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GIVE ME! GIVE ME! ( INGRATITUDE )
!
Waiters have a lot of bad days.
They have little control over who and what
comes their way, and an income (called tips in
the U.S.A.) 90% dependent on the largess of
their clientele.Days can be roller coasters of
emotions.
!
Me: Here you have it (your highness) a simple
sandwich transformed into your (raped) “small
steak lunch.”
! !
Customer: Is this Lea and Perrins’?
Lea & Perrins’ Worcestershire is a sauce
originally from England, first commercialized in
1837 (long long time ago!), and purchased in 2005 by the American H.J. Heinz Company.
! ! !
Me: Yes, Why?
Customer: It is hard to believe!
Me: (to Lady Ingratitude) It is not my fault that the American version of the sauce differs from the British recipe.
!
There are bad days, and then there are other
days that are slow-motion train wrecks,
threatening to derail our sanity, powered by
you.
! ! !
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DO YOU SEE ME? ( VANITY )
!
Lady Vanity and her friends are visiting again! ! They always take a very visible table right in! the center, for a minimum of a two hour visit.!
!
Customers 1and 2: We would like some tea ! please. Do you offer refills here?! ! Me: Yes ma’am, Iced Tea refills are free. ! ! Customer 3: I will have a cranberry juice, in a ! tall glass, with just three iced cubes.! ! Customer 4: I will have a mix of a half glass of Orange Juice, and a half glass of Iced Tea.! ! I always like to think they are Mathematicians. ! Yet as Lady Vanity started to pay, one thing ! after another went awry. ! ! Me: Our credit card machine is not working ! this morning, sorry. ! ! Customer 4: Please refill my half of Iced Tea. ! ! Me: Yes ma’am, and I could write down your ! credit card info…I’d start to say. ! ! Customer 2: Oh don’t be silly, we have some ! cash–but not enough to tip you, can we come ! back tomorrow? ! ! Me: Umm sure... !
!
I smiled weakly knowing I’d be seeing them ! again soon, but I’d never be seeing my tip. !
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LOUIS VUITTON CHICKEN ( ARROGANCE )
!
Customer: (to the phone) I’m having lunch! with Louis (referring to her friend, I thought! while waiting) yes, my Louis Vuitton purse!!
! ! ! ! ! ! !
(later)! Customer: (to me) All French please. I’d like! to try the Chicken and Brie Sandwich, white. ! Me: Excuse me?! Customer: Chicken legs on my “déjeuner français" can’t be brown! They have to be white! Me: Ma’am, there’s no such thing as white! chicken legs. It’s always brown meat. ! Customer: Don’t lie to me! I know what I eat.! I WANT WHITE CHICKEN LEGS!
!
Me: Okay, okay, let me see if we have some.! (I order up a Chicken and Brie sandwich with ! only breast chicken meat and French bread)
! ! ! !
!
Customer: This better be my sandwich with! white chicken legs!
!
Me: You can check if you want, ma’am. If it’s ! not to your liking, we can always switch. ! (Lady Arrogance checks inside the ! sandwich, and smiles triumphantly.) Customer: I knew you had some! Merci ! beaucoup! I like you! !
!
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COLD DOLLS
( INDIFFERENCE )
! ! ! ! !
Customer: This gazpacho soup is cold!
!
Me: I’m sorry; we serve all gazpacho soups ! cold. ! Customer: Go heat mine up in a microwave! ! I’m not eating cold soup! ! Me: Yes, ma’am, right away.
!
(gazpacho soup in the microwave after two ! minutes becomes an Andalusian sad song ! specially dedicated to Lady Indifferent) !
!
Customer: Ow! Why is this soup so hot? Don’t ! you test the soup before you bring it out to ! make sure it’s not too hot? !
!
Me: Uh, I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t have any ! way to test it. It should be cool enough to eat ! in just a few seconds. !
! ! ! ! !
Customer: What do you mean you can’t test ! it? Just touch it! Use your fingers!
!
Me: You want me to touch your food? With my ! hands? ! Customer: Yes! I don’t see what’s so hard ! about that! You kids these days! Honestly! Me: Enjoy your hot gazpacho SOUP, ma’am. I could not control my emotions and right away ! added to her order a regular cup of… SOUL. !
! !
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