Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa March 2019 by Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa

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TR RM MII M ARC AR CH H 2019 201 019 - 3 TRMI MARCH

Spring is upon us! At least that iiss wh what hat at the calendar says. The start of sspring prrin prin ing ng arch arch ar h, officially starts on the 20th of M March, d and the famous rodent predicted an early spring, so I am going to o go with it! Winter gets longer and longer every year it seems like. The day count stays the same, but it just seems to drag on. Maybe I am just getting less-patient with things as I get older, but winter seems to drag on endlessly at times. mes. me s. My typical bitchiness about nott riding or seeing nearly as many riders in the winter has been a little better since the swap meets and shows started, but it is still not the same. At least we are on the downhill slope and warmer weather is on the horizon, so to speak. Even if it is just riding around town or county pavements for a bit to avoid the calcium on the state and federal roads, March should be the month to get back out racking up some miles. If you do go out on two wheels, or continue to do so, be safe, remember that cages are not used to seeing motorcycles, and there will be a ton of debris on the roads that is highly concentrated at intersections, so be very careful.

ccamera, ca am meera, ra tth ra the he us usage of email and computers to communicate comm comm mmunic unic ica with staff and customers, and aan nndd tto o rrepresent e the magazine and riders ri rid iders rs oof Iowa in a good light. If you aree oor know someone that may be ar interested in nte ter in chatting with us more aabout ab b this opportunity, email Vernon@thunderroadsiowa. com for more information. We would love to have a couple good people on board in n eeastern ass Iowa especially. T Th The he eevent listing in the back of the m th the magazine exploded this month as more people are getting their poop in a group and setting dates for their events. Make sure to keep tabs on that page every month as we feel we have the most comprehensive biker event list anywhere in Iowa. If you have an event or know of a confirmed event, shoot me an email with the date, name of event, and location town to Vernon@thunderroadsiowa. com. We beg of your assistance on this to keep having the most complete list. We post this list on our Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa Facebook page every Monday, so that is another place to find the information that you need about event dates and locations. Check us out there, follow us, and throw us a “like” if you have not already done so. The next thing Our staff list has been static for a whole year now. Staff slated then for the April issue will be adding the Bike Night members here at TRMI have come and gone over the past Listing, so we also need to know about those, so feel free decade, with some being greatly missed and others not as to start emailing us the bike nights around Iowa to the same much, but every single one of them was part of the “family” email address. We break the bike night list up per day and for at least a spell. I believe this would be the longest that is the list for recurring events such as bike nights and timeframe ever for there to be no changes to the staff supper rides and the like. Thanks tons in advance for your page. Well, we would like to change that! We are looking help! for some people to join our team in the Cedar Rapids, Dubuque, or Quad City’s areas. This is a part time gig that Get on and ride like you NEED to ride! is a contracted position, with tons of perks. We are looking for folks that love the biker lifestyle and are able to get out Vernon and about to events, get some photos, work on ad sales for the magazine, and even possibly write an occasional article Quote of the Month: “In March winter is holding back and for the magazine. This is not a “bar hopping” kind of job, spring is pulling forward. Something holds and something and requires the ability to use at least a point and shoot pulls inside of us too.” Jean Herse

On the Cover B

ill Allen from Kimballton is the proud owner of this Firefighter Edition Heritage Softail. Bill has been a long time member of the Kimballton Fire Department, and just recently finished a 10 year stint as the Fire Chief of the department. He stepped down to finish out his volunteer years on the department, and his wife Laurie wanted to do something a little special for him and his dedication to the job. Laurie got him his very own custom Thunder Guns rifle shown in the picture, and his beautiful daughter Jessica stood in to make all the Fire Department red and the photo look even better. Jessica knows both the FD and HD worlds by supporting her father, and also working at HD of Carroll. Thanks to Jessica for prettying up the FD and thanks to Bill for your years of service to your community. 4 - TRMI MARCH 2019

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TR T R RMI MII M M ARC AR CH H 2019 200119 - 5 TRMI MARCH

It’s amazing how fast things in life can change. It was the middle of December and one minute we were driving down the highway on the way home from a Confederation of Clubs meeting and the next we were sitting alongside the highway covered in blood with an exploded windshield. And how was your Christmas? Yeah, ours could have been better but on the bright side it could have been a lot worse. For one, we could have been on our bikes when a passing car kicked up that 6 lb. piece of roadway and tossed it our way. In the car it shook out as a broken nose, shattered cheek and orbital bones and a concussion but on the bikes it could easily have been a fatality. Thankfully, Karla was not hurt and I retained my eye. Now a couple of months out there is still a struggle with some double vision and numbness but I can now see the computer screen without a pirate patch. I also have new hardware in the form of 7 new titanium plates in my face. No, not chrome, but it cost a lot more. Unfortunately though, I think my modeling career is probably over. (Sorry Nate, I’m sure you were going to call me one of these days for a photo shoot. You just waited too long.) Bad things happen to us all at different times and the support of family and friends helps us weather the storm, so thanks to all our friends who have reached out with prayers and encouragement. It means a lot. The whole double-vision and inability-to-focus experience puts me in mind of the spiritual realm versus the physical realm and how we have often don’t have the ability to focus back and forth between the two. We also lose sight of the brevity of our lives compared to eternity with the Lord Jesus. I think a lot of the time we are so caught up in ourselves that we don’t remember what is real and important. Our perception can be deception. We want all the good things in life with none of the bad but forget while things are humming along on all cylinders that that we live in a fallen world. Then it’s, BAM, oh yeah now I remember. Help me Jesus. It comes down to: God is God and we are not, and are we going to trust Him and believe that he has our ultimate good in mind. We used to tell our kids when they were small that life is not always equal, life is not always fair, but we have many blessings and much to be thankful for. It’s all about having to play the hand we are dealt. Folding is not an option and we don’t have doovers. Thomas Merton, the Trappist monk, stated “We are a living incompleteness. We are a gap, an emptiness that calls for fulfillment.” That gap and our weakness are only filled by our trust in Jesus. Ultimately it is God and the strength he gives that gets us through, or over, circumstances and 6 - TRMI MARCH 2019

situations we face. 2 Corinthians 1 says, “ Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble with the comfort with which we ourselves were comforted by God.” We as fallible, selfish human beings would rarely, if ever, pick for bad things to happen to our loved ones or ourselves even if we knew the big picture. God does know and he did pick for his son to be beaten to a point that he wasn’t recognizable then go to the cross to be crucified. In the middle of it all Jesus was cut off from his Father and then had the sins of the whole world lain upon him. Talk about a tough hand. The good news is he won and then gave the winnings to us. “For God so loved the world that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.” Blessings, Mark Mark and Karla Cornick are Area Reps with the Christian Motorcyclists Association. Find out more about CMA and God’s plan for you at www.cmausa.org

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The Biker Friendly Business Directory is a list of establishments throughout Iowa that sponsor the magazine. You can pick up your copy here every month. Let them know that you saw them in TRMI. If your business would like to advertise in Thunder Roads Iowa Biker Friendly Business Listing and become a part of the network, please email vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com

Biker Accessories Coolbikerstuff @ The Old Bait Shop 2103 Okoboji Ave MILFORD, Iowa 51351 712.338.888 & 214.914.4555 Crispy’s Biker Apparel Cedar Rapids, Iowa Find Us On Facebook 319-241-0916 J&P Cycles 13225 Circle Drive Anamosa, Iowa 52205 www.jpcycles.com 319-462-4817

Churches Least of Saints Ministry 1305 E 10th Street S Newton, Iowa 641-521-0156 Leastofsaintsministry.com

Dealers

Indian Motorcycle of Des Moines 1500 E Army Post Road Des Moines, Iowa 50315 515-256-9062 Indianmotorcycleofdesmoines.com

National Motorcycle Museum 102 Chamber Drive Anamosa, Iowa 52205 319-462-3925 Nationalmcmuseum.org

Grinnell Pub 909 State Street Grinnell, Iowa 50112 641-260-8003 Grinpub@aol.com

Indian Motorcycle of Mason City Mason City Powersports 12499 265th Street Mason City 641-423-3181 Masoncitypowersportsinc.com

Okoboji Classic Cars Museum and Restoration Shop 810 Jeppeson Road West Okoboji, Iowa 51351 712-332-8029

Goozman’s Westside Bar & Grill 1019 7th St Harlan, Iowa 712-755-2259 Goozman’s Westside on Facebook

Food and Drink

Haverhill Social Club 202 1st Street Haverhill, Iowa 50120 641-475-3321 Tues-Sat 10-2, Sun 12-12

Loess Hills Harley-Davidson 57408 190th Street Pacific Junction IA 51561 712-800-3500 loesshillshd.com Metro Harley-Davidson 2415 Westdale Drive SW Cedar Rapids, Iowa 52404 319-362-9496 www.metro-motorsports.com Nishna Valley Cycle HONDA – YAMAHA – KTM Atlantic, Iowa 50022 1-888-577-6406 www.nishnavalleycycle.com Okoboji Harley-Davidson 1005 Eastview Avenue Okoboji IA, 51355 712-332-7700 www.erniesharley.com Okoboji Leasing Company Looking for 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s Vintage Bikes to Buy! Contact Jim Wilcox 515-320-6416 Route 65 Harley-Davidson 1300 S Jefferson Way Indianola, Iowa 50125 515.962.2160 www.route65hd.net

Baxter Cycle 311 4th Street Marne, Iowa 51552 712-781-2351 www.baxtercycle.com

Storm Lake Honda 3040 Expansion Blvd Storm Lake, Iowa 50588 StormLakeHonda.com 712-732-2460

Big Barn Harley-Davidson 81 NW 49th Place Des Moines, Iowa 50313 515-265-4444 www.bigbarnhd.net

Zylstra Harley-Davidson 1930 E 13th Street Ames, Iowa 50010 515-232-6223 zylstrahd.com

Carroll Cycle Center 1327 Plaza Dr Carroll, Iowa 712-792-1610 www.carrollcycle.com

Entertainment

Edwards Motorsports and RV’s 1010 34th Avenue Council Bluffs, Iowa 51501 712-366-8400 fullthrottleia.com or edwardsrvs.com

Ernie’s Harley-Davidson 2701 Hwy 18 East Algona, IA 50511 515-295-7951 www.erniesharley.com

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Book Em Dano’s 33 S Main Street Denison, Iowa 51442 712-263-9818Mon-Sat 4-2 Dancers Nightly 5-1:30

(Popular Poker & Fun Run Locations) American Legion Post 46 1301 S 6th Street Marshalltown, Iowa50158 641-752-3612 Open to the Public 7 Days a Week

Hog Stop BBQ 2327 S. 24th Street Council Bluffs, Iowa 51501 712-EAT-BBQS Hog Stop BBQ on Facebook

American Legion Post 111 1101 W 4th Street S Newton 641-792-3353 Open to the Public 7 Days a Week Newtonamericanlegion111.org

Iowa Legendary Rye 707 N Main Street Carroll, Iowa 51401 Iowalegendaryrye.com

Barney’s 203 S Mill Street Wadena, Iowa 52169 563-774-2525 Barney’s Wadena on Facebook Calvin Rockett Bar & Grill 2013 South Center Street Marshalltown, Iowa 50158 641-328-1033 Open 7 Days a Week 11 – Close Catfish Charlie’s On the Mississippi River 1630 E. 16th Street Dubuque, IA 52001 (563)582-8600 www.CatfishCharliesDubuque.com Desperados 105 E 5th Street Atlantic 712-243-7087 Home of Cold Beer, Good Times, Pizza & Wings Firehouse Bar 1211 5th Street Downtown Sioux City, IA 712-224-1020 Open Daily at 12:00 Flat Tire Lounge 304 S Madison Madrid 515-795-4174 Outdoor Patios – Happy Hour 3-9 Flat Tire Lounge on Facebook

Celebrations DJ & Karaoke Services Newton, IA 641-521-8036 Any Occasion /Rally or Event EmCee Facebook/Ray Johansen(Celebrations) Specializing in Weddings & Receptions

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Grinnell Eagles Club 616 4th Avenue Grinnell, Iowa 50112 Open 7 Days a Week Check Us oon n Fa Facebook aceebo book ok

J.R. Willie’s Gateway to the Beautiful Hill Country Colesburg, IA 563-856-5095 Open Daily Mon-Sun 11AM Home of the Willie Whopper Just 1 More 515-570-4206 641-757-0159 309 Railway Jamaica, Iowa 50128 KC’s Tavern 120 N Main Street Bridgewater, Iowa 50837 Mon-Fri 4:30-Close, Sat-Sun 1-Close Find Us on FB 641-369-2017 Knickers Saloon 2186 Central Avenue Dubuque, Iowa 52001 563-557-0887 365 Days a Year Knickers Saloon on Facebook Lynn’s On Merle Hay 6014 NW 59th Ct Johnston, Iowa 50131 515-270-9806 Find us on Facebook! McCanns Tap NE 14th & 54th Des Moines, Iowa 50313 Bike Parking M-F 2:00 Sat & Sun 11:00 Mi Casa Family Restaurant 512 Market Street Harlan, Iowa 51537 712-755-2258 Enjoy Drinks at the Full Bar!

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Midway Tavern 206 1st Street Soldier, Iowa 712-884-2230 www.midwaytavernsoldier.com Montgomery Street Pub 207 East Montgomery Street Creston, Iowa 50801 641-782-2165

try

Sandbar 103 North Noyes Street Mondamin, Iowa 51557 712-646-2300 Facebook Sandar Mondamin

Scooters on Broadway The Buck Snort Red Oak 475 NE Broadway 322 E Coolbaugh Street Des Moines, Iowa Red Oak, Iowa 51566 515-288-1053 712-357-1701 scootersonbroadway@hotmail.com The Buck Snort Red Oak on Facebook

Mudders in Minburn Coldest Beer in Dallas County Bar Food-Wings-Pizza-ETC 515-897-9223 Open M-Sun 11AM Facebook Mudders

Sidetracked 206 West Union Street Creston, Iowa 50801 641-782-8534

Old Timer Tavern 401 S Center Street Marshalltown Mon-Sat 6am-2am, Sun 12pm-2am Outdoor Patio-Live Entertainment 641-753-9854 and Facebook

Sportsman Bar & Grill 103 1st Street Pisgah, Iowa 51564 712-456-2222 FOOD, FUEL, FUN

Papa Joe’s 117 South 6th Street Missouri Valley, Iowa 51555 712-642-9015

Stumpy’s Bar & Grill 423 Main Street Duncombe, Iowa 50532 515-543-4222 Stumpy’s Bar & Grill on Facebook

Pearl Street Social Club 110 Pearl Street SW Shellsburg, Iowa 52332 319-436-7100 Find Us On Facebook!

The Exchange 171 S Elm Street Avoca, Iowa 51521 712-343-2609 Lang’s Pizza, Cold Beer, Sports The Lounge 1005 Chatburn Ave Harlan, Iowa 51537 712-755-5050 The Lounge Harlan Iowa on Facebook

Suds –N- Jugs Bar & Grill 807 Iowa Avenue Onawa, Iowa 51040 712-433-4880 Nightly Food Specials

Pines Steakhouse Oinkers Lounge & Grill

1500 E 7th Street Atlantic, Iowa 50022 712-243-3606 M-F 11AM-, S-S 4PMPolk City Pub 217 W Broadway Polk City, Iowa 50226 515-984-9388 Open @ 11:00AM / Closed Mon.

ose Red Oak Tap 419 E. Reed Red Oak, Iowa 51566 712-623-4788 Riverside Tavern 450 E Main St Lehigh, Iowa 50557 515-359-9998 Email:riversidetap@gmail.com Roadhouse 105 Washington Marne, Iowa 51552 712-781-2272 Home of the Marne Burger Ruby’s Pub and Grill 114 NE 2nd Street Stuart NEWLY REMODELED Full Kitchen & Bar Check us out on Facebook Rumors Bar & Grill 400 F Ave Cedar Rapids, IA Live Music & Food 319-286-0806 Sambetti’s Bar and Grill 1430 2nd Avenue Des Moines, Iowa 50314 515-245-9780 Mon-Sat 11a-2a, Sun 11a-7p

The Buck Snort Oakland 310 Dr Van Zee Road Oakland, Iowa 51560 712-355-5315 The Buck Snort Oakland on FB

Sugar’s Diner & Lounge 2725 E Kanesville Blvd Council Bluffs, Iowa 712-322-3600 Check us out on Facebook T.J.’s Pourhouse 100 E. Washington Street Exira, Iowa 50076 712-268-2353 Open M-SAT.@11, SUN.@ NOON The Buck Snort Restaurant & Sports Bar 25 Scott Street Council Bluffs, Iowa 51503 712-328-2825 TheBuckSnortrestaurantandsportsbaronFB The Buck Snort 419 Sharp Street Glenwood, Iowa 51534 712-520-6454 Buck Snort Glenwood on Facebook The Buck Snort 113 4th Street Neola, Iowa 51559 712-485-9090 The Buck Snort on Facebook The Buck Snort Harlan 3002 23rd Street Harlan, Iowa 51537 712-235-2825 The Buck Snort Harlan on Facebook The Buck Snort Neb City 715 1st Corso Nebraska City, NE 68410 402-713-5169 Buck Snort Neb City on Facebook

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The Place2B! 116 N. Federal Ave Mason City, IA 50401 M-F 3p-2a S-S 2p-2a Find Us On Facebook The Yankee Clipper 312 SW Maple St Ankeny, Ia 50023 515-964-9484 yankeeclipperbar.com Tobey Jacks Mineola Steak House Mineola, Iowa 712-526-2078 Open 7 Days a Week Check Us Out on Facebook Vic’s Main Tap 304 Broadway Audubon, Iowa 50025 712-563-2122 Opens Sun-Fri 2:30, Sat 9:30 Whatcha Smokin? BBQ+Brew 403 Iowa Avenue Luther, Iowa 50152 515-257-7490 Tuesday-Sunday Wilson’s Tap and Recreation 1008 Story Street Boone, Iowa 50036/ 515-433-1395

Insurance & Financial Farm Bureau Financial Services 208 Faith Ave Underwood, IA 51576 Shane.baker@fbfs.com 712-310-7475 or 402-379-3237 O’Malley Wealth Mgmt. 5623 NW 86th Street Suite 400 Johnston, Iowa 50131 515-490-0930 State Farm Clark Ahrenholtz, Agent NMLS# 1679997 2114 12th Street Harlan, Iowa 712-755-5724 Clark.ahrenholtz.jb69@statefarm.com

Jewelry Bill’s Jewelry Shop 903 Main Street Grinnell, Iowa 50112 641-236-1008 Rings Checked FREE!

Legal Hupy and Abraham sc, pc Lawyers for Bikers 800.800.5678 Hupy.com TheBikerLawyers.com The Biker Lawyers, P.C. Riding & Defending Your Rights for Over 30 Years 877-209-9452 Walker, Billingsley & Bair 208 N. 2nd Ave. West Newton, Iowa 50208 Corey@WalkLaw.com 641-792-3595

Photo and Art Ullrich Photography PO Box 1842 Clinton, Iowa 52733 563-243-8715 www.natanic.com

Guns and Ammo 2A Firearms Training Training to Protect Your 2nd Amendment Rights 641-439-6660 Craig.2aft@gmail.com JLM Shooters Supply 6931 Douglas Avenue Urbandale, Iowa 50322 jlmgunshop@gmail.com 515-331-1577

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Services BCS Computers 100 Industrial Road Guthrie Center, Iowa 50115 641-747-3344 www.brubakercomputer.com Jason Roberts, LLC Haul It, Dig It, Doze It Code931993@yahoo.com 641-740-1411

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Southwest Iowa Sandblasting Mike Magers 65162 Oxford Rd Atlantic, Iowa 50022 712-249-3995

Cycle Clinic 2209 ML King Pkwy Des Moines, Iowa 50314 cycleclinicdm.com 515-288-6954

Shops & Fabricators

F & J Racing 701 N 3rd Ave Marshalltown, Iowa 50158 641-752-8651 www.fandjracing.com

Bent Wrench Cycles 911 7th Street Harlan, Iowa 51537 712-235-2453 Bent Wrench Cycles on Facebook Bigfuuts Paint & Repair Baxter, IA 515-577-6730 Custom Paint & Fabrication After Hours Service & Parts Stereos-Electrical-Repairs Butterfield’s M.C. Parts 8025 Blondo Street Omaha, NE 68134 402-391-3768 Chuck’s Cycle Service and Repair S&S and Drag Specialties Dealer 714 East 7th Street Washington, Iowa52353 319-461-5278

Indian Phil’s 2135 S. Ankeny Blvd Ankeny, Iowa 50023 indianphill@yahoo.com 515-795-6158 Mean Machine Cycle Parts Elkhart, Iowa 50073 Stereos, Bars, LED Lights, Air Ride Mon-Fri 9-6, Sat 9-12 515-367-7336

Nelson Machine & Forge General Machining, Ornamental Iron, Weld/Fab 70 Washington Street Marne, Iowa 51552 712-781-2220 Pike Run Services 320 Main Nichols, Iowa 52766 Shop 319-723-4244 Cell 319-330-4541 Road Rage BikeWorks 401 High Street Avoca, Iowa 51521 712-307-6111 Road Rage BikeWorks on Facebook SS Collision, Cycle Works & Graphics 2902 11th Ave SW Spencer, Iowa 51301 712-262-3959 www.sscollision.com

Motorcycle Medic 3176 Highway 30 Woodbine, Iowa 51579 712-647-2818 Open Tues-Sat Noon-6PM

Steffens Cycle Shop LLC 1311 E 7th Street Atlantic, Iowa 50022 712-243-3076 Mon-Fri 9-5, Sat 9-12 or Call The Vic Shop DeSoto, Iowa 515-339-4313 Facebook.com/TheVicShop VICTORY & INDIAN ONLY Thunder Road Cycles 4106 Rockingham Rd Davenport, Iowa 52802 563-323-3172 Thunder Road Cycles on Facebook

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Tattoos Lucky Gal Tattoo & Piercing 515-257-7940 3 Locations Des Moines * Ankeny www.luckygaltattoo.com

Tires Sandbothe Firestone 1106 Main Street Griswold, Iowa 51535 712-778-2223 Sandbothe Firestone on Facebook

Trailers 4 Seasons Trailer & Equipment 187 Highway 6 Grinnell, Iowa 50112 641-990-8732 www.4seasonsgrinnell.com Lacaeyse Trailer Sales 4192 HWY 146 Grinnell Trailers & Truck Accessories 641-990-2674 www.lacaeysetrailers.com

To buy ad space for your business or service in our directory, give us call at 712-249-5630 or email vernon@ thunderroadsiowa.com

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Spring has officially sprung, and that means that very soon, the preferred method of transportation for the biker community will make an abrupt switch from four wheels to two. That being said, there are special hazards to springtime riding that we are all required to prepare ourselves for. While the obvious list of possible hazards can be cumbersome and may include the likes of accumulated winter road sand, gravel driveways washed onto the road, potholes, frost heaves, snowplow damage, cracked pavement, and even eroded shoulders, there are additional spring time hazards that we sometimes overlook from people around us, and even within ourselves. We can easily break down these hazards into three categories: environmental, from those around us, and internal hazards. Environmental. It is most definitely a messy world that we ride in. The late winter/early spring freezethaw cycle has opened holes in roadways. Near country roads, mud and gravel can easily get washed or dragged onto road surfaces and, worse yet is the remnants of winter sand and cinders that were previously spread for traction in the snow. It takes a lot of spring showers to clean up all of the winter dirt. As bikers, we need to anticipate these problems and always leave ourselves a safety margin. In urban areas give yourself extra space between other riders and cars. If you’re right behind a car, you won’t be able to see things like sharp-edged potholes or sandy deposits. But remember, spring hazards aren’t limited to the environment. You also have to consider the hazards posed by the people around you. Drivers don’t see you. In some areas, drivers haven’t

seen a motorcycle on the road for months. They’ve been re-trained that motorcycles don’t exist. In the state of semi-awareness most people operate in, that’s a dangerous situation for those of us on two wheels. When someone says “I didn’t see the motorcycle”, he or she is probably telling the truth on the most basic level. This is an actual phenomenon called “in attentional blindness”. In the same respect, car drivers in the spring aren’t looking for motorcycles. The image of you and your motorcycle may hit their eyes, but it does not register in their brains because it’s not the car or truck they’re looking for. Effectively, they don’t see you. With that mentality, if you always ride with the assumption that you are invisible to cages, you will be better off in the long run. Internal hazards. We are our own worst enemies. Winter weather for most of us means that riding opportunities are either very few and far between, or completely non-existent for a while. Riding skills in March will NEVER be as sharp as they are in September, after months of two wheeled travel. This doesn’t mean that March demands of riding are less than those in September, in fact they are probably higher because of the additional hazards spring brings with it. There are a few things we can do as riders to give ourselves a little spring tune up to get back in the groove. Practice your riding skills. Low speed maneuvers and braking drills can knock some of the rust off your riding skills after a winter layoff. Impatience is another hazard. If your motorcycle has been sitting neglected all winter, it needs a good once-over, no matter how eager you are to go riding on that first nice day. Pay particular attention to tires and brakes. Don’t be so impatient to get on the road that you find yourself in an emergency situation on the road. Take your time and set out on that first ride prepared. There is a long riding season ahead, so don’t screw it up this early in the game. Being eager to get out on the road again and feel the sensation of riding a wave of torque out of your favorite curves is completely understandable, but just try to remember those common spring time hazards…that curve may have gravel scattered across it, a driver who hasn’t seen a motorcycle in four months may be pulling out in front of you, and your brake hand hasn’t practiced threshold braking in a long time. As you rediscover your favorite roads or explore new ones, expect the unexpected. If you prepare yourself for spring hazards, you will live to ride another day. Melanie J Schwarte

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Sarah Mau Des Moines 2006 Honda CBR 250

Kim Johnson Carter Lake 2018 Road Glide

Anne Marie Des Moines 2009 Suzuki Boulevard â&#x20AC;&#x153;Ponyâ&#x20AC;?

We want you on our pages! If you are an Iowa Girl of Thunder, send us a quality image, your name, year and model of bike, and where you are from to: vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com

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Volunteer firefighters are a huge part of the heart and soul of many small towns across Iowa. These dedicated men and women volunteer their time to serve their communities and do so with very little or no compensation at all. Many departments also have some sort of fundraisers that help to fund vehicle and equipment needs. The Kimballton Fire Department is no exception to this. Currently KFD is raising funds to replace a 1980 fire truck. Many departments are in the same boat and need your help. Help support your local fire and rescue departments by participating in their fundraisers and community events. The money that is raised helps to update and purchase much needed equipment. Thanks to Jessica for helping make this calendar page a much prettier version of Firefighter Red.

by more day drinking, rinse, repeat and I am still an asshole. That is, unless I find a way to deal with it in a healthier manner…which happens to be my bike. The highway is an open Riding for Ridi f redemption, d i clearing l i out the h darkness d k sanctuary, one where nobody is here to judge me, belittle me, get under my skin, tell me what I am always doing wrong, It doesn’t need to be dark for us to sometimes find darkness. cloud my vision and kill my dreams. That doesn’t happen It’s weird on how “darkness” seems to hit some people and on the road, with the wind pressing against my headband. never other people, ever notice that? Look, writing 101, the When you’re riding, you are one with that machine, it flows first thing you are ever taught is to never start your article, with your body and if you have a bike that you love to ride, your book, magazine or freaking commercial for that matter, you don’t have to think about it, you just do it. Machine with a question. It’s the easy way out, it’s simplistic in nature and body working as one. Ask yourself, how many times and it shows a lack of imagination concerning setting up the have you been on your bike, maybe it’s a road you’ve been storyline of whatever prose you are about to expose. Hah, on so many times, you know where every crack is, where cheesy ass poetic justice right there, even if I was the only every curve is, where the ruts have formed in the black top, one that giggled. which areas sometimes collect a pool of water, or worse, loose gravel. You close your eyes now and you can picture We all know people that just smile perfection and no matter exactly the road I am talking about, your road. How many what they are facing, no matter what the trouble, no mattimes when the darkness has crept in have you spun down ter what the situation, they can find a sliver of hope and can that chuck of pavement and felt it all go away while not even meet whatever daunting task they are facing with a smile. thinking how you made that ride? They are sweet, have an air of confidence and innocence around them that can brighten the darkest of days. You sit It happens…it is a vice, our addiction, our drug. The need to back, sometimes in annoyance, and you wonder how in the ride is more than just a status symbol more than something Sam Hell they do that day after day, after day! cool to do. It’s what centers us in our own personal universe. The need to ride, that need for adventure, that pull of the My spousal unit is like that, in spades. She always is good, therapeutic road to clear the cobwebs and the darkness, to smiles, helpful, and thankfully drama free. She is great at stop us from turning to other vices, well, at least OVERDOgoing with the flow and putting out a level of positive vibes ING those vices, the pull of the machine is what can help us that makes it appear like she’s never had a bad day. Sure she from always being an asshole. does, everybody does, but you would never know it from looking at her. That is why maybe I have more darkness now; it’s been, as the kids say, a fortnight, since I have had any meaningful I am, however, not that way. Not in the least. I usually have saddle time. The past winter was a bitch, at least for me. A one mood…foul. Sure I can laugh, giggle, make people few of the “warm” days that called me out, the roads were smile but underneath, I am pretty much an asshole. I find it just a bit shitty yet, or the real life stuff got in the way of my easy to be one. therapy or whatever the reason was, but I got zero riding in for three months in a row and that is a lot of damn darkness I have always kind of figured that is why people have vices, that needs to get filtered out. Before I turn to more damagto deal with the darkness in our lives. If you’re curious that ing ways, and those are never any good! I will be out riding this point, what in the hell it has to do with Thunder Roads soon enough, Mother Nature will turn and turn quickly, and Magazine of Iowa and the great publication you have your then my time will come around. mitts on now, let me tell you. I look at it this way, I know a couple of poor bastards that I really think that the darkness that creeps in our life, the bought new bikes this winter and they have been sitting there shadows that sometimes pollute our hearts, minds, and souls the entire time! I know that pain amigos, and it sucks! is cleansed (at least a little bit) by getting the F out of Dodge and burning up some highway. How many times when life We will get through this together. We have to. After all, seems to be kicking in you in the collective crotch region what other choice do we have, right? I really don’t MEAN has wind therapy been exactly what the doctor has ordered? to always be in a bad mood, it just seems to happen now and We all get it, right? Shit keeps piling up, be it bills, the boss, again, and it happens more it seems when I am unable to maybe a business deal that just won’t click, a relationship, ride. the list goes on and on and on but it can affect each of other in a different manner. Who knows, maybe my wife is on to something and a few bottles of wine with an all weekend hangover would right Let’s not look at riding as a “vice” perhaps, but every now the ship and I can be as warm, caring, and smiley as she and again when the darkness creeps up, we can make choices always is! on which path to follow right? We can choose to go for a ride and clear our collective melons, or we can let it continue to Nah, nobody would fall for that. You can put a new coat of build and build until we need to find an escape from whatev- paint on an old barn, but you still have an old barn. I will just er it is that is pushing us down the path to dealing with shit. do my best to maintain until I can ride. And perhaps try some new bourbons. Some folks, like, well my wife for example, when the pressure builds, a bottle of wine or some shots, a shitty all day Todd “Crash” Davis hangover and soon she’s right as rain, whereas for me, it’s shots, beer, a bottle of bourbon, a shitty hangover, followed Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook www.thunderroadsiowa.com 22 - TRMI MARCH 2019

Here we are rolling into March and in Iowa, ABATE in 2019. This year will be a great rally with amazing is just wrapping up our lobby day at the State bands all weekend (13 bands in all) featuring our Capital. After our visit, the state Senators and headliners, LOCASH on Saturday night and Quit Representatives know where we Riot on Friday night. stand on the motorcycle It promises to be issues that have been another great brought up so far time at the this year and they Freedom Rally. know that we will be You can even get keeping an eye on your tickets now them to protect the online at the ABATE rights of Motorcyclists Freedom Rally website. in Iowa. We also are getting Remember to join ABATE ready for warmer weather and and ask what you can do to the riding season. While you are help the motorcyclists of Iowa. getting your bike ready to ride this spring, you also might want to think David Duffy “Duff” about getting yourself ready to ride. State Coordinator A good way to do this is by taking a ABATE of Iowa rider education class. This will help brush up on your skills from the long winter and may even help fix any bad habits that you might have developed over the years. On the other hand, maybe you’re looking at getting your first bike this spring and want to get the skills you need for being out on the road. ABATE of Iowa can help you with both of these with our rider education classes. We have them geared towards the beginner, returning rider, and experienced rider, and we even have a class for trikes. We are working on our great summer party, The ABATE of Iowa Freedom Rally just outside of Algona Iowa on July 4th, 5th, and 6th Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook

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Have you been keeping your eyes on all the new bikes debuting in 2019? To be totally honest, I haven’t, and here is why…the list of “new and improved” models seems neverending. This year on the table is something for everyone, whether you are in to sport bikes, touring models, and big in 2019 are electric bikes. So, whether you are into classic bikes, or new age adventure bikes, 2019 may just be your year. Now the whole idea of an electric motorcycle is a little eccentric to me, so I think I will take a few minutes to share a few of them that caught my attention. First up, the HarleyDavidson Livewire. Harley has had the rumblings of an electric bike for quite a while now, but after years of development and testing, it actually looks like the Livewire is finally ready. Interested buyers can even pre-order online for a starting price of $29,799. While Harley

has released some basic information regarding its first electric model, like the estimated all-electric range has been set at 110 miles, and will be able to reach 60 miles per hour in about 3.5 seconds, the company has yet to provide all-inclusive specs on the bike. Harley did, however, bring the bike to Milan to introduce the Livewire to the world. While questions remain, what we do know is that the Livewire will come equipped with 7 riding modes, anti-lock Brembo brakes, traction control, and its acceleration will be delivered by a permanent magnet electric motor. Now, the big question is, after 4 years of preparing for its release, will the Livewire be up to snuff with the competition in the fast-paced electric industry? According to HarleyDavidson we will soon find out for ourselves. Up next is the Tarform. This new motorcycle company is based in New York City and Stockholm, Sweden and has recently announced its first model. This company is unique in the fact that it takes the environmental approach to a whole new level. Not only is the new e-bike electric, but the company actually uses 3-D

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printed components as well as biomaterials in its production. Tarform plans on putting the new bike on the market by the late 2019. As of writing this, the model has no name, but aesthetically appears to be b inspired by the classic c café racer. It is expected to offer a 75-mile travel range, but no top speed has been shared with the public yet. However, the price tag has been set, with a regular unit costing you $18,000 and the collectors’ edition will set you back $28,000. It is available for pre-order now if you want to add one to your collection. Finally, lets sneak a peek at the Arc Vector. Also unveiled at EICMA in Milan, the Arc Vector brings the future of motorcycling to us now. This electric bike caught my eye, because it is a beast, boasting an incredible 124 mile per hour top speed and a range of up to 170 miles in the city. Pretty impressive, but that’s not all that’s notable about it. This model is built on a

monocoque structure rather than an ordinary tubular frame, it is fitted with a carbon fiber wishbone front suspension, and Brembo brakes. Purchasers of the Vector also receive a helmet and riding jacket that are specially designed to “communicate” with the motorcycle. The helmet comes equipped with many features, including head up display, navigation, and a rearview camera. The jacket is able to communicate tactile information to the rider (obstacles are identified by a vibration or a gentle tap on the rider’s shoulder). Sound like something straight out of a science fiction movie, but it is happening today. That is, if you have the cash to cover its $117,000 price tag. If you do, better act fast, as they are only anticipating rolling out 399 units in their first year of production. With so many options to choose from in the twowheel world, it is easy to spend hours researching the options. Whether you choose to opt for a model with 3-D printed parts, or an old school knuck, the basic premise remains the same…get out and ride. Melanie J Schwarte

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his month, TRMI would like to give a shout out to Christopher Greteman from Glidden, Iowa and take a few moments to say thank you, Christopher, for protecting our freedoms! Christopher chose to spend his time serving as a member of the Iowa Army National Guard. With a rank of Specialist E4 and primary MOS of 11B Infantry, he was an active member from September of 1999 through September of 2012.

hristopher has had several family members who also spent time in the armed forces. His Grandpa served in World War II, and he also had an uncle who served during Vietnam. Christopher’s brother Matt happened to be in Afghanistan at the same time he was from 2010-2011. In addition to the men in his family, Christopher also had a couple of Aunts who served during peacetime, and another Aunt who was stationed in Iraq at the same time he was deployed in Afghanistan. Christopher has spent quite a bit of time in the sand, as he went to Afghanistan in 2004 - 2005 as part of a Force Protection Team at Parwan PRT at Bagram Air Base, and then again in 2010 - 2011 at COP Herrera Paktika Province.

hristopher has always had a taste for the two wheel lifestyle and the only thing that ever really hampered that was his deployments or training missions for the military. Before he bought his Softtail hot off the showroom floor from our friends at Zylstra Harley-Davidson in Ames, Christopher could be seen cruising around on his dad’s 1996 Sportster 1200. When asked why he chose the Softtail, Christopher said that he, “always liked the kind of old school stretched out look that the Softails have, plus the wide 200mm tire.” Good call Christopher… we like those lines too. 28 - TRMI MARCH 2019

espite loving the bike he purchased, at the close of summer last year he started the tedious process of picking out a paint scheme and replacing the tins. In addition to adding some new color, he is also considering adding a fairing and some hard bags down the road. The end goal is to ensure that his bike stands out from the crowd, as a stellar ride unlike any other on the road. Those additions sure would make long trips down the road a little easier in some of Iowa’s unpredictable weather conditions! hristopher has quite a few friends that like to get out and ride, including his little brother, and some veteran brothers as well. In the past he has been a member of his local Legion Riders Group, but moving forward he wants to focus on getting out and about as much as possible on poker runs, and some weekend trips with friends.

hile he says that he got to “drive a lot of badass military vehicles, and see other cultures up close and personal” while in the military, there is not much that compares to being out on two wheels. Well, Christopher, we at TRMI are grateful for your service and hope that you spend every warm day out on two wheels, soaking up the local Biker culture on that badass ride of your own!

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M M I

elanie J Schwarte elanie@thunderroadsiowa.com

f you or someone you know would like to be featured as a military rider on the pages of TRMI, please email us at the address above!

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The Full Nelson 205 West 2nd Street Halbur, IA 51444 712-658-2425 Tues-Thurs - 11:00 AM – 9:00 PM, Fri-Sat – 11:00 AM – 10:00 PM, Sun – 9:00 AM – 2:00 PM

Their menu has quite a wide variety from appetizers to entrée’s with BBQ, salads and sandwiches in between. I started out with an order of their homemade onion rings for an appetizer. They are sweet and very delicious, served with a cup of ranch dressing for dipping (they are great with or without the dressing!). As I stated I selected the namesake dish The Full Nelson. This is a three sandwich combo of any combination of their awesome BBQ. I chose to have one of each of their meat selections, pulled pork, shredded chuck, and shredded chicken. These meats were all three tender with an amazing BBQ flavor! They were each served on a brioche bun and had sides of cowboy beans and coleslaw. The beans appeared to be your run-ofthe-mill BBQ beans until that first taste! WOW!!!!! These are anything but run-of-the-mill!!!! They have a very tangy, smoky flavor, unlike any I have tasted before! The coleslaw is also tangy with a unique flavor of its own! Lynnette chose the prime rib which was one of the specials of the evening. They have different specials each lunch and dinner. If you don’t see them listed on the advertising boards ask your waitress. Her prime rib had a zesty rub on the outside edge which was tangy and tasty! She ordered it medium and it was tender, flavorful and done to order. She also had sides of a salad and hashbrowns. The hashbrowns were done crispy (her favorite!) with onions on top which added a sweet touch. Her appraisal of the hashbrowns was “They’re the best I’ve ever had!”

When I was in school I was never much into wrestling. The main exposure I had was during physical education and the instruction there was rudimentary at best! I got more exposure as two of my sons were high school wrestlers. I still don’t know everything about the sport but one term I have been familiar with since my junior high school gym days is “the full nelson” since The Full Nelson… great food, helpful people I had it used on and a friendly atmosphere. Don’t be afraid of me numerous the name, the only wrestling involved is trying times!!!! To say to wrestle it left a major imwith the pression on me is the understatement of the quantity of century!!!!! When I heard the suggestion of food delivtrying a restaurant named The Full Nelson ered to your all those horrible memories came flooding table!!!! back! This was the first time I was more apprehensive than excited about visiting a Until next new eating establishment! Well, I survived time, Ride with no ill effects and actually found the Safe and Eat food quite delicious! They actually have a Hearty! meal named The Full Nelson and it’s what I selected to eat! How’s that for facing As always one’s fears! More on that in a minute. If if you have you are going with a group of more than some place two or three you may want to consider in your neck calling ahead for a reservation. It’s not an of the woods overly large building and although there are you think we several tables and booths and a bar, they fill would enjoy up quickly on a busy night! For being in a shoot me small town they sure do draw a big crowd! an email at Not only will that phone number get you a reservation but craig@thunderroadsiowa.com that very same number will also get you a takeout order and catering if you prefer! 30 - TRMI MARCH 2019

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Painters Tape for Every Motorcycle Okay, the headline is misleading. I’m not advocating rolls of painters tape for EVERY motorcycle. This isn’t the Red Green show. I am saying you should consider carrying a roll in a saddle bag or somewhere on your motorcycle for use when you need it. And, no, I’m NOT saying this is in case you need to apply a mask as part of an emergency application of painted flames to your gas tank.

by extending our arms and using our supernatural handshielding-the-sun-abilities to see the road and not the glare. Blue painters tape applied to the bottom of the clear flip-up helmet shield acts as a sun visor blocking the glare of the low sun. By using tape I’m able to adjust my new “sun visor” into proper position and keep going---safely--- with both hands on the handlebars.

Why am I making this suggestion? Sunrise and sunset is a normal “thing”. So is the sun lining up twice a year to blind us on our favorite east/west roads. Recently, I’ve found painters tape applied to my motorcycle helmet flip-up shield an eye saver at sunrise and sunset. What? Painters tape on my helmet? Let me explain. We all have experienced that low sun-inthe-sky blinding glare. Motorcycle riding is not a Bird Box activity! So, most of us have tried to keep going Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook

Hold on here! Doesn’t a couple of strips of blue tape on your helmet shield make you look stupid? Only if you keep it on your helmet forever. Painters tape does come off and it comes off easily without damaging your helmet. I recommend applying the tape only when the sun demands its use. Added bonus: you now have the ability to safely tape poker run stops to your tank for easy reference. This tip can help you win money and fabulous prizes. The other application will simply keep you from rear-ending beer trucks and semis. Squirrel away painters tape somewhere on your bike. I think you’ll like having it to use.

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What do you call picking up a brunette from a bar? BrownBagging it.

lawyer interrupted again and said, “Your la Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now Michael: Why you white several weeks after the accident he is guys always so happy? Casey: trying to sue my client. I believe he is Because I make love to my wife a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer every morning before work. the the question.” By this time, the Judge Michael: Say whaaat? You get her er was w s fairly wa fa interested in Clyde’s answer and to make love EVERY morning? Ho How w said said tto o th tthee lawyer, “I’d like to hear what he has to do you do that? Casey: It’s easy, I ju just st say saay about ab his favorite cow, Bessie”. Clyde say a poem, women love poems aand nd thanked th han a the Judge and proceeded. “Well, as will fall for them all the time. MiiiI was w saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my chael: Ok, what kind of poem favorite favo fa vo cow, into the trailer and was drivcan you say to make her make ing ing her down the highway when this huge love every morning? Casey: I semi-truck sem se m and trailer ran the stop sign and say, “blonde hair, blonde hair, eyes yes smacked sma sm a my John Deer Tractor right in the of blue, I love to wake up and make akee ak side si side. de.. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie de love to you. Michael: HAHAAA A sshe he was was thrown th into the other. I was hurting, real falls for that? Casey: yes you should try bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could it. NEXT DAY TYRONE COMES IN WITH BLACK EYE hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she FAT LIP AND A TOOTH MISSING. Casey: What hapwas in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the pened to you? Michael: Well, I said a poem to my wife and accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could she didn’t like it. Casey: She didn’t like it??? What did you hear Bessie moaning and groaning, so he went over to her. say? Michael: ”Nappy head, nappy head, eyes like a frog, if After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took I could roll your fat ass over I would do you like a dog”. out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, “How are you feeling?” “Now tell me, what the A ventriloquist is telling Irish jokes in Davy Byrne’s pub in heck would you say?” Grafton Street, Dublin, when, O’Leary, an irate Irishman stands up shouting, ‘You’re making out we’re all dumb and stupid. I oughtta punch you in the nose.’ The ventriloquist What’s the definition of a surprise? A fart with a lump in it. starts to apologize, ‘I’m sorry sir, I...........’ ‘Not you,’ says Two Irish mothers, Kate and Lorna were talking about their O’Leary, ‘I’m talking to that little fella on your knee.’ sons. Kate says, “My Patrick is such a saint. He works hard, doesn’t smoke, and he hasn’t so much as looked at a woman in over two years.” Lorna responds, “Well, my A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where Francis is a saint himself. Not only has he not looked at a she selected: A half-gallon of 2% milk, A carton of eggs, A woman in over three years, but he hasn’t touched a drop of quart of orange juice, A head of romaine lettuce, A 2 lb. can liquor in all that time.” “My word,” says Kate, “You must of coffee, And a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unload- be so proud.” “I am”, announces Lorna, “And when he’s ing her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk paroled next month, I’m going to throw him a big party.” standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front Got an e-mail today from a “bored housewife 33, looking of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purfor some action!” I sent her my ironing, that’ll keep her chases, the drunk calmly stated, “You must be single.” The busy. woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw noth- One day a man decided to retire...He booked himself on a ing particularly unusual about her selections that could have Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting that is, until the ship sank. He soon found himself on an isthe better of her, she said “Well, you know what, you’re ab- land with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only banansolutely correct, but how on earth did you know that?” The as and coconuts. After about four months, he is lying on the drunk replied, “Cause you’re ugly.” beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore. In disbelief, he asks, “Where did you come from? How did you get here?” She replies, A farmer named Clyde had a tractor accident. In court, the “I rowed over from the other side of the island where I trucking company’s fancy hot shot lawyer, was questionlanded when my fishing boat sank.” “Amazing,” he notes. ing Clyde. “Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, “You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with ‘I’m fine,’?” asked the lawyer. Clyde responded, “Well, I’ll you.” “Oh, this ol’ thing?” explains the woman. “I made tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite cow, the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. Bessie, into the...” “I didn’t ask for any details”, the lawyer The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the interrupted. “Just answer the question, ...please. Did you, or bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine!’?” came from a Eucalyptus tree.” “But, where did you get the Clyde said, “Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer tools?” “Oh, that was no problem,” replied the woman. behind the tractor and I was driving down the road....” The “On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of 34 - TRMI MARCH 2019

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alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in a volcanic vent I found just down island, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware.” The guy is stunned. “Let’s row over to my place,” she says “and I’ll give you a tour.” So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small hand built wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, Its not much, but I call it home. Please sit down.” “Would you like a drink?” “No! No thank you,” the man blurts out, still dazed. “I can’t take another drop of coconut juice.” “Oh, it’s not coconut juice,” winks the woman. “I have a still. How would you like a Jack Daniels neat?” Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, “I’m going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There’s a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs.” No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism. “This woman is amazing,” he muses. “What’s next?” When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but a bandana around her blonde locks and some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned. She smelled faintly of coconut oil. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her. “Tell me,” she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, “We’ve both been out here for many months. You must have been lonely. When was the last time you had a really good ride?” She stares into his eyes. He can’t believe what he’s hearing. “You mean...” he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes, “You’ve built a Motorcycle?”

A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it’ll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn’t the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, “Looks like you blew a seal.” “No,” the penguin insists, “it’s just ice cream.” Crowded elevators smell different to midgets. A young Irishman sat at a pub in the New World drinking beer and conversin’ with the barkeep. Another comes in and sits beside him. He says, “How you do” and hears the lilt and says “You be Irish?” “ Yes I am.” The first man yells, “Barkeep, give us another round and one for my friend here he’s from the mother country as well.” The second man asks, “So where in the old country ye from?” “Dublin.” responds the first. “Dublin you say, so am I!” And the second man hollers, “Barkeep, bring us another round and a shot of your best Irish Whiskey for me and my friend here.” Afterwards the first man asks from where in Dublin and the second man responds with the street and the first man says, “Well I’ll be - so am I!” He yells to the barkeep for another pair of beers and Irish Whiskey for them both. The phone behind the bar rings and the barkeep answers it. The owner of the pub asks the barkeep how business is. The barkeep responds, “Not too bad. The O’Malley twins are here getting drunk again.” A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, “Anything you say can and will be held against you.” The man replies, “Boobs!”

What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.

I saw six men kicking and punching my mother-in-law. My neighbor said ““Aren’t you going to help?” I said “No, six should be enough.”

What’s worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? Finding out it was traced.

If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.

What is Moby Dick’s dad’s name? Papa Boner.

The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I’d like to masturbate in the cup. I said, “Well, I’m pretty good, but I don’t think I’m ready to compete just yet.”

A family was driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumped against the windshield. Embarrassed, and to spare her young son’s innocence, the mother turns around and says, “Don’t worry, dear. That was just an insect.” “Wow,” the boy replies. “I’m surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!” A man goes to a $10 prostitute and contracts crabs. When he goes back to complain, she laughs and says, “What do you expect for ten dollars? Lobster?” Owls always look like they just saw a penis for the first time. Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook

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36 - TRMI MARCH 2019

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From: American Motorcycling July 1951 38 - TRMI MARCH 2019

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Feb 26 Mar 2 Mar 3 Mar 8-10 Mar 8-17 Mar 9 Mar 10 Mar 15-17 Mar 16 Mar 16 Mar 23 Mar 23-24 Mar 30 Mar 30 Mar 31 Apr 1-30 Apr 6-7 Apr 13 Apr 13 Apr 19-20 Apr 20 Apr 20 Apr 27 Apr 27 May 3-5 May 3-4 May 4 May 4 May 4 May 4 May 4 May 4 May 9-11 May 11 May 11 May 11 May 18 May 18 May 18 May 18 May 19 May 19 May 23-27 May 24-26 May 26 May 26 Jun 1 Jun 1 Jun 1 Jun 2 Jun 7-8 Jun 8 Jun 8 Jun 8 Jun 8 Jun 8 Jun 8 Jun 8 Jun 8 Jun 14-15 Jun 14-16 Jun 14-16 Jun 15 Jun 15 Jun 15 Jun 15 Jun 15 Jun 15 Jun 15 Jun 21-22 Jun 21-22

ABATE of Iowa Lobby Day Des Moines Bikes at the Brewery Motorcycle Show LaCrosse, WI Parts Girl Promotions Swap Meet Cedar Rapids World of Wheels Chicago Daytona Bike Week Daytona, FL B.A.C.A. Central Iowa Flippy Cup Tourney West Des Moines Wild Wade’s High Performance Swap Meet/Trade Show Des Moines World of Wheels Omaha Steffens Cycle Open House Atlantic Kiss Me I’m Iowaish Ride and St. Patrick’s Day Parade Big Barn HD Des Moines HOG Chapter 1362 Garage Party Metro HD Cedar Rapids 32nd Annual Donnie Smith Bike Show St Paul, MN Raccoon Valley Powersports Garage/Mancave Tour Jefferson Summer Ride Kickoff Event Big Barn HD Des Moines 14th Annual Hill Blazers Hill Climb Logan B.A.C.A. Child Abuse Awareness Month Everywhere 33rd Annual North Iowa Expo Mason City Fashion Show Big Barn HD Des Moines ABATE D14 TGIS Hedrick Rumble In The Sand Outlaw Street Drags Conesville Bike Blessing Rt 65 HD Indianola ABATE D4 55 Degree Ride Des Moines Spring Hog Roast Zylstra HD Ames Blessing of the Bikes Big Barn HD Des Moines Rally in the Hills LHHD Pacific Junction Vintage Torque Fest Dubuque 8th Annual Sleeping Angels Fun Run Boone Sleeping Angels Foundation Bike Drawing Boone Pancake Breakfast Metro HD Cedar Rapids Cedar Rapids Chrome Divas Awareness Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids ABATE 4 Two Wheel Trauma Training Des Moines Blessing of The Riders Legion Riders Post 111 Newton Tent Event Big Barn HD Des Moines Mean Machine Cycle Parts “Spring Smokeout” Elkhart F&J Racing 24th Annual Blessing of the Bikes Marshalltown PGI Riders “Blessing of the Bikes” Metro HD Cedar Rapids Annual Children’s Hospital & Medical Center Motorcycle Awareness Fun Run Council Bluffs B.A.C.A. (all chapters) Annual 100 Mile Ride Everywhere Chrome For Kids Event for the Boys and Girls Club of Cedar Rapids ABATE D4 Bike Show/Smoke Off/Ride Big Barn HD Des Moines Alisha’s Memorial Ride for Iowa Donor Network Cedar Rapids Iowa Thunder Ride Des Moines Redneck Revival Conesville CVMA 39-5 APR Keosauqua Midway Tavern’s Neal Denny Memorial Poker Run Soldier Rolling Thunder XXXII “Ride for Freedom” Across the US to Washington DC Harley-Davidson of Carroll Rock –N- Ride Carroll Ride for Darcy Metro HD Cedar Rapids 10th Annual Ride With Levi Poker Run Keokuk Motorcycle Hill Climb Anamosa Midwest Victory Rally The Vic Shop De Soto 11th Annual Bell Tower Festival Poker Run, Tour Rides, & Bike Show Jefferson Ride for a Cure Metro HD Cedar Rapids Audubon Fire & Rescue Association Poker Run Audubon Baxter Cycle Spring Open House Marne Seu-Mos Annual Ride Grinnell 4th Annual Ride for the Kids Sioux City Dream Team-Matt Brooks Benefit Ride & Rally Des Moines ABATE D4 Charity Ride Des Moines Spring Open House Big Barn HD Des Moines Rumble In The Sand Outlaw Street Drags Conesville NW Lakes Tripod Trikers 8th Annual Trike-In Spencer TJ Evans Memorial Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids Joni’s Roast and Ride Big Barn HD Des Moines Swap Meet Big Barn HD Des Moines CVMA 39-4 Annual Patriots Ride (APR) Davenport 6th Annual Hometown Heroes Memorial Ride Rockwell City 3rd Annual Suicide Prevention Poker Run Mason City 7th Annual Chasin’ Tails Fun Run Roland Across Iowa on Motorcycles Larchwood ABATE D14 34th Annual Anniversary Party What Cheer

40 - TRMI MARCH 2019

Jun 22 Jun 22 Jun 22 Jun 22 Jun 23 Jun 29 Jun 29 Jun 29 Jun 29-30 Jul 4-6 Jul 5 Jul 6 Jul 6 Jul 6

ABATE D14 35th Annual Baldy Memorial Fremont Heroes Ride Legion Riders Post 46 Marshalltown 1st Annual First Responders Tribute Ride Clinton Sugar Run Metro HD Cedar Rapids 3rd Annual 620 Golf Outing Metro HD Cedar Rapids Paws and Effect Legion Riders Post 46 Marshalltown 9th An Vintage Rally National Motorcycle Museum Anamosa Chains Interupted Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids J&P Cycles Iowa Rally Anamosa ABATE of Iowa Freedom Rally Algona Cruise In at the Park Coal Valley, IL Road Not Taken Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids 12th Annual Freeman Ride Avoca 4th Annual Coal Valley Days Motorcycle & Car Show Coal Valley, IL Jul 13 13th Annual Angel Ride to Save the TaTas Fort Dodge Jul 13 3rd Annual PGI Riders Poker Run Metro HD Cedar Rapids Jul 20 St Judes Children’s Research Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids Jul 20 Ride For Time w/Friends of Mine Baxter Jul 20 Thank the Seals Ride(s) Burlington AND Big Barn HD Des Moines Jul 27 FUEL Cleveland OH Jul 27 Christmas in July Scavenger Hunt J&P Cycles Anamosa Jul 27 Union Solidarity Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids Jul 27 Teufelhund Christmas in July for Toys 4 Tots Anamosa Aug 2-11 79th Annual Black Hills Party South Dakota Aug 3 CVMA Chapter 39-2 APR Metro HD Cedar Rapids Aug 10 LT Ride for Babies Metro HD Cedar Rapids Aug 11 2nd Annual Rumble to Recovery Metro HD Cedar Rapids Aug 17 IAFF Local 4906-MDA 3rd Annual Poker Run Loess Hills HD Pacific Junction Aug 17 3rd Annual Joyces Joyride Metro HD Cedar Rapids Aug 17-18 Baxter Cycle Open House and Motorcycle Auction Marne Aug 18 Cruisin’ For a Cure Systic Fibrosis Benefit Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids Aug 23-25 15th Annual BTW Trike In Kellogg Aug 24 Summer Celebration Big Barn HD Des Moines Aug 24 Kyle’s Mile 6 Suicide/ Bullying Prevention Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids Aug 24 A&W American Legion Car & Motorcycle Show Lester Aug 24 Hell On Wheels Chopper Show Franklin Aug 24 Wiota Fire Department Poker Run Wiota Aug 29-Sep 2 Redneck Revival Conesville Aug 31-Sep 2 Midway Tavern Soldier Valley Run, BBQ, Street Dance Soldier Aug 31 22 Kill Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids Sep 6-7 Demo Days Big Barn HD Des Moines Sep 6-8 VROOM Vintage Riders of Old Motorcycles Mississippi to Missouri Rivers Sep 7 Teufelhund Veterans Group Support Ride Anamosa/Cedar Rapids Sep 7 2nd Annual HeidRide - Riding Out Multiple Sclerosis (EAST) Metro HD Cedar Rapids Sep 7 2nd Annual HeidRide - Riding Out Multiple Sclerosis (WEST) Big Barn HD Des Moines Sep 7 ABATE D4 Die Hard Run Des Moines Sep 8 Motorcycle Hill Climb Anamosa Sep 12 Metro Motor Madness 620 Foundation Motorcycle Drawing Metro HD Cedar Rapids Sep 13 Friday the 13th Event Big Barn HD Des Moines Sep 13-15 SLR Association State Line Rally Keosauqua Sep 19 Coal Valley Days Fall Fest Cruise In Coal Valley, IL Sep 20-22 Rumble In The Sand Outlaw Street Drags Conesville Sep 21 Endless Brotherhood Support Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids Sep 21 Coal Valley Days Fall Fest Motorcycle & Car Show Coal Valley, IL Sep 25-28 Bikes, Blues, BBQ Fayetteville, AR Oct 10 620 Foundation Check Presentation Walford via Metro HD Cedar Rapids Oct 12 Gentleman’s Ride for Waypoint’s Gentleman Campaign Cedar Rapids Oct 13 ABATE D4 Toy Run Des Moines Oct 18-19 Rumble In The Sand Outlaw Street Drags Conesville Oct 20 ABATE D3 Toy Run Atlantic Oct 26 Halloween Spooktacular Big Barn HD Des Moines Nov 8-9 Veteran’s Day Event Big Barn HD Des Moines Nov 8-10 ABATE of Iowa Steam Marshalltown Nov 29 Black Friday at Metro HD Cedar Rapids Nov 29 Black Friday Big Barn HD Des Moines Dec 14 Holiday Open House Big Barn HD Des Moines Dec 15 ABATE D3 Christmas Party Atlantic

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