Made by the Energy Kids of the Writers’ Exchange • Fall 2021
Copyright @2021 The Writers’ Exchange This book is a collection of writing and art created by the kids of the Writers’ Exchange and Writers’ Room after-school programs during our fall 2021 term. The Writers’ Exchange is a community that supports under-resourced kids and youth to build their confidence and get excited about reading, writing and their own potential. All of our programs are free for the children and families we serve, and we could not exist without the support of our amazing donors.
Supported by the province of British Columbia
The Grayross Foundation
Sasamat Foundation
Seedlings Foundation Taylor Taliesin Foundation
Many thanks also to Megan Abbott, anonymous, The Louis Family, Sasamat Foundation, The Waterbury Foundation, The Grayross Foundation held at the Vancouver Foundation, City of Vancouver, Bernard MacLeod, the Government of Canada’s Emergency Community Support Fund and Vancouver Foundation, BC Gaming, Premium Brands, Seedlings Foundation, Low Tide Properties, Nancy and Ted Maitland, Marily Mearns, Taylor Taliesin Foundation, 100 Women Vancouver, Patricia Massy and Massy Books, Edith Lando Charitable Foundation, Canadian Scholarship Trust Fund Foundation, David Ferguson, Second Harvest, The Wolrige Foundation, Theresa Shaw, CLICK (Contributing to Lives of Inner City Kids Society), Monday Creative, Tweedledum Foundation, Morie Ford, Raise-a-Reader and Decoda Literacy Solutions, Diane and Robert Matson, Michael MacEntee, MBS TV Productions, The Hamber Foundation, Jamie Evrard, West Point Grey Academy, Bridget Chase, Rain or Shine Homemade Ice Cream, Human Rights Internet, Richard Sexton and Electronic Arts, Art Rapture, Thomas Sater, Teresa Toews, Jim and Casey Fletcher, Mark Tindle, Mathisen Family Foundation, Mount Pleasant War Memorial Community Cooperative Association, Not Just Coffee Fund and DTES Literacy Task Force, Tech Café.
We are honoured to be able to provide safe, fun and welcoming programs for kids and their families on the unceded and traditional territories of the xʷməθkʷəy̓ əm (Musqueam), skwxwú7mesh (Squamish) and seĺíĺwitulh (Tsleil-Waututh) Nations. As uninvited guests on this land we are grateful to be able to enjoy this beautiful place and we are committed to building relationships and learning about ongoing traditional ways of life from our Indigenous friends.
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CONTENTS The Writers’ Exchange at 852 6 7 7 8 9 10 10 11 12 12 13 13 14 15 15 15 16 16 17 17 18 18 19 20 20
Secrets of the Forest by Meisa The Mystery of the Footsteps by Lucia Nathalie and the Boy by Olivia James by William Sisters for Life! by Sasha The Commercial by Luke The Series of Nonsense Events, Part One by Chi Chi Car Crash Boy by Hamza Princess Elsa’s Favourite Stories by Sundas Cloud Guy 3 by Sydney I Like This by Ruoa Lilly the Baby Bunny by Sherry and Malak The Funny Guy by Taima Turd 2 by Rowan What I Know by Owen Bugatti versus Lamborghini by Khalil and Uday The Turtle, Part Four (The Last Story) by Remas The End by Kiana Hi by Selena Why Do We Have School? by Sireen Almighty Captain Starburst! by Stephanie No by M. War by Biden Crabrave by Joey Mew and Pichu Are Friends by Mattias
22 23 23 24
Emily and Lilly by Malak Not a Rickroll by Aisa Butterflies, Part Three by Sara A. Emma’s First Time Skiing by Anna
¿uuqinak’uuh Elementary 26 26 26 27 27 27 28 28 29 30 31 31 32 32 33 34
Snack Time by P.C. If Aliens Were Humans by Derek The Life of a Fly by ME Cursed Recipe by Ren No Title by Chris The Dot by Shyanne Hello by Lily Among Us at Night by Shayanna Hi by Hunter Drawing by L.E. Hello by Diamond Happy Face by Adara Family by A.T.M. Ways to Get Away from Parents by Jamie Among Us by Zoe The Chat by Deana
The Writers’ Room at Queen Alexandra Elementary 36 38 39 40 42
Dan the Reporter by Claire Piggie by Ayla Gerald and Piggy Do a Dance by Brooklyn Run Fast by Ari The Beast, Part Two by Jaden
43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50
Fred’s Bad Luck by M.D. Dark Humour by Oluwadara Bubbly by Anonymous BFFs Who Are Undercover Spies! by Phyllis Laughing Taffy by Roxy Alianna by Shirley Food-ables by S.C. The Story of Gru and His Fart Thrower by Kasper 51 Blanket by Aiyana 52 Cat POV and Dog POV by M.C. 54 About Our Friends by Alianna and Karis 55 My Art by Cosmo 56 The Nightmare by Aiden High School Programs 58 61 63 64 65 66
Shrek’s Very Epic Journey by Farley D&D Quest by Eastwood, Terry and Ctharus Drawing by V.H. Reasons Why I Hate Joe Biden by Tony Bee Joke by Katie When You Take the Cheese Out of the Fridge by Philip
68 Autographs
The Writers’ Exchange at 852
Secrets of the Forest By Meisa, age 8 Once upon a time there was a maid who was treated very badly. But every night, when everyone was asleep, she searched the place. One day she found a dusty closet, but it was locked. She remembered a key she had found. She put it in and—clunk!—the closet opened. Inside there was a newspaper that said a person named Famla had been kidnapped. That was the maid’s mother’s name. The maid quietly ran back to her bed, which was made out of rocks. She cried until she felt a warm pat on her back. It was her mother’s ghost. She turned around, and she could feel her mother there. With her mother’s help, the maid found another closet that she had never seen before because it was camouflaged. She got scared, but she opened it. Inside there was a golden armour for knights. After she found it she started wearing the golden armour and having adventures every night. It was a little big, but she still wore it anyway. One night she found a cave. Inside, she thought she saw something that looked like bars but she ignored it. Deep in her heart, something was telling her to go inside. She got shivers and silently sneaked deeper into the cave! Inside she saw a weird creature. She got scared but she stood still and waited until the sun came up. When the sun came up her armour shined. She aimed the light at the creature. In the end it was just a family of possums.
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The Mystery of the Footsteps By Lucia, age 7 The bee got shot by lightning. The bees wings got burned. Thankfully, the bee had a parachute. When the bee landed, he heard footsteps. He turned around and saw a tree burning. Because that special tree burned, the world got smaller and smaller. The special tree was stopping the arrow from shooting the Earth. But then the arrow did get shot into Earth and the world exploded. The aliens were whispering about it for years and years. It was a mystery.
Nathalie and the Boy By Olivia, age 7 Nathalie is six years old. There is a boy at school that Nathalie likes. Every time she sees him, her heart gets red and big, but she is shy. She runs away at every recess, and then at lunch she goes to see him again!
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James By William, age 10 There’s this guy, his name is James. James was thinking about a battle. He thought it was a movie. In the thing he thought was a movie, aliens attacked. Humans fought back in the water. The humans fired a missile and the aliens said “miss.” Then the aliens fired, and the humans said “hit.” Then the humans fired back and the aliens said “hit.” This is what James imagined. He put it in a video. But then all this actually happened. James helped with his newfound knowledge, but the ship got hit. Part Two But James came back. He was imagining the battle again. Fast forward: when it happened again and again indefinitely, James used his new-new knowledge that the humans won. He posted in a video again and got rich. He was great. He teleported dun dun dun. James teleported to a different universe. It was a cartoon universe. He was still immortal. He helped people. He kept on helping teleporting and soon he knew everywhere. He teleported to a weird cartoon world. He kept on helping all the universe and they fought with cartoon weapons. And they won. Yay. He teleported back. It kept on happening but it was always new adventures. Part Three All the cartoons defeated him. Commercial We interrupt this story to bring you Can Can Can Everything in a Can. Part Four And they lived happily forever, sometimes getting teleported.
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Sisters for Life! By Sasha, age 8 Once upon a time there was a girl who wanted to play with a sister. Her mom said, “You’re getting a baby sister!” Two months later, the baby came. The girl was so excited that she had a baby sister. Two months later again, the girl’s sister was two years old and she was walking and talking and they loved each other. Then, one moment later, the family had a party for her. The party was so fun because the girl invited friends to see the baby. Everyone was like, “Aww, she’s so cute.” When the party was over, the baby was hungry. After she got fed, she went to bed and they were sisters for life.
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The Commercial By Luke, age 9 Do you love cans? If you do, buy stuff in a can. You can get water in a can, butter in a can, or a car in a can. So go to canadacan.ca on your phone in a can! Battery not included.
The Series of Nonsense Events, Part One By Chi Chi, age 10 Hello! If you don’t like looking at facts or pictures, leave now. You haven’t left yet? Well, get your seats buckled up for this “nonsense” adventure! Want to hear something “nonsense”? I vacuumed my lawn today! I also like Bule Face. (Please don’t auto correct if you’re reading this.) I watered my fish. I want a “gril” (read the sentence at the start of this paragraph). Also remember to brush your toenails every day! I brush my teeth with teethbrushers. You know what? Here’s a fact. Shove a book inside your ear until it gets to your brain to make you extra smart. (Please don’t try this at home!) You also can’t spell woman without man. But, also, please wave behind you before you stop reading this or you will have bad luck in the next 24 hours. I shaved my friends beard with a lawn mower. A helicopter got stuck in a traffic jam in the sky. I hope you enjoyed the series of nonsense events! Stay tuned for Part Two.
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P.S. Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down ... P.P.S. The person beside me wrote a great story!
P.P.P.S. Stop! P.P.P.P.S. Wave to the person behind you.
Car Crash Boy By Hamza, age 8 Car Crash Boy went for a walk and saw something. Yes, you guessed it, it was a car crash. Car Crash Boy went to stop the car crash. Gummy Boy saw the car crash and went to help Car Crash Boy. They worked together and saved everyone from the car crash.
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Princess Elsa’s Favourite Stories By Sundas, age 7 Princess Elsa went to her castle. She was the queen. She decided to have a movie night. And she invited the whole town.
Cloud Guy 3 By Sydney, age 8
Once upon a time there was a hero called Cloud Guy. He was the Earth’s protector. Cloud Guy was on his normal walk when he saw a bank getting robbed. So he rushed in! But he realized something when he joined them in the scene. Then he went to the bathroom to do his splatter.
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I Like This By Ruoa, age 9
I love the flowers
This is so fun. I love the flowers. Flowers are the best! They are for moms and dads.
Lilly the Baby Bunny By Sherry, age 9, and Malak, age 9 Once upon a time there was a cute baby bunny. The baby bunny’s name was Lilly. Lilly liked to eat carrots. Lilly and her friends liked to play tag and meet new people. They liked to play with slime, and they also liked to draw and go shopping. Their favourite colours were pink, purple and blue. They liked to make gifts for people and eat ice cream. Lilly wanted a baby sister because she wanted her sister to have friends and go trick or treating. She wanted to name her sister Bella. One day, on a Tuesday, Lilly’s mom said she was pregnant. Lilly got to decide what to name her and she chose the name Bella. Lilly was excited because she was going to have a sister.
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The Funny Guy By Taima, age 9 Hi My name is Kur
I want to sleep
What do you want to do?
Bye
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The End
Turd 2 By Rowan, age 6 The turd was laughed at by his friends, poo and pee.
What I Know By Owen, age 8 I am dumb. The end. Just kidding. I know lots of flags and math and Germany rules and the world is Owen. The end.
Bugatti versus Lamborghini By Khalil, age 8, and Uday, age 7 Once upon a time, a boy named Uday was driving a Bugatti down the street. Then a guy named Khalil drove up in a Lamborghini. He bet him $100 that he could win a race. Uday said yes. So they raced and it was a tie. They raced again and the Lamborghini won.
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The Turtle, Part Four (The Last Story) By Remas, age 8 Way back in Part Three, the turtle found a treasure chest and he opened it and found some lettuce. Now, in today’s story, it is October 18, 2021, and the turtle fell asleep by the treasure chest ... When the turtle woke up, the treasure chest was gone! He thought the crab took it. But the crab did not take it. There were two little kids playing on the same beach that the turtle was on and they had taken it and brought it home. The turtle felt so sad because he had been saving a little bit of the lettuce for today. He went back to his home. The next day, the turtle came out and hunted for food. This time, he thought, he will take more care of his stuff. He tried and tried to get food but he could not find any. But the next day he did! He found a place where you get so much food. But it was crowded with big creatures that did not look like him! A big guy came up to him and the turtle made his face look sad because he wanted him to adopt him ... and the big guy did! It was the most exciting day of the turtle’s life.
The End By Kiana, age 10 Once upon a time ... the end. That’s it, there is no story.
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Blue Screen Crash
Hi By Selena, age 12 Hi.
Why Do We Have School? By Sireen, age 9 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.
We don’t like math. It’s pain in the back! You get yelled at for no reason. It’s pain in the butt. You have to read books. You have to write essays. Homework just means half of my time wasted on random knowledge, ugh. 8. History is easy. It’s life, right? 9. You have to do tests! 10. And it causes serious injuries. 11. Spelling tests suck. 12. Spanish Dora. Dora for Spanish! 13.
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Almighty Captain Starburst! By Stephanie, age unknown anonymous you don’t know me
Hi, I am an undercover agent. I work with kids and they absolutely cannot find out about this. Shhh. Helloooo, I am Captain Starburst! I love saving lives by wearing a mask. I am cool. I feel safe. I can fly and fart out all the goldfishes in the world! Shh, don’t tell anyone. I trust you with my top top top secret. Promo: Conspiracy Theory 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5! These are a must-read.
No By M., age 10 Nein.
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War By Biden, age 9
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Crabrave By Joey, age 6 Crabrave is the funniest video. It is funnier than Yee. Though it’s less funny than Troll Face Quest Game. The funniest video is Troll Face Quest 2. But Troll Face Quest 2 is less funny than Yee, but that video gets faster every time he says “yee.”
Mew and Pichu Are Friends By Mattias, age 7 Once upon a time there were two Pokémons. Their names were Pichu and Mew and they liked to play with each other. One day, suddenly, Pichu evolved into Pikachu and Mew said, “How did you do that?” But then Zygarde wanted to battle! And when Mew battled, Mew did the same thing back. Zygarde got defeated, and then they were playing again. Pikachu said, “These are Pokémons in the sky,” and Mew said, “I can fly.” Then Pikachu said, “I’m going to find another friend.” Pikachu found a friend called Gengar! He said, “Should we be friends?” and Gengar said, “No! But if you defeat me, then we will be friends.” Pikachu didn’t say anything. He went back to Mew, but when he got there, he found Mewtwo! Mewtwo said, “I used to be Mew, but I’m still your friend.” Then Mewtwo said, “I have to go!”
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When Mewtwo went away, Pikachu was lonely. But then he said, “I can go back to defeat Gengar.” Pikachu used quick attack to defeat Gengar, but he was still sad because he liked Mewtwo more than Gengar. So Pikachu told Gengar, “I don’t want to be your friend. I want to be alone.” Then, suddenly, Pikachu fell down a cliff! He found a sleeping Snorlax, and Pikachu told him he wanted to go back up the cliff. But Snorlax said, “I can’t reach.” Pikachu had an idea. He remembered that he could climb up the chair. After that, Pikachu wanted another friend. But not a small Pokémon, only a big Pokémon. He found Mega Gyarados, but he said, “If you put Electric in water I can’t use Quick.” Then he said, “I want a flying Pokémon.” He found a legendary Pokémon called Latios and said, “Hooray, can we be friends?” But poor Pikachu was still sad because he was too high up in the sky. So Pikachu said, “I want Mewtwo back.” Suddenly, he saw Mewtwo! But Mewtwo was different. He had evolved into Mega Mewtwo Y. His tail reached all the way to his head. Pikachu liked him better than Mewtwo because he could ride on his tail. Pikachu said, “Hooray!” Then he went on Mega Mewtwo Y’s tail and Mega Mewtwo Y said “Where do you want to go?”
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Emily and Lilly By Malak, age 9
One day a girl named Emily got sick. Emily’s friends and family were sad. Then Lilly got some sort of sickness too. Then Emily haunted Lilly’s family and Lilly haunted Emily’s family. One day, Lilly and Emily were doing the same thing they did every day, but this time they found a note. It said, “You will never find me ... muahahahaha!” They got creeped out. They started seeing people getting sick like they did, and when it happened to everyone only one person was left alive. This time the note said something would happen to people in 2 ... 5 ... 10 ... 30 ... 95 days. They waited and waited and waited for a long time, but something was off because one person was alive and nothing happened to him. So they went and haunted him and then he died. The end. Muahahaha.
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Not a Rickroll By Aisa, age 0.1 (I’m actually 11) Really, wow you thought I was lying. I’m disappointed. Clearly this is not a rickroll. Kinda sad, to be honest. Ronald McDonald is bad. Omg, you still think I’m lying. Like, why? Just why? Lol, look at the first letter of each sentence.
Butterflies, Part Three By Sara. A, age 9 Once upon a time the butterflies were just sleeping. Then they woke up and one butterfly made breakfast and another butterfly was making the beds. When the butterfly was finished making breakfast they started to eat. They were so full, so they took a break. They played and they had so much fun. After that they took a walk and then they flew all over the place. Finally, they took a nap because they were so tired. After the nap they ate lunch and then they played for a little while longer. Then they went to bed. They had a good day.
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Emma’s First Time Skiing By Anna, age 8 Once upon a time there was a girl named Emma. She made friends with a girl named Meisa. At Christmas, Emma went skiing with her friend Meisa. There were lots of runs. There was a green one, a blue one and a red one. There was also a black one. They wondered which one to ski down, then they chose the green one. They had lots of fun skiing. Emma bought tickets for next Christmas.
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?
Uuqinak’uuh Elementary
Snack Time By P.C., age 10 Snack time is my favourite time. Not me
If Aliens Were Humans By Derek, age 10 If aliens were humans and humans were aliens ... I have no clue what would happen. Chaos! Or, the aliens would fix the world. But ... If we were in space 24/7, we would only learn about space.
The Life of a Fly By ME, age 10 I fly then I die.
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Cursed Recipe By Ren, age 12 Warning: Do not make 1. Fish 2. Cranberries 3. Orca ice cream 4. Human foot 5. Poison ivy 6. Bee stingers 7. Glue 8. Bleach 9. Tree bark 10. Paint
No Title” By Chris, age 11 I like croissants. That’s all.
The By Shyanne, age 11
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Hello By Lily, age 10
Among Us at Night By Shayanna, age 11
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Hi By Hunter, age 10
Hi
OK bye
OK bye
Hi
I farted
Zoo wee mama
Zoo wee mama
I am not your friend Poof
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Drawing By L.E., age 12
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Hello By Diamond, age 10 Finish the drawing yourself.
Draw here
Happy Face By Adara, age 9 This is my happy face.
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Family By A.T.M., age 11
Ways to Get Away from Parents By Jamie, age 12 Go to room then go to sleep. Close the window.
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Among Us By Zoe, age 12
... UR mad. Sus, bro.
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The Chat By Deana, age 10
Hi Hi How are you doing? Good hbu
Wanna hang out? Sure At the park LOL See you there
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The Writers’ Room at Queen Alexandra Elementary
Dan the Reporter By Claire, age 11
Episode 3, Season 1
Admit you did this too
So, I’m going to the beach and you’re coming with me
Hi, I’m finally unmelted ... Turns out I had to freeze myself
Now that we’re here, let’s have fun!
We’re in a tsunami ... I wonder where it’ll take us?
Meanwhile, with the sea ...
Meanwhile, with Greg... Dang, it’s hard to drive and record Greg Cam
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Help me, Greg
Episode 4, Season 1 A few hours later ... We made it in one piece! Thanks, Greg
Bear
Grr
Ahh! A trained Russian army bear!
Random island (Russia) Bear
Greg, call 911!
Fine, fine
Police Station 911, what’s your emergency?
My reporter is about to get mauled by a bear
To be continued ...
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Piggie By Ayla, age 7 Piggie was in dance class. She was the best one. They were whirling around and she was good at it. Gerald said, “What are you doing?” Piggie said, “I’m dancing. It is fun. You should do it.” Gerald did it, but he did not do it good. So Piggie taught him and he got better.
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Gerald and Piggy Do a Dance: A Wordless Book By Brooklyn, age 8 Imagine words in this book.
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Run Fast By Ari, age 8
Run fast!
What....?
Mm..........? ?
Run fast!!!!
Heyy!!
OMG Hmmm
Come!! Haha Run fast!!!!!!!
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Ha JK Hahaha
What?
Haha! it is a friend
Heh Haha
Haha
Noooo
Noooooo!
NOOO! Haha
NOOOO!
Haha
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The Beast, Part Two By Jaden, age 8 Must be older than 7 to read *This is not funny* muuuaaaa
But there is a plot twist: she was wearing a mask
I did not
The beast is scary. He has sharp claws and teeth. He has big muscles.
She laughed at the beast
That’s what you get for being a psycho
enjoy writing this The End
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Haha what the heck
Fred’s Bad Luck By M.D., age 9
Camping Day Fred’s wife keeps spraying bug spray The End
Pool Day Then Fred sank in the pool because he hit his head on the bottom and his phone broke The End
Halloween Trick or Treat Fred and Fred’s wife went trick or treating and got kidnapped The End!
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Dark Humour By Oluwadara, age 10 Warning If you’re too sensitive, don’t read this. And if you really don’t like dark humour, don’t even think about reading this. A boy asked his dad, “What’s dark humour?” The dad said, “You see that man? I bet he can’t stand to see us laugh.” The boy asked, “What man?” and the dad said, “Oh right, you’re blind.” A guy goes up to the stage but he can’t stand to see the audience. Short news: Invasion of the wig snatchers A guy goes to the barber, but he can’t afford to walk out! Invasion of the wig snatchers! Some aliens come to snatch some wigs. They try to snatch a wig off someone, but the person has no hair. Some dark humour might not be for everyone. They might not get it until nighttime. Tic tac toe ... oh right, you have no toes. Shick shack jazz hands—you have no hands. A boy asked his dad, “How do you know if you need glasses?”
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The dad said, “A person who needs glasses would see four cars, but there’s only two cars.” So the kid said, “Dad, there’s only one car.” Then his mom said, “There are no cars.” Two people were walking on the street. The first person kicked the other person but missed. The person had no legs.
Bubbly By Anonymous, age 10 Someone I made up called Pêche.
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BFFs Who Are Undercover Spies! By Phyllis, age 9
Agent Phyllis
Agent Elton (my brother) Agent Aya
Agent Ayla (my sister) Agent Mia
I would rather be an alien because ...
My teacher, Ms. Congo
Aralyn
Recess Ding! Mia: Why is it dark? Phyllis: The bell rang!
After a lot of work later ... Ayla: It is?
Lunch Huh? Where is everybody??? Hello?
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To be continued...
Laughing Taffy (This Is Part of It) By Roxana (nickname Roxy), age 9 Oooh oooh oooh
La La La La La
Steps on dress
he he
He he… I got an idea
Ahhh!
La!!
Kicks Oh, did I do that? Oops!
Heh heh
The End
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Alianna By Shirley, age 11
Her name is Alianna. Hero She is wearing a cat costume
She likes Nestea
She is a chocolate hater
She is a vegetarian Oink
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She hates math
She doesn’t likeice cream
Food-ables By S.C., age 11 Hi, I am Ali
This is me and my friends
Hi, am Shirley
I am Ala I am K.G.
Hi, I am S.C.
That’s my friends
That’s all from me The End
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The story of Gru and His Fart Thrower By Kasper, age 11 Yesterday there was a crime at the firework factory
The police forgot to put out the fire that the crook made
Me Gru
Bathroom noise Fart thrower
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Tube up
Good for you
Go
Nooooo! Bathroom noise
Farts
Blanket By Aiyana, age 11
When I go to sleep I always put the blanket over my head
There was a man that would be at my door
I have a little hole so I can breathe I still do it today
When I was little I was always hearing and seeing stuff.
I can’t see him anymore, but I can hear it still
But what if he got me?
I have sensitive ears
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Cat POV and Dog POV By M.C.
Cat POV vs Dog POV Part 1
How Dogs See Owners Dog POV
They feed me and water me
They play with
me
They must be God 52
Cat POV vs Dog POV Part 2
How Cats See Owners Cat POV
They feed me
And
water
me
I must be God 53
About Our Friends By Alianna, age 11, and Karis, age 11
Karis
Hi! My name is Aliana
Ali
S.C. Hi
This thing is about Shirley and S.C.
Shirley
About S.C. - Funny - Loves food - Instagram lover - Likes to make vids - Likes iced tea
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First up is Shirley Hi
That’s all everyone! Byeee!
About Shirley - Funny - Weird - Tik Tok lover - Smart - Food lover - Energetic
Karis
My Art By Cosmo, age 11
END
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The Nightmare By Aiden, age 12 One day, a girl named Mya woke up. She had been having nightmares for weeks and nothing could stop them. The nightmares normally consisted of Mya at her school, with weird monsters chasing her around the school. She had talked to her dad about this, and he said to think happy thoughts, but that didn’t work. Mya’s dad was an author. He made family-friendly stories, but apparently the newest book he was making wasn’t family friendly. On the same day that Mya woke up, she decided to look at her dad’s unfinished good copy of the book. She was shocked at it. Turns out, his book was the exact same as the nightmares Mya had been having. She decided not to tell her dad about it. The next night, Mya went to bed and found herself in the nightmare again. She was outside her school, the sky was red, and a weird creature was on the playground. The weird creature went up to Mya and said, “HAHAHA! YOU’RE PERFECT FOR PREY! I’M THE ONE WHO HAS BEEN CAUSING YOUR NIGHTMARES!” The weird creature lunged at Mya and then ... the story ends. Turns out this was just a story Mya’s dad made. Mya never existed. She was the protagonist of his story.
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HIGH SCHOOL PROGRAMS
Shrek’s Very Epic Journey By Farley, age 12 On a calm day, Shrek was sipping a mudshake, relaxing in the poo pool and bathing in rotten onions, listening to the calming radio. Suddenly, Fox News began playing its stupid theme. Shrek was in shock, because he heard the main report about how CyberTrump, who was made from Donald Trump and Elon Musk, outlawed all sales and production of Shrek Twinkies in the United States, and any remaining Shrek Twinkies left on the shelves of stores had been repossessed and burned. Shrek was in shambles after listening to this terrible situation. He and Donkey made a drastic plan called Operation Sandstorm. It involved building new production facilities in America’s neighbour, friend, and enemy, Mexico. Shrek began building his facilities, the production, and his education in Spanish to attract the Mexican market. His work paid off: Shrek finally learned Spanish and made his product readable. Shrek sold hundreds of millions of Shrek Twinkies each month, and was successful. But he eventually wanted to get revenge on America for outlawing his world-class Shrek Twinkies. He smuggled a ton of Shrek Twinkies into America, where they were sold on the black market. CyberTrump and his new vice president, John Cena, found out and set a fine of thousands of dollars for anybody caught with Shrek Twinkies. Shrek was very angry and, since he was banned from entering the United States for his alleged fraudulent business, he decided to smuggle himself into Washington, D.C., in a Taco Bell supply truck. He experienced excessive amounts of diarrhea from the smell of the tacos alone. He collapsed and woke up at his destination of Washington, D.C., where he suddenly spotted John Cena eating at
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the Taco Bell. Shrek challenged the weak John Cena to a baseball game. First to score would win a wager. If Shrek won, John Cena had to let Shrek travel in and out of America with the Secret Service, and he must try a Shrek Twinkie himself. If John Cena won, Shrek would be sentenced to life imprisonment in Guantanamo Bay, with no chance of parole. They played the baseball game, and Shrek’s chances of winning decreased each second. But then Shrek activated another active brain cell and had an ingenious idea. He called checkmate in the baseball game. John Cena was shocked and cried like a little man. Shrek won the baseball game and stuffed Shrek Twinkies into John Cena’s throat. Surprisingly, John Cena started considering the Twinkies his favourite food, placing them ahead of the taste of CyberTrump’s earwax. John Cena pledged to overthrow CyberTrump from government, making a deal that Shrek would give one percent of all Shrek Twinkies to him at a discount price of 21 percent. Shrek accepted the contract, and a new saga began. John Cena and Shrek began buying all the regular Twinkies in the world and remaking and reproducing them into Shrek Twinkies. John Cena marketed the Twinkies across the world and they sold everywhere on Earth. Even Antarctica and North Korea loved them! Fox News and other people stormed the White House to ban regular Twinkies for their crimes against the tastebuds of humanity. In the end, CyberTrump did what the public wanted: he banned regular Twinkies and legalized the consumption of Shrek Twinkies. All was well, until one day CyberTrump took all of his military troops to the Bermuda Triangle and nuked the Shrek Swamp using GPS technology. Shrek was shocked—the blast sent him to London, where he rode the train to Shrek’s Pizza and took refuge there. People told him all about CyberTrump’s plan to exile Shrek to a pit in the North Pole
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and dump John Cena into a volcano in Hawaii. The public also told him all about the Book of Shrek and how the queen had been hogging the book to read to her grandchildren. Soon, the people realized that if Shrek did not get the book soon, CyberTrump would nuke Europe. Shrek blew up the Tower of London, stole the Book of Shrek for the good of the world, and drove a convertible across the Atlantic Ocean, where he and John Cena ended up in Canada. Immediately, the Twumplets—half Trump, half Twinkies— were there to prosecute them into the pit in the North Pole. Shrek and John Cena got latched onto Velcro, forcing them up north so Shrek could be punished in his pit. But Shrek and John Cena had an idea. The only way they could escape was to jump into the Niagara Falls. They made their move and fled on a boat. They travelled across the Great Lakes, rode to Washington, D.C., and met CyberTrump. Using the Book of Shrek, they got a Turkey in Tic Tac Toe and defeated the U.S. military and destroyed CyberTrump, once and for all. But then CyberTrump self-destructed, and blew Shrek and John Cena all the way to Russia. Unfortunately, John Cena cried like a baby, and just sobbed for the rest of the day, right after he landed in Russia crotch first. Then they learned that Donald Trump and Elon Musk were about to arrive to fight our heroes. However, a stroke of genius came into Shrek’s brain. He called Vladimir Putin for nukes to blow up Donald Trump and Elon Musk all the way into the moon. And, in an instant, the nukes were fired and the bad guys were sent back to the moon! The Earth was safe from the monsters threatening to jeopardize Shrek Twinkies. But unfortunately, it turned out that Elon Musk was a hologram, and he said, “Adios, see you in Mars!” Shrek was furious.
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D&D Quest By Eastwood, Terry and Ctharus, all ageless, and their and their volunteers, Dom and Christina On a chilly winter’s day, the local adventurers of the floating town of Aquaris were tending to their regular duties. Eastwood the Aasimar Artificer was building new waterproof armour for himself and his dog, Rosebud. Terry the Firbolg Warlock was fishing at the edge of the town. Ctharus the Tiefling Barbarian was doing his duty as the town lookout. Then, on the horizon, thousands of tungsten ships rose out of the water. On each was an army of warforged goblins. On the bow of the lead ship, their leader, the Hobgoblin Captain, raised his sword to order a volley of organic projectiles. With that, the Heroes of Aquaris leaped into action. Eastwood’s shop was soon surrounded by warforged goblins, brandishing swords. They carried a battering ram to the metal front door. Eastwood blocked out the banging outside as he put the finishing touches on his secret weapon. Elsewhere, another company of warforged goblins started climbing up Ctharus’ watchtower. Ctharus quickly grabbed his dual handaxes, hurling them down at the warforged goblins. Then, while his back was turned, another goblin climbed up behind him and grabbed both of his arms. They struggled for a while, but Ctharus got the upper hand and cast the warforged goblin off of the tower. Meanwhile, Terry watched as a dozen warforged goblins rose out of the water near his fishing spot. He reeled back his fishing line, casting it again and catching one of the warforged goblins by one of their retinal scanners. He spun his fishing rod around, knocking his catch into all the other warforged goblins. Back at Eastwood’s shop, the warforged goblins had knocked down the front door. Eastwood carried on with his work, totally calm as the goblins closed in on him.
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At the watchtower, the warforged goblins were preparing to launch a cannonball at Ctharus. Fortunately, Ctharus managed to leap out of the tower and slide down a nearby rope, narrowly avoiding the cannonball. He broke his fall by landing on an unsuspecting goblin, who had only been whistling and minding his own business. Back at the fishing spot, Terry had successfully fended off all of the warforged goblins that had come his way. He turned back to the sea, waiting for his next opponent, only to find the Hobgoblin Captain rising out of the water, drawing his enormous broadsword. As the Captain charged at him, Terry drew his most powerful warlock artifact, the Wand of Wonder, and aimed it at the Captain. Back at his shop, Eastwood was completely surrounded. His secret weapon was finally ready. He pressed a button on the glove of his armour, and he became protected by a metal dome covered in razor-sharp spikes. The warforged goblins struck the dome again and again, but they couldn’t break through. Inside, a laughing Eastwood hit another button, and the floor of his shop opened up, sending all of the goblins plummeting into the sea below. Eastwood didn’t fall because he had one last trick up his sleeve: his metal dome started spouting fire, sending him flying safely back into his shop. At the base of the watchtower, the warforged goblins aimed another cannonball at Ctharus. Their sergeant pointed his sword at Ctharus, ordering the other goblins to fire. The cannonball struck Ctharus, sending him sliding across the dirt road. The sergeant and the goblins ran to inspect the spot where the cannonball had stopped. Suddenly, the cannonball shot out of the ground, and Ctharus leaped out of the crater, knocking out all the goblins with his battleax in a powerful spinning attack. Back at the fishing spot, Terry was knocked back into the water by the blast of the Wand of Wonder. He darted back
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up, ready to face the Hobgoblin Captain. All he found was a hobgoblin-shaped tree growing out of the water. By that night, all of the warforged goblin ships had been sunk except for one that had escaped. Eastwood climbed back into his waterproof armour, setting off to track down the one surviving ship. Meanwhile, everyone on Aquaris celebrated the victory with a lively party. Terry, however, was happy enough to get back to his fishing.
Drawing By V.H., age 15
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Reasons Why I Hate Joe Biden Tony, age 13 I hate vaccines because they remind me of Joe Biden. I hate myself because it reminds me of Joe Biden. I hate Squid Game because it reminds me of Joe Biden. I hate making jokes about Joe Biden because it reminds me of Joe Biden. I hate eggs because it reminds me of Joe Biden. I hate Canadians because they remind me of Joe Biden. I hate universal health care because it reminds me of Joe Biden. I hate old people because they remind me of Joe Biden. I hate music because it reminds me of Joe Biden. I hate newborns because they remind me of Joe Biden. I hate free education because it reminds me of Joe Biden. I hate Fox News because it reminds me of Joe Biden. I hate Republicans because they remind me of Joe Biden. I hate the UN because it reminds me of Joe Biden.
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I hate retirement homes because they remind me of Joe Biden. I hate police departments because they remind me of Joe Biden. I hate public transportation because it reminds me of Joe Biden. I hate clowns because they remind me of Joe Biden. I hate the Vietnam War because it reminds me of Joe Biden. I hate capitalism because it reminds me of Joe Biden. I hate writing because it reminds me of Joe Biden. I hate corn because it reminds me of Joe Biden.
Bee Joke By Katie, age 13 Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs. Find this joke here: http://vm.tiktok.com/ZM8rHJv63
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When You Take the Cheese Out of the Fridge By Philip, age 13
Man! I finally found the pizza recipe I was looking for!
Now, where’s the cheese grater?
Oh! There it is!
$#!)%?@&@!!!!!!
What a minute...
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Why use cheddar when I got mozzarella?
$#!)%@/!
!! &@#&!# $#!)%?@
The End
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AUTOGRAPHS
Thank You to Our Community! The following literacy volunteers helped the kids learn and create during our spring 2021 after-school programs at ¿uuqinak’uuh Elementary, the Writers’ Room at Queen Alexandra Elementary, Vancouver Technical Secondary and the Writers’ Exchange. Alberto, Alison, Alysa, Anna, Anthony, Caelin, Chloe, Christina, Claire, Dana, Danielle, Devonne, Dom, Erin Keyo, Gary, Gerna, Hanan, Helen, Ismail, Jamé, Jane, Jeff, Kandice, Katerina, Leonora, Maria, Mohini, Nicole D., Nicole R., Pari, Rachel, Richard, Ryan, Shaela, Sheri, Stacey, Terry, Tiam, Tracy, Vicky and Yng Book design by Maddalena Aliprandi, marameolab.net Writers’ Exchange Staff Anne-Claire Parent, Ciara Martin, Frank Roberts, Gift Astrida, Haley Wells, Jennifer MacLeod, Lloyd Fields, Lorne ThompsonMorin, Maren Tergesen, Phillies Tanafranca, Sarah Grasse, Shanti Thurber, Stephanie Slen and Toucanni Edwards
