GUEST ARTIST
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July 22-28, 2020 YES! WEEKLY
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JULY 22-28, 2020 VOLUME 16, NUMBER 30
10 5500 Adams Farm Lane Suite 204 Greensboro, NC 27407 Office 336-316-1231 Fax 336-316-1930
ONE WEEK OF OCCUPATION
Publisher CHARLES A. WOMACK III publisher@yesweekly.com EDITORIAL Editor KATIE MURAWSKI katie@yesweekly.com Contributors IAN MCDOWELL MARK BURGER
By day, AMPLIFIED SPEECHES by Angela Davis on abolishing the prison industrial complex echo through Bailey Park from Fair Witness Fancy Drinks, on the corner of Fourth and Patterson in Winston-Salem. By night, the smell of sage fills the air as the healing rhythms of a drum calls for reflection of intentions to end the long, hot day of marching and chanting with joy and community.
JIM LONGWORTH KATEI CRANFORD
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PRODUCTION Graphic Designers ALEX FARMER designer@yesweekly.com AUSTIN KINDLEY artdirector@yesweekly.com ADVERTISING Marketing TRAVIS WAGEMAN travis@yesweekly.com Promotion NATALIE GARCIA
DISTRIBUTION JANICE GANTT KYLE MUNRO CARL PEGRAM SHANE MERRIMAN JESSE GUERRA ANDREW WOMACK We at YES! Weekly realize that the interest of our readers goes well beyond the boundaries of the Piedmont Triad. Therefore we are dedicated to informing and entertaining with thought-provoking, debate-spurring, in-depth investigative news stories and features of local, national and international scope, and opinion grounded in reason, as well as providing the most comprehensive entertainment and arts coverage in the Triad. YES! Weekly welcomes submissions of all kinds. Efforts will be made to return those with a self-addressed stamped envelope; however YES! Weekly assumes no responsibility for unsolicited submissions. YES! Weekly is published every Wednesday by Womack Newspapers, Inc. No portion may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher. First copy is free, all additional copies are $1.00. Copyright 2020 Womack Newspapers, Inc.
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Several familiar, friendly names are associated with GUEST ARTIST, starting with producer and leading man Jeff Daniels, who wrote the script – as well as the play upon which it was based. Timothy Busfield, best known as an actor (Field of Dreams, thirtysomething), makes his feature debut as director, as well as being a producer with actress/wife Melissa Gilbert. 5 Every year around the end of June, I used to write about the dangers of FIREWORKS, and every year, the feedback I received from friend and foe alike was almost always the same: “Come on Jim, don’t be a wet blanket. You’ve got to have fireworks on the Fourth of July!” It became obvious that my annual call for banning fireworks was falling on deaf ears (pardon the expression). In fact, the only positive feedback I ever received was from pet lovers whose dogs go into convulsions during holiday explosions. 6 Much like the 1960s Civil Rights movement, the year 2020 is seeing a spike of CREATIVE ENERGY drawing inspiration from the Black Lives Matter movement, especially this past week in Winston-Salem
with the occupation of Bailey Park. “I believe that the art is a form of documentation in situations like this, any art that is dedicated to disseminating a message to the viewers about what is going on, no matter how abstract it is, it is a form of recording history in a visual, entertaining way,” said artist Robert Talley AKA Bobby Danger. 12 Janine Oliver, Doctor of Veterinary Medicine at BENESSERE ANIMAL HOSPITAL in Greensboro, has become the subject of both vitriol and support on social media. Her detractors—the owners of several animals she treated and five of her former employees—allege malpractice... 14 STRAY LOCAL, a husband-and-wife songwriting duo featuring Jamie Rowen and Hannah Lomas, chronicles a journey of runners and musicians who are keeping pace with content, trailheads, new videos—and each other. Now living in Raleigh, they met during orientation as freshmen at UNCG. The then music students developed as a couple, and then a band—with love for staying fit in the process.
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The play’s the thing in Guest Artist
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everal familiar, friendly names are associated with Guest Artist, starting with producer and leading man Jeff Daniels, who wrote Mark Burger the script – as well as the play upon Contributor which it was based. Timothy Busfield, best known as an actor (Field of Dreams, thirtysomething), makes his feature debut as director, as well as being a producer with actress/wife Melissa Gilbert. Adding to the familial vibes is that Busfield’s son, Wilson, is the cinematographer, and Daniels’s son Ben makes his feature debut as the film’s composer. For the most part,this is one project that’s kept all in the family. Guest Artist, a comedy/drama/character study, is steeped in the milieu of contemporary theater, and is billed as being “based on an incident which became a play which became this film.” Daniels’s Joseph Harris is something of a familiar archetype: A shambling, hard-drinking, self-loathing artist – in this case a playwright – muddling through the twilight of his career, consumed by bitterness and cynicism. Nevertheless, Daniels revels in the role, which is a showy one. Then again, he did write it. His Broadway career at a standstill, Harris consents to act as “guest artist,” presenting his latest play at a community theater in Michigan during the Christmas season. Daniels himself hails from the Wolverine State, so there’s also a homey vibe here. Indeed, the play had its world premiere at the Purple Rose Theater Company in Chelsea, which Daniels
COURTESY OF WILSON COATES BUSFIELD
Joseph Harris (Jeff Daniels) and Kenneth Waters (Thomas Macias) founded. The company is named after the 1985 Woody Allen film Purple Rose of Cairo, which gave Daniels a big boost early in his screen career. (Besides, it sounds better than the Dumb & Dumber Theater Company.) During the early scenes, there’s an attempt to open things up a bit, with a colorful, panoramic overview of modern-day Broadway during the holidays. Once Harris arrives in Michigan, however, Guest Artist’s theatrical origins become more evident, since much of the action is confined to the neighborhood train station, where Harris arrives (having refused to fly). Not only is he drunk, but he’s determined to take the next train back to New York. That’s the situation facing Kenneth Waters (newcomer Thomas Macias), the apprentice assigned to mind Harris during his stay. An aspiring playwright himself, Kenneth is awe-struck to be in the presence of one of his heroes, but his admiration quickly sours as he contends with Harris’s
vitriolic mood swings, and his admission that he hasn’t written a new play. Not surprisingly, it’s the relationship between Harris and Kenneths – and Daniels and Macias – that forms the backbone of the film, but it’s not altogether surprising how things resolve themselves. Harris is going to get a little tough love – and an
ego boost – from Kenneth, and Kenneth is going to get a first-hand primer into the difficulties of being an artist. Kenneth is written as being obsequious and fawning, and Maciac – in a role that would seem tailor-made for Josh Gad — occasionally overdoes it, which threatens to turn Kenneth into a caricature. Sometimes it’s hard not to empathize with Harris when he insults and belittles the younger man. Nevertheless, Maciac and Daniels develop a reasonably appealing rapport. In smaller roles, Richard McWilliams (in his screen debut) provides poker-faced back-up as the glumly observant station master, who’s not above brandishing a baseball bat when Harris or Kenneth act up, and Erika Slezak (fondly remembered for her 32-year stint on the daytime drama One Life to Live) makes a sharp, if all-toobrief, appearance as Harris’s practical and pragmatic agent, whose had her fill of his bellyaching but still evinces genuine affection for him. She’s so good that one almost wishes she’d accompanied him on his trip. Thanks to the likable cast and trim running time (under 80 minutes), Guest Artist kills time easily enough and provides a modestly engaging diversion, but it follows something of a “safe” formula: Everyone’s going to learn a few lessons – about themselves and each other. Everything’s going to work out in the hand. Christmas will be merry after all. All’s well that ends well. ! See MARK BURGER’s reviews of current movies on Burgervideo.com. © 2020, Mark Burger.
WANNA Franz (Richard McWilliams) YES! WEEKLY
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COURTESY OF WILSON COATES BUSFIELD
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Time to strengthen fireworks laws
very year around the end of June, I used to write about the dangers of fireworks, and every year, the feedback I received from friend and foe alike was Jim Longworth almost always the same: “Come on Jim, don’t be a wet Longworth blanket. You’ve got at Large to have fireworks on the Fourth of July!” It became obvious that my annual call for banning fireworks was falling on deaf ears (pardon the expression). In fact, the only positive feedback I ever received was from pet lovers whose dogs go into convulsions during holiday explosions. Then, last month came a ray of hope when most North Carolina localities announced they were cancelling their annual fireworks displays due to concerns over crowd control and the spread of COVID-19. But my elation was short-lived when I realized that a decrease in municipal fireworks celebrations would just mean an increase in private celebrations. Sure enough, come dusk on July 4, people all over the Triad started firing rockets into the sky, and not just the kind that produce pretty colors. The fireworks shot off near our neighborhood produced eardrumbursting sounds akin to cannon fire, and take my word for it, my family didn’t feel patriotic, we just felt violated. Pardon my French, but this shit has got to stop, and not just because of loud noises. According to a report by the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, hospital emergency rooms treated over 9,000 people for fireworks related injuries in 2018. That number jumped to over 10,000 last year, and children under the age of 15 account for 36% of those injuries. Dr. Erin Miller, a hand surgeon at Harborview Medical Center in Seattle, told the Associated Press that she amputated 42 fingers due to fireworks injuries last year alone. And, each year more than a dozen people are killed because of fireworks. National figures aren’t available for 2020 yet, but already reports are trickling in from select cities. In Cleveland, at least 17 people were injured from fireworks over this past Fourth of July weekend, and complaints about fireworks in that city tripled from 2019. WWW.YESWEEKLY.COM
And then there’s the matter of fires. According to the National Fire Protection Association, fireworks are responsible for starting approximately 20,000 fires each year. Of those, nearly 2,000 are structure fires, 500 are vehicle fires, and over 17,000 are outside fires. Moreover, the NFPA estimates that fireworksrelated fires cause over $105 million dollars in direct property damage. But there are other types of damage as well. For example, studies by the EPA show that chemical residue from fireworks is causing an increasing amount of environmental damage, including the pollution of lakes, ponds, and ground water. Meanwhile, Science Daily reported that children with asthma had more frequent attacks because of smoke generated from fireworks displays. Given the number of injuries and deaths caused by fireworks, as well as damage to property, and adverse effects on health and the environment, it would seem that fireworks would be illegal, and they are…sort of. Here in North Carolina, consumers are prohibited from detonating “explosives or aerial fireworks, roman candles, and rockets or similar devices” (N.C. General Statutes 14-410 through 14-415, and 58-82a-1 through 58-82a-55). In fact, possession of those prohibited fireworks is a Class II misdemeanor, but that’s hardly a weighty enough prosecutorial classification for the illegal use of such dangerous explosives. Last week, I spoke by phone with North Carolina Insurance Commissioner Mike Causey who also serves as our state’s Fire Marshall. I asked him what could be done to actually deter fireworks violators. Causey explained that the only way to ensure enforcement is for the General Assembly to amend the statutes in such a way as to include stiffer criminal penalties. In the meantime, Causey and his team continue to produce educational videos and materials that warns against the dangers of fireworks. “It’s not worth the risk, especially when you mix fireworks and alcohol,” he told me. And, the Commissioner said he is ready and willing to appear before the General Assembly armed with statistics on those dangers, should a bill ever be introduced that would seek to further clarify and criminalize consumer use of deadly fireworks. Currently, state statutes allow for municipalities to present professionally executed fireworks displays oper-
ated by vendors who must be properly credentialed and insured in order to fire off rockets and other explosives. Meanwhile, consumers are free to enjoy sparklers and party poppers in their own back yard. The question remains, is there a legislator who will step up to the plate and introduce a bill that will severely punish those who think their back yard is
a launching pad for dangerous, deafening missiles. Put another way: Is there a lawmaker willing to endure the fireworks that will ensue from proposing a ban on fireworks? My dogs certainly hope so. ! JIM LONGWORTH is the host of Triad Today, airing on Saturdays at 7:30 a.m. on ABC45 (cable channel 7) and Sundays at 11 a.m. on WMYV (cable channel 15).
JULY 22-28, 2020
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Artist Robert Talley AKA Bobby Danger and girlfriend Karen Ashley hold up the portrait of John Neville during the #OccupyWSNC movement in Bailey Park
Winston-Salem artist paints John Neville during the #OccupyWSNC movement
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uch like the Civil Rights Movement of the 1960s, the country has seen a spike of creative energy drawing inspiration from the Black Lives Matter movement—espeKatie Murawski cially this past week in Winston-Salem with the occupation Editor of Bailey Park. “I believe that the art is a form of documentation in situations like this—any art that is dedicated to disseminating a message to the viewers about what is going on. No matter how abstract it is, it is a form of recording history in a visual, entertaining way,” said artist Robert Talley AKA Bobby Danger. “People who create art protest through their art, and are activists through their art. It is an essential thing—it’s essential for inspiration. It helps people keep YES! WEEKLY
JULY 22-28, 2020
going when they see cool art or something that profoundly affects them visually. Even soundwise with music, anything that can stimulate a person’s creative side can keep them going.” Talley is a North Carolina artist who just recently moved to Winston-Salem from Durham. Last week, while supporting the efforts of protesters of #OccupyWSNC, Talley painted the face of the movement: John Elliot Neville. Neville, 56, was an inmate at the Forsyth County Detention Center who died last December after being hogtied by five detention officers and one nurse. “I was just touched by the story because I have experienced a lot of trauma and traumatic losses over the years,” he said. “It was just so close, and it gets harder when it’s closer. We are already in the midst of a crisis in this country, and when something that crazy happens that close, it just steers you and kind of pushes you into a shell.” After spending three hours bent down in the blistering heat using some black acrylic paint on a white bedsheet, Talley had
recreated Neville’s smiling face and squinting eyes from his Facebook profile picture. Talley said he has reached out to Neville’s daughter in hopes of giving her the portrait of her father. “I lost my father unexpectedly in 2011, under different circumstances—I just identified with it, and it motivated me to paint this particular picture on the bedsheet for Mr. Neville,” Talley said. “It’s traumatic—to know that you can go somewhere, where everything seems fine, and then you end up in a situation like that because of the color of your skin. It’s been years and years of that, and you can’t run from it but for so long before you have to find a way to cope with it. That is how this piece came together.” Talley said that a decade of police brutality is now being brought to light nationally, and he believes that the same thing is happening for The City of Arts and Innovation with the #OccupyWSNC movement through its calls for transparency and accountability. “I believe John Neville needs justice—his
family needs justice, absolute justice. It is my opinion that he was wrongfully killed. It is clear as day, there needs to be justice,” he said. “I think at the end of the day, protesters are making headway, people are changing—people are opening their eyes to things. I think the ultimate goal, in my opinion, should be Black equity—which will happen sooner than later, hopefully.” Talley also painted another portrait on a bedsheet that he gave to activist Sara Hines to carry during the daily march to the Forsyth County Detention Center. He was pleased that his art was used as a sign of solidarity to the inmates inside the jail. “This piece kind of came serendipitously,” Talley said, motioning to his portrait of a shirtless Black man, depicting the pioneer of Afrobeat music, Fela Kuti, holding up his fists and breaking the chains around his wrists with the word, “Enough” at the top. The only two colors used are black acrylic paint and red ink from a broken Sharpie marker against the white bedsheet. “I was thinking about putting an image
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Robert Talley AKA Bobby Danger poses next to his first painting depicting Afrobeat pioneer Fela Kuti during #OccupyWSNC of Fela Kuti I saw years back—I am a huge fan of his music. As I was thinking about it, they started playing Fela Kuti, like 20 songs in a row. I was like, you know what, the art gods have spoken.” Talley said the painting took about two and a half hours, and he painted it as he was sitting in Bailey Park during the occupation. Talley supports the movement, and he thinks that it’s much needed because “ it’s time to make a change for the better.” “I think the Occupy Winston-Salem movement is awesome— it is needed everywhere, to be honest with you,” Talley
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said. “Durham has its own movements as well, and I have people that are connected to housing law that are fighting the good fight in the Triangle—and some are actually out here—I think this is the right time for equality to really happen. It is an exciting time; it is also a very scary time for most of us—especially for people of color.” Last year, Talley said he and his girlfriend, Karen Ashley, came up with a project called, “The United States of Racism,” which Talley said is an art show “dedicated to showing the different ‘states’ of racism—it’s a play on words.” The project is still in the funding stages
as of now, but Talley hopes to get more support so that he can create and sell the pieces of artwork and donate the proceeds to different organizations around the Triad with an anti-racism mission and agenda. Talley said he’d love to see this project grow out of North Carolina to other states. “Right now, we are taking baby steps,” he said. “The United States of Racism is going to be more of an art collective, and that is our main goal and focus right now.” Talley said there would be a Kickstarter page up soon for the project. !
KATIE MURAWSKI is the editor-in-chief of YES! Weekly. Her alter egos include The Grimberlyn Reaper, skater/ public relations board chair for Greensboro Roller Derby, and Roy Fahrenheit, drag entertainer and self-proclaimed King of Glamp.
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In the meantime, check out more of Bobby Danger’s art on Instagram (@dangerartworks, @ theunitedstatesofracism) and website, www.dangerartworks.myportfolio.com, where his merch and prints are for sale.
JULY 22-28, 2020
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Justin Couch, 25, of Spring Hill, Florida, who sports a tattoo of a machete under his left eye, was arrested June 13, according to the Hernando (Florida) County Sheriff ’s Chuck Shepherd Office, for allegedly attacking a man with a machete. The unnamed adult male victim told officers Crouch forced him out of the home where he’d been living and began arguing with him “for no reason,” reported Fox13 News. As the man attempted to gather his belongings from the home, deputies said, Couch allegedly hit the victim with the flat side of the machete’s blade, “then swung the machete at the victim’s face,” striking his arm with the blade as the man tried to ward off the blow. “The victim is currently unable to use or move his left hand due to the severity of the injury he sustained,” investigators said. Couch was arrested for aggravated battery.
SIGN OF THE TIMES
JULY 21-25 TROLLS A BEAUTIFUL DAY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD AQUAMAN DORA AND THE LOST CITY OF GOLD JULY 28 - THE ANGRY BIRDS MOVIE 2 AUGUST 1 THE PEANUT BUTTER FALCOM For tickets and info: www.thedrivemovie.com @thedrive_winstonsalem
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A perfect storm may be brewing to strike down the long-maligned one-cent coin, the penny. Earlier this year, the U.S. Mint cut back on coin production to keep its workers safe amid the COVID-19 pandemic, reported NPR’s Planet Money. At the same time, people stopped spending, especially with cash, and word of a coin shortage spread, prompting some stores, such as Kroger, to start rounding their prices to avoid making coin change. Last year, the mint made more than 7 billion pennies, almost 60% of its total coin production, and each one-cent coin cost TWO cents to produce, putting the loss at more than $72 million. Still, the mint has no plans to eliminate the coin. It’s been up and running at full capacity since mid-June, and according to spokesman Michael White, about 40% of the coins it has produced since then have been pennies.
ANGRY ANIMALS
— At Lassen Volcanic National Park in Northern California, five acres around Manzanita Lake were shut down after a man was attacked by an otter on June 25. Park Superintendent Jim Richardson told the Redding Record Searchlight the unnamed man was swimming in the river and came too close to the otter’s offspring, known as kittens. “It is significant anytime an animal attacks a human,” Richardson said. He did not believe the
man was seriously injured, and he said the otter would not be relocated. “It’s the protective momma (doing her job), and the attack came as a surprise,” he said. — Neighbors on Occidental Street in a North Oakland, California, are at odds over the presence of Bruce, aka Paco, aka Peter, aka Pierre, aka Abraham ... a peacock. While some residents are happy to welcome him, SFGate.com reported on July 15, others want him to move on and have lodged a complaint with the city. “For the past 15 weeks or so he has screamed relentlessly, every day,” Jesse T. wrote on the Nextdoor app. “It literally feels like he is inside my house.” The peacock is believed by Animal Control to be feral. But Dennis Fett of the Peacock Information Center in Minden, Iowa, thinks Bruce/Paco/Peter is providing a service. “They’re like a watchdog,” Fett said. “They have keen hearing. (The neighbors) should count their blessings.”
CHUTZPAH!
Amber Gilles made news in San Diego, California, in June when she posted a photo of Starbucks barista Lenin Gutierrez, complaining that he “refused to serve me cause I’m not wearing a mask. Next time I will wait for cops and bring a medical exemption.” In response, KGTV reported, Matt Cowan of Irvine started a GoFundMe page to collect tips for the barista who “faced ... a Karen in the wild,” and soon raised more than $100,000, which Gilles now claims she should get half of. “I’ve been discriminated against,” Gilles said, noting that hiring a lawyer to help her get her half was too expensive, so she has started her own GoFundMe page to raise money. Gutierrez said he plans to use the money to further his education and follow his dream of being a dancer.
LATEST RELIGIOUS MESSAGE
Maintenance workers pruning trees in Itaquirai, Brazil, on July 9 discovered a compelling image in a fresh cut from a willow tree. Some of them were convinced that Jesus Christ was depicted in the wood grain of the branch. Oddity Central reports Odimar Souza, who was overseeing the work, posted the image online and explained that just before the image was discovered, the chain on the worker’s chainsaw broke and had to be replaced. Back at work, “we cut this same trunk in two pieces and that was when this perfection appeared,” Souza wrote. !
© 2020 Chuck Shepherd. Universal Press Syndicate. Send your weird news items with subject line WEIRD NEWS to WeirdNewsTips@amuniversal.com.
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One week of occupation: #OccupyWSNC continues in Bailey Park until demands are met and questions are answered
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y day, amplified speeches by Angela Davis on abolishing the prison-industrial complex echo through Bailey Park from Fair Witness Katie Murawski Fancy Drinks, on the corner of Fourth and Patterson in Editor Winston-Salem. By night, the smell of sage fills the air as the healing rhythms of a drum calls for reflection of intentions to end the long, hot day of marching and chanting with joy and community. From 10 a.m. until 10 p.m. every day since July 15, a steady group of protesters led by the Triad Abolition Project and The Unity Coalition, have gathered in Bailey Park demanding answers from Sheriff Bobby Kimbrough Jr. and District Attorney Jim O’Neill about the death of John Neville. In the early morning hours of Dec. 2, 2019, after one day of being detained at the Forsyth County Detention Center, Neville experienced “an unknown medical condition” in his cell; 45 minutes under the supervision of five detention officers and one nurse, Neville sustained “injuries
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that would eventually cause him to lose his life,” O’Neill said in a press conference on July 8. The five officers: Lt. Lavette Williams, Cpl. Edward Roussel, Officer Christopher Stamper, Officer Antonio Woodley Jr., Officer Sarah Poole, and nurse, Michelle Heughins, have been arrested and charged with six counts of involuntary manslaughter. (According to a recent News & Observer article, Poole received a “merit-based raise” almost 40 days after Neville’s death.) Following the July 8 press conference and over the course of the next day, a total of 20 people demanding justice and transparency would be arrested on charges of “impeding traffic.” In a statement on July 10, Triad Abolition Project stated that the 15 arrests on July 9 were “intentional, organized, and widely-supported.” “In 2020, we stand in the street in an act of civil disobedience, an act of nonviolent direct action, because our brothers, sisters, and siblings are being murdered, mistreated, abused, and neglected in the county jail here in Winston-Salem and in many places across the country.” Triad Abolition Project, The Unity Coalition, and others who have joined the cause, plan to continue the occupation until questions are answered, and demands are met. The following demands
of TAP and U.C. for those who are still unaware are: 1. Respond to all questions posed by TAP and U.C. 2. Make relevant policy changes in the FCDC around protocol for inmates in medical distress 3. Make relevant policy changes around transparency and accountability in deaths of citizens in the custody of the county (including in FCDC and other guardianship situations) 4. Dismiss all charges against protesters from July 8 and July 9 arrests The movement gained some momentum on July 17, after the American Civil Liberties Union of North Carolina publicly announced its support for the grassroots effort, urging Forsyth officials to answer questions and meet demands. The ACLU of N.C.’s field operator, Angaza Laughinghouse, wrote in an email that the ACLU of N.C.’s role in the occupation is “amplifying the Triad Abolition Project’s demands for law enforcement transparency and letting our membership base know about the efforts on the ground in Forsyth County. Our role may expand as the organizing strategy develops.” In a phone call, communications strategist Citlaly Mora said since the ACLU of N.C. doesn’t have organizers in the Triad area, “it’s made it difficult for us to know what is going on.” Mora said the ACLU of N.C.’s involvement began after TAP made them aware of the situation. “The ACLU has been trying to amplify the demands they are making to see how Sheriff Kimbrough, as well as any other elected officials, will respond, ” Mora said. “We see all of the grassroots organizing in North Carolina, with so many movements going on, essentially calling for the same thing—transparency and defunding police, not only to reallocate those resources but to call for justice. I think the case with Mr. Neville is amplifying that. What is going on in the Forsyth County jail is sort of indicative of the issue we have with transparency, with police brutality, and with how we handle things in the criminal legal system.” On Day 3 of #OccupyWSNC, the Winston-Salem chapter of the NAACP and Ministers’ Conference held a press conference regarding the death of John Neville at 11 a.m. on July 17. The Ministers’ Conference and NAACP invited Sheriff
Kimbrough to speak, as well as state representatives. (YES! Weekly did not receive notification of this press conference, and were not able to attend the first 30 minutes.) According to a press release, the Ministers’ Conference and NAACP “have long been committed to justice, accountability, and transparency in our Forsyth County justice system.” The Ministers’ Conference and NAACP both agreed that Sheriff Kimbrough “did the right thing” when he called for an independent analysis from the State Bureau of Investigations surrounding the circumstances of Neville’s death. However, both organizations were “disturbed with the lack of disclosure and communication” from Neville’s death in December 2019 to the press conference held on July 8, which made public the details surrounding his death, including some of Neville’s hauntingly familiar last words: “I can’t breathe.” Rep. Evelyn Terry (D-71) spoke at the press conference and said that public policy needs to be reimagined. “This doesn’t mean defunding the police; quite the contrary, it means thinking beyond policing to maintain order in society,” Terry said. “It means seeing all people through the same lenses. It means a justice system that eradicates public policy that creates poverty. Many laws, as currently written, trap especially the poor into a lifetime of poverty. We can’t ask Mr. Neville now, but there are too many others who can tell their stories that provide data to prove my point.” According to an Instagram livestream from the press conference by TAP, Sheriff Kimbrough denied the allegations of a “cover-up” involving Neville’s death and claimed he didn’t know the demands or questions from occupiers. “The Sheriff’s Office is not responsible for the health of the residents in the detention center, that falls on the public health,” Kimbrough said. “I don’t think [protesters] are informed when they hold signs up that aren’t true. There is no blood on Bobby’s hands—God knows that, I know that, and the family knows that, too.” TAP responded to Kimbrough’s claims that he was unaware of the demands as “curious,” seeing as though several local media outlets (including YES! Weekly)
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had already published the group’s demands and questions. TAP also stated that occupiers have spent “several hours” making phone calls to the Sheriff ’s Office and to the District Attorney’s office regarding the demands, and unanswered questions. For TAP, the press conference raised yet another question regarding a potential conflict of interest with the SBI’s involvement. “Law enforcement cannot investigate the bad acts of law enforcement,” stated TAP’s response to the press conference. “It should be made clear that all and any SBI investigations assist law enforcement, and thus remain biased, unethical, and continue the unjust system of the prisonindustrial complex, and ultimately mass incarceration.” Winston-Salem Firefighter Chaplain Rev. Chad Armstrong said the press conference was “heartbreaking for several reasons.” “What was truly heartbreaking was an elected official who mispronounced the name of Mr. John Elliot Neville,” Armstrong said. “We have elected officials who aren’t necessarily as aware of this case, its impact and the logistics and facts and information surrounding this case,” even though the New York Times and several other local media outlets (including YES! Weekly) have reported on it. Armstrong said he felt like his questions and the other questions asked that day were mainly deflected by the NAACP, Ministers’ Conference, and the elected officials present. Specifically, Armstrong asked if they had known about S.B. 168 and how it would affect Neville’s case (if it wasn’t vetoed); as well as how the outcome of its passage would have affected Forsyth County. Armstrong also asked how long they had knowledge of the shapeshifting S.B. 168. “I didn’t really feel like they answered that question,” Armstrong said. “But, I think I got an answer in regards to their deflection.” Wake Forest University Assistant Professor Brittany Battle, Ph.D., was one of the protesters that was arrested on July 8. Battle said there was a lot of “misinformation even among the Black leadership that hosted the press conference.” Battle said TAP’s demands have been “centered around transparency,” and policy changes—not the release of the video related to Neville’s death. Battle said to respect the family’s wishes, no one from TAP or #OccupyWSNC had ever demanded the video’s release. She said that she was also disappointed that NAACP officials didn’t reach out to the protesters that were arrested on July 8. “The NAACP is a very long-standing and WWW.YESWEEKLY.COM
Sheriff Bobby Kimbrough Jr. after speaking at the July 17 press conference well-respected organization in this country that should be standing for the rights of Black and Brown people to protest,” Battle said. “They had spoken with the Sheriff’s Office, and WSPD about arresting protesters who were stepping in the street, but not having any conversation with any of us that were arrested, to find out what actually happened.” Battle said she was skeptical of bringing her concerns of being arrested to the Winston-Salem’s chapter of the NAACP after their response to the alleged use of excessive force by a Forsyth County deputy working security at Cook’s Flea Market back in June. (Rev. Alvin Carlisle said the organization was “satisfied” with how the depty dealt with that situation.) Outside the July 17 press conference, five people gathered—two held signs and shouted questions as the sheriff left the building after making his statement. (Arnita Miles was one of those who were vocal while waiting outside the building, and it was through Miles that I had first heard of the press conference.) JoAnn Allen, a former mayoral candidate, also learned of the press conference from Miles. “The problem is, the corruption is from the inside,” Allen said while standing outside the NAACP’s doors. “That is why it is so tightly knitted, and this is why they didn’t tell the public about this; cause they don’t want the public really knowing what is going on.” Allen criticized the leadership of Winston-Salem’s NAACP and Ministers’ Conference, and proclaimed that, “they do not speak for us.” “Look how long it has taken for Mr. Neville to even get any justice. Once again, no transparency,” Allen said. “They have
these little feel-good meetings, but they go nowhere.” According to the latest statement from TAP, this past weekend (Days 4-6) protesters and park-goers heard speeches by Armstrong, Battle, Hate Out of Winston’s Miranda Jones, WFU Chaplain Rev. K. Monet and many more from other organizations such as, “TAP, U.C., Housing Justice Now, Vote on Purpose, Black Ops, trauma therapist Elizabeth Doub, Vice President of the National Birth Equity Collaboration Carmen Green, and the Democratic Socialist Association of Winston-Salem.” No Punching Bag also held its “Ride Against Racism” car parade/protest through downtown and Bailey Park in solidarity with the occupiers. On July 17, the nation lost Rev. C.T. Vivian and Rep. John Lewis, and the occupation recognized the fallen freedom fighters with a vigil on July 18. There were speeches honoring their legacies from Rev. Willard Bass of the Institute for Dismantling Racism, and WFU associate professor Derek Hicks, Ph.D. Since last week, the occupation has also fostered performances and exhibitions from local artists such as photographer Ashley Johnson, spoken word poet/activist Sara Hines, hip-hop/rap artists from the Steady Hyperactive Collective, painter Bobby Danger, drummer Julian Gordon, as well as dancer Nia Sadler. “Occupiers and organizers are engaging in intentional community-building through self (care), educational, and recreational activities. We have provided occupiers with lunch and dinner each day, as well as snacks and beverages, sunscreen, hand sanitizer, and PPE. We have made
clear that ‘joy is paramount to the movement,’ and are proud that despite the extreme heat and exhaustion of maintaining a multi-day occupation, we are experiencing joy,” stated TAP in its most recent press release. “#OccupyWSNC would not be possible without the support of our amazing community. We owe a great debt to the following businesses: Acadia Foods, Burger Supreme, Coffee Park Airstream, Dye Pretty, Fair Witness, Fools Gold Honey, Krankies, Project Mask, Salem Organic Supply, Single Brothers, Sunshine Beverages, Tate’s, Public House, and The Porch.” As of July 22, District Attorney O’Neill has not publicly acknowledged the movement and its demands. YES! Weekly has reached out to O’Neill via email and left a voicemail on his office phone but has not received any correspondence as of July 22. In an email, YES! Weekly asked if Sheriff Kimbrough had a response to the #OccupyWSNC movement, its demands, and what, if any, would be implemented. After the joint press conference on July 17, Christina Howell, Forsyth County Sheriff’s Office Public Information Officer, wrote that Sheriff Kimbrough said: “I want people to understand that respecting the pain and the loss of Mr. Neville’s family has been a priority. This situation has weighed heavily on me - we are talking about an incident that took one life and will forever impact the lives of many others.” Howell wrote that the sheriff said there had been “multiple changes in response to the events that occurred.” “Most notably: We are working with WellPath (our contracted medical services provider) to increase the number of nurses in the Detention Center. Beginning Aug. 1, 50 detention officers (including Special Response Team members) will take special medical training specific for the unique situation of working within the Detention Center. We revised policies, including a clear duty to intervene and language regarding who on-scene assumes responsibility for making decisions regarding medical issues.” ! KATIE MURAWSKI is the editor-in-chief of YES! Weekly. Her alter egos include The Grimberlyn Reaper, skater/public relations board chair for Greensboro Roller Derby, and Roy Fahrenheit, drag entertainer and selfproclaimed King of Glamp.
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Stay tuned with YES! Weekly’s live coverage of #OccupyWSNC on Facebook and Instagram. #OccupyWSNC is every day in Bailey Park from 10 a.m.-10 p.m. until demands are met and questions are answered. JULY 22-28, 2020
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Greensboro veterinarian subject of controversy and complaints *Content warning: This article contains details and graphic descriptions of veterinary surgery. This story was originally published online on July 17. Janine Oliver, Doctor of Veterinary Medicine at Benessere Animal Hospital in Greensboro, has become the subject of both vitriol Ian McDowell and support on social media. Her detractors—the owners of several animals she treated and five of Contributor her former employees—allege malpractice and animal abuse. Her defenders, many of whom praise her for saving their own pets’ lives, have condemned the outcry against her as a “witch hunt.” Those defenders include Greensboro artist and activist Jeffrey Barbour, who told YES! Weekly that people should reserve judgement until the North Carolina Veterinary Medical Board rules on the complaints. “Dr. Oliver has always been the greatest vet I’ve ever met,” Barbour wrote in a recent text, “who singlehandedly and painstakingly researched my dog’s issues and saved his life, sending me email after email in the wee hours as she continued hunting for a cure. I am horrified by the witch-hunting ‘Karens’ who are trying her on social media. I hope due process will be allowed to prevail and truth will serve all affected. It’s an awful situation no matter how it goes.” As the public records of a 2017 investigation of Dr. Oliver by the NCVMB indicate, due process in such a case can take many months. The 2017 NCVMB proceeding began with a complaint filed Aug. 11 of that year alleging that “errors in the surgery and treatment of 3.5-year-old female Pit-Bull mix, Angel, led to the dog’s death on 3/7/17 following spay surgery at Benessere Animal Hospital in Greensboro.” On Feb. 28, 2018, the Board issued a Letter of Caution to Dr. Oliver stating, “that, with a critical exception, your surgical procedure appears to have been within the standard of care.” That exception was when Dr. Oliver’s surgical procedure “resulted in a loose ligature on the uterine stump that caused excessive bleeding into the abdomen.” The letter also stated that “the conduct, while not the basis for a disciplinary hearing, is not professionally acceptable,” and that it “may be the basis for a disciplinary hearing if repeated.” Complaints against veterinarians do not become public record until the NCVMB reaches a decision. In the case of the 2017 complaint, which resulted in the Board’s only disciplinary action against Oliver to date, the process took seven months and 17 days. New complaints have been filed against Oliver in the past two months, according to the people who filed them and provided YES! Weekly with the Board’s confirmation letters that the complaints had been received. The rest of article examines one of those YES! WEEKLY
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Shannon Bowen’s hound-mix, Jenna. complaints in detail. (Because that detail is so extensive and contradictory, four other complaints are not examined here, but may be covered in a future article.) On April 13, Shannon Bowen, owner-operator of Almost Home Kennels in Franklinville, N.C., took her 12-year-old hound-mix Jenna for the surgical remove of three large lipomas. That surgery was performed on April 14, and Bowen picked Jenna up the following day. Bowen has run a dog-boarding kennel in her home for 12 years, and prior to that, worked for 15 years as a veterinary assistant. Bowen stated that, three days after she picked her dog up from Benessere, “a surgical site on Jenna’s side opened, and I dropped her off April 20 for the area to be resewn.” Records show that Jenna was at Benessere Animal Hospital from April 20 until April 30. On that last day, under the advice of Oliver’s thenemployee Crystal Bennett, Bowen removed Jenna from Benessere Animal Hospital and took her to Carolina
Veterinary Specialists, where Bowen’s dog was given a grave prognosis. “The morning of May 1 was the first time I saw the extent of Jenna’s wound,” Bowen said. “I had not been allowed inside either Benessere or Carolina Veterinary Specialists due to the danger of COVID-19, and she was bandaged up while home overnight. When I saw the entire flap of skin open and necrotic, I chose euthanasia. My dog also could not walk that morning and had to be carried in on stretcher, which is in medical report from Pointe South.” According to an emergency visit report dated April 30 from Bastian Parsons, DVM, at Carolina Veterinary Specialists in Greensboro, Jenna had four surgical wounds (wound in this context means a surgical incision). Dr Parsons reported that one of those wounds was deeply opened on Jenna’s left flank and had “severe purulent discharge and necrotic tissue both at its edges and deep inside it, emitting a foul odor.” Dr. Parsons also described Jenna’s abdomen as “one open wound,” with “severe purulent discharge within and around wound and severe necrosis to superficial tissues.” Dr. Parsons wrote that, based on the “likelihood of risks, suffering and guarded-to-poor prognosis,” she “recommended taking Jenna home for a day and then having her euthanized.” The next morning, Bowen took Jenna to Pointe South Animal Hospital in Randleman for a second opinion. There, Clint Berdeen, DVM, agreed with Parsons’ grave prognosis due to the infection, healing difficulties and pain associated with the wound. He also recommended humane euthanasia, which was performed that day. None of the above is disputed in the statement that Natalie K. Isenberg, the attorney representing Dr. Oliver at her upcoming NCVMB hearing, sent to that board’s executive director Tod J. Shadler, DVM, on May 29. As that statement was in response to Bowen’s complaint, Bowen received a copy of it, which she shared with YES! Weekly. One thing that is disputed is the question of when or even if Dr. Oliver notified Bowen that Jenna’s wounds had opened up. Bowen said after she returned Jenna to Benessere Animal Hospital on April 20, she called the hospital 11 times over the next 10 days, and that only on the first day was her call returned. She said that, in the returned call, Dr. Oliver told her that the surgical area on Jenna’s side had been resewn, leaving an opening about the size of a half-dollar coin for drainage, and that Dr. Oliver wanted to keep Jenna at the clinic to rest and heal. Bowen showed me logs from her phone, which appeared to indicate that she had indeed called Benessere 11 times during that period, and that the only call back was on April 20. Bowen said that, on Thursday, April 23, Dr. Oliver messaged her that Jenna was doing well and should be able to go home by Saturday. Bowen stated that, when she called that Saturday, she was told that Jenna needed to stay longer, as she was an older dog and her thyroid was making her slow to heal.
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The letter that Dr. Oliver’s attorney sent to the NCVMD states that, on April 27, Bowen called to check on Jenna and requested a call back. It then states: “Dr. Oliver returned her call and left a voicemail explaining that Jenna ‘was not anywhere near ready to go home,’ as Jenna “still needs extensive wound care.” Bowen’s Verizon phone logs show Bowen calling Oliver’s office on that date, but contain no record of a returned call or voicemail. Bowen stated that, on April 30, she visited Benessere to bring Jenna food and treats. She described Jenna as “wrapped up like a mummy in bandages and Saran wrap,” and “walking very slow, with one leg obviously swollen” and said that her dog “had the stench of death.” Bowen said Dr. Oliver told her “she smells like that because she pees and lays in it,” and that, “she’ll get her bandage changed this afternoon when I’m done with surgery.” “Standard practice is to do that each morning. You don’t let them lay for hours with pus and crap against a fence,” Bowen said, expressing her skepticism at Oliver’s explanation. Bowen then stated that a Benessere employee named Crystal Bennett asked to speak with her in the parking lot. There, Bennett alleged that Dr. Oliver was not taking care of Jenna properly, and that Jenna desperately needed a wound VAC (Vacuum Assisted Closure). Bowen said Crystal also told her that Jenna was going to die if Bowen didn’t immediately take her to another vet. “Crystal also said that, under those bandages, Jenna’s whole stomach was opened up and left hanging.” Bowen said that, after a second employee advised her to immediately take her dog to another veterinary hospital, Bowen took Jenna to Carolina Veterinary Specialists. The attorney’s letter to the NCVMD states: Dr. Oliver instructed that the veterinary assistant, Crystal Bennett, to retrieve Jenna and return her to her hospital cage. Dr. Oliver learned subsequently that instead, the veterinary assistant, Ms. Bennett, falsely told the owner that Jenna’s care was being neglected and recommended that the owner remove Jenna from care. In a phone call on July 9, Bennett confirmed that she told Bowen her dog was being neglected, and vehemently denied Dr. Oliver’s claim that this was a falsehood. “The breaking point for me was when Jenna opened up so bad that her bones were exposed, and Dr. Oliver wouldn’t let me call in another doctor, but said she’d WWW.YESWEEKLY.COM
see to it when she came back the next day. Seeing Jenna wounds open and her condition decline over five days, the edges of her wounds turning grey and brittle, and Dr. Oliver trimming at them without anesthetic—I simply couldn’t take it anymore. I’ve worked in the vet field for over 30 years, and have never seen anything like this before.” That, Bennett said, is why she kept screenshots of her internal communications with Oliver. In a screenshot dated April 22 at 9:50 a.m. Bennett appears to make the following query. Hey do you want me to get Dr PERKINS to take a look at Jenna there’s another area that starting to open up on the inside of the leg. The response was: No, I don’t. Please keep it cleaned and I will deal with her tomorrow. She will need on going wound care but I don’t need Perkins involved. The letter from Dr. Oliver’s attorney to the NCVMB stated that, on April 23, Dr. Oliver informed owner that Jenna had opened and damaged all her incisions. This was not enough tissue to close the wounds and she would be receiving wound care. Dr. Oliver noted that wounds were too extensive and complicated to manage at home and owner indicated she understood. Bowen called this passage “a lie” and said that nobody at Benessere told her that Jenna’s wounds had opened until Bennett spoke to her on the 30. Bowen forwarded me a Facebook message that she said Oliver sent her on April 23, and which was timestamped 8:21 a.m. It states: Shannon I’m so sorry I did not see this message until just now. Jenna’s spirits are good and she is eating and drinking. Her healing is slow because of her hyperthyroidism and fatty tissue. She is making progress I would like to hang on to her until Saturday. I think if we can keep her movement to a minimum a few more days she will be on her way and not have more healing complications. Bowen said that she believes the conditions she saw when Jenna was unwrapped at Pointe South on May 1 were already well under way on April 23, and that they resulted from neglect and being kept in a “filthy cage,” not from Jenna having “self-cannibalized” her injuries. “Her whole stomach flap was open; her whole leg was open. Her condition was described it as ‘catastrophic area dehiscence.’ Dr. Oliver had just let my dog lay in her filthy kennel for 10 days, with Jenna’s body breaking down day by day.”
That is also what Bennett alleged happened while Jenna was in Dr. Oliver’s care, and is the reason why she took photos of Jenna’s “enlarging and pustulating wounds.” Bennett sent the photos to Bowen, depicted what Bennett said was the deterioration of Jenna’s injuries during the 10 days she was at Benessere. (Bowen subsequently shared them with YES! Weekly, but they are far too graphic to include in this article.) Bowen accompanied them with the following description: “The first picture on April 18, when the surgical area on her side had started to reopen. It was resewn on the April 20. The rest of the pictures show how Dr. Oliver allowed the other areas to completely break down and become infected while she left Jenna laying in a cage. Every area Dr. Oliver had ever touched would open back up over that 10-day period.” On May 8, Bowen filed a complaint about Dr. Oliver with the NCBVM. On June 26, I emailed Dr. Oliver and told her I had spoken to multiple clients whose animals had been treated by her, and who had filed complaints. I also named three of her former employees I’d spoken to, although these did not include Crystal Bennett, whom I’d not yet contacted.
Dr. Oliver replied that she welcomed being interviewed. After I sent her a list of questions I intended to ask her, she thanked me and asked me to come by her office at Benessere at 5:30 p.m. on June 29. “I would like to answer your questions and I appreciate you reaching out to get the truth,” she stated. “Most people just assume that if it’s on Facebook, it must be true.” Two hours before our scheduled interview, I received an email from Brian Walker of Garrett Walker Aycoth and Olson in Greensboro, who identified himself as “an attorney for the law firm representing Dr. Oliver in these matters.” He also stated that, “on the advice of the separate counsel representing her before the N.C. Veterinary Medical Board, she is unable to respond to your questions, as there is an on-going investigation. After the investigation is complete, she will be happy to sit down with you in order to discuss these matters.” ! IAN MCDOWELL is the author of two published novels, numerous anthologized short stories, and a whole lot of nonfiction and journalism, some of which he’s proud of and none of which he’s ashamed of.
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tunes
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HEAR IT!
Stray Local’s Faint Glow
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tray Local, a husbandand-wife songwriting duo featuring Jamie Rowen and Hannah Lomas, chronicles a journey of runners and musicians who are keeping pace Katei Cranford with content, trailheads, new videos— and each other. Contributor Now living in Raleigh, they met during orientation as freshmen at UNCG. The then music students developed as a couple, and then a band—with love for staying fit in the process. After graduation, Rowen followed Lomas to Wilmington in 2013. Stray Local took off. “We were able to collaborate with some fantastic musicians in the area and shape our sound,” Lomas said of their time at the coast, where they transitioned from a folk band into the indie-pop realm they play today. Their sound wafts a bouquet of soft indie, weaving harmonies which tiptoe through a forest of melodies and riffs—an essential-oil variety of perfumed pop with a presence of pastels and soft palettes. The sort of group that doesn’t sell merch—they’ve instead developed a line of activewear—the type that’s as much of a brand as they are a band. And their brand is off and running. Sonically following the trajectory from a folk-base to a wider pop audience (à la the Lumineers to Sylvan Esso), the Triangle ultimately became a logical home base. The couple moved to Raleigh in the middle of March—through doing so during a pandemic wasn’t intentional. Nobody knew it at the time, but Stray Local’s last live performance would be at Little Brother Brewing in Greensboro on March 10. The following week, America shut down due to COVID-19, tours were canceled, and shows transitioned online. “I can’t say it wasn’t a bummer,” Lomas said, “but running has helped us stay positive, stay healthy, and stay inspired in a time when we could feel pretty down.” Staying positive is an exercise itself. Stray Local had spent the past few years racking an impressive worldwide presence, with performances in Canada, Germany, France, Spain, and across the United Kingdom. They’re now ambasYES! WEEKLY
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sadors for the 2020 Brooks Run Happy Team and appeared on the cover of Runner’s World Magazine in 2017. In March 2019, they launched a “Run Wild” tour, which featured spots on showbills and in marathons and running clubs from North Carolina to California, and back again. “We combined our passion for running and music and incorporated stops at run clubs, races, and beautiful trails along the route,” Lomas explained. “Stopping at brewery run clubs was such a fun way to tour,” she added, “we would typically run 3-5 miles with the club and then immediately play a set afterward.“ It turns out, timing is key in music and running. “People often ask us how we can sing after running,” Lomas noted, “but when you run enough, you know how to run a pace that won’t leave you completely gassed.” They expected their momentum to continue in 2020. “We were going to kick off a big year of running collaborations at the beginning of April, and had some pretty awesome events on the schedule,” she said. They’d booked running festivals in Utah and Colorado; and tours in the northeast and midwest. “It’s sad to catch a glimpse of where we would have been if things were different,” Lomas explained, noting that she doesn’t look at the old calendar anymore. “Instead, we’ve learned to adapt and have chosen to view 2020 as a year of reflection.” And with that, they’ve stayed busy building their brand with a cluster of projects and various live stream series. Through the spring, the duo performed and promoted a regular “virtual lineup series,” while tracking and recording Faint Glow through a remote process with indie-pop producer Mark Eckert. For the video, they teamed-up with Honey Head Films out of Wilmington. Faint Glow’s source material was derived from an emotionally abusive relationship in Lomas’ past, with an intention to carry meaning beyond herself. “The beauty about songwriting is that you can pull from real emotions and craft them into a song that touches many people and their personal experiences and emo-
tions without being biographical,” she said, praising the open-ended relatability of art. “We thought about women who had suffered at the hands of abusers. We thought about the #MeToo Movement and the empowerment of women’s voices. We decided to have the song take on an uplifting tone.” The tone follows a phoenix-from-theashes story, where the past looks back with only a faint glow. Abusive relationships. Self-empowerment. The single hits all the notes of pop-song introspection. “It became apparent to us that this song may also resonate within the broader
cultural context of rising up and standing against oppression on a bigger scale,” Lomas explained. “It’s not just limited to personal relationships but empowering those to use their voices to stand against the racial injustices that have been perpetuated throughout our country’s history, taking different forms.” With more singles on the horizon, Stray Local looks to “lace up their shows and go.” Faint Glow can be found on major streaming platforms. Meanwhile, the couple can likely be found on a running trail near you. ! KATEI CRANFORD is a Triad music nerd who hosts the Tuesday Tour Report, a radio show on hiatus until tours return.
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Visit www.straylocal.com/ to listen and find out more about Stray Local.
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last call
[THE ADVICE GODDESS] love • sex • dating • marriage • questions
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My roommate just found out her ex-fiance is terminally ill and is likely to pass away soon. Though they had a weird relationship, I can tell she’s taking it pretty hard. Amy Alkon I really want to be supportive, but I Advice honestly don’t know what to do or say Goddess around a grieving person. I’m worried about saying the wrong thing, especially because I’m really uncomfortable with grief. I told her I am here for her if she needs anything. What do you do and say for a person who’s in such a terrible situation? —Clueless When we’re around other people, especially other people who are upset, we tend to get uncomfortable with silences and rush to fill them with words. Unfortunately, not being Confucius or the Dalai Lama, we reach into our memory and pull out whichever condolence cliches are closest to the top, like, “Soon he’ll be in a better place.” (Where...an urn?) Though we mere mortals tend to fail at profundities, we can do profoundly kind acts. What people who are suffering need at a time like this is compassion. Compassion gets confused with empathy (which a number of researchers define as “feeling with” a person). However, compassion is more than a feeling; it’s empathy with an action plan: the
motivation to try to alleviate another person’s suffering. There’s a temptation to be vague in offering help — “I’m here for you if you need anything” — probably because it’s hard to know what would help and also because you want to avoid offering the “wrong” thing. But what really count are your intentions. Consider that she has a lot of emotional weight on her now, and she probably doesn’t have her usual energy for routine chores like making dinner, picking up her prescription, or washing her car. If you step in and do these, let her know it’s about giving her a little help while she’s struggling. It should mean a lot. You’re telling her she’s not alone, but in a way that doesn’t take poetic eloquence or attempts to cheer her up (because her sadness is uncomfortable for you). The reality is, 80 percent of success in amateur grief counseling is knowing better than to put the “fun” in funeral. The other 20 percent is just showing up — with pizza and pot edibles.
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Months of quarantine have made FaceTime first dates the new thing. I’ve been chatting with a few guys on dating apps, and some of them have asked to schedule FaceTimes. Many of my friends have done it, but it still feels weird to me. Though my photos are right in my dating profile, talking with someone over video feels too revealing and not in a good way. Should I try it anyway, or should I wait until it’s safe to meet in person? —Resting Shy Face
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When people advise that you shouldn’t reveal too much on the first date, I think they’re talking about your areolas. There’s a lot of important information you’re missing when you’re communicating without seeing someone’s facial expressions. Zoologist Irenaus EiblEibesfeldt, who studied human animals in addition to the kind with paws and tails, explained emotional expressions as “the grammar of social interaction.” Facial expressions (as well as body language) give us a nuanced understanding of other people’s feelings and intentions in the way punctuation marks shape how we understand a set of words (for example, “Want to eat, Grandma?” versus “Want to eat Grandma?”). In fact, people will often say one thing with their words (like, “Really, I’m fine”), but to get the whole of what they’re expressing, you need to add the “pictures”: the emotions they’re displaying. For example, social psychologist Dacher Keltner, who researches emotional expressiveness, observes that “when a colleague shows signs of anger — with tightened lips, furrowed brow, and slightly raised upper eyelid — I learn that
he or she is frustrated, is appraising the current interaction as unfair, will likely act antagonistically, and may feel a sense of righteous indignation.” Men, especially, have very visually driven sexuality, so if you won’t FaceTime, you’re probably at a disadvantage compared with women who will. Chances are your real fear is that a guy won’t find you attractive. But if a guy’s not that into your looks, a screen won’t change that. Finding out where he stands as soon as possible could keep you from getting attached to somebody you’ll ultimately have to pry yourself away from. On the the other hand, revealing more of yourself will make the right guy more interested. And yes, there are people who even get married without seeing each other’s faces, but just in cultures where the marriage is conditioned on one’s father giving the other’s father 14 goats, five oxen, and a 1967 Subaru. ! GOT A problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or e-mail AdviceAmy@aol. com (www.advicegoddess.com) © 2020 Amy Alkon Distributed by Creators.Com.
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