FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS.

BY: EMPRESSABIGAIL

I believe that at some point in the lifestyle, a person will attempt to define their relationshipwithsomeonetheyswingwithfrequently.Howwedefinethemareonabasis of rapport and time. As a poly swinger, I am very used to the conversations that are the beginnings of defining relationships outside of just swinging. Friends with benefits are a type of relationship in the ethically non-monogamous spectrum. The friends-withbenefitsrelationshipisoneinwhichtwopeoplearephysicallyintimatewithoneanother, yet they're not committed to each other in any way. People involved in a friends-withbenefits relationship enjoy spending time together but there are no strings attached. Someofthemcanbemoreemotional,however.

I decided to ask Nicole, one of our influencers, about her friends-with-benefits relationshiptogetmoreinsightintothistypeofrelationship.

So when did you first realize that you were more than just swinging with yourfriendwithbenefits?

Nicole: Before we even knew we wanted togoon ourENMjourney,Ialways had aproblemwithblurringthelinebetweenfriendsand "more,” for as long as I can remember even into my teenage years. Once I started learning about ENM I learned the term Demi-Sexual and never felt anything made more sense. When we decided we wanted to explore sex with other people, sex with strangers never appealed to me So we realized I needed the friendship aspect as well. I need the connectiontofeeltrulysexuallyaroused.

How did that affect your relationship with your partner andyourswingingatthetime?

Nicole:Luckilywerealizedthisearlyon.Sotherewasn'tan adjustment period. But my husband had to face some of his jealousy issues when I did become close friends with some of them. But one day the light switched and he realized I am not trying to replace him. And it seemed everything settled into place. But this was a process that tookacoupleofyears

Did you have to have several discussions about it with everyone?

Nicole: Yes, absolutely And with any potential partner we have talked to since. It is one of the first things I bring up with new people. Everyone has a preference. So I feel everyone should be open and honest upfront about their desires And if it doesn't fit with what the potential partners want, that is fine You can remain friends, or not But at least everyone is being true to what they want. I found out early on, I wasn't even sure what I wanted, so it was hard for me to be forthcoming with others about my desires So I think being honest with yourself is the first stepandsometimesthehardest.

How long did it take for you to define the relationship of friendwithbenefits?

Nicole:Ithinkbecausemycurrentfriendwithbenefitswas my friend for years before he earned the "benefits" part of thattitle,itwasaneasytransitionoftitle.

Whatmadeyoucometothatconclusion?

Nicole:Comingtothefriend-with-benefitsconclusionwas a no-brainer for us. Not only is he one of my best friends but also great friends with my husband We can do the sexy stuff or we can watch football or talk about the kid's sports, and it is all effortless and natural. I think having that trust with a play partner only amplifies the attraction andpassionintheplayarena!