YOUTH IN REVOLT ISSUE.13 by YIR Magazine

YOUTH IN REVOLT

Size four models that look like they haven’t had a bad hair day or a zit in their entire life, celebrities airbrushed beyond recognition, one thousand and one ways to get an orgasm, articles encouraging girls as young as thirteen to go out dressed in little more than a hanky, a one thousand five hundred dollar scarf advertised as a wise investment, girls ‘dressed’, posed and hotographed for the pleasure of perverted old men and pubescent little boys, 20 question quizzes that will determine the rest of your life, miracle diets and miracle creams. That’s not life that’s a glossy magazine. Life’s is an amazing, beautiful, eye opening journey, a learning process through which we gather the knowledge and experience required to pass from this life into the next. Youth in revolt will evoke thought, feeling and discussion from start to finish, life will never be a glossy magazine but this, is progress. This is YOUTH IN REVOLT.

Olivia Mróz

Nicole Daphne

FOUNDING EDITOR

Photographer and artist.

Writer and journalist.

YOUTH IN REVOLT

CONTENTS 04_ 05_ 10_ 12_ 14_ 16_ 18_ 20_ 22_ 24_ 25_ 26_ 28_ 38_ 46_ 48_

the black chakra adamNOTeve why did the hipster burn his tounge? yir mod rusty fragment bloggerz hype headphones in, world out mell hall cross stitching reader rant the internet misha grace teenage kicks politics shmolitics fuck doll

YOUTH IN REVOLT

www.adamnoteve.net

YOUTH IN REVOLT

Why did the hipster burn his tongue?

Because he drank his coffee before it was cool!

Last night, I had a horrible moment of realisation. It was whilst sipping on a chai tea that I had made with soy milk, listening to Alt-J and trawling through pictures to post on my Tumblr (which, if you’re interested, is 365daysofmade. tumblr.com). It was only after re-blogging yet another quirky illustration and scrolling past one of a thousand pictures of Lana Del Rey that the reality of the situation dawned on me: I was on the path to quickly becoming a Pretentious Hipster. We all know the kind of person I am talking about; that rare breed of androgynous boy and girl wearing their grandfathers sweaters on their chests and triangle tattoos on their wrists. The kind of person who drinks almond milk, even though they don’t have an intolerance to lactose . That individual who is so cool and unique that they are wearing the same hand-me-down shirts as everyone else in Fitzroy. And, the key identifying marking of a Pretentious Hipster in the wild; the hand-rolled cigarette. If you’re lucky, you might even witness the Hipster rolling their cinnamon-scented tobacco whilst they’re drinking their trendy European pear cider. It’s very easy for us non-hipsters to poke fun at the strange and quirky beast that is the Pretentious Hipster, or, as one of my friends likes to call them, the ‘Hipster Fags.’ On a more personal level, I constantly find it hard to fathom my thoughts on the subject. Do I detest them, or desire them? Why do we find it so easy to hate on the hipster? I’ll be the first person to admit that I kind of don’t like the concept of the ‘Hipster,’ just as much as I detest the individual who follows the mainstream definition of ‘cool’ and ‘fashionable.’ However, as I sit here writing this, I cannot help but draw some parallels to me and the hipster world. I have a nose piercing. I recently have taken to wearing more woollen jumpers than I have at any other point in my life. I’m in the process of designing my first tattoo. And there have been drunken nights in the past were I have been caught rolling my own cigarettes. There is a part of me that hates that there are elements of my lifestyle, fashion sense and taste in music that could fit neatly into the ‘Hipster’ niche. I mean, how dare anyone give a label to my style, my habits, and my lifestyle? I think my main contention is this: I don’t like the suggestion that there are facets of my personality that can be labelled ‘Hipster’ because I don’t consciously try to be a hipster. I like what I like, and I do whatever the hell I like, regardless of whatever it says in Yen magazine is fashionable this week. My main aim in life is to just be myself, whether that be what I decide to wear to university on a Monday, or the way in which I live my life.

YOUTH IN REVOLT

However, I do detest those people in our community, the more ‘pretentious’ of us who purposefully strive to be different purely for the sake of fashion.... those people who are trying so hard to be unique that they just end up looking like the rest of the plebs trundling up and down Brunswick street. These are people who have wholeheartedly rejected the norm of society and frequent the op-shops and second-hand stalls at the weekend markets. And good on you for attempting to be different. However, when it is a written code of conduct of your peers to be ‘different;’ to wear a beanie on a 30 degree day and tattoo obscure literary quotes on your forearm, you’re just as much a slave to fashion and trends as those people who subscribe to Vanity Fair and watch too many episodes of ‘Gossip Girl.’ You’re just as pretentious as those bleach blonde drones who flock to Chadstone on the weekend. You’re not unique: you’re a common, garden-variety, Hipster Twat. And I saw the girl at Boost Juice sporting the same haircut as you not five minutes ago. Of course, not all ‘Hipsters’ are of the pretentious variety. I once met a girl on the tram wearing the best knitted poncho I have ever seen. When I complimented her on it, she said “Thank-you, I bought it at a market in Marrakech.” Marrakech, dear reader! Now that’s different. How many people can say that they have a hand-knitted poncho from a market in the far-flung East? Certainly not me, and certainly not all those Hipster wannabes. Here’s my advice; unless you want to draw scorn and smirks from those around you, stop trying so darn hard to be different. And at any rate, regular milk taste a hell of a lot better than almond milk.... how do you even milk an almond anyway? by Made Stuchbery

YOUTH IN REVOLT

YiR MOD by mykayla joy

YOUTH IN REVOLT

Rusty Fragment. The underground Australian comedy scene never fails to produce some amazing talent, especially right here in Melbourne. Over the past 20 years, the likes of Lano and Woodley, Greg Fleet, Fiona O’Loughlin, and Bob Franklin have been churned out of the comedian-making fun machine that is the International Comedy Festival, and with this years festival fast approaching in April, now more than ever is a great time to give some of our unknown gems a polish and pop them out on display. Sam Petersen is a 21 year old stand-up comedian, writer and film maker hailing from Phillip Island, but who has now swapped his board shorts and thongs for coloured corduroy pants and a house in Brunswick. In 2011 Petersen made a splash on the Melbourne comedy scene, and has performed his stand-up comedy routines at various venues across the city, including Death Star Canteen, Commedia Dell’Parte, Felix Bar, Sotto Comedy, Pugg Mahones, Blah Blah Comedy, the Penny Black, Spleen Bar, the Exford Hotel, the Royal Flying Comedians and more. At the 2011 Fringe Festival, Petersen opened for veteran comedian Greg Fleet in his show ‘Bring It,’ and now the two have teamed up and have started producing some seminal comedic work together under the name ‘Rusty Fragment.’ Described by Beat Magazine as “a performer brimming with natural charisma,’ we spoke to Petersen about the birth of Rusty Fragment, what revolts him and his current comedic projects.

YOUTH IN REVOLT

Who’s involved? Greg Fleet and I make up Rusty Fragment (Greg Fleet, the Australian comedy legend known for his work on the sketch show ‘Full Frontal,’ ‘Stand Up Australia’ and his astounding stand-up career). I don’t know who’s Rusty, and who’s Fragment. Fleety and I just get together with nothing prepared (exactly how we like it) and either decide to film a quick sketch, write something or do a podcast. Usually, we’re done within the hour so we can high-five each other repeatably and watch a video film. How did you get started in comedy? I was interested in comedy a little later on when I saw Australian shows like Frontline but before that I was watching Little Britain. I thought that was great back then. But if I turned to my mum, during one of their revolting characters (huh? See what I did there, REVOLTing), and said “mum, that’s what I want to do...dress up as a lady and then undress on telly” I think she would have been concerned. It wasn’t until I started watching Frontline that I realised that I wanted to start making my own television shows and so went to Channel 31 where I was lucky enough to make two or three series of shows. That was amazing, and then I fell into standup accidentally. I think that’s how I got started, or maybe that’s Greg Fleet. What’s the idea behind ‘Rusty Fragment?’ The main idea behind Rusty Fragment is that there are no ideas. We quite often surprise each other with how little we both bring to the table. It’s even more surprising that two people bring less to the table that one person should. I don’t know why I’ve chosen this ‘table’ analogy, but now I have to stick with it. But when we do get our shit together, we write and perform comedy sketches and record podcasts. What revolts you? Recently it’s been people talking really loudly on public transport. They yell out “OH HEY JOHN, YEAH, HEY...” while people are waiting for them to shut up, but they continue “YEAH NO I CAN TALK. I CAN TALK, YEAH. I’M JUST ON A TRAM. YEAH. YEAH. I KNOW. I KNOW. HOLD ON I MIGHT TALK OUT THE WINDOW. YEAH. YEAH. NO, JOHN, I CAN TALK. I CAN TALK. I’VE BEEN GETTING A MUCOUS-Y DISCHARGE...” and on and on and on. That revolts the shit out of me. What work are you doing right now? Where can we see what you’ve been up to? Right now I’m lying in bed, in my pleasantries. I’m also writing a script. I love television, I’d eat it if I could. So right now I’m writing a short pilot episode that I want to get up and running. It’s the new thing I want to do with Rusty Fragment. There are amazing people involved and I can’t wait to get it up with Greg. Head to rustyfragment.com to view all our latest filmed sketches, podcast episodes and sensual photo shoots. What are you comedic inspirations? My comic inspirations range from Whoopi Goldberg to Fiona O’Loughlin, Greg Fleet and Steve Martin. I also love Rob Sitch and the entire Working Dog Production Team. Whoopi Goldberg always surprises people when I say that she was an inspiration. Apart from the way we look, we are quite different, but I love her silliness and the way she can make anything funny. Fiona O’Loughlin is the best standup I’ve ever seen. I can never get enough of her - it’s the same with Greg Fleet. He inspires me on a daily basis and I’m extremely lucky to be a part of Rusty Fragment. So why not check it out? That is, when you finish this magazine. Don’t be a jerk. by Made Stuchbery

YOUTH IN REVOLT

bL0GG3Rz interviewed by olivia mroz

Amy/Eighteen/American/Tauran www.astralbutt.tumblr.com What do you do? Currently work in a hair salon/occasionally make art. Do you have any animals? I have a venus fly trap and that counts as a pet 2 me =^.^=. What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve done/seen? I drunkenly told a boy I loved him. Do you believe in God? Not in a traditional sense, as an omnipotent being, no. nature, the universe, everything is ‘god’. How do you want to die? I’d like to jump out of an airplane. being in free fall for a while would be pretty fun. What’s your favorite sound/smell/touch/taste? All i could think about when I read this was the boy I have a crush on. Wow, lame. W don’t even know why. He makes me feel safe and happy. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be? Don’t trust anyone ever, question everything. I wish i had been given this advice and taken it. What’s your fave sex position? Literally all of them, because i just love sex. actually, i don’t know what this one is called, but like missionary but with your legs up by your head. That one is awesome. What’s your sexual fantasy? I have so many! I don’t even know where to begin! Do you have any fetishes? Lots! Being tied up/restrained in any way is a big one. I’m interested in most fetishes and willing to try just about anything. A boy put a gas mask on me once and ate me out then fucked me and I was surprised at how much I liked that. Spit or swallow? Swallow, spitting just seems insulting/unsexy, I dunno. If you don’t want it in your mouth, don’t let him cum there. Do you remember the first time you came? Yes! I cried, actually. Sex toys? I have an awesome vibrator, because it gives mind blowing orgasms so quickly !!

YOUTH IN REVOLT

Luna/Brazilian/Canada/Scorpio www.occult-symmetry.tumblr.com What do you do? I am a student, artist and cam girl. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? Honestly, I pretty much do what I want. What’s your favorite thing to blog about? I just like to blog things that inspire me. A lot of vintage porn, the color pink and of course girly and generally minimalistic or feminist art. What inspires you? Everything. I have this bad habit of thinking that everything symbolizes something, that everything has some sort of conceptual meaning or is an omen or something. I like to divide up my problems, my neuroses I guess, and cast them onto some sort of object. This becomes my obsession du jour and by working with these symbols I kind of work out the things that trouble me. Right now I am obsessed with rabbits as a representation of traumatic events that happened in my childhood. If I didn’t make art I would probably just be a hoarder. Do you think you’re a Indigo/Crystal child? More like a mentally disturbed child (however I do practice witchcraft and strongly believe in ESP) Have you ever seen anything die? I used to love killing ants as a child. To be honest I still do. How do you want to die? I have this obsession with drowning. I almost have a few times in my life and I have always been really drawn to Ophelia (From Macbeth) and her death. It’s kind of strange because the ocean/water in general is one of my biggest fears even though I was a competitive swimmer all through high school. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? Either six or sixty. Either way an age that naps a lot. Are you sick in any way? In the head. Have you ever been paid for sex? Nope, but I have been paid to insult dudes and tell them that their genitals are useless to me, which is so much more fun.

YOUTH IN REVOLT

Hype By Nicole Daphne Wilson

Vintage Floral Shirt Reclaimed Vintage is an impeccably edited collection of reworked and authentic men’s vintage clothing available from www.asos.com From ‘90s prints to retro florals, which are updated onto deadstock retro shirts, vintage t-shirts and sweatshirts, alongside a range of original ‘true vintage’ pieces. We love, love, love florals and the leopard print sleeves really give it that little bit of edge. It’ll set you back $74.90 but we think it’s well worth it.

www.oliviamroz.blogspot.com.au Want to keep updated about what the very talented, very kooky Olivia Mroz is up to when she’s not pouring herself into the pages of this magazine? Want to get inside her head and find out what she’s really about? On olivamroz.blogspot. com.au Olivia posts everything from finished work to experimental work, to poetry, and things I haven’t yet thought up a category for. Expect explosions of colour, glitter and all sorts surprising things to stimulate you visually. Go have a squiz! You’ll find yourself intently scrolling over every post. I’m certainly guilty of it.

Now Is Good A girl dying of leukaemia compiles a list of things she’d like to do before passing away. Topping the list is her desire to lose her virginity. Based on the book ‘Before I die’ and staring Dakota Fanning and UK Skin’s Kaya Scodelario, no matter how hard you try there will be water works. Tissues a necessity.

‘TO DO OR NOT TO DO’ A5 Planer ‘TO DO OR NOT TO DO’ an A5 weekly planer from Typo, perfect for the modern day procrastinator. Organise your chaotic life using this uniquely indecisive planer, or gift it to that friend who never gets shit done. They won’t be offended, I know because I am that person in my circle of friends –In fact, fingers crossed you might even get a giggle. For $4.95 you can’t really go wrong, so pop into your closest Typo or jump on www. cottonon.com before they run out.

YOUTH IN REVOLT

Laura Marling - Alas I Cannot Swim Wow, this album just gets me. It is seriously so lyrically spot on. I now know every word to every song on here, that’s twelve songs, and if you ask any of my close friends and they’ll tell you how unbelievable that is for someone with the memory of a gold fish. It’s a wonder I get anything done really. Music for blissful twirling (we’ve all done it), music for lying on the floor looking at the ceiling whilst entertaining those idle thoughts that are seemingly inescapable , music for long nostalgic walks, music for life. I can’t give this album enough phrases without literally going down on the girl. I’m listening to as I type this, do yourself a favour and get yourself a copy.

Colour-Drip Candle - Set Of 2 I’m yet to find someone who doesn’t enjoy candles, how about you? And these Colour Drip Candles from www.urbanoutfitters. com make normal candles miraculously melt in shame. The awesomeness of these candles is impossible to ignore, watch as your candle melts away, dripping an array of colour down it’s sides. A must have for any candle enthusiast, a very cheap $4 for two.

Hamburger Bean Bag Hungry? Here’s a super comfy bean bag in a playful hamburger shape, a touch of whimsy and charm for any area. I actually really want this, I mean who wouldn’t? I love hamburgers, and I love being comfy. Sorted. The only problem now is that I’m on a mission to find a Coke can bean bag and a hotdog bean bag to match! Urban outfitters you get me every time. $98

Sugar Rush Socks These adorable socks are available from Nastygal.com and are just above ankle length and covered in colourful jellybeans. We think they would look super freaking cute with transparent jellies, or anything really. We almost died when we found them and then almost died again when we saw the price, $6! There is literally no excuse not to add these to your wardrobe, so rad.

YOUTH IN REVOLT

Headphones in, world out. by cam johns

Cornelius - Point 2001 One Friday night several years ago while struggling to shut off my brain, I decided to subject myself to the often mixed bag of late night Rage. But this particular night I was greeted with a certain song that really grabbed me. The song in question was Drop by Japanese experimental artist Keigo Oyamada a.k.a Cornelius. It just immediately stuck with me, with its use of literal drops of water to power the backbone of the beat to the acoustic guitar, bass guitarâ&#x20AC;Ś this song just creates the perfect build. I knew I had to find the record it was from. And when I did Point proceeded to meet my expectations then surpass them. Point just has this power to transport you away with its tranquility then hit you over then head with a short burst of anger, then immediately take you back, often within the space of two tracks. Bird Watching At Inner Forest is a spacious track that transports you to a peaceful rainforest, which flows into the next track I Hate Hate which is a loud abrasive and confronting ode to death metal. Incorporating found sounds, like the sounds of waves crashing and bird, with regular instrumentation seamlessly, Cornelius finds the perfect balance and is not afraid to try anything.

YOUTH IN REVOLT

Tiny Moving Parts - This Couch is Long And Full Of Friendship 2013 One of the most polarizing genres to exist in modern day music is emo/ screamo, most notably the vocals. They tend to break a listener who finds them grading. It is a genre that you either love, or you hate. I happen to be a lover, but have not always been. Bands like La Dispute, Touché Amore and Brand New converted me and I can now see not only the merit of this type of music, but the brilliance that can come out of it. My latest discovery Tiny Moving Parts, a young band hailing from Minnesota, has a great carefree and youthful attitude towards their music. The first words written on their tumblr read ‘Minnesota kids who have nothing better to do’ which was true of their first collection of songs from 2010 Moving To Antarctica. A rough around the edges debut that showed much promise but lacked the sort of polish and direction needed. Fast forward to 2013 and the polish is present and a more concentrated direction is shown on This Couch Is Long And Full Of Friendship. All aspects have been improved which hits you straight away with the opening track Dakota. With a cleaner sound overall, great slow open that slowly incorporates instruments, while still remaining a very vocally heavy song. The delivery sells this track, along with the youthful outlook the lyrics embody. Tiny Moving Parts have become a quick favourite of mine and I am extremely interested in where they go from here.

YOUTH IN REVOLT

Mell Hall by nicole wilson

YOUTH IN REVOLT

To simply say Mell Hall is a writer would be selling her short. Although words are her first love this extremely talented and versatile writer has also made a name for herself as a stylist, brand consultant, publicist and more recently a DJ. With an ever growing list of accomplishments under her belt, perhaps a more appropriate description would be a young successful entrepreneur who has attained that ever so elusive and sought after goal of making a living from doing what she loves. When I sat down to have coffee with Mell at my local coffee shop I presented her with my ideas for this piece “You’re too kind.” She laughs modestly about being referred to as a ‘young successful entrepreneur’, but credit should be giving where credit is due, and Mell Hall has more than earned the title. Rarely ever caught without a pen in hand, laptop present or more recently headphones on, Mell Hall is constantly working on some type of creative project. Heavily inspired by the people she surrounds herself with whom she admires greatly, she speaks fondly of the creative’s she shares residency with at her beloved Villa. “The Villa is my home, my bane. It’s filled with a range of creatives doing their thing.” When I ask her about what it’s like to live a double life as a writer by day and the other half of all female DJ act Kolors by night Mell explains it involves a lot of Red Bull, all nighters, bronzer and lipstick “it’s a girl’s best friend when trying to look awake.” She also speaks warmly about her partner in crime behind the decks, Jess Hatzis’, and what it’s like working together to provide party-goers with the perfect disco. “We know exactly what the other is thinking, and therefore our sets are compatible. She never seizes to amaze me.” As discussion moves back to her writing we find ourselves swapping stories about the first time we both felt the written word’s relentless gravitational pull.“I knew I wanted to be a writer when my year ten English teacher was bought to tears by my modern portrayal of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet with a little help from Nick Cave.” She tells me “That night I went straight home and told my Mum I wanted to be a writer.” If didn’t show at the time, I was impressed. As she politely listens to me waffle on about why I decided to become a writer we find that we both originally planned to enter the work force as nurses, It’s then, that it becomes apparent to me that Mell is one of those rare people that you can both find common ground with but also look up to and aspire to be like one day. We speak for what seems like a short amount of time more, but is in actual fact is another hour about her various projects, goals, dreams and boys (an unavoidable subject when two females sit down over coffee it seems) and I can’t help but wonder where does it stop? Well not here apparently, as Mell gears up to take on her newest creative venture a long side long time friend James Fava. Fall Street Records , a word play on the duos combined names is a fresh new music label that they’ve both dreamed of starting together for years, and is now finally becoming a reality. With DJ Yasumo and infectious indie rock band I Know the Chief already signed up, things are looking extremely promising. Finally we say our goodbyes, Mell undoubtedly keen to get back to it, but before we do I ask her one last question, what piece of advice would she give to a young creative trying to make in the today’s ever changing industry? “Figure out what you want to do and stay true to that, write down your thoughts day and night, and always, always ask questions.”

YOUTH IN REVOLT

Cross Stitching

A Few Things the Professionals Don’t Tell You by zoe katarina

1. DON’T DO IT ON THE FLOOR I have this memory of the first time I stitched something; it was a long stitch kit of teddies and balloons. I went hell for leather for like an hour with the thing resting on my lap, and when I tried to get up I found out I’d firmly sewed it to my pants. So I thought I would be clever this time and do it on the floor where there’s lots of space and room to keep pants out of the way. Unfortunately, if (like me) you do not vacuum that much, you will get a huge shock at the amount of hair and other shit that lives in the murky pile of your carpet. While it is certainly personal to sew your hair into things, no one wants this so just sit at a normal desk. 2. UNTWIZZLE THE HELL OUT OF IT The thread doesn’t want to do what you want to do, it wants to do what IT wants to do. And what it wants is to quietly twist around while you’re sewing like a dirty sneak until suddenly you have a huge bloody knot and you have to chop it. To prevent this, every few stitches you’ve got to let the needle hang down and untwizzle itself. It is the only way. 3. DON’T USE CLEAR NAIL POLISH ON THREAD ENDS I thought I was being really, truly brillo with this idea. But if you are lazy and put polish on the end of the thread instead of neatly sewing it into the back of the cloth, guess what? The cloth hardens into fucking rhinocerous hide and I don’t care how careful you’ve been with the polish brush, your needle is about as good as a toothpick. 4. DON’T LET ANYONE SEE THE BACK This would be like a magician revealing his secrets. I’d recommend covering the back with something at the end, perhaps writing ‘Piss off: I do not reveal my magic’ on it or something less harsh. Whatever it takes to maintain your artistic integrity (dignity). 5. DO TAKE THE TIME TO FIND THE RIGHT HOLE Good advice for anyone really.

YOUTH IN REVOLT

Reader Rant! by cam johns

Death of the Festival

www.adamnoteve.net

I have officially given up on the idea and the notion of ‘The music festival’. The over crowding caused by poor and greedy ticket allocations and the asshole nature of a lot of the attendees are the main culprits. Two recent festivals to really piss me off were the 2010 Groovin The Moo and this years Laneway Festival. With the former the worst I have ever experienced. Having arrived at the gate at twelve I was greeted with a line. Which I plonked myself into, thinking to myself “This should move pretty quickly.” Three and half hours later I had moved fifty metres… And when I did get in there was zero room to move. Tired of staring through a hole in the sea of people I strategically cleared a path through the crowd and drove back home from Bendigo. Money well spent. May as well have changed it into 1 dollar coins and taped it to my body while telling people to fight for it. At least that form of human contact would have had my consent. Laneway was not far behind it. I literally witnessed several people at a stage, while a band was performing, with their backs to the band!!! I mean… THE FUCK. You spent money on this… maybe face the people you supposedly came to see. Or… you know, don’t come. Don’t crowd up this festival, crowd up a different park. Pretend it’s a festival. Hey, I will help you out. I will get the iPod dock and you just face whatever direction you want, yeah? I will even supply you with a drink… nine dollar beer? Done. Both of these festivals over sold and created an environment that does not warrant the hefty price tag. Being able to move and stand comfortably is just a basic 1st world human right. How about some fucking consideration for the actual people who want to see these bands without fighting eighteen year old kids for air and space? When did they become less about actually seeing the music and more about just being there and saying “Yeah, I was at [Insert Festival Name Here]”? It has become more of a fashion statement rather than an enjoyment. Don’t get me wrong these people still have fun, but the fun should be received from artists performing songs you have always wanted to hear live, not about how wasted you can get. If you are there to do that, get the fuck away from the stage and away from me.

YOUTH IN REVOLT

The internet

The good, the bad, the ugly by Made Stuchbery

American author John Naisbitt said not too long ago; “We’re simply drowning in information but starving for knowledge.” In this world of mass-media conglomerates and constant expansions in social media technologies, I constantly find myself surrounded by bits and bytes of information and have no way of assimilating it all into my skill set without sounding like a Media Communications lecturer. I find the internet and my relationship with it akin to Neo in The Matrix: I’m trapped by the cryptic messages surrounding me without really completely understanding them. I’m currently sitting in my kitchen, writing this article on my laptop whilst streaming ‘The Doors’ greatest hits album from YouTube. My sentences are punctuated by frequent Twitter updates as much as they are with commas and full stops. And, since discovering the online scrapbooking virtues of Pinterest the attendance record of my history lectures has plummeted. Considering the current invasive nature of the internet in my life at present, you would imagine that I would detest, even attempt to reduce my internet usage in an attempt to graduate on time and avoid morphing into Sheldon Cooper. Unfortunately, you would be wrong. I think that it’s high time I thrust hand upon heart and admit that I, Made Stuchbery, have an internet problem. My Facebook and Twitter pages are the first thing I look at in the morning before I put my glasses on. I’m prepared to squint at the fuzzy tweets before my blurred eyes before even considering sitting up and correcting my vision with spectacles. My days are peppered with trawling through Tumblr and Pinterest looking for my latest artistic muse (this week it’s Elizabeth Olsen) and pinning images of potential future travel destinations (I booked a holiday to Porto, Portugal based purely around a photograph I found online of a white, sandy beach and a topless Portuguese male). I don’t really need to go on. The internet has completely and utterly taken over my life. But, is this honestly a bad thing? I’m an Australian gal, living on the other side of the world in cold, snowy England. Without the internet, my communications with friends and family back home relies of Her Majesties Postal Service and good ol’ Australia Post, and, considering that it once took three days for a letter to travel from Phillip Island to the CBD of Melbourne, you can understand why my faith in the more traditional ‘snail mail’ is flawed. So I rely heavily on the internet, and for good reason. When you’re stuck in a small flat in the midlands of England, and the snow is peppering your window, all you can think of is the sunny outdoors of Australia. So you fire up Skype and start chatting to a friend of yours who is sunburnt and hung-over as fuck. You check out Facebook and casually stalk your friends, experiencing an Aussie summer vicariously through their photographs.

YOUTH IN REVOLT

Needless to say, I’m one of many millions of young adults littered around the world who is obsessed with the internet and her mutant spawn of media technologies. But it can’t be all bad, surely? Unless ‘The Internet’ is the 21st century version of crack cocaine, and we’re currently living in the psychedelic, dream-like euphoria that comes before the destructive addiction and frequent Methadone doses. Are we likely to reach some kind of internet-based crisis point in the near future, or is my mother simply overreacting when she thinks that my Facebook usage will lead to inevitable identity theft and sexual assault? All the mature, competent adults of the world who never forget to pay their phone bill and whose fridges are always filled with nice, fresh fruits constantly bang on about how the youth of today are always connected, always online and yet never interacting with the ‘Real World.’ This concept of the ‘Real World’ causes rage and irritability to writhe within me, to be brutally honest. It makes me want to insert a rusty butter knife into my face. I don’t understand how being online detracts from reality and, to get to the nitty gritty, who made all the adults in charge of the abstract definition of what the ‘Real World’ is, anyway? Honestly, I think that this paranoia and adult distain for the internet is spawn from some kind of fear. Fear of the unknown perhaps...I know many adults who struggle to complete a Google search without drawing parallels with the monkeys inventing rudimentary tools in ‘2001 Space Odyssey.’ Maybe they’re all simply frustrated with their inability to complete a fairly simplistic internet-based task that a modern 12 year old could complete with ease, and instead of adapting and learning, they simply dismiss the whole new-fangled technology and live in a bitter, twisted paperback world. Or maybe they know something that the rest of us don’t. But, until my identity is stolen by a small, toothless Cambodian man and sold for a pittance, I’m going to continue to scroll my way to happiness.

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MISHA GRACE

www.mishagrace.weebly.com

Twenty three year old Australia artist, Misha Grace is inspired by stagnancy, glitches, spatial quantities,nature and opposing forces. Misha paints, makes videos, drinks, munches, durries, pats her dogs, listens to a lot of things, watches a lot of things and drinks tooo much coffee. She isn’t one of those artists who is OCD about their materials, she rarely pays for boards, is happy to use paint and boards found on the side of the road, or from $2 bargain shops. Misha believes that “Creation is the most natural ability to humans and it doesn’t just exist in art.” And was brought up in a family of artists so a need to create as always been present. Misha Grace is an incredibly talented young Australia artist and definitely one to watch. We hope you find her creations as absorbing and captivating as we do.

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Teenage Kicks Model: Gisele (Vivienâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Model Management) Stylist: Madeline Roberts Make-up: Marnie Rappell

www.bethlane.com.au

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POLITICS SHMOLITICS

BY campbell elmer

ELECTIONS.

Politics. Whenever I speak this word around one of my friends their face cringes up like I’ve just hit them with a dead possum and then they proceed to ignore anything I say for the next ten minutes until I give up. To me, politics is fascinating. While I understand it may bore some people to the point of brain damage I still think it’s an important part of society that everyone needs to be up to date and educated on, because at the end of the day, if nothing else, it’s what is keeping us from becoming the next Hiroshima. Even though this subject interests me, a grey guy in a grey suit on the ABC droning on about the economy can even make me want to munt all over the TV. So, I feel it is my duty as a fellow youth to inform you all in a simple, no bullshit explanation the major happenings in the political world. So without further ado, let’s get down to business. This month I thought I’d start off with how it all starts; elections. And in the wake of the second inauguration of Barak Obama and Julia Gillard’s announcement of the 2013 federal election I’ve decided to compare the electoral systems of Australia and the US to show just how differently democracy can be interpreted. You’d think that to elect a leader all one would have to do is vote for that leader, right? Nope, wrong, go hang your head in shame. As if you don’t know by now that nothing in this word is ever that simple. An election that is based on the number of raw votes = the winner is called a ‘popular vote’. Neither America or Australia use this system, however out of the two, Australia is the closest with its ‘preferential system’. The Preferential System: This electoral system is used for the federal election and some lower house elections in particular states. You’ve all probably seen the commercials that hover around election time that talk about boxes and numbers and lines and in the most basic terms, they are just telling you to treat each political party like you would your top Myspace friends (excuse my vintage analogies). Just as you would put your best friend as number one, you would for the party you want ruling the country, but if it had to be another party, then you put them as number two and continue till you’re done. You also have the choice to just mark one box with 1 and be done with it, but that could make your vote redundant if the only party you voted for is excluded from the race for having such few votes and you haven’t chosen any back up preferences. The major difference between America and Australia in deciding who gets to be boss is that in Australia you are voting for a party to be the majority of the Parliament but in America you’re voting for a person who is a member of a party and does not necessarily need the majority in the Senate or the Congress (although that helps if you actually wanna get shit done). You might’ve heard all about a ‘hung parliament’ two and a half years ago during the last election, and contrary to our dirty teenage minds it has nothing to do with the dick sizes of the representatives. In a nut shell, Labour and Liberal tied with the amount of seats they won in the parliament, so the only other two parties in the

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Parliament, the Greens and the Independents, had the option of using their preferences to back a party and ultimately decide the results. In the end Labour’s cheeky agreement with the Greens to go ahead with an emissions trading scheme, aka the carbon tax (cue screams and crying children), which led to them receiving more preferences and winning the election. The Electoral College: The USA’s electoral system is just as confusing. The states play a role in the federal election because they each have a particular number of votes that goes towards each candidate. How it works is that each citizen can vote for one candidate then whichever candidate wins that state’s majority wins all of their votes. For example, California has 55 votes in total, so if the majority of Californians vote for Obama and Biden those candidates get 55 out of the 538 total votes held by all of the states. The number of votes that each state has is proportionate to its population, well its supposed to be anyway. Some larger states lose a few of their votes to smaller states and the idea is so that Presidents don’t ignore the interests of the smaller states for the votes of the bigger ones. Whether or not that theory works in practice is debatable to say the least. However it is possible for democracy to fail in this system. Because of the electoral college system if a particular 42 states were to suddenly form a political alliance they could elect a president with only 22% of the popular vote. This is accounting for the fact 50.1% of a state’s population is needed to have a majority vote when voting between two parties, however is not accounting for the fact voting is not compulsory in the US, meaning the number could be way less than 22%. In the last election 121 million people voted… out of the 314 million people that live there. That’s only 38% of the population. What makes this system even more bizarre is that the ‘votes’ each state has is actually a person who will vote on behalf of that state, and believe it or not that person actually has the power to vote for another candidate if they want to. These ‘electors’ were implemented originally because that’s how things had to be done in the good ol’ days before instantaneous communication when it took days or weeks to get to Washington in which time circumstances may have changed. So, what this system tells us is that although the US likes to run around with its dick hanging out chanting about its democracy and freedom being the epitome of humanity, the case seems to be quite the opposite. In Australia, where a whole parliament has to be elected, it makes sense to have a preferential system, but in the US when you’re voting for one President (and Vice President but who cares about them) person it doesn’t make the most logical sense to not have the popular vote. I suppose though the only true democracy is Direct democracy, where you vote on legislation, but this isn’t Switzerland so I guess we’re all doomed to an eternity of ‘well this is as good as it’s gonna get deal with it’.

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Fuck Doll by Olivia Mroz

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www.oliviamroz.blogspot.com.au

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.au 54

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