Summer 2011
Summer 2011
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My Daughter is Driving Me Nuts
By Mary Jane DeWolf-Smith MA, RN, MFT
20 Nine Ways to Reduce
Keeping Kids Cyber Safe This Summer
By Andrea Eldridge
22 Keeping Kids Hooked
8 Fostering “Real” Freindships
Gas Addiction
In the Digital Age
on Reading
by Eileen Wacker
By Kim Seidel
APPLE FamilyWorks 11 Parenting Programs 12 Counseling Programs 13 Family Interactive Therapy 14 Support for Individuals 16 What Do We Tell the Kids
By Gary Direnfeld, LCSW
Read on-line at familyworks.org
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Summer 2011
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Summer 2011
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My Daughter is Driving Me Nuts
of their daughter. They live a complex and fast paced life, thriving on action and variety. Both leave home early in the morning and travel one hour to work. Each child has different schedules and different schools and are signed up for several after school activities. Jeff often works late, so Barbara manages both children at supper and bedtime. She is able to leave tasks unfinished and return to them with ease. She pictures the steps toward her goal and moves quickly through the routines to get the chores, homework and social activities organized, and get the kids to bed so she can have a few moments of peace before starting all over again. The family travels or entertains each weekend. This fast pace overwhelmed Polly. Clearly, Polly’s temperament is not well matched to her family’s life-style.
What am I going to do about Polly? Our son Josh is so easy going. If he’s on the computer and it’s time to get ready for school, FAMILY VALUES he happily shifts gears. He completes his homework, but can AND MEMORIES As Jeff and Barbara learned put it down when it’s time for bed. Polly pitches a fit when I ask her to change her activities or stop what she is working on. It’s a nightmare getting her up and off to school. Each transition point is a major battle. We’ve tried punishment and bribes. Why won’t she co-operate. She’s driving me nuts! Two of the nine in-born behavioral temperament traits are 1) Persistence and 2) Adaptability. Those who score as “high persistence” on the Temperament Profile are “hard wired” in such a way that they feel pressured to complete an activity and experience a gut-wrenching discomfort when asked to stop short of completing the task. High persistence people actually picture the completion of a task. Their intuitive vision of the end product does not include seeing the smaller steps to get there. Those with high persistence experience a gutwrenching discomfort when asked to stop short of completing a task. Those with “slower adaptability” are uncomfortable making transitions quickly or adjusting to changes in ex Summer 2011
pectations. They may not feel pushed to complete what they are doing, but feel uncomfortable moving quickly from one activity to the next.
Imagine how difficult every morning and evening is for a slow adapter, needing to go from dinner, to homework, to changing clothes, to bathing, to bedtime routine. Those without knowledge of temperament may think that the resistance is a sign of “stubbornness”, “uncooperation”, “rigidity” or “inflexibility”.
TEMPERAMENT MATCH
Innately, Barbara and Jeff, Polly’s parents, shift gears quickly, having a “transmission” very different from that familyworks.org
about temperament, it was also important to see how the difference in family temperaments related to family values and past experiences. Barbara valued quick responses. Barbara also remembered how her older brother Cliff always lagged behind and left Barbara to do much of the household chores for their working mother. His family thought he was lazy and stubborn. Barbara realized that Polly’s behavior brought back unpleasant feelings and resulted in Barbara resenting her daughter. Jeff was a graphic designer. He worked on tight deadlines and had to please many customers. He survived by being quick and flexible. This came naturally to him. Polly’s focusing on one task at a time infuriated and worried him. He couldn’t image how she could survive in the world with such inflexibility. Why couldn’t she set priorities and multi-task?
by Mary Jane DeWolf-Smith, RN, PHN, MA, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
POSITIVE CHARACTERISTICS
Due to their own temperaments and past experiences, Polly’s parents could not see the benefit of Polly’s temperament traits. They worried that she would fail at school and in the work force. But when they were reminded of the ancient story, The Tortoise and the Hare their vision changed. They came to realize that this story has captured the imagination of generations because it acknowledges and values the inborn differences between each of us. While the tortoise was slow to start, he hung in there and did win the race. When Jeff and Barbara completed temperament profiles for themselves, and both children and then met with an APPLE FamilyWorks therapist for two consultations, they could see what was igniting sparks at home. Once aware of the triggered feelings and a new language to describe Polly’s behavior, Barbara and Jeff were able to take Polly’s behavior more in stride and to create some environmental accommodations. They realized that Polly wasn’t being intentionally oppositional. Jeff made a list of the positive attributes of a persistent and slow adapting child, which included: steady, tenacious, committed, thoughtful and cautious.
ACCOMMODATING TECHNIQUES
With better understanding of Polly’s temperamental style, Barbara and Jeff planned for and slowed transitions and allowed more “down” time for Polly to focus on one thing at a time. Polly’s after school activities were also adjusted. She managed better with individual sports, such as swimming, distance running, golf and bicycling where she could set her own pace. This really helped the
Mary Jane DeWolf-Smith is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist specializing in couples, parenting and co-parenting concerns. She is a renowned family educator. Learn more great parenting skills in her Positive & Peaceful Parenting class. Call (415) 492-0720 to sign up or make an appointment for counseling services.
entire family. They helped Polly learn to picture completing tasks in smaller, more readily attainable pieces, rather than envisioning the end product that she felt pressured to complete all at once. They ceased calling her stubborn and uncooperative. They began to empathize with her discomfort in switching gears quickly. Barbara gave Polly twice as much warning, or preptime, to make a transition from one activity to the other. They also tried to provide a predictable schedule with a relaxed environment at home.
Polly was bright and creative, so her parents set up art activities that she could work on as an option to being glued to video games or TV. Polly learned to take more responsibility for her reactions to being rushed or interrupted. Rather than pout, sass back or boil inside, she would say, “Okay, Dad, I just need about ten minutes”or “I’d like to finish this one part of my project. How much time do I have?” These requests reminded her parents of her need for slower transitions and also created positive self-talk.
we break down behaviors into measurable, fail-proof steps, we can then notice or reinforce successes. Since Polly thought in completed tasks, not in the sequences to get there, Barbara and Jeff sat down with Polly when there was plenty of time to relax and created a large printed list of each morning’s activities. They provided Polly with different brightly colored post-it notes. She wrote each step on a different note. Then she ordered the notes in a sequence that worked for her. She placed different groups of notes by her desk, closet door, bathroom mirror and door exiting to the garage. She was encouraged to order the activities in a way that each step is followed by a step that is more desirable than the previous one. This created momentum and built in Continued on page 15 rewards.
HELPING THROUGH PLANNING
Consider the APPLE FamilyWorks principle “What we notice most is what we get most.” When
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Summer 2011
Often Over-
Safety
These days, our kids are more likely to spend the summer roaming the internet, swimming in a sea of media, and inventing stories by for their Facebook page.
Put Children
Keep Kids Cyber Safe This Summer by Andrea Eldridge
As the days get longer and warmer, they herald the coming of summer vacation. Who doesn’t remember the joy of lazy days spent roaming the neighborhood with your buddies, swimming in the pool or lake, or inventing games to play in the backyard? Yet these days, our kids are more likely to spend the summer roaming the internet, swimming in a sea of media, and inventing stories for their Facebook page. How do you get your kids to unplug and see the sun? When they are online, how do you keep your kids safe when they’re home free and you’re not? NERDS have scoured the internet for the best tips and tools to bring the relaxation back to summer vacation.
Limit it:
The Mikko Que sold at www. insightmediaintl.com is a time management system for all of your home media devices. Connect the Mikko box to your TV, gaming unit, and internet connection, then set limits for each of your kids. Everyone gets their own USB thumb drive that stores the time they’re allowed. If Sally wants to watch TV, she plugs her thumb drive into the Mikko box which activates Summer 2011
inputs to the TV for however much time she has remaining in her allotment. If she reaches the end of her allowed time, or the time of day that you’ve decided TV is not allowed (for example, bedtime), the box will warn her that her time is ending, then cut the video and audio feed to the TV, disabling the device. You can set personalized limits for internet usage, video game play, TV and computer use. familyworks.org
How do you get your kids to unplug and see the sun? Nerds On Call offers on-site computer and electronic repair services to consumers and businesses for PCs and Macs, home and office networks, printers, iPods® and MP3 players, handheld devices and cell phones, home theaters and game systems, and virtually every other form of digital entertainment. For more information, visit www.callnerds.com or call 1-800-919-NERD.
Access to the cables is locked in the box, so even your more technosavvy teens would have to break the box to get to the cables. Now if only it could be programmed to remind them to pick up their room!
Control It:
Limiting the time your kids spend with technology is only the first step. The Internet is a scary place, where your kids will see and learn things you probably don’t want them exposed to. They can also unintentionally expose themselves to danger by posting personal information about themselves to public sites like Facebook and Twitter. While the safest answer is to limit online time to when you are home or with your kids, sometimes that’s not realistic. Net Nanny at www. netnanny.com is a great resource to limit the things that your children find online, post to the internet, even install on the computer. More than a list of blocked websites, Net Nanny uses a unique filter that reviews the content of the website before displaying it. Net Nanny uses the site’s content to categorize it, and you can allow or block categories for each of your users individually. You can even set it up to capture where your kids are going online, view a log of IM chat sessions, even review their Facebook profiles so you can see their friends, wall posts, and what they are sharing with the
world. You can block the installation of games based on their ESRB rating, and set limits to amount and time of day that you want to allow your kids to be on the computer.
Filter It:
Now that so many of our children have cell phones, it seems that they are never without unfiltered access to technology. The safest route is to contact your service provider to disable web access on your child’s phone and handheld devices, and limit their texting. Limiting access on a portable device can be quite a challenge. While there are some mobile applications, it’s harder to keep your child from disabling a 3rd party application than it is to use parental control features provided by your cell carrier. Call your provider to
see what ways they offer to control your child’s usage. But if that is not an option, NERDS found a couple programs that will help. A mobile watchdog program at www.mymobilewatchdog.com can simply be downloaded so that you can see all texts, pictures, and emails sent to and from your child’s phone. Kids are aware that the phone is being monitored. Want to be a bit more covert? You can also monitor your child’s phone with Mobile Spy downloadable at www.mobilespy.com. This program runs silently in the background of the mobile device you install it on, to secretly monitor texts, emails, and GPS location. Reports are sent to you of your child’s activity.
Finally, A Word of Advice:
Talk to your kids about the limits you’re setting and why. If you impose restrictions without a constructive conversation, your techno-savvy kids are likely
to spend the summer finding ways around the things you implement to keep them safe. Have questions about these resources? Connect FREE with a NERD on our LIVE Chat @ www.callnerds.com or visit our www.callnerds.com/blog .
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Summer 2011
Fostering “Real” Friendships in the Digital Age By Kim Seidel
In art and in life we are surrouned by reminders of the value of having good friends. As parents, it’s one of our top desires for our children to have strong, positive friendships. Along with helping them to grow socially and emotionally, friendships do so much more for your children, says Niobe Way, an author and psychology professor at New York University. “Research studies clearly have shown that close and mutually supportive friendships enable your child to feel good about him or herself, engage more positively in school, and make better choices in all aspects of his or her life,” Way says. Friendships are critical to a child’s health and wellbeing. Summer 2011
“As parents, teachers and professionals, we need to understand that at the deepest level, friendships help your child thrive in the world,” Way says. “What parent does not want that for his or her child?” Experts agree that parents can help foster their child’s friendships at every age and stage. In our busy, digital and material world, one critical piece of advice for parents of teens, elementaryage and preschoolers: Leave behind the computer games and television. Let the children play and talk together to build true bonds.
Young Children
Friendships begin at home. “Positive relationships with parents and siblings will build a secure attachment and a strong sense of self-confidence that helps children to make friends once they spend more time out in the world,” says Fran Swift, a parent educator. Young children constantly watch familyworks.org
their parents. “They’re learning how to relate to others about generosity, sharing, caring, and tolerance from observing the way in which their family interacts with each other and to those outside the home,” Swift says. More exposure to other friends begins when parents start to bring their children to play dates and other gettogethers with other kids. By the age of 3, children begin growing out of playing side by side – parallel play - and start interactive play with another. Around age 4, they often choose a friend they enjoy playing with. Respect your child’s temperament when helping him make friends, Swift says. Some children are slow to warm up into a group, while others immediately join in with others. The reserved child often will feel more confident with a planned one-to-one connection at first. Parents can offer their child suggestions about how to say “hello” to others. Encourage your child to make eye contact when a friend says “hello” to him. It’s fun to role play these scenarios together at home, being careful not to make the child feel too self-conscious, Swift says. Keep it fun. Be observant about who your child is drawn to and create a play date for them. Young children usually do best together at a park where they can more actively play together. “Sometimes, it’s difficult for children at this age to share their favorite toys, so playing outside, going up and down slides, collecting leaves, looking for frogs and such will join two children in their common goal,” Swift says. “Even the most reserved child will enjoy splashing in water or blowing bubbles with a friend.” The best result occurs when “pure play” between two friends is happening, Swift says. The sounds of talking, laughing and playing make believe create bonds between children. Allow time for more imaginative play – house, school, drama – and less structured activities with friends.
Elementary School Years
As an educator for 25 years, Melani Fay has observed a decline in the depth of young friendships. “Due to technology, kids are more shallow,” Fay says. “They’re too plugged in. Playing Wii video games is not playing together.” Studies show that children aren’t as adept at reading facial expressions and body language, Fay says. “There is just
Close and mutually supportive friendships enable your child to feel good about him or herself, engage more positively in school, and make better choices in all aspects of his or her life. too much screen time and technology between us at all ages,” she says. “Have your children go outside with a ball or go for a bike ride with their friend.” Simple activities give children the space and time to talk about who they are about, such as their likes and dislikes. This improves the depth of their relationships. Social gatherings offer an opportunity to mix your children up with people of all ages and to teach them about friendships. Eating dinner together also is a critical time to make connections. Have your children’s friends over for dinner. Talk to your children about farfetched expectations they view on television, Fay says. Children receive immediate feedback and view a lot of competition on television. Teach them that life isn’t all about winning. Television also has many unrealistic situations about friendships. Parents can role model high quality friendships. Talk about the pleasures and challenges in your own friendships.
Teen friendships
While the technology your teen uses to communicate with their friends is here to stay, texting and social networking should not replace face-to-face time with their peers, says Way, author of “Deep Secrets: Boys’ Friendships and the Crisis of Connection” (2011, Harvard University Press). Set the tone early on that playing on the computers shouldn’t be the main focus of a friendship. Invite your teenager’s friends to hang out at your house and even better, bring them along
on a family trip, says Way, the mother of a son, 11, and daughter, 8. Sleepovers work out great too, as long as all of the time isn’t spent with technology, but rather talking and sharing together. “Your goal as a parent is to help your teen build their emotional and social health so give them that space to learn to communicate,” Way says. She shared a recent study from the University of Michigan. Researchers analyzed data from 14,000 college
Texting and social networking should not replace face-toface time with peers. familyworks.org
students. Their findings indicated a 40 percent decline in empathy since 1979 with the biggest drop happening after the year 2000. “This result,” Way says, “is not surprising given the boom of cell phones, texting and social networking after the year 2000. Such technology reduces face-to-face time and without such quality time, children are not able to develop their social and emotional skills. “We need to foster our children’s empathetic and social abilities and encourage them to care about each other,” she says. Perva-
sive social problems, such as bullying and cyber bullying, would diminish if teens would connect more with their friends through real, face-to-face relationships, Way says. Parents must value friendships for their teens and provide the time and space to foster these special friendships. “Parents need to role model good relationships for their children, but sometimes they’re too plugged in too,” Fay says. “Parents need to set limits with their technology for themselves and their children.” Practice the motto “Love the one you’re with.” That means when spending time with friends and family, no one texts while they’re together. Summer 2011
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Therapy and Life Skills Center Therapy Programs Therapy with Children With a wide variety of child-centered expressive arts, includingspecialized sand-tray materials, children bring their thoughts and emotions to the surface allowing the child to build self-esteem and enhance emotional regulation.
Individual Family Therapy and Couples Counseling Concerns, hopes and dreams, as well as practical and effective relationship tools are explored. The result is increased understanding and empathy, more cooperation and more fun in family life through: • Managing Child Behavior • Resolving Hurts and Conflicts • Dealing with Anxiety, Depression and Addictions • Sharing Child-rearing • Planning for Play • Managing Anger • Creating Cooperative Responsible Children
Therapy with Teens APPLE FamilyWorks’ skilled therapists work with adolescents to support their journey to adulthood. Using various forms of expressive arts therapy, interactive play/exercises and outdoor activities, teens find new ways to resolve problems, build greater self-esteem and enhance their social skills in ways that support their healthy growth and development.
Utilizing a variety of theoretical approaches, APPLE FamilyWorks’ therapists help individuals to develop healthy life skills and increase their social-emotional well being. We are skilled in helping with a broad range of relationship and psychological issues, including: • Life Stage Transitions • Anxiety • Abuse • Depression • Anger & Conflict • Improved Self-esteem • Grief & Loss • Stress
Assessment
Using temperament profiles and developmental assessments, parents and children will learn positive skills and design behavior plans that maximize each child’s potential. Therapists consult with teachers and parents, developing behavioral interventions that work at home, play and school. Therapists are available to make home-visits, school observations and attend IEP meetings. Mental health screenings for anxiety, depression, AD/HD, etc. are available. Adjustable Fees
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415-492-0720 Summer 2011
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Therapy and Life Skills Center Parenting Programs Child-Centered Co-Parenting
Positive
& Peaceful
Parenting Learn Keys to Increasing: • Cooperation • Self-esteem • Responsibilty • Communication • Respect • Discipline
Exploring Motherhood
Free!
For Expectant & New Mothers (and infants birth to 9 months). Marin Community Clinic Novato Spanish speaking group: Tuesdays, 10 a.m. to noon English speaking group: Fridays from 10 a.m. until noon Marin Community Clinic San Rafael. Spanish speaking group Thursdays 10 AM to Noon • Share experiences, ideas, and support • Learn about pregnancy and new parenthood • Learn how to increase infant health & happiness • Learn ways to manage change and decrease stress • Reduce anxiety and depression
Viewing Life Today • Being a Proactive Parent • Identifying Your Universal Principles Listening and Talking • Listening Effectively • Decreasing Impulsive Behavior • Anger Management Feeling More Confident • Being Positive and Persistent • Sharing Successes • Setting Positive Consequences Growing Great Kids • Understanding How Kids Work • Ensuring Goodness of Fit • Making Work Fun Problem-solving that Gets Results • Using the Magical “When...Then” • Designing Charts that Get Results • Revamping “Time Out”
Parents attend separate classes and learn to: • Deal with each other respectfully • Increase cooperation • Make co-parenting decisions calmly • Divide child-rearing tasks equitably • Manage constantly shifting schedules • Stop tantrums and dawdling • Design consequences that work • End rudeness & backtalk Seven Tuesday evenings: Sept. 13 - Oct. 25, 2011, 7-9 p.m. Earn a certificate of completion at graduation.
Four Tuesday evenings: Sept. 13 - Oct. 4, 2011, 7-9 p.m. Earn a certificate of completion at graduation.
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Parents who are living apart learn to raise their children harmoniously, keep children “out of the middle” and safely in each of their lives.
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415-492-0720
Therapy and Life Skills Center Family Interactive Therapy
F. I.T Services: When Family members want to improve communication and learn problem solving skills, Family Interactive Therapy at FamilyWorks, offers a unique program. Initially the parents share concerns with their therapist, followed by an opportunity for the entire family to set and meet their goals. Then, individual family members may be interviewed. An action plan is designed to meet the needs of each individual and the entire family.
Family Meeting
Individual Counseling Families may choose to benefit from the one way mirror option, in which child development assessments are made and family members can practice the skills they are learning with the assistance of an APPLE FamilyWorks therapist. Parents may receive guidance through an ear bud as the therapist observes interactions through the one-way mirror.
One-way Mirror Option
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Therapy and Life Skills Center Support for Individuals with Developmental Disabilities Parenting Support Services • Parenting and Co-Parenting • Childbirth Education • Child Development and Family Planning • Behavior Management and Stress Reduction • Early Intervention in Postpartum Depression • Positive and Peaceful Discipline
• Injury Prevention, Nutrition, and Exercise • Household Management, and Transportation • Financial Management and Budgeting • Development of Social Support Systems • Linkage with Others Services
• Family Health Promotion and Hygiene
Independent Living Skills • Academic Growth
• Hygiene and Self-care
• Behavior Management
• Housekeeping
• Stress Reduction Skills
• Transportation Skills
• Injury Prevention
• Community Access
• Nutrition
• Employment Readiness
• Health Promotion and Exercise
• Financial Management and Budgeting
• Development of Social Support Systems
CPR & First Aid Classes Saturday, Sept. 10, 2011 CPR - 9:30 AM to 1:00 PM First Aid - 1:15 to 4 PM
Learn infant, child and adult choke-saving and CPR and how to apply these skills in emergencies. You will have
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hands-on practice, receive a CPR skill book and a National Safety Council Certification upon completion.
415-492-0720
My Daughter is Driving Me Nuts continued from page 5
When all the preceding steps were accomplished Polly would reward herself with an activity she really liked. At first Polly needed verbal prompts, encouragement and acknowledgment after only two steps were completed. Over time she mastered the sequence and felt really good about herself. Soon the mornings and evenings were going more smoothly and Barbara and Jeff heaved a great sigh of relief. They learned to understand one another better and learn new skills. They learned to ac-
commodate and appreciate each other’s unique temperament styles. To learn more about your children’s temperaments, or your own, call APPLE FamilyWorks at (415) 492-0720. Ask to set up a family temperament assessment. After you fill out temperament surveys for each family member, you will receive two consultations to guide you toward creating “goodness of fit� in your home.
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What Do We Tell the Kids? By Gary Direnfeld
Once the decision to separate has been made, the next big concern is telling the children. What you tell your children depends upon their age. And equally important as what you tell them, is how you tell them and then how you support them emotionally thereafter. Certainly dealing with a toddler and younger, there is little you can tell them that they will truly understand. More important than explanations to the toddler, is managing their experience of the parental separation and making sure the child has frequent time with both parents so that the separation is not felt like an abject loss of a parent. F o r t h e p re school child, simple explanations, such as mommy and daddy won’t be living together is a good starting point. Your child will likely be confused by such a message and wonder if the outcome is related to something about him or herself. If you tell your child something like mommy and daddy
don’t get along, or we don’t love each other, but still love you, it may leave the child wondering what will happen if he or she falls out of favor with you - their parent. So it is important to shy away from
big, long drawn out explanations in favor of brief explanations that concen-
trate more on how things will change and how you will help the child cope with the change. For the young school age child, he or she will also wonder if his or her own behavior played into the outcome. Hence the child will need reassurance that the decision for the parents to separate had nothing to do with the behavior of the child, nor is it the child’s responsibility to fix or do anything on behalf of the parents. The older school age child will not only be upset about the parental separation, but will be concerned for the impact of change on his or her own life. For a child of this age it becomes important to explain more specifically plans related to them that you may have, how their life will be affected and how you will help them manage change. The teenaged child can show tremendous concern for the wellbeing of a parent or parents or alternately concern mainly for him or herself and sometimes concerns
The degree to which a parent becomes emotional and distraught signals to the child that life is scary, out of control or at least very terrible. 16 Summer 2011
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equally for parent(s) and him or herself. The teen will be quite worried about how his or her life will be affected, what it means in terms of school, friends, and finance. They will need reassurance that you will heed their input into decisions affecting them. Regardless of the age of the child, it is helpful for the child that the parents are able to manage their own emotions at the time. The degree to which a parent becomes emotional and distraught signals to the child that life is scary, out of control or at least very terrible. They will worry more for themselves
Throughout, parents must be very careful to avoid intruding on the children’s relationship with each parent and not to disparage the other parent to the children. That way they cannot only be loved by both parents but feel free to love each parent too.
and for the parent at a time when they are counting on the parent as their own source of support. Parents are cautioned to know that telling a child on one occasion about the parental separation does not equal the child adjusting immediately to the message. Children will need time to make sense of what they are told. They will emerge with a number of different feelings and questions. Some children may withdraw and others may act out their feeling through inappropriate behavior.
Parents are advised to reassure their children, let them have input into minor decisions affecting them (choice of a new bedroom, furniture, color of paint) and appreciate that as they may vent negative emotions, they are expressing their upset for the loss of the family as they knew it. Parents can help them cope simply by listening to them non-judgementally and helping them continue with their responsibilities such as homework and attending their extracurricular activities.
visit us from your desk top familyworks.org
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Hot Tips for Pet Owners
A
s temperatures rise and days g r o w l o n g e r, many pet owners are busy making summer plans for their families and furry friends. Summertime activities may include a trip to the beach or lake, a road trip to see family, or just some rest and relaxation at home. While the summer season can be a fun-filled time for you and your pet, extra precaution must be taken when caring for animals throughout the warmer months, cautions Dr. Bowie, emergency veterinarian at Pet Emergency and Specialty Center of Marin. “While many of us tend to view the summer months as a more carefree and relaxing time of year, it can be quite the opposite for animals,” notes Dr. Bowie. “Normal activities like running 18 Summer 2011
errands, jogging, and walking with our pets can quickly become dangerous or even deadly if the proper safeguards are not in place.” When the heat of a summer day becomes unbearable, humans can adapt by wearing lighter clothing, applying sunscreen, or finding shade. However, pets don’t have this ability and can easily suffer from the effects of the sun, which can cause heat stroke, burns, and even breathing problems. “One of the most serious problems we treat in our emergency room throughout the spring and summer is heat stroke,” notes Dr. Bowie. “Pet owners may not realize that many situations can potentially cause heat stroke, and it can come on suddenly and forcefully. This is especially true early in the season when temperatures climb rapidly and pets haven’t had a chance to acclimate.” A number of factors must be considered when leaving your dog or cat alone during a hot summer day, notes Dr. Bowie. If left outside, pets must have access to shade and fresh water at all times, and on especially hot days, cooled down with water from a hose. Pets should NEVER be left in a closed car, even with windows rolled familyworks.org
down for a short period of time. Depending on the temperature, the color of car, and the breed of cat or dog, animals can overheat within minutes in a poorly ventilated, confined space. In mild cases, heat stroke can lead to diarrhea or vomiting. In severe cases, heat stroke can lead to internal organ damage, coma, or even death. “It’s never ok to leave your pet in a hot car, even when running a quick errand,” says Dr. Bowie. “Too often errands are prolonged, leaving your pet helpless in an extremely dangerous situation. Signs of heat stroke include rapid panting, warm dry skin, bright red gums, vomiting, and an anxious or staring expression.” If you suspect heat stroke, cool your pet down immediately by pouring cold water over your pet and then fanning air over his or her body. Immediately transport your pet to an emergency veterinary hospital providing 24-hour care. Pet owners should also take precautions when exercising with their dogs. While a daily, mid-day jog or walk may be a part of your normal routine, remember that your dog is always wearing a fur coat. Think about switching your routine during the summer to avoid these activities during the peak
high temperatures of the day. Also be mindful that metal objects and tar-coated asphalt get extremely hot in the summer sun, and can be tough on your dog’s feet, potentially causing severe burns. Because burned pads can sometimes be difficult to spot, Dr. Bowie advises owners to bring their pets in for a check-up if they notice any of the following signs: limping or refusing to walk, licking or chewing at the feet, darker or missing parts of the pad, or any blisters or redness. “Always choose the cool side of the street or grassy area for your walks and runs,” says Dr. Bowie. Warmer temperatures also bring an increased risk for breathing problems, in the form of a condition called laryngeal paralysis. This disorder leads to a failure of the “doors” of the windpipe to open and close properly, making it very difficult to breathe. While laryngeal paralysis typically occurs in middle age and older, large breed dogs, in some cases, it’s seen in smaller dogs and even cats. Warning signs include progressively noisier breathing, intolerance to exercise, and sometimes coughing and gagging. “If your dog is in a crisis situation, where it appears he or she is in marked respiratory distress,” says Dr. Bowie. “A surgical specialist will open the larynx from the side of the neck, which provides immediate and long-lasting improved breathing for your beloved pet.” “We want to help pet owners avoid the emergency room this summer,” notes Dr. Bowie. “Remember to provide plenty of fresh water, a shady spot for
your pet to rest, and some cooler alternatives for your standard walking and jogging activities. And while pet owners need to be aware of the potential dangers of hot weather, the summer months can still be a precious time of year to enjoy with our pets. About Pet Emergency and Specialty Center of Marin: Founded more than 10 years ago, Pet Emergency & Specialty Center of Marin, located in San Rafael, is a state-of-the-art hospital specifically designed to provide emergency and specialty care including oncology, internal medicine and specialty surgery. At PESCM, we truly believe that pets are an integral part of the family and enrich all of our lives. To schedule an interview with Dr. Bowie contact: Kelly Diedring Harris, kdharrispr@ gmail.com, 727.264.7970 and visit www.pescm.com. familyworks.org
“When the heat of a summer day becomes unbearable, humans can adapt by wearing lighter clothing, applying sunscreen, or finding shade. However, pets don’t have this ability and can easily suffer from the effects of the sun, which can cause heat stroke, burns, and even breathing problems.”
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Nine Ways to Reduce Gas Addiction
around other people’s schedules, but you’ll also have access to those speedy car-pooling lanes. Various cities offer government-organized car pool services, with some even providing the vehicle. As with public transport, you’ll also have extra time to work, put on your makeup, text friends or simply lay back and take a nap. For help coordinating a carpool, check out PickupPal, which connects drivers with passengers through social networking tools.
4. Walk We have legs and feet for a reason. Hit the pavement and get some exercise, whether by power walking, jogging or simply sauntering.
About 70 percent of the nation’s major gas-station chains say sales have fallen, according to a recent survey by the Oil Price Information Service. More than half reported a drop of three percent or more, the steepest decline since the summer of 2008, when gas soared past $4 a gallon.
vided by public transportation. Freed from focusing on the road, you can get some work done, make new friends or catch up on email, Facebook, Twitter and cat videos.
While some drivers have learned to hunt for better prices on gas -- often sold much more cheaply in the suburbs and far from highways -- others are finally checking out trains, buses, bikes and other alternative methods of transportation.
Winter storms make bicycling impossible in some locations, but peddling your way to work or around town during inclement weather is both cheaper and better for your body. Many places now offer bike lanes, making this form of transportation much safer. Bike libraries or leasing services are increasing in popularity, allowing you to either borrow a bicycle or pay a minimal fee. Some employers even encourage biking by providing a financial incentive and, on occasion, in-house showers with a more casual dress code.
1.
Public Transprotation While budgetary cutbacks have impacted public transportation - many cities and even rural areas offer some form of service. It might take longer to get around via buses, subways and trains, however public transport allows you to leave that gas-guzzler in the garage. Don’t overlook other opportunities pro20 Summer 2011
2. Bicycle
3. Car Pool
Sure it’s a bit more complicated to commute when you have to work familyworks.org
5. Scooters
These “mini-bikes” are popular in Europe because of super high gas prices. They’re light, agile, and usually much less expensive than motorcycles. While you can’t use a scooter on highways, they’re perfect for short commutes or trips around town.
6. Segways
These new-age transport vehicles are considered somewhat geeky, but John Hinkenlooper was recently elected Colorado governor despite his propensity for Segways. They’re great for getting around town and actually are quite fun to ride.
7. Shop Online
without wasting gas. With the increase in free shipping offers shopping online is even cheaper this year, and consumers have rapidly caught on. A sharp climb in the number of retailers offering free shipping deals helped boost online sales by 24 percent in 2010.
8. Telecommute
Skype, the “cloud,” email and other 21st Century innovations make it even easier to telecommute. Working just one or two days a week from home will cut your gas bill by roughly a fourth or fifth -- not so shabby a savings! Consider hosting mandatory business meetings online using virtual platforms like GoToMeetings, which uses a web conferencing tool that allows attendees to share applications in real time.
9. Electric & Hybrid Cars
Kelley Blue Book recently rated the 2011 Nissan Leaf as first in its “Top 10 Green Cars for 2011.” The Leaf not only gets 73 miles per charge (the equivalent of 99 miles per gallon), but it’s also made with recycled materials. (Just thought you might like to know that detail.) The 2011 Chevy Volt placed second as the “most fun” electrically driven car and the Toyota Prius, the original and most-popular hybrid, rounded out the top three.
Surfing the Web for everything from groceries to clothes and auto parts allows you to cruise your favorite shops
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Keeping Kids Hooked on Reading
Developing a love of reading in our four children is of paramount importance to us and is critical to most parents. But “how to” is very elusive. Why doesn’t my second child love to read when it seems everyone else’s children are avid and engaged readers?
hen my son was two, he would grab his favorite book (“We’re Going on a Bear Hunt”) and jump on my lap. We read it in silly voices and never skipped a word or missed a page. It was memorized and cherished and I felt happy at the prospect of having a good reader on my hands. But when he went to kindergarten and was asked to read every night -- he started to protest! And, when he went to second grade and was asked to keep a reading journal, he became a “short-cut taker”. As parents, we needed a strategy! How could we get our son back to
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being hooked on reading? As children grow, there is a critial step that occurs. The step is when the child switches from “learning to read” to “reading to learn”. This is why, as parents, we strive to create a love of reading and a core competence in reading in our kids. When children are “learning to read” it can be a wonderful journey with their excited teachers and parents. When they begin to have Science and other sub jects (starting in around 2nd grade), kids have to use their reading skills to understand directions, read materials and complete work. So how can we grow engaged readers who can later become great learners? My husband and I had an idea. Our kids are addicted to electronic devices and have been since they could ask for a DS. Every gift list now includes a request for a Kindle, an iPad, an iTouch, or an
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iPhone. We say no to many of these gift requests as electronic devices are expensive. And, we worry that when our kids are on their electronics, they do not glance at the scenery from a car window, engage in table conversation or even utter complete sentences. But, what if instead of being the “electronics police”, we could use them toward
“As Parents, we have to look at reading as two things, a gift and a tool.”
scholastic achievement, most specifically reading? We started to research and found the digital revolution offers even more than we hoped to get our kids hooked back on reading. All children excel and
struggle in different areas. They learn differently and they may need to read differently to increase their satisfaction and confidence. Children usually like what they are good at and do not like what they struggle with. Today’s children feel very comfortable with technology, especially their hand held electronics. And, the biggest trend in building reading skills and reading comprehension in the best schools is using a multi-media approach. At more and more schools, using the computer and increasingly electronic tablets in addition to traditional books is a core piece of the reading curriculum. How can we use this multi media reading approach at home? We still sit on the bed and read an “ink” copy of a book with our child or let them read it independently. But now the tablet market is coming to life and kids are going to soak up reading on their brand
“In 2011, we must also embrace technology and use multi-media approaches to keep our kids hooked into reading.”
new devices. We’re betting big on iBooks coming to the iPad just as my kids have their music on the iPods. Children’s books with illustrations are making their way quickly onto these emerging platforms. These are populations that are still “learning to read”. We are embracing the content on new technologies as well. We look for children’s series with multiple books and multi-media choices. For example, we are exploring animated books for one of our children who loves cartoons, so he can watch the stories unfold and follow the words as he goes along. The
dynamic nature of animated books motivates him to read more and content can be downloaded immediately. The NOW factor is huge – if our child wants to continue reading or find the next book in the series, we can capitalize on it, buy it and tell him he has it ready for tomorrow. A very good friend said, “I just got this Kindle and I am not sharing it. It will get ruined by smudgy hands.” I responded, “But you just said you are concerned with your daughter’s poor grades on her book reports – what if letting her read on your Kindle would motivate her?” She let her use the Kindle for the next book report and her grade rose dramatically. As all our children are asking for iPods, iTouch and other devices, we need to take the opportunity to insist the
device is used for reading as well. Insert the content that you know they need. As parents, we have to look at reading as two things – a gift and a tool. My oldest loves to read on her Kindle, a beloved Christmas gift. These tablets are the reading devices of the future. Adult books have been moved and consumed at an alarming speed and young adult content is following rapidly. These populations are reading for enjoyment and some read to learn as well. As the devices are able to handle color and illustrations, this market will explode with demand for children. Ink books will always have a place in our hearts as the classic way to read and bond with our kids. But in 2011, we must also embrace technology and use multi-media approaches to keep our kids hooked into reading.
Eileen Wacker, a Harvard Business School graduate, lived and worked in seven different countries, including the United States. Wacker now resides in Honolulu, Hawaii, with her husband and four children, one of whom is a daughter adopted from China. She is the author of the new children’s book, Silent Samurai and the Magnificent Rescue, the third installment of the Mom’s Choice Award Winning Fujimini Adventure Series. For further information on the series, please visit http://www.oncekids.com
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