626 Capricorn Road
Lucky Spring March 2019
A 92ARTIST Productions Publication
CONTENTS
pg 8 Message from the Editor pg 16 Hear Ye! Spring Has Spotted Us All Eyes on Her pg 30 At Long Last, I’ve Arrived Better Late than Never pg 44 Mourning Guilt Moving On Can Be Complicated pg 60 A Life of Green Envy Isn’t That What Everyone Wants? pg 82 Time’s A-Changing We Need to Move Forward pg 104 Memories in Waiting A Moment of Reflecting pg 118 Garden Tales Stories Hidden Among Mother Nature pg 130 Spring Outer Sprung Coming Alive at the Right Time
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pg 140 Songs that Inspired This Issue Our March Playlist
FEATURES pg 12 In the Air, There’s a Lucky Spring pg 51 I’ve Tried to Write This Letter Before pg 64 Why Are We Obsessed with Spring Cleaning? pg 74 Letters for a New Life pg 96 Waves and Patterns pg 108 The Park and the Playground pg 134 I’ve Done All I Can Except Say Goodbye
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WRITING pg 20 It’s About Time You Showed Up pg 26 Everything to See Here pg 34 Now’s A Good Time to Tell You pg 40 What is it About Spring that People Love So Much? pg 56 Winter Has Lifted pg 69 Shades of Jealousy pg 78 Hot Limes
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pg 86 Let’s Start Again pg 90 Is Daylight Saving Beneficial or Useless? pg 100 How Can We Start Over if We’re Still Stuck in the Past? pg 112 When Does Spring Get Here? pg 122 When Mother Nature’s Happy, We’re All Smiling pg 127 Full Bloom
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MESSAGE FROM THE EDITOR
Hey everyone! My name is Ceirra Burton, and I am the creator and editor-in-chief of 626 Capricorn Road. Thank you so much for taking the time to read the March 2019 issue of 626 Capricorn Road. This month’s theme is “Lucky Spring.” For this issue, I wanted to focus on what it means to have spring enter our lives and give us a sense of balance. We filter out, or “spring clean” everything negative in our lives or that doesn’t add value to it. But spring is more than that it’s more than getting rid of the old and making way for the new. It’s about embracing life’s beauty. Spring allows us to step into the sun again and shed shut off our winter skin. Then, we’ll be able to enjoy its warmth. Everything around us is vibrant and full of color. Spring tells us to enjoy the beauty of our surroundings and the people we keep in our lives. So, I wanted to explore those themes through the writing and images in this issue. Showcasing how important it is to appreciate everything that comes in and out of your life.
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So, without further ado, let’s all jump into the “Lucky Spring.”
In the Air, There’s a Lucky Spring There’s a place for flowers to bloom and nature rises up from the Ashes and blossoms in the sunlight.
There’s a time and a place for everything.
Spring only comes once a year. Now’s the time to celebrate. To have a sense of balance. To bathe in rejuvenation. Gaining an understanding of hope that your life can remain intact with newfound purpose. When you review your life, you realize what you want and don’t need anymore. Spring helps you to get rid of the bad while you cherish the good. There’ll be people who’ll want to see you grow and thrive. But, they want you to grow and prosper on their terms, not yours. You tell yourself, “Now’s the time to get rid of the mess they’ve created.” So, you start the clean-up process at the beginning of the new year, but spring helps you finishes it.
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Spring is in the air. Everything’s presented in front of you to guide you to improve your life. Mother Nature tells you, “Now is the time to achieve the same beauty I have.” Spring cleaning begins, and you start to regain order and a sense of purpose. You look and see how beautiful your life can be if you have faith in yourself. You’ll get things done the way you want. Luck may be on your side. The term, “lucky” only arrives when you least expect it. For those who need and deserve it. It’ll come knocking on your door and say, “Everything’s going to be alright. Everything’s going to work in your favor. Nothing is going to stop you from being a better version of yourself.” That’s why we need that process. We need something to look forward too. We need the ability to say, “ I’m doing what I can to make sure my life’s moving forward.” Yes. Spring is finally here. It’s in the air. I can feel a lucky spring. We’re rejuvenated with its love and affection. We can feel its admiration and adoration. We’re blessed with everything that spring has to offer.
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! e Y r Hea s U d e tt o p S s a H g n i r Sp
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All Eyes on Her 17
It’s About Time You Showed Up This is the time for spring to get out of our winter funk. Now it’s time for a change.
Spring, spring, oh beautiful spring.
Oh, how beautiful you are to those who worship your warmth. We’ve bared our souls to winter, and you’ve come to fill the void. For many moons, I’ve cried out to the night, praying that the harsh, cold winds would let up. Relentless winds kept me from seeing the love of my life. I promised her I would brave any storm, but this winter was as brutal as a woman scorned. The ice melted off the road. Mother Nature may breathe again. She was in such a disastrous state. Storms commenced, and fires ripped and roared through the forests. Are the elements preparing us for your grand arrival? If so, it’s about time you showed up. We’ve been waiting for you for a long time. I’m happy you’re here to soften the blow. We can’t survive the world if we don’t go outside and brave the elements. I couldn’t stand being apart from those I love for so long. But, I lacked the proper mindset to face winter’s wrath. Now we’re blessed by your presence as the sun comes out to live another day. Once you arrive, I won’t need the comfort of winter anymore. The ability to look within myself and see how much I’ve changed from year to year. It creates a strange feeling. Being able to look within yourself and reflect. Now you’re here, and I don’t have to do that anymore. I was going stir crazy. You’ve shown up, and now I can be me.
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Everything to See Here Can you feel it? That glorious sunshine beaming down on you? It indicates the arrival of spring. It’s brought out such a marvelous color palette. An array of beautiful colors, textures, and patterns painting the scenery.
Why don’t we enjoy it more?
We should enjoy the outdoors and feel the air around us. It doesn’t take much to go on a walk down the street. Listening to the sounds. Turning down one way to get the quiet nature of the neighborhood. Turning the other way to get the bustling city noise. It doesn’t take much to feel life moving in all directions. It’s nonlinear. When we come out of a cold, dark winter, spring is there to greet us with open arms. Coming out of the shadows and building herself up to a glorious season. Giving us joy, laughter, and comfort. We have the confidence to walk outside and be whoever we want.
The sun provides us with the light needed to showcase everything this world has to offer. Yet, for some reason, we love to color on a black and white canvas. We love avoiding the gray area and taking a chance on predictability. We like staying safe and knowing where the exits are in case there’s an emergency.
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We don’t like feeling like there’s something wrong with our situation. It’s an uncomfortable feeling. Yet, spring allows us a chance to start over. To have a new sense of who we are and how we want to live our lives.
The world can be so beautiful when spring arrives, but we have to be willing to let her in. There’s nothing worse than feeling as if we’re prohibited from experiencing the world. It’s a curse to accept normalcy in conformity. To assimilate into a society that perpetuates a violent agenda and propaganda made up of “isms.” Wishing the negativity away, but somehow it keeps coming back. To “spring clean” away our sorrows. Giving ourselves over to change. It comes every year. No year’s the same. Or so we like to think. With this new season, we’ll discover something new within ourselves and our surroundings. Then, we can take a step outside and enjoy everything life has to offer.
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At Long Last, I’ve Arrived 30
Better Late than Never
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Now’s A Good T You’ve caught my eye, and I have a feeling by the end of the night, you’ll capture my heart. I’ve never felt this way after I first meet someone. There’s something about you that keeps me interested. You’re the first person who saw me for me. The person I want to be. Children read fairy-tales about invisible princesses finding and marrying their handsome prince. Fantasies get sold to teenagers, who believe in the power of star-crossed romances. They hand out stories to adults, who still believe soulmates exist. Yet, real love is hard. It’s even harder when you have expectations. Keeping you from being open to experimentation. Although you need standards and boundaries. You need your own likes and dislikes. You can draw from so many things which will transcend into a partnership.
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Time to Tell You It doesn’t have to be from dating. It can come from within. You’re kind and patient. Loving and loyal. You give everything you have and expect nothing in return, but you only do this for the people you can trust. You have big dreams and things you want to achieve in this life. I look at you, and I think, “I always want this person in life.” What’s tricky about first meetings is not understanding the chemistry sparked during them. I knew I didn’t want to be your friend. I wanted something more. Leaning on someone through good times and the bad. I want an epic romance. I know it’s a lot of pressure to put on you. We’ve only known each other for a short period. Although, I’m confident we can make this thing work. I just hope you’re as confident in “us” as I am. I hope that wasn’t too much of a confession.
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What is it About Spring that People Love So Much?
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What is it about spring people love so much? Is it the blooming flowers? The sunshine? The greenery? The bright blue skies after a harsh winter?
The time change? Or is it that summer’s right around the corner? There are so many things spring provides us, but everybody is different. You may have had a rough start to the year, and you want to reset. Some people feel like they want to explore new things in their life they’ve never tried before. There’s always this feeling as if we have to get rid of the things that hurt us. All we want is to move forward with our lives. Spring has a way of forcing us to become a better version of ourselves. We get that spring in our step. We get to move on. All it takes is a step outside.
Life can be so beautiful, yet so precious. Or people don’t love spring as much as they enjoy the other seasons. Spring could just be a filler season. Either way, it becomes a new chapter in our lives. We tell ourselves, “My New Year’s goals aren’t going to go to waste. It’s not too late to turn things around.” We get stuck in patterns of defeat. But, we can use the essence of spring to live our best life.
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Mourning Guilt
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Moving On Can Be Complicated 45
I’ve Tried to Write This Letter Before So, I guess I’ll start here. There are things about me that made you start seeing me in a different light. You began painting a picture of me with romantic hues. Although I’m flattered, I’ve never thought of you in that way. When you confessed your true feelings, I began questioning everything about our friendship.
How I’ve approached you over the years.
If I ever lead you on or gave you false hope.
I started breaking down my reactions to your movements. The way you spoke and the unspoken moments between us.
The truth is, nothing jumped out at me as for a reason to explore more with you.
This is the first time I’ve been on the receiving end of this type of love, and I don’t know if I reciprocate your feelings. I’ve never had to deal with this before. I know these are things you don’t want to hear. There are so many more straightforward ways to say we could never be together without going in circles. But, if I had to say it, I’m not in love with you. I want you to know this doesn’t change our friendship. Or at least, it doesn’t have to change it. There’s no animosity or tension between us. I know you can’t un-say what you said and I can’t un-hear it. Yet, by addressing it, we’d at least be able to figure out where to go with our friendship. I hope this letter doesn’t put you off in any way. But, if you can’t handle being around me anymore, I’ll accept if you no longer want to be friends with me. If you still want to take a chance on me, I am here for you no matter what. I will always be there to support you and build you up. But, I can’t promise my feelings will ever change from platonic to romantic.
I can’t predict the future, but I can promise you I’m not going anywhere in the present. 51
Winter Has Lifted Tomorrow is the first day of spring. I should be grateful. Yet, I can’t help but feel as if I want to hold on to winter. We dictate our seasonal changes based off of the shadow of an animal. For the past three months, everything in my world came crashing down at a high rate of speed. Through those lower moments, I learned so many things about myself. These lessons are going to disappear as soon as the weather changes. I’ll wake up the next day stuck in my own version of Memento. An amnesiac trick of the mind. We all have a moment where our mood changes with the seasons. We’re happier and more upbeat during spring and summer. Then, we settle and down and huddle up for fall and winter. We become introverts when its cold outside and extroverts when it’s hot. us.
It almost makes you feel as if time doesn’t care about
Time is constant. It is a linear action that never changes. Spring becomes the “birth” to the new. You want to start fresh. Spring is your time to fulfill your aspirations. I don’t know if I’m ready to say goodbye to winter. I don’t know if I’m prepared to give up the stillness. To start over with nothing but past memories. I’m not sure, but I hope in the morning nothing changes. I can hold onto the lessons I’ve learned from dealing with my emotions. 56
Hopefully.
A Life of Green Envy
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Isn’t That What Everyone Wants?
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Why Are We Obsessed with Spring Cleaning? Every year we find ourselves wanting to start over. Start fresh and move on from something we either; A) have no time for or B) has left a lasting negative impression on us. We find ourselves wanting to clean up our lives. We tell ourselves, “This year is going to be different. At the start of the new year, I’ll no longer be in that winter funk.” When we start to experience warmer weather, it’s time to start getting rid of our belongings. Consider spring as a “rebirth” for the seasons. The scenery surrounding us starts growing back again. Flowers bloom. Grass gets greener. Everything feels fresh. So, why are we so obsessed with this concept of “spring cleaning?” There’s books, movies, TV shows, and songs about getting rid of things you no longer need.
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Nostalgia can often stop us from completing our clean-up process. Yet, if something you own is no longer adding value to your life, get rid of it.
“I can’t fit into these clothes anymore. Plus they’re not my style.”
“I don’t need this couch anymore. I need something smaller.”
With our possessions, we’ll give them away if it can add value to somebody else’s life. Especially if it no longer adds value to ours.
“I don’t need this computer anymore. I’m going to buy a new one.”
We’ll also take this concept and apply it to our relationships and friendships. Sometimes we’ll be friends with or date somebody who doesn’t support us. They don’t build us up or push us to be a better version of ourselves. They never check in with you but expect you to help them when it’s convenient for them.
So, what do we do?
We get rid of those people and make way for someone better. Cut ties because their well-being is no longer your concern. You could also have problems with your job. In the beginning, everything was fine. Over time, it became a toxic environment with terrible management and childish co-workers.
of resignation. It may have given you a stable paycheck, but no paycheck is worth your health suffering from getting it. We need to get rid of things we don’t need anymore. If it doesn’t benefit us, we suffer because of it. Life is all about living to the fullest while you can. Anybody passing judgment on you wanting to take care of yourself should not be in your circle of friends. Even if it’s a family member or a significant other, you always come first. In the end, we want to chase after the best version of ourselves. Maybe that’s why we’re so obsessed with spring cleaning.
So, what now?
Go to your manager and turn in your letter
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Shades of Jealousy Why is it when you’re single for an extended period, everyone else seems to be in a relationship. Or coming out of one, then jumping into another one. You’re left out of that world. You aren’t able to call someone your own. You can’t focus your attention on someone other than yourself. Yes, being single is great, but we all want to have an epic romance. You find yourself wondering, “Why is it so hard to get into a relationship or make new friends?” You see all these people having fun, and you think to yourself, “How come I don’t have that?” But, it should be easy, right? Just go up and introduce yourself, make social conversation, and find a way to see them again.
Yet, it doesn’t always work like that.
Why is it that people in relationships always believe they know more than you about love? Or romance and dating?
They talk down to you because you’re not “taken.”
“You find someone when the time is right.”
“They’ll appear when you least expect it.”
What they don’t realize is, everybody has their own journey. What might work for one person may not work for another. It’s hard to visualize your own journey when so many people around you are getting the results that you want. You can’t figure out how they were able to do it.
“What’s their secret?”
“How can I get there?” 69
These thoughts can make you feel very lonesome. As if, you’re always going to be alone. It’s tough to get out of that mindset and take the time to learn about yourself. Yet, how much time do you need? Envisioning a time frame is hard.
“How can I ignore the noise and rise above it?”
“How can I do something for myself and capture the eye of another?”
“Everyone goes through this at some point. Right?”
It’s worse when spring comes around. Love pops up everywhere as the weather gets warmer. It’s hard to comprehend what it means to be single. But, what can you do to make sure your happiness stays intact? Making sure it isn’t dictated by someone else’s presence. “How can I get rid of these shades of jealousy that arise every time spring comes along?”
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Dear future self,
Letters for a New Life
You are valid.
You may feel as if nothing works or will go your way. You keep shuffling around until you tire yourself out. You’re trying to make things easier for yourself. The reality is, it’s going to be hard to gain back the energy you had when you first started this life. Late nights and early mornings were your bread and butter. The go-getter momentum you had and thrived off of isn’t there anymore. Your work slowed down, and toxicity and negativity seeped into your skin. Your mindset has changed. Your energy is dangerously lower than ever before. You find yourself on the brink of mental breakdowns every single time you go to work. What you love’s clouded by past experiences you can’t let go. It’s easy to tell yourself, “This will never happen again. I’ll make sure of it.” Unfortunately, it does happen. Over and over again. You have no control over your moods. You’ve dropped the consistency of cranking out content you believe in. Your momentum is gone. So, I’m writing this to you because I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure you can feel alive again. Whether in your work or personal life, you’ll feel as if everything has a purpose.
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No more measuring your work ethic and self-worth in the same breath as your failures. No more measuring your lowest points to the standards of someone’s current success. You’ll thrive again. It’s so hard to motivate yourself to keep your vision alive when life’s obstacles get in the way. But, it’ll work out. Something will click, and you’ll think, “This is the moment I’ve been waiting for.” In the end, we all want to be successful. It’s hard when outside forces find ways to tear you down. Unfortunately, life doesn’t give a shit. It treats everyone the same. Everyone’s circumstances are different. No two stories are the same. Your ideas may seem identical to someone else’s, but the approach is different. The words and actions are different. So, I’m going to help you get to that place where you’ll feel like your most authentic self. Things are going to get better again. You’ll feel as if you have some stability in your life again. You’ll have a routine that is neither a burden nor incomplete. You’ll fulfill that ultimate dream. I’m going to make sure you get there. And if for some reason I don’t, then I’m going to keep writing these letters until one day you do. Sincerely, Presemt You
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Hot Limes You came out of nowhere, and I couldn’t keep my eyes off of you. There was something about you that intrigued me, and I couldn’t wait to have you.
Wait. Was that too forward? Let me back that up.
I couldn’t wait to meet you. Once I approached you, your conversation was refreshing and enlightening.
There was a mystery in the way you moved that excited me.
I’ve never met anybody like you. I don’t ever want to meet anybody like you. You’re one of a kind, who can bring anyone to their knees. You have an aura that’ll attract anyone. You’re different because you make me feel as if I matter. I’ve been struggling with that insecurity for the longest time. You make me feel as if there’s a purpose for everything in this world. It’s very inspiring.
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I’ve never believed in fate, but you might make me change my ways.
In return, I made you change your preferred type. I may not be as adventurous or outgoing,
but my wit and conversation skills held your attention. My charm made you intoxicated, and you couldn’t get enough. We both knew there was an instant connection. We were able to keep the conversation moving and entertaining. We genuinely wanted to know more about each other. There were no angles nor agendas from either of us.
Human connections are often tainted by ulterior motives.
We’re a different breed. Our interaction felt right because we trusted our instincts. “I don’t know who this person is, but I have a feeling I’m going to want them in my life.”
It’s hard to find people like us, but we got lucky. Everyone is going to be insanely jealous of us if we could make this work. What do you say?
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Time’s A-Changing
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We Need to Move Forward
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Let’s Start Again We need to address the elephant in the room. There’s something between us that still burns bright. Love’s supposed to based on trust, support, and building each other up. Yet, all we do is tear each other apart. I can’t handle that anymore. I need to leave, but I know it’ll be hard to resist you one last time. It’s over, but I can’t seem to walk out the door for good this time. I keep turning around. You like seeing me struggle with my feelings for you. You know there’s a 50/50 chance you might be mine again. I can’t keep the charade up anymore. There are too many sad songs written about us. We’re not right for each other. You keep trying to turn me into someone I’m not. There’s something about you that drives me insane. I can’t figure out why this is happening.
How could have let this happen?
It’s hard to transform back to who we used to be in the beginning.
I know this doesn’t make any sense, but I’ve been weighing my options.
When I see you, I don’t want to have butterflies or fall in love with you all over again. We have a very long history of unwanted tension. There are things about us that I’ll keep close to my heart, but I want this to be over.
Now I’m speaking nonsense. I can’t seem to wrap my head around what’s going on.
How many times do I have to say that we’re not right for each other? You keep coming back to me as if you’re expecting another chance. I want to become somebody that you used to know.
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Let me go.
It’s over.
Is Daylight Saving Beneficial or Useless? Daylight Saving comes twice a year, and it brings so much chaos to our sleep schedule. At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself, “Is this time change beneficial to us or is it useless?” One thing’s for sure, Daylight Saving is not universally acknowledged. So, why do we have it if it only benefits certain people? With Daylight Saving, we “spring forward” and “fall back.” We either gain an hour or lose an hour in our day. The history of the time change is different than how we partake in it nowadays. So, who is it actually benefiting? Is it everyday citizens or is it someone higher than that? It was initially an energy conservation method created by William Willett. He was a British Builder who believed that his fellow Brits should have longer days in the summer. He proposed to move the clocks forward by 80 minutes between April and October. This way, people can enjoy the sunlight as long as possible. It was also seen as a way to cut down on electricity at night. From this, you wouldn’t have to run up your electric bill. Keeping your house from looking like the Dark Ages. It was also believed that farmers were in support of the time change.
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Turns out, they weren’t.
Many farmers believed daylight saving would disrupt the way they ran their farms. They wouldn’t be able to properly harvest.
their crops. Their ranch hands would also want to work less because of the time change, especially if it got dark early.
So, is there a way for us to enjoy gaining or losing an hour in our day? We complain about it more than we try to enjoy it. For example, it gets way too dark during the fall. If it’s dark at 5am, it will for sure be just as dark 12 hours later. “I have to get things done even faster if I want to spend more time with my family and friends.” “I won’t get as much sleep during summer as I would during fall.” Many farmers believed daylight saving would disrupt the way they ran their farms. They wouldn’t be able to properly harvest their crops. Their ranch hands would also want to work less because of the time change, especially if it got dark early. So, is there a way for us to enjoy gaining or losing an hour in our day? We complain about it more than we try to enjoy it. For example, it gets way too dark during the fall. If it’s dark at 5am, it will for sure be just as dark 12 hours later. “I have to get things done even faster if I want to spend more time with my family and friends.” “I won’t get as much sleep during summer as I would during fall.” For decades, there have been propositions written to end daylight saving. It’s believed that’s not beneficial anymore. So, do we need it? It may be a way to conserve energy during the day, but if there aren’t any other benefits, when can will it be useless?
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Waves and Patterns
“Am I falling behind? Or has everyone always been ahead of me?”
“How come their methods don’t work for me?”
We tend to find ways to blame the world for our feelings of self-doubt. It’s hard enough to live this life without thinking nothing’s ever going to come true. You feel stuck in a pattern. You’re stopped by life and going anywhere but up because you can’t rise above your situation. Your insecurities weigh you down and make you feel as if you’re stuck in neutral. Rock bottom is your new permanent home. Now you’re psychoanalyzed by deceitful people. They’re the ones who always try to push therapy on you.
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“You need to be vulnerable.”
It’s always those people who try to convince you to talk about your issues.
“You’re not who you used to be.”
What does that even mean?
It’s always the people that you don’t feel comfortable talking to that think they can “help” you. They always come around when they’re not wanted. Unfortunately, the people you do want are never around when you need them. Those people are “dealing with their own things.” Yes, they’ll support you, but not all the time. So, here comes the vultures. They’re ready to show you “right from wrong” and tell you what you should be doing because it worked so well for them.
“I don’t want to be like you. Leave me alone so I can figure out what’s best for me.”
Your emotions come in waves. Sometimes small ones. Other times, they’re gigantic. You try to hold on, but nothing works. So, you get pushed under the sea. You keep trying to swim up to the top and stay alive, but your emotions are dragging you down. Keeping you under for longer than you can handle. der.
Breaking the surface is the ultimate goal. Yet, there are always people who want to pull you un-
The ocean in your mind is hard to control, but you can tame it. With a little bit of hope and patience, things will turn around.
Hopefully. 97
How Can We Start Over if We’re Still Stuck in the Past? It’s hard to say goodbye to things that had left a lasting impression on your life. Everything you’ve learned over the years that helped you out of certain situations. What helped you find higher ground. Lessons you’ve learned from meeting and trusting the wrong people.
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“It’s not easy being me.”
That’s what everyone says about themselves.
You’ve finally reached a new phase in your life. But, how do you say goodbye to
something that has kept you from making the same mistakes? You don’t want to let go of the wrong things. You feel compelled to repeat your transgressions. Everything you’ve worked for may all disappear if you’re not careful.
Life has many ups and downs. You’ve learned to deal with what you want to let go.
Your survival tactics aren’t needed anymore. You don’t want to rely on them. You want to deal with things with a level head. and see both sides with an unbiased opinion. But, you have to leave. It’s time to move on. To grow up and get out. It’s hard not to feel like things will go unchanged. Carrying the same tune forever. We’re told that everything we do has a purpose. Going through life will bring out different sides of you. The weak side and the strong side.
Your weak side will let others run over you. Allowing them to control you.
Your strong side will combat those voices and prove your fearless.
“How do I get rid of the noise?”
“What can I do to make this new life transition go smoother.”
Start with building a sanctuary. Something for yourself to keep safe. Your own personal safe haven. The place where you can run to when you need it the most.
That’s how you can start over without being stuck in the past.
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i s e i r o
g n i t i a nW
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m o M A
th r o W ent
g n i t c e Refl
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The Park and the Playground
It was a place I could run to when I was scared.
Enjoy life when I was happy.
Grieve when I was sad.
Vent I was angry.
Mourn when I felt nothing.
This place held my secrets, gave me hope, and put faith back into my world. All in the same breath. It also brought me back to reality when I needed a sense of direction. It became a fantasy. An escape. A dream I needed to hold onto when the real world crumbled around me. When everything came to a crashing halt, time stood still here. I could take a moment and breathe. Close my eyes and recite words of positivity. It’s a whole routine I’ve developed over the years. From being a small child, playing here with reckless abandon. To becoming a teenager, crying over my first heartbreak. Once I became an adult, I reminisced on everything that made me who I am today. The park and the playground gave me a reason to live. Witnessing nature grow and die in the same year. A haunting metaphor for life. People come in and out of your life, then suddenly disappear. Never to see or hear from them again. At the moment, you wish you could repair that relationship or friendship. But, sometimes fate has different plans for you. You think about all the children who played here. All the teenagers who fell in love here. All the adults who wondered if something better was coming if they just waited here. 108
Everything you’ve ever wanted can sometimes appear when you least expect it.
Sometimes, my dreams stay behind. They don’t follow me out into the real world. Yet, if I keep coming back here, I can relive them over and over again. They’ll never go away even if they never came true. My dreams will always stay the same.
When Does Spring Get Here? It’s been raining nonstop for weeks. I’m sick of looking at this gloomy weather. It’s like these I pray for sunny weather. I usually do well with the cold. Creatively thriving off of the rain. I’ve produced some of my best work with the clouds hanging low. Yet, today is not the day for a sardonic artist. Today, I’m going to show my appreciation for the sun. Giving my praise to the bright light that exudes joy and happiness. Winter is coming to an end. As a parting gift, we’re treated to one last cold front. We need to find a way to cope without her. Winter can leave on good terms. Unless the rain represents her pain because she won’t be returning for months. 112
Spring will be here any day now. We need to get ready for the changing of the seasons. It’s going to be a little minute before it gets warm again. We have to wait until the remnants of winter melt away. I’m ready to enjoy spring. I couldn’t handle a prolonged winter, which would be a petty thing to create. Telling us, she has the freedom to whatever she wants, including brewing up a dreary storm.
We’ve caught an early case of spring fever and winter is jealous.
But, change is good. It keeps us on our toes. Keeping us focused and inspired. So, there’s no need to cry, winter. We’ll see each other again.
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Garden Tales 118
Stories Hidden Among Mother Nature 119
When Mother Nature’s Happy, We’re All Smiling When Mother Nature is reborn, we’re all rewarded with her light shining down on us.
The world seems a bit brighter.
The spring hues begin to surface.
Shades of green, yellow, lavender and all the other pastel colors make a glorious return.
Out of sadness and weariness comes a bright day.
We are ready to bloom alongside Mother Nature. Embracing her with open arms.
We develop clear eyes, a steady heart, and a rational mind.
We regain stability again.
When Mother Nature’s happy, we’re all smiling. 122
Full Bloom Now is the time to start thinking about yourself. You’ve put in the work and did all you could to make a better life for yourself.
You’re allowed to be happy. It’s okay to feel different and/or alone.
That’s when you have the best conversations with yourself.
Motivating yourself into believing everything is going to be alright. There’s nothing worse than feeling like you have to hide who you are. You worked hard, and you deserve the world. No one can tell you otherwise. They won’t understand why you’re a fan of self-improvement. Taking care of yourself is your number one priority. It’s the only way to survive in this world. You need a concrete sense of self. If you don’t have one, you’ll get molded into what the world wants you to be. But, it’s okay to not have everything together. You don’t need to know precisely how the future is going to turn out. Make time for yourself. Don’t put in the work for someone else. Only you know where you need to go. I knew for years things needed to change. Now I’m going to do something about it. I’m going to lean on myself. Holding myself accountable with a fool-proof routine. You’ll also be able to create the same things. When you do, then you’ll go into full bloom.
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Spring Outer Sprung
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Coming Alive at the Right Time
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I’ve Done All I Can Except Say Goodbye This is the last thing I have to do. I have to accept that goodbyes are words only said when you genuinely mean it. I thought goodbyes was necessary, but it’s such a nasty word. It has a negative connotation associated with heartbreak. Or a low, depressive moment. I’ve done pretty well with not keeping those emotions around.
Until now.
All the moments in my life where I’ve been lied to and deceived have made me stronger in the present. And, I’ve done all I can except say goodbye. I need to celebrate my victories and learn from my losses. Yet, I can’t do that if I don’t move forward.
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Live for myself versus pleasing other people. It’s tough to grasp when all you want to do give up. To not have to feel the burden of responsibility anymore. I’ve managed to fight through it. I’ve had many low moments where things never worked out. I never want to go back to that place of having to rectify things when they’ve been completed. Perfection is unattainable. Inquired only by people who refuse to believe the truth. This spring is going to give me something I’ve never had before, and that’s understanding.
I’ve understood I’ve done all I can, and that’s good enough.
“But, you shouldn’t want to be just good enough.”
The phrase’s made to sound demeaning and demoralizing, not enthusiastic or supportive. Then, I thought about striving for greatness, but my journey had too many obstacles. I approached the end and felt as if nothing mattered anymore. Nothing could prepare me for the outcome. I need to pay attention more to what’s happening internally, rather than the noise around me.
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But, I’m most proud of my new peace of mind acquired by a surge of meditative thoughts.
Being in a position of judgment is hard. Everyone has to have an opinion.
“Never hope for the best because sometimes the best is disappointing.”
“I’ll always strive for the best because I want to be the best version of myself.”
“You always want more than what you can achieve.”
Well, I’ve done everything I can except say goodbye. Which, in the end, I’ve always wanted.
Songs that Insp King of the Clouds – Panic! at the Disco Mad as Rabbits – Panic! at the Disco Northern Downpour – Panic! at the Disco Las Vegas – American Tomahawk Los Angeles – American Tomahawk It Took a Minute – Generationals Heart in Two – Generationals Café Amarillo – Local Natives Sticky Thread – Local Natives Favorite Sound (ft. Echosmith) - Audien California – Everyone is Dirty Fire and the Thud- Arctic Monkeys Shavambacu – Miles Kane Pattern – The Last Shadow Puppets Take Me Out –Franz Ferdinand
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pired This Issue What She Came For – Franz Ferdinand Before the Earth was Round – Ok Go White Knuckles – Ok Go This is Not the End – The Bravery Public Service Announcement - The Bravery A Strange Education – The Cinematics Digital Witness – The Cinematics The Only One – The Black Keys Cruel – St. Vincent Maps – Yeah Yeah Yeahs Y Control – Yeah Yeah Yeahs Romantic Rights – Death From Above 1979 What You Know – Two Door Cinema Club Sweet Disposition – The Temper Trap Helena Beat – Foster the People
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