Moxie Magazine - January 2021

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SHOULD I ELOPE? ANNIVERSARY DATES DONE DIFFERENTLY

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January 2021

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FROM THE PUBLISHER

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nother wonderful holiday season has come and gone, winter is here and the amazing workforce at Pfizer (here in Portage) is producing and shipping vaccines that will hopefully help us close this sad chapter on COVID-19.

If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome. – Anne Bradstreet of the moment and it will probably be an anniversary we will always remember.

Unfortunately for the next several months brides and grooms won’t be able to have the large weddings they may have There are so many things to look forward dreamed of, but we have some amazing to this January. It is a time of rebirth and tips for making the most of your big day, rejuvenation, time to set the goals that you even if it means celebrating in a different will crush in 2021, time to make yourself way. Almost 21 years ago, I ditched a priority and it is also time for Moxie’s my plans for a large wedding because annual Bridal Book. coordinating a cross-country wedding as The Bridal Book is one of my favorite a 22-year-old was a little more than I was editions! Last April, my husband and I ready to undertake. We opted for a small celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary ceremony in a beautiful garden and all with takeout and a bottle of wine at our these years later we are still happy with dining room table. It was a far cry from our decision. All of that to say, weddings the warm, tropical Hawaiian vacation don’t have to be grand to be great. As you we had planned, but we made the most go about planning the start of your life

together, remember that regardless of the event size that the fantastic, local wedding industry is still here to turn your dreams into reality.

I hope you enjoy this edition as much as we have enjoyed putting it together for you. We still have a way to travel on this COVID-19 journey, but there is finally a light at the end of the tunnel. Keep safe, keep supporting local business and keep being kind to one another.

Best wishes for a happy and healthy 2021,

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contents

BRIDAL BOOK

LIFE 6 | Surefire Success on Camera: Poise & Presence 8 | One Woman's Opinion: Is Anyone Listening?

10 | Resolving to Heal 14 | A Story of Two Women and Their Journey to Wellness 18 | Everything is Temporary 20 | Is 2021 The Year of The Home?

40 | What Women Know About Dieting

22 | When You Have to Plan a Pandemic Wedding

FOOD

25 | Navigating Wedding Menus When You Have Allergies

12 | Restaurant Review: Cravings Deli

26 | Bridesmaids Gift Ideas

38 | Comfort Meals For Cold Days

- Quick & Easy Pot Roast

-W hite Chicken Chili

28 | Anniversary Dates Done Differently 30 | On That Note: For Your Second Wedding 32 | Work-Life Harmony For Your Marriage

38 COMFORT DISHES

34 | Should I Elope?

36 | Engagement Photos: Tips & Advice

THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE IT HAPPEN PUBLISHER: Heather Dombos hdombos@moxiemediagroup.net

SALES & MARKETING: Holly Korhorn hkorhorn@moxiemediagroup.net

LAYOUT & DESIGN: Alicia Pauwels apauwels@moxiemediagroup.net

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS: Cricket Alexander Emily Betros Kim Carson Ashley Carter Youngblood Kelly Duggan Chelsie Fall

EDITOR: Lalita Chemello lchemello@moxiemediagroup.net

THIS PUBLICATION PROUDLY SUPPORTS

Rachel Kirtley Heidi McCrary Jenny Opdycke Dr. Marti Peters-Sparling Elizabeth Precopio Hannah Reuter WEBSITE: moxiemediagroup.com

BY EMAIL: info@moxiemediagroup.net editor@moxiemediagroup.net sales@moxiemediagroup.net

MASTERMIND

BY MAIL: Moxie Media Group, LLC P. O. Box 2284 Portage, MI 49081-2284

FOR SALES INFO: 269-350-5227

January 2021

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Surefire Success On Camera >> P O I S E A N D P R E S E N C E <<

T

hese days the odds are high you will find yourself on camera for an occasional conference or daily/weekly meetings. Video conferences have become the new norm and they won’t be going away anytime soon.

With that being said, I have seen so often how people can unwittingly demean themselves when conducting business on camera. A sweatshirt, sitting in the kitchen with the kids playing around you is fine for chats with friends. But to help maintain your professional success, take a few minutes to look like you mean business on camera. Here are a few simple strategies for success.

ALIGN YOUR SELF-TALK

CHOOSE GARMENT SPECIFICS

DEFINE YOUR GOALS

COMPLETE YOUR LOOK

Get your head chatter and mindset in a positive space.

Your self-talk, whether positive or negative, has a big influence on your professional presence, affecting not only you, but those around you. If you’re fearful of being on camera, do the preparation for content needed, then … take a deep breath, align your selftalk and begin.

Know who you will be talking to in a meeting, or speaking to if delivering a program, and the outcome(s) that you desire. Knowing what spells success for all sets the stage for effective use of time and aligning yourself to obtain your desired outcome.

USING BODY POSTURE FOR BETTER COMMUNICATION

Posture is an important component in the messages you communicate. It conveys whether you’re tense or relaxed, your status, whether you’re confident and assured, or not, and if you’re open or closed to communicating. Just being aware of your posture and any adjustments needed can help you make the right impression.

DRESS FOR YOUR AUDIENCE

Think about who you’re meeting with and the goals you have for that meeting. Dress in professional casual attire at minimum, and consider how those you’re meeting with will likely be dressed.

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Choose medium to dark tones in flattering undertones, in colors such as cool blues, natural tones and pastels. To avoid technical display issues, avoid busy patterns, white, red and all-black outfits. Semi-fitted to fitted waist-up garments, like collared shirts, V-neck tops and sweaters, and layered cardigans or jackets will keep your look clean and professional.

Use simple jewelry and grooming techniques. Avoid the sway of dangling earrings or visual bling. Apply natural, yet defined, makeup with slightly deeper tones than you usually wear. Gentlemen, if you’re the keynote or guest presenter, powder your nose, cheeks, forehead and head (if bald) to cut any glare.

BE SEEN

Lighting is the key to this. Avoid glare, bright light and shadows. Use mixed-lighting undertones reflected off the ceiling along with facing a window for the soft, natural light it provides. For up-close camera views/ demonstrations, a ring light might work.

Kelly Duggan Kelly is an Image Consultant specializing in executive and personal image development, etiquette & communication skills. She is a certified member of the Association of Image Consultants International. Contact Kelly at: www.kellyduggan.com.

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ONE WOMAN’S OPINION

IS ANYONE LISTENING? LISTENING? The Real Reason People are Fleeing Facebook

Recent posts on my Facebook newsfeed…

FB F riend 1: Have you noticed that Facebook has totally taken control of comments they don’t agree with? I think it’s high time to boycott!!

FB F riend 2: I’m one of the many that will be deleting my FB account. Catch up with me on MeWe. It’s very much like FB, very easy to learn!

FB Friend 3: I’m sure Zuckerberg will be deleting this post in the next half hour.

Join me on Parler, where we are able to have a voice!

There were more similar posts on my newsfeed, but this gives you a snapshot of the volatile temperature currently permeating throughout Facebook and other mass-social media platforms in recent weeks.

If America is seen as the melting pot of immigrants from across the world, our personal newsfeeds on Facebook can be viewed as the mirror of our individual neighborhoods — our own little virtual world, complete with former classmates, third cousins, professional associates, and the uncle who you pray you won’t have

“

to sit next to at the next family gathering. But unlike assigned seating at wedding receptions, we can customize our interaction with our Facebook Friends with options like who sees our posts and the ever-faithful Unfollow option.

While many will attribute the vastness of Facebook as its downside, its size can (and should) also be applauded for what is right about a social media platform that doesn’t cater to any one belief. But this thought process is not currently being shared by those landing on the far-right of the political spectrum.

FB Friend 3: Going to Parler. I will keep this for a while. Tired of the BS big FB brother restricting what I want to say.

FB Friend 4: The thing that bothers me about Facebook is that it is censoring the conservative voices, and I cannot support that anymore.

But is there a difference between censorship and performing as a watchdog over conspiracy theories and what the conservatives themselves

I mourn the loss of hearing from ALL SIDES. While these voices do not echo my own views, I believe it is important to hear opinions that differ from my own.

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have penned as fake news? While the world’s largest social media platform is now traded publicly, it is still a private company with a hands-on CEO who does not have to operate on the same standards as public institutions.

So as my newsfeed slowly shrinks from a wide spectrum of political voices to a more friendly common-voice, I mourn the loss of hearing from ALL SIDES. While these voices do not echo my own views, I believe it is important to hear opinions that differ from my own. And as my conservative friends move their battles to other social media platforms that support and encourage their principles, they are also fed a daily diet of sameness. It is bad for our country and dangerous for our future.

As temperatures cool as a result of time and distance away from the last general election, we must not think that the anger has simmered down—we just aren’t hearing it anymore.

While we may all have a voice today, no one seems to be listening.

Heidi McCrary Heidi is a writer and a regular contributor to Moxie Magazine. Her debut novel, “Chasing North Star” is available now at Kazoo Books and This is a Bookstore. And online wherever books are sold. Follow Heidi at heidimccrary.net and fb.com/HeidiMcCraryAuthor

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RESOLVING TO HEAL Happy New Year! Time to let go of the old and embrace the new.

2020 was sure a year to remember. How will you make 2021 different? Do you want to lose weight?

Get healthier? Get more sleep? Start a gratitude or meditation practice? Clean out a cluttered garage or closet?

event, willingness, etc. But what helps that change stick? I believe that it comes down to the difference between motivation and inspiration.

MOTIVATION is defined as the reason or reasons one has for acting or behaving in a particular way.

INSPIRATION is defined as the process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something.

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself why you want to change? Or reflected on how many times you started the year with the best of intentions only to have them peter out after a few weeks or months?

Awareness and self-compassion are key.

Motivation often occurs when a person is PUSHED to do something — perhaps out of necessity or a sense that things are not OK as they presently are.

In contrast, inspiration is a much more transcendent experience. With inspiration, desire wells up, and it is all about the positive feeling that this change invokes.

It is only when we become self-aware, do we even notice Inspiration can become a spiritual practice that is that change is desired. This may start as a nebulous based in joy, hope and love. sense of discontentment.

The root of the word essentially Something’s not working. I am Inspired action is far means “in spirit,” and it can help not happy (insert other desired more effective than us see beyond the limitations emotion — satisfied, fulfilled, of the body and mind. Inspired motivation in sustaining etc.). Indulging over the holidays action is far more effective than may make clothes feel tight and the momentum of change. motivation in sustaining the leave bodies feeling sluggish and momentum of change. achy. COVID may have exposed health challenges.

You may be influenced by clever marketing of exercise Motivation often has a fatigue element when it is equipment, diet plans or gym memberships. Perhaps, based in the criticism and resistance to “What Is.” friends and family members encourage you to “jump Inspiration brings you back into an Aligned State on the bandwagon” they’ve started riding, posting on of Being where you can access thoughts of Infinite social media and inviting you to participate in new Possibility, explore Divine Creativity, challenge activities. Next thing you know, you’re preparing to Limiting Beliefs and make Sustainable Change. It make changes. becomes less about punishing the past or current Self and more about channeling the Highest Good.

What makes you say, “Yes, I’m ready to make change?” Many reasons might apply—interest, By integrating past experiences with Awareness, health concerns, a need to belong, an upcoming you can learn how to offer yourself and others

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compassion. Compassion can help you create a new Core Belief that can be deeply healing: Perhaps everyone is doing the best that they can in any given momentâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;and that is enough. Level of consciousness determines what a person believes is possible or necessary, and it always drives choices and behaviors.

Perspective shapes the experience of reality. Change your perspective, and you will change your life.

When you are living life through the lens of compassionate self-awareness, change can be made gently. Urgency and self-criticism often dissolve because neither are required to create or sustain change. By practicing self-compassion, you gain access to emotional and physical relief immediately. The work then becomes forgiving your past self and others for perpetuating dysfunctional behaviors and beliefs. You can break patterns of victimization and reclaim your innate power to make conscious choices.

You can learn how to tend to the needs of your Being and validate the fact that old habits were meeting legitimate human needs and soothing difficult emotions.

As you become more adept at compassionate selfawareness, you will notice when you have outgrown these old patterns, and you will discard them with grace and ease when you are ready.

Awareness and self-compassion go beyond making New Yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s resolutions; they inspire healing, growth and evolution. What a beautiful way of saying HAPPY NEW YEAR! Jenny Opdycke, PA-C Jenny has been practicing medicine for more than 16 years. Her specialties include holistic wellness, anxiety/ depression, trauma recovery and intuitive, low-carb eating strategies that promote self-awareness and healing. She loves spending time with her twin girls, friends, and fur babies. More info at www.integratedhealthmatters.com.

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January 2021

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RESTAURANT REVIEW

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Cravings Deli 229 West Kilgore Rd, Portage – Inside Pacific Rim CRAVINGS HOURS: Wed - Sat: 12pm to 8pm · Sun: 12pm to 7pm Take-Out & Curbside Pickup Available

A

s Michigan’s epidemic orders continue to shift in our area, I have been so grateful for our local restaurants and how they have made things work so we are able to safely enjoy meals from their establishments. One of those restaurants I was recently impressed with was CRAVINGS DELI, in Portage.

CUMIN LAMB PLATE

POTSTICKERS

Cravings is located inside Pacific Rim Foods, a grocery store specializing in Asian foods.

SUMMER ROLLS

MISO SOUP

KOREAN WRAP WITH BEEF

Their website allowed me to examine their menu and even place my order online. They offered so many delicious options, it was hard for me and my husband to choose which ones we would get!

After placing my order, I was instructed to come to the restaurant in 20 minutes to pick up our meal. I had the option to come inside (masked) for pick-up, or I could call when they get there for a contactless delivery to my vehicle. I opted to go in so I could take a look at the restaurant and the grocery store.

Finally arriving home, I was so excited to dig in. The food was so beautifully packaged and made it fun to photograph. Oh, and it smelled amazing!

Elizabeth Precopio Elizabeth is a hairstylist by day and 24/7 food enthusiast. She visits restaurants in the Kalamazoo area and blogs about her experience at feedmekzoo.com

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I ordered the delicious KOREAN WRAP WITH BEEF: Rice, peppers, onions, fresh cilantro and a homemade spicy Korean sauce all delicately wrapped. Everything tasted incredibly fresh. The sauce had a mild kick, but not any more than I could handle (and I am a wimp). The beef was incredibly tender and flavorful. Overall, I readily deemed this one of my favorite things I have eaten in a long time. My wrap was served along with a side of their MISO

SOUP, and I have to say it was one of the best miso soups I had ever had.

I also ordered a side of their SUMMER ROLLS. This was hand-rolled rice paper with shrimp, pork, veggies and rice noodles, served with their house-made peanut dipping sauce.

The shrimp was fresh and the whole roll was a complimentary side to my spicier wrap to cool things down.

My husband went with the CUMIN LAMB PLATE. The plate was incredibly tender diced lamb seasoned with cumin and a pinch of chili powder, served with vegetables and a side of white rice. It was a little too spicy for me (like I said, I’m a wimp), but my husband absolutely loved it. He even shared the heat caught up with him the more he ate, but that didn’t stop him!

He also ordered a side of their POTSTICKERS. Being that it came with six, I of course had to swipe a few. These were by far, the best potstickers I have ever had. They were a touch crispy, a little doughy and a ton flavorful. They were served with the perfect companion of a ginger dipping sauce.

I was incredibly impressed with Cravings Deli. Fast, friendly service and delicious fresh food. This is now our definite pick for Asian cuisine from here on out. My only regret? Not ordering one of their delicious-looking desserts!

Cravings Deli changes their menu seasonally and offers daily specials, so make sure to check out their website when ordering to see what the daily offerings are.

If you are looking for a great local restaurant to support in these crazy times, consider Cravings Deli!

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A STORY OF T WO WOM E N AND T H E I R JOUR N E Y TO

wellness

BY JANINE PIRBHAI

This time neither started another failed diet; rather both committed to a lifestyle change that would evolve into a journey of wellness. They’ve both learned that diets fix short-term problems rather than a broken system. Wellness requires a commitment to self.

The uniting inspiration for our subjects, Yasmin Pirbhai and Heather Dombos, is WELLNESS. Yasmin, 16, is living life as a busy student, and is athletic and driven. She’s experienced a yo-yo of weight fluctuation throughout most of her life.

Love of food and sweets has regularly hijacked good intentions. Love is food and giving is sweet.

Heather, in her 40s, is successful, busy, and creative. She had a regular childhood regarding health and weight but began to experience a body and health change during university.

And while wellness was certainly the impetus; each are thrilled that looking great, being confident, and increasing strength are direct consequences of their commitment. Both are happier now that their burdens of insecurities have melted away along with inches, and confidence has grown with their strength. We showcase their wellness success, transformational change, strategies for success, and inspiration to others traveling on their wellness journey.

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Yasmin Pirbhai “I now know the difference between what my body needs and what I want.”

What does wellness mean to you?

Wellness is not only the physical health, but the mental health. It differs from person to person. For me, it is being able to be active, enjoy life, and being happy with who I am.

Was there a catalyst for the choice of embracing wellness now?

I’ve never been happy with my body and I just decided that it was time to do something about it rather than just wishing that I wasn’t the way that I was.

Have you tried to lose weight before? What was different this time?

Throughout my childhood, I had been bribed to lose weight by my father. He’d set goals and offer me prizes. It worked. I would go from fat to skinny. And then, my love of baking and sweets would win. My desire to consume massive amounts of cookie dough hid behind the screen of “it’s for charity.” The difference now is that I am doing it for me. I am doing this for me this time. No one else is involved. I am trying to make myself into the best version of myself that I can be.

What do you do to exercise?

If I have a wide-open day, I usually start with my morning matcha. I will run between one and three miles. I will do some sort of workout whether it is core or a specific muscle group, then I often go to the barn and ride my horse, and finish the day with a basketball workout or go to the track and throw. After dinner, sometimes I will do a heavy workout. It takes a lot to keep your body moving all day, but it feels good to incorporate activity into everything that you do.

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“On tough days, I just tell myself that it is okay if it is not my best day.”

happier and for once I am happy with how I look as well as just feeling better because I know that I am actually doing something good for myself.

Do you use any tools to help you?

The Lose It app.

Favorite words to describe your current commitment?

Do you miss anything?

I really miss baking. The biggest thing that I probably miss is being able to eat anything that I want to eat without feeling guilty. Like, I was at a restaurant the other day and wanted to order a quesadilla but didn’t because I knew that I would regret it later.

Your change by the numbers…

There’s been a lot of change in numbers, from dropping 40 pounds, to running a mile a day and being able to run up to four miles.

Tell everyone the truth: Do you cheat?

Yes, of course I cheat. My example today: I baked a double batch of banana bread and ate way too much of it. There was another time my brother bought ice cream including a pint of rum raisin that I ate almost the whole thing. On my sister’s birthday, I ate multiple slices of ice cream cake even though I promised myself that I was just going to have one.

The most important thing to remember is that it doesn’t really matter if you have a bad day as long as you return to your goal tomorrow. We recently went to Mackinac Island and I indulged in fudge. When I say indulge, you have to understand that I mean indulge, as in fully, completely, and with abandon. Peanut Butter Fudge might be the best food I have ever eaten.

STRONG. Physically I can do the athletics that I want.

WILLPOWER. I am strong enough to make

myself run the mile that I don’t want to.

And strong enough to prevent myself from excessive snacking.

On tough days, how do you keep yourself disciplined?

I just tell myself that it is okay if it is not my best day.

Do you wish you had started sooner? If so, would it have worked?

I don’t think it was necessary that I started earlier. It was mostly during quarantine that I was able to make a lot of progress. If I’d started earlier, I don’t think my results would have been as good.

Do you have any further wellness goals?

To be able to sustain what I have been doing and to become as strong as I can.

How do you feel now?

Physically I feel stronger and healthier than ever. My body can do things that I definitely could not do before. I am faster, have more stamina, and am more agile. Mentally I am

What do you credit your success to?

I had a lot of support from my parents, my friends, and my brother, my coach. One of the main things that I changed when I started to lose weight and downloaded the Lose It app. I tracked everything that I ate and drank. This completely changed my mindset about caloric intake. I was able to balance. I now know the difference between what my body needs and what I want.

Advice for those who want to start on their journey, but are not because of knowledge, inclination, time?

I know that it is really hard to get yourself to commit. The number of times that I tried in the year before I actually succeeded, I cannot actually count. So, my advice is to never quit trying to begin.

Once you find something that will help you whether it is a diet plan, a favorite work out, or a way to count your calories, it will become much easier.

January 2021

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Heather Dombos “I knew that I had to start fighting for myself and my health because I was digging my own grave with a fork and spoon.”

What does wellness mean to you?

What do you do to exercise?

It really boils down to being happy. I don’t believe you can be truly happy when your body is in crisis (which we all know obesity causes a body to be in crisis). Being able to wake up in the morning and feel rested and truly present for my life. Liking the way I feel both mentally and physically, liking the way I look.

Looking forward to each new day and ending each day with a sense of accomplishment and joy.

I walk more than anything. When the weather is good, it’s an easy task to accomplish. I make a playlist with great music, lace up my shoes and walk around the neighborhood. On days that being outside is impossible, I walk laps around my house.

Steps are steps! I also really like weight training. It is something that has always come easy to me (well as easy as it can be) so I like to lift. I think the key is to purchase a few sessions with a professional personal trainer and have them develop a routine for you to do at home or alone in the gym. I honestly think that they are both important, and the more muscle mass you have, the easier it is for your body to burn fat.

Was there a catalyst for the choice of embracing wellness now?

Yes! As a Type 2 diabetic, when the COVID-19 pandemic began to impact Michigan I became very aware that if I were to contract this virus, I could very easily be one of the people who did not recover. I think this knowledge combined with the down time of quarantine gave me ample opportunity to assess just how far off the rails I have let my health get and I knew that I had to start fighting for myself and my health.

Have you tried to lose weight before? What was different this time?

January 2021

My Apple Watch provides that little mind game around movement and is super helpful. I also use the Noom app which focuses on the psychology of eating and weight loss. It has been super helpful. I have also been observing quiet time daily with just a period of 5-10 minutes where I like to get outside (if possible), quiet my mind, tune into what my body is saying and focus on breathing exercises.

“I don’t really miss anything, because I haven’t declared anything off-limits.”

I have tried to lose weight so many times before. Sugar addiction is very real and it has been the ultimate challenge for me. Having reached a point where I was able to admit that this addiction was killing me was eye-opening.

This time it isn’t about wanting to fit into a pair of jeans or look sexy, it is about wanting to gain and maintain a great quality of life.

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Do you use any tools, mind games, or other tactics that you find helpful?

Do you miss anything?

I don’t really miss anything, because I haven’t declared anything off limits. Even with diabetes, I loved to drink Coca-Cola; it is my weakness, and I’m sorry, diet just won’t do. I drink a lot of water,

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can easily walk a 5K daily and I don’t have any trouble with the stairs.

but on the days when I really want an ice-cold Coke, I enjoy one.

I think enjoyment is the key.

Instead of mindlessly indulging, I take time to pour it into a glass of ice & I savor each sip.

Favorite words to describe your current commitment?

Reclaiming my life.

Tell everyone the truth: Do you cheat?

Of course I do! A few weeks into this journey I ate almost an entire loaf of white bread by making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches…in one day. I’m not really sure how it started. I made myself sick (literally) and felt like I had the worst hangover of my life. The next day, I woke up and decided not to dwell on it. I focused on the day and moved forward. Yesterday we had an indulgent dinner of smoked brisket with sweet corn bread, and I had a big Coca-Cola with mine.

Dinner ended and so did the “cheat” period.

I woke up this morning and resumed my new life of mindful eating.

On the tough days, how do you keep yourself disciplined?

I make it easy to access my healthy options and I make it a real hassle to indulge, so that helps on busy days. I am disciplined in other areas of my life, so I like to remind myself that it is much easier to control what goes in my mouth than what comes out of it and if I have mastered self-control of what I say, I can certainly master self-control of what I eat.

Do you wish you had started sooner? If so, would it have worked?

I do. I wish I would have never found myself in this position. I don’t know if it would have worked. I am a much different woman than I was five months ago, let alone 20 years ago. I wish I could tell my younger self that the temporary satisfaction of food is not worth the experiences you will give up because you are too tired or too lazy to get out and enjoy your life.

What do you credit your success to?

How do you feel now?

Invigorated and accomplished. There are days (lots of days) where I fight a constant battle within myself over what I’m eating or whether or not I am going to move my body. Those days can be rather exhausting, but I suppose it is kind of like battling a strong-willed child. I have to remember I am the adult and I make the decisions.

Do you have any further wellness goals?

I want to do an extreme white-water rafting trip next summer, so I think that on the days when my exercise motivation is lacking. I would also like to learn to snow ski. I think it is best summed up by saying that I want to be way more active and each step tracked on my watch is a step close to that goal.

A great support network of family and friends. My husband has watched me try and fail probably 1,000 times and each time I announce I am ready to try again, he always makes sure to let me know that I am loved just as I am, but he is ready to support me in every way he can.

Advice for those who want to start on their journey?

Honestly, I don’t think there is any advice that can start someone on their journey to health. The spark point is different for each one of us and until we are ready and able to stand toe-to-toe with our true, raw self and ask the hard questions (and be brutally honest with the hard answers) we will remain in our place of comfort. Lately, I have been thinking of a quote by Tony Robbins:

“ Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.”

Your change by the numbers…

To date I have lost 42 pounds. Before shifting to a healthy lifestyle, moving was at the bottom of my list and I would often be out of breath after climbing a flight of stairs. Now I

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Everything is Temporary “I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”

- M A R I LY N M O N R O E

H

ave you ever felt you were living your life and your purpose at one moment in time? In my experience it appears the easier the journey, the more quickly we realize that we are exactly where we should be.

Arriving at that place of peace and acceptance, is it difficult?

Of course. Is it satisfying? Yes. Growth is painful. It is the all-encompassing unknown territory, the uncertainty, excitement, fear and the loss of control (or really the illusion of it). We can only begin to realize the value of getting into the flow of life the more we fall into it and resist resisting.

You will never know how prepared you will be for life’s “suddenly” until you find yourself in the middle of one.

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January 2021

Life can sometimes resemble that card game 52 Pickup.

When the cards fall, they always fall suddenly, unexpectedly, and in an unpredictable way. There is a quote attributed to Marilyn Monroe that sums up life and life’s lessons: “I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”

We travel through our lives with a plan but plans get disrupted, evolve or change. 2020 taught us the art of the pivot, but even a pivot involves some blind faith. moxiemediagroup.com

Mom after hip replacement yearning to drive

June 19th, 2020 was a Thursday. Sunny skies.

80-degree temperatures. And after living through a year of chronic debilitating pain at the age of 93, my mother finally arrived at the hospital for her complete hip replacement surgery. I was told by the doctor a typical patient is allowed to drive 4-6 weeks after surgery, but there was never anything typical about Mom. That week I stayed with her at her home and we experienced some challenging times. Her goal was to drive again as soon as possible and on the ninth day following her surgery, she was feeling particularly discouraged. She called me into the garage to show me how quickly she could move her foot from the gas pedal to the brake. I smiled because looking at her behind the wheel sort of reminded me of myself when I was a kid, when my parents gave me their old car. I was the eager wanna-be senior sitting behind the wheel, dreaming of driving across the country.

I agreed with her that her new bionic right hip and leg was strong enough to drive. I asked if she wanted to go for a test drive around her senior living community. “Do you trust me?” she said.

“Of course I trust you, I watched your feet, your coordination, the strength in your leg you can do it.”

I sat down in the passenger seat, fastened my seatbelt and just like Thelma and Louise,

Mom at 66 years old

off we went. It was just what she needed to boost her confidence, and reminded me of the little things she would do in my youth to help boost my confidence. Five days later, the doctor gave her the green light and lifted her driving restrictions.

Driving to mom represented independence, freedom, and what she’s been doing since my dad taught her to drive when she was 22.

Her doctor said to her, “Charlotte you are a remarkable woman.” If you know her, you already knew that.

Fast forward five months, mom fell fracturing her pelvis and right elbow, all because she was trying to make her ornamental grass perfectly even in the front of her home. Helping her rehab at home is different this time. It is more intense. This experience is one of patience, trust, compromise, forgiveness and respect.

Where you are right now may not be where you planned to be, but it is where you are at this moment in time. As a little girl whenever I was experiencing a particularly challenging time my mother would say to me, “Everything is temporary. The good times are temporary. The bad times are temporary. Things will change and get better.” Somehow, they always did.

This time around, while she is convalescing in her wheelchair and unable to make things perfect with her own special touch, I am happy to try and do for her what she cannot do for herself. She is picky. Her sheets and quilt are

Mom and me

marked with a tiny dot each so they can be draped and centered perfectly on her bed. She says she feels bad waking me up at 2:00 a.m. for assistance, but I cannot count the number of times I called her that early in the morning for her assistance, most of the time in tears over a boyfriend. She lovingly listened even though she had to work in the morning.

So, my gift of time right now is mine to give back. There are times we choose to step off the hamster wheel and other times we are pushed. I feel as if I were made for this moment.

It is a new year that will be filled with unexpected changes and challenges, so wherever you find yourself, breathe in deeply, and stay in the present moment. Remember everything is temporary. I wish you peace wherever you are in 2021.

Kim Carson Kim is an Author/Podcast/ TV/Internet personality.

Watch and listen for her on WGVU TV’s Kalamazoo Lively Arts and J. Schwanke’s Life In Bloom. Learn more at kimcarson.online and fb.com/kimcarson

January 2021

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IS 2021 the year of the home?

BY ETHEL WILKEY-DOWNS

A lot has happened over the course of this past year, and if you are like me, you are looking forward to the New Year. However, I have never been one for crafting New Year’s resolutions. OK, maybe it was that I have never been one for keeping resolutions. True story.

About 13 years ago, I was a fifth-grade elementary teacher, and one of my students put it all into perspective for me. I assigned a writing prompt asking students to describe their New Year’s resolution and all the reasons why it was important to you.

In his opening paragraph, my fifth-grade student stated proudly that his New Year’s resolution was to not make a New Year’s resolution. Witty boy! He went on to explain that instead of making something up that he knew come January 17, he wouldn’t be thinking about anymore, he simply decided to go on record that he would work to, “do things that were important to him.” Ahh. What wisdom this 10-year-old boy had. It was then I knew I would live my life this way too, by doing all the things that were important to me.

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January 2021

So, how does this anecdote relate to 2021 being “The Year of the Home?” If you find yourself looking to do any of the following, then 2021 can be “The Year of the Home” for you: · Become a first-time home buyer · Move into the home of your dreams · Sell your home and cash out your equity to do all the things that are important to you The real estate market has changed considerably over the last three years.

Inventory is at record low. Interest rates are incredibly low. Home values have dramatically increased. Most homes for sale in 2020 received multiple offers and yep, some appraisals came in low. As a home buyer, how do you compete in this type of market?

You need to enact the services of a Buyer’s Agent, someone who is experienced with crafting offers, strong negotiation skills, and dedicated to looking out for your best interest. Buyer’s agents services are typically paid for by the seller. You also need a strong, reputable lender and a good buyer’s agent has strong relationships with good lenders.

As a home seller, how do you guarantee the best return on your investment? You need someone to navigate you through the process. Someone who has the resources to coach you through the steps to prepare you home for the market. Now more than ever is the time to enlist the guidance of a real estate professional to help you achieve what is important to you. I’d love to help Guide you Home.

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Bridal Book 2021

WHEN YOU HAVE TO PLAN A

Pandemic Wedding

BY LALITA CHEMELLO

Y

ou said yes. And you had either already started, or it is finally time to plan your big day. But you, as an upcoming bride, are faced with something not many brides of generations past have had to consider during planning: a deadly pandemic. Even if planned for later 2021, there is a chance your wedding will look so much more different than it would if things were pre-2020. How do you plan for that?

How do you protect yourself from losing money on deposits, or even keep your family and friends safe, and not become one of the many headline-making “superspreader” weddings?

Keeping you couples in mind, I spent some time talking to two couples in the greater Kalamazoo area who navigated the first year of pandemic waters to put together a beautiful, and safe wedding day, to share with you as you determine what you will do for your own wedding this year.

ADVICE FROM BRIDES WHO PLANNED A WEDDING DURING THE PANDEMIC Jessica and Juli went through the wringer to get their special days together and have some fantastic advice for you as you go ahead and plan your own wedding.

PAY ATTENTION TO CONTRACTS

Jessica says you have to pay attention to that stuff and make sure the verbiage is appropriate. She had dropped a vendor because of the wording on his contract when they were planning the second wedding.

They had wanted to upgrade their chair coverings since less people were attending, and it had stated the vendor was able to decide whether you postponed or not. Not impressed, they went with someone else. With everything going on, it’s important to know where your vendors stand on rescheduling or adjustments, and how they’ll handle things in case pandemic precautions are still necessary.

REMEMBER THE HUMAN ASPECT OF THE BUSINESS

Juli had worked a few years in the wedding business, so when it came time to plan hers and swap gears with the pandemic, she went in understanding the people she would be working with. She stressed the importance of remembering you are working with people.

Some are just there to do their job, not make your planning more difficult. And you’ll be surprised at how many will pull through for you, much like in her case.

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PANDEMIC WEDDING (CONT.)

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Jessica & Ryan McRae 5.16.2020

Photos by Jon Zomer

MAY 16, 2020 WAS THE DAY.

300 guests were invited, 200 had already RSVP’d. The wedding was just about ninety percent paid off, and the favors, cake cutter, glasses and multiple other items were permanently etched or printed with the date.

As March of last year pressed on and Michigan headed into the first true shutdown, Jessica realized things might not get better in time for their day. A huge pivot was needed.

Just simply eloping wasn’t an option.

Again, everything about paid for, and things permanently etched, they wanted to continue with the day. It would just look a lot different.

With less than two months before the original big day though, things had to be adjusted, and quickly. Jessica, having already done most of the planning for her original date, had hired Heather Burrell as her “second-wedding” planner (and saving grace) to iron out the logistics of getting to a second date and

changing what they could about the wedding to ensure a celebration, but intimate and safe.

And the issues began to arise. Letting the 200 people who had RSVP’d that the plan was changing. Their original wedding date would happen, but smaller. A new date was planned for another ceremony and reception on September 5th, to hopefully have those original guests attend. As the lockdowns and restrictions continued, they would find out her husband Ryan’s family, who were mostly in Canada, wouldn’t even be able to cross the border to attend the new date. And their original photographer was stuck in the thick of things in New York, so they had to find another one, and quickly. To top it all, the RSVPs they sent out for the new date … well, over half of those were lost in the mail.

Lots of phone calls and messages came through to get things done, and not only that, but they would have to cut more people from the guests as well. Ryan’s family not being

able to come ended up working out for the guest list, even though it was a less than ideal situation. And by September, with fear still high about the virus, many who RSVP’d did not attend because they were simply afraid.

The days would pull together though. On May 16, 2020, outside their church with their parents around them (except her father who was in the hospital with non-COVID-related things), Jessica and Ryan would “elope” or rather were married by their family pastor.

On September 5, 2020, the couple would hold their second ceremony and reception, outdoors at a beautiful horse stable with 70 of their originally 300 invited guests.

The day(s) were beautiful. Sure, they were absolutely different from what was planned, but they still turned out perfect for the two of them.

“It was worth it. It was unfortunate circumstances, but you gotta look at the glass half full. Gotta be positive. Gotta look forward to the good things. It was a blast.”

Bridal Book 2021

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PANDEMIC WEDDING (CONT.)

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“ I feel that having to make the wedding smaller, we were forced to take a step back and focus on what we really wanted the day to be.”

Juli & Alex Milnikel 7.11.2020

Photo by Anji Monique Photography

JULI & ALEX’S DATE WAS JULY 11, 2020.

Similar to Jessica’s story, Juli found herself trying to figure out what they would do with their July wedding after Michigan’s first lockdown. Planning started with the venue, calling to find out exactly what they could do. The venue wanted things to proceed as normal, and would not allow the Milnikel wedding to reduce their 150-guest minimum.

Juli cancelled the contract, losing their entire deposit. And did what she says she does best, “Ready … Adapt!”

With the help of her mom, they went to work getting things changed and figured out. The reception was changed to be held at Tosi’s in Stevensville—originally their rehearsal dinner space, but as they explained their situation to the restaurant, Tosi’s was happy to work with Juli to have the reception there instead. Their rehearsal dinner venue changed over to their church where they would be married, with a local caterer, making things just a little more simple.

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Bridal Book 2021

Another unfortunate hiccup was Juli’s dress.

She had actually worked in the wedding business, bridal sales specifically at one point, and did what she claimed is “the number one sin.” When she had looked at dresses, she was between sizes, and decided to size down with aiming to slim down a little more before their big day. However, the shutdown had closed all the gyms, and the overwhelming stress we can all relate to during the pandemic, with that of replanning a wedding, she was forced to have major work done on her dress so it would fit.

Juli remarks there were a lot of tears and some meltdowns along the way. Sometimes she would feel so selfish for not cancelling or postponing the wedding. “At the end of the day, we did what we thought was right for us and did everything we could to keep those around us safe and also provide an escape from what was going on.”

The Milnikels still married on July 11, 2020.

“It was a beautiful day,” Juli said. “It may not

have been the day we originally planned, but it was exactly what God had planned for us.”

Her smaller wedding was a “blessing in disguise” to her as well. Not having the big wedding she thought she wanted or needed ended up being the absolute dream. She had time to visit all her guests, and actually relax and enjoy the reception. She certainly missed not having all of her loved ones there, but the day was still enjoyable.

Juli notes, “Throughout the entire process, I was told it is the marriage that was important and I feel that having to make the wedding smaller, we were forced to take a step back and focus on what we really wanted the day to be. It may not be the wedding you dreamed of since you were little, but that is okay. You are marrying someone who loves you, regardless of every wedding detail you’re stressing over being perfect. Take a breath, know it’s okay to cry and be disappointed and to feel those things. Just don’t dwell on it. Your day will be exactly how it needs to be.”

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NAVIGATING

L

Wedding Menus

iving with food allergies or sensitivities or dietary restrictions of any sort makes any event involving a meal daunting.

Luckily in recent years I’ve been elated noticing RSVPs including food options for restricted-diet individuals, or even a place to declare your sensitivities to be accommodated!

SO, WHAT ABOUT PLANNING YOUR OWN WEDDING MENU? I have a few tried and reliable tips to guide you in planning

your way through your wedding menu so you and your guests have a wonderful and safe, allergy-free day.

1 - START WITH YOU. How serious are your allergies? Most places are happy to accommodate a plate just for you or your entire guest list. Mine are sensitive enough I had ensured any food served at the wedding was safe for me to ease any worries or accidents. You can also offer a list of ingredients you must avoid so they can doublecheck ingredients.

2 – HAVE AN OPEN CONVERSATION WITH CATERERS AND VENUES. Every caterer you reach out to, be forthcoming in

explaining your situation and dietary restrictions. Be specific. Like, if the soy lecithin in sprays will make you sick, you should tell them. Every single one of them will work with you to ensure you have an edible meal.

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WHEN YOU HAVE ALLERGIES

3 – YOU CAN HAVE YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO. There are

so many bakeries out there that cater to multiple food allergies! AND many can even accommodate a real cake tasting! Talk to them about cross-contaminates and other concerns. I managed to find one on the east side to accommodate my soy, wheat and peanut allergy. The cake looked and tasted phenomenal.

4 – ABOUT YOUR GUESTS… It is difficult to

accommodate every known issue with every individuals diet, but that doesn’t mean something can’t be done for them. If you know you’ll have vegetarians and vegans, ensure special plates are made and set aside, or make it an option. Also, anyone will eat gluten-free, as long as you don’t tell them.

In my case… they didn’t even notice the difference.

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25

Bridesmaids Gift Ideas After saying “YES,” the fun really begins! Asking your best friends and loved ones to be a bridesmaid is exciting, and everyone wants to think of a fun, trendy way to ask them. Lucky for you, Kalamazoo has so many unique and locally owned shops to put together the perfect bridesmaids gifts — from candles and wine, to the most adorable cookies. I have compiled a list of Kalamazoo’s best places to help put together a unique way of asking your BFFs to be by your side on your special day!

TEMPO VINO WINERY OF KALAMAZOO

KALAMAZOO CANDLE COMPANY

260 E Michigan Ave | www.tempovinowinery.com

116 S Kalamazoo Mall | www.kalamazoocandle.com

Everyone loves a celebration, and what’s a celebration without a toast? Tempo Vino Winery of Kalamazoo has been a longtime favorite of mine. While you can choose from their many bottles of wine, they also offer half bottles, perfect for this occasion! Best of all? You can create a custom label for any of their full- or half-size bottles of wine. Located right in downtown Kalamazoo, you can stop in for a wine tasting and Alex will help you pair the perfect wine to your bridesmaids. At Tempo Vino they are very proud of their wine and winemaking processes.

Wines are handcrafted in small batches from grapes grown around the world. Tempo Vino selects the best grapes from top vineyards each harvest, and imports the juice to the winery for winemaking. They stand out as the only winery in the area where you can actually taste and make wine from grapes grown in France, Italy, Germany, Australia and California. Need a custom wine for your wedding? Tempo Vino Winery also lets you create your OWN wine! That’s right. Stop in and create any of the wines on his list, or Alex will help you select the perfect blend.

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Bridal Book 2021

Who doesn’t love a good candle? Kalamazoo Candle Company is my favorite place to grab candles and is conveniently located right downtown on the Kalamazoo Mall. You can plan an event at the Marketplace to make your own candles together, including custom labels, or place a custom order. They offer three different-sized candles and plenty of amazing scents to choose from. Their 10oz Jars are noted for 60-80 hours of fragrant burn time in a reusable glass jar. Design the label, wooden lid or both! The 6oz Tins with your choice of fragrance lend 30-45 hours of flame in recyclable metal containers. Customize the side label, lid or both. And the 1.6oz Tins are high-quality candles in a small but mighty “sample” size. Customize the lid label to make it your own. (Absolutely perfect to add to a bridesmaid gift box with their name on it! No minimum quantities!)

If you are looking to make it a fun girl’s night out instead, Kalamazoo Candle offers Custom Candle Making at the Marketplace. Contact them to make reservations.

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THE AROMA LABS www.thearomalabs.com

Who doesn’t want to smell amazing on their special day? The Aroma Labs, located downtown Kalamazoo in the Park Trade Center, is a fun and unique spot to grab a great bridesmaid gift, perfume! The Aroma Labs is a concept created by entrepreneur Tanya Thompson and inspired by her personal experience and passion for fragrance and mixology. Tanya loves helping people connect with their fragrance creation. She will help you mix up the perfect scent and you can even add a custom label to the fragrance bottles. The bottles are the perfect size for your bridesmaids clutch on the special day, too!

CONFECTIONS WITH CONVICTIONS www.confectionswithconvictions.com

Everyone I know loves chocolate on some level. Those on a mission for stunning hand-made chocolates go to Confections with Convictions. Their confections are made from wholesome ingredients and organic fair-trade chocolates, based on recipes that were developed by chocolatier Dale Anderson right in their shop. They source from the local farmers market or buy directly from local makers and farmers whenever possible.

Confections with Convictions is proud to share “Pure Michigan” tastes and ingredients with customers. Their chocolate treats are designed to satisfy a range of tastes, from classic flavors to the seasonally inspired and wholly unexpected. And they are always adding more! Many of the confections are also vegan and gluten free. You can special order right from their website or visit them downtown.

THE COOKIE CRAFTER @the_cookie_crafter | fb.com/lisathecookiecrafter

First on my list has to be the gorgeous cookies from The Cookie Crafter. A home baker located in Otsego, Lisa started her home-based bakery a few years ago. Hands down, she makes THE most beautiful cookies that I believe have ever existed.

BONUS, they taste amazing! I typically don’t like the fancy sugar cookies, because they are just plain hard and dry. Yet, Lisa has perfected the cookies to where they are super soft and delicious. She can create most any custom cookie that your little heart desires, and her wedding cookies are among my favorite.

Her cookies are custom order only, but you can choose from a host of flavors from the traditional vanilla, to cookies n’ cream, chocolate chip and other seasonal flavors!

COLORS AND COCKTAILS STUDIO

240 S Kalamazoo Mall | www.colors-and-cocktails.com

For a more personalized gift for each of your bridesmaids, you can head over to Colors and Cocktails Studio. Lauren’s shop offers lots of cute custom glassware, earrings, cute socks, adorable bottles with matches to light those Kalamazoo Candles, cocktail mixes, cute stickers, and THE most adorable wrapping paper in the city. I highly recommend her shop to add the finishing personal touch to your bridesmaid gift box! You can order custom glassware on her website or visit her downtown shop.

Rachel Kirtley Rachel has worked in all levels of the food industry for over a decade. She is currently a Social Media Influencer, Content Creator and Restaurant Reviewer. You can visit her at thekalamazoofoodie.com

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Anniversary Dates Done Differently QUARANTINE EDITION

Every anniversary, my husband and I go camping. A tradition we’ve had for several years, whether a small weekend trip at a campsite or a week-long stay in the backcountry, we always take the time away from obligations to enjoy each other’s company in the great outdoors. Although this year, like many others, we had to make some changes to adjust to our pandemic world. Stuck on what you can do for your special day? Here are some date nights ideas, in the style of quarantine.

DINE-IN AND A MOVIE

Dinner and a movie are a date night staple, and one that you can recreate in your home!

All you need is a projector, which you can purchase for as little as $60, and a white sheet or wall. If you really think you will be using the projector often, I recommend a projection screen or a solid-white wall as well. Then grab some blankets, your favorite carry-out, and lights, camera, action! This is also a great outdoor idea for bonfire movie nights.

TREAT-YOURSELF COUPONS

Aah, the glorious handmade coupon booklets, a timeless classic. Have your partner write down five things they would enjoy and five things they think you would like as well, then you do the same for them. Allow for three “opt-outs,” exchange the booklets, and have a humorous night of doing tasks for your partner. Make them silly, romantic, or even a chore you have been wanting done – then let the games begin.

OUTDOOR IGLOOS

If you are not willing to compromise your date night out to a date night in, try eating dinner in one of the outdoor igloos that many restaurants are now offering. It will most likely be a little chilly, so remember to dress warmly, or enjoy the warmth of your significant other’s arms while you wait for your meal.

Hannah Reuter

SPA DAY

An at-home spa day or a couple’s massage is a great way to spend the day with a loved one. Who enjoys getting pampered and relaxing those woes away, if only for a day?

For an at-home spa day, try out bath salts and facials. For a massage, check out one of the many local masseuses and their safety protocols in place.

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Bridal Book 2021

SLEDDING AND A CUP OF HOT COCOA

Hannah graduated from WMU in 2015 with a degree in Economics and currently resides in Portage. In her free time she enjoys strumming the guitar and painting. She is the author of two YA books under the pseudonym, H.B. Catherine. You can find information on her books and writing at hbcatherinewriting.com.

Have you ever watched one of those cheesy, romantic holiday movies? If you have, then you know there is most likely a sledding scene that ends with the potential couple grabbing hot cocoa to warm themselves afterward. So, make your anniversary into a movie scene that your other half will never forget!

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Experience the Magic of Henderson Castle

HENDERSON CASTLE CELEBRATING 125 YEARS

100 Monroe St, Kalamazoo www.hendersoncastle.com 269-344-1827 Bridal Book 2021

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ON THAT NOTE

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FOR YOUR

Second Wedding

BY LALITA CHEMELLO

Three quick notes about me: I was, at one point in my life, a natural people-pleaser. I have also had many discussions in the past with my therapist about my inability to ask for help. I also do not enjoy being the center of attention.

And I will remark, these are things that are not a good combination to have when it comes to planning or executing a wedding.

My first marriage’s wedding, instead of the small, intimate ceremony or courthouse wedding I had been perfectly content with, turned into a concert venue with over 200 guests invited, and I remember needing to sit down multiple times to catch my breath from all of the talking and running around to see everyone, in my corset. I was barely able to enjoy my reception.

I will say, there were parts that made it a beautiful wedding. It would be one of the last times many of my loved ones would be alive, well and in the same room. It’s unfortunate the marriage did not work out. But, when I look back, I began to notice things that maybe were indicative of what would shadow the end of my marriage anyway, and a reflection of who I truly was at the time too.

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And I share these honest experiences as a thought to you, just in case you find yourself in a similar situation.

ONE, I DIDN’T SPEAK UP.

Instead of trying to compromise for a smaller wedding, I just let everyone decide what they wanted to do. What could have been under 100 guests would get longer as qualifications for who should be there kept expanding. I could have spoken up, but I let it go. A part of me just accepted this was no longer under my control.

It was no longer my wedding.

I HAD SOME HELP, BUT I NEVER ASKED FOR ENOUGH.

To this day I still struggle with this. Part of it is a control issue. I did have some help from my ex’s mother and aunt who helped with décor, linens and we even made the wedding invitations by hand together. But the bulk of the planning landed on my shoulders. Calls, inquiries, bookings, etc., were me. I also remember bugging my ex to book a DJ, that turned into an incredibly last-minute thing. All this while I was finishing my last two full-time semesters of college for my Bachelor’s degree, and had just started my first full-time job too. I was exhausted by the time we got to the “day.”

I WAS GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS.

I honestly thought this was more of a case of cold feet, and convinced myself of just that. My family’s background with love and marriages is complicated, and a stable example of partnership is difficult to come by. But my feelings were beyond that. I wasn’t excited for the day. I was going through the motions. I had thought about ducking out of it before we said, “I do,” but decided we already had everything done, and it was too late to turn back. Maybe it was just cold feet. Turns out … it wasn’t.

THERE WAS AN ON-GOING THEME OF VENDORS SAYING “FOR YOUR SECOND WEDDING.”

Okay, this one was just funny, albeit a few years later. It started with a sandwich shop we had wanted to potentially cater the day, but they could not accommodate my many severe food allergies. They had said to my ex, “Well, consider us for your second wedding!” I cannot recall the specifics of the couple of other times this was mentioned in the process of planning, but when our divorce did come to fruition, this was an ironically fun joke to fall back on.

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I am not a perfect person. I know my ex’s sentiments surrounding the day differ from my overall experience, but we were both in this marriage for different reasons. Thus, why it is so important to be honest and open about things. I hope in going into your special day, you don’t have these issues or reservations. If you do, speak up!

A wedding like this, it is a little bit of a start and sign to how things will work in your marriage.

You are a team in life, and this should reflect that partnership. Sure, one of you may be more gung-ho on what will or will not be there, but it will at least be agreed upon that one can pick out everything.

Speak up for what you want. Ask if you need help. If your gut is telling you to change something or something isn’t right, especially with the world in the condition it is still in, then look into it or change it. In the end, this day is about you and your other half. And in some cases, maybe that’s all you really need for one of the most important days of your life.

Make the Holidays Even

Sweeter

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I know for me, as I go on planning the, I guess, “infamous” second wedding, I keep all this in mind. Making sure our plans and needs are on the same page. When that happens too, you realize, it’s not that difficult to put everything together. It will be about the two of us, and that, is all that matters.

My last little bit of advice: It’s okay to yell at your DJ when he fusses about the table being on the stage and no one can dance, and you tell him the only thing you want is to eat the allergenfriendly wedding cake made just for today, while sitting down, and that table will stay there until you eat it. (And yes, I did in fact, do that.)

Lalita Chemello Lalita is our Editor, Writer and occasional photog. Her 13 years of writing has landed features with Panorama, published poetry and even a short film. She spends any extra time she can quenching her wanderlustian needs by finding new places to adventure with her other half, writing, or playing with their motorized toys.

Not Your Traditional Jewelry Store uniqjewelry.com 269-459-1669 3940 W Centre Ave, Portage, MI 49024

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Work-Life Harmony FOR YOUR MARRIAGE

Chelsie Fall, SHRM-CP Chelsie is driven to change the way we think about employees in the workplace. This requires a shift from traditional practices to create an innovative, peoplecentered, workplace culture.

Her work is her passion but her “why” is her favorite people of all: her husband and children.

C

reating personal success takes hard work and it is not necessarily easy. Throw in career demands, children and other commitments, and life overall becomes a challenge. The cherry on top is prioritizing the most important relationship in the midst of all of this — your marriage!

That is where the term “worklife balance” would often be used, but there really is no such thing. Rather than seeking a work-life balance, we should really be seeking to achieve a “work-life harmony.”

For my husband and I, the foundation of our relationship was built on personal independence.

We have always genuinely supported each other in our personal endeavors, but as our family and career demands grew, we had started slowly drifting apart. We were prioritizing all of our outside demands and realized that we weren’t making time for each other, so we had to make a change.

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Here are just a few ways we changed things to help support each other’s goals and accomplishments.

Plan Together

Understand and Accept Differences

Photo by Paint My Mind Photography

Twice a year, we take time together to map out our individual and family goals, dreams, and aspirations. We spend an entire day talking about how we will help each other accomplish our personal goals and what things we want to accomplish together. It is amazing what we can create together. This allows us to stay motivated and creates excitement in our relationship.

Communicate Clearly

Expectations can get dicey when we do not have a plan for how we are going to work together through our daily lives. The dynamics between us and our daily responsibilities are interchangeable so either one of us could take the role of handyman or chef at any given time. In order to stay on track for the week we create meal plans and talk about any changes to our regular routine, so we know who is responsible for what. This allows us to make time for ourselves individually and meet all the other demands in our lives.

We function quite differently in our lives from each other, which can be a doubleedged sword. On one hand, our differences complement each other, allowing us to work in harmony. However, our differing personalities can clash resulting in conflict. Instead of trying to understand the “why” behind the behaviors we do not understand, we have learned to accept our differences with grace.

This allows us to respect each other more.

Be Friends

Our relationship started as a friendship and although it may not be easy, we make time to ‘hang out.’ Sometimes it might not be until 11 o’clock at night, well after the kids go to bed, but we make it work. We take this time to watch movies together, play board games, listen to music, and just be together enjoying engaging conversations without any distractions. This allows us to appreciate each other more and get back to the roots of what brought us together in the first place.

Creating “work-life harmony” in your marriage is possible and does not have to be difficult. Investing just a little bit of time purposefully connecting with one another can work wonders and help you both feel accomplished, and still truly connected.

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IT’S A SELLER’S WORLD.

THINKING ABOUT SELLING? NOW MAY BE THE PERFECT TIME. IN TODAY'S HIGHLY COMPETITIVE MARKET, YOU’LL NEED STRONG, PROFESSIONAL GUIDANCE TO LEAD THE WAY.

From coaching you through my Home Readiness Program to ensure the highest market returns, to being diligent in my every move to get your offer accepted, no one works harder to help you achieve all your real estate goals.

I LOOK FORWARD TO GUIDING YOU HOME. Ethel Wilkey-Downs, REALTOR® Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices - Michigan Real Estate

269.267.0515 ethelwilkey@bhhsmi.com fb.com/ethelwilkeyrealtor ethelwilkey.bhhsmichiganrealestate.com

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Should I Elope?

I think we can all agree that 2020 has been a difficult year; from staying in and avoiding others, to having lost the ability at one point to snag that last roll of toilet paper. All have made sacrifices to some degree and if you are planning a wedding, chances are you might make even more. With the anxiety surrounding the uncertainties of the pandemic’s impact on the upcoming year, the stress of planning a wedding can just be the “icing on the cake” of a hard year. So, I will ask, is having a wedding worth it in 2021? Let’s break it down.

The Large Wedding

If you really want a large wedding (150+ guests), you will want to take into consideration the potential socially-distant future we may still be living in. Choose a large venue (with refund options) or an outdoor one, while also having a “Plan B” on hand. Perhaps, having a smaller list of family and friends that you must have at your wedding, if the larger celebration ends up not being feasible. Another option is to wait until 2022 or elope, then plan the “wedding” for a later date.

The Small Wedding

If you are having a smaller wedding, consider the pros and cons of eloping.

How many people do you plan to invite?

Have you always dreamed of a fairy tale wedding or would a courthouse suffice?

How much money do you want to spend?

What is the backup plan? If you want to avoid the headache of planning, you can even ask an ordained friend to carry out your rites and then submit your paperwork to the courthouse.

At the end of the day, whether you decide on the big or small wedding, or elopement, the important thing to remember is marrying the one you love and making that in itself special. Make the decision that is the best for you!

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The Elopement

Eloping today is far different than its past versions, with plenty of classy ways to get married discreetly. One option is a road trip!

Hop in the car and travel to a National Park, or other scenic locations around the U.S. to tie the knot with a beautiful landscape as a stunning backdrop. Rent out a small church or venue to say your “I Dos” and celebrate with the ones you care about afterward with a safe reception or an intimate dinner. And if there are any must-have “guests” to attend your adventure, hold it virtually. Never forget, there is always Vegas.

Hannah Reuter Hannah graduated from WMU with a degree in Economics and currently resides in Portage. In her free time she enjoys strumming the guitar and painting. She is the author of two YA books under the pseudonym, H.B. Catherine. You can find information on her books & writing at hbcatherinewriting.com.

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Engagement Photos TIPS AND ADVICE

BY LALITA CHEMELLO

You’re getting married! But first, it is time for the now time-honored tradition of taking photos together for your enjoyment, save the dates and announcements, also known as your engagement photos. I spoke with DEB KALSBEEK, Owner and Chaos Coordinator of Snap Studio, to give you the best tips to prepare for your soon-to-be beautiful engagement photos.

WHEN ON THE WEDDING TIMELINE SHOULD I GET THEM?

Deb recommends at least 6-12 months before your wedding date.

PICKING A PHOTOGRAPHER

Look for someone who is licensed and insured. You’ll want to find someone you are comfortable with. What is the photographer’s style of work, or what are you drawn to? Is it a moody image?

Maybe the true-to-color photography?

Or those faded tones? Are they candid or classic styled photographers? This all really matters on what you want.

Also, find out how they’ve been handling COVID with their brides.

And read through contracts thoroughly, ensuring if something did come up on either end, you’re protected from losing deposits, or the session entirely.

WHAT TO WEAR…

You’ll want to wear something timeless. Anything too trendy or Pinterest-inspired may date the photos, unless that’s what you want to do! Deb also says think about how you decorate your home. These are photos you most likely will hang up, so you want something that will complement the décor as well. Going with your wedding colors is always a good option. And wear something comfortable. You’ll be out and about a while. You don’t want something you cannot move in, or need to adjust every 30 seconds.

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WHERE ARE WE GOING? WHAT DO WE WANT OUR PHOTOS TO LOOK LIKE?

In Deb’s engagement sessions, many times the setting is like a date. It’s the two of you having a good time together, and brings out some of the most genuine of photos. You can recreate a first date. Use the backdrop of one of your favorite places together. If you want your pets in the image, include them!

Ask yourself: what backdrop best represents you two as a couple?

GET PROFESSIONALLY DONE UP

You want to look your absolute best. Treat this like a wedding day run through. Get your hair done. Get your nails done. Have a professional do your makeup. Look flawless. And this goes for the groom too. If you feel like you look your best, you’ll go into the session with much more confidence.

LASTLY, RELAX

Many of you out there are probably camera shy, and expressing your emotions and posing in front of a camera for a few hours is intimidating. Aside from wearing comfortable clothing and making yourself look like an 11 out of 10 for your day, find ways to calm your nerves. Deb even encourages a drink before the session—it’ll loosen your inhibitions and make it easier for genuine interactions. You don’t want engagement photos like Chandler and Monica from “Friends” coming back!

Tips and photographs from Deb Kalsbeek, Owner and Chaos Coordinator of Snap Studio. Find more tips on her blog: snapshotmomentsphoto.com/snap-blog

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RECIPES |

COMFORT MEALS FOR COLD DAYS

pot roast Q U I C K AN D EASY

Put this in the crockpot before heading to work in the morning & be greeted by this delicious dinner when you get home.

1 3-pound chuck roast 1 teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon garlic powder ½ teaspoon black pepper ¼ cup oil 1 onion, sliced 3 bay leaves 4 beef bouillon cubes, crushed 2 cloves garlic, crushed 1 (10 ¾ ounce) can condensed cream of mushroom soup ½ cup Merlot wine

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Sprinkle roast on all sides with salt, garlic powder and pepper.

In a large skillet heat oil on medium-high heat until moderately hot and brown roast on all sides.

Place roast in slow cooker.

On top of the roast, layer onion, bay leaves, crushed beef bouillon cubes, crushed garlic, and cream of mushroom soup.

Add Merlot, plus 2 cups of water.

Cook on low setting for 8 hours.

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As we are fast-approaching the coldest days of winter weather, you deserve a meal worthy of warming you on through to your bones ... and soul. Here are two rather simple-to-make and delicious recipes to do just that in the cold weeks ahead.

W HI TE CH I C K EN

CHILI

1 tablespoon vegetable oil 1 onion, chopped 3 cloves garlic, crushed 1 (4 ounce) can diced jalapeno peppers 1 (4 ounce) can chopped green chile peppers 2 teaspoons ground cumin 1 teaspoon dried oregano 1 teaspoon ground cayenne pepper 2 (14.5 ounce) cans chicken broth 3 cups chopped cooked chicken breast 3 (15 ounce) cans white beans 1 cup shredded Monterey Jack cheese In a large saucepan over mediumlow heat, add oil. Add onion and slowly cook until tender.

Mix in the garlic, jalapeno, green chile peppers, cumin, oregano and cayenne. Continue to cook and stir the mixture until tender, about 3 minutes.

Mix in chicken broth, chicken and white beans.

Simmer for 15 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Remove mixture from heat.

Slowly stir in cheese until melted.

Serve warm.

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What Women Know about Dieting GOALS. TRANSFORMATION. TRUTH-SEEKING. CHANGE. January brings a palpable awareness to new beginnings. One place that this always shows up this time of year is in the world of weight loss, particularly through dieting.

There is nothing wrong with making your health a priority, making some changes to your routine, or setting a goal around your wellness. However, dieting (i.e. restricting our food intake with the goal of weight loss) strips women of one of our greatest gifts: our intuition.

There’s a good chance that if you have been on one diet, you have been on another...and another. That’s because women have been conditioned to believe (and are still being sold on) that their worth is directly tied to the size, shape, and weight of their bodies. So, if we aren’t working on our bodies, there must be something wrong with us. Women know that most diets don’t work, and the ones that do, have temporary results and often do not last. Why do we continue to buy into this?

Because the industry has led us to believe that we failed, could not finish, and did not have the willpower to stick with the diet.

Somehow, it is our fault that their product failed to work! Our best defense in this cycle is the wise voice that lies in each of us that knows our truth, our intuition.

Women know that knowledge does not just come from the outside. In many cases, we do not need data or hard facts when it comes

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to knowing what to do, when something is wrong, or what decision to make. We have our own internal compass that helps us. Unfortunately, the world doesn’t see things through a woman’s eyes. So, women have been taught to ignore or even fear our intuition. We are taught to use our heads, not our heart, and to only trust what is rational or logical. Both the rational mind and intuitive mind are important and there should be a balance. But, many of us have been leaning way too far on the rational side, leaving the intuitive brain silenced.

Have you ever been told or have told yourself that you’re being too sensitive or emotional? Why do we tell ourselves this when sensitivity or emotional attunement are some of our greatest powers? How often do we tell female friends to listen to their gut, but push our own away? We have been told that it is wrong to live by this internal information and that there must be something wrong with us if we do. So, it is no wonder that we search for quantitative and tangible ways to live in the world.

Insert: dieting.

up like the women we are. We create an environment that allows us to authentically be women, we connect and talk and surround ourselves with women instead of pushing that away.

To get in touch with our intuition, we need to get back in touch with the feminine.

We listen, we slow down, we rest, we find stillness when we can, we are receptive and emotional. We focus on how we actually feel instead of how we “should” be feeling, making decisions about what our individual bodies and minds need instead of relying on

Dieting gives you a plan, a measurable way to move forward and assess progress.

The message is that women’s bodies are “out of control” and a diet shows that you are in control. If a woman’s body is larger than what society has deemed acceptable, the focus should be on making it small and less inconvenient for the world around her.

So, what do we do to reclaim this intuition around diet culture? We start showing

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is working against us and we struggle to catch a break or do anything right. This can turn to shame and guilt quickly. When we use our intuitive mind, we feel powerful and full of life. We move through the world with trust and fearlessness. Self-compassion and wisdom lives in this intuitive space. We are more powerful WITH this tool than without it.

“Women have long known many truths about the world around us, none more important than our own that lives within us.” the outside world to tell us. We come to the size, shape, and weight of our bodies with curiosity, not judgement to invoke guidance against ridicule. We check in with ourselves to find answers, hunches, and insights. By acting upon your inner advice, you will strengthen your intuition even if it has been denied for decades.

Often women struggle with knowing if they are tuning into their intuition or not. However, they know exactly how it feels when they deny it: stuck, silenced, betrayed, powerless and helpless.

Everything feels like a struggle, whether we are talking about our bodies or life in general. It feels like everything out there

Trying using your intuition the next time you feel pulled to work on your body, to change your size, shape, or weight. Can you be still long enough to listen to your internal compass that is composed of compassion and truth and make a decision from that space?

Is there an alternative way or reason behind that feeling that surfaces in that stillness that is more authentic to you? Women have long known many truths about the world around us, none more important than our own that lives within us.

Emily Betros Emily is a licensed clinical social worker, certified health coach, and owner of Reclaiming Health, LLC. She specializes in body image support, eating disorders, anxiety, life transitions, mindfulness, and women's issues. More info: www.reclaiminghealth.net.

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