ARTWORK: Eliza Williams
What Balance? Alexander Lane I have what is called performance anxiety, or what my dad once referred to as ‘overwhelming narcissism’. As far as mental health conditions go, I’d personally say it ranks very low, probably next to my fear of birds, in terms of how much it affects me. But I have opened with this for a reason. It is because a thought that has bounced around my normally quite empty skull for some time is that we, as a society, suffer from performance anxiety. To me, I would define performance anxiety as evaluating oneself in terms of external factors. I’m sure there is a proper, medical definition somewhere, but I can’t be bothered to find it right now. No, for me performance anxiety is about thinking of yourself almost purely in terms of your achievements, of craving the validation that comes with standing out, with being, as our parents call us, perfect. When I say that our society suffers from performance anxiety, I mean to say that we have become too obsessed with our external indicators. We care too much about having a distinguished job, or a nice car, or appearing as if we have the ideal life. For us university students, this performance anxiety manifests as a pressure to stand out academically, and through our extra-curriculars. The particular bone that I have to pick today is with these extra-curriculars. Not, of course, with their existence itself. How could I? I am, after all,
writing an essay for the student paper. My bone, more specifically, is on the pressure that we face to participate in extra-curriculars, not because we enjoy ANU Snowsports beach benders (paradoxical, right?), but so that we remain competitive potential employees. Even writing that phrase feels slightly soul-killing. When did university become so focused on jobs? However wankish or naff, I rather like the idea that university should be first about learning, second about contributing to the bank of human knowledge, and third about perfecting our eye roll for law students. Instead, the pressure to land a graduate gig in our desired field has trickled down into pressure on first years like me to achieve HD’s and to put their hand up for every role anywhere they can, if only so that they can add another page onto their CV. This is not me accusing anyone else, by the way. I am not throwing down some metaphorical, roundabout gauntlet. This is, if anything, me projecting myself onto everyone else. Overwhelming narcissism doesn’t sound so farfetched now, does it?
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