Articles from Portal Inspirational pentru Lumea Ta 2 spectaluar keys for a healthy relationship: LISTEN and SPEAK 2014- 04- 30 11:04:07 D.O.R. Romania
A relat ionship, privat e or public t ype, involves a connect ion t hat should be harmonious and conduct ed by posit ive f eelings and act ions. If I want t o improve t he connect ion bet ween us t here are two and only two t hings I need do. One is making sure I underst and YOU; t he ot her is making sure YOU underst and ME. T he f irst is t o do wit h how I LIST EN, t he second wit h how I SPEAK. If t his sounds a lit t le t oo simple and obvious, what is perhaps not so simple and obvious is t he qualit y of list ening and speaking needed. It makes all t he dif f erence when the listening is done with empathy and the speaking is done assertively. T hese t wo skills produce a relaxed and saf e at mosphere of mut ual underst anding, respect , honest y and t rust – crucial and want ed by all human beings. By using t hese skills YOU can t ake t he init iat ive in improving your relat ionship – YOU do not need t o wait f or ot hers t o make t he f irst move. T he word ‘skills’ needs a caut ion. T hese are not like manual skills, such as driving a car, which once developed, we can use aut omat ically while our mind and heart are somewhere else. T hey require our f ull at t ent ion. T hey are skills of t he heart , ways of expressing our whole self and helping anot her person do t he same. T hey are ways of making an honest connect ion wit h anot her person. Most people do not list en wit h t he int ent t o underst and; t hey list en wit h t he int ent t o reply – St ephen Covey, T he 7 Habit s of Highly Ef f ect ive People Our f irst react ion t o most of t he st at ement s which we hear f rom ot her people is an immediat e evaluat ion or judgment , rat her t han an underst anding of it . ‘T hat ’s right ’, or ‘T hat ’s st upid’, or ‘T hat ’s unreasonable’, or ‘T hat ’s correct ’. Very rarely do we permit ourselves t o underst and precisely what t he meaning of his st at ement is t o him – Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person For t he moment I will lean on the ability to listen with empathy f ollowing a series of art icles upon t his skill. Af t er det ailed present at ion of t his skill, I will int roduce the ability to speak assertively. If you want t o be not iced about t he f ut ure art icles f om t his series, YOU CAN
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The Empathy Empat hy is paying f ull at t ent ion t o what is going on in someone else’s mind. T he dif f icult y we all have wit h t his is t hat we are usually dist ract ed by what is going on in our own mind. To pay at t ent ion t o someone else we must f irst f ind a way t o f lick t he swit ch – t o divert our at t ent ion f rom t he noise in our own minds, t o give ourselves permission t o set aside f or a while our own sensat ions, memories, opinions, prejudices, t hought s and f eelings, so t hat we can t une in t o what is going on in t heir mind. Flicking t his swit ch is a deliberat e choice. But many of us never make it . We are so engrossed in our own privat e world t hat we assume it is t he only world t here is. If we are int erest ed in ot hers at all it is only in so f ar as t heir t hought s and at t it udes relat e t o our own. We are not int erest ed in t heir inner world in it s own right . We rarely t ake t he t rouble t o st ep wit h an open mind int o t heir shoes and t ry t o imagine what t heir experience of lif e is like, what t hings look like f rom t heir point of view, what mat t ers most t o t hem. We hardly ever do empathy. So we are rarely if ever really present f or t hem – physically, yes, but not ment ally or emot ionally. And usually we are unaware of t his, t ot ally oblivious of how disconnect ed we are. If you want t o t rain yourself t o pay more generous at t ent ion t o ot hers, how can you do it ? A pract ical way is t o f ocus your at t ent ion deliberat ely on specif ic quest ions about t hem. In t he next art icle f rom t his cat egory I will present you some advices regarding
on what t o f ocus your mind on and what words t o use. If you want to read the f uture articles f om this series, YOU CAN SUBSCRIBE HERE T O OUR NEWSLET T ER. Inspired by Philip Gould, “Connect ing wit h people” Share Facebook T wit t er Google+ Pint erest
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