Yo' Mama Magazine - Fall 2006

Yo’ Mama A Magazine by Young Mothers for Young Mothers

In this issue: Premature Babies pg.12 VOTING pg.22 The Oedipus Complex pg.24

Plus Volume 2, Issue 4, Fall 2006

our special feature on-

Housing Literature Literature For For Life Life

$3.00

Yo’ Mama is produced and distributed with the support of:

Inside Yo’ Mama News and Views

The Voiceless Voice

Parenting

Parents Living with Parents Yo’ Mama Math Mind TV or no TV Bonding with your Baby Pregnancy & Parenting Resources Fun with Food Kids In Discovery Zone Parent to Parent

Health & Safety

Dealing with Doctors Stroll Your Way in to That Pair of Jeans Premature Babies The Art of Fruit, and Veggie Too Sssspeeech & Laaanguage Obese Children Melody’s Menu Important Phone Numbers Budgeting College Girl With Child

Education

The 20 Minute Gift Your Vote- Your Voice On The Real

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10 11 12 13 14 16 17 17 18 19

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Relationships

Oedipus and the Complex 24 What To Do When He’s With Someone New 25

Feature:

Housing

Home Sweet Home Tenants’ Rights...Landlords Responsibilities Why Decorate Two Takes on Homelessness Home, Safe Home No Place Like Home

Words & Wisdom

Yo’ Mama’s Book Reviews Still Searching & Poetry Prompt Poetry Cornered From There to Here with Ju-lee Kerr

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In the Next Issue: • Yo’ Mama’s Education Feature • And Welcome to Yo’ Mama’s new editor, Amanda Cain

News & Views The Voiceless Voice

by Yvonne Gibbons

Please read me and let my voice be heard. My voice has sound and meaning, but like so many others it is being ignored. How long will our voices go unheard? What will it take for the government to stop and listen to the voices of single mothers, raising children under the grip of poverty? What happens to the children of the mothers whose voices are muted? In essence, the children now have silent voices that are left unheard. No choice but to live in a society where funding for social housing is limited to such a degree that the average wait for a single mother with 2 children is anywhere from 7 to 12 years. So what happens to those who are waiting?

Unfortunately we get left behind, ignored as though we do not exist. Therefore, silenced into accepting our life of poverty.

Affordable housing will not eliminate poverty. It could, however prevent single low-income mothers like me from living on the edge of homelessness. The social system is behind the times. To be effective, the system needs to provide more housing or provide mothers with adequate funding to pay their rent. Otherwise women and children will continue to suffer. This country and our government are neglecting its single mothers and children. As of December 2003, there were 73,697 households on the social housing waiting list in Toronto.

Going way back to 1973, Prime Minster Pierre Elliott Trudeau is on record saying, “Good housing at a reasonable cost is a social right of every citizen of this country….This must be our objective, our obligation and our goal.” Well it’s obvious that since then, the federal government has abandoned its responsibilities with regards to housing problems. From 1984 to 1993, about 1.8 billion dollars were cut from national housing programs, and the federal government cancelled all funding for new housing in 1993. In 1996, they transferred the administration of national housing programs (with some exceptions) to the provinces and territories. Ontario and Alberta, the two richest provinces, together cut $498 million from their housing budgets from 1993 to 2000.

Government consistently allows innocent lives to fall through the cracks of the system, without remorse, apology or penalty. While the debate of affordable housing continues, mothers are barely

keeping their head above water: drowning in poverty, struggling to stay afloat.

Sacrificing their own meals in order to provide healthy meals for their children.

God only knows what other sacrifices mothers are making just to provide basic needs.

What do I have to do to be heard? I am a citizen of this country, yet I am being ignored. I wrote an eleven page letter to my local politicians, revealing my unfortunate circumstances of living in a homeless shelter after fleeing an abusive relationship. In that letter I exposed my vulnerability. I wrote about my struggle. I wrote detailed information about my personal life and what led me to the shelter. After remaining silent in an abusive relationship for so long, I was finally using my voice and asking for help. I soon realized that my voice was not being heard. I was not even dignified with a response to my letter. I entered the shelter as a victim, only to be revictimized and forced back into a life of struggling to keep my head above water.

Being homeless did not qualify me for affordable housing. Being a poor, single mother and a victim of abuse did not qualify me either. So I had no choice but to find accommodations paying market value rent. Where does this leave me now? Vulnerable and living on the edge of homelessness. Single low-income mothers are prey for abusive men. We are perfect victims, needy and vulnerable.

But what choice do we have? Our voices are not being heard.

The extent of homelessness in Canada is disastrous, and in my opinion, is a disgrace for an advanced, democratic society. Canada ranks very high on the United Nations’ human development survey. Yet after ten years of economic expansion, one in five households in Canada is still unable to afford acceptable shelter. Sounds hypocritical if you ask me.

The solution to this growing problem cannot be solved without help from our government. So what do we do? How do we make our voices heard?

I don’t know all the answers. However what I do know is that I will continue to use my voice. I will continue to advocate on behalf of all single low-income mothers. I would like to thank Yo’ Mama for giving my voice the opportunity and the platform to be heard. Strength comes in numbers. If we can somehow put our voices together, it will be increasingly more difficult for this country to ignore us. Thank you for giving me a voice.

Yo’ Mama’s People Publisher - Literature for Life Executive Director – Jo Altilia Editor-in-chief – Amy Spurway Operations Manager – Mauretia Holloway Layout Artist – Andrea Vriesen Layout Design – Rebecca Maralit Cover Photography – Miranda Hobson Contributing Writers – Melody Boreland Trina Ivany Nicole Habus Jessica Khan Ju-Lee Kerr Lindsay Kretschmer Victoria Grant Vanessa Young Yvonne Gibbons

Contact Information

Literature for Life 7 Labatt Ave., Suite 208 Toronto, Ont. M5A 1Z1 Charitable#89431 8617RR0001 416.203.9830 Fax: 416.203.2597 staff@literatureforlife.org www.literatureforlife.org ©2006 Literature for Life Publications The use of any part of this publication reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise stored in a retrieval system without the prior written consent of the publisher is an infringement of copyright law.

The opinions expressed in Yo’ Mama are those of the respective authors, and do not necessarily represent those of Yo’ Mama or Literature for Life. Yo’ Mama and Literature for Life will not be liable for any losses or damages sustained by any persons, however they may result, due to reliance on the information, ideas, activities or products mentioned herein. Yo’ Mama strives to provide practical, safe and accurate information at all times, but we encourage all readers to seek professional advice where appropriate.

Welcome New Writers!

Yvonne Gibbons

Yvonne Gibbons is a compassionate, easygoing single mother of three. She considers writing a form of therapy, and a way to expel the feelings and emotions that are usually suppressed. The late great Bob Marley is among her inspirations because he was not afraid to write and reveal the truth about topics and issues that were important to him.

Yvonne writes to be free to let go, and be who she wants to be, and she looks forward to using the pages of Yo’ Mama to create more awareness on topics and issues that are important to her.

Yo’ Mama Fall 2006

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Parenting

Parents Living with Parents

By Vanessa Young So you’re young, pregnant and afraid. You have so many decisions to make and only 9 months to get everything figured out before you become an amazing young mom filled with tons of potential. One of those big decisions is “Where are you going to live?” Your first thought may be that you’re going to move out and hold it down on your own. After figuring out how much an apartment will

“Don’t let this decision burn a hole in your ego. You can still be an independent, responsible young mom living at home with your parents.” really be, you may find yourself a little under budget. So what’s next? You may conclude that living with your parents is the next best bet. Don’t let this decision burn a hole in your ego. You can still be an independent, responsible young mom living at home with your parents. Most parents are shocked when they find out that their child is having sex, but it’s definitely a double whammy when they find out that you’re pregnant - especially if the idea of you having sex never existed before the very moment that you told them you were pregnant. So, allow your parents some cooling down time before discussing you living arrangements with them, particularly if it includes moving your baby daddy in to their house. Make sure that your parents are comfortable with the idea, and if so, your partner should be a part of this conversation too.

Living with your parents can have many positives aspects; many teen parents live rent free with their parents, they have built in babysitters, it tends to be easier to go to school, and saving money to move out one day seems a bit more manageable. However, trying to raise your child with their grandparents in constant view can cause many 4

Yo’ Mama Fall 2006

disagreements. Your parents won’t always agree with your parenting style, and you may not agree with theirs. It can be very difficult to have someone else impose their parenting ideas on you and your child, and it is also very difficult to tell them how you feel, especially when you live under their roof. It’s very important that the child’s parents and grand parents work together to be consistent with rules and boundaries, because the child will become very confused and frustrated if their mother is telling them one thing, and grandma and grandpa are telling them another thing. The best way to handle coming into conflict with your parents is to have open conversations before and after the baby is born. Talk about the way you plan on parenting, what you believe or do not believe in (like time outs, soothers, etc) and how much help you would like from them. Allow your parents to have their opinions too, even though you may not agree with what they are saying. Be respectful and understand where they are coming from; remember they have experience raising children.

All parents-to-be should become knowledgeable about parenting issues, styles, techniques, and general child related information. If you have a better understanding about parenting and babies, your parents may not feel the need to tell you “how to be a parent.”

Remember, being a parent isn’t easy. It takes time to learn what works for you and your child, and if you’re fortunate enough to have the support of your parents, I highly recommend taking the opportunity to live with them. Yes, there will be times when you disagree with them - but guess what - if you move out, there will still be times when you disagree with your parents. Having a support system around you can make life as a new parent a bit easier, and your aspirations and dreams will seem that much easier to obtain. Plus, your parents will find out first hand what an amazing young mom you are.

Yo’ Mama’s Math Mind Math Magic for the Kids Many people think that math is all about numbers. Numbers are certainly a huge part of mathematics, but are not what it’s all about.

Math is about patterns! Patterns arise when you see a set of things that connect to one another in a consistent way. Numbers satisfy this definition - so do geometric shapes, algebraic relationships, statistics, etc.

To practice recognizing the difference between objects that are the SAME and objects that are DIFFERENT, you can set up quick games for your child to find out which “one of these things is not like the other.” This game can be as simple or as hard as you like, and it is easy to put together. Give your child a rule, like ‘ The symbols must all point downwards’, then ask them to find the symbol that doesn’t follow the rule, leaving it up to your child to play detective, then circle and tell you “why” something doesn’t belong. Or, if your child really enjoys the game, ask them to create different examples for you to figure out.

Sample Game: Circle the one that is different

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Parenting TV Tips Ø

Change the Channel on the Viewing Routine: - Allow your child to watch “Saturday morning cartoons” or one half hour an evening so that your child’s time spent at home is not consumed entirely by TV. Set times will lessen the amount of time your child watches TV and leaves room for other activities.

TV or no TV...

that is the Question

By L. Kretschmer

Media, media, media!!! We are surrounded and suffocated by all types of media. Where have the days gone where reading, telling stories and playing hopscotch were fun and entertaining? Now we have MP3, DVD, TV, CD, PSP, Internet, and cellular!

Entertainment and communication have been replaced with technology that we have come to rely on. We rely on MP3’s to store all of our songs and data. We rely on the Internet for information. We rely on cell phones to talk to people.

VHS is vintage, and TV is our best friend. Or is it? Perhaps you might look at it as both friend and foe, for it has the potential to be both. While it may seem simple to click on Treehouse or Tele-Toon for your little one so that she might sit still long enough for you to braid her hair, stir supper or fold laundry, it is really not good. The habits you establish now will live on through your children and theirs.

According to Kids’ Take on Media, a survey conducted in 2003 by the Canadian Teachers’ Federation, watching TV is a daily pastime for 75 percent of Canadian children from Grade 3 to Grade 10. This signals a red flag that perhaps children’s viewing habits are becoming far too frequent. Aside from the amount of time wasted in front of the tube when your child could be doing something more meaningful and active, there are concerns about how great and what kind of an influence television has on

your child. So it is not just how much but what…

Think of television as a giant portal to all things scary. Yes that’s right, scary. Violence and sexuality pop up in between seemingly wholesome shows in the form of commercials.

(By the way… according to Canadian Heritage: Television Violence - A Review of the effects on children of different ages, most children will view around 150 000 commercials by the time they reach age 18.) Despite your efforts to ensure that your child watches appropriate channels, some content cannot be controlled. It is important to set a viewing routine that is limited by time as well as content. Most importantly, talk to your children about television and the distinctions between real and fake. Television can send very powerful messages in both negative and positive forms and the influence negative content can have on your child may be irreversible.

Setting up routines and parental controls, explaining the differences between real and fake, and explaining the role of advertising and commercials to your child will keep him informed and prepared. Television is no substitute for reading, family board games or physical activity. It is simply entertainment. Healthy kids need activity, both physically and mentally, and television cannot provide these.

Consider evaluating your kiddie couch potato and re-vamping the routine to include less TV and more talk.

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Choose Channels Wisely! - Some

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Never Chew While You View! - TV

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Talk TV: - Explain (don’t just tell) your

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Reality TV: - What is real? To children,

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Get The Potato off of the Couch! - The less time your child

channels are not appropriate for kids, especially small children. For example, in the evening, “Tele-Toon” plays shows that often contain adult content.

“Treehouse” is a great channel for kids and offers safe-to-watch commercial free shows. and mealtime should not be combined.

Mealtime should be a time for you to sit and talk with your kids, not have them drooling over a cold uneaten supper while they trance out on cartoons. TV is distracting and promotes bad table manners and eating habits. A snack during movie or family TV time is fine. child why certain shows are not okay for him to watch. If a show is ultra-violent, explain to your child that such behaviour is not acceptable. Studies have proven that children who have been exposed to violence are more inclined to act out or become violent. reality and fantasy don’t have defined differences. You may watch a scary movie and feel creeped out, but you know it isn’t real. Your child doesn’t - unless you inform her. She may watch a show with mermaids and believe they are real. It is important for you to explain how shows are made, what acting is and that not all of the things they see are real.

spends on the couch, the better. If you are in a situation where your child cannot play outside unsupervised, and you don’t have time to go with her, then include her in what you are doing or encourage other activities. Books, puzzles, coloring and other toys are equally as efficient in keeping your child out of your hair, and far more stimulating and educational.

This is also a good way to teach an ‘only’ child how to entertain himself, with the use of his imagination!

Source:http://www.media-awareness.ca/english/ parents/television/talking_to_kids_tv.cfm

Yo’ Mama Fall 2006

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Parent2Parent

A is for apple...B is for Bonding.

Bonding with your baby

By Vanessa Young Bonding is the process of attachment between a child and his or her parents. It’s essential in establishing the child’s sense of security within a loving family relationship. The affects of bonding last a lifetime, and therefore children who have formed a healthy bond with their parents are normally well adjusted, happy, and successful individuals. Bonding happens over time.

For some parents, the bonding process starts the moment they find out their pregnant - they feel an immediate attachment to their unborn child.

Sometimes bonding begins the moment you first see or touch your baby. But for many parents, bonding takes a little longer.

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Yo’ Mama Fall 2006

Having a difficult time bonding with your baby can happen for many different reasons. Sometimes just the thought of having a child is so overwhelming and stressful that you might begin to resent your child. Also, after having a baby, your hormone levels change dramatically, which can cause mood swings, tiredness, and irritability. These symptoms are known as “The Baby Blues.” 70% of new moms experience this. These feelings tend to last a couple days to a couple of weeks, but if these symptoms persist or you feel more depressed, unable to sleep, have major changes in your appetite or you’re

spending most of your day worrying, you should consult your healthcare provider.

You may be suffering from postpartum depression, which can have a major affect on bonding. Since bonding is a process, don’t feel bad if you don’t feel an immediate connection with your newborn baby. You just need to spend time together to understand a little more about each other, and allow time for the natural bonding process to happen.

Parenting Pregnancy & Parenting Resources

...C is for cat

Motherisk

Provides pregnant and breastfeeding women with information and answers to questions about morning sickness, the safety and risks of medicines, drugs and herbs, diseases and chemical exposures.

416-813-6780 www.motherisk.org

7 Ways to bond with your baby 1 Use eye contact and

expressive language when talking to your baby. If you have excitement in your voice, your child will feel happy and excited too; but if your voice sounds mad, your child will feel upset.

2 Hold, cuddle and touch your baby. They will feel soothed by your touch. Infant massage is a great way to soothe and bond with your baby.

3 Breast-feeding is another great

way to bond with your baby;

your infant will respond to your touch, your baby will recognize your smell and you’re meeting their need to be fed. Don’t feel bad if you can’t breast feed. By cuddling your baby while bottle-feeding, they will enjoy the same bonding experience.

4 Imitate your baby’s coos, and facial expressions. This helps develop early communication skills.

5 Invest in a baby carrier. Not only is it easier than lugging a stroller on the TTC, your infant will feel safe and secure being so close to you.

7 Always respond to your baby’s needs. You cannot spoil your infant by responding to their cries or by picking them up too much. Your baby cries because it’s their only way to communicate. If you listen carefully, you will be able to distinguish their hungry cry from the ‘I need your attention’ cry.

Don’t forget, bonding is a process. It’s always happening.

Even when your child is older, take the time to be involved in their life, spend time with your child, take an interest in their interests, have open conversations and spend one on one time together.

Resources http://kidshealth.org/parent/pregnancy_ newborn/home/bonding.html “What to expect when you are expecting” By Eisenberg, Murkoff and Halthaway. http://www.midwivesonline.com/parents/ parents.php?id=105&tid=NEW1FATHERS&mid =173the life long bond they are building and saving up for favourites later.

La Leche League

Breastfeeding information and support from a community of experienced moms. www.lllc.ca

Jessie’s Centre for Teenagers

Pregnancy & Parenting support and resources for women 19 years old and under 416-365-1888 www.jessiescentre.org

Humewood House

Resource Centre/Shelter for pregnant women under age 21 40 Humewood Drive 416-651-5657

Massey Centre

Resource Centre/Shelter for pregnant women under age 21 1102 Broadview Ave. 416-425-6348 www.massey.ca

6 Singing, reading and finger plays are entertaining, educational and a true bonding experience.

Yo’ Mama Fall 2006

7

Parenting Fun With Food

A Fall Feast for the Birds and Beasts Most kids are naturally interested in wildlife, but here in the big city it can be tough to come by…unless you count feathered rats (aka pigeons) and those crazy-eyed, twitchy squirrels. But there is a way to attract some animals to your patio, backyard, a park, or just about anywhere, so that you and your child can get a glimpse of some wild critters.

How? With food, of course! To make a Fall Feeder for some local creatures, you will need: -

- - - -

A bagel, sliced in half A tablespoon of peanut butter 2 tablespoons of lard or shortening a big scoop of rolled oat or birdseed a piece of yarn or string, 6-8 inches long

Mix the peanut butter and lard or shortening together and spread it thickly on the half of bagel. Press the peanut butter n’ lard side into the oats or birdseed, to cover it well. Put the string through the hole in the bagel and tie the ends together. Go outside with your child and hang the feeder high in a tree, or somewhere that’s out of reach of people, and in reach of some creatures. Step back, wait, and watch the wildlife flock to the feast! If you’re lucky, you’ll attract some cute, chirpy little birds…if the pigeons and squirrels don’t beat them to the punch…which they probably will….so you might have to settle for that. But either way, it feels good to feed our feathered and furry friends, and your kid will get a kick out of the whole adventure. Just make sure none of those crazy-eyed squirrels follow you home. Otherwise you better make sure you have a lot more bagels.

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Yo’ Mama Fall 2006

K.I.D.Z Kids-InDiscoveryZone

By Vanessa Young

Most children really enjoy doing art activities, and they gain so much from being able to freely express themselves through creative art. They feel pride and joy when they’ve created a piece of art, especially when someone they care about shares the joy of accomplishment with them. Your child’s art work is a oneof-a-kind masterpiece…a Picasso painting you might say…so why not treat it like one! Buy some frames from the dollar store, have your child decorate them, and display his or her artwork around your home. It will give your child a real sense of pride, and it can help fill up some empty walls!

Homemade Finger paint What you will need: • 1 cup of water • 2 tablespoons of cornstarch • Food colouring

Procedure:

With the help of your child, mix the cup of water and two tablespoons of cornstarch together add a couple drops of food colouring. Then pour the mixture into a saucepan and on medium heat stir it until it becomes thick (Approximately 5 minutes.) Let the mixture cool and store it in a container with a lid.

Finger painting is a great activity for all ages. From this simple activity, children can develop many different skills, depending on their age and where they are developmentally. These are some of the skills and concepts that finger painting can

Parenting

Parent 2 Parent

By Lindsay Kretschmer

All hail the mighty mighty chapstick! For in times of utter desperation, when the clock steadily ticks and you know you have a train to catch but you have a blubbering baby who loathes bye-bye, there is chapstick. Blubbering bye-byes, aka separation anxiety, is a common issue with infants, toddlers and even some pre-schoolers. So when you get the pants clinging death grip/tear festival combo, this is a signal from your child that the mere thought of you leaving causes them great distress.

I remember when Emilee was 1.5 and she was moved into another room at her daycare. She had a fit! New room, new friends, colours, tables,

“Separation Anxiety is very real and should never be dismissed as whining or manipulation. ” teachers…new everything! Ahhh, but same mommy, the one guarantee in the mind of a small child who still must learn the art of adapting to change. I remember explaining that she would be going into a new room with new people, and her nodding suspiciously as I happily attempted to convince her that it would be “fun!” Well it took 3 days of verbal convincing that it would be a great experience before I finally had her psyched and ready to go.

That dreadful Monday morning, we awoke to the sun shining, birds chirping and cereal slopping over the sides of my messy little eater’s bowl. We took our usual route down the alley, which I inventively called “Magic Road” and bade the usual hello to the giant old tree with the big foamy mushrooms growing out of the bottom. We played our usual I-Spy game and arrived at our destination at a not untimely 8:05

am. We walked in the regular doors but rather than enter the old room on the first floor, I gently led her towards the stairs to the second floor.

With a look of anguish, she stared hopelessly down towards her old area as we ascended the stairs.

We walked in. Seconds later, she was climbing my leg like a monkey on a tree, gripping me with white knuckles. I leaned down and smiled, calmly reassuring her that all would be fine and reminding her of all the “fun” things she would be doing. She was not convinced, and I was running out of time. I had an 8:15 train to catch in order to make it to class on time for an English test. My anxiety over being late was no match for hers as I tried to pry her from my leg and slowly walk towards the exit.

She let out a howling scream and tears cascaded down her face as if she were in the worst kind of pain.

And little did I realize she was. In her mind, the one familiar and trusted thing in her world was leaving her in a strange place. And while this place was filled with other little people, smiling staff and happy colours and toys, all she saw was strange.

I knelt down beside her and embraced her, comforting her with my soft words when suddenly I had a genius idea! The light bulb in my head went off and told me to offer her something of mine to keep with her for comfort for her first day. She brightened up as I gave her a choice between my hair tie or my chapstick – naturally, she chose the chapstick.

With a brave face and the chapstick clenched tightly in her tiny fist, she set off meekly to one of the staff who had been gently coaxing her to visit the dolly centre. After she felt safe enough to unhinge herself from me, I was on my way…and I wasn’t even late. Praise the mighty chapstick!

Separation Anxiety is very real and should never be dismissed as whining or manipulation. Children need to feel a sense of security at all

times, especially in new situations.

By disregarding your child’s anxiety or by sneaking away in hopes that it will be easier, you are actually making it worse. Sneaking away makes your child feel confused. By sneaking off, she may think she has been abandoned. By disregarding her upset feelings or crying and brushing them off in a rush to leave, she may feel hurt and feel even less secure.

Helping your child to understand the situation in advance might be helpful so that they feel prepared.

For infants, the best way is to gradually wean them away from you into the arms of another caregiver, or by placing them in an area where they are entertained, like in an exer-saucer. A favourite pillow, blankie or bear can also help ease anxiety, as can a familiar item that belongs to you, so that your child feels connected to you even after you leave. The absolute most important thing is to make sure your child knows you are coming back. Of course you are! However to a small child, 2 hours is like 2 days without you, and they need reassurance in order to get through their fears.

Try to remember your very first day of kindergarten, how you felt standing in line with a bunch of kids you’d never seen before, and the feeling of loneliness and loss as you entered the big school building while sadly waving at your mom. Did you feel a little anxious? I know I did, and I can bet most people did as well, and it is a similar feeling your child gets when you have to leave.

Separation, even for a brief amount of time, is not easy so it is important to find a way to help your child cope. If all else fails, just give your child some chapstick and she should theoretically unhinge herself from your leg…

Yo’ Mama Fall 2006 9

Health & Safety

Dealing with doctors

By Trina Ivany An apple a day keeps the doctor away!

We have all heard this phrase - a phrase we would love to have some truth to it. But in the real world, at some point or another, we have to see a doctor about something, and to some people this is a scary thought. Many children are afraid of doctors. Maybe this is where the fear of dealing with doctors stems from. If we looked at it from the child’s eye though, we can fully understand the fear. Think about it, you’re a child and the first experience you have with seeing a doctor is them coming at you to poke your arm with a needle… and they say it will only hurt for a minute, but you swear it hurts forever. As an adult, we sometimes still see the doctor with those kid glasses, but now it’s time to take them off. Dealing with doctors should not be a horrible experience, even though at times it is scary - especially if you are going in not knowing what is wrong with you or your child.

When you are dealing with the doctor, you have to remember that the doctor is there to help you, but he or she can’t help you if you are not up front with whatever symptoms are present at the time. Even though doctors are pretty good at finding out what is wrong, they have not developed the power to read your mind yet! It is important that you have an idea of what symptoms you or your child are experiencing, when they started, and how long it’s been going on. It does not hurt to jot down a few notes about these things before you see the doctor. For example, if you are taking your baby to the doctor, he or she may ask how many wet diapers the baby has had in the past few days, so it will be helpful if you can answer a question like this. If it’s a

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Yo’ Mama Fall 2006

visit for you, the doctor may need to know something like when your last period was. When you go to the doctor, whether for yourself or your child, try to have as much information as possible because it will help the doctor figure out what is going on.

Once you are there, armed with as many answers to the doctor’s questions as possible, be sure to ask the doctor any questions you may have.

It is your or your child’s health, and you have every right to know and understand what they are telling you. It is important to know all the facts, so if you don’t understand something the doctor tells you, ask that they explain it again. Don’t be afraid to ask for information, and don’t be afraid to stay in that office until you understand that information clearly.

If you find you feel uncomfortable with your doctor, then maybe you need to find a new one.

You can’t have a proper discussion if you feel unable to talk because you are not comfortable. Your doctor should show some concern over your heath and general well being. They should not push you around, dismiss your concerns, or make you feel foolish for asking questions. The next time you are at the doctors office, think to yourself, ‘Am I comfortable? Is it me being apprehensive? Is it the doctor I don’t want to deal with?’ If it’s you, then just remember the main rule: how can the doctor help you if you can’t deal in a straightforward way with him or her? Remember to be honest, give as much information as you can, and ask questions. Most doctors that I have come across in my life appreciate it, and are faster and more willing to help. Remember the doctor is there to help you, and you can help yourself or your child by taking an active role in dealing with the doctor. You are a mom now, and the kid glasses are off… so show no fear!

Stroll Your Way in to

Health & Safety

That Pair of Jeans

By Ju-Lee Kerr Having kids forces us to spend time outside. Your children probably nag you all the time to take them to play on the swings and slides. Why not turn the park experience into an opportunity to get moving, enjoy the bright, blue sky and burn a bunch of calories? This is my contribution to the world of Stroller Fitness. As the name suggests, Stroller Fitness is simply going out for a walk in a park or on a trail with your child in a stroller. It’s becoming an exercise trend among mothers of all ages. The point is to make the best use possible of nature; trees, benches, hills, grass and of course, your own body. Unless you have full time daycare or family who loves to baby sit, you’re stuck with your child for many hours. Savour those precious moments you have with your family, and do something good for you.

The very first thing you need to do as you begin your walk is check your posture.

Gently pull your shoulder blades back and down your spine, this creates a long neck.

Imagine a tennis ball underneath your chin. This will keep your posture upright.

Focus next on your breathing. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. As you concentrate on your breathing, you may feel a connection in your abs, around your bellybutton. Try to squeeze your abs tighter by pulling them towards your spine. Check your posture again while your abs are contracted.

Begin to notice the movement of walking.

Concentrate on the heel to toe motion of each step. Exaggerate the movement in the beginning to make sure you are going through fluidly, and with as little pounding sensation as possible. Check your posture again - you may be surprised at how often you hunch over your stroller.

Thinking of a scale from 1 – 10 with 1 being really easy – 10 being really hard, take yourself from a 1 (light, slow walking ) on your mental scale to about a 6 or 7 (walking at a faster pace, heart rate rising, breathing speeds up). Allow yourself to gradually work up to that 6 or 7, warming up for about 10 minutes.

Jumping straight into a moderate or vigorous activity can cause injury.

Listen to what your body is telling you. Take breaks whenever you or your baby needs to. The more often you stroll, the more endurance you’ll build

up, the less breaks you’ll need to take. If you are having trouble keeping up a light conversation or if you’re panting heavily, slow it down. But keep moving your legs or else the blood your heart is sending to your legs will not be able to stop as abruptly as your legs did. This can cause the blood to pool in the legs. Lots of blood in the legs, no blood in the head, and you might faint.

Now that you’re warm, maintain that pace (6/7) for at least 20 minutes, or as long as 45 if you’re really in to it.

During this 20 – 45 minute duration, you can add variety and strength by adding in slower, deeper lunge steps as you go up a hill (never do that down a hill). You can also add bursts of speed where you go up to an 8 on the mental scale for about 30 – 60 seconds (smaller, quicker strides).

Again be cautious and modest, but also challenge yourself a little. This is you learning to know your body and what it is capable of. Check both your posture and breathing. Contract your abs every time you remember to. The more you do it, the more natural it will become.

If you want even more of a workout during this ‘endurance stage’, stroll to a bench or picnic table. Stand, feet hip width apart and send your bum down as if you were going to sit down, but do it in slow motion, and then just before you sit begin standing up again – in slow motion. Your chest should naturally feel the urge to fall closer to your lap.

Maintain a flat back and only go down as far as is comfortable. You just did a squat. Now do 14 more. Try to stop 3 times to do 15 each time. This exercise will strengthen the buns, thighs and even your core. Squat every 10 minutes – keep strollin’.

Once you’re done your cardio (endurance stage), bring it down slowly again. Just like you gradually warmed up, you need to take it slow to cool down.

Allow about 5 minutes to do so. Stretch for about 5 – 10 minutes after the cool down. Slowly reach down to touch your toes. Feel that behind the legs?

Next, standing straight up, lean to one side and reach directly over the ear, palm facing upward. You should feel that one in your sides. End off with a deep breath in – arms rise to the sky, exhale out your mouth – arms float to your sides.

Take a bow.

C heck list before hitting the park 1. Sunscreen and hats – for you

and your babe. Nowadays, many facial cleaners contain chemicals that can make your skin even more susceptible to skin problems, blemishes, and cancers. Be smart with your skin now and you’ll thank yourself when you’re older.

2. Water bottles - If you’re going

out for an hour, take one bottle for yourself and one for your child. If you’ll be out most of the day, go for two or better yet three bottles each. Hydration is vitally important for every cell in your body (even your skin cells).

3. Sunglasses – Yep they’re in

fashion, so enjoy them because they keep out damaging UV rays that can destroy your eyes.

4. Diapers, wipes, extra clothes etc – Unfortunately, kids

have a remarkable talent of messing up their outfits within mere seconds of arrival.

5. Positive attitude - Your thoughts and attitude will definitely affect how much fun you have. Bringing a friend who has a little one can turn a somewhat tiring activity into a fun ‘game’. It can be encouraging and a little competitive at times.

It’s harder to lose motivation if you have a buddy you need to be accountable to.

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Health & Safety

Premature Babies

By Vanessa Young Like many young moms, I gave birth to my son prematurely. I was one day short of 36 weeks when I went into labour. Statistics show that teenage mothers are more likely to give birth to a premature baby, and this can occur for many different reasons. Some of the main reasons are that teenage girls are still growing; they are more likely to have poor eating habits; and many teenagers are not aware that alcohol, drugs and cigarettes can increase the chance of early labour.

A premature or preterm baby is a baby that is born 3 weeks or more before the pregnancy has reached full term (born at 37 weeks or less). Every year, approximately 7 out of every 100 babies are born premature. The earlier your baby is born, the more complications he or she may face. Most premature babies have trouble with eating and sleeping, and their immune system is not as strong as that of a full term baby, which makes it harder for them to fight off bacteria and viruses. Therefore they are more prone to serious infections such as pneumonia, meningitis and sepsis. The potential problems depend on how early your baby arrives, but generally, the earlier your baby is born the more chance there is for bigger problems. Most problems are related to internal organs that are not fully developed.

• The lungs are usually fully developed

by the end of pregnancy. If you go in to pre-term labour, your doctor might give you an IV with synthetic surfactant to prevent respiratory distress syndrome (RDS.) This steroid keeps the air pockets in your baby’s lungs from collapsing. It helps mature the baby’s lungs quickly so they will be better able to breathe on their own when they are born.

• Apnea is another respiratory disorder that some premature babies have. It causes your baby to stop breathing for 20 seconds or more. If your preemie has bouts of apnea, the nurses will constantly monitor your child’s breathing, and will stimulate your baby by gently patting or touching his or her feet to encourage your child to start breathing again.

• Jaundice is very common in premature 12

Yo’ Mama Fall 2006

babies. It is caused by the baby’s liver not being mature enough to remove a substance called bilirubin. Babies who have jaundice are yellowish in colour.

It can be treated with phototherapy, which is a type of light that eliminates the bilirubin.

• Your baby’s stomach and bowel may not be fully developed yet, and they may have a difficult time feeding.

• Your baby’s eyes and ears may not be fully developed yet.

• Body temperature is hard for a premature baby to regulate because they don’t have enough body fat.

Babies that are very premature, or have any of these problems, will probably be placed in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) in the hospital until they are mature and healthy enough to go home (anywhere from a few days to a few weeks to a few months depending on how early they are born).

Premature birth can be related to a number of factors, or it can happen for no apparent reason. If your child is born prematurely, it is important to know how it may affect your child’s development. Even though your child may be two years old according to the calendar, if he or she was born prematurely, your child is only expected to be developing at their age, minus the months they were prematurely. So if your child is two years old and was born three months premature, they should be developing at the same stage as a twenty-one-month-old, give or take. Most premature babies go on to do just fine, so if your baby is born early, it’s important not to panic. But, it is also important that you take any steps you can to give your baby all the time he or she needs to grow and develop.

You can increase your chances of carrying your baby to full term by:

K

eeping you and your baby connected in the NICU If your baby is placed in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) until he or she develops enough to go home with you, there are some things that you can do to begin to bond with your baby:

◊ Ask the nursing staff if you can

◊ ◊

◊

◊

◊

• Making an appointment to see a

doctor as soon as you find out you are pregnant. Remember, it’s very important to go to your scheduled prenatal visits.

• Eating healthy, nutritious meals and taking prenatal vitamins.

• Stop drinking, smoking or doing drugs as soon as you know you are pregnant

◊

bring in things from home, such as pictures of family members, black and white patterned pictures (babies see the shades black and white best) to tape around the bassinet, a mobile or a musical teddy bear.

Visit your baby as much as possible; spend time bonding with each other.

Learn infant massage. One study showed that performing infant massage 3 times a day for 15 minute periods led to greater weight gain in premature babies.

Make sure the doctor approves first though.

Perform “Kangaroo Care.” This is done by holding your baby in just a diaper, against your bare chest, for skin-to-skin contact.

Doing this can help stabilize the infant’s heartbeat, and regulate their temperature and breathing.

Mothers who perform kangaroo care have been found to be more successful with breast-feeding, and the babies tend to sleep better, gain more weight, have longer periods of alertness, and get out of the hospital quicker.

Ask the nurses on staff to teach you how to read your child’s medical chart and to show you how to do some of the basic everyday procedures that the nurses have to perform on your child.

Get involved. Change, feed, bathe, hold and talk to your baby.

You will feel more like a mom if you do this, rather than letting the nurses do it. It will also help you get used to handling a small baby.

If you’re planning on breastfeeding, start pumping!

Resources http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/newborn/premature_ babies.html http://www.marchofdimes.com/professionals/681_1159. asp John Santrock “Children”

Health & Safety

The Art of the Fruit, and Veggie Too

By Ju-Lee Kerr Your mom always told you to eat your vegetables. Ever wonder what the big deal was? Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but there are serious reasons why we have to get them in every single day. Nutrients found in fruits and vegetables promote good, strong health and reduce your risk for diseases – pretty much zapping them to smithereens.

(Beware, if you’re not rinsing your produce thoroughly, you’re ingesting chemicals and sprays that are designed to kill insects and other small animals. I’m not so sure that’s good for you either.)

Nutrients have many functions. They’re literally alive, and therefore have the ability to keep your body functioning in tip-top condition. We all require nutrients in our diet in order to grow, maintain sufficient energy and regulate our metabolisms. As for minerals, these are inorganic elements. They help balance the water within the body, tend to the nervous system, and keep bones strong. Without nutrients people are frail and sickly, resulting in malnutrition.

Malnutrition can show itself in many different forms and boy, are they scary. Anaemia, Rickets, and Scurvy are a few serious diseases that can rob you of your energy and cause major deterioration. Take scurvy as an example: This disease commonly attacked sailors in the early days, but is still hanging around in poverty-ridden countries around the world today. Scurvy is caused from a lack of vitamin C. If someone is deprived of citrus fruits, spinach, peppers, broccoli, cabbage, berries etc. for a prolonged period of time, it is likely they would be experiencing symptoms associated with malnutrition. Apart from severe malnutrition, anybody can be deficient in one or more nutrients/minerals. This is usually caused by an absence of certain nutrients in the individuals’ diet, but improper absorption can be the culprit. So if you’re not feeding your body correctly, whether it is overeating, under eating or purging, your system will suffer.

Health Canada recommends you fill up with 5 - 10 servings of fruits and veggies every day. Don’t be alarmed. A serving would only be one medium sized fruit or veggie, ½ a cup of frozen/canned veggies or fruits, ½ a cup of fruit juice or one cup of salad. When shopping, choose brightly coloured produce. Dig for dark, greens (spinach, romaine lettuce), bright reds, yellows and oranges (apples, bell peppers, bananas), as well as deep blues and purples (berries). Design a rainbow on your plate and display an array of colours at each meal. It’s both pleasing to the eye and the cells that make up you. This variety will ensure you an assortment of nutrients that work together, keeping you looking and feeling fabulous.

Fruits and veggies are a great source of fiber. Fiber is known to reduce risks of disease, help you lose weight because you feel fuller and eat less, keep you regular (if you know what I mean) and improve the digestive system.

You can find fiber in apples, grapefruit, grapes, oranges, peaches, pears, prunes, as well as produce with the skin still on.

Whole grains are also fantastic sources of fiber. There are also little guys called phytochemicals in veggies and fruits.

These are only found in plant products and award each plant with their brilliant colour. These phytochemicals protect us from free radicals (think evil cells!) that are toxic to the body and need to be dealt with.

Fruits and veggies can change an unborn baby inside the womb, save a child from death before the age of five, or prevent a fatal illness in a teenage girl.

Nutrients provide us with the ability to enjoy life. We should savour every bite and choose each one wisely. I can safely assume that some of us in this country have some deficiency problem because we don’t eat enough fruits and veggies.

We may not notice it too much now, as it affects our lives in small, subtle ways.

We will be accountable later on when our bodies are tired and our hair is grey... or we can start to eat healthier and live better now!

Fruits and veggies and all their goodness.

Carotenoids: This is a group of

veggies that contain phytochemicals - strong antioxidants. You may have heard of Beta-carotene, which is fantastic for the immune system, eyesight, skin and bones. Look for Yellow/orange and dark green, leafy veggies like pumpkin, carrots, kale, potatoes and spinach.

Lutein: These protect our eyes.

Studies show that luteins can keep you from developing an age-related eye disease, and is found to be a great reducer of heart disease/cancers. It’s in spinach, kale, collard greens and other green leafy veggies.

Lycopene: Yet another carotenoid.

It’s said to be a potent preventer of heart disease and cancer. Lots of antioxidants in these: Tomatoes – cooked and raw, watermelon and red peppers.

Zaexanthin: The last carotenoid

working in the eyes, prevents vision loss later in life. Kale, collard greens, spinach, tangerines and corn. ( I sure am seeing lots of spinach around here.)

Anthocyanidins: This one seems to

improve blood vessel health. Berries, plums, red potato and red onion.

Ellagic acid: These aid in oxidation

of free radicals and can reduce risk for cancer. Found in berries of all types.

Allium vegetables: Part of the

onion family and packed with stinky compounds that fight infections, and lower your risks for heart disease and cancers. Eat garlic, onions and chives.

You may be lonely but at least you won’t die of a heart attack.

Cruciferous vegetables: Proud to be apart of the cabbage family, containing plenty of cancer preventing properties.

Broccoli, ( knew that was coming up) cabbage, kale, cauliflower and brussel sprouts.

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/ article/000404.htm http://www.faqs.org/nutrition/Met-Obe/Nutrients. html www.healthcanada.com Henry Richter. (2005) Dr Richter’s fresh produce guide, Morrison, Gail, and Hark, Lisa (1999). Medical Nutrition and Disease, 2nd edition. Cambridge, MA: Blackwell Science.

Wardlaw, Gordon M., and Kessel, Margaret (2002).

Perspectives in Nutrition, 5th edition. Boston: McGrawHill. http://www.whfoods.com/genpage.php?tname=nutrie nt&dbid=111 Can Fit Pro Personal Training Specialist Guide

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Health & Safety

Sssspeeech &

Development and delays

By Vanessa Young

When your child is first learning to talk, it can be very difficult to understand what he or she is trying to tell you. But at what point should you worry about your child’s language development?

Approximately 30% of young children have a communication disorder which makes it the most common disorder that affects our everyday life. Communication disorders can be broken down into four categories:

• Language: Involves listening, • Speaking, reading, and writing.

• Articulation: The way the child pronounces words.

• Voice: The sounds produced from the vocal cords.

• Stuttering: The disruption in the normal flow of speech.

There are a couple of known causes for speech and language disorders.

Children who have a hearing impairment that hasn’t been detected have a difficult time with language development because they cannot hear the sounds that the letters produce clearly, and it’s difficult for them to hear their own voice. If they are saying the word incorrectly, they may not hear the difference. Parents that give birth to children in Canada are given the option to test their child’s hearing hours after birth. This way, if there is a problem, the child can receive help at an early age instead of waiting until a possible speech and language delay develops. According to the Ontario Infant Hearing Program, the first 6 months of a baby’s life is a critical point in language 14

Yo’ Mama Fall 2006

development, and approximately 4 in every 1000 babies are born deaf every year. Most children that are found to be deaf at a young age and receive help have the same opportunity to learn language as any other child his or her age. Other causes for speech and language disorder are: having a physical disability such as a clef palate; a malformation of the nose and or mouth; or having a developmental delay.

Since communication is very important in our everyday lives, it’s important to help your child learn how to communicate affectively, with or without a speech and language delay.

We all learn to communicate through actually communicating, so it’s important to take time to communicate with your child from the moment they are born.

Communicating with infants may seem difficult at first. Many new parents feel silly talking to a baby who doesn’t respond back. But if you pay close attention, you will notice that your infant is always trying to communicate with you. You can encourage your baby to communicate by responding to their coos and babbles, repeating the sounds your baby makes and giving them new sounds to imitate. Hold your baby in an upright position when talking to them - they will enjoy watching your facial expressions.

Tell your baby what you are doing while you are doing it. Point to objects in your child’s environment and give them the corresponding words. Be your child’s personal entertainer - sing, tell stories, read nursery rhymes.

Staying positive, while helping your child learn to communicate affectively: • Focus on what the child is trying to say, not how the child is saying it.

• Use short, simple sentences when telling your child something.

• When your child says something

incorrectly, give them the correct word. For example if your child say’s “Ba” for “Ball” then say “yes, that’s a BALL.” Say the word very clearly so your child can pick up the sounds.

• Don’t ask your child to repeat words that he or she cannot say over and over. You will only frustrate your child. Instead, after your child attempts to say the word correctly, give them praise for their efforts.

Since we’ve all at one point or another have had a difficult time understanding what our child has to say, speech and language delay or not, here a couple helpful hints for the next time it happens:

• If you’re asking your child a question

and you don’t understand their response, try asking the question in another way. For example instead of asking your child which hat they want to wear today say “Do you want to wear the red hat or the blue hat?”

• If your child is trying to ask you

Health & Safety

Laaanguage

in young children

• •

• •

• •

for something and you don’t know what they want, try to get them to tell you more information about what he or she wants. For example: what colour is it? How big is it? Is it something to play with? Can you point to the object?

Ask lots of yes and no type of questions.

Pay close attention to your child’s body language and facial expressions. They may help you figure out what he or she is trying to tell you.

Take time to play with your child.

Talk about what you are doing while you’re playing.

Be interested and pay attention when your child is talking to you. Be responsive, or your child may feel ignored.

Practise conversational skills- don’t be a conversation hog. Take turns talking.

Encourage your child to talk to other people that you know. Ask them to say Hi, Bye, Thanks, You’re Welcome etc.

If you feel that your child may have a speech and language problem because he or she is not reaching language developmental milestones, or you just want reassurance that your child is developing normally, you can always contact your family doctor for a referral to a speech and language specialist. Or check out the Toronto Preschool Speech and Language Services website for a sample developmental checklist. It’s

very important that if you feel that your child may need extra assistance with their speech and language, don’t hesitate to get help. You’re not alone. 1 in 10 preschoolers has a speech and language problem. The sooner your child gets help, the easier it will be - for you and your child.

Where can I go for help?

Toronto Preschool Speech & Language Services (416) 395-0411 or www.tpsls. on.ca ALL SERVICES PROVIDED BY TPSLS ARE FREE Resources: www.tpsls.on.ca Creating Together Family Resource CentreCompiled resource binder

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Health & Safety

Obese Children

By L.Kretschmer

Have we as a society gotten fatter in the last decade? I think we have…and why not, when ready-made meals and fast food are right at our fingertips. Why cook? Who has time?

Grocery stores are lined with crispy, crunchy, yummy snacks and sparkling sodas. Why not indulge the bulge? Here’s why: because most of us aren’t half as physically active as we should be, so all the excess fat and carbs we consume simply goes to the gut and stays. The same applies to children.

Children spend less time running around outdoors and inventing imaginary games because they have TV, video games and computers. A Canadian Community Health Survey found that kids ages 6-17 were more likely to become obese if they spent their time in front of televisions, video games and or computers. These activities are popular because they are easy to do and require little movement and effort. As a result of the simplicity, energy hibernates and kids become flat out lazy.

Another possible cause is that we are less informed about healthy food choices, so we neglect to nourish our bodies with proper nutrition. Instead we buy subs and happy meals to cure our hunger. We no longer recall what the recommended daily intake is for breads, milks, meats and dairy. Our children may not be getting enough of what is good for them, and getting too much of what is unhealthy. According to StatCan in 2004, 8%, or an estimated 500,000 children, were classified as obese in Canada. These children ranged in age from 2-17. So how can it be reversed or prevented? Here are some suggestions from Healthy Children Healthy Futures…

Source: http://www.cbc.ca/news/background/fats/ Additional Source: www.statcan.ca/Daily/English/050706/ d050706a.htm

16

Yo’ Mama Fall 2006

A

s part of its Healthy Children Healthy Futures child health initiative, the Strang Cancer Prevention Centre has come up with eight habits of healthy kids. They are: • Spend at least one hour a day being physically

active.

• Spend less than two hours a day watching TV and playing video and computer games.

• Eat at least five fruits and vegetables a day.

• Snack more on healthy foods and less on junk foods and sweets.

• Drink or eat at least three low fat dairy foods a day.

• Drink at least two glasses/bottles of water a day instead of soft drinks.

• Eat less fast food (no more than twice a week) and make healthier fast food choices.

• Eat smaller portions.

Health & Safety

Melody’s Menu Fruit Cobbler 1 cup of flour 1 cup of sugar ¾ cup of apple juice 2 tablespoons of butter Dash of salt 1 teaspoon of baking powder Dash of nutmeg Dash of cinnamon 2 cups of fruit - try mixed berries, apples, peaches or pear (fresh, frozen or canned) Preheat oven to 350 ° F. Mix all ingredients together in a mixing bowl, except butter and fruit. Make sure there are no lumps in your batter.

Melt butter and pour in to an oven-safe baking dish. Pour batter over melted butter, and top with fruit. Bake for 45-60 minutes, or until crust is golden. You can test to see if the crust is done my sticking a fork in and making sure that it does not come out gooey.

Maple Chicken

1 whole chicken or 1 package of mixed chicken pieces salt and pepper to taste Dash of basil, oregano, and thyme 2 large cloves of garlic 3 tablespoons of lemon juice 1 jar of teriyaki sauce ¼ cup of ketchup 1/3 cup of maple syrup Remove excess fat from chicken. Place chicken in a large bowl. In a separate bowl, combine all other ingredients for the sauce, except for the ketchup and maple syrup. Pour the sauce mixture over the chicken, and coat it evenly. Cover and place in fridge for 2-3 hours, or over night.

Preheat oven to 350 ° F for 10 minutes. Transfer chicken to baking dish, and bake for about 60 minutes or until chicken is cooked through. To check if chicken is cooked, cut through thickest part, and make sure there is no pink, and that the juices from the chicken are clear. Once the chicken is in the oven, mix ketchup and maple syrup together. Brush chicken with the maple sauce every 15 –20 minutes. You can even add carrots and potatoes in with the chicken, and make a 1-pot dinner. Brush the vegetable and chicken with the sauce and bake for about the same amount of time.

Important Phone Numbers Emergency (Ambulance-Fire-Police) 911 Directory Assistance 0 or 411 Community & Government Services Information 211 Tele-Health Ontario 1-866-797-0000 Poison Control Centre (416) 813-5900 Parents Help Line 1-888-603-9100 Children’s Aid Society of Toronto (416) 924-4646 Toronto Public Health (416) 338-7600 Legal Aid (416) 598-0200 Taxi Beck - (416) 751-5555 Diamond - (416) 366-6868 Royal - (416) 777-9222

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Education

Budgeting

In A World Of Invisible Money

By Ju-Lee I know a bunch of people who are in debt.

Before credit cards became popular, there were only a few ways of attaining money you hadn’t earned yet, most of them not legal. It’s a good thing that times have changed…or is it? I guess it’s comforting to know you have a credit limit of $500, a security blanket in case of emergency.

But beware! You could surprise yourself if you don’t pay close attention to your spending.

Here are a few ideas on how to keep your finances in order, especially if you are in a money bind already: Make a priority list of your monthly expenses. Be realistic and compile the list in order from most important (a) to least important (h). This one is very basic.

1 Rent (Utilities, parking, cable, phone, laundry costs) 2 Groceries (Diapers, Formula, wipes, toiletries, cleaning supplies) 3 Transportation (Insurance, metropass, gas, repairs, tickets) 4 Clothing for you and your children 5 Child Care 6 Credit Cards and other bills not pertaining to the home.

7 Entertainment 8 Other Once you have a clearer idea of your costs each month, match it up to your salary. If you’re anything like I was when I first began dealing with my expenses, you’re going to have to cut back on a few of life’s luxuries for a while. In the real world, calculating your budget for the month without encountering negative numbers is a job well done. Sticking to the budget is another mission entirely.

Say you’re raking in $1000 bucks a month, more or less. $600 is about the cheapest in terms of rent, transportation is another $100, groceries an easy $300 – that’s 18

Yo’ Mama Fall 2006

already a thousand dollars and we haven’t even paid for clothes or childcare yet. I think you get the picture. If your income is low, it’s time to get creative. So, where can you save a few bucks? The following tips could dramatically change the way you shop and think.

CLOTHING

RENT

CHILDCARE

Roommate it. If rent is killing you, try the roommate way. It’s great company (if you choose wisely) and easier on the wallet.

Subsidized Childcare helps reduce your costs for daycare. Apply soon with the city. Explore community centers and other resource centers for alternatives.

Get your name on the list for subsidized housing. Although the waiting list is long (5 – 10 years), you’ve got nothing to lose.

CREDIT CARDS AND OTHER BILLS

TRANSPORTATION

Avoid using credit and debit cards, unless there is an emergency. Pay with cash.

That way you can never spend more than you have.

Public transportation still ends up being the cheaper way. Unless you have an extremely reliable car that is good with gas, you may be dishing out hundreds every year.

Rollerblades or bicycles are fantastic modes of transportation that can make your legs and butt look great.

GROCERIES/FOOD Eating out gets extremely expensive, even if it’s just McDonald’s. Packing your own lunch for school or work can save a lot of money, and it’s better for your health.

You know that coffee or candy bar you buy everyday? That’s over $500 at the end of the year.

Find coupons and use them.

Buy only what is on your list.

Avoid going shopping when hungry.

Take a calculator and use it.

No Frills, Food Basics and Price Chopper are all cheap places to shop.

Value Village, the Salvation Army, and other thrift stores are great for decent used clothing. Kids grow way too fast, so buying brand new clothes every few months can be costly and stressful.

If you have more than one credit card, seriously rethink the situation.

Shopping can be a great way to reduce stress, but only short term. It’s the longterm tension of credit card debt that will make you snap.

Always pay more than your minimum payment on your cards. This will ensure that you can slowly but surely climb your way out of the hole.

Know that every time you are late paying your credit card, your interest goes up.

Usually starting at 18%, rising to 30% or even higher.

Ask if you can get your credit card interest lowered. Most companies will do so. All you have to do is call and ask.

Be cautious about late payments, these fees can range from $15 - $40 plus.

Again, a phone call can save you from paying the late fee.

Buy now, pay later – sounds too good to be true? It could be a trap that could

Education

College Girl With Child cost you hundreds of dollars. If you haven’t paid the company back by the end of the period, you are forced to pay all the interest that you would have paid otherwise. That’s a lot of cash.

Learn how to dye your own hair or do your own nails. Avoid walking through malls if you know you shouldn’t buy anything. Don’t tempt your emotions.

ENTERTAINMENT You need to be entertained and you deserve it. No matter how much you make, put a % away each month for fun.

Pure, simple fun.

By L.K

Sup, ya’ll I am writing to share with you my experiences as an official second year Advertising student at Centennial College. Yep – thas right - I made it through first year and man, was it a challenge.

But a very rewarding challenge. I am happy to announce that my GPA (Grade Point Average) last semester was 3.7 – which in letter grades means A-. Hear the joke though…I am not a school person! Yo, it took me 9 years to finish high school, and that was a picnic in the park compared to college curriculum. Not to scare you though, because while college is not like high school, it is similar in terms of some class sizes and support.

College life is invigorating.

It is fast paced and there are deadlines that cannot be altered just because you have a kid (high school perk – lol.) It is hard work but the rewards are valuable. For example, when I graduate in 2008 I will be qualified for employment as an advertising copywriter, which is a very profitable industry.

People in advertising make decent wages, and there is always room for advancement. As a copywriter, I will be responsible for inventing and creating ad slogans, scripts and write-ups for billboard, magazine, radio, television and more. To get into this industry without a college diploma would be very hard, as it is with most jobs that pay well.

OSAP is my main source of income while I am studying and it covers my tuition and some expenses. I will have a hefty debt to pay back but I consider it an investment in my child’s future as well as my own. My little girl

is entering grade one, and I realize that last semester was a breeze compared to what I will be facing now. I will be juggling – but as mothers – you know how we do. Last semester I re-lived those sleepless nights of early infancy, though it was not the cries of my baby that kept my eyelids glued to my forehead.

It was the exams and assignments.

I developed a unique love/hate relationship with my textbooks and highlighters and I spent many nights on my computer instead of in my bed, but hey I made it through.

Making it through first year was like graduating for me – it was a huge milestone in my life and I managed to prevail.

I owe much of my motivation and strength to my sweet angel Emilee, whose wisdom is far greater than her 6 years. If it were not for her understanding, patience and love it would have been truly hard to make it. Funny, how someone so small can have such an enormous impact on one’s dedication and determination. I do this all for her so that tomorrow will be even brighter than today.

“You got to get up, get out and do something... How will you make it if you never even try?”

- Outcast

Yo’ Mama Fall 2006

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W ays to promote

Education

The 20 minute gift

reading in your home:

Why Reading to your child is so important

• Spend time at your local

library and get your child his or her own library card.

By Vanessa Young

The most precious gift that a parent can give to their child only takes twenty minutes each day, doesn’t cost a cent, and creates memories that will last a lifetime. It’s as simple as reading for a few minutes a day, and it is so important for every parent to do.

By reading to your child, you will provide your child with valuable skills. Skills such as letter and word recognition, vocabulary, phonics, communication and listening skills are enhanced. Memory and recall skills are developed. Problem solving skills are learned, and reading a book can even help young children develop hand eye coordination.

Children who are read to from a young age will develop a love for reading. It’s important to establish a love for reading in the home because if you wait until your child starts school, they will most likely associate reading with doing schoolwork. Then, the chances of your child reading for pleasure, and not because someone told them they have to read, decreases.

It’s a good idea to start reading to your child when they are infants. In fact, you can read stories to your baby while they’re still in your womb. And they will enjoy every moment of it. Once your child is born, if you read them the same story you read to them when they were in your womb, they will recognise the story and it will either relax or really excite the baby, depending on your child. When choosing books for babies, look for big board book or cloth books with simple words. These are the best type of books for infants. Not only are they easier to hold, but your infant will probably enjoy mouthing the book too. Black and white picture books are really great for younger infants because they can see those shades the best. Touch and feel books are great too.

As your baby grows in to a toddler, they will probably really enjoy lift-the-flap and books with pull-tabs. These types of books are filled with surprises, and by having your child help you with the tabs and flaps, they will be enhancing their fine motor skills and hand eye coordination. At around a year old, you can ask your children to point to objects in the book? The more your child feels involved, the more they will be interested in the story.

With pre-school and school-aged children, spend time at the library helping your child choose books that interest him or her. This is especially good for children who are not interested in reading books, because if you get the child involved in picking out books that interest them, they will be more likely to read or have the book read to them.

When reading to preschoolers, it’s a good idea to point at the words while reading the book because children will begin to associate the written word with the verbal word, and they will soon be able to read familiar words. Don’t forget to ask your children questions throughout the book, such as “What do you think happens next?” “What would you do?” “How would you feel?” or “How do you think the person in the book feels?” If you’re having a difficult time finding books suitable for your child, drop by your local library and talk to a librarian. They will be more than happy to assist you.

Reading to your child should be a pleasurable experience, so take time to relax, talk about what is happening in the story, and enjoy the books that you are reading to your child.

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Yo’ Mama Fall 2006

• Let your child pick out books that interest them. This is important because you may pick out a book that you want to read, but if your child is not interested in the book, the chances of them not listening increase.

• Follow your child’s lead. If he or she is really interested in dinosaurs, then look for books about dinosaurs.

• Model reading in your home.

If your child sees you reading (and enjoying it) they will begin to pick up and look at books on their own.

• Set aside a certain time each day to curl up with a couple of books and read to your child. This means ignore the phone and turn off the television so your child has your undivided attention.

• Reading should be relaxing and you should take your time to read and talk about the book.

• Make reading really excitingtake on the different character roles by changing your voice.

• If a book seems too complicated and your child really wants to have it read

Education

FREE computer upgrading course

to them, change to the words to make it appropriate.

• Allow the child to “read” familiar stories to you.

• Most children go through phases where they want the same story read over and over and over…. and that’s perfectly normal. Once you’ve read the same book a few times, you can make the book more interesting by leaving out familiar words or phrases and having your child fill them in. They will be eager to join in and “read” the book with you.

• Make up stories with your child.

• When grocery shopping with your child, make a shopping list by cutting out pictures from the flyers and writing the name beside the picture.

This will not only help with your child with matching pictures to words, but it will also keep your child entertained.

• Have children create their own storybooks.

• Point out familiar words in your neighbourhood (for example STOP on the stop sign.)

Resources www.readingrockets.org/articles

www.accestrain.com

Are you a single mother who is receiving Ontario Works?

If so, the START program may be your new beginning!

• Enhance your Microsoft Word, Excel, PowerPoint, Access, HTML, Internet and E-mail skills.

• Gain a clear career direction and job search tips • Job placement assistance

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Toronto: 416-921-1800 Scarborough: 416-431-5326

Education

YOUR VOTE – YOUR VOICE

By L. Kretschmer People: Please believe that if you are eligible to vote, you should. Voting may seem unimportant or you may think that your vote won’t count but you are wrong.

In fact your vote DOES count and whether you vote or not, you are still affected by politics as they govern the society in which you live. You may not realize this, but every vote counts (and each party receives $1.75 for each ballot cast in their favour.)

Come election time, it is your vote among a sea of others that will determine what individuals and political parties will come into power, and this does affect you!

FYI

There are 3 different levels of government in Canada: Municipal (local), Provincial (Ontario) and Federal (Canada).

Each of these separate governments work individually and collaboratively to govern our country, provinces and cities. Each level of government has strict responsibilities and is accountable to its citizens. For example, the provincial government which includes Ontario political parties such as: The Liberals, The Green Party, The Conservatives and the New Democratic Party (NDP), are responsible for items like: child care, social assistance, hospitals, universities and colleges, OSAP and community recreation.

Currently, the Liberals run the provincial government. They oversee all affairs related to the items mentioned and more. It is at their discretion how some of our services and community resources and programs will function, as they are funded with tax dollars. They have the decision making power to alter, allocate and implement plans that can both benefit and do disservice to you. The Liberals work in conjunction with Ontario municipalities and the federal government to make decisions regarding our province and our city.

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Politics and government is a web of individuals and parties that make up all aspects of society in Canada. Without politics to govern our country, we would have no order at all. Ontario alone is made up of over 30 separate ministries, which include things from culture to finance. Each of these ministries contains branches – or other categories relative to the different subjects. To cover all aspects of our city, province or even country’s politics would be quite lengthy – so in short it is best to understand the basics as mentioned here.

There is always something to learn about politics and whether they interest you or not, the fact is they affect you and your children. Sadly, many young people do not vote because they are neither encouraged nor informed enough. If more young people ( and young moms!) were to get involved in voting and politics, issues involving community and childcare, OSAP and social assistance might be addressed differently.

For example, if you complain that your social assistance cheques aren’t enough to live off of – (no argument there!) then it is your responsibility to vote for a party that has a vision for bettering the social assistance benefits and programs. Your vote, your voice – YOU decide.

This November 13, the city of Toronto will be holding elections. You will be asked to vote for a city councillor (to represent you and your block) and a school trustee (a representative for your neighbourhood schools). City councillors generally have the most effect on a young family’s life, as the city operates all of the hands-on services we use. To find out what candidates are running in your area, and when they will be debating their views and opinions, visit http://www. toronto.ca/elections.

H

ere are some terms that are often tossed around during an election period: Ballot

A piece of paper printed with the names of the candidates, their political parties and a place for you to mark who you are voting for.

Scrutineer

A person representing a candidate at the voting location to observe the voting process.

Special ballot

A ballot that can be sent in by mail, or filled in at the office of the returning officer, for those who can’t go to their polling station. You must first apply to Elections Canada for registration.

Voter information card

A card sent to every voter whose name appears on the voters’ list. It tells you when and where you can cast your ballots on election day and at the weekend advance vote. Cards will be delivered in late October.

Ward A geographical area represented by a member of Council. There are 44 wards in the City of Toronto.

For more info on future elections, voting & politics, check out:

www.rushthevote.ca

Relationships

On The Real:

Whoop, Whoop...Thas’ The Sound of Tha Police

By L.Kretschmer

Our city is no different from any other in the sense that it is infested with crime. Yes, “infested.” We have police services that assist in maintaining laws and carrying out arrests, which lead to punishments for crimes, yet we still have daily crimes, many of which do not get solved. For example, cars are both stolen and broken into and robbed on a daily basis, and the Toronto Police department does not have the resources to investigate all of these crimes. Therefore the owners of these vehicles cannot do anything to retrieve their goods, or money for damages. This is merely one example of theft and crime in general.

Let’s look at a lil’ list of common crimes. We have: trafficking (aka selling drugs/narcotics), auto theft, robbery, assault, sexual assault, graffiti/vandalism, theft under & over, breach of bail/parole/ court order, burglary, fraud, prostitution, public intoxication, drinking and driving and harassment. All these, and then some. I bet your feeling real safe, right?

Wrong. These crimes exist and occur because people are careless and defiant.

People who commit these crimes care not for who they affect, but rather what they can gain. Drunk drivers have no regard for others on the road. If they did, they’d likely take a cab. Fraudulent people who cheat the system care not that they may get caught. They care to try and scam their way ahead of the rest. Prostitutes care not for the husbands and fathers who pay them for sex; they care for the money they make from the transaction. Vandals want to make a statement, thieves and drug dealers wanna make money and car thieves just wanna have fun. This is not to say everyone who commits a crime is heartless. It does however speak to some of the common motives behind the crimes.

Let us think like criminals for a quick minute – opps my bad, you already have. I have. Most of us have. When times get hard, our minds are flooded with “what ifs.” What if you could rob that Brinks truck – ohhhh the things you could do with all that money. A fleeting thought.

It escapes your mind as quickly as it invades it. For you do have morals, and understand consequences right? Right, so then why does this not apply to those who rob, hustle and steal? The experts would say that they are psychologically and/or economically deprived, or that they just need guidance and reform. Maybe. Or maybe this is just a way of life for some, regardless of the repercussions. It is a way of living, be it good or bad.

For instance, let’s think about communities where crimes like theft, trafficking, robbery, assault and prostitution are more prominent; communities where rent is cheap, cheques are small and opportunities seem bleak. These are known as Toronto’s “Ghettos” and ‘hoods and they exist from east to west, north to south. Now, while these places get bad reps for violence and crime, they also must be recognized for their tight knit community traits.

Communities like these stick together, with the occasional exception of the neighbourhood “snitch” or busybody.

Police who enter these domains are often greeted with spite and distrust, but most of all fear. Residents fear that if a crime they witnessed is called to question, they will be forced to tell. Telling can be harsher than remaining silent. There’s fear that one will be caught for their own crimes; busted for soliciting, or selling cocaine to buy a new pair of Nikes or feed the family, and be forced to suffer the consequences. So many people remain silent...particularly youth who might have their own crimes to hide.

Who U gonna Call? CRIME

STOPPERS!!! – Ummm nooo, probably not.

See, here’s the thing - ain’t nobody tryna get involved in anyone else’s business or drama, and for damn sure nobody wants to feel the cold wrath or revenge for snitching. Youth want respect in the streets, and there is a strict code to abide by in order to achieve it. Telling the police where the local drug dealer lives is out of the question. In fact it’s damn near suicide, if by chance the local drug dealer finds out it was you who tipped off the police. It will be you who gets beat down. Now maybe that seems extreme, or maybe that’s too raw – but the reality is people who commit trafficking crimes know the penalties if caught and work to preserve their business in a quiet and planned fashion. Whether you are part of the game or you watch it from the sidelines, cooperating with the police is no easy task.

Funny enough, it depends on the crime. If you knew of a situation of abuse regarding a child, you and half the ‘hood would be quick to tap 911. But when it’s a situation involving profitable crimes, your fingers have somehow forgotten how to dial. Thas jus tha way it is...

Some things will never change, as the late 2Pac said. And truer words have never been spoken. Until our society offers youth better alternatives, and communities learn to become stronger in a more positive way, crimes will continue and people will continue to remain silent.

Perhaps if society wasn’t split into social classes, and opportunities were truly equal, then youth would not feel the need to be silent. They would not feel the need to commit crimes against others in order to earn a reputation or some cake to feed their empty pockets. Perhaps in a perfect world, glamour and material things would hold no bearing over love and unity.

Perhaps we could trust. Perhaps we might speak up.

Yo’ Mama Fall 2006

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Relationships

Oedipus and The

By Ju-Lee Kerr *This Greek myth has been modified according to my own personal interpretation. There are many versions and they all are unique in their own way.

King Lauis and his wife, Jocasta, announce the birth of their baby boy, Oedipus (sounds like: Ee-da-pus). Amidst the celebration, an oracle tells the King’s fortune: “You will be killed by your own son, and he’ll marry your wife Jocasta.”

King Lauis, all confused and afraid, literally runs for the hills, gripping the boy tightly. He abandons the babe in the foothills of a mountain in a desperate attempt to rid himself of the curse. Lauis thinks he has solved his little problem and continues his reign as King of Thebes.

Back at the mountain, a distracted shepherd stumbles over the bundle of tightly wrapped cloths with a little person inside. He brings the boy to the King and Queen of Corinth, who raise him from infancy to manhood - neglecting to tell him of his real roots. Oedipus, now a strapping young lad, is confronted by the Delphic Oracle who warns him of his predicted fate. He flees Corinth hoping that distance will change his destiny, only to be confronted by King Lauis on the road. The situation turns deadly and forces Oedipus to unknowingly spill the blood of his biological father. He continues on his way to Thebes, oblivious to what has happened.

Before entering Thebes, Oedipus is confronted by another mystical creature who demands that he solve a riddle in order to save the city. “What walks on four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, and three legs in the evening?” Oedipus answers correctly, 24

Yo’ Mama Fall 2006

“Man. Morning represents the beginning of life, afternoon is midlife and evening represents old age.” Oedipus is crowned Ruler of Thebes and new husband of Jocasta. It is years before Oedipus learns the truth. Out of sheer shame, Jocasta commits suicide and Oedipus gouges out his eyes, realizing he knew his destiny all along but was not able to manipulate his fate.

So you’re probably wondering what does this story have to do being a parent? Well, a tremendously famous “head doctor”, Sigmund Freud, pondered this story and fathomed a theory that would explain children’s behaviour at around 5 ½ years old. If your child is still an infant or toddler, the following sequence of theories from birth to about 6 years might apply.

The oral stage: Birth to 1 ½ years. This is the stage when babe

knows little about the world, yet understands and craves the simple pleasures of sucking. It suggests that libidinal energy is focused in the mouth cavity. Breastfeeding, bottlefeeding, thumb sucking and pacifiers become a tremendous comfort. If an oral fixation occurs in a teen or an adult, they might rely on food/drinks,cigarettes or sexual activity for the calming and satisfying rush.

The anal stage: (1 ½ – 2 years)

At this stage the libido is focused on the area of bladder and bowel control. A child begins to learn how to control his/ her excrement during the toilet training stage. If a parent is too strict about toilet training (or starts too early) the child may become anal-retentive (refusing to go to the toilet) and may lean towards being obsessive, rigid, precise and orderly. If the parent is too lenient, the child becomes anal-expulsive (excreting just before or just after sitting on the potty). This personality type could be wasteful, messy, defiant and possibly self destructive.

The phallic stage: This is the stage

when your child discovers the pleasure of stimulating his/her genitals. Conflicts might arise as you begin teaching your child that there is a time and a place for this behaviour, usually their bedroom or the bathroom. An interest in other peoples genitals also pops up. This one is a little more difficult and sometimes embarrassing to deal with. Keep in mind that sexual pleasure is not wrong or bad, it’s a gift to use wisely.

This is where the Oedipus complex comes into play. This theory is defined as young boy’s wishes to marry his mother. This causes a rivalry with the father figure, creating conflict between all three of them. The young child (We’ll call him Oedipus) experiences feelings of wanting to replace the father, taking his place as Dad. Your boy may express his feelings by asking you to marry him, or by becoming very affectionate, with kisses and compliments. You may notice your son fighting with your partner – and most times Dad ends up stooping down to the child’s level of maturity. So Freud goes on to claim: Oedipus becomes worried that Dad will punish him for his feelings or possibly remove his penis just like he removed Mom’s. Freud coined this Castration Anxiety. Don’t worry though; in most families nobody loses a body part. Be patient as Oedipus figures out a strategy that will allow him more time with you, as he accepts that he won’t win you over. He will begin to mimic Dad instead. This helped me clarify the importance of having a positive father figure around, whether he’s your brother, friend, partner or your child’s biological dad.

Ok, so what if you have a little girl? Well the same thing occurs for the mother. Your daughter wants a penis of her own (I bet life is so much easier with one). The young girl becomes upset that she lost her penis and blames you (kids are weird.) Soon she decides to just join you and live vicariously through you for daddy’s attention. This is called the

Relationships

Complex

What To Do When He’s With Someone New…

By L. Kretschmer

Elektra Complex.

Good news. Your child passes into the Latency stage soon after. At this stage your child’s libido is pretty much non-existent, until teenagehood at least. Enjoy this time.Your child is interested in having a social life. They begin to discover potentially lifelong hobbies, like sports or creative arts. This stage is especially important for the self confidence of your child. Encourage them to challenge themselves, but allow them to accept their limitations too.

So, a theory is a theory is a theory. If it makes sense to you and you can sleep better at night knowing why people do the things they do, enjoy.

But also know that Sigmund Freud is critizised for his overly sexual views. As a psychologist, he invested much time focusing only on the individual mind, rather than investigating all aspects of a person’s world. There are many factors that shape a child’s behaviour. Just know that you are a very big factor.

Definitions Libidinal energy:

Energy produced by the libido.

Libido:

The physical and mental energy that drives our instinctual sexual drives and behaviours. Some like to call it Mojo.

Fixation: Obsession.

Erogenous zone:

Certain parts of the body that are sensitive to sexual stimulation. http://www.victorianweb.org/science/freud/develop. html http://www.ship.edu/~cgboeree/freud.html http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=oedipus http://www.utm.edu/research/iep/f/freud.htm#H4 Society, living with change 1988 Addison-Wesley Publishers Limited.

Okay, so you and the baby daddy have been apart for a while now.

Be it days, months or hours, ya’ll ain’t together no more. So what happens when you discover or pry and find that he has a girlfriend?

Now, now, tuck them claws in and quit arching your back, after all he isn’t yours anymore and really you have no say. Or do you?

Hell yeah you do! Particularly, when it concerns your child. Now I know that you know that you do not want just ANY female around your kid/s, so how do you assess the situation and its participants?

Well, I just stomp on over to his house, hammer on the door and demand to see the gurl face to face, whereupon I grill her about anything and everything until I deem her a fit candidate to be present around my child…okay no, I am kidding (that’s my crazy imagination). I do, however, wish to screen people who will be around my child. Not just his girlfriends, but his male friends as well.

When my child goes away for 3 days to her dad’s house, it is my right as her primary parent to know what she will be doing and whom she will be around for safety reasons. Now, a man might argue that by countering it’s his right to screen your peeps, and if his request is legitimate and of genuine concern, then it is only fair to return the same respect.

The likelihood of your child’s father willingly agreeing to let you speak to his new girl is probably slim; however, if you two have a communicative relationship this should be a non-issue. If he declines your request to meet his girl so that you can decide if you feel comfortable allowing your child around, her then you need to get inventive. If you have a court order that grants him specific access times, what he does with your child is legally up to him on his time, and he does not have to share any details about his personal life with you. So what to do…what to do? I would suggest trying diligently to get some sort of respectable communication going between you and him. This way you can voice your concerns in a calm, respectable manner and as a result, he might be more willing to cooperate.

Should nothing seem to work, then sadly you will have to fear the worst or hope for the best.

Keep in mind that the absolute worst thing you can do in a situation like this is to demand cooperation, threaten and/or involve your child. Never ask you child for information or ask them to tell you things that you want to know. Children are clever creatures and you might find that they will play one parent against the other to get attention, or even undermine one parent’s authority. Children are not spies, nor or they the rope in a tug-o-war. So if you wanna know ask…if he won’t tell and there are no reasons to be concerned, and your curiosity is the main reason, let it slide – he has moved on and so will you…that is if you haven’t already. Bottom line is sometimes you just gotta suck it up and deal. But I bet u can do it – cuz you’re one tough mama.

Yo’ Mama Fall 2006

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Housing

Feature: Housing

Home Sweet Home: The Makings of an Affordable Home

By LK

LIST O’ TINGS

Ummmm yeah see, we are working on a tight budget here, yet we need all the essentials for a home as well as a few cozy comfort items. Okay, but can you say: “Dollarama?” Look no further because Dollarama has it all!

Now, normally I would not recommend a particular store. In fact I would likely encourage one to visit multiple stores to find bargains, however there is very little this dollar store doesn’t have. The best part? Nothing, and I do mean NOTHING, is over 1 dollar. Don’t be fooled by other dollar stores that say buck or two or three, four, five – you get the point. Some dollar stores and cheapie joints have big signs offering mad cheap deals but once you get in there you soon discover that you spend more than you bargained for. Therefore leave it to the tried and trusted Dollarama. They have opened new stores across Toronto, so, it is likely that you might find one in your area. I really should be getting paid for this promotion I am doing...but hey I’m just tryna help a mother out...

BATHROOM

MOVING OUT? Here is a list of the necessaries... as well as a few extras...

• • • • • • • • • •

Towels and Face cloths Toothbrush and soap holders Toilet brush Toilet paper Fuzzy bath mat set Hand soap Shampoo and soap Shower curtain with rings Cleaning Products Trash can

KITCHEN • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Trash can Garbage bags Paper towels Dish rack Pots n’ pans Plates, bowls, cups Cutlery Place mats Spatula, cutting knife, etc.

Dishtowels & clothes Dish soap and cleaners Broom, mop, dustpan Kettle, toaster etc.

BEDROOM/LIVINGROOM • • • • • •

Blankets, sheets, pillows, pillowcases Laundry basket Clock Curtains Lamps Knickknacks: candles, figurines, etc.

As for furniture, this is at your discretion. Candles and pillows can really accent your home and provide a lived-in comfortable feeling as well. Thrift shops often carry items like toasters and lamps and some furniture items, so if you are working with a budget it would be good to check out any and all economical resources – and yes, you can still get nice stuff that is cheaper or slightly used.

As for the List O’ Tings for your home, the majority of those items are found at...drum roll please...yes you got it!

DOLLARAMA!!! So folks, shop wisely and remember that you can indeed turn a place into a home with a little love and a little budget.

Yo’ Mama Fall 2006

27

Tenants’ Rights...Landlords Responsibilities The Law is in your Favour

By Vanessa Young

I’m sure we’ve all seen at least one episode of Judge Joe Brown, or any of the other afternoon judge shows, where the landlord is suing the tenants for breaking the lease or not paying rent. Situations like this happen everyday; therefore, you need to protect yourself. The easiest way to do this is by photocopying all cheques given to your landlord, and make sure you request a receipt. Keep all letters written to and received from your landlord, and your lease agreement, and any other document that could be used as evidence in case you do need to go to court. It is also very important that you know what your rights are as a tenant. If you don’t know your rights, then you don’t know what your landlord’s responsibilities are, and you can be taken advantage of. Since the Ontario Tenants’ Protection Act is lengthy, (you can read it on www.OntarioTenants. ca) here’s a few things to be aware of :

MAINTENANCE AND REPAIRS

If something in your apartment needs repair, it’s your landlord’s responsibility to fix it or to hire someone who can. It’s a good idea to submit a letter to your landlord that states the issue. Don’t forget to date it, and keep a copy of the letter on file. If the problem isn’t fixed within a reasonable amount of time, you have the right to contact the City’s Building Inspector and get them involved.

They will come over and take a look at the problem and document what they see (don’t forget to get a copy!) If the problem still hasn’t been fixed after the building inspector’s inspection, call your local City councillor’s office and see if they are will get involved. And if there’s still a problem, you should contact your local legal aid clinic and have them help you out, and possible apply for a rent reduction for all the trouble you’ve been through.

CHANGING YOUR LOCKS

The landlord is not allowed to change the locks while the tenant is still living there unless the landlord gives the tenant the 28

Yo’ Mama Fall 2006

key. The tenant is not allowed to change the locks without the landlord’s approval.

LANDLORD ENTERING YOUR APPARTMENT

Your landlord is only allowed to enter you apartment if: the tenant says the landlord can enter; if there’s an emergency; if the landlord gives 24 hours notice to do repairs, to allow a certified worker to do repairs, or to show the apartment to future tenants.

TENANTS’ ASSOCIATION

It’s your legal right to be part of or to start up a tenants’ association. Your landlord cannot interfere or harass you for being part of the association. Being part of a tenants’ association is important because it gives everyone who lives in the building a stronger voice, and your landlord is less likely to break the law if he/she knows that there is a group of people who will stand up for each other during times of need. If you don’t have a tenants association where you live, you can start one up by asking the people in your building to join. Ask your landlord if there’s a common space in your building, or you can find a place like a community centre or the library to hold the meetings.

If your landlord does interfere with the association, he/she can be fined up to $10,000 under the tenants protection act.

RENT

Your landlord can only raise your rent once every year, and needs to give you a 90 day notice for the rent increase. If he/she doesn’t give you notice, you are not required by law to pay the increase amount, but you are still required to pay the amount you were paying. The landlord has to give you a written receipt each month , if you request one.

PETS

You are allowed to have a pet in your apartment even if your lease agreement says no pets. The only way your landlord can tell you to get rid of your pet or move out is if the pet is considered dangerous, causes allergic reaction, or is disturbing the neighbours. Your landlord must also provide an order written by the tribunal.

HEAT

Your landlord must provide the minimum standard for heating that is decided by the city. If your landlord is not providing the minimum standards, you can complain to the city building inspector. The minimum heating standards for Toronto is 21°C from September 15th- June 1st.

EVICTION

You can be legally evicted from your apartment for the following reasons: • If you constantly pay the rent late.

• If you don’t pay the rent in full on the day it’s due.

• If you or a guest of yours damages any part of the apartment building, even if it’s by accident, unless you agree to pay for the repairs.

• If you or a guest of yours does illegal activity in the apartment building or on the property.

• If you or your guest interfere with the safety or enjoyment of other residences. (ex: loud music, driving recklessly through the property.)

• Providing false information on applications for subsidized or public housing.

Your landlord needs to give you time in the eviction notice, to change your ways, unless you are doing illegal acts, if there’s safety concerns, or if you were not accurate on your application form (Subsidized/ public housing). If you receive a Notice of Eviction, contact a legal aid clinic for advice and to make sure the eviction is for valid reasons. You eviction notice must state: Why you are being evicted and the date you need to leave by.

If you have any concerns about your rights or if you need advice you can visit or contact: www.OntarioTenants.ca Ontario rental housing tribunal 1-888-332-3234

Feature: Housing

Why Decorate?

By Deb Scorsone So you’ve finally found your dream apartment…ok, so it’s a bit of a fixer-upper. Alright, so it is a dark basement that smells like cat pee and has crack heads wandering outside it after 9pm, but it’s cheap, so it’s home.

Never fear! With a few licks of paint and a bit of elbow grease, what started out looking like the sets from ‘The Shawshank Redemption’ can actually be a place you enjoy being in. Why bother? Ever noticed how hard it is to be sad in a beautiful place? Our homes are an extension of ourselves and set the tone for how we feel inside them. When you consider the number of hours you spend in your home, decorating can change your life. Here are a few tips for decorating on a realistic budget that have helped me, and might help you too.

If you do nothing else, paint the walls. Paint is one of the fastest, cheapest and most drastic ways to change the tone of a room. It can also be your springboard for the rest of the room, giving you ideas for colour scheme or general room concept. After accidentally painting my daughter’s room avocado green, my sisters all joked that I may have had a home birth, but I brought the hospital to me. The problem was, I had thought

the colour would somehow miraculously change from what it looked like on the chip into a colour I liked when it got on the wall. It didn’t. Trust me, it never does. Buying a small can and painting a test patch can stop a disaster before it happens. Here are some other colour tricks I have learned over the years: Most apartments start out white because it is neutral. Unfortunately, white can make a room look empty and gets dirty very easily. Off-white, or a very pale cream colour that looks white, can be a good accent and can create a sense of warmth while still neutralizing other colours. I like to paint one or two walls off-white and the other walls my colour so that neither one is overpowering. Small spaces generally do well with light colours that, much like a mirror, can compensate for lack of space or natural light. Large main areas can take a bit more vibrancy, but be careful not to go too dark, or worse, fluorescent (shudder).

Once you have your walls painted, hanging things on them is the next step. Posters are an obvious option, but can actually detract from the appearance of a room if they are not framed or mounted. The most sophisticated poster in the world screams sloppy when taped to the wall. When framed or mounted, a Led Zeppelin poster can look classy. Unfortunately, framing is expensive. Buying pre-made frames, or getting a picture plaque or foam core mounted is a good alternative, but it’s still a far cry from cheap. Re-using old frames, making your own frame, or buying plastic poster-hangers is another option.

Don’t worry, not everything needs a frame. I have gotten prints mounted as I can afford it, and filled other walls with things like nice looking fabric bedspreads, strings of Christmas lights, masks, dishes and hanging lanterns. Play relic hunter at garage sales, second hand shops, and on garbage night strolls –especially strolls thorough affluent areas where people are quick to throw things away. Painting or stenciling designs directly on to the wall can create a really individual effect without much money spent. A border of vines along three walls created a forest in my daughter’s

room. Stars on a dark blue wall created the night sky in my own.

Working with a low budget, mismatched furniture is a fact of life.

Look past what a piece looks like now to what it can be changed into. For example: Cover soft pieces of furniture with fabrics that work with the colour of the walls and other things in the room. With the help of a hammer, nails, a few yards of fabric and some torn old quilts transform a coffee table into a comfy window bench. Old mismatched furniture painted the same colors as the walls make the whole room look like a set.

Good places to look for deals on furniture and other useful home items are organizations like the Furniture bank at furniturebank.org, the Habitat for Humanity’s Re-Store, and Goodwill, all of whom provide free delivery. For deals on just about anything from furniture to cutlery, get ye to Chinatown or Little India. It always puts a smile on my face to see a table just like the one I bought for $50 on Spadina, going for $350 on Queen West. All it takes is a good eye and a little ingenuity. Finally, where you don’t have the money to do anything else, fake it!

If you treat your home like it is worth a lot of money, people will believe it is.

A clean, well cared for space, creates a sense of harmony without trying.

Getting an affordable apartment in Toronto is not an easy thing to do.

However, what you start out with need not be what you live in till the lease runs out or the roof caves in. Keep in mind that each building is made out of building materials, nothing more. The two things many people end up paying for in their homes are location –something that you don’t control for these four walls - and the ability to have someone else finish their apartment for them -something a fearless mama like yourself has total control over. Creating your surroundings for yourself has two major advantages.

It is good for your health and mental state during and even after the time you spend there, and it affords you a sense of accomplishment and ownership over your surroundings that all the money in the world can’t buy.

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By Nicole Kimberly Habus Homelessness is a serious issue in our city. There have been social service cuts and the price of rent is constantly rising, leaving many to struggle to survive. Toronto has the largest homeless population in Canada.

There are different types of homelessness. First is being completely homeless, what we usually think of when we hear to word; sleeping on the streets, going to soup kitchens, pan handling, stealing or prostitution in order to survive. The second would be concealed homelessness, which includes temporarily staying with friends or relatives because you cannot afford a place to live.

Many women who are in shelters for long periods of time may not consider themselves homeless because they have a place to stay, but the truth is they are.

They may not spend time on the streets, but they don’t have a home. Last but not least are those who are at risk of losing their home because of financial struggles, like paying rent and bills. Many turn to food banks and borrow money from family or friends to avoid turning to shelters or the streets.

There are no clear reasons why so many people end up out on the streets, but there are many factors, which may contribute to this problem. One problem is a lack of affordable housing. Subsidized housing seems almost impossible because the waiting lists are so long. Personal experiences can also cause homelessness, such as losing a job, having no support, or violent or abusive situations. Mental illness and substance abuse can also be factors for some people. Another big reason that contributes to individual homelessness is unemployment. Not having the skills to get a job can make it almost impossible to find one. This can cause people to become dependent on the system, and still struggle to survive.

But even with a job, it is still extremely difficult to keep up with bills. Low paying jobs with no security make living expenses hard to deal with. All this builds up to an increase in poverty and homelessness.

There often seems to be little sympathy towards the homeless from many city councillors and other people who could help. Some even worry that their property values would go down and crime rates would go up if shelters or affordable housing units were built in their neighbourhood…but that is a whole other discussion! Some people make assumptions about who homeless people 30

Yo’ Mama Fall 2006

Two Takes On... are, and the bad things they’ll to a neighbourhood. What is forgotten is that a wide variety of people end up homeless for a wide variety of reasons, but they all need help. That brings us to young mothers on the streets.

Wendy is a Spanish lady, outgoing and full of life. She was also one of these homeless women, a young single mother with two children. Wendy entered a shelter to escape an abusive relationship. At only twenty-five years old, Wendy had to take her three-year old son and four-year old daughter, and leave their home to enter a shelter. It was a tough decision to make, but Wendy knew it was for the best. “My kids didn’t really know what was going on,” Wendy says. “They were confused and only wanted one thing, to go home.” Wendy had to leave her home because of a bad situation, but shelter life was also difficult. “It was really hard for us. It was uncomfortable and we didn’t have much privacy. I myself felt bad that I had to bring my children into such a place.”

Living in close quarters with strangers also has its share of problems.

Stealing within the shelter created a negative energy, and Wendy witnessed other residents mistreating others, including their own children. There were also issues with the food. Each resident in the shelter would get a chance to cook through the week, with the ingredients they requested. According to Wendy, the food wasn’t the greatest, unless she cooked herself, and unfortunately, some women would purposely make extremely hot foods that others could not eat.

Though Wendy enjoyed hot and spicy foods, this bothered her because these women were making others suffer.

We all assume that shelters are not good places, but it is not always the way we imagine. Wendy points out that they were lucky as far as sleeping facilities were concerned. Wendy and her children were given a large room with bunk beds and single beds. This made Wendy and her children’s stay much better. This wasn’t the only kindness Wendy received in the shelter. Staff members were available to assist with finding lawyers, daycares and facilitate.

“Most were pretty nice,” Wendy says. “I usually chose the ones I spoke to.” And on the positive side of living with the

other women, Wendy did meet a nice lady who taught her how to make sushi.

After 3 months, Wendy and her children found a place of their own. They were on a waiting list for Toronto Housing and were finally accepted. She received a start up allowance from Ontario Works to help with household items and other necessities. They were all happy to have privacy and a place to call home. Not long after, Wendy enrolled in the KYTES program with St. Stephen’s Community House, whose focus this year was on young single parents from the ages of 1730. Their goal was to help these parents build resumes, create a career plan, and help to motivate and inspire young single parents to reach for their dreams. This experience is one that Wendy will never forget. “It has helped me so much and I have met so many nice and inspiring people,” says Wendy. Wendy’s future goals are to have a stable job doing what she loves, owning a home or even a business. Wendy and her children are forever thankful to the staff of the shelter for helping them, and for everyone who assisted them in their time of need. Even though their stay was uncomfortable, it was a safe place away from abuse. It was a step towards a new beginning.

One-on-one help is truly what is needed with any homeless person.

Forming strong relationships is important if the help is going to work. Both the person in need, and the person that is assisting must put all of their effort into finding out exactly what is needed and wanted. With this effort there is a better chance for success and happiness. Quality programs and people are part of the homelessness solution, as they provide guidance to leading healthier lives. Young mothers who are at risk of homelessness need parenting, career and life skill development; access to counselling, education and resources; and a safe space to live with their children until they get on their feet. The right support and a positive attitude can help some people get off the street, and give them the chance to create a better future.

3 magical words: Don’t give up

http://www.nowtoronto.com/issues/2002-04-25/ news_feature.php Link for politics on Homelessness

Feature: Housing

Homelessness

By L.Kretschmer I once worked with a young woman who I will call “Charlotte.” I recently ran into her and I asked if she would share her experiences with the shelter system with me. She agreed. This is her story…

Charlotte grew up in Toronto’s west end with her mother and siblings.

From an early age, Charlotte’s family was involved with child protection services.

As a result of an unstable home situation Charlotte was bounced back and forth throughout most of her childhood from her mother to different foster homes. By the time Charlotte became a teenager, her main residences were group homes, youth shelters and institutions. While living in a group home at the age of 16 Charlotte became pregnant. She was in denial until her belly began to grow and the reality that her life was about to change forever set in.

Charlotte decided early on in her pregnancy that she was going to give her child a better life than what she had.

So she began canvassing her resources and got into Massey Centre (a shelter for young mothers) and joined their prenatal program and residence. Charlotte resided at Massey Centre for 1 year, until her daughter turned 9 months, before she finally found her own place within the community. Charlotte describes her stay at Massey as being difficult at times. She had trouble adapting to the rules that she felt limited her. She says her best support during that time was the CAS. She also felt that residence drama interfered with her goals and often put her into emotionally upset states. She was both happy and relieved to move on.

Charlotte did not stay with her daughter’s father long, as he was deported not long after the baby’s birth. By age 21, Charlotte had found a new partner, with whom she would bear another child and spend 8 emotionally trying years. In the beginning their relationship was great, communication was good, goals were set and the birth of their son brought them even closer. Theirs was a happy family until Charlotte’s man lost his job and put them in a position where they had to move. So again, ever-resourceful and dedicated, Charlotte looked into resources and services through a local community support agency and in less than a few

months had secured affordable housing for her family. The downside, as she would learn later, was location. Located in the central downtown core, Charlotte had unknowingly moved her man into temptation, as he was a former drug user.

In less than 2 years, things started to crumble. He began using and Charlotte felt that her chance at having a happy home and family was shattered. She tried to get him help to hold the family together, but he wouldn’t help himself. Charlotte realized that he would only inflict more damage on her and her 2 children the longer she kept him around.

Charlotte, being the strong woman she is, picked up the broken pieces of their relationship and tucked her heart inside her pocket and moved on. She left their apartment and went to live with her father until she could find another place. But again, she was faced with emotional stress, as her father scolded her daily for not doing “enough”despite all she had already accomplished given what she had been through.

Her short stay was not pleasant but it fuelled her strength to keep striving.

Since she hadn’t secured an apartment, she swallowed her pride and went to Birkdale Residence, a shelter for women.

“I feel like I have taken 10 steps back, not forward,” said Charlotte of her first week at the shelter. She described her 2-month stay as stressful. The fact that she was in that situation was frustrating and crippling. On the brighter side, it wasn’t what she expected in that she had an independent living arrangement within the shelter. She had her own kitchenette and phone, and received a weekly PNA (Personal Needs Allowance) to cover food and other things. She said that the drama of the other residents reminded her of Massey Centre. She felt like the resident shrink, as she absorbed the problems of others. She worked hard at finding a place to start all over, and she did.

Today Charlotte and her two children live in a nice neighbourhood in the east end. Charlotte does frequent public speaking engagements on awareness and works part time from home. Both her children are happy and healthy and are living the life she wanted for them. Above all, Charlotte is happy… happy to have finally made herself and her children a home that is their own.

FAST FACTS: • According to StatCan, in 1999 four out of ten young single mothers reported that spousal abuse was the reason for shelter use.

• 39 % reported that they stayed in shelters due to family breakdowns.

• On leaving a shelter, 63% of the single women and 35% of the young women with dependent children simply went to another shelter or moved in with a friend or relative.

Few of the women moved into a market rental unit, and far fewer moved into subsidized housing.

– StatCan – • Other reasons for shelter use among young single mothers were: eviction, family breakdown, refugee, new arrival, sponsorship breakdown, leave from hospital or corrections, abuse and fire/unsafe living conditions.

• 70% of youth who are homeless have experienced some form of abuse: sexual, physical and/or emotional. –Covenant House • 59% reported having been or currently were pregnant.

A

study conducted in 1997-98 by the Hospital for Sick Children and the Shout Clinic among 93 streetinvolved females found that an alarming number of street children have pregnancies. There were a total of 118 pregnancies among the women.

The study found that: • Street youth women are more likely to get pregnant than women who are not homeless at a rate two to three times greater.

• The younger someone became homeless and the longer they stayed on the street, the greater the probability they would become pregnant.

• Miscarriages were two to four times higher among street youth than the general population. This was attributed to poor nutrition, increased rates of substance abuse and sexually transmitted disease.

Source: Covenant House http://www.homelessness.gc.ca/homelessness/h02_e.asp http://www.swc-cfc.gc.ca/pubs/ pubspr/0662318986/200203_0662318986_10_e.html http://www.covenanthouse.on.ca/web/facts_and_stats. html

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Home, Safe Home Childproofing your home

By Vanessa Young Childproofing your home is something every parent needs to do in order to have a safe environment to raise his or her child in, especially when your child starts crawling and exploring. Yes, it will cost you some time, some convenience, and a bit of money, but the investment you make can potentially save your child’s life.

Statistics show that home accidents account for more children’s injuries and deaths than all childhood diseases combined.

The best way to get started is to get down on your hands and knees and take a look.

Here’s a list of potential problem areas to pay specific attention to:

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Yo’ Mama Fall 2006

Feature: Housing The Kitchen The kitchen poses a lot of dangers for your little one. Your child should never play in the kitchen, whether the stove is on or off: • The oven door can be easily opened and your child can get burned. Even if the oven is off, your child could stand on the open door, and the oven could fall on top of your child. Your child is also at perfect height to touch the hot burners. Make sure when you’re cooking to turn all pot handles inwards to prevent the pots from being knock off the stove. If possible, use the back burners only. This way the hot pots are as far away from little hands as possible. Also it’s very important that you never hold your child while cooking at the stove.

• Your cupboards and drawers at home contain many potentially fatal products that can cause choking, poisoning, and cuts and lesions. Be sure to keep all chemicals out of your child’s reach by putting them in a place where the child cannot access it, such as on the top shelf of your cupboard or in a locked drawer.

• Getting food out of the fridge may be a popular thing for your toddler to do, but once the fridge door closes, it’s air tight inside. Therefore, if your toddler climbs into the fridge thinking it’s a good place to hide during a game of hide and seek, they will not be able to open the door from the inside and they can suffocate.

• Keep electrical cords, hot drinks, hot serving dishes and knives out of your child’s reach at all times.

Prevention: Child safety locks are

fairly inexpensive and they are definitely worth purchasing. For your kitchen, you will need locks on your oven, cupboards, draws, fridge and dishwasher. If your table has sharp, pointy edges, you can purchase table corners, which are smooth, rounded edges that easily snap onto the corners of your table. Another great preventative measure is to keep your child out of the kitchen all together, using a safety gate if possible.

The Bathroom

• If you have bathroom cleanser underneath your bathroom sink, make sure they are carefully stored so your child cannot gain access to them.

• All medication, vitamins, first aid kits etc. should be locked in a medicine cabinet or on a top shelf where a child can’t reach. Many children see colourful pills and mistake them for candy, and once a child ingests them, it can be fatal. Before picking up any medication from the pharmacy ask them to package it in childproof bottles.

• The water temperature should be no hotter than 49°C to prevent burns, but even at 49° C your child can still be burn in the matter of 10 minutes.

And it only takes 10 seconds to get burned from water that is 55° C. Always check your child’s bath water with your elbow or a baby bath thermometer. Remember a child should never be left in the bathroom alone, especially in the bathtub; it only takes seconds for a child to drown in a few inches of water.

Prevention: Install a toilet seat lock,

and a lock for the any cabinet in your bathroom they may contain choking hazards, or poisonous material. Place a doorknob cover on the knob of your bathroom door to avoid your child playing in the bathroom and don’t forget to turn down your water temperature to 49° C, or ask your landlord to do it for you.

The Living Room • Top-heavy items, such as bookshelves, should be anchored to the wall to prevent them from falling on a curious child.

• Be very careful where you place your TV. Every year we see stories on the news of children who are seriously injured by TVs falling on them. The best way to prevent TVs from falling off the stand is to make sure that the TV stand is in good condition and able to withstand the weight of your TV. The stand should be wider than your TV (Your TV should be able to sit firmly on the stand and not move or wobble back and forth) The TV stand shouldn’t be too high off the ground, and the TV should

not be too close to the front edge of the stand. Consider getting a TV stand that would make it impossible for your child to tip the TV – Like a larger entertainment centre-type unit in which your TV fits securely.

• If you have plants in your home, do some research about them. Many plants may look beautiful, but they can make a child seriously ill if ingested.

General Child Proofing • Windows should not be open more then 6 inches. Even if there’s a screen on your window, it will not protect your child from falling out. Don’t place any furniture near windows.

In most cases when children fall out of windows, it’s because they were climbing on future to look out the window.

• Doors should have locks that are up high where a child cannot reach. If your locks are easily opened, then you should consider buying door handle covers.

• All outlets should have outlet plates covering them, to prevent children from sticking object into the outlet and getting electrocuted.

• Safety gates should guard the stairs.

• Make sure you have working smoke detectors. Change the batteries with the seasons, and test your alarm frequently. And please don’t take the batteries out of the smoke detector and put them into something else like your child’s toy.

• All wires and electrical cords should be kept away from the child’s reach.

So get down on your hands and knees, put yourself in the mind frame of a curious, fearless child, and see if there are any dangers lurking around your home. Look at the world from your child’s perspective. Look for hazards such as loose wires, sharp edges, and any small objects that your child can place in their mouth and choke on. It’s better to be safe than sorry.

Resources http://babyparenting.about.com/od/healthandsafety/a/ babyproofing.htm 1. https://invis.ca/article/articleItem.cfm?cms_article_ id=22

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No Place Like Home:

A Young Mom’s Journey from Homelessness to Happiness

By Jessica Khan

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I guess you can say I was literally a product of the projects, and that’s where my journey begins. See, my parents (at age15 and 16) met and conceived me while both their families (both new immigrants to Canada) resided in the same Metro Toronto Housing complex. Once I was born, we stayed with my mom’s family until I was old enough to talk. Once my mom felt the need for independence, we moved into a Metro Housing apartment all our own. My mom tried to make it a home, but getting rid of roaches is no easy task. Regardless of what it looked like on the inside, there’s no sugar coating what was going on, on the other side of our door: crime, drugs, and violence. After eleven years on a waiting list, we were finally upgraded to a privately owned but subsidized building.

Before I was able to rejoice in finally leaving the projects, my mother and I starting having a whole slue of problems. With my boxes barely unpacked, I was off again, only to a brand new kind of hell. Entering CAS at age 12 (little did I know it was the first of many encounters) was where it really all began for me. This truly set the snowball of events that moulded me, and my life, in motion. That winter, I was put in the Yo’ Mama Fall 2006

attic of an old house in the West End of the city, with another girl as my new roommate. I was pulled out of school in the middle of the year, and living on the other side of the city in a strange house. I felt like I was in a whole other world. I felt so alone. Needless to say, it didn’t last long. Before I knew it, I was placed back at home and into the same unresolved issues. I guess it was too much of a cost to keep a kid who they thought had “workable problems” in care. And at the time maybe they were right. But things were about to get worse. I finished that school year back at home, but come summer, my mom decided to give my dad a turn at raising me after 13 years. Once school started, the joke was over for him and he sent me right back into that “workable situation” with my mother.

It lasted 3 and a half months. Ten days before Christmas, on my 14th birthday, I was kicked out again.

Ahh, winter and back in CAS. Only this time, because it was so close to Christmas, there was nowhere to put me. So until I was placed, I was put in a holding cell known as a crash house.

That’s where I spent my birthday. A few days passed before they found somewhere to shove me. On such short notice, the only thing available was a treatment home in Keswick, and it was a terrible

Feature: Pregnancy & Birth experience. So I ran. I ran as fast as my feet could in the 12 inches of snow.

Desperate, and with nowhere else to go, I begged my dad to let me stay with him. But I was a.w.o.l. from CAS and the holiday break was over. So I made CAS a proposition: I would come back on the condition that they never send me back to that place. Instead, I was placed in a group home back on the West End. Feeling worthless and vulnerable, I entered another new school. That feeling of abandonment is what essentially led me to do exactly what my parents did at my age - get pregnant. History repeats it self, yes, but I vowed that my child would have and be better. I was fortunate enough to have my child’s father’s family offer to let me stay, but being so young and living together with a baby that I had nothing to offer but love, didn’t last long.

Our relationship dwindled and I was off again.

Sensing a pattern, I returned to the only roots I knew: the system. What was I doing? I belonged nowhere, and this time I wasn’t alone. I was dragging an innocent baby through it with me. It tore me apart to know I wasn’t giving him any better than I had. But there we were at the doors of a maternity home. Believe it or not, that maternity home was the most stable housing I’d had in years. Did I love it? No, but it became home so much so that I didn’t want to leave. I came in on the temporary agreement that I would stay till I was 16, because realistically, no one would want to rent to a 15-yearold. Almost a year had gone by when they reminded me it was time to start looking for a place. It wasn’t that they didn’t want to keep me, but their post-natal program was designed for babies up to 6 months, and mine was starting to walk.

They also felt like I was ready to be on my

own. It was hard to leave, but I headed out into the real world struggle of finding affordable, safe, and clean housing. Not knowing the challenge that lay ahead.

Since I actually had a choice this time, I wanted to do it right, and I refused to live in metro housing. I had already been that route. So, off the bat I was limiting myself, but I thought I found the right place for us in a small but bright 2 bedroom basement apartment on a residential street. It turned out to be nothing short of a nightmare. The dampness of the basement caused severe breathing problems for my son, and after many late night trips to the emergency room for oxygen, he was diagnosed with asthma a child that had no prior respiratory problems. Not to mention the bugs, extreme cold, and no hot water.

The landlord decided to sell the property and break our lease, so he just stopped taking care of it. The grass grew so high outside the windows that no sunlight came in. It became a dungeon. Raccoons broke into the garbage and the landlord refused to clean it. He was trying to get me out and didn’t want me to fight the fact he was breaking the lease. He even started to steal my mail. I had enough, so I went straight to the tribunal. They set up a court date to address all the issues, but in the meantime, my sick baby and I were just supposed to “cope”.

I was so emotionally spent and tired of upheaval that those feelings of failure came pouring back. Neither my baby nor I deserved this shit. I wasn’t going to just cope. I wanted better. With the tribunal date approaching, I went into panic mode, searching for an apartment. I was going to tell that landlord where to stick his lease.

With champagne taste on a beer budget, I was running out of time and

options. Sick Kids Hospital recommended that my son not be in a basement because of his breathing problems, but that’s all I could afford. Then, there was an interesting turn of events. My prayers were answered. I heard through the grapevine that the same subsidized building that I had barely moved into with my mom had some vacancies. I jumped on the opportunity. The landlord knew me personally, and I explained the hell I was going through, and how much I needed an apartment. To this day I could never re-pay the act of kindness, or find words to describe the overwhelming joy I felt when she handed over those keys. But my basement drama wasn’t quite over.

I was so happy to be getting out that I didn’t bother going to the tribunal date, therefore forfeiting my right to stay there any longer. My apartment wasn’t ready until July 1st and it was only the end of May. For a month, I had nowhere to go.

When my son and I were forced to stay in a women’s shelter, all I could do was cry.

Looking back at all the adversity I was up against, I shouldn’t have been so hard on myself. It was a temporary set back that made me appreciate the opportunity even more. The month went fast, and I had something to look forward to. It’s been 6 and a half years, and I still reside at that very same building. My son’s asthma disappeared and he hasn’t used a puffer since leaving that awful basement.

But it’s been a long and vicious road to stability, but it was worth the fight. My son will never go through the stereotypes of coming from Metro Housing or CAS, and that’s the point: giving our children the best possible start. From someone who’s truly experienced it from every angle, believe that determination and perseverance eventually pay off.

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Words & Wisdom

Yo’ Mama’s Book Reviews God on a Harley

By Joan Brady Reviewed by Ju-Lee Kerr With a title like that, you’ve just got to find out what it’s about. Here’s a snapshot: Christine barely makes it through the day ever since her breakup with her surgeon hottie. Her job is a drag and she lives each moment attempting to hide her ‘real self’. Her obsession with reacting to life according to how the world thinks she should is eating at her soul, and causing a cloud of grey to follow her around. Then she meets the guy on the Harley…

If you like a book that makes you think, I know you will be very pleased investing a few hours in this book. This one’s a real easy read with large print and small pages. Awesome under a tree on a Sunday afternoon, and perfect if you’re interested in life’s little lessons that teach us about true happiness.

The Deep End of the Ocean

By Jacquelyn Mitchard Reviewed by L. Kretschmer

The greatest tragedy is to lose a child. This story tells of one mother and her family’s struggle to survive after the youngest child of 4 disappears from a hotel lobby. The story is both breathtaking and heartbreaking.

It is about courage, hope and despair, love, loss and repair. The author writes profoundly about a difficult topic that can only be described as unspeakable. But despite the tragedy, there is hope and happiness to be found as one family demonstrates the ultimate power of love and redemption. Beth (the mother) takes us through the darkness and hidden places in a mother’s heart as she tries to come to terms with her unbearable loss – the son she loved more than the other children. She must face her guilt over not loving her other children as much, and then watch desperately as they drift further away from her in attempts to find themselves amidst the ruin that their family has become. And yet, they manage to pull back together and learn to forgive and to love again, and to believe that miracles do exist. – 4 stars 36

Yo’ Mama Fall 2006

Words & Wisdom Poetry Prompt In the land of

Still searching In the land of false freedom I roam empty In search Of answers I was born without Answers I will die without But still I search Palms empty I remain unaware Ignorant Claiming respect But delivering none Wanting love But showing little Seeking solace in material things Good intentions Seem selfless Turn selfish Wanting so much Never settling for less Never knowing inner peace Contentment is lost There are no answers Not out there They are within me I am filled with them I need to seek them out Even then I will not fully know What this thing called lifeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s about Lindsay K.

I roam In search of I was born Answers But still I search I remain Claiming But Wanting But Seeking Wanting Never settling for Never knowing Contentment is There are Not They I am filled with I need Even then What

Name: Date: Yoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Mama Fall 2006

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Words & Wisdom

Us and Them

Poetry Cornered

By LK

Open Your Umbrella

By JK Open your umbrella!

Step into the world that shuns the hiding bat.

Walking, talking, talking and walking, Shaky tremble down your back.

For All Early Childhood Education Workers.

By Victoria Grant If I had all the words, this is what I would like to say: Thank you for taking care of me while mommy and daddy go to work or school.

Thank you for helping mommy and daddy help themselves to improve.

Thank you for feeding me, reading to me, and having sing-a-longs.

Thank you for taking me for walks, changing me, and singing my favourite songs.

Thank you for the discipline, being firm, and taking a stand.

Thank you for taking my temperature, holding me for comfort, and doing the best you can.

So that white rabbit proceeds to stroll your way as the eyes of an eagle jitter back and forth…Not one sound penetrates the numbing storm of wishful thoughts.

She waits and wonders – Cleaning Smoking Music lights and incense.

Who is she?

Too weak to Speak Too shy to Fly Pleasing those faces that smile for a second while frowns upon her family stay.

She still waits and wonders as…

He dodges cracks and puddles the same A sponge, a sieve seems to be his pain Shattering, splattering and flattering before my squinting eyes.

A soft and timid knock on the metal door provokes her to leap, creep, weep.

She wants to be alone now.

In solitaire mode.

Alone, sick and tired!

They speak Drink Tea Make Love Sneak out.

It’s empty.

I would like to deeply express my thanks to you.

She leaves for her world as he goes back to his.

Control, insults and unpredictability cut his throat and turns the sword.

Thank you, thank you, thank you . . . I love you!

There is nothing she can do.

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Yo’ Mama Fall 2006

Imaginary equality blind lines of fake reason Treason That’s all I’m seein’ Political corruption, dysfunction In conjunction with the flipside Pride holds no boundaries We seize opportunity take it by force Money is our motivational source As a result we separate, segregate Retreat into an inevitable norm We are those wealthy or in between or plain and simple poor There are those with jobs and those without There are those who remain silent and those who shout We claim unity, yet I still can’t see Where this exists in this plastic society Success is defined by occupation, education, and affiliation No appreciation for those in isolation suffering from starvation Of the mind, body soul No goals no hope Those who live day to day Portray The crook cause they use welfare checks to eat Supporting families the way they know how by slangin’ dope on the street There are those whose noses bleed from being held so high As they look upon those with charity and shame in their eyes Statistically categorized knowledge read not led Lived or learned yet automatic respect earned All the while claiming to know how it feels As they clickity click in their polished heels While out here the rest of us rob and steal Criminal minded by pressure and lack of opportunity Show me now where is this unity?

It does not exist for if it did Than perhaps those would let the rest of us in on the grid

From There to Here

By Ju-lee Kerr

When I was a child I thought 25 was sooooo old. Now, (snapping back to reality) I am just months away from hitting a quarter of a century. I remember believing I would be a rock star or a marine biologist by now, and that I would focus solely on my career, postponing or even cancelling out the husband/children factor. Wow, have I changed.

Obviously, becoming pregnant at 17 wasn’t the plan I had for my life, but in hindsight, I wouldn’t want it any other way. I greatly appreciate the growing experience and believe that everybody is out there to save someone.

My son was 4 months old when I ended up going back to high school.

Three years later I finally graduated, something I wasn’t sure was even going to happen at one point of my life. I spent more time at Literature for Life, examining words and telling stories.

During the three years working at Literature for Life, I learned so much about writing, reading and performing. I felt cozy inside a book or tapping on the keys of a keyboard. I guess that’s why I still write for Yo’ Mama. I was given the opportunity to work along side a group of inspiring women. The place was packed to the brim with estrogen, and although moods were swinging from the light fixtures sometimes, we all managed to maintain respect for each other and a belief in the cause.

Last year in September our group of Yo’Mama writers turned freelance, meaning we became contract writers – we were our own bosses now. It was a huge learning experience for me since it was finally time to get out there and do all the other things I loved. Luckily I was prepared. I spent the year prior to September 2005 working on my certifications in Group Fitness Instruction and Personal Training. It was an opportunity for me to use my body as well as my mind.

I immersed myself in the world of fitness and sucked up all the information I could about what creates physical change and what maintains it. The theory behind it all is fascinating but the psychology of change is way more mind-boggling. Along with writing, exaggerated movement within the confines of a mirrored room became a part of me and I quickly fell in

love with the way it made me feel and behave (I’m still not fond of the mirrors).

Exercise created a waterfall of energy in my life, which worked out perfectly since I had a little kid who was bouncing off the walls. Incorporating activity into my life also helped me suppress my depression and PMS. My bouts became few and far between and way less severe. My body began to morph into a burning machine and I was thrilled about teaching people the ‘secrets’ to changing their body, mind and soul. I automatically decided that nothing would make me happier than getting paid to stay in shape.

I studied my hynie off last summer and it showed in my grades, both theory and practical – and my butt was looking pretty good too. I became extremely excited about the road ahead.

I was offered random classes to substitute teach and although I was rusty, I had a passion for my job, and still do. (Job satisfaction is way up on my priority list.) My first class was an athletic type training class. It took me almost 4 hours just to travel there and back. My music was too fast and I was so nervous, I had people walk out of the class. Although it wasn’t a total disaster, the numbers just kept dropping week after week. I felt as though I wasn’t meant to be an instructor and was quite down on myself.

I ended up attending an intense weekend training for Group Exercise instructors.

The workshop was held to introduce a new class called Group Groove, which launched with Sports Clubs of Canada and Bally’s in September this year. This class is a dance class, yet it’s an aerobic exercise just the same. It is a mix of Latin, Urban and Club dance and is loads of fun. This specific workshop taught me a lot about how music and dance is built, how to effectively communicate and connect when teaching in such a short amount of time. I slowly became more confident in how the math of music and movement work, and began constructing my classes according to a pretty simple formula.

At this point, I instruct 8 classes from step/dance aerobics to mommy and baby fitness, Personal Train 15 clients, write for Yo’ Mama, mother a rambunctious 5 year old and take the time to build a home (not literally – I hate construction) with my fiancé and son.

My life consists of coming and going from place to place, which keeps things interesting for me, especially when my office is under the big blue sky ( as in my Strollerfit class). I spend a lot of time learning about other people and how their bodies respond to their lifestyles. I enjoy experimenting with theories and figuring out what is best for their body and personality.

In the past year I have become more confident in a plethora of my abilities. I have had the opportunity to screw up many times and have had to suck it up. Although there is still much room for improvement, I look upon my achievements and my failures with no regrets.

My son is now a strapping young lad. He’s 6, and off (across the road) to grade one. Only 12 - 16 years to go – lucky him. He will be an artist and photographer when he grows up, and prefers asparagus to broccoli. He is getting smarter, so we can’t spell words we don’t want him to hear anymore, it’s time to bring out the Pig Latin. He plays toy cars in a village on a mat, and never cleans up after himself without being told, and even then he puts up a fight.

He likes his hair short even though I tried for years to keep it long. His best friend at school is Markie. Monica B, Josephine and Emma all think he’s a stud muffin.

My fiancé, son and I just moved in together after 2 years of love, and many more to come. I had been living in a basement apartment with one tiny little window. Our apartment is up in the clouds, 16 floors high – oh how I love extremes. We have lots of windows and a balcony that houses 4 plants. I call them my forest. My son finally gets his own room for the first time in his entire life.

And I have a lock on my bedroom door, To quote Homer Simpson, “I am so smart – smrt!”

I still crack open the guitar case once in a while. I may still have some rock star years in me if all else fails. I love to sing even though no one else really likes to hear it. I haven’t written a song in a while. I should.

As for my future goals, I am looking forward to climbing the professional ladder for a bit and then pursuing a lifestyle where I am my own boss all the time. I anticipate popping out one more child by my 35th birthday, no rush though. I have a Mediterranean orchard with honeybees waiting for me when I am 60. I will continue to learn, attempt and teach, and know that life doesn’t always work out the way you plan.

Yo’ Mama Fall 2006

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ISSN 1712-2643