Equilibrium summer issue 53

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MAGAZINE FOR WELLBEING

Spring Issue 53

2014

SUMMER

ISSUE 53

>> Pride March 2014 >> The Dreaded D Word >> Coping with Aspergers >> Understanding Stress >> Art, News & Reviews


Equilibrium Patron Dr Liz Miller Mind Champion 2008

Front cover: PRIDE March 2014

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editorial We hope the sun is shining for you and that you enjoy our Summer issue of Equilibrium. Packed full of the usual news, reviews and opinion pieces, we’d again like to thank our guest contributors and artists - do keep sending us your fantastic work! We’d love to hear your thoughts on this issue, so go ahead and tweet us at @teamequilibrium. And if you’d like to join the team, contribute an article or picture, or find out more, please do get in touch via equilibriumteam@hotmail.co.uk. Kate, Editor/Team Facilitator

disclaimer Equilibrium is produced by service users. Reproduction in whole or in part is strictly forbidden without the prior permission of the Equilibrium team. Products, articles and services advertised in this publication do not necessarily carry the endorsement of Equilibrium or any of our partners. Equilibrium is published and circulated electronically four times a year to a database of subscribers; if you do not wish to receive Equilibrium or have received it by mistake, please email unsubscribe to equilibriumteam@hotmail.co.uk

the team Facilitator/ Editor: Kate Massey-Chase. Editorial team: Angela, Dev, Ian, Alan, Polly, Chrissie, Nigel. Graphic design: Anthony Parké.

contact us Equilibrium, Clarendon Centre, Clarendon Road, London, N8 ODJ. 02084894860, equilibriumteam@hotmail.co.uk. We are in the office on Friday afternoons 2.30-4.30, but you can leave a message at other times and we’ll get back to you.

contributions Wanted: contributions to Equilibrium! Please email us with your news, views, poems, photos, plus articles. Anonymity guaranteed if required.

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Summer/ Issue 38


What about Jamaican Food? Angela

Since the 1970s, there has been a grow-

problems, improve the complexion,

ing interest in the healthy diet. We have

reduce constipation, produce healthy

been encouraged to eat e.g. more fruit

blood, boost the immune system give

and vegetables (five a day, or more). In

you more energy, improve the sex drive,

England we have some diverse commu-

and many other health benefits.

nities, and although there is a lot of information about what nutrients you get

I was lucky enough to get free school

from the food that English people eat,

milk every morning. A lot of milk is

there is not a lot of information about the

needed for the growing child. If you do

nutrients you get from Caribbean food (I

not drink enough milk as a child you will

am a black woman of Jamaican decent

get a bones disease in the legs called

which I’m very proud of!).

Rickets, where the legs bend. When Margaret Thatcher was the Secretary

I remember when we first started talk-

of State for Education she took the milk

ing about fibre in this country; we use

away (which is why she was called

to call it roughage. You could not get

‘Thatcher the Milk Snatcher’). Rickets

broccoli, kiwi fruit, lychee or star fruit,

is also caused by not getting enough

but the media was very clever; as they

sunlight.

became available it encouraged you to eat these new unusual fruit and vegeta-

When sailors from England went on

bles by telling you about the health

long distant voyages they used to get

benefits of these foods. You therefore

scurvy, which causes sores around the

ended up spending more money on

mouth, caused by a lack of vitamin C.

fruit and vegetables by buying the fruit

To prevent this they drank the juice from

and vegetables you normally eat plus

limes. This is why they were given the

the new ones! The media also encour-

nick name Limeys!

aged us to eat wholemeal bread and breakfast cereals, like Weetabix, Bran-

Tropical fruit and vegetables grow in hot

flakes and All bran. High fibre foods are

places like the Caribbean and Africa.

very important as they can reduce heart

It has to be transported to England for

www.haringey.gov.uk/equilibrium

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the migrant people that live here, and

of weight by eating this fresh natural food

also because British people now eat them

that comes from the island and I looked

too. Due the fact these fruit and vegeta-

lovely and slim (yes, I am showing off!).

bles have to be transported to England from hot countries it does not retain the

My mummy looked after us very well in

original quality. There is a variety of foods

England. We were not rich but we had a

that grow in the Caribbean, some you

hot dinner every evening; breakfast was

may have heard of: green banana, sweet

always cereal and toast; lunch was some-

potatoes, mangoes, pineapples, ripe

thing like fish fingers, mash potatoes or

banana, melon, plantain, coconut, yam;

spaghetti. Sometimes we had Caribbean

and some you may not have: ackee,

food, for example ‘hard food’, which was

breadfruit, cassava, cho cho, okra, dash-

yam, green banana, potatoes, fish or

een, genip. (Are you feeling hungry?!) I

lamb. We always felt better after having

do not know what vitamins and minerals

this kind of food. During the school holi-

you get from these foods, as it’s not talked

days, my mum used to give us oranges

about in the media, and I would like to

and cod liver oil. I can still taste the cod

know more about them. There are a few

liver oil from that big spoon, when I think

newspapers and magazines which are

about it (Thanks, mummy!).

targeted at the black community, such as The Voice newspaper and Black Hair and

We are quite lucky in Britain to be able

Beauty, but I have not seen them discuss

to get a variety of food from all the four

this subject. I would like to see more

corners of the world. It is good to know

information about Caribbean food in the

about the nutrients in all foods, to contrib-

black newspapers and magazines

ute to a balanced diet. I think the Jamaican people have the right idea, because

I went to Jamaica for a three week holi-

I did not see a lot of overweight or obese

day in 1998 by Air Jamaica. Every morn-

people there. The food in Jamaica is fresh

ing we had a big breakfast which I call a

and high in nutrients, because it comes

‘Full Jamaican’. I was given things like a

from the island, so you don’t have to

whole snapper fish, green bananas and

snack on things like chocolate, sweets

callaloo at 7am, and then noticed that

and crisps.

when I went out for the day, I did not feel hungry. I did not eat anything until 7pm

Bon appetite!

in the evening. For this reason, I lost a lot

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Summer/ Issue 38


Recipe for Ackee and Saltfish

Method: •Pour ackee into sieve to drain water •Rinse with cold water •Soak salt fish for one hour in a bowl of water •Throw the water away •Boil in fresh water for 15 minutes •Fry onions until soft •Chop one tomatoe and add to onion •Throw the water away and break salt fish into small pieces •Add to onion and tomatoe

Ingedients

•Stir gently

1 tin of Ackee

•Add ackee

1 packet of boneless cod saltfish

•Add black pepper

1 onion

•Gently stir

1 tomato

• Simmer for 10 minutes

Cooking oil Black pepper

You can buy above ingredients from : Ever Green Foods,16 Lymington Avenue, London N22 6JA

MADE IN MIND Arts event called Made in Mind, at the Warehouse in Waterloo on Friday 5th September in aid of Mind. There will be a mixed programme of talks, performance, art, film and live music on the night and many of the artists involved have mental health issues at the forefront of their work. We are aiming to provide a fresh and positive outlook on this topic. More details about the event and the artists involved can be found via the links below: www.facebook.com/madeinmindevents www.virginmoneygiving.co.uk/team/madeinmind www.twitter.com/_MadeInMind www.haringey.gov.uk/equilibrium

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Summer/ Issue 38


National Nursing Shortage

Dev

National Nursing Shortage

nurses compared with April 2010’ (BBC

It’s now common knowledge that there is

News, 11 March 2014, ‘Worrying shortage

a shortage of nurses in hospitals around

of senior NHS nurses’).

the UK. This causes lots of problems, such

More nurses would make it easier to care

as nurses having to double up their shifts,

for patients with any type of complica-

potentially working 12 plus hours on a

tions and provide more support for exist-

low salary.

ing nurses. Dr Peter Carter, RCN Chief

In many hospitals, nurses have to look

Executive & General Secretary at Univer-

after 9 to 10 patients for 10+ hours, each

sity College hospital, stated that ‘nursing

patient having a wide range of problems.

staff have long recognised the impor-

Nurses clean patients’ bodies, cope

tance of safe staffing levels and consist-

with cardiac arrests, change beds, give

ently provided evidence of the danger to

medicine and support the doctors, and

patients in areas where there are too few

are doing that for many people for many

staff.’ In other words, there is knowledge

hours. I’m sure this could cause physi-

within the field of the dangers of a lack

cal, physiological and social side effects

of nursing staff. I think it would be potent

over time. The Royal College of Nursing

for the “powers that be” to bring in more

(RCN) urges ‘all hospitals to use new NICE locally trained nurses along side experisafe staffing guidelines for registered

enced nurses both from UK and abroad

nurse staffing levels, alongside nursing

(saying this, nurses here in the UK go

staff expertise, to ensure staffing levels

through years and years of studying and

are always based on patient need.’ But

training before they become valuable

these are just guidelines, and it could

nurses in our hospital around the UK). The

mean some of these may be difficult to

NHS are now trying to get more nurses

implement because of the most common

by paying for the tuition fees of student

answer: lack of staffing.

nurses and midwives and also giving

‘According to the most recent data, in

them a bursary, to try and attract more

November 2013, the NHS was still short of

people to choose it as a job.

1,199 full time equivalent (FTE) registered

www.haringey.gov.uk/equilibrium

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ASPERGER’S SYNDROME: MY STORY are just a few examples. I also felt the need to get my message across to other people with Asperger’s Syndrome and to tell them that everything is alright, take myself as an example, I am happy and living my life to the full as possible and trying to make a difference in the world. For many years I felt different to other people. I found that my colleagues at work really irritated me. I have had so many jobs in the past that I’ve lost count of how many jobs that I have had. I’ve In 2013 I had been diagnosed with

been sacked a number of times from tell-

having Asperger’s Syndrome at 40 years

ing the managers that they were rubbish.

of age. I wasn’t surprised that I had

Obviously they were not happy, but I

Asperger’s Syndrome, in fact I already

was, telling them where to stick their job

knew before my assessment results

felt liberating, only to then worry about

were completed, because I always feel

getting another job.

different to everyone else in the world.

I always wanted to shut the world out,

Times when I feel like an alien to this

it is nosey, confusing, tiring and literally

planet, and always feel out of place and

boring. I never can understand people’s

socially awkward.

jokes neither can I do small talk. How are you? My answer would be…why do

The reasoning behind my video was

you want to know? What benefit would

a way to shout out to the world that I

you get if I told you that I was having a

have Asperger’s Syndrome. I wanted

bad day? Would you hug me?…Because

this video to help myself overcome my

I wouldn’t be able to feel the love from

childhood’s trauma of being bullied at

you. Neither would I think it was a genu-

school from both the teachers / lectur-

ine hug, because I can’t feel your empa-

ers and pupils. I was always called the

thy. Would you then talk to me about

lazy one, the day-dreamer, the worrier,

your own mundane problems? I’ve learnt

the person who doesn’t listen and the

just to reply, I’m fine thanks. But am I? I’m

person who struggles with maths, these

not sure? What is fine anyway?

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Summer/ Issue 38


STEVAN EVELEIGH

I did some research online about Asperg-

people standing behind me, loud noises

er’s Syndrome and I was surprised that

makes me jump and annoyed, my sense

my assessment online scored very high.

of smell is strong, why can I smell some-

Reading the questions at the time made

thing quicker than anyone else? My

me realise that actually I have Asperger’s

eyes hurt in bright lights. I feel awkward

Syndrome. I made an appointment with

in social situations, do I hug people? Do

my doctor and then I was referred to an

I shake their hands? I stare at people to

Asperger’s specialist. As soon as I found

try and pick up on all their cues, but how

out that I had Asperger’s Syndrome I

can I? I don’t recognise people facial

felt different. I was confused, scared,

expressions? So I just guess and hope

worried, happy, excited and re-born all

for the best, and if I make a mistake, I

at the same time. What was I feeling? I

laugh it off, pretend to be silly or make an

felt that I lied to myself for 40 years by

excuse that I am tired.

making up a make believe world, and suddenly my bubble had burst and now

There is another reason why I made a

I’m in a world that I do not recognise. I

video. After researching online about

questioned everything about myself, do I

people’s stories about Asperger’s

feel happy? What does that feel like? Do

Syndrome I did feel concerned. I believe

I recognise people’s facial expressions?

that there is a lot of negativity surround-

No, ok, I thought I could, but actually I

ing Asperger’s Syndrome. But in my view

can’t. I wanted to laugh, I wanted to cry,

it should be a positive one. People with

I wanted to scream to the world that I

Asperger’s Syndrome are unique, in

have Asperger’s Syndrome and then I

some way’s super-human. For example,

thought no keep it quiet. These emotions

I can hear someone annoyingly eating

flooded my brain. I found myself star-

a packet of crisps a long way away from

ing at people, and willing myself to

me. I personally now feel confident, posi-

understand what were they feeling? But I

tive and ready to conquer the world in a

couldn’t.

good way. To all my Asperger’s friends, please keep positive, live your life the

My mind felt like it was ready to explode.

way that you want to live it, and be your-

I started to look at my own body

self….LOVE yourself.

language, actually I do prefer to sit on my own on the bus, I do like to sit in a quiet area in a coffee shop, I don’t like

P.S. I have produced a video on You-Tube called “My World”. http://youtu.be/mURCk855p1Y

EQUILIBRIUM 11


Meeting up again on the Mersey Back in the seventies, I met a friend

forget as he was full of enthusiasm for

of my friend Malcolm’s, called Jon. I

life. Malcolm explained that Jon had

called on him one day as Malcolm

been diagnosed with MS and was now

had told me he was leaving for a town

living in Liverpool, a city I had only a

in the north to take up a job running a

distant recollection of en route to RAF

hostel or something similar. I had only

Jurby on the Isle of Man as a school

known him for a short time but found

cadet. Malcolm asked me if I would

him a likeable character with a sense

like to join him on a trip to Liverpool to

of humour that was very upbeat, and

see Jon and I was delighted, as he had

I wished him well in his new job and

crossed my mind over the years and I

thought that we probably wouldn’t

wondered how he was coping with his

meet again.

illness.

Over the years, however, Malcolm

We took the train to Liverpool on a Day

kept in touch with him and recently

Return ticket and as soon as we arrived

asked if I remembered him. I did; he

at Lime Street, Jon was there to meet

was the sort of person you wouldn’t

us. Malcolm had warned me that Jon

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Summer/ Issue 38


Ian Stewart

was not as mobile as he was, but

and he introduced me to a German

thankfully Jon was still able to walk

music group I had never encoun-

and we promptly set off on a boat trip

tered, Tangerine Dream, and after-

across the Mersey to see the Royal

wards he showed us to the station

Liver building from the river. Jon was

where we could get back to Lime

still the likeable character I remem-

Street and return to London.

bered with his distinctive sense of humour and we all three got on well

I’m glad that Malcolm suggested the

together, stopping off at a café where

trip and it was good to see Jon again

I was able to taste a bowl of “scouse”

and know he has not let his illness get

– like an irish stew – from where Liver-

him down. I am still in touch with him

pudleans get their slang name.

and have re-established a friend who

Jon had recently moved into a

at a point years ago I thought I would

wardened flat with a lovely view

never see again.

down on the garden in a quiet suburb and he seemed content. We talked about times present and times past

www.haringey.gov.uk/equilibrium

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PRIDE MARCH 2014

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I thought I knew about stress, until I became stressed! ing overwhelmed at work, or having relationship issues, or kids kicking up a storm, or no money in the bank and the bills are pouring in. And of course the list is endless. We may know what happens to the body when we get stressed. The physical symptoms might be tension running across the shoulders, the frantic thoughts on a never ending loop, a racing heart, sweating hands, butterflies in the stomach. Again, the list goes on.

http://mydynamicself.com/

I’d imagine most of us have a fairly good understanding of stress. Dare

And I’d imagine we all know of some

I say most of us may even think we

ways of combating stress: a walk in

know pretty much everything there is

the park, meditation, taking a pause,

to know about stress. I thought I knew

chatting to someone, exercise. Again,

everything there was to know about

the list for dealing with stress is limit-

stress; I’d suffered from it enough

less, and everyone tends to have their

times over the years. Little did I realise

own particular ways of coping with it.

I couldn’t even answer the simplest of questions about my stress.

Of course I’ve been stressed a million times or more throughout my lifetime.

So what did I know about stress?

So I assumed I knew all there was

I’m no expert on the subject, but a

to know about stress. Until I recently

cursory glance at my basic knowl-

became stressed. This time I asked

edge tells me that as individuals we

myself the question: Where is my stress

can get stressed from things like feel-

coming from? The answer was, after

Photo: Anthony

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Summer/ Issue 38


Nigel Prestatyn

several days of fruitless observation, I

the information and this can trigger a

hadn’t the faintest idea!

stress reaction, often based on past experiences or memories. Therefore the

We know how to recognise stress,

conscious mind cannot always know the

because we recognise the symptoms

cause of our stress.

in our bodies. The root of stress is sometimes obvious to locate: I feel my racing

Sometimes it’s less important to know

heart and the tension across my shoul-

where our stress is coming from, but far

ders, because the driver behind me is

more important that we are AWARE that

revving up the rear of my car. But some-

we are stressed. That means tuning in to

times it is less easy to locate.

our own particular symptoms of stress as it manifests in our bodies/ minds.

But how could I not know what was

It means recognising it early enough

stressing me out? I looked at every

before it can do damage. Once it is

possible source, yet still I couldn’t find

recognised we can take action to allevi-

the root of its cause. Often I’ve never

ate the stress.

bothered asking where my stress is coming from, just that I need to deal with For every kind of stress out there there is it. But then wouldn’t it be more efficient

an appropriate action which can allevi-

when dealing with stress if we could

ate it. What that action is, only each indi-

know the nature of the beast; the cause

vidual can answer. But we can say there

of it? But sometime stress can conceals

are some great places to start which

its triggers.

will almost certainly have some kind of beneficial effect. The outdoors is always

I think the answer is that it’s not always

a great place to start. I personally find

clear where are stress is coming from.

a long cycle ride can work wonders for

The smallest insignificant event which

clearing stress out of my body.

happens in our daily lives can easily go unnoticed on a conscious level, whereas the subconscious mind absorbs

www.haringey.gov.uk/equilibrium

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REVIEWS

Polly Mortimer

Frank - with Michael Fassbender and Domnhall Gleeson Inspired by a real character Frank Sidebottom, this is a funny, quirky, watchable and sometimes tender take on ‘eccentricity’, being masked, the painfulness of life in a band and relationships. The band – with an unpronounceable name – take on board Jon (based on Jon Ronson, the creator of the film) who narrates and interrogates the situation in a naïve but fetching way. Frank always wears a papier mache head and somehow this, as well as hiding him, liberates him. The film becomes darker and sadder towards the end, but is good at normalising those who don’t fit norms. And the music is pretty interesting.

Asylum archives of Picauville psychiatric hospital A visit to Paris for the day bore fruit in an intriguing exhibition at La Maison Rouge near Gare du Lyon. Called L’Asile des Photographies it was crafted out of asylum archives of Picauville psychiatric hospital, 40k from Cherbourg. The institution, about to be demolished, wanted to preserve a record of the hospital and this exhibition did it proud. It lacked the strange spin of sentimentality that often attaches to these kinds of exhibitions, and – apart from a predictable installation of twisted iron hospital beds – gave us an unmediated and normal look at the people who lived in the asylum in the ‘40s and after. Scattered around were postcards of the buildings and photos taken by Canadian soldiers after D-Day and before it was bombed – empty kitchens and sides of meat. There are photos taken in the late ‘30s that we, through early 21st century eyes, know were taken before the horror of WW2; the nuns are singing and walking in ignorance as they celebrate their bicentenary; they put on a pageantry play telling the story of their charitable institution founded 200 years earlier ‘to care for the disturbed, the deranged’. There were lists of words in glass cases - serieusement, concasser, meticuleusement, oncteux (serious, grind, meticulous, smooth) – and sad bits of ephemera and medical notes, including one letter from a family begging for their mother’s return, ECT read-outs, drug sheets and photos of ordinary people looking ordinary. Around the walls are films: the patients on outings to the sand dunes, putting on plays, holding fetes and larking around with eggs and spoons in their mouths, masked for a party, on the beach, trousers rolled, and then the eternal loafing around in the courtyard, waiting. This was a little pearl of a show and I’m very glad that I made the effort to go.

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Summer/ Issue 38


CoolTan Arts wins Queen’s Award for Voluntary Service Michelle Baharier CEO said: ‘I am delighted that CoolTan Arts has won this prestigious award it is a testament to everyone who has ever volunteered at CoolTan Arts, their hard work, their giving of their time freely, either in the days when we squatted our buildings or since we become a charity. The DIY culture that CoolTan Arts is proud to announce our success in being awarded The Queen’s Award for Voluntary Service. Thank you to all our volunteers, past and present, for their support, time and impact, this award is very much for them, as it is for all those involved in CoolTan Arts. The Queen’s Award for Voluntary Service is an annual award to recognise and reward excellence in voluntary activities carried out by groups in the community. The Queen’s Award for Voluntary Service is the highest award given to volunteer groups across the UK. It is given for outstanding achievement by groups of volunteers who regularly devote their time to helping others in the community, improving the quality of life and opportunity for others and providing an outstanding service.

www.haringey.gov.uk/equilibrium

CoolTan is famous for is actually the ‘Big Society’ that governments dream of. Give power to people and communities so they can flourish on their own, with a little help from peppercorn rent. What is life for? It’s about helping each other, we take money to the grave but we help each other when we are alive, is there any other point to life? If you would like to join our award winning team get in touch with us. Well done every one at CoolTan Arts for your efforts!’ Rachel Ball Volunteer Coordinator said: ‘This is a fantastic recognition for all our past and present volunteers and the hard work, enthusiasm, time, comment and skill sharing they have given to CoolTan Arts. I hope this award will inspire new people to become a part of CoolTan Arts and contribute to their community.’

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The dreaded “D” word The D word may send people into fits of fear: “no, no I don’t want to do that thing”, or: “there is nothing wrong with me, my bones are thick!”. Yes, I am taking about the post popular word in our vocabulary: Dieting. Dieting advice website ‘informationdiet’ describes dieting as “about your personal health, and the health of society”. The word tends to crop up when you are eating (which could be the worst moment), from friends (“you’re looking a bit chubby down there!”) or from your GP, which would medical and to do with health risks. If you go on Google and type ‘dieting’, you will probably find millions of search results. But it doesn’t stop there; for an overweight person, no matter if you are obese, morbidly obese or just chubby, you start to look at your body whilst questioning yourself: “Is this really fat? I just thought it was a bump.” Suddenly, on an annual trip to the doctors, the dreaded BMI (Body

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Summer/ Issue 38


By Dev

Mass Index) chart popped up. This is

Hence the term ‘comfort food’. Gradu-

measured by finding your weight and

ally you might loose interest in doing

your height on a chart, and can lead

the “D” word.

to some “hard to hear” words about your weight problems if you are found

Sometimes it is easy to take a step

to be obese or morbid obese, includ-

back and think to yourself: ‘How am I

ing issues about blood sugar levels

going to tackle this problem?’ I should

and diabetes. Yes, it sounds bad to

say at this point that I am not a dieti-

hear and it might cause you to think

tian or a doctor and before dieting you

‘why did I do this in the first place?’

should look what suites you physically,

Now comes that D word again and an

and don’t put your health at risk. Don’t

appointment with the dietitian.

over do it or under do it; it needs to be a gradual process that suites your

Dieting, from what I can gather, means

body. Eat vegetables, after a while

eating healthily: more fruits, vegeta-

they taste better! Here is something I

bles, less fatty food and lots of exer-

thought I would never say, but here

cise. These are the most likely things

goes: Dieting is not such a scary word

that the dietician will recommend. For

when you take it slowly (but not too

a person who has a “weight problem”

slowly!). I understand that I might sound

admitting that you have a problem

like a dietitian or a person who just

with your weight is the first important

took this information off a website, but

thing. For most people it is not easy to

this is rather from my own experience.

comprehend the realization that you

I went from 27 stone down to 15 stone

have to shed that weight, regardless of

over a period of 3 to 4 years, and that

how it is done. Now comes the fear of

was by exercising more and eating

dieting, and the fear of exercise. The

less bad food. It needs to be a new

fear continues whilst you start to loose

approach to healthy living; it’s not just

your breath, thinking “I cannot do this,

about not eating.

it’s too much!” You give up and go for something sweet to give you comfort.

www.haringey.gov.uk/equilibrium

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WISE WORDS Marco Lanzarote

Leafing through a copy of Stylist magazine I came across a selection of “Wise Words” by Caroline Corcoran and selected a few that appealed to me. The following are the ones I picked out as ones I thought might appeal to our readers: ‘Nothing is a waste of time, if you use the experience wisely.’ August Rodin ‘No-one has ever become poor by giving.’ Anne Frank ‘Life is ours to be spent not saved.’ D H Lawrence ‘You have to really believe not only in yourself; you have to believe that the world is actually worth your sacrifices.’ Zaha Hadid ‘To know what is right, and not do it, is the worst cowardice.’ Confucius ‘Give the ones you love wings to fly, roots to come back and reasons to stay.’ Dalai Lama ‘Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us.’ Pablo Neruda ‘Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.’ Winston Churchill. ‘The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.’ E.E. Cummings ‘The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.’ Dorothy Parker

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Summer/ Issue 38


MIND IN HARINGEY Join our Run to the Beat 10k team! Mind in Haringey have secured places in Sure run to the beat 2014, London’s most unique running event. Taking place on 14th September 2014, join 15,000 other runners taking on an epic 10k starting and finishing in Wembley Park, home to the iconic Wembley stadium. Live DJ’s will be based all along the route, pumping out motivational tunes to keep you going and a headline act will be playing at the finish to help you celebrate your achievement. Previous acts have included Jessie J, Tinie Tempah, Calvin Harris and DJ Fresh. The atmosphere on the day will be like nothing you have experienced at a running event before. This event is perfect for both seasoned runners and first time runners alike. If you would like more information about Run to the beat, please click here. We are asking all runners to pay a registration fee of £25.00 to secure a place in the event and to pledge to raise £200.00 for Mind in Haringey. To sign up, please email matthew.grimley@mih.org.uk or sarah.burden@mih.org.uk . Event Date: 14th September 2014 Location: Wembley Park, London Start time: 9am (provisional)

www.haringey.gov.uk/equilibrium

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Summer/ Issue 38


FIC

TIO

N

ROHA’S AMBER [abridged]

by Anthony Parke’

Roha counted the lacerated notches

huddle, then drift to cooler lands.

on the tree trunk. The heatwave had entered its sixty-third day. He

Roha lay back against his palm tree,

squinted at a blinding sun burning

took his amber stone from out of his

down on his island of nutmeg fields

shirt pocket and held it to a brilliant

and tinder huts. On the forest floor

sky. Within the belly of his amber

he watched hills of immolated crea-

stone he imagined he could see his

tures eddy in the breeze, tangle into

mother’s translucent flesh and bone…

glutted mounds. He saw dehydrated

there inside he could see her, floating

animal pelts slung over neighbour’s

within an ethereal sap of pine. Within

latticed fences like discarded hunting

the amber stone she seemed to be

trophies, atrophied but for the mole-

constructed from material belong-

cules of phosphorescent moisture

ing to that of a damselfly’s wings — a

glistening in their eyes. He wondered

diaphanous woman but for the faint

if an oasis had formed before them

veiny outlines hinting at her previous

in death. Looking along the hill road

existence. He thought of this image

he gazed at the roof of the local

of his mother as a residual recording

Baptist church, now cloaked with the

of a time when she was much more

luminous skeins of exotic birds that

the vital woman in his life. And now,

had perished in the unrelenting heat:

how quickly she’d faded to a hollow

a silent tower built from hawks and

chimera.

parakeets… a thousand collapsed hummingbirds unable to beat their

Roha recalled the day he’d discov-

iridescent wings another meagre

ered his amber stone, snagged

second. In the faint breeze Roha

amongst the corals of the sea, buried

watched the bird’s feathers flutter

deep amongst the ancestral origins

with the façade of life.

of life. The sea, so shapeless and infinite in its unfathomable depths, he

All the island’s inhabitants heard

decided, had bestowed this gift on

the rumbles of thunder come, then

him. A stone which was a portal into

leave. All witnessed the tufted clouds

past worlds, untroubled worlds. Inside

www.haringey.gov.uk/equilibrium

cont.

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the amber stone he saw how easily he

self. He saw himself as a boy, looking

could’ve gathered her up in his arms:

on admiringly as his mother placed her

a young man cradling his mother. It

pickings into a fruit bowl. He admired

seemed their roles had been perversely

the way she stretched her mahogany-

reversed. And he felt a sadness in

hued body for the highest and ripest

knowing that no amount of amber-gaz-

fruits; marvelled at the volume and

ing could stave-off her inevitable return

breadth of her thighs, the weight and

to dust.

muscle of her arms. And when she’d finished gathering her fruit, she gath-

He stared down to a distant St.

ered him up as if he were a fallen fruit,

George’s harbour, its miniscule fisher-

placing him in the cocoon of her waist.

men boats wobbling on the slopping ocean. He sunk into the dry, crack-

Roha’s amber, his window into past

ling grass and tried to forget the curi-

worlds, untroubled worlds.

ous fossilization which had seized the land. He tried to forget the images he’d

Sitting on the hillside he recalled

seen earlier that day, pushing, pushing

how he’d once gazed so intensely

images… of the church interior, filled

into his amber stone, he’d inadvert-

with the furred shells of collapsed bees

ently discovered the tiniest of insects

rising in the air, as if miraculously resur-

entombed amongst its shards. He’d

rected for one last inglorious swarm…

wondered at the insect’s history, the

of the palm trees incrementally sagging millions of centuries passed since its over the hillsides as if divining buried

creation; the entomologist’s jewel

fissures of lakes.

suspended in animation. And he’d

In his amber stone he saw himself as a

come to consider the curious paral-

little boy in his mother’s garden above

lel of he and his insect, both seem-

Dragon Bay. He watched himself as

ingly trapped within the amber cham-

he searched for snakes under leaves

ber, ensnared amongst its lost worlds,

and rocks; his mother busily gleaning

silently praying for a return to the living.

fruit from the surrounding trees. And

And he thought of his mother,, lying

while she picked her fruit, he gazed at

in her hospital bed, so silent and life

a jettisoned shell of a scarab beetle

weary.

clinging to a leaf. He marvelled at its hefty claws, so perfectly intact in every

Roha left the forest outskirts and began

detail— a transparent shell of its original to walk down the hillsides, careful not

EQUILIBRIUM 27


to tread on the battalions of carmine-

swell, he guessed he saw a happiness

coloured crabs scuttling down the banks.

there, and he wanted once more to be

He walked through cathedrals of calci-

within, and a part, of that happiness.

fied trees. As he descended he saw smoke from distant hill fires drift through

Out of his stone, Roha recalled how he’d

the forest interior creating strange mists.

once believed his mother would always

He passed the familiar effigy hanging in

remain healthy through her life. But he’d

a sacred tree hollow, the mermaid effigy;

been proven wrong. In five short years

he paused to look over the rusted chain

she’d succumbed. And now she lay

hung around the doll’s neck, its brilliant

encrusted in a hospital bed.

blue eyes seemingly gazing at the cutlass driven into the earth beside it. An island

Roha came down the cliff-edge over-

effigy of distant worlds, he mused, paying

looking St. George’s Town. He walked

libations with a little sprinkle of his water.

the dirt road past the silk-cotton tree,

Roha decided, like the mermaid, that his

where he’d been told animals had been

mother was little more than an effigy. His

ritually surrendered by obeah-men from

mermaid from the oceans, suffering in her

old days. Inside the tree hollow he imag-

parched lands.

ined the fallen teeth of agouti; he grimly mused to himself whether his mother’s

As Roha walked on, he contemplated the

spirit would come to lay amongst the

inanimate object, so alive and crucial

phantasm of beaks and bones he envis-

in the palm of his hand. How easily his

aged within the tree. Down in the town

amber stone ignited the histories he’d

he gazed at the old ladies squatting

thought long calcified. Unable to resist

beneath golfing umbrellas, selling their

the compelling lull, he held the stone

red snapper from woven baskets. He

up to the sky. Within the stone he saw

passed the gunnery tower and took a

himself as a young boy. He watched his

cobbled path up to the hospital. In the

mother bathe beneath a waterfall, the

hospital he found his mother’s room. He

cool waters spilling over her limbs, teas-

entered, as he’d done a thousand times

ing the waters into yet further falls. Surely

before these last months. [...]

the heavens had moulded her limbs, he thought. He gazed at her nakedness in the shameless dew of morning, a filmy lustre spilling over her breasts. And where the chambers of her belly seemed to

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