Time Toasters

TI M E TOASTE RS By the Kids of the Writers’ Exchange Volume 4 | Issue 2 | Spring 2017

Copyright © 2017 The Writers’ Exchange This book is a collection of the kids’ favourite writing and art that they created during the winter and spring after-school programs at the Writers’ Exchange.

The Writers’ Exchange gets inner-city kids excited about reading and writing through mentoring and creative writing projects like this chapbook. All Writers’ Exchange programs are free for the children and families we serve, so we could not exist without the support of amazing donors, including Marily Mearns, the Waterbury Foundation, Social Venture Partners Vancouver, the Greyross Foundation held at the Vancouver Foundation, Bernard MacLeod, Linda Louis, the City of Vancouver, BPS Wealth Management, Megan Abbott, Nancy and Ted Maitland, Lynn and Gene Gerwing, the R BC Foundation, Leo and Florence Helzel, and the Wolrige Foundation. Thank you.

881 East Hastings Street Vancouver, B.C. v6a 1r8 vancouverWE.com

These kind organizations support after-school programs at the Writers’ Exchange:

We acknowledge that this book was created on the traditional unceded territory of the Musqueam, Squamish and Tsleil-Waututh peoples.

Design and layout: Setareh Ashrafologhalai, setarehashraf.com Production coordination and editing: Melissa Edwards Program coordinator: Taylor Richardson

Printing for this chapbook was generously donated by Hemlock.

CON T E N T S Start the Clock

14 The Grinch Who Got

3 If I Were a Wrestler, by Erin

14 Kittens Are the Best,

3 Aliens, by Aisa

4 Ocram, by Legend and Johnny 5 The Life of a Tree, by Joey 5 The Somewhat Odd Girl,

by Chloe 6 Talking Walking Burger,

by Matea 6 My Ocean, by Ella 7 The Twins, Part 2 , by Piper 8 Pencils at the Park, by S.L. 8 The Magic Unicorn and The Writers’ Exchange, by Erin 8 Many, by Steven

Animal Hour

9 The Puma’s Adventure,

by Samarah 9 The Dragon, by Anson 10 The Mysterious Hamster,

by Jenny T. 11 The Volleyball Champion,

by D.C. and Veeco 12 A Day in the Life of Mimi,

by Keona 13 The Unicorn, by Matalin 13 Cats in the Toilet, by Kiki

Stuck, by Kayla

by Beatrice

Time for Action

15 The Little Boy Lost in the Woods, A novel by Dren 15 Power, by Noah 16 The Pokémon Battle,

by Ewen 16 The Guy and the Robot,

by Gavin 17 Chicken Man, by Kyle 17 Muffin the SpyCheerleader, by Rei

18 The Radioactive Disasters,

by Tony L. 19 Conspiracy Theories, Chapter 1, by Stephanie S. 19 The Minepocalypse,

by Jacob 20 Adam’s Troubles, by Esmé 21 The Mystery, by Anthony 21 The Monster and the Guy,

by A.C. 22 A Mathematician Who Finally Broke Out,

by Vincent 22 Golden Ninja, by Michael

Midnight Tales

33 Friends at Writers’

at the Spring Fair,

33 I Don’t Know Y, by Jayden

23 Zombie Apocalypse

by Tony F. and Wilson 23 Bloody Bob, by Teijo 24 Diaries of the Bloody Donut Origin: A Prequel to Bloody Donut, by Jennifer L. 26 Behind the Scenes of Diaries of the Bloody Donut Origin, by Benny, Lisa and Jennifer L. 27 Attention, by Stephanie M. 28 Supreme Travelling,

by Philip

Moments of Discovery

29 I Love Arowana!, by Arius 29 I Went to NY, by Francis 30 Slime, by Chief 30 The Rules of Aliens Versus Humans, by Eric 31 A Recipe for Pancakes,

by Istok 31 At School, by Lara 32 How to Get KO’ed,

by Dragon 32 Walk off a Grand Slam,

by Wyatt

Exchange, by Sabriyah

Clocking Out

34 M.A.X., by Jeff

34 The Lonely Black Hole,

by J.H. 35 The Unicorn, by Peaches 35 Funny Jokes, by Izzy 36 A Mosquito’s Day, by Joe 37 Lights, Camera, Ahhhh!,

by Thor 38 The Elves on Strike,

by Alexa 38 The Musical.ly Muser,

by Sylvia 39 The Visitor, by Ariel 40 BTS, by Kookie and Chicken Nugget 41 No, I Don’t Know (Not a Book), by Shijee 41 The Best Day of My Life, by Max 42 Cutie at the Farm,

by Melissa 42 Welcome to My World of Memories, by Brianna 43 The Duckling Gets Popcorn, by Allen 43 Emoji Dude, by Ellie

S TART THE C LO CK Aliens

By Aisa, age 7 One night a fireball shot across the sky. It was orange.

Maybe it was a spaceship from another planet. It shot across the fence. I was scared but I knew I had to take a look.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhh!” I screamed. The alien had eyeballs just like my own and a moon-shaped head. I closed my eyes and screamed again. The alien said, “It’s all right, open your eyes.

It’s all right.” I opened my right eye. Beside me was my sister!

If I Were a Wrestler

By Erin, age 8

If I were a wrester, my wrestling name would be . . . The Glamazon! I would be on . . . both! I would be on Smackdown and Raw. If I were in a Wrestlemania match I would be a high flier. That means you jump off lots of stuff, like tables, chairs and ladders. TLC stands for tables, ladders and chairs. It is one of the funniest matches ever. First, I would have to be in NXT—that is where all superstars start. I would vs. people like Sasha Banks, Becky Lynch, Charlotte, Tamina and everyone else. Then I would become the women’s champion! It would be so awesome!

3

Ocram

By Legend, age 11, and Johnny, age 12 Illustration by Britta, their volunteer mentor

Ocram is a dragon who works alone. He has two tails and breathes black fire. He has wings and a pattern in his eyes.

The pattern works as a camouflage to protect the dragon.

One eye is sometimes closed because it’s his weak spot.

Humans killed his family so his mission is to seek revenge on humanity. He is nomadic and has one cave that he returns to every spring to hide his loot. He lives in medieval times and is immortal.

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The Life of a Tree

By Joey, age 9

Get planted Grow up Get climbed on Get chopped down Get made into a rocking horse Get bought Get sat on Get sniffed by dog Get old and chipped Get thrown away Find tree spirit

The Somewhat Odd Girl

By Chloe, age 11

Write a story with these words: candy, clothes animals, pencil, blocks, books and people One day there was a girl who ate candy every day because she read a book about it. She was really weird. She ate her candy off of odd items. When she was at home or school, she ate it off of a pencil. When she was at the zoo, she ate it off of animals.

When she was in the elevator, she ate it off of her clothes.

When she was playing, she ate it off of toy blocks. People thought she was the weirdest person on earth, but people still liked her. The girl did think she was weird and she knew that people judged her, but she didn’t care. That’s because she knew to always be herself, and that’s why people liked her.

Start the Clock

5

Talking Walking Burger

By Matea, age 8

Once upon a time a girl named Kim went to McDonald’s. She was 19. She got a burger and then she went back home. She closed the door. She was thinking about the woman who gave her the burger. She had said it was, like, special. She heard a little voice say “hello!” (but tiny and squeaky) and turned around to see a burger with eyes and legs and arms. She got freaked out. She asked the burger some dumb questions you don’t need to know. Then they became friends forever, and Kim never told anyone.

My Ocean

By Ella, age 9

The symmetrical sea sweeps across my feet. I look up, and painted colours fill the sky. The sun covers the coated colours.

I stare out at the calm ocean, then I plunge into the glacial sea.

Sea animals encircle me. I swim up to the surface. Water laps against my face. I look down just as a distinguished-looking green shell disappears. I swim up to the beach, trying to make sense of what just happened. As I returned to the intimidating forest I know I’ll remember this day forever.

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The Twins, Part 2

By Piper, age 11

Summary of Part 1 The twins, Renéé and Esméé, fought about everything from clothes to boys—especially Sean. The twins went shopping for prom and tore everything up. At the end of the story, Renéé was kissed by Sean, but she didn’t like it.

Read all of Part 1 in I Do What I Do. Part 2 So after everything, Renéé slaps Sean.

“What was that for?”

“You’re the one who kissed me.”

“Okay, bye.”

Both of them run for the other twin. They bump into each other.

“Oh, hi . . . I don’t like him. I guess we overreacted or whatever,” say both of them. “Let’s teach him a lesson.”

They take their heels off, then they start yelling at the dude.

He starts crying. Esméé and Renéé swear that they will never fight over a boy again.

Start the Clock

7

Pencils at the Park

By S.L., age 7

One day there were three pencils playing on the slide. One pencil fell down the slide and then two more pencils fell down and the third pencil got hurt on the knee. And then its knee turned into an eraser.

The Magic Unicorn and The Writers’ Exchange

By Erin, age 8 Once upon a time a little girl named Lisa went pet shopping.

She picked a unicorn. The unicorn’s name was Laricsa. Then they came to the Writers’ Exchange. They became best friends with everyone. Then when everyone went home they were very sad. So someone had to stay with them. Then they were very happy!

Many

By Steven, age 8 There are many kinds of feet: man feet, chicken feet, stinky feet. There are many kinds of houses: dog houses, cat houses, trampoline houses.

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AN IM A L HOUR The Puma’s Adventure

By Samarah, age 8

There was a baby puma lost in the dark forest, eeking, skweeking and screaming for help. He walked along the red ruby path. He went so far he got to the plains. He met some tigers gnawing on a gazelle. The puma was scared and he ran so fast he bumped into hyenas, but luckily they didn’t notice.

The puma travelled with the pack of hyenas. They travelled to the cheetahs. The hyenas got distracted by the cheetahs. The puma escaped to a watering hole. There was an eagle there, and he let the puma drink from the watering hole. But after he drank, the puma didn’t belong, so the eagle swept him up with his big wings and put him down with his cousins. He was so hungry he ate five gazelles. He had a big nap and thought that the whole adventure was just a dream. But it wasn’t.

The Dragon

By Anson, age 7

The dragon breathed fire. One day she got wet. She went flying up. The dragon went up to the moon.

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The Mysterious Hamster

By Jenny T., age 10

Once there was a little girl named Jenny who thought she was adopted because she could remember nothing to do with her past. On January 1st it was her birthday. One of her birthday presents was a hamster, which she named “Portal” because when he opened his mouth, that was what she saw. One day, while Jenny was at school, her little sister Amanda volunteered to feed Portal. Unfortunately, she gave him too much hamster feed. So after she left Jenny’s room, Portal ate all the feed and grew humongous. When Jenny went into her room, her hamster sucked her into his belly. Inside Portal’s stomach she fell asleep and had a dream. She had a dream that there was a baby girl and an old lady who rescued the baby but a coyote bit her leg.

Jenny woke up when she realized that she was sliding into her hamster’s leg. She stood up and saw a book and grabbed it, and she was about to read it when she found out that the hamster might shrink and she might kill him. So she quickly climbed out. When she was in her room, she looked through the yellowed pages. On the last page it said: The End. Just kidding, it’s not the end of the story yet. First, she noticed it was about her past, then she noticed that Portal shrank, and last she told her mom to buy Portal a new cage.

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The Volleyball Champion

By D.C., age 10, and Veeco, age 11 Once upon a time there was a chipmunk, a sloth and a monkey. They were the best animals at volleyball! There was a volleyball showdown, and whoever won would get a castle.

But there was a problem—it was doubles. So they began to argue. Then they decided to let the chipmunk and the monkey play, because the sloth remembered that he had to go to China to visit his grandma and grandpa. It took one whole day to get there. He loved it there, and planned to go back in the summer.

The animals practiced and practiced until it was time for the showdown. They had to win at least five rounds to get into the championship. So far, they had just won two games out of three. They decided to work together, so they did.

One hour later . . . they won!

The castle that they got was very nice, so they decided to move in. They changed the name of the castle to Volleyball Champion.

Animal Hour

11

A Day in the Life of Mimi

By Keona, age 11

One day I woke up and I cried to wake up Keona (my owner) so I could pee. After I peed, I felt better. Then I sat and pretended to sneeze, so I could get fed. I also pretended to choke so I could get water. After that I lay in bed and took a nap, and then later I cried at the door so Keona would walk me. When I got walked, lots of people wanted to pet me, and I loved it when the people pet me.

While I was walking, I took another pee and a dog barked at me. We started playing but then I started sneezing so we went home. Keona gave me food and then I went for a nap.

I woke up and went to Keona so he would pet me. After that he started playing with me. There is this one toy that I love—it is a stuffed popsicle that Keona won in a claw vending machine. I was playing with the toy and I was so happy when all of a sudden Keona’s friend knocked on his door. I barked at the door so the person would be scared of me, then Keona opened the door and I felt left out. So I snuggled up in Keona’s clothes and waited for him. Every time a friend comes over, he gives me a treat to cheer me up. The treats he gave me this time he made himself, and I really liked them.

Keona and his friend took me on another walk and they took me to the park. Then it started snowing! (I love snow!)

Then Keona got cold (ugh, humans). He wasn’t prepared as much as I was, so we went home. When we got home, Keona watched a big bright thing for a long time that humans call a TV, and I snuggled up on him.

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The Unicorn

By Matalin, age 8

Once upon a time there was a unicorn. The unicorn’s name was Blue. Blue’s mom said, “Blue, you have to go to school!”

So Blue went to school. At school, his teacher said, “Blue, go do your unicorn math.” And then soon it was recess. At recess, Blue went to the garden. In the garden was Blue’s best friend.

The best friend’s name was Purple. Purple said, “Hello,” and Blue said, “What are you doing right now?” Purple said, “I am just hanging out in the garden.” Blue said, “Oh, I’m just hanging out, too,” and then they discussed the rest of the afternoon.

Cats in the Toilet

By Kiki, age 9

There was a cat in the toilet. He thought there was some fish, but instead he flushed the toilet and he went down the sewer and he got smushed by the gate to Homework Land. The mayor of Homework Land got him to do 1,002,509 homeworks. After he was done all the homeworks, the mayor said, “You can have 1,002,509 cat treats. If you want more, you have to do 100 more homeworks”. After he was done, he got to get out of the toilet. He got a bath because he got so dusty. He needed so much soap that he had to buy 100 bath soaps, and he got to be in the book of records.

Animal Hour

13

The Grinch Who Got Stuck

By Kayla, age 7

Once there was a Grinch and he was not happy because he got in trouble. He was sent to his worst nightmare. It was a place where you cannot see anything and you cannot escape. Then someone came. The Grinch heard someone, but he couldn’t see them. Then someone turned on the lights and opened the lock. And the Grinch could see and he escaped. The person was not a person. It was my dog, Max. Then I went home.

Kittens Are the Best

By Beatrice, age 9

Kittens are the best, they are better then the rest. A kitten’s favourite dish is fish. When kittens play with string, they run in a ring. When kittens drink water, daughters interrupt. My kittens will turn into cats, then they will chase rats. Kittens play with boys, they give them toys. In the halls, kitten play with balls. Kittens are furry, they like to eat curry. When it is winter, I put mittens on my kittens. When it is snowing, kittens get going.

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T IM E FOR ACT ION The Little Boy Lost in the Woods A novel by Dren, age 7

Chapter 1 Once upon a time in death/life there was a little boy named Lol Johnson who was six years old. Trump made a nuclear explosion and so he flew to Serbia and got stranded in a forest. He was gonna fight Trump for payback. Luckily, he found a home near Belgrade and a family gave him money (for buying a house). He got $1 million. He took a train to a house to buy it. This boy loved trains and trams. So he bought a train company and a limo company and a huge house. He bought expensive furniture. He went to school in Belgrade, and he didn’t need to pay for the bus because they needed to pay him. He loved it. He bought a katana sword. It was made of diamond. He was 11 now. He went to jiujitsu. Trump was no longer president. He fought him and the boy won, and he lived happily ever after.

Power

By Noah, age 9 This is the Power of Money. It gives you as much money as you want! Just tell it to.

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The PokĂŠmon Battle

By Ewen, age 7

In the first battle, Mew was vs. Ninetales. The trainers didn’t know what was going to happen. Mew turned invisible and Ninetales used flame thrower. Ninetales missed and Mew started flying. Mew attacked with future sight. Mew won.

Mega Charizard attacked Primal Groudon. Primal Groudon won.

The Guy and the Robot

By Gavin, age 8

A.C.

Once there was a guy who was named A.C. He was in his house and he was going to go for a walk, but then a big robot was destroying a building, so A.C. kicked the robot ten times.

Then the robot died and A.C. went back home and went to sleep!

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Chicken Man

By Kyle, age 10

In the beginning, there was an egg with no superpowers.

Then the egg turned into a chicken. Then the chicken broke out of the chicken jail and pooped out an egg. This egg had arms and legs. It turned into a chicken man. The chicken man escaped out of jail.

Muffin the Spy-Cheerleader

By Rei, age 9

Muffin was a puppy-spy-cheerleader. His mom and dad died because of a car accident. All of his other relatives were lost forever. So he decided to disguise himself as a cute, fluffy, adorable puppy, because the Spy Agency decided to put him on a mission to watch bananas. And then on that mission he did the craziest thing ever: he ate a BANANA! And then he got stuck in the cute, fluffy, puppy disguise forever! And then he decided to be my stuffy.

Time for Action

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The Radioactive Disasters

By Tony L., age 8

Ok, this happened. In 2012 when an oil rig exploded, a nuclear energy station blew up and an earthquake happened.

But this story is NOT violent. Enjoy! Please Note: If you get offended easily, please put earmuffs on RIGHT NOW !

So here we go! On April 18, 2012, at 8 a.m., I woke up and ate breakfast. At 8:30—oh my God!—I was watching TV and the earthquake happened in Brooklyn, New York!

I don’t live in Brooklyn. At 10 o’clock, I saw the oil rig explode in Scotland on Yahoo! Good grief, it’s good that I don’t live in Scotland! But we were also on Reddit and watching stuff.

To be continued . . .

Read my previous stories in Rainbow Moustache.

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Conspiracy Theories, Chapter 1

By Stephanie S., age 12

So we all know that J.F. Kennedy was shot dead by a horrible psychopath. But what if he was just a hologram at the parade?

BUT, the technology was not already made—so, “How?” you would ask.

Tupac went back in time to before Kennedy was shot and warned him that he was going to get shot. And one of Tupac’s bodyguards followed him with a watch that could stop time.

Then the bodyguard was caught by Kennedy and Tupac, and the bodyguard told Kennedy and Tupac that he had a watch that could stop time. The bodyguard showed them the stop-time device. Tupac quickly took the watch and stopped time, then he went to the future and stole a hologram device. “Sorry,” Tupac said to the dumb guy who didn’t see Tupac steal the hologram device. Tupac quickly went back in time again and unpaused time. That’s how they got the hologram device. That’s how J.F. Kennedy was not shot. You’re probably asking where J.F. Kennedy is now. He is probably hiding on Mars with Michael Jackson.

Thanks for reading this conspiracy theory.

The Minepocalypse

By Jacob, age 8

I am going to try to make Minecraft into real life. We will become Minecraft people. I will mine for diamonds. I will make a diamond sword and pickaxe and armour.

Time for Action

19

Adam’s Troubles

By Esmé, age 9

Adam

Bully/ Vincent

Josie

Big Belly (he eats a lot)

Nina

Characters

Once upon a time . . .

What’s up, Adam?

I’m not very good. I can’t find the girls.

Josie!

Nina!

We’re so happy you’re here.

We got trapped.

Hi!

I still don’t know who to marry! Josie?

Nina?

I haven’t seen them either.

The next day. . .

Where are Josie and Nina? I’ve looked everywhere.

Aaah!

Uh oh! Vincent

Uh oh . . .

Is that a hole?

Uh oh!

Whooaaaaaa

Ha Ha Ha

CLANK! Ouch!

How do we get out Whew. That of here? There’s a hole up there. Maybe was hard. Yeah. we could climb out.

He’s not here. Let’s go to Meanwhile . . . the dance without him.

Maybe we will find him at the dance.

Yeah, get all the food!

Where’s Big Belly?

Who will Adam marry?

And what will happen to Vincent?

To be continued . . .

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The Mystery

By Anthony, age 8

One day there was a good guy. The good guy said, “Go to jail now.” The bad guy said, “Nope.” They fought. The good guy won.

The Monster and the Guy

By A.C., age 8

Once upon a time there was a guy named Matt. He was at a beach with his girlfriend. Then a big monster came to the beach and started attacking almost everything. Good thing Matt and his girlfriend didn’t die, since they ran away from the big monster. When Matt and his girlfriend went back to the beach, Matt and his girlfriend saw that the monster was gone because a great white shark had eaten the monster.

Time for Action

21

A Mathematician Who Finally Broke Out

By Vincent, age 6½

Once upon a time there was a mathematician (people called him a mathematician because he looked like one) who didn’t know what to do. He fell in a deep, dark hole. He did not have any stuff except a whole bunch of chalkboards showing math.

So he could not get out. He had to use his math to get out. But he pretty much did not know any math. He could not get out!

So he used his shovel and calculator. He dug a ramp but it pretty much did not work, so he tried to use his ladder. But the bolts came off and it came crashing down. So he tried to use his pickaxe. He climbed with his pickaxe, but eventually the pickaxe broke apart. Finally, he brought out his shovel again and dug a trench and he got out.

Golden Ninja

By Michael, age 7

Golden Ninja was fighting in a dark night. Golden Ninja was fighting because there were people that were bad. Golden Ninja won because he used his sword.

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M ID N IG HT TA L E S Zombie Apocalypse at the Spring Fair

By Tony F., age 11, and Wilson, age 11 Hundreds of zombies burst into the Spring Fair, trampling everything in their path. When they were finished feasting, they all started to play in the playground. The police arrived shortly after, weapons drawn, but they weren’t enough to stop the zombies, who quickly ate them and took over their cars.

They used the car sirens to spray the civilians with disease as they drove around the city. After one day the whole world was infected.

Bloody Bob

By Teijo, age 8

Once there was a little boy named Bob. One day, he was walking down the street, not noticing that he was walking on a train track and that a train was about to hit him. It hit him and he went to the hospital. He was very bloody after that day.

Now people call him Bloody Bob.

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Diaries of the Bloody Donut Origin: A Prequel to Bloody Donut

By Jennifer L., age 11

Read the first installment in I Do What I Do. I groaned, “Ugh, now I have to find that brat Jessie again.” My pawn (the professor) slumped his shoulders. “I’m sorry I’ve failed you again. End me . . . I don’t de—” I interrupt with a wry smile. “Nonsense! You are my best minion.” The pawn gives a toothy grin. “Let’s go HOME!” At His Evil Lair—cough, cough—a Candy Shop I searched through my attic, looking for my tools. I found my old diary. (WARNING : This story starts getting more horrible. If you can’t handle it, don’t read any more.) Written on the cover in my dried blood was Diaries of the Bloody Donut Origins. The pages were written when I was a kid . . . well,

it’s a long story. I start reminiscing about my past . . .

January 13, 1789 “Such a fat kidnut! He probably doesn’t even need food!” snickered a guard. I pleaded, “Please, I’m . . . I’m starving!” The other guy started whipping me with the ninetails again. I closed my eyes, hoping for it to end. Why won’t they just let me die? After numerous tortures (sorry, this is supposed to be child-friendly!), I shouted, “I . . . I . . . I HATE THEM!” That is when I snapped.

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The prince, my younger brother, spat at my one and only friend, Mike. I gave a shrill shriek: “STOP THIS!” The prince glared and brought out his sword—MY old sword—and said, “You know, I could kill you . . .” He gave me a smug smirk.

I screamed “ARGH!” and ripped the chains off me, slamming the bars and breaking free. The prince, or the coward, backed away, saying, “S-s-stop! As the Prince of the Blodrin Kingdom, I command you to stop!” I stared at him, my red eyes sizzling. I tackled him, and the coward stabbed me in the head. He grinned victoriously, saying, “There! A freak like you never deserved to live. In f—” I took the sword out of my demented face and attacked the coward. He was in pieces. I froze, thinking, “I killed my own blood kind. Why does it feel so good?”

I whispered, “He’s right! I am a freak!” As I spoke, my psychotic grin grew bigger and bigger with every syllable.

“I’m no longer Jesse Donut, but BLOODY DONUT.” I sighed as I finished my diary. I smiled at my pawn, Mike, as he chattered excitedly, “Agent Courtney is back!”

“Hello, Jesse Donut from the Donut realm,” said Agent Courtney.

I smiled. “Hello, Mother from the Dream Realm.”

Mike said, evilly, “Yes . . . My plan is already initiated.

Muahaha!”

To be continued . . .

Midnight Tales

25

Behind the Scenes of Diaries of the Bloody Donut Origin

By Benny, age 9, Lisa, age 9, and Jennifer L., age 11

Benny: “I start reminiscing—” Wait! That word’s too geeky!

Ugh! Big words hurt my head. Cereal [seriously]?

Lisa: Come on, just say it!

Jennifer: JUST DO IT! (Starts playing “Gotta Catch ’em All”) Jesse (sniffing and crying): Wah! That’s so sad! He— Jennifer: Shhhh! Don’t say spoilers!

Lisa: If you say it, it’s not gonna be funny.

Jennifer: Yea! (Everyone dances. Copyright even more now!)

Benny: Nonono! Don’t copy Frozen! I might be a killer, a thief and a felon, but I ain’t a cannibal!

Jesse: Copyright, dude, not cool.

Lisa: Jennifer, I will not.

Jennifer: No, I was just singing, duh.

Lisa: Oh. (walks away) Jennifer: Forever alone. (sulks in emo corner) OFF ON #2087513 Benny: Jennifer? Aren’t ya gonna talk?

Jennifer: Sorry, she doesn’t want to see your snobby face.

Benny: LOL OFF

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ON, DAY 2, #023 Lisa: OK, are we online?

Jennifer: Benny ain’t, but we are.

Jesse: OK now, I want to beat the guards.

Benny: Please! I . . . wait! The Ferocious Bloody Donut doesn’t use manners!

Jennifer (speaking for the cast): We forgot, OK? Guards (sulking): Why are we so cruel in the story? We’re just some mailmen, desperate for money!

Lisa: First, we’re, um, paying you, uhhh . . .

Jennifer (whispering): [censored] I left the money! (Whacks baseball bat) Quick, hide the evidence!

Benny: It’s your fau— Jennifer (hearing sirens): No time for lines! RETREAT! Lisa: WAIT FOR ME! Benny (online now): What happened?

Cops: Freeze!

OFF

Attention

By Stephanie M., age 10 Attention: If you are in the world of Pokémon, never throw Pokédolls out, because they will turn into Banette and try to kill you.

Midnight Tales

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Supreme Travelling

By Philip, age 8

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MOM E N T S OF D ISCOVE RY I Love Arowana!

By Arius, age 11

Here are some facts about arowana. I hope you enjoy them!

1. Arowana are hard to keep as pets because one change in temperature can kill them.

2. Arowana are the most expensive fish in the world.

3. Arowana can grow up to four feet long.

4. When arowana mate, the male will swallow the eggs until they grow old enough to go by themselves.

5. There are so many different colours, such as green, gold, red, dark red, platinum, albino and silver.

I Went to NY

By Francis, age 6

I went to New York for five days. I went I went up the Empire State Building and into the Intrepid. I went in a submarine.

It had two missiles. I went on 30 subways. I went on a boat. I went under the Brooklyn Bridge and the Williamsburg Bridge.

The ride took two hours. I went to Times Square and I went to the Natural History Museum.

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Slime

By Chief, age 9 I love slime! Slime is super stretchy and satisfying! I am an expert when it comes to slime. I play with slime every day.

Sometimes I use LUSH products to make my slime smell good.

Apparently you can make floam. Floam is foam and slime together. You can make stress balls out of it. BTW, fluffy slime is my favourite. Here is the recipe for it:

The Rules of Aliens Versus Humans

By Eric, age 6

1. There are five hula hoops and you have to choose the people who are going to be aliens or humans.

2. When you say “Go!� the humans run to dodge the ball.

3. When you get caught, you sit down and you have to help the aliens.

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A Recipe for Pancakes

By Istok, age 8

2 to 3 eggs 1½ bars of butter 2 spoons of sugar 3 tablespoons of baking powder 2 cups of milk 2 cups of water Mix the ingredients together. Put in fridge for 2 to 3 hours, then put in a frying pan. Suggestions to put on top of pancakes: blueberries, strawberries, whipped cream, maple syrup.

At School

By Lara, age 7

Once upon a time at school there was a girl named Ellie. She was going to have a birthday workshop. She was really excited about the workshop that would happen the next day. Ellie made lemon cupcakes and brought them to school with her mom. The workshop was about minerals and stones. When she arrived, the door was open and there was a sign that said: “Mineral and rock workshop in Ms. Claire’s classroom.” And in the end they all had fun!

Moments of Discovery

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How to Get KO’ed

By Dragon, age 13

1. Jump off a cliff!

2. Go deep underwater until your tank runs out of air.

3. You’re in the mountains and you get attacked by a bear.

4. You get your arms and legs eaten by a piranha but you survive.

Walk off a Grand Slam

By Wyatt, age 11

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Friends at Writers’ Exchange

By Sabriyah, age 10

I have nine friends: Allen – He’s very smart Winston – He’s a volunteer Mike – Very, very goofy Joey – Loves hugs Lisa – Always talking J.H. – Always laughing Jennifer – Adventurous Benny – Very fast Alexa – Very nice They’re fun, but also annoying.

Q: How are they annoying?

A: They talk too much (well, some of them).

Q: How are they fun?

A: They’re not, I just added it. JK! We play a lot of games at the Writers’ Exchange.

I Don’t Know Y

By Jayden, age 6

Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y, yang, Yankee, yap, Yarborough, yap, yammer, you. Yoshi, Yugio, yummy. Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y. I don’t like Y because my name doesn’t start with a Y.

Moments of Discovery

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C LO C KI NG OUT M.A.X.

By Jeff, age 9, and his volunteer mentor, James

Hi. My robot’s name is M.A.X. He has a chainsaw can opener to open cans of nuts and bolts (that the robots eat) and oil (that the robots eat) and on his other arm he has a lock pick in case he forgets his keys. Robot don’t steal.

The Lonely Black Hole

By J.H., age 10

Once upon a time there was a black hole named Cereal. He was lonely because he kept sucking everything up and it became very annoying. The planets were very mad—even God and Satan and Jesus were mad, too. Then a few months later God got so mad that God sealed the black hole. And mistakes were made.

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The Unicorn

By Peaches, age 9

One day, I walked by Starbucks and my mom brought me in to look at the menu. My mom bought me a Unicorn Frappuccino. I started to drink my big Unicorn Frappuccino, then I got a lollipop.

Funny Jokes

By Izzy, age 9

Q: What do you call a cow?

A: Moo Q: What do you call a tired snake?

A: Ssssssssssssssleepy Q: What do you call a goldfish?

A: Mitt Q: What do you call a cat?

A: Mmmmeow Q: What do you call zombies?

A: Brains . . .

Q: What do you call a tiger?

A: Roar

Clocking Out

35

A Mosquito’s Day

By Joe, age 9

A mosquito was flying in the air trying to find humans for a quick breakfast, and then it spotted a playground and found a target. The mosquito dove down onto the forearm of the human and started sucking blood. Five minutes later, the mosquito started to not feel well, so the mosquito went outside to transfer the blood to another person. Soon, after a full day of the mosquito transferring blood, people started laughing uncontrollably. Two hours later, the mosquito woke up and went out to the street and saw everyone laughing like crazy. Soon, the local news featured a virus outbreak and said people were laughing so much they were dying. Police and news crews were on the street, reporting.

“It’s absolutely crazy out here, ladies and gentlemen.

People are running around the streets laughing like maniacs.

Police are struggling to contain the situation. OK, now we go to our featured scientist, Joseph.”

“Thank you. This appears to be some sort of extremely contagious deadly virus. Symptoms include uncontrollable laughter.”

As he left the streets, the mosquito observed that the chaos was getting worse, and was so uncontrollable that people started dropping left and right.

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Lights, Camera, Ahhhh!

By Thor, age 10

In the vicious streets of Hollywood, directors and producers steal ideas from screenwriters, stalking their prey before pouncing on their victim. This is the story of a young director named Michael.

“Cut! You gotta give me a good actor to work with, not this minimum-wage bozo!”

“Sorry sir, but no one is up for the job!”

“Kim, I’m angry, fire someone! (mumbles) Maybe you?”

“Alisha, you’re fired! How am I supposed to make The Adventures of Lemmy Part 3?”

“Sir, please, the competing director is Gerald Letrimo. He’s vicious!”

“Yeah, I know, he won’t stop at anything to get his actors on stage.”

“No, he’s vicious because he ate a talk-show host because she insulted how little money his movie merchandise makes.”

A couple of months later. . .

“Sir, we finally finished The Adventures of Lemmy, Part 3!”

Let’s wait and see how much people liked it.”

A few weeks later. . .

“Wow!” “What is it?”

“We made $10.6 million in box office, sir!”

“Tha . . . tha . . . tha . . . thaaaaaaaat’s all, folks.”

“Not again, Lemmy!”

Clocking Out

37

The Elves on Strike

By Alexa, age 11

One day there was a very grumpy elf. This elf was grumpy because it was Easter. He thought there should only be Christmas. So when Santa asked for his 1360th serving of cookies (1360 servings of cookies is my dream) the elf, named E (his parents were lazy and instead of naming the triplets good names they named them in the order they were born to spell the word “ELF”), stood on the table and said, “We elves deserve cookies, too. We may be okay with not getting paid, we may be okay with not having any days off and we may be okay with living in the ground, but we are not okay with not getting cookies.” That year, there were no presents from Santa. The next year, Santa came back . . . or was that really Santa . . .?

The Musical.ly Muser

By Sylvia, age 11

One day a Musical.ly muser who was famous came back from her morning exercise and was really tired. She wanted everyone to know she was done exercising so she made a Musical.ly, but it was a bad Musical.ly. She didn’t care, though.

She was way too tired. So she posted it. She was so surprised when nobody liked it and they started to unfollow her. She started to get so scared and worried. She was trying to get her followers back when she thought of the idea to post something good every day. And at the end of the month she got almost all of her followers back.

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The Visitor

By Ariel, age 8

Once upon a time a girl was at home. Her house was near the forest. She wanted to go to her friend’s house, so she phoned her friend and her friend answered. She told her she wanted to come over, but her friend said, “Someone is in front of your house.” Then she said bye.

Her mom phoned, and she said, “Hello, Mom. Someone is outside the house.”

“Oh, what does he look like?”

“He has a white face and eight arms.”

Her mom said, “DO NOT GO OPEN THE DOOR. That’s Slender Man.” Boom. It was too late.

Clocking Out

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BTS

By Kookie, age 11, and Chicken Nugget, age 9 BTS is a K-pop boy band that sings, dances and raps. There are seven people in the band. They can sing in Korean and English and sometimes they do Japanese versions. Some of them rap, some dance and some just sing. They call their fans A.R.M.Y. Some of their songs are Blood, Sweat and Tears, Boy in Luv, Coffee, House of Cards, Born Singer, Dope, Save Me, Butterfly and Rain. They all wear different outfits, and they also wear makeup. BTS has been around for four years. They just won the Billboard award and in past years they have won many other awards. They once had a concert in L.A. If they ever do a concert here we will probably go J! Members of BTS Stage Name: Jin

Stage Name: J-Hope

Real Name: Kim Seok Jin

Real Name: Hoseok

Nickname: Pink Princess

Nickname: Hobi

Position: Visual, vocalist

Position: Rapper, dancer

Hobbies: Cooking, eating

Hobby: Smiling

Family Member: Mom

Family Member:

Stage Name: Rap Monster

Grandfather

Real Name: Kim Namjoon

Stage Name: Suga

Nicknames: God of

Real Name: Min Yongi

Destruction, Leader

Nickname: Motionless Min

Position: Rapper

Position: Rapper

Hobbies: Writing rap lyrics

Hobbies: Sleeping, taking

while reading Family Member: Kid 40

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pictures, writing songs Family Member: Dad

Stage Name: Jimin

Stage Name: Jungkook

Real Name: Park Jimin

Real Name: Jeon Jungkook

Nickname: Chimchim

Nicknames: Kookie, Jung

Position: Dancer, vocalist Hobby: Dancing

Kookie, Golden Macknae Position: Subrapper,

Family Member: Kid

dancer Jealous of: Jin’s wide

Stage Name: V Real Name: Kim Taeyang Position: Dancer, vocalist

shoulders Family Member: Baby

Hobby: Being weird

No, I Don’t Know (Not a Book)

By Shijee, age 9

Ugh, why do I have to do this? Ohh, not interesting. Just stop.

Don’t read. Stop. Wow, the end, dot dot dot. I don’t know.

LOL, it’s a prank.

The Best Day of My Life

By Max, age 7

I woke up and played video games. The video game that I played was Minecraft. I played with my friend. After, I watched my favourite show.

Clocking Out

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Cutie at the Farm

By Melissa, age 7

Cutie wants to escape his cage and he wants to run all across the world and he is going to his old place. His old place is the farm and he will see his mom and dad again. They are going to play Sleepy Lion and they are going to eat cheeses and water and he is going to stay there forever.

Welcome to My World of Memories

By Brianna, age 8

Hello, this is a very sad story. If you would like a happier story, please do not read this. This story is about something real that happened. It all started when my parents (before they had me or my sister) got a Pomeranian dog. He was as big as my dad’s hand. He was very cute. He was one year old and his name was Astro. One day he became poofy so my parents went to the vet and the veterinarian said my parents fed him too much. Then my sister and I came out and we loved playing with him but then, one faithful day, he died.

Moral: When someone special in your life dies, remember they will always be in your heart.

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The Duckling Gets Popcorn

By Allen, age 9

Hey, how did you get the popcorn?

By asking nicely.

I am sad. How come I don’t get any popcorn?

I lied to him, ha ha. I’m not going to be nice. I like being mean.

Yay, I got more popcorn. Thanks so much.

I will give you my popcorn.

Why do you get one and I don’t get one?

Because you talk so mean. That’s why you don’t get any popcorn.

Hey, can I have more popcorn, please? But this time without butter.

No! Why did I say that? I’m so sorry, Duckling. Why, why am I so dumb?

Emoji Dude

By Ellie, age 8

He likes to wear glasses. The glasses are heart shaped. He likes pretzels, but he doesn’t like Geoff, or Sarah or Jen.

Clocking Out

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AUTO G RAPH S

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Thanks to the 68 amazing volunteer mentors who helped with the winter and spring 2017 after-school programs at the Writers’ Exchange: Alberto G., Alberto Y., Alex, Anita, Beau, Bern, Bridget, Britta, Brittany, Brook, Bryan, Carlin, Catina, Catrina, Christina, Courtney, Dan J., Daniel S., DaphnÊe, Denise, Elizabeth, Emi, Emma, Erin, Genevieve, Geoff, Haley, Ilene, James, Jane, Jared, Jeff, Jessica, John, Karina, Kat, Kristin, Lierin, Lindsay, Lionel, Matthew, Mavaddat, Megan H., Megan, Melissa, Michael C., Michelle, Mike J., Nhea, Nina, Paolo, Patty, Sarah D., Sarah G., Shaneeda, Sheila, Simone, Stacey, Steve., Suzanne, Sylvain, Tara, Vienna, Vincent, Virginia, Wendy, Winston and Yael.