Final Freedom

Final Freedom

TORBJÖRN SÄW

Revelation And Natural Freedom Even before I was one year old, in the lap

years later I left home and travelled to

of my father in front of an open fire.

Asia, my spiritual journey beginning in

Warmth from within and from without, I

earnest. I sat down on the Trans Siberian

knew who I was. I was conscious of my-

railway and opened C.G. Jung's autobiog-

self, knowing myself as the timeless

raphy. For about five years I travelled,

awareness that I always am. Completely

studied, read and meditated my way

calm I enjoyed my present state as a

around Asia. Glimpsing at times un-

baby, fully conscious of all things around

known spiritual realms, spurring me on

me, knowing it all without fail.

in my quest to come to an absolute un-

derstanding of myself. In January 1991 Growing up I did have the memory of

while I was in Bodhgaya India to do a

this first impression of mine but failed to

meditation retreat I ran into one of

recognize its ultimate value. As a teen-

A n d r e w C o h e n ' s s t u d e n t s .

ager I had this vision; I was falling but

no matter how I fell I couldn't fall out of

C h a p t e r 1 .

this Universe. That funnily enough took

away all fear. Intimations of being part

A w a k e n i n g

of something completely whole. It was't

I had seen this group of westerners pre-

until I met Andrew Cohen when this

paring a large teaching tent to be set up.

fully awakened in my consciousness and

When I was in the bank queuing I asked

I became fully aware of our true nature.

the girl next to me if she knew anything

Now, since many years of learning

about it. She said she was a part of them

through trial and error, I once again cher-

as a student of Andrew Cohen, an Ameri-

ish this embodied vision that my less

can spiritual teacher, and that he was en-

than one year old body and mind had

lightened. Oh really, I thought, in-

b a c k t h e n .

trigued. She welcomed me to join them

for the evening Satsang (teaching). I and As a teenager I remember wanting to un-

some 60 others sat waiting for Andrew

derstand the truth for myself. A few

to appear. When he walked down the 1

stairs my illusion of meeting an old In-

told me that I have to give up my past,

dian guru with white flowing beard

and I have to give up my future. My first

crashed. Here was this young American

impression of Andrew was like one of

from New York, non-apologetic and con-

meeting an old Zen master. He was di-

fident. When he had sat down he started

rect and confident, but his confidence

by saying he only wanted to speak about

didn't stem from arrogance, it was as if

enlightenment and was happy to take

he was seated in the reality he spoke of.

any questions regarding that and only

For me it was like listening to a foreign

that. I was kind of rocked because I had

language, I couldn't understand what he

never heard anyone speak in such a

was talking about, but it rang true in my

straightforward manner about the goal

heart. I figured either he must be crazy

of the spiritual life. I had listened to

or he knows what he is talking about.

many of a sermon of the blessings of the

And I was sure he wasn't mad, every-

spiritual life, of practices, read about

thing he said made sense deep inside

truth and about love, and so forth. But

and I trusted him. I had come to Bodh-

never had I heard anyone speak about

gaya to do a meditation retreat and now

the goal with such directness. He meant

I had to make a choice of where to spend

business. I perked up my ears and was

my time. So I asked Andrew what would

on the edge of my seat (of my pillow on

benefit me the most, to go to the medita-

the floor). Andrew began by saying that

tion retreat or to stay with him. To stay

anyone can be free if they really want to,

here of course! he answered immedi-

here and now. I had been struggling

ately. Walking home at night I pondered

quite a while with my own progress, or

what he had said. Give up your past and

lack thereof, and felt frustrated and disil-

give up your future. I approached it like I

lusioned with my own capacity to be able

would with homework. I sat down and

to pull it off. So now when I heard of a

went through all things that belonged to

possibility to finish it sooner rather than

my past. As I went over them one by one

later I jumped at the chance. Relieved

I had to weigh them against my freedom,

that I might not have to spend the next

to see if I could discard them in favor of

twenty years in meditation retreats. I

freedom. The past was well known while

asked him; what do I have to do? An-

my freedom totally unknown. This made

drew said wanting to be free has to be

it a bit scary but I knew that freedom,

more important than anything else. He

the highest goal in life, must outweigh 2

any personal sacrifice. It just had to.

time with Poonja-ji in Lucknow 1986. He

God, truth and love couldn't be out-

was staying in Bodhgaya for five weeks,

matched by any thing I could personally

teaching every evening. Bodhgaya is the

throw up. So one by one, I discarded my

little dusty town where the Buddha had

past; my country, my relatives, my ca-

his grand awakening 2500 years ago. An

reer (didn't have one, easy), my mother,

offspring of the original tree under

my father, my sisters, my friends. Some

which he sat still casts shade over the

were easy, some very difficult, but know-

stupa erected in his memory. As the days

ing I had to make a definite choice, free-

were passed in contemplation and ease,

dom always loomed high above. And I

the evenings were filled with questions

knew my loved ones would understand.

and answers. Slowly things started to

How can we deny God? Having dealt

happen. Insights fell in broad daylight.

with my past, I followed the same proce-

Something was working inside and re-

dure with my future. There were fewer

sulted in visions and realizations of a na-

things there but bigger attachments. I

ture never before experienced. I was

managed to give them up, but when I

pushing for understanding and Andrew

came to my biggest investment I got

told me I am weak minded and stubborn

really scared, if I let go of this I'll be no-

(all but true). He said I had too many

body! That was scary, to be nobody in

ideas of what enlightenment was. Like a

this world.I told Andrew that I have to

good schoolboy, this was my next home-

have this and he asked why. Because

work. I went home resolute to find out

nothing else will ever satisfy me. No

exactly what they were. I started to write

money, no woman, no worldly success,

down what I thought enlightenment was

will ever be enough to fulfill me, unless I

and meant. I stayed in the Burmese Vi-

find what I am looking for. This I had

har (temple) in a small monks room,

known for a few years already and I was

barely fitting my bed alone. I loved it, liv-

dying to find it. I knew my life would be

ing my dream. As Bodhgaya is a major

worthless without it. So now when An-

Buddhist pilgrim spot all Buddhist coun-

drew offered it freely I jumped at it, not

tries have their own temple, and many

knowing what a ride I was in for.This

serve as guesthouses as well. As I looked

was the first time Andrew had returned

at my ideas I slowly realized that I

to India to hold Satsang since he had

thought enlightenment was a rest, an

been fully awakened while spending

end of struggle, like as a sprinter can re3

lax as he crosses the finish line. I

Andrew in satsang suddenly I realized I

thought it was a safe place where I could

understood what he was speaking about.

rest. Then out of the blue I thought of Je-

Then I remembered everything clearly

sus on the cross. It wasn't safe! They put

what had happened the day before. I had

him on the cross and he didn't resist it. I

always been free and I had always en-

realized freedom meant total vulnerabil-

joyed this natural freedom. This mysti-

ity, no security whatsoever. I told An-

fied me as why then had I been seeking.

drew the next day and he was glad and

So I searched in my memory to see if it

slightly surprised. Sitting waiting for the

was true. I looked back on when I was

evening session to begin I looked at all

five years old, when I had been 10 and

present feeling I somehow knew all of

when I had been 15 years of age, and at

them. I wondered why and suddenly I

every instance I had been free. There

saw; they were all me. I was the only one

never had been any obstacles, there are

in the room. This was so crazy, so funny,

no obstacles and there never will be any

I could almost not believe it. After that

obstacles. It was so easy, so simple. I was

session we all sat very quiet taking in

full of joy. When I recollected the event

what Andrew had poured out on us.

and remembered the view I had I saw

Again I was looking at everybody and felt

that I had seen the scenery in front of my

a genuine love for everyone there and I

eyes just I as I do now but the seeing it-

felt a deep gratitude for being a part of

self was coming from a limitless depth

what was taking place. I had never felt

behind my eyes. I who saw was out of

such a love and gratitude in my whole

this world, out of time, seeing through

life before. It was so beautiful.


my eyes, into this world, into a world




that was a dream. This is such a gem. I Then came the day that would be the end

wondered why I had almost missed it,

of my search and the beginning of a new

why it hadn't been obvious at the time it

life. Maybe a week, ten days after first

happened. So I looked at the event again

meeting Andrew I was strolling around

and saw that the view wasn't anything

the stupa when suddenly I saw and un-

other than this everyday vision I have

derstood: I have always been free and I

every day, here and now (and as you

have always known it. This was so sub-

have right now too). That was why I

tle, so fine, I almost forgot it. But in the

hadn't recognized it immediately, be-

days that came I recalled it. Listening to

cause it is this ordinary view that we 4

have all the time. Nothing had changed,

turned into love. All-Love penetrated

nothing happened, there was no "experi-

and pervaded all things, all man and all

ence". The seeing had just been there

nature. Nature was a never-ending

when understanding came. But the un-

spring, gushing forth new life inces-

derstanding cleared the egos veils of

santly. Man and woman in cosmic sexual

wrongly identifying with this person.

embrace. Suddenly a vision. Leaves fal-

This really blew me away, that this is our

ling slowly down over me from a clear

everyday seeing, right now as I write

dark blue night sky, so beautiful I look

this. Nothing extraordinary, just plain

up. Then, an explosion that rocks the

normal. I just saw my true nature, my

very bottom of my being; the Universe

r e a l s e l f .

exploded from deep within, opening a

crack in the firmament for a brief inOver dinner while speaking to a friend

stant. An opening revealing another Uni-

about freedom I suddenly realized that

verse beyond. I gasped, it was so big. I

in any given moment I have the choice to

woke up and started to write it down but

choose freedom. I told Andrew and he

tore it all up. I didn't want to spoil my

said; that's it, that's my fundamental

g e m .

teaching! I saw how my reactions could

be too fast for me to stop them in time;

Andrew left town and the gang split up. I

-that's why the Buddha spoke of mindful-

headed for Delhi to fly out. Meditating in

ness, he said, and that's why one would

my dormitory recalling my already free

have a Guru. I was afraid. Did I need

nature, bliss was enveloping me, peace

one? With these new eyes I could under-

flowing through me, into this room,

stand where Andrew was coming from

knowing it would touch anyone coming

but he challenged me and I shakily stood

in. Someone walked in and sat down,

by my experience. Doubts would harass

waiting for me to end. As I looked up,

me daily but over time I started to under-

she asked me how I did that. I could only

stand them. The weeks passed and it got

say it wasn't me, and that I had met An-

time for Andrew to leave. That night, the

drew the week before.I flew to Thailand

night before he was supposed to leave, I

to hang out on the beach with a few

woke up at two o’clock in the morning,

friends. Speaking about Andrew to my

into a realization: Life was celebrating

newfound friend, she opened her heart

Life itself. A joyous dance for itself. It

and we spoke of her doubts. Suddenly 5

she held her face, tears flowing, saying

speak in public about these very per-

she knew she was free. How amazing all

sonal thoughts. There was a text in his

this was. Showing me what a satisfaction

latest book "Enlightenment is a Secret"

there is to share this truth. Later in her

that spoke to me intimately so I started

dream, standing on the beach, she too,

our conversation by reading that out

exploded from within.How could I ever

aloud. That turned into this beautiful dia-

explain, the beauty I have seen. Who will

logue between us and at one point some-

ever know this secret you bestow. Thank

thing else took over; it was as if a tunnel

you Andrew. How can I ever repay, your

of light was created between us and our

wish is my command. I owe you life. The

words flowed effortlessly back and forth.

day you set me free, even though you

I was stunned as I watched myself speak

didn't do a thing, and neither did I, will

this clear language, using words I didn't

forever be in my mind as the day my life

even know I knew, declaring the choice-

b e g a n .

lessness of this choice of freedom. My

passion released. The next day I got to C h a p t e r T w o .

see him privately. As I told him about

everything I had learned since last year G i v i n g u p a p r i v a t e l i f e

he nodded and said yes, that's good, but,

he said smiling, there's more! What?

I spent the next year in Japan, digesting

What more? How could there be more?

and contemplating the teachings. My

This is it, this is everything. Everything

head felt like full of pennies that slowly

is here and now! I thought. He saw my

kept dropping one by one into the heart,

doubt on my face and said again; Bjorn,

making me understand different aspects

there's more. I didn't understand and as

to the truth. The following two years I

I walked out into the beautiful country-

went back to see Andrew in Bodhgaya

side of rural India I wasn't going to get

during his annual winter retreats. After

too hung up about any little thing. I was

one year in Japan I was eager to meet An-

o n t o p o f m y w o r l d .

drew again to speak to him about every-

thing I had understood. Before I could

One morning as we had gathered in the

meet him privately he asked me to speak

big tent for meditation Andrew started

with him in the teachings in the evening.

to talk and it turned into this beautiful

That was daunting as I was nervous to

incredibly powerful sermon (captured on 6

tape it was named "Out of the Swamp").

up, wonderful wife, pretty house, good

We were all stunned. I remember walk-

job, all my dreams fulfilled. I stood

ing out of the tent in semi shock, think-

there, on an empty country road, know-

ing this is unbelievable, this can't be hap-

ing my idyllic existence would come

pening, not here, not now. But I knew it

crashing down. Something much much

was true; I had heard Jesus speak.

bigger was calling.It was as if a bomb

had been placed in my arms, knowing I was impressed by the change in his stu-

when I drop it it would destroy my

dents from one year to another. They

world. It was just a matter of time. In my

seemed to mature real fast. This in-

heart Andrew was calling me to give up

trigued me and I became interested in

my personal life and join his worldwide

his community and wondered what was

growing community. This was some-

going on in that growing gathering. I had

thing totally new and frightening. At the

never been interested in spiritual com-

next summer retreat in the Swiss Alps it

munities before, choosing to go my own

came to a head. I was going to give up

way. There is the Buddhist fundamental

everything I knew and had, and this led

concept of Buddha, Dharma and Sangha;

to some incredible experiences. This vi-

the triple gem, meaning the fully awak-

sion, a large cloud descending onto

ened teacher, the teaching, and the com-

earth, lit up from within, a voice coming

munity or fellowship. I was aware that I

from it; do you want to take part? How

happily avoided the third part. But

can you say no to God? I felt like a lamb

slowly I became drawn towards it. An-

being lifted up by strong arms and car-

drew exerted this distant relentless pull

ried away to slaughter, my throat going

like a magnet to my soul. This involved

to be slit as a matter of course. I saw my-

my whole personal world and I had to

self being flung out of this solar system,

deal with the toughest choices in my life,

away from this planet, leaving everyone

my marriage and my family, and finally

and everything behind. I was so happy I

there came a point where I had to leave

wanted to scream, to shout with joy. I

i t a l l b e h i n d .

had never wanted anything else. This

was what the monk's life is, homeless Coming home from work one day I was

a n d f r e e .

hit as from lightning from a clear sky;

my life was too small! I had set myself

We cried for three days straight, me and 7

my wife. It shocked me to the heart

else. I was now going to give him my life.

when it finally hit home that I couldn't

We had all come to Rishikesh, in the foot-

take anyone with me. Within a few

hills of the Himalayas, for the winter re-

months we had packed up and flew to

treat. I was full of confidence as I had de-

California where Andrew lived. A new

cided that this would be the place where

life awaited and many years of learning,

I handed him my life. The two weeks

hardships and blessings followed. Learn-

were filled with unbelievable events, ex-

ing that Life is not about you. Hardships

periences relating to surrender filled my

when confronting the Ego. Blessings in

heart and I was coming to an end. One

c o m m u n i o n .

early morning as a few of us were chant-

ing together I experienced that my spo

ken words turned into flames, the letters C h a p t e r T h r e e .

I read caught fire. In my whole inside

there was a wild fire burning, coming out G i v i n g u p s e l f

of my eyes and out of my mouth. This

raging fire would burn anything in its The life in the community became a tug

wake. I found Andrew communicating di-

of war between Andrew and me. His re-

rectly into my heart as white heat filled

lentless call to give everything pushed

my chest. Andrew gave me a treasure to

me to leave twice. Too immature to un-

safe keep. To honour this treasure was to

derstand the demands of genuine spiri-

be true to it, wanting to keep it pure. In

tual life I opted to bail out when the go-

the last days Andrew met with us and he

ing got tough. But I came back. I knew

straight away asked me what had hap-

that we had unfinished business to take

pened. My inside was about to erupt; he

care of. I knew that I still hadn't surren-

knew what was happening, so I blurted

dered my life to him. I had given up eve-

out, you already know it! With his sweet

rything in my life to be with him but was

smile he still asked me softly if I

still was holding back the ultimate sacri-

wouldn't mind telling us a little. I could

fice; my self. This would take two years

only shake my head, as it was too pre-

of serious thought and much soul search-

cious, too tender to speak. Then he

ing to come to terms with. All doubts

asked me what I was going to do and I

lifted when I saw clearly that Andrew

thought, but you know, my life is yours.

only wanted me to be free and nothing

He insisted and at last I understood that 8

he needed me to speak it out, to say it, so

and prove to Andrew that I actually

it becomes real, not just a silent under-

could pull it off. Long before meeting An-

standing. I said; my life is yours! And as

drew I had been interested to learn

I spoke I felt as if I was handing him my

about the major players in the spiritual

life with my hands, and just as I let it go

world; Krishna, the Buddha and Jesus,

into his hands, he gave it straight back to

as well as lesser known spiritual lights

me. That took me totally by surprise. He

like Ramana Maharshi, Anandamayi Ma,

handed it right back to me, not hesitat-

the Christian saints, various gurus, and

ing one second. What a lesson, what a se-

also the learn about the different teach-

cret, what a wonderful truth. He never

ings coming out these extraordinary peo-

wanted my life, but in order for him to

ple and cultures, like Hinduism, Bud-

give it to me, I had to give it to him first.

dhism and Christianity, and Islam and

It all made perfect sense. Afterwards as I

Sufism to some extent. I wanted to un-

walked down to the river the saying in

derstand, and I wanted to understand

the Bible came to me, "and I shall dwell

their differences. I always tried to look at

in the house of the Lord forever". I

each one separate to see it from their van-

looked upriver and saw my future

tage point. Not to look at one from the

stretch out into infinity, wide open.

other. From early on Jesus has always

stood out as an extraordinary man to

me. His life cannot simply be ignored. EsC h a p t e r F o u r .

pecially if one claims to be interested in

truth. He was always only a hands reach J e s u s i s t h e M e s s i a h

away, never far from my vision. He fol-

lowed me through all these years of seekI had presumed that surrendering to An-

ing and finding. His example stood out

drew automatically meant that I would

as an undeniable measuring point when-

join his community, so that was what I

ever I wanted to assess my "progress",

had decided to do prior to the "hando-

and never did I measure up. He held out

ver". Now Andrew asked me again what

a promise that made me strive for more,

I meant to do. I said I wanted to be his

wanting to come to a complete under-

student proper. He said go and think it

standing of him and of his mysteries,

over, but I said I've already made my

and of his significance throughout our

mind up. I wanted to prove to myself,

history, his impact and his living legacy.

9

Through my years in Andrews commu-

Hiking into the foothills of the Himala-

nity this never left me, and I would from

yas I strode in through a small gate lead-

time to time speak excitedly about the in-

ing to a small clearing by the Ganges

credible truths of Jesus to my not so be-

river, a small ashram consisting of only a

mused brothers. Thanks to the insights I

few huts for solitary contemplation,

gained while being with Andrew I

prayer and meditation, run by a British

started to understand much of other re-

woman sadhu named Nani Ma. Me and

ligions and I started to understand what

my two friends walked into an atmos-

Jesus was about. The last unresolved

phere of heightened spiritual tension.

question I harbored was about the true

There was a palpable sense of love and

meaning of this life in the flesh, and

deep laying wisdom surrounding the

what was the meaning of Jesus resurrec-

place. We were expected and Nani Ma

tion into a glorified body. I wanted to un-

sat us down on a patch of grass next to

derstand what that meant. I thought if I

the river and asked us our intention for

don't understand that I will not be able

our stay in the ashram. By this time my

to understand Jesus true significance. I

inner world was churning up, something

knew I had to pursue this enquiry all by

was taken place that was beyond my com-

myself, unsupported by anyone, even An-

prehension but I loved it. The inner ten-

drew. This happened before I came to a

sion kept constant and our dialogue was

full surrender to him. We were in

almost as a quiet background to it. We

Rishikesh for the annual winter retreat,

were shown our individual huts where

two full weeks by the river Ganges in

w e w o u l d l i v e .

northern India. A beautiful location right

The next three months was just wonder-

in the foothills of the Himalayas. I had

ful. I had found this small ashram, just a

decided to leave the community after the

few small huts, along the side of the

retreat was over and travel upriver into

Ganges. Nestled among the peaks at

the mountains, to find a place for soli-

about 10.000 feet's altitude, the river

tary contemplation by myself for a few

running rapidly through narrow gorges,

months to resolve these lingering ques-

clean and drinkable, cool and refreshing

tion marks.

for early morning baths, beautiful with green glacial waters. Here I read the Bi-

ble, meditated, chanted with the resident

Resurrection and the Meaning of Life.

English woman sadhu, and just had time 10

to think. One morning I found myself

wide. Personally I felt complete in my

naturally falling into a spontaneous con-

surrender to Andrew and I wanted to

templation. Sitting outside my little hut

move on. He is my own self, but my

enjoying the morning sun. A softness fell

heart wasn't in the community anymore.

over me, and I understood that I have

I was looking for a steadfast relation-

sole responsibility for the well being of

ship, and after a pretty messy affair, I

every single person, and that I have the

found myself alone and longed for com-

sole responsibility for the welfare of the

munity in spirit. I did the Alpha Course,

whole planet as well. Suddenly I dis-

the 10-week introduction course into

solved, me as a historic person vanished,

Christianity. I loved it. They didn't have

instead I was filled with glorious light. I

to convince me of anything. Jesus had

regained my body and I regained my

been my muse for a long time. It was like

voice, my real body, and my real voice. I

an open door into a living Church. I got

started to praise all things, my voice no

baptized full immersion and for the first

longer impeded but full and unob-

time could feel I was a real follower of Je-

structed. White light was everywhere.

sus. It gave me a sound and real founda-

Now I saw what Jesus meant with "me

tion and context for my life in the spirit.

and my father are one", "but my father is

Some years earlier while in Andrews

bigger than me". This was resurrection

community, it had dawned on me that Je-

into a glorified body. This was Holy and

sus is the Messiah. This I never really

this was only by Gods Mercy. The

questioned but this affirmation was so

ground I sat on became my closest ally,

strong and vivid, it jolted me upright.

so close, like my pillow, like my bed. The

Since being baptized my life has been

whole Earth supported me and bore wit-

filled with joy and things are working out

n e s s t o w h a t w a s h a p p e n i n g .


mysteriously as my prayers are being an-




swered. It brings my life to completion My time in Andrews community was

and promises a life in abundance.

coming to an end. On and off for twelve years, pursuing my own spiritual questions at times, and learning and participating in Andrews never ending exploration of the emergence of communal consciousness among his students world11

The Immediacy Of Awakening Truth does not exist as a separate reality

One night walking home after Satsang

as a static Absolute. It has no meaning as

suddenly another insight; I saw clearly

an idea or concept. Truth is expressed in

that I had never met Andrew. Astonish-

what we do. Therefore we can't talk

ing, all prior events to my present mo-

about it without being it. It has to be

ment had not occurred. Time itself was

proven as we speak about it. It has to be

usurped. I laughed out loud at the pre-

manifested through our understanding

dicament. All events leading up to my

of the immediacy of awakening. It is now

conscious present experience, all history,

and now and now. Anything less will

was clearly seen as having never existed

only be an expression of ignorance and

at all. Time as a reference was nullified.

of arrogance if we believe we know some-

How extraordinary!

thing.

At 2 am I woke up into a realization. Life At midday walking in Bodhgaya sud-

was celebrating life itself. Nature was a

denly I saw and understood, "I have al-

celebration, a joyous dance for itself. It

ways been free, and I have always known

turned into Love. All-love was pervading

it". I looked back on my life and realized

and penetrating all things; all nature,

that I have always enjoyed this natural

man and woman. Truth is Love. Love is

freedom. This seeing came from far be-

truth. Then a vision before me; falling

hind me and as I looked through my eyes

leaves from a dark night sky. Its beauty

I saw that this world is nothing but a

makes me look up - then suddenly - an

dream. This seeing was so fine, so subtle

explosion that rocked the very bottom of

that I almost forgot it. Listening to An-

my being. I and the whole universe ex-

drew in satsang I was reminded and I re-

ploded and for an instant the universe

membered everything clearly. It was so

split in two revealing an immense new

simple, so easy. I was full of joy.

universe behind.

12

Mu rises from the wall of space and goes

Whether it is clear or cloudy you have no

back into it. The wall being void with un-

problem of distinguishing it. Why do you

limited potentiality. Always full, never

dislike a rainy day?

lacking never exhausted. The void wherein all things are contained is inexhaustible. It is always full. It contains all

With no control over my emotions, sud-

things, manifest and unmanifest. It is un-

denly love shines through the despair.

limited potentiality.

The underlying reality of love and beauty shines through the apparently real expe-

It is pure. It is still. It is reality.

rience of life. Subtle and soft the mind is

Only that is REAL.

unable to grasp it.

Like a spring, ever afresh, nature –in

In a clear mirror everything is clearly

celebration and in joy, explodes into infi-

seen. Everything I do has an effect. I

nite patterns.

cause my own pain. Being here again, nothing ever happened. Form touches me, sound surrounds me, color attracts

Without plans I live with You.

me. Seeing through the veil of life...

Without thinking about you, without see-

I am fulfilled.

ing you.

Knowing nothing, what can I be but

There is a rapture inside that wants to

happy?

take place. It has nothing to do with per-

Knowing nothing means to face You. Fac-

sonal feelings towards others. It’s a rap-

ing you, you bring a smile to my lips.

ture of recognition of the truth of non-

Isn’t this the fountain of life?

abidance, of non-existence.

Emptiness doesn’t wait for anyone. Emptiness will not justify itself. It moves on.

Nothing is hidden. Just as you see the

It is like a current that moves across any-

scenery in front of your eyes you can see

thing that is standing still. No blame. It’s

the content of your mind right now.

a force that doesn’t acknowledge any ar13

guments. Blessed is he who lets go. If he

There is no path. There is no learning.

succeeds his life will be a river.

There is no coming closer to. There is no maybe, soon or almost. Everything is self-evident right now.

Open or shut your eyes, the splendor is all around.

No thought means no mind. No mind

Everything is seen in the light.

means no seeing, no hearing, no feeling, no thinking. No body, no world, no nothing.

Seen in the light everything is the same.

True and false do not apply.

Since your fundamental mind is empty as space, limitless and void of characterStill, without going anywhere, I move

istics it can not be held or placed any-

freely.

where.

On my way to Hokota Town, Hokota is

The presence of your true nature is not

coming to me.

revealed yet not hidden. It is right in front of your eyes, and right behind your eyes.

I only speak to myself. I only write to myself. I only think to myself. Everything I do

Ignorance is enlightenment. All different

I only do to myself.

shades fills the spectrum.

Since the beginning, not a single step for-

Emptiness fills the void to the rim.

ward.

It is impossible to fall out of the universe.

14

The round moon is full. There is no flaw.

dig själv upp. Här brister alla regler.

Kom, vi kan gå tillsamans -du och jag

Blazing light, lightening speed.

The kingdom of God. Heaven descends.

Secret of secrets. Nothing else I ever wanted. Fear of dying. Have to go. No At once step up onto the platform.

choice any more. I want to scream, to

Above, communication can begin.

happy.

shout with joy. I am so lucky. I am so

Below, vain discrimination never ends.

Cloud formations lit up by light descending to Earth, the kingdom of God inviting me -do you want to take part? I saw

The silence sets in. The caravan has

myself being flung out of this solar sys-

moved on. Left alone in the dessert. Use-

tem, away from this planet, alone and

less and freed I wait under a clear night-

leaving everything and everybody be-

sky. Gaining strength for my solo jour-

hind. I felt like a lamb being picked up

ney. I shout into the darkness. -Stay still,

by strong arms and carried away to

comes the reply. The world is too strong.

slaughter. Its throat was going to be slit

I leave it. No longer am I. All is erased.

as a matter of course.

What is left? Infinite light spreading everywhere. A light without explanation. An emptiness so full. A blindness so clear.

My eyes repeatedly opened and closed.

Ecstasy, give yourself up. Here all rules

Spontaneously clearing a way.

break. Come, we can walk together, you and I. "Sri Sri Anandamayi Ma - the Universal mother, came to me in the night. I held Vad finns kvar? Oändligt ljus sprider sig

out my hands saying, -don’t come close,

över allt. Ett ljus utan förklaring. En tom-

I’m dirty. She embraced me, loving me

het så full. En blindhet så klar. Extas, ge

like a mother loves her child. And I knew 15

that if she would come into my life there

was the whole visible universe, revealing

would be no more fear. She came and

her own body. How blessed I was from

the whole Universe followed as her

this. I had cried out in spiritual agony to

shadow. She is truly everything and the

no one in particular in this little room

only One".

and she came in person to bless and help me. In the contrast to the the divinity dis-

I was staying alone in the Shivananda

played my own insignificance and

Ashram in Rishikesh and tried to medi-

wretchedness was evident yet Ananda-

tate in the evening in my room but found

mayi Ma didn’t hesitate to embrace me.

it very difficult to concentrate my mind.

Such love.

I was at a loss of how to proceed and felt unable to muster up the energy needed to pursue my spiritual liberation. I felt

The sky, the rivers, the mountains, the

desperate. Sick and disillusioned with

fields. The earth, the forest, the clouds,

my weakness I cried out for help silently

the rain. The sea, the wind. The sun, the

within. Almost in tears I fell asleep. Not

moon and the stars. All protects us and

long time after, I awoke, my eyes repeat-

nourishes us. They provide and serve.

edly flicking open and closing automati-

How faint isn’t our grasp of this?

cally. I was conscious that a path was being cleared or opened, when Sri Sri Anandamayi Ma came to me. She flowed for-

Paper thin, like the surface of the ocean,

ward towards me in her elderly female

the firmament rips open. Behind Shiva is

form and I held out my hands saying,

roaring with laughter, his grin recogniz-

“don’t come close, I’m dirty”. She em-

able through the tear.

braced me, loving me like a mother loves her child. And I knew that if she would come into my life there would be no

A shout so loud nobody hears it. The

more fear. She came and the whole Uni-

world brimming with fullness. A moving

verse followed as her shadow. She is

inferno in pastel colors.

truly everything and the only One. I had seen her flowing into me and over me with an un-surpassing over-whelming sense of love, and trailing behind her 16

The morning star is not the star in the

Vi kan rädda historien om vi tar ansvar

sky. It is the one bright pearl shinning

för arvet.

solitary right in front of you.

Vi kan rädda världen om vi tar personligt ansvar för allt som har hänt.Genom att ta hela världens skuld på dina axlar

Gently coming upon the understanding

så "förlöser" du all synd som någonsin

that the true norm for a human being is

hänt. Du räddar världen. Du tar på dig

that I have sole responsibility for the wel-

hela ansvaret för allt som någonsin har

fare of every human being and I have

hänt genom historien och därmed up-

sole responsibility for the welfare of the

phäver du domen över arvssynden.

planet as a whole. This wonderful truth was not a heavy burden but instead something I wanted and it was only love.

To whom could I concede this? To no

I was given back my body and I was

one but my own wit. By my own choice I

given back my voice. Uninterrupted

step forward. Stepping forward. Claim-

words of praise came. Unrestrained, the

ing ownership. I present myself for the

earth became my pillow, my bed -so

first time. Tired of being divided I de-

close, so near. Björn was erased, name

cided to go forth and claim ownership.

and history all gone. This was new. No

Due to this Björn is erased from memory

body-consciousness and no other. Only

and from history. This should happen

white light pervading and all included all

sooner or later. There is no return be-

being One. There was no reason to go

cause there is nothing to return to. Of all

anywhere. Resurrection in a glorified

the understandings this was the least

body. This was blessedness and it was

spectacular. It was simply a choice. This

Holy. Only through the Mercy of God.

is the opposite shore, the other side.

It is for all. It enables us to come out of the whirlpool of life and see the unity of all. It shows the way of how to live. It is

As I walked across the hill I experienced

what the Buddha outlined in his eight-

that the whole mountain had been trans-

fold noble path. It ennobles us and em-

ported to heaven. Now I understood

powers us.

what I had read in the Buddhist Sutras.

Often in the beginning of the sermons of 17

the Buddha it is said that the place of the

There exist only one Person. I saw him

preaching, many times Vulture Peak was

stretch across the Universe. One Being

transported or lifted up to heaven so that

with legs and arms just like us. He is the

heavenly beings would be able to attend.

only Person. We are but the reflections of Him just as innumerable scattered pieces of broken glass all reflect the

-Jag såg alla judar som dog i nazi Tysk-

same object.

land. Alla de som gasades och plågades ihjäl. Och jag såg att ingen, inte en enda har lidit.

A puppet on a string believing in his own independence. The puppet Master has his day.

När jag saknar, är det enda jag saknar gud.

Everybody wants world peace. The Dalai

När jag längtar, är det enda jag längtar

Lama never stops talking about it. If you

efter gud.

want it you have to solve it right away.

There is no use in planning, making

When I fear, I only fear God.

strategies or argue over politics. It must

When I love, I only love God.

means. You must make a firm resolve to

be solved as to what it is, as to what it go to the end of it right now. Not reaching the bottom, not solving the issue to-

Nothing else will ever satisfy me.

tally is as if you haven't even started.

Merely scratching the surface is useless.

Life eternal is eternal life.

It's not about our crises; it's about the crises of the world. Don't focus on your lit-

“Smoke gets into my eyes sitting by the

tle crises but focus on the biggest crises

fire all day”

that face humanity. Solve them and your little problems will go away.

18

Dare to venture out into unknown territory, into the unknown, in order to find out what the truth actually is. This has to be done all the time. Leaving what you know behind, ready to look again. It is an absolute demand.

This will only work if you want it. You have to seek it. In the wanting to know there is the openness to take something new in. It is not difficult.

19

Everything Is Self Evident Seeing freed from mis-identification one

As long as you harbor any ideas, any

sees the world in its true light, and every-

doubts about the absolute nature of your-

thing is seen as it is. False as false and

self and as long as you can’t with ease re-

true as true. All things perfect as they

lax into this seeing, that will still ob-

are. Of one taste, of one flavor. All being

struct you to be able to see clearly for

an expression of THAT which lays be-

more than a short period of time. Any

hind, -the never changing nature. Seeing

condition that is not seen through will

all in this true perspective one knows

immediately hinder clear perception.

how to act in accordance with the chang-

Pride, anger, desire etc. if not seen in

ing circumstances. Everything and every-

time will hamper your ability to act ap-

body are revealed by their appearances.

propriately. As long as there is any need

Nothing is hidden. All being of one taste,

to keep yourself at arms length, at a safe

there is nothing to avoid. Seeing freed

distance, there haven’t been a break-

from belief in separate self-hood reveals

through and it will always keep you from

a limitless and timeless objective view.

true union, true love. Give up the idea of

In THAT oneself and everything else is

personal ego hood. Realize that there is

seen clearly just as it is. Scrutinizing this

nothing to protect, nothing to justify.

view one understands the inherent unre-

Dare to give up the idea of being special.

ality of this world, one understands nonduality and one understands the futility of trying to know with the mind. The

Seeing things the way they really are can

mind looses its power and is rightly

only be done from the not-known, and

brought down from its pedestal, to serve

ones beautiful ability to respond rests

instead of rule. This seeing is the goal

solely on ones knowing of its radiance of

and the path. There is no other way. Es-

love. Love is the power and the glory. Let

tablish yourself in it and avoid the temp-

it shine and transform your life. Stay in

tation to indulge in argumentation.

touch always with your source, your true

Know it for yourself.

nature. Rest your desires in that hole of 20

nothingness. Let them disappear in the

source, always in touch. A free spirit.

burning light of the absolute. Bring your

Free from form and freely using form.

doubts, thoughts and feelings to that

Maya is everything, you are nothing.

glowing wholeness of your being and see them burn up. When you act, You act.

You decide. You have control. You act from the knowing and presence of total awareness, of the divine. Fall back, dive within, go deeper inside. Keep disappearing. Go on, move into the source, the hole, the field of nothing-whatsoever.

Back to origin. Enter not-knowing and be present from that view, from that perspective. Now, always, forever more. Let any desire that tempt you to leave that place be burned by the fact of its ultimate falseness revealed by its own appearance. Maya is destroyed the moment it appears. You can see Maya appear, see it last, and see it disappear. You see form, you see it change. You see cause and effect, you see distinctions. Any thing seen is Maya. Everything cognizable is Maya. Maya is also all things still unseen. Even an idea is Maya. You are Maya. Being free one is enlightened by all things. Life is shining up its illusion.

A spectacle of light and form, a magical dance of light. A mirage, an illusion, a dream. Free to roam around. Free to sport in all various realms, blending with the conditions at hand. Free to ramble wherever at will. Always knowing ones 21

Thougths From The Heart Jesus Christ has set the bar to which we

Why base a discussion on false terms?

can compare ourselves. If we haven't

Someone said; "The possibility exist"

reached it we can't but humble our-

and there from accepted the possibility

selves. There is no danger to put the bar

that it could be possible. But how far did

too high. He died for us. As long as we

he go in order to meet that possibility,

value our lives before others we will not

there and then? That's where the leap

accomplish anything. Not until we give

comes in.

our lives as Christ did can we be delivered. That is the law. Nobody can stand this ultimatum, it is too much. But it can-

Wanting to be free is the difference be-

not work in any other way. Anything else

tween simplicity and complexity.

will only be a fragment of the whole. To reach all, everybody, forever, you have to How far you are willing to trust the

give everything.

truth? Can you discard your prejudices in times of distress?

Spring free. There is no sign.

The moment it is brought to your attention (either from memory, from another

It's a thin line to the comprehensive.

or by incident) is the time to clarify it.

Solve it the instant it arises. One word is The treasure storehouse needs no inven-

enough. One raised finger is enough to

tory. Rely on the infinite mass beyond

make you turn around. Have no hidden

your reach. Let go with both your hands.

agenda, no strategy.

How desperate trying to affirm yourself through what you got in your hands.

Always have your eye set on liberation.

Always have your mind set on freedom.

22

Always have your soul set on God. Al-

The final shore. The other side. The oppo-

ways have your heart set on truth. Al-

site shore. Crossed over. Not knowing

ways have your attention set on open-

"crossing over" before crossing over.

ness. Ready to look again, to be re-

There is finality to the other shore, the

minded, to be overthrown. Remember.

other side. Standing on the other shore looking back one is glad. I made it.

There is a time and place for everything.

But in the time of freedom there is no

Triumph. There is work to do.

time to make distinctions.

Infinite freedom of movement. Out of No need to know. Final purity.

nothing comes something. Something that can have a million shapes: This!

This!

From nothing comes something. From nothing come original language. Original language has never before been heard. It

Freedom in action. Freedom is only in ac-

is ones own. It is new. Anything but that

tion. Freedom can only be proved in ac-

is second hand. It's a phoenix. Rising

tion. Freedom is not a concept.

from the ashes. It has no connection with the past. Something that the universe never before has seen. Therefore

A laying down of the idea of separate

creation is not yet exhausted. The uni-

self-hood. There is no individual, no en-

verse not yet finished.

tity, no separate selves. There exist no separate life. Non-duality means not two. There is no "my life". There is exis-

Beyond the chain of causation. Inde-

tence, life, and consciousness. There is

pendent arising.

only the whole. You don't exist. If you believe it, you separate yourself from life and become unreachable, because you

Immanent action. Spring free. There is

place yourself on an island. The Buddha

no sign.

called it "the conceit of I". A belief in "I" 23

places you among the non-believers. The

is absence of fear. Fear is an illusion cre-

laying down of this idea of a separate

ated by the need to stay alive as a sepa-

self-hood places you among the normal.

rate entity.

Being nobody implies laying down the

If who you are is always defined by the

notion of separate existence. Being no-

need to see yourself as separate, you

body implies freedom from self. "Bud-

have not escaped the wheel of life and

dha nature" signifies no separate exis-

death.

tence. Being nobody implies no entity.

Being nobody refers to no one. Absence It's a package deal. It's an impersonal

of separate self.

one. All carry the same raw material. See it as the human predicament. All partakLay it to rest.

ing in the drama. A multi colored display of life.

Now can there be still finding out? That innocent interest. The passionate yearn-

My pride was a cover up for tremendous

ing for the impossible.

fear. I had held myself to be someone. A mask of pretense shielding me from relationships. Reasons for being better than

There can be no point when one is ready

others, when in fact aware of being less

to be nobody. There can be no working

then others. Laid bare I lost control.

towards it. As if you are building up strength to be able to let go. Like if you have a refuge at the time of laying down

At the time of reckoning, can you lay

the pretense. Like if it is safe to be no-

down what you rely on? On judgment

body.

day can you stand naked? You will be stripped clean. So will you be able to give up what means most to you? Can you lay

There is no separate self. So there is no

down God? Can you lay down your self?

safety for a separate self. Absence of self 24

There is, there is not. Positive, negative.

of position will land you in its propor-

Views, convictions. All create propor-

tional effect. So therefore recognize your

tional emotional experiences. As you

positions and be free from them.

view life so it appears to you, and so it will respond to you, affirming your view.

Falling free you don't have to clutch air.

Your view projects itself outwards, and like in a mirror, is reflected back in precise detail. And you say, -See, I was

Put yourself on the line. You are sen-

right!

tenced to death. Admit it all, hold nothing back. Stark naked in the floodlight.

What does it matter which view is true if

Confess your prejudices. It is all you.

the personal doesn't exist? Anything you

This is how you enter.

are holding up fall within the realm of existence and non-existence. Freedom is not about choosing the positive over the

Only absolute freedom is accepted. I will

negative. Freedom signifies freedom

not settle for anything less.

from belief in separate self-hood. Freedom being all one. Freedom signifies no

Beyond the known and the unknown.

boundaries, no limits. Freedom means

That perfect place between all opposites.

nothing to protect nothing to justify.

The Gate-less Gate. Non-duality. The

Freedom from self.

Middle Way.

Basing yourself in a fundamental posi-

Cannon: The thousand-armed Bodhi-

tive attitude towards life will most likely

sattva of compassion freely uses all her

land you in heavenly realms. As the oppo-

arms. She manifests the Buddha's state

site will probably drag you through hell.

of liberation. This state is impossible to

If we are to believe the eastern religions,

defile.

heaven is not forever, and neither is hell.

So is there a middle way to freedom?

Can you give up going to heaven? And renounce hell? Seeing that taking any kind 25

Infinite hands, infinite eyes. Infinite

Guard and watch over this treasure.

ways of expression. By indefinite tactful methods able to explain exactly the truth of the matter to any person listening.

The Buddha is revealed only to free liv-

Showing the truth fully according to the

ing beings. This is the motivation. This is

ways understandable to that person. The

the Bodhi-citta. That is its purpose. The

truth can be expressed perfectly to any

Messiah appears only to save humanity.

set condition or point of view. By using

That is its function. That is his mission.

the living reality of the non-dual. Using

That is our Savior.

freedom as a means as well as a goal.

Freedom has to be used as the means if ever the truth will be understood. Any

Establishment of the Bodhi-citta. Estab-

other way of trying to elucidate the goal

lishment of the will to the supreme. This

of freedom can never have any real sig-

is the norm. This is the standard. This is

nificance. If words are needed words are

the function. This is the criteria. This is

used, if action is needed action is used.

its purpose. This is ones motivation,

Freedom can be shown in every way.

ones intention, ones will. Ones will to

There is no restriction to the truth. The

the truth. This is taking upon oneself the

significance with understanding the

full responsibility for being a human be-

truth is that nothing more needs to be

ing. It is everything. Having sole respon-

added.

sibility for the welfare of every living being and having sole responsibility for the planet as a whole.

Freedom has no history. Freedom has no past. You cannot learn about freedom You can save history by taking responsi-

from the past.

bility for our heritage. By taking full responsibility for everything that ever hapWithin a mountain; a dynamo. Some-

pened you redeem the wrongs and the

times the mountain is seen, sometimes

pains of the past. You in fact redeem the

the dynamo. Sometimes both mountain

world, and save the dead as well as the

and dynamo are seen. Sometimes nei-

living.

ther is seen.

26

It is not difficult to show the truth, be-

A life in pursuit of the truth. Seeking,

cause it is self-evident. You only need to

finding, pursuing, following -is following

point out the obvious. No need to look

the Way.

for anything. Therefore it is so beautiful.

Therefore it is so full of love.

Walking meditation is following in the footsteps of those who walked before.

If there is the will to the truth it is already accomplished. All these pointers are only for the ones who have the will to

Nothing to stick to.

the truth.

Thinking no thought in a free flow of mind, no breaks in a seamless stream.

No I to cling to. Nothing to stick to they

Only God is good.

vanish. They slip off immediately. Unable to stay.

In meditation, don't recreate the future.

Sri Ram Surat Kumar: "I learn from The Dharma has no breaks. Seamless it

you!"

flows on.

Whether you take the leap now or in ten Let everything be as it is. Let go.

years time it will be the same leap. Nothing can prepare you for it.

In the midst of samsara nirvana will be found. Samsara is the fertile ground of

In the time of freedom.

Nirvana.

This is the time of freedom. Being no Remembering Baghvan. Is the only thing

one. Having achieved no thing.

you need. Only him, only him.

27

Time is real. Freedom is always in time.

taken by the blessedness of the scene.

There is no intermediary. There is no sec-

The whole area was pervaded by sheer

ond hand. Real time is always. There is

brilliance. My friend didn't seem to no-

no going back and forth. Everything al-

tice it. This brilliance was coming from

ways happens in time. You never get a

the boy, not directly but it was because

second chance.

of him. I just knew it. The boy just didn't do anything. But I caught the Sadhus' eye and I felt that he knew this too and

Walking with no shadow means that you

that he was a protege of the boy. My

leave no trace. It means light passes

friend and me didn't pause and walked

straight through you. Wind passes

on as nothing had happened and I didn't

straight through you. Nothing lands on

mention to him my experience. I had felt

you because you don't resist. Nothing

that I had walked in the presence of God

sticks. There is nothing in the way. Move-

and that, as I walked away, I didn't leave

ment is natural and free. No effort. Non-

this space.

resistance.

He is God incarnate, Baghvan himself.

Only because now when I remember this meeting I am filled with confidence and

No horizon behind you. Gone beyond.

with the mystery of God and am beyond this world and its concerns.

At the speed of light no one looks back.

Now I only need to remember him and the glory of him is with me. Remember Baghvan. Only him, only him.

We were walking along the Ganges to the second bridge and as we were just to come upon the junction where the trail

Mind is Buddha. This mind of ours is

meets the paved road we passed three

really nothing wrong with, and it's not

people. A boy laying casually by the root

even limited. Our mind is infinite and

of a tree and two grown-ups talking with

contains everything. Thinking is not lim-

each other, one being a Sadhu and the

ited. Thinking is activity of total free-

other a layman. At this point the path

dom. Where is there a limit to your think-

had come into a small clearing and I was

ing? Mind is really ungraspable. It is the 28

most mysterious of all the secrets. Mind

There is no understanding of this that is

is Buddha, and you are using mind every

possible to allude to. Only the courage of

day, and you are using Buddha without

action before thought is necessary.

even knowing it. It has infinite capacity.

It has no shape. The only mistake you make is to postulate an "I". This is pure

We don't know how it is so, and we can't

mind. -Not tainted by ignorance.

know if it's true but from experience.

Real Time. Mind exists within real time.

This means leaving all reference. Not

Real time is the arena of mind. Real time

knowing, as you once did in the begin-

is the lifeblood of the Buddha.

ning.

Everything is a mystery and everything

To rely on that which you have surren-

is within your reach.

dered to. To trust that power that is beyond you. Beyond your thinking.

I have to go after enlightenment. I must pursue this mysterious secret that keeps

Right action is this action. Right speech

me like a blind man, -that leaves me lost

is this speech. Right thought is this

and confounded. -That gives me a hint

thought.

and then vanishes without a trace. It leads me to unknown lands, -to unDoubt is its enemy. Beware!

charted waters. It beckons me to give up all and seek it out in the extreme. It wants to lure me into foreign lands.

It leaves no trace. It has no sign. It makes no marks.

No thought sustains the instantaneous

All things are to be understood. Leaving

action that is the expression of liberated

no stone unturned. In order to see

understanding.

29

through mans thought. In the light of the

We are One body, all belonging to each

absolute truth we stand clean, letting

other.

nothing stick. But we keep digging because we don't want to be caught. We unEverything always happens in time.

earth, dispel darkness, bring light. There are so many jewels that are scattered, some in the open, some hidden, some forgotten. They remain for us to distill clear

In real time history becomes an explo-

liquid out of them.

sion in motion. History is the manifestation of God. All time is lit up at once as an exploding fuse wire.

In the clear light of understanding wis-

No distance between here and there, be-

dom shines with its invisible presence.

tween you and me.

Real time is the lifeblood of the Buddha

Constantly in the now. Your own mind being the Buddha. What the future holds nobody knows.

Time is the blood and space is the body

Realizing what having no relationship to

The body and blood of Jesus Christ.

thought means was simple.

I do not need to assume any relationship

As blood runs through the body, time

to anything. It is only a mental connec-

runs through space.

tion. It has no real bind. So then it was easy to assume or not to assume a relationship to anything. Having no relation-

We all share the same experience. One

ship to thought, you're free and inde-

experience in one body.

pendent.

30

Bursts of fire from nowhere. This secret nobody knows. This stands by itself. It relies upon no thing. One Experience, One Body

When I gave my life to you, you gave it straight back to me.

31

Collected Poems Beauty

When my friend came home, her daughters naturally fell into grace.

Turn inside out

The most natural thing for those we love,

Flesh exposed and

while her friends questioned this

Nerves laid bare

and questioned that.

Disbelief is such a grieving matter.

In our weakness

This divine nature is what we share,

On our knees

when we invite Jesus into our lives.

There is tremendous grace

Gods grace is a place in which we live,

Your innermost love

a room where lovers see eye to eye.

A Many-Splendored Thing

Our Joy

Spirit filled light,

In this room

filters into my chest.

I feel more at home

Soft mist unlocks a stony heart.

Seclusive and delusional

Not my will but Yours.

I managed to build a cell

This communion is what makes us hu-

Sound proof and insular

man.

32

Hearing my heart beat

Making the sun cast fire upon the evening sky

Counting my luck Joy is welling up

Fire

No I wont audition Can't bear the public vote

Long forgotten

Having retired from the common norm

Uncertain pieces of memory

That I may only speak with You

Fragments dissolving faster than can be reassembled History burning up Wind Song

Closing the gap to now No time to reminisce

Let my song be a wind song

Got to keep ahead

Let me come over you like sea breeze

Of the flame closing in from behind

Wrap your hair around you

Soon there will be only present

Moving across sand dunes

Fire overtaking thought

Up and over hills Passing over the surface Waves longing to keep up

Mercy

I gather speed, move up on high Stretching the clouds out far and wide

A softness falls over me and my

Like long white veils

thoughts flow effortlessly into patterns.

33

Gently it all becomes clear:

As my bed or pillow, so close, so near, the earth bore testimony to me.

I have sole responsibility

With a glorified body, resurrected and at

for the well-being of every living being.

one with my father.

And I have sole responsibility

This was Holy. A gift of Mercy.

for the welfare of planet Earth.

This is not a burden, it is what I had always wanted.

Be longing

There is so much love in wanting this.

Love for every single being.

Bright sunshine covers both of us,

So much love for this earth.

and as our sisters and brothers join,

All sense of self faded away,

their smiles confirms what's in our

until nothing remained.

hearts.

History erased, name and person all

All hoods and veils are down,

gone.

cool shades pocketed.

White light filled my body and over-

Eyes speak the language of love.

flowed.

My body returned to me, resurrected.

or like..

My voice was given back to me, unimpeded.

All life was revealed as blessings and

Stepping into a natural pool,

spontaneously

-careful the water is hot,

words of thanks and praise came.

slowly sink in to your chin.

The ground became my closest ally, my

Recline back, take a deep breath,

dearest friend.

look across.

34

Your friend returning your smile.

It courses eternally

One experience.

It's the beginning and the end

So now can we see that we all share all of our experiences in the same way.

See, I Make All Things New

The same joy, the same pain.

That's why we laugh together,

When you hear these words,

cry together,

do you hear?

exist together.

Look, see.

I make all things new.

These words holds belief.

A Shout So Loud

There is faith, already

There is a scream

in the reading.

Coming from the universe

 There's wonderful mystery to it,

A shout so loud nobody hears it

our mind cannot grasp it,

It covers every pocket of space

but it resonates in our heart.

Like freshly fallen snow

See, I make all things new.

Dresses landscapes in the purest of

I turn water

white

into wine.

Belief is acknowledging his voice,

It breaks the grip of time

in your heart

It pierces through space

as you read 35

what he told us.

This gentle calling catches me unaware

See, I make all things new..

when I settled down for the day work all done then it comes again

It Stirs

and makes me share it with you.

It begins deep inside a stir

Unforgivable

a gentle breeze calling me away

Deep time shifts layers of self

early in the morning.

Whose memories hold no information

I hear it

Bar its own

like a long lost memory,

Standing in our present time

soft sound of waves

Like upon a sheet of thin glass dissolving

returning to the sea.

Our feet falls through Reaching the very beginning

It begins

Of creation itself

like a rumor

How we all stretch from beginning to end

not yet distinct

Endlessly now

like when you sense someone's at the door.

36

Come To The Water

Spell Bound

Come to the spring

Waves like of a tuning fork

refresh your soul

Resonates through the body

listen to its melody

I relax and let go

softly it springs to mind

Of all my desires

remember

I can feel my toes

sweet embrace Now with intention I expand See its reflection

Filling the whole universe

inside your heart

With my soul

softly it churns Breathing in, I close the light of day Scoop a handful

Breathing out gently, it all comes alive again

drink wash your face

How is this not ordinary?

cool on hot skin

My eyes turns into constellations

Come to the water

And I loose count Of how many times you've said I love you

37

Wishing you were here

it follows me around

Brings you closer

I look down, I look up the ground stretches now in all directions.

My will, I realize

How wonderful this truth is,

Is a mighty sword

feet firmly planted

To sweep this night away

and all around, wide open plains.

Wide Open Plains

Bertil, My Father

There is this declaration of a wide open field

My father died.

as far as the eye can see

I lit some candles

there is no obstruction

to drive out the cold.

so smooth so plain

February in Sweden,

the wind has ample space to roam free

in the morgue.

the sun covers every inch

I spoke words of fare well,

not the slightest shadow at noon

don't worry about us

the air is fresh

we're ok

just the best for breathing in.

please forgive me I love you dad

I stand at its edge

be on your way.

and even as I turn 38

At home with mom,

Open Arms

snowfall in the street lights.

I tell her

Let go with both your hands.

he's here.

Rely on the infinite mass just beyond your reach.

She looks up and nods,

The treasure storehouse needs no inven-

that is what we feel.

tory.

Inside filling up.

Grief is but

How futile trying to define ourselves,

loves release.

from what we hold in our hands.

A Shared Passion

I Have One Desire

I'm living in a world that has yet to come

As you rise

into existence.

I want to rise with you

The only way to make it real is to bring you into it.

I can glorify it, rave about it, but without

When you speak

your help it won't come into being.

I want to be your tongue

It's like... I want to light a fuse wire, set

As you listen

off an avalanche.

I overhear

39

You find it funny

but you find yourself lifted

like an echo by strong arms Being one in this relationship before we

knowing your every move

were two.

You take a chance, Like twins

handing over your will.

one thinking, the other speaking.

We hold our breath..

No but I... on it goes till we lost sight

I don't know how you caught up with

of who's who.

me.

Never thought you find me on this little planet.

Blessed union, too wonderful to comprehend.

Long time in the coming When you lie down

but better late then never

I will sit on your bed You rushed in Waiting till you get up again

and I was born a second time.

mimicking your every move.

Wrestling with my new inheritance It almost annoys you

it turns into play

40

Go on friend,

Silent Within

I won't stand in your way no more.

When we fall quiet Silent within When we become still

Communion

Motionless

We walk backwards

This room

Till we enter into union

Has not limits In it our intelligence rests

It's already here

And our knowing merges

Waiting to be possessed So when we rise Through our language

And lay eyes on each other

Our common tongue

You become my brother Nay, even closer, my other

One body, not two One mind Not mine, not yours

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Revelation And Natural Freedom

© Torbjörn Säw 2015 xliii