My search for love has evolved throughout my life. As a young woman, the word love evoked thoughts of a strapping rescuer who would fill my heart with romance. In marriage, love has come to mean companionship and a deep knowing you can't get with anyone other than the person who is present for all of your very best and very worst moments. When children came along, the feeling of love became all-encompassing and sometimes overwhelming. I suspect as I age, the way I think of love will evolve even further to include the grieflove I'll feel when my parents pass away and the deep friendships that I'll develop when my kids fly the nest. With each passing year, as different people come into our lives and loved ones pass away, the evolution of our love occurs in tandem with an evolution of our hearts. Our culture simplifies love down to its least impressive parts. That first, almost obsessive, romantic love that knocks us off our feet is nothing compared to the deep love you develop with a friend or partner over decades. The gifts of jewelry, flowers, and heart-shaped boxes of chocolates could never compare to the gift of companionship, someone to hold your hand through the hard times and celebrate with you in your victories. Love, I believe, is given a bad rap. We see it as something that we should seek around any corner when real love is something that we grow inside ourselves. It's not always thrilling, but it's almost always satisfying. This understanding of love is something we need to experience to know. The most genuine, most profound love experiences have to be absorbed, and sometimes it takes a degree of wisdom to understand them. Love is built on the trust of oneself, as much as it is on the trust you develop in others. Real transformative love is one of the central elements of our well-being. Caring for and being cared for gives us a sense of belonging, creates meaning in our lives, and makes us feel purposeful. And as much as relationships create emotional well-being, they also benefit our physical wellness. I can think of characters in movies, books, and television who put all their focus and energy into 16
Aging Times Magazine | February 2022
work, corporate success, and money, and at the end of the story, one of two things have happened. Either they see the light and begin investing more time and energy into relationships and less into work, or they never heal, and it causes them to suffer. Maybe they have a heart attack, or they wallow in anger and depression, but either way, they never get the happy ending. It's a well-worn trope because we've all experienced it in our own lives. Not to say that people who have professional success or make a lot of money can't be happy. But, without relationships, without love, success alone is rarely worth it. Knowing all of this, it's interesting that the heart is the organ we use to symbolize our experience of love. Why not the stomach or the spleen? I believe it's because the heart is the organ that every other part of our body depends on. Our brains are essential, and even they rely on the oxygen the heart delivers. Just like our bodies require the heart to function, our spirits depend on love, relationships, and connection to feel a sense of well-being. This month we celebrate Valentine's Day, a day that honors love with all the pink and red hearts and sweet confections that a person can stand; it's also
