Campus Talk January 2015

www.mycampus talk .com January 2015

CAMPUS TALK IS A COLLEGE STUDENT’S BEST FRIEND

EATEN d e l cu d d E V I L A

coming next month!

Gadgets • Movies • Celebs • Nightlife • Jokes • Tons of funny stuff

G YOU’RE TALKIN !

ABOUT US @AlligatorArmy:

“[GATOR NET is the] , inesville best Internet in Ga of rt pa IMO, and my ed ck pi the reason I ” . ex pl m current co

YEAH.

IT’S THAT FAST. Is the fastest Internet in Gainesville available where you rent? It should be! Only GATOR NET can provide all the speed you’ll ever need. Enjoy cutting-edge, non-stop Internet when you live in a GATOR NET community. That means streaming video, music, games and your classes on multiple computers without ever slowing down or buffering again. Yeah, it’ll blow you away.

ASK BEFORE YOU LEASE! Call 352-334-3000 or go to www.gator.net to learn more today!

To find a GATOR NET community, visit www.gator.net. Already locked into a lease? Tell your property manager you need GATOR NET.

www.BlueAgaveGNV.com

TO SAVE YOTUE$E$D !

352-363-6969

Follow Follow Us Us On On

GATORBUCKS.COM

(Right behind Zaxby’s on NW 43rd)

GUARAN

SINCE 1983

$&"" !

4113 NW 16th Blvd Next to Publix (352) 384-9110

$%# $&$ ""%'

! !

Archer Road store only: 6500 SW Archer RD, 32608 352-271-8085

4401 NW 25th Place Ste. A

YOU CAN FIND MORE LIKE THESE IN GATOR BUCKS 3524 SW Archer Rd, Ste 130 Gainesville, FL 32608

What’s In Your Salad?TM

www.GigisCupcakesUSA.com

Gainesville Location Only

352-240-6122

2327 NW 13th St (Albertson’s Plaza) 352-376-6224 5156 SW 34th St (Shoppes of Williston) 352-371-5851 www.hogans83.com

GRAB YOUR COPY NOW. HERE’S A FEW TO START YOU OFF!

SINCE 1983

$1.00 OFF ANY $5.00

or More Food or Beer Purchase w/ Coupon

FOOD OR BEER ONLY. LIMIT ONE COUPON PER PERSON PER DAY. NOT VALID WITH ANY OTHER COUPON, DISCOUNT, OR OFFER, INCLUDING THE DAILY SPECIAL. EXPIRES 01/15/15.

www.gatorbucks.com

352-240-6122

2327 NW 13th St (Albertson’s Plaza) 352-376-6224 5156 SW 34th St (Shoppes of Williston) 352-371-5851

8

LG

www.hogans83.com

3524 SW Archer Rd, Ste 130 Gainesville, FL 32608

Gainesville Location Only

Closed on Monday Tuesday–Thursday 11am–9pm, Friday–Saturday 11am–10pm Sunday 12pm–6pm

w/purchase of any other cupcake

'3&& $61$",&

1 FREE cupcake per person per day. Must present coupon. Cannot combine with any other offers. Exp. 01/15/15

EXPIRES: 01/15/15 ONLINE CODE: LG8

UPQQJOH QJ[[B

Âł -BSHF

ONLINE AT WWW.GATORFIVESTAR.COM

www.GigisCupcakesUSA.com

www.gatorbucks.com

$1

OFF

WITH MINIMUM PURCHASE OF $7.99

WWW.DESIGNERGREENS.NET COUPON NOT VALID ON DAY OF HOME FOOTBALL GAMES www.gatorbucks.com ONE COUPON PER CUSTOMER. NOT VALID WITH ANY OTHER COUPON OR OFFER. EXPIRES: 01/15/15

Follow Follow Us Us On On

FREE!

$2 off

EXPIRES: 01/15/15

$&"" !

4113 NW 16th Blvd Next to Publix (352) 384-9110

$%# $&$ ""%'

! !

EXPIRES: 01/15/15 NOT TO BE COMBINED WITH ANY OTHER OFFERS, SPECIALS OR DISCOUNTS

w/purchase of an entrĂŠe and drink

FREE COMBO!

Buy One Combo At Regular Price & Two Drinks, Get Second Of Equal Or Lesser Value Up To $9.00

FROM THE COMBO SECTION ONLY. LIMIT ONE COUPON PER TABLE OR PARTY.VALID WITH COUPON ONLY. NOT VALID WITH ANY OTHER COUPONS OR DAILY SPECIALS. EXPIRES 01/15/15. MMV

www.gatorbucks.com

www.gatorbucks.com Archer Road store only: 6500 SW Archer RD, 32608 352-271-8085

www.gatorbucks.com

#%

EXPIRES: 01/15/15

%

www.gatorbucks.com

DIRECT TRADE COFFEE, FRESH PASTRIES AND WRAPS COFFEE ROASTED ON SITE COUPON GOOD UP TO $5.00

FREE

BUY ONE GET ONE

PIZZA

BY THE SLICE

1728A W. University Ave. (Next to Gator City) (352) 367-4600

SERVING WINGSTREET WINGS!

Northwest & Midtown: 373-7733 On Campus & Archer Rd. 374-4440 Oaks Mall & Tower Rd. 332-0032 13th Street & Downtown 338-1776

Check Out Our Full Menu at: www.piesanostogo.com

www.gatorbucks.com

a leader in Teppanyaki

Gainesville locations only: 3822 W Newberry Rd (352) 271-7437 3443 SW Archer Rd A3 (352) 377-7520 WWW.COLDSTONECREAMERY.COM

FEATURE

‘Like’ us on Facebook

Miraku Japanese Steakhouse

TAKE OUT ONLY

NEW LOCATION 1250 W University Ave, Gainesville FL 32601 (352) 375 2337 5200 NW 43rd St. (Hunters Crossing) (352) 371 7437 5757 SW 75th St. (Tower Square) (352) 371 8646 !RCHER 2D s 5NIVERSITY !VE s -ILLHOPPER s www.papajohns.com

EXPIRES: 01/15/15

Miraku

EXPIRES: 01/15/15

PIZZA

BY THE SLICE

1728A W. University Ave. (Next to Gator City) (352) 367-4600

456%&/5 41&$*"-

LARGE 1-TOPPING PIZZA

$7.99

EXPIRES: 01/15/15

ORDER ONLINE!

!RCHER 2D s 5NIVERSITY !VE s -ILLHOPPER s www.papajohns.com

PROMO CODE: GATORBUCKS1

$5 OFF

any purchase of $25 or more

HILARIOUS HIBACHI!

SUNDAY–THURSDAY: 4PM–10PM FRIDAY–SATURDAY: 4PM–11PM

4005 SW 40TH BLVD. 352-336-3188 ACROSS FROM TARGET, BEHIND BURGER KING, NEXT TO ARCHER ROAD WAFFLE HOUSE

mirakujapenesesteakhouse.com

NOT VALID WITH ANY OTHER COUPON, DISCOUNT, OR OFFER. ONE COUPON PER PARTY EXPIRES: 01/15/15

(NOT VALID WITH ANY OTHER OFFER, COUPON, OR DISCOUNT. DELIVERY FEE EXTRA)

www.gatorbucks.com

FREE ENTREE ON YOUR BIRTHDAY!

www.gatorbucks.com

www.gatorbucks.com

FREE

SLICE OF CHEESE PIZZA

W/ PURCHASE OF ANY SLICE OF PIZZA AND A LARGE DRINK

(NOT VALID WITH ANY OTHER COUPON, OFFER, OR DISCOUNT. NOT VALID ON HOME FOOTBALL GAME DAYS. ONE PER PERSON.)

www.gatorbucks.com

EXPIRES: 01/15/15

ORDER ONLINE: WWW.PIZZAHUT.COM

Spring

.com www.gatorbucks.com

www.gatorbucks.com

AMERTEICPIAZZ’SA

www.gatorbucks.com

FAVORI

$0%&

NOW SERVING WINGSTREET!

FREE

SLICE OF CHEESE PIZZA

WITH PURCHASE OF ANY SLICE OF PIZZA AND A LARGE DRINK VALID AT THE 1250 W UNIVERSITY AVE LOCATION ONLY! NOT VALID WITH ANY OTHER COUPON, OFFER, OR DISCOUNT. NOT VALID ON HOME FOOTBALL GAME DAYS, ONE PER PERSON.

www.piesanostogo.com

Check Out Our Full Menu at:

$7

ONE COUPON PER CUSTOMER PER VISIT. NOT VALID WITH ANY OTHER COUPONS OR SPECIALS.

EXPIRES: 01/15/15

(ICE CREAM + 1 MIX-IN)

2 LIKE IT CREATIONS

other offers.

Not valid w/any

Valid only with college I.D.

Hand-tossed

time pizz LY. Valid CARRYOUT ON pizzas only. Not valid w/limitedCode: L3

py or Pan, Thin ‘n Cris only on regular Sunday-Tuesday a offerings.

JUST $6

LARGE IZZA P P O 1-T PING 99

SIGN UP FOR THE HUT LOVER’S EMAIL CLUB FOR FREE CHEESESTICKS W/ YOUR NEXT ONLINE ORDER!

ORDER ONLINE: WWW.PIZZAHUT.COM

Northwest & Midtown: 373-7733 On Campus & Archer Rd. 374-4440 Oaks Mall & Tower Rd. 332-0032 13th Street & Downtown 338-1776

EXPIRES: 01/15/15. ONE COUPON PER PERSON

LIMIT ONE PER CUSTOMER. NOT TO BE USED WITH OTHER COUPONS OR OFFERS. VOID WHERE PROHIBITED. SALES TAX APPLICABLE. CASH VALUE 1/100¢. OFFER VALID AT DEB-LYN, INC. RESTAURANTS IN GAINESVILLE, LAKE CITY, LIVE OAK, PALATKA, & CHIEFLAND. TM & © 2014 BURGER KING CORPORATION. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

#JH ,JOH 4BOEXJDI

GB

'3&&

EXPIRES 01/15/15

#0(0

EXP: 01/15/15

BREAKIN’ IT DOWN!

CONTENTS

GOOD

P20

READING

09

How to Tell if Someone is Full of S#!t 10 Eaten Alive: A CT Retrospective 12 Taking the Reins 14 Success From Within 15 Typical College Student P34 16 What Your Class Seat Says About You 18 College: Freshman vs. Seniors 20 Spontaneity & Soul: An Interview with Bobby Bazini 22 In the Streets with William Pilgrim and the All Grows Up 31 The Low-Down on Ladies 34 Rules Guys Wish Girls Knew 35 How to Date Like a Guy 47 The Real King of the Jungle: Red Panda 54 Crazy Customs From Around the World 62 Mischievous Masterpieces 64 Your Guide to Rockin’Karaoke 65 An Education in Psuedo-Swearing P76

6

campus talk

|

january 2015

P54

P10

P64 P30

P31

P65

Totally useless fact: Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.

breakin’ it down!

FOR YOUR

P12

ENTERTAINMENT 30 30 Ways to Have Fun

P34

P44

in the Workplace 40 Lovely in Lace 42 Beauty Reviews 44 Gadget Reviews 49 Maps P40 51 Check Box 52 Stupid Criminals 60 Anti-Stress Kit 66 Tune In. Turn On. Plug In. 68 Sore Thumbs 69 We You Naughty on New Year’s 70 Flicks 76 10 Reasons to Stop Being a Fatty

P62

P09

P42

P68

P70

P66

Totally useless fact: The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

campus talk

|

january 2015

7

WHAT’S on!

Editors ‘

LETTER TO another New year!

The time has come again to return to your hole-in-the-wall apartments and dorms.

With heads still aching from the stress of family-filled holiday nights, it’s going to be a rough start, but try not to fret too much; it won’t be long before routine will retake its proverbial grip.

as well as her transition from artist to business woman. Singer/songwriter Bobby Bazini chats with us about his career and his move into the U.S. music culture. And if that weren’t enough, we’ve also thrown in plenty of games, reviews and fun-hearted tips to spark your vacation-fogged minds.

To help you along with this readjustment, CT has packed this month’s issue with a vareity of well-deserved distractions. Soul duo William Pilgrim and the All Grows Up discusses their musical style and their work with the community. Ballet dancer woman Melissa Barak joins us to dish on her career,

So grab a coffee, drink an energy drink, whatever you need to do to shake off the holidays, because school is back in session.

Here’s wishing you a fabulous 2015!

Daniel Sutphin

Editor-IN-CHIEF Lauren Douglass

CONTENT EDITOR Daniel Sutphin

art director DANIEL TIDBURY

Graphic Design Jane Dominguez Daniel Tidbury

Contributing Writers Marc Douglass Lauren Douglass Daniel Sutphin Kelly Herman Brian Hodges John Scheck Sarah G. Mason Mike Capshaw kirsten neilsen Elizabeth putfark

FASHIon FEATURES Danielle Boudrea

SPeCIAL PROJECTS Jenna Herman

If you have any comments you’d like to share with CT, send them in to mail@mycampustalk.com and you’ll be entered into a drawing to win prizes!!

You may only be entered once, so don’t send us 50 comments thinking you’ll enhance your chances of winning! Employees of Campus Talk magazine, their relatives, their twins from alternate universes and their healthcare providers are prohibited from entering this drawing. Everyone else is eligible to participate… except for pandas. No pandas allowed.

nightlife Paparazzi Jason Frankenfield

Promotions Amanda Liles Karen Jones AnnMarie DeFeo Georgia Summerville

director of advertising Shane Howell shane@whpinc.com

Legal Counsel Gary Edinger

distributed by street teams, inc.

president of operations

MARC DOUGLASS

Campus talk is licensed for publishing rights in florida to whp, inc. other markets are available. for information on owning campus talk in another city, please contact us. phone :

(352) 371.5881

email :

mail@mycampustalk.com

THE WHAT’S HAPPENING NETWORK

snail mail :

P.O. Box 143053 Gainesville, Fl 32614

visit online :

mycampustalk.com

This magazine is rated EFH for Extremely Freakin’ Hilarious. EFH [WHP - A diversified marketing & publishing organization] Let us help you reach thousands with outdoor advertising on The What’s Happening Truck

8

campus talk

|

Full service design studio providing clients with our best creative talents.

january 2015

Publishing division creating the best in college publications to college students.

Connecting students to student properties clear across the country. Traffic is our middle name.

From pens to ping pong tables, our promotional department can handle all of your logo merchandising needs.

Campus Talk is a humor magazine dedicated to relieving students of the pressures of everyday college life. Among essay exams, crowded classrooms, boring professors and messy roommates, Campus Talk offers a welcome diversion for those students “just trying to get away from it all.”

Different viewpoints may grace our pages but may not all represent the opinions of Campus Talk Magazine or its staff. Campus Talk should not be read by anyone suffering from heart ailments, unfunny syndrome or halitosis. All images depicted are purely coincidental.

Copyright 2009. All rights reserved, What’s Happening Publications, Inc.

Totally useless fact: More people are killed annually by donkeys than airplane crashes.

TALL-TALE TELLS

n e h W w o n K How 2

Someone is Full of

S#!T

Overly-Emotional Responses Be aware of a person’s timing and the duration of the response.

• If they are lying, their responses might have been rehearsed (if expecting to be questioned).

The Voice Some tells are right in front of you and you are just too trusting to see them. A person’s voice can be a strong tell as to whether or not they are being truthful.

• He or she may start talking faster or slower than normal.

• The tension may result in a higher-pitched or quavering tone.

• Stuttering or stammering may also be a tell.

Exaggerated details While there’s truth in the details, too may details can also be a tell.

• If a person is sharing too many details, they could be compensating for a lack of truth in their statement.

• If someone claims to have gone to a club the night before and hooked up with someone, but then proceeds to tell you small, specific details that might normally be overlooked, that could be an indication of a lie.

Totally useless fact: A ‘jiffy’ is a unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

By Daniel Sutphin

In the flurried world of the college night life, you’re going to meet a great deal of different people over the years - some you’ll remember and some you’ll wish you could forget. Despite the fact that your college makes efforts to accept only the best and brightest of our fair state, you are still going to run into some dirtbags out there from both ends of the gene pool. While perception may be skewed amid your booze escapades, it might be helpful to have a slight understanding on determining if your person of pursuit is, in fact, a dirtbag and thus, full of shit.

As any gambler would say, everybody has tells and some are pretty universal.

• If you ask someone a question and he or she responds immediately after the question, that person could be lying.

• They also might rattle off something to fill the silence.

• Another tell can be omission of relevant time facts, such as saying “I went to class at eight in the morning and when I got back to the dorm at six, my roommate was gone.” Any details of what happened in between have been omitted to possibly hide the truth.

Over-reactions If a person is lying, they might feel inclined to compensate by going not he offensive, deflecting or stalling.

• An honest person will often respond with even more detailed explanations in his or her story. A liar won’t be so revealing and more repetitious with the story that has been established.

• A subtle delay might be a tell too. An honest answer should come quickly from memory.

Lies often need a person to mentally review of their story before repeating it again.

Check back next month for more methods of tell detection! campus talk

|

january 2015

9

SNAKES ON A PLAIN

Eaten

Alive

A CT Retrospective

On December 7th, Discovery Channel aired the now-media-frenzied program, Eaten Alive.

The show followed snake researcher and conservationist Paul Rosolie, who has dedicated his career to studying the Giant Green Anaconda, the largest and most powerful snake in the world and the top predator in the Amazon.

Rosolie is an author, penning the book, Mother of God: An Extraordinary Journey into the Uncharted Tributaries of the Western Amazon. He has also specialized in the western Amazon for more than a decade and his efforts have helped bring awareness to the Peruvian Rainforest, the natural habitat of the Giant Green Anaconda.

While the aftermath of the Discovery feature has been less than positive – mostly due to over-embellished promotion on behalf of the cable network – Rosolie’s message and approach hold strong in the 60-day period.

During the effort, crews documented Rosolie’s expedition to an enchanted and 10

campus talk

|

january 2015

hidden realm deep within the Amazonian jungle, an area the locals call the “floating forest.” It was in the floating forest that Rosolie believed the largest anacondas in the world live and breed, and one of the only locations to truly study these elusive and majestic snakes in the wild.

From diving blindly into black waters with nothing but a snorkel, to trekking through electric eel, infested rivers, the crew risked life and limb to track Rosolie’s beast – a 25 to 27-foot behemoth that slipped through his hands and nearly dragged him to the bottom of the floating forest.

To prepare for his challenge, Rosolie took to a custom-built suit designed for his protection. Constructed by Rosolie and his team of engineers working alongside herpetologists, the suit was built to ensure the snake’s safety just as much as it was to protect Rosolie’s life. The goal: To gain a greater understanding of the inner workings of these majestic creatures.

In light of Discovery Channel’s promotional fail, we thought we’d suggest some better-suited titles for the program.

Constricted Alive Almost Eaten Alive (But Not Really) Squeezed Alive Over-Hyped Alive Carefully-Monitored, While Slowly Squeezed Alive (But Still Not Eaten) Tasted Alive Totally useless fact: A whale’s penis is called a dork.

oooh, nasty!

irty? d e r a s e t a roomm photos. r u o y k in h T ut these ur

Check eoto send us picturees toof yo

Feel fre ment or roommat ’d love to nasty aparytca mpustalk.com, wlde for you. mail@m em off to the wor show th

Need a new apartment or roommate, go to www.collegerentals.com.

Totally useless fact: The average person spends 6 months of their life sitting at red lights.

campus talk

|

january 2015

11

Barak Ballet

Interview by Lauren Douglass

Taking the Reins Dance visionary Melissa Barak on success, choreography and starting her own business As a sought after dancer turned choreographer, Melissa Barak is no stranger to hard work. Her passion for dance brought her through the rigorous School of American Ballet and earned her a spot at the coveted New York City Ballet after graduation. At 21, she was commissioned to compose an original work for the company, making her the youngest choreographer in New York City Ballet history. Now, she shares with us how she’s turned her passion and experience into creative fuel for running her own business, Barak Ballet.

12

campus talk

|

january 2015

Totally useless fact: One quarter of the bones in your body are in your feet.

Barak Ballet Can you tell me about your style of choreography? How do you come up with the ideas?

Choreography for me comes from two sources of inspiration: the music I’m into, and the dancers I’m working with. First, I like working with all types of music to create different kinds of productions that evoke a unique mood or concept. I like finding dancers who are seasoned, experienced and versatile, and exploratory in their way of moving. I always try to create something new and different and challenge myself as a designer. I don’t want to fall back on what’s comfortable.

I think the idea of being patient with your path in life. As a ballet dancer, I struggled a lot with my own confidence because I would compare myself to others, not only what they could do that I couldn’t, but also how quickly everyone else seemed to ascend up the ladder. Some dancers and some companies become principles in a matter of just a few years, while for other dancers it takes time to grow and get there. I think that’s the important lesson in life in general: to not give up on things quickly, but if you really feel like you’re good at something, to be patient with yourself. Success will come with determination and hard work.

What has surprised you about starting your own company?

In terms of how difficult and stressful it would be, I kind of figured that! Fundraising, juggling dancer schedules, all the things that need to be taken care of and taken into consideration to get a production on – all of those things I felt ready for. I have been pleasantly surprised by the response we’ve been getting. The audiences have really loved what they’ve been seeing! It’s nice to know that what I think the audience is going to respond positively to, they actually do!

What are some of the challenges that you’ve faced and overcome?

Like most non-profits, we face the super important challenge of fund raising. It’s the lifeblood of any non-profit. I’m grateful to have a very strong and supportive group so far, many of whom have been with us from the ground up, and I feel that support is going to just continue growing.

Right now, working with dancers and their schedules is a particular challenge. Currently Barak Ballet is what’s called a “pick-up” company, which is the route that most companies go until they have enough sponsorship or enough money to give out year-long or multiyear contracts to dancers. Working with so many freelance dancers makes productions a process of fitting puzzle pieces together. But I’m a pretty organized person and I like making sense out of chaos, so some of that is fun for me in a weird, stressful way!

Tell me a little about how you got started with the company.

My career with Los Angeles Ballet came to an end in the spring of 2011. I was playing with the idea of auditioning for other companies, but I was 31 and it just felt like it was time for me to take the reins and take matters into my own hands – both in terms of my own career, and in terms of the careers of other dancers I wanted to help. I was at the point where I could take everything I learned – all my successes and challenges and failures – and take all that knowledge and build something of my own.

What do you think has been the highlight of your career so far?

That’s hard to say. As a dancer, I got to dance so many amazing roles with both New York City Ballet and Los Angeles Ballet. And then watching my own company has been amazing, too. It’s hard to choose just one because so much has happened! But I guess I’d say being the youngest choreographer to be commissioned by New York City Ballet; to make history in that way, that’s a big one!

What are some life lessons that you have taken from ballet that someone who’s a non-dancer can implement in their life?

Totally useless fact: More Monopoly money is printed in a year, than real money throughout the world.

What are some things that you’ve used to get you through your self-doubt?

Self-therapy! [Laughs] I’ve found that self-therapy and a cognitive behavioral program that I did really made me see from a different perspective and made me grow up.

I started doing away with negative behaviors and negative thinking. To me, it’s all about changing your perspective by asking yourself the right questions, learning how to cope with things that don’t happen or go your way, and being able to accept those things.

What are some of your long-term artistic goals?

I would love to see Barak Ballet become an established ballet company here in Los Angeles. I’d like to be able to employ 35 to 50 dancers year round and tour to various parts of the country and world. I want to continue growing as a choreographer and entertainer, and to write more works that entertain people and excite audiences – works that inspire dancers. That to me would be wonderful – creating my own platform and my own artistic world that other artists and dancers can enjoy working in. campus talk

|

january 2015

13

winning Disposition

Success from

Cure Africa, FACE Africa. I like to spend a lot of time creating an impact for other people. I love helping people by supporting them and their causes. I mostly do that by working with different organizations, fundraising, identifying sponsors, things like that. I’m in the Journalism School at Columbia, so I am a part time student there. I’m in the classroom two times a week. I’m very meticulous about my planner and organized in how I spend my time. Your time really is your money, and you want to be able to make sure you’re maximizing how much you’re spending on a project or a group of people. It’s busy but organized!

Within The Apprentice: Africa’s Eunice Omole Interviewed by Lauren Douglass

How relationships, networking and inner strength can turn your passion into meaningful profits.

Eunice Omole, U.S. born daughter of Nigerian immigrants, became a finalist on The Apprentice: Africa before skyrocketing into her career as a successful philanthropist and international businesswoman. In addition to launching Africa’s premier media agency to shed light on the country’s entrepreneurs, the master’s candidate in Columbia’s School of Journalism directs her passion for doing good into the work of organizations around the globe. Here she shares more of her story, what she’s up to now, and her tried-and-true secrets to finding success in any industry.

Tell me about your experience on The Apprentice: Africa.

It was fantastic – the most amazing experience I’ve had in my life so far. I definitely experienced a lot of personal and professional growth during the 18 weeks on the show, where I competed with 17 other contestants for a lucrative job, car, etc. in Nigeria. Most people don’t know that The Apprentice has over 74 versions around the world. I competed with other contestants from all across the continent and came in second place.

What do you think was the most valuable lesson that you learned?

I would definitely say my relationships with people. While I was on the show, I was always so focused on the skills and on the task that we were given that the one thing I failed to do was really just take time to get to know the other contestants as people. Looking back, I think learning that lesson was what helped me the most in terms of my personal and professional goals. This would is so small, and it’s all about connecting with others and success just depends on your relationships with other people, not always what you’re skillset is.

What was the casting process like?

It was very intense. We had thousands of applications from all over the world. I had two phone interviews and then they had me come down to DC for another two-day interview.

They interviewed us within teams and as individual to see how we would interact with one another and how we interact with the 14

campus talk

|

january 2015

judges, who were putting on the interviews. It was pretty intense! They recorded everything, all our answers to questions about our families, personal lives, educational pursuits and goals.

Then after a couple weeks they called me and asked if I wanted to be a part of the show, and I said yes. A month later they flew me out, and that was it!

Tell me a little bit about your Going Places network. What is your involvement there and what is their mission?

Going places is the subsidiary of the Dress for Success organization, which is a non-profit org that helps train women, particularly underprivileged women, who are trying to enter the workforce. Going Places is one of the mini seminars that Dress for Success hosts for interested women looking to excel in their careers – women who are going places! We supply the tools and resources they need to achieve their goals. As a speaker, I talk about a number of different topics, from networking and interviewing to how to find a mentor in the workplace. I know a lot of times when you enter a job if you can find a workplace mentor that helps you accelerate your career.

What is a typical day like for you?

Before I start my workday I exercise, just to keep my mind and body active, and I’m usually on my phone to get news updates, so I stay up to date on what’s happening in the world around me. I’m usually on the phone, or making presentations, or in school, or I’m helping other people through one-on-one meetings or coffees or dinners. I’m involved in a lot of events and organizations – Dress for Success, Africa Fashion Week, United Colors of Fashion, Run for a

How else do you stay motivated when you are facing an overwhelming problem or issue?

What motivates me is knowing the goal is ahead, which for me is always defined at the very beginning. I’m always keen on looking at the overarching purpose of what I’m trying to achieve. That keeps me humble and keeps me well aware of the task, so I never really allow myself to get down. A lot of times people say no, and things rarely ever go as planned, but you always know that there’s a bigger goal with a bigger impact at hand, so that always keeps me going.

The path of success is never easy. Recently I read a profile on the Alibaba IPO and how the CEO or chairman gathered all his friends together several years ago to tell them all his ideas. Ninety percent of them were like no, takes too much money, we can’t do that, etc.

Now, Alibaba is one of the most successful IPOs of the year. You can’t even let friends and family deter you. Your motivation has to come from within, and the passion has to come from within. That’s the only way you’re going to be able to excel in life.

What are your goals for yourself in the future?

I’m focused on a lot of things. First, I want to graduate next May. Next, I want to continue work on my TV programs, Top 100 Entrepreneurs in Africa and Footprints, where basically we profile amazing people doing incredible things and just celebrate them. A lot of times it’s so hard starting something new or pursuing a certain avenue that people don’t get the credit they deserve, and I want to build a platform where people can share their stories and inspire other people. Each show is a continuation of my work as a success catalyst, connecting people, identifying partnerships, seeking partners to help individuals and companies grow and succeed.

That’s my life passion – to support people, organizations, non-profits and companies that are doing good work in the world and in Africa.

Totally useless fact: Seattle’s Fremont Bridge rises up and down more than any drawbridge in the world.

SNOOZE BUTTON!

e l u d e h c S e g e l l o C l a c i Schedule p e g e ll o Ty C r la u g The Re

0 am. ay off at 7:1 ay d er h rt a st rd s to . Perfect like ke to start ou ell I know Mrs normal college students li ge, I have W

• of us ttered. rs of colle But the rest y expletives u . After 3 yea scheduling for classes. rr le ib slu ss l po ra t ve in Se po off. at the latest en rules when it comes to e books. starts going k and hit th hy? gold es 7:10: Alarm d y t all possible! m to e followed some day class if a art? W I stumbl ri ew r, F St te a n la le Jo s u t ze h ed oo rses. le! Never sch 7:30: Two sn nny every nig The golden ru ve to be so fu ework before class. More cu • a h u yo o d y before 11am. om Wh edule a class my Italian h h g sc n oi to d ot n I’m ry • T Now positives: er studying has a couple class r is h fo T y d a re fore a test aft in. be et p u ke a 8:15: G w ough time to cram session • You have en get that last couple hour king in a e door! ea th sp t u es O lv : 0 vo :5 in 8 your right It all night and ing about the angel on ay, Italian. d t th u e e bo th on a e of ch m u ss a a m n e week. cl as ot 9:00: First out during th it. ave to worry peers. I cann h go of y r ’t to m te on d ea es to id m e ou g se Y

d a • h u is my fift p your g you it’s a ba foreign lang ertheless, this sure you clum shoulder tellin ev ke N a m e. k b li jo I a this before. ying to get good • For those of you tr have time to work after/ a ve a h re I u se ct u 10:00: Le er so you hich the optional beca ’s classes togeth building in w nap. I call it notes if I miss it. Also, it e / th re u to ct le le l ib a ss n at s po ve 11:00: Optio live as close a ill be. This is clutch for th I know will ha go but today I’ll take a d o n h a w ss ry a T

cl • e w ur classes friend in th pus. I usually no pride majority of yo s of sleep! nd across cam re work (because I have a ry g to in is H tt cu rt fo ute A be out , try and extra 10 min udent Center just too far to walk with lly hard class me for a St re e a th ve in a p h a n ti It’s u are going to will give you fter home, okay?

If you know yo hour or so before it. This • and I have a fa el rs u yo I t e . to shoo t ’t believ elf an n n rs a u ca w yo I ’t b ve on jo gi w ry into naptime) to azing libra hopefully you omework and t through lecture all day. ork at my am e front desk and get paid h W : 0 :0 2 – 0 12:0 dy sa id an t at th having alrea ally get to si dy subsidizes it so I get pa landed. I usu u St kederal Wor study, and F doing this. Score! for od and like to know! ungodly sum unging for fo ssion), or wouldn’t you ro sc … or t u om bo ro a g in the ole’ dorm ed group discu 7:30: Dream 2:15: Back in ernoon labs, precepts (grad tton. aft the snooze bu class. s it y’ H a : throw on d 0 t caffeine for :4 ex 10 n p out of bed emely for the m tr g Ju n ex ti s. is ri te w u it in g/ t ’t like m poin readin Class is in 10 (for some reason they don ther asses at this : cl 0 ge :5 to n oo e 10 n ec er pi ft d a any stie an me clothes If I don’t have play DJ Hero/call the be TV, etc., but three a hat and so p in your birthday suit). ont p/ rt a u n co to watch towards the fr ctivity when you show u t/ t a h si tempting of ig to n e d y y ti a tr e rd (I th ed Satu at riding n as it starts. what happen I’ve learned th e productivity in-betwee alk in to class dling attention rate.) d W n : a 0 ge :0 11 lle co m years into how I get so lready dwin in the day is to help my a from earlier rrounded e other class. aving a life. :00: Go to som ppen. You’re su classes and h a 12 h to g in it wa an adventure e. Get to it! ch.

Nighttime is le your age with free tim 1:00: Eat lun op pe by 1,000s of st class. get to hear 2:30: Go to la be a server. I to k or w to head in four hours.

5:00 usually for the next in a pl m co le a lot of peop e aren’t bad ht classes thes ess to ig n o tw or e on gn I have taken e teacher and your willin . th rs on ou h g lf in a d h depen and a o tw r fo om ro sit in a class

Schedule e g e ll o C s u o i The Stud

My day:

Submitted by ecampus.com

Totally useless fact: Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left handed people.

campus talk

|

january 2015

15

16

campus talk

|

january 2015

Teacher’s pet wannabes

Front Row

i’m sensitive, please ignore me.

against the wall

bring it on!

Mid Center

good intentions, bad narcolepsy

too cool for school

back row

NOT committed

nearest exit

It’s not about what you learn in class… it’s where you sit that determines who you are, what you’ll accomplish and how successful you’ll be in life. Don’t believe us? This study was conducted by med school dropouts. Those science types are never wrong… even if they only made it through one semester before failing out.

second row sleepers

Says About You

What Your Class Seat

LAZY OR LEARNING?

Totally useless fact: Ten percent of the Russian government’s income comes from the sale of vodka.

We’re not

family,

but we’re close. $PNQBTTJPOBUF IFBMUIDBSF JO UIF IFBSU PG 5IF (BUPS /BUJPO

TIDD VGM FEV t GBDFCPPL DPN VGTIDD t UXJUUFS DPN VGTIDD Whether it’s overcoming an injury or prepping for travel abroad, the licensed, board-certified healthcare professionals at the UF Student Health Care Center (SHCC) are committed to helping our patients move ahead in life. We deliver health and wellness care from the heart, to those who matter most — our students.

CALL 352.392.1161 VISIT shcc.ufl.edu Building a Healthy Foundation for The Gator Nation MAIN CAMPUS LOCATION: Infirmary Bldg., 280 Fletcher Dr. | SPRING HOURS: M-F 8am-5pm, Sun 12-4pm

hilarious!

COLLEGE

FRESHMAN VS. SENIORS Are Never In Bed Past Noon Reads the syllabus to find out what classes they can cut.

Brings a can of soda into a lecture hall.

Calls the professor “Professor.”

Would walk ten miles to get to class.

Memorizes the course material to get a good grade.

Knows a book-full of useless trivia about the university.

Shows up at a morning exam clean, perky, and fed.

Has to ask where the computer labs are.

Uses the campus buses to go everywhere.

18

campus talk

|

Are never out of bed before noon.

Reads the syllabus to find out what classes they need to attend.

Brings a jumbo hoagie and six-pack of Mountain Dew into a recitation class.

Calls the professor “Bob.” Drives to class if it’s further than three blocks away.

Memorizes the professor’s habits to get a good grade.

Knows where the next class is. Maybe...

Shows up at a morning exam in sweats with a cap on and a box of pop tarts in hand.

Has ‘own’ personal workstation.

Uses the campus buses block traffic while crossing the street.

Worries about the last freshman composition essay.

Worries about the last GRE essay.

Lines up for an hour to buy his textbooks in the first week.

Begins Thinking about buying textbooks in October... maybe.

Looks forward to first classes of the year.

Looks forward to first beer garden of the year

january 2015 Totally useless fact: In the United States, a pound of potato chips costs two hundred times more than a pound of potatoes.

l e s v a n r o i T t u l y o r s u e x u R L ' n I s g e n v i i r v i L a L e m Y NGeewt Fit - SaveoMCoanmeypus, Far FrOopmenD2or4 Hours -

T e e r s A o l s C e i ! t e ) i v g n n e o m L - Li A r e a e r Y e h l l W A e n v o i i L t a C y a t S A (AK

$150 SAVE

(APPLICATION & LEASING FEES WAIVED)

CODE: CANOPYCAMPUSTALK

@CANOPYGVILLE

CANOPYGVILLE.COM • 352-367-8383

4400 SW 20TH AVE, GAINESVILLE FL 32607 campus talk

Totally useless fact: Most collect calls are made on father’s day.

|

january 2015

19

Where I Belong Accolades abound for the young Canadian singer-songwriter. With a recently wrapped tour and more dates ahead for the new year, Bobby Bazini feels fortunate for his stance in the international music scene, not to mention the musicians with whom he has worked.

Producer Larry Klein recognized his talent when the two first met to discuss his second studio album. The summer release hit No. 1 and remained in the top five on the Canadian Albums chart in the fall riding on the single, Where I Belong. Sixty thousand people also experienced Bazini’s soulful, contemporary sounds at the 35th Annual Festival International de Jazz de Montreal.

Regardless of his early success and experiences Bazini remains humble and hopeful for the future. Campus Talk caught up with the songwriter at the close of his U.S. dates to talk his beginnings, his trip to the states and the lessons he learned from working with the famed producer, as well as legendary musician and producer, Booker T. Jones.

SPONTANEITY

& SOUL An Interview with Bobby Bazini

By Daniel Sutphin

20

campus talk

|

january 2015

Totally useless fact: A giraffe can go without water longer than a camel.

Where I Belong When did you decide to pursue music professionally?

I grew up in a musical environment – my parents were both musicians, but they never actually recorded albums or anything. My Dad used to play with my Mom at local bars and events in my hometown in Canada.

were happy, we’d move to the next one; it was really an organic recording process. All the musicians were free to do whatever they were inspired to do. What you hear is basically the reaction of them hearing the songs for the first time. There is a lot of spontaneity and a lot of feeling.

When I was around 15, my parents split up. I went to live with my Grandma – I didn’t want to choose between which of my parents to live with. My Grandma was huge fan of Johnny Cash, so I was very inspired by Johnny Cash at that point. I started writing some stuff, and discovering more and more music. I just knew that i was supposed to do this.

What was it like recording at Village Recording studios where so many influences of your’s have played before?

It was great. I was staying in Santa Monica during the recording process and would drive up to west L.A. to the Village everyday. It feels so good: to feel like i was part of all the community and all that. It was probably my biggest dream to be able to do this. So far, it was one of the best experiences of my career.

When the opportunity came up that I could record my first album I was very excited and happy. I really found something that I wanted to do that has been in my life for so long.

What was it like making the big move to Los Angeles?

I had an opportunity to go record an album in L.A. with Larry Klein; I always wanted to go to California. (That’s my second album, I have a first album here in Canada.) I just decided to do the whole road trip, the whole experience – leave with my car, grab my guitar and drive all the way to California and stop a few places along the way.

What was it like working with Larry Klein?

With his experience?

It was amazing. Larry is such a great musician and great producer, and also a great person.

He actually lived during the time when all my favorite albums were recorded. I sat down with him and played a couple songs when I met him the first time. He thought we had to do a throwback record with the soul sound.

Do you think the studio’s history influenced the sound of the music, or your approach to the music?

Absolutely. It was great because of all the musicians that had been there and recorded there, and the amazing, huge albums to come out of it. For me to be there, I was just a kid in a toy store. To be surrounded by great musicians in such a legendary studio, it was truly amazing. I was singing in the same vocal booth as most of my influences. Its just almost unreal.

How would you say this album differs from your first one?

This one I had more time to work on the album and work on the direction and sound.

The first one came really fast – I got

He brought in some amazing musicians in the studio – Booker T. Jones on the organ, Jack Ashford from the Funk Brothers on percussion, and Jay Bellerose on drums. Bellerose played on a bunch of my favorite records, he’s one of my favorite drummers. He’s based in LA. and plays on a bunch of Burnett albums. It was an incredible experience.

discovered and then I had the opportunity to record the album – because I had a bunch of songs that i had all my life to write.

This one I wanted to take the time and focus on the sound and sit down and try to think where I wanted to go, basically the sound and everything. I wanted to go soul; it really helps me to use my vocal range, which is fun and liberating, especially with the guys I had around me. Having Booker T. on board really helped in defining the soul sound.

Did you ever imagine when you started writing and doing music that your career would take off the way it has?

I was certainly hoping that it would. I never thought i’d be able to go to L.A. at The Village with these players. These sort of things I wanted to do in my craziest dreams. It’s hard to realize. It’s even more exciting for the future and the next album. I have tons of ideas and tons of things I want to try.

What are your goals for the future?

I want to stay in soul but I what to have a modern sound to it; that takes time. I love Otis Redding and Marvin Gaye and all their stuff, but I want to try to find a way that you feel these influences but it sounds like me.

The more I record, the more i write, the more I know that it’s going to happen. It takes time. i’m learning a lot with these guys and playing with these guys. I’ve made good friends with a lot of people now in the studio. I’ll probably be able to write some tunes with Larry Klein soon and probably meet up with Booker T. Jones at some point as well. www.bobbybazini.com Facebook/bobbybaziniofficial Twitter/bobbybazini www.youtube.com/bobbybazini

Booker T. Jones being so much of a producer himself, was he just playing the whole time, or what would you say you learned from working with him?

He said he doesn’t play on all the records he produced, but he wanted to play on this one.

I guess because the music appealed to him. It was great to have him. The way he worked for this album, he wasn’t really telling anyone what to do, he was just part of the band and creating music with us.

What did the recording process entail?

Basically, I would arrive to the studio and play through the song once. We’d move to the next room, sit down, and just play. When we

Totally useless fact: Nearly 80% of all animals on earth have six legs.

campus talk

|

january 2015

21

COMMUNITY & CULTURE

In the Streets Interview by Daniel Sutphin

with William Pilgrim & The All Grows Up

22

campus talk

|

january 2015

Totally useless fact: Ninety percent of all species that have become extinct have been birds.

COMMUNITY & CULTURE As it resonated in the ‘60s, Motown- and soul-style music harbors a sense of culture, a sense of hope and a sense of community and civility, peppered with a bit of upbeat swing to get your feet moving. That sensibility lives on in the music and artists that are still touched by the genre today – William Pilgrim & The All Grows Up is one such combination of artists.

The duo of Ishmael Herring and Philip Romero connected with each other through Craigslist, leading to the release of their first album in 2012, called The Great Recession.

After growing up in the unstable and always changing foster care system and then living on the streets of New Orleans, lead singer Ishmael Herring moved to Los Angeles where he spent five years homeless, but always stayed connected to music.

The band now works with LA Youth Network which strives to empower abused, neglected and homeless adolescents and teach them how to become self-sufficient by providing emergency shelter, food, and educational programs as well as My Friend’s Place. Both Herring and Romero volunteer in their spare time at the organization’s Creative and Living Arts Program, which focuses on a range of creative and life enriching workshops that encourage self-expression and development.

With their video In the Streets in circulation on the web, not to mention videos for their singles How it Feels and Gimme Little Sign making the rounds, the duo is hard-pressed, promoting their second album Epic Endings. Romero dialed in to discuss the duo’s community efforts, their music’s rich blend of Americana, Motown and Soul and the importance of the integration of music and community.

There’s a lot of Motown/Soul and 60s influence in the music. What would you say you guys draw from the most?

We draw from Wilson Pickett, Sam Cooke – those are the people that really inspire our music and how we approach a song. Jackie Wilson would be another influence. We can also take all the way up to Michael Jackson – Ishy’s a huge Michael Jackson fan, and grew up with him. We transcend the different generations of Motown and Soul so to draw upon for our music.

What’s the writing process like?

It’s pretty chaotic. Both Ish and I write; there’s not a set process. Sometimes we will wrestle with a song for months. Other times it will spill out in a matter of 20 minutes. The song In The Street that we did with Blind Boy is something that Ish and I sat down and wrote.

In a half-hour to an hour, it was done. It all stemmed from an idea of experiences that Ish had seen or heard about while he was in Los Angeles.

How would you say Epic Endings differs from the first album?

The first album was very related to the great reception and what was going on and during our financial collase and i think that that influenced a lot of the song writing. With Epic Endings, I think we had a little better perspective – we had the ability to look back and reflect at what was really going on and what’s going on currently. It’s when you’re in the middle of something that you take stabs at ideas or concepts but you’re not necessarily right on. With Epic Endings, we have a little bit more perspective and maturity in what we were singing about.

For the music video for In the Streets, there were a lot of intense scenes, what was filming the video like personally and musically?

Working on the music video put us in the heart of Hollywood again. A lot of memories were left on the streets of Los Angeles for Ish. I remember everyone on set being as kind and professional as they could be. It was interesting because we filmed my shots in a parking lot that Ish used to sleep in, it was also the first place he set foot in California, after stepping off the greyhound bus. That greyhound station is no longer standing but we were there in its place.

One little twist is with the young girl in that video – she was just great, really engaging.

Shortly after that video, she and her mom became homeless themselves. so we had the opportunity to talk with them and get their story. The message their is that homelessness comes in all sizes.

Homelessness is not something that just affects these people that you see on the street. It happens to middle class America as well.

half-drunk with them and getting pulled into experiences throughout the night or day. Ish was a part of that small group of homeless youth causing trouble and having good times ... homeless.

With the events of Ferguson and Staten Island dealing with the Police, how has that affected your pursuits personally, and how has that affected your band’s civil efforts and outlook?

It is possible to mourn the loss of life in Ferguson and Staten Island and feel equal loss for the two police officers executed in New York. One does not justify or marginalize the other. The larger point is we have an economic system that is out of balance, one that creates stress in the streets and one that will continue to produce tragic results until we can see how our social policies are eroding, our collective morality and creating a culture of hopelessness, racism and revenge.

We address these issues but we try to clarify that many of society’s issues seem to be separate but they are all related. What’s causing climate change is the same economic policy that’s causing poverty and homelessness. What we are trying to do is connect those dots musically and be able to point that out to people, but in a manner is also danceable and allows you to tap your foot.

What would you say is next for William PilgrIm? Right now, we are all hands on deck supporting this last album. We are playing and what we do as opposed to going on club tours is that support various causes and play their benefits, we play their concerts that they put on.

Music to the Ears! williampilgrim.com/media/ facebook.com/williampilgrimmusic @pilgrimwilliam

How has your experiences growing up and your time being homeless influenced the sound and heart of your music?

My experiences on the street has a strong influence on my music, providing a constant source of material and inspiration. Ish had a group of friends who went through the worst of it with him, so most of the songwriting is inspired by nights roving the boulevard

Totally useless fact: There is approximately one chicken for every human being in the world.

campus talk

|

january 2015

23

charted

WHERE SMALL BUGS HIT YOU WHILE CYCLING ANY OTHER PLACE ON YOUR BODY

REASONS WHY I WEAR SUNGLASSES

BECAUSE I LOOK GOOD IN SUNGLASSES BECAUSE IT’S REALLY SUNNY OUT

RIGHT EYE

MOUTH LEFT EYE

BECAUSE I CAN STARE AT PEOPLE WITHOUT THEM NOTICING

TIMES WHEN YOU NEED TRIGONOMETRY

WHEN I OFFER MY CAT PEOPLE FOOD

TIME SPENT EATING IT

WHEN YOU DON’T HAVE A RULER OR ANGLE MEASURER

TIME SPENT SNIFFING IT WHILE I HOLD IT

24

campus talk

|

january 2015

Totally useless fact: Each of us generates about 3.5 pounds of rubbish a day, most of it paper.

play with yourself

Y R A U N A J

GO FIGURE

CR O S SWORD

SN OW FL AK ES

C RYPTO QUIP{

SUDOKU

Totally useless fact: Women manage the money and pay the bills in 75% of all Americans households.

campus talk

|

rs are answepage 73 on

january 2015

25

play with yourself

star Map

CRYPTO QUOTE

CRISS C ROSS

MAZE

word searc h

Even exchange

26

campus talk

|

january 2015

Totally useless fact: It has NEVER rained in Calama, a town in the Atacama Desert of Chile.

Y R A U N JA

you sooooo cheated

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

FEAR KNOT

AMAZING where’s frank?

Totally useless fact: The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

campus talk

|

january 2015

27

tic tac toe!

Use this space for TIC TAC TOE, or anything else you can think of to spare the borEdom of class!

L I V E C LO S E . D R I V E L E S S .

SAVE $274 WITH REDUCED FEES

great location + 24-hr fitness center + fully furnished + washer & dryer

APPLY TODAY FOR FALL 2015

ROYALVILLAGE.COM 710 SW Depot Av!ŏĽāĂĊŏđŏ352.338.0202

28

campus talk

|

january 2015

Totally useless fact: Daylight Saving Time is not observed in most of the state of Arizona and parts of Indiana.

hahahaha

Remember to

send all jokes funny@mycampus talk.com and you could win a Campus Talk t-shirt.

Dear dad, no mon, no fun, your son.

“It’s just too hot to wear clothes today,” Jack says as he stepped out of the shower.

“Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?”

The father replied: Dear son, too bad, so sad, your dad.

“Probably that I married you for your money,” she replied.

A young man studying in a college abroad sent this SMS to his father:

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket and then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini.

After he finishes that, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, “Look, buddy, I’ll bring ya’ martinis all night long – but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill.” The customer replies, “I’m peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it’s time to go home.”

Totally useless fact: Bees have 5 eyes. There are 3 small eyes on the top of a bee’s head and 2 larger ones in front.

The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, so too the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.

Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?

At this, a male student in the crowd inquires, “Er... How much for a season pass?”

campus talk

|

january 2015

29

HEADER Hard for the money Workin’

Ways To Have

Fun

rself Page you over the ’t . Don intercom our y disg uise voice.

Find out where your boss shops and buy ex actly the same outf its. Wea r them one day af ter yo ur boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is of a different Highlight your shoes gender than you. and tell people you haven’t lost them as much since Every time you did this. asks you to Put your someone ething, ask Send e-mail messages trashcan on do som Hang mosquito netting they want say ing there’s free piz za or your desk. them if around your cubicle. fr ies with that. donuts or cake in the Label it “IN.” When you emerge to lunchroom. When people get coffee or a pr intout drift back to work or whatever, slap Encourage your Send e-mails to the complaining that they found yourself randomly colleag ues to join rest of the company nothing, lean back, pat your the whole way. you in a little telling them exactly what stomach and say, “Oh you’ve sy nchronized chair you’re doing. For got to be fas ter than that. dancing. example: “If anyone cing a fa ir a h c Fe a ig t n u an P needs me, I’ll be in ere all unnatura th it S r. te in r l an p d the bathroom.” people ll te d n a hy e y ste th a ric in d al f Put deca g for fear of you’re waitin coffeemaker for three t. n e m u c o d staplers. your weeks. O nce everyone has withdrawn from Send e-mails back and caffeine addiction, forth to yourself engaging switch to espresso. yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mai l to a co-worker and ask Make up nick her to settle the names for all your coworke disagreement.”. rs an them only by th d refer to ese names.

“That’s a good point, S parky .” at your “No, I’m sorry, but I’m going to While s itting ur have to disagre desk, soak yo e with you in Palmolive there, C ha-C h rs e g n fi a.” liq uid and call e. everyone Marg

in the Workplace

30

campus talk

|

january 2015

Totally useless fact: One-fourth of the world’s population lives on less than $200 a year.

a gentler perspective HEADER

The Low-Down

on Ladies: What Guys Should Know About Girls When girls hear about their boyfriend bragging about the little things, like watching tv together, it makes them appreciate him more.

Girls love special things especially when it’s given as a surprise. Do something special for her sometimes. Doing something like giving her flowers and stuff toys just for no reason would make her day very important and worth remembering. Making girls feel exceptional would make them feel good about themselves as and will take away some of their insecurities as well.

If a girl thinks you’ll judge her for something, she’ll never open up to you fully.

When a girl holds a guys hand, she never wants to let it go.

Never underestimate the feelings a girl has for her boyfriend.

If you break a girls heart, she’ll never be the same.

Girls adore guys who don’t only think about sex.

Girls never touch guys by accident.

Girls can flirt with every guy around, but at the end of the day, she’ll be watching the sun set with the one she truly loves.

When a girl asks a guy what their thinking, they really do care.

Girls hate it when guys ignore them.

If a girl wants you to be with her, you’ll know it.

Hugging her without a reason is a very sweet thing for her, especially when you do it surprisingly.

It hurts girls to dump guys.

When a girl tells you about things she loves, like staring at stars or listening to the rain, shes falling for you.

If a girl tells you a secret, don’t ever let it go.

Totally useless fact: Ninety million people survive on less than $75 a year.

fact guys should know about girls

Girls are sometimes drama queens, but you are not allowed to call her that. It would make the whole situation worst, just go with the flow and be the man she needs for the moment.

If a girl really loves you, she won’t be able to see anything bad about you.

If a girl really cares about a guy, you can see it in her eyes.

First rule when you enter her life, never cheat!

You would want to think twice before getting involved with two girls at the same time. It’s just whether one girl would stick with you, or both girls would slap and make the hell out of you, so be sure that you are really a good guy when you are looking for a good girl.

campus talk

|

january 2015

31

Rules

communicatoin is key

That Guys Wish Girls Knew It’s not that we don’t want to make you happy, it’s just that sometimes, we don’t know how.

Learn to work the toilet seat.

If it’s up, put it down.

If you ask a question you don’t really want an answer to, expect an answer you didn’t want to hear.

If it itches, it will be scratched.

Sometimes, we’re not thinking about you.

Don’t ask us what were Live with it.

thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss topics such as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

You have enough clothes.

Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

34

campus talk

|

january 2015

Totally useless fact: Butterflies taste with their hind feet.

DON’T HATE THE PLAYA, HATE THE DAME!

By Jessica DiGiacinto

How To Date

Like A

Guy

When it comes to dating, girls get a bad rap. Like it or not, a lot of people tend to characterize us as obsessive over-analyzers who dream about an engagement ring on the second date. Maybe some girls are like that, but I haven’t met many of them. Most of us are just trying to wade through the tricky waters of the dating double standard.

While guys can play the field ‘til the cows come home (and even take the cow home to bed!), one date too many for a girl and suddenly she’s a slut.

Since the playing field is already tilted in favor of the fellas, we’ve got to find unique and creative ways to get by until we find Mr. Right. Or we could go a step further and just start Dating Like A Guy. Listen and learn, ladies…

Digits Then Ditch It

You wrote your number down on a napkin, he programmed it into his phone and then you parted ways. Cool. Now all that happens is he calls… or he doesn’t. No matter how hard you think about the previous night or how many Romance Candles you meditate around, the truth remains that it’s up to him to pursue you. Don’t sweat it. That’s what a dude would do. If he calls, great. If not, there are another 10,000 guys wearing the same polo shirt with the same Abercrombie hairdo wandering around campus. Play the odds, not the sucker.

Whatevs…

There’s a reason why “head over heels” implies a female obsessive nature in relationships. Guys simply don’t put their heart into something unless it contains gambling, sports or $.25 beer.

Channel that same nonchalance and let the boys know you’re as laid back about dating as they are. In fact, this may have a reverse psychological effect, causing them to start freaking out about your interest level!

Guys are such puppets…

Sisters Before Misters

No matter how much you’re into a new guy, make sure to keep in mind all your girlies who came before and will be there after. A hot guy is like steak dinner… he’ll feed you for one night then leave you hungry the next. A good girlfriend is like the whole damn farm… she’ll help you find a steady meal any time you’re craving some meat.

Totally useless fact: Of the 20 brightest stars in the sky, Capella is the furthest north.

Their Loss Is Your Gain

Lots of times, girls will take a rejection personally. I wasn’t hot/ witty/smart enough for him…

I was too this, not enough that.

Scratch that mentality from your mindset and start looking at the dating glass half full. A guy blows you off? Fine… on to his much hotter frat brother or that sexy lacrosse player at the end of the bar. In the dating world, optimism leads to orgasms.

Learn it. Live it. Love it. campus talk

|

january 2015

35

damnyouautocorrect.com

Every Day is Gameday

In Gainesville every day is Gameday, only the venues change! So whether you love going outdoors or simply going out to eat, we’ve got just what you’re looking for. Paddle the Santa Fe River, dine at one of our delicious local restaurants or search for treasures at local boutiques and vintage shops downtown. Gainesville, where nature and culture meet.

36

campus talk

|

january 2015

VisitGainesville.com

352.374.5260

Totally useless fact: It is illegal to hunt camels in the state of Arizona.

damnyouautocorrect.com

Totally useless fact: If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

campus talk

|

january 2015

37

CHARTED!

SHOWERING IN THE MORNING

WHY I DRIVE A VW BEETLE

BECAUSE IT’S GOOD FOR THE ENVIRONMENT time spent cleaning my body

time spent standing under the water falling back asleep and not wanting to move

SO I CAN MAKE PEOPLE PUNCH OTHER PEOPLE

WHAT MOST LOCAL BANDS BELIEVE WILL MAKE THEM FAMOUS

A PERFECTED LIVE SHOW

WELL-WRIITTEN SONGS

PASSION FOR WHAT THEY DO

“LIKES” ON FACEBOOK

38

campus talk

|

january 2015

MY DOG’S DIET...

STEAK, CHICKEN AND MEAT IN GENERAL

BUGS, GRASS, SHOES, LEAVES AND CLOTHES

ROCKSTAR WARDROBE

DOG FOOD

ESSAYS

Totally useless fact: There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.

fashion

By Jenna Herman

Lace

Lovely in Creme Bru-Lace Black Strapless Lace Dress Beige stretch knit peeks through the black sheer floral lace on this sexy strapless number with darted accents and lightly padded cups for the perfect touch of support.

Scalloped edges at top and bottom offer a charming finish. $54 lulus.com

LULUS Exclusive Head Over Feels Fuchsia Lace Dress A deep scooping neck tops the fitted bodice of this lace dress, pairing with its sheer fitted half sleeves.

Crocheted fuchsia lace adds a feminine element to this already flirt-worthy look, while a flared skirt gathers at the waist. $29 lulus.com

Beautiful Mesh Tan and Wine Lace Dress Much like chocolate and strawberries, and peanut butter and jelly, lace and mesh were made to be together. This dress, with long sheer mesh sleeves ending with wine red eyelash lace cuffs that match the patterned lace of the deep V bodice, is a perfect example. $56 lulus.com LULUS Exclusive Blank Space Navy Blue Lace Dress Set last year’s favorite dress aside for this new lace dress lined with soft beige woven material. Features beige mesh shoulder straps that continue down to frame the V-back. Lightly padded cups add shape to the darted bodice, while the lace finishes in a zigzagging hem. $54 lulus.com

LULUS Exclusive Tomorrow Night Off-The-Shoulder Navy Blue Dress This cute dress has short off-theshoulder sleeves and lace trim topping its darted bodice and sheer back, above an elastic waistline.

The stretch knit lining fits like a glove, and a ruffled bottom hem makes a flirty addition. $40 lulus.com

Dee Elle You Better Belle-ieve it Blue Long Sleeve Lace Dress This lovely dress is formed from blue floral lace that dances on the long sheer sleeves with belled hems, and a chic, shift bodice with scooping neckline. A short and flirty hem at bottom tops off this anytime stunner! Dress is lined in blue stretch knit. $45 lulus.com 40

campus talk

|

january 2015

Totally useless fact: Annual growth of WWW traffic is 314,000%

fashion HEADER Lush Think of Me Navy Blue Lace Dress This stunning dress has a deep V bodice trimmed in eyelash lace, and a deep V back to match. Navy blue lace falls in scalloped patterns down the bodice and bodycon skirt, and drops below the black knit lining to end at a sheer eyelash hem. Hidden back zipper/clasp. $49 lulus.com

R U O H Y HAPP 11-7y

frida

3-7ur

Mon-Th

allnddaayy

1-7ay

su

saturd

s e c i l s a z z i p 1/2 priceall night on Tuesdays

happy hour

&

SALTYDOGSALOON.COM • 1712 W UNIV AVE Wyldr Chaser Burgundy Lace Dress This woven poly dress covered in gorgeous floral lace forms a distinct halter neckline (with a side clasp closure), and a sheer, unlined back. The bodycon skirt takes over at the waist, and ends with a scalloped lace trim.

Fully lined. $71 lulus.com Sugar Pine Dark Green Floral Print Crop Top Satiny woven poly fabric forms this sexy halter bodice with darts and a crochet lace hem. The plunging back fastens with a single button. $33 lulus.com Lace It Easy Black Lace Romper This perfectly simple black lace romper covers a beige knit lining with seductively sheer three-quarter sleeves, and a sheer back panel. Hidden back zipper with clasp. $73 lulus.com

Totally useless fact: 60% of all people using the Internet, use it for pornography.

campus talk

|

january 2015

41

lookin’ good!

Beauty

By Jenna Herman

Strawberry Feels Forever Made with crushed strawberries and an infusion of hibiscus flowers, this massage bar melts easily onto your skin and leaves you smelling like a sweet strawberry sundae. $10.95 lushusa.com

Exfoliate Foaming Cleanser This award-winning exfoliate packs a rejuvenating punch not just for those with skin problems, but anyone seeking amazingly soft and smooth skin. Suki’s signature aroma blend will leave you feeling refreshed and ready to take on the day. $32.95 sukiskincare.com

Creamy Polish: Casaba Melon This bright and beautiful nail polish is free of the common carcinogens found in most nail polish: formaldehyde, toluene, DBP, camphor and formaldehyde resin. Absolutely safe and cruelty-free! $12 100percentpure.com

Balancing Day Lotion Formulated to be the ultimate in proactive, light, greaseless, daily hydration. Perfect for those with skin issues or anyone looking for everyday weightless, lasting moisture. $35.95 sukiskincare.com

Fruit Pigmented Lip & Cheek Tint: Peach Glow This peachy keen lip and cheek tint features pure fruit pigments in a base of skin and lip softening shea and cocoa butters. Highly concentrated with anti-aging vitamins and antioxidants. $17 100percentpure.com

Charisma

Bronzing skin tint to warm up all skin tones. It blends into the skin wonderfully to give you a glowy, natural look and nourishes skin with oatmeal decoction, cocoa butter, jojoba and almond oils. $18.95 lushusa.com

French Lavender Hand Buttercream Infused with lavender essential oil and rose water, this rich, vegan buttercream moisturizes, softens and deeply nourishes with antiaging vitamins and antioxidants. $8 100percentpure.com 42

campus talk

|

january 2015

Lemon Twist

This body butter is a delicious combination of zesty lemon and lime essential oils with sweet grapefruit scents that will remind you of a bright summer day and keep your skin feeling soft and supple. $10.99 theorangeowlshop.com Totally useless fact: Sex burns 360 calories per hour.

lookin’ good

CAMPUS POST OFFICE & COPY SHOP

NEED A PASSPORT? We are a U.S. Passport Acceptance Facility

Blackberry Pigmented Gel Eyeliner This gel eyeliner gets its beautiful, rich color from black tea leaves which are packed full of anti-aging antioxidants and nourishing nutrients. The all natural formula is free of synthetic chemicals, artificial fragrances and chemical preservatives. $21 100percentpure.com

Tinted Active Moisturizer This lightweight translucent day cream harmonizes all skin types, minimizing the appearance of imperfections while clarifying your skin. Great for everyday use! $50.95 sukiskincare.com

Passport Photos taken on­site

CALL FOR AN APPOINTMENT

352­392­1134 3030 Radio Road

(located across from Lakeside Residential Complex)

www.maildocserv.ufl.edu

.

.

.

.

.

.

Color Copies Posters Business Cards Brochures Stamps Pamphlets Booklets Copy Paper

FREE PARKING!

Citrus Splash Bursting with the flavor of sweet orange, this lip balm is made with simple, vegan ingredients perfect for making chapped lips a thing of the past. $3.75 theorangeowlshop.com

MONDAY-THURSDAY GREEN & CART FEES INCLUDED

STUDENTS

$30

PLUS TAX

FACULTY, ALUMNI & STAFF GUESTS

$35

$40

PLUS TAX

PLUS TAX

FRIDAY-SUNDAY

GREEN & CART FEES INCLUDED STUDENTS

$40

FACULTY, ALUMNI & STAFF GUESTS

PLUS TAX

$45

$50

PLUS TAX

PLUS TAX

For information on tee times, events & more visit us online:

markbostickgolfcourse.com t 48 /% "7& Totally useless fact: Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it.

campus talk

|

january 2015

43

get these in your life

By Jenna Herman

Me-Shot Securely holds smartphones in place while extending it up to 3 feet in the air. Selfie connoisseurs can finally free up their hands and focus on taking the ultimate single or group shoot. $59.99 backcountry.com

Galileo

iPhone mount which enables you to create pro-level pan/tilt video in a fun, easy, and cost-effective way.

Create sweeping pan movements or towering tilts while taking advantage of the wide field of view on your iOS device.

With the app-controlled Galileo you have precise control over the speed and direction of the mount’s movement. $149.95 motrr.com

Cenoire Eulo Sonic Toothbrush

Eluo features an ultra-brush head with a tongue cleaner.

In addition, this toothbrush is capable of 23,000 brush strokes per minute, ensuring your mouth stays fresh and fully clean. The compact size allows users to discreetly carry the toothbrush in their purse, pocket, case or bag while at work or traveling. $14.99 cenoire.com

44

campus talk

|

january 2015

Totally useless fact: The pop you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually a bubble of gas burning.

get these in your life Samba The Samba Hair Remover uses revolutionary technology to remove unwanted hair from the body, eliminating the need for harsh chemicals, sticky messes and expensive office visits. As the Samba glides across the skin, thermotransmitters radiate heat down into the hair follicle, crystallizing the hair. The hair can then be buffed away with the Samba buffer pad. Continuous slowing of hair growth promotes longer lasting results and does not irritate the skin. $99.99 viatekproducts.com BeBop Wearable Smart Fabric Sensor The first and only ultra-thin wearable smart fabric sensor that measures all aspects of physicality, including bend, location, motion, rotation, angle and torque. The BeBop’s patented monolithic fabric sensors let you answer calls from a shirt, predict diabetic events, show hand/foot location on gym mats, and track driver alertness in steering wheels amongst many other uses!

Prices vary: bebopsensors.com

BodiPro 3-in-1 Personal Care

Professional at-home grooming featuring dual-textured rotary heads to exfoliate and polish simultaneously. Easy to use with its built-in rechargeable battery, BodiPro gently removes callused skin from your feet, leaving them softer than ever. $59.99 viatekproducts.com

Keyport Slide

The new Keyport Slide 2.0 has reinvented the conventional keychain.

It holds up to 6 keys or inserts, yet is roughly the size of a pack of gum. The revolutionary Keyport blades replace traditional keys, fit securely in the Keyport Slide, are easily inserted and removed and feature a one-size-fits-all head. $29 mykeyport.com

Totally useless fact: You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching TV.

T LITTLE STORE JUST GOT BETTE S E G G I B R! THE

RENT

THE LATEST RELEASES

28 DAYS BEFORE RED BOX WITH

FIRST RELEASE DVD KIOSK ICE BEER CUPS SODA CIGARETTES GROCERIES SNACKS VISIT PARADISE FOR ALL YOUR NEEDS ON THE CORNER OF 34TH ST & W UNIVERISTY AVE

MEET THE CLINIC T A D E V I R & JUST AR E U S S I N I K HE HAS A S

ING S BY MAK AIL.COM. PROBLEMPETRESCUE@GM IN K S H IT S R DOGS WPAL: HAILESANGEL ER FOSTE YOU CAN HELP RED SOX AND OTH GELS.ORG OR PAY A DONATION AT HAILESAN

Medical Care, Laser Surgery, Therapeutic Laser Treatments, Dentistry, Pet Supplies, Natural Pet Food, Boarding, Grooming, Adoptions, House Calls Available

5231 SW 91ST DRIVE, HAILE VILLAGE CENTER • 352.377.6003 • HAILEANIMALCLINIC.COM campus talk

|

january 2015

45

RIDDLE ME THIS!

MIND

#1 Which creature w alks on four legs in the morn ing, two legs in the afternoon , and three legs in the even ing?

1) Man. He crawls on all fours as a baby, then walks on two feet as an adult, and then walks with a cane as an old man. 2) A stamp. 3) A towel. 4) Watermelon. 5) A mushroom.

GAMES in in a r b r u o y p e e k To ing g n u lo e il h w e p sha on your couch…

#5

What kind of room has no doors or windows? #2 n a c t a h W nd u o r a l trave rld the wostaying while rner? in a co 46

campus talk

|

january 2015

#3 r e t t e w s t e g t a h W and wetter the more it dries?

#4 Paul’s height is six feet , he’s an assistant at a butcher’s shop , and wears size 9 shoes. W hat does he weigh?

Totally useless fact: In a lifetime the average human produces enough quarts of spit to fill 2 swimming pools.

awwww

real king By sarah g. mason

of the jungle

8 Reasons Why the Red Panda is the King of All Pandas 1. Red pandas waddle. This is because their front legs are slightly shorter than their back legs. They’re like fuzzy ducks.

Adorable.

2. Red pandas have a sweet tooth. According to a study by The Journal of Heredity, red pandas preferred water sweetened with aspartame over non-sweetened water. This makes them the only nonprimate species we know of that can taste aspartame. Way to go, red panda.

3. Red pandas aren’t actually pandas. Nor are they related to pandas. They aren’t related to anything. Red pandas are their own thing, with their own genus in their own family (called Ailuridae).

4. A regular panda’s diet is over 99 percent bamboo. Red pandas also feed mainly on bamboo, but

they do enjoy the occasional bird, insect or berry. Red pandas aren’t picky.

5. Red pandas are extremely endangered. So HA, regular pandas. You can’t steal the spotlight.

6. When it’s hot outside, red pandas sleep stretched out on branches with their legs dangling. Picture it. They’re just too cool.

7. Red pandas are also called cat-bears. Did you hear me?

Cat-bears.

8. Red pandas look like cartoon characters. Though regular pandas also look like cartoon characters, I think we can all agree who’s the more cartoonish of the two.

Give it up for the red panda kings!

Totally useless fact: Barbie’s measurements, if she were life-size, would be 39-29-33.

campus talk

|

january 2015

47

hahahaha

Remember to

send all jokes funny@mycampus talk.com and you could win a Campus Talk t-shirt.

A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car.

A woman walks up to an old man sitting in a chair on his porch. “I couldn’t help but notice how happy you look,” she said. “What’s your secret for a long, happy life?”

“I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of beer, eat fatty foods, and never, ever exercise,” he replied. “Wow, that’s amazing,” she said, “How old are you?”

“Twenty-six.”

48

campus talk

|

january 2015

“They’ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!” he cried out.

However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice came over the line.

“So,” thundered Greg’s furious father, “you have been expelled from college, have you?”

“Yes, Dad. I am a fugitive from a brain gang.”

“Never mind,” he said with a hiccup, “I got in the back seat by mistake.”

A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “I bet you $50 that I can bite my right eye.” The bartender says, “Yeah, right! I’ve never seen anyone do that!” So the man takes out his glass eye and bites it.

The angry bartender pays the man his $50 and the man walks away. He comes back half an hour later and says, “I bet you fifty dollars I can bite my left eye.”

Now the bartender becomes really skeptical. She says, “I just saw you walk in here – you can’t be blind!” So he takes out his fake teeth and bites his left eye. The bartender pays him his money and he walks away.

Totally useless fact: The human heart creates enough pressure to squirt blood 30ft.

What in the world?

What do you call the miniature lobster that one finds in lakes and streams (a crustacean of the family Astacidae)?

Crawfish.

Totally useless fact: One third of all cancers are sun related.

Crayfish.

Crawdad.

campus talk

|

january 2015

49

check box Instead of saying:

This would be more truthful

By checking this box, your are confirming that you have read and agree to the terms and conditions of this site.

By checking this box, you are confirming you are pretending to have read the terms and conditions of this site, because it’s kind of ridiculous for us to expect you to read 12 pages of legalese, let alone understand it, and despite the fact that you’re a tiny bit nervous that this could incriminate you at some point in the future, you’re pretty sure it won’t because you’re more or less convinced that we just have this here so that it would be hard for you to sue us in the event that either of us did something stupid, and you’re not worried about that because you feel like you’re a reaosnable person and won’t do something against our terms and conditions, and even if you did, we probably wouldn’t even notice. Plus a lot of people would leave our service if we tried to screw them over, so just check this box, I mean you went through all of the trouble of filling in all the above forms, and it would be a real waste to just turn back now.

Totally useless fact: It has been estimated that humans use only 10% of their brain.

campus talk

|

january 2015

51

IDIOT CRIMINALS

By Daniel Sutphin

Please Turn Off All Mobile Devices “Butt-dials” can be a nuisance on the the the dial and the receiving ends. Aside from an impromptu break up or a muffled revelation of previously concealed truths, however, they are usually harmless. This was not so much the case for Justin Kryzanowski. At the time of his accidental dial, Justin was 24 and in the middle of talking to a drug dealer.

The receiver of his pocket call was none other than the police department’s emergency line. That’s right, Kryzanowski butt-called the coppers in the middle of a drug deal. The 911 operator recorded the entire conversation leaving the careless caller with charges of possession of a controlled substance, possession of drug paraphernalia and prohibited offensive weapons, according to a Scranton Times-Tribune 2012 report.

After listening to the deal go through, police traced the cell phone back to Kryzanowski’s residence in Scranton, Penn., where they found various prescription medications, drug paraphernalia, brass knuckles and syringes loaded with Suboxone, which is a medication used to treat opioid addiction.

While searching the residence, police also found the cell phone that matched the number that had called 911.

52

campus talk

|

january 2015

Totally useless fact: Most Egyptians died by the time they were 30 about 300 years ago.

PLEASE, DO IT HERE

whatever you need to do…

OTHERWORLDLY China: Foot binding

A storied Chinese tradition for more than 1000 years. Foot binding was considered a symbol of the highest beauty for Chinese women. The practice involved binding the feet to invoke shrinking so they may fit into three-inch lotus shoes. The binding causes painful effects for years to come and limits a person’s movement and activities. Nowadays, the practice is considered a symbol of eroticism and chastity of Chinese Tradition.

At your own risk: Look up more pictures of the terrifying results of this ancient torture. We withheld the worst photos of these beastly mutations for the sake of keeping you as readers.

By Daniel Sutphin

Crazy

Customs From around the world Perception is everything. What stands as custom to one may seem completely foreign to another. The reality of these customs is often based on traditions passed down through generations of families and communities.

Where Americans may think that calling soccer ‘futbol’ is weird, it is probably stranger to the rest of the world that we call their long-tradition of futbol by the name of ‘soccer’, only to take football for our own national pastime.

Regardless, judging other cultures’ customs is entertaining, especially when they seem alien to our perception. CT has compiled what we think are the strangest, or at least, the most entertaining of these customs; partially for education, but mostly for entertainment.

FYI: Most of the customs listed are not practiced any longer.

Self-Mummification Sokushinbutsu were Buddhist monks or priests who allegedly

caused their own deaths in a way that resulted in their being mummified. This practice is said to have taken place exclusively in northern Japan around the Yamagata Prefecture. Between 16 and 24 such mummifications have been discovered. Basically, priests would ingest over 1000 days of a nut and seed diet to rid their body of all fat.

They would then eat bark and drink poisonous tea over another 1000 days to make their bodies poisonous to maggots after death. The tea-drinking also caused vomiting and massive fluid loss. The final part involved the monk inhabiting a sealed tomb that contained nothing but an air tube and small bell. The bell would be rung once each day to let the outside world know they were alive. When the bell stopped ringing, the tomb would be sealed for another 1000 days before the mummified priest was removed and put on display in the monastery.

Indonesia: Finger Cutting The practice is straightforward; the reasons, however, not as much.

To mourn the loss of family members, Dani tribe women suffer great physical pain in addition to emotional pain. When a family member dies, female members cut off a segment of one of their fingers. The practice is said to be upheld to satisfy ancestral ghosts.

54

campus talk

|

january 2015

Totally useless fact: 1 in every 4 Americans has appeared someway or another on television.

OCCUPATIONAL HAZARDS

s e n i L p u Pick

n e m o W For

w, times, they o n y b rd a e h ’t n If you have en se forward wom o th r Fo . ’ in g n a h are a-c an to (finally!) m a r fo it a w ’t n who wo a ymore, here are by Kelly n a m o ro e th ss cro Herman nce you do. few lines to use o

me, did Excuse ring my t s u j u o y Nice package, se you u a C ? ll doorbe you need me to ely it n fi e d can sign for that? side. come in

I do not fancy wines, I prefer moans.

Want to give Australian k me an It’s like Fren iss? kissing, but ch going down you’re under.

Do

you like , t s i eo l og spelunking? h c r a n a e v I’m u ha Because I hav o y e v e i l e e and I b st inspect. a cav e for you u m I e n o b a to explore. e. c n e i c s r o f s It Totally useless fact: 1 in 8 Americans has worked at a McDonalds restaurant.

campus talk

|

january 2015

55

Charted

HOW I NAME MY TEMPORARY FILES

Earn Up to

300 This Month!

$

A FITTING DESCRIPTION OF WHAT’S INSIDE

&

$120 This Week!

DFSGDEFRJKILJJHRFS

Please help us help those coping with rare, chronic, genetic diseases.

WHAT PEOPLE THINK IF I SAY I HAVE WRIST CRAMPS

Ask about our Specialty Programs!

Must be 18 years or older, have valid I.D. along with proof of SS# and local residency.

Walk-ins Welcome.

Book your appointment online today! @BPCGainesville www.facebook.com/BiotestPlasmaCenterGainesville

WANKER’S CRAMP

Biotest Plasma Center 1112 N. Main Street Gainesville, FL 32601 352-378-9431 www.biotestplasma.com

56

campus talk

|

Totally useless fact: 70% of all boats sold are used for fishing.

january 2015

CampusTalk-3.8583x10.0394-20140403.indd 1

4/3/14 12:12 PM

Charted

RESPONSES I GET WHEN I SAY I’M ENGAGED

CONGRATULATIONS YOU MUST BE SO EXCITED

SEX

PRACTICE

SAFE

...because she won’t be wearing these.

BUT YOU GUYS ARE SO YOUNG

ARE YOU PREGNANT?

elf. d Protect Yous Play Smart an Time.

very Use A Condom E

Message brought to you by

HOW HARD IT IS TO OPEN A JAR OF SOMETHING WHAT THE @#*!

WHY WON’T IT OPEN REALLY HARD KINDA HARD SLIGHT RESISTANCE MEH

WHEN I’ M ALONE

NOTHING

WHEN WITH A I’M FAM MEMBE ILY R

WHEN I’ M I’M TRY WITH A GIRL IN IMPRES G TO S

Totally useless fact: A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

campus talk

|

january 2015

57

weird!

unexplained

photos 58

campus talk

|

january 2015

Totally useless fact: You were born with 300 bones, but by the time you are an adult you will only have 206.

We can help you find your way to your next apartment…

WWW.COLLEGERENTALS.COM

ANTI-STRESS

KIT

Directions: 1) Put down textbooks and other studying material 2) Stare intently at the big circle

3) Bang head repeatedly in middle of circle as hard as possible 4) Black out 5) Conveniently wake up after exams have ended

60

campus talk

|

january 2015

Totally useless fact: Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

VIEW AT YOUR OWN RISK

Mischievous

By Daniel Sutphin

Masterpieces Throughout history, folklore has described events concerning haunted paintings and the results of their cursedness. And although those stories may be fictional – or so we’ve been told – there are some real-life accounts of such events. Thanks to the Web, these stories can have life outside of a folklore book. And no, one can’t believe everything they find on the Internet, but real or fake, the myths surrounding these pieces of art are far too fascinating to overlook.

Madame Delphine LaLaurie Korean Girl Painting

It is said that a Korean girl painted this image shortly before committing suicide. Legend has it that if someone stares at the portrait long enough, it will change; a deranged psychotic or a haggard old woman have been said to be seen.

62

campus talk

|

january 2015

Recently popularized by American Horror Story: The Coven, the myth and legend of Madame Delphine LaLaurie the person – and the painting – have existed for quite some time. After the discovery of her painting, strange circumstances began to occur, including objects going missing, cloths bundled in fireplaces but not burning, and a mysterious “grey lady” appearing suddenly to carpenters. With restorations being done to her old home, many people believe the Madame is not on board with the changes.

The Painting in Austin’s Driskill Hotel

When staring into what seems to be a harmless portrait of an innocent little girl, many visitors report feeling sick, dizzy, or getting a “lifting” sensation. The rumors spread to the point that the Driskill owners moved the painting from the lobby to the 5th floor.

Totally useless fact: The strongest muscle (Relative to size) in the body is the tongue.

...or you could just grab your copy of Gator Bucks!

www.GatorBucks.com

BRING IT DON’T SING IT… ACTUALLY DO BOTH

by Brian Hodges

Your Guide to Rockin

Karaoke

Karaoke is one of those things that either brings out a person’s inner American Idol or their inner, “I’ll just sit here and drink.” But whether you’re being dragged to a karaoke bar against your will, or the one doing the dragging, there are certain things you should remember to increase your enjoyment, as well as the enjoyment of everyone else around you. So write down your song number, step up to the mic and squint at the screen as we walk you through a few essential Karaoke rules.

Even so, at least TRY to find a song in your range.

There’s bound to be one song that falls right into that narrow realm your shoddy vocal chords can hit. Usually the one you don’t need the radio to drown out while singing in the car. So what if it’s not in any of your friends’ (or generation’s) iTunes rotation.

Nailing a rendition of Bad Bad Leroy Brown with confidence will bring the house down way more than your shaky mangling of Bad Romance. If your range is particularly atrocious there are always those “sing-talking” songs like Bob Dylan’s Rainy Day Women or those kitschy rap songs from a previous generation like Baby Got Back or Ice Ice Baby.

And, who doesn’t love songs about drugs, butts and white gangstas?

Yee-Haw Country is ALWAYS a crowd pleaser.

squeal sessions

I don’t care how cravenly hip-hop or hipster the crowd is, you get up there and sing a song with fast fiddles, cookin’ slide guitars and a whole lotta twang, you will be guaranteed wild applause—plus a bunch of woo-hoo’s and yee-haw’s along the way. As an added bonus, half those songs are about whiskey and beer anyway, so if you have a cool bartender or an overly friendly drunk dude in the crowd, there’s a good chance your performance will earn you a free shot—which will only make your follow-up performance that much better! Which brings us to…

Liquid courage is not only acceptable but ENCOURAGED Know the lyrics BEFORE you get up.

This may seem silly since, duh, they’re going to put the words on the screen for you to read. But if you can’t already sing a good percentage of the song yourself, that’s all you’ll be doing up there: reading. And desperately trying to remember how the tune matches a bunch of words you never knew were part of the song. Add to this the fact that the device telling you when to sing each lyric always seems to be a half-second off and you’re quickly going to be lost. And frankly, none of us wants to spend the next three hours listening to your broken ego whine about how it “always forgets about the bridge.”

64

campus talk

|

january 2015

If (When) you suck, OWN IT.

Here’s the deal Screechy Screecherson; nobody in this bar expects you to sound like a pop star.

Sure there’s always a couple of velvet-voiced jerkwads who get up there and completely blow the crowd away. Rest easy in the fact that their dreams of a singing career just peaked at a karaoke bar. But a good attitude is infectious.

And what really makes a karaoke crowd go nuts is when somebody, regardless of ability, just goes up there, belts one out and has fun while doing it. So don’t worry if you’re missing notes like a crack-addled Whitney Houston.

Sing with enthusiasm and show the crowd that you’re cool with sucking. Ten to one odds you’ll get more applause than the overlyearnest dude who really thinks his karaoke stylings will snag him a record contract.

Hey let’s face it, public performance does not play to everyone’s strong suit. If a couple of beers are what it takes to lower your inhibitions enough to let loose on stage, this is behavior to be commended. Don’t overdo it though. Because while a slightly tipsy dude owning his rendition of Rolling in the Deep is sure to get the crowd cheering, the sloppy drunk chick getting way too into her performance of I Touch Myself is more likely to encourage malicious camera phone usage.

Bottom line, have fun with it. None of you are going to get discovered tonight. Most likely no one will even do well enough to get laid.

The great thing about karaoke is it’s the one place where you can act like a rock star for three-and-a-half minutes and not a single person will tell you you’re wrong. So go. Sing.

Wow the crowd. And be sure to return the favor for the timid guy who goes on after you.

Totally useless fact: A Boeing 747’s wingspan is longer than the Wright brother’s first flight.

WASH YOUR MOUTH OUT WITH SOAP

By Daniel Sutphin

An Education in

Psuedo-

Swearing With every new year, resolutions are tossed around with great devotion, but regretfully, rarely met. Instead off shooting for lofty goals like losing weight, or getting more organized, try to start simple: cleaning up your language. You probably have already been forced to filter yourself while being home with parents, so why not ride that wave into the new semester? To assist you in this potential new year proclamation, consider The Craptastic Guide to Pseudo-Swearing.

Written by Michelle Witte, The Craptastic Guide to Pseudo-Swearing offers new, creative, and clean ways to express how fetchin’ mad some son of a biscuit made you. The book features a variety of games, instructions, and helpful hints, endeavoring to prove that there are endless cursing alternatives out available.

MOTHERS & SONS (noun)

The guide also provides a dictionary of terms that are broken down into categories like: CLASSICS Blank (noun) 1) Nada. Nothing to see here folks.

2) An empty space. Basically used when you want to swear, but an adequately vitriolic faux doesn’t come to mind. Leave it up to the listener how they’ll fill in the blank.

Example: “What the blankety blank are you doing in here?

I said to put it in the pantry.”

SEXY TALK F (interjection) 1) Mother of all swears.

Bombs away!

2) ‘Nuff said.

Example: “FU!” “I’ve never head of that university. Is that in Florida?” (verb) 1) Add an -ing on the end, and it’s an all-inclusive verb good for any situation.

Example: “Oh my f-ing g!

Did you really dye your hair polka dot?”

Alternate spelling: eff Variation: F off

Totally useless fact: American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.

1) A popular retort.

Flows in a similar vein to “Yo mama so fat.”

2) Best said with a slight inflection on “your”; i.e., “yer mom.”

Example: “who put the phone in the fridge?” “Your mom.” “You’re probably right.

She is a bit forgetful.”

Games like Cross Words Puzzle and Play It Safe Hangman, tidbits about noteworthy curses in pop culture, plus a plethora of other interactive features also fill this 173-page coffee table gem, and you have a book that will turn anyone into a prodigious fake curser in no time. campus talk

|

january 2015

65

Music Reviews

Tune In Turn On Plug In

By Daniel Sutphin

She & Him Classics New Girl star Zoey Deschanel re-teams with indie-folk guitarist M. Ward to create a quirky take on some American standards. The duo's unique sound breathes some new life into the classics, getting them stuck in your head all over again. Mostly recorded live with a 20-piece orchestra, the arrangements flush out the duo’s romantic touch with number’s like Stars Fell on Alabama and the Johnny Mathis classic It's Not for Me to Say. Deschanel’s wholesome, Ronstadt-esque tone blends perfectly with the softer sentiment of the song selection.

Despite that, the actress-turned singer reveals an edgier vocal tone in Stay Awhile by Dusty Springfield. The overall album continues to show the talent and nuances of She & Him, further deepening their sound beyond the celebrity/folk niche in which it began.

66

campus talk

|

january 2015

Walk the Moon Talking is Hard In case it wasn't already abundantly clear, the '80s are alive and well as we enter the new year. Walk the Moon joins the sound of their high-wastelined, indie-peers on Talking is Hard, creating melodic, pulsating, warm-hearted tunes that harken back to that neon-flicker-induced haze of decade. Working with producer Tim Pagnotta (Neon Trees, Matthew Koma), the 12-track LP moves quickly from start to finish, leaving listeners with an upbeat sense of nostalgia and travel. The main single, Shut Up and Dance figureheads the album, providing a pulsing, sense of closure and enthusiasm.

Different Colors kicks everything off, striking a resemblance to Bastille's electro-pop atmospheric crestings. We Are the Kids sets off the pop-packed vibes with a little R&B, adding some color to the overall, standard and surfacedeep tone.

Trent Reznor/ Atticus Ross Gone Girl (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) A disturbing but fitting score considering the film, Reznor and Ross collaborate again for the David Fincher’s Gone Girl.

Ambient, dissonant and minimalistic, the emptieness of the tones and strings embodies the hollowed relationship depicted in the film.

The eerie tones and strings set the mood for the film, striking Fincher’s cinematic approach.

Appearances and Sugar Storm standout amidst the tracks, off-set with soft-but-complicated touch of Just Like You. Overall, however, the double-disc album is tonal masterpiece, meant to be absorbed in its duration, not by track.

Forest Hills Drive His third studio album, 2014 Forest Hills Drive is named after Cole’s childhood hood address in North Carolina. The personal album details experiences of the artist, ‘January 28th’ being a primary showing of the overall album. Wet Dreamz shows off Cole’s producer skills, sparking thoughts of Alchemist or 9th Wonder. No Role Modelz stands out as well, as a tribute to James Avery – Uncle Phil from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. The hard-truth approach is honest and respectable, and a stand-out amidst the flooded, overlyproduced hip-hop/rap genre.

Totally useless fact: Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.

game on!

Sore Thumbs

By Daniel Sutphin

Dying Light PC PS4 Xbox One January 27 Survival is key in the new first-person, action horror game from Techland.

Players must use everything in their poet to make it to first light in a dangerous, open-world environment. During light, players scavenge for supplies and craft weapons to defend against a growing infected population. At night, the infected bring fury and death upon all those untouched by the vicious outbreak.

68

campus talk

|

january 2015

Grand Theft Auto V PS4 January 27 The muchanticipated return of Grand Theft Auto takes place in the city of Los Santos and its surrounding hills, countryside and beaches. The infamous third-person action game takes a new direction in open-world freedom, storytelling, mission-based gameplay and online multiplayer, focusing on the pursuit of the almighty dollar in a re-imagined, present-day Southern California. With the new version’s next-gen compatibility, Los Santos has never looked more vibrant or been more interactive.

The sun-soaked metropolis is full of self-help gurus, starlets and fading celebrities – once the envy of the Western world, now struggling to stay relevant in an era of economic uncertainty and cheap reality TV.

Motorcycle Club PS4 PS3 January With 22 bikes available all modeled after big names in racing like Kawasaki, BMW, Yamaha and Suzuki – this high-octane, next-gen racer pits players in a realistic, lightning-fast world of motorcycle racing. In the USA and Japan, players can race in 20 matches, going against individual riders or another player’s club to prove their worth.

Players can perfect their moves, choosing between 9 superbikes, 10 roadster bikes, and 3 custom bikes, each with their own set of maneuvers and mechanics. To be the champion, players must know how to handle all the different bike models.

Citizens of Earth PS4 3DS PC Vita January 20 In the new RPG, players take not the role of Vice President of the World. A classic bureaucrat, the VP is charming, charismatic, but mostly useless.

After winning the position he returns to his home town to discover there are some strange happening about the area. As arrogant as a politician can be, he assumes the role of fixing the local oddities by using charisma to recruit normal townsfolk to help you investigate and fight your battles for him.

Totally useless fact: The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen’s ‘Born in the USA’ .

spicy!

Were

you

naughty on New Year’s Eve?

Totally useless fact: If you go blind in one eye you only lose about one fifth of your vision but all your sense of depth.

campus talk

|

january 2015

69

GET THE CANDY! Mortdecai WHAT: Action, Comedy WHO: Johnny Depp, Olivia Munn,

e Scan th

code the

Aubrey Plaza WHEN: January 23 A debonair art dealer and part time rogue, Charles Mortdecai, is already juggling angry Russians, the British Mi5, his wife and an international terrorist. When a stolen a painting is rumored to content the code to a lost bank account filled with Nazi gold, Mortdecai embarks on a race across the globe to recover it.

to see trailer!

flicks By daniel sutphin

The Woman in Black 2 Angel of Death

The Wedding Ringer WHAT: Comedy WHO: Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting,

WHAT: Drama, Horror, Thriller WHO: Helen McCrory, Jeremy

Irvine, Phoebe Fox WHEN: January 2 School teachers Eve Parkins (Fox) and Jean Hogg (McCrory) lead a group of children in evacuation to Crythin Gifford, a remote village outside of the city during the London bombings of World War II. The group takes up residence at the Eel Marsh House, 40 years after an investigation of the first haunting. Parkins begins to realize that they are not along and the longer they stay in the house, the more threatened the group becomes.

70

campus talk

|

january 2015

The Boy Next Door WHAT: Thriller WHO: Kristin Chenoweth,

Jennifer Lopez, Ryan Guzman WHEN: January 23 When a teenage boy moves in next door and befriends her son, single mom Claire Peterson (Lopez), falls in love. A night of passion leads to regret, prompting the teacher to end the relationship. Despite her best efforts, the young lover refuses to let go, threatening the woman’s family, job and life itself.

Kevin Hart, Josh Gad, Alan Ritchson WHEN: January 16 Lovable, but socially awkward, Doug Harris (Gad) finds the woman he loves and gets engaged. As the wedding approaches, Harris realizes that he has a major problem: no best man. With two weeks to go, Doug learns of a company called, Best Man, Inc. The service, ran by Jimmy Callahan (Hart) provides best men for socially challenged guys in need. While the two try to pull off the charade, a new friendship begins to form.

A MostViolent Year WHAT: Action, Crime, Drama WHO: Oscar Isaac, Jessica

Chastain, David Oyelowo WHEN: December 31 Set in New York in 1981, winter is in and crime is high. Amid the violence, decay and corruption, an immigrant and his family struggle to expand their business and capitalize on the criminal opportunities that have dragged them in and threatened all that they have built.

Totally useless fact: The Human eyes never grow, but nose and ears never stop growing.

rent me!

Small

Get On Up WHAT: Biography, Drama, Music WHO: Chadwick Boseman,

David Andrew Nash, Nelsan Ellis WHEN: January 6 Chronicling the life of the rhythm and blues legend, Get On Up follows James Brown’s rise from extreme poverty to musical legend. Directed by Tate Taylor (The Help), the biopic gives a fearless depiction into the music, moves and moods of the Godfather of Soul.

Screen

A Walk Among the Tombstones WHAT: Action, Crime, Mystery WHO: Liam Neeson, Dan Stevens,

Sebastian Roché WHEN: January 13 A drug kingpin hires private detective, Matthew Scudder (Neeson), to find out who kidnapped and murdered his wife. Scudder searches the bars and back alleys of New York City to find the guilty thugs. As he gets closer to the truth, he realizes the kidnappers turn out to be more than they seem.

Annabelle

Lucy

WHAT: Horror WHO: Ward Horton, Annabelle Wallis,

WHAT: Action, Sci-Fi, Thriller WHO: Scarlett Johansson, Morgan Freeman,

Alfre Woodard, Eric Ladin WHEN: January 13 The harmless, yet horrifying doll returns to the big screen with her own beginnings story.

Annabelle, the demonic doll from The Conjuring, emerges as a gift from Johnny Gordon to his expectant wife, Mia. One fatal night, a satanic cult attacks the couple in their home filling it with blood and terror. In the process, the cultists have conjured a malevolent entity far worse than their own abilities, and Annabelle is its vessel.

Min-sik Choi WHEN: January 20 A simple job in the beginning, Lucy must deliver a mysterious briefcase to Mr. Jang.

Amid the task, she is kidnapped and made a drug mule for a powerful, synthetic drug.

Another unsuspected turn occurs when the bag inside her stomach leaks, sending Lucy’s body through an impossible change that drives her mind to its full potential. With unmatchable powers, she only has one thought on her mind: revenge!

Totally useless fact: The thumbnail grows the slowest, the middle nail the fastest, nearly 4 times faster than toenails.

campus talk

|

january 2015

71

HAHAHa

An Englishman, a German and a Frenchman are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced: “It’s my first wife’s birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping”.

The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: “Please tie a pillow to my back”. This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through.

When the punishment was done the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.

The Frenchman was next up. After watching the German in horror he said smugly: “Please fix two pillows to my back.” But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the Frenchman was soon led away whimpering loudly.

The Englishman was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: “You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!”

“Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness,” the Englishman replied. “In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes.”

“Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave,” the Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face. “If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish, what is it to be?” the Sheikh asked.

The Englishman smiled and said, “Tie the Frenchman to my back.”

72

campus talk

|

january 2015

Totally useless fact: The 57 on Heinz ketchup bottles represents the number of varieties of pickles the company once had.

JANUARY S

SNOWFLAKES

ER W S N A

word searc h

you sooooo cheated

CR OS SWORD

SUDOKU

MAZE STAR MAP

Even exchange

GO FIGURE

FEAR KNOT C RYPTO QUOTE

QUIP{

where’s frank?

CRISS CROSS Totally useless fact: Tom Sawyer was the first novel written on a typewriter.

campus talk

|

january 2015

73

spotted!

Taken 3

Spot The Differences

January 9, 2015

Liam Neeson Maggie Grace Famke Janssen

Events in Gainesville

Get Out and About!

Jan. 7: Vanya and Sonia and Masha and Spike opens at the Hippodrome Theatre Jan. 11: Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra at the Phillips Center Jan. 17: 7KH 2IÀ FLDO %OXHV %URWKHU 5HYXH at the Phillips Center -DQ $UOR *XWKULH¡V ´$OLFH¡V 5HVWDXUDQW¾ WK $QQLYHUVDU\ WRXU at the Phillips Center -DQ $ 7 UH[ 1DPHG 6XH RSHQV DW WKH )/01+ Jan. 25: The Step Crew at the Phillips Center -DQ )HE +RJJHWRZQH 0HGLHYDO )DLUH Jan. 30: Phantom of the Opera at the 8QLYHUVLW\ $XGLWRULXP )HE Chicago at the Phillips Center

Spring is an exciting time to be in Gainesville. Between UF sports, concerts and art festivals, there’s always something to do. So take a break from campus and get out and about in Gainesville. For more information and a complete listing of events visit our website.

www.visitgainesville.com 352.374.5260

VisitGainesvilleFlorida 74

campus talk

|

january 2015

@ Gainesville

Totally useless fact: If Texas were a country, its GNP would be the fifth largest of any country in the world.

spotted!

CHECK

LIST

1) Undershirt different color, 2) Holding flowers, 3) Now wearing karate kid headband, 4) Random hand missing from right, 5) Vase appeared on table, 6) Tassle missing from basket, 7) Pink beads different color, 8) Puppy sitting on basket, 9) Guy no longer pointing.

THE WHAT’S HAPPENING NETWORK

Let us help you reach thousands with outdoor advertising on The What’s Happening Truck

Full service design studio providing clients with our best creative talents.

Publishing division creating the best in college publications to college students.

Totally useless fact: There are 1 million ants for every human in the world.

Connecting students to student properties clear across the country. Traffic is our middle name.

From pens to ping pong tables, our promotional department can handle all of your logo merchandising needs.

campus talk

|

january 2015

75

saddlebags!

10

Reasons to stop Being a

Fatty

(And A Visual Burden On All Who Surround You) If vanity weren’t enough, here are a few more reasons to get your act together and finally thin out the flab!

1. To reduce my blood pressure.

2. So I can feel comfor table.

3. So I can run on the beach in a bathing suit and feel proud.

4. So taking a bath is a luxurious thing, instead of taking a shower so I won’t risk overflowing the tub.

5. So my pants won’t wear out between my legs while the rest of them are still in good shape.

6. I want to be able to read the scale by just looking down, straight down.

7. I don’t ever want to feel my fat jiggle again!

8. So I can look in the mirror from the neck down and like what I see.

9. To feel strong and fit again.

10. So I can show off my muscles, instead of just feeling fat.

76

campus talk

|

january 2015

Totally useless fact: On average, Americans eat 18 acres of pizza everyday.

hahahaha

MOVE-IN

TODAY! IMMEDIATE

AVAILABILITY!

Remember to

send all jokes funny@mycampus talk.com and you could win a Campus Talk t-shirt.

“Now my motto in life,” said the school chaplain, “is work hard, play hard and pray hard.

How about you, Harriet?”

“My motto is let bygones be bygones.”

“That’s good. Why did you choose that?”

A college friend was going to meet a young lady he knew.

“An old flame?” I asked.

“Then I wouldn’t have to take any history classes!”

He winked and said, “More like an unlit match.”

The shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a deserted island. Then one morning, he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out toward him. When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him, “The captain said to read through these and let us know if you still want to be rescued.”

A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco’s Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined and punched one another.

The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail. Finally they reached the ticket window. “Five tickets, please,” the father said. “Two round trip, three one way.”

Totally useless fact: The average person spends about two years on the phone in a lifetime.

campus talk

|

january 2015

77

When you see it around town…

…you’ll say to yourself, “hey, that’s the What’s Happening Truck!”

FOR OUTDOOR ADVERTISING OPPORTUNITIES, CONTACT SHANE AT 352-371-5881 OR EMAIL US AT: INFO@THEWHATSHAPPENINGTRUCK.COM

ON SHUTTLE BUS ROUTE + PRIVATE BEDS & BATHS + RESORT-STYLE AMENITIES + PET FRIENDLY + INDIVIDUAL LEASES

BRAND NEW, UPSCALE FLOORPLANS. LEASE IT NOW FOR FALL 2015!

BUCHANAN 4 BEDROOM OOM 4 BATHROOM 422 Square Feet 1400-1422

PENTHOUSE 4 BEDROOM 4 BATHROOM 1803 Square Feet

THIRD FLOOR

This upscale, four wnhome bedroom townhome has one bedroom oom on the first level, two bedrooms on the SECOND FLOOR second level, and a larger, master bedroom on the third rd level. This townhome wnhome is not your typical college apartment CARRAWAY 4 BEDROOM 4 BATHROOM 1477-1489 Square Feet FIRST FLOOR

THESE LUXURIOUS 4/4ʼS WILL IINCLUDE: QUARTZ COUNTERTOPS | WOOD FLOOR DESIGNS | 60” TTVS IN EVERY UNIT | 10 FT CEILINGS KITCHEN MOLDING | QUEEN SIZE SOAKING TUBS SOPHISTICATED ATED KI A TCHEN DESIGN | CROWN MOLDIN HBO PREMIUM INTERNET (50 mbps) | CABLE WITH H SLEEK MODERN FURNITURE | RAINFALL SHOWERHEADS

LIVE YOUR LIFE IN LUXURY.

352.374.3866 | 1015 NW 21st Avenue | WWW.LUX13APARTMENTS.COM