Akwaaba Family Magazine Winter 2015 Edition by Akwaaba Family Magazine

LOVE & MARRIAGE

In FOCUS

LIFESTYLE

EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY

ARRANGED MARRIAGES

— It’s You!

When Nostalgia and Having Old Pals Become a Distraction for Relationships

A Tough Sell in Contemporary Society, but is it Time to Rethink it?

COVER STORY

A little Honesty Goes a Long Way, - Come Clean and Get to the Point

More than Gifts, True Joy and Peace Comes from a Gift from Above

ALSO IN THIS ISSUE 06 SIBLING RIVALRY OF SIBLING BULLING. Bullying Veers into Fifty Shades of Grey when it Happens in the Home

13 IMMUNIZATION: RISKS AND REWARDS. Though a Few Questions Remain, the Odds May Still Be in Favor of an Immunized Child

19 THE UGLY SIDE OF SOCIAL MEDIA. Why Social Networking Sites became the Usual Suspects in the Digital Age

24 COMMONSENSE: CAN’T AFFORD IT DON’T BUY IT . Don’t allow the Season’s Deals to Send your Bank Account in Overdrive

26 GIFTS YOU CANNOT WRAP. Great Gift Ideas that will Make All the Difference in the Season and Beyond

27 IS THE CHRISTMAS TRIP HOME WORTH IT. How Spending Quality Time with Family Became an Expensive Adventure.

28 7 WAYS TECHNOLOGY CHANGED US. Technology Makes us Think Faster, Travel Quicker, and Perhaps made our Lives a Bit More Interesting

31 LETTERS TO SISTER AKOS

© 2015. All Rights Reserved Corporate: Akwaaba Family Magazine P.O. Box 1322 Manassas, VA 20108 Tel: (703) 395-0534 Fax: (571)207-6102 www.AkwaabaOnline.com Press & Media: Overbrook Press & Graphics/NY Atlantic BG —Media Division/Houston

Straight Talk Responses to Letters from our Readers

COMING IN the next ISSUE:

Married: No Exchange, No Refund.

FROM THE EDITOR

VOL. 3 ISSUE 4 WINTER 2015

AKWAABA FAMILY MAGAZINE

The Joy in a Season For us here at Akwaaba Family Magazine, the year 2015 has been more than a little eventful, with milestones to celebrate at every turn. We have partnered with some of the brightest minds across Africa and the United States as contributors, and they are excited to share in our passion to encourage, inspire and educate families on a range of topics. Is this issue, we attempted to answer a question many of our readers have asked: “Is the Christmas trip home worth it?” The opinions of the author are based on his own perspective on the issue, but we know they will resonate with most of our readers. The cover story “Rediscovering the Spirit of Christmas” is not our way of becoming the Grinch for the season, but one thing most of us can agree to is that the season took a commercial dive a long time ago when the retail giants took center stage and made it all about gifts, and a host of once-in-a-lifetime deals. Is it still about gifts, or does the central theme still reign in Christmas? A piece in this edition addressing bullying pulls back the veil on a problem lurking in our backyards and living rooms, while we canvas schools across the world to stamp out bullying. We hope parents will learn from expert advice, just as we think they will find useful information in the article about immunizations. On a lighter note, it is about time a little honesty found its way into relationships. Enough of the cliché “It’s not you, it’s me” -to that we say Amen. The Christmas season will come with its own pressure on parents to buy the latest gadgets for children, and all the big toys for the adults too. Going broke to play Santa Claus is not a smart way to go, and we hope to nudge parents to buy what they can afford, and be smart enough to know what they cannot afford. This is truly one of those times that it’s the thought that counts. But the season is all about fun and family and love. We wish you all a very Merry Christmas, and we hope you have a wonderful holiday season. Until next time, encourage one another, and let grace find a home in your heart. We will see you all in 2016. Sincerely, E. Obeng-Amoako Edmonds Editor@AkwaabaOnline.com

PUBLISHER

NANA MANTEAW ANOBAH EDITOR

E. OBENG-AMOAKO EDMONDS ASSOCIATE EDITOR

SAM MINTAH

PARENTING EDITOR

BRUWAA ANOBAH ADVERTISING / SALES MANAGER NICHOLAS ANOBAH KWASI AWORTWI CONTRIBUTORS NATHAN ABABIO JASMINE BAAH WIREDU NIIKOI TETTEH-COMMEY CHRISTOPHER ODOI SACKEY DELA AGBEBOR BARIMA ASARE PRISCILLA KORANTENG CHRIS-VINCENT AGYAPONG FEBIRI RESEARCH JEREMY H. BOATENG KEVIN MYERS-CLENDON

Akwaaba Family Magazine is a quarterly publication by Akwaaba News Network. The magazine is distributed free through libraries, community centers, African markets, local churches, advertisers, and family –oriented businesses in the United States. We invite you to visit us online at www.AkwaabaFamilyMagazine.com for upcoming events, resource lists and many more. Be sure to sign up for our free e-newsletter. Any reproduction of this publication, in whole or in part, is strictly prohibited without the written permission from the publisher. For advertising rates and details, see the advertising section of our website, or contact our sales and advertising representatives directly with an email to advertising@AkwaabaOnline.com or call 703-3950534

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Sibling Rivalry or Sibling Bullying BULLYING IS A BLACK AND WHITE ISSUE, ESPECIALLY IN HIGH SCHOOLS AND COLLEGE CAMPUSES, BUT IT FALLS INTO FIFTY-ONE SHADES OF GREY THE MOMENT THE ATTENTION TURNS TO THE HOME.

ost of us are lucky to have a brother or sister who helped shape everything from our self-confidence to our awareness of our true selves. There was always someone standing by to dish truth in a way only a brother or sister could. Throughout childhood, they give us our first sense of competition, and gradually that evolves into sibling rivalry. Rivalry by definition is not an ugly word, and in some contexts, it is encouraged to bring the best out of someone, or to motivate a team. The ugly side rears its head when the rivalry turns into bullying and parents are often unaware that what was once an innocent sibling tête-a-tête has dovetailed into something a bit more piercing. As bullying has taken a front seat in the social dialogue in recent years, parents are gradually warming up to the idea that their children could be in danger inside their own homes, and from someone whom they wouldn’t ordinarily suspect. Sure, there may not be any punches thrown, but there are many instances where the words spoken have a lasting effect on a brother or sister, and may end up psychologically impacting them for a long time down the road. There have been cases where people recall their sibling tormenting them daily at home, and instead of the parent’s intervention with some form of discipline to curb the attitude, it is misconstrued and dismissed as “something siblings do.” I can vividly recall my own life’s story where both of my brothers picked on me endlessly, and I was convinced I was in hell. My parents didn’t believe me, and in their words, “it was tough love.” It sure didn’t feel anything like love. While there are millions of anti-bullying campaigns circling every high school and college campus, the unsuspecting trouble zone is right in the home. Maybe the crux of the problem is the fact that all of us have a wrong image of a bully in our mind, that almost always, a sibling doesn’t fit that description.

According to definition, a bully is someone who uses superior strength or influence to intimidate another, typically to force another to do what he or she wants. This is a black and white issue anywhere in the world, especially in high schools and college campuses, but the issue falls into fifty-one shades of grey the moment the attention turns to the home. A recent study reiterated that “bullying by siblings causes significant mental distress and worsens the victims’ emotional health.” The fact that this is not easily recognized by parents is precisely the reason why they should be nudged into paying attention. Parents tend to sign on to two sets of responses to complaints. The first is "It’s sibling rivalry, everybody goes through it,” which immediately invalidates a child’s feeling and he becomes trapped in an emotionally abusive state. The other -- which I could almost hear ringing in my head now-- was "He's the only brother you have; just forgive him.” Oftentimes that was the brother you wished you didn’t have, as if having a brother or sister is a prerequisite to growing up. When bullying happens at home, it can be the more elusive and dangerous form, because as a society we are preoccupied with the public discourse regarding bullying as something that happens in schools. A parent’s job is to ensure that a child is growing up in a safe home, and when a child cringes at the thought of going home from school simple because his or her siblings will be making the rest of the day a living hell, the parents have missed a giant red flag. It is hard for a parent to come to terms with the truth that their child’s safety and security at home is at risk of both verbal and physical abuse by their own siblings, but it happens in more homes than we would like to think. For parents, it is one thing to be unaware, but to be in denial is an entirely different form of irresponsibility. By Jide Adefumi

In FOCUS

||| LOVE & MARRIAGE

Emotional Infidelity

“

There is nothing wrong with nostalgia and having old pals to share it with; but there is everything wrong when that becomes a distraction in one’s relationships and gradually peels away the indescribable and genuine luster that brought two people together in the first place.

“

||| LOVE & MARRIAGE

n the classic book Dilemma of a Ghost, celebrated Ghanaian writer Ama Ata Aidoo’s central character was Ato Yawson, a young Ghanaian who recently completed his studies in the United States and returns home with an American bride, Eulalie. The proverbial ghost became Ato, at the crossroads of cultural differences between his Ghanaian family and his American wife. Most of the people who read the story in secondary schools are adults now, and some found their lives eerily similar to Ato’s. The only flip is that this time, the story takes place in the USA. My sister will never cheat on her husband, to whom she has been married for two years. Her husband, who is equally loyal and -- at least from where I sit -seems trustworthy, will never cheat on my sister. [Please make it clearer where your sister and her husband each come from.] They both, however, have friends with whom they grew up, and with whom they share some of the fun nostalgic moments from their past. As hard as he has tried, there are some things that happened in Ghana that my sister’s husband can never remember. It is not his fault; he can try to imagine them, but it isn’t the same. My sister’s biggest complaint in the last two years is that she never seems to know all about her husband because, in her words, there is no degree of assimilation that makes up for the video games, TV shows, high school stories, and all that happened while she lived on the other side of the world. I think back to the day my sister told me they were planning on getting married. This was my only caution, and of course it fell on deaf ears.

So thanks to Facebook, they both reconnected with all their childhood friends. Some were married, some had no plans to be, and there were a lot more in between. What began as innocent chatter evolved into sharing their fears and hopes with strangers. The two lovebirds are now emotionally disconnected from each other, and spend every waking moment hunting down new friends and old pals. I counseled against that a few months ago, but my sister brushed it aside and explained that I couldn’t understand. Of course I couldn’t. One thing I know for certain is that there really is such a thing as emotional infidelity, and left unchecked, it can wreak havoc on a relationship, much like it would in any physical form. Emotions are intangible, and that in itself makes it easy for danger lines to be crossed without the red flags going up. An emotional affair often mimics the closeness and intimacy of a physical one while never being physically consummated; at least that is how Wikipedia defines it. Of course everyone has a past, and maybe people with whom they shared memorable encounters. But whether they're co-workers, casual acquaintances or close confidantes, the rules do not change, and that is precisely what I tried to explain to my sister. Emotional infidelity can be like being so close to a fire that you cannot see the smoke. That is what makes the issue so surprisingly dangerous, but also so common in most relationships. It is not always easy to know you’re veering into a not-so-gray area, and in the age of social media, it is incredibly easy for everything to happen in a blur. In Dilemma of a Ghost, the young man Ato ends up at a proverbial crossroad. He ponders, “Shall I go to Cape Coast or to Elmina . . . I don’t know.”

There is the boiling frog anecdote describing a frog slowly being boiled alive. The premise is that if a frog is placed in boiling water, it will jump out, but if it is placed in cold water that is slowly heated, it will not perceive the danger and will be cooked to death. That story, for whatever it is worth, is often used as a metaphor for the inability or unwillingness of people to react to or be aware of threats that occur gradually. I don’t assume I know it all. All I could suggest to my sister is that the moment she and her husband start lying to each other about “friends from childhood,” fail to mention an innocent “chance meeting” at the mall, or commit seemingly minor omissions, the lines have been crossed. There are even cases where married couples end up doing special things like sending a cute Christmas card and small gifts to these “friends.” Emotional infidelity happens every day in most relationships, but that is dangerous ground for anyone to tread, and no matter how many times you tell others over (and over) "We're just friends,” the only delusional person in the equation is -- you guessed it -you. There is nothing wrong with nostalgia and having old pals to share it with; but there is everything wrong when that becomes a distraction in one’s relationships and gradually peels away the indescribable and genuine luster that brought two people together in the first place. Differences in worldview, differences in cultures, and any other difference that your spouse cannot relate to is a convenient excuse to engage a third wheel in your relationship. At least that was my counsel to my sister, and I hope she listened.

By Shirley Larbi & Eben Yeboah

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LIFESTYLE

Though a Few Questions Remain, the Odds May Still Be in Favor of an Immunized Child Though a Few Questions Remain, the Odds are Still in Favor of an Immunized Child Immunizations have helped children stay healthy for more than 50 years. They are safe and they work. In fact, serious side effects are no more common than those from other types of medication such as antibiotics, fever reducers and pain relievers. Vaccinations have reduced the number of infections from vaccinepreventable diseases by more than 90%! Yet many parents still question their safety because of misinformation they’ve received. That’s why it’s important to turn to a reliable and trusted source, including your child's doctor, for information. The following are answers to common questions parents have about immunizations. Q: "Why are some of these vaccines still needed if the diseases are not as common anymore?" A: These diseases are less common in large part due to vaccines. If vaccines were not given, the bacteria and viruses that cause these diseases could begin to infect more and more children again. For example, before the Hib vaccine was developed in the 1980s, there were about 20,000 cases of Hib disease in the United States a year. Today there are fewer than 100 cases a year. However, the bacteria that causes Hib disease still exists. That is why children need the vaccine to be protected. In the United States vaccines protect children from many diseases. However, in many parts of the world vaccine -preventable diseases are still common. Because diseases may be brought into the United States by Americans who travel abroad or from people visiting areas with current disease outbreaks, it’s important that your child be vaccinated.

Q: "Do vaccines even work? It seems like most of the people who get these diseases have been vaccinated." A: Yes. Vaccines work very well. Millions of children have been protected against serious illnesses because they were immunized. When a large majority of children have been vaccinated, it is expected that most who get the disease will have been vaccinated. And if a vaccinated child does get the disease, the symptoms are usually milder with less serious side effects or complications than in a child who hasn’t been vaccinated. Q: "What side effects will my child have after getting a vaccine? Are they serious?" A: There may be mild side effects, like swelling, redness, and tenderness where the shot was given, but they do not last long. It is rare for side effects to be serious. However, call your child's doctor right away if your child has  A very high fever (>103°F) and is younger than three months  Hives or black-and-blue areas at places where the injection was not given  A seizure You should also call your child's doctor if you have any other concerns.

Q: "Should some children not be immunized?" A: Children with certain health problems may need to avoid some vaccines or get them later. In most cases, children with cancer, those taking oral or injected steroids for lung or kidney conditions, or those who have problems with their immune systems should not get vaccines that are made with live viruses. To protect these children, it is very important for others to be vaccinated. For children with a recent history of nerve disorders, the pertussis part of the DTaP vaccine may need to be delayed. However, a child with a minor illness such as low-grade fever (<100.4°F), an ear infection, cough, runny nose, or mild diarrhea can safely be immunized. Vaccines are still very important. Thanks to better nutrition, less crowded living conditions, antibiotics, and, most importantly, vaccines, many diseases do not occur or spread as much as they used to, but the bacteria and viruses that are responsible for these diseases remain in our environment. Credit: Healthychildren.org/American Academy of Pediatrics. The information contained in this magazine should not be used as a substitute for the medical care and advice of your pediatrician.

||| InFOCUS

A TOUGH SELL IN CONTEMPORARY SOCIETY, BUT IN THE FACE OF THE ALARTMING DIVORCE RATES, AND MILLIONS ON UNANSWERED QUESTIONS ABOUT LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS, MAYBE. . . . JUST MAYBE, - NOT SO BAD AN IDEA AFTER ALL.

aying “I do” is the easiest part of marriage. Every married couple knows this all too well, but every is bent on ignoring this truth until it is too late to back out. The fact that young people, or should I say most people, take marriage for granted, is the very reason why television shows like “Married at First Sight” is a hit. The concept of arranged marriages is not entirely new, and just as the television show suggest, if individuals are taking turns at messing up in record proportions, then the idea of matchmaking cannot be such a horrible proposition. For the television show, four specialists -- a sexologist, a spiritualist, a psychologist and a sociologist -- use scientific matchmaking methods to determine pair perfect strangers, but is that any different from what happened in many families a few decades ago?

Sure, parents were far from “experts” but in many cases they were better at assessing reality and judging character. Maybe this is the time we go back to what worked for our great grandfathers across the African continent and emulate their paths. Here at Akwaaba Family Magazine, there were too many opinions floating around, and sometimes very strong opinions about what should or should not be left to scientific methods and parental whims. We opened the discussion to our readers, and came away with some interesting [and occasionally even strange] views. So we asked a simple question, - should parents and family choose marriage partners and determine when someone is ready for marriage?

THERE ARE pros and cons on each side. In my opinion, you don't just marry a person, you marry that person's entire family, so it is one thing being stuck with someone you have to warm up to every day, but I can’t imagine being stuck with a wacky family. Even that alone would tear the marriage apart. Seidu G.

MOST PEOPLE have turned marriage into a joke. It is supposed to be a sacred relationship that lasts a lifetime. Because of we exchange anything we buy and don’t like anymore, marriage fell into that category too and it has become cheapened. I don’t want to be matched with someone and be stuck with that person forever. It is too steep a gamble and I would rather take my own chances. Harriet O.

MOST PEOPLE think of arranged marriage as something the parents arbitrarily decided on, and force their children. No really the case in most places. I think parents know what their children want, sometimes between than they children themselves. Idoku C.

LOVE IS blind, but let people make their own mistakes. There cannot be any fun in marrying a stranger. Others will argue that the happiness of the son or daughter is what matters most to parents and after all the "Parents know best." The danger with parents picking spouses are that they will pick who suits them, or who they think suits their son or daughter, but it is impossible for a parent to truly know their children to the extent of making such a giant decision for them. Luz A.

IF YOU ever get to point that you contemplate someone picking a future spouse for you, please by all means, stay single. Saha J.

ARRANGED MARRIAGE. Good idea, at least I don’t have to buy a ring. It will come with the deal. Sweet. Femi H.

THE VERY notion is utterly crazy. No one marries as a badge of honor anymore, so arranged marriages will lead to more divorces because people will have a perfect excuse to bolt. Dee Dee C.

OF COURSE it is something worth a discussion, bit that is where it should end—a discussion. I have met people who have been married for 16 years, but never met before the wedding day. They told me it is no different from falling in love at first sight and dashing off to Las Vegas to get married. My only trouble with that comparison is that the bar is set to low. Kulenieze H.

PLEASE CALL it what is truly is, forced marriage. Arrange marriage makes it appear the two adults at the center have some input in the person they are forced to live with. It is not a good idea that newly-weds will not have any say in their choice of spouse. Anything forced is bound to come to a screeching halt sooner or later. Imani D.

MARRIAGE IS a partnership and there is really no scientific way to find a true and compatible partner. With the divorce rates as it stands everywhere in the world, I strongly agree. Of course the downsides will be there, but it is reasonable to assume that there tradeoffs will be net positive. Less divorce, less rushing into marriage, everyone will be happy. Kafui-Naa Y.

I WATCHED a show in UK recently about this same topic and one guy said “There's no pressure on you that you have to date. There's no worry that I'm going to end up alone.” If this man is not a loser, I don’t know who is. I pity the woman who will be stuck with him, even for one day. Johnson V.

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It’s not me it’s you

A LITTLE HONESTY CAN GO A LONG WAY, AND IN MOST CASES THE OTHER PERSON WOULD RESPECT YOU IF YOU COME CLEAN, GET TO THE POINT, AND PART WAYS IN A CIVIL MANNER.

IF YOU HAVE LIVED long enough, you may have fallen in love, once or twice. In the event that you had a romantic relationship at any point in your adolescent life, you have had your fair share of heartbreaks. There is nothing wrong with that; in fact it comes with the territory. In case you haven’t experienced this before, keep living.

Even worse, they walk away from the relationship with a lot of unanswered questions. Was I really that horrible at the relationship? What could I have done differently to avoid this from falling apart? And on and on . . . You could have saved them all the trouble in the world if you mustered just a little courage to tell them the truth to their face.

Relationships are complex by design, and that is always a function of two strange human beings choosing to share space and time and boundaries. That can be nauseating to think of, but that’s where love makes the journey worth it. Along the way the lovebirds choose to fly in separate directions, and the one who is most desperate to take the first step utters these fateful words, “It’s not you, it’s me.”

In most cases, by the time you get down to the middle of the list, they person pretty much has an idea of where the conversation is heading, and you will have prepped them for a soft landing. “It’s not me, it’s you-- this is something I wish someone encouraged me to say when I was stumbling around in puberty looking for ways to run from the strange lovers and the good-for-nothing friends. Come to think of it, I could have easily been that obnoxious lover someone needed a little confidence to tell me that to my face, but since no one did, why pile on blame on myself?

This is the oldest trick in the book, “It’s not you, it’s me.” It is supposed to make the person who had just been blindsided feel a bit better about themselves simply because the other person woke up one day and discovered how much of a jerk they are, so they decided to do you a favor. “It’s not you, it’s me.” Nobody buys that line, but every generation finds a few people bold enough to use it so often that it can lead to Darwinian extinction. What if a bold generation arose out of the blue, and began calling a spade a spade, and when they find themselves in a relationship that is heading nowhere fast, gets the courage to tell the partner why they are walking away.

It is completely fair game to seek to part ways with the choices that lead you away from the future you want for yourself, and boyfriends and girlfriends are no exceptions. A little honesty can go a long way, and in most cases the other person would respect you even more when you come clean and give them all twenty-nine reasons why they have disappointed you.

Taking on blame for something you know is not your fault doesn’t make the other person feel any better. What if one bold person decided to yell, “It’s not me, it’s you?” Part of growing up is discovering yourself and knowing the things you like and those you do not.

Maybe the next time you are tempted to repeat the same old “It’s not you, it’s me,” pinch yourself as a reminder that you are not doing the next person any favors by owning the blame. And here is the shocker: you will save yourself endless phone calls trying to explain in vain why you two belong together. By Hawa Sessay

SIDEs OF SOCIAL MEDIA

he polarizing aspect of the social media phenomenon is that there are people who swear it is either the best thing or the worst thing to happen to humanity. I anticipate this won't be changing anytime soon, but I think while the arguments against social media have often been the loudest, it has provided society some great opportunities. Social networking sites, and usually Facebook, takes the brunt of the blame, but allow you to find and connect with just about anyone, and that cannot be all bad. In all fairness, despite the fact that the myriad of social networking sites has some demonstrable negative impacts, we have to come to terms with the fact that they are not going anywhere. It is best to be aware of this reality and live within the confines of the social media world as responsibly as you can; after all there is no one with the job of covering your tracks on social media. When we spoke to people about what they considered the worst parts of social media, we got the usual feedback including encouraging poor grammar, usage, and spelling, allowing the spread of misinformation that may be perceived as fact even in light of evidence to the contrary, and exposing children to online predators. This list goes on and on, but these were the top five. A F ALSE S ENSE OF C ONNECTION According to Cornell University's Steven Strogatz, social media sites can make it more difficult for us to distinguish between the meaningful relationships we foster in the real world, and the numerous casual relationships formed on line. By focusing so much of our time and psychic energy on these less meaningful relationships, our most important connections, he fears, will weaken.

CYBER-BULLYING

PRIVACY

The immediacy provided by social media is available to predators as well as friends. Kids especially are vulnerable to the practice of cyber-bullying in which the perpetrators, anonymously or even posing as people their victims trust, terrorize individuals in front of their peers. The devastation of these online attacks can leave deep mental scars.

Social networking sites encourage people to be more public about their personal lives. Because intimate details of our lives can be posted so easily, users are prone to bypass the filters they might normally employ when talking about their private lives.

In several well-publicized cases, victims have even been driven to suicide. The anonymity afforded online can bring out dark impulses that might otherwise be suppressed. PEOPLE AS PRODUCTS According to e-Marketer, global social networking revenues will exceed $10 billion in 2013. Most social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and many others offer their services to members for free, yet still net significant income. If the services are free, then, how do social networking websites earn such staggering sums of money? The answer is that you, the social network user, are the product these online giants sell to generate revenue. Social networking sites are uniquely positioned to make money by matching people to products.

What's more, the things they post remain available indefinitely. While at one moment a photo of friends doing shots at a party may seem harmless, the image may appear less attractive in the context of an employer doing a background check. While most sites allow their users to control who sees the things they've posted, such limitations are often forgotten, can be difficult to control or don't work as well as advertised. By Kevin Adjei Credit: LovetoKnow, Houston Chronicle

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By Elikem Obi-Afful

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you have ever lived in North America, the day after Thanksgiving is unofficially the first day of Christmas. It probably shouldn’t be the case, but for a society in which everyone is eager to get their long- awaited gifts, the season cannot start soon enough. Just in case you forget, Walgreens and every corner store will remind you, with the endless serenade of Christmas carols blasting through their overhead speakers. That is not a bad thing, I should add. Let the shopping spree begin. It is almost impossible to think about Christmas without gifts. After all, the story of Jesus’ birth ends with three wise men visiting the new baby with expensive gifts, so that is one part of the Christmas that is highlighted in our minds. Commercial retailers love this phenomenon, and they make it their last-ditch effort to meet their annual sales goals. In fact, over the last few years, there are have been a few conspiracy theorists who hypothesized that Christmas season is actually a make-believe and almost fairly-tale-like day, complete with all the music and festivities. One thing I know for certain is that retail giants from Walmart and Sears to Best Buy and Macy’s need everyone happily lined up in their stores in the Christmas spirit, itching to spend money. Gifts, gifts and more gifts. But the reason for Christmas is not about shopping sprees and buying lavish gifts for people we don’t even care to see for another year. It is not about the gifts under the tree, children anticipating a Santa Claus climbing down a chimney, or even the beautiful lights in the windows and front yards. Christmas is a true season of joy, and should be, because the focal point of all the celebration is on God’s great love for the world, so great that He gave His son. The birth of Jesus in Bethlehem was no ordinary story, and strangely enough almost everyone has no problem celebrating it.

For many, it’s a “feel-good” story even if they do not believe or care to believe in the truth that Christmas day represents. Yes, Christmas is about a gift -- not the kind you find in Walmart and Best Buy. It is God giving us something we didn’t deserve, and couldn’t afford, but so desperately need. And this is the true spirit of the season. The moment we turn Christmas into a social event, one that leaves out Jesus’ birth and his purpose on earth, we have missed the whole point. So just before we make our last runs to the mall to buy everything we could set our eyes on, let’s pause to wonder: why would God send His son to this sometimes cruel and hard world? So that this same Jesus would bring salvation to all of us. It is hard to comprehend the truth that without Jesus, we would all die in our sins, but that is the truth in the season that you will not find under the Christmas tree. Sadly, the most important purpose of the season has taken a back seat to what we consider more entertaining and satisfying to our social agenda.

The joy and peace we talk about during

the season is a true joy and peace that emanates from Jesus coming to this

world so He could die on the cross for

all of our sins.

Let’s face it, Christmas has become more of a commercial holiday than the truly sacred and religious celebration it should be, and maybe there will never again be a time again in modern history when Christmas reclaims its true meaning. There is nothing wrong with the merry making and parties and gifts, but if we did all the fun stuff, and missed the opportunity to truly reflect on what the baby’s birth in the manger means to us, we didn’t truly have a Merry Christmas.

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PURPOSEFULLY FADING OUT EVERYTHING THAT PULLS US AWAY FROM CONNECTING WITH CHRIST, AND CHOOSING TO SEE EVERY BLESSING AND STRUGGLE THROUGH HIS LENS. By Minister Barimah

Dear Friends, In 2 kings 2:9-10 Prophet Elijah asks his mentee Elisha what he can do for him as he was about to be taken to heaven, the young prophet then requests for a double portion of his mentors anointing, in responding, this is what the Prophet says “You have asked a difficult thing, yet if you see me when I am taken from you, it will be yours—otherwise, it will not.” This is the story of many of us who desire to excel or achieve something in life. Many people ask themselves questions like how can I know God better, how can I make it in life, how can I do this or do that? But Jesus said in Mark 9:23 that to him that believes all things are possible! Note Jesus said all things, not some things and so friends it is possible to do, access or know anything that you desire. There are several things that prevent us from achieving that which we desire or for the sake of this piece knowing the Lord. In the scripture above in 2 Kings, as you read on you will realize that there are several situations or attempts to get the young Prophet Elisha to lose focus on what he desired.

Focus simply means making something the center of interest or activity. Distraction is the nemesis of focus. We are constantly tempted to pull away from a consistent focus on Christ. As a result, we often find ourselves being tossed to and fro by the concerns of life. Keeping focused on Christ simply means we’re purposefully fading out everything that pulls us away from connecting with Him. How can we stay focused in a world of busyness, unholy and unrighteous images where everywhere we turn to we are exposed to sex-lust of eyes? Praise Jesus! There are several things we can do to keep our focus and steer away from these distractions. Firstly we ought to make God our number one priority! The bible declares in Psalm 34:5 “Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame”. Have you ever been in the company of someone who makes time with God a priority? There’s a certain radiance in their attitude, prayers, and overall outlook on life. Their investment of focusing intently on God instead of their circumstances magnifies His glory on their lives. Seek after the Lord first in your day with a precision-like focus on His presence.

We also need to focus on eternal life “…we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, where righteousness dwells” (2 Peter 3:13). It’s so easy to get caught up into the cares of this world and neglect the hope we have in the next one. There’s nothing wrong with being involved and engaged in politics, work-related issues, family demands, or community concerns. Our problems arise when we let them take so much ground in our lives that we forget this place isn’t our home. Beloved, whether we believe it or not, it’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter of when you leave this world to the life after where Bible has declared its appointed unto man to once die and after that Judgment! The results of your “case in the court of God” will determine where you spend eternity. . .focus on spending eternity with the savior Jesus Christ. Things above should also be a point of focus for us. Bible says in Colossians 3:2 to “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things” (Colossians 3:2). At the present moment, Jesus Christ is seated at the right hand of God interceding for you and everyone who belongs to Him.

||| FAITH Many times we pray through times of difficulty and it feels like our trials will never change. Not only does the Lord motivate other believers to pray for you, Jesus our Lord is praying for you as well. Every time you pray remember that the Lord is praying along with you that God’s will be done. A careful and deliberate study into God’s word will always realign our focus with His will. The scriptures can direct our attention towards the spiritual gaps. Many times our busyness hardens our hearts to the realities of our shortcomings and sinful ways. However by allowing the penetration of God’s sword (the Bible), our vision is softened and we see more clearly the way of the Lord. Study the Bible with greater diligence than any other activity of your day. Hallelujah!!!!

Finally we must focus our thoughts on Jesus and the power of his resurrection! Our minds are constantly bombarded with thoughts about ourselves, work, family, friends, finances, and much more. Even when we determine to pray and study the scriptures—our minds can float away to other places rendering our time with God as fruitless. It is when we discipline our mind to focus on Jesus and what He has done in order that we may have eternal life, that we are changed. Pay attention to when your thoughts wander and ask the Lord to help you discipline your mind. Remember, God does not expect us to be perfect but rather make Him, the focus of our everyday lives just like the songwriter who wrote timeless words. . “If I live, I live for you and if I die, I die for you; in all my ways. . .

God willing I will write about the power of belief in being able to achieve all that we desire, in the next issue. May God bless and keep you till another time. If you desire to receive Christ as your Lord and personal savior just simply pray the sinners prayer of confession “Dear Jesus, today I come to you asking for forgiveness of my sins, I believe that you came to die for my sins to save me. I confess and accept you as my Lord and personal savior in the mighty name of Jesus. Amen! After praying this prayer, kindly look for a bible believing church and begin to have a sweet and personal relationship with the Lord. Shalom!

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Can’t afford it, don't buy it Every so-called financial guru has warned of this simple pitfall, but the age-old advice has often fallen on deaf ears, and occasionally caused a few more heartbreaks than necessary. Buy only what you can afford. Simple as it sounds. Maybe the word “afford” is where the confusion began. In the age of credit cards and store credits, affordability took on a new face, and stripped away the shame of a person swimming in debt. How about the notion that having debt is essential to build credit, especially in a society that functions largely on credit scores and credit worthiness? Not a bad question, but building a credit profile is not a license to go on a shopping spree and be stuck with a bill you cannot pay. There are a hundred ways to build credit without falling into the financial pitfall many people unknowingly drag themselves into. It is the principle of buying only what you can truly afford, having the means to pay for it outright and walking away. In the world of credit cards, there is such a thing as a secured credit line, and most banks and credit unions will be glad to help in that arena. It essentially requires giving them cash and they in turn give you a card for the equivalent, hence you are restricted as to how much you can spend. It works if you truly are spending money to build credit, but if you are lured by the Black Friday specials and Christmas once-in-a-lifetime sale deals, then this card won’t fly. The moral of the story is hitched to the same advice your father gave you years ago: Live Within Your Means. Not surprisingly, many people spend more than they save. Even worse, people spend more than they earn, which is a recipe for digging a deephole that would take years to climb out of. There are no easy answers to curbing a person’s desire to satisfy immediate wants and wishes, disguised as needs. Truth is, if you rationalize any item long enough, you will find convincing reasons why you need to have the new dress, new car, new computer, new television, and on and on. There is a high likelihood that you don’t need any of the things on the list you have compiled, but you probably have done a good sales job on yourself to sign up even when the costs and your budget are seriously out of sync. One thing everyone knows that is cutting back on expenses, eating out less, and telling yourself you do not have the money to buy all the things you see in the mall is depressing.

It is not fun. But being broke and having credit card bill collectors hounding you by phone isn’t fun either. For a person stuck in that cycle of living on credit cards, struggling to meet financial obligations, falling into deeper debt or staring at his savings account with only one fat zero sitting in the balance column, it is time to take a hard look at your expenses and cut out what is killing you. If you don’t know your debt is killing you, pardon my grim metaphor: you are dying a slow death, financially speaking. Some of the ideas will not sound exciting in the current age of hyper-consumption and instant gratification, but here are four ideas we stumbled upon that that may help you swim upstream, and gradually set yourself and your family on a debt-free lifestyle. Know how much you make. If you want to live within your means, you have to know what your means are. Knowing your annual salary or hourly rate isn’t enough to help you live within your means. You need to know the net income that appears on your paychecks.

Spend less money than you bring in.

Once you know how much you make, then you can focus on reducing your spending to fit your income. If you don’t have one already, use a budget to plan your expenses and use it to keep your spending on track. If you’ve already tried budgeting and it didn’t work, try it again. Sometimes you just need to make some minor changes to your budget to get it to work.

Stop relying on credit cards.

Using credit cards is not living within your means. When you plan your budget, completely rule out credit cards as a way to make ends meet. Credit cards are unreliable since your credit card company can decrease your credit limit or even close your credit card at any time without warning. Save up for purchases instead of putting them on credit. People often use credit cards for large purchases they can’t afford to pay for outright, like a new television. Instead of paying for these purchases on credit, put aside some money each month until you’ve saved up enough to buy it outright. If you can’t afford to save up for the purchase, then you can’t afford to buy it. Credit: About.com

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But Worth Every Penny

t is fun untying a bow to reveal the surprise inside a gift. Interestingly, most of us love to touch the gifts we receive, no matter how small. Sometimes we run out of ideas, because there are only so many ugly Christmas sweaters you can get before you start dreading the Christmas morning trip to see what Santa brought you.

Offer your help to someone who needs it

Pick up some sessions with a personal trainer for a fitness buff

If you have a special talent or ability, consider using it to help someone who needs it this holiday season.

Give the gift of fitness by arranging for someone special in your life to get some sessions with a personal trainer. It’s a great gift for health nuts. A subscription is the gift that keeps on giving Road warriors will love a subscription to satellite radio like Sirius. They'll never again have to fiddle with changing the radio station every time they cross state lines.

Maybe the best gifts could be the ones that don’t come in a box, so we have some ideas for you. Pay a visit to a friend or family member Keeping in touch with friends and family is always important—but especially during the holidays! Do house or yard work for a neighbor During the holiday season, lend a helping hand to neighbors by doing work for them in their homes or yards.

Take a sports nut to see a live game It’s not too late to get tickets for the sporting event of all sporting events. Serve the community Finally, this holiday season you can serve your community in a positive way. There is no shortage of things you can do to try to help your neighbors and community members in need!

A spa retreat will rejuvenate anyone Don't book just any spa stay as a holiday gift. Make it unique.

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IS THE

TRIP HOME WORTH IT?

FROM TICKET PRICES, EXCESS LUGGAGE CHARGES, TO GIFTS, WHEN DID GOING TO SPEND TIME WITH FAMILY FOR THE CHRISTMAS SEASON BECOME SUCH EXPENSIVE ADVENTURE?

single round trip ticket to any destination in Africa could cost anywhere from $1,500 to $2,000 at peak travel seasons, including the Christmas season. This amount is not the easiest to come by for most people, and the last time I checked Santa Claus didn’t come down any chimney with Lufthansa airline tickets in his pocket. The number of Africans who travel home from the North America and Europe reached an all-time high in the last year, since oil prices suddenly led to discount tickets to their home countries. Christmas is a special time of the year where most people would rather spend the festivities and form new memories with their loved ones, family and friends. For most Africans living outside the continent, that is one time of the year where the stress of getting home creates a huge dent in wallets and bank accounts. Airline tickets are a function of supply and demand, so airlines are in no hurry to reduce prices for any reason. In fact even the once low-cost carriers found the African goldmine and tapped into that market, and so far haven’t been disappointed. The big question that remains, however, is this: is the trip worth it? Of course it is. Going home to see family and spend time with the people you care the most about is never a bad idea. It becomes a sticky issue when a person is plunging into debt only to go home for a few days during the Christmas season.

In all fairness, there is no decree anywhere in the world that prevents a person from travelling any other time in the year, so a person cannot make the case that traveling during the Christmas season is a necessary evil -something that has to be done at all costs. That cannot be farther from the truth. There is also the added expense of buying gifts for everyone in the family, or in some cases in the whole community. Something that started with a simple gesture has evolved into something that warrants a shopping spree and extra luggage to ensure that the traveler has amassed enough of a fortune to be ready to go home. In an informal survey we conducted, the overwhelming view is that no one coerces anyone to buy everything they see in Walmart and Sainsbury’s for a family member; in fact people do so because they want to. “There is the Santa Claus effect, born out of a guilty expectation that some of the most

manipulative minds -- and Africa is no exception -- put on the person coming back home. “

For some, Christmas is the only time the extended family can come together, share in memories and reconnect to their roots and family traditions.

The trip home is worth every moment of it if a person is travelling for the right reasons, rather than touting a false image of being a wealthy person overseas, when in fact you scrambled for every penny for a discount ticket. It’s truly the most wonderful time of the year, but the lights can dim so quickly for a person without the means to travel in style. In recent years, technology has made it possible for people to reconnect with family members and friends who live far away. While it may not be possible to travel to see all of them, thanks to social media and a plethora of mobile applications, there are a few workable substitutes. This can result in substantial savings, especially for individuals who do not have the $1,500 to $2,000 to fork out at Christmas time. The trip home is undoubtedly a great thing to do; there is no denying that. Celebrating the Christmas season with family and loved ones shouldn’t come at a cost that leaves every other part of your life in shambles. What is most important is that people evaluate their own financial standing before making an annual trip across the Atlantic a must-do, even when the numbers do not add up. By E. Kofi Obeng

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echnology has come to stay, and that is one way of saying gone are the days when life was simple and straightforward. Just as a function of our human nature, we have adored anything that made us think faster, travel quicker, and perhaps made our lives a bit more interesting.

2. Political campaigns are won (and lost) online. One word -- Obama. Not sure if Mark Zuckerberg will be running for public office anytime soon in the USA, but if he does, all he has to do is declare himself winner on “his” Facebook, and it’s game over.

In some ways technology - changing at the everdizzying pace -- caused us to do some things better than before, and others undoubtedly much worse than before. No matter on what side of the technology divide you sit, one thing is certain: that technology has flipped the world upside down, and life as we know it will never be the same.

A recent newspaper article dug into nearly 100 ways our lives have changed -- for better or for worse -- but here are 7 we couldn’t have agreed with more. 1. We multitask more. Multitasking existed long before the Internet, of course, but the ubiquity of smartphones has made multitasking both easier and more damaging. Whether or not it is effective is an entirely different conversation.

Today’s watches are often for fashion only, but I am not giving mine up. 6. There’s no such thing as “dead time.” Remember when your mother told you that an “idle mind is the devil’s workshop?” Guess what -- thanks to technology, there is always something to do. 7. We don’t memorize phone numbers. Remember when a stranger would ask to use your phone to make a phone call?

I have spent all my life in Kumasi, one of Ghana’s larger cities, and a place that by most standards is not the fastest to adopt new technology. The last time I visited, I was stunned to see that in Kumasi’s busy streets, everyone was busy on their fancy smart phones, market women in Kejetia were scrolling through their Facebook pages, and kids were playing video games at street corners.

5. Watches serve no functional purpose. When was the last time you flipped your wrist to tell the time? Ask any teenager to tell you the time on a clock and they will not even have the patience to watch the second hand move twice.

That’s not happening anymore because chances are they don’t even know the number. 3. We no longer write letters. Letters? What are those? The biggest downside -at least according to some people we spoke to -- is that a letter actually requires you to write your thoughts in a coherent way. No emoticons and no funny pictures. No wonder letters died along the way. 4. Entirely average people are somehow celebrities. A few years ago, a person had to actually do something to be famous. Celebrity wasn’t a status anyone could claim, because you had to cure some cancer, go to the moon, or be O.J. Simpson. The point is you had to actually do something to be relevant, not just take pictures in front of your bathroom mirror.

Ever since the pace of technological advances switched into high gear in the 1990’s, the way we communicate and socialize has essentially changed. Along the same vein, the more connected we become, the more opinions there are, adding up to a collective ly new outlook on life. Looking back, it is amazing to think about how we have changed, some times without giving it much thought.

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Letters to Sister Akos

No nonsense answers from a woman who knows almost everything. A marriage counselor for 32 years, a management consultant for Fortune 500 companies, former professional cheerleader and assistant prison warden. No question is out of bounds, but brace yourself for the candid answers from Sister Akos. Send letters to Akos@akwaabaOnline.com

I am a student and met this girl who likes me but I am not interested in her for a long term relationship. My green card expires next year and I do not want to go back home. I am tempted to marry for green card, and deal with the consequences in future. What should I do? You are desperate and looking for a way out,- or what seems like a way out. At least you are honest with yourself. My best advice is to marry for love, not for a green card. Find a lawyer and explain your situation to a professional who can help you with good legal counsel before you end up in a situation you will regret for a long time. I am from Jamaica, and married a young Kenyan I met while we attended USC, in Berkeley. I saw his recent Facebook communication with women from Kenya, and coincidentally he has started getting strange phone calls at odd times in the evening. I can’t understand what they say, but he gets very upset when I ask who he is talking to. What should I do? Have a straightforward conversation with him. Tell him how his actions make you feel and be ready to walk away if he can’t change these suspicious habits. Trust me, there are many more men where you found him.

I am 38 and a proud single independent lady. I am hoping to meet my Prince Charming, but all the men I meet are less charming, at least by my standards. Where do I meet the real husband materials? Honey, sorry to break the sad news but I have never seen a Prince Charming. Be open to the possibilities and don’t give off the “independent woman” vibe, it really is not cute, like Beyoncé made us believe. While I understand what you mean by standards, be sure you are not letting your imagination run wild with what you have seen on TV or the kind of person you assume should be approaching you. In the meantime, just be sure you are a wife-material. I have 2 year old twins and work full time at a bank. My husband is unemployed and takes the children to baby sitters so he can look for a job. The cost of childcare is killing us, but he needs a job too, what can we do? Depending on what state you reside, the cost of day care will be a big hit on your income, but there is no way around it. One good way to balance your situation is for your husband to fill online applications and get in touch with recruiters. When you have lined several good interviews, then it would be worth taking your child to day care for a week, at least, to be able to go for the interviews. Alternatively you can take one day off if you’re lucky to have several interviews scheduled for that day.

I met a guy on Facebook in my country [Nigeria] who I think is a great catch. I plan to travel to see him next summer. How do I know if he is playing with my heart, or for real? Just as a rule of thumb, never call anyone you met online “a great catch”. The truth is you haven’t caught him yet, so I wouldn’t let excitement get in the way of reality. Take things slow and be sure he is worth your heart before you make that cross-continent trip. My son came from Cameroon to the USA three years ago. He is driven and very smart. We want to go to Harvard University so bad that he will not go to any college at all until he gets admission to Harvard. He cannot qualify for student loan, and I don’t have money so we are praying for a miracle. Any ideas? I believe in miracles too, but it takes a bit more than that to go to college nowadays. Your son would have to step down from his high horse and get real. There are many smart kids in America waiting line to go to Harvard, so while I don’t want to kill your enthusiasm, I recommend you not stall his future to satisfy a wish. Assuming he has been waiting for 3 years to go to Harvard, that is 3 years lost to daydreaming. There are excellent schools all over the country, please pick one.

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||| EDITORS’ PICKS READING IS RELAXING. READING IS STIMULATING. Here at Akwaaba Family Magazine, we strongly encourage reading at all age levels, and think it gives a wealth of knowledge. We even think reading reduces stress. It takes time and takes concentration, but there is nothing as fascinating that being engaged in an activity that helps you immerse yourself into the text. Our focus IN THIS ISSUE, as always is to give our readers some suggestions for excellent reading.

AFRICAN LITERATURE Gender Discourse, Religious Values, and the African Worldview Safoura A. Salami-Boukari

How do we resolve the insider/ outsider interpreting conundrum? What drives peculiar critical reactions, canon formations and such issues which determine the survival of cultural productions or their continued adoption as useful bolsters for a people's self-definition or indeed self-preservation and selfdetermination? TIGRESS AT FULL MOON Obiwu Tigress at Full Moon is his second volume of poetry since Rituals of the Sun (1992). Obiwu's other publications have been widely acclaimed. “In this collection the poems are not just about mundane action and destruction, but of the infinite beauty and eternal repose which is the future. This is a triumph of poetic wish fulfillment… the stuff [of which the] mythic imagination is made.” Review by Afam E.

THE PROMISE OF HOPE Kofi Awoonor Selected and edited by Awoonor’s friend and colleague Kofi Anyidoho, himself a prominent poet and academic in Ghana, The Promise of Hope contains much of Awoonor’s most recent unpublished poetry, along with many of his anthologized and classic poems.

FIGHTING FOR YOUR MARRIAGE Markman, Stanley & Blumberg Since 1994, the best-selling classic Fighting for Your Marriage has been the go-to reference for couples that want to enhance their marriage and prevent divorce. The authors have included a wealth of proven, research-based techniques and down-to-earth guidance for all couples who seek to promote greater character and pleasure in their long-term relationships. YOU’LL GET THROUGH THIS Max Lucado You fear you won’t make it through. You fear the depression will never lift, the yelling will never stop, the pain will never leave. Will this gray sky ever brighten? Based on the life of Joseph in the Book of Genesis, You’ll Get Through This is a survival guide for difficult times. God is in the business of redeeming the broken. He was then. He is still. Do you crave some hope for these tough times? Then this is the message you need.

AFRICA RISING Vijay Mahajan Recognize that Africa is richer than you think. With more than 900 million consumers, the continent of Africa is one of the world’s fastest growing markets. Companies are recognizing opportunities from diapers to music to medicine in a market growing younger every day.

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