YES! Weekly - June 16, 2021

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JUNE 16-22, 2021 VOLUME 17, NUMBER 24

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Greensboro, NC 27407 Office 336-316-1231 Fax 336-316-1930 Publisher CHARLES A. WOMACK III publisher@yesweekly.com EDITORIAL Editor CHANEL DAVIS chanel@yesweekly.com YES! Writers IAN MCDOWELL MARK BURGER

Less than a year in the Triad, BEN’S BOYZ, a family-run comfort food truck, opened a restaurant in the Friendly Center in early June after quick success.

Joe Wyatt, who grew up in High Point, is one of the restaurant’s co-owners with dad William Wyatt. According to the restaurant’s website, combined, the duo has over 50 years of restaurant experience.

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DISTRIBUTION JANICE GANTT ANDREW WOMACK We at YES! Weekly realize that the interest of our readers goes well beyond the boundaries of the Piedmont Triad. Therefore we are dedicated to informing and entertaining with thought-provoking, debate-spurring, in-depth investigative news stories and features of local, national and international scope, and opinion grounded in reason, as well as providing the most comprehensive entertainment and arts coverage in the Triad. YES! Weekly welcomes submissions of all kinds. Efforts will be made to return those with a self-addressed stamped envelope; however YES! Weekly assumes no responsibility for unsolicited submissions. YES! Weekly is published every Wednesday by Womack Newspapers, Inc. No portion may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher. First copy is free, all additional copies are $1.00. Copyright 2021 Womack Newspapers, Inc.

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When ANDREA SANTOLIM GELLER graduated from UNCG last month, she bought a mobile office and studio that she also intends to live in. It’s a 40-foot-long classic yellow Thomas Built bus with a Cummins engine, and she’s named it Bailey. As the mobile headquarters of LemonThyme Studios, Geller’s new business with Kevin de Miranda, Bailey will play a major role in the 2021 Greensboro Summer Solstice Festival...

5 Looking for ways to celebrate JUNETEENTH? We’ve got you covered with a list of curated events happening this weekend in the Triad.

7 Screenwriter/director Stephen Kijak’s SHOPLIFTERS OF THE WORLD, which takes place over a single night in 1987, is the latest attempt to replicate the formula. It is also the lamest and least of the lot...

11 BEING A PARENT is hard and wonderful. A culmination of great and good, happy and sad, and pretty much every other emotion you can feel. Being a man, I can only speak to my role as a son, father, and now a grandfather, and I have to believe that my thoughts are not unlike many others...

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Sweet-hearted songbird Laura Jane Vincent and rapper TK Free are two Triad artists following in their FATHER’S MUSICAL FOOTSTEPS while blazing their own trail of tunes along the way. TK Free credits her father, Nas Freeman (aka Nas-T), for her adlibs, work ethic, and stage presence.

“Being around all his friends that do music has made it easier to pick up and learn new songs,” she explained...

13 LUCHA LIBRE is a known term in Mexico representing professional wrestlers and was introduced in Mexico in the early 20th century. It’s characterized by colorful masks and is considered a fast-paced sport that combines many maneuvers and holds.

Located in Greensboro at 4925 W. Market St, Suite 1100, it’s also known for being a father and son shop that guarantees you a sweet treat with an incredible talking point.

14 ABIGAIL DOWD brings a “Beautiful Day” to the Carolina Theatre on June 26. “I just can’t imagine a better place to share this album for the first time,” Dowd said of the upcoming show, which also marks the return of the Carolina’s Ghostlight Concert Series.

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Bailey the Bus brings GSO Vibes to Solstice Fest

W

hen Andrea Santolim Geller graduated from UNCG last month, she bought a mobile office and studio that she also intends to live in. It’s a 40-foot-long clasIan McDowell sic yellow Thomas Built school bus with a Cummins engine, Contributor and she’s named it Bailey. As the mobile headquarters of LemonThyme Studios, Geller’s new business with Kevin de Miranda, Bailey will play a major role in the 2021 Greensboro Summer Solstice Festival, which runs from 2 to 10 p.m. on Saturday, June 19, at Lindley Park & Greensboro Arboretum.

“I’ve wanted a mobile lifestyle ever since my family moved to the United States,” said Geller, who was born in Porto Alegre, Brazil, and spent the first part of her life on that tropical island before coming to Greensboro, where she attended Weaver Academy, Appalachian State, and N.C. A&T before graduating from UNCG’s Political Science Program.

“Because we regularly went back and forth and I really enjoyed alternating between two different countries and cultures, I became obsessed with travel,” Geller told YES! Weekly. “I took a drafting class while also doing research on tiny homes. My teacher, Ms. Osborne, was really close to the construction department teacher, and one day, I said we should do a tiny home, as it’s faster, allows the entire student body to explore different things, is really useful, and, I told them, you can

Andrea Santolim Geller either keep it to use as an example, or you can donate it to someone. That began a tradition, and the Weaver Center construction department has now completed at least two tiny homes, one of which the Tiny Homes Coalition of Greensboro donated to someone in the city’s homeless community.”

As graduation approached this year, Geller was ready to take her obsession with small mobile living spaces to the next level.

“As my last semester began, I started looking for a bus and bought Bailey. The alternatives were a van or a truck and trailer. The latter was the only alternative I considered, as I want this to be a house I can live in for a while, with the space to do art. Some mobile dwellers are cool

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JUNE 16-22, 2021

with only a computer desk, but I paint and draw, and need space for an easel and tarp.”

Then there was the financial aspect.

“A bus is just one asset, whereas a truck and trailer would be two and would require me to build a structure from the bed of that trailer. And I’d need to have the paperwork for each individual asset, the truck and the trailer, to be able to own it, register it, insure it, drive it, park it, take it across state lines, whatever. With the bus, it’s all in one thing.”

Geller said that, while she intends to eventually insure it as a mobile home, she’s only insuring it as a commercial vehicle until she can build permanent living and cooking facilities inside it. “And, as I have a videography company with my friend Kevin de Miranda, Bailey is currently a commercial vehicle for that company, LemonThyme Studios.”

That company came about after Geller asked de Miranda, “can you teach me how to do all that video stuff?”

“I had been doing freelance videography work for about a year,” said de Miranda, “and we were looking for a creative project to develop, to teach ourselves how to tell a story better. So, we started making these videos about local businesses.

First at M’Coul’s where I work, and then other restaurants and places we liked going to, and that turned into a series of stories where we went out and captured the experience of things happening in this city. And now it’s turning into something

where it’s the name under which we’re doing things for the festival and other events.”

One thing they both wanted to capture on video was the sheer variety of the Greensboro Community. Geller said their original idea was “to do a tabling thing on Elm Street,” using the common term for the practice of setting up a table in public spaces and handing out information or asking questions. “We figured we’d encourage people to sit down and tell us their story, and we’d record them on the spot. Then somebody, I forget who, mentioned taking the bus to festivals. I thought about how the Solstice festival was the next big one coming to town and reached out to its administrators, Ling Sue Withers and Susan Sassmann, and they embraced the idea with open arms. It just seemed like such a natural idea to take the bus and make it a portable recording studio for telling us your story from Greensboro. It’s going to be so awesome.”

Geller said that, besides recording the stories of anyone who wanted to sit down and talk about Greensboro, she and de Miranda would be selling t-shirts and bandanas, both printed and hand-made using cyanotype and stencils, “which is a cool technique that gives you a really different texture and style.”

She also said, “we’ll have Carli, a Lyra dancer,” referring to a form of aerial dancing and acrobatics using a suspension apparatus resembling a steel hula hoop hanging from a crane, ceiling, or other support. This performance art, also known as aerial hoop dancing or circeaux, began in the late 1800s and was popularized in the early 21st century by Cirque de Soleil.

“We’re going to have a station for people to paint the bus,” said Geller. “For which we’ll make paint available to them.

We’ll also have a Tarot booth, a henna booth, and people selling jewelry, prints, and saplings of herbs.”

Of course, the bus will be only one of many attractions at the Solstice Festival, which will include food and beverage vendors (with wares including beer, cider, and wine), a market bazaar, a drum circle, two entertainment stages, and a fire finale. For more information, check out greensborosummersolstice.org. !

IAN MCDOWELL is the author of two published novels, numerous anthologized short stories, and a whole lot of nonfiction and journalism, some of which he’s proud of and none of which he’s ashamed of.

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[JUNETEENTH EVENTS IN THE TRIAD] COMPILED BY NAIMA SAID

Below is a list of curated events happening this weekend in the Triad designed to celebrate Juneteenth.

GREENSBORO

Juneteenth Freedom Event announces their 1st Annual Juneteenth Freedom Event, which is happening on Saturday, June 19, 2021, from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. Juneteenth Freedom Event strives to honor their rich heritage and will have African Dancing & Drumming, Storytelling/Juneteenth Presentation, Poetry, Music, Vegan Food, Vendors, and more. This event is free and open to the public. It will be held at East White Oak Community Center, 1801 10th St., in Greensboro.

Juneteenth Ruck welcomes the community to join them on a 3.25-mile ruck/ walk tour that explores the civil rights history of Greensboro and commemorates the end of slavery in the United States in 1865. The event is sponsored and run by F3 Greensboro, a free workout group for men that boosts male community leadership.

The event will begin promptly at 9 a.m. until noon, located at 718 E. Bragg St. There will be five stops: the MLK Sculpture, The Historic Magnolia House, George “Doc” Simpkins statue, Train Depot, and Bennett College’s “Annie Merner Pfeiffer Chapel,” with guest speakers, artists, and teachers along the way. Each stop is historically significant and offers plenty of space to listen, ask, and learn together. The event is free but will have a donate-what-you-can option at checkpoints for the #Pushups4Playgrounds, an initiative that promotes fitness and fellowship in the Glenwood community. The first 100 donations will receive an engraved, wooden Morale Patch commemorating the Juneteenth Flag.

Juneteenth Day in the Park invites families and friends to come out and celebrate on June 19, 2021, at noon at Sternberger Park, 715 Summit Ave. The event is hosted

by GSO Black Wall Street and will include a business expo full of food, vendors, games, giveaways, and networking opportunities.

Juneteenth GSO Black Food Truck Festival will be hosted at Lebauer Park in Downtown Greensboro between 5 p.m. to 8 p.m. Festivities include a picnic, live music with a DJ, and an open mic session.

Bethel AME Youth Department will be hosting a Juneteenth Vendor Market on June 19, 2021, between 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. at 200 Regan St. Come out and support local and small businesses in the area.

Register for the Juneteenth Green Book Bike Tour on June 19, 2021, between 10:30 a.m. until noon. The tour will be departing from the Greensboro History Museum, located at 130 Summit Ave. “The Negro WWW.YESWEEKLY.COM

Motorist Green Book” offered African American travelers a guide to safe spaces across the US, including more than a dozen in Greensboro between 1933 and 1966.

Hop on a different set of wheels to explore locations and still-operating Green Book sites in the Gate City, including the Historic Magnolia House this Juneteenth. There will be a family-friendly bike tour, approximately 2 miles round trip with 3-4 stops.

The tour is free, and lunch will be available for purchase at Magnolia House.

WINSTON-SALEM

Enjoy rich African American cultural traditions at the Juneteenth Festival on June 19, 2021, from noon to 7 p.m. Triad Cultural Arts present this year’s festival with partners Food Lion & the City of WinstonSalem. The Juneteenth Festival will be hybrid. The in-person events will be held at Innovation Quarter — Biotech Place from noon to 5 p.m., registration is required, and Bailey Park from noon to 7 p.m. Registration is not required. Covid guidelines will be followed for this free event. You can also experience parts of the festival virtually on the Triad Cultural Arts Facebook page & YouTube Channel. Biotech Place has various activities that include opening the program with a libation, cultural health and wellness that touches on black skin care, heart health, and maintaining emotional well being; local Jazz vocalist Janice Price and a poetic journey through Civil Rights to Black Lives Matter. Bailey Park will host a variety of food trucks, African dances, games, and exhibits.

Come out and explore the Juneteenth Jubilee, located at 750 Marguerite Dr. This event is a celebration of Black creativity featuring musical performances, art experiences, a number of community partnerships and vendors, and food trucks.

The Southeastern Center for Contemporary Art hosts the Jubilee presented by Steady Hyperactive, a Winston-Salem-based multimedia collective of creatives from multiple disciplines ranging from musicians, photographers, producers, and visual

artists Tickets are pay-what-you-want pricing, with a suggested $10 donation.

HIGH POINT

The Mind Group presents the inaugural Home-Grown Juneteenth Celebration on June 19, 2021, between 2 a.m. to 6 p.m. at Sabrina’s, 112 S. Main St. This free event is designed to celebrate freedom and the

Black dollar. The event, sponsored by Black Luxe, The Hayden-Harmen Foundation, Aksion Graphx, RhenOvations, and Sabrina’s, will offer a day of black-owned vendors, various food, and live music courtesy of Pure Fiyah Reggae Band & DJ MC. Just Dance Studio will be hosting a Juneteenth Paint Night between 6:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. on June 19, 2021, at 1223 Greensboro Road, High Point. Come out and express the true meaning of Juneteenth in the form of art.

Yalik’s African American Art and Cultural Movement will host a Juneteenth African American History Walking Tour on June 19, 2021, at Oakwood Cemetery, 512 Steele St., beginning at 10 a.m. This event is free and open to the public. Participants are asked to meet at the Steele Street entrance. !

an appalachIan

Summer FeSTIVal S

MUSIC · DANCE · THEATRE · FILM · VISUAL ARTS

july 2-31, 2021

emerson string quartet (July 6) canadian brass (July 11) tessa lark and michael thurber (July 16) tesla quartet (July 20) rosen-schaffel competition: 10TH ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION (July 25) julian gargiulo: pianist with the hair (July 30) ...and more!

For tickets and more information, please visit AppSummer.org or call 828-262-4046

JUNE 16-22, 2021

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Can your children lighten your father’s shadow?

BY CHARLES WOMACK | publisher@yesweekly.com

B

eing a parent is hard and wonderful. A culmination of great and good, happy and sad, and pretty much every other emotion you can feel. Being a man, I can only speak to my role as a son, father, and now a grandfather, and I have to believe that my thoughts are not unlike many others of my sex and my explanation of how I wound up here are not that unique.

Sitting here at the ripe old age of 56, I can proudly say that my children are all good - great in fact – and doing well.

They are all enjoying the world in their own ways and following paths in which their mother and I can be proud. They have all had their bumps and bruises along the way, and there were difficult days, but I have to say that our family anchor, Gracie - my wife and their mom, and I, steered their ships in the best, most positive directions we knew and knowhow. Some would say that they are all

grown up, spanning in age from 23-31, but I have to ask myself, do we ever really grow up? I know I still feel like a kid, but in an aging body that aches more than it shines.

As proud and as happy as I can say I am of my children and being their father, there is sadness in my family life.

I have to now acknowledge that I am no longer a brother in the real world to my younger sibling, Patrick, who passed away Aug. 5, 2019, at the age of 51, or a son to my father, that we lost Aug. 4, 2014, at the age of 71.

Both these gentlemen heavily impacted my world in many ways and are major parts of the life experiences recipe that made me.

As this is supposed to be Father’s Day focused, I will steer my ramblings to my father, Charles A. Womack Jr. I called him Dad, not Pop, Father or old man, or any of the other word choices from children. Not that there are anything wrong with those titles, but my father was Dad. He was my Dad, my rock, my

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anchor, and my daily call.

Unless he and my mother were out of the country, we pretty much talked on a daily basis, usually about random things, but mostly just to check-in. Our check-in calls usually went kind of like, “Hey, what are you doing?” Most of the time the reply would just be an “ahh just…..” or a “just got to the office” or an “in a meeting, but what’s going on” kind of thing. They would lead him or me into an “Oh, did you hear about…” something publishingrelated. And off the conversations would go.

Though many of our talks were just to “check in,” there were the times, the really happy or hard times, when I would call for advice or guidance. The remarkable thing about him was that he would listen to me. Really listen. He would not try to “fix it” or tell me “it was a mistake,” “a bad idea,” or anything else that would cause me to start second-guessing in my head. Not directly anyway. He would quietly listen and ask me how “I” felt about it and what did “I” think I would do or how was “I” going to handle it. And if the idea didn’t pan out, he never judged or said, “I told you so.” Our conversations were wonderful, and the things he said, as well as didn’t say, still resonate in my mind.

That was just one of his masterful qualities as a father. One of his best, and one I admire most now that I am a father, is how steady and calm he would always seem to be. He would spank me, of course, but never unless very much deserved. Most of my punishments revolved around taking my car, groundings, and not being able to go out on the weekends.

Because as a teenager, I was far from perfect. I played in a rock band, grew my hair long, listened to loud music, cared little for school, smoked the occasional left-handed cigarette, and got into trouble. Though nothing that ever got the Danville Police Department involved.

One example of this calm is during one of my many carless grounding periods.

Dad was driving me to school, and I was sitting up front looking straight ahead.

My then long hair usually came down over my ears, but on this day, it had blown back a little, and he caught a glimmer of shine from a newly pierced left ear and the gold bob inserted to keep the hole open. He looked at me and just said, “You got an earring?”

I said “yeah,” kind of embarrassingly,

and not another word was ever said about it.

That was him—no judgment and making his opinion known in a subtle manner and in few words.

As kids do, I’ve grown up. But I learned from watching and listening to my Dad. I have learned to appreciate and understand the things he did and didn’t do for me. I have learned to listen to “his” music, and honestly, today, I love it. I can’t play or even think about Frank Sinatra’s “In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning” without my eyes watering. Don’t get me wrong, I still rock out to my music, play the guitar loud, and put on my Aerosmith t-shirt. This weekend, in fact, I pulled out the black, Aeroforce-One, fan club model, but rather than heading to a concert or a band practice, I wore it to Lowe’s to buy some grass seed for our backyard.

He did so many more things to mold me into the father that I am today, and I would like to think that I am my father’s son. On the surface, I feel like we are so different. But are we different, or are we just from different times where music, morals, trends, child rearing, and the like were different? I’d like to hope and pray that we are more alike than different, but it is difficult. I have some solace in the fact that I don’t think any son feels like they ever really measure up to their fathers. If I really want to, I can assume that my father had the same feelings about his Mega-successful father, as well.

I guess all we can hope for is to do the best we can as parents and stay the course. I will always feel guilty about missing some of our kid’s sports games or not saying just the right thing at just the right time. You know, because to me, MY Dad seemed like he was always there and always said and did just the right things.

This I feel even more now that he is gone from his earth.

My father probably felt like he had a big pair of shoes to fill with his father, as well.

So, since I think he did the best possible job he could being a father to me, maybe my kids will remember my stumbling attempt at fatherhood in a similar light?

Maybe I can’t feel like I measure up to being my father’s son, but I can take comfort in the fact that I am the father and grandfather to some wonderful human beings that I love, admire, respect, and am so very proud of.

To my father: Happy Father’s Day, Dad. You are loved, and you are missed.

To my Kids: I love you. !

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flicks

Lamenting the loss of The Smiths

O

ver the years, there have been a number of memorable comingof-age comedies that took place over a single night, chief Mark Burger among them American Graffiti (1973), Contributor one night in 1962 (“Where were you in ’62?” asked the ads), and Dazed and Confused (1993), which depicted one night in 1976. More recently, the overlooked Summer Night (2019) depicted one night in its era.

Screenwriter/director Stephen Kijak’s Shoplifters of the World, which takes place over a single night in 1987, is the latest attempt to replicate the formula.

It is also the lamest and least of the lot, a smug, self-indulgent teen comedy that, despite being “based on true intentions,” depicts its era without ever seeming to

understand it, opting instead to borrow elements from ’80s movies, albeit with backhanded condescension.

It’s the break-up of the British band The Smiths that sets the plot, such as it is, into motion. For the film’s principal characters – Cleo (Helena Howard), Sheila (Elena Kampouris), Billy (Nick Krause), and Dean (Ellar Coltrane) – this is on par with the end of innocence, if not the world.

Dean, who works in the local record store, has an unrequited crush on Cleo, so much so that he allows her to shoplift at will (not a particularly endearing quality), but Cleo is too obsessed with The Smiths and too self-absorbed to notice.

So he takes matters into his own hands by hijacking the local radio station and demanding at gunpoint that disc jockey “Full Metal Mickey” (executive producer Joe Manganiello), whose name belies his musical preference, play nothing but The Smiths.

Initially, Cleo, Sheila, and Billy are too preoccupied to bother tuning in, and it happens to be Billy’s last night in town before joining the Army, another contriv-

ance in a film bursting with them. There’s also the matter of Sheila’s unconsummated romance with long-time boyfriend Patrick (James Bloor), yet another pedestrian plot point.

Not surprisingly, adult characters are scarce, and those who do appear are caricatures. Only Manganiello, who manages to make a clichéd rant about his failed marriage more interesting than it should be, is able to breathe some life into his character. He literally is the only grown-up.

On the other end of the spectrum is Howard’s Cleo, whose adolescent cynicism and rebellion are fueled by depression over an alcoholic mother – whom we briefly glimpse, passed out on a couch surrounded by empty beer cans. It smacks of soap opera simple-mindedness.

Later, someone calls her a “poseur,” to which her reaction is an angry slap followed by stalking away in tears. Given Cleo’s behavior up to that point, what would she consider herself – unpretentious? It’s rather a shame to see such attractive performers as Coltrane (who also appeared in Summer Night), Howard,

Kampouris, and Thomas Lennon flailing in such flimsy roles.

The characters don’t feel genuine, nor do their problems, and it’s a foregone conclusion that anyone who offers a dissenting opinion about The Smiths is, of course, portrayed as noxious, if not toxic.

As the film points out with sledgehammer subtlety: They don’t get what it’s all about.

Nor, for that matter, does Shoplifters of the World, although vintage footage and The Smiths music is the best part and will doubtless entice fans. Too bad it couldn’t have been used in something better, more believable, more entertaining, and more attuned to the overall realities of its time and place. This has attitude and style but no substance. In other words, a poseur.

– Shoplifters of the World is available on-demand and digital, as well as DVD ($27.97 retail) and Blu-ray ($28.96 retail) from RLJE Films. !

See MARK BURGER’s reviews of current movies on Burgervideo.com. © 2021, Mark Burger.

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[NEWS OF THE WEIRD] RIGHT UNDER YOUR NOSE

Chuck Shepherd

A woman known only as Sajitha from Kerala, India, disappeared in 2010, when she was just 18 years old, reported Newsweek. But about three months ago, the mystery of her

disappearance began to come to light.

Sajitha had left her home 11 years ago and walked just 1,600 feet to the home of her neighbor, Alinchuvattil Rahman, who at the time was 24 years old.

Reportedly, the couple believed their romantic relationship was threatened by their differing religions, so Rahman settled her in a locked spare bedroom in his parents’ home, where she spent the next decade watching a small TV using headphones. Rahman’s brother, Basheer,

said Rahman was intensely secretive about the room and kept it locked at all times; his bad temper discouraged his family from asking about what was going on. “During the day, as everyone was at work, Rahman and Sajitha would have the house to themselves,” Basheer said. The room had no bathroom; Sajitha would crawl out a window at night to relieve herself. This spring, Sajitha left the home and Rahman followed shortly after; his family reported him missing, but Basheer soon “spotted Rahman by chance” in another village, where he and his beloved have set up their new home.

WEIRD FASHION

— Crocs went on sale less than 20 years ago, but they’re already experiencing a “renaissance,” according to The Independent. And for the Spring 2022 season, Crocs are getting a crossover boost from luxury fashion house Balenciaga: New models feature a stiletto heel (which looks more like a Lego piece) under the traditional green or black perforated upper. The new model may cost as much as $1,000, but social media isn’t on board. One tweet called them “an actual nightmare,” and another commenter said she is “irrationally angry.”

— If the high-heeled Crocs aren’t outre enough for you, look into this accessory: the Mundstuck, made by MYL Berlin.

“Mundstuck” means “mouthpiece”; this high-style one fits over the bottom lip and decorates the chin, Oddity Central reported on June 7. MYL Berlin calls it “structured, chic and daring. ... It nestles perfectly on your lip without applying pressure or hindering your mobility.”

The stainless steel Mundstuck comes in black, gold or silver and in three different designs. Prices range from $75 to $140.

WEIRD ANIMALS

— In Victoria, British Columbia, photographer Tony Austin was out for a nature walk on May 31 when he ran across an inexplicable sight: A murder of crows had landed close by, and one was sort of flopping around in the dirt. “It would sort of ... hop into the air and ... then hop back onto the gravel,” Austin said. As Austin grew nearer, he saw that the bird was covered with ants. He was concerned for the bird’s welfare, but when he posted a picture on a Facebook page for bird enthusiasts, he was relieved, NPR reported. The crow was “anting” — spreading ants on its feathers and wings.

Experts aren’t clear about why birds do this; it may be related to cleanliness or to share the ants’ defensive secretions of fungicides, miticides and insecticides.

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JUNE 16-22, 2021

— The Independent reported on May 13 that a new BBC documentary has revealed that dolphins chew on and pass around puffer fish in an apparent effort to get “high.” Puffer fish release a nerve toxin when provoked; large doses of it can be deadly, but small amounts can produce a narcotic effect. Dolphins, having partaken of just the right amount, appear to enter a trancelike state. Rob Pilley, a zoologist who worked as a producer on the series, said the dolphins “began acting most peculiarly, hanging around with their noses at the surface as if fascinated by their own reflection.

It was the most extraordinary thing to see.”

THE ENTREPRENEURIAL SPIRIT

Small businesses have had to be creative in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic, as demonstrated by Club Pro Adult Entertainment in Toronto, Ontario.

The Toronto Sun reported that shutdowns nearly destroyed the strip club — until owner Teresa Marciano and her staff came up with another idea. “Since we couldn’t operate as a restaurant, the only thing we wanted to do was something outdoors,” Marciano said. “Most of our staff and managers love golf, so we tried to marry both industries together.”

The new venture, Stiff Shafts, turns the former club’s parking lot into a driving range where golfers can aim their shots at caricatures of prominent politicians.

Bartenders and waitstaff will return to provide food and drink to customers, and the dancers will be caddies. The Marcianos hope to open on June 14.

PRECOCIOUS

Two West Jordan, Utah, sisters, 9 and 4 years old, set out before dawn on June 2 with California beaches in their sights, Fox News reported. Unfortunately, the 9-year-old was driving, and things didn’t go as planned. Just several miles away from home, the little driver veered into oncoming traffic, slamming into a semitruck. Both girls were wearing seatbelts, and no one was hurt. Their parents were unaware of the joyride until police called them after the accident. “I guess they were intending to start their summer vacation a little early,” remarked West Valley police spokesperson Roxeanne Vainuku. Lt. Sean McCarthy added, “I don’t know that we’ll tell them they were going the wrong way” to reach California. !

© 2021 Chuck Shepherd. Universal Press Syndicate.

Send your weird news items with subject line WEIRD NEWS to WeirdNewsTips@amuniversal.com.

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Small Business Spotlight

Listen every Sunday at 9 AM for WTOB’s Small Business Spotlight.

Hosted by Josh Schuminsky, you will learn about the many small, locally-owned businesses in the Winston-Salem area.

JUNE 20

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June 16-22, 2021

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Father-son duo opens restaurant after successful food truck run

ess than a year in the Triad, Ben’s Boyz, a family-run comfort food truck, opened a restaurant in the Friendly Center in early June after quick success.

Jessica Clifford Joe Wyatt, who grew up in High Point, is one of the Contributor restaurant’s coowners with dad William Wyatt. According to the restaurant’s website, combined, the duo has over 50 years of restaurant experience.

William Wyatt worked for Libby Hill Seafood Restaurants, a regional franchise, for 28 years. During part of his tenure, he worked as a general manager, director of operations and ran different locations.

“The Conrad family gave him a really good opportunity, and those are some of the greatest people that we know,” Joe Wyatt said. “They really gave us the opportunity to get into the restaurant game.”

William Wyatt is currently a part owner of SidWill s Café and Catering in Jamestown.

According to William Wyatt, his son began to train to potentially takeover SidWill’s when William’s business partner originally wanted to retire. However, when his business partner had a change of heart and decided not to retire, the family decided to branch out.

“We were initially maybe going to do a second SidWill’s, but we had different ideas about the direction we would like to take our company, so we started Ben’s Boyz,” William Wyatt said.

They tried to find a brick-and-mortar location; however, that was difficult during the pandemic. They ended up starting a food truck instead on Oct. 1, 2020.

William Wyatt said the food truck was set up in Friendly Center for about eight or nine months.

“Our food truck became so popular that we’re now a restaurant. It’s been a cool journey,” Joe Wyatt said.

William Wyatt owes the quick success to the visibility of their food truck, the kindness of customers, and word of mouth as their “lifeblood.”

When the family found an available building in Friendly Center, they went YES! WEEKLY

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The outside of Ben’s Boyz restaurant, still awaiting their sign. This location was previously home to Newk’s Eatery.

for the full-service dine-in or take-out restaurant, with a rental space in the back big enough for about 40 people, Joe Wyatt said. The location previously housed Newk’s Eatery.

Today, the food truck is still available as a rental, such as for corporate events.

“The community all around – Greensboro, High Point, Winston-Salem – are filled with great people, and we’re lucky to be here. They support us, and they definitely want us to succeed,” Joe Wyatt said.

The recipes for the food served at Ben’s Boyz were inspired by sister LaTisha Hayes and their dad’s recipes.

The menu is a mixture of southern comfort food and drinks, such as fried wings and fish, grilled chicken, turkey, and beef meatloaf, a choice of salads, roasted wings, tea, and lemonade. In addition, they offer classic southern sides, such as mac n’ cheese, collard greens, yams, green beans, slaw, and potato salad. LaTisha Hayes prepares the desserts of the day from scratch.

As any southern comfort food should have, Ben’s Boyz offers signature sauces to choose from, including Uncle Will’s Red, a sweet and savory tomato-based sauce; Tangy Island, a light and flavorful sauce with notes of sweet and tanginess; and Ben’s Bang, their very own spicy barbeque sauce.

Ben’s Boyz is named after Joe Wyatt’s

A view of the dining area during the afternoon of Sunday, June 13.

grandfather and William’s dad Benjamin. “We named it Ben’s Boyz because, between me and him, we are Ben’s boys,” Joe Wyatt said.

In the logo, there is a third Ben’s boy – great-grandson Isaiah Hayes – who also works at the restaurant.

Family is not just the inspiration for the restaurant’s name, logo, and menu options. Ben’s Boyz is also family-run, with various members working at the restaurant. According to Joe Wyatt, Ben’s Boyz is one of the only family-run businesses in

the Friendly Center, which contains many franchised restaurants and brand name shops.

“We lead with love,” Joe Wyatt said, even as working with his family has its advantages and disadvantages.

“Working with family, you have a lot of personalities, but the thing about it is that we all love each other, and we want the best for the business and for each other to grow,” Joe Wyatt said.

William Wyatt shares a similar sentiment about working with family. How-

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Isaiah Hayes giving food to a customer. ever, their family has various strengths, allowing them to fill needed roles in the restaurant.

“I’m proud I raised my kids to have an entrepreneurial spirit and be strong in what they believe,” William Wyatt said.

According to William Wyatt, he is giving his daughter and son the reigns to direct Ben’s Boyz while he offers logistical support.

“They’ve always grown up around the restaurant business,” William Wyatt said of his children. “They both worked at Libby Hill locations until they went off to college.

They both have a pretty good understanding of the restaurant business.”

Ben’s Boyz also employs many young people because it is important to William Wyatt to help mentor and develop future leaders and business owners.

“We are trying to involve as much of the community as we can,” William Wyatt said.

The restaurant is decorated with artwork from local artists for sale, and books written by local authors are in the waiting area.

Joe Wyatt thanks the community for their support. “This is for the culture,” he said.

“We want everyone to experience a true southern-style cooking when they land into the city,” Joe Wyatt said. “We want to be the destination spot that they come WWW.YESWEEKLY.COM

to...when people come into North Carolina, they stop by Ben’s Boyz so they can get a taste of southern hospitality and southern food.”

In addition, he said, “our business is growing not only in the restaurant sector but also in the corporate sector as well.”

The next step for Ben’s Boyz is to become a nationwide supplier. Some of the items they want to wholesale include Mama Ella’s beverages, named after William Wyatt’s mom, and their signature sauces. Their seafood will be distributed to colleges, hospitals, and local grocery stores. In addition, they recently partnered with a few international companies to start importing foods, Joe Wyatt said. !

JESSICA CLIFFORD is a graduate student at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. She is typically found reading, writing short stories and poetry, or hanging around friends and family with a glass of wine in hand.

WANNA go?

Ben’s Boyz is located at 2711 Grandview Ave., in Greensboro at Friendly Center, in the former location of Newk’s Eatery. The restaurant is open Sundays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays 11 a.m.-4 p.m., Thursdays 11 a.m.-7 p.m., Fridays 11 a.m.-8 p.m., and Saturdays from noon to 8 p.m.

Visit http://www.bensboyz.com/ to order takeout or cater an event.

JUNE 16-22, 2021

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Triad artists follow the beat of their father’s footsteps Sweet-hearted songbird Laura Jane Vincent and teenaged-rapper TK Free are two Triad artists following in their father’s musical footsteps while blazing their own trail of tunes along the way.

Fourteen-year-old TK Free credits her father, Nas Freeman (aka NasT), for her adlibs, work ethic, and stage presence. “Being around all Katei Cranford his friends that do music has made it easier to pick up and learn new Contributor songs,” she explained, noting the perks of growing up with a musical dad.

The rising ninth-grader has been rapping steadily for the past five years and started writing songs around 2018.

She released her first record, “TK’s World,” in April.

With his daughter dropping albums before she even hits high school, Nas-T is a proud papa. “TK’s a reader, so converting her feelings to music and hearing how it comes out is always shocking,” he said of watching her talent develop. “I know grown folks who don’t possess her level of content.”

Nas-T himself began playing music as a kid, starting with drums as a preschooler and becoming a rapper by his teens. “It’s stuck with me through the years,” Nas-T noted. His latest albums, the “Redemption of Life” EP (2016) and “B Free” (2019,) are arguably more adult-ori-

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ented and feature his experience working with producers like C. Boogs, Superior Tek, Magiconthebeats, ShowdownBeats, D.R.U.G.S Beats, Grim & Tre Magic; and artists including Drox Czen, IllPo, Shad Rack, Bionik, Tre Magic, Ed E. Ruger, and Cy Extra Money.

“Our music will always be different,” Nas-T said of the contrast in his daughter’s work. “She’s growing up in a different era, and while our thought processes are different, we’re similar in that we both stay true to ourselves.”

Free agreed, dropping the lyric “pops said don’t be one of the fakes” on the track, “Told You,” on which Nas-T is featured.

Turning to inspirative artists, they both enjoy the lyrical work of J. Cole; and find their greatest influence in each other. “She thinks she’s better than me,” Nas-T noted, “which pushes me to grind harder.” He also credits Free for keeping him connected. “As I’m getting older, she helps me understand how the youth thinks, which allows me to make songs for everyone—not just my era.”

While Free acknowledged her father’s inspiration for the better, she’s also a teenager. “My dad is very annoying,” she said, reflecting on their time in the studio, “and he has too much energy.”

Accordingly, “TK’s World” opens with an appropriately teenaged track expressing frustrations with siblings and burgeoning independence, along with preferences for hoodies, Nintendo, and choice snacks like BBQ chips and Mountain Dew. It’s an overall family-friendly endeavor, featuring the perspective from a girl growing up (with a noted love of candy) who’s looking forward to her future on “Choosen,” looking back on brain-freezes and bike-rides in “Havin Fun” and looking around at the pitfalls of a pandemic childhood in “Come Thru.”

As for Father’s Day itself, the pair looks forward to watching the AAU Basketball tournament, with a possible cookout. Even as they share a love of music, the Freemans put family first. “We don’t really talk much about our own music,” Nas-T said. “We try to keep these times about family.”

Family time for Laura Jane Vincent is a bit different.

“I’m sure we drive the rest of our family a little crazy with all the ‘shop talk’ at dinners and holiday tables,” she said of the conversations shared with her stepfather, songwriter and guitarist, Al Simmons. “We constantly share ideas, jokes, dreams, and plans when we’re together. “ An active solo artist (and member of the folk trio, Berryfield,) Simmons spent the 1970s and 80s in the southern rock band Rockinhorse before joining Vincent’s family.

“My mom started dating Al when I was about 13, and I liked him immediately,” Vincent explained of their introduction. “He seemed genuine and unique—and he was very funny. Plus, there weren’t any other musicians in my family, so I was excited to find out he played guitar—I finally had someone I could talk to about my biggest obsession.”

As they grew closer, Vincent learned of Simmons’ background as a professional musician. “I just started asking all the questions about the industry and performing and playing,” she said. Twenty years later, she remains grateful for the insight that’s proven a cornerstone in her career.

“I learned a lot as a teenager attending gigs with Al,”

Laura Jane Vincent and Al Simmons from LJV she explained. “It not only gave me a front-row seat to watch him and his friends perform so well together, but I also learned about the sound equipment, setting up a stage, merchandise, band etiquette, booking shows, and getting paid.”

Beyond nuts-and-bolts around gigging, Simmons also fostered Vincent’s passion for songwriting. “Al showed me an entire universe of singer-songwriters that I never knew existed,” she said. “He encouraged me about my own art in a way that my family couldn’t—his opinion came from the perspective of an experienced musician.

That approval made me feel like I could really do something with music as a career.”

As the pair bonded over poetry and folk music, particularly that of Bob Dylan, Vincent was introduced to Simmons’ fold of notable musicians—a circle in which she’s grown into on her own right. They share friendships and influences with artists like Mike Gaffney, a revered songwriter whose passing they recently honored on-stage, together, during a tribute at Doodad Farm.

These days, as a seasoned musician herself, Vincent values the input they’re able to share. “I think we both value and seek the approval of each other in a real positive way,” she said. Their next shared appearance will be billed as “Laura Jane Vincent with Al Simmons” at STARworks Cafe and Taproom on July 17. !

KATEI CRANFORD Is a Triad music nerd who hosts the Thursday Tour Report, a radio show that runs like a mixtape of bands touring NC the following week, 5:30-7pm on WUAG 103.1fm.

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A Sweet Match: Father and kids operate Greensboro’s Lucha Libre Ice Cream Lucha Libre is a known term in Mexico representing professional wrestlers and was introduced in Mexico in the early 20th century. It’s characterized by colorful masks and is conNaima Said sidered a fast-paced sport that combines many maneuvers Contributor and holds.

Located in Greensboro at 4925 W. Market St, Suite 1100, it’s also known for being a father and son shop that guarantees you a sweet treat with an incredible talking point.

“There isn’t anything like it here. So we wanted to venture out of the norm and create a fun place that still showcases our culture and creativity,” said Martin Ortega, who immigrated to the United States from Mexico 29 years ago to work hard enough to leave a legacy for his family.

“I’ve been working for over 30 years.

That’s all I know what to do. I have a strong passion for it,” said Ortega. His son, Chris Ortega, translated the interview.

Martin was one of Greensboro’s first Latin American businesses when he opened Barrio Latino, a grocery store that closed in 2005.

Lucha Libre began as a family business and has continued to expand. “It takes a team to run a business, and I was lucky enough to have my family. Besides me, it is my two sons Chris and Anthony, my daughter Kimberly, my mother, Norma, and two other family members, Johan and Katerina Ortega,” said Ortega.

Martin Ortega oversees all the day-today activities of the shop while managing the marketing, branding, and interior design. These titles include everything from

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deciding on the wall color to the recipes of the ice cream.

Along the walls when you first enter hang Lucha Libre masks that are for sale.

The venue features multiple walls that are decorated with floral designs, wrestling art, and memorabilia. One of the art installs features six luchadors, or wrestlers who compete in Lucha Libra matches, and each one of the figures represents Ortega’s children. It’s a popular spot for patrons to take pictures when in-store.

“Eighty percent of the recipes are influenced by our culture, while the remaining 20 percent of the recipes were designed in-house. All our ice cream is handcrafted and made fresh daily,” Ortega said.

As soon as you enter the ice cream shop, you are met with the delectable smell of freshly made churros that can be stuffed with Bavarian cream or strawberry filling.

Lucha Libre also has an expansive variety of ice cream flavors and paletas. Paletas are similar to a flavored ice pop that can come in fruit flavors such as strawberry kiwi or mango, and wrapped in a waffle, dipped in chocolate, and a topping of choice.

The shop has hit with its Smackdown milkshakes. One of its most popular categories on the menu, the milkshakes are offered in different flavors and come with a signature churro loop on top. The Giant Nutella is a shop bestseller made with Nutella ice cream and a churro covered with white Belgium chocolate and then covered with sugar before being torched to perfection. It is topped with whipped cream and crowned with a mini Nutella jar.

A new item on the menu, to be released this summer, are paw-shaped paletas for pets. It’s a way for you and your furry friend to enjoy a treat together, but Lucha Libre will still focus on the less-furry customers.

“My favorite treat is the Mangonada

Titán. It is a non-dairy sorbet dessert that is topped with natural diced mangoes and tamarind bites, Chamoy sauce, and Tajin Powder,” said Chris.

The Greensboro anchor will soon be expanding to Winston Salem in the next few months, but the Ortega’s are don’t want to announce a date until they have more details to share.

One thing is for sure, Martin has been busy leaving a legacy for his family, and his family is appreciative of the gesture.

“This is my business. This is my future,” Chris said. “I have my father to thank for that, and I’m so proud of him.” !

NAIMA SAID is a 22 year old UNCG theatre graduate and host of Heeere’sNeeNee Horror Movie Podcast.

WANNA go?

For more information, check out Lucha Libre’s Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/ LuchaLibreIceCream/?ref=page_internal.

The Sportscenter Athletic Club is a private membership club dedicated to providing the ultimate athletic and recreational facilities for our members of all ages. Conveniently located in High Point, we provide a wide variety of activities for our members. We’re designed to incorporate the total fitness concept for maximum benefits and total enjoyment.

We cordially invite all of you to be a part of our athletic facility, while enjoying the membership savings we offer our established corporate accounts.

3811 Samet Dr • HigH Point, nC 27265 • 336.841.0100 FITNESS ROOM • INDOOR TRACK • INDOOR AQUATICS CENTER • OUTDOOR AQUATICS CENTER • RACQUETBALL BASKETBALL • CYCLING • OUTDOOR SAND VOLLEYBALL • INDOOR VOLLEYBALL • AEROBICS • MULTI-PURPOSE ROOM WHIRLPOOL • MASSAGE THERAPY • PROGRAMS & LEAGUES • SWIM TEAMS • WELLNESS PROGRAMS PERSONAL TRAINING • TENNIS COURTS • SAUNA • STEAM ROOM • YOGA • PILATES • FREE FITNESS ASSESSMENTS FREE E QUIPMENT O RIENTATION • N URSE RY • T E NNIS L E SSONS • W IRE L E SS INT E RNE T L OUNGE

JUNE 16-22, 2021

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HEAR IT!

Abigail Dowd’s “Beautiful Day” coming to the Carolina Theatre

A

bigail Dowd brings a “Beautiful Day” to the Carolina Theatre on June 26.

“I just can’t imagine a better place to share this album for the first time,” Dowd said of the upcoming show, which also marks the return of the Carolina’s Ghostlight Concert Series.

“The theatre itself is beautiful, and Katei Cranford having the full band on that stage feels right.”

For Dowd, a return to the Carolina Contributor also feels like worlds apart since she sold out the Crown for her sophomore release in 2019. When recording for “Beautiful Day” began at the Fidelitorium in February 2020, no one could imagine how the world would halt. But after rounds of storms flooding her home—seven times over—and threatening her health, Dowd was accustomed to the unexpected. And, finally, in a dry house, she welcomed the rest.

“After living through a year of house floods, I think I’ve gotten comfortable with not letting myself dwell on things that are out of my control,” she said, reflecting on the shutdown and the months that followed. By contrast, the two years leading up to those five days in the studio were a whirlwind of nomadic displacement, wherein water ravaged her home so severely; it was ultimately purchased and demolished by the City of Greensboro. Her partner (and bassist) Jason Duff stayed in attempts to salvage their house, but the mold forced Dowd to flee to homes of family and friends.

The experience inspired “Beautiful Day,” on which Dowd explores fearlessness, hope, letting go, freedom, faith, and gratitude to new depths; and with a richer fullness thanks to the menagerie of musicians including: Joe MacPhail on keyboards, Austin McCall on percussion, Alex McKinney on dobro and pedal steel guitar, and Scott Sawyer on electric guitar.

“I think it’s a good reminder that shit storms can lead to higher ground,” Dowd said, musing on her source material, the precariousness of a pandemic release, and the upcoming concert—all at once.

“It’s pretty wild that it’s on our biggest stage yet,” she added, “backed by a full band! We’re going to be able to give our fans a show like we’ve never done before.”

While Dowd’s graceful composure renders swearwords a surprise, it’s one with which she balances a down-toearth gravity. “I think showing up and being human and remembering why we’re there in the first place is how I get grounded before a show. It’s a blessing to be a musician, to play with others who are so dedicated and talented, and especially to share that with an audience.”

She likewise finds blessing in her material. “The songs themselves felt like gifts to help me get through the last two crazy years,” she said. “In the studio, I loved the openness to experiment and seeing where it would go. On ‘Grandmother Moon,’ we pulled out the Moog, and I swear Joe MacPhail was damn near inside the piano playing harmonics on the strings.”

Dowd’s openness toward experimentation mirrors her YES! WEEKLY

JUNE 16-22, 2021

PHOTO BY ANGELA KERR

openness as a songwriter, weaving illustrations of memories and experiences with those she loves and those she’s lost. The harmonics on “Grandmother Moon” flow with stories of spirits and signs.

“It’s not that the animals are watching us so much as that, for me, they’re a reminder; a sign,” she explained, elaborating on the song’s inspiration, which stemmed from a Sacred Fire Foundation event dedicated to sustaining indigenous wisdom where a speaker shared stories of being watched over by their father’s spirit through animals.

Dowd felt a kindred experience involving birthday owls and her late father, whose spirit she sought while feeling lost in the flood. “There have been a handful of times in my life when I’ve felt so helpless that I’ve literally called out to my dad. I guess it’s like my last surrender,” she said.

“But those are times that my life has taken beautiful turns,” she continued, turning toward what led her to the event. “I followed signs to the Sacred Fire Foundation, where I was reminded that those who leave earth before us, especially our parents, can be stronger on the other side than on this one. I feel that. And I’m so grateful. For the spirit of my parents, birth and otherwise, who are my guides on this side and the next.”

Dowd recently celebrated what would’ve been her father’s 65th birthday, sharing a video for “Where Were You,” the closing track off her first album. “There’s so much that I don’t understand about life and death and this wild universe,” she said, “on Father’s Day, I’ll give thanks. I’ll celebrate my fathers and grandfathers, and all the father figures. Often when I’m on stage performing, I’m playing for loved ones I can’t see as much as I do for those I can.”

And the show-setting fits. “My parents used to go to the Carolina when they were students at UNCG,” she

explained, calling it one of her favorite venues. Pulling elements of a proper release, Dowd will have shirts and stickers “hot off the presses,” along with her latest record.

Additionally, her pocket-sized handbound songwriting guides will be available for purchase. Combining two of her passions: songwriting and bookbinding, Dowd drafted the line of guides “to get folks thinking about how to write a song, with a place to keep notes, words, rhymes.”

She picked up the bookbinding habit while in Italy, an art she then studied in Boston and an Italian monastery.

“They’re fun,” she said, casually, about the books, almost dismissing her worldliness—which pops into songs like “Apple Trees,” that references her time living in Maine.

Whereas “River” was written in Colorado, while its instrumental introduction, “St. Vrain,” carries inspiration from a Bedrich Smetana poem about the Vltava River in Prague.

As “Beautiful Day” serves to bridge worlds and lifetimes, its release show will bridge artists from across the state.

“Half of the band is coming from the Triangle,” Dowd explained. For an opener, she’s plucked Durhamite-by-wayof-Boone (and Sleepy Cat Records artist) Earleine.

“I can’t wait to see everyone!” Dowd said of the show itself. “There are so many people we haven’t seen since the lockdown. Music is about sharing a vibration so that in that moment, we can all literally feel how connected we are.

We may have differences of all kinds, but we’re connected, and when there’s music, it’s a lot easier to feel it. “ Dowd will celebrate the release of “Beautiful Day” on June 26 at the Carolina Theatre. !

KATEI CRANFORD Is a Triad music nerd who hosts the Thursday Tour Report, a radio show that runs like a mixtape of bands touring NC the following week, 5:30-7pm on WUAG 103.1fm.

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last call

[THE ADVICE GODDESS] love • sex • dating • marriage • questions

NO MANCHILD LEFT BEHIND

I’m a woman in my early 20s. I’m considered pretty, and I’m in good shape.

I started dating significantly older men (in their 40s and early 50s). I love Amy Alkon that they’re adults and I don’t become Advice a girlfriend-slashGoddess nanny, motivational coach, and resume editor like when I’m dating guys my age. But these older men and I are in different life stages with different goals. They want to get married way sooner than I do, or they’ve had kids and don’t want more. How can I trick my brain into wanting men my age who are less emotionally and otherwise mature?

—Elder Dater In my 20s, upon moving from Michigan to Manhattan, I was quite the grandpa chaser. I have a thing for the lived-in male face and a ripened mind. But back then, I felt personally and professionally adrift — unsure of who I was and what I wanted to do. Ultimately, I think I was drawn to much-older men in the way Kate Winslet’s character was drawn to the door she clung to when The Titanic went down.

These men had what might be called stability: established careers in impressive, high-status fields, and they lived in civilized apartments (in contrast with my grim walk-up, so tiny you could breathe

or think; pick one). But, now, looking back through the lens of evolutionary psychology, the attributes that attracted me reflect the evolved female preference for men who can “invest”: provide for a woman and any children they had together.

This priority by women, found across cultures and even species, surely evolved because females (save for seahorses, pipefish, and sea dragons) are the ones who get pregnant and left with babies to feed. Because the perils of single motherhood weren’t an issue for ancestral men, men evolved to prioritize physical attractiveness. This preference is sneered at as “superficial,” though it’s anything but. The features men are drawn to — smooth, unblemished skin, lustrous hair, full lips, and youth — are cues to a woman’s health and fertility. Men who instead had the hots for wrinkly 70-year-old ladies wouldn’t have left any descendants to pass on their biddy-banger genes.

Across cultures, other characteristics most widely sought in both male and female mates include kindness, intelligence, and good health. Most of us can’t have it all; we have to settle to some degree. But evolutionary psychologists David Buss and Todd Shackelford find that women who are very physically attractive and thus high in mate value wanted all four of a cluster of mate characteristics in a man — those indicating that: 1. He’ll invest. 2.

He’ll be a good parent. 3. He’ll be a loving partner. 4. He has good genes to pass on (suggested by his physical health, masculinity, and sexiness).

If you are high in mate value — physi-

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cally attractive, with other qualities men want in a partner (kindness, intelligence, etc.) — you’ll probably feel less willing to settle. This makes for some challenges.

Much-older men can be a bad bet for a number of reasons, including crushing alimony, sperm beyond their prime, and the possibility that you’ll be diapering both a baby and a husband in relatively short order.

Unfortunately, in many younger men, 30 seems to be the new 18. Financially, the trappings of an adult life (like a house and children) are out of reach for many younger people in a way they weren’t in the past. Also, because casual sex is widely available, younger dudes are in no rush to end the Tinder rando sex parade with an “I do.” Finally, many of this generation grew up helicopter-parented, without the “Be home by dark!” independence of we who grew up in the ‘70s and ‘80s. Many got trophies just for showing up and either weren’t asked to do chores or were allowed to shrug them off. Is it really a shock when a guy doesn’t pop up at 23 brimming with adult responsibility and instead wants to play World of, um, Warcrack all day while you write his

resume and cover letters?

Your best bet is probably to look for guys just a bit older — in their late 20s or early 30s — who may not be totally together in their career and finances but show potential. These are men who are ambitious, intelligent, and hardworking, with reasonable goals (that is, goals that seem realizable without the services of a wizard). Look for signs they care about more than their own immediate comfort and ease — like by noticing when you’re cold and giving you their jacket.

To be fair, there are women with mucholder male partners who have happy, satisfying, and maybe even magical relationships. Still, a good general rule might be that a guy’s probably too old for you if, when he was your age, he could’ve called you “baby,” but “3-month-old fetus” would’ve been more medically accurate. !

GOT A PROBLEM? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave., #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or email AdviceAmy@ aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com). Follow her on Twitter @amyalkon. Order her latest “science-help” book, Unf*ckology: A Field Guide to Living with Guts and Confidence. ©2021 Amy Alkon. Distributed by Creators.Com.

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