POLY

from April 2023

Confessions of a Sex Worker

By Terri Nelson RDN, FDN (@CheerMom)

MyboyfriendandIwereat a big fundraiser with a lot of well-known public figures. I can’t get specific because image is everything and I would hate to “out” people by accident, and being so closetoanelection,Ineed tobeverycareful.

About an hour into this gala, and a few drinks, peoplestartedopeningup about their personal lives. Thisalwayshappens.Most people in our crowd already know about our Polyamorous union and it tends to move from politicstoPolyinabout3.2 whiskeys. I wasn’t drinking so when this happened, I began asking questions myself. I wish I could say the names! Everyone knows them and when I foundouttheywerePoly,I turned on my Interrogation skills. I have changed their names for anonymity.

Jay and Jen are both in their40’s.Theyhaveafew adult children that left the nest within the past 5 years. They are wellknown actors, very wellrespected and devout Christians. Jen tells me that she and Jay have been in a kitchen table triad for 3 years now. I have known these 2 for 10 yearsandIhadnoclue.So here I am, staring into Jen'seyes,forwhatseems like an eternity, saying nothing and the last 10 years flash before my eyes. A proverbial lightbulb goes on over my head, I smile and say one word….Jessie.

I was always a bit jealous of Jay and Jen. They had the perfect marriage, perfect family, careers they love, and their joy wascontagious.Aftertheir kids left home, Jay and Jen kind of receded into a very private life. When they did come out to functions, they weren’t the joyous, perfect couple we all knew, anymore. They were quiet and never stayed out very long. It was when they deleted their social media accounts that we all started to make assumptions. First thing that came to my mind was “empty nest syndrome”. Others assumed marital problems. Some accused Jay of cheating. Many wallowed in the idea that Jay and Jen were just staying together for the kids and were just waiting for the divorce to hit the news.Noneofitwastrue.

Jay and Jen had always had a somewhat open relationship. They were andstillaredeeplyinlove. Jen and Jay believe they aretruesoulmates.Butfor most of their marriage, they seemed to be working in separate countriesfromeachother. Literally.Andknowingthey were together because of love and not sex, an open relationship made sense to them. Jen told me the story about how they met Jessie and I hung onto everywordofit.

Jen was getting close to delivering her first child andtheydecidedtohirea woman to help Jen out while Jay was across the country filming a movie. After interviewing a few women, Jessie came in and it was an instant connection between all three of them. Jen said “Jessie was a Godsend. I feltlikeshewasasisteror best friend that I have known my whole life.” Jay said, “Jessie was a part of our family from the first day and we didn’t even know it”. It wasn’t until the day their daughter was bornthatallthreeofthem realized how much more love and joy they felt than before Jessie came into thepicture.

By this time, it was 10:30 pm and we were all back at Jay and Jen’s suite. Thank God because Jay’s recount of that day was very emotional and it wasn’t long before my $120 makeup was running downmyface.Thisiswhat hesaid…

"The nurses and doctors just finished cleaning up the baby. Jen was holding her and asked if Jessie could come in. A couple of minutes later Jessie was sitting on the bed next to Jen holding “Suzy”. I knew at that point I couldn’t live without all three of my girls. I was having a hard time with the feelings I was having and Jen could tell there was something wrong. None of us had been romantically involved or anything. I mean, how could I be feeling this when my baby daughter was just born! I really felt like garbage but I put on a smile and cried while holding my daughter for the first time. It was the next day when Jen and I talked about it. We put everything on the table and it turned out that Jen loved Jessie as much as she loved me, and vice versa. Jessie has been with us ever since. She held all our children when they were born. She held them beforeIdidandIwillneverregretit.IwishwecouldhaveonemorebabyjustsoIcould seethewomenIlovemeetingourbabyforthefirsttime."

Ourconversationwentontill2amwhenwe decided to part and get some sleep. We made plans for breakfast and shopping for thenextday.ThatwasSaturday.Sundaythe guys went golfing and we girls went to the spa. The whole time, talking about and comparing our Polyamorous evolution stories. In just a few days, I went from being jealous of Jay and Jen to admiring their strength and love but also feeling overwhelming sadness at what they had to giveupjusttobewiththewomantheyboth love. Mark, my boyfriend, had to fly back homeSundaynightbutIstayed.

Jay and Jen are allowing me to write about theirlife.SohereIsit,March31,2023,ona6hour flight back home. This article is due today and is just a taste of the emotional andphysicalstruggleofwhatittakestolove more than one person. Their stories of how they managed coming out to the in-laws, the holidays, the church turned their back onthem,thekidshadtochangeschools,so much heartache. Hopefully, their story will inspire you as much as it has inspired me and my little polycule. This story will continuenextmonth.

An alternative lifestyle means to me the freedom to express yourself. Selfexpression can come in so many forms and often it's looked at as taboo Alt-life allows me to be surrounded by people who understand and don't judge me for doing something outside of what's considered normal. For me, it's engaging in enm with other couples and singles It's exploring kinks and stepping out of my comfort zone. The best part is having a partner who's open to it as well and seeing what open and honest communication has done for our relationship

HOWLONGHAVEYOUBEENLIVINGANALTLIFE?WHAT ATTRACTEDYOUTOIT?

My husband and I joined the lifestyle in November 2022 after discussing certain fantasies he had about me with other men We've always been very open with each other when it came to discussing people we thought were attractive. We would often secretly watch others at bars or the and discuss which ones we'd want to take home with us It was just ed. Then one day I told him about getting hit on and groped by would attend and his reaction was not what I expected. We began opening up to each other about fantasies that we had never discussed in 15 years He asked if I would be open to exploring it more and joining a swingers site. I was receptive, but shy at first and it took a while for me to really embrace all the " openness " that was shared. After attending our first event in January 2023 we un-intendedly dove head first in to everything swinging and haven't looked back since don't feel guilty about anything

HOWWOULDDOYOUDEFINEYOURALTLIFE?

My alt life consists of swinging with my husband. We are a full swap couple and we enjoy exploring new territory. Our motto is "try everything twice" We've recently discovered BDSM and that's been a really fun experience learning what we like and don't like. I've learned a lot about myself in this journey. I realized that I have an attraction to both men and women and I was ready to explore that. I also learned that I'm very submissive and like some impact play So it's hard to define at this point because we ' re still learning, but we ' re open to all kinds of new experiences.

WHATISONELESSONYOUHAVELEARNONYOUR ALTLIFEJOURNEY?

The biggest lesson I've learned is that communication with your partner is key to making an alt-life work. I've always had a hard time expressing my feelings or sharing my thoughts , even with my husband Luckily, he knows when something is bothering me and will drag it out of me eventually. Sometimes it results in arguments and tears, but it's always for the best. After completely communicating with each other we both end up better in the end. We've learned something about ourselves and our relationship and we work through trust and jealously issues. Having that strong communication makes us better together.

WHATISYOURFAVORITEFOOD?

Ilove all the foods!

Ummm...chicken tikka masala.

WHAT'SYOURGUILTYPLEASURE?

Give me all the pleasures and I might share with you.

WHATISYOURFAVORITEVANILLA ACTIVITY?WHY?

Ilove to travel because it's exciting to visit new countries or cities and meet local people. I love to take in the culture and history of a place I want to eat all the local food from the small mom and pop places I like to talk to locals and hear their recommendations for things to do, outside of the touristy places. I have a bucket list of countries still to visit.

WHATISONETHING ONYOURBUCKET LISTYOUHOPETODO THISYEAR?

Start a blog.

WHATISYOURBIGGESTTURN ON?

Personality with a great smile. Make me laugh and I'm yours.

WHATISYOUR BIGGESTTURNOFF?

Bad teeth and/or breath.

ISTHEREANYTHINGADDITIONAL YOUWOULDLIKEFORTHEALT LIFECOMMUNITYTOKNOW ABOUTYOU?

I' m actually super shy and afraid to approach people I need you to come to me first. But once I'm comfortable I'm an open book and get along with almost anyone.