The Noodle Exchange: What to Do When Life Gives You Lemons

By the Snacky Kids of the Writers’ Exchange

FALL 2022

This book is a collection of writing and art created by kids in the Writers’ Exchange and Writers’ Room after-school programs during our fall 2022 term. The Writers’ Exchange is a community that supports under-resourced kids and youth to build their confidence and get excited about reading, writing and their own potential. All of our programs are free for the children and families we serve, and we could not exist without the support of our amazing donors.

Many thanks also to anonymous, the Louis Family, Captain Scott Legacy Society, the Waterbury Foundation, the Grayross Foundation held at the Vancouver Foundation, Canadian Scholarship Trust Foundation, Megan Abbott, Low Tide Properties, Sasamat Foundation, City of Vancouver, BC Gaming, Bernard MacLeod, Seedlings Foundation, Canadian Red Cross and the Public Health Agency of Canada, Taylor Taliesin Foundation, Second Harvest, Food Stash, Amir and Yasmin Virani Family Foundation, Face the World, JTC Heersink Foundation, Vancouver Fraser Port Authority, RBC Global Asset Management, Rogers Communications Canada Inc., Jamie Evrard, CLICK (Contributing to Lives of Inner City Kids Society), Van Tel/ Safeway Credit Union Legacy Fund, 100 Women Vancouver, Morie Ford, the Wolrige Foundation, Rain or Shine Homemade Ice Cream, Premium Brands, The Hamber Foundation, SFU Vancity Office of Community Engagement, Nancy and Ted Maitland, the Chase Family, Darlene Mahyr-Richardson, David Fergusun, Mark Tindle, Denise Baker, Jim and Casey Fletcher, Jeff Charpentier, Mathisen Family Foundation, Mount Pleasant War Memorial Community Cooperative Association, Not Just Coffee Fund, Translink, Raisea-Reader and DTES Literacy Task Force, Tech Café.

Sasamat Foundation

The Grayross Foundation

Seedlings Foundation

Taylor Taliesin Foundation

generously donated the printing of this chapbook

is an in-kind partner of the Writers’ Exchange

All of our programs take place on the traditional and stolen territories of the xʷməθkʷəy̓əm, Sḵwx̱wú7mesh and Səl̓ílwətaʔ Nations. We recognize that we all work within ongoing systems of oppression and colonization, and we commit to being a decolonial ally by building long-term relationships and by listening to, learning from, and amplifying the voices of our Indigenous friends.

207 – 877 E HASTINGS STREET VANCOUVER, BC V6A 3Y1

Supported by the Province of British Columbia

THE NOODLE EXCHANGE

WHAT TO DO WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS

( HINT: YOU MAKE A WRITERS ' EXCHANGE BOOK )

THE WRITERS' EXCHANGE AT 877

Happy Writers’ by S.M.

Animals by Sherry

The Chick by Lucia

How I Met My Friends by Sireen

Ghost Train by Owen

The Land of Seaweed by Marah

Planet Boing Boing by Sydney

Bob and the Missing Kid by Khalil

Diala Did This Story by Diala

Two Best Friends by Mariana

Golden the Unicorn by Yasmeen

Secret Person, Part 1 by “The Girl”

Sisters for Life, Part 3 by Sasha

Aimee and Sasha at the Aquarium by Aimee

The Series of Nonsense Events, Part 3 by Chi Chi

Roblox Games by Mattias

Kirby by Joey

Minecraft Mode by William

Pokémon Book by Gordon

Roblox by Hamza

Brown by Clancy

Butterfly, Part 5 by Sara

Strong Guy by Ali

Santa Death by Felek and Sedra

Sisters by Renata

The Two Sisters by Taima

The Two Sisters, Part 2 by Remas

Felicia by Fiana

You Will Never Find Me! by Malak

Ultimate Game of Hide and Seek by Louisa

Coco and Desi, Best Friends by Ruoa

Stick by Isabella

Moon by Jade

Dogs and Cats by Maysaa

Dream Fish Tank by Sarp

One by Alan

The End 3/2 by “The True Author”

THE WRITERS' ROOM AT QUEEN ALEXANDRA ELEMENTARY

Skate Park I Like Near School by Armando

The Life of Peddle by Nayeli

Ari by Aria

Snow by Chloe

The Princess by Natalia

Bubbles by Omari

Trouble by Helena

The Treasure by Mia

Best Friends by A.S.★

Friends by A.S ♥.

All About Me by Shirley

Time by Napaysni

Conopoly by Andrei

Me and My Friends by Aiyana

Cally Carrot and Pally Potato by Aralyn

Everything Everywhere All at Once in a Nutshell by Kasper

Butterfly by Ayla

Mila in the Garden by Mila

My Mel’s Sleepover by Brooklyn

Candy Land by Cole

Fred’s Glow Up! Part 1 by Meghan and Tanya

Found by Katelee

Me and My Friends by Phyllis

The Nights by Serenity

Bobby’s Night Routine by J.A.

Snow White Black by Jaden

Stickman Trick-or-Treating, Part 1 by Ali

Prequel Endings by Cosmo

Star Wars by Michael

Space Invaders by Kevin

The Queen’s Cat by Rosemary

The Bean by Lilac

Raindrop by Anaya

Car Going Fast by Anthony

YouTube by Arjuna

Me Pig Go Poop by John

Monopoly by Wilson

Shine Together by Nico

THUNDERBIRD ELEMENTARY

Bat’s Nap by Athenna

A Volleyball Drawing by Destiny

Jokey Wokey by Hunter and Jorian

Big Man Ting, My Brother by Armaan

Nike by Amber

PEY ELEMENTARY

Bidoof by Liam

Drawing by Ana

Rat by “Max”

Drawing by Maddy

′ UUH

ELEMENTARY

Fred, Part 2 by Shyanne

Secret Handshake by Kym

Diamond’s Playlist by Diamond

Whiptail Dragons by Ghinnvieve

The Turtle Avengers by Jerico

Doors by Johnny

Rupert the Body Builder Day Plan by Mya

ZZZ by C.W.

The Dungeons of Ed Sheeran by Ariana

Robo Cat-Dog by Tia

Time Melt by Hunter

The Potato Café by Lily

Da Hidey Hole by AJ

It Used to Be the British by Edmond

My Hero by Kruna

Fish Ice Cream by Yousif

The Mushroom Room by Phoenix

I Didn’t Want to Do This by Arthur

VANCOUVER TECHNICAL SECONDARY SCHOOL

Motivation by David

Punny Conversation Starters by Daniel

How to Make Spaghetti by Joey

Life by Riley

Among Us by Tommy

Totoro Puff Balls by Ashley

Drawing by Celest

THE YOUTH PROGRAM AT 877

Reasons to Not Go to France by Tony Shrek the Twinkie War, Part 4 by Farley Conspiracy

What Are Your Favourite Books?

THE WRITERS ' EXCHANGE AT 877

HAPPY WRITERS'

By S.M., age 8

A cat and a pink rabbit played a game, then they sang. They sang a song. After they sang they went outside and smelled the flowers. The rabbit ate one of the flowers! “Why did you eat the flowers?” yelled the cat. The rabbit ate more and more. The rabbit ate all of them. Then the cat stormed into the house. The rabbit went for a walk and the cat went outside to see if there were any more flowers, but was sad to see no flowers. The cat went back inside. The rabbit felt sorry and came back from the walk. “I’m sorry for eating the flowers,” said the rabbit, but the cat did not say anything. Then, after a while, the cat said, “Hmm... it’s okay.” Then the rabbit got a new flower for the cat. It was a rose, the same as the ones that were in the front of the house.

ANIMALS

By Sherry, age 10

There are many different species of animals. There are animals that are big. There are animals that are small. There are animals that are tall. There are animals that are short. Animals live all around the world. Some animals live in cold places. Some animals live in warm places.

THE CHICK

By Lucia, age 9

There once was a chick that hatched. The chick’s best friend was a ladybug. The chick was born in a castle. The chick did not like it. So the chick rolled a dice. The dice gave the chick a phone, and so the chick called his cousin, Fish. Fish got a magical wand and—poof—the ladybug and the chick were moved onto a sunflower outside of the castle.

By Sireen, age 10

When I came to Canada, I was three years old. I lived in Burnaby for a year. I moved to Vancouver when I was four years old, and then my mother met Taima’s mother. Then I moved to Britannia Elementary/High School. You’re probably wondering, “What is an Elementary/High School?” It means there is a high school on one side and an elementary on the other side. I went half a year to Britannia’s kindergarten class, then I went half a year to my new school, which was called Seymour Elementary School. I kept going there for six years, and now I’m in grade 5. I met new friends there. They are called Sara, Gracie, Rosa, Taima, Ruoa and Remas.

HOW I MET MY FRIENDS GHOST TRAIN

By Owen, age 9

A long, long time ago, a little engine was returning home. Suddenly, as the engine was crossing an old iron bridge, it lost control and plunged over the side into the swamps below. The engine was never found again, but many workmen will tell you, that when the moon is full, you can see the little engine trying to get home. But it never reaches the other side.

THE LAND OF SEAWEED

By Marah, age 8

In a land named the Land of Seaweed we didn’t eat anything but seaweed. And then the seaweed ran out and we did not eat anything for a week. Then one day this so, so kind man came and gave us hundreds and hundreds of big boxes of seaweed. He said, “If you let me stay in your land, I will make the sky rain seaweed.” And we lived happy ever after.

PLANET BOING BOING

By Sydney, age 9

Planet Boing Boing had flowers and lots of leaves. And there were aliens and the aliens boinged on the planet.

BOB AND THE MISSING KID

By Khalil, age 9

One day there was a kid named Bob. Bob went to a park and got lost. No other people could find him, but then another kid who was also lost found him. They followed a trail of footprints that took them to a forest. In the forest they found an old van. But then the wolf started chasing them. They found a house and the door was open, so then they ran inside and locked the door.

DIALA DID THIS STORY

By Diala, age 6

I was walking and then I saw a ball and then I played soccer with it. I went to a swimming park and then I jumped in the pool. I got a dog and my dog was my cat’s pet. My dog slapped a cat.

TWO BEST FRIENDS

By Mariana, age 6

GOLDEN THE UNICORN

By Yasmeen, age 8

The unicorn is my favourite animal because they can fly, and because they are golden and have magic. There is one who is a girl and her name is Golden. She lives with her family.

SECRET PERSON, PART 1

By “The Girl,” age 12

There was a girl who went to school like an ordinary girl. The girl was named Lucy. Lucy was a billionaire. One day Lucy found out that her friends were using her for her money. She wanted to do something about it. So one day she thought of a brilliant idea. She told her friends that she didn’t want to come to school anymore. The next day, she dressed up as a very poor girl. She told all the teachers what she was doing, and the reason why she was dressed up as if she was very poor. She saw her friends at the lockers and went up to them. They all started to be mean to her.

Part 2 is coming soon…

SISTERS FOR LIFE, PART 3 ( THE LONG ONE)

By Sasha, age 9

You can read Part 2 of this story in Go Ahead and Be Shell-Fish.

So let’s go back all the way. One day, there was a girl who wanted to play with a sister. Her mom said, “You’re getting a baby sister.” Two months later, the baby came. And two years later, the baby was walking and talking. Then one day the family had a party for her. The party was so fun because the girl invited her friends to see the baby. Everyone was like, “Awww, she is so cute.” When the party was over, the baby was hungry. They fed her and put her to bed, and then they were sisters for life!

The day after that, Sasha and Aimee saw their very, very nice auntie. She said, “Let’s go on a hike and camp.” They packed up all their stuff and went on a six-hour hike. Finally, they got to the top of the mountain. But they didn’t hear their auntie say it’s time to go, and so they were still playing when their auntie left! Then it became night! Fog drifted down and the sisters were so scared. They decided to split up and try to listen for cars to find the road. But when they did that, they both got lost.

Sasha did find the road, but Aimee was so frightened! Sasha ran so far to find Aimee again. When she saw her, she yelled, “Hey! I found the road!” The two sisters ran all the way back to the road together. Suddenly, they saw their auntie driving straight out of the parking lot. Sasha ran as fast as she could, yelling, “Don’t go! Wait for us!” Their auntie stopped, rolled down the window and said, “Oh my gosh! I am so sorry, guys!” And the sisters were saved.

The next day, it was Aimee’s birthday and she invited all their friends. It was so nice. After they were fed, the party was over and they were sisters for life again.

AIMEE AND SASHA AT THE AQUARIUM

By Aimee, age 6

Me and Sasha went to the aquarium. We saw an octopus and a shark. We thought the octopus looked funny and ugly because it had no eyes. And then we went to see the tortoises.

THE SERIES OF NONSENSE EVENTS, PART 3

By Chi Chi, age 11

Hello! Welcome to the nonsense series. Do not read this if you haven’t read my other parts. You have been warned. Remember the part where I shaved my friend’s beard with a lawn mower? (It’s in Part 1 from It’s Raining Brains.) My friend ended up growing grass in his beard. Barbie is a bar made out of bie, whatever that is. You shouldn’t say the word “lady”bug because you cannot just assume its gender. So, next time, please say the word “bug” instead! Almost no one wears a mask now, except for in China because no one wants to take the vaccine in China. Say sunseed backwards. It will give you epic Robux. Most of you probably haven’t seen or heard of “BTS of BTS.” It was from three years ago, in another book. You should go check it out! Anyways, if you play Roblox, stop scrolling. ThErE iS a NeW hAcKeR called W****_Official. Jk. Some people are so easy to fool. Anyways, I’m working on another story right now. So see you guys soon!

PS: A math question:

9 ÷ 78787690420

PPS: The person beside me wrote a fantastic story.

“Piece” Out

ROBLOX GAMES

By Mattias, age 8

Play “Survive” in Roblox, and “Piggy,” and “Evade,” and “Carnival of Terror,” and “Legends of Speed.” Pls don’t judge.

By Joey, age 7

KIRBY = 60,000 LIGHT YEARS

Hello, Star Slam Heroes:

Kirby has no bones but that makes him the strongest in existence. Chop champs.

MINECRAFT MODE

By William, age 11

Once upon a time some guy was playing Minecraft. But he got sucked into the computer. He was in Minecraft! He had 100 days to escape. Yeah, this is the story. Now I’m just gonna skip everything and go to the end because the story would be way too long if I didn’t. Maybe I can do the 100 days in the next book.

So, at the end it turned out he had been in a coma. He woke up and the people at the hospital let him go home. Then Sans the Skeleton judged him and punished him. The guy’s name was Steve/Frisk.

POKÉMON BOOK

By Gordon, age 6

One day Bulbasaur fell down a tree. He crushed Rowlet, and got hurt. Rowlet dug a hole. Then he said, “dead.” Then he bumped Snorlax. Then he made Rowlet still alive. Chimchar got hurt by Bulbasaur too. Cacturne didn’t get hurt. Cacnea saw Cacturne and they got in a fight. Buizel saw that they were fighting. Buneary came out of a big hole. Mega Venusaur evolved.

By Hamza, age 8

Play "Survive" and "Piggy" in Roblox.

BROWN

By Clancy, age 12

BUTTERFLY, PART 5

By Sara, age 10

You can read Part 4 of this story in Go Ahead and Be Shell-Fish.

The butterflies had fun and then it was time to clean up. After they cleaned up, they went home. They were so tired that they went to sleep. The next day they ate pancakes and then they went outside to get some fresh air. After that, they went back inside.

STRONG GUY

By Ali, age 8

My friend fought with me, but we did not do it hard and it did not hurt because we are best friends. On Thursday, October 6, we played ball tag. I was it the whole time. There was another kid who came but I was still it the whole time. Then a teacher came and told us we couldn’t play in the park, so we went to the field and played there. And I was still it.

SANTA DEATH

By Felek, age 11, and Sedra, age 11

Once upon a time there was a girl name Everlyn who loved Christmas. She loved to decorate the Christmas tree and drink hot chocolate. Everlyn and her parents went Christmas shopping. Everlyn found big candy canes.

SISTERS

By Renata, age 7

THE TWO SISTERS

By Taima, age 10

Remas and Sara were sisters. Sara was responsible and neat. Remas was annoying and she was messy. Remas was 9 and Sara was 10. Remas was in grade 4 and Sara was in grade 5. They had something in common. They liked pizza.

THE TWO SISTERS, PART 2

By Remas, age 9

Remas is responsible. Sara is not. Remas does her bed in the morning, and Sara does not. Remas does her homework. Sara does not. And this is why Remas is better.

By Fiana, age 11 FELICIA

YOU WILL NEVER FIND ME!

By Malak, age 10

There was a girl named Ella who loved to play with her friends outside all day long. One day, the police came to her doorstep and said that her father had robbed a place, and did other bad things to people. The police officers took her dad to jail, and she and her mom cried.

Later, Ella’s mom told her that she was going to work two jobs, one in the morning and one at night. Ella was okay with it. But then one day she heard a knock at the door, and she was happy because she thought it was her mom coming home. But it wasn’t her mom, it was a strange woman pretending to be her mom. The woman gave her a hug and told her to order a pizza.

Ella loved pizza and went to order it. But while she was ordering it, a police officer came to the door and told her that her mom had passed away in a car accident. Ella said, “But my mom is here!” Then she heard the woman who was pretending to be her mom. She was calling, “Honey, is the food here?” Ella said to the police officer, “I need help!” So the police officer went in and arrested the woman. She found out that the woman’s name was Emma. Emma was 32 years old and she was wanted by the police. Thankfully, Ella was okay and Emma went to jail. Ella went on to live a great life with foster parents who loved her very much. She grew up to be a very rich young lady and became the CEO of every store. But Ella was always sad about her dad going to jail for 18 years and her mom passing away.

ULTIMATE GAME OF HIDE AND SEEK

By Louisa, age 9

Once upon a time there was a girl named Everlyn who loved Christmas. She loved to decorate the Christmas tree and drink hot chocolate. Everlyn and her parents went Christmas shopping. Everlyn found big candy canes.

COCO AND DEZI, BEST FRIENDS ( CONTINUED)

By Ruoa, age 10

You can read Parts 1, 2 and 3 of this story in Go Ahead and Be Shell-Fish.

PART 4

One day, Coco went to school. Then Dezi saw Coco and she was happy. They wanted to play a game, but someone mean came by and said a bad word. A teacher came over, and the bad person ran away. Then they went inside and the teacher told them to go to the literacy group. At the literacy group, they saw the mean boy. He was new. They all talked to each other, then went back to class. When it was lunchtime, they all played and talked.

PART 5

All three went home. The next day, they went back to school. The boy made a new friend and started being rude to the girls again.

PART 6

The boy felt bad for the girls, and said he was sorry. But the boy’s new friend was still being mean. His friends ignored him until he said sorry. Then they all became best friends.

Someone whacked me with a stick and threw a potato at my back. I got mad, and I wanted to tell the teacher. But then I just calmed down and talked to him. I asked him, “Why did you do that?” Then we started having a fight, but we didn’t hit each other. I told the teacher, but the person who did it said he didn’t whack me with the stick. I know that he was lying, though. When he whacked me on my face it was painful.

By Jade, age 7 MOON

DOGS AND CATS

By Maysaa, age 6

A dog slapped a cat. Then I played Big Centers and Little Centers while I was eating a cookie. I also played UNO with Diala, and Diala was nice. We played with a book, too. Diala is my bestie. Hamza was there, playing with Khalil. We played swimming with Hamza and Khalil, and with Maysaa and Diala too.

One.

DREAM FISH TANK

By Sarp, age 6

ONE

By Alan, age 12

THE END 3/2

By ‟The True Author,” age 11

Listen... This is the end! Look! It’s even the title of the story! How about you stop reading and move on to the next story!

THE WRITERS' ROOM AT QUEEN ALEXANDRA

SKATE PARK I LIKE NEAR THE SCHOOL

By Armando, age 10

China Creek South skate park

SPRAY PAINT

I like it ’cause I won’t be late for school.

THE LIFE OF PEDDLE

By Nayeli, age 6

Once upon a time there was a butterfly named Peddle. Peddle liked flowers. One day, Peddle was flying and saw pink, purple and blue flowers. Peddle was really hungry and decided to eat the flowers. Peddle loved the taste of these flowers. After Peddle ate, they decided to go to bed.

By Aria, age 9

SNOW

By Chloe, age 7

One day a snowshoe hare felt a snowflake on its nose. It knew it was going to snow.

By Natalia, age 7

Once upon a time there was a princess who had wings. She got the wings from someone magic.

THE PRINCESS BUBBLES

By Omari, age 6

I am fighting with bubbles!

TROUBLE

By Helena, age 6

THE TREASURE

By Mia, age 8

YOO HOO HOO... I WILL FIND THE TREASURE

THERE'S THE ISLAND

YOO HOO HOO!

THE END

AWWWW... I GUESS I STILL FOUND IT

BEST FRIENDS

By A.S. ★, age 8

ROSIE AND AYLA LIKE MONKEYBARS. THEY LIKE GOING UP THE SWINGS.

THEY ARE BOTH 10 YEARS OLD.

FRIENDS

By A.S. ♥, age 8

ME AND AYLA ARE SWINGING

ME AND AYLA ARE MONKEYBARRING

ME AND AYLA ARE SINGING

ALL ABOUT ME

By Shirley, age 12

All about ME

BY SHIRLEY

How Old I Am

BIRTHDAY: JUNE

AGE: 12(and a half)

PROS:

(MY BOOTS)

How I Feel Right Now

Things I Enjoy Doing Pros and Cons (Me Edition)

- Eating

- I like to hang out

- When I get upset, I’m fine again after a while

CONS:

- When I’m upset, I’ll get distant

- I get sad easily

- Volleyball

- Basketball

- Snow-related stuff

- Drawing

And it’s my last year in elementary school. Thank you H. for all the help this year. I’m gonna miss you so much. I love you for all the support and love that Writers’Room has given me. Thank you so much.

By Napaysni, age 12

By Andrei, age 11

I AM SUPERIOR PLAY CONOPOLY???

By Aiyana, age 12

THESE ARE MY FRIENDS. THIS IS THE ORDER WE MET IN.

2nd One

MORE STUFF

3rd One

SMALL

4th

ME AND MY FRIENDS 1st One S. K.

One

FUNNY COOL BEST FRIEND

5th One

FUNNY SMALL

FUNNY AND MORE ALSO FUNNY AND MORE BYE!

CALLY CARROT AND PALLY POTATO

By Aralyn, age 9

CALLY CARROT PALLY POTATO AND

EVIL CARROT CALLY

YOU...

YOU...

PALLY POTATO...

AHHH!

VICTORY! HAHAHA

HAHA!!!

40 YEARS LATER...

EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE IN A NUTSHELL

By Kasper, age 12

EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE in a nutshell

THE DAUGHTER IS THE VILLAIN

COP TURNS INTO CONFETTI

WE OWN A LAUNDROMAT YOU ARE IN TROUBLE... I AM FROM ANOTHER MULTIVERSE MOM DAD

BIG MULTIVERSE BATTLE MORTGAGE WOMAN!

OTHER ROOM

THE BAGEL (GETS RID OF ALL WORRIES)

BASICALLY IT'S A BLACK HOLE

YOUR MORTGATE IS DUE AND I HAVE THE COPS SMOKE BOMB

OTHER MULTIVERSE

DAD HELPS! MALL BATTLE!

YOU'RE GOOD TO GO

SAUSAGE FINGERS!

MORTGAGE WOMAN

GOOGLY EYES

BUTTERFLY

By Ayla, age 8

MILA IN THE GARDEN

By Mila, age 6

I LOVE YOU

MY MEL' S SLEEPOVER

By Brooklyn, age 9

My Mel: Hi! Hello Kitty!

Hello Kitty: Hey! My Mel!

My Mel: Do you want to come to my sleepover?

Hello Kitty: Okay! I’ll come to your sleepover!

At night...

Hello Kitty gets her stuff and goes to My Mel’s house.

Hello Kitty: Hey, My Mel!

My Mel: Hi, Hello Kitty!

CANDY LAND

By Cole, age 6

The king and queen got married.

Then they got a pet unicorn.

Then they got Wreck-It Ralph.

Then they adopted Penelope and her friends.

FRED ' S GLOW UP! PART 1

By Meghan, age 10, and Tanya, age 9

BYE BLAH BLAH BLAH

I CALLED YOU 70 TIMES! WE ARE DIVORCING.

MADE IT HOME!

FOUND

By Katelee, age 10

ONE DAY...

*STOMP

NOBODY HERE...

A CAT!

THE CAT FOUND A PERSON/OWNER

THE END

ME AND MY FRIENDS

By Phyllis, age 10

WHAT SHOULD WE DO? HEY! GOTCHA!

I DON'T KNOW

ME (PHYLLIS) MIA ANVAY ZOOM

COME BACK! UGH. ANVAY I’M GOING TO GET YOU BACK!

ELLIE!

LET'S FIND ELLIE. OH! I SEE HER WHERE? OH.

THE END

THE NEXT MORNING

THE NIGHTS

By Serenity, age 12

WHY IS IT SO COLD?

I DON'T KNOW

EVERYTHING'S GONE

I HEAR SOMETHING

ME TOO

GRRRR *SNIFF*

YAWN

GRRRRRR *GRUNT*

BYYE!

BOBBY' S NIGHT ROUTINE

By J.A., age 10

BOBBY WATCHES TV

BOBBY BREAKS UP WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND

WE'RE BREAKING UP!! FINE!!

BOBBY EATS

BOBBY SLEEPS

SNOW WHITE BLACK

By Jaden, age 9

ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A PRINCESS WHO HAD BLACK HAIR.

IT DOESN’T EVENSENSEMAKE

BUT PFFF

THAT’S WHAT THE POPULATION CALLS YOU

(I DON’T KNOW WHY PEOPLE SAY “SNOW WHITE.” IT’S KINDA STUPID... BUT BACK TO THE STORY.)

ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A PRINCESS NAMED SNOW BLACK. SHE HAD LUSCIOUS BLACK HAIR. EVERY GIRL IN TOWN WAS SO JEALOUS.

ONE DAY HER FATHER TOLD HER TO COME UP TO HIS ROOM.

WHY?!

SNOW BLACK WHITE THE END

“SNOW WHITE” WALKED ANGRILY OUT OF THE ROOM. AND THAT’S WHY HER NAME WAS SNOW WHITE: ’CAUSE OF THE POPULATION.

STICKMAN TRICK-OR-TREATING, PART 1

By Ali, age 11

TOOTHBRUSH AND TOOTHPASTE

I SWEAR EVERY HALLOWEEN I GET TOOTHPASTE AND A TOOTHBRUSH!!

HERE YOU GO!

TRICK OR TREAT!

TO BE

OH... THANK YOU

I NEED TO GO BACK! GOES TO HOUSE ...

THE END

PREQUEL ENDINGS

By Cosmo, age 12

WHY

MOST OF THE JEDI THE END

By Michael, age 12

SPACE INVADERS

By Kevin, age 9

YEAR 1934 SPACE

HELLO

CHEESE CHEESE

SPACE INTRUDER COMING

I'M BORED

20 MINUTES LATER

1 HOUR LATER

DID YOU KNOW ELEPHANTS HAVE LONG NOSES?

NUKE INCOMING!

INTRUDER

ROBBER

I'M SCARED

IS THIS YOUR SPACE?

THE QUEEN ' S CAT

By Rosemary, age 7

MEANWHILE...

AND THEY LOVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER THE END

THERE ONCE WAS A BEAN...

A BEAN!

THE BEAN

By Lilac, age 10

ACTUALLY, I'LL JUST PLANT IT IN THE GARDEN

ATE IT! SO HE...

BUT THEN HE KINDA...

OK, TIME FOR BED

LATER...

OH LOOK, A BEAN...

WHAT IF I JUST...

WHY CAN'T I SLEEP?

RISE AND SHINE

WHAT THE...

THAT'S ALMOST ALL OF THEM...

THE NEXT MORNING...

I GUESS I COULD TRY ONE

TASTES... WEIRD I LIKE IT!

AWW, ALL GONE TIME FOR BED

I LOVE IT!

RAINDROP

By Anaya, age 7

CAR GOING FAST

By Anthony, age 7

A car is going 100 mph and then it crashes.

YOUTUBE

By Arjuna, age 8

Unspeakable Prestin Goosest Stoke Twins

ME PIG GO POOP

By John, age 8

Me pig go poop. Big poop and lots of poops. And that pig has an axe. It eat poops.

MONOPOLY

By Wilson, age 11

SHINE TOGETHER

By Nico, age 10

THUNDERBIRD ELEMENTARY

A VOLLEYBALL DRAWING

By Destiny, age 12

BAT'S NAP

By Athenna, age 12

After school there was this bat named Tony Bark. Tony enjoys chilling and eating popcorn.

JOKEY WOKEY

By Hunter, age 12, and Jorian, age 12

What do you call a robot made of numbers? A numerator.

What type of dancing happens in the sink? A tap dance.

What did the evil chicken lay? A devilled egg.

What do you call a boomerang that didn’t come back? A dad.

A bear walks into a gas station and walks up to the counter. He puts his hands on the counter and stares at the worker. The worker says, “Why the long paws?”

What type of tea is hard to swallow? Reality.

What type of clothes does a storm wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear.

WHY THE LONG PAWS?

Why do bees have sticky hair? They use honeycombs.

What is a Karen called in Europe? An American.

Why can’t a hand be 12 inches? Because then it would be a foot.

BIG MAN TING, MY BROTHER

By Armaan, age 12

This happened in 2015.

My sister unplugged the wifi while my brother was playing Call of Duty Black Ops. He got angry, and then he realized he was being recorded for Snapchat. He covered the camera with his big man ting hands and grabbed it from my sister. After he got her phone, he smashed the controller and started crying. My brother has never cried in his whole entire life—it took unplugging the wifi to make him cry. While he was crying I slapped his neck playfully and he said, “Get off me.” My dad then said, “Hey, be quiet.” After that, my brother quit Black Ops and got a job.

NIKE

By Amber, age 12

PEY ELEMENTARY '

BIDOOF

By Liam, age 11

DRAWING

By Ana, age 12

RAT

By “Max,” age 12

DRAWING

By Maddy, age 10

I JUST WOKE UP

¿UUQINAK ′ UUH ELEMENTARY

FRED, PART 2

By Shyanne, age 12

In a castle on planet Earth there lived a turtle named Fred who was sniffing a flower. He loved to act, write books and sleep. He sometimes slept all day. When he couldn’t sleep, he counted sheep. Sometimes when he couldn’t sleep he would go walking at night.

One night when he was walking, he turned on his flashlight and saw a chest with a lock on it. He wasn’t sure what was in it. Fred was a curious turtle. The lock was a combination lock of four numbers. Fred asked his turtle friend Sandy to help him find the combination for the lock.

The two turtles started their journey to find the combination. They looked all around the castle. They asked a sheep and a fish, but no luck. When it was a stormy day they had to wait for the stormy day to end. One day they searched by the archery place and saw a wand so they took the wand and tried it on the lock and it opened. Inside it was a ruby. The turtles used the ruby to sign up for acting.

SECRET HANDSHAKE

By Kym, age 9

1. Snap (right hand with right hip out at the same time)

2. Elbows out (elbow bump) (right elbow)

3. Fist bump (2 fists)

4. Advance move (freestyle) (use your hands)

5. Feet dance (freestyle) (use your feet)

6. Big smile

7. Throw up a peace sign (with right hand) & smile

8. Clap your hands 3 times

9. Give a big hug (ask first)

10. Hair flip (with right hand) & smile

DIAMOND 'S PLAYLIST

By Diamond, age 11

“Say So” – Doja Cat

“Copines” – Aya Nakamura

“Levitating” – Dua Lipa

“You Got It” – Vedo

“Jealousy, Jealousy” – Olivia Rodrigo

“BrooklynBloodPop” – Syko

“Need to Know” – Doja Cat

“Bills, Bills, Bills” – Destiny’s Child

“Sensitive” – Dreamer Isioma

“High Enough” – K.Flay

WHIPTAIL DRAGONS

By Ghinnvieve, age 10

These dragons have a whip-like tail. The scales are immune to fire. They can shoot acid from their tail. The acid is painless and will eat at you and you won’t know it until you are unalived.

THE TURTLE AVENGERS

By Jerico, age 10

Once upon a time there were some turtles on an airplane. The turtles floated onto earth and saw a bunch of campfires. And they also saw a bunch of feet, and a bunch of flowers. Then a man woke up and found a bunch of turtles sleeping on him.

The turtles went to Egypt and saw the pyramids.

Then they got sucked into a spaceship by aliens.

The spaceship was locked, and the key was a cucumber that was locked inside.

But it turns out the turtles were really ninjas so they escaped.

DOORS

By Johnny, age 11

This is a game on Roblox called Doors. You should play it. Play, play, play, play, plaaayyy!

RUPERT THE BODY BUILDER DAY PLAN

By Mya, age 11

12:00 AM to 2:00 AM: Start performance as body builder

2:00 AM: Eat tomatoes, whole-grain crackers and strawberries

2:30 AM to 4:30 AM: Sleep

4:30 AM: Shower, brush teeth

5:00 AM to 6:30 AM: Work out; grocery shopping for tomatoes, strawberries and whole-grain crackers

7:30 AM: Go to the park to show off skills

9:30 AM to 12:30 PM: NAP

12:30 PM to 4:30 PM: Wake up and eat more crackers; go back to sleep

4:30 PM to 6:30 PM: Go to the basement to do sit ups and push-ups for 2 hours

6:30 PM to 12:00 AM: Watch TV for 1 hour

ZZZ

By C.W., age 13

I want to sleep

With the sheep

I want to eat without making a peep

I’m a little bit too deep!

In my sleep

All I need is to keep counting sheep

THE DUNGEONS OF ED SHEERAN

By Ariana, age 11

Once there was a man. There was also a woman he was trying to hang out with. His name was Ed Sheeran. She was wondering if they could do a collab. Ed said, “NO. Never!”

The woman’s name was Kendall Kardashian-Jenner. She decided to work with T-Swift to write a hit song about Ed.

One day, Ed was walking home and some white van stopped beside him. Two males jumped out of the back of the van and grabbed Ed. Ed fainted, and woke up in a dungeon. The two males came in and realized they had the wrong ginger-haired man. Ed reconsidered the offer from Kendall and they made a hit song together.

ROBO CAT-DOG

By Tia, age 9

The scientist tried to multitask to bring a cat and dog back to life, but once they came alive the scientist realized that it was a mistake. The scientist couldn’t reverse it. The cat and the dog weren’t getting along because one of them wanted to chase a squirrel while the other one was trying to relax. But soon they realized they could be great superheroes. So that’s what they did! They became great superheroes!

BEEP BOOP

TIME MELT

By Hunter, age 11

WE COULD HAVE HANDLED THIS

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I WILL GET YOU NEXT TIME!

THE POTATO CAFÉ

By Lily, age 11

The Potato Café Menu

The

DA HIDEY HOLE

By AJ, age 12

THE NEXT DAY TO BE CONTINUED...

IT USED TO BE THE BRITISH

By Edmond, age 12

A light bulb attracted a magnet. The magnet attracted the losers. The losers ended up destroying the world. The light bulb came from Earth. The Earth created the light bulb, which attracted the magnet from space. The magnet attracted all of the “L”s. The “L”s are the losers. The losers are the lizards. Are you confused yet?

BE QUIET!

PLEASE, GUYS

MY HERO

By Kruna, age 12

FISH ICE CREAM

By Yousif, age 12

I invented fish ice cream for the Rain or Shine ice cream contest. They didn’t pick it. I was sad.

THE MUSHROOM ROOM

By Phoenix, age 11

I DIDN 'T WANT TO DO THIS

By Arthur, age 12

This is a sentence.

VANCOUVER TECHNICAL SECONDARY SCHOOL MOTIVATION

By David, age 15

If you have been trying to perform, act or rehearse a subject like soccer and you seem to be falling behind, misunderstanding, or getting bored of the sport, one of the best ways to approach this situation is to encourage yourself about how far you’ve come in terms of experience, success rate and quality. Those three factors are what can help you learn how to process more in your days of trial and error. The way to think about how well you have progressed is thinking that each and every time you succeed or fail, that is an algorithm towards success. Even if you do succeed every time, the real goal is not to reach success every time. If you fail just once, will you be content at all? The real goal is to find yourself sufficient at soccer. Yet if you decline your dream, you risk being less.

PUNNY CONVERSATION STARTERS

By Daniel, age 14

I could tell a joke about pizza, but it’s a little cheesy. Stop looking for the perfect match. Use a lighter.

I don’t know the whole alphabet. I don’t know Y. To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.

My aunt is pretty cold. We call her Antarctica.

Did you hear about the man who lost his left side? He’s all right now. Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation to the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

I’ve got a chicken-proof lawn. It’s impeccable.

HOW TO MAKE SPAGHETTI

By Joey, age 14

Grab a pot (big or small, your choice). Fill the pot halfway with water and put it on the stove. Turn up the heat to 7 and wait until the water boils. Once it’s boiling, put in the spaghetti for 20 minutes. Grab a strainer, pour the pot in and you’re done!

LIFE

By Riley, age 15

One tree can make thousands of matches but it only takes one match to burn a thousand trees. The moral of the story is: Don’t let one negative thought burn all of your positive thoughts.

AMONG US

By Tommy, age 15

TOTORO PUFF BALLS

By Ashley, age 18

DRAWING

By Celest, age 16

THE YOUTH PROGRAM AT 877

REASONS TO NOT GO TO FRANCE

By Tony, age 14

Note: Quebecers are forbidden to read this / Il est interdit aux Québécois de lire ceci

՘ 1/3 of their flag is literally surrendering to you

՘ They made Quebec exist and ruined Montreal

՘ They stole the Mona Lisa from the Italians

՘ They created stupid revolutions

՘ They contributed to the English language for no reason

՘ I took my time to make this list of advice

՘ It is overrated

՘ They force you to pay income tax against your will, especially if you are non-French

՘ They have the least interesting monarchy names (Louis I, Louis II, Louis III, etc.)

՘ Napoleon

՘ They created mortgages

՘ You have to spend your life savings just to get there

՘ It reeks of fermented grape juice and old rich men

՘ The language makes me question my existence

՘ The Eiffel Tower looks ugly

՘ They took my pet snail for cuisine

՘ *Legally cannot say*

՘ I ran out of ideas

Thank God France doesn’t exist.

SHREK THE TWINKIE WAR, PART 4: THE LARGE BETRAYAL OF JEFF BEZOS!

By Farley, age 13

You can read part 3 of this story in Go Ahead and Be Shell-Fish. Note: At the time this story was written, the queen was alive.

Shrek was furious! He fell to the floor after he had been shot with a Nerf ball that had a thumbtack at the end (don’t do that). All Shrek could feel was pain from the sharpness, but he knew he had to stop Jeff Bezos! So Shrek got back up to get revenge on his new enemy! He walked out of the crumbled house perfectly fine, surprisingly, but as he was leaving the country he saw reporters and police coming to see the remains of Putin.

Many people asked to interview Shrek, but he knew he had to leave after committing so many crimes (such as attacking Elon Musk and millions of people in Ukraine, and the robbery of the Twinkie factory). Obviously, he was a wanted criminal. The police came to inspect the crime scene just as Shrek got away.

Next, he went to the hospital to be repaired like a clock (why did I make something so random?). Shrek now had a ticking noise inside his body, and he also had no idea why his creator decided to mention these random events. He decided to go to the ruins of his swamp, which were destroyed in story #2. He saw that his own house was destroyed, but when he got closer he noticed something else: a bomb that hadn’t gone off.

Shrek could use this to his advantage. He picked up the fuse and lit it on fire, and when it had five seconds left his body forced him to drop it. Then he blew up and landed on Mars. (I recommend that you try this in real life.) Once Shrek landed he knew the only place Jeff Bezos would hide was at the Amazon HQ on Mars. But a mile away, Cybertrump 2.0 was coming to attack Shrek!

“I thought you were called Amazon-Trump?” asked Shrek.

“The creator thought it was too long of a name,” said Cybertrump 2.0.

“But that doesn’t make any sen—”

Shrek couldn’t finish his sentence due to Cybertrump 2.0 grabbing him. He decided to use one of his genius ideas: he challenged Cybertrump 2.0 to a game of chess. If Shrek won, he would be taken to Jeff Bezos. If Cybertrump won, Shrek would die. It was an intense game that Shrek shouldn’t have played. (Seriously, try beating a bot in chess, even on easy. Exactly. You can’t!) But Shrek used all of his two brain cells and called a home run. Cybertrump 2.0 fell to his knees and cried. Then he blew up and sent Shrek to Jeff Bezos.

At the headquarters, though, there was no sign of Jeff Bezos at all. And Shrek saw that there was a bomb inside of the Amazon building—and

the Book of Shrek had been taken! So he used his flying skills and went to Earth. He went to get a pizza, but found a note inside. It read:

I’m back and I’m working for the queen.

—Twinkie Man

Shrek was the most furious he had ever been. He had to find his old team and get the Book of Shrek. He went to the queen’s house to take it back, but in his way was his old enemy: Twinkie Man. Shrek got scared, but over in a trash can he found Danny DeVito. Shrek asked him where John Cena went, and Danny DeVito said that John Cena was being held prisoner in a hospital. So Shrek went to the hospital and freed John Cena.

Now Shrek had a team. He went back to fight Twinkie Man and defeated him with kicks. (“I’m too lazy to write something good,” said Farley.) Then Shrek walked toward the queen. She just laughed. “I put a bomb in you,” she said. Shrek noticed that the ticking noise inside him was suddenly getting very loud. Then an earthquake started to happen under the queen’s house. “Oh no, a fissure bomb” said Shrek. He grabbed a wrench, opened himself up and defused the bomb. The queen just laughed even harder. Then the queen blew up.

Shrek knew what he had to do next, but suddenly there were sirens outside. He had finally been found by the police. Shrek was injured by one of the police dudes, and was taken to prison while the police dude who got him was arrested. Then another police dude was arrested for coming up with the idea, then the next, and then the next, and then eventually the entire police station was gone. Shrek didn’t even do anything.

As Shrek was leaving the prison, Cybertrump 3.0 showed up. Shrek just stood there and it broke.

“These don’t seem to be improving,” he said.

“Be quiet,” said Jeff Bezos, who had come to face Shrek.

Shrek had an idea. He asked Jeff Bezos if he would still sell the Twinkies without Shrek. Jeff Bezos obviously said yes. But Jeff Bezos also realized that without Shrek there would be no more production of Shrek Twinkies. So he asked Shrek for one more Twinkie. Jeff Bezos put the Twinkie in his mouth, then he exploded. Shrek now had everything. He had his Twinkies to sell on Amazon, he had defeated Twinkie Man, he had defeated Elon Musk. He was the biggest threat to the world. That is, until Shrek noticed that he had never actually got his book back.

Shrek went back to the queen’s house, where he saw a note that said, “To be continued.”

“What does that mean?” wondered Shrek. He flipped the paper over and saw: “Your book is with the creator. He is now the most powerful being in the world.”

Shrek knew what to do next, but he flipped the paper over because he forgot what it said. It said: “To be continued.”

CONSPIRACY

THEORY, CHAPTER 7

By “Old Stephanie” and “Young Stacey”

In IB a common question starts off with “to what extent?” To what extent are current events falsely created by the logging industry to promote 5G wifi?

It all started when I first laid eyes on a smooth, oak-y placenta-looking table with marker accents. It was indeed a table at the Writers’ Exchange. Although I had stayed up all night and didn’t have my glasses on, I knew that what I saw was real. A blue wave shot out of the table. Shooting into the air. Shooting at the virus. The blue waves shot out of the table, targeting the particles. Then, at home, a blue wave also came out of the wifi box. You might think it’s a coincidence, but you’d be suspicious too if there were three lines on your wifi box. I knew the head director, Jen, was hiding something. You don’t just go on maternity leave for a year. Babies are delivered by birds. Birds, fly, babies, wood, cutting wood, wifi table. Jen has been working alongside the logging industry. My long-time volunteer Stacey wouldn’t have been friends with Jen for that long unless there was a bigger motivation. Stacey is an author, Jen has connections with the logging industry, paper, writing, Writers’ Exchange. I had cracked the code. Writers’ Exchange has a direct involvement with the logging industry. This demonstrates that the logging industry is clearly shooting out wifi signals. This isn’t even a conspiracy theory anymore. It’s the truth. It’s the table. It’s the flying babies. It’s the suspicious reason why Stacey would be an author. For what? Because she’s passionate?! Who even has passions anymore! What is this? 2022?!

THE

REAL WORLD

No more like 1984... Big Brother is watching… shhh. I don’t even know why I am writing in this journal… I don’t even know why I have opinions and these connections. I should’ve known that just because I found an old IB literary essay prep package, historical documents of COVID-19, my knowledge of how babies are produced by the government, and a kid’s book filled with conspiracy stories by a nine-year-old Stephanie S., her volunteer Stacey Matson (read her books) of nine years and the mentor/director of the Writers’ Exchange, that doesn’t make me a detective.

To see more, read Time Toasters, spring 2017

THE REAL REAL WORLD: STACEY AND STEPHANIE ARE WORKING ON THE FIRST CONSPIRACY THEORY BOOK*

Tupac: Wake up. It’s Tupac. You’re still passed out from time travelling. Stephanie: Wait, you mean we’re still on the first chapter?!

NARRATOR: STEPHANIE AND STACEY REALIZE THAT THEY NEVER FINISHED THE FIRST CONSPIRACY THEORY CHAPTER. IT WAS ALL A DREAM. THIS WHOLE THING. THEY NEVER ACTUALLY WROTE SEVEN CHAPTERS OF CONSPIRACY THEORIES THROUGHOUT WRITERS’ EXCHANGE. IT’S ALL BEEN A DREAM…

To be continued... #girlbossing

QUANDALE ' S LAST NOTE

By Jeff, age 14

Hey Quandale Dingle here. If you are reading this, I’m either dead or I’ve committed tax fraud and the IRS is looking for me. Either way, this is the last message you’ll hear from me.

To my family members, I first want to tell my sister, Quandale Berry Bingle Dingle II, that you still owe me $15 so I stole your couch cushions and your toilet. Secondly, to my brother, Quake Quan Dale Fingle Dairy Berry II Dingle Brother, I want to tell you that I haven’t got your $100 but I did fake your ID and sell your credit card information, house address and car. Now you have a warrant on your head, so watch out. Lastly, I want to tell my mother and father that I love you, and I’m sorry I stole your cat and dog and sold them on the black market that I created. Mom, or Alakazam Dabra Tatall Boo Ferry V Dingle Cary, I want to thank you for kicking me out of the house because I stank like dead racoons and roadkill. You taught me that violence was the only way, and I now own a tickle chamber. And to Dad, also known as Bartholemi Quan Drake Dake Dingle Single Craig IV Stinky Fart Man, you are a devious boiling warm nugget of copper paper hot dogs and peanuts. And to the world, mostly the IRS, you are a frowning storm of broken brown leaves flooding toilets.

—“Gone Forever,” Quandale Dingle (OG)

BRITANNIA SECONDARY SCHOOL

By Sequoia, age 14

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE BOOKS?

Write the titles on the books below.

Idea by Amber

AUTOGRAPHS

GRATITUDE

We could not offer our programs without the support of our amazing literacy volunteers, who helped the kids learn and create during our winter and spring after-school programs at ¿uuqinak’uuh Elementary, Thunderbird Elementary, χpey̓ Elementary, Britannia Elementary, the Writers’ Room at Queen Alexandra Elementary, Vancouver Technical Secondary, and all of our Writers’ Exchange spaces.

Thanks to A., Abbigail, Alice, Ananya, Anna, Barb, Beatriz, Brian, Caelin, Chloe, Christina, Claire, Corey, Dana, Dom, Feven, Gerna, Grace, Hannah, Heather, Helen, Irene, Iris, Ismail, Jane, Jayha, Jeff, Jen, Jiah, Kachi, Kaila, Leonora, Liana, Marcela, Marianne, Mohini, Mona, Nandita, Paige, Ryan B., Ryan D., Sheri, Stacey, Terry, Tracy, Vicky, and Zobia.

Book design by Melanie Kwan • melaniekwan.com

Cover art & illustrations by Madeline Berger • madelinesworkwarehouse.com

Back cover drawing by Meisa, age 9

Writers’ Exchange Program Staff

Anne-Claire Parent, Ayesha Irfan, Caroline Amor, Ciara Martin, Danielle Domingo, Dragon Eastman, Eman Salem, Gift Astrida, Haley Wells, Jennifer MacLeod, Lloyd Fields, Omar Tanbouz, Phillies Tanafranca, Quynh Nhu Truong-Thi, Sarah Grasse, Stephanie Slen, Teddy Iyke, Toucanni Edwards and Tracey Liu