EMOTIONAL CONCERNS [IN POLYAMORY]

It occasionally happens that participants in alternative lifestyles experience a range of internal conflicts of which they may not be initially aware and which the therapist must help them to examine. For example, it is important to determine whether the participants have internalized an acceptance of the lifestyle on an emotional level – or whether they have merely accepted it intellectually. Persons who, for philosophical reasons, have decided to engage in an alternative lifestyle may well find that they have difficulty dealing with their emotional response once they begin to live that lifestyle and then experience a sense of personal inadequacy and guilt because of this. Or they may have agreed to participate out of fear that if they refused, they would lose their lover or spouse.

ALL HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS REQUIRE GOOD SKILLS IN DRAWING, COMMUNICATING, AND MAINTAINING ONE’S OWN BOUNDARIES AS WELL AS RESPECTING THOSE OF OTHERS

Clients must be helped to explore their own value systems and their impact on their feelings about themselves. Does participation in a particular lifestyle create a state of incongruence between internalized values and expressed values? Do they experience their decisions as responsible or do they question their validity? Have they internalized religious or philosophical beliefs that condemn their lifestyle (as in the case of gay men who may experience a great deal of anxiety and guilt because they believe this lifestyle to be inconsistent with religious teachings)? The therapist must be sensitive to these internal conflicts and help clients gain some awareness and acceptance of their psychological reality and personal limits.