The illness of a body in a century

Illness of a body in a century The body is something that is given to us. We are born with a body or the body is born with us.

(When we realize we are us and not I). Maybe we are not one but several in the same body.

When you first see your reflection in the mirror, at that moment, you are not just one but two.

We wish to believe that we are no longer alone because it makes us feel less lonely but as Britney Spears sings

My loneliness is killing me (and I) I must confess I still believe (still believe) When I'm not with you I lose my mind Give me a sign, Hit me, baby, one more time Sometimes we simply want other's attention because our loneliness is killing us or maybe we just want our body to respond for our feelings? Or maybe we just want to be moved by emotions? Or maybe we are just dying and this scare the shit out of us?

We are sick of others.

Seeking a moment for others to get a moment for us.

Seeking others to sick us.

We live in the age of caring and healing us first from the toxic environments we force ourselves to inhabit. We were never asked to live in this world but since it's comfortable, we stay and look for a more suitable place to exist. Sadly, this is not an option for all of us.

In some places, others feel like a threat and life is not as easy as it seems, because of dogmas and securities of other's beliefs that are not ours. Archaic precepts that entrench the grounds of our society, since so long ago, that the smallest change is a threat.

We are afraid of the new, not exactly the new but what is different. We like to see each other like mirrors and listen to dramas we could relate to because we have the answers to those kinds of scenarios. Entangled to the things we know or to look like we know and we do (sometimes), but everything it’s so subjective at the end‌ Although, sometimes we should appreciate the fact that we don't have answers but questions and more questions and sometimes there is no answer but connections in our mind about things we should have never thought before. I guess it is risky for us to challenge society because we (queer and nonconforming spirits, but also people who dare) put our bodies and us in the first line to get butchered, but if we don't, then who? To experiment is to repossess the corps that has been stolen from ourselves and take away the credence to those things that are supposed to legitimise us, but can’t because, we belong to ourselves first.

“One person's freedom ends where another's begins”, says an old but not so old French saying.

We are all full of freedom but for so long the heteronormative body, the capitalowestenrfalseliberal thinking and the economy of humanproductivity take too much permissions on our bodies. We need to start thinking about our bodies and how to get to them, how to know them, how to control them, how to repossess them.i We live surrounded by broken people, broken souls, broken pasts, heartbroken people from probably broken milieu. We cannot repair the past and what was done, but we can reconfigure new ways of making present. It's difficult to change habits because we were born with them but we can learn to get naked and accept that we are what we see, just a body and the realisation of an actual I, that becomes Us (because I+my body=Us).ii We were born with the illness. The illness of the others that surrounds us. Illness that is long and painful and to get rid of it we need first to acknowledge that we have something that is damaging us (but when it has been there forever, how do we know that it is what it is? And how to know that it doesn’t come from us, but from what is around us) An illness that was maybe there forever and that we can’t detect as easy because we are lazy and we need to take time to detach ourselves from what made us and surround us to accept and do something about it.iii I started to touch myself when I was very young and then to know my body was essential to me. One day, I masturbated next to a female body and she taught me how to breathe while masturbating. Then, I realized while fucking with another female body that every-body used to keep the breath and let it all out at once. Like if a gigantic force were to come out of the vagina like a black hole eating all of space. It said a lot about the body;

repression ∩ compression × depression ∪ expression Maybe we should all talk about all the things that are in us that we would like to take out because we need to take them out. Maybe being fragile will be okay for a moment, maybe we should tell our secrets because we had enough of containing, of good appearances, of distancing ourselves from others therefore from ourselves. Sometimes we need to show, not all is shiny saliva and golden showers.

To tell how to get here is a process of accepting that we are a body and ourselves too, we inhabit a body that can be whatever we want, we carry a home, we carry a vehicle, a being with all the possibilities that this be-ing can have in the world.

We should maybe ditch behaviours that are no good for us and take new ones.

Time is running so fast, we need to think about getting healed as soon as possible.

The more and more kids are realizingiv, the curse and the struggles each one has to bear, the more and more we realize that we need one and other’s sustainability (because everything seems so fucked up inside that at least outside should be more liveable and vice-versa) the more we realise that the illness has always been there.

We are the broken generation that heals itself in order to have a healthier generation after us, or maybe not.v We are maybe the generation who decided not to procreate and to defy the ways in which families and bounds are made. We are the kids of the generation that believe in

other forms, other possibilities because we are the ones who actually practice those kinds of possibilities. We are the sick and tired but, at least, we are here and we are queer and ready to mingle with all kind of presuppositions and propositions to be done. We are ready to sacrifice and to show that things are not in our time anymore and that maybe power should be given to those who -money and success and carriers- are not goals anymore but the prosper of healthy and soldered communities where all you give and take is love, tenderness and comprehension. If we only had that in the first place, life maybe wouldn't be other than living without illness but knowing that you can get sick.

To talk about how we feel and how we are to make the first path to commitment with one another. To be sincere with the things that make us, us. To be held responsible for us first and then for each other. To be our own doctors, to talk to people, to derogate other’s positions on us because they don’t spend time with us, they don’t know us. Healing is a matter of time; it’s a process that can’t be summarized in just one pill or one consultation or touch. It will take years for the earth to recover from the damage we have made to her. Imagine how long will we need to heal all the generations of bodies that were before us and all the traumas you need to repair to have a place for something to grow in proper conditions. We are finally taking action on what makes us, us, by questioning and repositioning ourselves in the spectrum of the civilization.

People no longer agree because their bodies don’t fit well with the environment anymore.

We are getting away from the vegetative state to a passive stagnation to get to an activated recovery process.

Reset to get set to asset and not to regret.

Because we need it.

Advice, from your lovable Doctor, Luz de Amor: Go to see a similar body and ask about the things that affect both, there is no better doctor than time and talk, listening and researching, reset and love. And if you don’t know the answer to your question then read a book about anatomy and if, you are brave enough you will touch yourself and talk about you and your body to help others to get the information and the answers for others to make the connections that you couldn’t make by yourself but together. i

Pharmaco-pornographic Politics: Towards a New Gender Ecology, Paul .B Preciado, 2008 Some reflections on the Ego, Jacques Lacan, 1953 iii Transgenerational trauma, 2015 iv Greta Thunberg, swedish activist for climat, school strike for climat, 2018 v Young & Sterile: My Choice | Extraordinary Bodies https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYy6n8B9OtE ii