WRITTEN BY 1HILL .E #RIèHTLY ILLUSTRATED BY 0MAR 3ODRIèUEZ -AVANDERO FERMENTINè SINCE
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WRITTEN BY 1HILL .E #RIèHTLY WRITTEN BY 1HILL .E #RIèHTLY ILLUSTRATED BY 0MAR 3ODRIèUEZ -AVANDERO ILLUSTRATED BY 0MAR 3ODRIèUEZ -AVANDERO FERMENTINè SINCE
FERMENTINè SINCE
&''&37&4$&/5 '0-, 10&53:
THANKS TO "LL THE 'LOWER PEOPLE * THANKS TO "LL 'RIENDS HAVE MET DURINè MY JOURNEY 'AMILY WHO HAVE INSPIRED ME -OVERS AND TOWARDS EXPECTATION 1ORN 4TARS FRUSTRATION SELF ACCEPTANCE * HAVE ENJOYED MY ATTEMPTS TO POLLINATE YOU ALL
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All materials contained on this book are protected by United States copyright law and may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, displayed, published or broadcast without the prior written permission of Phill Me Brightly and Omar Rodriguez Lavandero. You may not alter or remove any trademark, copyright or other notice from copies of the content.
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First published, edited and designed in the United States by Omar Rodriguez Lavandero omarrola@3Dmetaphors.com Denver, CO 2015
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INDEX
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Sum of the Parts……………………………….……………. 09 Illustration 1
" For Those About to Die………………..………….……. 15 "
Other Furies, Other Losses…….…………………….… 19 Illustration 2
" Nothing Happened-Everybody Invited..……..…. 23 " Who Woos Bees?…….………………………….…..…..…. 27 " Invisible Voidness………….…………………………….…… 31 "
Before and After……….…………………………….…….… 35 Illustration 3
" The Moose of Heaven is Looking Down…..….… 41 " Infatuating Sea Eyes……………………….…….……….. 47 " Effervescent Folk Poetry……………….………………. 53 Illustration 4
" Psychedelic Monkey………………….………….……….. 59 "
Spacing Kilobytes…………………………………………… 65 Illustration 5
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SUM OF THE PARTS
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July 2011 Boulder, CO
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I know I’m not dreamingYou’d party tooSome of us wind up Falling towards the floor. This might not help, but I want to touch your arm. My fingerprints are covering the Earth As I attempt to Further a political agenda Like Civil Rights.
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Sometimes it’s fun Taking on the establishment When there are people who aren’t Protected yet And sometimes it’s fun Being pushy and trying to Get one’s way, Like forcing Vanilla ice cream on My homophobic parents Who don’t understand Equality for all humans.
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Meanwhile, back at your pad, I’m wearing my heart on my sleeve As I stare at Your sexy toes.
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I can look and feel emotions and want, But I might not get my heart back. Then, when I least expect it, You give me a wink And I chuckle. So what’s the point?
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Poets are only trying to get Someone to sleep with them And to say afterwards, “Wow, that was great!” Seldom are poets Overwhelmed by the response. We poets like to drink, but Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Real poets drink from Streams which we have not yet Made accessible to science.
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Then there’s the sex. Often, we poets think, “Give me a fuck job, rub my balls, and I’ll feel good.” Seldom does this actually happen, No matter how good the poem is.
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I used to print my own chapbooks for bar money. Problem was, in the bar, I could barely hear myself read, And neither could the audience, and outside, The crackheads sitting on the bench Got into a fistfight.
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Just take a good long look at How we turned out. We’re vibing off each other but I’m a little confused. I like him but All he talks about is girls. Plus She’s constantly trying to get him To smoke weed. Not good when you’re in recovery.
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I like him but He likes girls, even though Last night he told me he loved me. So, you wanna get next to me, Pick my bwain, and Steal my poems? All I’m giving you is fluff.
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Finding a lover in the midst of all this. And this. And this.
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I’m spending the rest of my life Trying to feel loved and to love.
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As my mentor says, “Find love in any port in the storm.” It’s not easy to compromise and change Sexual orientation. We are all equal, thus
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We are all in love with each other. Instant recognition, instant familiarity. Happy circumstance led me to you.
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13
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FOR THOSE ABOUT TO DIE
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August, 2011 Gainesville, FL
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On the inside, You were there. That’s how he died: Protecting the innocent With an Encyclopedic Death Ray Jar. Door opening, Different Light of day. Somewhere overheard Sarcastic undertones. Liberal Fantastic Surreal Fart Pillows. Classic array of illegal Plastic. Brown paper bag. This is how they find you: Back on track, Lookin’ for a heart attack.
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And with that, WITH THAT…
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A thousand glowing eyes Peer into the future Of the butt crack of dawn.
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Simple sideways glance, Proven alternate reality. Thimble Thimon expresses the need To look up facing West In utmost terrible Freedom Producing classic gowns Cheaply made by prudes In cheeky sweater vests Eluding the meaning of it all.
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The Face of Horror exposed by the Hall of the Massacre of Angels Appearing by the side of the Road.
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Look onward, young stallion; Look beyond your youth, Your years destined to be free, In seismic proportions to your Rate of growth. Inopportune double down.
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The sign says it all: SO ALL MAY PASS.
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Clear up any Miscreants. Allow the dust to settle where it may. Every sometime the rain must fall. Your attitude scares me. Knock one or two times If you can hear me.
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Runaway cancer Runs helpless in a Circle.
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O " THER FURIES, OTHER LOSSES August 23, 2011 Gainesville, FL
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I still think of him, Fantasize about him, Even though He closed all the doors To potential relationship.
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I’m fiercely loyal and Am led by my lust to Other furies, other losses. My mind puts together Scenarios that never happen While I look for signs that They might happen, Like a smile, a wink, a phrase. I’m afraid of losing what I don’t even have yet. I travel across the country Looking for the right guy And when I think I’ve found him, He’s not able to completely Love me back. He’s not wired right. Granted, we get close, Closer than most guys do,
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But I’m usually so frustrated, Wanting more, that I can’t Appreciate what we do have. I’ve gotten much better With this issue Over the years, and Have gotten honest with my Objects of affection earlier, But it still leads to a dead end. However, I’ve learned to settle For deep platonic love, With hearing my friends’ Secrets and struggles, Appreciating when they Open up to me. I’m the bee and they’re the flower. I’m constantly moving from Guy to guy, looking for the right one, Never finding fulfillment. Wish that I were a hummingbird with my own Feeder from God, Who watches me from the window While me and my True Happiness Make love By and by.
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NOTHING HAPPENED EVERYBODY INVITED
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September 1, 2011 San Diego, CA
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Profound Land; Twin time with a cherry on the side.
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Free the sun. Freedom from the sun.
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And for what I doTell them what I do. Footnote that shit. Footnote: Thank you, everyone for the Forks! Kimberly, Kimberly, Were you there When I gave you a raincoat? Not even that will keep us together. Spicy hollow West. Fortune step death metal. Loneliness begets high, overly-intuitive evaluation. You really picked them out From a pool of medicine. Hold on to a glove, Cast an umbrella Two shades short of shy.
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I try too hard for a Lighter faded white. Come up on two criminals. Toothpaste minty fresh, Overpowers lack of insight. Far-reaching dream quest. Black tie circles the pair, Gives off a fruity aroma. No one left to claim you When you’re dead. High price to pay for a muffin. Don’t let go of the door above your head. Two-penny swirl with amnesia. Flip-Flop terrifies you instead. Who knew the Rules came from the Ocean? A quarter can of tuna everyday. Nothing but to limber my emotions. Half a pack of cigarettes instead. Weary waves may travel as you surf them. Leave behind the time you broke your toe. Find new ways to communicate With Nature, your god. Recognize the tide of indifference, Waxing, waning, forever Swelling and leaving.
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I plant my feet in the sand As the current constantly Digs me deeper into the sand As frothy salt water soothes my soles. Son Of the Beach, Everything’s Real! Personal reconciliation; Maybe have a chance to make a deal.
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If you’re gonna sell egg salad, You’d better make a lot. What eggs-actly constitutes Full disclosure?
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Clean air, clean water May move you, or Clean rear, clean blotter May groove you. Either way, Something’s about to change. Mild-tempered instamation; Momentary craps of treason.
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WHO WOOS BEES?
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January 29, 2012 Gainesville, FL
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Pedal Fist Hard Way down by the Ocean, Way down by the Ocean, And sing like me.
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Trying to crank you up. Trying to crank you up. Resolutely like before, But who woos bees?
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Starting to get into my pajamas; It’s a pajama party. Concrete development. So hard to do it alone. Tied up in arms.
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Excuse me, You’re the party. But you stumbled In hearing it. Bacon manipulated on Wire dressers.
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You’re gonna hear How far you’ve come.
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Perhaps a drawer or two Positioned tightly In the field of play.
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Don’t pull one over on me. Cast a crescent-shaped Light bulb’s shadow Over the desk.
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Take the nectar From the palm Of my hand.
" Get over yourself. "
I used to dream in hologram; Slept the whole god-damned day away. Silver passages Attempt to drain The swamp.
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Juicy horsefly-bitten, Mangy-lookin’ Compared to Bromeliads Stopped short Due to Caretaker’s death, Overtaken by disease or filth;
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The last repository Before Home.
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INVISIBLE VOIDNESS
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March 23, 2012 Gainesville, FL
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The way it’s supposed to Be: Too many Noahs.
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Someone never saw it. Force-Feeding Battlestar Galactica On my nutsack.
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Total intrusion. Violent sea changes, A penny’s left spent, Too little to earn.
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Dug a well-deserved Place at the party.
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I buy you if I can, But I never can.
" Take me to the Penny Arcade. " " " " " " 31
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Oh, so it’s well-observed. Can’t catch Chris at all.
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Am I being too negative? Any way I wish, I always End up short.
" One step short of the penny whistle. " Stop the train, we’re all getting out. " Did you wait too long for the bus? " I can’t keep doing this. "
One of these days, I’m gonna settle with what I can get; But I don’t even realize Exactly who I am yet, What my value is.
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Deep down I feel As young as you, But I’m (almost) 40 now.
" Oh well, guess I have to let you go. " I wind my watch But time is short And we’re all losing it So don’t forget that And Love while you can.
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Love comes back Like a Rubber Band.
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BEFORE and AFTER
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May 2012 G’ville, FL>Boulder, CO
" I. Before "
Maps are in a woman. Circumcise the truth. Hold on the the center of the foreskin. Heat seeker of Justice.
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I think you described it as a hate crime. And I was 23 at that time.
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We must deal with the Staunch amendments to prostitution And not feel sorry. Everybody jump in the river! Baptize your motives. But in Paris, it’s not an issue. I read to you and I read to you…
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You see the sign that says, “God will get past it”? “Knock it over,” the little boy said. The bygones will start another night. Bye, Jon. You had me at hello. I want you to stand with me. 35
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Turn on the TV and submit a report to her One step ahead of time. Cameron Diaz, James Franco, and Dodi Fayed. Jon, take the moment away. I feel your pain And I measure your pleasure. I’m going to her place tonight. You must feel free to come.
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Hullabaloo, Mr. Belvedere! Hot sauce champion. Five-pointed Freedom Toast. I’m gonna go on with the ceremony. Battle of the Glaze.
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You can spend all your time At the bottom of the stairs Or you can take the Steps.
" Your choice. " " " " " "
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" " " " II. After "
Is that two ads or Are you taking Vermillion? Bittersweet taste of life expectancy. I mop the floor with my tears. The floor dries with two mops: One of acceptance and one of hope. Possibilities win out over probability. Face it, you’re gonna get it. Save me from a speech. Am I not hearing things too well Or am I seeing things that aren’t there? Alleviate the symptoms by writing about it. In the past, I refused to acknowledge The problems on paper. No smoke, no fire. I had to have people point out my problems. But now, I openly admit my predicaments On paper After being encouraged to do so By a close friend last year.
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I used to think, “If my daddy hears this…” But I’m no longer afraid.
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I wonder if any soup kitchens Require people to go through counseling Before they’re fed.
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My throat just hummed, “Where were we?”
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THE MOOSE OF HEAVEN IS LOOKING DOWN
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June 2012 Boulder, CO
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The man who invented mountains. Give him that turtle. My phone can’t last. Bitch, cut your lights out! Had him an eye opener. Ya hafta say it. Many blessings, turtledove. For sale sign up above the door. You might not even be interested.
" Nail me to the wall. "
How do you explain yourself? It was all in this man’s tan. My best friend, he collects books. Cynical cyclical ne’er do wells.
" …And there’s a movie. "
Baked beans are enabling her. Punch her pussy while it’s wet. I’m gonna talk to Tootles about it. America: Jack SHIT! I took care of this time. 41
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Purple growth spurt. Purple Power! I wanna take pictures of Old ladies in purple dresses Dancing like nobody’s watching. You’re from Oregon? Hookahville? If you practice these principles In all your affairs, You won’t have any affairs. Yeah, you turd ‘emIt comes back in. They’re telling you Go on, read that book.
" Get coffee. " Two big girls holding hands. " Jerry Seinfeld’s cars are Probably dated by now.
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Tom, the commitment flier. No, he’s gonna be flying. Again. Hmmmnghhmngh.
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I got fresh, fresh chaos. It requires what you no longer Desire to do. I’m gonna make it rain on the jukebox. Twisting my socks. I’m gonna need help.
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There. Wait one goddamn moment! I like my job; I consider myself lucky. Before the sun comes up, There are a lot of good times.
" Doesn’t work for ya real well. "
Enjoyed your cymbals; That’s nice. She said something that’s Hard to understand. I can’t hover over a dashboard; I hate it when I can.
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This is the place where books are born. I just don’t feel like hangin’ ugly. What are you hoping to accomplish? Because I want to hear what you’re saying.
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I wanna head for the hills. Key in ignition Turning back and forth, not working.
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Hey, Ben! Be real, Brother Be-Rad.
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The woman in the wallpaper. Nicholas Cage is just gonna act casual. Just too long before you negotiated. She watches out. 49 outnumbers 9. I kinda had another word for it: Tirade. I can’t remember if I’ve done anything. Pierce looking out. People are running. They’ve gone to a mat Or an alcoholic canal. Purge your eye kittens. Lie if you have to. (I don’t really believe that). Someone talking soap. The NFL games and other games. Tried to switch to water in the evenings.
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Crotch. Very smooth. I have tons of mental images And so do you.
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What do we get to do, Give more words?
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You know exactly what they’re giving us, So I doubt you’re surprised.
" Then he started yelling at me. " " " " " " " " " " " " " 45
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INFATUATING SEA EYES
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July 10, 2012 Boulder, CO
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You shoulda’ seen the look on his face. Little interwoven cum thoughts. Let me get a leg up On the stiff upper lip. What’s gonna happen next?... We don’t care. It’s small and near-gone forgotten. It’s dripping and- let me call you back. They go way out there; Faster than usual. Smoke a tweeker. The pen and the mighty triumph. Not so fast, slow poke. I was not ready to be yours. I know. It’s not me. Before you can blindfold, You’d better check. That handsome burglar and the In-and-out snowball flakes. I like your legs; Expedite them to me. I was almost lost. Look at this bowl ware. Puttin’ on a new city coat. Exorcise your mind. 47
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Fleeing demons. And I just left. Already prick your thumb. What? Me bitter? Absolutely not! I want no one to notice. Somebody had a good time. She raised the writing bar higher. Gutter two locked in place. What are you guys doing in Boulder? A moment in time.
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The love I have is a drink drop. Set my guns a-blazin’ on the Bandwagon. C’mon, let’s take one for the team. It’s all about rebellion. Get close to the sky.
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I’m not really gonna lay with you But I’ll try. The morning of our conversation, This happens. Oh my God, what’s a-happenin’? The door has stayed open For a long time now. Congratulations, my inside eye trick.
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Found myself fumbling in a nearby forest. Choppin’, choppin’, choppin’.
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If it’s really bad, they call it good. Do it again: access me. Fingers on the pilot light, if you dare.
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This whole time, I’ve been the laughing goat Two time zones away. Hang on. Now it’s getting wetter And softer. So wetter. Sweater of perfumes. Spend the life of it. Calculus blows My mind. Soon, you’re gonna find other people. My ex-husband. My best friend. They don’t have breakfast anymore? Two the ones that are leaving. Value esquire over everything else. Juggling hand grenades. Wearing sweat pants. I want a skimpy yellow outfit To work out in. I’m so confused.
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Who in the what now? Freedom from religious dogma. Before you were formed, You looked Like this: ______. She had what it took. Burying the hatchet deep.
" Chaos. "
The minute you get started, Underlying heroes in the mail. I don’t know. What’s a Communist? We’ll look really quickly at Cliff’s notes. You might want some, I don’t know. Look at you and see. I sorta bailed on ya. You Baured. That was a Good time. Other people made it Very humble. But strong. On the left.
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Andrew’s gaze overcomes affliction. Purple horse honey bear. We’re all in this together.
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Enjoying yourself? Not gonna last long. Did she move?
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Is that you? I thought that was you. The person…
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They want to stay So close to the stage.
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It’s because they’re going to be Peeing from onstage.
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EFFERVESCENT FOLK POETRY
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July 31, 2012 Boulder, CO
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Either way, costume jewelry. Gonna make a change of address. Dicks in distress. Nullify the mistress. Support change throughout the globe. An audience of swan. Believe the barter. Barrier of income bracket. Thirty done. Microphone with a vengeance. Borrowed soup remains. Effervescent folk poetry. Light captures wonder. Academic blacklisted shooter. Pro glass marbles. Seated under the table and dreaming Madly of bit torrents. Rapid fire Pablo Picasso of poetry. Whatcha wanna hear? Organic fruit flies. Will you come? I can’t believe I ripped off What’s-his-name. Dave something. Matthews.
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Tip-toe to the paddle to you. Barn burner with a heart of gold. Exactly. Sun cries when it sits up. Barometric solid cock-sucking tube. Full of everything. Nothing but the ropes swinging. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. “I love you, too.” Wyatt Earp raped a cactus Somewhere around here Or he was raped in the ass With a cactus, I can’t remember which. The queer deficiency; Home alone too much. Bukowski knew how to be Funny and pathetic at the same time. All the love we have ever known Left out for display Like a diamond front tooth. Be graceful, Henry. Smears the relationship like peanut butter. Y’all have to get to know me. I’m riding high on Passover, Being the second born and all.
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Here lies identity, sore and swollen swan. Cockneyed equation, out-of-town Tooth collector on vacation from Pearl diving in the Florida Keys.
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Help me figure this out: So, I’m lost without me? Well, where did I go? Send me a postcard and let me know.
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Diabolic secret of the insert noun here. Dark Lord or Nemotoad or Something like that. Perfect better illusion made under Full scrutiny by eyes that matter. Full-on drift mode. Tear up your other manual steering. Drive straight up the mountain. I drift, I drift, Up through the clearing, That’s the thing I can do. Double dutch secret. Would you like to join me? Challah back. Reuben Rainbow.
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Gotta cut that out. That’s what he’s gonna say. Make it all the time. The therapeutic value of one armpit Helping another. So, non-payment is still a Form of payment? We’re sittin’ down skinny. We’re poor organic farmers; Will probably not survive. Listen to the sound of The dairy cow milking itself. At 13, you wake up. At 30, you drop out. At 40, you gear up To follow your dreams. You introduce yourself. Candles and connivery. Mustachioed Mamacita. Breaking the training record. Too fast to crawl. Break your beak. Overwhelming identity.
" This poem is not over. "
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PSYCHEDELIC MONKEY
" December 9, 2012 Gainesville, FL
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(A response to Matthew Clifford’s The Rantodance of Anonymous from Necropolis and His Machine)
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Blessed are the beet farmers. Satirical Pop Surrealism. We are of the same school. I finally found you, my brother. Clip posed plastic wings. In-ti-mate with me. The power of proof. Three-wheel cycling circus. Show what you know. Battle axes of androgyny. Keep your butt in that chair. Hallelujah hullabaloo. Let’s get happy! So scared of disservice. Counting a countenance of What have you.
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Baby, are you for real? I have higher options. Pull a groove out of the ground.
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Apple seed Cosmic ray. Sun Left no one Standing. Out with the queer In with the rear Admiral stopping silence. Stepping heavy loads. Quick quilting Emotional disturbance. Out with it already! Gonna make a break for it. This time forever. Stick a plastic cracker in the cage. Purple porn parakeet. Lacking intensity. How do you know? Elvira, Mistress of the Misfits. We all know what you’re trying to say. It’s cold. Come up here. Maybe a Baby Ruth will do. Try not to sue your neighbor.
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Sue, your aunt, Wears Warthog perfume. Keep your distance. Expand your time.
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Fluffy McFluffin, Put your glasses on. You read at a Second Grade level And you write at about that, too.
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Bury a mellon. Crush a cantaloupe for Christ. Abilify. Moderate heart attack. Just one more hit of crack. Trust America to Screw you over. Push a dime through the wall. I know you can do it. Addicts are like the Incredible Hulk; Sort of scary. Hippie Faerie. Dust for prints.
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Point out all the right angles On all the planes of existence Then get back to me. Forever breeding or Anal bleeding, But both? For real? What is this world coming to? Where have you been, My bleached-buttholed son? Fiery determination. Quick with wit. Doomsday Preparation H. We treat her like a heroine. Maybe to us, she is. Clip your toenails. Quit touching yourself. Support your local dirt farmer. Think glow balls, Buy jovial. Who are we to judge? That’s enough out of you. A teaspoon will do. Porcupine EAT MY FACE! Said or real yes.
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Cashin’ in on Harboring gorillas. You just flew the coop. Butthole soup. I have a Wal Mart haircut. Bed or plastic hair? Chew off your finger If it bothers you that much. Don’t try and hurt me, I’m already there. Put a plastic spoon Over the flame. Out of control. Auto pilot asphyxiation. All of them cried, “Ass, fix the Nation!” Number one With a glue gun. Where’d you get all that lumber? Let the big dog slumber.
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Packs of wolves And Neanderthals. Stay tuned For the Psychedelic Monkey.
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S " PACING KILOBYTES
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December 11, 2012 Gainesville, FL
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Hurry! Done, done, done. Dispose of the diaper. I was thinkin’ About the electric chair. I’m tellin’ ya Right now, Flippy, It’s my focus, not yours. Capable body Could destroy A field of blue. I’m sorry, hon. Wait a minute, I know you! You’re a commitmentphobe. Keep talking, maybe someone Will recognize you. It’s not that far Into the U.N. Which means You’re gonna see him In, like, three days. He’ll be Vietnamese And like Camembert cheese. Is that all you got? 65
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Every pickle is a warrior. I thought U say U wanna do it. But anyways, No more “likes.” From now on, It’s Love or Hate. Accept dust. Thrive on the dawn. See you out here today, Sky turnin’ purple As you peer out the Truckstop window, Lot lizards in the parking lot. Glory Hallelujah! Major pain in the ass. Taint much between The two of these. CD shuffle on the jukebox. Plodding along with cows in a trailer; Steaks on the road. How many times do I have to tell you? Waterfalls chase themselves. What do you have to say About a button? Thank you.
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Imitate the rest. Cry Guru Sushi Monster. Peanut butter death ray jar. How many times did you Reach your quota? Over there, They have doctors Who give better care. Be the Buffalo. Can’t believe I Saw you like that. The camera. The light. Turn that around. I wanna believe in darkness. You’re preaching To the choir. Talk about highlights; The frosty tips. Bend well to endure. Anything is possible. I got high On pie.
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It’s the Pillsbury Doughboy! He-hee! He laughs No matter where He’s touched The boxes; Less taxes. I’m getting something that Won’t be in a plastic jar. How’s that? You’ll always have it, No matter what.
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Chris! You know what? I’m over it. Rusty sleep; Half-documented. Bitter-sweet halo Of contentment.
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This is all there is, So ya better make The most of it.
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!
I picked these poems for you, the ever-elusive potential soul mate. I have searched for you all over the country. I am inviting you to laugh at my naked vulnerabilities and obscenities while viewing these poetic “Rorschach Texts� to find your own meaning. These writings are the honey retrieved during my seasons spent between Boulder, Colorado and Gainesville, Florida from 2011 to 2012. You will find me shouting poetry in Morrison Alley during the full moon at midnight in Boulder.
! Hope to meet you soon, ! Phill Me Brightly ! !
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