Skills For Managing Conflict And Reducing Aggression It is usually said t hat t here are t hree basic ways of resolving conf lict s: Negotiation, where t he part ies discuss t he issues t hemselves and produce a solut ion. Mediation, where a t hird part y helps t he disput ant s discuss t he issues and produces a solut ion. (Here t he decisions are st ill wit h t he part ies.) Arbitration, where a t hird part y reviews each part y’s case and makes a decision. In t his case t he part ies do not make t he decision but are more or less bound by t he decision of t he t hird part y But t here is a f ourt h way, which is much more product ive and helpf ul – prevention. Conf lict can of t en be prevent ed f rom arising in t he f irst place by t he use of good assert ive communicat ion.
Styles Of Conflict Management Obliging, where one part y allows t he ot her t o have t heir own way wit hout regard f or t heir own views or needs. Avoiding, where an individual wit hdraws, sidest eps or passes t he buck – in f act anyt hing rat her t han deal wit h t he issue. Compromising, where bot h part ies get part of what t hey want but give up ot her part s. T his is where negot iat ing will be used.
Collaborating, which is t he desirable, win/win management st yle. Here inf ormat ion is exchanged, dif f erences examined and a solut ion accept able t o all is produced. Creat ive problem solving met hods are likely t o be used wit h all part ies commit t ed t o working out t he issues. T here are also a variet y of skills t hat can be ut ilised when dealing wit h t hose around us who are involved in conf lict or in a sit uat ion t hat is escalat ing int o aggression or violence. Good list ening skills are a very import ant component of t his st yle, and t he t echniques ment ioned below may be used at all st ages. List ening Skills (or Counselling Skills) People need t o f eel saf e t o explore t heir concerns and be assured t hat t hey are being genuinely list ened t o. It is not enough t o simply be paying at t ent ion, t hey need t o know t hat t he list ener is paying at t ent ion and underst anding what t hey are saying. T his is achieved by using ‘Active Listening’, ‘Empathy’ and t he ot her skills appropriat ely.
Empathy T his is a way of underst anding what someone t ells you by ent ering t heir world, seeing t hings as t hey see t hem and communicat ing your underst anding t o t hem so t hey can see t hat you underst and (or are at least doing your best t o do so). T his does not include saying, “I underst and exact ly how you f eel.” T he skills of Active Listening and Paraphrasing, in part icular, can help t o show empat hy. Also, an acknowledgement of t he person’s present emot ions, e.g. “ I can see that has made you angry” or “I can see how upset you are” or “this is very difficult for you to accept.” Active Listening T his consist s of allowing t he person t o see signs t hat t he list ener is paying proper at t ent ion t o t hem. Good eye cont act should be maint ained, t he
list ener should nod and use f requent minimal prompt s (“hmm, yes, I see,” et c.). Body post ure should be relaxed and open – perhaps slight ly leaning f orward and looking alert . Facial expressions should be appropriat e and mat ching t he person’s mood. Paraphrasing T his involves put t ing what someone has said brief ly in your own words and saying it back t o t hem. It enables you t o check your underst anding of what t hey have said and f or t hem t o correct you if necessary, but it also allows t hem t o act ually hear t hat you have underst ood what t hey are saying. A paraphrase is a very powerf ul t ool in est ablishing an empat het ic relat ionship. Paraphrases very of t en begin wit h t he word “so ….”. You do not need t o paraphrase everyt hing a person says but an occasional paraphrase, part icularly of somet hing import ant , is very helpf ul. Using Open Questions An open quest ion is one t hat cannot be answered by a “Yes” or “No”. A closed quest ion is one which can be answered wit h a “Yes”, “No” or ot her one word answer. Open quest ions usually begin wit h t he words: ‘how’, ‘what’, ‘where’ or ‘who’. T ry t o avoid ‘why’, as it is inclined t o make people f eel def ensive. T here are occasions when a closed quest ion is appropriat e but generally open quest ions have t he ef f ect of helping people t o move on and explore t heir concerns in more det ail. Summarising T his means giving a person or group a short summary of what t hey have said. A summary is longer t han a paraphrase and is of t en used at t he end of a session t o sum up and pick out t hemes or part icular concerns. It can be used t o check t hat t he list ener has underst ood a lot of f act s, especially if someone is conf used or is conf using t he list ener. T he use of a summary can help t he person and t he list ener t o put f act s in t he right order, reduce conf usion and f ocus on t he more import ant part s of what has been said.
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