Cover Story

The Power of Love is a Curious Thing

My search for love has evolved throughout my life. As a young woman, the word love evoked thoughts of a strapping rescuer who would fill my heart with romance. In marriage, love has come to mean companionship and a deep knowing you can't get with anyone other than the person who is present for all of your very best and very worst moments. When children came along, the feeling of love became all-encompassing and sometimes overwhelming. I suspect as I age, the way I think of love will evolve even further to include the grieflove I'll feel when my parents pass away and the deep friendships that I'll develop when my kids fly the nest. With each passing year, as different people come into our lives and loved ones pass away, the evolution of our love occurs in tandem with an evolution of our hearts.

Our culture simplifies love down to its least impressive parts. That first, almost obsessive, romantic love that knocks us off our feet is nothing compared to the deep love you develop with a friend or partner over decades. The gifts of jewelry, flowers, and heart-shaped boxes of chocolates could never compare to the gift of companionship, someone to hold your hand through the hard times and celebrate with you in your victories.

Love, I believe, is given a bad rap. We see it as something that we should seek around any corner when real love is something that we grow inside ourselves. It's not always thrilling, but it's almost always satisfying. This understanding of love is something we need to experience to know. The most genuine, most profound love experiences have to be absorbed, and sometimes it takes a degree of wisdom to understand them. Love is built on the trust of oneself, as much as it is on the trust you develop in others.

Real transformative love is one of the central elements of our well-being. Caring for and being cared for gives us a sense of belonging, creates meaning in our lives, and makes us feel purposeful. And as much as relationships create emotional well-being, they also benefit our physical wellness. I can think of characters in movies, books, and television who put all their focus and energy into work, corporate success, and money, and at the end of the story, one of two things have happened. Either they see the light and begin investing more time and energy into relationships and less into work, or they never heal, and it causes them to suffer. Maybe they have a heart attack, or they wallow in anger and depression, but either way, they never get the happy ending. It's a well-worn trope because we've all experienced it in our own lives. Not to say that people who have professional success or make a lot of money can't be happy. But, without relationships, without love, success alone is rarely worth it.

Knowing all of this, it's interesting that the heart is the organ we use to symbolize our experience of love. Why not the stomach or the spleen? I believe it's because the heart is the organ that every other part of our body depends on. Our brains are essential, and even they rely on the oxygen the heart delivers. Just like our bodies require the heart to function, our spirits depend on love, relationships, and connection to feel a sense of well-being.

This month we celebrate Valentine's Day, a day that honors love with all the pink and red hearts and sweet confections that a person can stand; it's also American Heart Month. A month where we think about and practice increasing our cardiovascular health. There are myriad diet and lifestyle-related tips and tricks we can use to improve our physical wellness, but what do you know about the ways that relationships can make your ticker better?

Relationships Create A Sense of Meaning

Imagine you lived in a cabin in the woods with no one around. That might sound ideal to some, and it probably would be pretty nice for a while, but living in isolation (in the woods or even in our communities) causes us to lose track of the point of our lives. We don't have jobs to contribute to, relationships to nurture, or events to look forward to. After a while, it would be difficult to convince a person in isolation that there was merit in doing anything other than watching Netflix and eating ice cream. What would be the point? Unfortunately, something similar (while less dramatic sounding) happens to people all the time, especially as they age, retire from jobs, and lose spouses and friends. Without these foundational relationships, people are bound to lose interest in life and the positive habits that make their lives healthy.

Happy Relationships Reduce Stress

Not all relationships have the beneficial properties that make your life and heart happy and healthy. We all have people in our lives who drain our energy, cause us stress, or even make us angry. The more time you spend in those relationships, or the more access you give those people to yourself, the more physical stress you may be putting on your cardiovascular system. Conversely, the more time you spend in happy relationships with people who bring you joy and reduce your stress, the more likely you are to reduce your level of stress.

Why is stress so important? When we feel stressed, there is a physiological response in our bodies. You can feel the tension rise, perhaps your face gets hot, and your heart begins to thump. These stress reactions raise your blood pressure, and from time to time, that isn't a terrible thing. However, if you're constantly in this state of stress, your raised blood pressure is putting stress on your entire cardiovascular system, which, over time, can cause lasting damage. Minimizing your stress response is crucial to maintaining a healthy heart.

Healthy Relationships Encourage Growth

Recently I heard a saying which states that we are each a reflection of the people we spend the most time with. If I were to spend all my time with people who love staying up late drinking at bars, it would be very likely that I would begin to mimic that behavior, or I would get new friends. On the other hand, when I spend my time with people who share my interest in living a healthy and peaceful life, they encourage my growth. You will find it much easier to prioritize your heart health, eat a healthy diet, and get more exercise when you cultivate relationships with people who actively seek those same things.

The people you spend your time with imprint themselves on your life. Likewise, when you invest in your well-being, you lead by example and pave the way for your partner, friends, children, and grandchildren. During this month, as we celebrate love and hearts, both chocolate-filled and bloodpumping, take stock of the people in your life and the love that keeps you going. The ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu said, "being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage." May you feel the strength and courage that comes from deep and meaningful relationships, and may you allow it to bring healing and well-being to your heart in every sense of the word.

Adrienne Freeland is a freelance writer who specializes in helping business owners communicate more clearly. Using skills developed in her former career as a professional fundraiser, Adrienne collaborates with her clients to craft engaging, targeted content.