Understanding Understanding jealousy jealousy

all of these terms are synonyms for one term: Jealousy.

What does it mean to be

jealous?

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines jealous as being “hostile toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage.” You more than likely have found yourself on one end of a jealousy battle at some point in your life. Perhaps you were upset at work that your teammate who has been at the company for a lesser time than you received a promotion. Maybe you purchased a new car and heard people whispering about you “showing off” when you drove it home for Thanksgiving. The truth is, jealousy comes in many shapes and forms, at different times throughout our lives. It is found in romantic and sexual relationships and can sometimes lead to negative outcomes.

Now that we have defined what it means to be jealous and read through some examples, how do we keep jealousy out of our lives and the LS? We can begin by discussing the root causes of jealousy. Psychology Today includes low self-esteem, high neuroticism, feeling possessive of others, and fear of abandonment as key motivators. These feelings may often come from past experiences, ex: being cheated on by your spouse may cause you to feel jealous of your new partner’s best friend who spends a lot of time with your partner.

A 2013 study led by Hasse Walum of the Karolinska Institute in Sweden set out to determine if there were gender differences when it came to romantic jealousy.

Participants were asked about the following two hypothetical scenarios:

Sexual jealousy

"You suspect that while your boyfriend/girlfriend was on vacation s/he had a one-night stand. You realize that even if s/he did have sex with this other person, they will probably never see each other again. How upset do you think you would feel if this happened?’”

Emotional jealousy

""You suspect that while your boyfriend/girlfriend was on a trip s/he fell in love with someone else. You realize that even if s/he did develop these feelings, s/he will probably never see this other person again. How upset do you think you would feel if this happened?’” p , however, because it works! Taking time to discuss any feelings of jealousy, uneasiness, negativity, lack of selfconfidence, etc. will provide an opportunity to help determine the root cause of the emotion.

They were asked to answer the questions along a 10-point scale from 1 (not at all) to 10 (extremely).

The Team’s research discovered that men reported greater jealousy when it came to sexual infidelity, and women graded higher on jealousy for emotional infidelity.

This study helped provide evidence that men and women process infidelity and jealousy differently which is in line with previous studies showing the link between evolutionary behaviors of mating, such as monogamy, marriage, and separation with their correlation to jealous emotions.

Building and maintaining trust also helps with fighting off feelings of jealousy. If you or your partner(s) are finding jealousy to be an ongoing issue or something difficult to talk through with positive results, a licensed therapist may be a good option. They can help you discuss your root causes

Jealousy is typically a symptom of other feelings. You may find yourself jealous of the time your partner is spending with another playmate. But is it that you are jealous or that you feel as though you are no longer the priority in your partner’s life? Being able to step back for a minute and reflect before approaching the topic with your partner can lead to a greater rate of success in getting past the underlying issues and the jealousy that is topping it off. It may also lead to a conversation about restructuring boundaries which are ever-evolving in the LS/Kink communities.

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Love and respect yourself, your partners, and their partners and you may find that the green-eyed monster appears less and less in your life. Continue to talk out your feelings and if you hit a roadblock, tag in a mental health professional. While there is room for plenty of exploration in alternative lifestyles, let’s give a little less room for jealousy.

BY: BUSTYBLUEEYES420