18.
ARTWORK: Maddy Watson
A Collapsing Morass of Moments Ridley Smith
The air was cold, and my skin stood up on end as I stared ahead at the row of blocks, and the water beyond them. Even though the wind chilled me through to the bone, I could still feel the sun beating down from above. It was supposed to be cold this morning … all day, even. That’s what I’d seen this morning, and what someone … who? Someone told me … who was it? I don’t know … I couldn’t focus properly. It felt like the world around me was getting louder and louder, time concentrating into one instant, more and more people coming and going and animals and electronics and clickers and timers and a ringing phone, a single white-hot point of noise in the middle of my skull.
A noise cut through all the rest. “Hey. Hey! You alright?” “Yeah, … Yeah. I’m okay. Just nerves.” “That’s good. Don’t worry about it. You’ll crush it today, right?” “Yeah. I will.”
From there, it alleviated. Somewhat. We were going to start soon. I saw some of my friends standing by the side, dipping their feet into the cool water. I waved to them and smiled. They noticed me
and waved back. Small moments. I stepped up to the block. Stepped onto it. Then, again, like a cacophony of noise inside my head. I couldn’t hear anything! I could feel my whole body shaking. I was sweating. I kneeled forward and fell. And with the crack of hitting the water, the sound was already muffled. I could hear again. I could think. I sunk further and further. The noise was more and more distant. It was almost silent. It felt peaceful. Time frozen to a moment in motion, as the light from above was fading. It was getting dimmer under the water. I looked around and all I could see in every direction was an ever-darkening indigo, a billion shining gems of lapis lazuli pulling me further and further in. Darker, and finally silent. I spun and twirled and opened my mouth to yell, but nothing came. I saw, felt, little spots of light swirling around my eyes and below my feet, schools of fish glowing iridescent, stars in the night above. They came and lifted me,
