FWM 2009 05 and 06 by FamilyWorks Magazine

May & June, 2009

19-23

2009 FamilyWorks Camp Guide

Packing Up Your Troubles

for a Flight with the Family By Mary Fagen

To Tell or Not To Tell

By Dottie DeHart

What’s Your Love Language

15 Humor Me

The Charms and Challenges of Raising Twins By Laurel Porterfield

Four Tips for Sharing Bad News with Your Children in an Economic Crisis

Does Your Partner Know the Depth of Your Love?

By Mary Jane DeWolf-Smith, RN, MFT

Stop the Recession Obsession

16 Marin Humane Society

Volunteer of the Year Reflects on Her Experiences

By Natasha Badaa

19 What the World Could Learn from Summer Camp

Nix the Negativity By John Gordon

11 APPLE FamilyWorks

News & Programs FamilyWorks Magazine is published by FamilyWorks® Executive Director: Mary Jane DeWolf-Smith Editor:

Lew Tremaine

Marketing:

Doug Silberstein

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FamilyWorks® Board of Directors: Amy Whitelaw, President Maria Villani, Treasurer Mark Clark, Secretary Anjana Berde, Board member Paul Ricken, Board member

FamilyWorks Magazine - May & June, 2009

FamilyWorks® 4 Joseph Court, San Rafael, CA 94903 email: familynews@familyworks.org Read FamilyWorks Magazine on-line at www.familyworks.org

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Editorial Information: Lew Tremaine Phone: (415) 492-0720 x231 FAX: (415) 492-1099 email: familynews@familyworks.org Circulation: This major family magazine is published bi-monthly and widely distributed FREE throughout Marin and Sonoma Counties: through home deliveries, distribution to over 200 community locations - stores, public and private schools, medical offices, hospitals, and family-related businesses – and direct mail to thousands of active participants and sponsors of FamilyWorks®. © 2009 FamilyWorks®, All rights reserved. FamilyWorks is a nonprofit agency serving families in the Bay Area. No portion of FamilyWorks Magazine may be reproduced without written permission of the publisher. Appearance of articles, editorials, author’s point of view, advertisements or announcements for products and services in FamilyWorks Magazine does not necessarily constitute an endorsement by FamilyWorks® and FamilyWorks® is not responsible for its content or the reactions of readers to its content. FamilyWorks Magazine reserves the right to refuse advertising for any reason. Unsolicited manuscripts and photographs are welcome and should e-mailed to: familynews@familyworks.org www.familyworks.org

Packing Up Your Troubles for a Flight with the Family Family trips help us remember that there ís no place like home... By Mary Fagen

Airline flights are often the first leg of your family’s trip down memory lane. It’s important to pack to get the best mileage from your vacation and ensure a smooth return. The ticket to packing begins with making your own bag tags. Decorative luggage tags make them easy to spot on the carousel and the kids can fight over whose tag looks best. Your child’s creativity guarantees that no one else will want your luggage except grandmother-types or weird art collectors. Use only your e-mail address on your bag tags. A card with your name, address, and phone number goes inside the luggage so you aren’t advertising your absence from home. Travel with little tykes requires two carry-on bags, one for diapers and one for entertaining. Their needs are nonstop so pack wipes, diapers, an extra outfit, dry formula, bottle, finger foods, and an extra shirt for you. For older kids, add gum and earplugs. Earplugs work wonders for take-offs and landings. You can use www.familyworks.org

them in between. The entertainment bag has crayons, paper, small stuffed animals, cards, books, toys and lots of snacks. Note: the diaper bag gets lighter as you go. The entertainment bag, not so much, and it is a kid-magnet, some of them yours, some... not so much. Pack every medicine, lotion and cream your children have ever used inside plastic zip lock bags in your checked luggage. Taking these items is a surefire way to make sure that they won’t need them. Remember you need to pack gels, liquids or aerosols of 3 oz. or less in clear, re-sealable quart-sized bags if you want to have them in your carry-on bags. You might think that this is a waste of plastic bags, but no. They protect in the event of a leak and double as catchalls for a wide variety of improvised health and sanitary needs. I have used them as snack bags, sick bags, ice bags, contact lens holders, collection bags (seashells do well in them, but little frogs do not) and as a makeshift glove for retrieving a necklace from a toilet, which, by the way, increased its sentimental value for everyone involved. continued on page 10 FamilyWorks Magazine - May & June, 2009

To Tell or Not to Tell? Four Rules for Sharing Bad News with Your Children in an Economic Crisis These days bad news is everywhere: on television, the Internet, at the office, and inevitably at home. If you’re trying to protect your kids from the worry and stress that comes along with it, leadership expert Jamie Woolf says you may be doing more harm than good. Read on for her (workplace-inspired) tips on sharing bad news with your kids.

By Dottie DeHart

You can’t turn on the television anymore without hearing words that make you want to reach for the mute button: economy, recession, layoffs, crisis. You hear them all day at work, too, in the form of rumors and speculation from worried coworkers. And here’s the thing: If you’re constantly immersed in economic anxiety, it’s likely your kids are too. Chances are you’ve already fielded some tough questions: What does recession mean? Why did my best friend’s dad lose his job? And maybe even Mom, are we going to have to move out of our house like our neighbors did? If you’re like most parents, these questions leave you tongue-tied. What do you tell your kids about the recession and your family’s economic hardships? Leadership expert Jamie Woolf has some interesting advice: Pretend your kids are anxious employees and take a cue from the communication tactics used by smart bosses. Business leaders aren’t the only ones who are facing the tough task of crafting reassuring but truthful messages about the state of the economy, says Woolf, author of the new

FamilyWorks Magazine - May & June, 2009

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book “Mom-in-Chief: How Wisdom from the Workplace Can Save Your Family from Chaos” (Jossey-Bass/A Wiley Imprint, February 2009, ISBN: 978-0-4703813-1-1, $22.95). Parents also have to be smart about how to explain the bad economic news their kids are hearing at school and at home. You want to be honest with them, but you don’t want to scare them to death. The first thing all parents must realize, says Woolf, is that your kids are already aware, at least to some degree, of what’s going on in the world. Parents are always surprised to learn what their kids know about complicated subjects like the economy, says Woolf. But they talk about it in class at school. They discuss with their friends things they heard their parents say around the dinner table. So if they come to you with questions and you don’t give them straight answers, you damage your credibility as a parent. Just as you and your co-workers want to know if you’ll have a job tomorrow, your kids want to know what the family’s economic fate will be. So what is the best way to keep your kids

informed without over-sharing and creating needless anxiety? Here are four tips from the workplace to keep in mind: Never say never

When a university management team shared with their employees they would be able to avoid layoffs by cutting jobs through attrition, they lost credibility when the budget worsened and layoffs became inevitable. The lesson? Absolutes backfire. It’s important, with employees as well as with your children, not to make promises that aren’t within your power to keep. Never say never to children, advises Woolf. For example, you don’t want to say, ‘Mommy will never lose her job’ or ‘We’ll always have our house.’ You may feel certain today, but circumstances can always change, and making these rigid statements will put your credibility on the line. Instead, reassure them with the truth. Tell them that no matter what happens, your family will stick it out together. That’s one promise you know you will always be able to keep. Keep quiet until you have specific plans

An executive director of a nonprofit organization told her staff that if their big funders discontinued their grants, layoffs were inevitable. Unfortunately, she released this information before she had a plan for handling her employees’ inevitably negative reactions. Questions, which she couldn’t answer, started pouring in: Who would be laid off first? When would there be definite news about the funders continuing their grants? In the end, not having solid information for them further damaged their morale and the director’s reputation.

With kids, too, caution should be the rule of the day. If you are thinking about selling your house or relocating for a new job, wait to share the news with your kids until you know as many details as possible. Our kids consider what we tell them to be the absolute truth, warns Woolf. If you tell them the family might be moving, they will take that to mean that you are moving, and it may cause them unnecessary stress and worry. Children, especially those who are of school age, thrive on consistency. The thought of changing their lives, their home, and their friends, can be traumatic for them. Plus, if the move doesn’t happen, it can be hard for them to process what they are supposed to believe. Of course, you have to balance truth and secrecy, she adds. If your child asks you point-blank, ‘Mommy, are you going to lose your job?’ tell her, ‘I don’t know yet,’ and then add reasonable reassurance. And don’t wait until the last minute to spring bad news on your kids. Do that and they’ll think you’ve been

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continued on page 17

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FamilyWorks Magazine - May & June, 2009

by Mary Jane DeWolf-Smith

There is no one right language of love. Each of you may have very different preferences and priorities in being able to hear and feel that the other person really loves you.

Much has been said about love - how do you know you are in love, whether love is real . . . . But more important to most - is to believe that you are loved. Have you ever been in a relationship in which no matter what you did, the other person said she did not feel loved? Have you ever felt empty and eparate, even though it seemed like the other person said that he/she cared about you? Gary Chapman, the author of the best-selling “The Five Love Languages,” helps break the barriers which keep us estranged from those we would like to love. As Gary says, “He sends you flowers when what you really want is time to talk. She gives you a hug when what you really need is a home-cooked meal. The problem isn’t your love- it’s your love language.” Chapman discusses five love languages as Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. by Mary Jane DeWolf-Smith, PHN, MA, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

Mary Jane DeWolf-Smith is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist specializing in couples, parenting and co-parenting concerns. Explore ways to strengthen relationships by calling (415) 492-0720 to make an appointment for counseling services.

FamilyWorks Magazine - May & June, 2009

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Words of Affirmation The old expression, “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” is really off the mark. Words are incredibly powerful. The timing, the tone of your words and your body expressions when you speak - all need to be considered. Relaxed and open body language, which says, “I care how you feel and I respect you”, is the first step in building a positive relationship. Sarcastic, contemptuous, or shaming statements erase paragraphs of affirmations. Tips: Find out the words your partner most longs to hear. Share the loving words you have been saying and find out if the words feel loving to your partner. Start and end each day with a compliment or words of appreciation. Say hello and goodbye with warmth, looking into one another’s eyes. Compliment your partner in front of others. Write a love note or poem.

Quality Time Each person has a different definition of “quality time”. For one, it may be sharing a sporting event, for the other a play. For one, it may be sitting in the same room reading a book or listening to music. For another, it may be working on a project, going for a hike, or looking through travel magazines to plan your next adventure. In any case, quality time does mean being present and available to one another. Without a doubt, it is important to have “me” time, but for love to

flourish, “we” time is essential. Receiving Gifts Take a breath. This does not mean spending a lot of money. The gift may be something tangible and very small - a homemade card, wild flowers, a book, some special food item – something that shows you know the person well and were thinking of him/her enough to take the time to find it and give it. And giving the little rememberance when it is not expected is key. (E.g. at times other than birthdays, holidays etc.) Also, giving the gift with a bit of flourish shows the tender intention behind it. The gift can be a spontaneous gift of yourself - at a celebration or in a time of loss or sadness (when your loved one says, “I really want you to be there,” take the statement seriously, because not showing up may send a message that is not easily forgotten). Of course all gifts need to be freely given - with no expectations/strings and no later reminders of “after all I’ve done for you.” Acts of Service Do you feel the most loved when your partner brings you a cup of coffee in the morning, cooks a special meal, fixes the fence, washes the car, writes the bills or mails the package? Even sincerely offering to do a chore that is usually the other person’s job, makes many brownie points. Ask your partner to write a list of 10 acts of service that are important to her/him. Then ask that the list be prioritized. Each week choose one or two of these acts to willingly perform. You may be surprised by the list. (We often assume that what is important to our

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partner is what was important to our parents. Not necessarily so.) Gary Chapman suggests completing the task and then posting a note: “To --------- with love.” Physical Touch Physical touch may be the primary language of love for only one of the partners. While it is a basic human need, some need it much more than others – and in different ways. Some want a gentle touch, a stroke on the cheek, a gentle pat on the back, or spooning at bedtime. Others prefer a firm hug, or a back, hand or foot massage. For some, physical touch is embarrassing in public and welcome in private. Touching on a regular basis makes more intimate love-making even more desirable. It is important to know the when, how, how much, and how often quotient of your partner. Be sure to avoid any touch, which makes your partner uncomfortable. Each may well have a very different physical touch love language. There is no one right language of love. Each of you may have very different preferences and priorities in being able to hear and feel that the other person really loves you. Enjoy talking these ideas over with your partner and pick up Gary Chapman’s book, “The Five Love Languages” in which you can fill out your own love language profile. Next issue I will discuss temperament and how your temperament affects your relationships. To schedule an appointment, call 415-492-0720.

FamilyWorks Magazine - May & June, 2009

Stop the Recession Obsession! Why America Must Nix the Negativity and Embrace the Positive Energy Cure You’re not imagining it: America is in a funk. Certainly, you’re feeling the stress and anxiety in the workplace. And everywhere else you go—the post office or the grocery store or your child’s school—you hear people talking about the recession. Grimly reporting the latest tidbit of bad economic news. Making dire predictions about soup lines, crime waves, and bank collapses. And those not spouting doom seem to be drifting around in a dull fog. According to author Jon Gordon, this national case of the blues not only feels bad, it perpetuates the dilemma we’re in. “A society in a state of depression can’t think its way out of a crisis,” says Gordon, author of international bestseller “The Energy Bus: 10 Rules to Fuel Your Life, Work, and Team with Positive Energy” (Wiley, 2007, ISBN: 978-0-4701002-8-8, $21.95) and its follow-up, The “No Complaining Rule: Positive Ways to Deal with Negativity at Work” (Wiley, 2008, ISBN: 978-0-4702794-9-6, $19.95). “People are disengaged. Our minds are cluttered with fearful thoughts, and our life force feels like it’s draining away. “Yes, we are in a tight spot and we’re going to have to innovate our way out of it,” he adds. “But before we can even begin to tackle our economic and social issues, we’re going to have to get to an emotional place where we’re able to move forward. We have to be able to do our best work, and right now that’s not happening. It can’t happen.” The stress Americans are feeling is beginning to have serious consequences. The American Psychological Association says that as many as 80 percent of us are stressed about our personal finances and the economy. A poll recently released by the American Sleep Foundation indicates that one-third of Americans are losing sleep over these issues. And a CNN feature that aired just a few days ago addressed the fact that more and more Americans are popping pills—sleeping pills in particular—to deal with our anxiety. Obviously, pills are not the answer. But what is? Gordon America will never be sums it up in two words: positive energy. America needs an infusion of good old-fashioned posiable to move forward if we tive thinking—followed up, of course, with positive action. And because can’t shake our national case of our economy is made up

the blues. Jon Gordon, author of “The Energy Bus” and “The No Complaining Rule,” explains why positive energy is our ticket out of the recession. FamilyWorks Magazine - May & June, 2009

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of organizations, which are made up of individuals, he’s aiming his deceptively simple prescription right at you. That’s right. You. Whether you’re a leader, an employee, or a temporarily-out-of-work job seeker, Gordon says you need to call a moratorium on the naysaying and start practicing positivity. Doing so may not change the world, but it will change your world—in profound and often surprising ways. Gordon’s not talking about pollyanna positivity, but rather the kind of resilience and mental toughness that leaders and change agents have drawn upon throughout history to overcome adversity and change the world. “Over the years I’ve done lots of research on the positive effects of being positive and the negative effects of being negative,” he says. “The research is clear. It really does pay to be positive, and the benefits include enhanced health and longevity, happiness, career advancement, athletic performance, team building, and financial success. Being positive is not just a nice way to live. It’s the way to live.” Of course, you’re only one person. But imagine what could happen if everyone in America made the decision to opt-out of the recession simply through the power of positive energy? There is little doubt the net result would be, well, positive. Gordon offers the following insights: We Are the Economy

We can make it whatever we want it to be. “America needs to realize that the economy is not some abstract entity separate from us,” says Gordon. “The economy is us. YOU and I are the economy. Our thoughts, behaviors, actions, and mood collectively create it. Government can try to manipulate our actions through tax plans, regulations, incentives, etc., but in a nutshell, WE are the economy. “Our collective mood, productivity, innovation, positive energy, and execution determines whether the economy is thriving or in a recession,” he says. “Paying our mortgage helps the economy. Working hard helps the economy. Starting a business helps the economy. Making a product the world needs helps the economy. Replacing our psychology of fear with a psychology of trust helps the economy.”

Negativity is a Major Money Drainer.

In his book “The No Complaining Rule,” Gordon lays out some thought-provoking statistics. Here are just a few of them: Negativity costs the U.S. economy between $250 and $300 billion every year in lost productivity, according to the Gallup Organization. And this number is conservative since it doesn’t take into account the ripple effect of complaining and negativity. Ninety percent of doctor visits are stress-related, according to the Centers of Disease Control and Prevention, and the number one cause of office stress is coworkers and their complaining, according to Truejobs. com. A study found that negative employees can scare off every customer they speak with, for good! Conversely,There is a Proven Link Between Positive Energy and Profitability

Daniel Goleman, the author of “Emotional Intelligence,” says a positive company with a positive corporate culture will outperform its negative counterparts every time. And here are a few other facts Gordon cites in “The Energy Bus”:

Ninety percent of doctor visits are stress-related, according to the Centers of Disease Control and Prevention

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FamilyWorks Magazine - May & June, 2009

Packing Up Your Troubles for a Flight with the Family

Jennifer Cowan

Attorney at Law, LL.M. in Tax

ESTATE PLANNING Lerman Law Building 802 B Street San Rafael, CA 94901

continued from page 3

Teen girls need extra luggage whether the trip is for three days or three weeks. They dress in perfect outfits and full makeup to fetch ice two rooms away, making the typical $15 fee airlines charge for the first checked bag seem like a good place to stop. Weigh their luggage before leaving home so that you don’t land the $50 to $300 in fees for bags over 50 lbs. Teen boys require a check to see if they have more than one change of clothing no matter if the trip is for three days or three weeks. Stow away an empty duffle bag inside another piece of luggage ready for its expanded role on your return trip. What’s a trip without souvenirs? Get to the airport 90 minutes before takeoff, which means you tell everyone in the family two hours. This is simple economics. You will save yourself a lot of cursing, and your run to the gate will be at a leisurely pace, which affords you time pick up the items you will drop on the way. Unless your rental car comes with a GPS, MapQuest side trips before leaving home. Pack the directions in the diaper bag so the intended party isn’t likely to see that you doubt his abilities so far in advance. Heavy sighs and haggard looks can only mean one thing: Mom and dad need that well-deserved trip – back home. Packing for your return can be approached from two angles - nice or easy. “Nice” involves a trip to the laundromat so that you return home with clean clothes. Easy means stuffing plastic bags and shoving them into your suitcases for later. Smart travelers reserve an extra vacation day for either the home or the away package. They either stay at home to 10 FamilyWorks Magazine - May & June, 2009

catch up on laundry and sleep, or leave the kids at relatives for a restful day a local bed and breakfast. Yes, family trips help us remember that there’s no place like home - until

415-485-4437 cowanlaw@comcast.net www.cowanlawoffices.com

Family & Cosmetic

Dental Services John T. Smith, DDS

915 Sir Francis Drake Blvd., San Anselmo (across from Red Hill Shopping Center)

453-1666 www.familyworks.org

Taking Advantage of “DownTime” FamilyWorks has launched its latest educational series, “DownTime,” a new program to help families who are facing financial challenges, economic adversity, and/or dealing with the after-effects of job loss. Free seminars, sliding-scale groups and individual counseling services provide support during emotionally and financially difficult times. As state joblessness approaches 10 percent, even Marin County is not immune to the effects of the recession, with county job loss topping an average of 6.6 percent. Job loss is even higher in San Rafael and Novato (7.8 percent) and Fairfax (10.2 percent). That means that more than 5,500 Marin households have at least one family member out of work, often for an extended period. The “DownTime” program will help these families deal with a variety of critical issues that accompany job loss:

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• Explaining job loss to children • Keeping the job search in perspective • Focusing on family values and time together • Making time to maintain loving relationships • Coping with depression, self-doubt, anxiety and fear According to Mary Jane DeWolf Smith, executive director of A.P.P.L.E. FamilyWorks, “Difficult as it may be for the person who has been laid off, it is often the family that suffers most.” She added, “We chose the name ‘DownTime’ to emphasize that this can be an excellent opportunity to reconnect with family and core values, so that the search for a new job doesn’t jeopardize supportive relationships.” To find out more about the “DownTime” services and the free introductory seminars, visit www.familyworks.org, or call (415) 492-0720.

FamilyWorks Magazine - May & June, 2009

Parenting Programs The Most Effective Parenting Programs Ever Parenting is complicated and challenging. Work and family pressures are huge. FamilyWorks’ parenting series helps the whole family thrive. Parents have fun as they learn the most effective tools to guide their children, of all ages to be cooperative, responsible and caring.

Child-Centered Co-Parenting Positive & Peaceful

Parenting Learn Keys to Increasing: • Cooperation • Self-esteem • Responsibilty

• Communication • Respect • Discipline

Viewing Life Today • Being a Proactive Parent • Identifying Your Universal Principles

Growing Great Kids • Understanding How Kids Work • Ensuring Goodness of Fit • Making Work Fun

Listening and Talking • Listening Effectively • Decreasing Impulsive Behavior

Problem Solving that Gets Results • Using the Magical “When...Then” • Designing Charts that Get Results • Revamping “Time Out”

Feeling More Confident

Parents who are living apart learn how to raise their children harmoniously, keep children “out of the middle” and safely in each of their lives. Parents attend in separate classes and learn to: • Deal with each other respectfully • Increase cooperation • Make co-parenting decisions calmly

• Stop tantrums and dawdling • Design consequences that work • End rudeness & backtalk

Earn a certificate of completion at graduation.

Spanish speaking group Tuesdays, 10 a.m. to noon at Marin Community Clinic in Novato • • • • •

Share experiences, ideas, and support Learn about pregnancy and new parenthood Learn how to increase infant health & happiness Learn ways to manage change and decrease stress Reduce anxiety and depression

Strengthening Relationships... For a Lifetime

415-492-0720

Earn a certificate of completion at graduation. 12 FamilyWorks Magazine - May & June, 2009

English speaking group Tuesdays. 6:30-8:00 PM at FamilyWorks

• Manage constantly shifting schedules

• Being Positive and Persistent • Sharing Successes • Setting Positive Consequences

Four Tuesday evenings: Oct. 20- Nov. 10, 2009 Sliding Scale

For Expectant & New Mothers (and infants birth to 9 months)

• Divide child-rearing tasks equitably

Seven Tuesday evenings: Sept. 22 - Oct. 6 and Oct. 20 - Nov. 10, 2009 Sliding Scale

Exploring Free! Motherhood

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Strengtheni Relationship

Therapy and Life Skills Center Strengthening Relationships... For a Lifetime

Strengthening Assessment and Relationships... For a Lifetime Consultation

Couples Counseling and Family Therapy Concerns, hopes and dreams, as well as practical and effective relationship tools are explored. The result is increased understanding and empathy, more cooperation and more fun in family life through: • Managing Child Behavior • Resolving Hurts and Conflicts • Dealing with Anxiety, Depression and Addictions • Sharing Child Rearing • Planning for Play • Managing Anger • Creating Cooperative Responsible Children

Sliding Scale

Using temperament profiles and developmental assessments, parents and children will learn positive skills and design behavior plans that maximize each child’s potential. Therapists consult with teachers and parents, developing behavioral interventions that work at home, play and school. Therapists are available to make homevisits, school observations and attend IEP meetings. Mental health screenings for anxiety, depression, AD/HD, etc. are available.

Therapy with Teens FamilyWorks’ skilled therapists work with adolescents to support their journey to adulthood. Using various forms of expressive arts therapy, interactive play/exercises and outdoor activities, teens find new ways to resolve problems, build greater self-esteem and enhance their social skills in ways that support their healthy growth and development.

Visit our website for more program information

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Individual Therapy Utilizing a variety of theoretical approaches, FamilyWorks’ therapists help individuals to develop healthy life skills and increase their social-emotional well being. We are skilled in helping with a broad range of relationship and psychological issues, including: • • • •

Life Stage Transitions Anxiety Abuse Depression

• • • •

Anger & Conflict Improved Self-Esteem Grief & Loss Stress

Therapy with Children With Child-centered “playrooms,” and a wide variety of expressive arts, including FamilyWorks’ specialized sand-tray materials, children “play” in ways that allow them to bring their thoughts and emotions to the surface. As children’s experiences and knowledge are more and more freely communicated through play, the therapist works with those themes as a vehicle for selfacceptance and emotional regulation.

Groups DownTime: Learn strategies for coping with financial stress. Reduce anxiety and depression related to economic uncertainty. Strengthen family connections and resiliency. Cool Communication: Learn to take the conflict out of family communication with time-tested anger management and emotional regulation techniques that will bring harmony to your household. FamilyWorks Magazine - May & June, 2009

Support for Individuals with Disabilities Who Do We Serve? We serve adults and children with developmental disabilities. OUR STAFF

Our mission

Program Director, Mary Jane DeWolf-Smith, RN, PHN, MFT ensures service excellence with her experience as a public health nurse, life-skills coach, parenting educator and marriage and family therapist. Program Coordinator, Katherine Arnsbarger, brings her education and experience as an educator and anthropologist to provide culturally sensitive and individualized services. Support Staff Include: Patricia Saunders, MA, MFT, Lew Tremaine, Candace Fraser and Diana Wilkins.

To enhance each individual’s health and development, including interaction with friends, family, work and community. Services take place in the consumer’s residence, community facilities and other environments in the area served by the Regional Centers: SARC - RCEB – GGRC – NBRC.

Our Process The all-inclusive, wrap-around program is cost-effective and eliminates duplication of services. An assessment and individual service plan will be written by APPLE FamilyWorks for approval by Regional Center case managers.

Parenting Support Services • Parenting and Co-Parenting • Childbirth Education • Child Development and Family Planning • Behavior Management, Stress Reduction • Early Intervention in Postpartum Depression • Positive and Peaceful Discipline • Family Health Promotion and Hygiene • Injury Prevention, Nutrition, Exercise • Household Management, Transportation • Financial Management and Budgeting • Development of Social Support Systems • Linkage with Others Services

Independent Living Skills • Academic Growth • Behavior Management • Stress Reduction Skills • Injury Prevention • Nutrition • Health Promotion and Exercise • Hygiene and Self-care • Housekeeping • Transportation Skills • Community Access • Employment Readiness • Financial Management and Budgeting • Development of Social Support Systems

Call Katherine Arnsbarger (415) 492-0720 ext. 226 or visit www.familyworks.org 14 FamilyWorks Magazine - May & June, 2009

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d Challenge n a s m s of Raising Twins ar h C The Life with twins is a wonderful adventure. By Laurel Porterfield

For example, lately my boys have been working to achieve the status of potty master. Unfortunately, only one twin is interested in this particular merit badge. Grant is the potty master at our house. He has been for some time. His twin, Andrew, has no interest and no shame. So, having tried everything else, I started the gold star program. It’s using the big potty that’s problematic, not the little chairs - pooping in particular. So poops on the potty get a gold star on the chart. Then yesterday, Andrew was in the bathroom cheering Grant on “come on Grant, you can do it! Get us another gold star!” We gently tried to tell Andrew he needed to earn his own gold star, but he insists Grant can earn gold stars for both of them. What’s a mother to do? “Boys will be boys,” is another phrase I often recall, especially after our recent bout of snow days. And my two small boys used up every clean sheet

That’s just one of the key phrases that I repeat often to myself to help me keep my sanity. in the house to make indoor igloos that wouldn’t melt. In an effort to redirect them, I told them they could make igloos out of the play dough that we made. We started with such pretty colors, but somehow the boys created gray, which they thought was really cool. And they made rocks. It kept them entertained for hours. The next day we made cookies, which, miraculously, also turned out gray in color. The boys made trains, planes, and more rocks - and rock men. I was beginning to catch on. Maybe this was a boy thing? And watching them work, so engaged in their work, so creative and clever, so happy to have me be a part of whatever they are doing and to show me their creations, I’m reminded of another phrase, “This too shall pass”. I’m reminded that one day I’ll be able to pass a McDonalds without anyone speculating about the toy of the week - a day when the drive through window www.familyworks.org

attendant will not be on a first name basis with me - a day when the food will be more important then the plastic toys received. We are gradually getting over the days when I was fearful of taking the boys places because they didn’t listen or had frequent melt downs if things didn’t go their way. The end of the terrible twos, the end of hearing my boys echo to each other what I’ve just said to them, “Grant, you’ve got to listen,” and, “This is not a game, Andrew.” Once my older son was asked what his brothers’ names were and he answered promptly, “Their names are Andrew Wait and Grant Stop.” I didn’t have to wonder where he got that. And when I’ve had a trying day, it has helped me to remember what my pediatrician told me, “Little kids have little problems. Big kids have big problems.” To that I can only add, Amen. FamilyWorks Magazine - May & June, 2009

Marin Humane Society Student Volunteer of the Year Reflects on Her Experiences Over the past four years, I have successfully established an identity for myself: the dependable volunteer. I started volunteering at the Marin Humane Society just a few weeks before Hurricane Katrina. I was inspired by the heroism I witnessed as the shelter welcomed hundreds of animals abandoned in New Orleans. It was that fervent inspiration that has driven me to become the enthusiastic volunteer I am today. By Natasha Badaa

My experiences at the shelter have been life-changing. I have found mentors in the staff and friends in the animals. Twice a week for four years I have donated my time to volunteering at the shelter. Twice a week for four years I have mopped floors, filed papers, cleaned windows, and socialized the animals. Twice a week for four years I have witnessed heroism, friendship, and dedication. The shelter has not only taught me about hard work, love, and medicine, but also helped me realize my desire to become a veterinarian. I must admit that my volunteer experience hasn’t been without its bumps. After a summer of volunteering in the clinic I discovered that I needed to improve my animal-handling skills. This was a disappointment, but I was lucky: Gail Ellis, the education coordinator, helped me practice animal socialization. Since that summer, I have become known as the “cat whisperer” because the results of my practice have enabled me to attract even the most stressed feline. My most valuable experience has been the dog-wash fundraiser I organized last Spring. With the help of my friends and the community, we were able to raise $250 for the Marin 16 FamilyWorks Magazine - May & June, 2009

Humane Society. My goal was for the money to go towards the purchase of a new washer and dryer for the shelter, and I’m very proud to learn that the money we raised has helped the shelter make those purchases. The timing of this article is rather bittersweet. As I prepare to graduate from high school in June, I’m also preparing to say goodbye to my family at the shelter. No matter where I am, however, I will carry my passion of animals with me forever. Natasha Badaa is the 2008 Marin Humane Society Youth Volunteer of the Year. For more information about becoming a Marin Humane Society volunteer, visit MarinHumaneSociety.org.

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To Tell or Not to Tell continued from page 5

keeping a secret from them. Be as honest and open with them as often as you can. Share a unified message

In the business world, when a management team leaks conflicting information, rumors fly and fear and distrust rise. In one instance, the director of nursing at a hospital leaked that there would be no staff cuts. At the same time, the administrative director shared a less reassuring message, that cuts were unlikely, but possible. The mixed messages left staff feeling confused and skeptical. At home, make sure you and your partner are in agreement about what to share and what to keep quiet. During any kind of crisis that involves your family, the number one priority should be maintaining the lines of communication between you and your partner, asserts Woolf. Make sure that the two of you are on the same page as far as what you will and will not share with the children. And if you have a big announcement, tell your children together to ensure a unified message is conveyed. Seeing the two of you as a unified front will reassure them that you are working together as a family through whatever may come your way.

them feel better about the situation at hand. “Explain to your kids that saving money is very important right now,” suggests Woolf. “Then ask them to help you brainstorm ways the family can save money. And give them a moneysaving task that is their responsibility, like turning off lights in unoccupied rooms or gathering old toys and making posters for a family yard sale. Get them involved with lowering your grocery bill by clipping coupons together on Sunday afternoons, or having them help hunt for bargains at the store. Not only will they feel good about being involved, but it creates a new way for you to carve out some quality time together.” In tough times, it can be easy to focus on all of your problems and end up forgetting how it may be affecting your kids, says Woolf. Handling these issues the wrong way can have long-lasting effects on your relationship with them. It may be hard to do, but worrying a little

less about your bank account and a little more about your family will do you and your kids some good. Remember, while this tough economy is difficult, it also provides us with an opportunity to reevaluate the things in life that truly matter, our families and our children. Focusing on them instead of the problems plaguing you at work and at home may be the stress reliever you’ve needed all along. Jamie Woolf is a regular contributor to Working Mother magazine and founder of The Parent Leader and Pinehurst Consulting, an organization development consulting firm. In her book, “Mom-in-Chief: How Wisdom from the Workplace Can Save Your Family from Chaos,” Woolf addresses real-life quandaries and covers everything that career-oriented women need to know to unleash their parenting potential and navigate challenges with skill and grace.

Remember, while this tough economy is difficult, it also provides us with an opportunity to reevaluate the things in life that truly matter, our families and our children.

Give them something to do to help

One of the worst parts of any crisis is feeling helpless to do anything about it. At the office, employees may be wringing their hands instead of helping to improve your company’s bottom line, simply because they don’t know what they can do. The same is true at home. Children are especially prone to feeling helpless, particularly in an economic crisis that they may not fully understand. Getting them involved will empower them and make

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Stop the Recession Obsession continued from page 9

• Positive, optimistic salespeople sell more than pessimistic salespeople. (Martin Seligman) Positive leaders are able to make better decisions under pressure. (Heartmath. org) • Positive people who regularly express positive emotions are more resilient when facing stress, challenges, and adversity. (Several Studies) • Positive people are able to maintain a broader perspective and see the big picture, which helps them identify solutions, whereas negative people maintain a narrower perspective and tend to focus on problems. (Barbara Fredrickson) • Positive and popular leaders are more likely to garner the support of others and receive pay raises and promotions and achieve greater success in the workplace. “Try to envision the sheer volume of creative energy that would be generated if America’s workforce—even half of us, or maybe even a quarter of us—climbed on the Energy Bus,” says Gordon. “We’d roar right out of the recession so fast it would stun economic experts.” Great Leadership Can Get us Through This Crisis

Based on his work with NFL coaches, leaders in education, and countless business leaders, Gordon came to realize that great leadership is really a transfer of belief. Great leaders share their belief, vision, purpose, and passion with others, and in the process they inspire others to believe, act, and impact. Great leaders are positively contagious and they instill confidence and belief in others. 18 FamilyWorks Magazine - May & June, 2009

The words “Yes, we can” probably won Barack Obama the presidency, says Gordon. But you don’t have to be the president—or an Obama supporter or a politician for that matter—to help America believe in itself again. “Great sales managers inspire their salespeople to believe in themselves and their product or service,” he reflects. “Great teachers inspire and empower their students to believe in themselves. Great pastors inspire their congregations to serve and impact the community. Great sports coaches inspire their teams to believe they can win. And the people who have changed the world have been those who instilled in others the confidence to step up, serve, take initiative, and create positive change. “Best of all, you don’t need a title to be a leader,” adds Gordon. “You just need to lead.” Rising from the Ashes

Just as the phoenix rises from the ashes, great ideas and new business ventures are born during economic hardships. Consider that GE, Disney, and Microsoft were all born during recessions. It seems that when times are tough people are more open to new ideas, new products, and new ways of doing things. “For example,” says Gordon, “smart political and business leaders should be working on alternative energy and green technologies that would lead to great progress and profits. In other words, there’s never been a better time to think big, create your vision, and take action. “Consider that both the Empire State Building and the Golden Gate Bridge were built during the Great Depression,” says Gordon. “With more people living in fear and fewer people taking initiative, the rewards and recognition will be greater for those willing to work hard and dedicate themselves to building a great business, product, service, and vision. As we know, there is no substitute for hard work and now is a time where those with a positive attitude and great work ethic will shine.” www.familyworks.org

We’re a Nation of Goldfish Learning How to be Sharks

Gordon likes to tell a story about a shark and a goldfish. Gordy the Goldfish lived a comfy life in a fishbowl where he was fed every day—until one day he was accidentally washed away into the ocean. He quickly realized that in his scary new home no one was going to feed him. Sammy the (friendly) Shark came along and told him he must learn to find food on his own. Your problem is that you are a goldfish, said Sammy. You are waiting to be fed. That’s fine during the fat times when there are all sorts of people feeding you. But you’re in the ocean now. The free food has dried up. Times are a-changing. Things are a little tougher here. You have to work a little harder. You need to be a little smarter. You need to change your thinking. You need to become a shark. Goldfish wait to be fed. Sharks go find food. “In the end, learning to make his own way in the ocean made Gordy the Goldfish stronger and wiser and more appreciative of the food he caught,” says Gordon. “The same will be true for us.” “No one is saying that thriving in our new America is going to be easy,” he adds. “But life is a test. Every adversity helps us grow. Negative events teach us what we don’t want so we can focus our energy on what we do want. As individuals, as companies, and as a nation, we have been given the great gift of creating something new out of the pieces of the old. Through our faith, positive attitude, and actions, it’s up to us to shape that new reality into what we want it to be.” Jon Gordon is a speaker, consultant, and author of the international bestseller “The Energy Bus: 10 Rules to Fuel Your Life, Work and Team with Positive Energy” and “The No Complaining Rule: Positive Ways to Deal with Negativity at Work”. Jon’s next book, “Training Camp: What the Best Do Better Than Everyone Else,” will release in May of 2009.

What the World Could Learn from Summer Camp In the summer of 2008, Matthew Carroll decided to work as a counselor at a traditional American summer camp in upstate New York. This trip to New York quickly turned into a journey of discovery. Having just finished University in his native country of Ireland only one week before, he thought a couple of months working in a camp would assist in his pursuit of avoiding the real world. It was exactly this mission that made him realize what the world could learn from summer camp. Everyone is equal – at camp Carroll noticed that the kids dressed the same as the counselors; counselors were dressed the same as kitchen staff; and office staff were dressed the same as the head counselors. You couldn’t distinguish the kids whose parents had saved up for months to send their kids to camp from those who had spent the spare change of a week’s pay. Everyone is respected - While the campers and American counselors recited the Pledge of Allegiance, the international staff looked on in silence.

Different faiths and different cultures were respected and tolerated. Coming from Northern Ireland this was not only a novelty but, something that impressed Carroll. People of all faiths were observing Jewish culture with respect, while back home in Northern Ireland, Christians struggle to tolerate the cultures of other Christians. Camp went back to basics – Mobile phones were banned and internet access was limited. A strong emphasis was put on keeping camp tidy, with everyone sharing in the task of keeping trash off the ground. Carroll was surprised to learn that the kids didn’t seem to miss “the outside world.” Bringing down the veil of technology led to more open conversation between friends, better networking, and the development of new relationships. Everyone was active and playing - Older kids played with younger kids; brothers played together; twenty-oneyear-olds challenged eight-year-olds to games of chess . . . and lost. Kids were able to play outside in a safe environwww.familyworks.org

ment the way they used to. So what can the world learn from camp? In short, to let kids be kids. According to Rodger Popkin, owner/ director of Blue Star Camps and past national president for the American Camp Association® (ACA), camp is a human relations laboratory — where people are encouraged to invent and re-invent themselves. The process of self-invention will involve all the building blocks necessary for a life based on self-knowledge, focused purpose, and a well-defined understanding of our personal place in the world. The American Camp Association® (ACA) works to preserve, promote, and enhance the camp experience for children and adults. ACA-Accredited® camp programs ensure that children are provided with a diversity of educational and developmentally challenging learning opportunities. There are over 2,400 ACA-accredited camps that meet up to 300 health and safety standards. For more information, visit www. ACAcamps.org. FamilyWorks Magazine - May & June, 2009

martial arts, magic, music, art, basketball Bar 717 Ranch court, nature walks, environmental and Founded in 1930, the Bar 717 Ranch offers multi-cultural awareness. Beautiful lake children ages 8-16 the opportunity to spend with 350’ waterslide, year-round stream the summer on a beautiful mountain ranch. and lodging in canvas tipis. 707-984Campers choose freely from activities including horsemanship, backpacking, 6507. gardening, animal care, river swimming, arts and crafts, photography, music, drama, CYO CAMP archery, blacksmithing and ceramics. 530- Near Occidental, California, CYO Camp provides a residential camp experience 628-5992, www.bar717.com where youth have fun the old fashioned way. Bay Area campers of all faiths have an Bay Area Discovery Museum Join the Bay Area Discovery Museum this adventure amongst the Sonoma redwoods, summer for non-stop fun and adventure while developing self-worth, teamfor 4 – 8 year olds. Your little explorer, building skills, and an appreciation for artist, performer, and scientist can sign nature. Eight sessions, June 27 - August 3. up for a different Discovery Camp each www.cyocamp.org <http://www.cyocamp. week and celebrate the joy of guided org/> 707-874-0200

exploration and open-ended creative play. Dave Johnson PGA & Rooster Run GC (415) 339-3900. present GOLF CAMPS for juniors. Fun, educational, creative, safe, friendly. Camp Winnarainbow Half-Day Camps ($265) include instruction Ages 7-14. Classes in the circus and on putting, short game, full swing, performing arts include trapeze, clowning, etiquette. Snacks, games & prizes. Full-Day tightrope, juggling, unicycling, stiltCamps ($395) also include lunch & 9 holes. walking, gymnastics, theater, hip hop,

Student-teacher ratio is 8:1. All levels, ages 6-16. Contact Dave 707-778-8125 x28; email davejohnson@roosterrun.com Devil’s Gulch Ranch We offer boys and girls opportunities to connect with and explore agriculture, the redwoods, grasslands, and creeks of West Marin. Campers help with farm chores, feed and care for our animals, learn traditional skills, and discover the outdoors. We emphasize free play, nature awareness, agriculture, and outdoor recreation. 415662-1099. The Digital Media Academy is ideal for all ages wanting exposure to software used in filmmaking, video games, animation, web design, and robotics. Whether you want to develop your creative interests or explore a possible career path, DMA is simply the best! Visit www.DigitalMediaAcademy.org for more information. Love2Dance Summer Camps We offer excitement while providing an opportunity to express creativity and increase self-esteem. Students will learn hip-hop, jazz, & novelty styles of dance, and participate in arts & crafts all set to themes. Several camps will also include educational enrichment. Evening seminars are available for teens & adults. 415-898-3933. KIDS ON CAMERA TV/FILM ACTING DAY CAMP Age 4-14. Lights, camera, action! 28th yr. Award winning. Weeklong camps. New themes weekly. Comedy, voiceover, film

continued on page 22 20 FamilyWorks Magazine - May & June, 2009

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FamilyWorks Magazine - May & June, 2009

continued from page 20 acting, improv, photo modeling. Improve communication & audition skills, build confidence. June/July/Aug. 9:30AM3:00PM. Extended care 8AM-6PM. Marin, Mill Valley @ Marin Horizon. SF: 9th Ave near Geary. Judy Berlin 415.440-4400 www. kids-on-camera.com $275-375 MARIN HORIZON SUMMER CAMP Fun for children 3-8 yrs. Age 3: Gymnastics lessons by Spinners Gymnastics. Ages 4-5: Swim lessons at Homestead Pool! Ages 6-8: Swim and Capoeira lessons, Field Trips. Marin Horizon teachers; 8:1 student-teacher ratio. Activities include: soccer, arts & crafts, music, hikes, drama, cookouts. 9AM-3PM, ext. care till 5:30PM. 1/2-day option for 3-yr olds. 4 or 5 days/ week. June 29th - Aug 7th. Marin Horizon School, Mill Valley. 415-388-8408 x224. summercamp@marinhorizon.org; www. marinhorizon.org. Marin Shakespeare Company We make Shakespeare fun! Marin Shakespeare Company offers summer camps for ages 5 - 7, 8 - 12, and teenagers. Locations in San Rafael, Ross, and Novato. Also check out our popular Tennis/Drama camp. Details at www.marinShakespeare. org, or phone 415/499-4487. Marin Treks Summer Science Camp Marin Treks invites you to join our exciting science camp to study and handle our unique collection of live animals. Meet insects, reptiles, amphibians; experience an archaeological expedition; explore the amazing world of bats and raptors. Nature crafts round out this dynamic program. 1st – 5th grade. Brian 415-250-0988 or brian@marintreks.com. Offered through 22 FamilyWorks Magazine - May & June, 2009

the Novato Parks & Rec. Dept. Marin Waldorf School Preschool & Kindergarten camp (3.7 years5.6 years), & entering First & Second grade camp. Three two-week sessions: June 22-July 3, July 6-17, July 20-31. 8:30am12:45pm or 3:15pm. $475 per two-week. 755 Idylberry Road, San Rafael, CA 94903. www.marinwaldorf.org. 479.8190 ext. 102 MEGA GYMNASTICS SUMMER CAMP Fun for boys & girls, ages 5 & up! 9 weekly sessions beginning June 15th. Camps take place in our large, fully equipped facility including tumble trak & trampoline. Campers, grouped according to age & ability, are introduced to all apparatus.Groupgames & activities, nutritious snacks, Olympic Fridays! Mon - Fri 12-3:30 p.m. $255/session for non-members. www. megagymnastics.com. 415.257.MEGA. S u mme r P i a n o Camp “Blast Off with Piano” in our fun-filled Summer Music Camp! Activities include a BEGINNERS’ piano class, music games, movement, rhythm circle, an educational video, and snack. Low pressure, lots www.familyworks.org

of fun! Camp held at The OptimaLearning Center in Novato (near Downtown). Mornings and Afternoons offered. See website for pricing and complete schedule. www.novatopianoschool.com 721-1929

STRAWBERRY RECREATION DISTRICT Mill Valley (415) 383-6494. 9 weeks of summer programs. Sign-up for one week or all summer! Campers divided by age & ability level. CAMP STRAWBERRY - New! Lessons: Swim, Tennis, Camp Activities ~ Ages: 4-7, 9am-4pm, (1-4-weeks); TENNIS CAMP - Ages: 6-15, 11am-2:30pm (1-9 weeks); SWIM LESSONS - Ages 3-15, 10am12pm (2-8 weeks)

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FamilyWorks Magazine - May & June, 2009

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