when i was

When I was a girl made of glass I could not meet my eye in the mirror Shrouded in a cloak of insecurity I sat in my cave and sharpened my edges Jagged, scarring those who held me Working my claws into every oozing wound The lovers I took only wanted to see themselves in me And so they polished and polished Finding only a glimmer of the love they sought While I, bored of being manhandled, decided to dull my light

When I was the stone wench I lived in tower ruins Far above a frosted skyline In isolation I trusted Rare suitors trekked for days Just to see the ancient witch They brought with them enchanted melodies Wildflowers and fizzing tonics I accepted kindly and then beg their leave There were no precious gems to mine here Only the erosion of a woman Too young to retire from love Too tired to feign affection From my spire above the mountains I watched civilizations rise and collapse And buried myself in earth Mouth full of worms and mineral When I was a fault line I was disquiet tension Tremors built from my angst

When I was an earthquake woman I shattered into pieces Fragments of me strewn about the land I cut my hair and weaved a basket with the locks Walking the beach for a hundred years Sifting through sand and salt Finding the shards of a former me I thought the splinters would sting But every piece was a truth And every truth was a chord And when I finished collecting who I had been I was A woman made of music.

A familiar tune I had hummed since birth Except I exited my mother’s womb screaming And so I screamed again And it felt like dawn

When I was a rising woman I bathed on the new moon And spoke my gratitude I met my eye in the mirror Whispering incantations of growth I granted myself a love Who doesn’t flinch at my tales of self-destruction Only cradles me with his eyes I am not unscathed Inner battlefields were not kind to me But I am a mosaic, not a mortuary And when I was a mosaic woman I was happy.