Alice & The DADS Magazine Issue 11

A L I C E & T H E M U M S ISSUE 11 DECEMBER 2020

S D A D

KEEP FIT THIS FESTIVE SEASON Our resident dad, Ben & newcomer Arran on health and fitness

THE EXPECTATIONS OF FATHERHOOD

Honest accounts from dads through interviews and articles by the men themselves!

DADS SPECIAL

YOU ASKED FOR IT AND HERE IT IS! THE HIGHLY REQUESTED DADS SPECIAL

CONTENTS 4 Editor's Note 5 Helen's Interview 8 Nicola's Interview 12 Alice's Interview 15 The Sweet Life of Kay Columnist Kayleigh tells us about the pros of having her partner home during lockdown and what they got up to 19 Upgradad's Top Health Tips Tips for optimising your health 22 Things I Didn't Know Before Becoming A Dad Helpful tips from Luke 26 The House is Noisy J. J. Johnson on the expectations of fatherhood

15 Dad In Lockdown

30 Fit Festivities LFM's Ben on staying healthy this Christmas

How lucky have some of us been to have more time as a family?

ALICE & THE MUMS | 3

EDITOR'S NOTE Finally, the Dads are getting a little bit of attention!

I am so so pleased these dads stepped forward to talk about fatherhood- whether that be through interviews with their partners or writing their own pieces.

Fatherhood isn't easy. Motherhood isn't easy.

Being a parent isn't easy- full stop. But us mums have a fabulous community built around us through Instagram. We have 'mum and baby' groups. We get to spend so much time with our baby, which although doesn't feel like it all the time, is actually a total blessing.

Dads don't get the same level of support, do they? I mean, mums don't all the time, but dads aren't represented as well as mums. They need each other too. They needs support and need to know that how they feel is normal.

I remember when Ted was born, I seemed to fit into motherhood easily. I'd had time to prepare and the reality was attached to me. Rob however, struggled. He could have done with something like this for reassurance, that life wasn't over and that there was life beyond this little alien in my arms.

And so here we have the highly requested, and needed, dad's issue.

ALICE KING EDITOR

ALICE & THE MUMS |4

Mum Bun A NEW DAD- 22 MONTHS IN

Chronicles Interviewed by Helen Marshall Dads often get forgotten about when a new baby comes into the world. The general hierarchy is baby, mum, dad, but we need to remember that for dads it can be an incredibly overwhelming experience too. During the months since our little girl was born, my husband has been our rock; he’s done everything we need and more, so I wanted to ask his perspective on becoming a dad and what he loves about it!

What was your initial reaction when you found out you were going to be a dad?

To be honest, I was half asleep and it barely

registered. My wife was unimpressed to say the least. When I’d come round, I was over the moon and so excited. I was expecting it, as we’d just started to take note of ovulation and everything like that, probably a bit quicker than I thought, but expected and excited all the same!

What was the best part about your partner during pregnancy? *very long pause* Being the designated driver? I’m kidding… well, I’m not, that is a massive bonus! It was great to see how excited she was for everything. It gave her something to look

ALICE & THE MUMS | 5

forward to and work towards, it was just very nice to see.

And what was the worst?

The sickness. Bless her, she felt sick at lot, then after 12 weeks when it supposedly gets better, she actually started throwing up and there was so little that I could do, other than offer water and food if she fancied anything.

She also is stubborn and wouldn’t accept help when she needed it – that extended into after pregnancy too…

What was the day your wife went into labour like for you?

Very quick! I got up at 5:30ish ready to go to work as normal, I was boiling the kettle and heard her screaming upstairs that she thought her waters had broken (they had, it was everywhere). I thought the whole thing would take ages, but once we were in the

hospital, we didn’t leave until the next day.

Everything was a blur. The worst bit was my wife throwing up in triage – the smell made me want to be sick. I obviously didn’t complain about it on the day, but honestly!

It did feel like panic stations, but my mum (who lives next door) is an ex-midwife, so she came to help for an hour or so. Then, I just tried my best to support my wife any way I could. I was so proud of her, still am. It’s the best thing she’s ever done.

How was the post-partum period for you?

It was strange – we didn’t know the sex, but I always assumed we would have a boy, so I was coming to terms with having a daughter too.

The first day/night in hospital, I was doing all the changing due to my wife having episiotomy stitches and not being able to move much; but, everything did seem to come naturally. Going home was a different ballgame. Everything was very overwhelming and I had the sudden realisation that we had this child to look after with no comfort bubble of the hospital; it was very much “what do we do now?!”

"Going home was a different ballgame.

Everything was very overwhelming."

ALICE & THE MUMS |6

The first month (which I was lucky to have off work) was a blur of no sleep, teleshopping, Fraiser and Gordon Ramsey’s Kitchen Nightmares.

I was really worried about my wife, because the baby blues did seem to last longer than they “should”, but I did everything I could to help and support her. I was worried about going back to work, but everything was fine in the end.

sense of pride (and my heart melts on a daily basis).

Are there things I would insist on doing differently now?

Absolutely, but hindsight is a wonderful thing.

What would your advice be for a first time dad-to-be?

It’ll come to you.

No one is an expert, even though people will talk to you like they are. Advice will always be on hand, but go with your gut.

Get involved, help out. It can be so easy to take a backseat.

And, please, try and enjoy it, you’ll never get the time back.

What’s your favourite thing about being a dad?

This is a hard one.

Seeing yourself in them, seeing them develop and knowing you’re part of that development – it gives me an immense

What’s your least favourite thing about being a dad?

Feeling guilty for not spending ALL my time with my daughter. Where we live there is an endless list of jobs that need doing and trying to find the balance between work, home jobs and family time is very difficult.

ALICE & THE MUMS |7

INTERVIEWED BY NICOLA DUFFY

SO LET'S START OFF RIGHT FROM THE START! One of our regular contributors, Nicola Duffy, interviews her partner on becoming a dad and the journey they went to becoming parents. A difficult start, with a very happy ending!

Did you want to be a dad before we discovered we were having a baby?

Yes, I think I’ve always wanted to be a dad but never knew if I’d find the right person to start a family with.

What were you looking forward to?

Everything! Growing up around kids (my mum was a childminder so there were always children of different ages in the house right through till I was in my 20’s) meant I was quite comfortable around kids of all ages… or I like to think I was.

So, the thought of having my own son or daughter to teach things to, and enjoy experiencing new things with, always sounded like a fun adventure. That being said I knew it wouldn’t all be plain sailing but even on the tough days James still does things that make you smile.

You came with me to an appointment to discuss the chances of us having a baby. It was a pretty tough appointment. We were advised that it would be difficult for us to have a baby. You were quite calm after the appointment and were ok about us looking at adoption in the future.

However, I really want to know what was going through your head? Were you a little bit disappointed? Frustrated?

Of course I was a little disappointed. I wanted – and still want – to give you everything you could ever want. I just wanted to click my fingers (Ok, so I can’t snap my fingers in real life but figure of speech) and make everything better.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t… but fortunately for us there was a happy ending that we didn’t see coming.

After about 8 months from the appointment. I took a pregnancy test and discovered that we were having a baby!

What was the first thought in your head?

It was a pretty indescribable feeling. I mean I think anything could have happened in those hours/days following and nothing could wipe the smile from my face. I obviously had some concerns around yours and James’ health, what the future would hold, etc. but in that initial moment I just thought WOW! You were previously made aware of my medical issues prior to the pregnancy.

Were you scared about them? If so, did you really tell me your thoughts?

You’ve been stuck with me long enough to know that I always try to put a positive spin on absolutely anything – or where I

ALICE & THE MUMS |9

can’t, make an awkward Dad joke (yes, even before I became a Dad I would make terrible Dad jokes). So, I probably did try to mask some of my concerns to try and 1, keep you upbeat, and 2, trick myself into being positive about everything. I don’t know if it worked as I definitely still had some concerns and if I could go back in time and give myself some advice I would probably tell myself to be more open about my concerns.

You accompanied me to every doctor appointment and scan, I was really pleased you got time off for them. As I really needed you then. Did you remember our first disastrous appointment where the doctor was not very useful and treated me awfully? What were you thinking after the appointment? Were you glad that you were there?

In my opinion that was probably the most frustrating thing that happened throughout the entire pregnancy. It felt very much that in that doctor’s eyes you were an interesting ‘case’ rather than a pregnant mother to be.

After the disastrous appointment. We much!

"After that first Some of what we have previously appointment, I think I discussed was heavy going. So, lets talk about scans! How did you feel must have floated all when we were there?

Before the very first scan there was the way to the car I obviously a lot of nerves. But after that first appointment, I think I must have was that happy!" floated all the way to the car I was that managed to be seen by a better doctor and changed hospitals which worked out much better. What were your thoughts about the change of hospital?

I think everyone we came into contact with after that initial appointment were amazing. I could probably say thank you everyday for the rest of my life and I don’t think that would be enough! They really were that great! If anybody happens to be reading this – Thank you again so, so,

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happy. For me at least, with each subsequent scan the nerves got less and excitement got greater and greater.

We didn’t find out the sex of our baby.

However, I want to know, did you really want a surprise?

Definitely! I think the not knowing added even more excitement to what was already an amazing experience. Thinking back on it now it possibly even helped to distract from some of the worries and concerns as you end up considering double

the options for everything – names, clothes, nursery colours… - so there was less time to think about those terrible what if’s.

Like I said earlier you accompanied me to every doctor and scan appointment.

However, you couldn’t make every midwife appointment. You did make it to one of the most important midwife appointments where we heard the heartbeat for the first time! How did that make you feel? Did you secretly want to cry?

That was an amazing experience and I am so glad I made it to that appointment.

To any Dads to be out there I would definitely say, try to get to as many of the appointments as you can, as even before your little boy/girl arrives in this world they give so many exciting moments.

I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes during the pregnancy. So we made

changes to our lifestyle and diet. Were you happy with the changes? Most importantly were you sneaking away to have some chocolate?

Truth be told, I probably didn’t have the greatest diet prior to this so if anything this helped improve MY health so no complaints from me. As for the chocolate‌ we all have our secrets đ&#x;˜‰ That’s, the pre-natal questions done. So, lets talk about the big day! When we were introduced to our son! You were with me during the c-section. How were you feeling? You also got to cut the cord? How was that?

In some ways it’s a complete blur and in others it’s as clear as yesterday such as getting to hold him for the first time. It’s a very strange feeling and one I am so thankful to have had. Even thinking back to it now I’m sure I have a goofy look on my face‌ what else can I say except that day and those memories will always bring a smile to my face I ended up staying in the ward for 2 days and you had to go home. I want to know

what thoughts were going through your head on your way home and to the hospital?

The whole duvet is mine! Just kidding. I just wanted to get back to you and James and then get the 2 of you home as soon as possible.

So, I suffered with baby blues during the first week. I think many partners want to know how you coped with this?

I’m not going to lie, this was pretty tough. There were definitely moments where I wasn’t sure – and I’m still not sure – that I did the right thing.

I would say to anyone out there though, don’t be afraid to ask for help! Fortunately, we have great family and a great support network not to mention an amazing son who has a magical ability to make you smile just by doing the smallest of things.

Let’s skip to the present now. How do you feel about being a dad?

It’s the best thing in the world! There are obviously still concerns (what will we do when‌? What about‌? What if‌?) but I

think this is normal – I mean there are so many things I’d never done before James arrived that are now second nature so bring them on!

We are quite lucky that our son is pretty happy, however, he can have a few temper tantrums. How do you cope with the tantrums?

I think the best way to cope is to try and ignore him. It may sound harsh. It definitely can be extremely difficult. But I think by giving him the attention he craves will just make him throw tantrums even more – fortunately he is very well behaved (or at least he has been so far).

This is the last question. Don’t worry it’s a good question! I want to know what do you like doing the most with our son?

For me that’s an impossible question. I like everything‌ ok maybe not changing his dirty nappy but you hopefully know what I mean. My Mum and Dad told me when he was born to enjoy every moment with him and that’s exactly what I intend to do.

ALICE & THE MUMS | 11

Editor Alice & Her Partner, Rob Interviewed by Alice King One night, one bloody freezing cold night, I put on my comfies, sat on the sofa, and sprung upon Rob that I may or may not be interviewing him for the magazine. "Really?" he said. We are totally opposite when it comes to this sort of thing. He compromised with a "Can I play Fifa whilst doing it?" and opened up to each other about an experience that strangely enough, we rarely reflect on together!

When you first found out I was pregnant, how did you feel?

Surprised.

Erm…YEAH. It didn’t feel like it was actually real for a while I guess until we had the first scan. I remember we found out you were pregnant and then we thought you’d lost the baby because you were bleeding. That was really hard. It was scary, but I was happy.

Was there anything that surprised you? What would you say was the most unexpected thing about pregnancy for you?

Am I allowed to be honest here?

Yeah!

Okay I’m going to say the hormones! I’d never experienced that anger you before and that was really difficult to adjust to because all I wanted to do is help you be relaxed because I was worried about the stress on the baby. All of your emotions, even the good ones were really intense and heightened. Wasn’t surprised about your increase in diet because there wasn’t one because you’ve always eaten loads. But you were craving more sweet stuff.

I was so ill at the beginning, wasn’t I?

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You always say that you couldn’t see your bump but I could always see the bump.

Yeah, I was just so small wasn’t I before I was pregnant. I was a size zero or size 4 to 6. So if we fast forward to the moment I went into labour so-when my contractions started.

Well we didn’t know they were your contractions. We just thought you’d eaten too much Nandos!

I remember bouncing on my exercise ball and every now and then id be like OW this hurts! What else happened that night?

I remember you having a bath and we thought you’d wet yourself because the water changed colour! I had to count the timings in your little book with cows on it…Did it have cows on it?

No! It was Marc Jacobs notebook!

I mean it was obvious you were in labour but I had to call the labour ward. I had it saved in the favourites in my phone. And then Phoebe took us in and we went in that horrible little room and that doctor gave me full eye contact when he examined whether your waters had broken.

Oh yeah! My mum was there as well wasn’t she? She was meant to be out for dinner with her friends.

Yeah, she didn’t get her seabass.

There had been an ongoing joke that that night would be the one I went into labour. My mum had to be there she had always been on my birth plan.

Yeah she was on my birth plan too! There’s no way I could do it without her there.

I think next time she’ll have to be there as well.

Yeah she did do most of the work to be fair.

Yeah she did! I remember whilst I was giving birth you leaving the room to take phone calls quite a bit but in a really short space of time. Obviously I was there overnight so maybe as people started waking up they wanted to know what was going on.

We switched rooms at about 5 I think. I remember getting a drink and they were talking about putting that needle in your back.

What are your other memories of labour?

You weren’t using the gas and air properly but wouldn’t let it go. I remember sleeping on the floor for about 45 minutes. I remember watching this person who usually flinches in pain if a leaf falls on her handling the most painful thing in the world really well and I was a bit confused. You still do it now! I can’t believe that you gave birth and were fine, I dont understand.

I remember crying a lot.

Yep! I cant remember the exact words but when you thanked everyone. You stopped labour to say "Thank you everybody I'm so grateful!"

I remember thinking I need to make sure I thank everyone for this! Like I remember thinking that whilst Ted's head was crowning.

Yeah that was weird.

Weird but sweet.

Very sweet.

Who knew I had it in me to be sweet?

You shouted at me for not wiping your nose properly.

That was the only time I shouted at you to be fair! I did quite well. I just remember you dabbing my nose and I was like no I want you to squeeze it and blow my nose properly! So, the moment Ted was born. How did you feel first time holding him?

Really happy obviously but surprised how strong he was he almost kicked himself out my hands.

"I just remember Mum bought me a KFC. That's my main memory of Ted's birth."

He was so strong wasn’t he. I remember complaining about him tearing my stomach muscle and how strong his kicks were and no one believed me til he came out and was holding his own head up at 2 days old!

I always had this thing about worrying about crushing his head and that started then. I think I was more emotional seeing other people hold him and seeing their emotions. I just remember mum bought me a KFC. That's my main memory.

So what about that first week? That was by far the hardest.

God, it was awful. There was one point when you were both crying and both in different rooms and I didn't know who to go to.

I remember I was in the bathroom and because I tore I was in so much pain. I couldn’t wee because it stung so much. I was crying so bad because I was in so much pain. I actually found the recovery worse than labour. My labour was so quick so it was over and done with. I was just in so much pain and Ted was crying because my milk hadn’t come in.

I remember grandma took me out for lunch, and then I went to play football. It wasn’t until then that I felt normal again.

I remember you didn't want to play football BUT me and mum were like - no- you have to. I think you just needed to know that life wasn’t over and that you could still do the things you wanted to.

I remember walking into the changing room and they all cheered me. I remember trying to play football and I was so tired. It was nice to be there though.

I think you just needed to know your life was still normal and Ted hadn’t ruined your life! What about after your time off, so you had three or four weeks off because it was the holidays right? What was that like? Going back to work?

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It's me isn't it... it wasn’t really an issue I just got on with it.

Being at work was mentally tiring anyway- so it was hard.

I found myself trying to stay awake a lot.

Did you feel like you were missing out?

For the first year I didn't really like leaving you by yourself. Not that I thought you couldn’t cope, I was just jealous. I didn't feel like I was missing out because i've always felt like I had loads of quality time with him because of our holidays. I didn't like leaving you. It wasn’t nice.

That's so sad. I didn't know that.

I 'd often be a bit late to work.

What about now? What is it like being a dad of a two year old?

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I love it! This is how I imagined it would always be like.

Are you crazy?

I mean he is hard work. He doesn't misbehave as much for me as he does for you, but that's because you’re his mum. I know you find it hard him jumping all over you but I love that I want him to do it. I was wrestling him on the bed earlier. You know the rock? It was one of his signature moves. He reminds me of what I was like as a child and what I'm told I was like as a child and I wouldn’t have him any other way. He’s just Ted. He's so strong and he's very fit and healthy.

Going to be a sportsmen isnt he? What age or phase are you looking forward to next?

When he’s 18 and he leaves!

You’re so mean!

Edit that out. I don't see it in phases like you do, he’s just Ted, isn't he? I think when maybe he's a bit more independent. When he’s my proper mate and messes about. He's great at the moment but he just spouts gibberish and sings 'Old Macdonald had a Farm.'

I'm looking forward to school age when he starts learning stuff and asks me questions. I clearly have an inbuilt desire to teach everyone.

I'll leave that to you.

I’ll do English- you do maths. Do you know what fractions are? You do maths I'll do English. I have been teaching maths though this week!

But have you been teaching it well?

Who knows?! We will soon find out! What is the worst thing about being a dad?

Not being able to sleep or being in charge of when I sleep. I don't want to wake up at 6 I wanna stay in bed til 11 on a Sunday! There are things that are hard- not having as much freedom as before. Thinking about someone else rather than myself all the time was hard too.

I think the thing is, especially when you’re in your twenties, they are a selfish time.

But also, think about how much money we would have!

Imagine how much disposable income we would actually have?

Sleep and nursery fees- put that! Although that will pay off eventually- getting him into a routine for school.

What’s the best thing about being a dad?

Ted. Just the little boy that he is. He’s just universally loved. It's not just because he's a small person. He’s hilarious and just so much fun. He’s adorable. He's great really. Anyone who says being a parent is easy is lying. I know everyone thinks their kid is the best but he really is. He gives my life a bit of meaning. It's nice when he looks at you and you know he needs you and is dependent on you and loves you unconditionally. I hope he just continues growing up that way. I remember enjoying being a child and I hope that he does as well.

The Sweet Life of Kay

DADS HOME IN LOCK DOWN ALICE & THE MUMS |16

Although lockdown has been a

times, and when I was at home on

rather crappy time for all of us, I

my own all day everyday, it became

do feel like there has been some

very tough and challenging. I

perks to it. I don't mean the type

missed having people around me,

of perks like getting to watch

and I felt as if I was so distant from

Disney+ all day long, but the kind

the world; as if I was the only one

of perks where we grew closer as

who stayed at home all of the time!

a family, and it meant the world to

It was never a lovely feeling, and I

me!

found myself counting down the

I know sometimes us mums find motherhood very overwhelming at

hours for Owen to get home from work, which then

THE SWEET LIFE OF KAY

made me feel like I hadn't achieved anything in my life, or as if I had wasted a day.

Although I knew having Owen at home a lot of the time meant financially it was going to be a struggle, I secretly felt over the moon because we barely ever got to see him when he was working. It felt like he was working so many hours and not getting anywhere near enough wages than what he should have done. But I also knew that because Owen was

"I feel very lonely being a stay at home mum, so a part of me was simply happy I had someone to talk to!"

going to be at home a lot more, it meant we could enjoy our time as a family and really make some

myself to breathe as a person, and get my own kind

memories here.

of space at the same time. It's so important as a mum

I honestly feel like Dads sometimes feel a bit left out here and there, us mums get to spend a lot of our time with our little ones, especially in their first

to do that for yourself, even if it's simply having a bath on your own!

When the lockdown rules had lifted, I felt a little

years so I can fully understand why men feel left out.

gutted because it was so lovely having Owen home

I knew Owen had missed out on a lot of Harry's

all of the time and I really enjoyed spending time

milestones simply from being at work all of the time,

together. We took advantage of the daily exercise

so during lockdown I was going to make sure Owen

and went for walks everyday, we baked and did arts

and Harry got the bonding time they deserved! I

and crafts. It was just the loveliest time and a part of

know how excited Harry used to get when I told him

me is sad because we will never get that time back

"Daddy is on his way home." It really was lovely

again, but I also knew for financial reasons that

watching them both bond even more, I think they

Owen did have to go back to work, and life was going

both needed it a lot, and Harry was probably loving

to return to normal again. I know a lot of mums will

having a new face to look at, and to be honest so did

agree with me here that it is so lovely having dad

I!

home a lot of the time. It's lovely being able to stick I tried my hardest to make sure that we were

together when we all need it most, and it's also

constantly doing activities, and that both Harry and

lovely being able to make memories in not so lovely

Owen were satisfied. Don't get me wrong, some

situations.

days it really was harder than others and I'd be lying

I suffered a miscarriage during Lockdown, but

if I said we didn't get down each others throats all of

having Owen there to support me was one of the

the time, because most of the time we did but I

best things because I was already suffering from

wouldn't have expected anything less because we

being away from my family- it was lovely to have him

were all together 24/7, but I absolutely loved it.

around. I feel very lonely being a stay at home mum,

One of the things I told myself one year down the

so a part of me was simply happy I had someone to

line of being a mum, was that it's perfectly okay to

talk to! Lockdown was definitely tough, but its a part

ask for help here and then. Having Owen at home all

of my life I'm so glad I got to experience, for so many

of the time meant that I could do that, and allow

reasons.

ALICE & THE MUMS |17

NOW IT'S OVER TO THE DADS!

UPGRADAD'S TOP TIPS ON OPTIMISING YOUR LIFESTYLE FOR BETTER HEALTH

By Arran Holcombe Health Educator @upgradad

Follow Arran on Instagram for more! @upgradad

F

or the past two years, I’ve been actively learning how best to optimise my lifestyle for better health, through proactive and measured, preventative interventions.

Many of these are referred to as “biohacks”, which for me and many others are a way mimicking or returning back to nature/natural ways of living. The main catalyst for this was wanting to be vibrant father to our children (hence the neologism of upgraded and dad = Upgradad). This was following long-term ill-health for at least 2 years, after an arguably poor lifestyle, punctuated by a terrible reaction

to strong antibiotics. Much of what I’ve learnt and achieved comes thanks to meeting others in the biohacking and preventative/functional medicine and health space, and for this I am truly grateful. What follows is an account of many of the things I do to stay healthy. I’ve included a few recipes too, which I know you will enjoy.

Sleep I have a number of routines for sleep. The first is getting at least 30 minutes of bright morning sunlight. Better yet, watching the sunrise (though this isn’t always practical!) This helps to

synchronise my circadian rhythm.

If I drink a coffee (less in winter), it will only be one, before 10am. This is because caffeine has a half-life of anywhere from 6-10 hours, and bind to adenosine receptors in your brain.

Adenosine waves occur roughly every 90 minutes, and grow stronger throughout the day, eventually causing us to fall asleep.

I also wear blue light blocking glasses 3 hours before bedtime (usually 10pm). This allows my pineal gland to produce melatonin, required for deep sleep. Without them, artificial light prevents the accumulation of

ALICE & THE MUMS | 19

melatonin, resulting in poor quality sleep. Couple this with excessive caffeine, or a late-night work out, and you’ve a recipe for subsequent sleep disorders.

Some other habits I adopt for sleep include using a Lumie light clock, which wakes me up with a progressively brightening white light in the mornings (no alarm!) I remember setting my phone alarm for fifteen minutes after the waketime, as I was worried it wouldn’t work. To my surprise, I woke relaxed, and haven’t looked back since. I also have a hot bath or shower, in order to raise my body temperature. Afterwards, my body naturally compensates and reduces temperature, which improves my sleep latency (how

“

world to rights.

I so passionately believe in the power of community and its support that, in 2019, I set up Surrey Health Collective with three other local health practitioners. It is a non-profit that organises talks and meet-ups to learn, discuss and inspire health creation. We’ve had meet-ups in person, though more recently online, with speakers discussing spine health and chiropractic, cognitive behaviour therapy, essential oils, mediation and yoga and various forms of movement. Our next meet-up will be scheduled for the near year!

Relax I love to relax; but not in the

traditional sense! Top of my list is cold therapy/exposure. I have a large, clean bin full of cold water (ideally, it has to be below 7℃). At least once a week, typically on a Sunday morning, I submerge up to my shoulders for up to 5 minutes.

This short burst of hormetic stress aims to increase my long-term resilience to all stress. You can get the same benefits from taking a cold shower. If you’re new to this, start with face-dunking in cold water, then shorter and progressively longer bursts of cold exposure.

Whilst submerged in cold water, I engage in deep breathing techniques, inspired by a Wim Hof method coach called Leigh Win @leighewin. When I get out, I do

I so passionately believe in the power of community and its support that, in 2019, I set up Surrey Health Collective with three other local health practitioners.

quickly I fall asleep). Finally, I take a magnesium supplement before bed, help calm my central nervous system (it’s essential for 300 metabolic processes in your body anyway). I monitor my sleep data using an Oura ring, though would only recommend this after you’ve established a healthy routine for sleep.

Commune My biggest health tip is to spend time with other people. We are social animals and require a sense of belonging. This could mean going out with family or friends, and/or going to events or places with others. I like going to the park with our kids, not least because I get to go on the swings, slides and climbing frames myself! We often meet friends and family with kids of a similar age, so we can chat and put the

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”

some slow, purposeful movement and walking, in order to warm the blood in my extremities!

Stimulating my vagus nerve in this way helps me to get into parasympathetic state (rest and digest). It helps that for years prior to this, I engaged in yoga (led by a lovely teacher called Lindsey Brown @liveyoga) and mind emptiness meditation (as opposed to mindfulness), based on a technique from a book by Dr Ramesh Manocha titled, ‘Silence Your Mind’. Suffice to say, I love to read, and have many books on health, but also love works of fiction by John Grisham.

Eat I cycle in and out of ketosis. This is where, in absence of excessive carbohydrates, the liver produces ketones in order to utilise available fat for fuel. My proportions of each food macro are 70% fat, 25% protein and 5% carbs. I’m normally in ketosis during the winter months, as most seasonal carbohydrates aren’t available in the UK. Come the summer, I eat more fruit, ancient grains and root vegetables and reduce my fat intake to compensate.

I am to eat in a 12-hour window.

This gives my body another 12 hours to rest and repair. My typical winter weekdays start with a breakfast smoothie by 8am, consisting of: half a cucumber, one portion of seasonal fruit, 30g of olive oil, 20g pea protein, 5g C8 MCT oil, 1g salt and distilled water.

For lunch by 1pm and dinner by 8pm, I will typically have a 90g portion of meat, fish or eggs, with a large seasonal salad or aboveground vegetables (mainly greens in the winter), with olive oil, MCT oil and salt. This regimen comes courtesy of the functional nutritional therapist, Marek Doyle

@markdoylenutrition.

My weekends will typically consist of eggs, bacon, avocado, mushrooms, onions and salt for a late breakfast at around 11am. I’ll then wait until dinner to eat again.

I love preparing a variety of curries, chilli con carne and pizzas, but using ingredients that allow me to stay in ketosis. For instance, I make a pizza base made from 1 cup mozzarella, 1 cup parmesan, 1 egg and 1tsp of garlic powder. I bake it for 8 minutes at 180℃, take it out and add any toppings, then return to the oven for another 8 minutes. It’s very tasty and satiating! One of my favourite, easy desserts to make are fat bombs. These consist of 8oz of soft cheese, 4oz butter, 4oz cream, 2 tbsp of stevia and 2 tsp of vanilla essence. I mix these with an electric blender, pour the mix into silicone moulds and freeze for 4 hours. The result: delicious cubes of heaven!

Apply A big aspect of healthy living is having a sense of purpose.

Furthermore, giving back to others, utilising skills and knowledge learnt in life, makes for an abundance of good vibes. As a teacher, my profession calls for regular goal setting, reflection and feedback. I am also blessed that I teach a subject I’m very passionate about: music. I love modelling performance, composition and appraising of music to my students, and obtain a sense of fulfilment from facilitating their learning through music.

I am very grateful to my parents, and more recently my wife for supporting me through my endeavours. It means I have the confidence to approach new experiences and change. Two future goals of my own include training to become a retained

firefighter in my village, as well as one day studying to become a nutritional therapist. I love learning, and love reminding others my interests and academic engagement have changed throughout my life. Change is inevitable and after all, adaptability is something that makes us more likely to evolve to new situations and survive.

Movement I am really fortunate that I now live 2.5km away from my job as a head of department in a secondary school. My weekday journey to and from work takes me 15 minutes. I’m grateful for the morning dose of sunlight to help synchronise my circadian rhythm for better sleep. Equally, the fresh and cold air in winter months helps to keep me resilient, and moreover, the sunshine in summer months permits me to produce naturally, much needed vitamin D for optimal health.

On one weekday and every Saturday morning, I’ll typically go for a fasted 5k run. I try to incorporate one 15s sprint per 1km, in order to improve my overall fitness. I find I have more power when fuelled primarily by carbs, though have more endurance and feel less tired after running, when I’m in ketosis.

On a daily basis, I enjoy a form of callisthenics called, ‘Animal Moves’ as put forward by Darryl Edwards @fitnessexplorer. This involves functional movements, based on animals, to improve my cardiovascular fitness, strength and flexibility. My favourite movements are scorpion push ups, and bunny hops, and believe me; they’re harder than they look!

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this as much as I have writing it. If you’ve any questions, please feel free to look me up and contact me on social media :-)

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Things I didn’t know before becoming a dad

BY LUKE MORGAN

Life has a funny way of pulling you in an uncertain direction; becoming a dad is truly the most incredible experience, thrilling, fulfilling, enlightening, humbling, scary at times, most definitely tiring, but most of all it's unconditional.

“Anyone who tells you fatherhood is the greatest thing that can happen to you; they are understating it.”– Mike Myers

There is no such thing as the perfect time!

From an early age, I always knew I wanted to be a father, growing up, I was, for the most part, an only child. There is a massive 24 year age gap between my youngest sibling and me, so I suppose thinking about it, I've always had to be a role model for little ones to look up to, there have always been babies in my life.

I got into a relationship with my now wife at 18.

Priorities for the next six years were not children; at that age, I think you’re still learning so much about yourself and what you want to do with your life.

Although there was always the odd mention and the ALICE & THE MUMS |22

thought was still there.

We started trying around six years into our relationship, a sort of if it happens it happens kind of approach. It didn't happen for six months.

When it finally did happen, even though we had been trying, it was still, a shake to the system. Am I ready? Am I secure money wise? Am I mentally prepared for this? These are all completely normal and rational questions; we still didn't live together at this point.

From my personal experience, there is never going to be a perfect time in anybody's life; we are all learning always; self-growth doesn't end when you have kids. You grow more as a person. Looking back now two years and two babies later, I can honestly say I wish I'd become a father earlier.

Dad's main points to think about when considering having children: * Are you in a secure, loving relationship? * Is this 100% something both you and your partner

want? * Are you in a functional space mentally? * Are you financially secure? * Is your current job flexible? * Do you have a safe space in which they can grow?

Even if you can answer all these questions you will never be fully prepared, don't overthink it. The timing will never be perfect; you'll learn as you go, and you will be fine.

Birth doesn't always go to plan...

You've just found out the incredible news; you're going to become a dad; this takes a while to sink in.

But you have nine months to prepare, right? You can plan it down to every detail; you attend all the appointments, the classes.

Then nine months down the line, all this preparation goes out the window. Don't get me wrong I know a lot of people's experiences go without a hitch, the people that tell you ”we were in and out of the hospital with our brand new little bundle of joy within hours.”

From my experience of my wife and me becoming parents of two in under two years, it doesn't always go so smoothly. Sometimes no amount of preparation is enough; no two births are the same; it will take its unique course.

We have had various complications with both pregnancies and birth; you can read a more in-depth version along with some preeclampsia awareness on my blog.

dawns on you; you don't have a clue what you're doing. All that information you soaked up over the last nine months, that's long gone.

I remember my first questions to the midwife, ”When do we feed him?” ”How do we know when he needs feeding?”.

So after some information from the midwives, I gave my son his first ever bottle. A moment I’ll never forget, the room was already full of family at this point, my wife resting, the hospital full of loud noises, just the general hustle and bustle, and it all just faded away. In that one moment, it was just me and my son, a truly beautiful once in a lifetime experience.

Dad's main tips on feeding: * Listen to your baby, they will let you know when they're hungry * For newborns don't let them go over 4 hours without a feed * Feed reclined but not lying down (you may find using a feeding cushion useful) * Always have a cloth handy (expect to get some spit up)

Dad's main tips on birth: * Support your partner and their decisions, after all; we're not the ones who have to do all the hard work. * Seek out pregnancy and birth-related information yourself; you can never be too informed. * Attend appointments and classes with your partner, don't be afraid to get involved * Don't fret over it too much, when it comes to it; it's going to run its course.

Finally, when it does come to the birth of the new addition to your family, whether it does go to plan or not, soak in every moment, it truly is a life-changing and extraordinary experience.

How to feed a newborn: You've just gone through the incredible experience of the birth of your newborn baby, you're still lost in the moment, everything is hazy, and you've probably not slept for hours, emotions are running high, and you're overwhelmed with joy and fear.

All of a sudden they place this tiny little being on your lap, all snuggled up into a blanket, pure innocence, untouched by the world. It suddenly ALICE & THE MUMS |23

* Keep them upright after feeding for half an hour * Burp in between and after feeds * Change nappy before feeding I must add we elected to bottle feed our two babies, we did try breastfeeding, but after complications with the births my wife needed recovery time, and we found that it was best for us if I could help out with feeding, my babies also took to bottles much better. This also gave me a fantastic chance to create a bond with my babies through feeding.

Baby Reflux You’re told to expect baby spit up after feeding this is entirely normal, but if you find that your little one is bringing up most of their feed after every bottle, then definitely get them checked out. Reflux was the cause for my son Elijah.

He would be sick for up to two hours after a feed, luckily it didn't seem to bother him much, he did drop in weight once, but at most, it just meant lots of clothes changes for Elijah and us.

We tried a lot of different things for reflux, every

single different formula you can buy combined with Gaviscon; this made no difference for us. In the end, the GP put Elijah on prescription formula and ranitidine; this helped out a lot. Still, the formula just wasn't thick enough for him to keep down, so under advice from the GP, we also had to add a thickener to his milk to thicken slightly (speak to your GP first before trying this product).

A significant contributor to a change in his reflux was switching his bottles to the MAM baby easy start anti colic bottles. He took down far less wind. We have used these on both our babies now in the last two years, and they are the only one's i'd recommend to parents.

Dads main tips on reflex: * Burp in between feeding and after * Keep baby upright for at least 30 minutes after feeding * Use MAM Baby easy start anti colic bottles * Change nappies before feeding to avoid lying baby flat straight after * Prop up Moses basket slightly, so baby is not lying flat (always follow safe baby sleep guidelines to reduce risk of SIDS) * Try using a different formula If none of the above work or you have any concerns or questions, always seek medical advice from your GP.

White noise If you only take this one thing away from this post, then you're off to a good start in your parenting journey.

This is by far the most underrated tool in a parents arsenal when it comes to babies, I also never had a clue about it when I first started down this path to fatherhood, so I try to share it with everyone I can.

WHITE NOISE. You know the sound that an old TV used to make when it was left on that static, fuzzy screen? Well, babies find this noise very soothing.

It all comes down to the sounds they can hear in the womb; you want to try to recreate these sounds when they're out in the big open world. It makes them feel safe and drowns out any background noise disturbing them.

You can download a variety of apps; there are videos on YouTube; some play a heartbeat along with the constant white noise. You can even use a fan; it will do the same thing.

If you feel like you've tried everything to settle your little one but haven't tried this yet, go for it. It has worked a treat on both my babies; I even struggle to sleep without it now.

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Babies love routine Get yourselves into a solid routine from day one. To begin with, most of the time, your baby will lead you down this path on their own. If you get this right your baby will always know what's coming next, not only will it relieve your little one of some of the stresses they may have it will also do the same for you.

Dad's tips on routine: * Keep feeds/meal times the same every day * Keep nap times the same time everyday and in the same location of the house (preferably the same place they sleep at night) * Settle them with a bedtime bath every night * Sing the same song or say the same bedtime phrase every night, we always say ”it’s time for bed, say good night, I love you.”

If you can get a routine down from the get go your little one will just follow it without you having to do too much intervening, my son Elijah knows exactly when it's time for bed now and even requests for us to take him.

You can't stop time

to remember, time doesn't stop for nobody. I feel like my life over the past two years has been put on fast forward.

Your babies are going to hit milestone after milestone, and there is no stopping them, you just need to make sure you enjoy the ride.

Remember, nothing is more precious to them than your time, so when you can just breathe them in, take in all the little moments, cherish and hold onto them, because they grow up far too quickly and you don't want to miss a thing.

You can read more over on Luke's Instagram page: @growingwithdad OR over on his blog: www.growingwithdad.com for tips, advice and sharing of fatherhood experiences!

Finally, but I think probably the most important thing

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By J. J. Johnson www.jjjohnsonwrites.com/

The House is Noisy...

The house is noisy. There is an endless

Parenting is hard. Good parenting is even

mess scattered through every room

more challenging. Being a parent that is

consisting of wrappers, toys, and dirty

present, engaged, and easygoing takes work. No

dishes. It's not nearly as clean as I would like it.

My wife and I haven't been on a date in forever. We're both exhausted and feel

amount of parenting book can prepare you for late-night sick kiddos, homework that you don't understand, or a child just not wanting to eat their dinner for the fifth time this week.

When we found out we were going to have

unappreciated. The laundry is collecting in a

our first child, I expected to be the fun dad. I

pile because neither of us has the energy to do

would be as involved as a dad could be in

it, plus the stench from the kid's dirty laundry

everything.

basket is starting to frighten us. We've broken

Diaper changings: Check

up another fight between the boys, the schedule

Getting up for late-night feedings: Check

for the week looks impossible, I've rushed out

Folding the kid's laundry: Check

the door running late to work, and I've

I set the bar high for myself. I would do

forgotten my lunch, again.

At the end of the week, we're both saying the

these things and love it because I was a good guy. The reality is I discovered that I'm a pretty

same thing. How do these little humans we love

selfish person, and I had no idea what being a

so much pull so much energy and frustration

good parent meant.

out of us? This parenting thing is not what we were expecting!

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The expectations were far more significant than I expected.

I'm expected to do more than be there. I'm

do it with a smile.

expected to do the dishes, clean up the house,

That's hard. It even feels a little naĂŻve. But

do laundry, clean bathrooms, and get kids'

the truth is making a family joyful, especially

school stuff ready the night before. It's not all

during 2020 and COVID, only works when you

that different than what I thought I would be

realize that each little thing you do is an

doing. I wanted to do these things. As a father,

essential part of your child's healthy

as a husband. Only now, I have to learn to do it

upbringing.

with joy. That's not something I thought I would have to force myself to do.

Making a family work only happens when

The last thing they need to hear is us complain about doing something that results from them just being a kid.

you realize that every task you do, even the

So embrace the new expectations. Even

ones that occur when you feel like you can

those that make you want to cry, cuss, pull your

barely keep your eyes open, are only worth it

hair out, and quit. Because parenting is one

when you

unique and challenging journey, and it's worth it!

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Q&A WITH LONDON FITNESS MAMAS: FIT FESTIVITIES

BY BEN SIMPKINS

Christmas is always a tough time of year for people to stay on track with their health and fitness goals and 2020 may well be the hardest one yet. With lockdown supposedly ending, it is going to be super easy to just go for it and make the most of all the foods and drinks in the lead up to Christmas.

Now while I'm not saying we don't deserve to blow off some steam after the shambles of a year its been, you need to own the action. Accept that you want to have the festive treats, enjoy them and move on. Do not

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start feeling bad/thinking about what

form of protein for a brilliant meal.

consequences they may have and then eat more later as you feel down

Grab your favourite salad mix and throw the following ingredients on

about your choices. Eat it, enjoy it and move on.

But if you do want to try and make

top: Chopped walnuts Dried cranberries

some healthier changes for your goals then why not take on some of the tips we have laid out below to

Blue cheese/Feta Sliced apple

keep your focus on health.

Pick Dark Chocolate

Festive Salad

You are going to eat chocolate, it's going to happen. But if you can try to

I absolutely love these toppings, they are seasonal and just taste

only buy/eat dark chocolates then you are reducing your sugar intake

amazing, serve this up with some

and getting some antioxidants from

the cocao.

with currys and pies.

Bring Out the Snack Balls Instead of the Celebrations Tin

Choose Your Beverages Wisely

Protein balls are incredible treats

Christmas is a time celebrating and celerbrations usually mean

Make sure you limit the festive coffees, they are just pumped full of sugar. And if all else fails, just drink water. Hydrate yourself.

Take on a Fitness Challenge for the Month

and you can make some stunning little flavours very easil. This will mean you can enjoy your sweet

drinks. The best you can do is try to consume the healthiest versions avaialble so try keeping it to spirits

treats without smashing through half a tin of celebratations. There are so

and wines rather than beers and the worst of the lot, eggnog. The sugary

dark and wet, but if you keep yourself active then it will help keep

many variations but I absolutely love the salted caramel ones. Blend Medjool Dates, Almond Butter, Sea Salt and Oats together, roll them up and place them in the fridge to set.

boozy drink is associated with christmas but it is one of the worst things you can gulp down.

If you are planning on going alcohol free then mocktails can keep you feeling the festive spirit. You can find some fantastic recipes out there or we love @mammasmocktails.

you focused. If you don't know where to go we are running a 12 days of Fitmas challenge starting 7th December and we have a Turkey Trot on the 22nd of December (5km distance, either running or walking.

Just get out and do the distance in your own time.)

Snack on Nuts

Keep yourself active. Yes it is cold,

No doubt there will be a variety tub or bowl of nuts at your family house, they just appear. So why not try to snack on the Walnuts, Brazil, Almonds and Cashews. Obviously avoid the chocolate coated ones, but the plain ones will provide you protein and fats. Both of which will keep you fuller for longer.

Go for all the Veggies If you are going to do one thing this Christmas dinner, I challenge you to lay down as many vegetables as possible. Roasted Carrots, Parsnips, Sprouts and Potatoes.

Green Beans & Asparagus in blankets. Cauliflower & Brocolli.

Creamed Spinach if you need to.

Just load up on vegetables first, then fill your plate with the other bits.

Turkey If you are planning on eating meat this Christmas then keep it traditional with a Turkey. This lean meat is the lowest calorie or all the usual supects served on Christmas day and it makes for great left overs

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