Respond dont react

Respond Don’t React Posted by Into Action Treatment on August 30, 2015 in Articles When dealing with an addict it’s important to learn how to respond and not react to what is going on.

As a human your first instinct is often to react. To get a better grasp of the situation, it’s important to learn how to respond in lie of react.

When we respond we are able to separate ourselves from the situation and distance ourselves. When we react we show anger and harshness that may come across as aggression which will further exacerbate the situation.

Here are a Few Examples: When the addict asks you for money so that they can get high you immediately want to yell at them and say something like, “I can’t pay the bills and you want me to buy you drugs?” This is aggressive and can set them off. Instead of that reaction try something like “I’m sorry, I know you really want them but we don’t have the money”. You’ve just responded without raising your voice.

Of course you’re angry, but they don’t need to see that. All they can focus on is that fix. By responding quietly you’ve begun to defuse the situation without a battle. After you deliver your “I’m sorry” you need to go about whatever you were doing as if nothing was said. Don’t engage the addict in any discussion about it. It’s over.

You’ve also just put the responsibility back in their lap.

Another situation might be over their driving the car when they’re high or they have been drinking. The first reaction is obviously to yell at them for it. This does no good. First, they are high or drunk and

when high or drunk they usually want to do exactly what you tell them not to do.

Instead, learn to respond. You could tell them that you need the car and you’re sorry. You could offer to drive them to get more alcohol but tell them that you need the car so you’ll help them, or you can hide their keys (this one doesn’t always work and is rather deceitful).

The truth is, you do need the car. In many cases it’s the only car you have and you’re going to have to convey this to them. You don’t want them to get hurt orinjure anyone else. When they are sober you could explain to them (kindly) that you can’t let them drive in that condition as it could endanger them or someone else.

Responding over reacting is a choice that we make. Our first instinct is to react. That is always a first impulse. Here are the basic steps to responding.

Assess the Situation When a situation arises that upsets you or scares you, instead of acting on your immediate instinct, take a moment and take a deep breath. Sometimes this is enough for us to refocus our thoughts. Other times you’ll find that you have to tell the addict that you need to check on something and leave the room.

This gives you a few minutes to calm down and form a more suitable response.

Don’t Over Analyze the Situation The person likely isn’t trying to upset you, they simply want to do something that you don’t want them to do. It’s really that simple. You have to embrace the fact that they have let you know they wish to do this and applaud their honesty. Focus on the positive here not the negative.

Remember, You’re not an Addict You aren’t struggling with desires to do something that is unhealthy for you like they are. All they want

is that momentary high. It’s not about you, it’s about them or so they think.

Respond Now that you’ve assessed, stopped over analyzing and reminded yourself that you’re not the addict, you can give a quiet and peaceful response. This is a skill that must be practiced. You may find that you fail a few times but with practice you’ll get really good at responding in lieu of reacting.

Practice saying “No” in a mirror or to a trusted friend. Practice saying it kindly and rehearse a few good reasons if you feel you must have a reason. Anticipate any argument and stay strong to get through this lesson.

By learning to respond and not react you can take control of the situation and gently but firmly guide things in the right direction. Most addicts are sporting for a fight and when you respond you diffuse that action in the addict. It will take practice and diligence on your part to respond and not react but you’ll be much more successful when you take this tactic.