March & April, 2011
21 2011 Camp Guide
3
4
6
9
15 Cool Parent/Teen Communication
Easily Green By Donald Jaycox
Keeping Love Alive
18 Camp Spotlight:
By Mary Jane DeWolf-Smith MA, RN, MFT
By Lew Tremaine
Marin Shakespeare Company
Spring Cleaning
By Patricia Saunders, MA, MFT
Sarcasm and Verbal Abuse
By Gary Direnfeld, LCSW
APPLE FamilyWorks 11 Parenting Programs 12 Counseling Programs 13 Family Interactive Therapy 14 Support for Individuals
20 Save Money on Summer Camp
Read on-line at www.familyworks.org FamilyWorks Magazine is published by APPLE FamilyWorks® Executive Director: Mary Jane DeWolf-Smith Editor: Lew Tremaine Marketing: Doug Silberstein Art Director/Website: Christine M. Astin Web Publisher: Art Severe Printed by:
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FamilyWorks® Board of Directors: Anjana Berde, President Paul Ricken, Vice President Mark Clark, Secretary Maria Villani, Treasurer Vicky Smirnoff Laura Schifrin Rita Trumbo Blake Pennington
March & April 2011
APPLE FamilyWorks® 4 Joseph Court, San Rafael, CA 94903 email: familynews@familyworks.org Sponsorship Information: Doug Silberstein Phone: (415) 492-1022 FAX: (415) 492-1099 email: community@familyworks.org Editorial Information: Lew Tremaine Phone: (415) 492-0720 x231 FAX: (415) 492-1099 email: familynews@familyworks.org
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Circulation: This major family magazine is published bi-monthly and widely distributed FREE throughout Marin and Sonoma Counties: through home deliveries, distribution to over 200 community locations - stores, public and private schools, medical offices, hospitals, and family-related businesses – and direct mail to thousands of active participants and sponsors of FamilyWorks®. © 2010 APPLE FamilyWorks®, All rights reserved. APPLE FamilyWorks is a nonprofit agency serving families in the Bay Area. No portion of FamilyWorks Magazine may be reproduced without written permission of the publisher. Appearance of articles, editorials, author’s point of view, advertisements or announcements for products and services in FamilyWorks Magazine does not necessarily constitute an endorsement by FamilyWorks® and FamilyWorks® is not responsible for its content or the reactions of readers to its content. FamilyWorks Magazine reserves the right to refuse advertising for any reason. Unsolicited manuscripts and photographs are welcome and should e-mailed to: familynews@familyworks.org
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With the growing concern of leaving a smaller footprint on the environment, we are all feeling the pressure to go green. But, it isn’t as hard as it sounds. You don’t have to change your whole life just to become green. Here are some relatively simple and inexpensive ways to help the environment, without having to change much. Cleaning Products
Harsh chemicals can be unsafe for children, pets and animals, and you. Below are some natural cleansers and their purpose.
Lemon Juice
Removes odors and bacteria from surfaces and leaves a nice scent. Its uses include: Dissolving soap scum and removing grease and stains from hard water. Polishing and shining copper and brass. Removing various stains, including those in clothing. Scrubbing and leaving a sweet scent: Use a lemon half, with the open half dipped in salt or baking soda to scrub dishes and remove bad odors from wooden cutting boards.
By Donald Jaycox Sophomore at San Marin High School
Vinegar Like lemon juice, vinegar works as a deodorizer and sanitizer. Contrary to popular belief, it will not give your home a harsh odor. The smell actually is there for a brief time. Its uses include: Cleaning glass: Mixed 50%-50% with water, it prevents streaks (use a crumpled newspaper to wipe the surface afterwards). Clearing your drains: Put about two tablespoons of baking soda down a clogged drain, followed by vinegar. Follow up with boiling or hot water. Removing water stains from leather: 50%-50%, solution.
Baking Soda
Baking soda is an all-purpose cleaner & deodorizer. It’s worth buying it in bulk. Its uses are: Removing odors: Sprinkle some onto a carpet and leave for 15 minutes, then vacuum it up. Cleaning ovens: Make a paste of baking soda & water to remove baked-on grime. Deodorizing the refrigerator, closets, storage, etc.: Open a box of soda and place where needed.
Insect Repellents
Typical bug sprays on the market usually contain highly toxic chemicals, which are unsafe for your health. They get into the soil and water supply and hurt us all. Some natural repellants include: Lavender oil, rosemary, thyme, and cloves: repels moths and flies. Citronella, which can be found in candle form: repels mosquitoes. Well, that’s all for now! Thanks for reading.
Preventing dandruff: rinse your hair with vinegar. familyworks.org
March & April 2011
Keeping Love Alive The honeymoon is over. Perhaps you’ve been together a few months, a few years or even lots of years. At some point, though, the early flames of passion will fade and you’ll start looking for ways to spark the passion. Here are a few ideas. Have Fun Together! Humor can be very intoxicating.
Be a Fun and Happy Romantic
Remember the fun times you had when you first started dating? You laughed, you played, and you spent time enjoying each other’s company. There’s no reason for the fun to stop just because you’ve been together for a while. Share jokes and cartoons - watch comedy - just laugh more!
What did you used to do when the two of you were romancing each other? Jump-start the romance by going back to some of those previous activities that generated warm feelings. Maybe you used to: Eat dinner by candlelight.
Think about some of these options: Collect cartoons or jokes that your partner will enjoy.
Hide a love note in your partner’s lunch.
Play a game together, like checkers or backgammon. Do something unexpected to surprise your partner.
Take a walk in the moonlight.
Do a puzzle together.
Read poetry to each other in the park on a blanket.
Make popcorn and watch a favorite movie.
March & April 2011
Build a fire and relax in front of it.
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Be Physical
Go Back to Dating
Do the Little Things
Being physical is an important part of relationships and takes many forms. Touch tells your partner that you care and that you enjoy being close. While sex is also an important part of closeness, it requires a level of comfort and trust that exists between sexual encounters.
One way to jump start your relationship is to “date” each other again. It is always important to have regular dates that are a priority on your calendar. If you have children, this will send the message that parents have fun together and make each other a priority.
The day-to-day grind of life can really wear you down, and at those times, paying attention to the little things gets harder. It’s more important than ever, though, that you make the extra effort to do the little things that your partner will really appreciate.
Intimacy also requires spontaneity and variety so things say “lively”. As pleasurable as sex is, doing the same thing the same way every time gets boring. Spice things up a bit and you’ll be amazed at what happens.
You could:
You could:
You could: Gently touch your partner’s arm as a way of connecting. Give a spontaneous foot or scalp massage if you know your partner likes it. Make a habit of holding hands when you are together. Offer a gentle caress or neck rub after a tough day. When the two of you do move towards having sex, seduce each other a bit. Light some candles and/or take a bubble bath together. by Mary Jane DeWolf-Smith, RN, PHN, MA, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist Mary Jane DeWolf-Smith is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist specializing in couples, parenting and co-parenting concerns. She is a renowned family educator. Learn more great parenting skills in her Positive & Peaceful Parenting class. Call (415) 492-0720 to sign up or make an appointment for counseling services.
Add to the fun by calling to ask each other out, and the one doing the asking then plans the date. Make it more challenging -- set a budget limit for the date. You’d be amazed at how much fun it is to be creative and plan a date for $40 or less. Once you’re on the date, treat each other as you did when you were first getting acquainted. Open the car door for your partner. Put on that special outfit and flirt with each other.
Make a point to give your partner a hug and a kiss each morning before you leave and each evening when you get home. Remember to say “please” and “thank you” on a regular basis. Pick the chore your partner dislikes the most, and do it for him or her without being asked. Wow! What a unique idea! Say, “I love you” often, not ust when you think it’s expected.
Relationships don’t have to get stale – being thoughtful and creative will give you and your partner the spice you need to grow and thrive together. Remember: Build your relationship on trust Know that spontaneity adds to the excitement Believe that we each deserve to be in a healthy relationship
familyworks.org
March & April 2011
It is springtime and, after months of rain and gloomy skies, we often become inspired to do some organizing and cleaning. This can be an overwhelming and unpleasant endeavor – when you are doing the work – all alone. So here is a process APPLE FamilyWorks teaches in our Positive and Peaceful Parent Program . We call our process “The 10 Ps” and below we will show how these can be applied to guide your children in being great helpers.
Proactive:
Get Organized
Patricia Saunders, MA, MFT is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist specializing in families, parenting, and co-parenting. She is the Director of Therapeutic Programs at APPLE FamilyWorks. Call (415) 492-0720 to make an appointment for counseling services.
Factor In Time
Design, and/or purchase charts, stickers, marbles, spinner wheels, tickets, and coupons, to use to track task completion and as positive consequences (rewards).
Allow plenty of time for other activities – rest, sports, homework, etc.
Create a family task chart so everyone is involved in helping.
Know that there is a learning curve to doing the task well.
Identify which tasks you need completed. Consult with the other parent on their willingness to share tasks and reinforce positive behavior.
Principled:
Be a Model
Name the key principle you are modeling when you work with your children, e.g., it is important that we are responsible, take care of property, share tasks, keep our agreements. Complete your chores with good humor. Be kind and respectful of the child’s efforts.
March & April 2011
Patient:
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Expect the child to take longer to do a task than you would.
Possible: Set
Reasonable Expectations Research what chores your child may be capable of handling. Modify tasks to match the child’s ability. Break long chores into smaller pieces so kids experience success. Label the drawers or shelves so things can be put away easily. Praise your children when they get the task “approximately right”. They will get better with time and practice.
Positive:
Choose Positive Logical Consequences
Playful:
Keep it Interesting, Flexible and Fun
Show joy, delight, and warmth for their cooperation.
Change the routine, the visuals, or possibly the rewards to add interest.
Link completion of tasks with feel-good activities, e.g., “When the dog is walked, we will play a game together.�
Use fun tools: a feather duster, gloves with faces on them, lively music, etc. Surprise kids by including fun activities on their chore charts. Make a game out of the chore. Who can do it fastest? Who can pick up more toys? continued on page 8
Age-Appropriate Responsibilities Two - Three Help make the bed Pick up toys and books Take laundry to laundry room Help feed pets Help wipe up messes Dust with socks on their hands
Four - Five
Six - Eight
Preteens can also:
can also:
Set the table
Feed pets
Wash the car
Dust
Vacuum and mop
Wash dishes
Replace light bulbs and vacuum cleaner bags
can also:
Help out in cooking and preparing food Carry and put away groceries Sort dark and light clothes
can also
Take out trash
Prepare simple meals
Fold and put away laundry
Clean the bathroom
Load the dish washer
Rake leaves Wash clothes
Teens
Wash windows Clean out refrigerator and other kitchen appliances Prepare meals
Water plants
Mow the lawn
Prepare grocery lists
Weed garden
Walk the dog
Baby-sit
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March & April 2011
Picture Perfect:
Privilege:
Address the Senses
Involve the Kids in the Process of Determining the Rewards
Use visual props to help children understand new ideas.
Involve children in making decisions. This increases self-esteem and motivates them to be responsible and accept consequences if they do not follow through.
Make a chore chart or design a points system showing progress and helping them stay focused.
Include the child in determining some of the positive consequences of helping.
Use pictures or words to list the steps you expect your child to take in completing a task. Allow hands-on manipulation of the chart – stickers, spinners, etc. (tactile and kinetic learners will enjoy this.).
Design rewards appropriate to the degree of difficulty of the tasks. Choose rewards specific to and valued by each individual child.
Persistent:
Practice:
Supervise Consistently and Calmly
Repeat Modeling and Explanations:
Keep an eye out for what is and isn’t getting done.
Do chores along with your children and demonstrate how they are done.
Support each incremental improvement.
Expect to repeat some chores as youngsters refine their skills.
Expect to repeat yourself.
Continue to follow the 10 “P’s” and cycle back to an earlier “P” when necessary.
Do what you can to improve the chore chart system or make the tasks more doable. Monitor the attitude of those completing activities.
Hang in there! Things will improve with time and you will become more relaxed and calm when you see how cooperatively your family works together.
March & April 2011
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Sarcasm and Verbal Abuse By Gary Direnfeld, LCSW
Verbal abuse refers to the use of language as a means to control or subordinate another person for either selfgratification or to impose one’s view or will on another or to gain an unfair advantage in resolving a dispute. While both parties subject to a dispute may use inappropriate language with the other, verbal abuse has the distinction of one party typically causing more distress to the other party, and causing insecurities in that party typically for the purpose of exploitation. In other words, the person wielding the verbal abuse does so to gain an advantage over the abused typically to his or her own desire. Verbal abuse takes several forms including threats, foul or demeaning language, hostile tone or volume, intensity of delivery whether loud or quiet and sarcasm. Threats are meant to scare or intimidate a person into submission. Threats can be of bodily harm to a person or other family, friends or pets of the person. Threats can also include divulging secrets or continued on page 10 familyworks.org
March & April 2011
making outright lies about a person such to either embarrass or cause to look bad in the eyes of others. Threats can also be to property as in telling a person they will destroy something and threats can be financial, thus seeking to hold a person hostage by intimating economic hardship. Even the legal system can be used against another and thus threats include telling another person they will unjustly use the legal system to gain an unfair advantage. Foul or demeaning language refers to using swear words or words like stupid or idiot to cause a person to feel less about her or himself. Thus language is used to put the other person down and gain a psychological advantage where the abuser thus presents him or herself as superior. Here, one person belittles the other through the use of language. Hostile tone, volume or intensity of delivery may appear as shouting, yelling or screaming or alternately, talking quietly yet intensely, so as to instill fear. Typically this form of verbal abuse causes the victim to acquiesce for fear of self-harm, particularly scaring the person that matters might escalate to include physical abuse. Sarcasm refers to the use of humor to mask belittling or threatening language. Thus the information is delivered in such a way so as to provide two distinct messages. The superficial message is that the intention is humor or levity while the deeper message is one that belittles, demeans or threatens. Because the deliverer uses humor to mask the message, the deliverer will try to deny the deeper message if confronted, thus leaving the receiver somewhat disarmed and unable to defend against the deeper message. Typically the person using sarcasm denies the deeper s 3ONGS s message so as to abs #HANTS s solve him or herself s -OVEMENT s from any wrongdoing and more ins )NSTRUMENT 0LAY A LONGS s sidiously try to infer s -IXED AGE CLASSES s there is something (Infant - 4.5 years) wrong with the re-53)# 4/'%4(%2 ceiver for their mis/& -!2).Ž interpretation. This obfuscation of the Mill Valley s Corte Madera receiver’s reality in San Anselmo s 2OSS s 4IBURON this scenario is also San Rafael s 4ERRA ,INDA a form of psychological abuse. #ALL "ETH AT 415.456.6630 When the receiver WWW MUSICTOGETHEROFMARIN COM gets angry enough at 10 March & April 2011
the sarcasm, the person who is sarcastic typically then uses the receiver’s display of anger as their evidence that any problem in the relationship originates with the receiver’s anger. Thus sarcasm as verbal abuse is a potent form of gaining an advantage in a dispute and is a potent means to control another to one’s gain. Underneath all forms of verbal abuse are issues of power and control. Gaining an advantage to the detriment of the other by abusive means is inherently wrong and can cause significant emotional and psychological distress. If you are in a lop-sided relationship where your partner uses verbal abuse in any form to consistently assert their will over your own, then you may require counselling and other forms of support to end the abuse and either establish an appropriate equilibrium to the relationship or else provide you an opportunity to leave safely and heal from the wounds of the abuse. Verbal abuse is real and is destructive to relationships and one’s well-being. Support and relief can be obtained through local counselling centers. If you think you are the victim of verbal abuse, contact the Marin Center for Domestic Peace at 415-457-2464. Gary Direnfeld, LCSW is a licensed social worker specializing in marriage, family, divorce and child custody. Visit mysocialworker.com for more articles and info.
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Therapy and Life Skills Center
Mindfulness
Parenting Programs
for Parents & Teachers*
Positive
Reduce Stress and Anxiety Increase Well-Being Strengthen Relationships
Parenting
Learn a powerful technique that reduces stress and promotes wellbeing. Each week explore and practice effective ways to apply mindfulness to everyday life. Benefit from your take-home workbook to help develop your mindfulness in the home and at work. Facilitator: Gary Buck, PhD., Psych. Assistant # PSB30265, supervised by Brian Lukas, Ph.D. Psy. 9835. Dates: Wednesdays, April 27, May 4, 11, 18, 25 and June1. Time: 7:00 - 9:00 PM Course Fee: $120 for the six-session series, includes workbook. Location: APPLE FamilyWorks (see familyworks.org - for directions). Register: Online at familyworks.org or by phone at (415) 492-0720. Questions: Contact Gary Buck, PhD, (415) 456-7724, ext 2. See page 17 for more information Jointly sponsored by: APPLE FamilyWorks and The Child Therapy Institute *Curriculum and materials are developed by Mindful
Schools, an Oakland non-profit which teaches mindfulness to school children and adults.
Child-Centered Co-Parenting
& Peaceful
Learn Keys to Increasing: • Cooperation • Self-esteem • Responsibilty • Communication • Respect • Discipline Viewing Life Today • Being a Proactive Parent • Identifying Your Universal Principles Listening and Talking • Listening Effectively • Decreasing Impulsive Behavior • Anger Management Feeling More Confident • Being Positive and Persistent • Sharing Successes • Setting Positive Consequences Growing Great Kids • Understanding How Kids Work • Ensuring Goodness of Fit • Making Work Fun Problem Solving that Gets Results • Using the Magical “When...Then” • Designing Charts that Get Results • Revamping “Time Out”
Parents who are living apart learn to raise their children harmoniously, keep children “out of the middle” and safely in each of their lives. Parents attend separate classes and learn to: • Deal with each other respectfully • Increase cooperation • Make co-parenting decisions calmly • Divide child-rearing tasks equitably • Manage constantly shifting schedules • Stop tantrums and dawdling • Design consequences that work • End rudeness & backtalk Seven Tuesday evenings: March 15 - April 26, 2011 Earn a certificate of completion at graduation.
Four Tuesday evenings: March 15 - April 5, 2011 Earn a certificate of completion at graduation.
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415-492-0720 March & April 2011
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Therapy and Life Skills Center Therapy Programs Therapy with Children With a wide variety of child-centered expressive arts, includingspecialized sand-tray materials, children bring their thoughts and emotions to the surface allowing the child to build self-esteem and enhance emotional regulation.
Individual Family Therapy and Couples Counseling Concerns, hopes and dreams, as well as practical and effective relationship tools are explored. The result is increased understanding and empathy, more cooperation and more fun in family life through: • Managing Child Behavior • Resolving Hurts and Conflicts • Dealing with Anxiety, Depression and Addictions • Sharing Child Rearing • Planning for Play • Managing Anger • Creating Cooperative Responsible Children
Therapy with Teens APPLE FamilyWorks’ skilled therapists work with adolescents to support their journey to adulthood. Using various forms of expressive arts therapy, interactive play/exercises and outdoor activities, teens find new ways to resolve problems, build greater self-esteem and enhance their social skills in ways that support their healthy growth and development.
Utilizing a variety of theoretical approaches, APPLE FamilyWorks’ therapists help individuals to develop healthy life skills and increase their social-emotional well being. We are skilled in helping with a broad range of relationship and psychological issues, including: • Life Stage Transitions • Anxiety • Abuse • Depression • Anger & Conflict • Improved Self-Esteem • Grief & Loss • Stress
Assessment
Using temperament profiles and developmental assessments, parents and children will learn positive skills and design behavior plans that maximize each child’s potential. Therapists consult with teachers and parents, developing behavioral interventions that work at home, play and school. Therapists are available to make home-visits, school observations and attend IEP meetings. Mental health screenings for anxiety, depression, AD/HD, etc. are available. Adjustable Fees
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415-492-0720
Therapy and Life Skills Center Family Interactive Therapy
F. I.T Services: When Family members want to improve communication and learn problem solving skills, Family Interactive Therapy at FamilyWorks, offers a unique program. Initially the parents share concerns with their therapist, followed by an opportunity for the entire family to set and meet their goals. Then, individual family members may be interviewed. An action plan is designed to meet the needs of each individual and the entire family.
Family Meeting
Individual Counseling Families may choose to benefit from the one way mirror option, in which child development assessments are made and family members can practice the skills they are learning with the assistance of an APPLE FamilyWorks therapist. Parents may receive guidance through an ear bud as the therapist observes interactions through the one-way mirror.
One-way Mirror Option
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415-492-0720 March & April 2011
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Therapy and Life Skills Center Support for Individuals with Developmental Disabilities Parenting Support Services • Parenting and Co-Parenting • Childbirth Education • Child Development and Family Planning • Behavior Management and Stress Reduction • Early Intervention in Postpartum Depression • Positive and Peaceful Discipline
• Injury Prevention, Nutrition, and Exercise • Household Management, and Transportation • Financial Management and Budgeting • Development of Social Support Systems • Linkage with Others Services
• Family Health Promotion and Hygiene
Independent Living Skills • Academic Growth
• Hygiene and Self-care
• Behavior Management
• Housekeeping
• Stress Reduction Skills
• Transportation Skills
• Injury Prevention
• Community Access
• Nutrition
• Employment Readiness
• Health Promotion and Exercise
• Financial Management and Budgeting
• Development of Social Support Systems
CPR & First Aid Classes Saturday, March 26, 2011 CPR - 9:30 AM to 1:00 PM First Aid - 1:15 to 4 PM
Learn infant, child and adult choke-saving and CPR and how to apply these skills in emergencies. You will have
familyworks.org 14 March & April 2011
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hands-on practice, receive a CPR skill book and a National Safety Council Certification upon completion.
415-492-0720
Cooling
by Lew Tremaine, Editor, FamilyWorks Magazine
Parent Teen Conflict A common complaint that parents of teens voice is that every conversation with their child seems to turn into a fight. What many parents don’t realize is that they are fully capable and have total power to change the tone of communication in their home. It takes two to have a conflict. Teens, who are struggling with conflicting desires for parental direction and independence (and coping with a host of hormonal changes), are all too eager to take up a fight. It is the parent (the adult) who controls the tone of discussion. Consider the following scenario and relate it back to your last argument with your teen. What can you do differently? John sits in his chair in the living room, feeling his anger grow with every change of the digital clock on the DVD player – 10:45, 10:46, 10:47 and Megan is supposed to be home at 10 p.m. on school nights and, before she left for pizza and studying with her friends, John made a point of telling her he wanted to get to bed early because he has an important early-morning business meeting. As the clock changes to 11:00, he hears the front door open and Megan walks into the livingroom. “Hi Daddy, I
thought you’d be in bed by now,” she says, spotting him in the chair. “Don’t you have to get up early?” How should John handle the coming confrontation with his 15 year-old daughter? He’s been stewing about her tardiness and (in his view) flagrant disregard for his rules for an hour. The lower functioning part of his brain wants to explode in an angry outburst. His higher reasoning brain realizes that she’s home safe, she shows no signs of drug or alcohol use and Megan had never come home nearly this late before. John (after briefly considering his options.): “What kept you so late?”
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continued on page 16 March & April 2011
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Megan: (beginning to get defensive and annoyed) “I figured you were sleeping. You said you have to get up early. (Sarcastically) Excuse me for being considerate.” Realizing that his own annoyance and questioning is heating up the conflict, and knowing that he is too tired and angry to logically resolve it right now, John decides to postpone the conversation. John: “If we get into an argument, neither of us will get enough sleep and I need to be sharp tomorrow. We’ll talk about this tomorrow before dinner. I expect you to come right home after school.” In spite of Megan’s protests, John calmly leaves the room and goes to bed. Under the circumstances he made the best choice. His initial interrogation put his daughter on the defensive and an unproductive argument was brewing. In our example, John chose not to fight. Giving himself time to think and a chance to cool his own emotions, he kept the conversation to clarifying and reiterating established rules. John doesn’t give the incident much thought until his drive home from work. The morning meeting went well and he’s in a good mood. John calls home to make sure Megan has followed his instructions and finds out she’s studying in her room with a girlfriend. He reminds his daughter of their appointment and suggests that her friend go
home before they talk. On the drive home, it occurs to John that he should not have assumed that Megan would equate the information about his morning schedule with an imperative to be home on time. He didn’t actually say as much. In fact, he might very well have confused her by not saying exactly what he meant. And, because Megan has never come home more than 10 or 15 minutes late before, he realizes they had never discussed, or written down, what the consequences might be for such a transgression. When he gets home, John pulls out his laptop and writes up the following agreement... “When Megan returns home by 10 p.m on school nights, then she may stay out until 11:00 on Friday and Saturday nights. “When Megan continues to maintain her current 3.0 GPA, then she will be allowed a bonus of 30 minutes on weekend nights, extending her Friday and Saturday curfew to 11:30 p.m.. “If Megan comes home late on any night, then she will stay home on the very next weekend night. Additional late arrivals will result in the loss of additional weekend night privileges. He includes lines for his signature and Megan’s and prints
Family Dental Care
John T. Smith, DDS 915 Sir Francis Drake Blvd., San Anselmo (Across from Red Hill Shopping Center)
415-453-1666
16 March & April 2011
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out the document. Now he is ready for their meeting and he takes the document up to Megan’s room. John begins with positive statements to keep Megan from getting defensive: John: “Thanks for sending your friend home so promptly, I appreciate that.” Megan: “I’m sorry I came home late.” John: “I don’t think you did it on purpose and I appreciate your not wanting to wake me up by calling. But in the future, know that I can’t sleep when you are out, so you should always call.” Megan: “OK, I didn’t know that.” John: “No, it’s never happened before, so you wouldn’t have. I’ve typed up an agreement about your curfew. I want you to read it and sign it.”
Megan: “You’re kidding right? Why do we need to sign something?” John: “This will help us both be clear and stick to our agreement.” Megan: (taking the agreement and begining to read) “Wow! Your gonna let me stay out ‘til 11:30 now?” John: “When you keep your grades up, then you get more privlidges.”
Recent studies of the brain show that none of us can easily remember rules or information delivered in the heat of an argument.
Megan: “Does this mean that If I’m late twice I lose two weekend nights?”
Mindfulness
John: “Yes, but, I’m hoping we won’t have to go there.”
for
Megan: “I’m pretty sure we won’t, I can definitely live with this. Hey! Does this mean I’m grounded Friday night?” John: “No, you get a one time pass on last night. But not again.” Megan: (cheerfully signing the agreement) “Whew!!! Thanks Dad. Love you. Any parent of a teenager can easily imagine the fight that would ensue if John doesn’t keep his wits. Throughout the solution he ultimately employs, John is careful to keep Megan’s point of view in mind. He does not take her tardiness personally and he remembers to consider something she does that he appreciates (good grades) and for which she deserves recognition. He crafts a reasonable agreement, puts it in writings and discusses the provisions with Megan, so she can more easily buy into them. Keeping the heat out of conflicts with teens requires patience and time. But a dictatorial approach that puts your teen on the defensive and invites ongoing arguments always takes more time. Plus, recent studies of the brain show that none of us can easily remember rules or information delivered in the heat of an argument. When conflicts are kept at a low intensity, a pattern of reasonable communication and problem-solving develops and home stops feeling like a battlefield. APPLE FamilyWorks offers a seminar to local middle and high schools called “Cooling Teen/Parent Conflict”. Led by renowned parenting educator Mary Jane DeWolf-Smith, MA, PHN, MFT and FamilyWorks Magazine Editor Lew Tremaine, this fun and interactive seminar provides tools you can use immediately to change the relationship you have with your teen. If you are interested in bringing this seminar to your school, call APPLE FamilyWorks at 415-492-0720 for information. familyworks.org
Teachers and Parents* Reduce Stress and Anxiety • Learn skillful responses to challenging life situations • Incorporate natural conflict resolution • Benefit from physiological and cognitive relaxation Increase Well-Being • Cultivate gratitude • Increase patience • Improve concentration • Adapt to change Strengthen Relationships • Deepen communication skills • Practice effective tools for managing relationship dynamics • Gain increased empathy for oneself and others Facilitator: Gary Buck, PhD., post-doctoral intern therapist at The Child Therapy Institute Psych. Assistant # PSB30265, has been a practitioner of mindfulness for over 30 years and is trained by Mindful Schools. Dr. Buck is supervised by Brian Lukas, Ph.D. Psy. 9835. Dates: Wednesdays, April 27, May 4, 11, 18, 25 and June1. Time: 7:00 - 9:00 PM Course Fee: $120 for the six-session series, includes workbook. Location: APPLE FamilyWorks. Directions: familyworks.org Register: Online at familyworks.org, Or by phone - Call APPLE FamilyWorks
(415) 492-0720
Jointly sponsored by APPLE FamilyWorks and the Child Therapy Institute *Curriculum and materials are developed by Mindful Schools, an Oakland non-profit that teaches mindfulness to school children and adults. March & April 2011
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www.
Marin Shakespeare Company Dominican University Terra Linda Rec. Center Hamilton Amphitheater Marin Art & Garden Center June 20-August 12 www.marinShakespeare.org
18 March & April 2011
Camp Spotlight It’s like the old cereal commercial: “Tastes great and it’s good for you, too!” Students who participate in a two or three-week Shakespeare camp learn while having fun. When young people develop an interest in Shakespeare at an early age, they gain a lifelong intellectual curiosity about literature, psychology, and history, in addition to a love of the performing arts. It’s a sneaky way to increase vocabularies, teach the power of poetic devices (like alliteration), and introduce the history of the Renaissance. And since every camp culminates in a performance or showcase, campers learn artistic discipline, teamwork, and performance skills, all while being
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encouraged to use their creativity and imaginations to the fullest. On a typical day at a Marin Shakespeare Summer Camps, Young Company students ages 8 to 12 play theatre games and practice improvisation exercises to expand their imaginations; they learn to work together as an ensemble where every member helps and supports the others; they rehearse a 40 to 60-minute version of a Shakespeare play – all Shakespeare’s words, but edited for length; and prepare for the final performance on the last day of camp, which will have simple costumes and props. Our teachers focus on the students’ vocal projection and help build self-confidence in public speaking and performance. We never forget that the best way to teach is to make it fun. This summer’s Young Company camps will include sessions on “Macbeth”, “The Tempest”, and “As You Like It”. Campers will be casting witchy spells, practicing sword-fighting, creating Prospero’s magic, and debating the merits of the civilized court versus the idyllic Forest of Arden. Our two-week Shakespeare’s Stories camps for 5 to 7-year-olds introduce Shakespeare to students using a curriculum we’ve developed specifically for very young children. In this very active camp, we use creative dramatics to give students many opportunities for structured imaginative play, learning teamwork, and practicing artistic discipline.
For teenagers, we offer several different learning experiences. The two-week improvisation session immerses teens in the “just say yes!” world of improvisational acting, where you have to think on your feet and let your imagination run wild. Our three-week play production camp will give students the chance to perform the romantic comedy, “As You Like It”, playing some of Shakespeare’s most intriguing characters and learning why “all the world’s a stage”. Our Technical Intern Program introduces high school students to every aspect of production that goes into putting on our professional main stage plays at the Forest Meadows Amphitheatre. The Intern Program includes workshops with directors, stage managers, designers, and a lot of hands-on, on-the-job learning through doing. It’s a fabulous opportunity for theatre-struck teenagers to spend the summer with the professional company at Marin Shakespeare. There’s also our popular Tennis/Drama camp. The only camp offered on the Forest Meadows stage at Dominican University of California in San Rafael, this camp combines morning drama classes with an afternoon of group tennis lessons and swimming across the street at the Marin Tennis Club. The final performance of Shakespeare
The two-week improvisation session immerses teens in the “just say yes!” world of improvisational acting
scenes lets young people feel what it’s really like to act on our big stage. Other camp sessions take place at the Marin Art and Garden Center in Ross, Terra Linda Recreation Center in San Rafael, and the Hamilton Amphitheatre in Novato. All camps are taught by professional actors, often those you can see in the main stage productions at Forest Meadows throughout the summer. Whichever camp your child enjoys, your camper will be proud of his or her performance. And you can feel proud that you found a great summer camp that combines academic learning with a whole lot of creative fun. A complete schedule of sessions and additional information can be found on the Marin Shakespeare Company website at www.marinShakespeare.org. familyworks.org
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Save Money on Summer Camp By Michelle Johnson
Summer camps are a tradition for many families. For parents, camp is a great way to keep kids occupied and active when school is out; kids view it as an opportunity for having fun and making new friends. However, with the country still reeling from the recession, summer camps are falling off the list of many family must-haves as other necessities take a higher priority, such as mortgage payments and groceries. 20 March & April 2011
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You may not have to cross camps off the summer agenda, however—there are ways to make it more affordable. All over the country, camps are making adjustments to meet the needs of families by lowering fees and costs. In addition, you might qualify for discounts or even be able to write camp off as a tax break! Discover Your Discounts Siblings: For families with multiple children, this is an easy way to save money. Although you may have sent your children to different camps in summers past, this is the year to look into a camp that you can send all your children to. Camps typically offer a discount based on the number of children you register, which could save you a few hundred dollars. Pay Early (Book Now!) Many camps offer a discounted rate if you pay the entire amount early, as opposed to waiting until the last minute. You might save as much as $100, or more. The only caveat – Be sure your
Bar 717 Ranch – Camp Trinity Founded in 1930, the Bar 717 Ranch offers children ages 8-16 the opportunity to spend the summer on a beautiful mountain ranch. Campers choose freely from activities including horsemanship, backpacking, gardening, animal care, river swimming, arts and crafts, photography, music, drama, archery, blacksmithing and ceramics. 530628-5992, www.bar717.com
Camp Tam at Homestead Valley A FUN, SAFE, traditional, diverselyprogrammed outdoor summer day camp for elementary school kids. A variety of outdoor activities, including our own swimming pool! Creative, small-group program; we promote respect for each other and the environment. Team-building exercises, games, projects, and nature education with walks through the host of trails that surround Homestead Valley. 415-388-0137. info@homesteadvalley.org, www. homesteadvalley.org,
family’s calendar is up to date when you register, because the fine print may include a no-refund policy. Take Advantage of Tax Breaks Did you know that summer camps can qualify as a childcare tax break? If your child is 13 or younger, you can likely deduct the cost of camps from your taxable income. Consult with an accountant or look into this beforehand if it’s something you’re interested in.
Camp Winnarainbow Ages 7-14. A sleepaway camp specialized in the circus and performing arts. Activities include trapeze, clowning, tightrope, juggling, unicycling, stilt-walking, gymnastics, theater, hip hop, martial arts, magic, music, art, basketball court, nature walks, environmental and multi-cultural awareness. Beautiful lake with 350¹ waterslide, year-round stream and lodging in canvas tipis. 510-525-4304.
Camping Gear Savings If you do sign your kids up for camp, you may find yourself needing to buy some gear. Whether it’s sandals, tents, sunscreen, or sleeping bags, these items can all add up to a hefty price tag! Here are some websites that can help you pack your child up for camp, while leaving you some money for your own adventures.
Book Shorter Sessions You may have always enrolled your child in full-day camp before, but to cut costs you can register kids for half-day camp. It’s just as much fun for kids, but at a significantly reduced cost. The camp you’re interested in may not advertise a half-day program, so ask about it if you’re unsure. Another option is limiting the number of days your child attends. Instead of five days a week, try three or four. Camps for Lower Budgets If you’re looking to spend less than $600 per week on camp (private camps can cost around $700–$1200 per week), you do have options. Jill Levin, the West Coast Advisor of Tips on Trips and Camps, suggests that parents contact camps run by local county government or agencies, such as the Jewish Federation, the JCC, the Salvation Army, Campfire Boys and Girls, or the Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts. These camps offer a summer experience at a reduced cost because the sponsoring agency subsidizes the camp. Levin also suggests looking into financial aid, which is available at most camps. If you apply early, it is possible to get a 20–50% discount based on need.
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Devil’s Gulch Ranch Camp Camp at Devil’s Gulch Ranch is a camp like no other! Experience a real working ranch, take care of the animals, explore the surrounding wilderness, connect with nature, make new friends, meet new challenges and learn the skills of our ancestors. What you learn here will last you a lifetime. Our camp is accredited
TV/Film Acting Day Camp
Ages 4-18 Award Winning • 30th Year Comedy, Voiceover, Film Acting, Improv SAN RAFAEL, SAN FRANCISCO, EAST BAY June/July/Aug
415.440.4400 www.kids-on-camera.com
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by the American Camp Association (ACA). Contact: (415) 662-1099, joebarr.dges@ gmail.com. www.dges.org Kids On Camera TV/Film Acting Day Camp Age 4-18. Lights, camera, fun! Weeklong camps. 30th year. Comedy, characters w/ costumes, voiceover, film acting, improv, photo modeling. Build confidence. 9:30A-3P. Extended care 8A-6P. San Rafael, July/Aug, St. Raphael School, 1100 5th Ave. San Francisco: Jun 27-July 1. 495 9th Ave near Geary/19th. We trained Andy, Toy Story. Judy Berlin 415.440-4400 www.kids-on-camera. com, $200-375. Marin Horizon School Summer Camp Fun for children 3-8 yrs! 9am – 3pm, extended care 8:30am – 5:30pm. 4 or 5-day/week program; half-day option for 3 and 4-year olds. State-licensed. All head teachers have California State or Montessori teaching credentials. Gymnastics, Swimming or Team Sports every day! 3 age groups: the Scouts, the Hawks, and the Explorers. 3 sessions between 6/27 – 8/5. www.marinhorizon.org. 415-388-8408 x263.
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Marin Shakespeare Company Summer Camps: We make Shakespeare fun! Ages 5 to 7, 8 to 12 and teenagers. Two and three week sessions June 20 - August 12 in Ross, San Rafael and Novato, including the popular Tennis/Drama camp. Each session culminates in a performance. www.marinshakespeare. org or call 415-499-4487. Marin YMCA Y Camp is going bananas this year! We are pulling out all the stops by keeping our traditional Y camp with sports, crafts, swimming, and fieldtrips, and adding special event days with guest speakers, nature hikes, Wii parties, theme days and more. Check out our web site for details: www.ymcasf. org/marin. Summer Dance Camps at Terra Linda Recreation Fun “Circus Dance Camp” for active children ages 6-11. Aug 1- 5. Ballet, tap, jazz, hip hop; learn how to create your own dance. No experience is required. “Princess Dance Camp”, ages 4-6, June 13 - 17. Ballet and creative dance; tiaras, wands, face painting and a Princess Ball! Go to http://eplay. livelifelocally.com for more information.
Camp Tam at Homestead Valley Gymnastics Lessons • Swimming Lessons Exciting Field Trips • Low Teacher:Student Ratio Music • Arts and Crafts • Sports Capoeira classes • Nature Hikes Extended Care until 5:30
Marin Horizon Summer Camp
Homestead Valley Community Center offers a summer day camp in a beautiful setting at the foot of Mt. Tamalpais. Swimming, Hiking, Sports, Drama, Art, Outdoor Education, Gardening and more in a small-group atmosphere. For children entering grades K through 5 Nine 1-week sessions (each with its own theme) June 20th – August 19th, Mon–Fri 9:00 – 4:00
(Optional pre and post-camp 8-9 am and 4-5 pm)
June 27th-Aug 5th Serving all kids aged 3-8
For a brochure or more info call 415.388.8408 x263 or visit marinhorizon.org Questions? email summercamp@marinhorizon.org 305 Montford Avenue, Mill Valley, CA 94941
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(415) 388-0128
315 Montford Ave, Mill Valley
info@homesteadvalley.org www.homesteadvalley.org
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From the Good Earth Kitchen
Holiday Menu Our Kitchen is Offering Three Thanksgiving Dinners and Four Yummy Pies! Organic Turkey Dinner Hand-sliced Turkey Brest Turkey Grravy Sage Stuffing Mashed Potatoes
Garlic Green Beans Cranberry Sause Single Dinner, $24 Dinner for 4, $92
Organic Pumpkin Lasagna Dinner Vegeterian Pumpkin Lasagna Garlic Green Beans Cranberry Sause Single Dinner, $14 Dinner for 4, $52
Honored by your voting us into the Hall of Fame for Best Health Food Store Vegeterian Almond Loaf Dinner and three years running Almond Loaf Garlic Green Beans Walnut Pecan Grravy Cranberry Sause BestSageBusiness that Stuffing Single Dinner, $20 Vegan Sashed Potatoes Dinner for 4, $76 Promotes Going Green Organic Homemade Pies Pies Serve 6-8 Wheat free Almand Crust is available for an additional $2 Pumpkin Pie $21.98 Apple Pie $17.98 Vegan Pumpkin Pie $15.98 Pecan Pie `$23.98 0
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To place an order, stop by or call 454-0123 2006-201 2006-201 Thanksgiving orders accepted through Monday, Nov. 22
Each 1.25 pound dinner is presented in a fully-recyclable and Best oven-heatable container Best Health Business aluminum that Marin’s largest selection Biodynamic Food Store of fine wines Made from Organic Promotesand Going Green Grapes 1966 Sir Francis Drake Blvd Fairfax GeNatural.com OPEN N YD EAY ERP EVO 9AM-9PM AY
EVERYD 9AM-9PM
2008 FAMILY FRIENDLY Business of the Year