Alice & The Mums Magazine: Maternal Mental Health Edition

A L I C E & TMARCHH E M U M S 2020 MATERNAL MENTAL HEALTH EDITION

44 WAYS TO SELF

CARE ('CAUSE SOMETIMES TAKING A BATH JUST DOESN'T CUT IT)

THE BENEFITS OF CYCLE TRACKING

FINDING A NEW IMAGE

THE STRAIN BECOMING A MUM HAS ON 'YOU'

POST NATAL TRAUMA AND WHERE TO FIND SUPPORT

MAKESHIFTMAG.CO

CONTENTS MENTAL HEALTH Editor's Welcome

04

Living with PTSD

06

The Truth about Motherhood

09

Surviving Sleep Deprivation

12 Interview With A Friend: Breastfeeding & Mental Health

19

SELF CARE Dads Corner

23

The Benefits of Cycle Tracking

24

44 Ways to Self Care

26

The Importance of Postnatal Fitness

28

Labour Story: An Unexpected Home Birth

30

What is Hypnobirthing?

32

Postnatal Anxiety

14

Meet Our Cover Stars

34

Changing Body Image & Identity

16

Next Month

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EDITOR'S WELCOME As mothers, we often put the needs of everyone else before ourselves. We are the last thing in a long 'to-do' list and even washing our hair more than once a week or having a cup of tea in peace is almost impossible.

But it is so so vital that we put the time and effort into us. Self care isn't just yoga and some down time in the bath. Mental health isn't just waking up some days and feeling a bit sad.

When our little ones are born, our whole lives change. We lose part of our identity and gain a new one, and that new one should be celebrated. Our new bodies, new brain and new lifestyle give us a new drive and determination to live life to the absolute fullest like the Wonder Women we are. Consequently, we are left exhausted, mentally and physically, and in need of well earned breaks.

This issue is for the mums who feel alone.

The ones who need to know that they are not the only ones. I hope this can be reassurance for those who are struggling.

A little reminder that we are all here for you and to put your feet up, leave the washing pile until tomorrow and breathe.

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Alice King

MENTAL HEALTH Trauma, changing body image and intense panic

PTSD LIVING WITH POST TRAUMATIC STRESS FOLLOWING BIRTH

Emily's Story

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No matter how many times women told me never to plan my birth, I still had visions of how I hoped it would pan out.

Being one of the first in my friendship group to have a baby, I lacked experience or knowledge with what labour was going to be like but it didn’t scare me in the slightest.

I was doing everything the blogs told me not to do.

Watching one born every minute, buying girls clothes even though she had her legs crossed in her 20 week scan and reading labour stories which sounded like fairy tales.I almost felt excited when I had a first twinge of braxton hicks despite being uncomfortable, I knew I was coming close to the third trimester and very soon

I’d get to hold my little one.

However, at 32 weeks, when I thought I was just going to hospital because I was being paranoid, motherly instinct proved right and I was in fact going into pre term labour.

I barely had a moment to blink before I was rushed into theatre with medical professionals running around me throwing their medical jargon at each other whilst I’m just lying there, still unaware of what fate had for me and my daughter. The only way I can describe the experience is I thought the world was ending.

I hadn’t even begun my maternity leave let alone had a moment to pack a hospital bag or sort out the nursery.

None of that seemed to

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matter after I heard her first cry behind the white sheet that separated us. All I could think is that she was alive and breathing! Thank goodness!

My little girl was born on the 4th November weighing 5Ibs. My bond with her was instant but an overwhelming sense of mourning clouded over me. Why me? What had I done to my body that caused this?

Questions I might never know but looking back these feelings of self blame were just the beginning of what was to come. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and this cloud wasn’t going away. I didn’t feel depressed, I didn’t feel a lack of bond with my daughter but I still felt loss… fear…. and vivid dreams of those awful hospital machines beeping around my daughter. I lost all sense of trust with medical professionals who I thought were going to tell me my baby was dying or she needed to be taken into hospital again.

My anxiety over the health of my daughter became so drilled into my life that I couldn’t leave her with anyone alone.. not even my partner. I was living in isolation and refused to let anyone in. It wasn’t until my

"I still felt loss… fear…. and vivid dreams of those awful hospital machines beeping around my daughter." health visitor suggested 6 weeks of counselling that I had ever heard the diagnosis of PTSD in post-natal women. What? I thought that was only diagnosed for people in the military?” It took awhile for me to come to terms with such a term and initially I felt really angry I’d been thrown yet another title. “Another medical professional trying to pass me off with a “condition” and try and load me with more medication,” I thought.However, it wasn’t the case at all. The more I off loaded in these sessions, the more I realised how lucky I was to have met my counsellor who finally gave me an answer and I accepted what it is. I had PTSD and ALICE & THE MUMS | 7

was suffering from my traumatic birth experience.I will never know how it feels to hold my daughter moments after she was born, never know how it feels to have her latch for the first time, never experience bringing her back to the ward, never have her lie in her bed next to me, never change her nappy for the first time or get her dressed into her first outfit. Yet, even though I missed these precious moments, one thing I will definitely know forever is how lucky I am to have a healthy and happy daughter who has one strong mummy.

I am now in my second year of nurse training and hope that my story can influence others to seek help with PTSD and to avoid making assumptions that these feelings signify post natal depression. PTSD can happen to any woman who has experienced trauma during their birth.

A year on and I still have triggers that make things a little difficult.

However, I don’t dwell on the what ifs, instead I focus on the what is. I haven’t let ptsd shatter the prospect of having further children but for now I just watch in awe of my daughter who is our little shining star and I am forever blessed to have given birth to such a fighter. We love you darling!

Support

DO YOU FEEL YOU MAY HAVE EXPERIENCED SIMILAR FEELINGS TO EMILY? DO YOU FEEL YOU MAY HAVE BEEN MISDIAGNOSED WITH POST NATAL DEPRESSION?

The below links may be able to help and advise you if you also feel this way. Emily's feeling are not uncommon. In fact, 30,000 women a year are diagnosed with a form of birth trauma. Please reach out for help if you think you may be in this position. www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/postnatal-depression-andperinatal-mental-health/ptsd-and-birth-trauma/ https://www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk/

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THE TRUTH Motherhood is full of the unexpected. It's full of questions, doubts and worry and it is no wonder it can impact our mental health so strongly. Megan tells us her story and why postnatal mental health is so much more than just the baby blues.

By Megan Bath

Life change is inevitable.

Sometimes it is good and sometimes it is bad - but we can never stop change. A lot can change in a small amount of time, and it's hard to accept sometimes, Motherhood being the hardest change for me.

Motherhood is hard.

Motherhood is exhausting.

Motherhood is having guilt over taking a 10 minute bath or making yourself a cup of tea when you should be cuddling this tiny little human. The mental load of motherhood breaks you. You cry. You lose your patience. You are tired. Motherhood is hard.

So why do we hide it and say we are fine? Because I for one, am not fine. I don't have it all together, but I am not a bad mum, I'm just a mentally exhausted mum. Daily, I am bombarded with a whole host of decisions. What doctor should I

sign H up to? Do I vaccinate him?

Do I try to breastfeed him again?

Do I try H on different formula? Do I change his nappy size or can he stay in Size 2 a little longer? Do I have H sleep in my room or his own room? Do I start trying solids?

Do I bath H or let him continue sleeping? Do I let him cry out rather than picking him up at every noise? Do I increase his feed sizes?

Truth is, I don't know the answer to anything at all, but i feel the pressure to figure out everything.

Motherhood for me means I struggle with identity. Who am I? Am I mummy or am I Megan? Is there anything left of me that isn't about mothering? Have I missed out on my fun years? Am I a bad person for missing my life before and wanting to feel sexy and beautiful? Motherhood has left me overloaded with questions, whether it's me questioning myself,

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or family, friends and strangers in the street, everybody has questions. Yet there is no reward, there is no first place or runners up with parenting. Motherhood feels as though there is an invisible competition for the trophy for best mother. For the first few weeks after having H, I felt that I was 'less than' as a mother because I had to have a c-section (albeit, not by choice). I felt that by having to have

bullying. It’s the stage where you get to see Christmas through your child's eyes, and it’s so much more fun and magical than it would be just through your own eyes. It’s the stage where you get to watch your parents be grandparents - and they’re really good at it. It’s SUCH a great stage. But, it’s hard.

There are times when the baby won't sleep, when the baby sicked up all over you, days when it's all

"YOU WILL QUESTION YOURSELF, YOU WILL CRY, YOU WILL WISH FOR YOUR 'OLD' LIFE, YOU WILL WONDER IF YOU'RE REALLY CUT OUT FOR PARENTING." a caesarean meant that I was letting myself and others down. I felt that by giving up breastfeeding at 5 weeks postpartum, I had failed because I couldn't provide my child with good enough milk. I feel constant guilt for everything, I always think Im failing, from the pregnancy all the way through to now - but that's a story for another time.

It is SO hard to remember but this stage, the postpartum stage, is beautiful. People already say 'you're going to miss this' and i already know it's true. This is the stage where your baby loves you more than they ever will, they rely on you. Its the only stage where you can sit cuddling them, kissing their chubby cheeks and forehead. It’s the stage where their biggest problems are colds and teething and stomach viruses, not things like broken hearts or addiction or

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too much, days when your baby won't stop screaming, days when you just want to be alone. You will question yourself, you will cry, you will wish for your 'old' life, you will wonder if you're really cut out for parenting.

But...

Your baby loves you! You have kept that baby alive. You are showing up every day, you are always doing your best. You are allowed to cry. You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to have a messy home. Some days it will feel too much and some days it all comes to a head, but don't ever doubt your strength. Don't ever question what you're capable of and how much your children love you. Block out the.. "Oh but YOU chose to have those kids. YOU should've thought about that before having them. If you didn't want to go through all this YOU should've

never had kids". Because quite frankly, those people are twats and clearly don't care about helping you or your baby.

Truth is I am tired and I want my alone time, but that doesn't mean I want to drop my child and forget he exists. I am not sorry to be a mother, I am never saying motherhood was a mistake. I choose daily to give up my own life to live life of another being that I knows is much more important than me. In the world there is no human being able to give up and donate as much as a mother.

So please don't just say 'you are a great mum, you really are', because this is said to often, by everyone.

Please tell us how lovely we look, how happy our baby is, how well behaved out baby is, tell us how proud you are. Just please don't do the generic 'you're doing great' because what does that even mean are you just saying that to seem caring?

Truth is - those who really know me, know that I am struggling.

Since having H my anxiety is above and beyond what I ever have experienced before. When H first came home from the hospital, not only was I dealing with the recovery of a c-section and being a single mother, I was dealing with the anxiety of visitors. I hardly had people over in those first few weeks, and if I did, I would beg my mother to stay with me so that I didn't have to converse with the guests alone, or I would hand H over to my mother and say I was going to go for a nap - when really I just needed an hour alone in my room. My siblings would come

over and I couldn't even face them.

If my parents went out for longer than an hour, I would be calling them asking them to return home because the thought of caring for a baby was harrowing. With the help of Mental Health midwives, health visitors, doctors and 150mg sertraline, I can say things are improving. But I still having down days, days where all I do is look through my phone, searching for a friend who can watch H whilst I sit in the other room. I still have days where I really want to go to baby class but I physically cannot get myself out the front door. I still can't cope with the idea of H being anywhere but with me when I've tried, after 2 hours I begin to panic. But that's okay because parenting has no rules. As much as this is my life now, its only been 14 weeks. Its still new to me, I am still adapting and that's okay. In simple terms, it is okay not to be okay. Its okay to screw up. You are trying your hardest, even if others don't see it, all that matters is that you are trying. Carry on doing you, everything will be okay and work out. There will be light at the end of the tunnel even if you can't see the end. Just be true to you.

"THE THOUGHT OF CARING FOR A BABY WAS HARROWING." ALICE & THE MUMS | 11

Sleep Matters

By Laura Grant I cannot count the number of times people told me to “enjoy sleep while you can” when I was pregnant.

Each time I’d laugh and nod and secretly think, oh fuck off.

But I’m now that person, warning expectant families to enjoy their sleep, because MY GOD.... why don’t babies sleep? Why on Earth is the phrase “sleeping like a baby” a thing???

NOTHING prepared me for the sleep deprivation that motherhood brought (and still brings) into my life. And never having experienced such an extreme before, my body and brain went into complete shock .Lack of sleep is batted off as a joke but very rarely do we see open and honest accounts of what it really does to a person.

A quick google search will inform you that “A chronic sleep-restricted state adversely affects the b

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rain and cognitive function.”In fact the CIA reportedly used sleep deprivation tactics as a form of “torture” when investigating 9/11. Psychology Today wrote “prolonged sleep deprivation is an especially insidious form of torture because it attacks the deep biological functions at the core of a person’s mental and physical health. It is less overtly violent than cutting off someone’s finger, but it can be far more damaging and painful if pushed to extremes.”It can be more damaging than having your finger cut off!

Yet as a new mothers we are expected to cope, whilst also adjusting to the fact that we need to keep a brand new human alive and recover from bringing said human into the world. I know first-hand that it’s not easy to cope. My mental state rapidly declined. I was angry, emotional and overwhelmed. I had never been an angry person before but these late night crying sessions from my small person would send me

into RAGE! I’d shout “what do you want from me” or “Please stop” and then cuddle her, in hysterics because I felt so racked with guilt.

I had decided to exclusively breastfeed which made it difficult for people to give me that support. My husband was also sleeping on the sofa so that one of us was fully functioning and I just remember feeling so alone and helpless. I would dread the nights because I knew what was coming – me and a crying baby, alone in the dark, no idea if I’m doing the right thing or not. But I have to say the worst part of it all was the intrusive thoughts. (An unwelcome involuntary thought, image or unpleasant idea that may become an obsession, is upsetting or distressing and can feel difficult to manage or eliminate.) At the time, I didn’t realise how common they were, I thought I was going mad! I was terrified to tell my health visitor in case they took my baby away and so never mentioned it.

It wasn’t until I listened to the MotherKind Podcast episode with Ana Martha that I realised I wasn’t alone and having opened up about it since, I’m certain of that. My particular thoughts revolved around purposely dropping or throwing the baby which was extremely distressing as a new mum, responsible for this tiny vulnerable baby. I knew I didn’t want to actually do that, but I could not get the image out of my head. I truly believe that this subject should be discussed more, especially with expectant mothers so they know they’re not alone and that they’re certainly not a bad mum because of it.

I have also since realised that I actually have intrusive thoughts a lot anyway, probably linked to my anxiety (for example walking down the street and imagining that the person coming towards me is going to harm me in some way). I recently listened to another episode of the MotherKind podcast purely dedicated to intrusive thoughts and it was so eye opening and reassuring. I would highly recommend it to anyone experiencing anything similar. I’m often asked how I cope having gone so long without proper decent sleep (14 months and counting) and my honest answer is SELF CARE. I know what a wishy washy over used statement but trust me on this one. As mums, we tend to put the needs of our children and family before our own but that is actually counterproductive.

"The worst part of it all was the intrusive thoughts."

I’ve found that taking time for myself, whether that’s to rest (I’m partial to a long cliché bath with a podcast or locking myself away for an hour or 2 and binging Netlfix), or to do something you enjoy (for me writing, reading, creating). In the early days I found that reading my kindle during those night feeds and fully succumbing to the fact that I’ll be awake was a turning point. Releasing the expectations of how things should be and going with the flow saved my frazzled mind. I found Instagram to be another saving grace, talking to other night feeding mums in the moment about how bloody tired we were – shout out to the 3am crew!! Finding a community, or creating one as I did with The Tired Mums Club was an amazing support too. Remember, you are important.

Your mental and physical health matters! Take that respite where you can x

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KAYLEIGH'S STORY

MUMMING WITH ANXIETY

By Kayleigh Williams

Having a child is the best yet hardest thing in the world.

I was never prepared for the struggles I was going to face, but let’s face it when are we ever ready for anything? There’s always something that we wish we done differently. I feel like being a parent, the attention is focused on the child, we’re just the parents, the ones who have to have their life together 24/7.

I had always struggled with anxiety from a young age, but having a harsh pregnancy and labour definitely played a part in triggering it even more. I knew my life was going to change, but I never imagined it would change so much. Of course my body has changed, but mentally I do struggle. I’ve learnt that this is who I am, and regardless of anything I can’t change that.

I didn’t really know I was suffering with post partum anxiety until my family picked up on it, and my doctor. I worried a little more than I should about many things, including my health and whether I’m doing a good job as a mum. All of these things I thought were normal for a first time mum, it’s a scary thing and we’re all learning. It got to the point i was worrying so much that even leaving the house was hard.

Reaching out to my family and doctors was the best thing I could have possibly done. Fighting on my own is truly terrifying and I’m so pleased I didn’t have to do that. It makes me feel so loved that my family want to NOMADIC

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WANT TO FIND OUT MORE ABOUT KAYLEIGH AND HER STORY? You can follow Kayleigh's Instagrams:

help me and want the best for me, there’s nothing more loving than that. I can’t express how better it makes you feel.Having a good support system around you makes the world of difference. I’m lucky to have such a wide family who genuinely do support me in everything. It makes me feel loved and motivates me to keep going. Having someone to talk to gives that little less weight on your shoulder.

One thing we need to remember as mums is that we’re never alone, there’s always someone out there who understands, people who will support and encourage you. None of us are perfect, and these feelings are completely normal. I didn’t think I could get through it last year, but now I’m applying for university, getting my life in order. You can do anything if you put your mind to it.

@kayleighwilliamshome_x @kayleigh.williams.x

IN THE SPOTLIGHT

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The Editor's Story

By Alice King

POST NATAL BODY IMAGE o your body has just spent 9

S

months swollen, aching and expanding. You're covered in stretch marks. Everything is a little wobbly and you might even have a new scar. Your body has just endured it's most drastic change, and although you've got your very own little one out of it, you are expected to love your body. To worship what it's done. But it's okay if you don't feel the way everyone tells you to. Tries to empower you to. Why should you have to feel that way?

Our self image is a bizarre thing. It rarely reflects reality. Do you ever look in the mirror and think "God, I look old today!"? or "look at the size of that mum tum." or "I really should've washed my hair. That dry shampoo really isn't cutting it today" just to be told- "you are glowing today!" "Have you lost weight?" "Your hair looks so voluminous and healthy!" Listen to those compliments, because the person saying them to you really does mean it.

“OUR SELF IMAGE IS A BIZARRE THING. IT RARELY REFLECTS REALITY”

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Before pregnancy, I was half a

is far more lazy casually in an array

stone under weight. I was

of loungewear and trainers, and the

about my self image drastically

unhappy, unhealthy and despite

work me has traded in mini skirts

changed. Almost over night, I

being a size 6 and being able to

and heels for boots and maxi

realised my oversensitivity was

wear actually anything that I

dresses- and I'm totally fine with

because I care, a lot, and that

desired, I hated how I looked.

that!

wasn't a bad thing. My critical

Fast forward a few years and

I used to have days where I

When Ted was born, something

nature meant that I excel in certain

here I sit, still a slim size 10, but a

honestly couldn't look in the mirror.

areas and strive for the highest I

much happier, healthier soul!

I was horrified by my reflection and

can, and my perfectionism was

the stranger staring back at me-

down to my need to be happy, and

been easier however. My hips

total imposter syndrome. I had a

when Ted was born, I was nothing

feel triple as wide, my thighs just

dysmorphia with my body that was

but the happiest I have ever been.

the same and my new mummy

also reflected in how I thought

pouch is scattered in tiger

about myself, my behaviour and

changes so instantly. A body that

stripes. I still struggle with my

personality traits. At times, I truly

feels like it's melted and moulded

identity, and knowing exactly

hated myself. I hated that I

into another shape. But you will

how to dress this new body.

was over sensitive, critical of myself

learn to love the new you, as long as

However, it has been increasingly

and others and a profound

you look after your brain too. Eat

fun trying to find my new

perfectionism with absolutely every

healthy and take lots of brisk walks

identity. I've found the new me

aspect of my life.

and you'll be on the way.<3

Accepting my new body hasn't

It's difficult to love a body that

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INTERVIEW WITH A FRIEND

Breastfeeding & Mental Health Editor, Alice King, interviews local breastfeeding mum of one, Sophie Clarke, on the ups and downs of breastfeeding and debunks the myth that breastfeeding can affect mothers mental health negatively.

"DO NOT HIDE AWAY AND STAY INDOORS!" Breastfeed out and about a be proud! Debunking the breastfeeding myths and raising awareness for more support, mum of one Sophie Clarke tells us about her journey with breastfeeding little Harry.

MORE ABOUT SOPHIE AND HOW SHE IS FRIENDS WITH OUR EDITOR! Sophie is passionate about breastfeeding and cosleeping with her little boy Harry, who turned 1 in January. Sophie knows Alice through both of their partners, who are both called Rob! Both the Robs used to live together and have been friends for almost 10 years now. Sophie and Alice both started

How did your breastfeeding journey begin?

I always wanted to breastfeed from the get go and the moment Harry was born It just was meant to be for us he latched on straight away.

What was your biggest breastfeeding struggle?

I have thoroughly enjoyed breastfeeding and I feel I was extremely lucky as up until very later

seeing their Robs around the same time and

on in my journey it was only ever a positive

since becoming mummies have clicked even

experience, as Harry started to get older it

more over their similar parenting styles and their love of clothes!

started to take its toll as I breastfed exclusively on demand and it’s difficult to give yourself a break when you do that which is

Sophie also runs her own business. This is a

very important I think for mums and their mental health. That being said I think an even

pop up braid and glitter bar, which is perfect for mums and little ones alike!

bigger struggle was getting people to understand breastfeeding, when Harry started to get older especially after he was being

PERSONAL INSTAGRAM: @SOPHIE_C_BREASTFEEDINGMUMOF1

weaned onto solids I would get comments like you shouldn’t give him boob or I’m just doing it for comfort or to keep him quiet!

Breastfeeding isn’t just food! It’s so much more than that.

BUSINESS INSTAGRAM: @MINI_PEAS

What is your favourite thing about breastfeeding?

My favourite thing about it without a doubt is that closeness and bond and that time between just you and your baby when it just you two bonding, it’s so special.

Do you think there is enough support for breastfeeding mums?

There definitely isn’t enough support or education in breastfeeding especially in Essex

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it seems! I think mums need to be educated on the different types of breastfeeding options, i.e exclusive, combi feeding etc, and

health as such, but being a mum who has breastfed exclusively on demand and with a son who wouldn’t take a dummy or bottle I

educate people on the reality of

would certainly say one of the most important

breastfeeding, what obstacles you might face

things to do is get out in the open get fresh

and how you can overcome those and what

air! Do not hide away or stay indoors I think

solutions are available, what is a good diet to

that’s when things start to go wrong for many

follow and how much you should be eating for

mums.

good milk supply, not just to encourage it but

that they don’t judge you on what they think

Why does breastfeeding impact on some mums mental health so much?

they know.

This is a difficult one to answer and I’m not

to educate people who don’t breastfeed so

sure it always does. I think it depends on you

How can we all offer breastfeeding mums more support?

as a person, but I think it’s extremely important as a breastfeeding mum that you are open

Talk, talk, talk! Be clear there is no right or

and talk because i have found a lot of mums

wrong. Breastfeeding is fabulous but if you

who breastfeed especially first time mums do

don’t want to do it that’s okay too! Get rid of

shut themselves away from the outside world,

the divide between bottle and breastfeeding.

through nerves or lack of confidence or

Mothers supporting mothers!

anxiety perhaps about being judged, and I think that’s why it can have such a big impact

Have you faced any judgement for breastfeeding?

on some mums.

turned one I found people were judging me

Do you think not breastfeeding can affect a mum's mental health?

for still feeding him, especially those who

Absolutely. I think some mums, in fact I think

don’t breastfeed would be most judgmental

all mums experience guilt of some kind, but I

saying things like shouldn’t he be on cows milk

think mums especially who wanted to

now, or he has a mouthful of teeth surely

breastfeed and perhaps couldn’t or found it

that’s a sign to stop! I found this infuriating

too difficult feel guilty for not carrying on and

not to mention upsetting.

blame themselves, which of course they

As Harry got older and especially after he

shouldn’t, but again I think more education

How has breastfeeding impacted your mental health?

I wouldn’t say it has impacted my mental

support and awareness could help to avoid this happening.

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SELF CARE

PHYSICAL FITNESS, TIPS AND TRICKS AND TRACKING YOUR MOOD

DADS CORNER We asked the dads 'how has being a dad changed you?' This is what they said!

"Tireder, poorer, happier."

"More patient and more empathetic to people."

"A lot more patient. I grew up a lot and had to become a man."

"A new found happiness I didn't know I could have and it has softened me too."

"Fatherhood has given me a new sense of purpose and drive. I have matured and grown."

"You forget about all the things you used to and channel it all instead into your little family unit."

"I've learned how to prioritise."

"I'm a kinder person. And also a better partner."

"It's made me realise the real meaning of life."

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THE POWER OF

CYCLE TRACKING

By Alice King

A few months ago, I discovered how not only useful, but incredibly powerful tracking my menstrual cycle could be. I mainly started using the 'Clue' app on my phone because I get migraines that are hormone related, and assumed this would be the best way to know when to expect them and be better prepared for their arrival.

I have also, since the age of 14, suffered ridiculously with extreme emotions and PMS in my cycle. It is likely that I have PMDD (premenstrual depression disorder) but it has never been properly diagnosed. My emotions around my cycle even take me by surprise, and my symptoms seem to have worsened since Ted's birth. I get angry, oversensitive and cry at absolutely everything. I vomit, get incredibly dizzy and now experience cramps that

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leave me unable to move.

I have always said that my periods are irregular, random and have no pattern, and that made tracking any symptoms and my mood incredibly difficult. However, since using Clue, it has calculated that my body works on a 6 weekly cycle rather than 4, and that again, surprisingly, this is not uncommon! My 'irregular' cycle has an explanation, and now I don't panic each month I skip a period, worrying that the birth control has failed me and that I'm expecting a little brother or sister for Ted...

The amount of things you can track are endless, from acne and oily hair, to digestive efficiency, to whether you had a drink or two last night and cravings. It spots patterns and works out for me when I'll next have a migraine or when I'm due to have a day where I feel

bloated.

Where I will feel forever grateful for the planning and tracking of my cycle is how I can monitor my mood and emotions. It appears that that runs on a two weekly cycle, where I go from feeling confident, happy and social for about a week, to often feeling sluggish, lacking in motivation and generally feeling exhausted for half a week and then sad, finding things I can usually handle with ease a struggle and feeling like I am useless, and back to the beginning again. I used to panic, thinking my mental health was declining and sometimes knew my actions weren't coming from my own consciousness. It's not that I can blame my cycle when I behave irrationally, but the app is there as a reminder, an excuse almost, for why I feel like I've lost all control.

Cycle tracking is so vital, for anyone who is also like me and needs an explanation for their craziness at times! But it also proves to be a massive assistance in figuring out anything physical too.

Hormones affect us all in funny ways, and by talking about it, shoving the taboo of period talk up every misogynist's backside and raising awareness of how something that is meant to be so natural can affect some of us so harshly is so incredibly important. It is also a great help is spotting any abnormalities in discharge and other symptoms to identify potential issues and health concerns.

I use the Clue app on my device, but there are lots of other apps and planners for cycle tracking, and you can also use it as a natural birth control for family planning if that is something you are interested in. Happy tracking, and let me know if it has changed your life like it has mine!

ALICE & THE MUMS | 25

44 WAYS TO SELF CARE One rarely falls in love without being as much attracted to what is interestingly wrong with someone as what is objectively healthy, says philosopher Alain de Botton

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PRIORITISE SLEEP WHEN YOU'RE LACKING IN IT EXERCISE DAILY EAT WELL, OFTEN AND ALL THE RIGHT THINGS SAY NO TO PLANS SOMETIMES ORGANISE A DATE NIGHT MESSAGE AN OLD FRIEND GO FOR A WALK DO SOMETHING KIND KEEP A PRIVATE JOURNAL OR BLOG BUY SOMETHING NEW FOR YOUR FAVOURITE ROOM SIT IN SILIENCE FOR TEN MINUTES EVERYDAY

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TEACH YOURSELF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGNCE COOK SOMETHING NEW VOLUNTEER FOR A CAUSE YOU CARE ABOUT READ HAPPY NEWS JUST AS MUCH AS BAD COMPLIMENT YOURSELF DAILY PUT ON MUSIC AND DANCE

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WRITE A SELF LOVE LIST OF STRENGTHS WAKE UP AN HOUR EARLIER THAN NORMAL READ, READ AND READ MORE

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DO SOMETHING CREATIVE

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CLICHE...BUT MEDITATE!

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MAKE A BAD HABIT LIST HAVE A SOCIAL MEDIA CLEANSE...

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...OR A WEEK OR TWO OFF IT ALTOGETHER

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CUDDLE

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CREATE MEAL PLANS FOR THE WEEK

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HAVE A WELL EARNED CUPPA IN PEACE

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BUY AN ADULT COLOURING BOOK SEND A THANK YOU CARD PAMPER YOURSELF ENJOY A GLASS OF WINE CELEBRATE EVEN SMALL VITORIES JOIN AN EXERCISE CLASS GO WINDOW SHOPPING BUY YOURSELF FLOWERS PLAN A HOLIDAY TRACK YOUR MOOD AROUND YOUR CYCLE WATCH YOUR FAVOURITE FILM HAVE AN EARLY NIGHT

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DECLUTTER...

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...AND REORGANISE! CREATE A MOOD BOARD OF YOUR GOALS BUY A DESK PLANT!

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POST NATAL FITNESS AND WHY IT IS JUST SO BLOODY IMPORTANT!

By Lianne Powles

THE TRANSITION INTO MOTHERHOOD IS LIFE-CHANGING AND WONDERFUL, BUT IT CAN ALSO BE QUITE OVERWHELMING. WHEN YOU BRING YOUR BUNDLE OF JOY INTO THE WORLD, THE CONNECTION BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR LITTLE ONE IS BEAUTIFUL. YOUR FOCUS BECOMES YOUR BABY, BUT LISTEN UP MUMMA BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST AS IMPORTANT. EVERYONE ALWAYS ASKS HOW’S BABY? BUT HOW OFTEN DO YOU HEAR HOW’S MUM?

Anxiety, postnatal depression and high levels

So I challenge you to add exercise into your

of stress are very common problems that many

daily routine. Always listen to your body and

mums experience. So, what can mums do to

consider your energy levels, doing what works

help improve their mental well-being? One

for you each day, whether that's exercising for

great answer is exercise! Most people know

20 minutes or an hour. Why not make it a bit of

that exercise is good for your body, but did you

'you-time'?'

know that it has many benefits for the mind, too?

Life as a mum can be busy and tiring.

By taking a brisk walk in the park with friends and your little ones, enjoying postnatal yoga, going for a swim while Daddy is on

Exercising may be the last thing you want to

babysitting duties or trying buggy fitness where

do, but once you start you will notice a

you can become a part of a supportive

difference in your mental well-being. When you

community or team. As little but important side

exercise, your body releases endorphins (also

notes, do make sure that the classes you

known as 'happy hormones'), which may help

attend are taught by qualified pre and

you feel motivated, elevated, less stressed and

postnatal specialists. You also need to get

even able to tackle your mummy duties with

clearance and the go-ahead from your GP in

more of a spring in your step.

order to begin your postnatal journey (recovery

My name is Lianne Powles, as a qualified in

time will vary depending on the

pre and postnatal fitness personal trainer I

nature of your bubba's arrival and your

teach mum and baby fitness classes called

recovery). You can also book yourself in to see

Super Mumma Fitness in Billericay, Chelmsford

a women's health physio who specialises in pre

and Maldon. I'm very passionate about helping

and postnatal for a full Mummy MOT, which is

mums get fit in a safe (and fun!) way. Not only

a postnatal examination for women following

do I enjoy seeing mums reach their individual

both natural and caesarean deliveries. It will

fitness goals, but I love watching their

assess how your body alignment, pelvic floor

confidence bloom, as they make friends and

muscles and stomach muscles are recovering

become a part of a supportive team.

after birth.

ALICE & THE MUMS | 28

I'd like to share with you how the classes help mums.

Carly, who attends my Maldon classes, said, 'After having my daughter, my emotions and hormones were all over the place. I felt like I’d

"EXERCISE IS ALL ABOUT POSITIVE HABITS THAT HELP DEAL WITH BOTH THE PHYSICAL AND MENTAL ASPECTS OF BEING A MUM."

lost myself and became just ‘mum’. For me, the classes are a way to channel and make sense of my mixed emotions, giving me the chance to do something for me while still being able to keep my baby close. When I finish the classes, I feel refreshed, energised and ready for the week ahead. The homework for the Super Abs & Bums class gives me a focus, and the progress I am making is really motivating. Socially, it's given me the opportunity to meet other mums.'

Exercise is all about positive habits that help deal with both the physical and mental aspects of being a mum. Never feel guilty about putting your mental well-being as one of your top priorities, because of what's 'expected' of you as a mum. 'Mum guilt', be gone!' You matter!

Remember: happy mum = happy baby.

MORE ABOUT SUPER MUMMA FITNESS CONTACT DETAILS Website: www.supermummafitness. co.uk Phone Number: 07718135276 Instagram: @supermummafitness Facebook: Super Mumma Fitness: Billericay, Chelmsford & Maldon

ALICE & THE MUMS | 29

Labour Story: Zoe & Parker An unexpected home birth with baby being delivered by Dad!

By Zoe Smith While it has taken a couple of weeks to get over the shock of labour. I am still happy for the experience as not many people can say they delivered their baby on their own with just you and your husband on your bedroom floor!

Parker's labour was very different then Skyla's, With Skyla, I felt in control the whole experience. It was very calm and empowering, Parker's labour was intense, overwhelming and fast.

I woke up at 4 am with some period pains but didn't think it was labour pains just yet. After a couple of trips to the toilet and about 20 mins of pacing my bedroom floor I couldn't shift the pains and thought that this was it now I was in labour, I still had in my head that I was in control and that I had this and that it was going to be just as calming

ALICE & THE MUMS | 32

and empowering as Skyla's labour was. I woke up my husband and told him to get himself ready, I started timing my contractions. They were 3 minutes apart but only lasting 30 seconds. The pain wasn't too intense and I was managing by just breathing through them, I messaged my mum to be ready to make her way to the hospital when I thought delivery was a little closer, as I wanted her to be my birthing partner too, I sent that message at 10 to 5 after this, This is where everything went a little to fast!

I went to toilet around 5 am and I started to wipe pink so rang labour ward at 5.08 and told them everything and how my first labour was fast! As she was telling me that I'd be better to wait at home till they got stronger, they then went from 0-100 real quick. When I was still on the phone I told her I had a strong urge to push and she told me to make my way in or call an ambulance if I thought I wasn't gonna make it, I still thought I would make it to the hospital at this point. I sat back on toilet after that at about 5.12 and I just felt so much pressure and my body started pushing and I couldn't stop, I could feel his head making its way down. My sac started to come out while I was sat on toilet my waters still hadn't popped so just felt like a huge balloon popping out, I started to freak out not knowing what it was, if it was his head, part of the cord everything was going through my mind and I lost all control, I screamed In pain for my husband to ring the ambulance (he forgot the number he was panicking so much!) He managed to talk me down from the toilet, I literally could not move of the toilet, but I knew I had to move and the paramedics on the phone said I needed to be on my back. My husband got me in position, they told him they was gonna talk him through delivering this baby. He had to run downstairs get a shoe lace as instructed by the paramedics. My 2 year old ended up strolling in so he quickly put her back in bed and shut her away in her room. I felt terrible about this after

but I didn't want her there among the chaos and didn't want her to see me in pain. He was back with me after what seemed like mintues but was more like seconds (I have never seen him move so fast.) I was pushing and my body took over for me, Three pushes later my boy was born at 5.27 weighing 8lb 9oz. His waters popped just as he came out my husband got the shoelace ready to tie the cord as the paramedics said to be prepared incase he had to but thankfully paramedics had just arrived so he quickly ran downstairs and let them in. I started on gas and air and waited till I delivered the placenta, 10-15 mins later after the placenta was delivered we was taken to the hospital.

While the labour was a little crazy, am very thankful for it and very proud of my body and how it helped me deliver the most perfect little boy.

ALICE & THE MUMS | 33

WHAT'S 'HYPNO BIRTHING?'

BY ALEXANDRA GOULD

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ABOUT ME MY NAME IS ALEXANDRA GOULD AND I AM A MINDFUL HYPNOBIRTHING PRACTITIONER WITH AWARD WINNING MINDFUL MAMMA. I'M ALSO A QUALIFIED MIDWIFE, REBOZO PRACTITIONER AND CURRENTLY STUDYING A CLINICAL HYPNOTHERAPY DIPLOMA.

REISE | PAGE 4

Let's get down to busting a few myths about hypnobirthing shall we, and explain what it's really all about?

Firstly you don't have to be a hippy, worship the moon, wear sandals, baggy clothes and listen to monks chanting (although what's wrong with that?

Personally I love a good Tibetan singing bowl).

Hypnobirthing, especially combined with Mindfulness can work wonders for preparing women and very importantly partners for childbirth. I want birth partners to also feel confident and view themselves as a well equipped birthing coach.

And I mean ANY birth, not just home birthing.

Even if you are having a planned caesarean section the techniques learnt in a workshop will help enormously. Before, during and after childbirth, especially breastfeeding.

In fact, the skills you will learn are transferable and can be adapted to just about any and all areas of daily life.

I have often heard women report that they felt as if they'd failed and that has to stop. For me that's heartbreaking. I want couples to elevate their birth experience. To have as gentle a birth as possible with positive memories. After all its the most important event in a couples lives.

I want couples to feel awesome about their birth, because women are awesome and their physiology is awesome. I want a newborn to have as gentle as birth as possible. Calm Mamma equals calm baby and Hypnobirthing mums very often report back that little one is “so chilled out”.

Practitioners don't swing a watch in front of you or ask you to “look into my eyes, not around my eyes, but deep into my eyes”, least I hope not!

It's NOT stage Hypnosis, its a therapy that uses simple gentle elements of SELF hypnosis, along with other therapy techniques and effective breathing techniques, so no-one is controlling anyone.

Techniques used depend on the practitioner, but will usually also involve aspects of Cognitive Behavioural Techniques (CBT), Neuro Linguistic Programming Techniques as well as visualisations. I want couples to have a variety of tools and skills to enable them to find out what works best for them, so its not at all prescriptive. Ultimately women deserve to feel safe and respected.

Empowering women to make the best informed choices for themselves, their baby and partner, so they no longer feel as if they are a passive by stander. This is what motivates and is it at the heart of my work, life and passion.

It's not just deep relaxation although that's obviously beneficial for a birthing mamma. There is so much more to it.

There is no universally agreed upon definition of Hypnosis and practitioners are likely to explain it in slightly different ways.

Some will explain it as reprogramming unwanted automatic, unconscious, autonomic responses. And I'm mainly talking about the fear and anxiety response here.

Fear is not a good bedfellow with childbirth. If fear and adrenaline kick in then we can get stuck in a fear-tension-pain cycle.

We've been programmed and conditioned to be

fearful around birth. As a midwife I have seen, all too often, women who are scared and tense. It puts a brake on the production of Oxytocin which is the primary hormone to start and progress birth.

Oxytocin is referred to as the 'Love' hormone as its produced by the body when we hug, when we feel safe, secure and private. And yes it's produced when we make love. So we absolutely want a woman to feel a `whole lota lota love' I'm sounding like Cilla Black now! The other aspect of Mindful Hypnobirthing is to remember it is a skill set. When these simple yet very effective techniques are used, it develops a really strong `Mindset' in terms of positive attitude, self efficacy, expectancy, excitement and focus so that a woman is able to be CALM, CONFIDENT AND RELAXED. When this achieved your body takes over and muscles work harmoniously and comfortably.

So if you're an expectant Mamma, seriously consider committing to a One Day Workshop with me, It may well be the best thing you ever do in preparing for the journey towards childbirth and parenthood.

Remember....You are enough! You have the innate strength and resources to birth your baby. Mindful Hypnobirthing helps you to access these abilities.

And I thinks that's a good place to end!

WANT TO FIND OUT MORE? CONTACT ALEX ON INSTAGRAM @LINCOLN_MINDFULBIRTHCOACHING ALICE & THE MUMS | 35

MEET OUR COVER STARS Meet Harriet Instagram: @HKWHITESIDE Age: 29 Job: Family Lawyer Child: Malin Child's Age: 1

Laid back but organised. We have a loose routine and structure and it’s worked for us.

been less of a martyr when it came to pain relief.

I had forceps, ventouse, a tear, stitches and an infection so it was pretty hard going. But the care I received was fantastic.

Which 3 parenting topics are you most

How would you describe your little one?

How would you describe your parenting?

What sort of mum are you?

passionate about?

Working mums, equality for dads and expressing..I was unable to breastfeed naturally and I felt there wasn’t a lot of support for me wanting to express feed although I managed it for 5 months.

How would you describe your labour?

Difficult but I’ve accepted it now. I was one push away from a C section, the crash team were literally on their way. I managed to get to 10cm dilated on gas and air and still to this day feel I ‘gave in’ because I had an epidural. I wish I’d

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Cheeky, hilarious, sociable, and independent.

What's your favourite thing your little one does?

His little baby shark teethed goofy smile when he leans back whilst holding onto something! It’s so cute and funny.

What stage are you looking most forward?

I don’t want to wish time away but I can’t wait for Malin to walk. To see him continue to grow into a wonderful little kind person. To see him have a lust for life and the world he is in.

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NEXT MONTH THE BREASTFEEDING EDITION

WHERE CAN YOU FIND BREASTFEEDING SUPPORT? INSIGHT INTO EXPRESSING THE BENEFITSÂ DEALING WITH ANY JUDGEMENT