Alice & The Mums Issue 12

JANUARY

2021

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ISSUE

NO.

12

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£6

A L I C E & T H E M U M S

LET'S TALK ABOUT RACE TWO

OF

OUR

HONESTLY THEIR

MUMS

REFLECT

ON

EXPERIENCES

PARENTING

CHILDREN

OF

COLOUR

A GUIDE TO HOMESCHOOLING AUNTIE HER

K

SHARES

TIPS

VACCINATIONS THE

FACT

&

DEBUNKING

THE THE

FICTIONMYTHS

C O N T E N T S ALICE & THE MUMS ISSUE 12

04 EDITOR'S NOTE LET'S TALK ABOUT RACE

05

11

WHAT I WANT MY BIRTH MOTHER TO KNOW

BOTH SHILA & MARIE TELL US ABOUT THEIR EXPERIENCES WITH RACE & MOTHERHOOD

13 MENTAL HEALTH & LOSS Cara talks openly about her experiences with her mental health when pregnant and into her motherhood journey and the impact losing the mother figures in her life had on her experience.

16 PARENTING A HIGH NEEDS BABY Charlotte shares how she discovered her son was 'high needs' and where to seek support.

18 HYPNOBIRTHING HAS IT Stephanie tells us about Hypnobirthing- how it works and why it is so great!

24 MAKING YOUR 2021 GOALS STICK

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DEBUNKING MYTHS ABOUT VACCINES

THE SWEET LIFE OF KAY

There's lots of fiction out there at the moment, but how do vaccinations actually work? What's true and what's not?

Columnist Kayleigh talks about making time for ourselves and how hard all mums work- so take a break!

Ben from London Mama Fitness shares how we can make our 2021 goals really count.

28 HOMESCHOOLING Auntie K shares her tips on surviving homeschooling.

30 WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MAKE YOU FEEL PROUD?

Let's celebrate our small wins! Let's see what our Instagram followers achieved this month.

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E D I T O R ' S N O T E A new year, and lots of new issues to work our way through! Can you believe this has nearly been going a year now? A year ago never did I imagine I would've carried on for this long on got this far- but I did it!

This year I want to make sure that I represent more groups of people, a wider more diverse group of people and hopefully that will include contributors from all around the globe. Last year we covered the basics, and now it's time to delve deeper into topics we haven't ventured towards yet, covering race, health, disabilities, adoption, teen parenting, sexuality, plus even more.

There's also some fun thrown in tooholiday and fashion specials are planned and I can't wait!

This issue is no exception to that, covering mental health, adoption, fitness, race, vaccinations- it's a big one to kick start a year of even bigger to come.

It's officially been a year of magazines, so thank you to all you lovely lot for sticking by me on this crazy, tiring, but very very rewarding ride.

I hope you're all okay and doing what you can to make it through this lockdown.

Remember to relax and have breaks wherever possible, and it's never easy to, but please ask for help. All the best!

Alice x

ALICE & THE MUMS |4

@ALICEANDTHEMUMSMAG ALICEANDTHEMUMSMAG@HOT MAIL.COM

WWW.ALICEANDTHEMUMS.CO M

MUMMY (OF COLOUR) WORRIES

By Shila Mody

What is it like to be a woman of colour parenting in this day and age?

To start off, I see a big benefit in being able to speak more than one language and also having the privilege of being infused in more than one culture. Whilst I love it, it was confusing at the same time. Growing up I felt like I wasn’t British enough to be considered being British (despite being born here), yet I wasn’t Indian enough to be considered Indian. I like to think the older I’ve got the less I cared about how people saw me and embraced both identities. I say both because I’m neither one nor the other; I couldn’t be who I am today without being immersed in both cultures. I celebrate Diwali as well as Christmas. I enjoy getting dressed up in Indian attire for an Indian wedding (yes, a whole week worth of events), I also enjoy dressing up for English weddings. I listen to a vast range of music, Asian and non-Asian...my faves ALICE & THE MUMS |5

being Bollywood and 90s RnB. I can’t forget about the food either! I feel like I’m a foodie because early on I was exposed to a variety of different foods and flavours.

My aim is to make sure Noah is exposed to Indian culture like I was. I want to make sure he is able to speak English as well as Gujarati and it would be a bonus if he can understand Hindi, so that he can enjoy watching Bollywood films with me. I’d love Noah to be proud he is British Indian and enjoy all aspects of both cultures without having to feel confused like I was.

When I was a teenager, I remember finding a picture of my mum and her sister in their late teenage years wearing a mini dress (which for that time would have been uncommon in the Asian community). My mum was 10 years old when she came to

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this country and my grandfather forbid my mum and her sister from wearing Indian attire outside of family functions and religious festivals. My grandfather told my mum, that now they lived in England they had to get used to this country and the way of life here.

Yet I can’t help but wonder if part of it was to try and reduce them being seen as outsiders. I don’t ever want Noah to feel like he doesn’t belong and feel like he can’t

"I feel like I’m a foodie because early on I was exposed to a variety of different foods and flavours."

take pride in his culture.

With all the wonderful things I’m looking forward to Noah experiencing, there also comes massive worries about having a child of colour. There are days when I forget that being a person of colour makes a difference but then there are days when I remember. If there’s anything 2020 has taught me, it‘s that racism is sadly still alive. Take the killing of George Floyd as an example. I don’t think there was a mum out there whose heart didn’t break even just a little knowing he cried out for his mum. It’s shocking to think that being filmed and being in the year 2020 that something like this happened. It’s one of and could get bullied for the colour of his skin. I think with prominence of social media and the awareness of racial incidents occurring, it’s preparing us as parents of colour but it’s also causing a massive anxiety in us.

I’m sure most parents of colour have thought that racism is not that strong

anymore compared to what it must have been like years ago. Maybe we won’t need to have conversations with our children around being different and having to explain they might have situations that will be unfair because of the colour of their skin.

Regardless of the colour of your skin, I feel we need to be talking about racism with our children. This teaches children early about the injustices of the world and also teaches them how to be acceptant. It’s simply not enough to not be racist, we need to be challenging those around us who engage in racism. What I mean, is not sitting quietly at that family function when for example a family member starts making racist comments but everyone ignores them and says it’s harmless because it’s ‘a generational thing’, or challenging that friend you have on social media sharing racist jokes and articles. By challenging this behaviour our children will learn from us.

Children are so pure; they are not born to be racist.

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"He is so white!"

Marie talks to us honestly about her experiences raising her mixed race son and others perception of colour.

By Marie Eggleton

ALICE & THE MUMS |8

He is so white!

Why do human beings feel the need to comment

We brought my son home and all was well and we were settling into parenthood with lots of visits

on the colour of a person's skin if it’s not what they

from friends and family. They were all so in love

expect? Is it due to lack of knowledge or being

with our tiny 4lb 9oz little boy. Then, the questions

close minded?

started.

My son Theodore was brought into the world unexpectedly by emergency section 4 weeks early in September 2018. He was a tiny little ball of joy that changed our lives hugely.

It all started in the postnatal ward where myself

"When will he go brown?"

"He doesn’t look much like Simba (his father) does he?"

"Why is his hair straight?"

"Will he grow an Afro?"

and my partner were caring for our newborn baby

"He looks a lot like you doesn’t he?"

boy. I could feel eyes on us, looking at my partner

"His skin is so light isn’t it?"

then at my son. Nothing needed to be said. I knew

I 100% know that my partner is the father but

what they were thinking. Is he the father?

My partner is Black African and I am White

started to feel as though even when I was out and about in the streets with Simba and Theo that

British, therefore my son Theo being mixed race,

people around me were looking as though

although his skin being closer to white than black

something wasn’t quite right. I hated going

at this stage. Did you know that even black babies

anywhere where people didn’t know us, I used

can be born with pale white skin?

filters on photos of Theo to make his skin look ALICE & THE MUMS | 9

darker and chose clothing colours that would make him look browner. I started to feel embarrassed that my son wasn’t what people expected, and wasn’t what I expected either. Don’t get me wrong, I thought he was the most beautiful baby in the world but just not what I expected. I was also naive myself before he was born. I was expecting a head full of Afro hair and golden brown skin.

I spoke to my partner about this and asked him if he had noticed what people were saying. He said he had but to him it didn’t matter as he knew he was his and that mixed race people all look different. He grew up in Zimbabwe but moved to England when he was 7 and went to lots of different schools all over country meaning that throughout his life he had mixed with so many different cultures and people of different races. Where as myself, living in a small town my entire life with a predominately white community, Simba was one of the only 2 black people I knew by the time I was of age 13, which is when we met at school. He assured me that Theo was normal, that he may not have brown skin, that he may not have Afro hair and that he may not look like him, he wasn’t phased by this at all, he was half of me and half of him meaning he has endless possibilities of what he could look like.

His family also never made comments about they

handsome little guy I have ever seen, not to be a

way Theo looked either. It was only my white

biased mummy. He is now due a little brother in

friends and family and other locals.

April this year and this time I have no expectations

As time passed with age his hair and skin started

of what this little one will look like, I am excited to

to change. During the summer his skin started to

find out how unique our second child will be no

bronze, his eyes sparkled golden brown and his

matter the how light or dark his skin, how straight

hair was starting to curl with light brown natural

or curly his hair. He will be beautiful.

highlights. My baby was becoming even more

Race is a scary subject to talk about if you

beautiful than I could ever imagine. Random people

haven’t been educated on it. Simply because we

would stop me in the street and shops to comment

don’t want to offend. So I will go back to my first

on how beautiful he was rather than his skin

question, are people uneducated on race or close

colour, sometimes mistaking him for a little girl

minded? There should be no expectations or

with his curly hair and pretty round eyes. But I

assumptions when it comes to race. It is simply a

didn’t mind, people were finally seeing my son

pigment of our skin. Would you question a babies

through my eyes. For his beauty instead of his race.

eye colour or hair colour? Likely not. As these

Theodore Is now 2 years old. He is the most

things are unique to everyone, for sure genes play a part in this but each and everyone of us are different and that’s what is so beautiful and unique about every race in the world.

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WHAT I WANT MY

Birth Mother TO KNOW

By Rhiannon Wyton I am adopted. It all happened when I was a baby.

So, I've never met my mother.

My father is not named on my birth certificate.

In actual fact, I have two birth certificates, one with my birth name and one with my adoptive name.

I grew up in a home made of love, a home where I was told about my adoption in such a way that it has never been an issue for me. I've never felt anything missing, never felt sad, never wished I wasn’t adopted. Getting my parents was like winning the parent lottery.

I’ve had questions and curiosities, which I can recognise now as being

perfectly natural. However, this hasn’t always been the case. I've felt a sense of guilt around these little nagging thoughts. To be wondering about this woman, the woman who only gave birth to me, felt like a betrayal to my parents who had raised me, wrapped me in their unconditional love. So I packed my questions away. Put them in a little box in my mind and got on with living my life.

Then, last year, as I became a mother, that things got me thinking again. I simply could not imagine someone taking my baby from me. I was lying there in hospital on my first night as a mother, feeding my baby, literally feeling my heart expanding.

Everything I was feeling was all consuming and

overwhelming, it was undeniable and was surely to big to compartmentalise. My birth mother would have done this, she would have held me, looked at me, hell, she’d have given birth to me. I mean childbirth itself is no small thing, I can’t fathom going through all that without getting to keep your glorious life changing reward.

Of course, it was different, my birth mother knew from the start she wasn’t keeping me, so I can’t really understand her state of mind.

She would have had to form an emotional barrier between herself and the baby she was carrying. Can you actually imagine that? Imagine feeling that baby move inside you and respond to your touch, imagine

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ohearing the heartbeat, all the while having to make sure you don’t get attached. I think she must have been very strong and despite probably knowing the decision she’d made was the best for both of us, it still must have been incredibly hard.

I was given a letter when I was 18 that fills in a few blanks, medical history, a little but about her and a little bit about why. It is written as though for a younger child and reads a bit like a children’s story. To this day, it is one the of the strangest things I have ever read, reading about me but not me.

From this, I learnt she stayed in the hospital with me for a day or two before I was taken into foster care. I know she took a picture holding me and sent it

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to her brother in America. That must have been hard too, surely every second extra she spent with her baby was another second for her to wonder if she could let that baby go. Even if your brain knows, your hormones don’t.

I admire this young girl. She must have been so scared to find herself in the situation she did. She then faced this incredibly heart wrenching process and took control of her life. I was told she wanted to travel, she was going to study in France. I really hope she got to do it.

I do still have questions and maybe one day I'll ask her. But if I never do, I feel I understand her a little better now, now that I'm a mother too. I understand she

became a mother when she had me, the fact that she didn't keep me doesn't make her any less a mother, she just wasn’t really mine.

I wonder sometimes if she ever thinks about me. I hope she feels okay about it all. I hope she never felt bad for doing the right thing.

My parents raised me with compassion and understanding, they were never afraid to tell me how it was I came into their lives and they are the reason I am who I am, they are the reason I don’t feel like there’s anything missing. My life is exactly what it was meant to be and for that I will always be grateful.

BY CARA SIDNEY

MOTHERING WITHOUT MY MOTHER FIGURES

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From the day I found out I was pregnant, I always felt like something was missing. I announced my pregnancy to everyone I wanted to and then it hit me; I couldn’t tell my Mam. The one person who would have been my first go-to wasn’t there to hear the news. My Mam lost her battle to cancer when I was just eight years old. I had been coping okay over the years. It wasn’t until I fell pregnant I realised she wouldn’t be here for the big milestones in my life like having a baby or getting married.

I was fortunate to have such a supportive partner and additional birthing partner during my birth and the tough months that followed, but I will always remember lying there in the operating theatre, due to needing an assisted birth, and one of the nurses stood beside me and said ‘I bet your Mam can’t wait’ and it hit me like a tonne of bricks, I felt the walls closing in around me as I fought back tears. The months following my birth were tough, I suffered from preeclampsia in pregnancy that involved a hospital stay one week before giving birth, plus a hospital stay afterwards for myself. It was nothing that I had planned or imagined. All the questions I had, ALICE & THE MUMS |14

all the doubts I had, all the things I needed to talk about to my Mam and she wasn’t there. Looking back I feel like this kick-started my postnatal depression and possibly antenatal depression too.

Five days after Rosa was born my Nanna sadly lost her battle to cancer. I remember going to see her and I was still in so much pain from delivery, I can still hear my tear-fighting voice when I said my last words to her ‘I’m okay, we’re okay, I’ll be okay’. I like to believe she held on till I got home and part of me prepared for her to go once she had met Rosa. I remember going to her funeral just over two weeks post-partum and it all felt so strange. It was almost like losing my Mam all over again. It brought back floods of memories and emotions that I felt I had to block out because I had a newborn baby to look after. I was scared, I didn’t know what I was doing, and more importantly I had lost my immediate mother figures in my life when I needed them most.

Following my Nanna’s funeral, I struggled day after day, long night after long night. Rosa was unwell when she was a newborn including severe reflux. I remember

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having a breakdown to my health visitor when Rosa was about eight weeks old, saying I couldn’t do it, I felt lonely, I was anxious all the time, couldn’t enjoy any of it and to be perfectly honest in those moments I didn’t want to be a mother - I didn’t know-how.

Following the talk with my health visitor, she referred me to a Perinatal Mental Health team who specialise in maternal mental health. Therapy sessions included Rosa in them, which was a blessing because I can openly say for the first 2 months of Rosa’s life, when the death of my Nanna was still raw and postnatal depression had hit me like a bus, I did not bond with her. I remember being scared to start therapy, thinking I would have to sit there on a seat with a bright light shining down talking about how I felt like an incapable mother. I wasn’t judged in the slightest and six months into therapy I looked forward to the sessions; it helped me understand myself not only as a mother but as Cara. If you’re struggling the best thing you can do is reach out for help.

It’s so important to remember the darkest days won’t last forever and there's always help out there.

"Six months into therapy I looked forward to the sessions; it helped me understand myself not only as a mother but as Cara."

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PARENTING A HIGH NEEDS BABY

By Charlotte Caton

When we found out we were expecting a baby, I pictured what our life would be like with a newborn.

I assumed our son would be content and laid-back, like a mini version of us. I knew parenthood would of course be challenging, but I didn’t expect it to be like this 24/7.

But what I have now learned from having a High Needs Baby is to expect the unexpected!

When Teddy was born, he came out with a piercing loud scream that many of the midwives pointed out was much louder than any baby they had ever heard. How could something so small make such a huge noise?! Little did we know that this was going to be the intense scream we would be dealing with every single time he cried. Nappy needs changing? Cover your ears!

A few weeks into Motherhood, I was experiencing something completely different to the image I once had in mind.

Teddy screamed throughout the day and hated being put down. The only time he was quiet was when he was asleep on my chest, and he would never settle for anyone else. To get through the nights, we co-slept from when he was just six weeks old. For every nap, I rocked Ted around the room, making ‘shhh’ noises and playing white noise on my phone. We had quite intense feeding difficulties throughout our short-lived breastfeeding journey and

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bottle feeding too, but a specialist had ruled out the possibility of a tongue tie, lip tie and high palate quite early on, so there was no visible issue. We bought more than five different types of bottles, including a specialty feeding bottle, but none of those improved his behaviour whilst feeding. He was just a very unhappy, unsettled baby, which is worrying for every mum. *Cue hours on end of Googling possible issues* We did some research into reflux and Cows Milk Protein Allergy, considering whether this could be the issue that is causing Ted to be so uncomfortable.

Following numerous GP appointments, a Dietician referral, three types of reflux medication and months trialling four different allergy milk formulas; there was still no improvement. It felt like we had hit a brick wall, I had no idea what the problem was. He was unsettled almost all day, every day. At this time, we had just entered the first national lockdown when he was just four months old, so there wasn’t much help we could seek. He hated the pram so we couldn’t go for walks unless he was in a carrier – even so, he would usually scream within ten minutes so we wouldn’t venture further than the end of our road. It felt so isolating that I would nap alongside Ted to make the day go faster!

I then discovered an article written by the attachment guru Dr Sears, and almost cried with how it rung true to our experience so far. I highly recommend reading this article ‘12 signs Your Baby is High Need’ which explains the typical characteristics, with the most relatable traits for us being Intense, Unsatisfied and Unpredictable. This gave us a whole new insight into why our baby may be so unhappy. It seems he is just having a hard time adjusting to his new life and is super sensitive to stimulation. Dr Sears advises to widen your expectations which introduces you to a new way of parenting. For us, that meant a very immediate, responsive approach, being flexible to meet Teddy’s demanding needs. Once we adjusted (over time) to this idea, things became a lot easier.

And so, acceptance is key!

We quickly learned to have a lot of patience and to avoid triggers – in Ted’s case, this meant to ease him into any

change of situation. Even something as simple as getting in the car seat, there’s a routine and order that we would do this in to avoid a meltdown! You’ve got to pick your battles, haven’t you?! The first six months were quite horrendous, but things got easier as he gained more independence. Ted has always been very forward, hitting his gross motor skill milestones quite early for his age; he crawled at seven months and walked at nine months! He is now 13 months old and I can honestly say that I love the character that he has become, his High Need personality traits make him the independent, strong-minded little person that he is today. Although he is still sensitive to life’s discomforts, he is an incredibly happy toddler, bursting with energy to play and very quick to learn. I cannot wait to have another little one

It is always helpful to have a Mantra, mine was ‘the time will soon pass’ and it sure did. (although the thought of having another High Needs baby is rather nervewracking).

If you think you may also have a High Needs baby, my best advice would be to seek support, there are Facebook groups and online forums of parents who are experiencing the same thing. And whilst advice does not always work with high needs that so individual and unique to each baby, you can find solidarity that others are going through something similar.

And lastly, it is always helpful to have a Mantra, mine was ‘the time will soon pass’ and it sure did.

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HYPNOBIRTHING HAS IT

BY STEPHANIE HELEN WITT FULLY QUALIFIED HYPNOTHERAPIST NATIONAL HYPNOTHERAPY SOCIETY MEMBER GENERAL HYPNOTHERAPY REGISTER AFFILIATE MEMBER EFT PRACTITIONER

"If the body is left to its own devices with the mother remaining relaxed and open the body kicks into gear and knows exactly what to do"

I was staring down at my toes, which were encased in damp, satisfyingly smooth sand. I wiggled my feet to imbed them still further and waited for the impending water to cover them momentarily, before sweeping back into the main body of the sea. I raised my head and took a deep inhalation of salty sea air into my lungs, held it there and then exhaled loudly with a smile forming across my mouth as I did so.

The sun was pleasantly penetrating my skin and the warmth made me feel safe and hugely supported. I felt immersed in natural beauty and wholly at peace until a loud voice cut through the scene and bellowed: “You might well be in established labour now dear.”

Just like that I was back in my suburban townhouse reaching for the gas and air and refocusing on my husband scrolling through his emails.

That my friends is visualisation, it is using the power of your

subconscious mind to take you away from the cramping in your lower abdomen, that is preparing your body to birth your baby and transport you to somewhere that is whole lot more serene. Visualisation is powerful, as it calls on your imagination to remove yourself from your current predicament - in this case physical discomfort and mentally focus on something else that evokes calm and a sense of control.

Going to your “special place” is just one technique affiliated to hypnobirthing, which put simply is just a way of preparing for a natural and controlled delivery.

Hypnobirthing is taught on the premise that women have been birthing babies for millions of years and the female body is built with this in mind. If the body is left to its own devices with the mother remaining relaxed and open the body kicks into gear and knows exactly what to do

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without any intervention from the advanced part of the brain. Birthing a baby should remain a primeval act and often requires limited medical intervention.

Hypnobirthing teaches relaxation and helps the mother concentrate on her breathing, ensuring it is slow, controlled and beneficial. Instead of big pushes, mothers are encouraged to breathe their baby down slowly. The thinking being that having a women that is calm, relaxed and in control of loosening her body will have a natural, uncomplicated labour leading to the birth of a calm and healthy offspring.

Hypnobirthing also relies heavily on education and the quelling of fear. It seeks to stamp out the need for loud vocalisation of pain and demands for pethidine and epidurals. Instead it teaches the science and facts behind relaxed muscles and non-anxious minds allowing the female anatomy to work efficiently and organically

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without being manipulated in unnatural directions.

The use of language is also important within the hypnobirthing framework – instead of the unwelcome word contraction we use the terms wave or surge. That way the brain associates the tightening of the uterus with strong, powerful and natural sensations that occur for a purpose and are eventually quietened leading to respite. It is about approaching your birthing journey free from the woes of horror stories or the anticipation of what might be, but instead striding forward with an open mind and an adaptable attitude.

Labour is notoriously difficult to predict or read, but having the knowledge that hypnobirthing allows means that whether you have an emergency C-Section or a medical complication its techniques are fully adaptable. You can be somewhere else in your mind’s eye whilst zooming past oncoming traffic

in an ambulance or whilst bouncing on your gym ball you can be mentally turning down the pain. Now excuse me whilst I shut my eyes and return to my balmy beach...

Stephanie is a hypnobirthing specialist offering one to one sessions or group Pregnancy Relaxation classes run in conjunction with Do It Like A Mother.

For more information please call on 07725635120 or go to the website: www.hypnotherapyinessex. co.uk

DEBUNKING MYTHS ABOUT VACCINATIONS All information in this piece is taken from the NHS and WHO websites and is 100% accurate, unbiased, factual, scientific information. This is not specifically about the COVID-19 vaccine but vaccines in general, but the information below does apply to

Firstly it’s important to be aware that anti-vaccination stories are spread throughout social media.

Please ensure the information you access is from reliable sources and based on scientific evidence.

If there is anything you are ever unsure or need more information about, please speak to a medical professional. With the Covid19 vaccine hitting the headlines and beginning to me administered, there has been a surge in false or manipulated ‘facts.’

The Myths Myth "Vaccines Cause Autism" In 1998, a controversial study by scientist Andrew Wakefield was published, with claims that vaccinations, particularly the MMR immunisations, caused children to develop autism. This had been completely discredited and was based on no real evidence. Since then there have been many studies

proving this to be incorrect and that fewer than 1% of children who have these vaccination later go on to be diagnosed with autism. This is no more than those that aren't vaccinated.

Myth "Vaccines Cause Allergies" Vaccines do not cause allergies, but do contain ingredients such as egg protein that some people may be already allergic too. If you do have a food allergy or ALICE & THE MUMS |21

have a reaction to a vaccination, seek medical advice.

Myth "Vaccines weaken your immune system and make it harder to fight off other illness."

Vaccines help your immune system by teaching it how to create antibodies that protect you from diseases. Without

the antibodies, you can become seriously ill, and in some circumstances, if vulnerable, die. It's much safer for your immune system to learn how to create new antibodies through vaccination than by catching the diseases and treating them.

Once your immune system knows how to fight a disease, it can often protect you for many years.

The Facts Vaccinations undergo rigorous safety checks and are monitored way beyond approval.

If enough people are vaccinated against something, it will get rid of the illness you are vaccinating against. If people stopped vaccinating in masses then these infectious diseases will spread- and killquickly again

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They protect you from potentially deadly illness.

Vaccines prevent up to 3 million deaths worldwide every year.

They help protect those who cannot have the vaccination.

Vaccine hesitancy is one of the top 10 threats to global health, according to WHO. Due to vaccine hesitancy, the numbers of children contracting MMR has doubled in the last 4 years.

LONDON FITNESS MAMAS: MAKING YOUR HABITS STICK FOR 2021 GOALS

BY BEN SIMPKINS

By the time you read this, you may already be well into your new year goals. Whether that be to read more, learn a new skill or to get fit. New year offers a clean slate and the first 10 days of the year lead to a frenzy of activity towards you achieving your goal.

But most people give up within 3 weeks of a new goal.

Blue Monday, the 3rd Monday of January, is seen to be the most depressing day of the year. It usually coincides with people giving up with their new habits.

So what can you do to make it stick and make 2021 your year?

This month’s article is going to go over a few bits you can do to help you stick to your health and fitness goals to help you focus and understand what you are trying to achieve.

Understanding Your Goal

Choosing is easy right? You

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want to run 5k, drop a dress size or you want to have more energy and feel better. But the big question is “Why”.

Whenever we work with clients we try to get to the why of the goal. And it seems simple but most of the time they don’t have the answer. People know what they want to aim for to make them feel better but it's an outer layer goal, it’s just the starting point. Like an onion you need to peel back the layers, to understand what the target means to you deeper down.

For example, maybe you want to do a 5km or 10km run this year. The reason is you want to feel fitter and healthier. Because you haven't prioritised your health recently. You haven’t consistently exercised in a while.

As a result your body shapes not where you want it to be and you have no energy to keep up with your kids.

This is just a small example and it can go so much deeper than this. It's a regular theme we see with clients but you can see how just going a little deeper into the why of a goal. There are so many aspects that can be worked on to improve all those areas.

What if you pick up an injury and you can’t run for a couple of weeks? But you can still do work on your health and your energy levels. When you understand your goal, and when you are emotionally attached to how it can improve your life. You are more likely to not only stick to it, but to put the work in when times get tough.

It does get tough and it does take grit to stick to it. But when you understand how it is going to impact your life rather than “I want to run 10km” you are more likely to succeed.

Take some time to dig into what you want to achieve and

how it can affect other aspects of your life.

Break It Down Once you understand all the aspects of your goals, then you can break it down into mini goals. This helps give you little landmarks of success and shows you are on the right track. It also helps stop procrastination. If the goal is too big, it can put you off so starting with small manageable steps can help make it seem easy to achieve.

You want to have your long term goals 6-12 months away, midterm 1-3 months and short term weekly.

Work your way backwards from the long term goal, break it down into small little steps that you are achieving weekly.

So if your goal is to run a 10km by the end of the year. This week's goals could be to walk 5km, and get 2x500m runs in, drink 1 cup extra of water a day.

It seems small but you work on building the foundations for success rather than jumping in the deep end.

Stack The Small Habits Once you know your small goals, then you need to find a way to make them a habit. The best way to do this is to add it to your routine. Habit stacking is a great way to build the task into your day without having to think about it too much.

Find your task, for example the extra cup of water a day, then add it to a habit you already do. So you may do something like this; Previous routine - Wake up, look at your phone, go put the kettle on, look at your phone while it boils, make coffee

New routine: Wake up, look at your phone, go put the kettle on, drink a cup of water while looking at your phone as the kettle boils, make coffee.

Find sections of your day where you can attach the new habit you want to achieve to your current routine. It stops you from going all in and then not being able to maintain this new version of yourself. Which leads to people giving up on their goals. Keep it simple and stick to it.

Celebrate This is the toughest part for most people, especially if you're British, but celebrate ANY small victory. Managed to walk to the shops instead of driving, celebrate it. Got an extra 30 minutes of sleep due to going to bed earlier, celebrate. Went for a healthier food choice, celebrate it!

Our brain is designed to look at short term success. It hunts out where it can get a quick fix, it is not designed for long term planning. We all know we should be eating lots of vegetables and clean meats.

Which will lead to a lower calorie intake and healthier body. But doesn’t a burger, fries and milkshake taste seem so much more tempting?!

To create a habit you need to link it to instant gratification.

Find a way to celebrate all the small wins as the more you celebrate, the more your brain will like it. This means you are more likely to do that small habit that leads to your long term goals.

Obviously try not to celebrate with a chocolate bar.

Try to find something that gives you a little pat on the back for working towards your long term goal.

Accountability Partner(s) This is the greatest way to commit to your goal, by having someone else that you need to keep yourself accountable to.

Whether it is your spouse, a friend, a group on the same journey or a PT/coach. Find someone who you need to show up for, it is a lot harder skipping that workout if someone is waiting for you.

It immediately adds a cost to inaction as you are no longer just skipping your session. You are skipping your session and letting down whoever is your accountability partner.

This is why our online coaching programme works so well, we take in a group of up to 5 mamas. All whom are looking to achieve better health, fitness and overall wellness and we work together for 12 weeks. This way you have a support bubble of like minded women, all on a journey together.

If you would like to find out more about our next intake then you can book a qualifying call to see if we can work together on; https://calendly.com/lon donfitnessmamas/stron gmamaproject

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The Sweet Life of Kay

WRITTEN BY KAYLEIGH WILLIAMS

REMINDER- RELAX! YOU'RE DOING A GREAT JOB. I get told a lot that I need to take more time out for myself, whether that be stepping aside from working, doing the housework or simply trying to be the best mum I can be. I don't know why I never listened to anyone, but it's taken me nearly two and a half years to finally listen to people and do it, and so should you.

I feel like as mums, we naturally put our all into our children, it's a natural thing for us to do and we never think twice about it. We forget a lot of the time that we actually need to look after number one too. After all, we are the ones who brought these bundles of joy into the world, we should give ourselves a pat on the back sometimes and remind ourselves of just how wonderful we really are.

I've always said that Mother's Day shouldn't be the one day of the year where we thank our mums, grandmothers, aunties etc for all of the hard work they've done for us, we should be doing it everyday. Of course it's lovely to celebrate the occasion, but I really feel like it should be a regular thing! I always say that every day is a day to let someone know just how much they mean to you.

Some times I have to sit back, when I'm moaning I'm too tired or no one is helping me around the house, that there are women who do this alone. I honestly couldn't imagine myself as a single parent, god knows how I would find the time in the day to even have a ALICE & THE MUMS |26

shower, some days I don't get my morning coffee til around 1pm!

Single mums do not get the recognition they deserve, they really are super mums and should be so proud of themselves! I have so many friends who are single mums and they do not complain once about anything (it kind of makes me feel guilty when I moan and have Owen there to help) and it goes to show that sometimes you just have to get on with it, no questions asked!

I'll be completely honest with you, there are days where I feel like I'm so under appreciated or I've really had enough of doing everything day in and out. But then I think, haven't we all felt like this? We're mums, females, humans at the end of the day. My hormones drive me crazy at the best of times, one day I can be completely fine and then the others you'll want to stay away from me! When I get those days of

"SINGLE MUMS DO NOT GET THE RECOGNITION THEY DESERVE, THEY REALLY ARE SUPER MUMS AND SHOULD BE SO PROUD OF THEMSELVES!" low self-esteem, I like to pamper

of you, instead of the future. I

myself to remind my body that I

spend a lot of my time worrying

can do anything, I'm one of the

about the future, what I'll be like

greatest species out there and

as a mum when Harry is older but

I've created the most beautiful

it shouldn't be that way, and it

little boy in the whole world,

won't be.

nothing couldn't possibly ever

I need to relax and realise that

bring me down. Even if it's half an

I've done such an amazing job

hour of the day painting my nails

already!I know it can be easier

or whatever, at least I've taken

said than done to realise just how

that time to look after me and do

important you are, but take a look

something I love!

at all of the things you've

I've started reading again and

achieved in your life. All of the

I'm actually really enjoying it, a lot!

things you didn't think you could

I know reading can seem a little

do, but done anyway. I guarantee

boring to some, but it really helps

it'll make you smile...And that's

me to sleep at night. I feel so

how you remind yourself of just

much more relaxed at night now,

how important you are.

I'm staying away from my phone and really taking an interest in what's right in front of me. It's taught me a lesson to step back and focus on what's right in front

ALICE & THE MUMS |27

AUNTIE K'S TIPS: A GUIDE TO HOMESCHOOLING First time around was challenging enough for many parents and having to Homeschool again might be sending you into a blind panic but here are a few ways to hopefully help you get through the next few weeks.

Remain A Parent Firstly, nobody is expecting you to be an actual teacher.

First and foremost you are a parent and even if you do happen to be a teacher as well, teaching your own kids is not at all like being in a classroom with 30 kids that are not your own.

Instead, keep to being a parent and the responsibility that brings like giving encouragement and support and ensuring they know that doing their best is good enough.

Do What Works Best For Your Child Talk with your child about what you and school expect of them and let them have some input about how they will go about their learning.

ALICE & THE MUMS |28

If you are working from home, will you need to share a work space? Will your child work best independently somewhere quiet? Or will they need one-to-one support?

This may vary depending on how your school organises online learning but consider what will work best for them and then form some sort of plan together.

Giving children choice also gives them a sense of being in control which in turn will decrease any disagreements over work and won't create any added stress.

Do be mindful about how much work your child can realistically do though so

schedule in some breaks and importantly, schedule in some fun too!

Communicate Your child's teacher will be on hand for support so make sure you get in contact with any worries or questions you or your child may have. The teacher may be able to set different work or talk your child through things if they need it.

Make sure you chat with other parents.

It will help you feel less alone with it all and letting the kids chat to each other might give them a boost too. After all, school is a great place for social development too.

Praise And Reward Rewards for learning are used in every classroom and home should be no different.

Reward charts or jars are a great way to give your child an incentive to do their work. The reward can be whatever you like but maybe letting your child choose might give further incentive.

Praise can make the world of difference to a child, giving their self esteem a real boost so make sure that you acknowledge the work that they are doing and praise them for working hard during difficult circumstances.

Don't Stress Easier said then done I know but some days things just won't go as intended. It really doesn't matter. Everyone has a different home set up. With other siblings to consider and parents also working from home, it isn't always going to be plain sailing. You are doing the best you can and that is what counts.

ALICE & THE MUMS |29

W H A T H A V E Y O U D O N E T H I S M O N T H T O M A K E Y O U F E E L P R O U D ?

I ASKED YOU LOVELY LOT TO SHARE ON INSTAGRAM YOUR SMALL WINS- THE THINGS YOU MANAGED TO DO THAT ARE WORTH CELEBRATING. HERE'S MY FAVOURITES!

ALICE & THE MUMS |30

Going to the garden centre with both my girls. Have got so reliant on hubby being home for a year.

d alk a n w a it for lea ve lly go a o t n i t f ou to d re ab aged nt an e e n w a w e l M " w s til ." inute t we orses u m h b l e a g h t in loc d rain isit some e t r a t s ov ent t w o s l a

"Cooked a Sund ay dinner from sc ratch!"

Washed, dried AND curled my hair.

Both babies played together nicely while I had a coffee.

ails n y m g n i y r d "Painting and ns!" o i t p u r r e t n i o with n

use I e r e kye th S h t i w oved out l k r e h o s w t a u Did to b t o n e s u e xc her as an n! joining i

I took the decorations down so it feels tidier even though it's not!

ALICE & THE MUMS |31