oct21.qxp_Jan 2014 Aff 30/09/2021 22:26 Page 8
Circle of Influence After the last year and a half, I think we can safely say that we have all experienced stress, uncertainty, unpredictability and perhaps feelings of being out of control. Some of us are likely to have coped with such things much better than others. There are a wide range of things that may cause us concern, worry anxiety, and very often they are things we can do nothing about. It is very easy to say ‘don’t worry’ to others or ourselves. Many of us know when we worry that it is pretty pointless but that doesn’t mean stopping is easy.
However, when we worry or are particularly anxious lots of other things can become very difficult. Even for people who have pretty good self-care routines, almost certainly when we get very anxious or worried they tend to go out of the window. It can become very difficult to plan things, we may find that concentrating is hard and we may become easily distracted. These things can begin to have an impact on our work, wellbeing and relationships. It can all become a bit exhausting and overwhelming. But of course, at any one time there may be a whole bunch of things that cause us worry, particularly perhaps at the present time.
Take a moment to note down some of things that may be playing on your mind right now or over recent days. You may think about very general things like the weather (if you’d planned a BBQ tomorrow) health of yourself or others, the traffic if you have a long journey planned or certain decisions that the government may have taken that will have an impact on you or yours. But they are all things that we can do nothing about.
You may also have mentioned more specific things like a friend who has misinterpreted what you’ve said and is upset, or perhaps things others have said about you but not to you – both can be very upsetting but again they are not things that we can have a particular influence over, nor should we. Other people’s opinions of or about us, are not really our concern –they may have an impact on us but only if we allow them to.
The problem is that when we pay attention to or focus on things we can’t influence then we can become very frustrated, effectively we are putting our energy into things we can’t change. Whatever we do for example
we can’t ‘make’ people like us or agree with what we say.
Whatever we do, we can’t individually make the government change their mind – unless Marcus Rashford is reading this! So, the impact of concentrating on the things that we can’t influence can be very negative and puts us a position where we constantly being reactive.
So, let’s think for a moment about what we can have some control or influence over. Again, there will be some things that are quite general and others that may be quite specific. We can control the habits and routines we set up for ourselves, the friends we have, what we choose to fill our minds with and how we respond to others. We might not be able to control what others say about us but we can control how we talk about others, we can’t control what’s on the news but we can choose whether we watch or listen, or not. When we start to make conscious choices about we do in those areas where we do have control, life can begin to feel a lot more positive and a lot less stressful. As I said at the beginning that doesn’t mean it is easy – but it might be well worth the effort if it will improve your wellbeing and reduce stress and fatigue. One of the best ways to start is by gradually learning to be in the present, the ‘now’, the moment. Let’s be honest a lot of our worries stem from either things that have happened in the past or things that will happen in the future. Learning to be in the present can be a great support for wellbeing. There are lots of ways you can learn to do this such as mindfulness and meditation, getting ‘lost’ in music or art, creativity or connecting with nature and many more. If life is starting to feel exhausting, perhaps at times overwhelming then try thinking about your worries in terms of what you do and don’t have influence over. Separating them out and consciously taking action or changing our attitudes and thoughts about situations, learning to be in the now and concentrating on the circle of influence could have appositive impact on your mental and physical wellbeing. For tips and hints to help you live a more fulfilling positive life join our face book group www.facebook.com/groups/AAYGroup
