NAVIGATING THELIFESTYLE SCENEWHILE PREGNANT

My sex life is currently very different at the moment, as we count down the weeks until we welcome our first child With just 5 weeks left at the time of this writing, we are excited and also know just how many things have changed and will continue to change once the baby comes into the world

Prior to the pregnancy, my partner and I were very involved in the swingers community; attending house parties, lifestyle resorts and clubs, and going on dates with couples we met online. In fact, our conception story was at a lifestyle club! I highly recommend this form of baby-making, especially when you have a whole group of people cheering you on while you and your husband are having sex What a way to bring a human into this world!

WRITTENBY DRKILEYREYNOLDS

Since conceiving- my partner and I have had to make some big changes to our social calendar, and to be honest, we did not know what adjustments to make initially since this is, and will most likely be our only child Yet, staying present has allowed us to make some supportive decisions along the wayeven though they aren’t the most fun decisions at times.

During my first trimester, I was really sick- continually nauseated. So sex wasn’t necessarily a priority- but we still found ways for my partner and me to engage in sexual play with each other and consistently communicated what each other needed while having deeper empathy for what each of us was experiencing Before I was pregnant, even with my partner and I traveling a lot each week, we were still having sex one to two times a week and I was masturbating too – but it’s been hard since I’ve been pregnant as we have had to adjust to what is comfortable and tolerable in my changing body

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Once we were out of the first trimester, I felt more excited to tap back into my sexuality, as it is commonly discussed and assumed that pregnant people get horny during the second trimester Although my energy levels came back and my nausea left, I struggled mentally with the body changes I was experiencing, and it brought me face to face with some of my demons I thought I had healed long ago.

I can proudly say that I am 14 years recovered from a very serious eating disorder- where years of therapy, rehab, and mind-body resources have sustained me throughout my recovery. Yet even with my career being in holistic wellness- it still didn’t prevent the body image demons from creeping up in my brain during this new season of life

Within beauty culture, which is so prevalent in this world, I’ve constantly been fed this lie by society to take up as little room as possible, so the demons that arose in the early period of the second trimester felt very strong and needed to be addressed before venturing out into the lifestyle scene again

To support this mental/emotional journey, I sought support from my therapist and engaged in mind-body activities that brought me agency and joy (yoga, pole, erotic dance). While engaging in such somatically supportive activities, my partner and I became more immersed in the lifestyle apps again- as we had held off from putting our attention towards them during the first couple months of the pregnancy due to fear of what others in the community may say and how that may impact my mental health.

Once we were out of the first trimester I felt more excited to tap back into my sexuality . . .

Well, entering back into “play mode” was definitely rocky- especially with new boundaries due to physical limitations- and navigating people’s perception of pregnancy was the biggest challenge that I did not anticipate

Many of the conversations that had on the dating apps nonproductive and triggerin what I was currently experienc my own well-being. A few o lifestyle folks we connected wit judgmental- as the convers centered around my pregnanc how much weight I had gaine me be clear in that we were communicative on the apps, le folks know what stage of pregna I was in and also had cu pictures of what I looked like- w to be honest was very freeing could take ownership of my pregnant belly- and honor myself as a sexual being. Even with this, some of the statements made online came from a lack of empathy, a lack of knowledge about a woman’s body, and a lack of communication skills.

With such heaviness centered around the apps, we again pivoted and decided to reach out to our local community and the swinger friends we had in the area for support- and they were so supportive and caringand welcomed us to events at our local club with a deep sense of openness and compassion We realized the apps did not work for us while pregnant, and instead pivoted to going back and visiting clubs again- which felt appropriate to our own personal journey

I would put on my sexiest lingerie and let my belly hang out- and still pranced around in my 7-inch heels The result?

A real ego boost….I felt sexy because everyone was wanting to touch my belly, congratulate, and admire me. It still was not to the same level of what we would previously experience at clubs- which is totally ok- but for me to be acknowledged as a sensual human, and be respected for my changing body, was a totally different experience than what I was perceiving on the apps. The attention we received at the clubs led to some playtime between my husband and I, through exhibition and voyeurism. 01.

Now in the third trimester, our visits to clubs have slowed down- as I am tired, and it takes a lot more effort to get dressed up, and hang around folks for long hours of the night. We go when we can, but also acknowledge that this experience is temporary- and it won’t be long until we are able to become involved in our lifestyle community again.

With all of this being said, some of the feedback I have for any pregnant person going through these monumental shifts in body, mind, and emotion are:

Celebrate your changing body- try on the lingerie or buy new sexy clothing that supports your perception of yourself

Choose play that feels supportive for you in the moment- if resting is what you would like to engage in the entire pregnancy, go for it! If you are not wanting to take a break from the lifestyle scene, amazing! You do you!

Look for ENM spaces that feel supportive- this may be clubs or appsbut it may take a moment to figure out what works for you.

Remember that you are a goddess and that you are bringing life into this world, and that in and of itself is a beautiful thing- own your power!

TO ALL INVOLVED WITH A PREGNANT PERSON IN ANY ENM DYNAMIC, PLEASE CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING:

Communicate openly with all partners about the situation and their needs. This may involve discussing boundaries and expectations.

Prioritize safety during sexual activity, particularly during pregnancy when there may be an increased risk of complications

Pregnancy can be a stressful and emotional time, and it's important for all partners to provide support and understanding. Communication and empathy are key in maintaining any form of relationship during pregnancy.

My partner and I are excited for the journey ahead, and cannot wait to share the ups and downs of our lifestyle journey as we give birth, and then navigate what the lifestyle will look like with a newborn Just like how we operated before conception- we take it one step at a time through momentby-moment awareness Cheers to some shifts and pivots along the way, and to our ever-growing love and admiration for each other with so many new moments ahead with our newborn

WE ARE SWINGERS.

I hate that word. It has seedy connotations that make me think of rumors of "key parties" from the 70's. We use the term Consensually NonMonogamous or CNM. It means that if we so choose, my husband and I can have sexual relations with another person(s).Wedon'tidentifywith any religion so we aren't governed by the religiously imposed laws that say marriage is A) only between a manandawomanandB)must be monogamous. In fact, marriage as an institution is, in myopinion,afailure.

IfyousplittheU.S.byregion,the Bible belt has the highest divorce rate, and this has been the case for over a decade. I was not surprised by that. I can walk into my kids' high school football game and watch the other parents interact or should I say "not" interact with each other.Yetreligionhastoldthem "til death do they part". To be honest, many of them look like their souls have been dead for years.

Iwasintheirshoes. For almost 18 years I was in a marriage where neither of us were very happy. Don't get me wrong, there were happy times and we loved our kids, but we were roommates for years. I turned to religion for help because that'swhatyoudoinsmall-townAlabama.Youprayitaway. Only for me, it didn't get better. It got worse and I got better at suppressing my wants, my needs, and my emotions. Looking back, it would have served everyone better, includingthekids,tohaveendeditsoonerthanlater.

I'll dive into the religious aspect of this another time. I gave you this backstory so that you can understand, or in many cases,misunderstand,whereI'mcomingfrom.

By Jacob Walker

Myhopeisthatthesamepeoplewhoarespreadingrumors about us will continue to follow our blog, podcasts, Twitter and Instagram. How else can we educate them? And that's exactly what they need. Education. They have been misunderstanding people for so long that it has become an art.Theygossipaboutthingsthatscarethem.Awomanand a man in a consensually non-monogamous relationship scares the hell out of them. Anything outside of the white heterosexual norm challenges their belief system that they've been spoon-fed from birth. Religion and the purity/shame culture has conditioned them to believe anything outside of a marriage (most of the time a sexless marriage)iswrong.Theydon'tevenquestionwhy.

Itallcomesbacktoreligion.Again,I'llsavethedeepdiveinto religion for another day. So, religion aside, let's talk about humanity.

According to Merriam-Webster:

We started Naughty Gym because we love the people. We love the fitness world and we love the sex-positive world. It combines two of our favorite communities. What we have foundinbothofthesecommunitiesisacoregroupofpeople who are the most kind, accepting, and loving humans we have ever met. These are the educated, the people who ask questionsandaretrulyseekinganswers.

When confronted with something that they don't understand, an educated person would do their due diligence to research, go to the source, ask questions, and explore.

We have found the opposite has happened in our small town.Wheredoesthelackofhumanitycomefrom?Itcomes from misunderstanding or apathy. Very few people have cometousdirectly.Thatwouldbeokayiftheydidn'tcarebut itseemstheycaregreatly.Ithasaffectedtheminsomeway that I can't comprehend. Though if I get the chance I'll ask them.

We, on the other hand, are less affected. We are in love with our life. We love our kids, our family, and our jobs. We look forward to spending every single day together. Any outside conflict has made us stronger and closer. Our communication with each other is beautiful. And given the chance, we would happily sit down with anyone willing and answerquestions.

BusinessInsiderreportsthat"AboutoneinfiveAmericanshaveengagedinsomesortof consensualnon-monogamy,orCNM,intheirlifetimes it'saboutascommonasowning acat,researcherssay."

IwouldsaythatjudgingbytheamountofDMsI'vereceivedfromlocals,thatthisistrue.

With real-world issues plaguing our world like half of the world's population lacking access to essential health services, natural disasters, spiking hunger rates, and a global pandemic, you would think someone ' s sexual proclivities wouldn't be news. Maybe it comes down to a lack of humanity or maybe they have perfected the art of misunderstanding.

Thepeoplewehavemetinthesex-positiveworldhavebeensogenuine.

They are the ones that while my parents were in the hospital with Covid sent them cards. Even though they had never met them. They are the ones who after my parents passed sent flowers, cookies, and daily messages checking on me and my family.TheyaretheoneswhoIstillgetrandommessagesfromcheckinginonmeor askingifmysonhaspickedacollegeyet,orhowourdogwasafteraminorsurgery. Theydothisbecausetheyarethetypeofpeoplewhoarefocusedonhappinessand investedinothers'happiness.Theyarecompassionate,sympathetic,andgenerous withtheirlove.

The day my step-father passed (5 days after my mother), my son had a football game. I pulled myself together and went to the game to support him. I was surroundedbypeoplefrommyhometownwhoknewwhathadhappenedandonly onepersonofferedtheircondolences.

Idon'tpointthisoutsoyouwillfeelsorryforme.Ipointthisouttohighlightthelack ofhumanity.

At what point do we disagree with someone ' s lifestyle so much that we forget that theyareahumanbeingswithrealemotionsandrealfeelings?

If you ' re in the sex-positive world and you feel the need to hide your life and your beliefs from your family, friends, and small-minded, small-town folks, take heart. You're not alone.Thecultureisslowlychangingbutit'sgoingtotakemoreeducation.Wearenotthe first to be "outed" in such a malicious way. We know people who have had it far worse. However,therearesomanypositivevoicesinthesex-positivecommunity.Focusonthose voices. Focus on spreading kindness and compassion and empathy. Focus on learning andgrowingandunderstanding.