Campus Talk October 2014

.

WWW.MYCAMPUS TALK .COM OCTOBER 2014

CAMPUS TALK IS A COLLEGE STUDENT’S BEST FRIEND

.

Gadgets • Movies • Celebs • Nightlife • Jokes • Tons of funny stuff

G YOU’RE TALKIN !

US T OU AB @AlligatorArmy:

“[GATOR NET is the] , inesville best Internet in Ga IMO, and part of my the reason I picked ” . ex current compl

YEAH.

IT’S THAT FAST. Is the fastest Internet in Gainesville available where you rent? It should be! Only GATOR NET can provide all the speed you’ll ever need. Enjoy cutting-edge, non-stop Internet when you live in a GATOR NET community. That means streaming video, music, games and your classes on multiple computers without ever slowing down or buffering again. Yeah, it’ll blow you away.

ASK BEFORE YOU LEASE! Call 352-334-3000 or go to www.gator.net to learn more today!

To find a GATOR NET community, visit www.gator.net. Already locked into a lease? Tell your property manager you need GATOR NET.

• 8 TERRIFYING HAUNTED HOUSES - Including HALLOWEEN® which follows Michael Myers’ footsteps as John Carpenter’s classic original film comes to life.

• MULTIPLE SPINE-CHILLING STREET EXPERIENCES • OUTRAGEOUS LIVE SHOWS • EXCITING RIDES AND ATTRACTIONS

FLORIDA RESIDENTS

SAVE UP TO $50 ON SELECT NIGHTS*

With promo code from specially-marked cans of Coca-Cola®, Coca-Cola Zero™ or Sprite®, or specially-marked cups from participating Burger King® restaurants.

FEATURING

AND MORE

HALLOWEENHORRORNIGHTS.COM #HHN24 WARNING! EVENT MAY BE TOO INTENSE FOR YOUNG CHILDREN AND IS NOT RECOMMENDED FOR CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 13. NO COSTUMES OR MASKS ALLOWED. *Based on full retail price of $95.99 with promo code (excludes Frequent Fear Passes). Offer ends 11/1/14. To receive full discount, tickets must be purchased at least 24 hours in advance with presentation of valid Florida photo ID and promo code from specially-marked cans of Coca-Cola, Coca-Cola Zero or Sprite or cups from participating Burger King restaurants. Limit six (6) tickets per purchase. Sales tax and parking fee not included. Separately ticketed event. Event occurs rain or shine. No rain checks, returns or refunds. Prices, dates, times, attractions, and entertainment are subject to availability and may change without notice. Other restrictions may apply. The Walking Dead © 2014 AMC Film Holdings LLC. All Rights Reserved. Halloween © 2014 Compass International Pictures, Inc. All rights reserved. Alien vs. Predator, Alien vs. Predator: Requiem TM & © 2014 Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation. All rights reserved. ©2014 The Coca-Cola Company. All rights reserved. TM & © 2014 Burger King Corporation. All rights reserved. Universal elements and all related indicia TM & © 2014 Universal Studios. © 2014 Universal Orlando. All rights reserved. 1403939/AP

www.BlueAgaveGNV.com

TO SAVE YOTUE$E$D !

352-363-6969

Follow Follow Us Us On On

GATORBUCKS.COM

(Right behind Zaxby’s on NW 43rd)

GUARAN

SINCE 1983

$&"" !

4113 NW 16th Blvd Next to Publix (352) 384-9110

$%# $&$ ""%'

! !

Archer Road store only: 6500 SW Archer RD, 32608 352-271-8085

4401 NW 25th Place Ste. A

YOU CAN FIND MORE LIKE THESE IN GATOR BUCKS 3524 SW Archer Rd, Ste 130 Gainesville, FL 32608

What’s In Your Salad?TM

www.GigisCupcakesUSA.com

Gainesville Location Only

352-240-6122

2327 NW 13th St (Albertson’s Plaza) 352-376-6224 5156 SW 34th St (Shoppes of Williston) 352-371-5851 www.hogans83.com

G GRAB YOUR COPY NOW. FEW TO START YOU OFF! HERE’S A FE

SINCE 1983

$1.00 OFF ANY $5.00

or More Food or Beer Purchase w/ Coupon

FOOD OR BEER ONLY. LIMIT ONE COUPON PER PERSON PER DAY. NOT VALID WITH ANY OTHER COUPON, DISCOUNT, OR OFFER, INCLUDING THE DAILY SPECIAL. EXPIRES 01/15/15.

www.gatorbucks.com

352-240-6122

2327 NW 13th St (Albertson’s Plaza) 352-376-6224 5156 SW 34th St (Shoppes of Williston) 352-371-5851

8

LG

www.hogans83.com

3524 SW Archer Rd, Ste 130 Gainesville, FL 32608

Gainesville Location Only

Closed on Monday Tuesday–Thursday 11am–9pm, Friday–Saturday 11am–10pm Sunday 12pm–6pm

w/purchase of any other cupcake

'3&& $61$",&

1 FREE cupcake per person per day. Must present coupon. Cannot combine with any other offers. Exp. 01/15/15

EXPIRES: 01/15/15 ONLINE CODE: LG8

UPQQJOH QJ[[B

Âł -BSHF

ONLINE AT WWW.GATORFIVESTAR.COM

www.GigisCupcakesUSA.com

www.gatorbucks.com

$1

OFF

WITH MINIMUM PURCHASE OF $7.99

WWW.DESIGNERGREENS.NET COUPON NOT VALID ON DAY OF HOME FOOTBALL GAMES NE COUPON PER CUSTOMER. NOT VALID WITH ANY OTHER COUPON OR OFFER. EXPIRES: 01/15/15 www.gatorbucks.com ONE

Follow Follow Us Us On On

FREE!

$2 off

EXPIRES: 01/15/15

$&"" !

4113 NW 16th Blvd Next to Publix (352) 384-9110

$%# $&$ ""%'

! !

EXPIRES: 01/15/15 NOT TO BE COMBINED WITH ANY OTHER OFFERS, SPECIALS OR DISCOUNTS

w/purchase of an entrĂŠe and drink

FREE COMBO!

Buy One Combo At Regular Price & Two Drinks, Get Second Of Equal Or Lesser Value Up To $9.00

FROM THE COMBO SECTION ONLY. LIMIT ONE COUPON PER TABLE OR PARTY.VALID WITH COUPON ONLY. NOT VALID WITH ANY OTHER COUPONS OR DAILY SPECIALS. EXPIRES 01/15/15. MMV

www.gatorbucks.com

www.gatorbucks.com Archer Road store only: 6500 SW Archer RD, 32608 352-271-8085

www.gatorbucks.com

#%

EXPIRES: 01/15/15

%

www.gatorbucks.com

DIRECT TRADE COFFEE, FRESH PASTRIES AND WRAPS COFFEE ROASTED ON SITE COUPON GOOD UP TO $5.00

FREE

BUY ONE GET ONE

PIZZA

BY THE SLICE

1728A W. University Ave. (Next to Gator City) (352) 367-4600

SERVING WINGSTREET WINGS!

Northwest & Midtown: 373-7733 On Campus & Archer Rd. 374-4440 Oaks Mall & Tower Rd. 332-0032 13th Street & Downtown 338-1776

Fall

.com Check Out Our Full Menu at: www.piesanostogo.com

a leader in Teppanyaki

Gainesville locations only: 3822 W Newberry Rd (352) 271-7437 3443 SW Archer Rd A3 (352) 377-7520 WWW.COLDSTONECREAMERY.COM

ORDER ONLINE: WWW.PIZZAHUT.COM

FEATURE

‘Like’ us on Facebook

Miraku Japanese Steakhouse

www.gatorbucks.com

TAKE OUT ONLY

NEW LOCATION 1250 W University Ave, Gainesville FL 32601 (352) 375 2337 5200 NW 43rd St. (Hunters Crossing) (352) 371 7437 5757 SW 75th St. (Tower Square) (352) 371 8646 !RCHER 2D s 5NIVERSITY !VE s -ILLHOPPER s www.papajohns.com

EXPIRES: 01/15/15

Miraku

EXPIRES: 01/15/15

PIZZA

BY THE SLICE

1728A W. University Ave. (Next to Gator City) (352) 367-4600

456%&/5 41&$*"-

LARGE 1-TOPPING PIZZA

$7.99

EXPIRES: 01/15/15

ORDER ONLINE!

!RCHER 2D s 5NIVERSITY !VE s -ILLHOPPER s www.papajohns.com

PROMO CODE: GATORBUCKS1

$5 OFF

any purchase of $25 or more

HILARIOUS HIBACHI!

SUNDAY–THURSDAY: 4PM–10PM FRIDAY–SATURDAY: 4PM–11PM

4005 SW 40TH BLVD. 352-336-3188 ACROSS FROM TARGET, BEHIND BURGER KING, NEXT TO ARCHER ROAD WAFFLE HOUSE

mirakujapenesesteakhouse.com

NOT VALID WITH ANY OTHER COUPON, DISCOUNT, OR OFFER. ONE COUPON PER PARTY EXPIRES: 01/15/15

(NOT VALID WITH ANY OTHER OFFER, COUPON, OR DISCOUNT. DELIVERY FEE EXTRA)

www.gatorbucks.com

FREE ENTREE ON YOUR BIRTHDAY!

www.gatorbucks.com

www.gatorbucks.com

FREE

SLICE OF CHEESE PIZZA

W/ PURCHASE OF ANY SLICE OF PIZZA AND A LARGE DRINK

(NOT VALID WITH ANY OTHER COUPON, OFFER, OR DISCOUNT. NOT VALID ON HOME FOOTBALL GAME DAYS. ONE PER PERSON.)

www.gatorbucks.com

EXPIRES: 01/15/15

www.gatorbucks.com

www.gatorbucks.com

AMERTEICPIAZZ’SA

www.gatorbucks.com

FAVORI

$0%&

NOW SERVING WINGSTREET!

FREE

SLICE OF CHEESE PIZZA

WITH PURCHASE OF ANY SLICE OF PIZZA AND A LARGE DRINK VALID AT THE 1250 W UNIVERSITY AVE LOCATION ONLY! NOT VALID WITH ANY OTHER COUPON, OFFER, OR DISCOUNT. NOT VALID ON HOME FOOTBALL GAME DAYS, ONE PER PERSON.

www.piesanostogo.com

Check Out Our Full Menu at:

$7

ONE COUPON PER CUSTOMER PER VISIT. NOT VALID WITH ANY OTHER COUPONS OR SPECIALS.

EXPIRES: 01/15/15

(ICE CREAM + 1 MIX-IN)

2 LIKE IT CREATIONS

other offers.

Not valid w/any

Valid only with college I.D.

Hand-tossed

time pizz LY. Valid CARRYOUT ON pizzas only. Not valid w/limitedCode: L3

py or Pan, Thin ‘n Cris only on regular Sunday-Tuesday a offerings.

JUST $6

LARGE IZZA P P O 1-T PING 99

SIGN UP FOR THE HUT LOVER’S EMAIL CLUB FOR FREE CHEESESTICKS W/ YOUR NEXT ONLINE ORDER!

ORDER ONLINE: WWW.PIZZAHUT.COM

Northwest & Midtown: 373-7733 On Campus & Archer Rd. 374-4440 Oaks Mall & Tower Rd. 332-0032 13th Street & Downtown 338-1776

EXPIRES: 01/15/15. ONE COUPON PER PERSON

LIMIT ONE PER CUSTOMER. NOT TO BE USED WITH OTHER COUPONS OR OFFERS. VOID WHERE PROHIBITED. SALES TAX APPLICABLE. CASH VALUE 1/100¢. OFFER VALID AT DEB-LYN, INC. RESTAURANTS IN GAINESVILLE, LAKE CITY, LIVE OAK, PALATKA, & CHIEFLAND. TM & © 2014 BURGER KING CORPORATION. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

#JH ,JOH 4BOEXJDI

GB

'3&&

EXPIRES 01/15/15

#0(0

EXP: 01/15/15

BreAKin’ iT Down!

CoNteNts

GooD

P65

P14

reaDiNG

09 10

12 13

14 15

18

20

22 52 53

54 59

63 65

6

campus talk

|

october 2014

Ways to Enrage Friends & Strangers Chewing & Choking & Fame Fortune The English Language: On the Way to Ruin P18 Rank Offenses 5 Supermarket Questions You Never Thought to Ask 3 Easy Tips to Start Budgeting Not Always the Best Four Years of Your Life He Said What UCLA Study Links Ovulation and Attraction An Eyeful A Day Keeps the Doctor Away A Plea of Ignorance P16 Bad Drinking Advice Gator Growl 2014: What to Do When the Hype Wears Off Free From Form Ferras’ Dark-Hued Pop Portal

P39

P24

P10

P30

P54

P35

CLuB PiCs

58–64 Club pics are brought to you by mycampustalk.com

Totally useless fact: The Black Death reduced the population of Europe by one third in the period from 1347 to 1351.

BreAKin’ iT Down!

P32

For your eNtertaiNMeNt 16 24 30 32 34 35 39 42 44 47 50 61 62 64 68 70

The Makings of The Modern Man P22 Questions to Spark Your Dating Dialogue Male vs. Female Beauty Reviews Core Blaster 10 Reasons to Stop Being a Fatty Crazy Facts About the Eye Halloween Party Decorations P09 Gadgets Pick a Card, Any Card How 2 Know When Someone is Full of S#!t Sore Thumbs Victims of Time Tune In. Turn On. Plug In. Most Ridic Holidays of the Month: October Flicks P61

P42

P44 P59

P14 P12

P50

P70

P64

P68

Totally useless fact: Average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000

campus talk

|

october 2014

7

whAT’S on!

Editors ‘

Letter trick or treat As a child, it’s difficult to believe that Halloween could ever get better than it felt at that moment, but then you get to college.

Forget all of those restrictions cast down from parents and lawmakers; in college, Halloween is a full-on, free-for-all of candy, costumes and pranks, only to be topped off with booze, parties and the potential slew of other nefarious activities. Is there a better way to celebrate the passing of midterms? I think not.

The steam and stress is on the rise this month with midterms looming. To support you in such a time of need, we’ve packed the tricks, as well as some treats, for your reading delight. We sit down with Julie Zeilinger to discuss her book College 101. Pianist and songwriter Ferras chats with us about touring

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF LAUREN DOUGLASS

CONTENT EDITOR DANIEL SUTPHIN

ART DIRECTOR DANIEL TIDBURY

GRAPHIC DESIGN JANE DOMINGUEZ PATRICE KELLY DANIEL TIDBURY

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS MARC DOUGLASS LAUREN DOUGLASS DANIEL SUTPHIN KELLY HERMAN BRIAN HODGES JOHN SCHECK MIKE STANLEY KEVIN PEARSON SARAH G. MASON MIKE CAPSHAW

FASHION FEATURES

with Katy Perry and his latest EP. If dating has got you down, we’ve offered up some tips to rescue you from your relationship woes.

We’ve also thrown in plenty of jokes, jabs and jumbles to get you though the lull between classes.

This Halloween, somewhere in between pranking roommates, crashing parties and viewings of The Nightmare Before Christmas, don’t forget to pick up a book from time to time to study, because nothing is more appropriate for hitting the books than an endless, twitchy sugar high.

Daniel Sutphin

DANIELLE BOUDREA

SPECIAL PROJECTS

If you have any comments you’d like to share with CT, send them in to mail@mycampustalk.com and you’ll be entered into a drawing to win prizes!!

You may only be entered once, so don’t send us 50 comments thinking you’ll enhance your chances of winning! Employees of Campus Talk magazine, their relatives, their twins from alternate universes and their healthcare providers are prohibited from entering this drawing. Everyone else is eligible to participate… except for pandas. No pandas allowed.

LAUREN MICHELLE KOLANSKY SASHA LALL

NIGHTLIFE PAPARAZZI JASON FRANKENFIELD

PROMOTIONS AMANDA LILES KAREN JONES ANNMARIE DEFEO GEORGIA SUMMERVILLE

DIRECTOR OF ADVERTISING SHANE HOWELL shane@whpinc.com

LEGAL COUNSEL GARY EDINGER

DISTRIBUTED BY STREET TEAMS, INC.

PRESIDENT OF OPERATIONS

MArc DouglASS

CAMPUS TALK IS LICENSED FOR PUBLISHING RIGHTS IN FLORIDA TO WHP, INC. OTHER MARKETS ARE AVAILABLE. FOR INFORMATION ON OWNING CAMPUS TALK IN ANOTHER CITY, PLEASE CONTACT US. PHONE :

(352) 371.5881

EMAIL :

MAIL@MYCAMPUSTALK.COM

THE WHAT’S HAPPENING NETWORK

SNAIL MAIL :

P.O. BOX 143053 GAINESVILLE, FL 32614

VISIT ONLINE :

MycAMPuSTAlK.coM

THIS MAGAZINE IS RATED EFH FOR EXTREMELY FREAKIN’ HILARIOUS. EFH [whP - A diversified marketing & publishing organization] Let us help you reach thousands with outdoor advertising on The What’s Happening Truck

8

campus talk

|

Full service design studio providing clients with our best creative talents.

october 2014

Publishing division creating the best in college publications to college students.

Connecting students to student properties clear across the country. Traffic is our middle name.

From pens to ping pong tables, our promotional department can handle all of your logo merchandising needs.

Campus Talk is a humor magazine dedicated to relieving students of the pressures of everyday college life. Among essay exams, crowded classrooms, boring professors and messy roommates, Campus Talk offers a welcome diversion for those students “just trying to get away from it all.”

Different viewpoints may grace our pages but may not all represent the opinions of Campus Talk Magazine or its staff. Campus Talk should not be read by anyone suffering from heart ailments, unfunny syndrome or halitosis. All images depicted are purely coincidental.

Copyright 2009. All rights reserved, What’s Happening Publications, Inc.

Totally useless fact: Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

fun with fury We all have these people in our lives: They cut in front of us in line, they are rude to us in class, they make our jobs a living hell, they cut us off in traffic, they talk loudly on their cell phones when we are trying to study in the library.

In short, they violate basic rules of polite behavior.

But don’t worry, here at Campus Talk, we have developed a few simple

Ways to

Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200 percent, extra dark, 17-inch paper, 99 copies.

In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors”.

Specify that your drive-through order is “TO-GO”.

If you have a glass eye, tap on it ccasionally with your pen while talking to others.

Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc” them to your boss.

Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room.

Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up”.

Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophesy”.

Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way”.

Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.

Staple pages in the middle of the page.

Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what you think”.

Practice making fax and modem noises.

Totally useless fact: Iceland consumes more Coca-Cola per capita than any other nation.

campus talk

|

october 2014

9

TeeTh Aren’T JuST for SMiling

By John SchecK

CheWiNG & ChoKiNG & FaMe $ FortuNe Here’s the deal, I’m not too big on chewing food, at least not as much as I should. I just like to taste it and get it into my gut ASAP. It’s not like anyone ever got rich or famous because they were good at chewing their food. The down side of not chewing properly is choking on a piece of bagel as big as a baby’s foot. After a couple of close calls I learned how to give myself the Heimlich maneuver. You never know when it could come in handy and it’s a lot simpler than trying to get the point across by pantomiming to a bunch of dopes in a bagel shop that you’re choking to death.

Not to get too far off the subject but how would I go about getting a maneuver named after me? That Heimlich guy must really be living on easy street. I’m just guessing here but I’d wager that Mr. Heimlich came up with the name first – just because it sounds cool – and then invented his little technique for popping a half-eaten steak out of a guy’s gullet. He was probably going to use The Heimlich Maneuver as the title for a spy novel but he was too lazy to write it.

10

• When you pass out from drinking and find yourself the next morning inexplicably on a park bench in another state.

Take an existing technique and rename it, that’s probably what old Heimlich did and now he’s choking with laughter all the way to the bank so I’ll just use “The Scheck Maneuver” as the new name for an old procedure. Something desperately in need of a new name is the “snot rocket” or “Italian handkerchief.”

Excuse me, I’m laughing out loud because I just called plugging up one nostril and blowing snot out of the other a “procedure,” like it’s something clinical. Granted, a snot rocket is gross but so is forcing someone to eject a piece of recently eaten food.

PossiBLe thiNGs to Be heretoFore KNoWN as the sCheCK MaNeuVer: • When you slap the crap out of someone who is hysterical.

Come to think of it I’d rather have my good name attached to something a little more dignified than what people do when they don’t have a tissue. I want the Scheck maneuver to be something fun or glamorous.

• When you reach into a vending machine and take something from the first row without paying.

campus talk

|

october 2014

• When a friend passes out and you drive them without their knowledge to another state and leave them on a park bench.

• The act of both text messaging and tuning the radio while driving in heavy traffic.

When I decide which of these to use you’re welcome to the others because I think that everyone should have their own maneuver.

Totally useless fact: The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

TWISTED THURSDAY

AS LOW AS

$35

PER PERSON WITH ONLINE ADVANCE PURCHASE

WILL YOU SURVIVE THE CURSE? A curse is spreading in the form of a song. If you can survive a night of paranormal horror, evade hundreds of roaming creatures, and endure a dive in the dark on Falcon’s Fury™, you may just lift the curse. Spread the song and spread the curse at HOWLOSCREAM.COM. WARNING: THIS YEAR’S EVENT CONTAINS INTENSE ADULT CONTENT SUCH AS VIOLENCE, GORE & BLOOD. VALID FOR FOUR OR MORE ADMISSIONS ON THURSDAYS ONLY (OCTOBER 2 AND 9 AT $35, OCTOBER 16, 23 AND 30 AT $45).

THURSDAY 4-PACK WALK-UP ADMISSION PRICE IS $50. HOWL-O-SCREAM IS A SEPARATELY TICKETED NIGHT EVENT. SAVINGS BASED ON ADVANCE PURCHASE. PRICES PER PERSON, PLUS TAX. SOME RESTRICTIONS APPLY. EVENT DATES AND TIMES ARE SUBJECT TO CHANGE OR CANCELLATION WITHOUT NOTICE. PARKING IS NOT INCLUDED. NO COSTUMES ALLOWED. © 2014 SEAWORLD PARKS & ENTERTAINMENT, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

HOWLOSCREAM.COM

BAD orAl hygiene

the eNGLish

By DAniel SuTPhin

LaNGuaGe: oN the Way to ruiN Thanks to technology, text messaging, slang, laziness and even lack of education, the English language is well on its way to being nothing more than an illegible series of letters, acronyms and one-syllable abbreviations of former words. Most recently, I was reading an article on Yahoo News that, instead of using the word “nominated”, they used the modification, “nommed”. In similar fashion, the word “nominations” was reduced to the one-syllable invention, “noms”.

What the hell is happening to society?

DeserViNG N e Z o D y t ir the D Nt oF BaNishMe fAceBooK/google They’re corporations’ names, not verbs. liTerAlly What once was a solid word, has been destroyed by over-embellishment and lack of education. What you mean to say is “figuratively”. lArge SiZe PeTiTeS I didn’t know this even existed … and for the sake of our generation and those who will come after us, I don’t think it should. lol/oMg/Bff/wTf/yolo Enough with the abbreviations already!

The new norMAl Normality is boring no matter what additional adjective you attach to it.

TricKerATion I didn’t even know this existed, but it’s wrong. ginorMouS What happened to enormous?

12

campus talk

|

october 2014

VirAl In reference to anything other than actual viruses MAn cAVe How about we call it what it is? A den, a basement or a garage. fiScAl cliff Jump already!

TrenDing Trend is not a verb. It is something temporary; hopefully the use of it as a verb will be too.

SuPerfooD What’s so “super” about it? Can it fly? Can it leap tall buildings in a single bound? It’s FOOD, whether it be healthy or not.

Totally useless fact: “I am.” is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

STrAighTen uP AnD fly righT

raNK oFFeNses MilitarY inSignia eXPlaineD to non-veteranS First of all, I’d like to state once and for all that I was honorably discharged from the United States Air Force and my leaving had nothing to do with a certain incident on a Greek island involving two topless Swedish tourists (consenting adults), a huge sheet of plastic, and four gallons of high quality olive oil – any rumor to the contrary is a horrible slander instigated by Al Qaeda.

Next, I’d like to say that nothing irks vets more than to see movies screw up U.S. military uniforms.

Every veteran is an expert on how a uniform should be worn.

This isn’t because vets are all fastidious dressers but simply because the military puts a LOT of emphasis on the uniform. If

you showed up at your post with your uniform looking like it does in many movies and TV shows you’d be escorted directly to the nearest military prison while given ample opportunity to review current dress code norms.

It’s time to set the record straight on military insignia and dress.

Totally useless fact: There is a town in Newfoundland, Canada called Dildo.

In the short version explaining military insignia, enlisted men and women have their rank (in the form of stripes) on their sleeve while officers have it on their shoulders. Although the insignia are different for each service branch an easy rule to remember for enlisted people is that the more stripes the higher the rank. For officers rank progresses with silver trumping gold from bars, to clusters, to an eagle, and then stars.

As far as the medals and decorations military folks wear on the uniform things can get a lot more complicated. Most of the ribbons you see above the breast pocket of uniforms are given out simply for doing your job. As

Woody Allen once said about life, showing up is about 80% of military decorations. Then there are other badges, tabs, and patches that elite units pay for with blood, sweat, tears, and usually enormous amounts of alcohol, at least at some phase of the operation. Quite often when dealing with decorative ribbons and uniforms it’s difficult even for military people to tell the difference between a true hero and someone who was just along for the ride.

Everyone should remember that just showing up for military service is a hell of a sacrifice and merits respect. At least that’s the opinion of this pacifist (mostly), peace-loving vet. campus talk

|

october 2014

13

MeAlS, DeAlS & STeAlS

5

By SArAh g. MASon

suPerMarKet

QuestioNs

you NeVer thouGht to asK The big carts on wheels. The lightly misted vegetables.

The comfortable music. To you, these things are just a part of any normal grocery shopping experience. But have you ever thought to ask why?

why do supermarkets often offer the “10 for $10” deal? “Ten cans of soup for just ten dollars – what a deal!” But is it really? Often, sale items are clumped together in a way that makes them seem cheaper. Because of the way “10 for $10” is written and because of how sale items are often thrown together in huge, overflowing bins, consumers feel like they’re getting a ton for their buck. However, supermarkets can easily take a 90-cent can of soup and promote it with a 10 for $10 deal.

It’s a buy-in-bulk trap, so always calculate individual prices of comparable items and don’t be fooled by so-called savings. why do supermarkets mist their vegetables? They do it to make them seem fresher. Some grocery stores even include the sound of rain – but don’t be duped. The mist can actually make vegetables rot faster, so choose the driest ones and shake off whatever excess moisture you can.

14

campus talk

|

october 2014

why do supermarkets play slow music?

They do it to calm you down and encourage you to linger longer around the aisles. This is a tactic that’s also used around the holidays when grocery stores play nostalgic Christmas music – yes, hearing “Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer” when strolling through the supermarket can actually inspire you to spend more. If you want to beat this ploy, wear headphones and listen to fast music.

Upbeat tunes can energize you so that you’ll be in and out in a flash. why do supermarkets provide huge carts on wheels? Simple – you can fit more in them. Since their creation in 1938, supermarket carts have tripled in size, and it’s estimated that a 50 percent increase in shopping cart size causes consumers to spend nearly 40 percent more on groceries in a single visit – talk about returns! Also, if you’ve ever seen the cutesy carts for kids, beware. As your little shopper helps Mommy with the groceries, they’re bound to find (and beg for) all of the snacks and treats placed at kid-height. Refrain from picking up a kid cart and use a handheld basket when possible.

why do supermarkets always put milk and eggs at the back of the store? This trick has helped to drive profits for eons, but educated shoppers can avoid falling for it. Eggs and milk are kitchen staples, so by placing them at the pack of the store, supermarkets force customers to walk past enticing goodies and eye-catching deals.

Often, consumers will splurge on items they don’t need on the way to the milk. Make sure you aren’t one of them.

The next time you’re shopping for bread and butter, you might want to look around at all the meals, deals and steals and ask, “Why?”

Totally useless fact: The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds.

Money MATTerS

easy tiPs to start BuDGetiNG Just because “broke” and “college” go hand in hand doesn’t mean you’re destined to stumble down that path. learn to budget with these three easy tips:

steP three – MoNitor steP oNe – eVaLuate

Identify how you are currently spending money. At first this may seem overwhelming, especially for those of you who don’t keep receipts. Luckily, many debit and prepaid cards offer online services that help you to keep track of your purchases.

steP tWo – set GoaLs

After identifying and evaluating your current spending habits, the next step is to set short and long-term goals. The 50/20/30 rule will help guide you to create these goals. Typically, 50 percent of your income (no matter how small) should be used towards essentials like food, housing and transportation. Twenty percent of your income should be used for financial priorities, including savings and debt payment. And 30 percent of your income should be used for your lifestyle expenses like eating out, shopping, entertainment, and any other miscellaneous expenses.

The most important part of budgeting is to track your spending. This step is crucial – if you don’t stick to the plan, the first two steps are useless. The best way to ensure that you follow through on your budget is to make it a habit. Every night before you go to bed or first thing in the morning before class, check your accounts on your phone or computer to see where you spent money the previous day and how much of your budget is left.

If you’re looking for a tool that enables you to be more conscious of your spending habits, try using a prepaid card. Prepaid cards offer most of the features of a traditional checking account at highly competitive fees. Prepaid cards are great for staying under budget because you can only spend the amount of money you pre-load onto the card. You can never spend more than you make, so say goodbye to those annoying overdraft fees!

Best of all, by signing up for a prepaid card, you’re not putting your personal credit history at risk. What does this mean for you? No debt!

For example, try CARD.com – a mobile alternative to traditional branch banking that makes banking fun, convenient and personalized. They issue prepaid debit cards with cool designs like Elvis, Walking Dead, Star Trek, Shark Week and Garfield, free of charge.

With CARD.com, cardholders can transfer funds between accounts at no cost – so the next time you’re in a bind, mom and dad can send you money instantly! And because you control your account through its user-friendly mobile app for iOs and Android, you can easily check that status of your account anywhere, anytime. The app also allows you to direct deposit (using photo capture!) any amount of your paycheck, giving you the option to either use your prepaid card strictly for shopping, or to handle all of your expenses.

Budgeting takes time and consideration, but if you follow the steps above, you’re well on your way to creating a responsible budget that works for you.

Totally useless fact: The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

campus talk

|

october 2014

15

MAn-VoluTion

the MaKingS oF the

MoDerN

MaN In this age of manscaping, open-mindedness, emotional expression and overall sensibility, the modern man has undergone a great deal of evolution since the past’s “John Wayne”representation of what supposedly makes and doesn’t make a ‘man’.

While this evolution is a positive concept in this regard, there are some traits from the past, however, that should remain essential to the makings of a man, and more importantly, what makes someone a good person.

Pride and arrogance are two different things. Make sure you’re not on the side of arrogance. only resort to violence when there is an actual threat. exercise provides happiness. Be active in your life and make sacrifices to do so.

16

campus talk

|

when you talk to someone, always look them in the eyes.

to be manly, one must be able to take care of themselves anD be able to care for others.

Be passionate and figure out how to be successful in those passions.

Stifle anger and keep a clear head. anger will only cloud your mind and bring failure.

always put a small amount of your paycheck directly into your savings account every month.

walk tall and look straight ahead; don’t shuffle along staring at your feet.

You will never look better than you do when wearing a well-tailored suit.

Figure out what needs to be done and fix it without complaining.

october 2014

go for people out of your league.

You won’t know until you try. learn personal responsibility. Bad things will always happen, man up and overcome it.

Be prepared for things to go wrong, so you can better solve them.

only have sex with those who want it as much as you.

Be open-minded to new things and never stop learning.

Be yourself; don’t change just to make someone happy. ask more questions than you answer.

Be sure to always give a firm handshake.

Be sure to stand when shaking someone’s hand.

Totally useless fact: Honking of car horns for a couple that just got married is an old superstition to insure great sex.

college 101 What inspired you to write College 101?

It was my experience going through freshman year. College was depicted as being the most incredible four years of my life, but I realized college is actually an incredibly challenging and complex experience. It was for me, and I know it is for many of my peers. I feel like we should be more open and honest about that.

I felt like I was struggling alone because everyone seemed to be having the best time ever and wasn’t dealing with stress or health issues like I was. Really, the goal of the book is to open dialogue about the real struggles freshman face like crazy financial issues, debt battle, physical health, emotional health, sexual health and socializing in general.

What do you think makes this book different from other advice books?

Many other advice books are written by adults, and more often than not they’re written by college admission officers. That’s great and those books definitely serve a purpose, but I just know that when I was an incoming freshman, I needed information from people who had just been through it. I wanted their strategies for dealing with these issues. In my book, I really deal with my own personal experiences and opinions and I also talk to college-aged women all across the nation about their experiences their advice.

Not Always

the Best Four

How would you describe your writing style?

I try to be very appropriate and humorous.

The goal – and I think I’ve accomplished this – is to feel like you’re talking to an older sister.

It’s real, honest advice that freshman actually want and need to know.

an interview with author Julie Zeilinger

Why is it difficult for freshman girls to get this advice from, say, their parents?

The problem is that college is constantly evolving. There are things that make college today very unique – social media, Greek culture and drinking culture are a few examples. There’s also this very pervasive

Years of Your Life “College will be the best four years of your life.” For many, this old adage comes true.

But what happens when it doesn’t? College student Julie Zeilinger unveils the lessglamorous truth about freshman year and doles out big-sisterly advice in her new book, College 101: A Girl’s Guide to Freshman Year. Here, she talks with me about her inspiration for the book and what she hopes freshman girls can take from it.

18

Who is this book geared toward?

It’s a girl’s guide. I think a lot of the information in the book can apply to both men and women, but what often gets lost in the conversation is that there’s a very specific gender dynamic that happens in college. It’s in social culture and Greek culture, which is a very pervasive thing on many campuses and involves a lot of sexism and a lot of double standards when it comes to drinking. Of course, we’ve also seen something over the past few months that’s really exploded in the news, and that’s sexual assault on college campuses. The current statistic is that one in five college women will experience some type of sexual assault during their time in college – that’s insane. These are all issues that aren’t being talked about that are very specific to women.

campus talk

|

october 2014

Totally useless fact: Dr. Kellogg introduced Kellogg’s Corn Flakes in hopes that it would reduce masturbation.

college 101 myth that college is going to be the best time of your life, so when college girls are struggling, they think it’s because there’s something wrong with them. They don’t want to talk about it and they don’t want to admit they’re failing or struggling in any way.

In reality, though, it’s something we’re all going through together. if you could share one piece of advice from your book, what would it be?

There’s a lot of specific advice in the book, but one overarching piece of advice is to be open and honest with each other. I can’t even count how many people I talked to while writing this book who said, “I thought I was the only one going through this. I thought everyone else was having a great time.” That honesty is key.

to get to know as many people as possible.

Everyone’s in the same boat and will be really willing to talk to you. Keep your dorm room open, join extracurricular activities or sit with new people in the dining hall; just try to break free of that high school social model.

Any final thoughts?

I hope that young women read this book and take something from it. I want to make this a much more widespread conversation.

College is an incredible time – there’s truth to that – but at the same time, we all know what a big transition it is. It’s a challenging time in your life and we should all talk about the issues to make it easier on ourselves.

what’s something that you think a lot of freshman girls do wrong in those first few days at a new school?

Your social life changes so much when you get to college. In high school, there’s a clique model where you’ve got a small group of close friends, but in college your social life opens up and you can explore relationships with all kinds of people. It’s so crucial during orientation and in those first few weeks to try

Be sure to PiCK uP a CoPy oF CoLLeGe 101 to Get the FuLL story toDay!

SEX

PRACTICE

SAFE

...because she won’t be wearing these.

CAMPUS POST OFFICE & COPY SHOP

NEED A PASSPORT? We are a U.S. Passport Acceptance Facility Passport Photos taken on­site

CALL FOR AN APPOINTMENT

352­392­1134 3030 Radio Road

(located across from Lakeside Residential Complex)

www.maildocserv.ufl.edu

elf. d Protect Yous Play Smart an Time.

very Use A Condom E

Message brought to you by

.

.

.

.

.

.

Color Copies Posters Business Cards Brochures Stamps Pamphlets Booklets Copy Paper

FREE PARKING!

Totally useless fact: The sperm of a mouse is actually longer than the sperm of an elephant.

campus talk

|

october 2014

19

MinD reADer

By KAT freeSTone

he saiD

What?

NEED BEER & PIZZA MONEY? 30-60-90 DAY SHORT TERM LOANS FOR STUDENTS

WE BUY: iPads, iPhones, Laptops, Electronics, Jewelry, Coins, Instruments, Firearms, Tools

Girls aren’t the only ones who need a handbook – guy lingo can be cryptic at the best of times. To help you decipher what he’s really thinking, read our guy talk translation: he says

he MeaNs

hoW to DeaL

“We should really hang out sometime.”

“I want to ask you out, but I’m afraid you’ll say no.”

“Cool, it’s a date.” If you’re into him, don’t be afraid to say the d-word. He put himself out there, so meet him half way.

“I’m pretty much single.”

“I have a girlfriend, but you’re hot.”

Enjoy the compliment but back off. If he’s not truly single, you want none of that.

“I’m not that into you.”

You’re going to want to change his mind – we know it. Still, resist the urge to chase him. It’s seriously not worth your time.

“If you fall for that, I’m clearly a master.”

If he likes you, he’ll say so.

If he’s sending you signals but hasn’t made any serious moves, then he’s playing games. Luckily, the ball is in your court and you can choose whether to toss it back.

“I messed up and now she’s mad.”

Know what you’re getting yourself into. If he’s still got a crazy ex-girlfriend, it means feelings between them haven’t had time to settle.

You’re better off keeping your nose out of that one.

“Are you looking for something serious?”

Be honest, but buffer it. “I’ve had two boyfriends over the past year, so it feels great to live up the single life.” It lets him know that you’re currently happier on your own.

“I’m not looking for a relationship right now.”

5

BRING THIS IN & GET

“I don’t play games.”

$

WATCH BATTERY REPLACEMENT VALID AT EAST AND SOUTH LOCATIONS ONLY. SEE STORE FOR DETAILS. MUST PRESENT COUPON.

“My ex is psycho.”

OAKSPAWNANDJEWELRY.COM

TWO CAMPUS LOCATIONS!

SOUTH CAMPUS: 2530 SW 34TH STREET EAST CAMPUS: 320 SW 16TH AVENUE

20

campus talk

|

october 2014

“How many boyfriends have you had?”

Totally useless fact: In medieval France, unfaithful wives were made to chase a chicken through town naked.

CHARTED

THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID

BANANAS!

actually edible

THE NUMBER OF TIMES IT HAS BEEN FUNNY APPLICABLE AND FUNNY

THE NUMBER OF TIMES IT’S BEEN APPLICABLE

too hard too mushy

THE NUMBER OF TIMES I’VE HEARD THE PHRASE, “THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID”

AN ANTHONY WEINER INSPIRED DIAGRAM

TIMES OF THE DAY MY CO-WORKERS NEED TO USE THE BATHROOM

PEOPLE WHO THINK THE INTERNET IS COMPLETELY PRIVATE

ANY OTHER TIME

POLITICIANS PEOPLE WHO USE SOCIAL NETWORKING TOOLS WHEN I’M IN THERE

Totally useless fact: The average North American will eat 35,000 cookies during their life span.

campus talk

|

october 2014

21

eggciTing Or is he? Take the same scene, the same Mr. Dreamy, but a different night – suddenly, he may seem like a total catch.

Women may get a bad rep for being fickle, but it turns out these mood swings are based on more than a whim. According to UCLA researchers, women’s preferences for mates change throughout their menstrual cycle.

Through careful analysis of past studies, the UCLA team found that ovulating women have evolved to prefer men who display masculine traits like muscular bodies, strong jaws and dominant behavior – think “sexy.”

Interestingly, women who are not ovulating instead prefer men who have more long-term mate qualities, like the ability to listen.

According to the UCLA researchers, women experience complicated preference shifts during different times of the month no matter what’s actually happening in their personal lives. From an evolutionary standpoint, these findings make sense.

When women ovulate, they are at their most fertile. Mix that with a man who displays masculine traits – another sign of fertility – and the odds that her offspring survive quickly increases.

For many years, women were thought to be immune from such primitive impulses. Until the past decade, the science community accepted the notion that human female sexuality was different from sexuality in all other animals. Findings such as this challenge that wisdom and help shed some light on women’s curious laws of attraction.

you walk into the crowded restaurant with your best girlfriend by your side. Suddenly, Mr. Tall, Dark and handsome catches your eye. “you have an admirer!” your friend whispers in excitement. you shrug. he’s not really your type.

The takeaway is an important one. The more informed women are about their sexual decision-making, the better choices they’ll be able to make. Just because that guy at the office ignites sparks doesn’t mean he’ll make a great long-term partner. On the flip side, just because Mr. Kind and Shy doesn’t light your interest right away, doesn’t mean he’s not the one for you.

uCLa stuDy LiNKs oVuLatioN aND attraCtioN

By SArAh g. MASon

22

campus talk

|

october 2014

siGNs oF attraCtioN When you spot a love interest, your brain releases norepinephrine, which makes your heart race and gives you the push you need to strike up a conversation with that special someone. Another side effect of norepinephrine? Sweating palms. Our palms have nearly 3,000 miniscule sweat glands per square inch, which seem to work on overdrive when we spot someone we’re attracted to.

Totally useless fact: Napoleon’s penis was sold to an American Urologist for $40,000.

T R O P P U S Y P O HELP CAN

S S E N E R A W A R BREAST CANCE !

THIS MONTH

A G IN S A H C R U P Y B T R A ST R E C N A C T S A E R B T A H T CHOMP ON T-SHIRT FOR $7!

E SUSAN G. KOMEN TH TO $3 NG TI NA DO BE L IL W PY IRT SOLD, CANO

EACH SH

FOUNDATION

!

5 1 0 2 L L A F R O F W LEASING NO LABLE GROUP RATES AVAIOR TS) (GREEKS, CLUBS, SP

ALL INCLUSIVE FI, (RENT, FURNITURE PACKAGE, WI CABLE, ELECTRIC, AND MORE)

E

ROOMMATE MATCHING AVAILABL

ARTMENTS ALL UPGRADED AP APPLIANCES, (STAINLESS STEEL FLOORS GRANITE COUNTERTOPS, WOOD SELF!) AND MORE, COME SEE FOR YOUR

COLLEGE LIVINGS CLOSE TO CRAMMLIPVIUNG FAR FROM DO

!

CALL FOR SPECIALS & SAVE $230

@CANOPYGVILLE

CANOPYGVILLE.COM • 352-367-8383

4400 SW 20TH AVE, GAINESVILLE FL 32607

TAlK, TAlK, TAlK

g n i t Da ogue l a i D

Although a necessary trait for any healthy relationship, conversation may no t always be a couples’ stronge st suit. Between indivi dual lives and stresses, school and the overall selfish pursuit of lust, many couples seem to talk more at each other tha n necessarily with each other. Shou ld you find your datin g dialogue to be a bit in the dumps, he re are some questions to spark so me thought.

What is on your bedside table?

What is your idea of ic a hot romant date?

the s i h c i h W to best age mar ry?

24

campus talk

|

october 2014

Do you have posters up on your walls?

Which color do you like the best?

Which do you like better Coke or Pepsi?

did When in ll you fa with love me?

Do you still have tonsils?

What is the t hing love m you abou ost t me?

Totally useless fact: Eating the heart of a male Partridge was the cure for impotence in ancient Babylon.

R E B OCTO

PlAy wiTh yourSelf

GO FIGURE

CR O S SWORD

SN OW F FL AK KE K ES S

C RYPTO QUIP{

SUDOKU

Totally useless fact: A bull can inseminate 300 cows from one single ejaculation.

campus talk

|

rs are answepage 73 on

october 2014

25

PlAy wiTh yourSelf

STAR MAP

TO PT CRYP E TE UOT QUO Q

R ROSS OSS CRISS RISS C RO

AZE AZE MAZ

BRID RIDGE RID IDGE

G HANGE CHAN XCH XC EX NE EN VE VE EVE

26

campus talk

|

october 2014

Totally useless fact: When a Hawaiian woman wears a flower over her left ear, it means that she is not available.

R E B O T C O

you Sooooo cheATeD

WORD HUNT!

FEAR K OT O FE AR KN

MEGA ME MEG G GA A MAZ AZE E WHERE W HERES HERE S FRAN F RANK K? ?

Totally useless fact: The “save” icon on Microsoft Word shows a floppy disk with the shutter on backwards.

campus talk

|

october 2014

27

Tic TAc Toe!

Use this space for TIC TAC TOE, or anything else you can think of to spare the borEdom of class!

THE WHAT’S HAPPENING NETWORK

Let us help you reach thousands with outdoor advertising on The What’s Happening Truck

28

campus talk

|

october 2014

Full service design studio providing clients with our best creative talents.

Publishing division creating the best in college publications to college students.

Connecting students to student properties clear across the country. Traffic is our middle name.

From pens to ping pong tables, our promotional department can handle all of your logo merchandising needs.

Totally useless fact: The only nation whose name begins with an “A”, but doesn’t end in an “A” is Afghanistan.

hAhAhAhA Any woman that thinks the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach is Two factory workers are talking. aiming just a little too high.

The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.”

The man replies, “And how would you do that?”

reMeMBer to

send all jokes funny@mycampus talk.com and you could win a Campus Talk t-shirt.

The woman says, “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.

The boss comes in and says, “What are you doing?”

The woman replies, “I’m a light bulb.”

Q: What do you say to a sorority girl that won’t give in?

A: “Have another beer.”

Q: Why does a sorority girl wear underwear?

A: To keep her ankles warm.

Q: How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?

A: At the circus the clowns don’t talk.

Q: What’s the difference between a sorority girl and a Rolls Royce?

A: not everybody has been in a rolls royce.

The boss then says, “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.”

Tried in a hostile town, a guy didn’t think he had a chance of getting off a murder charge, so shortly before the jury retired he bribed one of the jurors to find him guilty of the lesser crime of manslaughter.

The man starts to follow her and the boss says, “Where are you going?”

The jury was out for over three days before eventually returning a verdict of manslaughter. The relieved defendant collared the bribed juror and said: “Thanks. How ever did you manage it?”

The man says, “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.”

“It wasn’t easy,” admitted the juror. “All the others wanted to acquit you.”

L I V E C LO S E . D R I V E L E S S .

SAVE $274 WITH REDUCED FEES

great location + 24-hr fitness center + fully furnished + washer & dryer

APPLY TODAY FOR FALL 2014

ROYALVILLAGE.COM ĈāĀŏ ŏ !,+0ŏ 2!ŏĽāĂĊŏđŏăĆĂċăăĉċĀĂĀĂ Fees subject to change. See office for details. Limited time only.

Totally useless fact: The only 15-letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable

campus talk

|

october 2014

29

Age-olD BATTle

m a l e vs female at the ATM male procedure 1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

4. Find backpack, dump contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through backpack contents on seat to find notebook with PIN written on the inside back page. Shovel everyting back into backpack.

11. Enter PIN. 12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

30

campus talk

|

october 2014

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check dashing smile in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty backpack again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.

18. Waggle eyebrows in mirror.

19. Drive forward two feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty backpack, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.

23. Give dirty look to irate driver waiting behind.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull o.

25. Redial person on cell phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release Parking Brake.

FEMALE PROCEDURE 1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Put window up.

7. Drive o.

Totally useless fact: Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and are on the Australian coat of arms for that reason.

ScruB uP lADieS

Beauty

By KirSTen nielSen

DeeP steeP Moisture shaMPoo & CoNDitioNer A duo free from harsh chemicals and sulfates, this shampoo and conditioner uses Moroccan argan oil and organic olive oil to gently remove build-up from dry hair while infusing your locks with moisture and nourishment.

Shampoo $12.95; conditioner $12.95 deepsteep.com DeeP steeP sMoothiNG shaMPoo & CoNDitioNer If the humidity and heat are constantly wreaking havoc on your hair, use this duo to bring back the silky strands you love.

Pomegranate oil and corn silk extract smooth and seal hair cuticles for a sleek, shiny finish that will stay frizz-free all day long.

Shampoo $12.95; conditioner $12.95 deepsteep.com

aroMa BeLLa eXFoLiatiNG FaCe Wash

This 15% exfoliating wash helps to dissolve dirt within pores for an ultra clean feeling.

An all natural product, this wash uses fruit acids and natural purifiers to remove dirt and makeup from your skin while gently exfoliating dead skin cells. $50 AromaBella.com

NeVo totaL FiXatioN A lightweight but long-lasting gel that provides hold without the use of added chemicals! Both vegan and gluten-free, this all-natural gel nourishes hair with essential oils while providing hold with no flaking or build-up. Along with coming in 100% biodegradable packaging, 5% of all NEVO product sales benefit City of Hope Cancer research. $19 pravana.com 32

campus talk

|

october 2014

FreeMaN Beauty’s FeeLiNG BeautiFuL PiNeaPPLe FaCiaL eNZyMe MasK

Reveal your most beautiful and radiant skin with this exfoliating enzyme mask! Perfect for normal to combination skin, this mask includes pineapple extract and exfoliating AHAs to clear away dirt and dead skin cells. full size $3.99; Travel size $1.99 freemanbeauty.com

WeLeDa’s oat rePLeNishiNG treatMeNt

If your locks are damaged by constant heat styling or chemical processing, use this replenishing treatment to add shine and touchable softness.

Vitamin-rich organic sea buckthorn oil and organic shea butter nourish your hair and scalp while protecting from future damage. $13 usa.weleda.com Totally useless fact: Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.

ScruB uP lADieS

WiZarD BuBBLe Bar

Create a spell-binding bath time experience with this bubble bar shaped like a tiny wizard. When dropped in the water, it pops like candy and releases the scent of Ylang Ylang oil, juniper berry, and tangerine! $7.95 lushusa.com

NOW LEASING

PuMPKiN BuBBLe Bar

Perfect for Halloween and Thanksgiving, this little bath bar shaped like a pumpkin releases a PET free gold luster when dropped in the bath. It’s frangrances include Orange Flower Absolute, Blackcurrant Absolute, juniper berry, and lime oils. $7.95 lushusa.com

THE

RIGHTCHOICE. • 2, 3 and 4 Bedroom Apartments • Close proximity to campus • Fully Furnished Units

NortherN LiGhts Bath BoMB

Make bath time fun again with this fizzing bath bomb from Lush!

Once dropped in the water, this ball melts and dissolves into a mesmerizing array of blue and green colors meant to mimic the night sky during the Northern Lights. If the gorgeous colors aren’t enough, this bath bomb is infused with the soothing Christmas Eve fragrance from Lush. $5.95 lushusa.com

sParKLer Bath BoMB

If July 4th is your favorite holiday, you’ll love this bath bomb that pops and fizzes like exploding fireworks when it’s dropped in the water. Along with the glittering gold color, it releases a delicate Organic Rose Absolute fragrance to sooth you during your bath. $6.95 lushusa.com

SIGN YOUR LEASE ONLINE ANYTIME! CampusLodgeGainesville.com 352.367.2800 | 2800 SW Willston Road | Gainesville, FL 32608

Totally useless fact: Blueberry Jelly Bellies were created especially for Ronald Reagan.

campus talk

|

october 2014

33

feel The Burn

Core

By KAT freeSTone

BLaster The key to rock hard abs is a solid diet, hydration, plenty of exercise and a few killer ab workouts. Need a few ideas to get started? We’ve got you covered. aB PuLse uPs LIE flat on your back with your hands under your butt (for lower-back support) and your legs straight up in the air. Your body should form a 90 degree angle. SQUEEZE your butt and lower abs while you PUSH your legs directly upwards (as if you’re trying to touch your toes to the sky). LOWER your butt back to the ground. That was one “pulse.” REPEAT the motion 15 times for a full set.

MouNtaiN CLiMBers START in a push-up position.

BEND one knee into your chest, then JUMP and switch legs so that the other knee is at your chest. REPEAT the motion 20 times for a full set.

34

campus talk

|

october 2014

haNGiNG LeG raises HANG from a pull-up bar.

While keeping your core tight, your back flat and your legs straight, RAISE your legs until they’re parallel with the floor.

HOLD for a half second, then LOWER your legs back down. REPEAT the motion 20 times for a full set.

Criss-Crosses LIE on your back with your arms by your sides.

EXTEND both legs out at a 45 degree angle.

CROSS your left foot over your right, then switch so your right foot is over your left. REPEAT the motion 40 times for a full set. u-Boat SIT with your knees bent and your feet flat on the ground. LEAN BACK and prop your upper body on your elbows. LIFT your legs to a 90-degree angle (knees should be touching, toes pointed). MOVE your legs to the left, then to the right, as if you were tracing a “U” with your knees. REPEAT the motion 20 times for a full set.

Totally useless fact: PEZ candy even comes in a Coffee flavor.

10

saddlebags!

Reasons to stop Being a

Fatty

(And A Visual Burden On All Who Surround You) If vanity weren’t enough, here are a few more reasons to get your act together and finally thin out the flab!

1. To feel better about myself.

2. To increase my feelings of self wor th.

3. To be able to jump without worrying about hur ting myself.

4. To look good in tight clothes.

5. To be able to wear shor ts in the summer.

6. To be able to go swimming without being self-conscious.

7. To feel I can go swimming at all!

8. To be able to run.

9. To be heal thier.

10. To not fear going to the doctors because I’ll have to get on a scale.

Totally useless fact: Non-dairy creamer is flammable.

campus talk

|

october 2014

35

DAMnyouAuTocorrecT.coM

Every Day is Gameday

In Gainesville every day is Gameday, only the venues change! So whether you love going outdoors or simply going out to eat, we’ve got just what you’re looking for. Paddle the Santa Fe River, dine at one of our delicious local restaurants or search for treasures at local boutiques and vintage shops downtown. Gainesville, where nature and culture meet.

36

campus talk

|

october 2014

VisitGainesville.com

352.374.5260

Totally useless fact: The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the “American Pie.” (Thus the name of the Don McLean song.)

damnyouautocorrect.com

Totally useless fact: Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history.

campus talk

|

october 2014

37

charted

WHEN PEOPLE SAY “WE SHOULD HANG OUT”

WE ACTUALLY HANG OUT

WHAT I DO WATERING THE GARDEN

TIME SPENT ACTUALLY WATERING THE PLANTS

WE NEVER HANG OUT...EVER

TIME SPENT MAKING A RAINBOW

TIME SPENT SPRAYING THE CAT FOR HUMOR

ATTRACTIVENESS OF A TOY FOR A TODDLER

HOW TO WAKE A DOG UP

I NEED THAT TOY NOW! MAKE LOUD NOISES IN ITS EAR

I REALLY WANT IT CALL ITS NAME BEST TOY EVER!

TRY TO SNEAK AROUND IT

THAT’S SO COOL! I COULD PLAY WITH IT DROP FOOD ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HOUSE

NOT REALLY INTERESTED TOY IS LYING AROUND

38

campus talk

|

ELSE IS SOMEONE TH IT WI PLAYING

october 2014 Totally useless fact: Spades - King David, Clubs - Alexander the Great, Hearts - Charlemagne, and Diamonds - Julius Caesar.

eye See you

CraZy FaCts aBout the eye

By SArAh g. MASon

in a heated game of “would you rather,” don’t be surprised by how far you’d go to avoid certain horrible fates. would you rather swim with sharks or eat a moldy sandwich? would you rather walk on hot coals or jump into a frozen lake? would you rather lose an arm or an eye? we’d recommend the arm – your eyes are way more astounding.

are you one of the two percent of women with tetrachromatic “super vision”? if so, this genetic mutation allows you to see approximately 100 million colors.

of all the muscles in your body, the ones that control your eyes are the most sensitive.

Your eyes don’t ever need to “wake up” to their full potential like the other muscles in your body do – they’re always active 24/7.

humans and dogs are the only species that look into each others’ eyes for visual cues – dogs only do this when interacting with humans.

During your life, you’ll see 24 million different images.

Pirates wore a gold earring not for looks, but because they believed it would improve their eyesight.

50 Shades of grey is nothing – our eyes can distinguish between 500 shades of grey.

Feeling like your online lecture is dragging? People generally read 25 percent slower when looking at a computer as opposed to paper.

Your eyes can only move smoothly when following an object, like a bird flying across the sky. otherwise, the motion is saccadic. go ahead. try it.

Babies are colorblind when they’re born, and one in every 12 men are colorblind.

Totally useless fact: Golf courses cover 4% of North America.

Your pupil expands up to 45 percent when you look at someone you love.

Your eyes focus faster than even the fastest camera lens.

campus talk

|

october 2014

39

SPooKy!

HALLOWEEN Party DeCoratioNs

By KirSTen nielSen

FestiFieD sWeater Dress Who says crazy sweaters are only a Christmas thing? Crack up your friends with this tacky Halloween sweater dress that’s perfect for Halloween or pumpkin carving parties. Don’t worry boys- this also comes in a sweater variation for you! $29.99 and up festified.com/ halloween

WhooZ aDaPters

Get even your outlets involved in your Halloween party!

These hilarious and spooky designs fit over your chargers for your iPhone, iPod, or iPad and will crack up your guests whenever they ask to charge their phones. Each pack comes with all four designs of the monsters and ghouls. $12.95 for four whoozizit.com

PuMPKiN taP Kit

haLLoWeeN theMeD eDiBLe arraNGeMeNt Treat your guests to this spooky and delicious Bootastic Bouquet™ from Edible Arrangements.

Serving as both a centerpiece and a healthy dish, this fresh fruit arrangement features ghost-shaped pineapple dipped in white chocolate, bat-shaped pineapple dipped in semisweet chocolate, and cat-shaped pineapple dipped in semisweet chocolate. Available for a limited time only! $65–$85 ediblearrangements.com 42

campus talk

|

october 2014

Set your Halloween party apart from all the others by turning an ordinary pumpkin into a delicious drink dispenser! This kit comes with both the cylindrical shank and faucet needed, along with easy instructions that will get you pouring in no time. Perfect for ciders and fruit drinks, the Pumpkin Tap Kit will be the talk of your party. No need to pack it away after Halloween, either: pull it out again during the summer for an awesome watermelon drink dispenser! $29.99 kegworks.com

Totally useless fact: The average person will accidentally eat just under a pound of insects every year.

SPooKy! Bite Me BottLe oPeNer

Spook your guests and put a bite in your beverages with this metal bottle opener shaped like classic vampire teeth. Perfect for sodas and fruit drinks, it comes with a keyring attachment included so you’ll never lose it. $12 gamago.com

FreshtaPe

Keep your party food fresh with this new, patent-pending product that lets your re-close and reseal food bags!

Freshtape is FDA approved, can be used over and over again, and is completely recyclable. Get your party food ready for your Halloween party with the Animal Print line, along with 12 other awesome patterns. $9.99 for a set of 18 getfreshtape.com

Beats the heck out of dorm food.

MONDAY-THURSDAY

CAMPUS

1702 W University Ave 352.692.4400

ARCHER RD.

3841 SW Archer Road 352.692.4460

Fast! Fresh!

Tasty!

P.S. We deliver. $2.50 delivery fee.

Order must be placed online at PitaPit2Go.com.

GREEN & CART FEES INCLUDED

STUDENTS

$30

PLUS TAX

FACULTY, ALUMNI & STAFF GUESTS

$35

$40

PLUS TAX

PLUS TAX

FRIDAY-SUNDAY

GREEN & CART FEES INCLUDED STUDENTS

$40

FACULTY, ALUMNI & STAFF GUESTS

PLUS TAX

$45

$50

PLUS TAX

PLUS TAX

For information on tee times, events & more visit us online:

markbostickgolfcourse.com t 48 /% "7&

Totally useless fact: Until 1994, world maps and globes sold in Albania only had Albania on them.

campus talk

|

october 2014

43

geT TheSe in your life

the siNGiNG MaChiNe

Not your normal karaoke machine, the Singing Machine lets you use your laptop, smartphone, or tablet to stream more than 8,000 songs using the Mobile Karaoke App. Use a CD+G or USB, and you can connect to your TV or monitor for an even larger screen! The Singing Machine also allows your to record your singing, so you can play it again and again for your friends. $129.99 singingmachine.com

roCKiNG heaDPhoNe sPLitter

Rock out with friends with this cool headphone splitter.

Let’s you create two headphone plugs out of one, so you never have to share headphones again! Works with any standard 3.5 audio jack, so you can swap this out on any of your music players. $15 gamago.com

ChiPoLo

If you’re like us, you’re constantly losing your keys, wallet, or any other small item that leaves your sight for five minutes. This handy bluetooth enabled chip connects to your smartphone, then attaches to any item you wish. When you’re searching for your stuff, just use the app to guide you to the item! Clip it to your keys, backpack, pet, or anything else that you lose track of. $29 chipolo.net

BeM WireLess sPeaKer MoJo

Listen to what you want, whenever you want to. This powerful bluetooth speaker doubles as a charging base to ensure you never run out of music! It features a built-in microphone and speaker for your smartphone, along with touch sensitive buttons for easy operation. $89.99 bemwireless.com

reCorD PLaCeMats

No need for regular boring placemats when you’ve got these unique placemats shaped like old school records! Comes in sets of two, and are made of silicone so are completely washable and dishwasher safe. $18 gamago.com 44

campus talk

|

october 2014

Totally useless fact: The value of Pi will be officially “rounded down” to 3.14 from 3.14159265359 on December 31, 1999.

geT TheSe in your life BraCKetroN truruNNer Perfect for runners of any ability level, this lightweight and reflective pack makes it easy to carry all of your essentials while working out away from home. It is slim-designed so it doesn’t look bulky, and stays in place with an adjustable belt with no bounce, slack, or chafing.

It also features a built-in reflector, so any passing drivers and cyclists can easily spot you. $19.95 Bracketron.com

MaGNetiC ChaLKBoarD WeeKLy PLaNNer

Keep your classwork and social life organized all in one place with this old school chalkboard planner!

This handy 5.5” by 20” weekly planner comes with days of the week silkscreened on it, and doubles as a magnet board for you to attach important notes and papers. Comes with chalk pieces, two stainless magnets, and all mounting hardware included. $24 threebythree.com

BoDyGuarD Battery reCharGeaBLe PoWer BaNK

This power bank serves as a backup battery for your smartphone or tablet, a flashlight in the dark, and a personal alarm in case of emergencies. Comes with a 2200 mAh capacity Li-ion battery (which means you can charge your phone completely) with high-efficiency output for fast charging. Small enough to stick in your purse or pocket, and irreplaceable in times of emergency! $34.99 champprepared.com

FeLiX hoLDtiGht

A colorful and customizable iPhone case that can be switched around to suit your needs! This case fits your iPhone 5 and 5s, and comes with seven bands to turn your iphone into a holder for small items. You can use the bands to hold your earphones, keep your credit card and ID safe while going out, or even to keep your phone securely in place while going out for a run. The HoldTight comes in nine different colors, so you’re sure to find the case that matches your look. $29.99 felixbrand.com

FOSTER HOMES NEEDED Leashes, Food, Vet Care Included Plus Free Dog Training at Dream Dogz Behavior Center Call Haile’s Angels Pet Rescue at 352.505.0302 or email hailesangelspetrescue@gmail.com for more information

Medical Care, Laser Surgery, Therapeutic Laser Treatments, Dentistry, Pet Supplies, Natural Pet Food, Boarding, Grooming, Adoptions, House Calls Available xÓΣÊ-7Ê £ÃÌÊ À Ûi]Ê > iÊ6 >}iÊ i ÌiÀÊUÊÎxÓ°ÎÇÇ°ÈääÎÊUÊ > i> > V V°V

LITTLE STORE JUST GOT BET T S E G TER! G I B E H T

RENT

THE LATEST RELEASES

28 DAYS BEFORE RED BOX WITH

FIRST RELEASE DVD KIOSK ICE BEER CUPS SODA CIGARETTES GROCERIES SNACKS

Totally useless fact: The Great Wall of China is the only man-made structure visible from space.

VISIT PARADISE FOR ALL YOUR NEEDS ON THE CORNER OF 34TH ST & W UNIVERISTY AVE campus talk

|

october 2014

45

riDDle Me ThiS!

MIND

Why is it illegal #1 bury a man livinto South Carolina ing in North Carolina?

GAMES

1) IT IS ILLEGAL TO BURY A PERSON WHILE THEY ARE STILL LIVING. 2) THERE ARE FOUR FEET IN THE BARN, CATS HAVE PAWS, NOT FEET. 3) YES, BECAUSE DEAD PEOPLE CAN’T GET MARRIED. 4) THE WOMAN IS BLIND AND IS READING BRAILLE. 5) A COFFIN.

in in a r b r u o y p e e k To ing g n u lo e il h w e p sha on your couch…

#5

no need of it. s ha , it es ak m ho W no use for it.

Who buys it, has either see nor feel Who uses it can n it. What is it?

#2

ARE IN E L P O E TWO P EN CATS T A BARN. HEM IN. T FOLLOW Y FEET ARE N HOW MA RN NOW? A IN THE B 46

campus talk

|

october 2014

#3

Is it illegal to marry your widow’s sister?

#4

A girl is sitting in a house at night that h as no lights on at all. There is no lamp, no candle, noth ing. Yet she is reading. How?

Totally useless fact: A piece of paper can be folded no more then 9 times.

MAKin’ MAgic hAPPen

PiCK a CarD

aNy CarD

Sometimes words just aren’t enough to make a good impression. When that witty, dynamic dialect seems to fail, why not try leaving a mark with some good ole’ fashioned magic? Because anyone who says they don’t love magic, … well they are just a liar.

the sWitCharoo CarD triCK

• They will say that they are sure.

PreParatioN: Before starting the card trick, find the two black 6’s and the two black 9’s. (The 6 of Spades, the 6 of Clubs, the 9 of Spades, and the 9 of Clubs.) Then, take the 6 of Spades and the 9 of Clubs and place one of them on the top of the deck and the other on the bottom. Keep the 6 of clubs and the 9 of spades separate.

• After they respond, place that card in the middle of the deck. Now do the same with the other card.

PerForMaNCe: • Show the deck of cards to your audience.

(The person you are showing the card trick to.)

• Hold the 6 of clubs and the 9 of spades in front of the person.

• Ask them to tell you what cards they are.

• They will say the 6 of clubs and the 9 of spades, of course.

• Then hold up either of the cards and ask them what card it is.

• Once both cards are inside the deck, Place it down on the table and tell the person to tap the deck three times.

• After, ask them if they have any magic moon dust.

• If they say, no say you will loan them some and reach into your pocket and pretend to sprinkle dust on the cards.

• If they say yes, tell them there’s no such thing as magic moon dust.

• Pick up the deck by putting your thumb on top and your other fingers on bottom.

• Hold the deck very lightly. Swing the deck back and forth, and on the third swing throw the deck to your other hand, but make sure you hold onto the top and bottom card.

• Your moistened fingers will help.

FiNaLe: After all that, your victim will still remember the cards, but only vaguely.

When you show them the 6 of spades and 9 of clubs that you “pre-placed” they will be astounded, unless they have an awesome memory.

• Now rub your hands together and blow on them so your fingers are slightly moist.

(This is important.)

• Ask them if they are sure.

Totally useless fact: The average North American will eat 35,000 cookies during their life span.

campus talk

|

october 2014

47

hAhAhAhA He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.

reMeMBer to

send all jokes funny@mycampus talk.com and you could win a Campus Talk t-shirt.

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.

“Why do we have to learn this stuff?” The young man blurted out.

“To save lives,” the professor responded before continuing the lecture.

Some newly married friends were visiting us when the topic of children came up. The bride said she wanted three children, while the young husband said two would be enough for him.

They discussed this discrepancy for a few minutes

48

campus talk

|

october 2014

until the husband thought he’d put an end to things by saying boldly, “After our second child, I’ll just have a vasectomy.”

Without a moment’s hesitation, the bride retorted, “Well, I hope you’ll love the third one as if it’s your own.”

A few minutes later the student spoke up again.“So how does physics save lives?”

The professor stared at the student for a long time.

“Physics saves lives,” he said, “because it keeps the idiots out of medical school.”

An elderly couple is sitting in church. The woman says to her husband, “I just let out a silent fart. What should I do?”

The man turns to her and says, “Well, you can start by changing the battery in your hearing aid.”

Totally useless fact: Between 25% and 33% of the population sneeze when exposed to light.

TAll-TAle TellS heADer

n e h W w o n K How 2

SOMEONE IS FULL OF

S#!T MiCro-eXPressioNs Although this one might be tough in a dark club, microexpressions are facial expressions that flash on a person’s face for a fraction of a second and are said to reveal the true emotion being stashed behind the lie.

• A micro-expression tends to be an emotion of distress.

• It is recognizable by the eyebrows being drawn upwards towards the middle of the forehead, creating short lines across the skin of the forehead.

50

campus talk

|

october 2014

Nose touChiNG aND Mouth CoVeriNG Far more noticeable in a night on the town, people often touch the nose more when they are lying and far less when telling the truth.

• This is thought to be due to a rush of adrenaline to the capillaries in the nose, causing it to itch.

• A liar is more likely to cover his or her mouth with a hand or to place hands near the mouth, almost as though they are shielding the lies being spewed.

• A tense mouth or pursed lips can also indicate distress.

By DAniel SuTPhin

In the flurried world of the college night life, you’re going to meet a great deal of different people over the years - some you’ll remember and some you’ll wish you could forget. Despite the fact that your college makes efforts to accept only the best and brightest of our fair state, you are still going to run into some dirtbags out there from both sides of the gene pool. While perception may be skewed amid your booze escapades, it might be helpful to have a slight understanding on determining if your person of pursuit is, in fact, a dirtbag and thus, full of shit.

As any gambler would say, everybody has tells and some are pretty universal. eye MoVeMeNts If a person is wearing sun glasses indoors or at night, then their douche level is already pretty high, so probably safer to avoid.

Another good reason to avoid them would be the fact that eye movements can also reveal lies.

• Right-Handed People • When remembering details, eyes shift up and to the left • When making something up, eyes shift up and to the right.

• Left-Handed People • The reverse is true.

• People also tend to blink more rapidly (“eye flutter”) as they’re telling a lie.

• More common in men than in women, another tell of a lie can be rubbing the eyes.

eye CoNtaCt Despite the commonly-noted correlation of honesty and person maintaining eye contact, a liar does not necessarily always avoid eye contact.

• By nature, people break eye contact and look at non-moving objects to help them focus and remember • Liars may purposely make eye contact to falsify their sincerity and can train to do so through practice.

• Some liars have shown to increase the level of eye contact in response to the belief that investigators believed contact as a tell.

Check back next month for more methods of tell detection!

Totally useless fact: The most common name in world is Mohammed.

We can help you find your way to your next apartment…

WWW.COLLEGERENTALS.COM

ogle AwAy!

aN eyeFuL a Day KeePs the DoCtor aWay Staring at women’s breasts is good for men’s health and makes then live longer, a new survey reveals.

Researchers have discovered that a 10-minute ogle at women’s breasts is as healthy as half-an-hour in the gym.

A five-year study of 200 men found that those who enjoyed a longing look at busty beauties had lower blood pressure, less heart disease and slower pulse rates compared to those who did not get their daily eyeful.

Dr Karen Weatherby, who carried out the German study, wrote in the new

pizza

wings

S M E T I U N E M T DOGGIE TRErAing happy hour 1/2 PRICE du 4"-5:%0(4"-00/ $0. t 8 6/*7 "7&

|

There is no question that gazing at breasts makes men healthier.

Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of a stroke and heart attack in half.

We believe that by doing so consistently, the average man can extend his life four or five years.�

Liquor

Beer

campus talk

Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and iproves blood circulation.

We’ve made happy hour even happier!

m p 7 4 R U HAPPY HO

52

England Journal of Medicine: “Just 10 minuntes of staring at the charms of a well endowed female in roughly equivalent to a 30 minute aerobics workout.

october 2014

$3 Tacos! $1 Fountain Drinks!

(3-5pm) 3412 W University Ave 352.672.6654

$1 BFamous Beers with purchase!

(7pm-Midnight)

P.S. We deliver. $2.50 delivery fee. Order must be placed online at BFamous2Go.com.

Totally useless fact: 2,000 pounds of space dust and other space debris fall on the Earth every day.

iDioT criMinAlS

a PLea oF iGNoraNCe

By DAniel SuTPhin

Although marijuana isn’t even close to legalization in the Sunshine State, Guy Lanchester, 46, believed cocaine to be quite the opposite, at least, that’s what he told the cops.

The biggest discrepancy with his story is that officers busted Lanchester trying to ditch the bag of blow in a flower planter at the Pier House Resort in Key West.

A security guard called police when he saw Lanchester walk onto the property with two other people and then heard a scream. Arresting officer Darnell Sealy responded. Once on the scene, Sealy asked Lanchester what was in his hands. Lanchester then stuffed his hands into the flower pot and pulled them back out. Police discovered less than a gram of cocaine in the flower pot.

Upon being booked, Lanchester allegedly told police, “I don’t understand ... I thought cocaine wasn’t illegal in Florida,” according to the New York Daily News.

Totally useless fact: Each month, there is at least one report of UFOs from each province of Canada.

campus talk

|

october 2014

53

BoTToMS uP

LiQuor BeFore Beer, NeVer Fear.

Beer BeFore LiQuor, NeVer siCKer. According to the rhyme, if you drink liquor first and then switch to beer later on, you’ll leave the bars feeling top notch. If you choose beer before liquor, however, your stomach will pay the price. The truth?

Order makes no difference. Beer, wine, liquor back to beer…you can even mix them together (ew?). The amount of alcohol you consume is the only true indicator of how you’ll feel later on.

DoN’t “BreaK the seaL” or you’LL Be GoiNG aLL NiGht. If you think once you use the restroom that you’ve opened the floodgates for endless bathroom urges, think again. First, a quick anatomy lesson – there is no seal. Second, alcohol is a diuretic – it’s going to make you pee no matter how hard you try to hold it in! eNerGy DriNKs MiXeD With aLCohoL MaKe you DruNKer. Not true. Energy drinks simply energize you, which may make you feel less drunk. To compensate, many club-goers end up drinking more – that’s why it seems like energy drinks make you drunker. eat a BiG MeaL BeFore you Go out aND you’LL stay soBer. Unfortunately, eating ten hotdogs for dinner doesn’t give you the green light to smash as many beers as you want. Eating before drinking does slow the absorption of alcohol, but it doesn’t restrict alcohol from entering your bloodstream. The good news?

This slowed alcohol absorption can help stave off a severe next-day hangover.

BaD DriNKiNG aDViCe

we’ve all gotten bad advice at the bar. it’s time to set the record straight.

By SArAh g. MASon

54

campus talk

|

october 2014

aLCohoL is resPoNsiBLe For your Beer BeLLy. Well, not exactly. Calorie for calorie, alcohol won’t make you gain weight faster than, say, soda. Believe it or not, studies have shown that women who enjoy one drink each day can actually weigh less that those who don’t drink at all (or those who binge drink) due to the way the body metabolizes small amounts of alcohol.

As for the beer belly? It’s all back to calories.

Calories can come from booze or the double decker cheeseburger and fries you picked up on your way home – alcohol doesn’t change a thing about it. use the LiNes oN a soLo CuP to Measure hoW MuCh aLCohoL to Pour.

Nope. The company has stated again and again that the lines on their cup are not meant to guide your consumption. teQuiLa WiLL MaKe you CraZy, WiNe WiLL MaKe you saD aND WhisKy WiLL MaKe you FLirty, so Choose WiseLy. Actually, there is no evidence to suggest that there are different types of drunk. It’s only the amount and speed at which you drink that controls your mood. you NeeD to soBer uP? Get some fresh air, take a cold shower, exercise and eat!

Sadly, time is the only element that leads to sobriety. If you’ve been drinking and you need to sober up, hunker down and wait it out – taking a jog or hopping in the shower won’t speed the process.

Totally useless fact: 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.

one linerS!

p u k c Pi s e N i L

a e r e w I f i , Girl er v o l l a e b fly, I’d se u a c e b , u o y hit! s e h t e r ’ you

There must be a lightswitch on my forehead because everytime I see you, you turn me on!

Damn girl, you did Hey, how h ave more ? t a h t o d you curves tha ) ? t a na (Wh race track .

Lo ok so g o o d?

If God made anything more ront beautiful than f n i d stoo help you, I’m sure If you d n a r irro he’d keep it of a m you , s e s o r for himself. up 11 2 of 1 e e s uld l wo eautifu b t s o the m orld. w e h t in things

Totally useless fact: You can be fined up to $1,000 for whistling on Sunday in Salt Lake City, Utah.

campus talk

|

october 2014

55

CHARTED!

WHY PEOPLE GO TO THE APPLE STORE

Earn Up to

BUY A COMPUTER

300 This Month!

$

BUY A HANDHELD DEVICE

&

$120 This Week!

GET TECHNICAL HELP FOR A PROBLEM

BUY AN ACCESSORY

TAKE STUPID PICTURES IN PHOTOBOOTH AND UPLOAD THEM TO FACEBOOK

PERCENTAGE OF PEOPLE WHO CAN UNLOCK HANDCUFFS WITH NO KEY

Please help us help those coping with rare, chronic, genetic diseases.

Ask about our Specialty Programs!

Must be 18 years or older, have valid I.D. along with proof of SS# and local residency.

Walk-ins Welcome.

100%

Book your appointment online today!

80% @BPCGainesville www.facebook.com/BiotestPlasmaCenterGainesville

60%

40% 20%

Biotest Plasma Center 1112 N. Main Street Gainesville, FL 32601

0%

352-378-9431 www.biotestplasma.com

56

campus talk

|

october 2014

CampusTalk-3.8583x10.0394-20140403.indd 1

PLE REAL PEO

TERS IN A CHARAC D FILM HOLLYWOO

Totally useless fact: It takes about 142.18 licks to reach the center of a Tootsie pop.

4/3/14 12:12 PM

CHARTED

THINGS FOUND IN JEFFREY DAHMER’S BATHTUB

SHAMPOO

SHOULDERS

HEAD

DIETING PROBLEM NUMBER ONE

FOOD THAT IS GOOD FOR ME

LETTUCE

FOOD IN MY FRIDGE

$

10

2 LARGE 1-TOPPING PIZZAS

Totally useless fact: The serial number of the first MAC ever produced was 2001.

TAKE OUT SPECIAL

$

10

2 LARGE 1-TOPPING PIZZAS

TAKE OUT SPECIAL

campus talk

|

october 2014

57

What in the world?

What word(s) do you use to address a group of two or more people?

You Guys.

58

campus talk

|

october 2014

Y’all.

You All.

Totally useless fact: Texas is also the only state that is allowed to fly its state flag at the same height as the U.S. flag.

AlTernATiVeS

By DAniel SuTPhin

Totally useless fact: It is illegal to eat oranges while bathing in California.

campus talk

|

october 2014

59

PROUDLY PRESENTS THE 2ND ANNUAL

NEEDS VOLLUNTEERS!

Whether you are a high school senior, college student, mom or dad, we could use your help on December 31st at the 2nd Annual Fire � Ice Festival.

With volunteers, we are able to donate much needed money and food to help benefit the children at the YMCA and Weekend Hunger Backpack Program in Alachua County.

TO VOLUNTEER OR GET MORE INFO, VISIT WWW.NEWYEARSFORKIDS.ORG

WWW.NEWYEARSFORKIDS WWW. NEWYEARSFORKIDS.ORG .ORG MORE FIREWORKS, SNOW, ICE SLIDES, HAMSTER BALLS, FOOD, ACTIVITIES, PRINCESSES � SUPERHEROS…

gAMe on!

Sore Thumbs

By DAniel SuTPhin

BorDerLaNDs: the PreQueL Ps3 XBoX 360 PC LiNuX oCtoBer 14 Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel drops players on Pandora’s moon to take on the wild, gravity-bending gunfights using an array of new weaponry.

In the zero-atmosphere environment, players take part on the other side with four new usable characters. Pushing the rise of the Hyperion Corporation, players fight alongside Handsome Jack and witness his transformation into the tyrant so prevalent in Borderlands 2.

aLieN: isoLatioN PC Ps3 Ps4 XBoX 360 oCtoBer 7 A survival horror set in an atmosphere of fear and mortal danger, Alien: Isolation takes place 15 years after the events of Alien. Ellen Ripley’s daughter, Amanda falls into a desperate battle for survival, on a mission to unravel the truth behind her mother’s disappearance. As Amanda, players wander a dangerous world and find themselves confronted by a desperate population and a ruthless alien.

With resources low, players mud scavenge, improvise and user their wits to accomplish their mission and, even more, stay alive.

DriVeCLuB Ps4 oCtoBer 7 Designed specifically for the PS4, Driveclub brings the soul of car culture to life.

Leveraging the networking power and social capabilities of the next-gen system, Driveclub connects friends to share their experiences ni the game, making sending and receiving challenges easy. Players can join a racing club or choose to race solo. It features powerful and beautifully designed cars, all rendered in staggering detail, inside and out.

Totally useless fact: If done perfectly, a rubix cube combination can be solved in 17 turns

the eViL WithiN XBoX oNe XBoX 360 Ps4 Ps3 oCtoBer 14 Players take the role of Detective Sebastian Castellanos. While investigating the scene of a gruesome mass murder, he and his partners discover a mysterious and powerful force. His fellow officers are slaughtered and Sebastian is knocked unconscious. He awakens headlong in a a deranged world where creatures wander among the dead. A terrifying journey unravels as he fights for his survival campus talk

|

october 2014

61

wiTh Age coMeS … BAD Surgery

ViCtiMs oF tiMe

Everybody is different. That holds true when it comes to aging as well. Some people age gracefully, while others age anything but gracefully. The majority of people have the advantage of aging without a spotlight. Celebrities – lucky for us – don’t always have that advantage. For the sake of some giggles at other people’s expense, we’ve compiled some before and after shots of celebrities who did not have time on their side. In fact, in some cases time seems like it was plotting against them.

val Kilmer

r e h s i F e i Carr

Joan rivers 62

campus talk

|

october 2014

Totally useless fact: The average American butt is 14.9 inches long.

feel-gooD MuSic

Free FroM ForM the CraZY CarlS BreaK out

With a new single and video on the Web waves, Orlando-based The Crazy Carls are pushing the boundaries of pop and the formulaic pool of rockers.

The indie-pop band is rooted in many music genres from reggae to funk. Creator of the band, Alex Baugh, takes on the task of lead guitar, lead vocals and songwriter. Through their music, the band strives to defy labeling by always keeping their sound fresh with rich vocals and sensitive lyrics.

Most recently, the group has released a new single “To The Stars” from their forthcoming third studio release (out in early 2015). This November, the band hits the road on tour through the southeast US with Aaron Carter.

As a performer, Baugh knows how to work the audience with his mesmerizing guitar solos and funky swag. He sings in a fun pop fashion similar to Maroon 5 – whom The Crazy Carls recently covered with their version of the song “Maps”.

The band’s latest CD Owl Tattoo features pop songs that carry similar styles. It features superb dance music with high-energy tracks like “Celebrity” and “Red Lipstick”. Other songs like “Leave Me Tonight” and “Fire In the Hole” tell intimate stories of personal experience.

Their latest CD of eight songs can be found on iTunes, Amazon, Spotify and many other sites.

For more info on The Crazy Carls: thecrazycarlsmusic.com/ facebook.com/thecrazycarls instagram.com/thecrazycarls twitter.com/thecrazycarls youtube.com/thecrazycarls Download “To the Stars” here --->

Totally useless fact: More bullets were fired in ‘Starship Troopers’ than any other movie ever made.

campus talk

|

october 2014

63

MuSic reViewS

By DAniel SuTPhin

tuNe iN turN oN PLuG iN

the Last iNterNatioNaLe We WiLL reiGN It’s nice to hear a band with some musical ‘balls’ again. While they still exist in dive bars and small town clubs, it’s rare to hear them on a national level these days. No synth, no strings, no auto tune – The Last Internationale brings it from start to finish on We Will Reign.

Their motive isn’t much new, but it’s a breath of fresh air in the modern music scene and front woman Delila Paz bares it all on the microphone with a rawness unheard for decades.

Despite an unbending political focus, right– and left–based music fans can appreciate the activist trio’s grunge/punk/blues punch and the storytelling lyrical know-how primarily found in folk – not to mention the addition of former Rage Against the Machine drummer Brad Wilk and production by Brendan O’Brien (Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, The Black Crowes, Rage Against the Machine).

Standouts include the radioready Killing Fields, 1968 and the more laid-back Baby It’s You. 64

campus talk

|

october 2014

the WiND aND the WaVe FroM the WreCKaGe The Austin, Texas-based, best friend duo harken back to an upbeat, traditional combination of folk, country, and pop. The experience of Dwight Baker and Patricia Lynn – both of former Austin bands – shines through in their debut album. Heartfelt, sonically pleasing, yet lined with driving rhythms and Lynn’s spark of vocals, the album rarely slows to a sense of boredom. It stands strong for a night on the porch or an afternoon drive in the country, setting an array of visuals in each song. Standouts include the screw-work anthemic Raising Hands Raising Hell Raise ‘Em High, the single, With Your Two Hands and the dirty, blues guitar riffs of The Heart It Beats the Thunder Rolls.

sia 1000 ForMs oF Fear The creative mind behind many of the hits filling nightclubs and bars, Sia’s unique style shines on its own on 1000 Forms of Fear.

With writing credits for Madonna, Britney Spears, Beyoncé, Celine Dion, and Rihanna, for whom she penned Diamonds, Sia’s ability to write a hook is evident throughout the album. The more fascinating part is to hear the actual voice behind the many hits and the quirkiness that made those songs so unique.

Standouts of the album include Chandelier, Free the Animal, Straight for the Knife and Burn the Pages.

MaGiC! DoN’t KiLL the MaGiC With Rude, a top, mid-year single of 2014, behind them, the reggae-pop-indie band has tried to spread the charm of the bouncy piece to a full-length.

While catchy, and tolerant for background music (as with most reggae/fusion music), the band fails to bring the charm that made Rude work so well.

Listening to the album start to finish, doesn’t leave the listener with much to remember and, overall, trite. Tracks like No Evil, Stupid Me and Rude give listeners something to look forward to, however, it’s easier just to listen to Bob Marley, Sublime and 311 to satisfy a reggae fix.

Totally useless fact: 60% of electrocutions occur while talking on the telephone during a thunderstorm.

AVenueS of AuThenTiciTy

SCAN THE CODE TO WATCH ON THE ROAD WITH FERRAS

How did you get started with a career in music?

I trolled craigslist for any type of music related thing I could find or audition for. I auditioned for a television show called Performing As (where I “performed as” Elton John”) on the show. “Barbra Streisand” ended up winning the competition but I was the real winner because I ended up meeting people who worked for the show that ended up getting me in front of the president of Virgin Records.

What separates you from other pop acts?

I am me, other pop acts are other pop acts.

People are different so by being myself I’m naturally separated because I am a different person than someone else.

What’s the writing process like?

Therapeutic. Electric. Exhausting. Emotional.

Is there a moment that you know when you have a hit?

You know you have something special when you are obsessed with what you’ve created.

s Speak in Tongue loaded wn do be n ca EP on iTunes. dates in For fo and up ic.com, us sm rra fe check out rras, /fe m facebook.co or twitter@ferras ser/ /u om e.c ub ut yo OhFerras

inTerView By DAniel SuTPhin

Ferras’ DarK-hueD, PoP PortaL As a pianist and songwriter, Ferras (“Fur-ah-s”) paints a unique musical picture with lush, dark-hued pop aesthetic and unapologetically honest lyricism.

Born in Jordan, the LA-based artist met Katy Perry in 2007 after being signed to Capitol Record; the two bonded quickly. His first album, 2008’s Aliens & Rainbows, was critically acclaimed being called “fabulous pop of astounding depth and beauty” by All-Music.

Despite such change, Ferras was let go due to changes in management.

Ferras and Perry stayed close as he continued to pursue his art. The result: A spot as the inaugural artist on Perry’s Metamorphosis

Music label and a new EP of lavish sonics and a cautiously-paced scale of emotional highs and lows in lyric-form.

Ferras opened for Perry in June for the North American leg of her Prismatic World Tour in support of his latest EP. With his own tour wrapping in October, Ferras will start work on a new full-length album.

CT spoke with Ferras to discuss his career, his creative drive and his musical path of personal connection and authenticity.

Totally useless fact: The name of the girl on the statue of liberty is Mother of Exiles.

Do you know what the song is going to sound like before you team with a producer, or is it more of a collaboration?

You never know what you are going to get. A producer brings your writing to life and gives it a screen to be viewed upon so to speak.

What goes into putting on one of your shows?

Patron, pianos and leggings.

What’s it like touring with Katy Perry?

Much better than touring with someone who isn’t the Queen of Pop. How has she influenced you?

She’s the same person she was eight years ago when I met her. She’s stayed true to herself, trusts her instincts and has a great work ethic. All of that is quite inspiring.

How did the two of you become best friends?

Trying to get into Hollywood clubs and late nights jamming on the piano and singing gospel songs until 4 a.m. We both grew up in church, we both are from Santa Barbara – we have a lot in common.

Are you working on an LP or just focusing on touring presently?

Tour is my focus until October ... then I start work on my full length. I’m also shooting a video early next month.

Any words of advice for up and coming artists?

Be yourself. There’s enough of everyone else.

Write from your heart – be authentic and connect with what you are doing. If you don’t think its great, no one else will. sPeaK iN toNGues eP

Speak In Tongues, No Good In Goodnight, Champagne, King of Sabotage, Legends Never Die (feat. Katy Perry) campus talk

|

october 2014

65

geT A life

By DAniel SuTPhin

FLiP tWitter the BirD With

Go tWeet yourseLF Between Facebook, Twitter and countless other social networks, there is an inherent endless amount of pointless commentary, information and T.M.I scenarios available on the Web. The problem with this flood of unfiltered thoughts is that the majority of people exposed to it, and taking part of it, do not care except for when they are guilty of creating it and any information that might actually be worthwhile is lost under the gobs of tweets, memes and gifs.

With Go Tweet Yourself, a once-hushed voice of innocent bystanders can be universally heard in saying ‘enough is “enough.” Nobody wants to see the pictures from your business trip to Omaha. No one wants a page-by-page account of what’s going on in Twilight or Hunger Games or whatever other teenage, pop-drama artifice of a film might be floating around the blogishpere. On top of that, nobody wants a virtual drink, that’s why there are bars!

Authored by Janelle Randazza, Go Tweet Yourself offers up 365 reasons why all of thosesocial networking sites suck. The humorous book is an author’s account of a mission against the modern motivations of a society narcissistically strung to oversharing. Go Tweet Yourself says what we’ve all wanted to say when killing time on the toilet, scrolling through the marginalized nonsense available on our phones.

66

campus talk

|

october 2014

reASon 197 > couples who share facebook accounts Nothing says you're in a needy, codependent, and symbiotic relationship like a joint Facebook account. The only time such things should be allowed is if the two people sharing an account are eligible for AARP benefits and if one of the is a total Luddite. If you are a couple in your twenties, thirties or forties, this is completely unacceptable and essentially the Web 2.0 equivalent of once control-freak spouse talking for the other.

reASon 198 > less than 2 percent of all pics posted were taken in this decade – what the hell do these people really look like?

Well this is kind of odd. You're posting photos from when we took algebra together? Considering you have since graduated from college and went to get your PhD, I'm assuming you've had a few more experience since then notable enough to have your picture taken. I'm not calling you old or anything, but a lot of time has passed since the ninth grade. And I think i heard you're married, so I'm guessing you've got amore recent photo or two kicking around.

Or is this one of thoe things like you'd rather we "remember you as your were?"

reASon 200 > you think your profile pic makes you look ironic and hip, but it really just makes you look like an idiot with too much time on your hands Wow. That's quite an angle on that photo.

And you've done some mad photo editing.

How long did it take you to do that? A simple snapshot wouldn't' have done, eh?

Why is that? Is it because you couldn't convey your supreme artsinesss with your point-andshoot? I'm glad we can see how Studio 54 you are deep inside now that you've run your photo through the Warhol-O-Matic feature.

Because, you know, none of us have ever seen that before.

Janelle Randazza (Boston, MA) has Friendstered, Facebooked, and Twittered her way into a writing career where she turns out articles on everything from Warcraft widows (The Boston Phoenix) to Sicilian winemaking (Yankee Magazine). She is also a semi -professional music groupie, but avoids stalking her favorite bands on MySpace.

Totally useless fact: 3.6 cans of Spam are consumed each second.

AnnuAl whAT?

By Kelly herMAn

Most riDiC hoLiDays oF

the MoNth

oCtoBer

In the olden days, “the holidays” was a phrase used to describe two months at the end of the year. Not any more! With greater technology comes greater boredom, and a greater need to celebrate the mundane. Mankind has cooked up new holidays to keep you going throughout the year, easing your troubles between Easter and Cinco de Mayo. In true CT fashion, we have compiled the most incredibly weird and unnecessary holidays, in order from “Slightly Acceptable” to “Why on earth would that exist?” Take a look, and jot down your favorites.

28th - Plush Animal lover’s Day

26th - national Mincemeat Day 31st - increase your Psychic Powers Day 2nd - name your car Day

21st - count your Buttons Day

) 9th - Moldy cheese Day

3rd - Virus Appreciation Day

cT’s favorite: 18th - no Beard Day

19th - evaluate your life Day

68

campus talk

|

october 2014

7th - Bald and free Day

Because this is truly the most ridiculous thing we have ever heard of (even worse than Mother-in-law Day). who on god's green earth would want to eliminate the most glorious of all his creations??

Totally useless fact: There’s a systematic lull in conversation every 7 minutes.

SAVe The PlAneT

PiraCy is eNViroNMeNtaLLy FrieNDLy

FACTORY

GAME

INTERNET

DOWNLOAD & PLAYING

GARBAGE

DELETING

(NO GARBAGE, NO POLLUTION, NO LITTERING!

oh, yeah! it’s GreeN! Totally useless fact: The buzz from an electric razor in America plays in the key of B flat; Key of G in England.

campus talk

|

october 2014

69

geT The cAnDy!

flicks

By DAniel SuTPhin

Fury What: Action, Drama, War Who: Brad Pitt, Shia LaBeouf,

Logan Lerman, Michael Peña WheN: October 17 Brad Pitt takes on the Nazi’s again – minus Tarantino – in Fury, penned and directed by David Ayer (Training Day). Pitt plays Wardaddy, a veteran army sergeant in command of a Sherman tank and its five-man crew. Behind enemy lines, outnumbered and out-gunned, Wardaddy and his team – complete with a rookie solider thrust into their platoon – face overwhelming odds in a heroic attempt to attack the heart of the Third Reich.

e sCaN th

e CoeD e the

to s traiLer!

aNNaBeLLe

WhiPLash

What: Horror Who: Ward Horton, Annabelle

Wallis, Alfre Woodard, Eric Ladin WheN: October 3 First revealed in The Conjuring, the demonic doll, Annabelle, returns to the big screen in her own feature. Produced by James Wan (Saw, Insidious), Annabelle delves into the horrific beginnings of the beautiful, rare vintage doll. She was bought by Johnny Gordon for his expectant wife Mia. On a dark, fatal night, members of a satanic cult invade their home, attacking the happy couple. Blood and terror fill their home. Worst of all, the cultists have conjured a malevolent entity far more sinister than any of the cultists actions, and Annabelle is its vessel.

70

campus talk

|

october 2014

What: Drama Who: Melissa Benoist, Miles Teller,

the JuDGe What: Drama Who: Robert Downey Jr.,

Robert Duvall, Vera Farmiga, Balthazar Getty WheN: October 10 Estranged from his family, big city lawyer Hank Palmer (Downey Jr.) returns to his childhood home where his father, a hard-nosed, long-standing judge for the district has become a suspect in a murder. Through great angst and frustration, Palmer must try to re-connect with his resentful father to discover the truth behind the accusations.

J.K. Simmons, Paul Reiser WheN: October 10 An ambitious young jazz drummer, Andrew Neyman (Teller) is stubborn and singleminded in his pursuit to earn the top spot in his east coast music conservatory. Neyman’s greatest challenge: Terence Fletcher, an instructor equally known for his teaching talents as for his terrifying methods. As head of the top jazz ensemble in the school, Fletcher discovers Andrew and transfers the aspiring drummer into his band. Neyman’s desires bend to obsession, as the ruthless instructor pushes him to the brink of his ability and sanity.

BirDMaN What: Comedy, Drama Who: Michael Keaton, Zach

Galifianakis, Edward Norton, Andrea Riseborough WheN: October 17 In a loose interpretation of art imitating life, Michael Keaton (a former Batman) plays a washedup actor who once played an iconic superhero. As he mounts a Broadway pay to reclaim his former glory, he must overcome his family trouble, and even more strenuous – his ego.

Totally useless fact: There are 1,575 steps from the ground floor to the top of the Empire State building.

renT Me! X-MeN: Days oF Future Past What: Action, Adventure, Fantasy Who: Patrick Stewart, Ian

McKellen, Hugh Jackman, Jennifer Lawrence WheN: October 14 Director Brian Singer helms a massive, star-studded cast that brings together members of the entire X-Men film franchise. In the latest film, the modern-day X-Men send Wolverine to the past to alter history. The present-day mutants, alongside their younger selves, must work together through time to prevent an event that results in doom for both humans and mutants.

Small

Screen seX taPe What: Comedy Who: Jason Segel, Cameron Diaz,

eDGe oF toMorroW What: Action, Sci-Fi Who: Tom Cruise, Emily Blunt,

Bill Paxton WheN: October 7 Major William Cage, an officer who has never seen a day of combat, is thrown into a seemingly impossible mission.

Promptly killed in the battle, he is hurled into a time loop in which he must relive his final day of combat over and over again, each time with the same deadly fate.

As each loop passes, he becomes stronger and more capable, giving him a better chance at defeating the alien enemy.

a MiLLioN Ways to Die iN the West What: Comedy, Western Who: Seth MacFarlane, Liam

Neeson, Charlize Theron, Neil Patrick Harris, Sarah Silverman WheN: October 7 After being dumped by a fickle girlfriend because he is a coward, Albert begins to fall for a mysterious woman who rides into town. She helps him find his courage as the romance between them develops. Conflict occurs when her husband, a famous outlaw, shows up seeking revenge and Albert must man up to face him.

Rob Corddry WheN: October 21 Privacy is a delicate thing in life, especially with so much information readily available on the Internet. After 10 years and two kids, the once-hot-and-heavy relationship between Jay (Segel) and Annie (Diaz) has fizzled. To spark the romance, they decide to shoot a sex tape for their own private collection. One mistaken upload to the cloud later, their privacy and reputations are on the line as their sex tape has been sent to all of their friends, family and co-workers. As the couple’s race to reclaim the video leads to a night they’ll never forget, they find that the video will expose even more than private matter then they had thought.

Totally useless fact: The world’s record for keeping a Lifesaver in the mouth with the hole intact is 7 hrs 10 min.

DeLiVer us FroM eViL What: Crime, Horror, Thriller Who: Eric Bana, Édgar Ramírez,

Olivia Munn WheN: October 28 NY police officer Ralph Sarchie (Bana) joins forces with an unconventional priest (Ramirez) after a series of crimes shows signs of supernatural proportions.

With the priest’s experience in the rituals of exorcism, the two must combat the possessions that are terrorizing their city. campus talk

|

october 2014

71

you’re JoKing

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I’ll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.”

The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan’s offer.

One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. “Is your bet still good?”, asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back.

The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.

The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, “If ya don’t mind me askin’, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?”.

The Irishman replies, “Oh…I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first”.

72

campus talk

|

october 2014

Totally useless fact: There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

you Sooooo cheATeD

S ST AR MAP

G HANGE CHAN XCH XC EX NE EN VE VE EVE

GO FIGURE

CRISS CR RISS CR CRO ROSS OSS Totally useless fact: The world record for spitting a watermelon seed is 65 feet 4 inches.

C RYPTO QU Q UO OT TE E

FE FEAR KN K NOT O

QU I P {

WHERE S FRANK?

SNOWF AKES SNOWFL K ES KES

SUDOKU UDO

E ZE AZ MA

AZE AZ MEGA MAZE

S

ER W S N A

CR CR RO OS SS SW S WORD

WORD RD H HUNT!

OCTOBER

campus talk

|

october 2014

73

SPoTTeD!

DRACULA UNTOL D

sPot the DiFFereNCes

oCtoBer 10, 2014

LuKe eVaNs, DoMiNiC CooPer, saMaNtha BarKs

Events in Gainesville

Get Out and About!

Oct. 3: Free Fridays on the Bo Diddley Plaza “Gramfest” (Gram Parsons Tribute) 2FW %XWWHUÁ \)HVW DW WKH )/01+ Oct. 4-5: Art Festival at Thornebrook Oct. 10: Free Fridays on the Bo Diddley Plaza “Relics & Erasables” 2FW +RPHFRPLQJ 3DUDGH DQG *DWRU *URZO Free Fridays on the Bo Diddley Plaza “Dixie Desperados” Oct. 24: Free Fridays on the Bo Diddley Plaza ´8) 6FKRRO RI 0XVLF (QVHPEOHVµ Oct. 25: Gainesville Pride Parade & Festival +LJK 6SULQJV )DOO )HVWLYDO 10th Annual Florida Bat Festival 2FW %RR DW WKH =RR DW 6DQWD )H &ROOHJH =RR

Fall is an exciting time to be in Gainesville. Between UF Football, concerts and art festivals, there’s always something to do. So take a break from campus and get out and about in Gainesville. For more information and a complete listing of events visit our website.

www.visitgainesville.com 352.374.5260

VisitGainesvilleFlorida 74

campus talk

|

october 2014

@ Gainesville

Totally useless fact: In the Philippine jungle, the yo-yo was first used as a weapon.

SPoTTeD!

CheCK

List

1) GUY ON RIGHTS HAT IS CHOPPED OFF 2) SWORD MISSING ON LEFT 3) LEFT SHOULDER PAD IS DIFFERENT 4) RIGHT HAND HAS FULL GLOVE 5) HAIR OVER FOREHEAD MISSING 6) SUNGLASSES ADDED 7) MAIN GUY AMOUR IS DIFFERENT COLOR 8) COWBOY IN BACKGROUND 9) DRAGON IN BACKGROUND

You’re gonna love it here!

when you’re hungry, we’ll be here.

3 locations means we’re always close when you need to feed! great amenities Ä‘Ĺ? +3Ĺ? ! /%*#Ĺ?"+.Ĺ?Ä‚Ä€Ä Ä…ÄĄÄ‚Ä€Ä Ä†Ĺ?Ä‘Ĺ?ĆĀ Ĺ?+"Ĺ? %#$ÄĄ ,!! Ĺ? *0!.*!0ÄŒĹ?+*(5Ĺ?Ä¸Ä Ä‡Ä‹Ä‚Ä†ÄľĹ?Ä‘ Ä‘Ĺ? +),10!.Ĺ? Ĺ?3ÄĽĹ? .!!Ĺ? .%*0%*#Ĺ?Ä‘Ĺ? !#!0 (!Ĺ? . !*Ĺ?Ä‘Ĺ? *!ÄĄ ! .++)Ĺ? , .0)!*0Ĺ? ( 0/Ĺ?Ä‘ Ä‘Ĺ?Ä‚ÄŒĹ?ăĹ?Ä’Ĺ?Ä…Ĺ? ! .++)Ĺ? +3*Ĺ? +)!/Ĺ?Ä‘Ĺ? .#!Ĺ? , .'(%*#Ĺ? ++(Ĺ?Ä‘Ĺ? /$!./Ĺ?Ä’Ĺ? .5!./Ĺ? 2 %( (!ľľĹ?Ä‘ Ä‘Ĺ? %0*!//Ĺ? !*0!.Ĺ?3ÄĽĹ? *%2!./ (Ĺ? $%*!ÄŒĹ? .! )%((/ÄŒĹ? ((%,0% (Ĺ?Ä’Ĺ? ! 1) !*0Ĺ? %'!Ĺ?Ä‘ Ä‘Ĺ? (1 $+1/!Ĺ?3ÄĽĹ? ăČĹ? (1 5ÄŒĹ? .#!ÄĄ .!!*Ĺ? Ĺ?Ä’Ĺ? %((% . /Ĺ?Ä‘Ĺ? ( .)Ĺ? 5/0!)/Ĺ?%*Ĺ? 2!.5Ĺ? *%0Ĺ?Ä‘ Ä‘Ĺ?ăĹ? 1/Ĺ? +10!/Ĺ?0+Ĺ? Ĺ?ĨĊČĹ?ăĆČĹ?ăćĊĹ?Ä‘Ĺ? /'!0 ((ÄŒĹ? -1!0 ((Ĺ?Ä’Ĺ? !**%/Ĺ? +1.0/Ĺ?Ä‘ 1BD/1BA $625 downstairs $645 upstairs 2BD/2BA $785 3BD/2BA $850 4BD/2BA $950* +3*! . Ä‹ +)Ĺ?Ä‘Ĺ?ĂĊăĀĹ? Ĺ?Ăă. Ĺ? !.. !ÄŒĹ? %*!/2%((!Ĺ? Ĺ?ăĂćĀĉĹ?Ä‘Ĺ?ăĆĂċăĈĆċăĀĈĂ *Prices subject to change without notice, some restrictions apply. **Additional washer/dryer fee applies

Totally useless fact: Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

NEW! Royal Park Plaza (next to ColdStone) 872-5880 Campus: UF Plaza (next to Pita Pit) 692-4400 Downtown: Union Street Station (next to Starbucks) 225-3539

P.S. We deliver. $2.50 delivery fee. Order must be placed online at RelishUSA.com.

campus talk

|

october 2014

75

• 8 TERRIFYING HAUNTED HOUSES - Including AVP: ALIEN VS. PREDATOR where the cult classic comes to life in a violent and savage battle between two horrific extraterrestrial species.

• MULTIPLE SPINE-CHILLING STREET EXPERIENCES • OUTRAGEOUS LIVE SHOWS • EXCITING RIDES AND ATTRACTIONS

ENTER TO WIN TICKETS TO HALLOWEEN HORROR NIGHTS®

FIVE WINNERS WILL RECEIVE:

• Two (2) 1-Day Universal Orlando® tickets with Park-to-Park Access • Two (2) Halloween Horror Nights® 24 Tickets • One (1) Universal Orlando® general parking pass

FOR OFFICIAL RULES & TO ENTER GO TO

MYCAMPUSTALK.COM/HHN ALL ENTRIES MUST BE RECEIVED BY OCT. 15

FEATURING

AND MORE

HALLOWEENHORRORNIGHTS.COM #HHN24 WARNING! EVENT MAY BE TOO INTENSE FOR YOUNG CHILDREN AND IS NOT RECOMMENDED FOR CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 13. NO COSTUMES OR MASKS ALLOWED. NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. TO ENTER, MUST BE A FLORIDA RESIDENT, AGED 18 YEARS OR OLDER. Sweepstakes begins 10/10/2014 and ends at 5 pm (EST) on 10/15/14. Void where prohibited. Restrictions apply. The Sponsor: Campus Talk. Separately ticketed event. Event occurs rain or shine. Dates, times, attractions and entertainment are subject to availability and may change without notice. Additional restrictions may apply. The Walking Dead © 2014 AMC Film Holdings LLC. All Rights Reserved. Halloween © 2014 Compass International Pictures, Inc. All rights reserved. Alien vs. Predator, Alien vs. Predator: Requiem TM & © 2014 Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation. All rights reserved. Universal elements and all related indicia TM & © 2014 Universal Studios. © 2014 Universal Orlando. All rights reserved. 1405399/AP

hAhAhAhA

MOVE-IN

TODAY! IMMEDIATE

AVAILABILITY!

reMeMBer to

send all jokes funny@mycampus talk.com and you could win a Campus Talk t-shirt.

The best way to a man’s heart is to saw his breastplate open.

How do you get holy water?

Boil the hell out of it.

A new business was opening and one of the owner’s friends sent flowers for the occasion. But when the owner read the card with the flowers, it said, “Rest In Peace”. The owner was a little peeved and he called the florist to complain.

After he told the florist about the obvious mistake, the florist said, “Sir I’m really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, “Congratulations On Your New Location”.

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, “Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!” The passenger apologized and said, “I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much.” The driver replied, “Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver.

I’ve been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years.”

Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?

A: They take the psycho path.

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?

Polaroids.

Totally useless fact: The three most recognized Western names in China are Jesus Christ, Richard Nixon, & Elvis Presley.

campus talk

|

october 2014

77

4/ 02/-/4% 9/52 "53).%33 #!,, ). '!).%36),,% ). /#!,!

E S TAT E S G A I N E S V I L L E . C O M

WHY LIVE ANYWHERE ELSE? APPLY ONLINE TODAY

#.! 0ŏ(+ 0%+*ŏ0+ŏ ŏđŏ+*ŏ/$100(!ŏ 1/ŏ.+10!/ŏđŏ"1((5ŏ# 0! ŏ +))1*%05ŏđŏ,.%2 0!ŏ ! /ŏĒŏ 0$/ "1((5ŏ"1.*%/$! ŏđŏĂąġ$.ŏ"%0*!//ŏ !*0!.ŏđŏ".!!ŏ0 **%*#ŏđŏ +),10!.ŏ !*0!.ŏđŏ# )!ŏ.++)ŏ ăŏ.!/+.0ġ/05(!ŏ,++(/ŏ3%0$ŏ ŏ$+0ŏ01 ŏđŏ ((ŏ10%(%0%!/ŏ%* (1 ! ŏĨ!(! 0.% %05ŏ1,ŏ0+ŏ ŏ)+*0$(5ŏ ,ĩŏđŏ,!0ŏ".%!* (5

ăĆĂĈŏ ŏĂĀ0$ŏ 2!ŏđŏăĆĂċćĊĂċāăāă Amenities & utilities included are subject to change. See office for detalis.

COMING FALL 2015

YOU’RE INVITED TO BE THE FIRST, IN THE BEST THAT OFF CAMPUS LIVING HAS TO OFFER. THESE LUXURIOUS 4/4S WILL INCLUDE: GRANITE COUNTERTOPS | WOOD FLOOR DESIGNS 60” TVS IN EVERY UNIT | 10 FT CEILINGS SOPHISTICATED KITCHEN DESIGN | RAINFALL SHOWERHEADS CROWN MOLDING | TWO PERSON SOAKING TUBS PREMIUM INTERNET (50 mbps) | CABLE WITH HBO SLEEK MODERN FURNITURE

WWW.LUX13APARTMENTS.COM

LIVE YOUR LIFE IN LUXURY.