626 Capricorn Road (December 2018) by 626 Capricorn Road

626 CAPRICORN ROAD

GOTHIC WINTER DECEMBER 2018

A 92ARTIST Productions Publication

CONTENTS 2

pg 5 Message from the Editor/Credits

pg 36 HOLIDAY IMPRINT Cheer for Your Soul

pg 6 This Monthâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Theme

pg 53 GOTHIC BLESSINGS Believing in the Hype

pg 8 COME TO THEE ETERNALLY Together Forever

pg 66 WINTER GHOST Never Forget Me

pg 23 BLUE ICE Frozen in Shock

pg 82 SONGS THAT INSPIRED THIS ISSUE Our December Issue Playlist

FEATURES pg 28 A Cup Refilled One Too Many Times

pg 74 Time Has Frozen Our Memories

pg 32 Will You Meet Me Fireside?

pg 78 May We Meet Again

WRITING pg 14 After the Holidays

pg 49 The Night Before We Broke Up

pg 19 It is a Stressful Mess that is the 25th

pg 58 Addicted to Higher Ground

pg 40 From the Bay Window

pg 63 You Are My Religion

pg 44 I’ve Never Been in Love on Christmas

pg 70 I’ve Missed Everything About You 3

MESSAGE FROM THE EDITOR Hey everyone! My name is Ceirra Burton, and I am the creator and editor-in-chief of 626 Capricorn Road. Thank you so much for taking the time to read the December issue. 626 Capricorn Road is a magazine that is ever-changing and with this month’s issue, “Gothic Winter,” I wanted to showcase how winter is time of year where death and rebirth intersect. We prepare ourselves for the end of the year and embrace what is to come in the new year. I hope you guys enjoy the journey you are about to go on as you explore the artsy world of 626 Capricorn Road. Happy reading! Website: www.626capricornroad.com Instagram: @626capricornroad Tumblr: 626capricornroad.tumblr.com Twitter: @626CapRoad Facebook: 626 Capricorn Road Pinterest: 626capricornroad Photography by: Ceirra Burton Written Work by: Ceirra Burton

This Month’s Theme Winter is the time where nature becomes completely bare. It’s stripped down until it has nothing left to give. One may say that nature has died and will be reborn in the spring, but I believe that it becomes the next journey into life. Especially when the new year comes around. When December arrives, the Christmas season is in full-swing. Everyone is concentrated on the holidays and spending time with their loved ones. Yet, they also take the time to reflect on their own lives. If they became the person they wanted to be by the end of the year or if they’ll go into the new year feeling like a disappointment. Having these feelings during a time of year where you’re supposed to be cheerful, can make your holidays turn into a gloomy celebration. I wanted to bring out these feelings in the photos and the writing. The feeling of self-discovery and wanted to feel complete as a human being, especially during the holidays. So, without further ado, let’s celebrate “Gothic Winter.”

- Ceirra Burton

COME TO THEE ETERNALLY

Together Forever

After the Holidays Winter has begun You’re the only one I want It’s not your fault we ended up like this The cleanup is the worst part A gift overload that must leave But my wish was never granted Then you came back to me Christmas has a funny way of show gratitude Given us everything you want Then taking it all away Love is a gift exchange Returns are a rarity There are no take backs Love hard or don’t Falling in love on Christmas is a formality You can’t start again with baggage Too many heavy loads to bear Feel the love in the air I’m immune to mistletoe I’ve tried to get rid of joy and hope But it’s still given out like candy canes With lies wrapped around it This doesn’t feel right We have to try harder What’s the truth? What happens now? Do you want to give up ? Do you? 14

It is A Stressful Mess that is the 25th There’s always drama between us Stress levels rising Nothing Gets Easier It gets harder to shake you each year Coming and going as you please Past lovers are hard to bury Causing trouble is a specialty Reflection brings me back to us Reminiscing on all our difficulties Wondering how I survived your battle wounds I want more There’s no more room for us Old Flames are hard to extinguish. Beware of the charmers Charisma is a deadly weapon How do you always do this to me? Retreat back Then attacking my heart with your entire arsenal Leave me alone. Please I don’t want to have to go through this again

BLUE ICE Frozen in Shock

A Cup Refilled One Too Many Times 28

Too many times I’ve played these games. I can’t take the impact of your paranoia anymore. “You don’t trust me?” “Why should I? “Do you think I’m going to run off into the arms of someone else?” “Would you?” “Is it possible for you not to be paranoid every time I leave the house?” “Give me a reason why I shouldn’t?” You insist on playing mind games with me. Questioning me as if I’m under interrogation. A simple “yes” or “no” is never enough. I have to give a detailed explanation of every part of my life. You check on me as if I’m going to run away from you. As if whatever I’m doing is going to incite infidelity. Too many dishes shattered from our nightly fights. I want brightness. I hate the cold. I’m afraid of the dark. I hate gloomy days and glum-looking faces. I don’t like shivering in the middle of the night. You took your warmth away from me. “What is it about me that you don’t trust? I’ve been faithful to you, and this is what I get in return? Grunts and cold shoulders? Where’s the love? Where’s the romance? Where’s the comfort? Where’s the loyalty? Where are you when I need you?” Okay. Enough about me. Let’s turn the tables on you. What are your days like? Would you like obscene amounts of paranoia thrust upon you? Let’s track your movements. Let’s flood your phone with missed calls and unread text messages. Let’s stop your day to talk to me. When you come home, you can’t pick up where you left off. You can’t finish your to-do list. You have to give me your undivided attention. I come first. Now, here are some fighting words. “Do you love me? Are you getting sick of me? Do you want me to leave?” It’s getting harder to love you. I can’t go on like this. I’ve spent too long making you feel my everything. I’m faithful to you and no one else. But this routine only gets you so far. My heart doesn’t speed up like it used to when I’m with you. It grows cold the second you open your mouth. I can’t stand to be around you. I can’t stand to be in the same room as you. Fearing another fight will ensue if I say the wrong thing. Obligation is the only thing keeping me here. We’re not turning the same page anymore. We’re reading different chapters on how this relationship should go. We’re hurting one another more than we’re building each other up. There’s no spark anymore. My soul grows quiet whenever you’re near. My mind becomes weary with thoughts of us. I can’t hold onto what we have anymore. The ties that bind have slowly unraveled. Revealing our true nature. There’s no romance. We keep coloring inside the lines. My cup runneth empty one too many times. I’ve given you too many chances. But, you’re only interested in making me suffer. You make it so difficult to change. My heart doesn’t beat for you anymore. Not in the way you want it to. There’s nothing you can do to change that. I think it’s time for me to finally say goodbye. I can’t handle the impact anymore. 29

Will You Meet Me Fireside 32

The fire has been stoked since noon. I keep adding logs to keep it from going out. It’s growing hotter every minute you’re not here. If I keep fanning the flames, I’ll burn to death. I’ve never had a love like yours. There’s something about you that keeps me from going back to my old ways. Where I’d use my wit to manipulate others. Keeping them by my side until I no longer need them. I mastered the art of deception. But, you gave me a dose of my own medicine. A toxin to sweet to resist. I know it must have taken ages too perfect. Reverse psychology at its finest. You opened my eyes to all the wrong-doings I committed. You made me see how my hatred for compassion had no place in our relationship. I didn’t want to believe you at first, but I had to trust you. I stepped aside and you took the lead. You know what to do to push my buttons and set me off. You learned all my tricks and tactics. You tore down my walls and showed me the meaning of true love. A concept I never believed in. A bed full of countless lovers couldn’t equate to an epic romance. You were able to recite the tales of starcrossed lovers who made a home in the sky You’ve taught me so much. But, I’m done with the lessons. I’m tired of running in circles for you. It’s time to let me put everything into practice. Give me a chance to prove myself. Give me the green light so we can make this thing a reality. I can show you I’ve changed. I’m waiting for the light to turn, but your red light is broken. I’m ready for the next step. Let me show you I’m capable of building an epic romance with you. Just come home. Please come back to me. I’ve learned my lesson. I need you. Can you meet me fireside? If you do, I can give you everything you want. I will surrender my heart and you can keep it for as long as you like. How does that sound? Please just come back. 33

HOLIDAY IMPRINT Cheer for Your Soul

From the Bay Windo

I sat on this bench for my entire life. Envious of the world outside my window. Confined to my safe zone until you came and disrupted my peace. Now I feel conflicted. A strange feeling of accepting and rejecting someone providing you the company you desperately wanted. Yet, never spoke aloud. I don’t know if I should be ecstatic that you want to sit with me. Or curse you for daring to think I’d ever save you a seat. I’m so used to being alone. Then you came along. My mind wants to pass judgment, but my heart longs for a companion. Yearning for someone to keep time with its cadence. My heart has an unusual tempo. It speeds up around someone like you, but it’ll slow down when I’m alone. What does that mean? I’ve never felt like this before. What is my heart trying to tell me? You gave me a reason to keep sitting in this window. Before you, I spent my whole life here. I never wanted to be on the sidelines. Your presence fixed my heart’s irregularity. You studied the flow and mended it with words of kindness. Giving me new music to enjoy. Conversations flowing like no other. Your words flow like no other. A new light shining upon an area of darkness. I should probably say thank you, but I’ve never been one for pleasantries. I’ve never enjoyed small talk, but I should trust you. You’re different. There’s an energy about you that intrigues me. It’s always been hard for me to show my gratitude. To let others in and become grateful for our time together. When you came into my life, I suddenly feel as if it had meaning again. I’m not a wallflower hidden indoors. There’s a new balance. Enthusiasm and melancholy with a sense of belonging. It’s something I’ve had a hard time grasping. Entering someone’s life and having an impact on them. It’s something I choose not to understand. Yet, you’re helping me see how we all need someone like you in our lives. We crave companionship. When you sat down, everything changed. I froze, and conflicting emotions bubbled up inside me. Should I be happy you’re here? Or should I wish you away? I can’t seem to make up my mind. But, I’m glad you sat down with me. 41

I’ve Never Been in Love on Christmas The feeling of being alone scares me I’ve never liked the holidays They always remind me of what I can’t have You’re supposed to fall in love at least once in your lifetime. Never thought you’d come into my life I’ve had dreams about this But feared it’ll take too long Love will never reach me in time I’ve never experienced love that stimulated reciprocation I’ve waited for so long to feel this way I fell in love on Christmas Fell hard and fast during the season of giving I want to be selfish Give me what I deserve I don’t want to be alone anymore I pray you grant my wishes I hope you won’t reject me I pray for tears of joy when I see you again. And erase the years of sorrow that mask my happiness Be the one to change it all That’s all I’m asking for this Christmas 44

The Night Before We Broke Up The betrayal sucker punched me Then stung me with the wrath of a thousand killer bees It’s all your fault I was alone before you decide to leave me Loneliness crept up into me like a poison to the mind We had passion Anger made its home in your eyes You’re disloyal Untrustworthy You broke me Then flooded me with false hope I became enraged with a sense of imbalance Our love lost the breeze You still owe me an explanation I don’t want your apologies How could you do this to me? You say you want me But I know you don’t There’s nothing left for me here When will I ever be enough? I swore the night before we broke up things would be different Now, look where we are 49

GOTHIC BLESSINGS Believing in the Hype

Addicted to Higher Ground I always aim to please. Giving and giving until I have nothing left. Expectations are beneath me. They don’t exist in the real world. They’re broken like promises made during human interaction. No wonder I fell from the top and become accustomed to hitting rock bottom. All hope disintegrating as soon as I crash landed. I’ve always dreamt of living amongst the stars. Becoming one with the elements. Shining bright at night, then hibernating during the day resting. Eliminating my own darkness so I could be someone else’s guiding light. I would fly high to the sky and make my way home in the universe. Being so far up, I can’t see the ground anymore. There’s nothing but solitude. A place to be free with salvation granting me the ability to seek a higher truth. Exploring what it means to be apart of this world. A speck of dust in the universe until you’re no longer here. I’ve been fortunate to have the strength to find my own way. Feeling lost before finding a purpose. There’s only so much I can take at ground level. There’s nothing but tragedy. It’s a miracle anybody can survive it. Being human is a hard knock life being human. I can’t stand being here anymore, but I can’t seem to find the access key. Trapped in a place of constant misunderstanding, miscommunication, and miseducation. Listening in on conversations laced with fear. No one wants to help. But it’s not their fault. Most people won’t extend a hand if it doesn’t concern them. I’ve spoken in so many tongues, but every language has a barrier. Some people say no faster than they say yes. They were my mistake. But not up there. Not high above. I’m addicted to higher ground. Attempting to reach new heights without any boundaries. There are no limits, expectations, attachments, or commitments. Hidden messages aren’t allowed. It’s forbidden to play tricks and mind games. But I always seem to fall back down, I’m petrified of the fall. I can’t seem to shake the anticipation. The time in-between is enough to drive me mad. I know how the landing feels. I want to fly high and never come back down. The ground is too unstable. It might split open and swallow me whole. The climb to the top is the best part. A trip to the heavens to explore the supernatural. It’s enough to make you want to become frozen in time. Being graced by the presence of eternity until time has had enough of our universe. 58

You Are My Religion I still feel like the love of your life. You ran to me whenever you needed to savior. You needed someone to shelter you from harm. I stepped into those shoes became everything you needed. I gave you my undivided attention at the sound of your command. Never hesitating with showing you my love and affection. You were the only grace of light I saw in this dark world. The answer to my prayers. The person who gave me strength when I couldn’t find it elsewhere. You were my salvation on demand as I was to you. A comfort zone. We could run to each other for everything. Running in circles wasn’t an option because we had each other to keep from falling apart. But your presence isn’t the only thing I miss. It’s the little things. What caught me off-guard every time I looked at you. My daily worship of your beauty. Good morning prayers of thankfulness for having you in my life. Filling it with vivid colors. Everything looked so pristine when you took ahold of my vision. Nothing was off-limits with you. My day became brighter every time you smiled. Your laughter gave me hope. But it was the nightly calls to the heavens that gave me my nocturnal strength. Pleasure optional. I craved you all the time. We helped each other when we were desperate. But it’s not a part of my routine anymore. There’s nothing but cloudy skies and rainy days fogging up my vision. Wind chills so blistering cold, I stay inside most days to avoid it. I’ve missed our conversations about life, love, and lust. I miss hearing you speak your mind. Picking each other’s brains about the most mundane things. My conversations aren’t lively anymore. There’s nothing but sadness dripping from my tongue. There’s a dent in my bed where you used to sleep. It haunts me in my dreams. Every time I woke up I hoped you’d be there to call me down, but, you’re gone. The devil worked its magic and persuaded you to leave me. I never knew why. One day you stopped telling me everything that was on your mind. Your answers became 280 characters. You didn’t want to give me thorough explanations anymore. So I waited. Then you left, and I realized you were never coming back. It’s getting colder at night. I can’t keep warm anymore. My body temperature is declining into dangerous territories. I’m sick to my stomach from your absence. I’m cursed. Like evil was thrust upon me as soon as you walked out my door. It disrupted my flow. My prayers lost on delivery. The address has changed. I keep getting “return to sender” notices. I need you back in my life. Come back to me. 63

WINTER GHOST

Never Forget Me

I’ve Missed Everything About You I wish you were here with me. To bring me comfort on these chilly nights. To warm up my spirit with words of wisdom. Ease my mind with your affirmations of love. Keeping my mind engaged as my body sought shelter in your embrace. I miss you so damn much. And it’s all my fault. It’s something I haven’t been able to get over. What happened between us. I’ve wept into the night with regretful sorrow. Sleeping at night is hard. My bed can’t handle my restlessness anymore. I seek solace from the moonlight coming through my window. I’ve made a habit of reflecting on my past mistakes. The sins I’ve committed left me with nightmares. All the nights I found comfort in another’s arms. I wish I could take it all back. You didn’t deserve the grief nor the pain. I only wanted the best for you. But, I got carried away with my expectations. I asked so much of you. But, I lashed out at you when you couldn’t deliver. I became worried you were never going to be enough in my eyes. The truth is I never deserved you. You were too good for me. So, I did everything in my power to tear us apart. I never experienced a love like yours before. I was so afraid of messing it up, I subconsciously ruined our memories together. Your happiness never stood a chance against my pessimism. I need you. But I can’t have you. I drive myself insane with thoughts of you. My cravings are getting worse. There’s no hope for me. I know I should move on. Climb out of rock bottom and start over again. Find a way to keep my sanity from floating away. You kept me on the ground. Saved me from flying off towards the sun. You kept me safe from that fiery ball of temptation. Asking nothing of me when I demanded all of you. I needed the attention. Ached for it. I wanted you in the palm of my hands. To become the center of your world with you orbiting around mine. But, love is not supposed to be one-sided. It’s two people giving 100% to the relationship without expectations. But, my intentions became manipulative. You were nothing more then a safe zone for my misfortunes. I took your heart and tainted your innocence. My vices fell in love with your virtue. I left your soul in a thousand pieces. You saw me as a beacon of light, but I was nothing more than an anchor in a black hole. I burned all your emotional bridges. If only you knew how much I missed you. You would give me a chance to redeem myself and take me back one more time. But, I have to accept that second chances with you died the moment I gave my mind, body, and soul to someone else. Because of that, I miss everything about you. 70

Time Has Frozen Our Memories The clock froze in place this morning. The time was 12:35. I don’t know why it stopped there. Is it a sign? Has something happened with this clock? It’s never done that before. Telling time until time stopped moving. Not moving an inch. Has a tragedy occurred? What will happen if I can’t get it to work anymore? What if time doesn’t move forward? What if time never moved again? Is it a sign of the times? Is it foreshadowing a future dramatic event? Does the clock know something I don’t know? What will become of our memories? Or us? Will we survive? I’ve never been afraid of time. Never thought of the possibility of us becoming frozen in place. Forever at the mercy of time until it is no longer a currency of the universe. I’ve never feared entrapment, but something about this clock has me shook to my core. My intuition kicks in, and I have a feeling something bad is going to occur. But why now? I know winter is a time for death and rebirth. A season modeled after a phoenix rising. But does that have to do with the time? If we are to remain here, what will become of the memories we made together? Will they become everlasting? Or will they disappear? How can we turn them into markers of time? So, if time moves again, it can pick back up where it left off. But what if it never moves? Will the hands of time make me forget about the love we created? Will it erase your memory of me? I wouldn’t be able to handle that. I couldn’t imagine living my life without you. I couldn’t endure that much heartbreak. But what if this clock’s broken? I’m going to choose to believe it’s broken. If it froze with no intention of moving ever again, we should all be fearful. We can never have more time. We have the past, but it’s fading away. Frozen with no concept of time beginning or ending. There’s only so much pain I can bear. I can’t fathom how torturous this must be for you. Wondering if we’ll ever have a future. How can we change this? Can we move the hands of time? They’re not moving on their own. Has this change in time affected others? Don’t tell me we are the only ones. I’m scared of what will happen next. How would we cope with love loss? How are others dealing with the broken hands? Or are they accepting of the circumstances? Time has frozen our memories with no intention of giving it back. 74

May We Meet Again

It’s been a long time coming. I’ve dreaded this moment for ages. The moment where we say goodbye. Expressing our loyalty to each other for the final time. You and I belong together, but the universe has a different plan for us. I’ve dreamt of this night too many times. I approach you, and I hold you in my arms. Whispering sweet nothings in your ear, assuring you that everything is going to be okay. “We’ll see each other again. You have nothing to fear.” “I can’t stand to see you go. It’s not right what the heavens are doing to us.” “Separation is a part of our fate, but I wish I could hold you in my arms forever.” “It isn’t fair that you and I are the only ones who have to suffer.” “There are thousands of us out there who feel the same way we do. Hoping to be with the love of their life until their dying day. But it’s not up to us.” “There’s no need to tear us apart? What is it about us that makes us the perfect candidates for heartbreak?” Heartbreak. It is an emotion deadlier than any man-made sentence. “What does the universe have against us?” “Does it take pleasure and us being apart? Wailing for relief in the night from our aching hearts?” “It could be the moon. It could be jealous of the nightly glow we cast upon ourselves? A source of light we use to make our way through the night.” “Or is it the stars? Are they furious we shine can brighter for each other than it ever could? We see in greatness each other and believe in one another. Our love grows whenever we’re in each other’s arms.” “Or how about the night sky? Does it hold a grudge because our love has no limit? There’s nothing that we wouldn’t do to make our relationship grow. We would go to the ends of the Earth for each other to make the other one smile. I guess that’s something that the night sky would never experience.” “It would never know how we felt about each other.” I pray wherever we are, we make the elements envious of our love. Every last one of them would feel our wrath. Now is the time. This isn’t goodbye, but a “see you soon.” For we must never say goodbye because goodbyes are permanent. Not a day nor night will go by where my mind is not filled with thoughts of you. Wherever you are, I am with you. Always and Forever. My darling, may we meet again. 79

SONGS THAT INSPIRED THIS ISSUE Close to Me - Lake Street Dive Come Back to Bed - John Mayer I’m Gonna Find Another You - John Mayer No Ordinary Love - You + Me Call Off Your Dogs - Lake Street Dive Seattle Tidez - Aaron Carter Anonymous - Sleater-Kinney The Calling - The Killers The Church of Hot Addiction - Cobra Starship Hallelujah - Panic! at the Disco Hallelujah - Paramore Church - Fall Out Boy Ghost of You - My Chemical Romance Insecure - Jazmine Sullivan ft. Bryson Tiller Miyazaki - Gallant Bone + Tissue - Gallant Don’t Wish Me Well - Solange Lonely - Demi Lovato The Way - Kehlani ft. Chance the Rapper Judas - Banks Mother Earth - Banks Be My Mistake - The 1975 102 - The 1975 Fold Your Hands Child - Cobra Starship From the Dining Table - Harry Styles 82

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