Akwaaba family magazine spring 2015 edition by Akwaaba Family Magazine

In FOCUS

LOVE & MARRIAGE

LIFESTYLE

FAMILY MATTERS

Effective parenting is a balancing act. The experts are yet to come up with the magic formula, so it is a trial and error, hit or miss situation, at least for now.

If your children are glued to the video game console, it’s not the teacher’s job to fix it with science projects and homework.

Finding love is no longer an adventure in the church, grocery store, and social events like it used to be a few years ago. Can True Love be Truly a Click Away?

Whether or not Facebook is good or bad is a subject for another day, but we found 4 very simple (but amazing) tips to help every relationship.

ALSO IN THIS ISSUE 9

COMMITMENT AND FAITHFUL-

14 TIME TO MAN UP THE BIGGEST

23 PEACE LIKE A RIVER FOR MY SOUL

27 KILLING ME SOFTLY THE FACT

NESS IN RELATIONSHIIPS

PART OF BEING A FATHER IS

A LOT OF PEOPLE MISS THE KEY

THAT YOU DON’T THINK YOUR

THERE ARE NO MAGIC FORMU-

BEING THERE.

INGREDIENT TO BE HAPPY IN LIFE

QUESTIONABLE HABIT IS A BIG

AND THAT IS PEACE.

DEAL IS PRECISELY THE REASON

LAS TO LASTING MARRIAGES.

13 DECLUTTER 101 START THE

WHY IT IS. 20 MOTHERHOOD 411 POSTPAR-

26 SAYING NO FOR THE RIGHT REA-

31 LETTERS TO SISTER AKOS

YEAR OFF ON THE RIGHT FOOT

TUM DECISIONS: BREASTFEED-

SONS A HEALTHY SENSE OF

STRAIGHT TALK RESPONSES TO

BY CREATING A CLUTTER-FREE

ING OR BOTTLE, LOSING THE

PRIORITIES IS KEY TO BUILDING

LETTERS FROM OUR READERS.

SPACE AND DEALING WITH

CHARACTER.

HOME ORGANIZATION. © 2015. All Rights Reserved Corporate: Akwaaba Family Magazine P.O. Box 1322 Manassas, VA 20108 Tel: (703) 395-0534 Fax: (571)207-6102 www.AkwaabaFamilyMagazine.com Press & Media: Overbrook Press & Graphics/NY Atlantic CG —Media Division/Houston

COMING IN SUMMER ISSUE: MARRIAGE OF INCONVINIENCE

FROM THE EDITOR AKWAABA FAMILY MAGAZINE

Beautiful

THE BEST THING about the New Year is the chance to reset and refocus. There is no guarantee that anything we plan to do will go without a hitch, but that shouldn’t stop us from dreaming, and stepping out to live them.

VOL. 3 ISSUE 1

SPRING 2015

Beginnings Here at AFM, we look forward to another year of pushing beyond our comfort zones to bring our readers the best articles, great insights and fun reading. Our passion is helping parents rediscover new strength, and encouraging all of us to enjoy one the most incredible gifts in life, - family.

PUBLISHER

NANA MANTEAW ANOBAH

In this edition, we talk about commitment and faithfulness; and we dive into social media and its impact of marriages and families. No we don’t bash Facebook, and we don’t think Twitter came from the devil. We don’t even think it is strange put pictures of your newborn baby on social media, - we just think that’s a-w-k-w-a-r-d.

EDITOR

In 2015, dating and finding love will take on a new shape even in the Ghanaian and African circles. People will trade-in the funerals celebrations that should better be called a party, and the wacky pool parties (without the pool), to online profiles. We have talked to a few people with great marriages who met their spouses online. Their point is, it’s not “where” you meet the person, it is the “who” you meet, that makes the difference.

BRUWAA ANOBAH

Motherhood is the big story that always flies under the radar. After the baby showers, flowers at the hospital, outdoorings, and all the cutesy stuff, new parents step into an unfamiliar territory. This can be the toughest tests of any marriage, so we have asked people who lived through it and we get to glean from their wisdom. Yes we know breastfeeding is not rocket science, but it may be tougher than you think. We even got Sister Akos on board, one person who understands life, culture, and parenting inside-out, and dishes out real advice you can use. We have been very fortunate to exceed our expectations in 2014. Our editorial team will continue working hard to bring valuable thoughts to you, one that will inspire you to focus on your priorities, change your commitments, and push beyond the limits. We wish you a great start to 2015. Until next time, take care of yourselves and each other. Sincerely, E. Obeng- Amoako Edmonds Editor@akwaabafamilymagazine.com

E. OBENG-AMOAKO EDMONDS ASSOCIATE EDITOR

SAM MINTAH

PARENTING EDITOR

ADVERTISING / SALES MANAGER NICHOLAS ANOBAH KWASI AWORTWI CONTRIBUTORS NATHAN ABABIO JASMINE BAAH WIREDU NIIKOI TETTEH-COMMEY CHRISTOPHER ODOI SACKEY DELA AGBEBOR BARIMA ASARE PRISCILLA KORANTENG CHRIS-VINCENT AGYAPONG FEBIRI RESEARCH JEREMY H. BOATENG KEVIN MYERS-CLENDON

Akwaaba Family Magazine is a quarterly publication by Akwaaba News Network. The magazine is distributed free through libraries, community centers, African markets, local churches, advertisers, and family –oriented businesses in the United States. We invite you to visit us online at www.AkwaabaFamilyMagazine.com for upcoming events, resource lists and many more. Be sure to sign up for our free e-newsletter. Any reproduction of this publication, in whole or in part, is strictly prohibited without the written permission from the publisher. For advertising rates and details, see the advertising section of our website, or contact our sales and advertising representatives directly with an email to advertising@AkwaabaFamilyMagazine.com or call 703-395-0534

||| In FOCUS

FINDING LOVE ONLINE Can True Love be Truly a Click Away?

Love is a complex subject. It takes time and effort to nurture a relationship and love. Contrary to what you may have heard on television, love doesn’t just happen. Online dating has lost much of its stigma. Maybe social media sites gradually proved to your old grandmother that the internet is not the devil, and that it’s a way to keep up with her grandchildren halfway around the world.

hanks to the multitude of online dating sites and mobile dating apps, finding love is no longer an adventure in the church, grocery store, and social events like it used to be a few years ago. Meeting people has become less of an art and more of a science. On one hand, you don’t have to spend two hours talking to a stranger in a bar, only to find out that they had been drunk through the entire conversation. On the downside, the internet opens the world to everyone, and there is no filter to keep the strange men (and women) from jumping online too. The Pew Research Center released a study about the world of online dating in late 2013, that 11% of adults have used an online dating site or a mobile dating app. From E-Harmony, BlackPlanet.com to ChristianMingle.com, the online dating universe keeps getting interesting. But can you find true love? Why not? You can meet people online; good people, crazy people, beautiful people, and the not-so-beautiful ones too. Whether or not it turns into love is a different issue.

The internet can be an effective place to find love, because it’s a numbers game. The more people you meet, the higher the likelihood that one may be an ideal companion. The flipside however, is that the odds do not account for the number of liars, losers, and womanizers on a prowl for their next victim. Back in the traditional dating world, your parents warned you to be careful and look for signs of danger when you met someone new. The rules didn’t go away with a mobile app. In fact the rules got even more nuanced because now you are judging a person by their profile and favorite pictures, not personality in real life. You only find their true identities on the first date, and that is where our parents’ fears come in. Allow me to debunk a myth here, it is impossible to know a person’s character from their pictures and fancy poems online, so please don’t fall into that trap. It’s all fun and games until the cute lady you met online slashes your tires because she didn’t take her medication. Match.com is the leading online dating site, has 20,000 new members joining each day, and that’s saying something. There are a few salient points to keep in mind; these may save you the frustration and emotional drain of online dating.

Avoid the Wacky Usernames First impressions are everything, and the username will be the first thing anyone will see. Names like “LookingforLove48” and “GhanaSexyBoy” are not cute. Also, unless your grandmother calls you by your nickname from secondary school, please avoid it online. There is nothing more glaring to identify a person stuck in their past. Avoid the Bad Photos If you’ve never heard the saying “a picture is worth a thousand words,” now you’ve heard it. Please you will not fool anyone with your favorite picture from 5 years ago. Avoid professional portraits in a studio, they scream “desperate”. Even worse, don’t Photoshop your exgirlfriend out of the picture and assume no one will notice. It makes you look creepy and almost irresponsible. Avoid the Mass Emails Besides the desperate people online (who are not the people you are looking to attract anyway), every potential dater is worth a short original email. Original means don’t copy the same message 100 times to 100 people. I know this because I’ve done it before. While we are on the subject or emailing, no one wants to see your 5 paragraph introductions, so avoid the long-winded creepy emails. It doesn’t make you look intelligent. My point: online dating didn’t reinvent the rules of traditional dating. If you can find love anywhere, the internet is not an exception. My wife says it best, “everyone deserves love,” and it may very well start with creating a username and a password. By Nathan Ababio

In FOCUS

MOM SAYS: I'm on the phone. KID HEARS: Now's a good time to ask me anything, really, the sky's the limit. MOM SAYS: It's bedtime. KID HEARS: Nothing. MOM SAYS: Brush your teeth before bed. KID HEARS: Get your toothbrush wet and stick it back in the holder, because I wasn't a kid once, and I totally never tried that trick myself. MOMS SAYS: I have a headache. KID HEARS: Time to break out the toy drum set and give it a whirl! MOM SAYS: You can't come into my room at 3 a.m. anymore. KID HEARS: Wait until 4 a.m., then climb between Mommy and Daddy. MOM SAYS: I'm going to the bathroom; I need some privacy. KID HEARS: Stand outside the bathroom door and stick your toes in the crack between the door and the floor. Breathe heavily. MOM SAYS: Come here, I need to brush your hair. KID HEARS: I just bought a medieval instrument of torture on eBay, and I'd like to try it out on your head. MOMS SAYS: Clean your room. KID HEARS: Shove a couple things under your bed, then go play video games. MOM SAYS: Close the fridge. KID HEARS: Stand in front of the fridge with the door wide open for the next five minutes or so while the electric meter spins. MOM SAYS: No. KID HEARS: Well, maybe, but you'll have to ask at least four more times. MOM SAYS: Go to the bathroom before we leave. KID HEARS: There's a perfectly good bathroom at the McDonald's 20 minutes away, so really, why bother using ours?

||| LOVE & MARRIAGE

COMMITMENT AND FAITHFULNESS IN RELATIONSHIPS

read an article recently which asked a simple but very important question. What’s the difference between commitment and faithfulness? Different people obviously have their own interpretation of the words, but it is understood that “Commitment is our intent to stay in relationship with our wives; faithfulness is the practice of doing so.” This is far from a puzzle for men to solve; women are in the same boat. The most powerful thought to come of out of the discussion was that “a committed spouse is not necessarily a faithful spouse”. I struggled with that definition for a second so I continued to read the rest of the article. The author continued “Men in particular succumb to the idea that they can have their Kate and Edith too. Kate is the stable spouse with whom they raise kids, attend church, and gray with time. Edith represents the workplace “friendship” or sexual fling. In their mind they are committed to both, but in practice faithful to neither.” The longer I have been married to my wife, the more it hurts me to imagine how a man will walk away from his commitment to the one person who is bound to them in covenant. The worse part is when the man thinks his actions are trivial, and therefore inconsequential. Trouble is our human nature discounts what we have in hand, and assumes that best thing since slice bread is out there. Again this is not a caution for only men. Women can be just as delusional.

With all the STDs and mental issues people are living with in modern society, it is baffling to see how easily married couples make mistakes even a 3rd grader should know better. I don’t want to give anyone the popular lecture on “the grass is green on the other side, because someone took the time to mow it.” It takes work to make your marriage what God intended for it to be. It doesn’t happen overnight, and certainly it won’t happen any quicker if we are distracted looking at every Mary, Linda, and Suzy (or Keisha and Bonquisha) walking down the street. Truth is, if you lived with any of the ladies you find cute for one minute you will realize how lucky you are. There are no magic formulas to lasting marriages. In fact I am a strong proponent of the argument that there is no book in the world that can guarantee a great marriage. The day after your honey moon is when you find out all you have is a blank template, and the rest is entirely up to you. One thing I know for sure, a decision to commit to your spouse is an excellent starting point. By: Niikoi Tetteh-Commey Referenced article was written by Dr. Bill Strom: Bill Strom teaches communication at Trinity Western University in Langley, BC. His research interests include marital communication and

“

COMMITMENT IS LIKE TRAINING FOR A RACE. TRAINING DOESN’T GUARANTEE WINNING, BUT IT BRINGS A HOST OF BENEFITS.

”

||| LOVE & MARRIAGE

4 Ways to Avoid Being a Social Media Marriage Casualty COUPLES’ EMOTIONAL NEEDS ARE ON THE CHOPPING BLOCK, WITH A PREOCCUPATION WITH TEXTING, FRIENDING, AND LIKING. DON’T LET THE SOCIAL MEDIA HANDICAPS DERAIL YOUR MARRIAGE.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that the world has changed a lot from what it used to be just a decade ago. In 2015, everyone is busy living their lives on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and other social media platform that shows up next. For people who cannot shake off the itch to post a thought or a picture, there is absolutely no reasonable argument to convince them to do otherwise. On the other end of the spectrum are the people who see Facebook and the rest of the social media universe as an utter waste of time, completely useless and a drag on a relationship. Imagine a world where people from these 2 worlds collide. A recent study shows as many as one in five divorce filings cite problems on Facebook or other social networking websites. The site, which boasts more than 350 million active users, is mentioned by name in almost 20% of divorce petitions, according to DivorceOnline. Without passing any judgment, the most important part of the puzzle for couples to ensure that their relationship does not become a casualty of the social media world in which we live. I will leave the trend analysis to the experts (and your internal psychiatrist) to advise on the value of sharing and tweeting your life away. Whether or not Facebook is good or bad is a subject for another day, but we found 4 very simple (but amazing) tips to help every relationship.

Priority This may come as a surprise, but you didn’t fall in love with Mark Zuckerberg. True, you may have worked hard to find all 500 of your friends, including the 2 from kindergarten and the other from first grade. But remember, your life was completely normal before you made the amazing discovery on Facebook and found all your best friends from three decades ago.

The problem emerges when instead of confronting the everyday challenges in our relationships and marriages, the inbox and Facebook walls becomes a cute distraction to an ideal world.

If you're spending a lot of time on the Internet, that's taking away from time with your partner and that is a no brainer. Time In 2015, our lives are complicated with work, our children and activities that we start our day with little knowledge of how much time it would require from us. We call these competing priorities. There are many great activities and important moments all vying for your time. Social media and the lives of all the 100 people you are connected to, adds another layer of demand to your time. Sadly, even for people who can’t afford to find quality time but never skip posting a tweet or posting a favorite picture on Instagram. Distractions The upside of Social media is that you can create an image of yourself for the world to see. Truth is, most people on social media sites show their best sides anyway. There is always something more intriguing online; new pictures of dogs, cats, babies, vacations, the list goes on. There is the temptation to see the social network as the extension of your friendship and community, and even as an outlet.

Intimacy Privacy went out of the window the day you signed on to Facebook and Twitter. There are people who cannot go through a day without giving outsiders a peek into their private life. The thought that someone “Liked” your picture is incredibly addicting to many people that they risk their relationships and marriages by giving strangers (or should I say faux friends) a front seat to your life. There are some things that are best kept in -house, not with a social network.

By Jasmine Baah Wiredu

LIFESTYLE

Declutter 101 How To Cut Clutter At Home Start the year off on the right foot by creating a clutterfree space and dealing with home organization. The start of a new year is the perfect time to declutter. The effects are so immediately apparent, they'll give you a sense of accomplishment -- the perfect mindset for tackling more challenging goals. Stay Motivated Incorporating decluttering into your lifestyle is actually about forming a new habit, and you know how challenging that can be! The first three weeks will be difficult, but after the first month or so, you'll be over the hump. Keep decluttering in perspective: it shouldn't take over your life. It's a small, short activity that you do so your home works well and looks good, and so you have time to do what you like. Do one Job at a Time It's easy to get pulled into another clutter zone and desert the job you started. Don't. Then you'll have two partially decluttered areas, and it will look like you've accomplished nil. Stick to one part of one room till it's complete. Set a Time Limit Don't say, Today I'll organize the garage. Instead, say, I'll spend an hour on the gardening tools; next week I'll work on sports equipment. If you haven't finished in an hour, keep going, or return to the job another day. Establish a Routine Set a regular schedule based on your lifestyle and personality: for instance, 10 minutes a day, two hours each weekend, or a full day once a month. A little time spent decluttering daily is definitely the best way to maintain order once it's been achieved.

Sort Purchase six bins that are easy to carry and to see into. Label them: Keep in This Room, Store Elsewhere, Give Away, Garbage/Recycling, Repair, Not Sure. Sort items from an area into these bins; organize what you plan on keeping and then get rid of the rest as quickly as possible. Organize Once you've whittled down your possessions, move each to a proper home to avoid creating more clutter. Store an object closest to where you use it, but also consider how often it's used, giving premier real estate to the most frequently used objects in an area. For instance, saffron probably wouldn't be placed in front of salt on the spice shelf.

Find an Emotional Rescue When clearing clutter becomes emotionally daunting, take a break. If you keep setting a time to return but never do, ask yourself, do I want to face this now? If you don't want to, then don't. You'll do it when you're ready. However, if you want to face the clutter (and the emotional stuff), don't go it alone -- ask a friend to help, or hire a professional organizer. In the meantime, move on to a less emotionally charged job, like the junk drawer. Internalize that your value is not in your “stuff”. It is just “stuff”. And realize that your value grows when you share your “stuff”. Hoarding is a selfish act.

Credit: Style at home

||| LIFESTYLE

TIME TO MAN UP THE BIGGEST PART OF BEING A FATHER IS BEING THERE. NO AMOUNT IN CHILD SUPPORT CAN SUBSTITUTE FOR A FATHER’S PRESENCE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WHEN A CHILD WANTS A HUG.

HEN President Obama said anyone can be a father, but not everyone can be a dad, people slammed him. To be fair, people will slam President Obama even if he says the sky is blue, so no surprises there. Society is gradually coming to terms with the sad reality that even when the father is absent from a child’s life, life goes on. Two years ago, I stumbled onto a colleague who was blunt, "I absolutely, didn't want to have kids, and I'm not sure I'll make a good dad.” But he is a dad now, and spent the last several years looking for the exit door. Father’s play an irreplaceable role in a child’s life, and it is time we challenge all men to stand up instead of giving them a hall pass to show up when it is convenient. Having a kid was wonderful, no one said it was easy. I am a father and a dad, so I think I have earned the right to speak on this issue. There are many instances where a parents’ divorce, separation, or even having a child out of wedlock (with no intention of being together) leads to a child without the father in a home. This leaves a huge void in a child life, and soon we see the kids in school with “daddy issues”. I commend brothers who take their responsibility as a parent and a dad seriously and commit to their child’s complete well-being, because it is a lot of work, and a person would have to be very intentional about their actions.

What happens if the father lives halfway around the world in Africa, or working in another state? Sure, you will miss out on the birthday celebrations and school events, but with the help of technology, there are ways to stay in the picture. This may include staying up late into the night to hear all about the event on Skype but that comes with the territory. Their mother cannot be your personal CNN who you rely on to find out what’s happening in your child’s life. That is a task reserved for you, dad. There will be soccer games to attend, endless school projects and homework, and the sing-along on Cartoon Network. It all comes with the package. DON'T WORRY ABOUT BEING A PERFECT DAD. Being a great dad isn't about holding the baby just right, or knowing how to burp her, or being a willing participant at imaginary tea parties. Being a good dad starts with being a good husband. It starts with getting involved in the entire prenatal process; so if you really want to be a good dad, make darn sure you're a good husband, because great husbands become great dads. BE AFFECTIONATE WITH YOUR BABY, ESPECIALLY AS THEY GET OLDER. Kids need love, but they don't understand the word "love" on any level. You might as well use the term "phalanges" with them because,

to an infant, it means the same thing -nothing. So holding your baby and telling her, "Daddy loves you," is pretty much meaningless. A dad's loving touch is amazingly powerful; it sends a message to your child that words can't always convey. By the way, high-fiving doesn't count. It's a celebration -- not a sign of affection. TREAT YOUR KID THE WAY YOU WANTED TO BE TREATED WHEN YOU WERE A KID. Look back at how your dad showed, or didn't show, his love for you. How he disciplined you, encouraged you, criticized you, and molded you. If you had a great dad, now's your chance to take everything he showed you and put it to good use. If you didn't have a great dad, this is your chance, your golden opportunity to make up for every fatherly injustice he did to you by being to your child a much better and more sensitive, involved, loving dad than he was to you. This is your chance to show your dad, and the world, "This is what being a good dad looks like." ENJOY YOURSELF. IT ALL GOES BY TOO QUICKLY. The time you have with your kids absolutely flies by, so really take the time to enjoy it. Take time out of work to be with them. Call in sick one day and take them to the amusement park. Pick up your kid from school and go hit a bucket of balls with them, or volunteer to be the coach of their soccer team. Believe me, you won't wind up on your deathbed saying, "I wish I'd spent more time at the office." You'll say, "I wish I'd spent more time with my daughter." By Jesse Lamptey, Ph.D. Credit www.parents.com

THE BIGGEST PART OF BEING A FATHER, and a dad is being there. There is no amount in child support that can substitute for a father’s presence in the middle of the night when a child wants a hug. I learned through the years that there is no manual to guide you through parenting; it’s an ON-THE-JOB TRAINING, and bound to have a few missteps. The challenge is to adapt to the moving target and keep moving along. THAT’S WHAT WE CALL “MAN UP”.

||| LIFESTYLE

WORK IT OUT THE BIG QUESTION ABOUT WORK-LIFE BALANCE EVERY PARENT SHOULD ASK.

o parent goes out of their way to get caught in the rat race of today’s demanding work cycle. It just happens. We blame ourselves and blame our bosses, but is that really adding any value? Parents are always in the crosshairs of a tough balancing act. On one hand, you want to work hard (all the overtime you can get) so that you can provide for your children all the fine things in life you never ad when you were their age. On the other hand, you spend less and less time with your children who you are supposedly working hard for. Finding that balance, - the fine line- , is what no one had yet come up with the magic formula, so it is a trial and error, hit or miss situation. Sadly, many patently are doing a lot more misses than hits. This is the ultimate catch 22, and there is no boss in the world who will give you a little space to spend more time with your family. Of course corporate America places a little emphasis on work-life balance, but you don’t need a PhD to know that these policies seldom make a difference in your regular workday.

It sounds good in theory, till you find that the deadline for the presentation had been shifted to a few days earlier than originally planned. The tragedy – at least in my opinion – is when a parent facing standing at this crossroad, picks his work over family. I can tell you from personal experience that every employee is dispensable, your role as a parent is not. Finding a work culture that accommodates family life is a lot more important than we like to think. It’s a strange balance, one that often does not come with a manual. On one hand, you are doing your best to attain a position and provide for your family (something you probably are new to). On the other hand, you are learning on-the-job to become a good parent. As one author puts it, these are both jobs you cannot do well “without putting in the hours.” A colleague recently turned down a promotion that required him to travel around the world 6 months out of the year. While it sounds glamorous at first thought, it comes with a price. Often an expensive price tag.

I understood his decision to decline the promotion, and choosing the option of playing with is kids every evening and doing homework to a career boost. His rationale for stepping back was that, in his words “I can be there.” No one is suggesting ditching the corner office, and fat paychecks for the chance to spend more time with your family, but it is worth giving it some thought to think through what really matters to you. Not everyone can reconfigure our work hours to attend our children’s baseball game, but if I have learned anything at all, it is the only thing children remember is what we do with them, not what we give them.

Maybe as we make career decision and take on the 80-hour weeks, we should be mindful also that every decision comes with a consequence. Is the tradeoff something we can live with? By: Christopher Odoi Sackey

In FOCUS

||| COVER STORY

MOTHERHOOD POSTPARTUM DECISIONS: BREASTFEEDING OR BOTTLE, LOSING THE BABY WEIGHT, AND MORE

EDUCATE YOURSELF >>> Your body will go through all kinds of changes that you would wish you knew beforehand. Educate yourself ahead of time so when it's time to make decisions, you can make a choice that's right for you. ACCEPT HELP AFTER BIRTH >>> You’re a "mother" not a “martyr." Take all the help you can get – and don't feel bad about it. The rest of your baby’s life will give you countless opportunities to prove that you are Wonder Woman, but the postpartum period is not when to prove that you have extra powers.

IT TOOK 39 LONG WEEKS of vomiting, nausea, heartburn, sleepless nights, and all the discomfort that comes with carrying a baby. The journey is one big emotional rollercoaster that doesn’t end after meeting your long-awaited bundle of joy. These are feelings only a mother can relate to, and moments almost nothing can prepare for. There is a flurry of activity that comes after the baby's birth, and your body has a long way to go before it returns to its pre-partum state. Experts explain how in the months following the birth of a baby, a woman’s body is recovering from a serious trauma. This is one process that takes some getting used to, because the human body is unique from woman to woman. Whether you had a C-section or delivered vaginally, getting back to “normal” is a long process, but it shouldn’t be a treacherous experience. To put things in perspective, your body just went through almost a year of carrying a child (by the way, pregnancy is

more than 9 months), - a miracle in itself. It is a bit unreasonable to expect your emotional state, and physical state to snap back to normal almost immediately. The best advice I heard was a simple one, - "You just had a baby. Do not feel compelled to rush out and exercise. Enjoy your baby, and take time to recover." It is no secret that your new baby will keep you up at night—a 2007 Center for Disease Control study revealed that parents are more likely to report insufficient sleep than adults without children, with moms specifically getting the least amount of sleep. There will be diapers to be changed, feeding schedules that will feel like 5th grade algebra, and you will still have to somehow fit in some sleep so you don’t completely blow a gasket. New mothers are magnets for unsolicited advice , and you will have tons of decisions to make.

AFM editors spoke with Mrs. Ataa OwusuAfriyie this month to share her first-hand experience. The joy of the journey was evident in her smile, but she was happy to caution also, it’s not all peaches ’n cream. AFM: Congratulations on the new baby. How is he doing and everything so far? Mrs. AOA: Thank you. All is well by the grace of God. He is doing excellent. He is such a blessing. He is just growing day by day. Everything is great. AFM: Is motherhood what you expected? Mrs. AOA: Motherhood is challenging. It is a lot of work. A lot of hard work but at the end of the day the love that a mother has for the child and the grace of God enables us to do it. It is more than I expected quite frankly. AFM: An experience you will trade I'm sure. Mrs. AOA: Absolutely not. Every day is challenging but at the same time every day is joyful. A little infant who couldn’t do anything on his own one day, suddenly lift his head, soon he's turning on his own, and, then grasping things with their hands. Just the progress of seeing all the stages makes motherhood exciting.

||| COVER STORY AFM: Do you recall your first reaction when you first saw your baby? Mrs. AOA: Indescribable. Just pure joy and excitement. The nurses and doctors always tries to warn you and prepare you by saying how wrinkled and sometimes weird fresh babies look, but the moment I saw our son and held him, he was perfect. My heart was just filled with pure joy and love. Just in awe of creation and how mysteriously God works.

AFM: This sounds like tough stuff Mrs. AOA: Yes it is. Post-partum depression is real and was a challenge I dealt with the first couple of months. I would cry at everything. I would cry when the baby cried. I would cry when he threw up. I felt like he had come to ruin the perfect life that my husband and I had.

AFM: When did the big job kick in? Mrs. AOA: Hahaha. Then the real joy of sleepless nights began. Honestly, we've been extremely lucky. We have such a great baby. We've been warned not to tell everyone this because we would lose friends quickly. . . but our baby actually sleeps at night. Of course, there are a few nights here and there that he is up and fussing but for the most part, he is awesome. We had a few challenges in the beginning with his feeding. We wanted to breastfeed but he somehow couldn't latch on the nipple and he would cry. I had to resort to pumping the milk into a bottle for him but the process itself is also quite tedious.

AFM: Is this a common feeling? Mrs. AOA: Many people in our community don't talk or deal with this much. But that was one challenge I faced and my husband definitely helped me deal with that. My love for the baby never wavered but there were days where due to hormonal changes, I was more emotional than before. Another challenge that is also real in our community is dealing with the traditional things and practices that are done in our mother countries as opposed to the things that are done here in America. To breastfeed or not? To supplement with formula or not? To bathe and use traditional oils and lotions or not? etc. etc.

AFM: What have been some of the major challenges you've faced as a new mother? Mrs. AOA: For me, the challenge of just not having enough time in the form of maternity leave was a big deal for me. In most countries, new mothers get up to a year off work.

AFM: You mentioned earlier that you rotate nights with your husband, so one person is in charge of feedings during the night and the other can sleep. Is the idea so that of both of you don’t end up walking around like zombies. Mrs. AOA: Precisely.

In America unfortunately, 3 months is sometimes the maximum you can get. At that point, you either have to get childcare help in the form of daycare or a nanny, which isn't cheap. In my case, I've been fortunate to have the help of my mother who came to spend weeks with my husband and I when the baby arrived.

AFM: Talk about finding right balance of cultural and traditional norms with our adopted Americanway, how did you deal with that? Mrs. AOA: Interestingly enough most of my friends who are my age and new mothers have had this same challenge. There are so many traditional things that are very helpful. . . we were raised with those things and those methods and we turned out fine. However, not all of them are safe.

My husband has also been incredibly supportive and helpful in every way.

I've heard stories of new mothers using leaves and herbal stuff from the mother land that have caused more harm than good. I had the privilege of having my mother come to stay with us to help with the baby and there were a few times we clashed and argue in regards to this. The key is to be respectful if you're in a situation where you have to decline a suggestion from an older/experienced mother. Always pay close attention to the baby and his/her reaction to any new thing you do for them. For instance, our boy had a bad skin reaction to "dusting" powder but loved shea butter (nkuto). Every baby and every situation is different. AFM: What do you look forward to the most as a mother? Mrs. AOA: I'm being patient and enjoying every stage of development. Everyone always say babies grow up too fast and that’s very true. At just six months, I can't believe that just a few months ago this little one could hardly do anything but just eat, sleep, cry, and poop. I'm just enjoying every day and the excitement that it brings. AFM: What advice would you give new mothers or anyone expecting their first child? Mrs. AOA: It’s challenging but the love, joy, and the excitement outweighs the challenges. You would need help, and don’t be afraid to ask for it. Pay close attention to the baby. They can't communicate in any way but through crying so don't just ignore their cries. If the mood swings and emotional toll gets too much and unbearable, please seek help. Motherhood is a privilege that many don't get to experience so if you're blessed to experience it, don't take it lightly. Cherish every bit of it. AFM: Excellent. Thank you for insights and your time. Mrs. AOA: Thank you.

your

||| FAITH

PEACE LIKE A RIVER FOR MY SOUL WHEN YOU ARE AT PEACE, THE STORMS MAY ROAR AT YOU BUT YOU WILL SING LIKE THE SONG WRITER “WHATEVER MY LOT, THOU HAS TAUGHT ME TO SAY IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL.”

Unfortunately, a lot of people achieve these dreams and desires yet find themselves unhappy or still worried. I have had the opportunity of interacting with rich and successful people who are not happy or living a fulfilled life. A lot of people are missing the key ingredient to be happy in life and that is Peace.

Dear Friends, Growing up in Ghana, I always thought that once I travelled to America, it would be the end of my worries and that all would be fine and I will live the dream life. Only to get here and realize that life in America is not as I dreamt of. . . leaving me in a state of uncertainty, worry and unhappiness. Today, such is the story of a lot of us, we have dreams and things we believe when we have them or achieve certain status in life, will bring us the happiness or fulfillment that we seek.

Peace is defined as the freedom of the mind from annoyance, distraction, anxiety and obsession. A state of tranquility or serenity. I believe sincerely that Peace is actually all that we need in life, in that when you are at peace, you don’t worry about any problems. This does not mean you don’t have problems or peace is not the absence of life worries, Peace and Perfect peace is when problems are starring you in the face but you say like David said in Psalm 23, “Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I’ll fear no evil”. Here you are saying that regardless of the situation you’re in, you have no worries, you will not panic nor stress yourself into depression. When you are at peace, then I believe you will find Joy.

Life on earth here throws a lot of challenges to us on a daily basis thus it is impossible to live life on this earth without having anything bothering you or causing you to worry, however when you are at Peace, the storms may roar at you but you will sing like the song writer “whatever my lot, thou has taught me to say it is well with my soul.” Remember one thing God gave us is our WILL! You have a will, you make decisions and you may have taken certain decisions that did not go well and you have held it against yourself for a long time keeping you in bondage. Please forgive yourself, let bygones be bygones, open a new chapter and make peace with yourself. Sometimes you are unsatisfied with your life, while many people in this world are dreaming of living your life. A child on a farm sees a plane fly overhead and dreams of flying. But, a pilot on the plane sees the farmhouse and dreams of returning home. That's life!! Enjoy yours... If wealth is the secret to happiness, then the rich should be dancing on the streets. But only poor kids do that. If power ensures security, then officials should walk unguarded. But those who live simply sleep soundly. If beauty and fame bring ideal relationships, then celebrities should have the best marriages. Live simply, walk humbly, and love genuinely. Serve GOD and he will give you joy and peace that surpasses all understanding. May the good Lord keep you as you relate to Him. Shalom! By Minister Barimah, Royal House Chapel

|||

BLINDSIDED BY GOD THE GRACE TO LIVE THROUGH YOUR TOUGHEST SETBACKS, AND TO FIND GOD IN THE “IN-BETWEEN” MOMENTS.

ost of us Christians are convinced that God is our Alpha and Omega, - no questions about that. There is the confidence that in spite of the chaos we see around us, we are kept safe in the arms of a loving father.

Of course, it is instinctive to raise our hands and sing hymns when we get the promotion, but our faith takes a nosedive when we are handed a pink slip, and left to wonder where our next gig will come from. It takes grace to reconnect with God in the “in-between” moments.

We are pretty sure God knows the beginning and the end; in fact we learned that in Sunday school many years ago.

It wasn’t until recently that the scripture in Romans 8:28 made sense in my head. “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”

Then life happens. Setbacks occur when we least expect, and oftentimes we do not know which way to turn. That is the “in-between” moments. Life catches you off-guard. The times where it feels like the harder you try, the worse the situation around you gets. Sure, as a Christian, you know that Jesus has the whole world in His hands, from “A” to “Z”, but our life’s challenges begin when we deal with the gray lines, - between the “B” and the “Y”. That is where it feels like we are blindsided. I have learned to not interpret God’s silence to mean God’s absence. Christians walk in the confidence that our lives are made complete by the author of our faith who never leaves us in the darkest moments. It is not the easiest thought to ponder when your rent is due, and your bank account still shows numbers in red.

I had read the bible my entire life, earned a master’s degree in one of the most prestigious universities in the world, and I still missed a simple phrase. That “All things work together for good”, is not the same as “all things will be good”. This was my interpretation, and what I wished God said. When life throws us in directions we didn’t anticipate, and leaves us desperate for comfort, that doesn’t mean God has left us. Often, our character is refined in these moments, every action and decision refining our resolve and our faith in Him. Truth is, our problems didn’t miraculously disappear when we accepted Jesus as our Lord and savior. The devil didn’t take a vacation because we went to church, or slept with the bible on your forehead.

Christians live through tough times and setbacks like everyone else. Our joy resides in that fact that we go “through” it, and not “wallow” in it. Setbacks are not our permanent address. “ All things work together for good” is a powerful reminder that in due season, nothing we have gone through would be a waste. We will come out in the end better, and having the last laugh. Christ’s death at Calvary paid for our complete victory, not a down payment for us to struggle through life to pay the balance. All things working together, will work out for our wellbeing. You are not lost in the shadows of life. When life seems to have dealt you a crushing blow and you can’t even find the words to pray, find one more reason to believe again. When a loved one is sick, lose a job, or dealing with a difficult child, it’s not easy to see the miracle of the cross in the pain. I encourage you to not allow the temporary setbacks to derail your trust in God and cripple your faith. Rather, wake up every day reminding yourself that God’s mercies are new every morning, and his grace is sufficient for everything you go through. Even in the “in-between” moments. By Maame L. Gyamfuah

BUYING A DEVTRACO HOME        

Book a site visit with a member of the Sales and Marketing Team (optional) Complete a Devtraco Application Form (obtainable online or from any of our offices) Select House type or Preference, indicating additional requirements if any Submit forms to Devtraco (online or at our Head Office) Receive an Offer Letter from Devtraco, indicating general terms and conditions as well as price Sign Contract of Sale Receive Payment Invoice and Welcome Letter from Devtraco Make Payment as follows: SELF FINANCING: 25% of the cost price as initial deposit at the execution of this agreement. 25% of the cost price 90 days after the initial deposit 25% of the cost price at the roof level 25% of the cost price on completion of construction MORTGAGE FINANCING: Payment of minimum deposit as indicated by mortgage financier Payment of required percentage by mortgage financier at roofing level (optional) Final payment by mortgage financier before completion and handing over.

Devtraco - Where your dreams becomes a REALITY. We have excellent amenities which no builder offers. Our price ranges from $85,000 to $300,000. Your safety and comfort is our utmost priority. . .

www.devtraco.com.gh

FOR MORE INFORMATION: Contact Jennifer Fordjour Tel: (713) 382-0340 | Email: Jennifer.fordjour@devtraco.com.gh

||| FAMILY MATTERS

From a father who wouldn't want to see his kid cry, but . . .

Saying No for the Right Reasons WHEN IT COMES TO KIDS, THERE MAY BE CREATIVE WAYS TO DENY, DETER, OR EVEN SAY "NO" WITHOUT SAYING NO. A HEALTHY SENSE OF PRIORITIES IS KEY TO BUILDING CHARACTER.

||| FAMILY MATTERS

"Can I have the candy now?" "No."

The key here is knowing how to set boundaries for your child; a healthy sense of priorities is key to building character. I don’t have any magic pills for raising perfect children (I have raised 4 and they all turned out fine, at least by normal standards) but you do not want to spend your life saying no "no" at every opportunity which other parents believe can breed resentment or plant seeds for rebellion. My one advice to parents is to stop negotiating ad nauseam with children.

If you’ve had the privilege of raising a child, this little dialogue sounds very familiar. Parenting may be the hardest job that any of us will ever have but its takes a great skill to sidestep the “no” trap most of us fall into. Of course you don’t want your children to grown up thinking they are entitled to every childish whim and random wish, so you say ‘”no” to get your point across. Let’s face it; it is easy Saying “no” will not to say “no” to children. Nothing complex about damage a child’s yelling the word, but it often wrestles with a emotional wellbeing. I natural inclination as a am not an expert on parent to make sure your child is smiling all parenting by any the time. means, but I have Parents generally don’t want to disappoint never been the type to their children, and saying “no” can make you negotiate with my look like the bad guy. toddlers. Luckily, looking like a bad guy and being a bad guy are two different things altogether. But what is our parenting job if not to inculcate character in our children? The only children may learn that everything in the world does not revolve around them, is to hear “no” every now and then. Maybe your child will be much better equipped to handle the real world if they’ve learned how to experience and manage their disappointment as children. Trust me, you don’t have to set traps for your little kiddos to experience disappointment, there will be plenty of opportunities.

Of course I am not suggesting to parents to be insensitive and rude to a child’s expectation, even when they seem completely out of touch with reality. Saying “no” will not damage a child’s emotional wellbeing. I am not an expert on parenting by any means, but I have never been the type to negotiate with my toddlers.

Maybe I am not the most democratic, and do not include my children’s opinions in family decision-making, but my teenage daughters always look back at my tight-fist style as what has guided them through their adolescent years.

I didn’t hesitate to yell “no” if I had to, but because I balanced it with a healthy dose of positive reinforcement and genuine care, my children didn’t see me as the automatic-no parent. It worked for my children; I cannot say for certain the same methods will work for yours, but you shouldn’t shy from stetting boundaries for your children. Even if that starts with saying “no”. By Dela Agbebor

KILLING ME SOFTLY 4 SIMPLE HABITS THAT KILL INTELLIGENCE. THE FACT THAT YOU DON’T THINK IT’S A BIG DEAL IS PRECISELY THE REASON WHY IT IS.

Although you may not believe it, there are certain habits that you have fallen in to, which hinders your ability to move forward in life. Although you think it has no effect on your life, these bad habits that kill your intelligence not only set you back, they can cause you to make poor decisions in your life. YOU THINK YOU’RE ARE EXPERT

When you believe you are an expert at every and anything, you stop learning. You will never be humble enough to listen to others, and learn from their experience. Personal philosophies that confuse excellence with perfectionism, and enforce that on themselves and the people working around them create a sense of failure. FEAR

If you are always afraid you are going to fail, you are never going to try something new. It is likely you are going to fail, more than once, especially if you have never done something before. But, if you never try, or never attempt to learn something new because you are afraid you are going to fail, you are never going to get better, and are never going to learn new things. LACK OF CONFIDENCE

This goes hand in hand with the fear to fail. If you always believe you are going to mess up, and do not have confidence in the things you do, you can never learn and grow. Having confidence in yourself, even if you are doing something wrong, allows you to learn, and grow, and it allows you to move forward. DRINKING

Although it is something enjoyable, alcohol does hinder your intelligence and ability to comprehend or grasp subjects. So, drinking every once in a while will not kill all brain cells, but you should know that alcohol (and drugs), will hinder, and kill your brain cells, making it harder to learn new things. Credit: Lifezap

||| FAMILY MATTERS

THOUGHTS FROM A FATHER WHO CAN ADMIT THAT HE IS NOT SMARTER THAN HIS 5 TH GRADER, AND DIDN’T KNOW THAT

ONOMATOPOEIA WAS A REAL WORD.

HEN I SIGNED up my 8-year-old in school, I thought my job was done. The rest of the heavy lifting is entirely up to him. Until the homework started pouring in, after the school projects that required me to hang out in Office Depot and Kinkos three nights a week. Sometimes it feels like I was the one in third grade. Teachers are not too understanding, if you ask me. Don’t they know parents have work to do, and a life to live? Of course I have nothing against homework, my only trouble is that if feels like I am the one in school. For the record, I didn’t like algebra 30 years ago, and I don’t like it now. But I have come to understand that children who get the support of their families with homework are likely to perform significantly better in in school and beyond, than those who do not.

I guess that is a tradeoff every parent should welcome, after all we want our children to succeed and not flunk out of school.

I’ll leave the teachers to argue about whether homework really helps students learn, about what type of homework should be given, and how much is enough. From what I have found, homework gives children important opportunities to practice what they have learned in school and learn how to work independently with self-discipline. As a parent, it is critical that we show interest in homework, because what our child’s first clue that school work is important and needs to be taken seriously. There are parents who welcome the idea of homework because it keeps their children away from video games, and give them something more constructive to do. That is where I disagree with such parents.

Homework should not be a chore, and should not end up being a substitute for parental guidance. If your children are glued to the video game console, it’s not the teacher’s job to fix it with science projects and homework. So maybe it is not your child that has the homework, it is your homework also. A good starting point is to establish daily routines for homework completion, by so doing, you will be giving a sense of order and expectation your child can apply to later life.

One thing you don’t need an educator to remind you of, is that parents who take an interest in their child's homework have a better knowledge of their education. It helps to encourage children to complete homework to the best of their ability, and that is something every parent can smile about. Continued on Page 34

|||

In FOCUS

||| FAMILY MATTERS

Letters to Sister Akos

No nonsense answers from a woman who knows almost everything. A marriage counselor for 32 years, a management consultant for Fortune 500 companies, former professional cheerleader and assistant prison warden. No question is out of bounds, but brace yourself for the candid answers from Sister Akos. Send letters to Akos@akwaabafamilymagazine.com

My mother-in-law came to visit from Ghana 6 years ago. She is still visiting and has outstayed her welcome, because now she tells me how to run my home and raise my children. Is it wrong to want her to leave? You’re stuck in situation many African families fall into, some by design, but often by accident. Either way there is no reason for a grown woman to become the third wheel in your marriage. Whatever the purpose for her long stay (which is probably violating her visa requirements anyway) she crossed the line with telling you how to run your home. You need your husband to “keep it real” with his Mama, and send her packing. I have been married to my husband for 4 years. Lately, we seem to have a lot of arguments in our family. Is this normal? Of course it is normal. Disputes between you and your husband, and for that matter, your children are inevitable in any family life. If your family never has arguments, it probably means that issues are being avoided. The key is to keep the drama to a minimum and know which issues are worth arguing about. I’ll give you the same advice I heard 22 years ago; some battles are worth losing for your own sanity and to save your relationship.

I have an 8 year old who throws tantrums everywhere we go. I have discussed with her about how her actions affect me, but I can’t get through to my child. I like to respect her opinions and give her room to be independent but nothing we try works. Am I missing something? Please help. Lady, did you say she is 8? I don’t have any cute way of telling you that the problem is you. You are missing a whole lot on the subject of parenting. Your child (as you’re rightly said) is not your friend. You have been watching too much TV to think your 8 year old child can act a fool, as a passport to independence. Where is her father? It takes two to make them, and takes two to raise them.

I met a Nigerian man from another state who is head over heels for me. I suspect he is married but I don’t have proof. He seems to be hiding something, and although I like him, I can’t seem to shake off that feeling. Any thoughts will help.

Run as fast as you can. I don’t care if the man comes from the moon; if you have a hunch, go with it. Good luck.

Hello I heard that if you don't have medical insurance, it will affect you when you file your taxes, is that true? Yes it is true. There are no free lunches in America (and not even any where in Africa fro that matter), so expect to check YES on your taxes this year to a question that is new in the filing process. And get insurance, its for your own good. My husband is a staunch supporter of NDC. I am an NPP woman. The discussions have turned into augments in our home and it is gradually affecting our relationship. He stopped going to church here in California with our family because he claims the pastor is also NPP. Not sure how to address it. Unless the two of you get a paycheck from Mahama and Akuffo-Addo, this is beyond ridiculous. Maybe you forgot the reasons why you exchanged vows to be joined together in holy matrimony. Did I misunderstand the context, or you said the two of you live in California? I am surprised you are that fired up about events you only read about online. I commend your patriotism, but even John Mahama is not losing sleep over the issues you people are fighting over. Grow up.

10 FACTS TO

KNOW ABOUT

or or against Obamacare, there is important information you should know. The Health Insurance Marketplace makes it easier to find quality, affordable coverage. Millions of Americans have already gotten coverage, many for the first time.

Here are 10 things you should know about the Marketplace:

NO MATTER WHAT state you live in, you can use the Market place. Some states operate their own Marketplaces, and in other states the Marketplace is run by the federal government. HEALTH INSURANCE PLANS offered through the Marketplace are run by private companies. Every health plan in the Marketplace offers the same set of essential health benefits, including doctor visits, preventive care, hospitalization, prescriptions, and more. YOU CAN COMPARE YOUR options in the Marketplace and see what your premium, deductibles, and out-ofpocket costs will be before you make a decision to enroll. YOU CAN APPLY FOR Medicaid or the Children’s Health Insurance Program (CHIP) through the Marketplace any time of year. These programs provide free or low-cost coverage to millions of Americans with limited incomes, disabilities, and certain family situations. INSURANCE PLANS OFFERED through the Marketplace can’t deny you coverage because of pre-existing conditions like cancer or diabetes, and they can’t charge women and men different premiums. IN THE MARKETPLACE, you generally can get dental coverage as part of a health plan or by itself through a separate, stand-alone dental plan. YOU MUST REPORT certain qualifying life changes to the Marketplace, such as if you get married or divorced, have a child or adopt a child, or have a change in your income. IF YOU HAVE AN income-generating business with no employees, you’re considered self-employed and can get coverage through the Marketplace. EVEN IF YOU HAVE access to a student health plan, you can choose to buy a health plan through the Marketplace instead. You may qualify for lower costs based on your income. For more information, visit www.healthcare.gov.

||| EDITORS’ PICKS Continued from page 29 READING IS RELAXING. READING IS STIMULATING. Here at Akwaaba Family Magazine, we strongly encourage reading at all age levels, and think it gives a wealth of knowledge. We even think reading reduces stress. It takes time and takes concentration, but there is nothing as fascinating that being engaged in an activity that helps you immerse yourself into the text. Our focus IN THIS ISSUE is topics for parents and excellent reading.

LOVE & RESPECT Dr. Emmerson Eggerichs

Are you stuck in the "crazy cycle"? Do you want to feel close and valued? You can experience marriage the way God intended. Love & Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can learn to meet one another's needs quickly, easily, and biblically.

THINGS FALL APART

China Achebe

Two intertwining stories, both centering on Okonkwo, a “strong man” of an Ibo village in Nigeria. These perfectly harmonized twin dramas are informed by an awareness capable of encompassing at once the life of nature, human history, and the mysterious compulsions of the soul.

SET A REGULAR FAMILY QUIET TIME FOR WORKING

Children do what they see parents do. Carve a time for your family to use for study, reading, and working on homework. If you don’t have anything to read, find something to read, it’s good for you anyway. GET RID OF DISTRACTIONS

The Lakers game will have to wait, and so does the Real Housewives of Mississippi. Turn off the TV and put the video games away. Having the TV in the background, or even on mute, is not the same as turning it off. DON’T BE STINGY WITH PRAISE

THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES Gary Chapman

Marriages may be made in heaven, but they must be nurtured here on earth. Dr. Gary Chapman explains how people communicate love in different ways, and shares the wonderful things that happen when men and women learn to speak each other's language.

FIGHT FAIR! Winning at Conflict Without Losing Love Tim & Joy Bowns

Everyone disagrees on some things; this is inevitable. The question is, how can we disagree with those we love, but increase the odds that we will live and love to fight another day. Fight Fair! is a candid and realistic "rulebook" for married couples to ensure that their conflict is Godhonoring and respectful of their partner.

Unless you’re a family of certified nerds, homework is not often fun. Make sure to praise children for their efforts, even if they are struggling. Give children the message that they are capable of doing the homework and that you believe in them. DON'T DO YOUR CHILD'S HOMEWORK!

Shocker. It’s 8pm and 5 new concepts to explain to your child; and each will take 20 minutes if you’re lucky. I will not pass judgment here, but it is important for children to do the work themselves. If you do the work for them, they will not be learning. HAVE RESOURCES AVAILABLE

You don’t need a computer to do every homework. Make sure that your child has pens, pencils, notebook paper, or any other supplies they may need. If you need to talk to your child’s teacher for helpful tools, do so. The most important resource, - believe it or not – is you.

|||

In FOCUS

||| OUT OF AFRICA Ivory Coast