ISSUE 68, 2019
• Speak Up! The Mental Health Podcast • Recovery Through Spirituality • Count Ourselves Lucky • Combat Stress • Paintings, poems and fiction
MAGAZINE FOR WELLBEING
Front cover: Pixabay/ Free-Photos
Equilibrium Patron Dr Liz Miller Mind Champion, 2008.
What Equilibrium means to me‌. WEB ALERTS If you know anyone who would like to be on our mailing list to get the magazine four times a year (no spam!), please email: equilibriumteam@hotmail. co.uk (www.haringey.gov.uk/ equilibrium).
Equilibrium is devised, created and produced by . students with experience of the mental health system.
Photo copyright remains with all individual artists and Equilibrium. All rights reserved, 2011.
I enjoyed writing a short article for the mental health magazine Equilibrium based on my personal experience of having a mental illness for the last 20 years. The office environment and people were all friendly and gave support on tap, especially when you got stuck for ideas or needed technical help using the computer. The other contributors present all shared a mental health history, so gelled well together, and we were made to feel very welcome. Norman I found Equilibrium at a crucial point, where I found an open door to try a new healing form of writing and expression. Honest, happy, healthy. One thing I have to say, I go at my own pace and learn little lessons on computers, in art and writing, communicating, and ultimately a chance to get some self-confidence and self-esteem back after being belittled and degraded and abused. I found the open light of Equilibrium at the end of a dark tunnel of life. Equilibrium gives me a purpose. Thank you. Blessings. Richard The magazine means a lot to me for the reason that it allows me to write about various aspects of mental health and wellbeing. This is one of the only places where you can talk about this sticky matter and issues surrounding wellbeing. Working here also allows me to meet like-minded people who are passionate about talking about their experiences of their conditions. Seeing these issues being published spreads information on mental health, and other topics, even further. Devzilla Equilibrium has been a fantastic form of expression for me. I have the choice to write about what I want and I can put my ideas into practice. I have been with Equilibrium since 2007, and I never run out of ideas of things to write about. I have enjoyed writing articles and reviews about plays, books and galleries. The Equilibrium team has changed from time to time, but we still manage to produce four copies of the magazine a year. Angela
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EDITORIAL Hello, Equilibrium readers. I hope you are having a wonderful summer, be it here or somewhere beautiful and exotic. As always, we have a rich and varied selection of contributions. In a brand new short story, K gets an unexpected surprise when she finds herself in the bowels of a magical staircase, and Polly Granger’s poem is a dark meditation on the complexities of existence. Meanwhile, Astharte discusses her views on the importance of spirituality as part of the recovery process. I hope you enjoy reading the pieces in this issue and hope that you continue to share our wonderful little publication with friends, family and mental health enthusiasts. Namaste. Emily, Editor
DISCLAIMER Equilibrium is produced by students. Reproduction in whole or in part is strictly forbidden without the prior permission of the Equilibrium team. Products, articles and services advertised in this publication do not necessarily carry the endorsement of Equilibrium or any of our partners. Any material that has been reprinted is, as far as we know, in the public domain. If you have any concerns about anything printed within Equilibrium, please contact the team via the email below. Equilibrium is published and circulated electronically four times a year to a database of subscribers; if you do not wish to receive Equilibrium or have received it by mistake, please email unsubscribe to equilibriumteam@hotmail.co.uk
THE TEAM Facilitator/Editor: Emily Sherris Students: Dev, Nigel, Richard Graphic Designer: Anthony J. Parke
CONTACT US Equilibrium, Clarendon Recovery College, Clarendon Road, London, N8 ODJ. 0208 489 4860, equilibriumteam@hotmail.co.uk.
CONTRIBUTIONS Wanted: contributions to Equilibrium! Please email us with your news, views, poems, photos and articles. Anonymity guaranteed if required.
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Summer/ Issue 38
SPEAK UP! A London-based podcast about mental health
Pauline Blanchet
L
ike many of us, I grew up unaware
of the complexities of mental
back on how I felt when I was a
illness. Many questions remained
teenager, confused, angry and
unanswered around why, sometimes,
frustrated with life. I didn’t understand
the people around me were ‘down’ or
my emotions, always guessing what
‘feeling blue’. It was only later when I
I should feel. In my second year of
saw mental illness manifest into serious
university, I decided it was time to do
outcomes that I knew that I had to
something. I knew that I wanted to
educate myself on what was going
reach the teenagers who needed
on. I have lost three friends to suicide.
support when it came to mental
That can’t be right: we live in a city
health. I was awarded a grant from
which should be abundant in free
02 Think Big to start a podcast. It was
mental health services. It’s a disgrace:
important for me to also work with
teenage suicides increased by 107%
the Brent Centre for Young People,
last year in London.
a charity based in Brent that helped
www.haringey.gov.uk/equilibrium
As the years went on, I reflected
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me through difficult times. After
June in 2018. The episodes range from
partnering with the centre, being
masculinity, the use of social media
granted the funding and compiling
and role models. The response to
a list of possible interviewees, I was
the episodes was amazing; people
ready to go. I wanted teenagers to
felt like they were not alone, that
hear young adults and professionals
their stories were experienced by
talking openly about mental health in
others too. I wanted listeners to walk
order to remove the stigma and get them talking.
I started with my friends and
the people around me, asking them to share their stories of struggles with mental health. To my surprise, they were more than happy to share their experiences. It was also vital to have interviews with people in the field of mental health, as well as Louis Theroux, who opened up about the making of his documentary on anorexia.
After three months of hard work
away and talk about mental health, talk about their struggles and join the conversation. If the stigma is removed, more people can go and seek help and feel more comfortable with what they are going through.
After the success of the first
season, we decided to create a second season, which was released on the 15th May. It will see another range of young people coming forward with their inspirational stories. Using mediums such as podcasting
and endless interviews, the first season
can be a great way to keep pushing
of SPEAK UP! was polished and ready
the conversation around the mental
to be published. It was released at
health difficulties which London’s
an event in the House of Lords last
young population are facing.
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Summer/ Issue 38
The Fabricated Mermaid Polly Granger Waking eyes, lifting with glacial effort, Pressed down with fathoms of water, with sorrow, Resenting the fact that it is another tomorrow. Arise, leave the room, pressing through Blue frightening inkblots, Open the door, get out of my house, struggling through my black depths. My stomach is ebbing and churning. Others ignore me, my wild flowing hair, My breasts and my hips, their lonely contours. No one notices that my eyes are filled with tears. I feel I don’t exist, even though there are those around me that know I do. They would have heard my desperate song, Known that my voice and my body and soul are real. But there are those who cannot believe. I was a cautionary story, My voice a fabrication, my spirit a myth. If they knew I was real, with more purpose than legend, They would notice my tears and my graceful, ghostly movements, Spectral like love in a fractured heart, The tail that takes me further away from land pixabay/ LeandroDeCarvalho
And into the wreck of lifeless eyes and invisibility, The callous ocean that reminds me that I do not exist.
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PAINTINGS Skye Ali
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Wellbeing News A few stories from the world of mental health
A Study in Loneliness have difficulty socialising in contrast to 13% of people over the age of 55. These findings indicate that loneliness is perhaps more prevalent in younger generations.
Image: coyot/ Pixabay
NOCD App
MyFilmClub have carried out a survey on 2040 people to examine the link between going to the cinema and loneliness. The results showed that 13%
NOCD have designed a free
of the participants experience constant
app for those experiencing OCD.
isolation. 22% of this total were 16-24
It provides self-help exercises,
year olds, 18% were 25-34 year olds
guidance and support to help with
and only 5% were aged 55 and over.
episodes, a community space for
Additionally, 59% of respondents have
those experiencing the condition
stated that they often feel isolated.
and the opportunity to work with a
Furthermore, 40% of 16-24 year olds
therapist online.
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Summer/ Issue 38
Count Ourselves Lucky Dev Chatterjea
A
s a person living in the UK, we can
may be due to lack of funds. Some
consider ourselves lucky. There
mental health treatments cost a lot of
is an increasing awareness of mental
money, possibly in the millions. So, for a
health compared to other countries.
person of the lower classes, it is next to
One of the reasons for this is that
impossible to get any sort of treatment
there have been several awareness
in these countries.
campaigns within the UK run by Heads
Together, Mind, Mental Health UK and
(WHO) did a survey in India to see
Rethink Mental Illness. But this is not the
how much awareness there was of
case in other countries. This is because
mental health. 87% of the respondents
they have little or no knowledge of
showed that they had some awareness
mental health issues. In fact, some
of mental illness. However, 71% also
have completely pushed the subject
used the “usual or negative terms”
of mental health under the carpet. This
associated with stigma. In other
could mean that people who have
words, they would have heard people
mental health problems are faced
around them, e.g. friends, family,
with ridicule and labelled ‘crazy’,
acquaintances, neighbours and other
‘mad’, ‘stupid’ and ‘retarded’. In some
members of the public, talking about
instances, they might find that they do
people with mental health issues
not get any support whatsoever. This
in an extremely negative manner.
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The World Health Organization
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These terms are unfounded and are
for counselling, medicine, social
expressed by people who pretend
support from day centres and mental
to be knowledgeable but are not.
health charities, etc. Often people
However, when challenged by other
in Third World countries must take
more knowledgeable people, they
up unsavoury jobs like working for
are unable to prove their negative
criminals as messengers, removing
viewpoint. This ignorance can cause
waste products (dung, animal
more harm to the mentally ill person.
carcases, hazardous waste), working
It could even lead to anti-social
in insalubrious bars as dancers, etc. All
behaviour.
of this just to pay for their treatment.
Some even resort to begging and
This sort of viewpoint is not
only an issue in India; there are other
prostitution. It is shocking and
countries around the world that have
unbelievable that people have to
similar attitudes. One reason for this is
go to such lengths just to get help
that there has not been an easy way
for their mental illness. Think about it:
of talking to people about mental
what is a person who comes from an
health.
impoverished background supposed
to do? Many mentally ill people must
On continents like Africa, Asia
and South America, people are
also financially support family members
expected to fund their treatment
and look after elderly parents. Like
themselves, depending on the type
all people with mental health issues
of treatment needed. This contrasts
in other countries, they also want
with the UK’s NHS. This is an extra
to get better. Luckily, thanks to the
burden for people with severe mental
underestimated and under-funded
health issues. In some cases, people
NHS, we in the UK do not really have to
must take two-three jobs just to pay
go that far.
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In the case of the NHS, people
who are poor or working class can get
like Mind, Mental Health Foundation, Young Minds, Heads Together and
the same, or similar, treatment to every Together, who give support to the other person. We do not realise how
public. Councils also have mental
lucky we are to have the NHS. Several
health support services in place in
friends from India and some parts of
the form of wellbeing colleges, drop-
Africa have said: “You have no idea
in centres, etc. This is not the case
what it is like when you must pay for
in other countries around the world.
your mental health treatment without
Firstly, not all countries provide this
the NHS”. Even if you go private, it is
type of support or institutions set up
far more expensive when you are in
for mental ill-health. In fact, some
other countries. The situation becomes
countries don’t have any whatsoever.
much more severe when you think
If they do have them, they are very
about getting help in the Third World
poorly maintained, as they cost an
and developing countries. Those
arm and a leg to look after privately.
countries may not have any type of
This may be due to lack of funds,
mental health support services.
support and a lack of knowledge
about mental health. Some countries
The NHS provides a lot of
treatment and services for people
have very little interest in mental
with mental health issues. Okay, some
health and invest very little in it. Most
of the services may vary from area
people in other developing countries
to area, city to city, but to be frank,
may never get any support. By
there is still support available. Patients
reading this article, you can hopefully
can still access support from other
understand why we in the UK are so
areas in their city or county, even if it
lucky to get mental health support on
is at a ‘small cost’. There are charities
the NHS in this country.
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Image: Comfreak/ Pixabay
When You Left Liv Johannesson ”Suicide is not chosen; it’s when pain exceeds the resources for coping with the pain.”
What was your pain? Why didn’t you let any of us share that pain with you? People are resources. I have learnt that now. It took many tears to reach out my hand and touch someone else. But the tears that fell then will always be worth the joy I have now. You taught me how fragile life is, that we must live as if those we love will never leave but could be gone before we realise they were leaving.
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Summer/ Issue 38
Recovery through Spirituality Astharte De Los Santos
W
hen I think of recovery, I
I believe spirituality and recovery
automatically think of a beach:
are related because, in the moments
a beautiful serene setting that inspires
when I needed God the most, he was
you to write a poem or to paint. A long
there as a source of comfort. Now maybe
walk by the shore, finally answering life’s
your God is Buddha, and through rituals
toughest questions, and contemplating
you feel more spiritual. For me, spirituality
how this addiction or mental health
begins by having a true relationship with
problem has affected your life and how
GOD. Prayer is essential for this because it
you can develop better coping skills to
allows you to connect to God in a deeper
overcome them when times get tough.
way by having a conversation about your
feelings. I also study the Bible because I
According to studies, alcoholism
and drug abuse are among the most
believe it is a holistic tool for overcoming
common, devastating and costly
many of life’s obstacles. Whatever support
problems in the U.S. In fact, there are
you may need throughout recovery, hold
approximately 53% of adults in the U.S
on to it. It is important to rely on something
who have reported that one or more close relatives have a drinking problem.
For me, spirituality and recovery
go hand in hand. You must submit your will to some form of higher power to be liberated from addiction. Whether the higher power is God is something personal that only you can decide.
www.haringey.gov.uk/equilibrium
bigger than you during this process.
Spirituality is a broad concept
with room for many perspectives. It is the notion that something bigger than us is present in our life. That all good things in this world such as hope, love, wisdom and kindness come from that higher power.
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There are many practices that can
In Solapur, India, they have had
strengthen your spirituality. Depending
a baby-dropping tradition every year
on your religious beliefs and culture,
for the past five hundred years. A priest
spirituality may already be part of your
stands at the top of the shrine and drops
customs.
a baby on to a sheet, fifty feet below.
In the U.S there are many different
Family and friends hold the blanket,
faiths and religious practices due largely
hoping this ritual will bring everyone
to immigration. Throughout the years,
involved good luck and even better
the U.S has been considered “a melting
health.
pot” because of all the different cultures
mixed together.
unique tradition between two rival
churches in the small town of Vrontados.
This country is mainly structured on
In Chios, Greece, there is a very
Christian values and beliefs. Most people
They celebrate Easter Sunday by
who do engage in religious activities go
exchanging colourful fireworks and
to church on Sundays. They also believe
rockets at midnight. These two rival
in baptism and “being saved”, an act
churches prepare a ‘rocket war’ by
where you submit your will to Jesus, who,
launching thousands of rockets and
in exchange, grants you eternal life. In
fireworks, with the objective of hitting
American Christian homes, most families
the bell on the other side of town.
sit at the table and pray over the food
They prepare for the event by sealing
before they eat, and in church they sing
windows and covering up the cathedral
and clap joyfully as they worship.
with protective wire mesh.
Another example of a spiritual
Spirituality around the world
ritual can be seen in Sinhalese Buddhist
Customs and rituals are what make us
ceremonies of Sri Lanka. There is a ritual
individuals, collectively. They give our
to cure people of illnesses. In this ritual
culture a personality of its own, making
they believe physical ailments and
it something that belongs to us and that
“spiritual sickness” relate. They perform
we are characterised by.
an elaborate exorcism ritual that
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Summer/ Issue 38
involves all-night dancing, singing,
Prayer
and role-playing, which usually lasts
This should be an integral part of your
from midnight until 6am. At midnight
recovery. Prayer is important because,
costumed actors appear as demons,
not only are you connecting with a
and as the night goes on, they begin
higher power, when seeking guidance,
to be portrayed as ridiculous.
but there is also a sense of hope and humility in praying. Hope because
Enhancing the recovery process
prayer allows you to feel like there is
Many of these religious practices take
support, that you are not alone and
place in their country of origin, but
that the higher power is a source of
some of these rituals and traditions
comfort, and humility because you
have found their way into holistic
are relying on an outside source for
spiritual practices that our country has
encouragement and strength.
embraced.
Meditation Yoga
This is a form of spiritual practice that
Yoga has taken on a life of its own in
encourages one to disconnect from
this country. Many believe that it is just
the ego’s self-centered chatter and
a fitness activity. It may surprise you
reunite with awareness of self. The
to know that yoga is a five-thousand-
most familiar forms of meditation
year-old Indian body of knowledge.
associated with Western culture are
It is a Hindu, spiritual and ascetic
from Buddhist sects that practise
discipline which, along with breathing
meditation such as Zen and Tibetan.
control, simple meditation and
The goal is to reach inner peace;
specific body postures, can enhance
this is sometimes referred to as
relaxation. It is a series of holistic
“spaciousness” or “the mind of God”.
exercises that integrates elements of
Many wellness and fitness centres
ancient knowledge, effective yoga
around the U.S offer meditation as
postures and breathing techniques.
a means of relaxation. Nowadays in
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our culture, it has become normal to
rituals can be used for sexual practices
suggest meditation when someone is
such as the term “tantric sex”, since the
under stress or has too much on their
art of Tantra seeks access to the Divine
plate.
through the physical body.
Tai chi
Spirituality in recovery
Tai chi is defined as an internal Chinese
When you enter rehab and experience
martial art, practised for both its
a life in recovery, you will learn different
defence training and health benefits.
ways to grow your spirituality. Now,
Just like yoga, it is characterised by
there is quite a difference between
movements that bring together the
being religious and being spiritual.
spirit and body. There are five elements
Religious people often practise
involving tai chi: taolu (hand and
traditions and customs and are sure
weapon routine), neigong & Qigong
there is a God. To be spiritual, you don’t
(breathing and awareness exercises),
have to accept or embrace a divine
tuishou (pushing hands) and Sanshou
power; you just need to have that
(forms). Practising meditation even on
desire within to connect to the self, the
your own can help decrease stress and
universe and nature.
help you refocus your mind during the
day.
recovery is how essential prayers are to
One thing I have learned in
building strength against temptation,
Tantra
how important it is to stand firm and,
Having influences on both Hinduism
with a sense of gratitude, bow my head
and Buddhism, Tantra is an ancient
to say thank you to my higher power.
Indian tradition of beliefs and ritual
practices that seek to channel the
loud about your day, your worries
divine energy of the macrocosm, or
and affliction, or an intimate moment
godhead, into the microcosm, to attain
before you start your day. Either way,
‘siddhi’ and ‘moksha’. Sometimes these
feeling like you are not alone is a
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Sometimes prayer is talking out
Summer/ Issue 38
rewarding experience when you are
in recovery. Spirituality strengthens
decision that you will make, because
this aspect of your journey.
your life depends on it. You can be
So spirituality encourages self-
reflection that in turn will lead you to
This is the most important
clean and live a sober life, but you must change from within. Learning
happiness. These spiritual practices
about the practices that encourage
can enhance your recovery
spirituality can be helpful in the long
experience. It will give you the extra
run. The recovery process can be a
support you need in order to gain
lot more fulfilling when you exercise
and retain a sound mind, while you
your spirituality.
learn to retrain your mind.
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JudaM pixabay EQUILIBRIUM EQUILIBRIUM 22
Summer/ Issue 38
Poems by Gill Swan
Laughter Amusement wells up, Exploding out into sound, Releasing feelings. Outside stimuli Changing inside perceptions, A chain reaction. Rippling freely, Laughter erupts, spilling out Unexpectedly. Atmosphere changing Expressions of happiness, Highly contagious.
Therapy Trauma Hidden at the bottom of a deep pit. Experiences from the past Rotting under a dark shroud. Anger flickering and consuming silently, Painful terror Yearning for expression.
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Summer/ Issue 38
Combat Stress The Ex-Servicemen’s Mental Welfare Society (Large parts of this article have been sourced from www.combatstress.org.uk)
Ricky Writes
I
have been a supporter of the charity
issues and psychological problems,
Combat Stress for many years,
such as shell shock (now referred to as
contributing financially and publicising
post-traumatic stress disorder or PTSD),
it. It is my way of supporting an armed
anxiety and depression, received little
forces veterans’ charity in a field in
or no support from the public and were
which I have had a long personal
often sent to mental war hospitals.
experience (mental and nervous illness).
They acted to change that.
History
Last year marked one hundred years
could be helped with their mental
since the end of the First World War,
health problems through rehabilitation.
and this year marks the centenary of
Striking out against the contempt and
the founding of Combat Stress, whose
misunderstanding around mental health
original name was the Ex-Servicemen’s
at the time, they began fundraising to
Mental Welfare Society.
introduce homes for veterans, offering
occupational activities, such as basket
The founders saw how thousands
They believed that veterans
of servicemen returning from the war
weaving, to help them rebuild their
with trauma-related mental health
lives. That was in 1919, and the first
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‘recuperative home’ was opened
at their symptoms and current
in 1920 on Putney Hill in south-west
medication, exploring ways to make
London.
changes to behaviour.
A process known as ‘psycho-
Present Treatment Programmes
education’ looks at the causes of
Since then, services have changed
their mental health issues and how
significantly. For example, Combat
this affects them. This helps them
Stress now provides nationwide
understand their symptoms and
treatment and support to former
includes:
servicemen and women from
• the impact of traumatic events
every service and every conflict via
• the effects of trauma on their family
evidence-based clinical programmes.
• surviving guilt
They offer a twenty-four-hour helpline,
• readjusting to civilian life
help online and in the community,
• addictive behaviours
and at their treatment centres across
• depression management
the UK, where occupational therapy
• sleep hygiene – exploring ways to
is still offered.
sleep better.
Specialist clinical teams use
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), and the treatment offered is in line with the National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence (NICE) –
Training is offered to help them
learn to manage and understand difficult thoughts, issues, feelings and memories. This can include:
www.nice.org.uk.
• mindfulness – this is where you pay
attention to the present moment,
The charity runs stabilisation
programmes at their treatment
your own thoughts and feelings, and
centres, giving discipline and skills
the world around you
to better manage life on a day-to-
• anxiety management
day basis. The programme is tailored
• anger management
to the individual veteran and looks
• grounding techniques – a coping
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Summer/ Issue 38
strategy designed to ‘ground’
hundred thousand veterans. Their
or connect you with the present
service is not routinely available on the
moment. It is often used as a way of
NHS or elsewhere, but veterans are
coping with flashbacks.
often referred by their GP, Royal British Legion, other veterans and family or
Different therapeutic activities
friends. Right now, they have never
are offered to help veterans manage
been busier, and demand is growing.
their symptoms, including:
Former servicemen and women
are ordinary people who have had • physical exercise and outdoor pursuits • occupational therapy • art therapy • structured health and wellbeing activities.
In 2018 the charity started to
extraordinary experiences. Combat Stress believe they need help in their hour of need.
A lot has been done, but there
is still much to do.
Everything is free of charge to
each veteran, and the charity could
roll out additional non-residential
not do what they do without the
programmes, making it easier for
generosity of the Great British public.
veterans with family and work
commitments to undertake treatment.
can. Please consider them and, if you
are able, give as much as you can.
A PTSD teletherapy study, which
They have given more than they
piloted the use of video technology to provide therapy to veterans living or working in remote locations, was successfully completed. Due to its success, they have planned to make this nationally available in the next three years.
Since its founding, Combat
Stress has helped more than one
www.haringey.gov.uk/equilibrium
Contact details: Combat Stress 24-hour helpline Tel: 0800 138 1619 Text: 07537 404719 Email: helpline@combatstress.org.uk; contactus@combatstress.org.uk Website: www.combatstress.org.uk Postal address: Tyrwhitt House, Oaklawn Road, Leatherhead, Surrey KT22 0BX.
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GALLERY
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Paintings by Andrew Howard
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Summer/ Issue 38
THE WOMAN WHO FELL IN LOVE WITH STAIRCASE Anthony J. ParkĂŠ
T
he world had often seemed an
Her abiding fixation was that the
unfathomable place to K. She had
locals wanted her dead. Her incessant
struggled interminably to make sense
harassment of the cleaners who worked
of her position in life. Perhaps it was
on her large sprawling property ensured
her unconventional childhood. She
her fixation was based in fact.
had been raised amongst the fiery
admonitions of an overbearing mother.
became both the beast which chained
A mother that was strictly religious,
K to her mother and the release from
and desperately jealous of all K was,
maternal purgatory. The staircase at
and could be. On top of this she was
Broadwell was like no other. Its sprawling
a grotesque drunk. Mostly, her mother
helical structure was bejewelled with
despised K’s innocence. If she were to
the finest 18th century mahogany
suffer, then why not K too?
carvings of gargoyles and angels. It
took ten artisans over a period of two
K grew up in an affluent
Broadwell Hall, the family home,
environment, in a wooded and
years to carve its ornate mahogany
secluded manor house on the outskirts
embellishments. But it was less the
of St Albans. Her father had worked
external features of the staircase which
for the Foreign Office and had been
seduced K, rather it was the inner
stationed in India for many of the years
chambers which climbed within the
leading up to partition. It was in India
helical interior - chambers which would
where her mother became consumed
soon becomer her home.
with hysteria and began her drinking.
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It was by chance that K one
EQUILIBRIUM 31
day stumbled upon the clandestine
penultimate step of the staircase,
entrance. Perhaps it was a residual
heaving and stumbling, all the
maintenance entrance only partially
while cursing K’s name. Hearing
disguised by its creator. Perhaps the
her daughter’s moans immediately
creator had known that two hundred
below, she set to spit loose her venom.
years later K would desperately need a
But even in her stupor, she was
sanctuary.
dumbfounded to see that when she
reached the groundfloor, there was
K’s mother had been drinking
relentlessly for what seemed an entire
nothing but an empty hallway before
month. Her father was off on a hunting
her.
trip for woodgrouse; the game, of
course, was his new mistress who far
the helical stairs. The secret entrance
better grasped the etiquette of St
tightly closed. A musty dampness
Albans’ sobriety. That day, K heard her
curled into her lungs. To her bafflement
mother cursing her name intermittently
it was not at all dark. Rather, a misty
through woeful cries of self-pity.
glow emanated from a tiny window.
She could hear the cacophony of
Why would a window be placed under
her mother’s thumping footsteps
a staircase? She wondered. With a
thundering down the stairs. In panic,
child’s curiosity she leant in, peering
K stumbled, hitting her left temple
through the window. Until she realised
against one of the staircase’s wooden
it was nothing of the sort. The light was
gargoyles. Face down against the cold
little more than a photograph... but
stone floor, eyes blurry and tearful, she
one which eerily glowed.
gradually refocused her vision. She saw
a seam beofre her which ran along
saw the face of a boy in the sepia
a horizontal panel on the side of the
print. Of 12 or so. The sides of his mouth
helical stairs. Succumbing to her fate
curled and seemed to form into a
with an idle curiosity, she thumped her
smile. Startled, K reeled back, hitting
slender pale fist against the inlay panel.
her head against a buttress. In a daze,
The seam widened to half an inch.
she refocused on the photograph. She
watched as the boy’s face seemed
K’s mother struggled down the
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K found herself underneath
When K’s eyes adjusted, she
Summer/ Issue 38
to grow. With a little forcefulness,
Helical Man never returned. Staircase
his face appeared to pop out of
was still waiting.
the photograph. K watched the
glowing emanation levitate and find
other,” The Helical Boy said. “You
a tidy crevice within the wooden
would need to remain here with me!”
stair structure. The face of the boy
embedded itself into the grain of the
felt herself shrink and flatten. Looking
staircase.
around, she could see she was inside
The boy turned to face K.
“We could look after each
Feeling suddenly powerless, she
a window, glowing with light. Then the
Smiling. “I am Staircase. The Helical
horrible truth dawned on her. It was
Man made these stairs for me.”
not a window at all! She was inside a
photograph, pinned to the wooden
K rubbed her eyes. “Your name
is… Staircase?” she asked, bewildered.
staircase. Beside her was the boy, but
He smiled.
he was no longer emanating light.
“And you were made by who?”
He somehow seemed more real. He
she asked.
“The Helical Man,” the boy said.
The boy who called himself
‘Staircase’ briefly recounted his story. The maker of the helical stairs had placed the boy here for his own
smiled at her. K watched the boy rise to his feet. He walked towards her, waving at her with the tips of his blackened fingers. She watched as he turned and walked towards the exit door in the staircase. Then he was no
protection. The house had been filled
more.
with a malevolent woman, a woeful
matron who had beat him mercilessly.
it reverberated through the entire
The Helical Man decided to secrete
helical staircase. The she heard a loud
him away in the photograph under
thump above.
the stairs. He said he would return one
day, and that if he didn’t, he would
dealt with mother,” he said sheepishly.
make sure another would. But the
“Now it is just the two of us.”
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K let out such a shriek that
In time, the boy returned. “I’ve
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