Akwaaba Family Magazine Summer 2015 Edition

06

26

08

LOVE & MARRIAGE

In FOCUS

LIFESTYLE

COVER STORY

Reorienting a Culture from Recipient to Donor.

At the Crossroads between Biology and Medicine, it’s not Game Over for Older Moms-to be.

Issues about Children and Society Keeping Parents up All Night.

INFIDELITY A Sad Reality: Young Couples Trading Marriages and Relationships for Inevitable Disaster.

ALSO IN THIS ISSUE 06 DADDY, WHAT’S WRONG WITH

11 REGULAR CHECK-UPS, WHO

18 BUYING A HOME BACK HOME

22 STD AWARENESS

MY ACCENT? How a Cultural

CARES? The Most Important

Choosing the Perfect Proper-

The Dangerous Neighbor No One

Reality turns into Inferiority

Advice Parents Ignore, for their

ty in Ghana when You're

Talks About.

Complexes and Negative.

Children and Themselves.

Living Abroad.

25 IN LOVE WITH CHRIST

26 MARRIAGE OF INCONVENIENCE

29 8 THINGS YOU SHOULD BUY AT

This is love: not that we

True Love on Lockdown:

A DOLLAR STORE

loved God, but that he loved

A Couple’s Lesson in Long

You Could be Throwing Money

us and sent his Son as an

Distance Relationships and

Away without knowing

atoning sacrifice for our

Marriages.

© 2015. All Rights Reserved Corporate: Akwaaba Family Magazine P.O. Box 1322 Manassas, VA 20108 Tel: (703) 395-0534 Fax: (571)207-6102 www.AkwaabaFamilyMagazine.com Press & Media: Overbrook Press & Graphics/NY Atlantic CG —Media Division/Houston

31 LETTERS TO SISTER AKOS

Straight Talk Responses to Letters from our Readers.

COMING IN AUTUMN ISSUE: WHAT IS KILLING OUR YOUNG MEN?

FROM THE EDITOR

M

emorial Day is the unofficial beginning of summer, and in families, no one complains about the three- day weekend. This summer kicked off on a cool note, but if the weather forecasts come true, it might very well end up as one of the warmest summers in recent years.

With the warm days come activities that parents and families look for in order to make their time away from work and home even more exciting and fulfilling. We know also that parents will slow down and unwind. So after many careful considerations and editorial reviews, the hard-working team here at Akwaaba Family Magazine decided to pack this edition with valuable articles and fun information.

We dive into sociolinguistics and talk about accents and phonetics which may seem inconsequential, but which come up around dinner tables in most immigrant communities. On the flipside, infidelity is the cancer that never gets an honest forum until it is too late and families are falling apart due to poor judgement and actions that could have been avoided.

Our big stories covered some of the key topics which give parents sleepless nights, and even though our respondents didn't give us all the answers we hoped to get, at least they gave us a perspective into the minds of parents.

Just as we find discussions about regular checkups incredibly important, Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) are an uncomfortable topic that is often conveniently ignored. We want the discussion to go on, and people of all ages to engage in the dialogue, because we genuinely think it is too important to overlook.

Our vision is to build stronger families in the African communities abroad, so we care about ideas that are as informative as they are entertaining. Some of the stories would make you laugh, others would make you think, but all would make for an exciting read.

Enjoy your summer, and make new memories.

Until next time, encourage one another, and let grace find a home in your heart.

Sincerely, E. Obeng-Amoako Edmonds Editor@AkwaabaFamilyMagazine.com

VOL. 3 ISSUE 2

SUMMER 2015

AKWAABA FAMILY MAGAZINE

Great Expectations

PUBLISHER

NANA MANTEAW ANOBAH EDITOR

E. OBENG-AMOAKO EDMONDS ASSOCIATE EDITOR

SAM MINTAH

PARENTING EDITOR

BRUWAA ANOBAH ADVERTISING / SALES MANAGER NICHOLAS ANOBAH KWASI AWORTWI CONTRIBUTORS NATHAN ABABIO JASMINE BAAH WIREDU NIIKOI TETTEH-COMMEY CHRISTOPHER ODOI SACKEY DELA AGBEBOR BARIMA ASARE PRISCILLA KORANTENG CHRIS-VINCENT AGYAPONG FEBIRI RESEARCH JEREMY H. BOATENG KEVIN MYERS-CLENDON

Akwaaba Family Magazine is a quarterly publication by Akwaaba News Network. The magazine is distributed free through libraries, community centers, African markets, local churches, advertisers, and family –oriented businesses in the United States.

We invite you to visit us online at www.AkwaabaFamilyMagazine.com for upcoming events, resource lists and many more. Be sure to sign up for our free e-newsletter.

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|||

Daddy, What’s Wrong with my Accent?

How a Cultural Reality turns into Inferiority Complexes and Negative Self-Images “Say that again” or “What did you say?” are two questions any African will inevitably have to answer if he or she spends a day in the North America or Europe.

We say Europe also, but let’s face it; Europe is a slightly different scenario.

In the USA, a country aptly described as the melting pot of nationalities and cultures, every one sounds different, at least in vocabulary, vernacular, and intonation.

When I first discussed accents and encouraged people to develop boldness within themselves, I received many emails with a varying range of sentiments.

Contrary to what you heard or have managed to convince yourself to be true, it’s not a big deal to sound different. An accent is a distinctive mode of pronunciation of a language, especially one associated with a particular nation, locality, or social class.

A

person’s articulation of words and general manner of speaking will often feature a distinct emphasis given to a syllable or word in speech by stress or pitch. Individual preferences kick in, and in just the same way that people prefer the color blue over red, or grapefruit over apples, people prefer one accent over the other.

That doesn’t make the other wrong, bad, or ugly. That shouldn’t be the chassis of a person’s inferiority complex, but unfortunately it often is.

Have you noticed that no one has an accent speaking in their native tongue?

When you watch television in America, it doesn’t take much time to discover how the general public is fascinated by some languages.

Sometimes when people from certain parts of the world speak the English language, one can hardly understand what they’re saying, but the general public finds it cute and very charming.

For a person born in Africa or other parts of the world, it’s not often the case. Pronounce the same words, and you will have an accent. That just means you pronounce things differently. If you allow that to make you feel inferior, that will be a personal choice. The inferiority complex emanating from accents cuts deeper than we like to admit.

Most people in America are happy to remind a person of how “interesting or “funny” their accent is, and soon that person is convinced the comment isn’t a compliment.

The fact remains, human nature always seeks that which makes people different from one another, or makes one person feel superior to another.

Of course there is an exception to every issue, but if you live among uncultured people anywhere in America they will be quick to point out your accent, and actually make you feel stupid about yourself.

The truth is, it is not about the accent; it’s their mechanism of finding a way to make you feel inferior so they can feel better about themselves.

Oddly enough, we feed into this and develop low self-esteem and a negative self-image.

Unfortunately many people have internalized this and spent the rest of their lives in America trying to sound like an American. What does an American sound like anyway?

Walk the streets of England and there is nothing more annoying and heartbreaking than an African doing his best to change his intonations to sound British. Adding “inn-it” after every sentence is ridiculous, but we will let that slide. When a person spends every waking moment thinking about ways to “enhance” his vocabulary, he just sidesteps his innate potential to be the best person he could be.

By virtue of living in some areas of the world, and even learning new languages, your own inflections are altered a bit. That’s a cultural phenomenon you didn’t invent, but there is a fine line between assimilation and identity crisis.

Put nicely, you will not sound like someone else, get over it. There are millions of foreigners walking across the African continent each year. You will be hard-pressed to find one trying their best to pronounce African words like the natives do. Rightly so, they are quick to point out that it’s not their language.

Flip the coin: every time Africans show up in America, you would think someone poured a hot porridge of inferiority complex over their heads. Even worse, this is transferred to their children, and manifested in many more ways than just an accent.

Being proud of your heritage is not in how many traditional types of attire you wear in a year, or how many flags you keep in your living room. I would hope that if your child ever asks the question, “Daddy what’s wrong with my accent?” you respond with a question: “Who said there was something wrong with your accent?”

By Ewura Abena Martinson

In FOCUS

||| LOVE & MARRIAGE

The Curious Case of

Infidelity

A SAD TREND: YOUNG COUPLES TRADING MARRIAGES AND RELATIONSHIPS FOR INEVITABLE DISASTER

||| LOVE & MARRIAGE

I

n 2015, the world is far more advanced than that of our fathers, and certainly our grandfathers.

Technology has brought information to us in ways our fathers couldn’t have imagined, but we cannot say the same for knowledge and wisdom. With all the research and endless stories around us, a new generation of young people is dangerously living on a steep edge of life.

Marital infidelity is at an all-time high.

People exchange vows with their boyfriends and girlfriends sitting on the front row. Relationships are dowhatever-you-want, and sex is hardly a sacred encounter.

Some of the men and women witnessed their own fathers and mothers walk that same trail a few decades ago. They saw the inevitable disaster, heartbreak, pointless ”sexcapades,” and wrecked families, and are choosing the same path. If that is not very strange or very stupid, I don’t know what is.

The stories and confessions get stranger by the minute, and that is what leaves us scratching our heads. It is stranger still to wonder how this phenomenon took center stage with a generation of so much promise, who supposedly knew everything their parents didn’t.

The fact that recent estimates show that there are 19.7 million new sexually transmitted infections (STIs) every year in the U.S. alone, should be a reason for caution, but it’s as if the opposite is the new reality. The statistics are scarier in Ghana for example, coupled with the fact that millions of cases will never be reported.

Even still, this generation is happily throwing caution to the wind. Supposedly, men and women in power and high offices have mistresses and boy toys, so it’s gradually becoming fashionable for everyone else.

“If you know better, you do better,” Maya Angelou once said. Many people witnessed their fathers cheat on their mothers, and saw mothers cry through the night alone. Strange how decades later the cycle repeats itself, simply because people consciously choose the same path their fathers and mothers chose.

I argue that the world is scary only for those who make it so. It’s a choice, and frankly not a difficult one at all.

Across Ghana, and Africa, young men and women live with STD/STIs like gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, hepatitis A and B, and HIV. Married men and women are happily engaged in extramarital affairs despite the stark reality that one out of two people engaged in such affairs come home with sad news. That in itself is mindboggling.

You would think we know better; after all, our forefathers didn’t have all the YouTube videos to see the horrible aftermaths of similar life choices.

The most unintelligent remark from young Ghanaians is “Everyone in is doing it, whether in Ghana or in the USA.” The phrase doing it refers to having affairs or multiple partners.

How did a society become so numb so quickly and a generation with so much promise abandon their future to seek pleasure from mistresses, sugardaddies, and side-hookups?

This trend is baffling on many levels.

Many years ago, I was under the impression men and women would cheat with the most physically attractive person or financially well-to-do person, for immediate gratification.

I was admittedly so young. I grew up to find that more and more people embrace infidelity because “it’s not such a big deal anymore.”

Often the people living with the aftermath of betrayal spend the rest of their lives wondering if it went wrong because they were uglier, poorer, and more unkempt than their spouses.

That was where my theory fell apart.

It’s not just people in nightclubs acting on their sexual whims. It will amaze you what happens in the churches and the most unsuspecting of community events.

There is a popular boiling frog story that describes a frog slowly boiling while alive. The premise is that if a frog is placed in boiling water, it will jump out, but if it is placed in cold water that is slowly heated, it will not perceive the danger and will be cooked to death.

I have read over the years about how some biologists argue the premise of the story is not literally true, but the underlying metaphor hits the problem with a nail on its head.

People are able to react to drastic changes, but there is nothing scarier than the inability or unwillingness to react to changes that occur gradually.

I would hate to describe young men and women as frogs, but if we are not careful, our generation will burn alive and wouldn’t have had the common sense to jump out before it’s too late.

Our fathers and mothers lived in a generation that made their own mistakes, and even in some places, couched their sexual promiscuity within cultural and religious contexts.

Many suffered the undesirable consequences, and some of us are the byproducts of those decisions [or indecisions].

In the very near future, the young men and women of today will be the ones sitting on porches reflecting choices they have made, and their legacy for their children. One would hope such a legacy won’t be one of regrets and second thoughts.

After all, your life and future should be too precious to make you dive into the same dumpster others choose to wallow in.

I am in no position to assign blame, but I can say for certain that this generation knows better. Or should know better.

And if you know better, you do better.

By Jasmine Baah Wiredu

||| LIFESTYLE

REGULAR CHECK-UPS: WHO CARES? The Most Important Advice Parents Ignore, for their Children and Themselves

L

et’s face it, there are a lot of fun things to do in life, and visiting the doctor’s office is not one of them. But it should be.

That’s if living healthy and being able to enjoy your family and friends matters to you.

We have all heard the phrase “Take charge of your health”, but most of us never took the time to think about what that means.

Does it mean get insurance? Or does it mean make sure your doctor’s office is on speed dial?

Men and women are equally guilty of this, although men tilt the scales a bit because there are fewer musthave exams for a man to think about in a year.

For this reason some men cruise through year after year without any idea of their health.

It’s like a tire with a slow leak; sooner or later it will be flat, and you hope you don’t get stuck on the freeway when that happens.

It’s not too late to schedule an appointment with your health care provider to discuss what screenings and exams you need and when you need them.

Regular health exams and tests can help find problems before they start.

They also can help find problems early, when your chances for treatment and cure are better.

By getting the right health services, screenings, and treatments, you are taking steps that help your chances for living a longer, healthier life.

These visits establish a baseline of your personal health against which your doctor can detect unhealthy trends before they become risk factors.

Your age, health and family history, lifestyle choices (i.e., what you eat, how active you are, whether you smoke), and other important factors impact what and how often you need healthcare.

If you’ve been putting it off, you don’t need a death scare to wake up.

The truth is that making wellness an every-day part of your life doesn’t just make lifestyle sense; it makes sense in your back account too.

In the long run, it can probably reduce your total health care spending.

By Edwina Adjabeng Credit: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and Guidestone Resources

TO SURVIVE THE

Heat-related illness occurs when the body’s temperature control system is overloaded. Those at greatest risk for heat-related illness include infants and children up to 4 years of age.

Even young and healthy people can get sick from the heat if they participate in strenuous physical activities during hot weather.

For heat-related illness, the best defense is prevention.  Never leave infants, children,

or pets in a parked car, even if the windows are cracked open.

 Dress infants and children in

loose, lightweight, colored clothing.

light-

 Schedule

outdoor activities carefully, for morning and evening hours.

 Stay cool with cool showers or

baths.  Seek medical care immediate

if your child has symptoms of heat-related illness.

Just a few serious sunburns can increase you and your child's risk of skin cancer later in life.

Their skin needs protection from the sun's harmful ultraviolet (UV) rays whenever they're outdoors.

Have fun, and enjoy the summer.

LIFESTYLE

LIFESTYLE

||| InFOCUS

THE ART OF REORIENTING A CULTURE FROM RECIPIENT TO DONOR. OR IS IT A MATTER OF RETELLING A STORY FROM ANOTHER PERSPECTIVE?

T

here is the ongoing debate about why philanthropy seems to be such an unfamiliar concept in Ghana, and even throughout Africa.

It is entirely possible that the underlying premise is erroneous, and that giving back to communities happens more often across African countries, except that it never garners the publicity as in other countries across the world.

History hasn’t done Africa many favors, and this is no exception. Despite the society’s amazing potential, the absence of social infrastructure and economic framework forces the masses to scramble for whatever lifeline they can get. By so doing, individuals and organizations that provide any kind of social and economic assistance continually flood into African countries to offer help.

Truth be told, many such individuals and organizations genuinely care about the causes they seeks to help, but maybe it is hard to be altruistic and still understand the ramifications of the charity.

Giving back to communities is certainly not a new idea in Africa -- that we know for a fact. Another thing we know also with certainty is that the general public discourse or the orientation in recent years lean towards how a person benefits from an act, rather how than individuals find ways to impact their local communities. No matter how you slice this, giving back doesn’t seem like something that occurs every day, at least on the surface.

There is the widely held opinion that Africa’s charity reality is a function of poverty. It is reasonable to assert that for economies with a significant number of its population below the poverty line, you generally do not find too many people with the ability to give back to communities, and support genuinely altruistic initiatives.

This may very well be the reason why it is often conceivable that philanthropy almost never happens in African cities and towns. Add to that, that there are scores of people who spend every waking moment thinking about what someone else would give to them: donations, aid, gifts, and freebies.

When a person is convinced that a helping hand is something left for the rich, he sits around waiting for the socalled miracle workers to show up in schools, churches, and even in presidential offices with a gift in hand. By this, communities discount their own tremendous abilities and look out the window for international organizations like UNICEF, World Bank, and a list of NonGovernmental Organization (NGOs) to pick up the pieces.

So we are at a place in time where among Africans there exists the notion that most people are all in the “give me” mode. Not much credit is given to cultural attitudes that assist in communities and help individuals, and this may very well be due to the fact that such actions are expected, hence not considered charity by most people.

To be fair, most of the people we spoke to live in the USA and in Europe. We reasoned that their vantage point on the issue would be slightly different from that of individuals in the African countries who witness both ends of the spectrum.

If regardless of who were are, and what we have, everyone has the ability to give back and make a difference in local communities, how do we encourage a giving mindset and develop a philanthropic attitude in more and more people? It may take an awareness campaign or even a paradigm shift, but the more individuals are able to reach back and help communities, the better off we will all be.

Maybe a rising tide will indeed lift all boats.

Or will it?

W

e asked our readers for their opinions on our social media pages. While we are unable to publish all the comments, we have publish the reader feedback below.

This conversation always compare apples and oranges. If 1% of Americans give to their communities, the ripple effect will be much wider than 1% of any country in Africa.

Their disparity in the per capita income also means more people can give larger sums. In Tanzania, there is little work done to create an awareness of local helping locals. It is easier to look for an NGO to undertake a task, most of which the locals could have done. If all fails we have a government to blame. That is the problem.

J. Makuna-Inko (California) from Tanzania

We kind of have a social safety net whereby people take care of extended family members.

Why do you see more homeless people in Western countries than in developing nations where sense of communities exist. As societies develop, people become selfish and inward looking that's why in Western countries you can live for years without saying high to your neighbor. We do more giving in developing countries than advanced nations.

Anonymous (Virginia) from Ghana

Giving back to community if a foreign concept. We talk about it but that is where we end, no action. Even the richest people , and unfortunately sometimes the most greedy too, so there are no real examples for the general public to follow suit.

O. Innusah (Pennsylvania) from Nigeria

It is an unfortunate reality but many people look to an external locus of control to solve their problems, so when it comes to helping each other, everyone turns to look at the next person.

African countries quickly lift their hands to accept donations and anything else they can get for free, even with the strings attached, so the general population so easily follows the same mindset before you know it. Of course this is not the case in every corner of the continent, but this is certainly the case in most places.

Anonymous (Ohio) from Ghana

It's a much bigger problem which I may not be able to eloquently articulate, in part, because it is quite disheartening. However, based on my little recent experience (s) in setting up a foundation in Ghana to support girl-child and adolescent health initiatives, I have been troubled by the lack of a "clean" process to even register a foundation.

By "clean" I mean a straight-through process where you know the end to end process and how much it will cost at every point in the process. If this is how we foster "giving" and philanthropy, then it is despicable at best.

Secondly, because we haven't fostered this culture of giving to the common good, people even ridicule the idea of a foundation or humanitarian support and I have heard comments like " don't bother" etc. our mindset need to change as a nation.

Thirdly, I have personally seen a situation where multiple Ghanaian officials have rejected the support and opinion of a reputable Ghanaian- born U.S resource who wanted to provide material and intellectual support to a particular agency in Ghana and she was told they will only take her money but don't need her expertise. Of course underlining all of this is the mentality that one has to enrich him or herself before helping others.

We should not forget that the United States government has indirectly fostered this through tax laws etc.

Privately people in the West tend to be self-centered, whereas in Ghana like most African cultures we have always been egalitarian societies watching out for each other.

from Ghana

Too much poverty, too much corruption and too much focus on self-survival.

P. Koranteng (Maryland)

Individuals in la Cote D’Ivoire and Africa donate among themselves but not in the large amounts like from other countries.

Remember the most important thing about giving is not so much the amount you give, but also if the effort is the best you could have done. I have witnessed poor women in villages giving food and some of the little money they have to neighbors. There was no camera to record the act of kindness, and I am confident this happens all over the content but without the story being told, it looks like we are all just always begging.

K. Yeboah-Gyan (Georgia) from Ghana

We copy everything else form the West, except meaningful attitude and the good actions. The general attitude in Africa is all about what a person can get for free, with minimal work, and certainly no accountability.

Giving back to a community is not even an afterthought.

R. Ochieng (Washington D.C.) from Kenya

This is a million dollar question that we Ghanaians have to ask ourselves and find ways to help our country, instead of making meaningless noises.

I'm doing a little to help in the smallest way, with my own money, www.youthgirlsarise.com.

G. M. Love (Maryland) from Ghana

A. Retling (Texas) from South Africa

Too much mistrust, and rightly so, among Africans for one to actually give to any course spearheaded by fellow African. The perception is it would probably end up in the pocket of an administrator without him/her suffering any consequences.

N. Sarpong-Poku (New York) from Ghana

It's a true and pathetic reality. Ghanaians in general are very good and possess hospitality and care for others but given the situation there now 'obia ho ekyere no'.

So you can't give what you don't have cos everyone is having a hard time living there so I don't really blame it on the Citizens of Ghana but rather the government that has caused these difficult living conditions.

Sad, sad, sad.

As a Liberian, I can speak from the work on the ground during the recent Ebola crisis. Helping community is not about money, and we had people from all parts of the country helping neighbors to confront the epidemic.

In other parts of the world, individuals will shut doors and rather watch the events unfold on television. There was such a great outpouring of giving, something I have seen in Monrovia and other cities ever since I was a child. We should do more of course, and make it a point to encourage others to value that effort.

from Ghana

from Liberia

G. Traore (New York) from Cote D’Ivoire

H. E. Asiem (London)

R. Sekou (Illinois)

||| LIFESTYLE

Pregnant at AT THE CROSSROADS BETWEEN BIOLOGY AND MEDICINE, IT’S NOT GAME OVER FOR OLDER MOMS-TO BE

D

oes age really have something to do with fertility, or have we hyped a myth for so long that we have come to accept it as fact?

As if the stereotype and pressure from your immediate family is not stressful enough, media and the society around us pile on the stress for a woman still waiting for her turn at motherhood.

There are too many variables to factor into the pregnancy equation, so age 40 is not necessarily fertility Alcatraz.

Cesarean section rates are also higher for women older than 35, but the medical reasons for having C-sections have very little to do with age. Depending on pelvic structure and general body contouring, a 20 year old can be a candidate for a C-section.

Whether or not everyone is destined to be a mother is a tough issue I will leave for another day, but for now let’s assume every woman wants to have a baby. Then the clock begins to tick.

Let me emphasize that a C-section doesn’t make you less of a woman. Ditch the crazy stereotypes your grandmothers helped you form, because a baby’s health and a mother’s health take precedence during labor, not female ego and preconceived notions.

Your 20’s was too early so you didn’t even bother, your 30’s was the prime but you didn’t get so lucky, and now you’re hitting your golden 40’s and wondering if you missed the mark altogether. Unless you’re Halle Berry, you get a few long sleepless nights because you know you will not be at your prime forever.

The consensus (not based on any actual statistic) is that for most women, the 30’s will be the happy spot for motherhood. Of course that assumes that by then, you will have had your fair share of loser boyfriends, partying, conflicting identities and personalities, and have become more stable.

Welcome to 2015. Not every woman will become a mother according to the beautiful plan you’ve made ever since you were in fifth grade. There is still a difference in a woman’s ability to get pregnant in your early 20’s compared to your late 30’s.

The only difference is that technology and medicine are making it possible (more often than you think) for women who have crossed the 40-year mark to have healthy babies. That was unheard of just ten years ago.

Truth is, the stress of the waiting period is enough to send a woman’s body haywire. In that case, infertility arguably has more to do with the mental stress than the biological changes in the body. The good news is a woman can still get pregnant later in life, even at 44.

This is not to spread gloomy news, but research suggests that miscarriage rates rise as women age, as do pregnancy-related complications. While this is true, I strongly advise women not to hit the panic button just yet.

Back to the issue: the fact that you can be pregnant at 44 doesn’t mean you should wait till you turn 43 to consider your options.

Many fertility experts say by 38 or 39, age becomes a big factor. The implication is for women to carefully decide on motherhood much sooner, instead of spending their precious years in empty relationships that wouldn’t lead to your own goal.

The best professional advice I heard through the years was the thought that for pregnancy beyond age 40, the risks are real, but certainly not insurmountable. A woman’s health is certainly more important than her age. You could be 40-year-old woman who is biologically 25, or 25-year-old woman who is biologically 40, due to lifestyle choices, and a host of other factors.

On the bright side, we are learning that between ages 35 and 39 is when women are most likely to have twins. “Typically, a woman releases one egg a cycle. But as you get older, your follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH) level increases.

When this hormonal surge occurs, there's a chance you may release more than one egg during a cycle, upping the odds of a multiple birth.

This reality is a startling finding because just ten years ago, you would get free accommodation in any mental institution if you made this same claim.

So the times have changed; 44 is certainly not the new 34, but it sure isn’t 54.

By Dela Agbevor

BUYING A HOME BACK HOME CHOOSING THE PERFECT PROPERTY IN GHANA WHEN YOU’RE LIVING ABROAD . . .

A

ccording to the OECD the majority of the Ghanaian diaspora visit their home country at least once a year, and stay for one to two months per trip on average.

It is no surprise, therefore, that many choose to purchase a property in Ghana for occasional use -- gaining both a familiar home to return to and an investment in the growing real estate market.

But with more options available than ever before, what type of property is the best for a home back home?

STUDIO A compact option, studios include a kitchen, bedroom and living area (all in one room), plus an en suite bathroom.

They are suitable for single residents or couples and are always part of a communal development.

A relatively new addition to the Ghanaian real estate scene, they are mostly on offer in central Accra.

Pros: Studios are a relatively low-cost way to invest in central Accra’s burgeoning property market and can make great economic sense. Prices for Clifton Homes’ Studios at Tetteh Quarshie start from $69,950, which is the equivalent cost of only 5 months’ stay in a top Accra hotel.

For individuals or couples who want a familiar retreat close to the airport and city amenities, the return on investment is great. Owners can avoid paying escalating hotel rates and instead use the money to invest in an increasingly valuable real estate asset.

Being located in a communal development means that security, facilities, and utilities are all taken care of, maximizing convenience. You can feel at home immediately every time you visit, and know that your property is safe while you are away. Also, for those diaspora who want to maximize their investment by generating rental income, studios

Cons: A studio is designed as a temporary residence rather than a long term home.

That makes them perfect for visits but, if you are hoping to buy a property today that may eventually become your permanent home upon returning to Ghana, they are probably not suitable.

Cons:

Likewise, the very design of a studio property is not targeted at family accommodation. So, whilst it may be a perfect base for individuals or couples visiting family nearby, they are not suited for housing two or three children and their parents.

Most developments in prime areas such as Labone and Cantonments apply a monthly service charge of $250-300 per month covering facilities such as backup utilities, parking, swimming pool, gym, reception, and 24-hour security.

APARTMENT The number of one, two and threebedroom apartments available in Ghana’s main cities has risen dramatically over the last five years. They are generally located in secure communal developments with facilities such as parking and swimming pools.

Pros: Apartments in well-run communal developments can offer valuable convenience and peace of mind for an owner based aboard.

A good developer will provide on-site parking, 24-hour security, back-up utilities and facilities support. These facilities will also increase the demand for your apartment should you wish to rent out the property at any time.

With rising land prices making a detached house unattainable for many, apartments are a more affordable way to secure a base in your preferred location.

A visit back to Ghana can be a busy time trying to fit in visits to family, friends and favorite places.

Thus, location is key. An apartment is a good choice for those who want to prioritize a prime central location over additional space. They can work well as a base for visits, and also as a permanent home should you move back in the future.

The convenience and peace of mind of communal living does require contribution to running costs. Owners at communal developments must pay a monthly service charge to fund the services on offer.

However, whilst this may seem significant, this charge is usually far lower than the cost of providing similar services for a single detached house.

DETACHED HOUSE The detached house remains the most common design model in Ghana, though it is becoming scarcer in central Accra where housing density is increasing.

Pros: Detached houses tend to offer the most spacious properties on the market in any particular area. If you will be returning home to Ghana with a large family in tow, a four or five bedroom house may be the most comfortable option, especially if you are fortunate enough to have a sizable garden.

Cons: Rising land prices have pushed up the cost of developing individual houses, which has in turn been reflected in higher purchase prices.

In addition, the running costs for detached houses can be far higher than for properties located within communal developments. The costs of utilities and maintenance associated with the property must be investigated, taking into account periods when the property will be unoccupied.

||| COVER STORY

ISSUES ABOUT CHILDREN AND SOCIETY KEEPING PARENTS UP ALL NIGHT. . . AND EVEN MORE THROUGHOUT THE DAY.

R

esearch points to the fact that excessive worrying can cause high anxiety and even physical illness. This is often the case because the panic that sets in affects a person’s appetite, lifestyle habits, productivity, and sleep.

Tell that to any parent, and they will be glad to give you all the reasons why the issues that concern them the most are all justified, and their anxiety is, to some extent, even warranted.

The truth of the matter is that it is all right to worry a little. If all of us will be honest with ourselves, we freak out sometimes when things do not go our way, or when our social image that we have painted in our minds is torn apart.

In our perfect world, the sun will shine when it ought to, and the rain will come down only when it is needed, or at least when we think it is the most convenient. Hence our world is often rocked when this imagined world starts spinning into slightly unfamiliar territory for us.

Parents worry about everything. There is the argument that such feelings do not necessarily call for the emergency rescue team, as long as they doesn’t cross over to being anxious, antsy and feeling depressed.

In a recent survey, we embarked on a simple effort to use random respondents, albeit a representative sample, to give us a glimpse into some of what we thought we knew about moms and dads.

In fact if you have talked to any parent over the last decade, you must have been occasionally surprised about what keeps them up at night, and the kind of topics that doesn’t even cross their minds.

In line with a national survey we stumbled across, all things being equal, moms and single parents worry more than dads and married parents. We attribute this general observation to a maternal instinct which nature places in every woman (or most women), and whether or not it is indeed accurate, it gives us a window into understanding the world around us.

Thanks to social media (yes Facebook is our usual suspect), parents are more and more on edge. It looks like the same social connections and the plethora of information we hoped will make us more informed and happier, does very little to ease our anxiety as a society.

But social media is not on trial, and certainly shouldn't be forced to shoulder the blame because this phenomenon (chronic worrying by parents) began long before Instagram and Twitter. Sure, these platforms amplified the impact, but the sleepless nights have many other root causes.

Because the respondents were all Ghanaians, we wanted to find out if being away from a person’s home country gave them any headaches, or sleepless nights.

A particularly intriguing insight we obtained from this survey was how moms and dads were still relatively very connected with Ghana news and information, irrespective of the level of relationships with people currently living in Ghana.

||| In FOCUS Dads generally worried more about issues like teenage pregnancy. Although we didn't have any hypothesis to support this observation, it appeared that most men with daughters had genuine concerns, while men without daughters were almost neutral on this issue.

There was also a correlation between a child’s inability to speak any Ghanaian language, and the child having been to Ghana.

Sexual Predators in the Neighborhood Dads: 45% Moms: 55% Single Parents: 60% Married Parents: 50%

Lack of Role Models for Kids Dads: 40% Moms: 38% Single Parents: 50% Married Parents: 25%

Sexual Predators on the Internet Dads: 40% Moms: 55% Single Parents: 60% Married Parents: 52%

Lack of Family Support in the US Dads: 32% Moms: 47% Single Parents: 65% Married Parents: 40%

Most parents overall would love their children to speak Twi, Ga, Ewe, or another Ghanaian language with other children, but dads worried the least about this.

Cost of Health Insurance Dads: 47% Moms: 52% Single Parents: 61% Married Parents: 43%

Discipline Dads: 32% Moms: 51% Single Parents: 55% Married Parents: 40%

We also learned of an interesting relationship between concerns about the costs of living in the USA, and the willingness to raise a child in Ghana. Mothers are less likely to raise their children in Ghana, and we found that it is mostly due to a disparity in key services like education and healthcare.

Cost of Raising Children in US Dads: 32% Moms: 46% Single Parents: 50% Married Parents: 37%

Issues with In-Laws and Extended Family Dads: 40% Moms: 62% Single Parents: 65% Married Parents: 40%

In line with the national surveys conducted by major research groups, the statistics regarding issues like childhood obesity, and the rising costs of healthcare confirm the unsettling reality parents have to grapple with.

While our research was informative, we like to admit that these are by no means expert opinions.

Finally, we concluded that the survey results were not an exact science, but they certainly did tell us a few things about what parents think about, what they lose sleep over, and what tradeoffs they will willingly accommodate.

In the end, the most valuable and perhaps undeniable fact to glean from this survey is that a parent who worries about any issue is not alone. Truth is, more people worry in the middle of the night than any statistical distribution would indicate.

The hope is that parents would have some confidence in the work they have done with their own sons and daughters, and count on the values they have taught them to be their guide.

By Niikoi Tetteh-Commey

Option of Raising Child in Ghana Dads: 42% Moms: 30% Single Parents: 36% Married Parents:44%

Lack of Social Skills Dads: 44% Moms: 51% Single Parents: 55% Married Parents: 41% Failing Grades Dads: 27% Moms: 44% Single Parents: 58% Married Parents: 30% Rising Costs of College Tuition Dads: 54% Moms: 43% Single Parents: 50% Married Parents: 38%

Kids never been to Ghana Dads: 38% Moms: 46% Single Parents: 58% Married Parents: 50% Abuse and Neglect Dads: 54% Moms: 59% Single Parents: 68% Married Parents: 64% Bullying Dads: 51% Moms: 62% Single Parents: 55% Married Parents: 59% Stranger Danger Dads: 54% Moms: 59% Single Parents: 68% Married Parents: 64%

Childhood Obesity Dads: 43% Moms: 50% Single Parents: 51% Married Parents: 48%

Social Media on Family Life Dads: 61% Moms: 40% Single Parents: 48% Married Parents: 42%

Teen Pregnancy Dads: 49% Moms: 41% Single Parents: 52% Married Parents: 45%

Violence in Schools Dads: 29% Moms: 47% Single Parents: 48% Married Parents: 37%

STD Awareness

A

THE DANGEROUS NEIGHBOR NO ONE TALKS ABOUT

pril is STD Awareness Month, but the fight against STDs should be year-round.

STD is not a teenager issue, because research finds that more and more adults, both married and unmarried, are at just as much risk of infection.

False assumptions about sexually transmitted diseases (STDs)—how they're spread, treated, and prevented—are everywhere and it can be especially hard for people to get the facts.

Here are five things you need to know:  You can't tell someone has an STD just by looking at them.  STD tests aren't always a part of a regular doctor visit.  Almost all STDs that can be spread via unprotected vaginal sex can also be spread through unprotected oral and anal sex.  Using a condom can take a lot of the worry out of sex, since it can prevent unintended pregnancy and protect you from STDs.  STD testing is a basic part of staying healthy.

Because half of the estimated 20 million STDs that occur in the United States each year are among young people, STD Awareness Month 2015 is focused on this segment of the population.

The observance provides an opportunity to clear up misperceptions about STD prevention and testing, and confronts the unique challenges that young people face when it comes to preventing these infections.

KNOW THE FACTS

GET YOURSELF TESTED

Half of all sexually active young people in the United States will get an STD by the time they're 25—and most won't know it.

Not having sex is the only way to prevent STDs. This includes vaginal, anal, and oral sex.

Getting yourself tested for STDs is one of the most important things you can do to protect your health. Not only is it quick and simple, it's also usually confidential.

A 2014 study found that one-third of adolescents didn't talk about sexual health issues with their physicians at all during annual health visits.

It is important to be honest with your health care provider about your sexual history so that he or she can provide you with the appropriate STD testing and prevention guidance.

If you are sexually active, however, you can lower your risk of getting STDs by:  Being in a long-term mutually monogamous relationship with a partner who has been tested and does not have STDs.  Limiting the number of people you have sex with if you have more than one partner.  Using latex condoms and dental dams the right way every time you have sex.  Getting an HPV vaccine, which can protect you against diseases (including cancers) caused by the human papillomavirus.

If you're not comfortable talking with your regular health care provider about STDs, there are many clinics that provide confidential and free or low-cost testing.

It is also important that you find and visit a doctor or other medical provider who stays current on STD and HIV testing recommendations.

SHARE THE KNOWLEDGE Now that you know the facts, it's time to spread the word!

The GYT: Get Yourself Tested campaign is a youth-oriented, empowering social movement to encourage young people to get tested and treated for STDs and HIV. GYT is a partnership between the American College Health Association, Kaiser Family Foundation, National Coalition of STD Directors, MTV, and Planned Parenthood Federation of America.

Credit: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

||| FAITH

||| FAITH

Decoding Biblical Covenants UNDERSTANDING GOD’S PILLARS FOR SALVATION, AND A NEW COVENANT THAT REDEEMS, RESTORES AND REASSURES.

W

ithin the pages of the Bible, there were many covenants entered into between both God and man, and men with other men.

There was the covenant made between God and Noah (Genesis 9:8-17), God and Abraham (Genesis 22:17-18), Isaac and Abimelech (Genesis 26:28-31), Jacob and Laban (Genesis 31:44-54) just to name a few.

A Covenant is therefore a formal agreement or contract made between two parties, which contain conditions to be met, and promises to be kept provided those conditions are satisfied. The contents of our Bibles are divided and classified into various sections: history, law, prophecy, psalms etc.

THE OLD COVENANT The old covenant was established between God and the children of Israel at Mt. Sinai after their deliverance from Egyptian bondage, (Exodus 19:4-6).

This particular covenant between God and the Israelites was yet another phase taken toward the fulfillment of God’s covenant promises to Abraham of making him “a great nation” (Genesis 12:2) giving the land of Canaan to his descendants (Genesis 12:7; 17:6-8), and blessing all the nations of the earth through his seed (Christ) (Genesis 22:18) It contained the stipulations to be met in order for Israel to inherit the land and remain in covenant relationship with God. These stipulations are commonly known as the Law of Moses.

JESUS FULFILLED THE LAW Our Lord Jesus Christ served as the fulfillment of God’s third promise to Abraham, “And in your seed shall all the nations of the earth be blessed” (Genesis 22:18).

The apostle Paul postulated that Christ was the seed spoken of when he wrote; “Now the promises were spoken to Abraham and to his seed. He does not say, ‘And to seeds, ‘ as if it refers to many (people) but rather to one, ‘And to your seed, ‘ that is, Christ” (Galatians 3:16) HE CAME TO FULFILL THE LAW OF MOSES AND THE PROPHETS The Lord Jesus did indeed fulfill the Law of Moses. His words, as He hung on the cross were, “It is finished” (John 19:30) what was finished?

Isn’t it the predictions about him that were in the Law of Moses, the Psalms and the prophets? (Luke 1 8:31 -34; 24:4451) Paul writes of Jesus’ accomplishments after he had fulfilled them as, “… having wiped out the handwriting of requirements that was against us, which was contrary to us. And He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross”. (Colossians 2:14, NKJV) Having accomplished this work given Him by the Father to do on earth, Jesus laid down His Life as a sacrifice to redeem fallen man and to bring into effect the New Covenant of God spoken of by the prophet Jeremiah (Jeremiah 31:31 -36) One of the reasons that Jesus had to fulfill the law was that He could take it out of the way before the New Covenant could begin.( Hebrews 10:9

By: Paul Oppong, Minister and Preacher, Church of Christ (Ghanaian) Congregation, Bronx, New York, U.S.A 1211 Brook Avenue, Bronx, New York, 10452

HOW DO WE KNOW IF WE LOVE CHRIST? “THIS IS LOVE: NOT THAT WE LOVED GOD, BUT THAT HE LOVED US AND SENT HIS SON AS AN ATONING SACRIFICE FOR OUR SINS.”

 If we love a person, we like to

think about him. We do not need to be reminded of him. We do not forget his name or his appearance or his character or his opinions or his tastes or his position or his occupation.

Well, it is just so between the true Christian and Christ!  If we love a person, we like to

hear about him. We find a pleasure in listening to those who speak of him. We feel an interest in any report which others make of him. Well, it is just so between the true Christian and Christ!

read about him. What intense pleasure a letter from an absent husband gives to a wife, or a letter from an absent son to his mother. Well, it is just so between the true Christian and Christ!  If we love a person, we like to

please him. We are glad to consult his tastes and opinions, to act upon his advice and do the things which he approves.

Well, it is just so between the true Christian and Christ!

You Controlled By

the

Future?

 If we love a person, we like his

friends. We are favorably inclined to them, even before we know them. We are drawn to them by the common tie of common love to one and the same person.

Well, it is just so between the true Christian and Christ!  If we love a person, we are jeal-

ous about his name and honor.

We do not like to hear him spoken against, without speaking up for him and defending him.

Well, it is just so between the true Christian and Christ!  If we love a person, we like to

 If we love a person, we like to

Are

talk to him. We tell him all our thoughts, and pour out all our heart to him.

We find no difficulty in discovering subjects of conversation...

Well, it is just so between the true Christian and Christ!

Finally, if we love a person, we like to be always with him. Thinking and hearing and reading and occasionally talking are all well in their way.

But when we really love people we want something more.

Well, it is just so between the true Christian and Christ!

As written by J. C. Ryle , originally for Desiring God

T

ake no thought for the morrow,' means 'Do not be guilty of anxious thoughts about the morrow'.

It does not mean that you do not take any thought at all, otherwise the farmer would not plough and harrow and sow. He is looking to the future, but he does not spend the whole of his time wondering and worrying about the end results of his work.

No, he takes reasonable thought and then he leaves it.

Here again the whole question is where to draw the line. Thinking is right up to a point, but if you go beyond that point it becomes worry and anxiety and it paralyzes and cripples.

In other words, although it is very right to think about the future, it is very wrong to be controlled by it.

The difficulty with people who are prey to these fears is that they are controlled by the future, they are dominated by thoughts of it, and there they are wringing their hands, doing nothing, depressed by fears about it.

In fact, they are completely governed and mastered by the unknown future, and that is always wrong. To take thought is right, but to be controlled by the future is all wrong.

As written by Martyn Lloyd-Jones, originally for Desiring God

||| FAMILY MATTERS

MARRIAGE of

INCONVINIENCE

TRUE LOVE ON LOCK DOWN: ONE COUPLE’S LESSON IN LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS AND BUILDING HEALTHY AND LASTING MARRIAGES

Long distance relationships, by their very nature, are a hard nut to crack. It becomes even worse when there are visas involved and expensive plane tickets to factor into the equation.

Building relationships takes time, effort, trust and a whole lot of compromise.

This is the case for any type of relationship or partnership, and certainly marriage is no exception.

What is peculiar about marriages is the fact that the long term nature of the union requires both individuals to be particularly intentional in their decision.

A

young couple is living the nightmare many people wouldn’t wish on their worst enemies.

Their marriage is hanging on a thread, communication is inconsistent, there’s no opportunity to discuss emotions and the children are not sure why their lives seem to be pulling apart at the seams.

If the couple lived under the same roof, maybe there could be some communication, and at least a chance for them to live with each other’s emotions and address any pitfalls as they come up.

This young couple lives thousands of miles apart. The man lives in Ghana, and the woman in England. They have been married for seven years, and for six of those years, they have lived apart.

Needless to say there hasn’t been an opportunity to do some of the simplest and most mundane activities in life that are so crucial for bonding: watching television, lying in the same bed, or even watching each other go through a normal day.

Fast-forward seven years after the honeymoon, and the couple is stuck in a marriage cul de sac, not sure where to turn to, and are both extremely uncomfortable with how their lives have unfolded.

For the couple, they have spent the entirety of their marriage on the “for worse” end of the vow spectrum. There is so much argument to be had on a phone before the other person hangs up and blames it on a bad connection.

But they knew this before signing up for love.

The couple knew what they were signing up for. The writing was on the wall, but they choose to not read it. A few years ago, they would have endless arguments on the phone, until they moved their antics to Skype. Thanks to magic jack, the phone calls are now frequent, but so is the verbal drama.

Infidelity is the number one thorn, with each person accusing the other of having affairs.

While it is not impossible, it takes a special couple to avoid the distractions and focus on their marriage, when the string that binds the couple together is worn thin, and falling apart.

Marrying the wrong person, or marrying someone for the wrong reasons often leads to some of the most miserable life moments a person could ever imagine.

People say you can’t help who you fall in love with; I think that couldn’t be much farther from the truth.

Assuming that statement is true, that is precisely the reason why marriage is a serious conversation with grave implications.

Once upon a time, the couple didn’t think so, they took their chances, and it’s turned into a nightmare.

If they had to do it all over again, they would have chosen a different path, but life doesn’t come with a reset button.

Some decisions last a lifetime, and that young couple wishes someone had told them this story. They would have learned to fall in love with their head, not just their heart. They would have read the warning signs and not made naïve lifetime commitments without considering the ramifications. They are stuck in a marriage of inconvenience, and looking out for a lifeline.

In the meantime, they wish other young people would learn from their story and not wake up in the same nightmare.

By Sirina Opare Bampoe

||| FAMILY MATTERS

||| FAMILY MATTERS

THINGS YOU SHOULD BUY AT A DOLLAR STORE YOU COULD BE THROWING MONEY AWAY

BY BUYING [THE SAME] THINGS FROM DEPARTMENT OR GROCERY STORES WITHOUT KNOWING.

W

almart has done a masterful job convincing the world that it provides the ultimate low cost shopping experience. Whether or not this is true is a debate we will leave for Target, Safeway and Kroger to fight through. But one competitor all these stores cannot rub shoulders with is the dollar store. Dollar General, Dollar Tree, 99 Cents Plus, Dollar King, and Family Dollar-- the list is endless. Shopping in these store flies under the radar, so we often dismiss the value and real bargains wrapped up in the dollar.

While we don’t expect you to buy everything from a dollar store, there are some items that may be outright highway robbery if you bought them anywhere else. Most of us overlook the dollar stores because we instinctively assume nothing worth a dollar is of much value. Wrong. Some of us have even bought into the idea that products in dollar stores magically appeared from a junk yard in China, so it’s dirt cheap and unsafe. Wrong again.

Supermarket chains parlay to woo us into buying the same product, for twice or three times the price.

Here are our top eight things you should buy from a dollar store.

SEASONAL DÉCOR You can save a ton of money buying seasonal décor at the dollar store! Why pay a ton of money on things people are only going to see once a year.

At Christmas time you can always find gift wrap and bags for super cheap. There are also lots of cute decorations for usually about a dollar. At that price you can afford to decorate the whole house!

CRAFTS FOR KIDS Craft supplies can be pricey! The dollar store is a great place to stock up on craft supplies for kids. Paint, glitter, beads etc. can all be found at the dollar store.

Although not of the quality a serious crafter would be looking for; these items are perfect for kids.

CLEANING SUPPLIES Most cleaning products contain essentially the same ingredients. You can save a ton of money buying a generic brand of cleaner at the dollar store over a brand name.

Even if you have to use a little extra cleaner to get the job done you will still save a ton. The dollar store also sells disposable gloves, cloths, and sponges for much less.

GREETING CARDS Greeting cards from a store can cost sometimes as much as $5 or $6 dollars nowadays. Why spend that much money on a card when it is the message from you that matters the most! You can find a great selection of cards for any occasion at the dollar store. Pick one with a simple message and write something great from you on the inside!

PARTY SUPPLIES The dollar store is the place to go for party supplies; especially for kids’ birthdays. You’ll be able to find everything from plates and napkins to party favors and balloons! If you are a little creative you can do an amazing themed party by sticking to certain colors and only adding a few of the expensive items from a party store.

GIFT BAGS, BOXES AND WRAPPING PAPER While you’re getting your party supplies, look for gift bags and wrapping paper, too. You could end up paying two or three times more for gift bags and boxes at other stores. In addition, wrapping paper can be a steal.

You might not get the same thickness of expensive paper, but for something that’s going to end up in the trash, why pay more?

STORAGE CONTAINERS Plastic storage containers also get a thumbs up when it comes to great dollar store buys. In the grocery store, you can easily pay up to $5 for disposable containers. Get them for a buck at the dollar store instead.

You can also find some great deals on storage bags, but be wary of off-brands that may not seal correctly.

WASHCLOTHS AND DISH TOWELS Finally, the price of washcloths and dishtowels at the dollar store can’t be beat. You need to be careful with some towels that won’t be absorbent enough to dry dishes.

However, even those work great as cleaning rags.

Credit: The Daily 8, MoneyTalksNews

||| FAMILY MATTERS

Letters to Sister Akos

No nonsense answers from a woman who knows almost everything. A marriage counselor for 32 years, a management consultant for Fortune 500 companies, former professional cheerleader and assistant prison warden. No question is out of bounds, but brace yourself for the candid answers from Sister Akos.

Send letters to Akos@akwaabafamilymagazine.com

I’m a 19 year old college student in Pennsylvania. I think I’m in love with someone but he lives in California. I am considering moving to California to be close to him, what should I do?

The first thing you should do is to focus on school my dear, and make sure your grades are not suffering as much as your heart. I assume that someday when you’re matured enough, you will know whether or not you’re in love, because you said “I think”.

Regarding leaving school to be closer to a man, I hope you snap back to reality and stay right where you are.

My style is scarves, bright print skirts and pumps. That’s my identity and what connects me with my African roots, but my manager at my new job have asked me to dress more professional to work, but didn’t say my style is unacceptable.

Can my style become a problem?

Your manager must be a nice person because they just told you it is unacceptable, in a cute way. Take the hint.

If you like the job, or better yet, if you need the money, then alter your style for work. Sounds like you like to be free spirited, which is fine, but corporate America is not the place for free spirits.

If it makes you feel any better, what you wear will not make you any more connected to your heritage than what you eat.

I am currently dating a white girl and my dad seems to have an issue with it. How should I go about it?

Read Ama Ata Aidoo’s classic novel, the Dilemma of a Ghost.

I live with my husband, but an old “lady friend” who he knew as a child comes to our house unannounced.

She is single and always wants to hang out in our house. I don’t like it, but I don’t want to come across jealous. What should I do?

Stop her in her tracks before it becomes an issue. I would rather come across jealous than regret playing it cool. It doesn’t matter whether she is single or married, your husband should be smart enough to draw a boundary for his old friends to not cross.

The best thing to do is to have a straight conversation with your husband, because if your old “guy friends” showed up at your house, I doubt he will be calm about it.

My sister is 34 years and not married; she recent requested I ask my husband to donate his sperm for her.

Do you think it’s right to go forward with her request?

Your sister is crazy or almost crazy.

And you are a little crazy for even considering it. Once in a while, some questions leave me speechless, this is one of those.

I have an issue with my finances, is it right to discuss this with my pastor?

Unless your pastor also works for Bank of America, or is a certified financial advisor, no.

Call your bank and make an appointment to talk to the personal banker.

The last time I checked, there are no courses on financial analysis and investment in seminary schools, so don’t confuse your spiritual advisor for your financial advisor. .

I left Ghana 14 years ago, and I want to relocate back home. My problem is that I don’t have a green card so there are no guarantees I can return if I don’t like it in Ghana. What should I do?

You are right, without a green card, you have a one way ticket, so you better be sure of your decision. Relocation is a big step, regardless of which country you end up.

Living in Ghana is not as scary as you may have heard. Of course, you wouldn’t have customer service to call when your light goes off [and you can guarantee it will go off, aka Dumsor, and you will not have all the luxuries you have become accustomed to while living in the US. There is no place like home, and you can enjoy Ghana if you plan, live within your means, and don’t go around dishing out unsolicited wisdom. Best of luck.

We have a child together but my wife does not consider my suggestions when discussion anything relating to the child. Does respect me and suggestions?

You answered your own question. It is in the interest of your child for your wife to include you in the decisionmaking. Typically there are unresolved issues in the relationship you two had, and that can easily spill into your current situation.

For the sake of your child, the two adults should be matured and keep the drama away.

THE REAL COST OF

HAVING A BABY PRIVATE INSURANCE OR MEDICAID. WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW MAY KICK YOU IN THE GUT, AND IT WON’T BE YOUR NEWBORN.

M

ost people see the cute pictures and chubby cheeks and imagine having a baby is all hunky-dory.

There is a side of the story your girlfriends didn’t think it was necessary to share with you, but we think it’s much more important than the elaborate baby showers and emotional shopping sprees.

Unless you plan on financing pregnancy with welfare funds (Medicaid), having a baby in the USA requires some serious moolah. Moolah means cash.

And if you have no idea of how the costs associated with a newborn, you may be in for a brutal wake up call.

We dug around for a quick checklist to give our readers something insurance providers are not eager to help you understand, but expect you to know.

Here are some questions to think about: ___ Do I have maternity benefits? ___ Do I have to pay a deductible, and if so, how much? ___ Is there a limit, or cap, on total coverage? ___ What services or conditions are not covered? ___ Are medications covered? ___ Does the policy cover the doctor or midwife I want to use? ___ Which tests are covered by the plan -- and how many? ___ What's covered in a high-risk pregnancy?

Is a Cesarean delivery covered? ___ Are childbirth classes covered? ___ What procedures do I need to follow before entering the hospital? ___ Am I responsible for filing or submitting any claims? ___ Is an epidural or other forms of anesthesia covered during my hospital stay? ___ How long can I stay in the hospital? ___ Does payment or reimbursement go to the doctor or me? ___ Will I be charged a deductible twice if my pregnancy extends into a new year? ___ How do I add the newborn to our policy?

Credit: American Baby/The Parents Network

||| EDITORS’ PICKS READING IS RELAXING. READING IS STIMULATING. Here at Akwaaba Family Magazine, we strongly encourage reading at all age levels, and think it gives a wealth of knowledge. We even think reading reduces stress. It takes time and takes concentration, but there is nothing as fascinating that being engaged in an activity that helps you immerse yourself into the text. Our focus IN THIS ISSUE is giving our readers some suggestions for excellent reading.

MAKING MARRIAGE SIMPLE: 10 Relationship-Saving Truths Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly

Making Marriage Simple is the accessible, essential road map to building a strong marriage in the modern world.

Bestselling authors Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt distill into ten essential truths what they've learned about how to create a successful and satisfying relationship—both from their decades of “R&D” in the marriage lab of their workshops, and from their own relationship journey.

Richard Stengel / Nelson Mandela

In Mandela’s Way, Stengel recounts the moments in which “the grandfather of South Africa” was tested and shares the wisdom he learned: why courage is more than the absence of fear, why we should keep our rivals close, why the answer is not always either/or but often “both,” how important it is for each of us to find something away from the world that gives us pleasure and satisfaction— our own garden.

THE PURPOSE-DRIVEN LIFE

HALF OF THE YELLOW SUN

When your child goes to someone's house on a playdate, be sure you know the family, and watch your child for cues about what's happened.

MANDELA'S WAY: Lessons on Life, Love, and Courage

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Rick Warren

Adichie illuminates a seminal moment in modern African history: Biafra's impassioned struggle to establish an independent republic in southeastern Nigeria during the late 1960s.

While painting a searing portrait of the tragedy that took place in Biafra during the 1960s, her story finds its true heart in the intimacy of three ordinary lives buffeted by the winds of fate.

Half of a Yellow Sun is a tremendously evocative novel of the promise, hope, and disappointment of the Biafran war.

The most basic question everyone faces in life is Why am I here? What is my purpose?

Self-help books suggest that people should look within, at their own desires and dreams, but Rick Warren says the starting place must be with God and his eternal purposes for each life.

Real meaning and significance comes from understanding and fulfilling God's purposes for putting us on earth.

Teach your child that in your family, no one ever keeps secrets.

Teach your child that most people are okay, but there are a few people out there who do bad things, and could hurt her.

The best way to keep your child safe is to help him develop good judgment.

When your child goes to someone's house on a playdate, be sure you know the family, and watch your child for cues about what's happened.

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In FOCUS

||| OUT OF AFRICA Mali

Tunisia

KF Involved in a Potable Water Supply Project

Thousands Flee Fighting in Northern Mali

Tunis wants Rome to extradite Moroccan suspect

A Loan Agreement was signed in Abidjan between the Republic of Cote d'Ivoire and Kuwait Fund for Arab Economic Development, whereby the Fund shall make a Loan of Kuwaiti Dinars Seven Million (KD 7,000,000) (i.e. about US$ 24.5 million) to help finance the Potable Water Supply in the Eastern Region Project (Adzope System-Phase I) in the Republic of Cote d'Ivoire "the Project".

The United Nations Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs reports nearly 30,000 people have fled intensified fighting in northern Mali. The agency says the displaced are in urgent need of humanitarian assistance.

Sporadic fighting is a way of life in Mali’s turbulent northern region; but, the UN is alarmed at the recent increase in violence in small villages surrounding the city of Timbuktu.

Tunisia has asked Italy to extradite a Moroccan suspected of involvement in the deadly attack on the Bardo museum in Tunis in March.

Italian police said Touil, 22, had been in Italy before the attack, and entered illegally in February with a boatload of migrants.

At least 23 people have been arrested in Tunisia in connection with the attack which was claimed by the ISIS jihadist group.

Namibia

Tanzania

Texas hunter sparks outcry by paying $350,000 to hunt and kill endangered African black rhino

Masses of Burundi refugees show up in Tanzania

Cote d'Ivoire

Top Stories Out of Africa, IN CASE YOU MISSED IT. Angola Trial of Angolan Investigative Journalist Ends The trial of Index award winning investigative journalist Rafael Marques de Morais ended 21 May 2015 after the charges were dropped.

Marques de Morais was being sued for libel by a group of generals in connection to his work exposing corruption and serious human rights violations connected to the diamond trade in his native Angola.

Ethiopia Opponents Question Ethiopia's Democracy The ruling party in Ethiopia often describes the country as a "developmental democracy" and its policy as "revolutionary democracy." But opponents question what these policies mean, and say the country is not enjoying much democracy or development at all.

According to the government, "developmental democracy" means there will be no development without democracy, or democracy without development.

Burkina Faso IFC, Société Générale Invest in Burkina Faso's Cotton Sector

Egypt

IFC, a member of the World Bank Group, and Société Générale announced the launch of a €70 million facility to help Burkina Faso's biggest cotton company, SOFITEX, support local farmers and finance the 2014/15 cotton campaign.

Signed under IFC's Global Warehouse Finance Program, the facility will allow SOFITEX to purchase raw cotton from over 160,000 farmers in Burkina Faso to process and export to international markets.

Former Egyptian President Mohamed Morsy was sentenced by a Cairo court to death -- the latest judicial setback for the ousted leader. He was convicted in a 2011 prison break.

Morsy's name, along with those of more than 100 other defendants, will be passed to the Grand Mufti, the highest legal authority in Egypt, who will have the final say on their sentence. The verdict will be confirmed June 2.

Burundi President pushes back election into June amid continued unrest As protests and sporadic violence continue to roil his country, Burundi's President Pierre Nkurunziza has pushed back the parliamentary and local council elections by one week, to June 6.

Presidential spokesman Willy Nyamitwe said Nkurunziza made the decision after getting advice from Burundi's Electoral Commission and East.

Former leader Morsy given death sentence in jailbreak case

Liberia Ebola declared dead in Liberia After losing more than 4,000 people to Ebola, Liberia has now been declared free of the disease by the World Health Organization (WHO).

"I believe firmly that the world remains unprepared for the next epidemic," WHO spokesman Tarik Jasarevic wrote. "The next epidemic, moreover, could be far worse than Ebola, and we are not well prepared."

Texan hunter Corey Knowlton was seen on CNN firing three shots to take down and kill the bull rhino, as it crashed out of the bush at him and his local guides in Namibia.

Mr Knowlton paid $350,000 to secure the right to shoot the animal and said the animal was too old to breed but was very aggressive and had killed calves and other rhinos, out of anger and frustration.

Nigeria Nigerian army 'relocates' 260 Boko Haram survivors The Nigerian army has relocated at least 260 women and children recently rescued from the militant Islamist group Boko Haram, officials say.

They were taken from a camp in the north-eastern city of Yola and flown to an unspecified military facility.

South Sudan US Warns South Sudan Warring Sides to Silence Guns The USA has warned the two sides in South Sudan’s conflict that they could face more sanctions if they do not silence their guns immediately and stop targeting civilians.

The US is reviewing evidence that could be used to draw up a list of "political spoilers and those who ... abuse human rights and violate international humanitarian law in South Sudan" for possible U.N.

Cholera and severe diarrhea have broken out among tens of thousands of refugees from Burundi who are jammed into a village in Tanzania on the edge of Lake Tanganyika, with the Burundians overwhelming the health infrastructure and sanitation facilities, aid agencies said.

Between 500 and 2 000 people are arriving daily in the tiny fishing village of Kagunga.

Western Sahara Algerian Red Crescent Responds to Needs of Saharawi Refugees Algiers — The Algerian Red Crescent sent about 200 tons of potatoes in respond to the needs of the Saharawi refugee near Tindouf, Algeria.

ARC has often found itself alone to fulfill the needs of the Saharawi refugees, adding the same source. The Saharawi Red Crescent recently launched an appeal to donor countries to increase funds to avoid disruption of the existing stocks. (SPS)

Zimbabwe Mugabe Says South Africa Needs another Liberation President Robert Mugabe has reportedly said the late Nelson Mandela did not do enough to bring freedom and economic empowerment to South Africa, leading to unemployment and xenophobic attacks.

MARKET PLACE

MARKET PLACE OUTLETS - AFRICAN CHURCHES IN UNITED STATES Check out these businesses and community establishments for printed copies, and be sure to tell them you saw their ad in Akwaaba Family Magazine

VIRGINIA

African Market 8673 Sudley Rd Manassas, VA 20110 (703) 365-8760 Makola Market Inc 7856 Richmond Hwy Alexandria, Va 22306 (703)799-3865 Rahama African Rest.& Catering Woodbridge 12744 Darby Brooke Ct Woodbridge, VA 22192 Woodbridge International Market 14350 Jefferson Davis HWY Woodbridge, VA 22191 (703) 491-9291 Adum Tropical Market 8332 Richmond Hwy Alexandria, VA 22309 (703) 799-2550

MARYLAND

Accra International Foods 10051 North 2nd Street #12 Laurel, MD. (301) 317-4440 Adom African Int. Market 10400 Shaker Dr. Columbia, MD 21045 Kantanka African Market & Int'l Foods 1354 Travis View Court Gaithersburg, MD 20879 (301) 519-9712 Red Apple Farmers Market 7645 New Hampshire Ave. Langley Park, MD. (301) 434-1801 Kemi African International Food Store 7116 Darlington Dr Parkville, MD 21234 (443) 495-0127

NEW JERSEY

Makola African Market Imports 375 Lyons Ave. Newark, NJ. (973) 926-3919 Sands African Imports, Ltd 923 Frelinghuysen Ave. Newark, NJ. (973) 824-5500

NEW YORK

African Market Bronx Terminal Mkt. #48A New York, NY. (718) 1665-6524 West African Grocery 524 Ninth Avenue New York, NY. (212) 695-6215 Kaneshie African Market 95 Mcclellan St Bronx, New York 10452 (347) 597-9452 Adom African Market 1263 Edward L Grant Hwy Front 1 Bronx, NY 10452 Phone: (718) 681-7065

NORTH CAROLINA

Oja Village International Market 3114 summit ave Greensboro, NC. (336) 358-8260 Sankofa Int. Market, Inc. 3209 Yanceyville Street Greensboro, NC. (336) 375-4111

OHIO

North Hill African Market 212 E Cuyahoga Falls Ave Akron, OH. (330) 374-1168

TEXAS

African Food Store 11332 Fondren Road Houston, TX. (713) 728-8308 African Village Market 10217 Club Creek Houston, TX. (713)541-1060 Afrikiko Restaurant 9625 Bissonnet St, Houston, TX 77036 (713) 773-1400

WISCONSIN

African Market & Beauty Supply 805a South Gannon Rd. Madison, WI 53719 (330) 374-1168

WASHINGTON DC

Obeng International Grocery 300 Morse St NE Washington, DC (202) 544-8255 Sam Product Marketing 5772 2nd Street NE Washington, DC. (202) 248-2856

PENNSYLVANIA

Hajmas African Market 1921 Derry St Harrisburg PA 17104 (717) 233-2513 Clementon Grocery Market 611 Blackwood Clementon Lindenwold, NJ 08021 (856) 504-6809 Baba's African Market 6039 Woodland Ave Philadelphia, PA 19142 (215) 729-1200 General African Market 6408 Woodland Ave Philadelphia, PA 19142 (215) 724-2192

Woodlawn United Methodist 1425 NE Dekum Street Portland, OR. 1-503-289-0284 Royal House Chapel 3600 East West Hwy #300 Hyattsville, MD 20782 Philadelphia Ghana SDA Church 7501 Frankford AVE Philadelphia, PA Church of the Lamb of God 7030 S. Lewis Tulsa, OK. 1-918-481-6557 Jesus House DC 919-921 Philadelphia Avenue Silver Spring, MD. 301-650-1900 African Evangelical Baptist Church 770, East Warrior Trail Grand Prairie, TX. Ghana United Methodist Church 617 Reiss Place, Bronx, New York 10467 Ghana Presbyterian Church 15128 Bellaire Blvd.

Houston, TX 77083 Tel: 1-832-278-3024 Email: info@pcghuston.org The Apostolic Church 6721 Commerce Street Springfield, Va 22150 Ebenezer Presbyterian Church 14508 Telegraph Rd Woodbridge, VA 22192 Ebenezer Presbyterian Church 14508 Telegraph Rd Woodbridge, VA 22192 Faith Harvest Chapel 21557 Blackwood Court Suite 100 Sterling Va, 20166 The Church of Christ-Ghana Inc. 1211 Brook Ave Bronx, NY 10456 347-725-8271