Yo' Mama Magazine - Winter 2008

Yo’ Mama A Magazine by Young Mothers for Young Mothers

In this issue: march break madness sex toys bonding through fitness

feature section on:

Bonding $3.00 Volume 2, Issue 9 Winter 2007 - 2008

Inside Yo’ Mama News & Views

Letter from the Editor

Relationships

Why Do People Hook Up? News From The Hood - Rexdale On The Right Path

Tales In Transit Toy Recalls

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Feature: BONDING

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Health & Safety Toy Recalls Sledding Safety Cutting Calories Crosswalk Safety Dental Care Simone’s Dinner Recipe Household Safety

Parenting

Parent 2 Parent K.I.D.Z The Cost Of Having Another Baby

Education

March Break Madness Prenatal Supports Yo’ Mama’s Glam Guide

Beauty

Fashion

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On Tha Real: Love Is Bond Bonding Through Fitness Bonding With Two Children Important Numbers Blending Family Bonding How To Ween Without Losing The Bond Bonding With Your Child And Your Ex Bonding With Your Disabled Child Time For Self Critical Mix Cultural Bonding Sex Toys: Bonding With Your Partner

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Resources Book and Product Reviews Resources Cont...

Contests:

Spotlight: Kids Photos

Word Search From There To Here:

Poetry: Mother My One And Only I No Longer Wonder

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Words & Wisdom

Yo’ Mama is produced and distributed with the support of:

Letter from the Editor Hi everyone!

Be sure to stay tuned to our myspace (www.myspace.com/yomamamag) and Facebook sites for up to date info on workshops, neat programs around the city and information just for young mothers! As always, we’re on the lookout for events and issues to address. If you’d like to send in your comments or would like to participate with us, please feel free to contact me at acain@literatureforlife.org or 416.203.9830.

I hope all of you enjoy the fall and prepare for a safe and happy winter and be sure to mail in your responses for our contests.

Peace,

Amanda Cain Editor-In-Chief ~ Yo’ Mama, how are you going to handle it? ~ I know working two jobs ain’t easy, so you could pay for school and your buy kid them things you see on TV, but some way and some how the lord protects you ‘cause you make him proud and you’re so respectful ~ Aristo

Relationships Yo’ Mama Contributors Publisher: Literature for Life Editor-In-Chief: Amanda Cain Layout Design and Art: Amanda Cain Cover Concept: Lindsay Kretschmer Cover Photography: Keneisha Roberts Copy Editor: Tanis Rideout Administrative Assistant: Keneisha Roberts Contributing Writers: Trinity Abbott Amanda Cain Christian Garate-Roldan Jacqueline Graham Victoria Grant Andi Hui Trina Ivany Ju-lee Kerr Jessica Khan Lindsay Kretschmer Candace Lue Vanessa Young Contact Information: Literature for Life 7 Labatt Ave., Suite 208 Toronto, Ont. M5A 1Z1 Tel: 416.203.9830 Fax: 416.203.2597 Email: staff@literatureforlife.org Web: www.literatureforlife.org www.myspace.com/yomamamag Charitable # 89431 8617RR0001 ©2007 Literature for Life Publications ISSN 1712-2643

The use of any part of this publication reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise stored in a retrieval system without the prior written consent of the publisher is an infringement of copyright law.

The opinions expressed in Yo’ Mama are those of the respective authors, and do not necessarily represent those of Yo’ Mama or Literature for Life.

Yo’ Mama and Literature for Life will not be liable for any losses or damages, howsoever sustained, by any persons, they may result, due to reliance on the information, ideas, activities or products mentioned herein. Yo’ Mama strives to provide practical, safe and accurate information at all times, but we encourage all readers to seek professional advice where appropriate.

Yo’ Mama Winter 2008

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Relationships

why do people hook up?

Written by: Jackie Graham It seems just like yesterday I was in the same predicament myself; young, confused a mother and no definite direction. If only we could turn back the hands of time I’m pretty sure a lot of us would do it in a hurry. I mean, having to balance your own life, and now having to sort out the life of another isn’t an easy task. Not to say that I am unappreciative of my daughter, she has actually opened a lot of doors for me, and has been a blessing in my life. So than what’s the problem? My sorrow. My need to want to find out why, we at the age of twelve and thirteen are drawn into sexual relationships?

What entices us, and what keeps us there, and why were we so uninformed about prevention that we got pregnant?

Or even more so, why at the age of 18 do we feel ready to plan parenthood?

More pressing is the issue, what do we do now that we are here, and a lot of times without the support of our young confused “baby father”. If only we did know. Not to ignore the fact that the rate of teen-age pregnancy has declined but to acknowledge, it still exists hand–in-

hand with the rate of single mothers and fatherless homes.

It seems, at the same time that we have exchanged high pregnancy rates for high rates in S.T.D’s Nevertheless let me present what I believe to be the epidemic among young people.

First of all is the notion of relationships. The kissing, romance and the whole nine yards we see on TV, that gets our minds thinking and hormones pumping, yet failing to show the consequences. Another problem is the disconnection between young people and their parents. The failure to explain and communicate, and the big one to me is failure all together of the society to set up an example for young people to follow of what love and relationships is.

So what is it really that people are looking for? Is it a soul mate, love a companion?

Fat chance. Lets face it; we are living in the age of escapism where sex is the number one remedy. We no longer have standards or choose to be leaders. We are quite content as just followers, and a lot of us gave up hope finding anyone with moral values and beliefs. Is this a clue to the very problem among young people?

While it is true that societal views and attitudes towards sex have changed increasing the amount of sexual activity and partners among young people, we should be mindful of the affect of this.

We are always changing, the guy we fell in love with in high school, and possibly ended up having a child with isn’t always the guy who remains there several years down the road. We grow up to aspire and want things for ourselves and our families like an education and a career, but that’s not always the other person’s aspiration or focus, therefore causing a split; incompatibility can lead to this too.

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Yo’ Mama Winter 2008

Combinations of the media, peers and partners, have left young females today with no personal sense of beauty, thus we put on the latest name, a smile and feel like garbage and confusion inside. This is no state to be in when in a relationship, so we either don’t pursue one, can’t be happy in one, and thus don’t engage in one. The only ones that we enjoy being in are the ones that provide a sexual high, and have no real commitments.

Knowing yourself and having an identity is an important asset one should have when pursuing a relationship. Your identity is the sum of who you are, your beliefs and simply your distinct personality. Once this has been established along with a set of rules you are ready to engage in a relationship. This is true also for the fellows. It is also important to have standards. If you don’t stand for something you’ll fall for anything. Sex is beautiful, but shouldn’t be confused or abused. It wouldn’t be so bad to resort to abstinence just to protect your, soul and standards.

Lets make a new norm in society with self-control.

Relationships

News from the hood rexdale Media centre Written by: Candace Lue Attention all photographers, musicians, artists and those just interested in the arts.

There is now a media centre that will help you with all your tech savvy artistic needs.

Have you ever wanted to make a music video but didn’t know where to start or how to get the equipment? Did you want to make your own website but were confused about the process? Do you know how to use all of the topline media art software but don’t know a space where you can utilize your skills?

Well then I have just the place for you.

With the help of Microsoft, The Humber Students’ Federation, the Humber College Institute of Technology & Advanced Learning, Toronto Community Housing and the YMCA of Greater Toronto, the Rexdale Pro Tech Media Centre was born. It is a centre that is targeted to urban youth interested in new media arts such as graphic design, web design, video production, 3D animation, photography, word processing and video game design and more.

I had the chance to speak with Melodie Downey, Director of Rexdale Pro Tech Media Centre who described the space as “ever evolving with youth input which is critical to the growth of the centre.”

This agency is using urban media and culture as a way to promote and engage the interests of the youth who are active members of the centre.

Programs and services such as What Is Hip Hop is a program where youth can learn the history of hip hop and express their ideas of what hip hop is through new media (i.e. digital video and cameras, graphic/print design software, web page building tools) .

Another service is Portfolio Development which assists youth with their postsecondary school applications and/or employment opportunities in the arts by helping them have what is needed to succeed in the world of arts technology.

They have child workshops which introduces youth (ages 9 – 15) to Digital Photography, Web site design, Video Creation and Classical Arts Workshops, in addition to having a homework buddy service to help youth succeed in what is very important in every youth’s life, school.

This does not mean those who are older are left out, there are drop-in one on one tutorials for all who come plus a New Media program for those who are interested in this technology but need help using it. The centre also offers clients a

chance to learn all the basic Mircosoft Office Applications through its Microsoft Unlimited Potential program.

Think you do not fit into any of these categories but still are interested in the centre? Come on in anyway, all the services are free and the staff are more than happy to be of assistance. Their intent is to reach out to the Rexdale community. Rexdale is recognized by the City of Toronto as being one of the 13 priority neighbourhoods in need of more opportunities to combat poverty and violence, which is a persistent issue for this community . However, this does not mean these services are limited to those within the region; residents from outside Rexdale’s border who happen to be area are welcome to come in and join as well.

The centre opened in July 2007 and it already has become a hotspot for youth.

From its time of opening to now, there has been 1241 repeat users and 320 members as of mid November and this number will definitely be growing. By using new media arts, the centre is able to support youth within the area by not only giving the tools for youth to succeed in arts technology but also giving youth the selfconfidence in their abilities and helping them put their lives in a positive direction.

Yo’ Mama Winter 2008

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Relationships

On The Right Path: A Yo’ Mama Writer I’m writing this article anonymously because its very personal. It’s all is very true and real and hopefully will inspire someone. What you need to know is that I’m a young mom with a four year old daughter and I’ve been writing for Yo Mama for many years now.

We all go through things at home with our parents. Sometimes that’s what becomes our turning point in life. It makes us aware of our limit, or allows you to see how far you will go.

My mother is a good mother. A single mother and a young mother. I’m very proud of her and she taught me many things. She is a strong, opinionated woman who made many sacrifices for me, but sometimes things happen. Things that makes you feel that it’s time to go. So at 16 I left home.

I moved in with a friend and tried to maintain going to school. It got really hard because rent had to be paid, and I needed to maintain myself. So eventually I quit school so I could go to work full-time. Along the way I met a guy who helped me out, and soon enough he became my man. Less then a year later I was pregnant. I would be having daughter. I wasn’t in a position to do so, but I felt in my heart that I had to keep her. My boyfriend seemed happy at first. I even heard rumors that he planned my pregnancy, which led me to be really angry but somehow made me believe he would be there.

During my pregnancy I moved into Humewood House, a group home for pregnant girls, and went back to school. I worked in the evenings to try and save up for my child. I was really depressed and sometimes would spend days at a time crying and angry at the world. I didn’t want to listen to the staff. I would constantly argue with them and some of the girls. I had an explosive temper and it got me in trouble. I would often go AWOL so I could stay with my friends or my boyfriend. I was rebellious and thought I knew it all. I was this way because I felt like I had lost control and I wanted that control back.

One day I got into a huge confrontation with a girl in the house. Long store short 6

Yo’ Mama Winter 2008

I got kicked out, and sent to Eva’s Place.

I hated it there. Where were my friends at that point? Nowhere to be found along with my so-called man! Eventually I ended up at Robertson House (which is more like a five star hotel then a shelter) because a friend told me it was better for me. It was. The food may not have been great but I was barely there to taste it anyway.

Instead I was able to maintain my job with no hassles. I attended prenatal classes at The Jessie’s Centre For Teenagers when I could, and attended the Literature for Life book groups at the shelter. I was still really depressed but not as angry.

I was nearing my due date but kept on working. Of course my boyfriend and I weren’t really seeing eye to eye. I felt he wasn’t making an effort to prepare for our child. Finally the day had come, I gave birth to a healthy 8 lbs 3 ounce baby girl who was gorgeous. All seemed well. I was really happy but still saddened by the fact that I would have to bring my newborn home to a shelter.

Soon after I found out that my child’s father had been cheating on my with a girl who had absolutely no class. And as if things couldn’t get any worse, when my child was three months old he was arrested and jailed for a couple years. I was devastated. Now I don’t wish bad on anyone at all and worst of all my child didn’t have her father, but sometimes you have to realize some thing’s happen for a reason. I was scared I felt really alone. I had spent almost all my free time with him before. What was I to do with out him?

I had to get focused and focused fast. I had spent the past two years preoccupied with my child, my situation and him. I didn’t realize how much I had grown up. And this was the time that my maturity was being put to the test. It took a while though. I would go visit him twice a week with my newborn in her big boat of a stroller to the other side of the city. I moved out of the shelter and on my own, but it continued. I forgave him and just wanted to be there for him, so I kept visiting. I felt that I was doing the right

thing to keep my family together. When he got sent up north I bought him clothes and electronics that he was allowed to have. In return I would get collect calls filled with promises of all sorts, a very long phone bill and of course lies. After all I did for him he had girls calling my phone spiting all sorts of B.S! I realized at that point that the crap had to stop, I knew I had to stop the madness and let him be. I was neglecting my hopes and dreams. I was depressed more than I had ever been and I was locking myself away from my friends. I was a good mother but I could have been a better mother by doing things for myself and bettering myself.

So that’s what I did. It wasn’t easy . I had to make many sacrifices and really push myself.

I went to night school and got my high school diploma. I also joined a program in which I gained my International Computer Drivers License which allows me to teach people how to use computers.

I went and earned my certificate from St. Stephen’s Community House for Effective Communication and Conflict Resolution and received a certificate of completion from Homeward Bound for Business Life Skills.

I went to college for Digital Media Arts and Advertising. Which I did ok at but wasn’t happy so now I’m making plans to go back for something I’m passionate about. Also because fashion is my passion, I started a clothing line with a friend ,with clothing due out next fall and I co-own a brand new photography business called K and H unlimited with a fellow young mom and friend. My own little progressing baby is my event planning , promotion and hosting company . There is so much in store for that but I have a very long way to go. I’m very proud of myself for these things, however I’m more proud about the little successes I have everyday. Such as teaching my daughter new words. Getting her to try new foods. Being available to her when she needs me. Most of all I’m proud because I’m trying after all that all you can do is TRY!

Relationships

Tales In Transit Written by: Lindsay Kretschmer T’was the night before Christmas and all through the bus not a person was stirring, nor did the baby fuss. I sat snugly seated relived that at last the wait at the terminal had come to a pass. For moments before I sat so comfy here I was alone among strangers with fear, for this was the first time I would embark upon a trip on the Greyhound bus up North with my precious baby on my hip...

I had fully planned to stay home alone for Christmas but my father and his wife insisted that I travel to their home in Orillia, Ontario.

I tried to protest, but was unsuccessful and before I knew it I was packing my bags and bundling up my baby to head to Bay Street Bus Terminal to catch a bus to take me two hours away from my safe and comfy home.

I was concerned about traveling with my daughter on a big stuffy bus for two hours on a major highway and slightly irritated that my father’s wife owned a car and refused to drive to get me because she said that “Toronto traffic made her uneasy” HA! So how did they think I felt? Here I was 7 pm at night struggling on busses and trains with an armload of baby, baby goods, backpack and an “awkward enuff 2 carry” car seat! When at last I came bumbling into the bus terminal from the icy cold conditions I had just suffered from the walk from the subway two blocks away I was chilled to the bone and my arms had become Jell-O. My hair was a nest of snarls, having been whipped around by army strong winds and my daughter’s cheeks were red as Rudolf the Reindeer’s nose.

save for lugging all my crap. So I sat and stared at my surroundings instead. Just as I had narrowed in on an interesting goth couple I wanted to study further, I was interrupted by the faint little muffled cries of my sweetheart who was clearly not impressed by having to stay bundled in 50 layers of cotton. I was about to peel some layers off and provide a little relief but the magical automatic doors flew open and shot a force of cold air in towards us. I pulled back her hood and scarf and that was my limit, it seemed enough to satisfy her for the moment so we were good to go. I resumed studying my surroundings.

the bus pulled out and everything quieted down I nestled in and snuggled her close in my arms, leaned my head against the cool foggy window and watched the warm glow of lights and traffic pass by. Just then my six-month-old darling looked up at me with her big shiny blue eyes and smiled, I smiled back and than lifted her to let her see the window. I wiped the fog from the glass and her face lit up with joy as she looked out and saw what I saw. We saw the lights twinkle and the snow dance down from the sky and coat the people passing in the cold winter’s eve and we snuggled in warmly and soon fell asleep.

When alas the bus arrived I scrambled to the platform in a hurry to get on, I hadn’t been eager to take this trip, but now I couldn’t wait to get on the damn bus. I shoved all my goods in the cargo area after the driver reassured me for the third time it was safe there and than I hopped on board with my baby. We got a window seat and once

When I awoke I was in Orillia with a big burley bus man peering into my face telling me to “wakey, wakey.” I hobbled off with my then-not-so-sleepy baby, but now hungry and mad baby into the presence of my father and his wife who were there to collect us.

I slid my purse and diaper bag off my shoulder as I approached the booth to buy my ticket and my goods fell with a mighty thud! I propped my precious bundle car seat and all on the ledge and paid for my ticket and was then instructed on which platform to wait. I was also informed that I was one hour early which was not part of the plan; you see I thought the bus departed at 7:20 not 8:20!

I took a seat in the waiting area contemplating entertainment for the next hour, but came to no conclusions, as I was more or less limited to minimal walking to Yo’ Mama Winter 2008

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Health & Safety

Toy Recalls Written by: Vanessa Young, E.C.E In recent months over 18 million toys have been recall by many reputable companies, but manufactured in China, so the chance of your child owning one or more of these toys is very likely. It is very important for parents to be aware of the toy recall and take it seriously. These toys contain high lead levels, which can be a serious health hazard if ingested.

Lead can be found everywhere in trace amounts; in the air we breathe, the water we drink, food we eat and the products we use.

Even in trace amounts of lead can be harmful to our bodies and large amounts lead can cause many serious health problems. Even though lead poisoning in Canada is very rare, there is no safe level of lead that can be ingested by the body.

According to www.leadsafe.org “Small children and pregnant women absorb 50 per cent of the lead that enters their bodies.

The lead that is absorbed travels through the blood stream and lodges in soft tissue such as the liver, kidney and brain. Most of the lead

that enters our bodies is stored in our bones and teeth. Lead can remain in bone and teeth for over 30 years and can actually be released back into the blood stream during times of high stress such as pregnancy. Lead poisoning causes irreversible damage to the brain and nervous system as well as the heart and red blood cells resulting in: learning disabilities, lowered I.Q, hyperactivity, attention deficit disorder, speech delay, hearing loss, slowed or reduced growth, behavioural problems, violent or aggressive behaviour”.

If your child owns one or more of the recalled toys you need to remove the toy from your child and place it in a plastic bag, if your child was playing with the toy, you should help them wash their hands, and then find out what the company is going to do to make the situation better.

Mattel is offering to replace any recalled toys for another toy of the same value or you can receive a voucher to repurchase another toy at a later date. Once a product has been recalled retailers are required to remove all recalled toys off the shelf.

As a parent here’s a few things that you can do to protect your children, when making your next toy purchase: • Purchase toys from well known companies, therefore if there’s a problem with the toy the company will inform the public.

• Mail in all product information cards, the company will be able to contact you directly with any recalls or problems with the product.

• Avoid buying toys from discount or dollar stores.

• Be aware of any recalls and act accordingly.

• Some metal costume jewelry contains lead, you can test it by rubbing it against white paper.

To always stay on top of any toy recalls made by the manufactures or by the government, check out this very informative web site, www.healthycanadians.gc.ca.

Sledding Safety Written by: Vanessa Young E.C.E Now that winter’s here, the local hills are filled with eager tobogganers. Before you and your child go sledding here’s a few tips to keep in mind to keep you safe and avoid serious injury.

• Make sure you and your child dresses

warm; hat, scarf, mitts (you might want to bring a change of mitts in case you original pair get wet), boots, snow pants, jacket. Many minor injuries suffered from tobogganing are related to the cold weather. Make sure that your scarf and any strings that may be hanging off your jacket are tuck away • Prior to going sledding check your

toboggan make sure it is in good 8

Yo’ Mama Winter 2008

condition and the breaks are in working order.

• Children should always be supervised

by an adult when tobogganing. Children under five years should ride with an adult.

• Children should always wear a helmet

when tobogganing to prevent head injuries. Hockey and skiing helmets are recommend because they are designed for similar impact.

• Avoid hills with hazards either on or

surrounding. Things to look out for are; rocks, trees, bumps, fences, roads, rivers, lakes, sign, poles walkways or pathways.

• Choose a hill that is not too steep with a

long landing for your tobogganing to slow down on.

• Remind your child to remain seated at

all times. In emergency situations if your child needs to get off his or her toboggan while it is moving they should roll off to one side. The safest way to

Health & Safety

Cutting Calories Written by: Ju-lee Kerr A healthy awareness and understanding of calories is always wise, however it is so easy to obsess over each and every unit. I ask that you take this article as a means of aiding you in your search for a balanced lifestyle rather than a quick fix that will only ruin your metabolism and turn it against you.

Just like we measure distance using miles we measure energy using calories. The right calories and the right amount of calories can have a positive effect on your health and happiness. Valuable energy comes from foods that are high in nutrients such as fruits and veggies, whole grains, beans, lentils etc. Think about it, you are living, right? So if the majority of the calories that you ingest each day come from living foods (I’ll say it again fruits and veggies) then you are adding more life to your body rather than the empty calories you gain from pop, sweets, margarine or butter, alcohol etc. More life means the quality of energy is significantly improved and your eyesight, your hair and skin will show the benefits of these high quality calories.

Now that you know what types of calories you should be eating, how many calories do you need personally? It is hard to pin point exactly how many you should eat because it is relative to each person, but I can give you an approximate idea of where you can start.

ride on a toboggan is kneeling,

according to www.safekidscanada.ca you increase your chance of spinal cord injury when laying flat on your back, and laying on your tummy head first offers the least protection against head injuries.

• NEVER, EVER SLED ON ICE • You should only go sledding during the

day, if you choose to go sledding in the night make sure the hill is well lit and be careful of any hidden dangers.

• Be mindful of other sledders, pay close

attention before you go down the hill, and be careful when going back up the hill.

According to Canadian hospital’s injury reporting prevention program “Children between the ages of five and nine, account for 40 per cent of all sledding related injuries in Canada. Over 20 per cent of these injuries involve concussions, internal injuries or broken bones.

The majority of women will lose weight on a 1500 calorie diet. I suggest trying to cut about 500 per day – think about it that is three Tim Horton Cookies. It is important to read the labels when it comes to packaged foods. Always check to see how many servings are in the package and then work out how many calories according to the amount of servings you are planning to eat. Moderation is key because it allows your elastic stomach to shrink to its normal size.

Avoid cutting too many calories at one time. This will only backfire on you when you do finally eat. Your body will hang onto every last calorie as if it is expecting to starve again.

Three medium meals and three small snacks per day will keep you eating every three hours which is quite a lot of fun, I must say.

It takes 3500 calories to make one pound of fat. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!! That is a lot of calories.

Like I mentioned above, one way to lose these calories is to not eat them in the first place, simple – maybe to some. The other way you can do it is by working out and sweating it up.

If you’re a jogger, expect to burn about 550 calories per hour depending on your speed. As for power walking which is popular among new moms in the malls during the Winter and the parks in the Spring, Summer and Fall – 300 calories per hour.

So if you don’t eat 500 calories per day and power walk three times per week you should be avoiding 4,400 calories which is over one pound of fat – GONE. For ladies losing one pound a week is a healthy amount in order for your body to adjust to the change gradually.

Remember once you stop seeing results you need to add more exercise (duration and frequency) along with cutting more calories if you can. Light-headedness, dizziness, shakes, headaches etc, can mean that you are not eating enough to keep your body functioning.

Remember to always consult your physician before beginning any workout routine.

Most injuries are caused by colliding with an object (e.g., trees/rocks/signs) or from being thrown from the sled.”

Have fun tobogganing and remember to act safety.

Yo’ Mama Winter 2008

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Health & Safety

crosswalk safety Written by: Jacqueline Graham The crosswalk for some reason almost always seems to be in a far away place from where I want it to be. Most times I just want to get across the street immediately in front of me, so for a long time, like a lot of other people, I just crossed wherever I wanted and whenever it was “safe” (according to my own judgment).

Well it so happened that I moved into an area that had a crosswalk that was in a convenient location to me, on top of this, my school had a crosswalk located near the bus stop and my daughter’s daycare had one as well. I was suddenly happily swarmed with crosswalks. I decided to take advantage of these controlled zones and actually began to feel like a responsible citizen and member of the country. This movement made me cross-walking and safe crossing conscious, something that a lot of us take for granted.

We’re often in a haste to get from one place to another and sometimes become unaware of the dangers we pose to our children and ourselves as we cross our busy streets.

Unfortunately when its too late, too many of us have paid the price and realize the seriousness of staying safe.

However, two situations happened that made me question the safety of crosswalks.

One day as I was crossing by my building to take my daughter to daycare, holding hands, I pressed the crosswalk button, looked to my right, there was a truck parked to the left of me so I had to step off the sidewalk to look down the street to my left. I saw nothing so I proceeded to walk. Just as I got one foot out, a van immediately pulls out from behind the truck and speeds off down the road, missing my nose. I quickly jumped back and just stood there in awe. I then resorted back to my usual habit of J-walking just a little bit further down were nothing was obstructing my view.

It wasn’t too long after when I came across the next crosswalk incident. As I was cross 10

Yo’ Mama Winter 2008

the street to go home from school, I again pushed the button and like always, checked my two sides to make sure the street was safe. This is when I realized I had a reluctant driver to deal with. He was trying to beat me and cross over the line before I decided to walk, something I find a lot of drivers do. To cut a long story short, I proceeded to walk as I had the right of way, when he realized he wasn’t going to make it over, he stopped suddenly and the guy that was tailgating him, slammed right into the back of his car.

I once again jumped back on the sidewalk, scared.

It is quite clear to me, that a lot of motorists have no regards for the safety of their fellow commuters. However, this can also be said for pedestrians as well who show their disregard for drivers when they J-walk.

While we can only do so much to ensure that we remain safe, we cannot control the availability of crosswalks (unless we write our city councilors and have some of our

neighbors sign the letter) and it’s up to the city to ensure they are available for us to use, and up to the province to ensure driver’s are aware of the rules of the road.

I spoke with Jacqueline White from Toronto’s transportation division to express my concerns to her about the safety of our crosswalks and roads in general and according to her there are several initiatives that the city is putting into place in attempts to make our roads safer place.

The city has just recently reviewed their road plan and has realized the inefficiency of some of their crosswalks, a possible reason for my incidents. Thus, many crosswalks have been taken down and replaced with the new pedestrian count down signal. My school and my daughter’s daycare being two of these places where this has been done. This will allow pedestrians to know how much time they have left to cross.

Along with this, over 500 crosswalks are being installed, light beacons are now being made larger, bike plans are being made for cyclists, and the light in which pedestrians cross are now Zebra striped.

Traffic calming measures, don’t always make everyone happy. For example, some motorists believe that traffic humps slow down commuting time, however the city implements these where necessary to reduce the volume of traffic.

So there we have it, the city is actually doing something about the safety of our roads. It is now up to us to utilize the system as planned and take care of ourselves and our families.

Health & Safety

Dental Care for Kids Written by: Vanessa Young, E.C.E Your child’s pearly whites depend on you.

Your child’s first set of teeth begin to develop within the first three months of pregnancy and once your child is born their teeth usually being to push through their gums at around six months of age.

Dental hygiene starts right from the beginning, you should begin your child’s dental hygiene routine when they are first born by cleaning your infant’s gums using a clean damp face cloth after each feeding.

When your child’s teeth begin to break though their gums you can start using a soft infant tooth brush and although it’s not necessary you can use fluoride free toothpaste but only a pea size amount.

Once your child is able to spit out the toothpaste they can begin to use regular tooth paste containing fluoride, this normally happens around the age of six. Fluoride is an important part of maintaining good dental health because it strengthens the enamel (the outer layer of your teeth) which improves your resistance to cavities. Fluoride is also added to our drinking water. According to the Canadian Dental and Canadian Medical Association, just enough fluoride is added to prevent tooth decay.

As your child grows older they will need to begin to floss their teeth, this should begin once your child no longer has spaces in between their teeth. Flossing will remove any food particles or plaque that may be stuck in between and around the teeth where your toothbrush might miss.

Many dentist recommend that your child’s first visit to the dentist should be around the age of three or before that if you see any abnormal tooth development. It your child complains of pain, or if your child is at risk to developing cavities; walking or sleeping with juice in a bottle, eating sugary treats, or you’re considered a lower income family (Low income families are considered higher at risk compared to higher income families.)

Introducing your child to the idea of going to the dentist is important but you want to make sure you don’t overwhelm your child with too much information all at once. Avoid being negative such as “It will only hurt a little bit.” You don’t want to frighten your child before the appointment. One of the

easiest ways to introduce the dentists to your child is by taking your child along to one of your own routine dentist appointments.

Prior to his or her appointment you can also read a few stories about going to the dentist try; “I’m Going To The Dentist” by Cindy Chang, “First steps: Going To The Dentist”

by Dorling Kindersley, “Going To The Dentist” by Annie Civardi, and “Just Going To The Dentist” by Mercer Mayer.

For your child’s first check-up the dentist may introduce your child to the different type of tools that are commonly used during routine check ups. He or she will take a look inside your child’s mouth for signs of tooth decay, he or she will also look at your child’s gums and jaw development. The dentist will then show you how to properly brush your child’s teeth. Your child’s first appointment will usually be short and any work they may need to be done will normally be done in a follow-up appointment.

To help your child avoid cavities, you should: • Avoid giving your child sugary and sticky treats: candies, fruit snacks etc. especially before bed time.

• Remember to dilute juice and make sure when your purchasing juice it say’s 100 per cent juice (if the name on the package does not include the word juice it’s not made with real fruit juices.) Avoid fruit punch, cocktails, pop.

2. Purchase an electric toothbrush or your child’s favourite cartoon character toothbrush, you’ll be surprised what you can find at the dollar store.

3. Use an hour glass timer (sand timers you find in some board games) to calculate the two minutes you should be brushing your child’s teeth.

4. Allow your child to brush yours and then you brush theirs.

There are many free dental clinics across Toronto that provide their services to: • Children ages 0-18 (as long as they are attending school) • If you cannot afford to go to the dentist and do not have insurance • Live in Toronto Here’s just a few places that offer free dental service in the City of Toronto. You can call 211 or Toronto Public health for more free clinics in your area.

Scarborough 416-338-2025 Toronto West 416-392-0988 Etobicoke 416-252-6471 Rexdale 416 338-1790 North York 416-338-8399

• Assist your child in brushing their teeth at lease twice a day until the age of 6.

Downtown 416-392-1410

• Your child should not sleep with a bottle in he’s or her mouth.

A really fun website to introduce your child to the dental office before the actual visit is http://www.cdha.ca/smilecity.

Serve well balance meals and limit your child’s daily sugar intake.

Here’s a few ideas to make brushing your child’s teeth fun: 1. Sing songs: This is the way you brush your teeth, brush your teeth, brush your teeth, This is the way you brush your so Early in the morning.

Or Up like a rocket ship Down like the rain Around and around like a choo choo train.

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Health & Safety

Simone’s Dinner Recipe Baked Goat Cheese and Roasted Winter Squash over Garlic Fettuccine Ingredients: 6 cups (1-inch) cubed peeled kabocha or butternut squash (about 2 1/4 pounds) 1 large red bell pepper, cut into 1-inch pieces 1 1/2 tablespoons olive oil, divided Cooking spray 1 teaspoon salt, divided 1 teaspoon chopped fresh or 1/4 teaspoon dried rosemary 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper 2 (4-ounce) packages goat cheese 1/2 cup dry bread crumbs 1 pound uncooked fettuccine 1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper 2 garlic cloves, minced Rosemary sprigs (optional) Method: Preheat oven to 425°.

Place squash and bell pepper in a large bowl.

Add 1 tablespoon oil; toss well.

Arrange vegetables in a single layer on a jelly-roll pan coated with cooking spray.

Sprinkle with 1/2 teaspoon salt, rosemary, and black pepper.

Bake at 425° for 40 minutes, stirring once.

Place goat cheese in freezer 10 minutes.

Cut cheese crosswise into 8 equal rounds.

Place breadcrumbs in a shallow bowl.

Dredge each round in breadcrumbs; place on a baking sheet.

Bake at 425° for 6 minutes.

Cook pasta according to package directions, omitting salt and fat.

Drain, reserving 1/2 cup pasta cooking water.

Return pasta to pan; add reserved pasta cooking water, remaining 1 1/2 teaspoons oil, remaining 1/2 teaspoon salt, red pepper, and garlic, tossing to coat.

Place 1 1/4 cups pasta in each of 8 shallow bowls.

Top each serving with about 1/2 cup squash mixture and 1 goat cheese round.

Garnish with rosemary sprigs, if desired.

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Health & Safety

Household Safety Written by: Christian Garate Safety is everybody’s concern, especially for parents and caregivers. I have kids at home that are very active. The three of them are surrounded by hidden dangers. So, I asked myself how do I know if our home is safe enough for them? How can I make my home safe? Have we become a bubble wrapped society?

For sure it is better to be safe than be sorry.

We can prevent accidents most of the time and here are some tips given by the City of Toronto: General safety: • Watch for little fingers when closing doors.

• Use safety doorknob covers on doors that you don’t want your child to open. Attach a bell to the door so you can hear it when it does open.

• Install window safety devices and adjust them so they cannot open more than four inches.

• Cover all electrical outlets that are not in use with safety plugs.

• Safety gates should be installed at all open stairways if required.

• Never leave anything on the stairs that you can trip on while carrying your baby.

Kitchen: • Keep knives out of reach of your kids.

• Turn panhandles away so that kids can’t burn themselves.

• Keep bleaches and cleansers under lock and key • Use cabinet and drawer guard latches to keep reachable cupboard doors and drawers off limits to your baby.

• Use unbreakable dishes for feeding a young child.

• Never leave your child alone in a room in a highchair. And be sure the tray is locked and always secure the restraint system.

• Don’t let your child play at your feet while you are cooking.

• Teach your child that the oven is ‘hot’ and not to touch.

• Never leave a boiling pot or sizzling skillet unattended on the stove.

Washroom: • Place adhesive non-slip stickers in the bathtub and shower to prevent falls.

• Never leave a child under five in a tub by themselves.

Bedroom: • On all items you will consider purchasing for the nursery, look for lead free paint; sturdy non-tip design; smooth edges and rounded corners; and safety restraint straps.

• Try to avoid rough edges; sharp points; small parts that can break loose; exposed hinges; attached strings, cords or ribbons on items you might consider using.

• Health Canada recommends that soft mattresses, pillows, comforters, stuffed toys and bumper pads not be used in cribs • When using a changing table always keep the child fastened and never turn your back, even for a second.

your kids can visit and which ones they can’t. Know how long they should spend “surfing” and know what to do if they come across something that bothers you.

And here are some tips for your kids as well.

If the telephone rings: • Talk to your parents about how and when you should answer the telephone.

• If you are allowed to answer the phone, say “hello” but never give your name.

• Never give out information about your family.

If you find a knife, gun or other weapon • Never touch a weapon, no matter where you find it.

• Leave it alone and contact a trusted adult right away.

• If an adult is not present, call 9-1-1; listen for instructions.

In case of a fire: • Work with your parents on a fire escape plan..

• Alert others in the house to the emergency, yell “Fire”, bang on doors if you can.

• Know how to get out in the dark. And don’t stop to take anything.

• Stay low if smoke is present; crawl if you must to stay out of smoke.

Medicine: • All medications should be kept in a locked and very secure place at all times.

• Don’t tell your child that medicine tastes “like candy” or is good.

• If your child does manage to swallow or eat any medicine, get whatever you can out of the mouth and call 911 immediately.

Have the bottle in your hand so you can tell them what was ingested and approximately how much. Keep syrup of Ipecac on hand but NEVER use it unless you are advised by poison control to do so.

Internet: • Don’t give out personal information, including your picture.

• Establish ground rules with your kids before going on the Net. Know which sites

The city of Toronto is promoting an Injury prevention campaign called A Step Ahead For Injury Prevention and they have a great calendar Growing Up Safely from birth to six years, to get a copy of this resource you can call Toronto Health Connection at 416-338-7660. There is also more information on the website www.toronto.ca about safety the whole family.

Stay alert, stay safe website http://www.sass. ca/kmenu.htm, provides useful information and games for kids that would make fun for them to learn about safety.

There is really no limit when we talk about household safety, unless we were fortunetellers to predict the future. The 21st century has certainly transformed society into bubble wrapped society. Parents have become aware of the hidden dangers at home. The challenge for us is to teach our children to be safe, rather than over protecting them.

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Parenting

Parent 2 Parent: Signs of healthy attachment Written by: Lindsay Kretschmer When you look into your child’s eyes you look at them with a love deeper than any ocean, stronger than any storm and vaster than the universe. You know that the love you have for them is greater than any love you have ever known. When your child looks at you do you wonder what they see in return?

What they see is a protector and nurturer greater than any other. They adore you before they even learn the true meaning of love. They love you with the same strength and force in which you feel for them.

Your bond is tough and impenetrable. This is bond that cannot be broken right?

Emmie is the type of child that will cling on to me for dear life.

We can stroll into virtually any social setting and there she will be, hiding ever so discreetly behind me, gripping onto my legs. She will rudely ignore and disregard the average individual who may attempt to approach, as she is far too shy to even make eye contact. It has both been a gift and a curse; her shyness. On the hand she is so shy that not a single stranger could possibly approach her which sets my mind at ease, in the same token she is so incredibly reluctant that it takes time to establish a safe and comfortable situation in which she will fell comfortable and confident to approach someone who is not close to us. It is a gift for she will not likely be the child to hop on MSN messenger five years from now to make friends with complete strangers and potential predators. On the flipside it can be challenging to encourage her to interact with new people. She simply refuses to interact with anyone who is not a familiar face which can certainly have its challenges, particularly when we are mingling in social settings where I am introducing her to co-workers or new friends.

Interestingly enough, this is the norm for what is considered healthy attachment. She is a perfectly well rounded child who simply feels compelled to feel out her surroundings before determining who is and isn’t within her realm of personal comfort. She is by most researchers, doctors and health practitioners considered the norm, in that she displays all signs off a perfectly healthy attachment.

What constitutes a healthy attachment? Most will define a healthy attachment as a deep and common bond between a parent and child, although it can vary as attachments can be developed beyond maternal and paternal boundaries. Friends, family and other relatives can also be an integral part of a child’s life; therefore they may also have a place in the attachment process. These people are all part of a typical child’s life and can therefore develop attachments to your child as well.

Attachment is a word that stands alone. Healthy attachment is what defines a child’s ability to connect with the people and the world around them. It is an issue not thought of often enough as it is not emphasized nearly as much as it should be. A healthy attachment is a necessary element to any child’s healthy emotional growth.

According to an article in Today’s Parent, attachment is the baby’s desire to be with a particular adult because that person makes him 14

Yo’ Mama Winter 2008

feel safe and secure. And it has a survival function, (Wolpert notes): “The attached baby turns to his mother to protect him from danger, and that would have been life-saving to the little monkey playing in a field.” In order to achieve a healthy attachment a parent must be available, consistent and comforting.

Here is where I will delve into what the typical signs of an unhealthy attachment are. For example the unattached child is more willing to make contact with strangers and unfamiliar people. This is the child who may run out in the mall and try to make friends or communicate with a random person passing. But wait a minute... do not label your child too quick as these examples may very well be the symptoms of a very outgoing and sociable child. The way to best determine the difference between a child who is simply outgoing in contrast to a child who may have a weak attachment can vary. Children with a healthy attachment will likely cling close, but this is not to say they will be antisocial to a degree where they will not communicate.

In fact children with a healthy attachment may behave similar in that they will develop a comfort zone where they feel it is safe to interact with others as you have demonstrated as being acceptable, whereas a child who may not have a completely healthy attachment may act upon instinct to seek out attention that can initiate as positive, but evolve into something negative given the situation and circumstances.

When the first-year-of-life attachment-cycle is undermined and the child’s needs are not met, and normal socializing is not resolved, mistrust begins to define the perspective of the child and attachment problems result. The cycle can become undermined or broken for many reasons: • Multiple disruptions in care giving, • Postpartum depression causing an emotionally unavailable mother • Hospitalization of the child causing separation from the parent and/ or unrelieved pain, • Parents who are attachment disordered, leading to neglect, abuse (physical/sexual/verbal), or inappropriate parental responses not leading to a secure/predictable relationship, • Genetic factors, • Pervasive developmental disorders; and • Caregivers whose attachment needs are not met, leading to

overload and lack of awareness of the infants needs The child may develop mistrust, impeding effective attachment behavior. The developmental stages following these first years continue to be distorted, and common symptoms emerge: • Superficially engaging and charming behavior, phoniness, • Avoidance of eye contact, • Indiscriminate affection with strangers, • Lack of affection on parental terms, • Destructiveness to self, others, and material things, • Cruelty to animals, • Primary process lying (lying in the face of the obvious*); and • Inappropriate clingyness.

Parenting K.I.D.Z - Kids In Discovery Zone Written by: Vanessa Young, E.C.E The weather outside may be frightful but for our children it’s quite delightful, children LOVE to play in the snow and as adults we sometimes forget how much fun we had as children playing outside on those brisk winter days. Next time your child wants to go out and play, why not surprise them by adding a new twist to that fluffy white stuff.

Super Hero Snow

What you need: Water, Food colouring or drink mix, Spray bottles or Squirt bottles, A snowy day

What you do: Fill the spray bottles with water, Add a few drops of food colouring or drink mix and shake well. This mixture can

now be used to transform ordinary snow into rainbow coloured super hero snow.

From this activity your child can develop, enhance and or strengthen: Fine motor skills • Through squeezing the trigger on the spray bottle, Manipulating the snow ex: making snow balls Gross motor skills • Through rolling, patting, lifting, pushing etc the snow and making snow angels, shovelling the snow.

Expressive and receptive language skills* • By encouraging your child to talk about what they are doing and by responding to what they are saying.

Enhance observation skills • Talk about what happens when you spray the snow with one colour. Try mixing colours and creating a new colour.

You can also bring the snow indoors for fun with snow on frightfully cold winter days, just fill a container with snow and spread some news paper around the area. Provide your child with a few tools for playing in the snow with (spoons work great) *Expressive language is the ability to be able to communicate ones ideas verbally and receptive language is the ability to listen and understand what is being said. Both receptive and expressive language are critical skills that are developed through communication, therefore it is very important to have conversations with your child, ask your child question, provoke thought and most importantly listen to what your child is saying and respond to them.

The Co$t Of Having Another Baby Written by: Victoria Grant Okay I missed my period and that’s not usual. I mean my period comes like clockwork, never a day late and never a dollar short. Now that I think about it I have been feeling weird. I mean I’m extra tired. I can’t even wake myself up in the morning to go to work anymore. Maybe it’s because I have to get up so early, I mean every day for weeks upon weeks I have to get up 6:00 in the morning to go to work for 8.

Could I be...Nah.? Well then again lately I can’t stand the smell of Tim Bits and all I want to eat is watermelon. I need to do a pregnancy test. I must admit I am excited about this. I think that maybe it’s time for me to have another baby. My son will be turning six and how long should I really wait? I don’t want to keep waiting and have another child when my son is twenty. Plus I’m getting that itch. All my friends seem to be pregnant or just gave birth to a newborn. I miss the baby days and taking care of someone so small. I miss breast-feeding and baby clothes. I miss being the mother of a little baby period. My boyfriend doesn’t want this. He says we’re not ready. I tell him when I got pregnant at 15 I wasn’t ready but I learned to adapt. He says it’s not a simple matter of being mentally prepared for a baby but we have to look at the financial cost. Right now we’re just getting by with rent, food, bills, expenses and taking care of my little boy. I keep saying I need to have another baby…I’m ready for another baby. On a real tip, I have to ask myself am I financially ready for another baby?

While I wait to go back to the doctor’s to get the results of my blood test, I decide to do a little research on baby expenses. I had my child almost six years ago and I have no idea what baby things cost. I gave all of my son’s baby things to people who actually needed them, so I’ll need to start from scratch. I have to start with the necessities. I know hospitals still won’t let you leave without having child seat. I saw a car seat in Zellers for $99, but for that price I might as well spend a little more and get a stroller and car seat combo. Between Zellers and WalMart, travel systems range from $149-$299. My new baby is going to need a crib or a bassinette. Since I prefer cribs, a very nice crib will run me about $179-$299. If I want to have a change table for my baby and the cheapest one I found was $199 at Zellers. A playpen which is a want and not a need would cost me around $59-$99. Just by getting the basics of a car seat and stroller, crib, and a change table I’m looking at about $700. I did not include the crib mattress and the miscellaneous things such as bedding and toys. Oh boy my head is starting to hurt already.

CONT...

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Parenting Well what about the other basics like diapers, wipes, formula, little things like lotion, powder, and diaper rash cream.

Doing price comparisons I found that a package of diapers containing 60-92 diapers range from $21-$32. A pack of 46-60 No Name diapers cost around $10-$12. Powder formula generally cost $10-$12. Cases of liquid formula range from $30-$40. A small pack of wipes cost $5-$6 and the larger packs containing 200-240 generally cost $10-$13. So on a weekly or biweekly basis I would have to buy diapers and formula which means I’d be spending about $37-$52.

Breast-feeding the baby would minimize the cost, but I’ll most likely substitute my breast milk with formula at some point. What about those other small items? Vaseline - $4, diaper rash cream - $6-$10, baby shampoo - $4-$5, baby lotion - $4, baby powder - $2$4, a baby tub - $22-$30, a baby bag - $15$35, and not to mention the cost of clothes, bottles, and rags.

I’m back in the doctor’s office and I’m impatiently waiting the results of my blood test. If I am pregnant there are a lot of expenses to consider. I think my boyfriend is right. I mean I’ve been struggling with my son and now that my boyfriend is in my life and helping me it is still a struggle. Right now we have rent to pay, bills, groceries, my son’s expenses and we’re both putting ourselves through school. Having another baby would be an addition to my family that I would be willing to accept with joy, but at the same time it would just add more financial strain on our relationship. I have a plan to finish school so I can get that career with excellent pay, benefits and company maternity leave.

The doctor tells me the blood test showed negative and I am not pregnant. I’m still a little saddened but at the same time I’m glad I’m not pregnant right now. I’ll continue to take life day by day and when I’m financially there I’ll go ahead and expand my family. At least by then I’ll be able to handle the cost of having another baby.

March Break Madness Written by: Trinity Abbott It’s the first day of March Break and you have a pile of books you want to read through, some house cleaning you want to get accomplished, at least two weeks of laundry to get through plus movies you wanted to check out. However, the kids are running around the house going absolutely crazy because right now it would be recess time or time to go out with daycare.

But they’re not, their running around your house crying that they are bored.

Every time you clean one section of your house they dirty another part and you’ve read the first line of that amazing novel twenty times and still have no idea what it said. Well this is March Break and you can forget about the ME time, that although is well deserved can wait, because this week is dedicated to family bonding time. Which is the good thing about living in such a big city like Toronto. You have many choices to decide upon.

A favorite tradition with my family is Spring Fling at the Rogers Center every year. Spring Fling is a carnival with lots of games and rides to choose from for all ages. The one reason why I like Spring Fling is that you pay one price to get in instead of buying coupons for each ride. Of course face painting, tattoos, food and games are all extra costs but overall a guaranteed good time. Wizard World at the Exhibition Place is also a great time for rides and excitement. Every kid who is 12 years and younger gets a free loot bag. Again Wizard World is a one-time fee to get in and explore all their rides and the wizard worlds. Extra costs again for face painting, food and games. Wizard World is especially interesting because of the recent Harry Potter phenomena. The have a real live Reptilia show, Magic shows and other entertainers, inflatable slide 18 feet high, an obstacle course, a mini pirate ship, a glass house, laser tag and other bouncy theme castles. Hours of fun for the whole family.

On a more educational note we have the Royal Ontario Museum. For an adult it’s $20 for admission, child 5-14 is $14 and under 5 is free. On Friday nights they offer half off admission and on Sundays have films, classical music and family fun. In the month of March they have Bare Bones for ages 8-10 which offers dinosaur fossils, animal skeletons and ancient mummies. They also have Call of the Wild for ages 6-7, which stars hissing cockroaches to flashing fireflies. For a great inexpensive, fun and educational March break event the R.O.M has you covered. Another museum is the Children’s Own Museum where admission is $4.75. They offer interactive games, designed spaces to stimulate children’s imaginations, lots of hands on activities and quiet areas for parents and children to relax or read. There’s a neighborhood gallery where you can run your own café or start your own business. Movies at Rainbow Cinema’s are also very inexpensive. Every Tuesday all day you can watch a movie for $4.00 however this is when the crowd comes out. Matinee prices are $6.00 and evening is $8.50 for adults and $6.00 for kids. They are located at Fairview Mall, Market Square, Woodbine Center, and The Promenade Mall in Thornhill. That sums up the stuff you can do around the city that is indoors and cost money.

To get the full experience of the March Break I think it’s great to just get outdoors and have fun. Skating is usually available for free at most centers. If you pick up The Toronto Fun Guide at your local community center there will be a list of all the swimming pools and skating arenas inside and outside with their hours. Also if you have the Welcome Policy offered to low income families through the community center, you can get your child a spot in a March Break camp. You do have to register ahead of time but a great opportunity for your child to stay active, meet friends and simply to have fun throughout the break. You can set up play dates with your child/children’s friends, make it a theme and get really creative.

Read lots of books with your kids, listen to music and dance around your house, have a movie night with popcorn and other special foods. The ideas are endless.

Overall there is plenty to do around the city inside and outside and although you may not get anything accomplished on your ME list I’m sure you’ll find plenty to do with kids.

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Parenting

Prenatal Supports Written by: Candace Lue Pregnant for the first time? Feeling nervous, anxious, scared? Not too sure of where to go and how to handle such a wonderful responsibility? Well you are not alone, most first time mothers share the same feelings, however it is how one acts on them that can determine the well being of not only themselves, but their unborn child. During this journey into motherhood, it is a time for one to reflect and become conscious of what is important to her and baby. For many of us who have been there done that, there are some things in our hindsight that we wish we could have fixed and things we were happy were there. Some things are simple like, “I really wish I didn’t eat all that anchovy, pineapple, hot pepper pizza by myself.” While some issues are much more serious such as, “I am really happy I didn’t stay in that abusive relationship.” Out of all these things I have chosen the most important three (in my opinion) that all mothers should do to ensure a safe and healthy pregnancy.

The first thing a pregnant woman should do is seek medical attention. This is a no-brainer however, being young sometimes one can feel that she is invincible and can handle most issues on her own, including a pregnancy. Most of us go to a doctor simply because of the privilege, not understanding its importance. Yet, many cannot afford the cost of a doctor’s visit because not everyone is covered under the Ontario Health Insurance Plan (OHIP). So it is important to know where a mother can go to seek the help of a health professional. For those who are uninsured the Ontario government provides a service called The Interim Federal Health (IFH) program that offers temporary medical coverage for immigrants in need of health care before receiving OHIP coverage. However, for those who do not qualify for IFH there are community health clinics across Toronto that can provide assistance to those without a health card.

But the catch with most these clinics is that most of the time you must live within the clinics catchments (area) in order to receive service, so make sure you ask. For those covered under OHIP but do not have a doctor, do not be afraid to ask family and friends for advice. Also The College of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario has a toll free number (1-800-268-7096 ext 626 or 416-967-2626) which helps direct the general public to a doctor who is accepting new patients. Once pregnant, from personal experience, a woman should be visiting their doctor once a month until the last month of pregnancy where the visits increase to twice a month.

It is also important for a pregnant women not to be alone. Get out there, mingle a bit, and be active in the lives of your family and friends.

This is the time to show off that baby bump and share that joy with everyone around you. For those who may lack family supports there are many agencies where one can enjoy their motherhood with others who share the same interests. For instance Jessie’s Centre for Teenagers is a great space for young mothers to come together, make friends while learning important parenting skills. Furthermore, they have a program for mothers to-be who may not have a person available during their time of birth. The program links the mother to-be with Labour Support Volunteers to assist at the time of labour. They do not replace the support of family and friends but they definitely provide a helping hand. Research has shown that a support person in the birthing process greatly, “reduces the length of labour as well as decreasing medical interventions such as caesareans and forceps deliveries.” Furthermore it also leads to mothers having a more pleasant and successful relationship during breastfeeding with their child(ren). Another agency that comes to mind is, you guessed it, Literature for Life which has a program called Women with Words Reading Circles. Women within the program learn through reading, writing and discussion that they have a voice and the ability to be proactive in their lives. Through literacy the participant is able to engage with others in the program and gain meaningful relationships and knowledge.

Last, but definitely not least, a pregnant mother must eat well. This moment in one’s life is definitely not a time to diet. A woman should be eating the proper amount of food from the four basic food groups (grains/wheat, meat and meat alternatives, dairy/milk, fruits and vegetables) daily. While pregnant the child gets all their nutrients from the mother in order to remain healthy and correctly develop in the womb. So if the mother does not eat well, the nutrients to keep the mother running will go straight into the child, this will likely leave the mother prone to sickness and possibly harm the fetus. So it is extremely crucial for the mother to eat balanced meals and also take her daily vitamins and minerals. The food we eat does not have all of the minerals and vitamins needed to make sure the mommy to-be has enough of the nutrients she needs to remain well. Prenatal pills such as Materna are a good source for a mother to get all the proper amount of vitamins necessary to ensure the mother and child are running at their best. Food banks (416-392-6653) are a good place to get all the things needed if you find yourself a bit strapped during the month. Also agencies for women such as Sistering provides two free cooked meals (Breakfast and Lunch) daily for all those who come to the space. Not only is the food served fresh there is always a fruit or vegetable to accompany the main course.

When it comes to pregnancy although it can be a miraculous and wonderful moment in ones life, it can also be stressful one if you do not take precautions to secure the well being of yourself and your child. The health of you and baby is first priority at this point in life so it is important to understand how to keep yourself safe and well. Please see page 34 for a list of services that a mother to-be can access for any of the three areas listed.

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Education Written by: Jessica Khan With Valentines Day on the way, what better excuse to take time out and pamper yourself…

Don’t have the time or money for the spa? Well I am going to give you some tips to turn your bathroom into your own personal spa and tricks to get those spa quality results.

Let’s start at the top with a homemade remedy to quench dry, thirsty winter ridden hair and scalp.

You will need: 2 tbsp finely grated fresh ginger; 2 tbsp avocado oil or substitute with walnut, macadamia, or olive oil; 2 tbsp warm water *If you are using olive oil as your substitute, decrease to 1tbsp because it is heavier.

Combine ingredients in a bowl and mix well.

Massage mixture into washed towel-dried hair.

Wrap your hair in plastic wrap or use a shower cap. Leave in for at least 25-30 minutes and then rinse thoroughly. Shampoo and condition lightly, style as normal. Benefits: The oil is moisturizing yet rinses easily and the ginger stimulates your scalp. Use weekly to boost dry, dull hair and scalp.

With the toxins and pollutants our skin takes in, added to the processed junk we consume and heredity and stress, all of these are major contributors to the look and feel of our skin.

Especially our faces they don’t ask for much but put up with a lot of abuse so lets take the time to detox, our face, which helps promote healthy, radiant, softer skin. I recommend giving yourself an at home facial, this treats your face to a deep penetrating clean and is low maintenance enough that you can do it once a week or whenever you have the time or need for a pick me up. There are many products on the market that cater to all skin types dry, oily/ acne prone, and normal. But when purchasing a product for your facial its important to keep in mind that your looking for something that’s non- soap based. A good cleanser is an important part of any daily face regimen but for your facial you will need something more concentrated try a sand or clay based scrub or mask. Keep it simple you shouldn’t spend more then 5-7 dollars depending on size. Though I’m giving Shoppers Drug Mart a free plug, I recently came across a whole line of LifeBrand deep conditioners and facial mask packets. They are one time use and will run you about 3 dollars but have a money back guarantee. Available in a wide selection they cater to various hair, skin type and concerns- a product worth trying. Once you’ve purchased your product, massage into face and neck with fingertips (avoiding eyes), relax while allowing time to dry. Rinse and follow with toner (LifeBrand around 5 dollars) and cotton pad or ball (dollar store), which cleans access dirt that can get left behind then moisturize. Tip: When moisturizing your face leave eye area alone if your not using a cream specifically designed for eyes its better to use nothing at all.

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Yo’ Mama’s

Now for the eye area, single moms especially suffer from lack of sleep we lead very busy lives from work, school and of course our kids and all the responsibility that goes along with the many hats of a single parent. What does that mean for your eyes- bags, puffiness, and dark circles if you suffer from any of these your best defense is prevention. But if you cant get that eight to ten hours a night you need to look well rested then a product worth trying is an eye mask.

Filled with a non-toxic gel much like those old school teething rings you can use it warm or cooled. To warm place in a bowl of warm water for 5 to 10 minutes and you have a relaxing eye mask that helps improve circulation around the eye. To cool refrigerate for 30 minutes for relief of headache or tired and puffy eyes. I love this product it is one of my personal favorites it feels great on and the best part, I bought mine at the dollar store. Tip: For a quick eye-brightening fix try lining the inside of your lower lash line with an white eye pencil (discount brands 13 dollars) to help achieve that open eye look, for olive/darker skin tones try a light yellow pencil.

The most sought after accessory lately seems to be a whiter brighter smile just look at any celebrity. People who are displeased with there appearance often develop a surge in overall confidence after they whiten their teeth Doctors say. In office dentist-whitening procedures can cost an upward of $1000 a visit and results are not permanent. Those of us that lust after that glistening smile but are broke or with out dental coverage are not left with out hope thanks to the expanding market of safe at home whitening products. (Since we are doing this on a budget I am only going to cover the more cost -effective products.) Lets start with whitening tooth -paste we sure have come a long way from your average tube of paste.

Whitening tooth- paste contains a combination of superfine abrasive ingredients that help fight stains and whiten teeth with regular use (2-3 times daily) and the cost 3-7 dollars well worth the investment. Whitening mouth -wash is one of the newest brightening products to hit the market helping you to achieve that gleaming smile available for 3-7 dollars. Use in combination with a good tooth- brush, which we are lucky to now have such a wide variety of that you’re sure to find one that suits your needs and budget. Read the package and the features and remember to replace every 3 months, available for between 3-10 dollars.

And of course whitening strips a pretty easy, safe and affordable way to beautify your smile.

I purchased my kit on sale for 20 dollars (with a money back guarantee) for the basic 14-day

kit you just take strip apply to upper or lower teeth (this is easier to do one at a time) wait 30 minutes and reveal. The best part is there convenient you can use them while washing dishes, doing laundry, making dinner, or of course while your doing your facial, hair or eye treatments. Tip: When whitening its important to be realistic in your goals you will probably not get dentist results with at home products.

Read all product labels and information some products may cause tooth and gum sensitivity.

Maintenance is also very important, avoid teeth staining foods like grape juice, coffee, tea, red wine and cigarettes. Cosmetic Tip: Using lip gloss or lipstick with a strong pigment like deep pinks and reds give the illusion of whiter teeth while browns and nudes tend to dull your smile.

Last but not least for a total body and senses indulgence, prepare yourself the ultimate spa bubble bath. It’s all about creating that spa atmosphere (in your bathroom) with dim lights, candles and instrumental or soft music.

Most of the elements needed you can probably find around your house. Start with a good moisturizing body wash there’s no need for bubble bath especially for those with dry or sensitive skin. I find body- wash to be a better alternative because it creamier, contains nondrying emollients, bubbles up just as well, and is not as died or perfumed as bubble bath plus this saves you the cost. For added luxury add a cap full or two of regular baby oil to your bath water for more supple skin. Give yourself some soak support by rolling up a facial towel to use as a pillow while in the tub or you can buy the inflatable kind from the dollar store. For added bliss try adding some citrus slices or rose petals to your water. Fill your tub with your desired ingredients, warm water, and desired amount of body-wash mix well. Set your mood with candles, dim lighting, your chosen tracks and climb in. For multitasking mummies use your soak time to read, dry time for your hair or facial treatments, use your gel eye mask, or throw on a whitening strip. The point is to just unwind, feel your stress and tension melt away with the steam and therapeutic scents from your bath. If you rather a spa style body polish, lightly brush dry skin with loofah or exfoliating glove (dollar store) to stimulate circulation.

Massage, body scrub or polish (which has a rough sandy texture available for 3-7 dollars) using long strokes starting at the neck and finishing at the feet. Then have a warm shower alternating water temperatures between cool and warm to rejuvenate skin. Generously moisturize with a good cream, throw on your favorite comfy pjs or wrap up in a robe.

Glam Guide

Written by: Trinity Abbott I am a shopaholic. That feels great to get off my chest. When they came out with the shopoholic books I found I could relate to Rebecca Bloomwood in so many ways. So I thought it only appropriate to write an article on the one thing I have a passion for, shopping for my kids.

I have a five-year-old daughter and a sixyear-old son and shit they grow fast… too fast. My problem is that every time I go out to shop for my son and myself, I come home with more stuff for my daughter. It doesn’t matter which store I go to, once I enter it I can see all the perfect shades of pink. All those different style dresses, jeans, outfits, tights, and hair accessories. Oh my I think as my wallet gets lighter. It’s endless.

When I look over at the boy’s section I’m always disappointed. The same old jeans, same old tops. Plain boring. The perfect solution is to have your children attend a school that has a uniform. Surprising enough

a lot of the elementary schools in Toronto are trying to adapt a uniform policy in place in schools and most chains sell the uniform line.

Old Navy, Gap, Sears, Children’s Place, Zellars and Wal-Mart all offer some version of uniform clothes.

However whether you have the uniform or not you still have to purchase clothes for after school, weekends and play dates.

Wal-Mart and I have a love/hate relationship.

I love Wal-Mart because they have everything. I hate them because they make me broke. You can’t go to Wal-Mart without spending at least $200. The problem is you go in for something specific and unless you have extreme discipline in the area of shopping which face it ladies, not many of us do, then you are going to buy things you didn’t plan on buying.

However Wal-Mart has a fairly new line out, George, that I personally love. This line has children’s and adult’s clothes and is very reasonably priced. At the beginning of the year I bought my son T-shirts that were under $5 and they were very trendy.

The George line offers both uniform clothes and regular clothes. The only problem I have with Wal-Mart clothes is that they have age appropriate clothes from infant

Education

to teenager for girls, however I found once my son turned six there weren’t that many cute outfits for him. Their clothes remained childish.

Zellars is a little pricier but it’s stuff my son would wear. The difference between Wal-Mart is that they also offer competitive prices all the time where as Zellars usually offers special deals after the clothes have been out for awhile. Another problem I have encountered time and time again with Zellars is that things that are featured in their flyer are not available in the store.

Old Navy and the Gap are pricier. H&M is the new hot spot. The problem I have with their boy’s jeans is that they are tight around the ankle of the feet and look a little funny on boys. The girl’s clothes however are very stylish and affordable. I bought my son a winter jacket from H&M for $30 and this was the beginning of the season.

I don’t know if you guys have noticed but the new trend seems to be single gender stores. For example: La Senza girl, International Boy’s and Ardene. I find that International Boy’s is very expensive and only covers bigger sizes. My favorite place to shop is Siblings. Their store is always organized, clean, and staff is always ready to help but they are never overly pushy.

Their colors are bright and vibrant and the clothes are beautifully displayed throughout the store. Their prices are remarkable and unbeatable. They always have racks with great deals like two shirts for $10.

I went there during the winter season and although most stores wait until the season is over to drop their prices I was surprised to find really fashionable jeans for boys for $10, hooded sweaters for $10 and other great deals. The only downside to this store is that they cater to sizes 7 and up. However they use to only cater to girls and I know I made a comment in the store one day that they should have a boy’s line and not long after that they introduced it. So maybe if enough people get together and request they start a younger kid’s line it could happen.

The power is in words and coming together to unit for the same thing. If enough people bonded together to request this it very well could happen!

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FEATURE: BONDING ‘Cause you’re a queen in my eyes, And I would love to show you I’m grateful, For being so real as a single mother, With the strength and love I feel for my single mothers, Who’s baby fathers left them alone, ‘Cause they’re scared to be a man that’s responsible for things that they own - Aristo

She’s a good girl, I love her for that - Jada Kiss

He is, The heart protector, The soul defender, Of anything I fear, The baby conceiver, The make me believer, The joy bringer, The love giver, He is the dough increaser, The pleasure releaser...

The kiss craver - Heather Headley

What’s your name, ‘Cause I’m impressed Can you treat me good, I won’t settle for less You a hot boy, a rock boy A fun toy, tote a glock boy Where you live?

Is it by yourself Can I move with you, Do you need some help?

I cook boy, I’ll give you more - Missy Elliot

Bonding Just when you think there’s nothin’ else I can do I’m gon’ love you better - LL Cool J

I can see it in your eyes, Deep inside you wanna cry ‘Cause you’re scared, I ain’t there, Daddy’s with you in your prayers No more cryin, wipe them tears, Daddy’s here no more nightmares Eminem

Let me guess boo, You probably like poetry - Dead Prez

For sure, rest assured, You’re in the arms of strength - Mobb Deep First and foremost, you my queen goddess, My moon, my earth, the wisdom to a nigga’s knowledge, Do you want to be a man about it?

I swear to God it amazes me how you stay in college and Can we talk about it? still Manage to raise my baby boy, Don’t just leave, When I’m gone and touring, making dollars, What about faithful and all those Things Assuming that I love you, you promised me?

Regardless I feel its time I showed you, And how in love we used to be - Sparkle Bless you with this ring - Fat Joe

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Feature: BONDING

On Tha Real Love is Bond Wriiten by: Name withheld Let me start by saying I love her. I loved her from the minute I knew she existed. From the very first ultra-sound, to the very first kick to her very first cries. She made me whole and now there is a part of me that is missing because she is gone.

It was mandatory for me to go to school and take parenting and anger management classes in order to keep her with me. These were a few of the “conditions” that were placed over me by the CAS in order for them to ensure my ability to effectively and responsibly raise my child. I was 14years-old and I knew better, or at least so I thought. When Neveah was apprehended something inside of me broke and I felt an agony that no words can describe. She was a little over a year old when it happened and by this point our bond was already formed.

I was more scared for her than myself, I had a million questions: Where was she going?

Were they nice people? Would they love her like I do? When would I see her and when would I get her back?

When the judge set trial for three months from the week it happened I could have died, I would have to be with out her for three months whether I shaped up or not.

I was broken hearted and it tore me up to learn that not only would I have to wait to have her home, but that my visiting rights were to be held at a CAS visitation centre only once per week. It took a while for this all to sink in but when it finally did I promised myself that she would still know me no matter what happened in the end and that our bond would not be broken.

I attended those weekly visits like clockwork. I arrived early and waited until they brought her to my waiting arms which ached to hold her for the six out seven days I couldn’t. Our visits were two and a half hours long and we were confined to a small room with mint colored walls, fake plants and an old stuffed brown couch. The room was designed to be “homey” but it was fake and far from our home. During our visits we would play indoors weather permitting or go outside to the park adjacent the building.

I would feed her lunch the same way I always had, with music playing lightly in the background and me making swoops and dips with her spoon.

I would sing to her the same songs I had made up just for her and I would comb her hair and cuddle her for as long as I could keep her still. I would constantly search her eyes to ensure that glimmer of recognition - that sign that she knew I was her mommy and that we were one.

Thankfully, she always knew and the moment she would see me her face would light up like a Christmas tree and when we would depart it would always be a tearful tear away.

This went on for the entire three months and during the time it did the biggest thing I learned was that the bond between a mother and child needs to be nurtured and can be despite the barriers you may face.

Neveah is older now and life’s plan for me didn’t work out as I had thought it would and she was sent to live with her father. I see her even less than once a week now and not by choice but because between our lives things have become separate and different. We have drifted apart, yet she still IS my heart. Our bond is not as strong as it once was but we can see each other whenever we want now. I am in school and I work part time and she is in school and has a whole slew of activities she attends on a regular basis such as after school sports, etc. She is a beautiful and well rounded child and while she knows me as “mommy” the meaning behind it has lost some of its significance. I have only myself to blame for this and yet while her love for me may not match the fierceness with which I love her, we are still together.

For parents whose children are in care or with family members, be it short term or long, my advice to you from my experience is to hold on, no matter what make it your main priority to maintain, build or to re-build a bond with your child or children. If you have the opportunity to see them still then know that it is 100 per cent possible to not only strengthen your bond but to maintain it as well. Your child needs to know and see your face, to hear your voice and to feel your touch and whether it is once a week or once a month they need to know you are still there. Inconsistent visits and lack of communication can break that bond down and make your child feel unimportant or disconnected to you. Any parent in this world’s most famous line is: “I will always be there for you no matter what.” Let this always be a motto you live by as well because regardless of where you feel you may have failed there is usually always a chance to correct your mistakes and be there for your child no matter what stands in your way or what you have to endure to be with them. Love is bond.

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Feature: BONDING

bonding through fitness Written by: Ju-lee Kerr I am a firm believer that teaching your children to exercise by modeling it is one of the most important things you will ever do as a parent. Working out is essential in this day and on this continent so why not enjoy it with your children while improving the bond between you. Remember this type of exercise is for mom and baby at least six weeks post-partum, baby must have reasonable neck strength. Consult a physician before starting any new workout program.

Fitness should be seen as a lifestyle change rather than a fad or quick fix. No matter how fit you are, if you don’t use it, you will lose it and most likely find it on your butt the next day. Sorry to shatter any hopes of ‘hotbod in a pill’, it most likely won’t happen in this lifetime. Just like you have to wake up every morning and take care of your children, it is important that you take care of yourself too, no excuses.

Now that I have made you feel absolutely guilty for not exercising, I want to give you some tips on how you can turn this dreaded activity into something that you and your babe actually look forward to, three to five times per week for 30 – 45 min each session.

Warming Up: Warming up is an important and fun part of the workout where you pick out some tunes and dance around with your beautiful baby. Dip him, turn him, spin him, anything that you both find fun. Try to warm up for at least five minutes, 10 minutes ensures an adequate warm up and will give you guys three songs to shake your booties too.

Small Stretch: With your legs straight begin to lean forward and fold in half. Allow baby to slide down your thighs while holding him safely. Allow your head to become heavy as a bowling ball and then bend at the knees and return to the start. Repeat three times.

The Inner Thigh Killer: While holding your child at your heart stand wide legged with your toes pointing out.

Take a deep breathe in down to your core and pliee (lower your body by bending your knees), exhale as you rise back up. Add some pulses when you’re as low as you can go. Repeat 15 repetitions three times in a row. Break for 20 sec in between.

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Baby Deadlift: With your legs hip width apart hug your babe with him facing you, fold at the hip joints and then return with a flat back. You can make a game of this one as you dip down kiss baby’s neck. 15 reps, three sets.

Baby Crunches: While lying on your back tuck your knees into your chest. Place your baby on the lower part of your legs and hold onto his hands. Lift your head, neck and shoulders off the ground and begin to pulse ten times then return to the floor. Repeat this one 15 times.

Baby Bridges: Still lying on your back bring baby off your legs and sit him on your abdomen. Bend your knees and press your body weight into your heels and shoulders. Lift your hips up to the sky as you squeeze your butt cheeks like there is no tomorrow. Add some pulses and repeat 15 reps for three sets. Make eye contact with your child and let him enjoy the pony ride.

Oblique Curls: Still lying on your back widen your legs and bend at the knee. Slide baby between your thighs and lodge him diagonally so that he is facing you and supported by your pelvic floor. Lift your head neck and shoulders off the ground and begin twisting at the waist.

Elbow to opposite knee. Complete 10 and then return to the ground. Continue for 14 more reps.

knees as if you were going to do a pushup and hold the plank position. Be sure your head, shoulders, hips, knees and ankles are all in a line like a plank. Sing a song to your baby and take time to smile at him. Repeat for three songs.

Child’s Pose: Release plank and sit back onto your heels while resting your hands on baby’s torso.

Breathe down to your belly three times imagining that your upper body is becoming heavy as lead, sinking into the earth.

Quad Stretch: Lie on your belly and rest your head close to baby. Press your heels into your butt and grab onto your socks, pants or ankles with each hand. Press the hips into the ground and hold for 20 secs.

Twist Stretch: Holding baby on your chest guide your knees over to one side, allow the upper body to twist comfortably in the opposite direction. Let each exhalation pull you into relaxation just a little bit more. Repeat three breathes each side.

Cobra: While still laying on your belly press your palms directly under each shoulder. Allow the arms to push your torso up and tilt your head back. Open your chest, press your shoulder blades down your spine and breathe deeply three times.

Butt Stretch: Keep baby between the thighs and cross one ankle over the opposite knee. Pull your legs with baby nestled snug towards your chest.

Rest your head, neck and shoulders. Each side hold for 15 seconds.

If you spend the time toning with baby five times a week these specific exercises will improve your posture, strengthen your legs and help boost your metabolism so that more calories are burnt per day. The target area I chose for this plan is abs, butt and legs which is the part that is most times destroyed after baby. If you are not the type who will workout on her own, check out options such as classes. For more information on mommy and baby fitness classes contact me at 416671-0925. I also invite you to join us at my studio in Mississauga, financial support is available.

Inner Thigh Stretch: With baby still in between your legs, pull the souls of the feet together and allow your knees to fan outward. Relax and enjoy.

Baby Plank: Lay baby on the mat facing you. Place your palms beside each of his shoulders. Lift your

Feature: BONDING

Bonding With Two Kids Written by: Trinity Abbott I remember when I was pregnant with my son. I knew right away that he was my baby boy. I remember lying in bed at nighttime and patting my round and growing belly, talking to him about the world. Making plans of things I wanted to accomplish with him after he was born. I had his whole childhood planned out by the time I was six months pregnant. I remember sitting out on my balcony at nighttime, it was quiet and I would contemplate the way my life was going to change once he was born. Of course during the whole pregnancy I was experiencing the whole baby father drama. He was being the biggest asshole but I didn’t care. It didn’t stop me from falling completely in love with my son.

The day I went into labor I thought my life was going to end. Oh come on you all know you felt that, don’t even try to pretend. It didn’t help that my son turned out to be ten pounds. I swore up and down that I would never have any more kids. After being in labor for twenty-two hours he finally came out after getting his shoulders stuck. They placed him in my arms and everyone else in the room faded away.

The first months were blissful. We got into our own schedule, ignoring everyone else in the world. It was he and I taking on the world. My son was born in August so we would go for nice long walks in his stroller. I would talk to him even though he was asleep and I remember everyone staring at me as if I was a mad woman.

I didn’t care. When I breast fed him it was the best bonding experience we could have had, even though at times it hurt a lot. I loved giving him baths at nighttime.

Smelling his fresh baby scent and dressing him up in those cozy sleepers that I wish they made for adults. Cuddling with him on my chest while walking around the house and singing him lullabies. My son was four months old when I found out I was pregnant again. It totally disrupted my scheduled plan for the bonding process between my son and myself. To top it off, the day I found out I was pregnant was the day their father was deported back to Jamaica. So here I was single and pregnant with what I knew to be my daughter. Suddenly all my planning went out the window and I knew I had to wing it.

My daughter was born in July, exactly eleven months apart from my son. How was I to bond with a newborn and my toddler son? In fact, my son was started to go backwards in regards to his developmental stages and I felt it was because I didn’t have enough time to bond with him. It was rough at first, but now that they are older I have found it great. We do a lot of things together as a family that bond us. When we go to amusement parks they are the same size so they go on the same rides, I don’t have to worry about one child going to the bigger and faster rides and one child going to the kiddie zones. And they have gone through everything together. Every stage such as potty training, loosing teeth and even the Dora stage.

In order to bond equally with both of them I set up play dates for one and take the other one out for the day.

Although I think that the bond for each child with me is individually is important; I also think that the bond between each of them is just as important. Siblings are important to each other. Sometimes I set up different activities for them to do like play a card game, or work in activity books at the kitchen table and I leave them to it. It’s amazing how they will help each other out and show each other their work. I love to watch their interaction.

Another way to interact with each child when they are at home is to do a different activity with each child that night. Depending on your schedule, put half an hour aside and spent fifteen minutes reading to one and the other fifteen minutes reading to the other. Or let one child help you cook dinner and the other child can help clean up after dinner. I know it’s hard if you’re a single mother to bond with more then one child at time but if you put creativity into the mix it’s amazing what can come out of it. They key to it all is to remember that there are many ways that a family can bond regardless of its dynamics.

Important Phone Numbers Emergency (Ambulance-Fire-Police) 911 Directory Assistance 0 or 411 Community & Government Services Information 211 Tele-Health Ontario 1-866-797-0000 Poison Control Centre 416-813-5900 Children’s Aid Society of Toronto 416-924-4646 Catholic Children’s Aid Society (CCAS) 416-395-1500 Native Child & Family Services 416-969-8510 Jewish Family & Child Services 416-638-7800 Toronto Public Health 416-338-7600 Legal Aid 416-598-0200 Kids Help Phone 1-800-668-6868 Child Support Guidelines 1-888-373-2222 Witness Advice Line 1-888-448-6667 Yo’ Mama Winter 2008

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Feature: BONDING

blended family bonding Written by: Christian Garate My father left my mom in my early years.

My mom never got married again and my only dream for years was to have a family.

True, my mom and I were a family, but my dream was to have a traditional family of my own. Years passed and the moment to start my own family came unplanned. I gave birth to my first child as a single mom. I thought I would never have a relationship or kids in my entire life. Well, I was wrong. A second child came, but I continued being a single mom.

Honestly, I never thought that anyone would want to have a relationship with me because I had kids from previous relationships. In the most unexpected situation my knight in shining armour arrived. We built a solid relationship and had a beautiful baby. Now he is not only a dad but also a stepfather to my kids. How cool is that! I must admit that the change hasn’t been easy for anybody and that I have been blessed with a wonderful step-family that have helped and supported us in every step of our relationship “I feel very lucky, not winning the lottery lucky, but more like struck by lightening lucky” is what my husband says. “It had been an extraordinary experience, rewarding but also all consuming. You are committing yourself to your partner, but also to her kids too. When there are kids involved in the relationship there is no halfway.

You not only take care of your partner but you take care of the kids too. At a certain point you become the center of attention and I recognize that the situation is time and energy consuming. The kids will be watching all your actions and they will be all over you. One kid may love you and the other may keep distance or feel jealous about you. This becomes a balancing act between your partner, your stepchildren and your child. But the experience is worthwhile.”

Blended families or step-families, have become extremely common. A blended family is when two families come together to form one family. One of both partners may have been married before and lost their previous partner by divorce or death, or maybe they were single parents; they fall in love and start a new relationship. If the relationship works they marry, remarry or live in common law with their new partner and their children. The partner adopts the 24

Yo’ Mama Winter 2008

other’s children if there is any; and they become a blended family I think that blended families are great. You gain a family who loves you and accepts you just the way you are. Most of the time it works out pretty well, but it takes hard work, mutual respect, acceptance, patience, careful planning and open discussion about feelings.

The bonding process takes time. Kindness and love communicated verbally and through your actions, allows trust between the members of the “new” family.

When you are in the transition period there are certain facts that could make it stressful.

Like the age and gender of the kids. Every family member will represent a different kind of challenge, so keep in mind that each child is unique. If one of your stepchildren is rejecting you, don’t take it personally. Don’t give up - be present for the child. Try to find a different way for each child to express their feelings about the new family.

While you are building a life together you can expect different feelings between parent, child, stepparent and stepchild. Try to accept them. Don’t push your children into creating relationships that they aren’t comfortable with, or ready for. Allow bonds to evolve slowly and naturally. If it is possible, spend some time alone with each child, so you have an opportunity to get to know each other. As a family it is important that you

hold family meetings often.

Discussing issues that are affecting the family and establish rules and limits, along with assigning responsibilities will help make things go smoother at home. Try as much as you can to avoid conflicts between adults when the kids are present, they can get the wrong impression and feel they should take sides.

It is important that you don’t forget about your relationship with your partner by focusing your attention exclusively on the family. Working as a team will nurture your relationship, but it is also important to set aside some time just for the two of you as a couple. Take some time off to do something fun, or romantic or relaxing - just you and your partner.

The process of becoming a blended family isn’t easy for anyone. Is like being given a second or third chance to start a family again. Everyone has to work really hard and be willing to go that extra mile to become a family. Don’t hesitate to call on grandparents, family members and support groups to help with the adjustments. You don’t have to face these changes all by your self when there is help in the community for you. And always trust your instincts when you feel that something it is not ok. Enjoy your family, as much as you can, it is the most precious gift given to you in this life.

Feature: BONDING

Feeling artistic?

Have some poetry from back in the day you’d like to share?

Ready to try your hand at putting your thoughts on paper?

Love looking at life through a lens?

If so, Yo’ Mama is looking for illustrators, writers, and photographers to join our dedicated paid editorial team.

Contact Amanda Cain at 416-203-9830 or

acain@literatureforlife.org.

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Feature: BONDING

How to ween without losing the bond Written by: Candace Lue With every birth there is a subject a mother must address in their child’s life, weaning.

Breastfed or bottle fed there is a bond that is created to this milk supply, for the child and for the person providing it. For infants being breastfed it is the skin-to-skin contact, in addition to the chemical called oxytocin, which is produced during breastfeeding which induces one to feel good resulting in increased pain tolerance and happiness, a chemical also found in people who are in love. With bottle-feeding the one-to-one interaction and contact with child and constant touch ensures the feeling of safety and love for the child which helps significantly in the development of the baby.

Weaning can start as early as six months when the child can start eating solids, but can end as late as two-years of age. There is no exact time a parent should stop breastfeeding their child, as long as it is comfortable for both mother and child. Yet, weaning is the inevitable, so what are reasons why a parent may want to start it sooner than later? The answer to this question is quite complicated.

Some may think it is time for the child to gain more independence with the world around them, some spend periods away from their baby (i.e. at work), some may feel if they are breastfeeding that they need their breasts back while others may believe by a certain time a child should not be breastfed or bottle-fed anymore. However, it is known about the stress that can occur when initiating weaning, and the sadness felt by both mother and child when this form of bonding and nurturing is shut off. So how can one successfully get the baby off the tap with the least amount of hassle? This road of solution has many paths, but here are a few that may help: 1) Gradual weaning Gradual weaning is when the number of breast or bottle feedings is slowly but surely reduced. One feeding is taken away every few days. Gradual weaning helps preserve emotional connection and prevent breast engorgement. Breast engorgement is when milk from the breast is not being removed well by either breast feeding, pumping or expressing by hand it can be very painful and can cause an infection. This approach to weaning also enables the child to learn different ways of eating. It happen to be the most recommended unless there are other significant issues (i.e. medical) that do not permit it.

2) Introducing the cup Trying putting whatever your child likes to drink in a cup and what she/he does not like in the bottle. Before each breastfeeding or bottle feeding try giving your 6 to 9-month-old a drink from the cup.

However if she/he is not ready and is breastfeeding, replace the cup with a bottle and see if there is any progress. At bedtime if the baby wants more bottle or breast, try to make up for it with more touching, cuddling and holding. This touching will help to create the sense of security and will calm him/her.

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3) Giving your baby solid foods A baby can start eating solids (mashed up of course) at six months of age. Start feeding your child with the family following the advice of your doctor or nurse on what food he/she is allowed to eat.

Generally, the more solids a child consumes, the less breast milk or formula the baby will want making it easier to wean. In addition try introducing the cup at this time to help further the weaning process.

It is also important to be able to tell the difference of when your child is sucking for comfort or food. One may not even have to go back to the kitchen but instead give another big hug.

Breastfeeding and bottle-feeding is a great relationship created the very moment little one arrives, but this is not the only way a connection is made and soon your baby will no longer need the milk that nourished him/her during the vital first year(s) of his/her life.

However, the transition from breast/bottle to a life of the cup is not always an easy one. Make sure your decision to wean is done in the most sensitive way, taking into consideration your child’s feeling.

But if by chance you really miss that loving relationship you and baby once shared, having another baby bump couldn’t hurt, could it?

Feature: BONDING

bonding with your child and your ex Written by: Jessica Khan Its hard to imagine when you look into your newborns innocent eyes for the first time, the type of responsibility, commitment and sacrifice that comes with having a child.

Being a teenage mother for now almost ten years and now growing into a woman has taught me many invaluable life lessons and to be selfless when it comes to the needs of my son.

Back in 1998 I would have never dreamt that my prince charming, that came along and rescued me from the wreckage of my life and promised me ‘that happily ever after’ would turn out not to be the ‘one’. Call me naïve or fourteen, which was how old I was when I met and fell in love with the man who became my child’s father. When we met all seemed perfect and promising (as it always does in the beginning) we had that typical, high school sweet heart, kind of romance. He very quickly became my-everything after all I didn’t have or come from much. I was just a young girl in the care of CAS (Children’s Aid) who was on her way down the wrong path.

He came into my life at a very pivotal point when I was alone, depressed, and no longer wanted to live. He gave me meaning I truly looked at him like a god send and when I discovered I was pregnant I knew it was a sign that I was supposed to be here and happy at that.

When that fairy tale came to a crashing halt four years later I think we were both devastated but we had grown up and grown apart. When it ended we were still, fairly young and immature with a baby and in a very adult situation that in hindsight we didn’t know how to cope with. From him not wanting to take our son week-ends so I could go out, me going through his phone and calling his chicks of the moment, to him threatening to beat-up my rebound boyfriend and of course child support.

(And those are just a few of the more family friendly examples) I now know the root cause was the hurt and anger we felt towards each other and it was directly impacting our parenting. But we were too

ignorant to see that, we both wanted what was best for our son but in no way did are actions reflect that- the only person we were hurting was him.

Unfortunately this is the common broken family reality of many families across Canada not just that of a young mom.

It’s very easy to lose perspective and get caught -up in all that baby mama drama of the moment and lose sight of what’s really important in the long run, your children.

After realizing our mistakes we came to verbal visitation and financial agreements.

Now that my son visits with his dad on a consistent basis, I pick my battles its not worth arguing over the fact that he doesn’t always go to bed on time or remember to brush his teeth. This doesn’t mean were always going to agree over the bigger things either but we’ve realized us working together and having a mutual respect is in the common interest of our son. I try to remember that he will never understand or be able to emphasize with my struggles and what I go through daily as a single mom because he’s not one. At times I still want to cry out of frustration but we have come along way from where we started. The most important thing is that he is involved and it’s all worth it for my son to have a father. I see how much they love and need each other, how much their one on one time means and I never want to come between that.

At the end of the day I know that my son and every child needs two stable full time parents. Children from broken homes especially, face so many more challenges they are at higher risk to repeat our history and mistakes. They often feel isolated, torn, and at fault for relationship failure and as parents it’s our job to nurture, guide, unconditionally love and protect at any cost.

We have been co-parenting now for almost a decade (my longest relationship to date!)

which is such a long time why not spend it wisely co-operating and functioning as a family unit as best you can. Which is what me and my child’s father now do, we put aside our differences and spend quality time together as a family we go to the movies, trick-or-treating, dinner, and school plays just to name a few and I see how much that quality time means to my son.

Another part of being a parent is to grow up no matter your age and understanding when you’re not together that there may be ‘other’ people in our child’s life. You may have to trust each other’s judgment when picking a partner, as hard as this can be.

As long as that person is safe and good to and with the child(ren) there really isn’t reason for conflict (personal feelings aside).

Realistically this person may be spending time bonding with your child, and in my case my significant other sees my son more then his father because our son lives with me. I know with my personal situation this took time for both of us to adjust but we have come to an understanding and are secure enough to know that, that person isn’t trying or going to take our place in our child’s life.

There is no question that when you’re no longer together it all becomes about bending and compromising and doing what’s best for your kids.

No two situations are alike and I realize maintaining this kind of relationship with your ex is not always feasible for everyone and if it is- much easier said then done.

Being separated is a big change for everyone involved and it takes time, there is no quick fix solution remember you don’t need to be together to successfully parent with each other and bond as family.

Children grow up so quickly and childhood only happens once. These are the years you and them will cherish forever so make them ones to remember.

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Feature: BONDING

Bonding with your disabled child

Written by: Trina Ivany

How do you hug your child when they have tubes and machines hooked to him? How do you get close to your child when you have no idea how to help him? How do you get past the guilt of feeling, at times, like you want to run away from the situation because you feel so helpless and there is nothing you can do to help. What do you do when during an operation you almost lose your child? Or when things have worked out and he made it through, but you still can’t hug and hold him like you want to?

My boy has been through twelve operations and nine procedures, each time was rough. I never knew exactly how things would work out and how to act after; it’s tough trying to be the strong one. But my boy and I have worked out little ways for him to know I am here for him. Since a lot of his operations have been on the jaw I could not kiss him, so we play a miss kiss game. I could not go up to him and pick him up so I would hold his hand and he would squeeze my hand and that became our hugging. We have many different ways to show our love for each other with out the actual hugging or holding.

This works to help show him I am there for him, but what do I do about the moments I feel like I can’t be there? Those are the moments that I am not proud of - when I want to run. When I feel like I can’t handle what he is going through. And this above all else makes a mother feel like she does not deserve to be a mother; there are the moments that you want to run but the love you feel for your child keeps you there.

When you have these moments what you have to think about is your child. How can you expect your child to be strong and thinking things will be okay if you can’t see it or don’t feel it. I have messed up a couple times and not been fully there for him.

One of these moments was during his last operation. He went through a nine hour operation to have an apparatus put in his jaw; this apparatus meant the doctors had to break his jaw and place pins that come out of his chin. When I got the okay to go see him in the recovery room I could barely 28

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look at him never mind play, kiss or hold his hand. He had blood coming out of his ears, eyes, nose, mouth and where the pins came out. I felt so bad that I had to step away from him to regroup because I couldn’t hold myself together. When I went in to the hallway to put myself back together, I reminded myself I can be there for him.

He was tough enough to get through the operation I can be strong enough to be there for him now. I felt guilty, but then a nurse came by and told me something I will never forget. She said that being there and bonding with a child with a lot of needs is hard, but don’t feel guilty that you have moments of weakness it’s human nature. Being there is hard but remember you were there. Being there is what counts, you do need a moment every now and again it’s nothing to feel guilty about. You are here for him and you are not leaving the hospital is what matters.

After the pep talk from the nurse I went in and I was able to stay and hold my boy’s hand again. I looked at him and I said I was sorry for leaving him. It was not a proud moment for me but I was honest with my boy and I have learned to be honest with him all the time.

My boy is a strong boy who understands more than I thought. When I said sorry he looked at me and said “I know I look yucky but you still love me that I know.” That made me want to cry but it also made me realize in all these years of thinking I was not close enough to him we’d been close all along. He felt it and so did I. Having a child with many medical needs sometimes makes things overwhelming but I have learned that being there is what counts the most and having moments of wanting to break away are normal. Most parents feel it with simple everyday life now and again.

But if you show love in different ways it shows that you have bonded at some point even when you didn’t know and thought maybe you weren’t doing enough you were.

As parents we feel guilty sometimes but if we spend time teaching our kids that we are there for them doing what we can, the best way we can, they’ll know it. They know more than you think!

Feature: BONDING

Time For Self Written by: Andi Hui Going back to school after having my daughter has been a daily struggle. I’m sure a lot of you can relate! On one hand I know that I need to do this for my family, for our future but on the other hand I feel guilty for not being able to give her the attention that I feel she deserves. I remember before I had her I would see other young mothers and feel really disappointed when I would see them drop their kids off at daycare. I felt as though they didn’t love their kids and I remember asking myself why in the world they would have kids if they didn’t want to take care of them. Of course after having my daughter I realized that life goes on and you have make adjustments in order to continue to strive towards your goals.

In September I started school full time and was forced to put my daughter in daycare.

Fortunately I was lucky enough to get her a spot at the daycare on campus. She was 9-monthsold and I was very hesitant at the idea. My family and the daycare staff constantly reassured me that she would be safe and everything would be ok but it just didn’t seem right to me.

I wanted to cry every time I had to leave her there. I would go to class and on my breaks I would run to the daycare, play with her for a bit then head back to class. On occasion I would even bring her to class with me, lucky for me I had very understanding professors. Still to this day I’m at the daycare all the time, I might as well be one of the staff.

People tell me it’s healthy to have your own identity other than being a mommy. You need to take time out for yourself to wind down and relax in order for you to be the best mother you can be! I’m starting to finally realize that and well hopefully writing this and you reading it will ease some of our mental stresses! We can do this and our lives will be better as a result of it!

Separation anxiety is something that I’m sure all of you have heard of. This usually becomes evident when children are around six months of age. This happens because by then the baby has formed very strong attachments to their mommies and daddies. But did you know that mothers and fathers may experience this as well? I was happy to find out that I wasn’t the only person having these problems. There are many other mothers that have said they feel guilt-ridden and selfish for leaving their kids and deciding to go back to work or school.

So what do we do now? Well if you have decided or are already back at work or at school there are many things that may help this transition.

Most experts agree that planning is an important step. Here are some things that you should prepare yourself for: 1) Choosing your childcare Ellen Galinsky, president of the Family at Work Institute cautions about being swayed by the appearance of a childcare facility. She says that the most important thing is how the caregiver responds to your child’s emotional, social and intellectual needs. Find a care giver whose mothering style matches yours, it will be more comfortable for you and your baby. Make sure your caregiver that is willing to work with you to design a schedule that works with your back to work or school hours.

2) Introduce new caretakers gradually This is important for you and your child. Allow yourselves enough time to transition smoothly from being around all the time to not so much. Most daycares suggest a one or two week try out period, this is when you go to the daycare with your child and as the days go on you increase the time you leave them there on their own. If you have decided on a at home nanny you may want to invite them over for a play date while you are still there so your child can get used to them.

3) Handle leaving matter-of-factly When you leave your child you should simply say goodbye and leave without turning back. If you make a big deal about going away your child will more likely see it as a big deal too and get upset. Parents should avoid sneaking out. This can raise a childs anxiety level because they never know when you are going to disappear.

4) Other tips During this transition phase you may want to sleep with your baby. This will allow you to spend some quality time with your child.

Give yourself enough time in the mornings. Getting things together the night before will give you a little extra time to spend with your child.

Be sure to set up a support system for yourself. You never know when you will need an extra hand or a shoulder to cry on.

Provide transitional objects for yourself and your baby like a favourite toy or photo. Make sure to also have some quality time to yourself, by doing this once in awhile you get to refresh yourself and come back again ready for battle.

Hopefully this helped a little. I know I will be keeping the tips in mind for future reference. Always remember that everything you do is for you and your child and sometimes in order to achieve certain thing you need to make sacrifices. All the tears, sweat and hard work will pay off and come together in the end!

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Feature: BONDING

The Critical Mix Written by: Amanda Taylor Pediatricians John Kennell and Marshall Klaus use the term “bonding” to describe the process by which parents naturally connect with their children. It is an intense feeling that makes parents want to shower their young one with love and affection and to protect and nourish them. According to Dr. Spock’s book “Baby and Child Care”, physical touch releases hormones into the brain for both baby and parent. It heightens the feelings of relaxation happiness and reduces pain in both parent and child. Studies conducted by the Kids Health Organization reveal the lack parental response caused stunted development, sadness and failure to thrive in monkeys and scientists suspect the lack of bonding in human babies will cause similar problems. The million-dollar question is, “How can we effectively bond with our children, and what factors in our everyday lives prevent it?”

All children have the following basic needs: • • • • •

Human interaction, Care and comfort, Warmth and love, Guidance and protection; and Patience and understanding.

Did you know that bonding is a by-product of everyday parenting? You may have already established a healthy bond with your child and not even know it. KUDOS TO YOU!!

However, bonding is widely misunderstood.

Scientists are still learning about it. Some have went as far to say that bonding takes place within the first 24-48 hours of a child’s life, and that anything after that is too late.

LET’S BE REAL! Bonding is a process.

There is no deadline. I encourage young mothers and fathers to make the connections as early as possible, but don’t worry you have plenty of time.

The most important question we can ask ourselves as parents is “How can I secure a healthy bond with my child(ren) even if I haven’t one with myself” If you find you are unable to practice ALL of the above points reliably, keep reading as you may find the answers as we explore situations that act as a restraints in our efforts to connect with our little guys.

As I mentioned previously in an article titled “The Common Cold” The quality of 30

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an outside relationship is solely dependant on the quality of relationship you have with yourself. Research shows that the most common factors in unhealthy relationships between parents and their kids are:

worked, overwhelmed mothers are drowning, beating and as sick as this may be, are even cooking their children. There is absolutely no shame in needing and taking time for you.

You are only human, right?

Work The lack of support can cause new parents to feel frustrated and sometimes regretful.

Learn to say “thanks but no thanks”: For some strange reason the worst always comes out in people at the birth of a new family member. Especially (God bless their little hearts) grandparents. Don’t be discouraged.

I am a survivor of “Granny Boot camp 101.

If I could survive the “Grandchild Nazi,” you can survive your loved ones. Believe me! They mean well, but are just plain, well, mean at times. As an adult whether you are a new, young or even a mother of two learn to say thanks but no thanks. It’s great that they want to be there for our children, so let them!

Consider their suggestions because it comes from a good place, but keep in mind that just because it isn’t done their way doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

Self-Esteem Although birthing a child is often considered a blessing in itself, for some, it is a reminder of a damaging occurrence(s) in someone’s life such as physical, verbal, and/or sexual abuse.

Grief, Loss and Anger This does not necessarily mean a death of a loved one, but directly relates to the grief of ending the relationship with the father/mother.

Research shows this feeling of loss turns into anger and resentment towards your kids Stress and Fear Lack of positive support in your social network in one of the most common hindrance woman face as new mothers. The fear of not being able to measure up to someone else’s standard of good parenting can be stressful and ultimately lead to early stages of postpartum depression.

Linda D. Swanson Davies, Psychologist and author of “Mother Knows” suggests that if you don’t feel that you are bonding by the first time you take your little one to their first doctor visit, discuss your concerns at that appointment. Don’t wait. Talk to someone.

If I may, here are some suggestions: Avoid unpleasant situations As simple as it sounds, avoid them. Don’t go to a family gathering and wait outside the front door talking yourself into wanting to be there for twenty minutes. Chances are it will be unpleasant. Never mind what ‘Aunty Knowit-all’ may have to say about your absence.

Chances are she is the reason you didn’t want to attend in the first place! Avoid going to the grocery store during evening rush right after picking up the kids from daycare. Chances are it will be unpleasant. Take care of you, so that you can take care of them.

Take time out when you need it: The measure of a great parent is not in their ability to parent until they black out, it’s in their ability to identify when they need help and how to ask for it. In recent news, over

Don’t take it out on your kids: I refuse to use fancy wording to relay these next few sentences in fear that the message will get lost. Read carefully and take heed to its message. If there is, one thing I detest more than anyone or anything in this world is parents that take out their financial, emotional stress on their children. It’s horrible. If you are one of these people, JUST STOP IT. These children are not the reason some of you neglected to get a proper education, so that you wouldn’t have to live cheque to cheque. You are! These children are not the reason you can’t go to the club Saturday night or attend the Joe Budden concert on a Wednesday evening. You are. Nobody made the decision for you to have children. You did. So please JUST STOP IT. It’s unfair, it’s abusive, and you need to stop. Be very aware of your feelings so that you can keep them in check!

Bonding is a complex, personal experience and is not the same for any two people. It takes time, and cannot be forced. As long as the child’s basic needs are being met, he or she won’t suffer if the bond isn’t strong at first. As you become more comfortable with daily routines and succeed on establishing a strong relationship with you things will all fall into place.

Feature: BONDING

Cultural bonding Written by: Lindsay Kretschmer Culture is not limited to custom, race or ethnic heritage. It can be defined as ones knowledge, beliefs or values as well. It can even delve into lifestyle and overall traditions and preferences. We live in one of the world’s most advanced multi-cultural countries and as a result we are blessed with having exposure to many different cultures and lifestyles. We have a wealth of diversity right here in our very own city in terms of art, entertainment, cuisine, music, festivals and resources. We have sushi and Caribbean restaurants next door to each other, we have sari and dashiki shops across the street from one another and if you have been on any city bus lately you are well aware of our diversity and need no further example.

Okay, but what happens when we cross cultures? What happens when you are raising a child with different cultural backgrounds from either side of the family? Nothing: the same thing that happens to likely 80 per cent of young and older families across the country: the norm.

Children born into this era are fortunate to have the wealth of culture and heritage they are granted at birth.Once upon a time families were pretty solid in terms of roots to one culture or heritage, for example consider the typical “all Irish” or “all Italian” family from the 1900’s.

This millennium has allowed the two to collide and create a magnificent mix of rich culture that both sides can benefit from.

Being exposed to, or even introduced to, a new cultural experience may seem awkward or unusual at first if it is not something you’re accustomed to but it’s worth appreciating and trying to understand. You may define culture as noted above, either way one views culture there is one common element at play: the uniqueness that makes all of us special. There should be no cultural conflicts, but rather an appreciation and unity for what we each possess and practice. This applies especially where a child of mixed cultural background is concerned, as they should be provided with the opportunity to see both sides of the fence.

So lets say you are a French Canadian female who has a child with an African man. His family has not always been involved and they have not really acknowledged you but recently you were invited to dinner at their house for the first time since you baby was born. Your baby is not months months, so you are slightly peeved, yet eager to involve your child’s other set of family and grandparents. Two days before the set dinner you panic, ‘cuz you think you need to learn a new language or eat some whack food or maybe you need to rock a dashiki? Your hunny reassures you that its nothing like that, to relax and calm down, to be natural and be yourself. Suddenly you remember OMG! I’m white, what if that’s why they don’t approve??? Your trippin’... they invited you remember?

The dinner turns out to be a huge success and you get to bond with his side of the family because you took his advice and acted natural and like yourself. As a result you wooed them and you were able to swap cultural stories of your roots and lifestyle and they are pleased to learn of your background, equally as much as you were theirs. You have now successfully united the two cultures that your child will belong to and identify with, good on you!

Okay, so maybe it isn’t always this easy to establish a healthy cultural bond with opposite members of the family. In some cases there may be no access or connection to the other side of the family, but this shouldn’t become a barrier that prevents you from learning about their culture or exposing yourself and your child to opportunities to learn about it.

Cultural unification is not only an asset to you and your child for your own bonding and learning purposes, but for the potential to bond with a new culture beyond the ordinary. For example my daughter is third generation Native and while I am second generation I do not know much about the culture, she on the other hand wants to learn all about it and is exposed through other family members so that she can tap into that side of her roots.

To establish a healthy cultural bond with your child and the other side of your child’s family, you must be open to learning and trying new things. You must see and value the importance and you must respect the differences that their culture may present and be willing to expose not only your child but yourself as well. If you remain close minded to other cultures and aspects of diversity than this may pose to be a challenge and a great loss in the end for you and your child, because even beyond what is related by blood is truly worth experiencing and understanding.

If you’re having difficulty raising a multi-racial child, visit www.amazon.com and type in “raising a biracial child”, to see a huge selection of titles dealing with this parental challenge.

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Feature: BONDING

Sex Toys: Bonding with your partner Written by: Ju-lee Kerr If you have ever read any of my previous work in Yo Mama you will know that I take on an assignment like a trooper. I was pleasantly surprised this time around when I found out that the topic was sex toys. Hooray for sex toys! I gotta tell ya it’s way better than trying out homemade yeast infection remedies. So if you choose to read on I’ll be discussing a few types of toys and their prices, how to take care of them and which ones I liked best. Ready or not, here I come.

Sex toys are fabulous whether you are all by yourself or with someone that you trust and care about.

The most important things to remember when with a partner, especially when exploring anal play, is communication, relaxation and lubrication. It is vital that you communicate whether you are alone or not. Listen to what your body is telling you and then communicate that to your partner if needed.

In turn this will build trust and a sense of relaxation, hopefully you will be able to submit to your body and enjoy its abilities.

The very first thing I did was searched the net so I wouldn’t look absolutely naive when stepping inside the adult store. I like to think of myself as liberal but I still tend to get a little nervous when in this environment for some reason. I knew a fair bit about vibrators and dildos but I wasn’t quite sure about the kinkier stuff like beads and paint, so without making eye contact with the salesperson I headed straight for that section – at my own risk of course. The aisles were cramped and filled with explicit images, some of them causing me to gag, but a few sparking an interest or curiosity within me. It was kind of overwhelming not knowing which products are trustworthy.

So I just grabbed the black anal beads and passed them to my partner, I then shot a set of puppy dog eyes in his direction, urging him to ask the salesperson about the toy. My fiancé is great. Apparently silicone is the way to go for hygienic reasons since it can be boiled where as jelly rubber cannot. But if you’re experimenting for the first time and are not planning to share toys jelly rubber is cheaper, maybe $10 or so, whereas the silicone beads were double the price or more.

Now by this time I had worked up a slight confidence and was able to approach the very friendly sales lady and ask about paints. She pointed out the edible ones so I added it to my cart. Lastly at the counter she bent my rubber arm and I threw in a vibrating ring too. Altogether I spent almost $50 (a reasonably cheap shopping spree) but was keen to get the research on.

Once my partner and I were home we decided to put all our toys together and see what happened. Amongst the chaos was a mini vibrator, large vibrator, vibrating ring, beads, paint, nipple clamps, cuffs, feather tickler, whip, protection, lube and lots of it.

Most times making love begins with the lighter, softer and more erotic play. Feathers ($10) are so much fun and feel so good. It is a great way to relax so that you will be able to enjoy more sensations later on in your mission. A small vibrator ($10 -$25) stimulating your fun parts along with the feathers allow your body to melt into the bed, or backseat if you will. Paints ($15 - $40) I found were a little messy and hard to ingest in large quantities because of it’s sweetness, but boy was blue my favourite. Once they are open they don’t last forever so check the expiration date. It’s fun once in a while, but they are packed with calories ladies.

If you enjoy a little more roughness with your sex, the cuffs ($30), clamps ($25) and whip ($30) are a great way to express yourself. Cuffs and clamps can be painful if you don’t ease into it, where as some whips won’t hurt significantly no matter how hard you spank – they kind of tickle with a slight sting. Try them out at the store if you need too. As for the nipple clamps it is best to clamp the areola rather than the actual nipple, this will ensure a good pain, rather than a bad pain. Now when experimenting with a little S&M, it is wise to have a safe word set up so that if things get too much for you to handle, you can say this word to your partner so that he knows you are not role playing any longer, and the same applies to him. Our safe word is Snoopy – don’t ask.

The vibrating ring is awesome, it is inserted on the penis or rubbed in light circles around the clitoris area. It can be used for self-pleasure or during intercourse and is both pleasurable for the male and female – always a bonus. Once the battery dies, you can buy replacements that are almost the cost of the toy itself. It is small and discreet, and can be used on other body parts too, if you know what I mean. I like this one a lot and have since bought another one. A rating of 8.5, a definite must try.

When going for the bigger, more personal toys where insertion is inevitable make sure that you don’t go from the anus to the vagina as you will have one nasty yeast infection that you will remember forever (that applies to intercourse or fingering as well) then you will have to refer to my homemade yeast infection remedies. Once you’ve gone out the back door, there is no going back, unless a new condom is used or the prodding device is disinfected. There is no need to apply a condom to a vibrator ($30 - $300) or set of beads unless you are sharing with a partner. These toys can be cleaned with soap and water or if silicone based you can pop them into boiling water. You should never use rechargeable batteries in a vibrator or else the sex won’t be the only thing that is steamy. Be prepared for the toy to get a mind of its own during its last days. I had a vibrators’ bottom pop out during a session, life expectancy depends on how much you invest, you don’t want your toy to explode on you do you?

Knowing, understanding and listening to your body in every aspect of its being including the sexual being is invaluable. Your journey within yourself is only so long, so why not try something new, especially if you’re up for a little spice in your love making.

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Feature: BONDING

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Resources Health care clinics for those who do and do not have a health card.

Women’s Hassle Free Clinic 66 Gerrard Street East 2nd Floor Toronto, ON, M5B 1G3 (416)922-0566 Women’s Health in Women’s Hands 2 Carlton Street Suite 500 Toronto, ON M5B 1J3 (416) 593-7655 Parkdale Community Health Centre 1229 Queen St W Toronto, ON M6K 1L2 (416) 537-2455 Rexdale Community Health Centre 8 Taber Rd Etobicoke, ON, M9W 3A4 (416) 744-0066

information and referral - access to interpreters of various languages). The nurse will ask for your information (name, address, phone number) however you do not have to give it. All information shared is confidential.

Places to learn and mingle Women Moving Forward 108, 4400 Jane St 416-663-2733 ext 250 Rosalie Hall 3020 Lawrence Avenue East Scarborough, ON M1P 2T7 (416) 438-6880 Nellie’s 970 Queen St. East, Toronto, ON M4M 1J0 (416) 461-0946 (Childrens Advocate) Jessie’s Centre for Teenager’s 205 Parliament Street Toronto, ON M5A 2Z4 (416) 365-1888

Rexdale’s Women’s Centre 23 Westmore Dr Ste 4000 Etobicoke, ON, M9V 3Y7 (416) 745-0062

Literature For Life 7 Labatt Ave. Toronto, ON M5A 1Z1 (416) 203-9830

South Riverdale Community Health Centre 955 Queen St. East Toronto, ON M4M 3P3 (416) 461-1925

Food and other important resources

Access Alliance Multicultural Community Health Centre 340 College Street, Suite 500 Toronto, ON M5T 3A9 (416) 324-8677 Telehealth Ontario 1-866797-0000 (open 24hrs offers 34

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North York Harvest Food Bank 640 Lawrence Ave. West Toronto, ON, M6A 1B1 (416) 635-7771 Sistering 962 Bloor St West Toronto, ON M6H 1L6 (416) 926-1946

Did you know?

Changes to Age of Sexual Consent Written by: Andi Hui Canada’s legal age of sexual consent is no longer 14. Bill C-2 “Tackling Violent Crime” was recently passed meaning the age of consent has changed to 16. For some this is a long overdue change however other people believe this a poor way of addressing sexual abuse and exploitation.

The government says the reasons for the change are to try and begin eliminating concerns the public and the government have about the potential of sexual exploitation of young persons by adults.

However there are exceptions to this. The current criminal code provides a “close in age” or “ five year peer group” exception.

Which means minors can engage in sexual activity as long as the other person is less than two years older and is someone whom there is no relationship of trust, authority or dependency.

The government claims that this “five year peer group” exception will prevent the criminalization of relationships between young people.

Many youth and youth advocates are not pleased with this decision, they believe that by raising the age of consent will isolate and endanger youth. That it will deter the youth from seeking information and getting the help that they need. What do you think?

Words & Wisdom Women First, Family Always.

Publisher: Meredith Books Reviewed by: Christian Garate Roldan

Written by: Kathryn Sansone

As women we often forget about ourselves and we place our family, work, school or the needs of others ahead of our own needs. Kathryn Sansone in her book – Women First Family Always – remind us in a pleasant tone how wonderful it is to be a woman, and that we have to take care of ourselves before wanting to fulfill our role as mothers, sisters, girlfriends or daughters.

I like the way that Sansone gives us basic, but practical ideas that will change the way we look at our relationships, our families our kids and ourselves. As you read you realize that being a woman is not an easy task, but it should be fun. Organization, time management and love can make the difference in our day. We know that, but sometimes it’s easy to forget and we don’t always know how to do it step by step and that is where some of her tips come in really handy.

It’s Called A Break Up Because It’s Broken Written By: Greg & Amiira Behrendt Publisher: Broadway Books Reviewed By: Jessica Khan This book is a fresh faced, fun and quirky perspective on getting over that dead end relationship. This take charge book teaches you to take off those sweats, put down the ice cream, wipe your tears and be part of the solution- to a better you. This book offers you the unique insight of both a man and a woman as it was written collaboratively by a married couple. A straight talking yet light hearted easy read, it shares with you the detailed break-up confessions of the authors and offers you a step by step guide to helping you overcome your own (break up). Uplifting and humorous you will learn: Why You Shouldn’t Call Him. What He’s Thinking When You Do, How To Keep Your Friends And Not Lose Your Job, How To Avoid Pitfalls Like Stalking and Having Sex With Your Ex. It even includes a guide to redecorating your living room. A friend gave me this book when I was going through my own break up drama, and I found it to be a good pick me up and an interesting read even though it was a bit shallow and wasn’t necessarily that deep or thought provoking. Regardless, this self-proclaimed break up buddy is the new aged remedy for a broken heart that’s guaranteed if nothing else, to make you smile.

Movie Review - The Last Mimzy (now on DVD) Reviewed by Andi Hui-Murilllo I though this movie was pretty good. A brother (Noah) and sister (Emma) discover a floating box near their beach house and decide to open it. Inside they find a stuffed bunny Mimzy, a glowing green plaque and some strange stones that hover in the air. These objects give the children extraordinary intelligence. As their parents and teachers begin to get suspicious of the children’s new talents, Noah creates a generator that blacks out the city. With the police on the search for the cause of the black out Emma and Noah’s science teacher try to discover Mimzy’s purpose before it’s too late.

The only problem I had with the movie is that they made us get so excited for a climax that really wasn’t all that great! If you like sci-fi movies, I recommend it but other than that its really just a passable movie!

When Brothers Speak - Poetry Showcase

Reviewed by: Amanda Taylor

I must say that I was enormously impressed with this production’s attention to detail, visually appealing venue, and quality poets. Knowledgeable, passionate, and creative are just of few of many words to describe their roster of performers and performances. This year’s event hosted

by Toronto’s own Dwayne Morgan featured an array of artist across Canada, Boonaa, ThuggsStar, Ainsley Eurros and Ritallin to name a few.

Veteran poet Boonaa filled the room with his high energy, comedic set, which had the crowd in a state of hysteria anticipating his every word.

“My poetry is strictly a form of therapy that I use to express my inner thought, beliefs and feelings….people have told me they enjoy my poetry…I enjoy knowing that people enjoy my poetry.” Performing pieces off his newly released CD “Boonaafied, This young star has shown us countless times, his passion for the arts and dedication to his craft. We all look forward to much much more from Boonaa for years to come.

However, the talent extends much further than our own backyards; UK poet Thuggstar’s first-rate recital was nothing short of compelling.

Starting from his unique choice of attire to his well-defined English accent the only thing left to say about this poet but that he has flair. I cannot wait to see what this industry has in store for him as time goes on.

Poetry has always been synonymous with love and the art of falling into it. Crazy, Sexy, Cool best describes Ainsley Eurros segment. This poet captured the hearts of many, if not all the women in the theatre with his sensual thought provoking piece on the beauty of making love. His performance was right on point, displaying his fondness for his work, a true spoken word artist and wonderful edition to this years installment of “When Brother’s Speak.”

Halifax native Ritallin was well received during his ten-minute set, showcasing his ability to capture an audience and bring them along a rollercoaster of emotions. Although I wasn’t particularly moved by his pieces. They were truly entertaining, filled with colorful metaphors and creative use of voice.

Of course, our all time favorite is Dwayne Morgan. His talent never ceases to amaze me. A duet performed alongside his colleague and close friend referenced the challenges men face with being a father in today’s society. It was brilliant! Well written and performed, but this comes as no surprise, as Mr. Morgan has been doing this successfully for over 10 years strong. Up From The Roots’ facility to turn such a small event into an internationally known sold out showcase is proof of their gift as poets and entrepreneurs. I would like to take this opportunity to thank Mr. Morgan for his allegiance to keeping spoken word alive and fighting for its recognition as an art form.

November 25 2007 marked another lucrative installment of Up From the Roots’ “When Brother’s Speak.” I wouldn’t change a thing and I look forward to next year.

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Words & Wisdom Young Parent Resource Centres (Shelters) for Pregnant Women under 21 within the GTA. Humewood House 40 Humewood Drive 416-651-5657 Massey Centre 1102 Broadview Avenue 416-425-6348 Rosalie Hall 3020 Lawrence Avenue East 416-438-6880 Bethany Home 450 Pape Avenue 416-461-0217 Beatrice House 177 Caledonia Road 416-652-0077 Places to Stay When Pregnant or Parenting, Any Age. Robertson House 291 Sherbourne Street 416-392-5662 For homeless pregnant women.

Birkdale Residence Shelter for homeless women with children and homeless pregnant women.

416-392-5637 For referral call Central Family Intake (below) Central Family Intake Referral service to shelter beds Ask about couples program 416-397-5637

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All services are confidential.

No Health Card is required.

Sherbourne Health Centre 333 Sherbourne Street 416-324-4180 Evergreen Centre 381 Yonge Street 416-977-7259 Doctor, dentist, hygienist , chiropractor and eyeglasses and foot care available, 25 and under

Shout Clinic 467 Jarvis Street 416-927-8553 ext. 21 Full health and dental clinic Free birth control for clients Covenant House 20 Gerrard Street East 416-593-4849 Doctor available Monday & Thursday mornings

Motherisk 416-813-6780 or www.motherisk.org Information for pregnant/parenting mothers on harmful substances to their growing babies.

Assaulted Womens Help Line 416-863-0511 Need ID Papers or Help Obtaining a Health Card and Birth Registration for Baby?

Evergreen Centre 381 Yonge Street 416-977-7259

Health Information Aids and Sexual Health Infoline 416-392-2437 Weekdays 9am - 11:30pm Weekends 11am - 4pm Toronto Rape Crisis Centre 416-597-8808 Street Outreach Services 416-473-8936 Monday to Saturday 8pm - 12 pm Services for street-involved youth.

Toronto Public Health Call intake at 416-338-7600 Individual or group programs for pregnant women & parents of children aged 0 to 6 years.

Planned Parenthood of Toronto a.k.a The House 36B Prince Arthur Avenue (near St. George subway) 416-927-7171 Confidential primary and sexual health care services, counseling, education and outreach for youth aged 13 to 25.

The Teen Sex Infoline 416-961-3200 Food Banks Call 416-392-6653 or visit www.foodshare.org St. Michael’s Hospital Women’s Health Care Centre 61 Queen Street West 416-867-7640 x 8044 Provides youth-friendly health care during pregnancy, gynecological services, counseling, education and referral to community resources.

Ask about the Infant Passport.

Words & Wisdom

spotlight Here’s a cute picture of Via, looking beautiful as always.

Do you have a wacky or cute picture of your child or family?

If so, send it in and add your name, telephone number, mailing address and e-mail so that we can get in touch with you.

The child/family featured in the picture will receive an age appropriate book!

------------c--------------------------c--------------------------c--------------------------c--------------------------c---------

ASIA WORD SEARCH CONTEST! When you’ve completed finding all of the words, cut it out and mail or fax it in (along with your name and mailing address) for a chance to win a book prize pack!

VIETNAM MALAYSIA SINGAPORE SUMATRA INDONESIA BRUNEI BORNEO SULAWESI PHILIPPINES

CAMBODIA LAOS THILAND

CHINA SOUTH KOREA NORTH KOREA JAPAN MONGOLIA MYANMAR

CREATED BY AMANDA CAIN, 2006 Yo’ Mama Winter 2008

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Words & Wisdom Responding When Someone Has Experienced Sexual Violence Listen to her in an empathetic, non-judgmental manner.

Ask her what she needs from you and respond accordingly. Let her know that you care and that you want to listen. She may just want you to listen, or she may not want to talk about it.

Don’t assume anything. Always ask her. Remember that you are not her counsellor. There are trained professionals who have experience working with sexual assault survivors. Do not promise to be there for her anytime unless you mean to go through with it.

She needs honesty from you.

Believe her.

Many people never tell anyone about sexual assault because they are afraid that they will not be believed. It took a lot of courage for of courage for her to share this with you. Let her know that you believe her.

It is extremely rare for women to lie about sexual assault.

Let her know that she is not to blame.

Work to break myths in your interaction. Reinforce that the violence was NOT her fault. NO ONE asks to be assaulted. The perpetrator is responsible for his violent behaviour, NOT the victim/survivor. Sexual violence represents the expression of power, control and/or hostility. It is a crime that has been committed against her.

Asking her questions like “why did you get into the car with him?” or telling her that she should not have had so much to drink, are not helpful because they will further cause her to blame herself for what happened.

Instead, statements like, “You needed a ride. You were not asking to be assaulted,” are non-blaming and show that you support her.

Validate her experience.

Remind her that she is strong and courageous- it takes a lot of strength to survive sexual violence. Also, she may be experiencing any number of emotions. Validate what she is feeling and how she is responding/ coping. Let her know that these are natural, given what she has experienced.

Respect her right to privacy.

Let her decide whom she wants to tell. Do not repeat her story to anyone unless she asks you to. She needs to be in control of who knows about what happened.

Help her identify who in her immediate circle might also support her

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Help her figure out whom, if anyone, among her friends and family she would feel comfortable telling this to.

Remember, she is the expert of her own life.

A survivor of sexual violence must be given the space to reclaim some of her power and control. This means supporting her in whatever she decides (even if you would not make the same decisions). She is the best judge of what is best for her. Provide her with information and explore her options together, rather than telling her what you would do if you were in her situation.

For example, you might know that the process would be too difficult and humiliating for her. Let her know that you will support her in whatever she thinks is best. Let her know that you will support her in whatever she thinks is best. In fact, avoid “should” statements altogether. If hearing about her experience upsets, angers or confuses you, you can call a crisis line to talk about your feelings, or find someone else to talk to - without betraying her trust. Helping someone who has been sexually assaulted can be quite overwhelming, so remember to find supports for yourself.

Encourage her to talk about it with someone she trusts.

Let her know that many women feel better after they talk to someone who has experience working with survivors of sexual assault and who would not judge.

Encourage her to get medical attention.

She may have injuries that she is unaware of. She may want to press charges immediately or some time in the future, so it is very important to gather evidence (more evidence can be collected if she hasn’t yet showered, urinated or cleaned herself and her clothes). There is also the risk of pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. She can come into the sexual Assault/Domestic Violence Care Centre at the Women’s College site and we can give her information, support and/or medical attention.

Get informed.

This information was taken from the Toronto Rape Crisis Centre’s website and adapted from The Ottawa Rape Crisis Centre Public Education and Action Kit Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence Care Centre - Sunnybrook and Women’s College Health Sciences Centre For more information on Sexual Violence, peep the Solace insert.

Words & Wisdom For You Written by: Victoria Grant

Sleepless In Motherhood Written by: Amanda Taylor What’s with all the complications?

As far as I could remember in you, there were no hesitations on whether or not you wanted my goodies Now that we’ve been blessed with little miss you lay the blame on me refusing to see that it takes two my brotha to tango…. I understand though, you wanted me to forever be yours.

Of course, you did nothing to make the feeling mutual.

I told you then and I will tell you again when you stomped on my heart I was brought to my wit’s end I could no longer pretend to be happy and you to ask that of me was foolishly selfish. Now that little miss is born I have other things to worry for I hoped that my positivism would seep its way into your heart and have you accept responsibility.

Cause I ain’t ever stepped out on us.

And that’s for real man.

Can we just make peace please cause I feel empty.

Everyone knows back then we were close it was you and me.

Now there are three and we can’t even speak…. it burns.

Not the kind that would have you believe I believe in us.

Never.

But a burn that leads me to believe I would never have brought little miss into this world if I knew it would cause so much pain.

Stop punishing her.

I will allow you to start over only if you want to stop playing games.

Think about it.

Cause she is beautiful.

This one goes out to you, I’m writing this especially for you.

It’s just for you because of each and every little thing that you do.

What you do I cannot fully explain.

All I know is that you took my heart and make it feel a certain way.

This way that it feels, words just cannot express.

I compare it to breathing life into someone who was lifeless.

Life altering, life changing, making our relationship the best it can be.

I feel so strongly because I feel you brought out the best in me, I’m happy now, I feel better now, I have stars fixated in my eyes.

I no longer look at myself and ask myself why.

I remember there was a time where I felt worthless.

And even if it was only a little you gave me a sense of purpose.

And I cannot thank you more I know of a certainty I know I’m sure I’m sure of me and you, I’m sure that I love you and my heart is yours.

With you I feel wealthy It could possibly be that my soul has recognized its counterpart.

I don’t know how long we’ll last, I do know you have a special place in my heart.

For My Baby Girls Written by: Lindsay Kretschmer Through and through they are both you Flesh of your flesh Beautiful too Sweet innocence caresses their souls You long to be better to them Yet you still can’t let go Of the Past – You Hold Tomorrow, you say When they ask to play They long to hold your hand And you can’t understand That you must give of yourself fully Every ounce, every dream Through you they live, through you they see You love them more than simple words could describe You’d kill for them, die for them - sacrifice your life And even if they never knew what place they hold in your heart They will one day understand that your love could never set them apart You carried them, their tiny bodies within your womb You watch them with so much pride now you see them bloom Their lives make up your existence; they feed the essence of your soul In time their lives too will slowly begin to unfold The future may be uncertain, but some things are for sure The fierceness with which you love them has never been so pure

Congraulations to all of our word search winners who received a gift pack for submitting in their entries.

Congrats go out to: Naimia K. of Rexdale and Maria P. of Toronto.

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For more information, please contact 416-365-1888.

ISSN 1712-2643