Not Everything Should Smell like Roses

I want my vagina to smell amazing for the house party this weekend. What should I do?

This is a question I’ve heard many times, and can guarantee the answer will vary by whom you ask. If you ask a GYN, you’ll always get one answer. DO NOT DOUCHE. Honestly, douches, feminine vaginal washes, sprays, and perfumes should be outlawed, in my opinion. They are only harmful and will NOT make your vajayjay smell good. In fact, they’ll do exactly the opposite, encouraging you to keep using them. Their tricky advertisers lure you into a repeating cycle of use, so you make them money. It’s deplorable. Soap shouldn’t be put in the vagina, either. Keep that stuff to the hairbearing areas only, don’t spread the lips to wash.

Why are these products so harmful?

The easiest answer is that your vagina is like a self-cleaning oven. If you put the wrong stuff in there, it prevents your body from doing its own thing. The vaginal pH is really picky, and likes to be in a narrow range. Even the “pH balanced" douches are lying and will offset your natural pH, damaging your healthy flora. When the naturally good flora gets disturbed, it lets other bugs thrive. Those other bugs are what is typically causing the odor in the first place! The douche only makes harmful bugs happier, and they will continue causing discharge and odor over time. The only nonplay things that should go into a vagina are water, prescribed medications, and something called boric acid- more on that in a minute.

“How do I know if my vaginal pH and flora are off?”

The most common symptom is excess discharge that has a funny odor. It often smells fishy or like dirty gym socks. For some people, it can smell sour as well.

You must stop all douches, sprays, soaps, period, no questions. No soap in the vagina either! Then, start adding the good bacteria back in. This is most often done with oral probiotics. One good one is called Metagenics Ultraflora. It’s been studied in the vagina and does populate well. You can also start eating more yogurt, the “greek" kind is the best, as it contains more of the good flora. If things are really off, you’ll likely need a GYN to fix things with antibiotics to kill off the excess bad bugs and allow the good flora to recover. A few studies are using plain unsweetened yogurt as a suppository, but it’s super messy and often does not work very well. If you are just barely starting to notice symptoms- excess funny-smelling discharge- then try a vaginal boric acid suppository. Place one tablet in the vagina at night for several nights in a row. It will reset the pH and help your normal healthy flora thrive again.

“So, what should I do to make my pussy smell great?

“

NOTHING. Leave her alone if you haven’t been douching and don’t have symptoms. She is the perfect smell all by herself. If you feel like you must use something, Lume is ok, but keep it to the hair-bearing areas and not inside the inner lips or vagina.

BY: LEA ROSE

g g y hen you want. Freedom to choose any partner(s) you wish without having to discuss with your partner for a match. There are a lot of perks to being a single in the LS, but what about the downfalls? Surely, not everything is unicorns (see what I did there?) and rainbows all the time. Let’s dip into those lessthan-ideal instances.

The lifestyle has allowed me to connect with people all over the world, in all sorts of relationships. It has given me the opportunity to develop deep and meaningful friendships. I have also used these relationships to inspire my love-cynical self to believe in love and in strong partnerships. Being able to see love and care on display before me is lovely. I have held the honor many times of being invited into that intimate space for both short-term and long-term lengths of time. It is something I do not take lightly and find great enjoyment in participating.

I was not prepared, however, to experience the feelings that come over me after it is all over. When I re-dress and head back home, to an empty bed, to prepare for another day of being alone. There are many highs and lows during play time but the goal is to end on a positive note: fully satisfied. Physically, this is usually the case. But emotionally, I am rarely left feeling fulfilled. My partners have been great and I place no blame. But they get to stay in bed and cuddle and reconnect and I get to go sit in the Taco Bell drive-thru at 1 am because I’m starving and refuse to cook a meal for one person.

I also get a wonderful amount of time in solo play with partnered individuals. It’s nice to have one-on-one time with another human and connect on a bit more personal level. This typically serves as a temporary “fix” to my need for that connection and I’ll be left satisfied… until they get up and leave.

As a single, there is little to no spontaneous play time. Each encounter has to be scheduled and pre-determined. I am simply borrowing someone else’s partner for a designated amount of time before sending them back into the loving arms of their partner. In a couple or group play session, I might be the center of attention for a bit but then am left to the side when the play has concluded.

There are also the super awkward moments when a play experience doesn’t quite go how you had hoped. While the couple has the ability to sit/lay/stand together and talk through the event, the single person is often left to handle it on their own, both physically and mentally. That can take an emotional toll and has certainly affected me in past experiences.

I have become exceedingly more aware of my needs in these scenarios and have began to vocalize them to partners. No, I do not expect to be invited into bed for an all-night sleepover, but some decompression time before we part ways has been helpful. I now request aftercare consisting of snuggling or light affection in order to feel a certain level of human care. This practice has improved my emotional loneliness after play but will never be fool proof. Vocalizing what I need has helped to increase communication levels and has been met almost exclusively with positive responses.

I understand that this topic seems a bit “woe is me” and perhaps it slightly is. The overall goal of my sharing my experience and emotions is to bring more of the human side into the singles in the lifestyle. It is easy for singles to be viewed more as accessories instead of people with emotional needs. Singles are seen as living the life of complete freedom. While this is largely true, sometimes a person can find themselves laying in bed at 3am, wanting a cuddle or play, and the only option is to send a late night text and hope that someone is available outside of their home responsibilities.

I ask you to consider the needs and wants of your Unicorns and Bulls. Include aftercare in your discussions of playstyles. Be sure to check in with them (if you have a standing relationship) or build time in your play for recovery. If a situation arises where play is stopped abruptly or a situation has changed/shifted, do not leave them out of the conversation. Worrying if you were the cause or not given the opportunity to correct if you were is not an enjoyable experience for anyone.

BY: DR. K