yellow Pages.

©2014 YP Intellectual Property LLC. All rights reserved. YP, the YP logo and all other YP marks contained herein are trademarks of YP Intellectual Property LLC and/or YP affiliated companies. All other marks contained herein are the property of their respective owners. Apple and the Apple logo are trademarks of Apple Inc., registered in the U.S. and other countries. App Store is a service mark of Apple Inc. 14-30416 PNT_07/15/14

TotallyPNT useless fact:TALK A giraff e can go without water longer than a camel.

14-30416 CAMPUS MAGAZINE 7.874” x 4.9409”

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charted

girls that say they medical issues like nerds according to google what I really have

would shudder at the thought of a guy who’s legitImately a nerd

std

pregnant

life threatening likes guys who play video games

heart attack

legitimately like nerds

why motivational speakers sound so motivated

they are truly motivated and want you to be motivated too

how people react WHEN THEY KNOW i’m an engineerING major can you fix this for me?

they’re getting $10,000 per session wow, you must study really hard!

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Totally useless fact: Ninety percent of all species that have become extinct have been birds.

BiG Spender

By SArAH G. mASon

tHings to buy WHEn yOu’rE rIcH

tHe ipHone 8 No matter that it doesn’t exist yet. You want it, and you’re going to have it. silverware made out of diamonds Everything tastes better when eaten with diamonds.

a figHter jet You want to get from point A to point B, and you want to do it faster than the speed of sound.

Though you’re currently living in a hole that smells like socks and leftover pizza, college living doesn’t last forever. When it’s over, you’ve got plans for fine living, but what to buy? We’ve listed the essentials.

a Hidden library Like something you’d find in an episode of Sherlock Holms – simply pull a secret lever and reveal hundreds of ancient books.

a private outdoor sHower Preferably surrounded by a thick rainforest and lots of exotic cats. After all, there’s no better time to connect with nature than when you’re already naked.

lion statues Better yet, lion fountains that spew water to the beat of your favorite music.

tHe power to fly You’ll be the first human to accomplish this feat (sans private fighter jet, of course) and you’ll make history. an adult-sized treeHouse No children allowed.

tHe batmobile Forget fancy Ferraris – you want missile rockets attached to your ride.

an indoor pool Because you only like to go swimming in December.

a dinosaur skeleton Your lion fountains will want some company.

your own cartoon You’ll star as the villain. Rich people are never the good guys.

a poisonous flower Not to use, but to show to your frienemies just a mansion to keep them on their toes.

And then all the other mansions on tHe city of tokyo the block. Goodbye nosy neighbors.

Ramen, sushi, mochi … just imagine the possibilities. tHe set of friends Not the DVD set. We’re talking the real thing, like at the bar with that cushy couch and the outdated décor.

a Heard of llamas Why would you not want this?

a Hairless cat You know the ones. They’re kind of creepy at first but then you’re like, “Hey, this cat is spectacular.”

Totally useless fact: There is approximately one chicken for every human being in the world.

rugs made to look like planet eartH So you can literally be on top of the world. money Only rich people buy other people’s money.

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JOIN US IN SUPPORTING

A m p

Saturday, October 25, 2014 7 p.m. to midnight at Besilu Collection Micanopy, Florida

Senator Bill Nelson

Senator Marco Rubio

Congressman Ted Yoho

Honorary Chair

Honorary Chair

Honorary Chair

Charlie and Linda Brink

Horst and Luisa Ferrero

Eric and Yvette Godet

Event Chairs

Founders

Gainesville Co-Chairs

Richard and Pam Astrom

John and Dawn Moore

Ocala Co-Chairs

Jacksonville Co-Chairs

Join Our Growing List of Sponsors

Proceeds benefit the UF Health Shands Children’s Hospital.

Visit www.NochedeGala.org for information on becoming a sponsor.

HeAder Green THumB

By JennA HermAn

self watering transplant pots Once your seeds have germinated and it’s time to pot them, ensure that your seedlings thrive at this crucial state and simply keep roberta’s 5-in-1 folding pocket them in pots that garden multi-tool water themselves!

Tackle all your garden jobs with just one tool! This compact multi-tool This self-watering folds up neatly to fit into its carrying case, and includes all your system includes a necessary gardening tools. Having a pruner, serrated saw, knife, reservoir tray, a V-weeder, and crevice/crack weeder all in one capillary mat that makes keeping your plants nice and tidy wicks water to the easy as can be! plants, and pots with a $19.40 qvc.com tray to carry them in.

(3-inch pots in a set of 18) $24.95 gardeners.com

Gardening gadgets

grub guard If you’ve got Japanese beetles ravaging your garden’s flowers and vegetables, Grub Guard is your best fix. It contains naturally occurring, beneficial microorganisms that attack Japanese beetles at the grub stage. Starts working within 48 hours and is a safe alternative to chemical controls, which can harm animals and beneficial insects. $21.95 gardeners.com

soil savvy test kit Testing soil has never been easier! Simply place the Soil Savvy capsule in a bag with soil from your lawn or garden and mail in the included postage-paid envelope. Soil Savvy analyzes the levels of available nutrients in your soil using state-of-the-art equipment. The results include fertilizer recommendations for optimizing soil nutrient levels for healthy plant growth. $29.99 gardeners.com

easy grow fertilizers If you want the best plants, you’ve gotta feed ‘em with the best nutrients. Easy Grow and Easy Bloom fertilizers are fast-acting and specially formulated for potted plants because they need a readily available supply of high-quality nutrients at all times.

These fertilizers contain no animal by-products or bone meal, they are odorless, and won’t attract animals. To use, just follow the dilution instructions and add to your watering can. The 3.6 oz. containers make up to 33 gallons of liquid fertilizer. $9.95 gardeners.com

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nitrile gloves Gloves tough as nails, yet light as a feather. No matter the task, these gloves are made to keep hands clean and dry. The fingers and palms of the gloves are covered in nitrile, which is a thin, flexible, yet super tough material that can even withstand punctures and damage from thorns. Available in black, pink, violet, orange, green, and blue. $5.95 gardeners.com

Totally useless fact: Most collect calls are made on father’s day.

Green THumB rainbow spiral supports Brighten up your garden with these rainbow support spirals. Simply push into the ground at the base of a tomato plant or flowering vine and attach the plant to the spiral. Your plants will grow up the spiral to ensure great light exposure and easy harvesting. Made with rust-resistant powder-coated steel, these supports will provide easy assistance to your plants and keep gardening fun all year long. $36.95 gardeners.com aQuacone watering devices Turn your old empty soda bottles into a super simple irrigation system. Aquacone devices save you time on watering your plants and target each plant’s root zone so you’re not wasting water on anything else. Works for any soil type and available in green or red. $9.95 gardeners.com

y a M e i gg a M Meet ARTWORM (SHE WAS HE

POSITIVE)

HER HEARTWORM TREATMENT EXTENDED HOW LONG SHE HAD TO STAY IN A FOSTER HOME, INCREASED THE COST OF HER VET CARE, AND REQUIRED THAT SHE BE CONFINED TO CRATE REST.

HOW YOU CAN HELP UÊ Ê Ê " / " Ê /Ê HAILESANGELS.ORG UÊ "-/ ,Ê Ê " Ê Ê Ê MAY DURING TREATMENT

PHOTO BY WHORESCUESWHO PHOTOGRAPHY

Medical Care, Laser Surgery, Therapeutic Laser Treatments, Dentistry, Pet Supplies, Natural Pet Food, Boarding, Grooming, Adoptions, House Calls Available xÓΣÊ-7Ê £ÃÌÊ À Ûi]Ê > iÊ6 >}iÊ i ÌiÀÊUÊÎxÓ°ÎÇÇ°ÈääÎÊUÊ > i> > V V°V

melon and sQuasH cradles By elevating cantaloupes, honeydews, small watermelons and squash up off the ground, these ingenious cradles allow air to circulate, promoting even ripening and minimizing rot.

Long-lasting and reusable, the cradles fit together for compact off-season storage. $9.89 gardeners.com

colourwave collapsible 2.6-gallon 2-in-1 watering can/bucket This 2.6 gallon bucket doubles as a watering can to maximizes functionality. It folds flat for easy storage and includes a pivoting handle for easy pouring. Lightweight and durable, this 2-in-1 bucket is even resistant to frost and UV ray damage. Available in purple, pink, green, orange, blue, red, yellow. $27.99 qvc.com

Designed with your comfort and style in mind, Ridgemar Commons offers 1 & 2 bedrooms in a cozy atmosphere fused with stellar customer service. Located on the corner of SW 34th and 35th, we are less than 2 miles to the famous University of Florida, home of the Gators, and less than 6 to the increasingly popular Santa Fe and City Colleges. Situated on the Bus Line (RTS bus route numbers 12, 34, 35 and 36) this incredible apartment community offers a tucked away feel yet is walking distance from Gainesville’s finest entertainment, shopping and dining, like Butler Plaza!

Features

• Upgraded Apartments

• Business Center (free printing)

• Washer & Dryer

• 24-Hour Emergency Maintenance

• Central Air & Heat

• 24-Hour Fitness Facility

• Ideal Roomate Floor Plans • Pet Friendly (no weight restrictions) • On Many RTS Bus Routes • Sparkling Swimming Pool • All Inclusive Individual Leases • Poolside Cabana with Sundeck

Exceptional Living, Unbeatable Location

3611 SW 34th Street, Gainesville, FL 32608 (352) 376-0828 E: Rent@RidgemarCommons.com www.ridgemarcommons.com

Totally useless fact: Each of us generates about 3.5 pounds of rubbish a day, most of it paper.

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GeT THiS in your liFe

By JennA HermAn

& More Gear Helo tc cHopper

You’re never too old to make up flying routes among your furniture, avoid obstacles, and let your imagination run wild, because lets be honest, who doesn’t enjoy flying a mini helicopter? After downloading the free HELO TC Chopper App, users can choose between touch control and tilt-to-fly modes when using an iOS device to fly this helicopter. $49.99 store.griffintechnology.com

broomy

The Broomy combines a broom and dustpan in one convenient design. The full-size broom and dustpan folds down to a single compact unit and can be stored almost anywhere. The built-in handle makes it even more portable while it weighs only two pounds. Available in silver and red. $19.95 viatekproducts.com

dweller backpack

Beautifully designed form and function to carry all your essentials in style. Laser engraved leather trim, hemp canvas body, cotton lining, and gold hardware make this backpack not only durable, but like nothing you’ve ever seen before. $695 bonniedanabuchner.com 44

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Totally useless fact: Women manage the money and pay the bills in 75 percent of all Americans households.

GeT THiS in your liFe

nigHt stars landscape ligHting

Decorative lights that are ideal for both indoor and outdoor use, it projects points of brightly colored lights onto walls, landscapes, pools, gazebos, etc. Create an instant atmosphere for parties and entertaining or add a splash of color and interest to your home. $79.99 viatekproducts.com m210 monkey ligHt Keep yourself safe and visible to cars while showing off your style with colorful bicycle lights. This durable, waterproof M210 light straps to your spokes to display brilliant patterns on your spinning bike wheels with super bright, full color LEDs. $39.99 monkeylectric.com

switcH it up reversible tan tote

Finally a tote that changes color to match your mood or your outfit!

Soft tan vegan leather creates a sleek exterior that fastens shut with a hidden magnet at the top. A mini vegan leather coral bag is included inside, but the real bonus is the option to flip this chic tote inside out, putting the coral interior on display. $59 lulus.com

ruck 20 laptop backpack It’s easy to stay prepared and keep all your things organized when you’ve got the right gear. This backpack has a padded pocket special for your laptop or tablet, interior mesh organizer pockets, front pocket, and side water bottle pocket to ensure that all your belongings stay in place and are ready when you need them. $55 ogio.com

roll along sea green clutcH

Pebbled vegan leather covers a slouchy exterior that zips at the top, then rolls up and secures with a hidden magnetic closure for an ultra chic and totally unique style. Open the top zipper to reveal a roomy interior with a printed lining, and an additional zippered pocket. $29 lulus.com Totally useless fact: It has NEVER rained in Calama, a town in the Atacama Desert of Chile.

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riddle me THiS!

MIND

#1 The day before y was 25 and the nesterday I will be 28. This is ext year I one day in a yea true only is my birthday? r. What day

1) HE WAS BORN ON DECEMBER 31ST AND SPOKE ABOUT IT ON JANUARY 1ST., 2) DECIMAL POINT - 5.9, 3) ONLY 12. JANUARY 2ND, FEBRUARY 2ND, ETC., 4) IT CONCENTRATES!, 5) THEY ROBBED A CLOTHING STORE; THEY CHANGED CLOTHES, NOT THEIR WAYS.

GAMES in in a r b r u o y p e e k To ing g n u lo e il h w e p sha on your couch‌

#5

ed a store. Once Three robbers robb were totally they came out they still continued changed, but they robbing. Why?

#2

L EMATICA ED H T A M T WHA BE PLAC N A C L O SYMB AND 9, 5 N E E BETW NUMBER D A T E G O T N 5 AN A H T R E GREAT THAN 9?

SMALLER 46

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How many seconds are in a year?

#3

#4

Do you know why orange juice is so smart?

Totally useless fact: The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

BedTime STorieS

n O s t s i w T n r e Mod

By Kelly HermAn

s e l a T Old

ed gs are sacr many thin aby ’s First” t o n at th find d us “B sa r time, we ncy showe ovies of ou colored glass of infa xperience now shed -m d e rn u -t rn e e ls se f d o ro ve o o e ss m n h la T c. w g fe d assi oks Like the cl cluding children’s bo rld; the dirty, cracke matters. Below are a ty for any ili o b in w se si – ht on tho anymore rough the cial respon guide us th what inappropriate ligs Talk takes no finan ages. stories to e u im p m ese erent, so that Cam e result of th slightly diff tales. Please note curred as th in ld ts o h ig n n o t twists ed-ou sits or black therapist vi

Totally useless fact: Sex burns 360 calories per hour.

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HAHAHAHA

q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO? A: There have been sightings of uFos.

remember to

send all jokes funny@mycampus talk.com and you could win a Campus Talk t-shirt.

A wife asked her husband: “What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?”

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: “Your sense of humor.”

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wife: “Give me some money.

I want to buy a bra.”

Husband: “Why? You have nothing to put in it!” wife: ‘Well, You wear shorts!”

Two married men are in a pub discussing their love life when one says, “Have you ever tried playing doctor?”

His mate says, “No what’s it like?”

The man replies, “It’s amazing me and my wife were playing for the whole of last night must have been about 10 hours.”

His mate, shocked says, “10 hours? How did you manage that long?”

“I just left her in waiting room for 9 and a half hours”.

First year of marriage: the man speaks, the woman listens.

Second year: the woman speaks, the man listens.

Third year: they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Totally useless fact: Daylight Saving Time is not observed in most of the state of Arizona and parts of Indiana.

GAme on!

Sore Thumbs By dAniel SuTpHin

destiny XboX one, ps4, XboX 360, ps3 september 9 Tagged as one of the most anticipated games of the year, Destiny kicks off with the arrival of a the Traveler, prompting everything to change.

It sparked a golden age when civilization spanned the solar system, but as all good things go, it didn’t last. After a crippling event, survivors built a city under the Traveler, and begin to explore old worlds that have been filled with threatening foes. Players take the role as a Guardian of the last safe city on Earth.

From the creators of Halo and the publisher of Call of Duty, Destiny’s story, new-gen console capabilities and newly-imagined universe promise a game filled with action, adventure and jaw-dropping visuals.

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middle-eartH: sHadow of mordor ps3, pc, ps4, XboX 360 september 30 An actionpacked, adventure-RPG, inspired

by J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor lets players explore an original story of vengeance and redemption.

Players take the role of Talion, a ranger whose family is slain in front of him the night Sauron and his army return to Mordor – moments before his own life is taken. Resurrected by a Spirit of vengeance and empowered with Wraith abilities, Talion enters into Mordor seeking revenge on those who have wronged him.

The Nemesis System allows for enemy relationships and characteristics to be shaped by player actions and decisions.

Hyrule warriors wii u september 26 The multiplayer action game lets players cut down entire legions of enemies as Link, Zelda, Midna and other characters from The Legend of Zelda franchise. Use over-the-top powerful Dynasty Warriors-style moves as players battle memorable franchise enemies through the the throughout Hyrule.

fifa 15 ps4, XboX one, ps3 XboX 360 september 23 In it’s 15th edition, FIFA 15 lets players experience the international game like never before. Players can feel the intensity of crowds and listen to commentators through the Dynamic Match Presentation. For the first time ever, all 22 players on the pitch are connected with Emotional Intelligence. This feature lets players react to opponents and teammates within the context, and relative to the narrative of the match. Enhanced player control boosts the responsiveness of player movement, providing more control and personality on the ball for Man-to-Man Battles.

Totally useless fact: Butterflies taste with their hind feet.

We can help you find your way to your next apartment…

WWW.COLLEGERENTALS.COM

muSiC reviewS By dAniel SuTpHin

tune in turn on plug in

magic man before tHe waves Reminiscent of fellow indie/ dance/pop bands such as Capital Cities and Hiem – even the Killers, at times – Magic Man’s combination of upbeat drums, driving bass, catchy synth and uplifting vocals make the ‘80s new-wave-esque album a fun, good-hearted listen, whether in a dance hall or at home in your room with headphones. While Magic Man isn’t revolutionizing any genres with their second LP, singles, Paris and Chicagoland, take the forefront of memorable tracks.

The album, overall, doesn’t slow down for the most part; however, the tracks get a little monotonous near the end.

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bleacHers strange desire Fun.’s Jack Antonoff comes off his successful Some Nights run to launch the electro-heavy pop/ rock band. Sounding like a soundtrack to every John Hughes film, Bleachers is an ‘80’s throwback making use of modern recording techniques and electronics, making it more of a fusion of past and present.

The songs are big, energetic, memorable and anthemic – something you can imagine singing with your friends in a car on a night on the town. Wild Heart, the opening track, can sum up the sound of the album; however, it does not restrict it.

Each track is unique and heartfelt, bringing many colors and images to mind. Shadow, Wake Me and Like A River Runs also stand strong on the upbeat album.

“weird al” yankovic mandatory fun What to say about good ole’ “Weird Al”? The parody legend returns with his strongest album in years. Mandatory Fun follows right in line with some of Weird Al’s top albums of the late ‘80s and ‘90s. With the most popular track Tacky, he takes on Pharell’s hit Happy. Combining common pokes like “Wear my Ed Hardy shirt with fluorescent orange pants” with more reserved lines like,”Got my new résumé, it’s printed in Comic Sans,” show that “Weird Al” hasn’t lost a step in his 20-plus-year career. Also like his previous albums, Al is not afraid of any genre, nor to throw in the occasional polka track (Check the polka medley, sampling a variety of tracks including Wrecking Ball, Call Me Maybe and Pumped Up Kicks). He spans rock, rap, pop and indie genres. Using Lorde’s Royals as a platform, Yankovic penned Foil, where he proceeds to describe the many uses of aluminum foil, including it’s potential protection from brain-sucking aliens.

judas priest redeemer of souls With no signs of slowing, the metal legends have dropped their 17th studio LP, minus founding guitarist K.K. Downng, who left in 2011. The album hammers in with Dragonaut, a head-banging track deserving of such a title. The rock drives on with title track Redeemer of Souls, Hails of Valhalla and the anthemic, Sword of Damocles.

Rob Halford powerful vibrato still soars over the chugs and blood of each track as the album pushes forward. Overall, the LP leans more toward classic rock like the band’s late-’70s offerings Sin After Sin and Stained Class; however, that lean does not detract from the sweat and energy, and overall badassness that Redeemer of Souls, exudes.

Totally useless fact: Bees have 5 eyes. There are 3 small eyes on the top of a bee’s head and 2 larger ones in front.

mAKin’ mAGiC HAppen

pick a card

any card

Sometimes words just aren’t enough to make a good impression. When that witty, dynamic dialect seems to fail, why not try leaving a mark with some good ole’ fashioned magic? Because anyone who says they don’t love magic … well, they are just a liar.

tHe magic in a glass trick

metHod: A slight amount of preparation work is required for this excellent card trick.

tHe rest is sHowmansHip • Place the deck in the glass with the bottom card facing your spectator.

effect: • Take a long-stemmed glass and announce that you are going to perform a card trick. (The thing about this card trick is that he won’t be able to touch the cards, because they’ll be inside the glass the whole time!)

• Find a wine or any other long-stemmed glass that will allow you to set at least half a deck of cards in it.

(There can be no design on the glass or stem.)

• Announce that you’re going to do the trick using a red locator card.

• Placing the pack face-out in the glass, state that you’re going to find all four aces using special “Locator Cards”.

• Reach into the glass and pull out a red number card (let’s say the 10 of Hearts for the example) • Put it in front of the rest of the cards in the deck so that it is the card the spectator now sees looking at them through the glass • State that you will let that red 10 find a red ace.

• Holding the glass by the stem, pass a cloth napkin over the glass quickly.

• When the napkin has completed it’s quick pass, the red 10 has been replaced by a red ace.

• Take the two red aces and glue them back to back.

• Make sure you make them look as much like one card as possible.

• Do the same with the two black aces.

• Get two identical number cards – one black and one red - from an identical deck.

• Glue one red and one black back to back.

(Don’t do this with the other ones.)

• Get a cloth napkin that is big enough and dark enough to completely cover the glass. set up tHe deck like tHis: • The black 6 card face-up on top of the face-down deck.

• Set the double-sided black ace on top of it.

• Take the red ace and put it in back of the deck and pass the napkin again.

• Place the double-sided red 10 /black 6 card with the red 10 face-up.

This time, the red 10 is replaced by the other red ace.

• Next, comes the double-sided red aces .

• Take a black number card (say, 6 of spades) for the “Locator” and put it in front of the red 10.

• And finally, the last red 10 FACE-DOWN on the face-down deck.

• Make a quick napkin pass, and there’s a black ace!

• Take the ace and put it in back of the deck.

• Another napkin pass, and there’s the last black ace.

• Pull the red 10 off the top of the deck and put it on the bottom, facing the spectator.

• You should now be looking at a red ace.

• Holding the glass by the stem, you pass the napkin over the glass and spin it around so that the ace is now facing the spectator.

It helps if you hold the glass with you fingers rigid and the stem in the first bend of your finger. When you spin the glass, your thumb does the work and your fingers look pretty much the same.

• Take the ace and put it on top of the deck.

• You should now be looking at the other red ace.

• Perform the pass/spin again, and your spectator sees the other red ace .

• Say that you need a black locator card.

• Take the red/black card off the top with the 6 facing.

• When you get to the black aces, if you stick the Ace of Spades on top so that it’s the first ace you’ll show, you can ask the spectator to name a black ace.

• Nine out of 10 times, they’ll say the Ace of Spades.

You then make it appear for them. If they happen to mention the Ace of Clubs, just say, “So that leaves the Ace of Spades,” and make it appear.

• Pull out the pack and put it back in the case, smiling as you take your bow.

All of this magic occurs in the glass, so there’s apparently no way that you could’ve manipulated the cards! People will fall down at your feet and worship your incredible abilities. Maybe.

Totally useless fact: It is illegal to hunt camels in the state of Arizona.

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roBoT TeSTinG in proCeSS

By KAT FreeSTone

How to tell

if you’re Human you may be a human if … you race to the microwave to open it before it hits 00:00.

While listening to your favorite song, you imagine yourself performing in front of a huge crowd.

When you leave a store without buying anything, you’re paranoid they’ll think you’re a shoplifter.

Something about an impending storm makes you feel alive.

you pose in front of the mirror.

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you then text that person, “I’m smiling like an idiot.”

you spell Wednesday out in your head every time like Wed–nes–day.

you smile like an idiot when reading a text from someone you like.

you quickly squeeze through doors as they close shut without touching them.

you say you’re on your way before you even leave the house.

september 2014

you hate getting into the shower. you also hate getting out of it.

you immediately go back and read an email after you send it.

you find gross satisfaction in popping zits.

you text your friend to let them know you’re at their house rather than just knocking.

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you sleep with the fan on so you can snuggle under the covers.

you can’t open a plastic bag on the first attempt.

you look for hidden cameras in public restrooms.

you have imaginary fights … and always win the argument.

you check behind the bathroom curtain just to be sure no one’s there.

you run up the stairs on all fours like an animal.

When you “copy” something, your mouse feels a little heavier until you “paste” it.

you smile at dogs but not their owners.

you wipe your smartphone screen to make designs.

you pace around the house as you talk on the phone.

you read a good book and envision yourself as the main character in the movie adaptation.

you don’t want to wash your hands, but you still run the water in case someone is listening.

you quickly run those last few steps into bed as if something is chasing you.

Totally useless fact: There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.

one linerS!

p u k c Pi s e n i l

k c u t s e m t You go ock, L s p a C n o w if you kno an. e m I t a h w my e k a m u o Y software tu rn i nto ! hardware

How about we do a little peerto-peer saliva swapping?

Nice Set of Floppies!

If you were an ISP I’d ve a h u o dial you all If y ty p m e n day long. a e v a h slot, I to d r the ca fill it.

Totally useless fact: Annual growth of WWW traďŹƒc is 314,000 percent

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55

charted

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several dozen tabs open, and using 5 or 6 different windows

when i hear autoplay music on a webpage where the hell is the pause button?

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wow, this is song is so cool, i should download it!

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CampusTalk-3.8583x10.0394-20140403.indd 1

Totally useless fact: If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

4/3/14 12:12 PM

charted

lyrics to reggae music any other lyrics

relax mon

don’t worry

everything is gonna be alright

times UPS delivers a package when i’m not here

when I’m in the shower

when I’m pooping

when I can sign for it

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Totally useless fact: 60 percent of all people using the Internet, use it for pornography.

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TAKE OUT SPECIAL

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...or you could just grab your copy of Gator Bucks!

www.GatorBucks.com

BuzzinG!

Beats the heck out of dorm food.

By KAT FreeSTone

caffeine in a nutsHell It’s science. Caffeine really does affect our minds.

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Bored? Drink a cup of Joe. Caffeine reduces boredom.

Got the blues? Get out of bed and make some tea. Caffeine can decrease depression.

Feeling tired? Well‌ you know what to do.

Need a boost? Caffeine increases physical stamina and reduces perceived exertion.

Got a closed-minded friend?

Offer them a sip of your energy drink. Caffeine increases our willingness to consider different viewpoints. toss up Rumor has it that caffeine can improve both memory and our ability to engage in complex cognitive tasks. Unfortunately, research as failed to prove these theories.

P.S. We deliver. $2.50 delivery fee.

Order must be placed online at PitaPit2Go.com.

less-tHan-awesome Feeling anxious? Put the coffee down. High doses of caffeine increases anxiety and nervousness.

Have trouble sleeping? Caffeine can keep you awake for hours ‌ and hours ‌ and hours ‌ Feeling moody? Caffeine withdrawal can worsen mood.

Got a headache? Yup, it’s another withdrawal symptom.

That and lethargy and decreased motivation.

So how long does it take for you to feel caffeine’s affects? Caffeine is quickly absorbed into the bloodstream. It can take as little as 15 minutes for caffeine to reach its peak levels, and usually the central nervous system is maxed out within 30 to 60 minutes. This is both good and bad. If you’re looking for a boost, you can count on caffeine to work quickly. If you’re suffering from caffeine overdose anxiety, hang tight – it’ll be over soon.

Totally useless fact: The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley’s gum.

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59

HiT reSeT

You’re gonna love it here!

By dAniel SuTpHin

great amenities

How to Hit the Mental restart Button When nothing is Going right it’s human to make mistakes, and equally human to get overwhelmed by them. despite your best eorts, the work you create when feeling overwhelmed is not going to be up to par when everything is said and done, thus wasting your already limited time.

When a computer jams up from overload, we can simply shut it down and restart, and most of the time – unless the computer has a major virus – it fires back up with due diligence ready to perform at it’s standard level.

Although it may not seem like it at times, humans also have ways of hitting a mental restart button. stop wHat you’re doing It’s simple really, just take a break. Put down the work, leave the room and forget about all the homework, bills and responsibilities that are complicating your task at hand.

Once these complications are removed and you feel ready to focus, return to working. focus on your goals Multi-tasking is a helpful trait but it can lead to a lack of focus.

Prioritize your goals so you can organize each goal in regards to its deadline. The goals won’t seem so formidable when broken down into smaller steps.

slow down and find reality It’s easy to get wrapped up in the day-to-day madness that seemingly controls our lives at times. It can be OK when everything seems to be going right, but as different parts start to fail, a crash can often follow.

Planning is all well and good but there comes a time when taking action is much more indicative to completing your goals. Slow down, figure out what needs to be done and do it.

Ä‘Ĺ? +3Ĺ? ! /%*#Ĺ?"+.Ĺ?Ä‚Ä€Ä Ä…ÄĄÄ‚Ä€Ä Ä†Ĺ?Ä‘Ĺ?ĆĀ Ĺ?+"Ĺ? %#$ÄĄ ,!! Ĺ? *0!.*!0ÄŒĹ?+*(5Ĺ?Ä¸Ä Ä‡Ä‹Ä‚Ä†ÄľĹ?Ä‘ Ä‘Ĺ? +),10!.Ĺ? Ĺ?3ÄĽĹ? .!!Ĺ? .%*0%*#Ĺ?Ä‘Ĺ? !#!0 (!Ĺ? . !*Ĺ?Ä‘Ĺ? *!ÄĄ ! .++)Ĺ? , .0)!*0Ĺ? ( 0/Ĺ?Ä‘ Ä‘Ĺ?Ä‚ÄŒĹ?ăĹ?Ä’Ĺ?Ä…Ĺ? ! .++)Ĺ? +3*Ĺ? +)!/Ĺ?Ä‘Ĺ? .#!Ĺ? , .'(%*#Ĺ? ++(Ĺ?Ä‘Ĺ? /$!./Ĺ?Ä’Ĺ? .5!./Ĺ? 2 %( (!ľľĹ?Ä‘ Ä‘Ĺ? %0*!//Ĺ? !*0!.Ĺ?3ÄĽĹ? *%2!./ (Ĺ? $%*!ÄŒĹ? .! )%((/ÄŒĹ? ((%,0% (Ĺ?Ä’Ĺ? ! 1) !*0Ĺ? %'!Ĺ?Ä‘ Ä‘Ĺ? (1 $+1/!Ĺ?3ÄĽĹ? ăČĹ? (1 5ÄŒĹ? .#!ÄĄ .!!*Ĺ? Ĺ?Ä’Ĺ? %((% . /Ĺ?Ä‘Ĺ? ( .)Ĺ? 5/0!)/Ĺ?%*Ĺ? 2!.5Ĺ? *%0Ĺ?Ä‘ Ä‘Ĺ?ăĹ? 1/Ĺ? +10!/Ĺ?0+Ĺ? Ĺ?ĨĊČĹ?ăĆČĹ?ăćĊĹ?Ä‘Ĺ? /'!0 ((ÄŒĹ? -1!0 ((Ĺ?Ä’Ĺ? !**%/Ĺ? +1.0/Ĺ?Ä‘ 1BD/1BA $625 downstairs $645 upstairs 2BD/2BA $785 3BD/2BA $850 4BD/2BA $950* +3*! . Ä‹ +)Ĺ?Ä‘Ĺ?ĂĊăĀĹ? Ĺ?Ăă. Ĺ? !.. !ÄŒĹ? %*!/2%((!Ĺ? Ĺ?ăĂćĀĉĹ?Ä‘Ĺ?ăĆĂċăĈĆċăĀĈĂ *Prices subject to change without notice, some restrictions apply. **Additional washer/dryer fee applies

when you’re hungry, we’ll be here.

get an outside opinion If you’ve come to a conclusion and you aren’t certain of the results, ask for help. There’s bound to be someone with similar interests or understanding that you can talk to. Sometimes, an outside source is the perfect influence on finishing a project, so to move to the next. find tHe positives When everything seems to be going wrong, it’s easy to let that negativity take over your mental processes. When this happens, motivation can disappear and complacency takes control.

Remind yourself of all the things that are right in your life. Not only will it improve your mood, it will also refocus your motivations to complete the troubling tasks that are weighing you down.

3 locations means we’re always close when you need to feed!

NEW! Royal Park Plaza (next to ColdStone) 872-5880 Campus: UF Plaza (next to Pita Pit) 692-4400 Downtown: Union Street Station (next to Starbucks) 225-3539

P.S. We deliver. $2.50 delivery fee. Order must be placed online at RelishUSA.com.

Totally useless fact: The pop you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually a bubble of gas burning.

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m p 7 4 R U HAPPY HO Liquor

Beer

wings

pizza

S M E T I U N E M DOGGIE TRErAiTng happy hour 1/2 PRICE du 4"-5:%0(4"-00/ $0. t 8 6/*7 "7&

SEX

PRACTICE

SAFE

TipS oF THe TrAde

college

101 lESSOnS THEy DOn’T Say aT OrIEnTaTIOn

It would be an understatement to say that college orientation is thorough. The cicerones provide plenty of information to take in, however tough it may be to do so at such an early hour. As honest and in-depth that they try to be, they still don’t cover everything you need to learn, and will learn during your time as a college student.

Alexander Graham Bell said “Before anything else, preparation is the key to success.� Sticking with Bell’s words, here’s the information that your parents, nor the cicerones will tell you, so you can be as informed as possible this semester.

...because she won’t be wearing these.

elf. d Protect Yous Play Smart an Time.

very Use A Condom E

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Message brought to you by

Totally useless fact: The human heart creates enough pressure to squirt blood 30ft.

CHeCK For moTHS

tHrifting

By Kelly HermAn

for dummies HOW TO GET THE MOST FOr yOur MOnEy So, you’re in the car and mackerel’s Thrift Shop comes on. yeah, you know, that song that’s been blowing up the radio lately. oK, maybe you’ve been living in a cave, but the song is all about, as you could probably guess, thrift shopping, with lyrics like: “i’m gonna pop some tags/only got twenty dollars in my pocket.”

Alright, you get the point. These days, it’s cool to be thrifty – even if you don’t like wearing your grandpa’s clothes.

So, i’ve put together a list of some tips and tricks as a sort of thrift/ bargain shopping guide for those who are a bit … misguided. After all, thrifting can be beneficial for everyone (and the environment!)

get over yourself This is no joke, and it’s probably the most important rule of bargain/thrift shopping.

Have you ever considered how overpriced brand name clothing is? Although there’s a time and a place to purchase quality items, there’s no sense in spending money on an item you’ll only wear a couple of times or basic clothing items. Spending less doesn’t make you any less “cool” or make you seem poor. Wealthy people like thrifting too; it’s called vintage. If you do by used, just make sure you wash before wearing (which you should do with new clothing as well!) know wHen to go for Quality There are some clothing items that just aren’t the same used or cheap. Shoes, for example – especially heels and winter boots, are best when new. You want your heels to be free of scuffs and your boots to last you a few winters, right? Dole out some cash and buy some boots that won’t fall apart after two weeks in the snow and salt and heels that will make you look like the classy broad you are.

Another item you’ll want to spend a bit more on is outerwear. Though light jackets are fine to find thrifty, you’re going to want a thick, quality winter coat if your climate demands it.

10 tHrifty tricks for bargain/tHrift sHopping set a budget If you’re really tight on cash, it’s important to set a budget when thrifting/bargain shopping. Even though it may feel like you’re getting a ton for your money (and you probably are), you still don’t want to blow your rent money or house payment. sHop mid-season Shopping mid-season is so much smarter than waiting for the end of the season deals.

Why? Because you’re likely to get a few “wears” out of your items before next year, and, if you’re like me, you just aren’t going to be that jazzed about the $3 sweater you bought last year when next season rolls around. keep it classy This isn’t just true for bargain shopping/ thrifting. Try to buy items that are classic enough to last through the trendy seasons.

This will definitely save you money in the long run. If you do decide to get uber-trendy (put down those parachute pants!), don’t blow too much of your budget.

Totally useless fact: One third of all cancers are sun related.

eXamine items carefully Thrift/bargain items sometimes have hidden stains, holes, or tears. This doesn’t mean that you’ll need to rule them out, necessarily, but you will need to know what needs to be repaired before making a purchase. consider getting it tailored If you find a super-cute item that is just a little bit too large, consider getting the item tailored. Tailoring can be very inexpensive for basic fitting, and you’ll still be spending a fraction of what you would on new clothing. keep your scHedule open Thrift/bargain shopping can be a great way to find new deals, but it often takes quite a bit of time. You may need several hours to comb through large amounts of clothing, but it will certainly be worth it! don’t give up!

Some days just won’t be great ones for bargain hunting. Wait a week or two and try the shops again. You’re likely to find a completely different selection that may better fit your personal style. campus talk

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DORM DELIGHTS

Dorm Room

Dining

Between studying, late nights and an empty wallet, cooking a four-course meal doesn’t exactly top your to-do list. And yet, dorm room dining doesn’t have to be boring.

Break away from the PB&Js with this quick and easy recipe munchin on:

Easy Chicken and Broccoli Alfredo why we love it: Make tons ahead and have plenty for later Stuff You’ll Need: ½ pound fettuccini, uncooked

1-2/3 cups milk

2 cups fresh broccoli florets

4 ounces cream cheese, cubed

¼ cup Italian dressing

¼ cup Parmesan cheese

1 pound boneless skinless chicken breast, cut into bite-size pieces

½ teaspoon dried basil leaves

how it’s made: Cook pasta according to package directions. Add broccoli to boiling water for the last 2 minutes. Meanwhile, heat dressing in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add chicken; cook for 5 minutes. Stir in remaining ingredients and bring to a boil; cook for 2 minutes, stirring constantly. Drain pasta mixture, place in a bowl, add chicken mixture and mix everything well.

Tip: Hate broccoli? You can use frozen peas, chopped red peppers or any other veggies as a substitute.

Recipe courtesy Yummly.com

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Totally useless fact: 1 in every 4 Americans has appeared someway or another on television.

leSSonS leArned

don’t do

By SArAH G. mASon

wHat i did The day was sunny and new. My live-in boyfriend and I wanted to take full advantage of that Sunday, so we loaded up the car, grabbed the dog and made the 40-minute drive north to Grapevine Dog Park – a beautiful field complete with shady trees, benches and an enormous lake for frisky dogs to beat the heat.

The parking lot was open and nearly empty, so we snagged a spot right up front. As we unloaded, I grabbed my purse but then thought twice. The park is muddy, after all, and what would I need my wallet for?

I tossed the purse back in, locked the car and headed off.

A little later we returned, happy and exhausted from hours of play. Mike got there first and stopped short. He looked at me in disbelief.

“Sarah,” he said, bringing a hand to his head, “someone broke into your car.”

I ran over, horrified. It was true. The back window was smashed, and all our belongings were gone.

More than anger or sadness, I felt violated.

That was my car, the one I’d worked hard to earn. That was my phone, the one with all my contacts and photos and memories inside.

That was my wallet, the one Mike had given me as a gift for my birthday. This was my life, my space, and some faceless lowlife had intruded into my world and defiled my property. And in broad daylight, nonetheless.

Luckily, windows can be mended and credits cards can be canceled, and a few days later things seemed to be returning to normal.

What hadn’t returned, though, was our peace of mind.

There are a few obvious rules to prevent a car break-in.

Always lock your car, even if you’ll be away for a split second. According to Nationwide Insurance, 25 percent of all car break-ins happen from unlocked vehicles.

Also, keep valuables out of sight. Most crimes are crimes of opportunity, so don’t give thieves any reason to think they’ll be rewarded for the risk. This doesn’t just mean tucking your purse under the seat, but also removing your GPS (and the cord!) from the dash and phone chargers from their ports.

Similarly, if you’re going to store valuable

Totally useless fact: Barbie’s measurements, if she were life-size, would be 39-29-33.

items in your trunk, do it before you leave home. There’s no point in stowing items away if a thief can watch you do it.

Set your alarm. If you don’t have one, it may be worth the investment. Most car alarms are relatively cheap to install, and whatever you do spend will be worth its value in property you protect. Even if you don’t have a car alarm, you can deter break-ins by using common sense. Park in well-traveled, well-lit areas, don’t park between two vehicles bigger than yours and stay away from secluded areas.

Above all, listen to your instincts. That day at the dog park, my instincts should have been on high-alert because the parking lot was empty – no witnesses were around to stop a break-in. Ultimately, there will always be crime, but you can stay diligent and take steps to avoid becoming a target. campus talk

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ConFliCT reSoluTion By dAniel SuTpHin

conflict

cop-out tactics (anD HOW TO SPOT THEM) Conflict is going to occur from time to time regardless of whom with which you surround yourself. Whether with friend or foe, the informed and prepared will always be able to better bend the conversation in his or her favor. Throughout college, students will experience conflicts and arguments, some heated and some friendly. Be prepared when the debate ensues by recognizing common fallacies in the oppositions argument tactics, because many times, a variety of people will resort to the same cop-out responses. appeal to ignorance Appealing to ignorance as evidence for something. Ignorance about something says nothing about its existence or non-existence.

We don’t have any scientific proof of alien visitors, that means they do not exist.

eXample:

argument from omniscience An arguer would need omniscience to know about everyone’s beliefs or disbeliefs or about their knowledge. Beware of words like “all,” “everyone,” “everything,” “absolute.”

All people believe in something.

Everyone knows that. eXample:

appeal to conseQuences An argument that concludes a premise (usually a belief ) as either true or false based on whether the premise leads to desirable or undesirable consequences. eXample: Though some religious people

believe that knowledge of evolution leads to immorality, it doesn’t necessarily imply that evolution is false. argument from autHority Using the words of an “expert” or authority as the bases of the argument instead of using the logic or evidence that supports an argument. Simply because an authority makes a claim does not necessarily mean he got it right. If an arguer presents the testimony from an expert, look to see if it accompanies reason and sources of evidence behind it.

eXcluded middle

(false dicHotomy):

Considering only the extremes. Some people use Aristotelian either/or logic tending to describe in terms of up/down, black/white, true/false, love/hate, etc.

eXample: You either like it or you don’t.

He either stands guilty or not guilty.

observational selection (similar to confirmation bias)

Pointing out favorable circumstances while ignoring the unfavorable. eXample: Anyone who goes to Las Vegas gambling casinos will see people winning at the tables and slots. This may cause someone to think chances of winning appear good while in actually just the reverse holds true because casino managers make sure to install bells and whistles to announce the victors.

two wrongs make a rigHt Justifying an action by accusing someone else of doing the same. eXample: How can you judge my actions when you do exactly the same thing?

post Hoc, ergo propter Hoc Latin for “It happened after, so it was caused by.” Similar to a non sequitur, but time dependent. eXample: She got sick after she visited China, so something in China caused her sickness.

eXample: Professor so-and-so believes in creation-science; therefore, creationscience is fact.

bandwagon fallacy Concluding that an idea has merit simply because many people believe it or practice it.

Simply because many people may believe something says nothing about the fact of that something. eXample: Many people during the Black Plague believed that demons caused disease.

The number of believers say nothing at all about the cause of disease.

non seQuitur Latin for “It does not follow.” An inference or conclusion that does not follow from established premises or evidence. eXample: There was an increase in births during the full moon; therefore, full moons cause birth rates to rise.

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Totally useless fact: 1 in 8 Americans has worked at a McDonalds restaurant.

exiSTenTiAl eSCApe By dAniel SuTpHin

How 2 Have an

out-of-body eXperience

to trigger sucH an eXperience, monroe suggests: 1) First, lie down in a darkened room in a relaxing position.

2) Loosen your clothing and remove all jewelry.

3) enter into a very relaxing state and consciously tell yourself that you will remember everything that happens at this time.

4) begin breathing through your half-open mouth.

5) concentrate on an object.

6) When other images start to enter your mind, passively watch them.

7) try to clear your mind and observe your field of vision through your closed eyes.

8) do nothing more for a while.

9) simply look through your closed eyelids at the blackness in front of you.

Adventures are abound during a person’s college days. Although some of these potential experiences may seem out of your comfort zone, it doesn’t always hurt to let loose a little and try something new.

While some people may pursue an out-ofbody experience through substances, it is possible to experience one naturally.

Robert Monroe created techniques to induce such an experience. The path leading to his development of these techniques is a laundry list of skills, jobs and titles, including the founding of the Monroe Institute®, a worldwide organization working to expand human potential.

While serving as VP at Mutual Broadcasting System Network in 1956, the firm set up a research and development division to study the effects of various sound patterns on human consciousness, including the feasibility of learning during sleep.

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As a test subject for this research in 1958, he experienced multiple occasions of alternate consciousness. He described the state as an “out-of-body experience,” a term created by Charles T. Tart, Ph.D. a leader in the area of consciousness studies.

Monroe furthered his work, which led him to write multiple books, including the 1971 book, Journeys Out of the Body.

Monroe and researchers started working on methods of inducing and controlling this ‘out of body experience’, as well as other forms of consciousness. This research led to his Technique for Triggering Out-ofBody Experiences.

10) After a while, you may notice light patterns.

11) When these cease, a state of such relaxation will happen that you lose all awareness of the body.

12) you are almost in the state where your only source of stimulation will be your own thoughts.

13) it is this relaxed and refreshed condition where out-of-body journeys are triggered.

14) to leave your body, think of yourself getting lighter and of how nice it would be to float upwards.

15) With sufficient practice Monroe claims that a wide variety of experiences.

“The greatest illusion is that mankind has limitations.”

– robert Monroe

Totally useless fact: 70 percent of all boats sold are used for fishing.

STrAnGe wAyS To die

an unfortunate

eXit

madHya pradesH village While cremating his deceased wife, Jaam Singh Girdhan Barela, 50, died after being stung multiple times by a swarm of honeybees. Flames from the funeral pyre had enveloped a nest in a nearby village. consenza, italy During a stag party, friends grew curious when a stripper failed to jump out of a huge cake. They assumed she wasn’t in the cake any longer, but received a horrifying surprise when they found her dead inside. The stripper, Gina Lalapola, 23, had suffocated after waiting for an hour within the sealed cake. democratic republic of tHe congo In a game between Bena Tshadi and visiting team Basanga, all 11 members of Basanga died from a lightning bolt, while the other team was unharmed. Thirty other people received burns. tHe island county fair on wHidbey island, nortHwest of seattle At an American amusement park in 2003, operator Doug McKay, 40, was killed when he caught his hair and arm in a roller coaster car. The cart scalped him, essentially, as he was yanked upward and then fell back-first onto a fence. camden, new jersey While loading chunks of raw chocolate, Vincent Smith II, an employee at the Cocoa Services Inc. chocolate factory, slipped and fell into a large melting tank of Hershey’s chocolate. The chocolate registered at 120 degrees Farenheit. After 10 minutes, rescuers freed him from the tank. He was declared dead a short time later. viladecans (near barcelona) A 50-year-old pedestrian died when a suicidal women fell on him from and eight floor balcony. The jumper died upon impact. The pedestrian died in the hospital shortly afterwards. The pedestrians wife, who was walking with him, escaped with minor injuries. england After having recently taken control of the Segway company, James W. Heselden took the trendy device out of a victory ride. His victory was spoiled when he accidentally steered the Segway off of some cliffs near his home.

Death is rarely a laughing matter. The constancy of such a fate, however, provides a laundry list of unfortunate scenarios and situations that, despite the negative outcome, can often times provide a story that is not only baffling, but also darkly entertaining.

Totally useless fact: A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

at a local soutH korean coffee sHop Some might say that Lee Seung Seop had a video game problem when he quit his job to devote his time to playing more video games.

Little did they know that unemployment would be the least of his problems when he wound up dying from the hobby. He played for 50 hours straight, only stopping for naps or bathroom breaks. He died after collapsing from dehydration and heart failure. campus talk

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GeT THe CAndy! tHe drop wHat: Crime, Drama wHo: Tom Hardy, Noomi Rapace,

James Gandolfini September 12 Taking a glimpse at the use of local New York City bars as moneylaundering ‘drops’ in organized crime, The Drop tells the story of bartender, Bob Saginowski (Hardy), as he tries to reform from his criminal past. Despite his efforts, he gets mixed up in a bad heist and a killing resulting from a lost and contested pit bull.

wHen:

flicks By dAniel SuTpHin

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to s trailer!

tHis is wHere i leave you wHat: Comedy wHo: Jason Bateman,

tHe maze runner wHat: Action, Mystery, Sci-Fi wHo: Dylan O’Brien, Kaya

Scodelario, Will Poulter wHen: September 19 After his memory is erased, Thomas is thrown into a community of boys. There, he learns that they are all trapped in a maze. To escape, he must team with other ‘runners’.

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Tina Fey, Jane Fonda wHen: September 19 Four siblings – bruised and banged up by their respective adult lives – must learn to tolerate one another for a week in their childhood home after their father passes away. Their over-sharing mother and a variety of spouses, exes and might-have-beens join the scenery, forcing the siblings to face their past and the weary states of their relationships among the people who know and love them best.

a walk among tHe tombstones wHat: Action, Crime, Mystery wHo: Liam Neeson, Dan Stevens,

Sebastian Roché wHen: September 19 A drug kingpin hires private detective, Matthew Scudder (Neeson), to find out who kidnapped and murdered his wife. Scudder searches the bars and back alleys of New York City to find the guilty thugs. As he gets closer to the truth, he realizes the kidnappers turn out to be more than they seem.

tHe skeleton twins wHat: Drama wHo: Kristen Wiig,

Ty Burrell, Bill Hader wHen: September 12 Estranged twins, Maggie and Milo, coincidentally cheat death on the same day. The unlikely events prompt the two to reunite and confront their lives and how they lived. The more time they spend together, the more they realize the key to fixing their lives can be found in fixing their relationship.

Totally useless fact: It has been estimated that humans use only 10 of their brain.

renT me! godzilla wHat: Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi wHo: Aaron Taylor-Johnson,

Small

Elizabeth Olsen, Bryan Cranston wHen: September 16 Reigniting Toho’s iconic Godzilla, Warner Bros. Pictures and Legendary Pictures brings the famous monster back to life in the latest reboot of the film. Godzilla returns to face malevolent creatures who, bolstered by humanity’s scientific arrogance, threaten our very existence.

Screen

tHey came togetHer neigHbors wHat: Comedy wHo: Seth Rogen,

Rose Byrne, Zac Efron wHen: September 23 A young couple – still struggling with their own maturity – are forced to live next to a fraternity house after the birth of their newborn baby. The contrast between the neighbors’ lifestyles eventually sparks an all-out war between the houses.

wHat: Comedy wHo: Paul Rudd,

Amy Poehler, Bill Hader wHen: September 2 Every couple has a ‘legendary’ story of how they met, and Joel and Molly aren’t any different.

When Joel’s big corporate candy company threatens to shut down Molly’s indie shop, the future couldn’t hate each other more.

Despite their differences, they two fall in love to tell their common, but unique romantic comedy.

cHef wHat: Comedy wHo: Jon Favreau, Robert

Downey Jr., Scarlett Johansson, John Leguizamo, Sofía Vergara, Dustin Hoffman wHen: September 30 An all-star cast joins writer, director and star, Jon Favreau, on his new indie film Chef. Favreau plays a recently out-of-work chef in L.A. who opens up a food truck hoping to reclaim his creativity and promise in the culinary world, as he also works to reconnect with his estranged family.

tHe fault in our stars wHat: Drama, Romance wHo: Shailene Woodley,

Ansel Elgort, Willem Dafoe wHen: September 16 Two unconventional teens connect on their wit and a love that takes the two on a journey.

Their relationship grows as they connect over what some may consider being misfortunes: Hazel is constantly connected to an oxygen tank and Gus must wear a prosthetic leg.

Totally useless fact: Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it.

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HAil mAry

two nuns

tHere were two nuns...

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

Sm: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

Sl: It’s logical. He wants to rape us.

Sm: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?

Sl: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

Sm: It’s not working.

Sl: Of course it’s not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do?

At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

Sl: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I’ll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

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So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sm: Oh, dear!

What did you do?

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Sl: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

Sm: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

Sm: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

Sl: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

Sl: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn’t follow us both, so he followed me.

Sm: Oh, no! What happened then?

Sm: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

Sl: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

Sl: Isn’t it logical, Sister?

A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, say two Hail Marys!

Sm: And? Sl: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

Totally useless fact: Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

S

SUDOKU UDO

E ZE AZ MA S ST AR MAP

G HANGE CHAN XCH XC EX NE EN VE VE EVE

GO FIGURE

CRISS CR RISS CR CRO ROSS OSS Totally useless fact: You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching TV.

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Totally useless fact: In a lifetime the average human produces enough quarts of spit to fill 2 swimming pools.

Totally useless fact: Most Egyptians died by the time they were 30 about 300 years ago.

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1) BOWL OF NUTS MISSING, 2) GUY HAS GLASSES, 3) GIRL HAS TATTOO, 4) GIRL’S DRINK IS NOW A BEER, 5) CAN IS NOW A COKE, 6) RED STRAWS MISSING, 7) VASE OF FLOWERS APPEARED, 8) SIGN IN BACKGROUND APPEARED, 9) WINDOW FRAME IN BACKGROUND HAS GONE

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pupil: Would you punish me for some thing Î didn’t do?

Teacher: No, of course not. pupil: Good, because i didn’t do my homework.

Top 10 reasons computers must be male: 10) They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

9) A better model is always just around the corner.

8) They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.

7) It is always necessary to have a backup.

6) They’ll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.

5) The best part of having either one is the games you can play.

4) In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

3) The lights are on but nobody’s home.

2) Big power surges knock them out for the night.

1) Size does matter.

Q: Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?

A: professional courtesy.

A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when a gang of snails mugged him.

A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened.

The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied, “I don’t know, it all happened so fast.”

“What time does the library open?” the man on the phone asked.

“Nine A.M.” came the reply.

“And what’s the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?”

“Not until nine A.M.?” the man asked in a disappointed voice.

“No, not till nine A.M.!” the librarian said. “Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?”

“Who said I wanted to get in?” the man sighed sadly.

“I want to get out.”

Totally useless fact: You were born with 300 bones, but by the time you are an adult you will only have 206.

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