Working Mums Collective Magazine - Issue Three Preview

Issue 3

working mums HOW TO NEGOTIATE YOUR IDEAL RETURN TO WORK PLAN TOP TIPS FOR GETTING YOUR FINANCIAL HOUSE IN ORDER CAN WORKING MUMS REALLY SHED THE GUILT? THE PERFECT BALANCE FROM CHIEF OF STAFF TO MUM IN CHIEF HOW YOGA CAN REDUCE STRESS

collective MAGAZINE

Carly ThompsonBarry on her journey with Sass Place, the best advice she has been given and what motivates her

Do you know a new or expectant mama?

Are you looking for a unique gift?

Treat this mama and her baby or baby to be with a gift of natural health.

Diffuse to safely cleanse the air, boost the immue system and destress and relax and for mood management

Fractionated Coconut oil for dilution during pregancy and for children and babies

For tummy aches and all things digestive

Reducing stretchmarks, for calming and for pain and inflamation

For respiratory support and inducing restful sleep

For supporting the immune system

For morning sickness, immune support and as a natural cleaner

For sleep, destress and relaxation when in doubt, use lavender

Email info@workingmumscollective.com.au to find out more collective magazine

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r e t t e l s ’ r o t i Ed W

elcome to issue three of Working Mums Collective Online Magazine.

I am thrilled to share this issue with you and introduce you to this issue’s cover star, Carly Thompson-Barry.

I have watched Carly’s journey over the past couple of years and have been blown away by what she has achieved for women with her two children in tow. A Telstra Business Women’s Award Finalist in 2015, she is passionate about helping women to realise their potential, to provide them support and to help give them the confidence to believe they are capable of anything they put their mind to. After taking the leap from career in financial planning into their family business, she later created Sass Place, Australia’s first coworking space for Women in Adelaide two years ago. If you haven’t come across Carly or her business Sass Place, enjoy reading my chat with her - she is super inspirational.

Heading back to work after having a baby and being out of the workforce for a while can bring on a flurry of emotions ranging from fear, guilt, shame, worry and… excitement. You may also be experiencing anxiety at the prospect of having to negotiate your return to work plan or flexibility agreement with your boss. It’s likely that your needs have changed since having a baby and you may be seeking to return to work with different conditions to which you left. If so, you will need to negotiate. Lisa Morris from Authentic Direction shares her top tips to negotiate a successful return to work and create a plan that suits you, your family and your company. Turn to page 9 to read more.

The early years of motherhood are an amazing time. Full of love, hope and wanting to provide the best for your family. Those early years are also a time of incredible change and pressure for women. It is no wonder that women struggle most with their emotional and mental wellbeing in the first year after giving birth. But there are things, small and big, that working mums can do to look after their mental wellbeing. Turn to page 15 for five ways working mums can look after their mental health.

I hope you enjoy this issue. I would love to hear your thoughts, feedback, comments or suggestions so please email me at info@workingmumscollective.com.au

Sarah xx working mums

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Contents 5. The Power of Touch

7. 8 Ways to Reduce Stress Levels

9. How to negotiate your ideal return to plan

work

11. 10 Reasons why I love being a working mum

15. Five Ways working mums can look after their mental health

19. Meditation made easy 3 working mums

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23. COVER STORY

Carly Thompson-Barry on her journey with Sass Place, the best advice she has been given and what motivates her.

27. Top tips for getting your financial house in order

30. Manifesto for Working Mums

31. Can working mums really shed the guilt?

And do we need to?

33. The Pros and Cons of working part time 37. How yoga can help reduce stress

39. The balancing act: work, parenting and living life of your terms

42. From Chief of Staff to Mum in Chief

43. Six reasons to LOVE working part-time 45. How to fall back asleep easily at 2am 47. The Perfect Balance

49. A Mother’s Journey - 4 Epic Lessons from the First Year

51. Finding my style 53. Recipes

Red Lentil and Quinoa Soup Slow Cooker Meatballs

The Power of Touch

Having been a nurse for over ten years, there has always been a strong focus on the power of touch. A lot can be learned from touch and it is an integral part of nursing. Physical touch is used regularly, whether it is for observation when taking a pulse and noticing how a patient’s skin feels, if a pulse is beating strong or weak for example, or for comfort with a gentle reassurance by lightly placing your hand on a shoulder.

Touch is the first form of communication we experience. Nothing makes us feel safer than being in the arms of a loving embrace and nothing has the power to heal more, than touch. Having worked in a neonatal intensive care unit for over a decade, I have seen firsthand, the power of touch. Nothing soothes a baby like a mother’s touch.

Premature infants and term infants can respond differently to touch and often in the hospital setting, tactile experiences can at times have negative associations. In the clinical setting, positive touch is used to provide comfort and nurturing.

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Massage is an intimate form of touch. It is important from an early age to teach children the importance of appropriate touch.

Therefore, it is imperative that massage for infants and children is given by someone who has a strong bond and connection with the child. Asking a child for permission to touch, even at an early age, sets them up for learning about appropriate touch and knowing that they have an choice Massage is a special and lovely way to bond with your baby and can allow you to learn more about your baby’s cues and body language. As massage is a great way

during infancy to nurture and strengthen your relationship with your baby, it is important to use an oil that is not scented so as not to mask maternal scent.

Sometimes it’s after bath time; sometimes it’s in the middle of the day. There is no set massage time in our house (although, for our house, the evenings are popular for our baby).

Massage is not only a lovely way to create many beautiful memories with your baby that endures through time, it also has been shown to have many benefits.

As your child grows, massage can still be an important part of your life. When an older child requests a massage, it can be because they would like time to have a talk or want some one-on-one interaction with a parent.

In our fast paced lives, it is a nice way to stop and have a moment where you can both chat or just enjoy each other’s company without competing with everything else that is going on. We sometimes even draw on each other’s back and make a game of it!

Research has shown there are many benefits for infants who are massaged. Some of the benefits for infants include: • Enhances bonding and attachment • Reduces stress levels (hormone associated with) in children and parents • Strengthens body awareness • Helps strengthen the immune system • Can reduce the symptoms associated with eczema • Reduces cortisol levels in children and their parents • Improves mood and emotions • Aids digestion • Used to relieve pain and reduce discomfort • Relieves symptoms of colic, wind and constipation • Improves communication between the brain and body and to any sleep deprived parent, music to their ears, massage helps improve the quality of sleep. As infant massage is a mixture of both stimulating and relaxing strokes it is important to know which strokes and sequence is appropriate for your baby.

There are also studies, which show that there are benefits as well for parents and caregivers who partake in infant massage. Studies indicate that adults who massage their infants are less likely to experience anxiety, show an increase in mood and self-esteem.

Massage is as timeless as the unique relationship between mother/caregiver and infant. Never underestimate the power of touch.

Written by Rhiannon Russell Rhiannon is a mother, wife and Registered Nurse by trade. She is an Infant Massage Instructor and Paediatric Massage Consultant. She has completed her Master of Nursing as well as numerous other courses. Rhiannon has three beautiful children ranging from 7 months to 5 years.

You can connect with her at infantmassageboutique.com.au or on Instagram www.instagram.com/infantmassageboutique and facebook www.facebook.com/infantmassageboutique

Massage is not purely restricted for babies but it is also a wonderful way to bond with your older child. There comes a time when your child may become more self-conscious and modest and want to keep an item of clothing on. I am waiting in my house for that moment, naked is the new black! I am often met with a bottle of oil and a child demanding a massage. working mums

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8 Ways to Reduce Stress Levels As a busy working mum, there are often times where our stress levels are high.

No matter how much positive thinking we do, there will be times that we suffer from stress.

So, what is stress?

According to Lifeline, Stress is a natural human response to pressure when faced with challenging and sometimes dangerous situations.

That pressure is not only about what’s happening around us, but often also about demands we place on ourselves.

Experiencing stress is part of being alive and some stress helps increase our alertness and energy to meet challenging situations.

It is easy to feel overwhelmed with how much we have on our plate especially when there are situations we can’t control. It doesn’t help that many mums put extra pressure on themselves.

It is easy for us to be so focused on the daily routine that we don’t look for ways to de-stress and reduce the amount of stress in our lives.

So, what can you do to live a happier, positive life with reduced stress?

Here are 8 ways to reduce your stress levels:

1. Write a list Whenever I am feeling overwhelmed and like I am juggling a million things, the best way for me to feel calm about what I have to do is to write a list. When you aren’t clear exactly what you need to do, it is easy to get weighed down in everything. But when you have it written down in a list, it somehow feels more manageable.

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For me once I have everything I have to do written in a list I can prioritise what needs to be done first. This makes it seem a lot more achievable because everything has been broken down and I can focus on one thing at a time. Everyone that I work with knows that when I write a list I am feeling stressed and overwhelmed and to leave me along while I work through the priorities.

2. Sleep Getting enough sleep is so important to have the energy to tackle each day and everything on your to do list. Sleep is key to managing stress. This can be difficult when you are overworked and have lots to do but being well rested will make it easier for you to tackle the next day. I can definitely tell the difference depending on how much sleep I have had.

3. Positive thoughts I always try to look at the positives in everything and have an optimistic perspective but at times it is hard and it is easy to look at the negatives when things go wrong and wonder about the ‘what ifs’ – this does nothing for our stress levels so trying to maintain a positive outlook is a step towards managing stress every day.

4. Acknowledge that you experience stress If you are feeling stressed, speak up – talk about it with those close to you. Acknowledge that you are feeling overwhelmed and stressed.

Sometimes talking about it really helps to reduce the stress levels and get another perspective. And by letting others know, they can help support you through this stressful time.

I know that when I have something big on at work and feeling overwhelmed or stressed

I let my co-workers know because I tend to knuckle down and focus on my to-do list and can come across rude or uninterested in what they have to tell me because I want to get things ticked off my list. By acknowledging it and letting them know, they are aware and wont get offended if I act differently towards them. We all deal with stress in different ways so acknowledging it and talking about it helps our relationships with others.

and your partner and even the kids if they are old enough and it will seem more manageable.

5. Have some ‘me time’

I know this one is easier said than done. I know when I am stressed and have a lot going on, the first thing to go is healthy eating. It is so easy when I am stressed to get take away for dinner or go to the café while at work and get a cookie rather than eating a piece of fruit.

‘Me time” is so important for our mental health Scheduling in ‘me time’ has a direct effect on our stress levels. Take some time out for you to forget about everything on your plate and do something that you enjoy.

6. Ask for help Often we don’t like to ask for help because we feel like we are failing. I am guilty of this. It is so important to ask for help if you are feeling overwhelmed. If you are struggling to keep on top of household chores and you can afford it – get a cleaner. That will free you up for a few hours a week to get some time in for you.

Or if you need time to re-charge ask a friend or family member if they can babysit for you – even for a few hours. Asking for help is one of the top ways to reduce your stress levels. If you can get help with items on your list it frees up your time instantly.

7. Get on top of your to do list at home On top of everything you have to achieve at work I am sure that all of you have a list of jobs that you need to get done at home. Whether it is keeping on top of the washing, cleaning, fixing things that are broken, renovations, gardening or even things like bill payments, organising bank accounts, school enrolment forms, doctors appointments, or even arranging your will or life insurance, there are a lot of things that we need to keep on top of.

Give yourself a job to achieve each week and imagine how you will feel when they are all done. I doubt you will feel stressed about them anymore – you will feel a huge sense of achievement and accomplishment.

8. Eat well

Working mums already have a lot on their plate so I find that planning meals in advance really helps keep a balanced diet and I know that when I eat well, I feel healthy and have more energy to juggle everything going on in my life.

I hope this list helps you reduce your stress levels and better manage it in the future. It can be very stressful trying to remember everything you have to do at work and at home and juggling both can lead to increased stress for working mums. I know that I am getting stressed when I am feeling so overwhelmed that in my head I say ‘I need to write a list’.

This is a trigger to me that I don’t have a good handle on what I need to do. This happens many times at work and as soon as I have everything in a list it seems so much more manageable and achievable when broken down into smaller tasks.

Written by Sarah Poppy, Working Mums Collective

Putting these on a list with the relevant contact numbers and a schedule for getting them done, you can allocate duties between yourself working mums

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How to negotiate your ideal return to work plan.

So you’ve made the decision that it’s time to head back to work after being on maternity leave and now your return date is looming.

Heading back to work after having a baby and being out of the workforce for a while can bring on a flurry of emotions ranging from fear (can I still hold a professional conversation after watching endless hours of Disney Junior?), guilt (I love my child but I want more for myself), shame (I’m not cut out to be a stay at home mum), worry (will my baby be ok without me?) and let’s face it…excitement (I get to go to the toilet and have lunch in heels on my own!!!).

You may also be experiencing anxiety at the prospect of having to negotiate your return to work plan or flexibility agreement with your boss. It’s likely that your needs have changed since having a baby and you may be seeking to return to work with different conditions to which you left. If so, you will need to negotiate. Without polished negotiation skills, well thought out intentions and clear personal boundaries in place that support your values, you may end up agreeing to a less than ideal work situation that throws all chance of a work life balance out the window.

Here are my top tips to help you negotiate a successful return to work and to create a plan 9 working mums

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that suits your career ambitions, the needs of your company and your family.

• Be clear on WHY you are returning to work and take ownership for your decisions.

Your reasons for returning to work will be personal to you and your family. You may feel pressured into returning sooner than you would ideally like due to financial reasons or you may be itching to get back sooner than other mothers you know so that you can pick up your career goals where you left them off. Whatever your reason, remember that the decision is yours and needs no justification or comparison to others. Try to be respectful of your own choices and avoid placing the responsibility of your decisions on anyone else.

• Review and update your personal goals including career, financial, spiritual, relationship, health, personal growth, leisure and creative and make sure that they are aligned to your beliefs and values.

Use this exercise to create a picture of the ideal lifestyle or balance you want to create for your career and family. This picture will form the vision that you will aim to create in your negotiations.

• Now that you have your ideal vision for your life and some goals that support that vision, think about the things that are must haves or non-negotiables. These things may be very specific and practical and will likely relate directly to your primary reasons for returning to work. These are the things that form your bottom line when it comes to creating your return to work plan and it may be helpful to have them written down. You and your partner may need to consider your walk away point if your employer is unable or unwilling to meet you at your bottom line. It is also beneficial and empowering to consider your alternative options, should you reach that point in the negotiations.

• With having prepared and spent time considering your ideal and bottom line positions, you are now ready to enter in to the negotiation or return to work meeting with your boss. This meeting may or may not be formal, but be prepared all the same to discuss your needs and to ask for what you want. It’s important to enter in to this discussion with an attitude of win-win.

Negotiating is not about being a winner and the other party coming out a looser. For this stage to be successful, you really must consider the needs of the business and the motivations and objectives of your boss.

Aim to satisfy the needs of everyone which may require some creative thinking.

• It is often in the language that women tend to use that cause us to give away too much or to sacrifice what we ideally want and need. We also tend to invest more than our male colleagues in aiming to please others and in seeking approval for our thoughts or actions. Remember your value and why you have been successful in your career up to this point and make sure to use empowered and impactful language that is reflective of what you bring to the table.

Make the point of discussing your career goals and ambitions and aim to give your boss an understanding of your desire to be successful, meet targets and be a high performing contributor to the team.

• In terms of striking up a deal relating to the specifics of your hours, salary and

duties, put forward in a pragmatic manner, what you want. Don’t demand and avoid being emotional. This is the time for being assertive and professional as well as realistic about the things that may concern your boss. Be upfront and deal with their concerns head on. Suggest a trial period of 3 months and agree to review at the end of that time with honesty and accountability to fix or change anything that may not be working for you or your organisation.

• To have a smooth transition back to work and to create the ideal work life balance, the negotiations should not just be reserved for your workplace. It’s also vitally important for you to negotiate with your partner and to set out clear expectations that you have of each other as working parents. Create a domestic plan for your family which includes cleaning, gardening, cooking, caring for children as well as a schedule for drops off and picks ups to school or child care. Negotiate so that the domestic load is shared and come to an agreement on things like hiring a cleaner and paid baby-sitting for date nights.

After a few months following your return to work, go back and review the goals and vision you previously created. Check in on how you are going toward creating that ideal vision. Ask yourself if anything needs adjusting at work or home and continue to tweak and improve your plan. The first 3 to 6 months back at work as a new mum are tricky and there is a lot of settling going on for everyone so remember to be patient and kind to yourself but, if things aren’t working, keep on negotiating!

Written by Lisa Morris, Authentic Direction Lisa Morris, Owner and Director of Authentic Direction, is a leadership, executive and career coach and mentor. She works with women to help them define success on their own terms, to dream big, create a plan and realise their full potential.

Find out more at www.authenticdirection.com.au working mums

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10 Reasons I love being a working mum

I love being a working mum.

You may think that is a crazy statement to make but it’s true.

I have to admit that some days are harder than others and it is definitely a juggle but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

It isn’t always easy but we have a balance that mostly works for us.

I know working isn’t for all mums but for me, work is part of who I am.

Many people have asked if I feel like I am missing out because I work.

Sometimes I do feel like I am but overall I don’t feel that my children are deprived. In fact, going to daycare teaches them social skills and they learn so much more than I think I could ever teach them if I was at home with them.

I was talking to someone recently who said, “I don’t know how you do it? How do you juggle full time work and raising two children?, you must have more hours in the day than everyone else.”

There is no secret. I don’t have more hours in the day than anyone else. I don’t have a secret formula for making it work but it just does.

So, I thought it would be good to share the reasons why I love being a working mum.

1. My work gives me an identity outside of being a mum I have many titles; wife, mum, sister, daughter, Marketer, Blogger, Designer... I am all of these things. I love the title mum but I want more than just to be a mum. I am passionate about my work and really enjoy what I do. My work is part of who I am and I knew when I was pregnant with my first child that I didn’t want

to give that up. When I was on maternity leave I felt like a part of me was missing. I found it when I returned to work. My work gives me an identity outside of my family.

2. I feel like I am being a good role model for my children I want my children to know that they can set goals and aspire to achieve them in their life. I feel that by working and pursuing my dreams I am being a good role model for them. I want my children to know that it is not the wife’s role to stay home and look after the house and the children. The household responsibilities can be shared among all family members. I want my children to believe that they can achieve whatever they set their mind to.

3. My children are learning to be independent My children are learning to be independent from their mum and dad and learning to trust others – the staff and other children at daycare.

They are forming their own identities outside of the safety of our home. They are learning to be confident. Although they sometimes get upset when we drop them off they know that we are always going to come back and pick them up.

Usually within a couple of minutes they are fine and playing with the other children. I can see in their interactions with other adults and children that they are growing into independent and confident children.

4. I get to enjoy adult interaction I really enjoy discussing work related topics with my colleagues at work – planning marketing and advertising campaigns, looking into analytics and preparing reports. It is great to be able to discuss current issues and news topics and get into healthy debates. I love my children and love talking about my children, but I also enjoy talking about other topics.

When I was at home on maternity leave I felt that I didn’t have anything to contribute to ‘adult conversations’ because all I had to talk about was the children. working mums

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5. I have an excuse to wear nice clothes

9. Being a working mum has made me more organised

My first day back from maternity leave was great. I didn’t realise how much I missed getting dressed for work. Wearing high heels was great, going out with only one bag – a handbag, not a nappy bag filled with wipes, nappies, snacks, toys etc. And the best thing was that my clothes stayed clean – I didn’t have someone wiping their nose on my shoulder or putting their grubby hands on my legs.

My organisation and time management skills have definitely improved since becoming a mum – they have had to in order to get everything done. I need to have a very good schedule to remember everything. This has not only helped with my personal life but has also helped me prioritize my work better and focus on the task at hand and get it done.

6. My children get to spend more time with their Dad My husband and I share the routine of getting the kids ready in the morning and the routine at night so they get to spend more time with their Dad rather than just the ‘fun’ side of dad.

I think that if I was at home, I would do the majority of the routine so that the kids could play with Dad when he gets home.

7. My work enriches my marriage My work gives me something to talk about with my husband. We can both discuss our successes, challenges, and frustrations and share what we are working on. We are both passionate about what we do and it is nice to be able to offer another opinion when we need it. It gives us something to talk about other than the children.

8. Work provides me with recognition of a job well done At work I get feedback that I am doing a good job. This doesn’t happen very often in my role as ‘mum’. I enjoy the personal satisfaction that I get when completing a project, achieving my KPI’s and developing good relationships across the organisation that I work in. I think we all crave feedback and as mums we often don’t get it so it is nice to hear my boss, the CEO or other colleagues give feedback on my work.

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10. My children will grow up knowing they need to contribute With both my husband and I working it shows that we are both contributing to the family.

We share our household chores and as the children get older they will be given more chores to help out with and will learn that they too need to contribute both at home and in the community. They will also learn that they also have responsibilities. I hope that we are teaching them to be well-adjusted, confident and independent children.

I believe that living the life I want will give my kids the courage to chase their dreams and have a positive outlook on life.

Written by Sarah Poppy, Working Mums Collective